SBC Falls

[Cha]

alex is secretly better and more powerful than any of us 

[Jjs Goodman]

27. Steelluminati

The episode opens to the Greasy Spoon, Lazy SG calls it a night, cleaning up the restaurant (including chasing OMJ off with a broom). She then walks out, locking the door, and makes way home.

"Those Aggies better win the game.  " SG said, thinking about football (woo!), when suddenly she sees Tradebuzzing and some spambots trying to get into the windowsill to spam the restaurant.

"Uhh....

 " Tradebuzzing said, as he and the spambots made a break for it faster than Usain Bolt.

"AAAHHH, LITTLE MECHANICAL SPAMMY MEN!" SG yelled in panic, as she ran for a payphone (TRYING TO CALL HOME, ALL THE CHANGE I SPENT ON YOU). Before she could report what she saw, suddenly, two mysterious figures wearing gray robes appeared behind her, which is pretty scary. They put a brown bag over her head and dragged her away, screaming. This is not an advocation for kidnapping (I think), so don't even try complaining about it!

"It is forgotten..." one of the hooded men said, as a picture of a gray circle with a crossed out eye was seen.

(Theme Plays)

At the Mystery Shack, CNF is upstairs trying to figure out who the author of the journal is. He had a Sherlock Holmes-esque board set up with tons of pictures and clues.

"I'm halfway through the summer, and I still can't seem to figure out who wrote this journal. This is going to drive me insane..." CNF said, looking at his evidence, including pictures of Hayden and ACS. 

"While you are trying to figure that out, guess what I got in the mail? " Cha asked, showing a bottle. 

"What, some magic genie?" CNF asked.

"No, it's a letter from Halibut! We've been writing to each other as pen pals, I've managed to maintain a long-distance relationship! Let's see what he says..." Cha said, as she opened the letter to read it.

"Dear Cha, I regret to inform you that in order to prevent an underwater civil war, I have been forced to marry the Queen of Manatees. Sorry. " Cha read in Halibut's voice, as she seemed upset.

"Great, another failed summer romance. My first boyfriend turns out to be a bunch of spambots, then ACS hits on me, the Kappa Boyz, Bubblerock, and now Halibut can't be with me. :/" Cha said saddened, looking at a scrapbook with her summer romances.

"Hey, if it's any consolation, I've failed to find any hard proof on who the author is, either. I guess we're both failures this summer.  " CNF said, as they both laughed.

"Arrgh, I'm a pirate!" Cha said, looking through the glass bottle like a telescope.

"The only lead I had was this laptop, which is now trash thanks to Hayden. " CNF said, as the destroyed laptop was on the table. 

Cha then looked at it with her bottle telescope, and saw the insignia "Old Man Jenkins Labs".

"Uh, CNF.... " Cha was saying, as CNF looked through the bottle to see OMJ's name on the laptop.

"What?! OMJ? But he was the least likely candidate to be the author...unless..." CNF said, as he looked at OMJ's picture on "Highly Unlikely", started connecting pictures together, and gasped. "Old Man Jenkins is the author?! " 

"WHAT A TWIST!" Cha said.

Downstairs, Aya is at the cash register, and on the radio is the most popular hit summer song, "Cheerleader" by OMI.

"Ugh, can this song like go away already," Aya said, annoyed of it.

"eh, it not too bad," SOF said, jamming to it.

"SOF, Aya, we need you two for a top secret mission, now!" CNF said, as they followed.

"lol, i canadian janes bond now, eh?" SOF suggested.

"Hey, get back here! I don't want to be stuck listening to this awful song alone! -.-" ssj yelled to them, as Cheerleader kept playing.

The gang got into SOF's trusty truck, as "Cheerleader" played on the radio, much to Aya's dismay. SOF drove recklessly to the SBC Falls Junkyard after CNF and Cha explained their theory to them.

They made it to the junkyard, and looked for where OMJ lived. Elastic and Dr. Sex were seen spraying the words "Old Man Jigaboo" on a shack, as OMJ ran out waving his fists.

"Ha, I bet that fool ain't even an ICP fan to get our insult " Dr. Sex said, high-fiving Elastic, as they made a run for it.

"Get back here you crazy kids!! Aw, who am I kidding, I probably am a jigaboo, even though that probably ain't even a word!  " OMJ said, as he headed back inside his junk shack. The four then went in.

"hal OMJ," SOF said.

