Wumbo's Somewhat Informed Opinions on Music

[Wumbo]

You may be wondering what the heck this might be, and if so, I suggest you read the title. But seriously, each week I'm going to pick 10 songs from the Billboard Charts and review them. Why? Because I'm a little bit insane, and because I really love music, and expressing my opinions on music. I shall make a new post every Friday, and y'all can feel free to comment on my reviews if you wish.

(PS. Anybody who remembers the inspiration for the title gets a virtual high-five.)

[Wumbo]

Okay, let's get this blog of sorts started with the Top 5 from this week (decided to change it to 5 because the posts can get overwhelming otherwise). Starting things off on a high note...

We Are Young - fun. ft. Janelle Monae

Man, it's songs like this (and the fact that they reach #1) that restore my faith in the music industry. There is not a flaw that I can think of with this one; it's original, catchy, and the lyrics actually make sense and mean something! I also like it because I find the singer's voice so unique. I haven't really heard a voice similar to his, and I like what I hear. The song also really does a good job of alternating between faster beats (the beginning) and slower ones (the rest of the song). Sorry if I sound like I'm rambling, but I really want to write a lot for this song because it's so good.

Bottom Line: fun. is fun to listen to.
Rating: 10/10

Stronger (What Doesn't Kill You) - Kelly Clarkson

Ah, Kelly Clarkson. One of the reasons I like her is because she can write 20-odd different songs on the same topic (hint: it's not stupid hoes) and every one of them eventually catches on to me. Take this song for example. At first, I thought, "Meh, another song about her ex." But then... it started getting better. The more times you listen to it, the better it becomes. Seriously. If you want to learn to like a Kelly Clarkson song, listen to it day after day. It's like getting used to the taste of liver, only it doesn't make you want to throw up. Yeesh, this post took a disgusting turn. Maybe I'll stop here.

Bottom Line: Kelly Clarkson's addiction power just keeps getting stronger.
Rating: 9/10

Glad You Came - The Wanted

Too bad that after two great songs, the next one has to be a snoozefest. I thought we got rid of boy bands when Justin Timberlake left *NSYNC. But then TV shows about people with minimal talent came around (and oh yeah, there was the Jonas Has-beens) and these guys came out of the UK to add their spin on a boy band... making it different how, exactly? By adding techno beats? A boy band is a boy band is a boy band, and no amount of innovative technology will change the fact that the song consists of telling a girl at a party how glad you are that she decided to go. If somebody did this to me, I would just leave. Smothering much?

Bottom Line: Party's over, boys.
Rating: 5/10

Somebody That I Used to Know - Gotye ft. Kimbra

 

Sometimes countries outside the USA, Canada, and the UK are the best places to go to find new, innovative music. Gotye, hailing from Belgium, made what could now be considered one of the best breakup songs ever written. The lyrics are brilliant, and the melody rocks. Assisted by Kimbra (who sounds a lot like Katy Perry, maybe you'll see my feelings for her later), Gotye's voice really captures the raw emotions of what a breakup feels like. The feelings of confusion, betrayal, resentment, even anger. I recommend we look for more Belgian music if this is what they have to offer.

Bottom Line: Gotye needs to teach Nicki Minaj how to write a song properly.
Rating: 10/10

Starships - Nicki "No-Talent" Minaj

My opinion of this "artist" is not exactly high (in case you haven't caught on by my previous jabs at her in this post). This happens to be one of her better songs, but that's like saying a stale pile of shit smells better than a fresh one. The parts where she "sings" are actually bearable, which is more than I can say for the rest of the song, however. The Skrillex-level stupid beats with "higher than a motherfucker" at the end don't fit into this stupid song at all, and of course, we all know that she thinks she can rap, but she can't. I mean she really, really can't. It actually hurts me to listen to her rap.

Bottom Line: Never trust Lil Wayne.
Rating: 3/10

[Clappy]

I love the idea of this thread. You should do this more often!

SIde note:

We Are Young - 10. Awesome song.

Stronger - 10. Same as above.

