Wumbo's Somewhat Informed Opinions on Music

[Doctor Sex]

from what i've seen you havent liked any rap songs (new ones btw)

[Clappy]

Wumbo review this rap song from 2004 that was somehow a huge hit:

Look at the lyrics closely and prepare for a lot of stupid questions.

[Wumbo]

from what i've seen you havent liked any rap songs (new ones btw)

The problem with reviewing Billboard chart songs is that the rap songs that make it on the charts are mostly by Lil Wayne, Drake, Nicki Minaj, and other talentless hacks. It makes it seem like I don't like rap, which isn't the case. Country, on the other hand...

Okay, so today I'll review 5 Dr. Sex songs and 1 new Bowie song. I'll save "Why" for next week, Claps.

Out of Space - The Prodigy

I've already stated before that I'm not a fan of "Smack My Bitch Up", so I didn't quite know what to expect from another Prodigy song. As it is, it's a pretty good tune. I like how it starts off slow and then picks up around the 15-second mark. The rest of the song is pretty quirky, with the "boing" sound effects, and the high-pitched "pay close attention" voice. It's definitely an odd little song, but it works for the most part.

8/10

Yes, My Brother - Lockjaw

I'm sensing a theme here with music taste... hey, at least it's not opera. xP I like reviewing electronic music, because it leaves me with one less thing to scrutinize in the lyrics. This is another pretty catchy song. One sound in particular reminds me of the repeating beat on Rob Base's "It Takes Two", only higher-pitched (which is another great song). I like how the different aspects of the song can stand on their own, pair up, or group together at different parts.

9/10

Snow - Cloud 9

I like that this is next on trial, because it displays a problem that I sometimes have with electronic music: Sometimes there just shouldn't be a voice. The music is pretty good, but I think the vocals kind of hinder the song. I'm not entirely sure what was supposed to be the goal here (was it supposed to sound like having sex?) but they didn't work for me. Like I said though, the music's decent so it's not a complete loss.

7/10

Papua New Guinea - The Future Sound of London

Another good electronic song. This is one where I feel that the vocals actually enhance the overall performance. I will admit though after listening to 4 songs of the same (albeit broad) style, it kind of gets a little hard to think of different things to say. I'm not really an electronic music expert (hell, I ain't even a music expert, just a guy who can't shut up), but maybe if I was, I could really dig down deep and scrutinize what I like or don't like about the song. But I digress.

8/10

I'm Sick - Medicine

I like me a little bit of Big Beat. Chemical Brothers here, Fatboy Slim there. But I'm not the biggest fan of this song. Again, I think it's the voice that ruins it. "I'm sick" and... I want to say "Yeah, well what do you think you have?" over and over again gets grating, especially for an 8-minute song. But the beats are good, at least. Still, probably my least preferred of the 5.

6/10

Where Are We Now? - David Bowie

David Bowie has always been a fantastic, if eccentric, artist. The diversity he has in how his songs sound is simply spectacular. And now he's back with a new album. Decided to review this song because it actually came up before the title track when I YouTube searched "David Bowie The Next Day". Well, it's not one of his best in my view, but it's a nice slower song. I get a very existential vibe from the lyrics (no, really?). However, it's a bit dull for me, especially for someone like Bowie. I guess it's understandable that he's not belting out vocals like he used to because he's aged, but I much prefer jams like Space Oddity to this. Still decent.

7.5/10

[Doctor Sex]

WUMBO REVIEW THIS NOW

[Wumbo]

Damn, I remember that song.

[Sweat]

That song was amazing. But now, I regret.

[SG19]

WE STAY HIGH

NO LIE

YOU KNOW IT'S....

[Wumbo]

4 songs from Dr. Sex's thread, plus the two rap songs above.

DJ School 1994 - Congo Natty ft. Tenor Fly

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=pKZW1zAVgJI#!

Decent mix of reggae and electronic music. The only thing I wasn't really fond of was that the song just repeats itself around the 5:30 mark. I didn't think it was that great of a song, but it worked.

7.5/10

Atlantis (I Need You) - LTJ Bukem

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=mxWuggikvyE

Again, not much to say. A nice little arrangement of beeps and boops, somewhat repetitive after a while. It's kind of catchy, but that's about it.

7/10

Astral Projection - Kabalah

Eh... you know. There's nothing bad about these songs, but I'm really grasping at straws for something different to say about them. I mean, it's just another decent electronic song. I can't criticize the lyrics, because there are none.