"Yo there braddahs, ready for me to get into a shouting match with the hillbilly redneck who won't get out of this reflection I do every day? Here we go, I CAN SHOUT LOUDER THAN YOU! AAAAH, AAAAH, AAAHH!" OMJ yelled into the reflection.

"You can stop the act now, we know you wrote this journal!" CNF said, showing it to his face.

"Boy, I ain't ever wrote any fancy thing in my life other than a whacky story on a SpongeBob forum after users having a hootenanny against each other in a wrestling arena. I ain't ever done anything worthwhile in my life, at least as far as I remember. Anything before the good ol' year of 1982 is a blur to me," OMJ replied.

"You don't remember this at all?" CNF asked, flipping through the pages, as it showed a page about the "Society of the Sealed Eye" with the crossed out gray eye, as it made OMJ gasp.

"T-T-THE SEALED EYE! THEY DID SOMETHING TO MAH MIND!  " OMJ yelled in panic.

"The Sealed Eye? You must have learned something too important, and this cult did something to your mind. Do you remember anything else?" CNF asked.

"Wiped mind? No wonder you keep forgetting to update Deathmatch. " Aya said.

"This ol' newspaper clippin' about me waking up in front of a museum is the only thing I can recall..." OMJ replied, showing them a newspaper about a "deranged old man being found outside SBC Falls Museum".

"I guess we'll go there to start our search. To the SOFmobile!" CNF said.

"heh, i like the name." SOF replied, as in the blink of an eye (haha, eye humor, get it?), they were outside the SBC Falls Museum of History. They look around at the goofy exhibits for any clues, as Cha sees a poster for a rock puppet show by Bubblerock.

"AAAAHH, HORRIBLE!" Cha yelled, ripping the poster off, as it showed a poster for the Kappa Boyz. "AAAAAHH!"

"Hey, who is that?" CNF asked, seeing a shadow of a hooded figure down a hallway. The gang followed after, as it led them into a room with tons of creepy eyes on display. As they walked around, it looked like they were following them.

"hmm, nothing suspicion here," SOF said.

CNF then noticed an odd tile with an eye on it, as he pressed it, which opened up a secret entrance behind the fireplace.

"...nvm," SOF said, as they walked down a passageway. 

OMJ did some ham-boning thing with his hands, spelling out the code "Wolf people are coming for our bread."

"What does that mean?" CNF asked.

"It's mah secret code, now let's go down that spooky tunnel!" OMJ said, as all five went through the passageway, but SOF was nervous.

"um, in movies they say now to go down there..." SOF said, concerned.

"You're a man SOF, now get down here!" Cha demanded, as he went down the stairs.

They were very quiet, as they then heard a chanting sound. They peaked into a curtain to see a group of hooded gray men around a table with some strange device. 

"illuminati confirmed," Aya said.

The two hooded men from the beginning brought in Lazy SG, strapping her to a chair.

OMJ did another ham-boning message that spelled out "Oh #$*@&!"

"Lazy SG?! What are they going to do to her?!" Cha asked in panic.

"maybu they fix eye?" SOF suggested.

"Hey SOF, that's not nice," CNF said.

"Yeah, she looks beautiful with that eye, how dare you SOF! " Cha said to him.

"yeah SOF, not cool," Aya agreed.

"soz," SOF said.

"Tell us, what is it that bothers you?" the leader asked, approaching her.

"I saw a bunch of tiny mechanical men!" Lazy SG said, panicking.

"No worries madame, it shall be gone," the leader said, inputting "Mechanical Men" into the strange device, which he grabbed off the table. He then shot a laser out at her head.

"Yay, I don't remember anything? Who are you people? " SG asked, as they escorted her out. The leader then put her memory into a container labeling it "Lazy SG", as he put into a slot, making it go flying up through the tubes to the "Hall of the Forgotten Stuff".

"Meeting adjourned. Now, lunch break!" the leader said, putting the laser device back into a chest on the table.

"I'm so hungry I could eat a horse!" one member said, as they left.

The gang then went into the room once the squad of illuminati members left.

"Alright gang, let's split up! Whatever that tube thing was, it may lead to where OMJ's memories are. SOF and OMJ, come with me. Aya and Cha, make sure none of those dudes return," CNF said, as he, OMJ and SOF headed for where the tube led.

"You got it, chief. Looks like it's girl bonding time," Aya replied, as she high-fived Cha.