Glad You Came - 5. Meh, but it's cool to see boy bands become relevant again.

Somebody I Use To Know - 10. Obsessed with this song.

Starships - 3. She has written so much worse, but oh my god the chorus is terrible. Especially that techno beat after she says higher than a motherfucker. Easily one of, if not the worst, portions of any song I heard on the mainstream radio this year.

[70s]

I love this too! Although I have some different opinions...

We Are Young - 10

Stronger - 6

Glad You Came - 7

Somebody That I Used To Know - 10

Starships - 8

Some suggestions for next time are What Makes You Beautiful, Part of Me, Boyfriend, and Call Me Maybe.

[Wumbo]

Thanks for the feedback, gentlemen!

70s: I'm basically just going down the Billboard charts, so I'll probably get to your suggestions eventually. (I foresee Part of Me being in the next installment.)

[dragiiin123]

what's your opinion of this song:

[Wumbo]

Fucking beautiful.

[Wumbo]

All right, looks like 70s is getting his wish for all 4 song requests, due to a strange coincidence... Some of these should be interesting.

Boyfriend - Justin Bieber

There isn't some unofficial law that you must either love or hate Justin Bieber, is there? Because I'm on neither end of the spectrum. Take this song, for example. Everything about it screams "meh" to me. The rapping is borderline abysmal, and the singing sounds like a boy band without the band. And the entire song just kind of drags along, and if a song under 3 minutes drags along, then shit, it must not be a very good song. All of JB's songs are like this for me. They don't inspire rage in me, but I have no reason to like them, either. And oh, apparently he hit puberty. Yay?

Bottom Line: More like Justin Bland-ber.
Rating: 4/10

Wild Ones - Flo Rida ft. Sia

Flo Rida probably doesn't irritate me as much as he should. I'm not a big fan of him, but at least his songs make for good dance parties. I mean, the lyrics of this song, for example, are no work of art (yeah, he's singing about partying and shawties and how he's a promiscuous little bastard again, go figure, right?) but at least the music is good and Sia's singing is as well (except this one part where she goes "oooooh-ooooh" and her voice cracks a little). Really, who can blame Flo Rida for making a lighthearted song that is good background music at dance clubs? If it's what he does best, then I say more power to him. Whatever drowns out his rapping.

Bottom Line: I'm not "wild" about this song, but it's not bad.
Rating: 7/10

Part of Me - Katy Perry

You know what? I like Katy Perry. And not just because she's unbelievably smokin' hot, either. What was that? Sorry, I was lost in her eyes again. *ahem* ANYWAY, Katy Perry's songs, IMO, pretty much all sound the same to me. Now, this isn't necessarily a bad thing, because when she branches out a little, she makes irritating songs like PEACOCK COCK COCK. But this song, and many of her others, are great listening. At this point, I don't really care if an artist is autotuned or not, as long as it's not overly obvious (I'm lookin' at you, T-Lame). I mean, her songs are infectious for me. I'm not sure if I'm blinded by her hotness, or it's legitimately good music. I think I'm going with the latter, because if I was blinded, then I would like the aforementioned irritating Peacock song. Yes, Part of Me is a great song, and if you haven't heard it, you should.

Bottom Line: I like the whole of Part of Me.
Rating: 10/10

What Makes You Beautiful - One Direction

 

Lyrically speaking, this song is actually not that bad. It's better than Glad You Came, whose lyrics consist of "I'm at a party, you're at a party, something about my universe, IT'S A DAMN PARTY GET A FUCKING HOLD OF YOURSELF" Sorry, that last contribution was mine. Back to One Direction. On the surface, they're just another pretty boy band. But I think that the lyrics of this song have a certain charm to them that no other boy band song does. (Maybe "Bye Bye Bye", but that's a guilty pleasure-ridden story.) It's not just "hey, I want to be with/dance with/leave you," it's more of a legitimate self esteem booster for this girl mentioned in the song. It's different from typical boy band songs in this way. The music? Meh, it's okay. But it's the lyrics that set this song apart from other boy band songs for me.