7.5/10

What Time Is Love - The KLF

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=kHB2lqimagQ

This is probably my favourite so far this week. The lyrics and beat both shine here, with good, fast-paced rhymes to complement the beat. It's also less repetitive than other songs on the list.

9/10

Why - Jadakiss ft. Anthony Hamilton

You know, apoart from a couple really stupid lyrics ("Why did Bush knock down the towers"? *facepalm*) This song isn't that bad. It's pretty repetitive, and the lyrics, like I said, aren't spectacular. But it's not really bad to me, just boring. I actually like the chorus though. This gets a miuddlnig mark from me.

6.5/10

We Fly High - Jim Jones

This song is so stupid, but it makes me laugh. Let's start with the chorus, since that's what the song starts with. Okay, so it sounds like Jim Jones was dragged out of bed at 4 in the morning to do this part. This is why sleep is important. And then there's the "BALLIN", which repeats throughout the song. It's just so fucking lulzy. At least now I remember where Soulja Boy got his inspiratino from. Thanks, Jim Jones. Thanks a lot.

4/10 (the 4 marks are for the semi-enjoyable lulziness)

[Wumbo]

Back to standard Billboard pop fare this week.

Just Give Me a Reason - P!nk ft. Nate Ruess

Who could ask for a better duet than this one? What I really like about P!nk is she can do fast-paced pop songs and she can do slower ones like this as well. The addition of Nate Ruess was genius; their voices are musical magic together. A great story is also told through the lyrics, made better by the duet. Fantastic.

Rating: 9/10

Can't Hold Us - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft. Ray Dalton

Here's the true artist test of having your first popular song be something silly like "Thrift Shop": Can you make more songs that gain popularity? I'm pretty sure PSY failed in this regard (I wouldn't be surprised if he was cursing the day he made Gangnam Style, seeing as it's the only song non-South Koreans know by him). But this isn't about PSY. This is about Macklemore. Now, this song was actually released before Thrift Shop, as were his other hits. But Thrift Shop was Macklemore's first massive hit, and people started paying attention. And thank God they did, because Macklemore is not one-hit wonder material. He's a great rapper and a great lyricist. He also seems to find the best people to complement his music with guest voices. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I want Mackle-more!

oh god what did I just say that was awful

Rating: 8.5/10

Started from the Bottom - Drake

So this song starts off with some annoying fuck complaining about not being able to do laundry or something... oh, another ad.

So Drake started from the bottom, and now he's here. Judging by the music video, "here" is apparently riding in a car while snow blows in his face? Sure, who am I to judge? Wait a second... I'm exactly the person to judge!

Okay, so we start off with Drake repeating "started from the bottom, no we here" over and over, with f-words and n-words thrown in for good measure. Not exactly surprising fare from this artist. And then around the minute mark, it cuts to this guy combing his beard and singing the song like he runs a torture chamber or something. And then he stares at a woman's boobs, because he's a horny virgin, and says "oh my bosh!" because he's... okay, why is he saying that? What? And then the so much hotter and smoother guy gets the girl by saying his ex died or some crap, and maybe by actually looking at her face as well.

All right, that was an interesting interlude. At least, more interesting than this song, which admittedly isn't hard to do. There's just nothing intelligible in this song. Drake raps like he has a head cold, and the lyrics, as usual, are atrocious. It could have been good, but then he starts bragging about money and chains and shit, and inserts the n-word anywhere he possibly can. Nope, I don't feel this. At least the beat's not bad.

Rating: 4/10

Feel This Moment - Pitbull ft. Christina Aguilera

This song is what happens when you take the two biggest egos in the music industry and put them together. You know when it's a Pitbull song featuring someone, it's only a matter of time before he says "Mr. Worldwide", the name of the guest performer, and something in Spanish. Lo and behold, it's one after another.

Usually, the problem with Pitbull songs is that they have Pitbull in them. He's not that bad here, but he's still sufficiently creepy and self-indulgent. Aguilera actually does a pretty good job with the chorus, but it's still a pretty unremarkable song. Oh yes, let's live in the moment. Thanks for the advice, Pitbull.

And

(Although, minor props for not just copying the music and doing something different with it.)

Rating: 6.5/10

Radioactive - Imagine Dragons

Ahh, some indie rock to end off this week. I'm a fan of Imagine Dragons. I'm not quite sure how to describe what I like about this song, though. It's... interesting? Psychedelic? Deep? It's got stuffed animals fighting in the video? I need a little help here. I don't know what it is, but I like it. Not as good as It's Time, but still a great song.