CNF, SOF and OMJ followed the tube, as they approached a hallway with several exhibits.

"Alright, we're getting warmer, just watch out for-" CNF was saying.

"I heard something, search the area!" a hooded member said, as he and another looked around the area. They then saw an exhibit of pioneers, with OMJ being a pioneer, SOF being a woman, and CNF as a baby.

"Hmm..." the other member said, trying to straighten OMJ's eyes, but the pupils kept drifting apart. "Wow, these are poorly made."

"Lazy designers," the other said, as they both kept walking.

The gang got out of their cosplays, as they saw an iron door where the tube trail ended. We then go back to Cha and Aya in the meeting room, as Cha seemed upset.

"boy trouble?" Aya asked.

"Yeah, I've been upset at how all my summer romances have been flops." Cha said.

"don't worry mang, you just need to put the past behind and forget about them," Aya said.

"Forget....forget, that's it! Aya, you're a genius!  I could use this thingymabobber to make me forget my summer romances," Cha said, picking up the gun.

Back at the Hall of Forgotten Stuff, the boys open door to see tons of tubes containing multiple people's memories.

"...wat?" SOF said.

They noticed a machine used to show the memories, as they put several's in, noticing how the Sealed Eye has been erasing people's memories. CNF then found one for ExKizuna, as he put it in for the lulz.

"Alright, tell us what troubles you, child," a member said to Ex.

"So, I saw this guy from a video game but I beat him up using my Power Rangers fighting moves, he was no big deal," Ex replied.

"Speak honestly, Ex. " the member said.

"...Fine, I was saved by a child. >_>" Ex said.

"How embarrassing," the member replied, wiping his memory.

"Ay, I think that be mine, laddies," OMJ said, seeing a tube labeled "Old Man Jenkins" on a special shelf of honor. CNF grabs it, but it triggers an alarm, as a stone eyes shows a glowing gray light, and alarms went off through the museum.

"zoinks!" SOF said.

The hooded men came storming in, as OMJ threw his memory to CNF and safely got away, as OMJ went in hiding.

"Why do I have a bandage on my beard? Anybody gonna point that out? " OMJ asked to himself.

 SOF and CNF ran like Usain Bolt from the members, as they managed to find hiding.

"Alright, we're safe..." CNF said, when a bunch of hands grabbed him and SOF, dragging them off into the shadows.

CNF, SOF, Aya and Cha are seen all tied to a pillar.

"Clever children, you really thought you could out-sneak a sneaky group like us?" the leader asked.

"yes," SOF said.

"Let us go! Why are you erasing people's memories anyways?" CNF asked.

"Well, since we're going to erase your memories anyways, I suppose it doesn't hurt to pad things out and reveal our identities," the leader said, as the other remembers put down their hoods to reveal: sbnator20, More Spandy, TheGrandMaster, Ozu, and imrustyokay.

"The Salty Spitoon bodyguard, More, ACS's dad, the guy who sold Cha Guano, and...the guy who married the woodpecker?" CNF said.

"Yes, it is me, and I can assure you Clara and I's marriage is still legal," Rusty said creepily to SOF.

"uh...cool," SOF replied.

"You've never met me before, and if you did, you would not remember! I am....SEALED STEEL SPONGE!" Steel said, revealing him to be the leader!

"steel? why?!" SOF asked.

"Why? I'll tell you why, it's due to SBC Falls' supernatural occurrences. It's a town of weirdness, and the weirdness tormented the poor townsfolk. So, our founder took it upon himself...except I don't remember the founder's name. You guys know?" Steel asked, as they all shrugged.

"Oops, we've been using that gun an awful lot, guess it slipped away from my head," TheGrandMaster said.

"Anyways, this device was made to wipe the memories of people who witnessed spooky stuff...albeit with some side effects," Steel said, as flashbacks were shown of the Sealed Eye wiping townsfolk's memories of weird things they saw, and we see the memory relates to the intelligence level of most SBC Falls residents. "Still, this memory eraser helps us too. It helps us forgot our troubles. I constantly use this myself to make me forget to update my spin-offs, just to torture you guys. "

"you monster!" SOF said.

"This isn't helping people, it's made people's lives worse! OMJ now lives in a junkyard and talks to animals, don't you feel bad?" CNF asked.

"Maybe a little..." Steel was saying, but wiped his memory of feeling bad with the gun. "But not anymore! Now, say goodbye. Any last words?"