Bottom Line: One Direction takes boy bands in a whole new direction... lyrically speaking.
Rating: 8/10

Call Me Maybe - Carly Rae Jepsen

Oh, Canada. We have so much more to offer than this. I don't like this song, and I think that most of it has to do with the chorus. Let's break it down, shall we?

Hey, I just met you
And this is crazy
But here's my number
So call me maybe

The lyrics here aren't that bad, but it presents Exhibit A of the chorus's problems: This song sounds like it was sung on the spot. Especially the first lyric. The pause between "Hey" and "I just met you" really gets under my skin for some reason. But let's get to the real meat and potatoes of this catastrophe: the lyrics.

It's hard to look right
At you baby

I'm sorry, what? This is supposed to be a compliment? I can see how it could possibly be one, but couldn't some rewriting have gone into this?

And all the other boys
Try to chase me

What on Earth does this have to do with anything? This just sounds like you're bragging, and poorly, might I add. "Yeah, I'm pretty much the town sex object. Wanna go out?"

But I'm not even at the worst part. THIS is the worst part:

Before you came into my life
I missed you so bad

But... what... what does this even... I give up.

I must say that I do like the video, though. It's pretty hilarious. But I'm not here to judge the video, I'm here to judge the song. And my verdict: It blows.

Bottom Line: Call me embarrassed if this is the talent we're shipping out to the U.S.
Rating: 2/10

[Clappy]

I got to go against all the Bieber hate and make a positive comment about his new song. It reminds me a hell of a lot like Justin Timberlake, who is probably my guilty pleasure artist that I enjoy. I kinda like Boyfriend. Much better than his previous cookie cutter lite stuff. 7/10

Otherwise...

Wild Ones - 5/10 - Mix all of Flo Rida's other songs together and it pretty much turns into this.

Part of Me - 7/10 - I like Katy Perry when she is angry. It makes this song so much better and it is very well written. Seriously Russell?

What Makes You Beautiful - 2/10 - Never liked this song to begin with and I definitely don't like it now that I've heard it 2034902343 times on Nick. Now it's taking over our radios? *facepalm*

Call Me Maybe - 5/10 - I find this song cute. Only heard it once though. I'll probably hear it more and more to make a more judgemental opinion.

[Wumbo]

Baby Sex-10/10

A very well crafted look at how society's depression is influencing social distributions of illiteracy , this moral shown in it's lyrics "this was the first time he has ever gotten his asshole sucked, and to think it was by his own daughter!". The instrumentation used in the backround is very reminiscent being similar to the British national anthem. Very good and passionate"

-Wumbology

Please stop posting my reviews before I get a chance to.

Anyway, here's installment #3:

Take Care - Drake ft. Rihanna

My opinion on neither artist here is very high. Drake is a mostly boring artist that manages to impress occasionally, and Rihanna is off-and-on, by which I mean good to OH MY GOD STOP MAKING MY EARS BLEED. But hey, this song's not bad. Rihanna's singing shines here (mostly because she's not screaming) and Drake's singing is alright too. Gotta give the Canadians credit where it's due. Don't think I'll be so kind to either of these artists later on, though: there are some songs out there by them that are truly terrible, and I will find them. Breathe easy for now, Drakeanna.

Bottom Line: Take care, guys... until next time.

Rating: 7/10

Turn Me On - David Guetta Damn Haircut ft. Nicki Minaj

Well, now. Two of my least favourite artists, eh? Put them together and you get... hey, this ain't half bad either. When Nicki Minaj's "rapping" is reduced to a minimum of a few lines, like here, then a song with her is not that bad. Hell, she doesn't even do that sugar rush thing that much in this song. Of course, it couldn't be perfect. In one corner, we have David Guetta yet again capitalizing off another artist's voice while sitting in his music chamber turning a knob every minute or so (he's a bit of a knob himself). In the other corner, we have "I I I I I I I I I!" Who wrote this song, Woodstock? But once you look past the obvious blemishes, the rest of the song is rather nice, at least for these two.