Rating: 8.5/10

[Wumbo]

Thank Clappy for this, ladies and gents. He PM'ed me a whole whack of rap songs from his youth to review, and I just couldn't say no. Let's call it Clap's Rap.

My Band - D-12 ft. Cameo

Oh. God. Eminem.

Never sing again.

Never.

I mean, like, ever.

Like, Taylor Swift never ever ever getting back together with singing.

I prefer William Hung to this. I really do.

The rest of the song is like hearing a boring conversation between band members with tension a-brewing, without actual interesting tension. "Eminem's mic is the only one that ever works, man." "We should tell him." in the most boring voices possible.

I don't care if this is parody, or insanity, or whatever. It's an awful, awful song. It should be burned. Also, thanks for putting me off salsa permanently.

0/10

Tipsy - J-Kwon

Errebody in the club gettin' tipsy, probably so they don't have to listen to this incredibly mediocre song in full sobriety. Seriously, this is so fucking boring. This must be where Drake got his inspiration. And the lyrics... just bloody awful. Get a load of this:

Teen drinking is very bad.

Yo I got a fake ID though.

Dude, you look like you're 35. You don't need a fake ID.

Now i'm lookin at shorty right in the eyes,

Couple seconds passed now i'm lookin at her thighs,

While she tellin me how much she hate her guy,

Said she got a kid but she got her tubes tied,

If you 21 girl that's alright,

I wonder if a shake comin with them fries,

Okay, um. Are the "fries" supposed to be her thighs? Because those are some skinny-ass legs if that's the case.

Not to mention that half the song seems to just be him proving that he can count, which I'm proud of him for, but still. 3 to the 4 to the 5 to the enough already.

Dull beat, awful lyrics, reprehensible artist, weird breathing noises. Next!

1/10

Lean Wit It, Rock Wit It - Dem Franchize Boyz

...Lean with what? Rock with what? Oh, get out of my face.

I will commend these... um, "boyz" on their name, because it showed me before I even listened to the song that they really don't give a flying fuck about music.

..."Jizzal Man"? His name is Jizzal Man?

All right, back to the piece of shit song. Time to dissect it, for all the terrible lyrics it has:

Yup in my white tee! I break a bitch back

Oh, isn't this spectacular. He's priding himself on beating up bitches. It's great that we've got perfect role models like this making hits.

Perfect example watch me make your face beat up my hands

...No, seriously. Enough. Stop this.

Uhh, and the rest of it is just inane garbage that no one except the most deserving to be tortured should listen to. Couple that with boring music, and you've got yourself some shit, son.

Rating: 0/10

Chain Hang Low - Jibbs

One thing I absolutely cannot stand is using kid's voices in a moronic song like this, making it all the more moronic. Yes, let's train our kids to be swagdouches waving their gold and platinum chains around. What a novel idea. Btw, the way he says "CHAAAAIIIIN" makes my ears bleed all the more.

This is a song about a piece of jewelry. Nothing more, nothing less. The chain doesn't symbolize anything it's not a metaphor. It's just a chain.

1/10

U and Dat - E-40 ft. King of Zero Musical Talent, T-Pain

Can I just start here:

Girl, I been shaking and acting a donkey tryna to get you and that monkey

How do you "act a donkey"? And why does he want a monkey? Why anything? Seriously, T-Pain. Get it together.

This entire song is so reprehensible, and not just for that one line, either, which automatically is scoring it negative points as I type this. E-40 is some gangsta douche who thinks that he can get any girl he wants, and treat them like shit. And for God's sake, of course we know who you are. YOU WON'T SHUT UP ABOUT IT.

Insert girl with zero self-respect (aka Kandi Girl), evident by her appearing in this song in the first place, and there you have it folks. Another awful song.

0/10

Lip Gloss - Lil Mama

Because I believe in gender equity, I strive to bring you the worst of both male and female artists. I guess this song isn't awful, but god damn is it boring and tedious. This is what we had before Willow Smith to fill the void that didn't need to be filled. It's a song about lip gloss, and I'm expected to give a fuck? I'm not sparing any of my fucks on this, sorry. I don't even hate it, but it's just such an uninspired, inane song with some boring marching band beat repeated over and over again. Lil Mama needs to try a lil harder.

4/10

Well, that avatar I have sums it up well.

[Wumbo]

Bad news: Billboard is now charging people to sign up for an account to read their charts. I'm not paying 30 bucks a month to whine about the biggest hits, so now I'm taking requests. Any kind of music review requests at all. I'll do song reviews, album reviews, editorials, answer music opinion questions. Anything's fair game (within reason, I don't think my cranium can take another Nicki Minaj album review).