"Okay, I know I act chill and laid-back all the time, but I'm not! Do you know stressed out I am?!" Aya asked.

"I use big words and I don't know what they mean, which is bad because I'm supposed to be the smart guy!" CNF confessed.

"i never thought P&F went downhill after S3, i just want to be cool!" SOF confessed.

"I was going to use that gun to erase my memories of my bad summer romances!" Cha confessed.

"What?!" CNF said.

"This looks like a job for a goddamn hero!" OMJ yelled, as he stormed in with a bunch of hillbilly items, freeing the gang from the pillar.

"OMJ saved the day!" Cha said.

"It was no problem fellers, now take a weapon and defend the mountain!" OMJ yelled, as Aya got a banjo, CNF got a stuffed raccoon on a stick, SOF got a plaque about dysentery, and Cha got a stick.

"Well, it'll have to do," Cha said.

"Get that container!" Steel ordered, as they got into a brawl.

CNF runs from sbnator, as he puts the container into the tube system, making it go away, as sbnator tried to punch CNF, but his fist hits the wall instead. The container kept going, as it went to where Rusty was, as he grabbed it, but Cha made the tube suck off his robes, revealing his exposed body (but he had space underwater on thankfully).

"I wish I could forget I saw that," Cha said, looking away.

"Ewww," the others said.

"That's right! I wear nothing under, and I am proud! I also have a space suit fetish! Y'all got a problem with it? Well get over it, you prudes!-" Rusty was babbling, when SOF hit him in the head with the plaque, as he grabbed the container and put it in another tube before More could grab it. 

The container then landed in a pile of other memories, as Steel and CNF ran for it, but Steel was quicker and grabbed it first. He then aimed his gun at the gang (no, not that kind of gun, 4Kids, before you replace it with his finger pointing).

"Say goodbye to your summer," Steel said, as he set the memory ray to "summer", and he blasted it to them, but OMJ got in the way, taking the hit. "What?! This is...

 "

"You can't broke what is already broken, my braddah!" OMJ said, laughing, as Steel kept firing at him, with no effect, as OMJ kicked Steel in the stomach, dropping the gun and memory. OMJ grabbed his memory, and Steel and the other members were then tied to the same pillar (irony ftw).

"You can't do this, I'm the leader!" Steel said.

"Not anymore," CNF said, as he set the memory gun for "Society of the Sealed Eye", and he blasted all the members with the ray.

The members are seen leaving the museum in their normal clothes (except Rusty, but that's another story), as they have no clue what happened.

"Thanks for visiting us on Miner Appreciation Night!" Cha said to them.

"Hmm...I can't seem to recall where I am. Do you know who I am, little girl?" Steel asked to Cha, shaking his head.

"Yes, you are a famous reviewer of modern music, named...Todd in the Shadows, and you also play a cool banjo!" Cha said, giving him the banjo.

"Wow, that sounds cool. To the music community, AWAY!" Steel yelled, walking off and playing the banjo. The gang was seen back in the hall, ready to show OMJ his memories.

"Well OMJ, are you ready to see who you were?" CNF asked.

"I dunno man, what if I see something I don't like?" OMJ asked.

"Don't worry, we'll be here by your side," Cha said, as OMJ put in his memory to the machine, which showed a younger OMJ, in a cool scientist outfit.

"My name is Old Man Jenkins, and I'm not really old, but that's not important! Anyways, I was working as an assistant to a visiting researcher in SBC Falls, who was working on a machine that would help all of mankind. But one day, something weird happened, and it all went wrong. I quit the project, and I find myself haunted each night, man. So, I built this device to help erase the memories! Subject: Old Man Jenkins," Young!OMJ said, as he blasted himself with the ray. "I can't recall a thing!"

It then showed another memory.

"I saw something pretty spooky in the lake, better erase that," OMJ said, erasing it.

"I saw tiny mechanical men, very disturbing!" OMJ said, erasing it.

"I'll call the group the Society of the Sealed Eye, brothas!" OMJ said, revealing he was the group's founder.

"I just got a fancy ol hat! " OMJ said, losing his sanity even more.

"I'M BETTER THAN BOTH THE SALAMI AND BOLOGNA COMBINED!" OMJ yelled, rambling on.