Wow, I beat up Guetta a fair bit in this one. Sorry 'bout that, Pepe le Pew.

Bottom Line: I feel like a teacher dealing with two struggling kids who successfully grew a potato in science class. "Good work! Finally! Let's see more of this!"

Rating: 7/10

Feel So Close - Calvin Harris

 

Could there be a blander song out there? (Possible spoiler for next week: Yes, but let's focus on this now.) It's... it's ridiculously bland. I feel like Gordon Ramsay eating a dish with no seasoning when I hear this song. For one, the beats are sub-Guetta. It's like listening to an up-tempo lockdown drill. For two, there's barely any lyrics, and the ones here just suck. "I feel so close to you right now, it's a forcefield"? What in the name of sanity does that even mean? And as if that weren't enough, the man sings like he's hung over. This song makes me want to write a petition eradicating all artists like this from the music industry. I actually prefer Nicki Minaj to this garbage. The worst thing you can do when making a song is bore me, and that's exactly what happened here.

Bottom Line: Shit, I can't even be bothered.

Rating: 2/10

Drive By - Train

Train strikes me as a band that's either liked or hated. Myself, I like Train. And this song is no exception. Sure, the lyrics can get a little cheesy at times ("My love for you ain't viral") but it makes for a good listen. Another reason I like Train is that I think they've been consistently good for over a decade. (Granted, they took a hiatus, but boy, did they ever make a comeback.) Meet Virginia, Drops of Jupiter, it's all good. This song isn't quiiiite up to par with those aforementioned ones, but it's enough for me to like it.

Bottom Line: Train can do a drive-by performance anytime.

Rating: 9/10

(P.S. Check out this underrated Train song (my personal favourite):

 

Set Fire to the Rain - Adele

So glad that I get to end a post on a positive note this time. Now and again, an artist comes along that makes you say "Wow." Currently, Adele is that artist. Her voice can melt hearts and force tears all at once. This song in particular is my favourite by her. It's just so raw and powerful. It makes me think, "Why can't more artists be like this?" Thank God for Adele. That's really all I have to say on the matter.

Bottom Line: Fantastic.

Rating: 10/10

[Clappy]

Take Care - 7/10

The song is good, but it kind of loses its appeal after multiple replays.

Turn Me On - 1/10

David Guetta's beats are garbage on this song. Nicki Minaj can't sing worth a damn that not even autotune can save her. I'd rather turn this off.

Feel So Close - 10/10

Sorry Wumbo, but I love this. Calvin Harris is a DJ like Guetta, so of course he can't sing. The lyrics aren't anything special, but hey I love the Euro beat to this song so much that I never get tired of it. Call me weird, I know.

Drive By - 5/10

Meh. Train has done so much better. What has happened to them. Drops of Jupiter was such a great song and everything that has come after that is disappointing.

Set Fire To The Rain - 10/10

Tied for my favorite Adele song. Love.

[dragiiin123]

adele is sooo lame.

[70s]

adele is sooo lame.

[dragiiin123]

sure her voice is nice but it's not nice enough to carry 2 albums about the same thing

[70s]

sure her voice is nice but it's not nice enough to carry 2 albums about the same thing

There's a way to be less irritating about saying you don't like an artist.

[Wumbo]

Sorry Wumbo, but I love this. Calvin Harris is a DJ like Guetta, so of course he can't sing. The lyrics aren't anything special, but hey I love the Euro beat to this song so much that I never get tired of it. Call me weird, I know.

So if you can't sing, then... don't.

[dragiiin123]

There's a way to be less irritating about saying you don't like an artist.

is it posting a gif that says get the fuck out

[Wumbo]

is it posting a gif that says get the fuck out

Sorry 70s, I'm an Adele lover but this was hilarious.

[Clappy]

So if you can't sing, then... don't.

Touche. Maybe I'm just hypnotized by his monotone.

is it posting a gif that says get the fuck out

I love Adele too, but I find this back and forth to be archive-worthy.

[70s]

is it posting a gif that says get the fuck out

Good job. You're learning.