[Clappy]

Bad news: Billboard is now charging people to sign up for an account to read their charts. I'm not paying 30 bucks a month to whine about the biggest hits, so now I'm taking requests. Any kind of music review requests at all. I'll do song reviews, album reviews, editorials, answer music opinion questions. Anything's fair game (within reason, I don't think my cranium can take another Nicki Minaj album review).

You could always hit up the iTunes most downloaded chart.

Also, another suggestion.

http://cclamp.radioandrecords.com/rrwebsite20/Members/Charts.aspx?ChartId=1

Not really Billboard, but the same chart they use for America's Top 40.

[Doctor Sex]

You should do weekly reviews of other peoples music threads

[Wumbo]

Thanks for the suggestions! Except I don't really want to review others' music threads without their consent.

[Doctor Sex]

Thanks for the suggestions! Except I don't really want to review others' music threads without their consent.

Oh Wumbo if you wanna review some songs from my playlist again check out pages 2 and beyond theirs a bigger variety of songs

[The Crow]

Oh, you have my consent alright.

[Wumbo]

Starting the new Billboard-less era off with some hits from the new chart I'm using: Top 40 National Airplay.

Daylight - Maroon 5

You know, a lot of people have dubbed Maroon 5 as a sellout band right around "Moves Like Jagger". While I will admit that the song is cheap, and I can see where the critics are coming from with it, it's still a guilty pleasure of mine. Actually, it's kind of baffling that Maroon 5 would feel that they need to sell out. They've been doing just fine ever since their first single, "Harder to Breathe" (great song, btw) peaked at #6 on the Hot 100. Hell, "Moves Like Jagger" wasn't even their first #1 hit. That honour goes to "Makes Me Wonder", another great song.

So with some wacky years of experimentation, it's kind of nice to see Maroon 5 do a softer song than something like "One More Night". It's not really a return to form, still sounding like new Maroon 5 moreso than old Maroon 5. But it still manages to capture a certain warmth that was somehow lacking from their other hits from Overexposed​. While these hits are still good, they're undoubtedly new Maroon 5, even this one. Call me a nostalgic, but I'll take something like "Harder to Breathe" over this any day. But Maroon 5 did have their slow songs back then as well, so the nostalgia goggles aren't affecting me too much. This is kind of like a new Maroon 5 "She Will Be Loved", and while it doesn't live up to its precursor, it's still a passable song that I wouldn't (and didn't) mind putting on my iPod.

7.5/10

Heart Attack - Demi Lovato

Well, Clappy's already sung his praises for this song, so I guess it's my turn.

I adore Demi Lovato. She and Selena Gomez never deserved to be lumped in with those other Disney star lumps whe it comes to singing talent. I mean, there's no comparison between her and, say, Miley Cyrus. On one hand, you have some nasally 16-year-old screeching about how she's putting her HAYNDS UP because they're PLAYN MAH SONG. And on the other, you have "Heart Attack".

I mean, fucking listen to this song. It's a masterpiece, once you get past that iffy Auto-Tuned bit at the beginning. Oh dear, did I mention Auto-Tune in a Demi song review?

Poor girl.

Look, so many damned artists use Auto-Tune nowadays, it's become numb to me, kind of like Flo Rida songs. And Auto-Tune *gasp* works well when used properly. If you use Auto-Tune to completely roboticize (which I'm told is not a word, therefore I hereby make it one) your voice, like a certain T-Pain, then you're doin' it wrong. But if you're just using it to enhance your voice, then you're doing it right. Let's face it, it's just another instrument. It can sound good or sound bad, just like any other. I mean, are we dismissing all computer-generated music? I don't think so.

Back to the song.

Like I said, I find it to be masterfully great. Demi's at the very top of her ranges and damn, does it pay off, especially near the end. Here's hoping it doesn't cause problems along the line, but for now, keep it up, Demi. You've got a fan in me.

10/10

Mirrors - Justin Timberlake

In today's pop music relics, we have artists like Maroon 5, who have drastically changed since their not-so-humble debuts. But then we have Justin Timberlake, who, in my opinion, hasn't really changed that much ever since he started going solo. This isn't a dis by any means. If you're already excellent, why settle for different? Sure, his music has gotten more electronic elements ever since his comeback, but it's still quintessentially Timberlake.