"SZBWVM HSVOOWVI!" OMJ yelled, making odd gestures of a shell. (Code is in Atbash, you're welcome, here's a bonus code for such an important episode)

The footage ended, as the gang looked pretty depressed.

"Wow, I'm so sorry. You poor thing... " Cha said, as OMJ happily grabbed it.

"D'aw shucks, I'm glad I saw that." OMJ said, shedding a tear.

"Did you want those memories?" CNF asked.

"Of course, now I know who I am! I may have messed up in the past, but now I can start a fancy ol new life! Also, these goggles are dang cool, boy," OMJ said, taking a pair of busted goggles and spit into a vase.

"So Cha, you still want to wipe those memories?" Aya asked, holding the gun.

"Nah, I think the old timer said it best, it's better to continue on with the future so I can learn from my mistakes!" Cha said, feeling mature.

"that's some mature stuff," Aya said.

"Indeed! But first, let's vandalize this poster of my previous ex-crush!" Cha said happily, as they all vandalized the poster for Rock's show.

The gang got back in SOF's truck, with "Cheerleader" playing again.

"Ugh, SOF!" Aya yelled.

"soz," SOF said, as he drove.

"So, if you're not the author, do you remember who was?" CNF asked to OMJ, who was looking through the journal.

"Some of it is coming back, but most of it is a blur. Maybe I can fix that ol laptop up for some clues," OMJ said, as he looked at a page with a machine.

...

Ssj is seen in his secret laboratory, pouring a barrel of nuclear waste into the machine. 

"It's getting stronger..." ssj said, as the portal began to suck in his coffee, notebook and pencil. A flying pipe then hit his hand, giving him a boo boo.

"OW!" ssj yelled, as he wrapped it up in a bandage.

"I don't care how long this thing takes, I don't care how dangerous it is, and I don't care if I miss a new Family Guy for it, I'm going to pull this off, and nobody will stop me." ssj said again, showing a picture of CNF and Cha.

Cryptogram (Atbash): GSVHV VBVH NZB YV TLMV, YFG GSV HSVOOWVI VBV HGROO DZGXSVH BLF...

[Metal Snake]

I knew this episode wouldn't escape Illuminati jokes.   Very good!

Edited January 17, 2016 by Metal Snake

[SpongeOddFan]

loved this episode, can't wait for next one.

[Jjs Goodman]

Just for fun, here is a banner for the lit made by Cha. Cha be praised!:

[JCM]

28. JCM's Game

The year is 207̃012. JCM JCMan has escaped from the Infinitentiary and is being chased by the Time Paradox Avoidance Enforcement Squadron. He trips, allowing the squadron to surround him. AW10, the leader of the squadron, prepares to handcuff JCM.

"Any last words?" AW10 asks.

"I...I invoke Globnar!" JCM screams.

The squadron members talk among themselves.

"I'll allow it," AW10 says. "Speak the name and century of those who are accused."

"CNF and Cha of the 21st century," JCM says.

"Very well. May AMK baby have mercy on their souls."

(Theme Plays)

CNF was getting a candy bar from the vending machine when the candy bar got stuck. CNF prepared to give up on life, but SOF appeared, opened the vending machine, and gave CNF all the candy bars in the spirit of Canadian socialism.

"Thanks, SOF!" CNF said.

"no prob," SOF replied.

Ssj called SOF to his office, and on the way there, SOF's wallet fell out. CNF picked up the wallet and prepared to give it back to SOF, but out of curiosity, he opened it and noticed from his driver's license that it was SOF's birthday. He quickly returned to wallet and found Cha.

"Cha! Did you know it was SOF's birthday?" CNF asked.

"It's SOF's birthday?"

"I guess that answers that. Why wouldn't he tell us?"

"Maybe he's expecting us to throw him a surprise party!"

"Then let's get on it!"

Cha got her friends to drag SOF outside, and as soon as they released the blindfold, CNF and Cha jumped out from behind a cake and said "Surprise!"

SOF, instead of being excited, seemed upset, and he retreated to the Mystery Shack. Seconds later, Ssj (still wearing a bandage on his hand) and Aya walked out, and immediately realized what CNF and Cha were trying to do.

"Are you two crazy? SOF hates his birthday!" Aya said.

"Now he's too sad to do any work. -.- Do that again and I'll ban you," Ssj said. 

"We're sorry. We didn't know," CNF said.

"Why does SOF hate his birthday? Birthdays are awesome!" Cha said.

"Nobody knows," Aya said. "He's been like this forever."

"What we need to do is throw him the biggest, greatest party ever!" Cha said. "Then he'll love his birthday!"

Cha, CNF, Ssj, and Aya took SOF, once again blindfolded, to his favorite laser tag place.

"why do you keep blindfolding me?" SOF asked.

"You'll find out," CNF said, removing the blindfold.

"laser tag! but i dunno, i'm not sure if i feel up for it," SOF said.

"Come on!" urged Cha. "Just have fun! You can trust us."

"ok," SOF said.

As SOF played laser tag with them, CNF and Cha went into another room, bumping into AW10. Suddenly, the room color changes to chrome and the entrance disappears.

"What's going on here?" CNF asks. "Why is everything...chrome?"

"Everything is chrome in the future!" AW10 replies.

JCM appears next to AW10.

"Miss me?" JCM says.

"Who are you again?" CNF asks.

"Wat. I'm JCM," JCM says.

"Doesn't ring a bell," Cha says.

"You stole my time device so you could win that stupid director!" JCM screams.

"Hey! He is not stupid!" Cha says. "He even learned his second word last night: 'please'! 'Help! Please!' Isn't that so cute?"

"No," JCM says. "Anyway, after you screwed around with my device, I got fired and charged with conspiracy to create time anomalies! You two ruined my life, and I've spent every waking moment since planning my revenge, which I'll finally have today!"

"Nah, we've got to help our friend out," CNF says. "You can seek revenge later."

"There is no later! Globnar starts now!" JCM says, revealing a Hunger Games-like arena behind him.

"What's a Globnar?" CNF asks.

"It's the greatest gladiatorial game of all time where the winner gets a time wish and gets to the choose the loser's fate," JCM says, pointing to a guy in the arena getting straight-up murdered.

"Screw that noise," CNF says. "Let's get out of here."

CNF steals AW10's time device and uses it to send him and Cha back 10 years. They were now in a primitive version of the laser tag place. Cha and CNF hid as JCM and AW10 appeared.

"You better find those guys or I'll keep saying 'lol'!" JCM said.

"Please don't," AW10 said.

"lol okay," JCM said.

"Alright, alright. I'll find them," AW10 said.

Cha and CNF snuck out.

"Aw man, the time device is busted," CNF said. "Looks like we're stuck here for now."

"Let's go to the old version of the Mystery Shack!" Cha said.

"Sure. It's not like we have anything else to do," CNF said.

Cha and CNF went to the Mystery Shack, and they found a younger SOF there trying to get a candy bar out of the vending machine.

"Look! It's SOF!" Cha whispered.

"Let me handle this," CNF said.

CNF opened the vending machine and gave SOF several pieces of candy out of it.

"thanks! you must be canadian!" young SOF said.

"Sure," CNF said.

SOF's grandmother SBLaura walked into the Mystery Shack.

"Come along, eh? You can't be late for the big day," SBLaura said.

"Big day? She must be talking about SOF's birthday!" Cha said. "If we follow them, we might find out why SOF hates his birthday!"

"Alright, but we better make it quick," CNF said.

CNF and Cha followed SOF to his house. He was celebrating with his cousins, who were at a table eating pancakes drenched with maple syrup.

"could you move?" SOF asked one of his cousins. "i'm saving that seat for a very special guest."

"Who?" the cousin asked.

SOF heard a doorbell, and he ran to the door only to find a mailman there. The mailman gave SOF a postcard saying his dad couldn't make it. Again. SOF returned to the table, dejected.

"Don't worry. There's always next year," a young ZBF said, comforting SOF.

"yeah. next year,  " SOF said.

"Oh man, that's why SOF hates his birthday," Cha said, as SOF went into his room, while SBLaura was angry at how SOF's dad is a no good deadbeat.

"We've got to do something!" CNF said.

CNF and Cha heard JCM's voice and hid behind a tree.

"They have to be around here somewhere..." JCM said.

AW10 heard a sound behind a tree and shot at it, but the only person there was young Ex, who immediately cried and ran away.

"lol you suck at this," JCM said.

"Say that again and I'll shoot you," AW10 said.

"Sorry. I just have to defeat those two in Globnar if I want to get my time wish," JCM said.

"Wait! The time wish! That's how we can reunite SOF with his dad!" CNF said.