Take this song for example. There's notable differences from something like, say, "Cry Me a River". But underneath the musical experiments, it's still the same old JT writing another brilliant song. The "mirror" metaphor has been

to

in pop music when writing songs about finding oneself and whatnot. But here Justin uses this metaphor in a love song, and it works. This song is rumoured to be about his wife Jessica Biel, and I'd be very flattered if I were her right now.

9/10

Troublemaker - Olly Murs ft. Flo Rida

Good Lord, but a lot of British pop stars come from Reality TV. And for the most part, as far as I'm concerned, they can

in their http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJO3ROT-A4E. Except Olly Murs.

This young lad finished second in the sixth season of the UK's The X Factor. And like Clay Aiken, he became far more famous than the winner of said season (well, at least Joe's popular over there?) This song has been Olly's highest-charting US single to date, and it deserves it.

I mean, he's solved the Flo Rida quandary! Have him guest voice in your song, and he becomes tolerable! At least, I think this wasn't a fluke...

It's a damn catchy song, first of all. Funky, upbeat, and totally pop. If I had to compare Olly Murs to any other pop artist out today, he's a dead ringer for Adam Levine. The lyrical content here is thematically similar to "One More Night", and Olly Murs himself sounds like Adam Levine at a tolerable pitch level (let's face it, Levine can get pret-ty screechy). If this is where pop music is headed, count me in!

9/10

Sweet Nothing - Calvin Harris ft. Florence Welch

Now, this ​is how you DJ. Upbeat, poppy, catchy, and beautiful all at the same time. Though Florence Welch singing can be thanked mostly for that latter compliment. Her voice is like a choir of angels all in one. As long as we have singers like her out there charting with hits, I'll not have another word of the death of the music industry. This is new music at its finest.

10/10

[Sweat]

Bad news: Billboard is now charging people to sign up for an account to read their charts. I'm not paying 30 bucks a month to whine about the biggest hits, so now I'm taking requests. Any kind of music review requests at all. I'll do song reviews, album reviews, editorials, answer music opinion questions. Anything's fair game (within reason, I don't think my cranium can take another Nicki Minaj album review).

acharts.us It contains a full archive of many Billboard charts down to 2004.

[Wumbo]

Looks like Billboard brought back the free charts online, probably because nobody wants to pay for them. Back to business. But first, I'll take on a few more Sex-y songs. Next week I'll tackle the musical stylings of OM-DJ.

 

Killer - Adamski & Seal

 

 

Before Seal wrote soundtrack songs for Batman Forever, he was best known for collaborating with Adamski on this acid house song. Now, acid house was developed around the mid-1980s by DJs from Chicago, Illinois. Its defining feature is a repeating bass sound throughout the song.

 

The style definitely works here with Seal's voice. His soulful tone complements the music, and vice versa.

 

9/10

 

Come On - Hedgehog Affair

 

 

Well, with a name like that, how can I refuse?

 

So we go from acid house to hardcore. Hardcore is a dance subgenre using industrial sounds as beats. And while the usage of those beats in this song can get a little monotonous, it does break up the monotony eventually. However, I think it took too long for this song to pick up. When it does, it's pretty good. But honestly, I could have done with this song being about 30 seconds shorter at the beginning.

 

7/10

 

Hardcore Heaven - DJ Seduction

 

 

Some more hardcore, apparently cliché by Dr. Sex's standards. Hey, he'd know better than I would. I reiterate, I'm not a dance music expert. But I'm learning, one song at a time.

 

So let's take a look at this song. It's repetitive, for sure. But I've come across a lot of dance songs like that, so I won't hold that against this one too too much. I commend the artist for using a variety of sounds while still retaining the beat that I believe makes up hardcore music.

 

7.5/10

 

Johnny '94 - Johnny Jungle

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=f3hzWnVx6E8

 

Here's some jungle music now. Cool beats come from this genre, I must say. Up-tempo and catchy. I'm not sure I really like the random vocals that once again don't make much sense to me, though. Personally, I think the song would be just fine without it. But who am I to judge artistic expression through "Johnny" being called over and over?

 

7.5/10

 

Good Sensimilla - Kid Lib

 

 

And we finish off our electronica journey with ragga jungle. I do like how this is more vocal-oriented than previous genres. It's still a little wacky to me, but it makes more sense to me than just having the occasional word repeated over and over. It seems to me here that the vocals are more integrated into the music, rather than sticking out awkwardly. And for that reason, I like it. It's also got a funky beat going on.

 

8/10

[Clappy]

You should review Accidental Racist by Brad Paisley featuring LL Cool J.