CNF and Cha came out from behind the tree and surrendered to AW10. AW10 takes CNF and Cha back to the future, where they're in the middle of an arena with a crowd around it shouting "Globnar".

"Silence!" a giant baby says as he rises from the ground.

A person in the crowd continues shouting "Globnar", so the giant baby kills him with laser eyes.

"I am AMK baby, and I will be presiding over this Globnar match," AMK baby says. "Make it quick, because it's almost nap-time. Here are your weapons."

Medieval weapons materialize in front of JCM, CNF, and Cha.

"Whoever wins the most matches will get a time wish and yadda yadda yadda," AMK baby says. "Let's get this over with."

JCM fights CNF and Cha over 1000 Globnar matches, and despite JCM's superior knowledge of Globnar and the fact that he's writing his, CNF and Cha come out victorious in the end.

"You have defeated your opponent," AMK baby says. "You may now decide his fate."

"DEATH!" Cha barks.

"wat," JCM says.

"Sorry. Got carried away," Cha says.

"Even though JCM tried to kill us and everything, it's kind of our fault he's here in the first place," CNF says. "We choose to let JCM go and return him to his old job like nothing happened."

"So be it," AMK baby says. "And what is your time wish?"

Back in the present, SOF was getting ready to leave when time froze all around him and CNF, Cha, and JCM appeared with a time wish.

"cha? cnf? other guy?" SOF said.

"I'm JCM JCMan, man!" JCM said.

"We fought with him in the future to get you this time wish," CNF said. "Now you can finally meet your dad."

"really?" SOF said.

SOF thought for a moment, then he used his wish to heal CNF's and Cha's Globnar bruises.

"What? Why didn't you wish to see your dad?" Cha asked.

"eh, he never there for me. you two were, " SOF said. 

"Are you crazy!?" JCM screeched. "Do you know how many people died for one of these!?"

"i also fished for an infinite bottle of maple syrup," SOF said.

"Oh, well it's okay then," JCM said.

SOF, who still had his father's postcard from ten years ago, threw it in the trash and went to play laser tag with JCM, CNF, and Cha. An older man walked by the trashcan and noticed the postcard. He then saw SOF playing laser tag and considered approaching him, but he quickly changed his mind, grabbed the postcard, and left the laser tag place. That man's name was Hassan.

Cryptogram (Atbash): YZXP GL GSV UFGFIV 5: VEVIBGSRMT RH XSILNV!

[Cha]

29. The Love Homie

Cha, CNF and Aya's friends are in a cemetery and are looking at clouds in the sky, finding out shapes.

"That looks like Dale Gribble!" Cha said pointing at one of them.

"Being kicked in the hind corners by Hank Hill." Aya said.

"Uh, that cloud looks like... a winter cloud!" E.V.I.L. said as his friends moaned about him not trying.

"E.V.I.L., stop being the worst at everything." Aya spoke and they all laughed.

"Ooh, that cloud looks like a big silver cellphone!  " Cha said, pointing to a big billboard that had quickly been build as they laid there.

"Clouds don't come in colors, that is a big cellphone. " CNF said.

"Oh dude, it's the Turntable Festival." Aya explained to the twins.

"The Turn what?" CNF asked her.

"It's the annual outdoor festival for upcoming digital music players." Aya said and took EVSpongeFan's phone to show them the app for it, including a music artist named The Love Homie.

"Woah you mean like a concert concert? I've never actually been to one before." CNF said all nervous around her.

"That's because you never had an awesome crew to roll with mang." She said and turned to her friends.

"YESS come on E.V.I.L., lick that SpongeBob. Lick that SpongeBob." Elastic said and the others chanted on E.V.I.L. as well. He licked the mold parts off of the Nickelodeon toy as Elastic and Dr. Sex were amazed. 

"Ayy when you're with us, you're in." Aya told CNF and he smiled. 

All of a sudden there was a loud moaning in the distance and the friends looked around.

"Ghostie town! Cemetery ghosty town! " Cha shouted and shook her brother. They all find an open hole in the ground where a casket would be and trick E.V.I.L. into looking down the hole. When he looks down the hole, he shouts in fear.

(Theme Plays)

"It's even creepier than I thought it would be." EvSpongeFan said as all of them saw Ex down in the hole.

"Why did she leave me?" Ex whined while holding a picture of Aya.

"Uh, Ex?" Aya looked at him and he flinched at the sight of her.

"Aya! Oh um, just hanging out down here in this grave, what's up?" He said trying to look cool.

"Yo dude we haven't seen you longer than like a million years. where have you been?" Elastic asked.

"Golly, you're not still moaning our break up?" Aya asked him.

"No way." Ex said and quickly hid his picture of her.

"We split up forever ago, it's kinda cool you threw yourself in a grave for me but it's time to move on mang." She explained.

"I totally moved on!" Ex said and all of a sudden his ringtone of him singing about Aya went off. 

"Dude this is getting beyond awkward." Elastic whispered to Dr. Sex.

"Yeah this cemetery use to be fun but now it's depressing." EvSpongeFan agreed as she and the rest of them walked off. But Cha looked how sad Ex was there in the grave. 

"But guys he's in pain, we can't just ditch him here.  " She said running up to her brother. 

"Come on Cha, it's Ex." CNF said.

"But he's suffering! How can I be happy if someone's sad? It totally throws off my happiness art!" Cha explained and pulled out a drawing she made of them all. She gave Ex a sad face sticker.

"Cha, if there's one thing I've learned this summer is NOT to get wrapped up in needless romance like this. We're finally in with Aya's buddies and with Ex gone there's a good social balance. Just let a good thing be." CNF spoke.

All of a sudden a vulture came down next to Ex and he asked for it to eat him. But was being dramatic of course as the vulture started to peck his face a lot. Back at the shack (that rhymed!) were Aya, Cha and CNF.

"Ugh, I'm sorry you guys had to see that." Aya said to them.

"You know what Ex needs, a new girl! Romance is like a tv show, when you've watched every episode and it's lost its zing, you just cram another one on your illegal watching site!   " Cha hit a DVD box on her laptop's screen.

"Cha, it's not that easy..." Aya said. 

"It is if you're the world's greatest matchmaker. I've never had an unhappy customer. Like SOF and Katniss!" Cha reasoned to her as the screen shifted to SOF and his date on laptop's screen.

"watch this, i'm speling rigtht words all day! did i look cool?" SOF asked his girlfriend.

"You're the coolest!" Katniss said.

"yes!" SOF rejoiced.

"Match made! " Cha said and fist pumped in the air. "And of course there's Guano and Thomas." 

Guano was in a tuxedo as Thomas was in a bride's costume and a "just married" sign was bound to them.

"I'm not sure if this is legal seeing how I'm technically a human myself and he's just a goa-" Guano spoke getting the only dialogue screen time he'll probably ever get.

"Match made!" Cha said cutting him off.

"That might work for a furry and a goat, but Ex is a hopeless case." Aya responded.

"Hopeless case eh?" Cha deviously inquired as the scene changed to ssj.

"I'm putting a ninja mask on a big fat turtle!" He sung along while doing so.

The breeze flew the mask off of the statue and ssj looked up to see billboards being constructed lighting fast above the shack along with various social media loving people walking around. 

"Oh no! Big billboards! Mac app store sellers! Virtual playing music! It's the Turntable Festival! SOF lock down the shack and hide my phones before anyone puts nasty things on my browsing history! O_o " ssj yelled at SOF when he walked out of the shack and ssj went to take them down with a bow and arrow.

"wait mr. ssj!" SOF stopped the ginger man from hitting one of them. "i've ben tinkling the fesival comes by every yr and u always shun it. it could be pontential custmers."

"You really think I can make money off of these meme loving freaks?" ssj asked.

"u just gotta find out what appaels to them." SOF explained and went back inside.

"Hmm, how to I appeal to internet people?" ssj said to himself and looked at a billboard with Candy Crush. "So young people like apps eh?" 

Meanwhile Cha goes to Ex's funeral home to get her romance plan started. The door opens and it's his cheerful parents, Elmyra Macincavage and his wife SpongeTron Macincavage.

"Well howdy do!" Elmyra said.

"Happy day!  " SpongeTron cheerfully spoke.

"You're Ex's parents?  I always thought he was raised by murdering Zimmermans or something." Cha said excitedly to see people like her.

"Oh well he doesn't like to talk about us, says we're too cheerful for funeral directors." Elymra explained and the couple laughed. They invited Cha inside with a real dead man in a casket as a table.

"Tiny Toons VCR?" Elymra offered her.

"Oh no thanks, sorry. I'm here to cheer Ex up. You cannot have a mind full of cartoons for that." Cha said.

"Ex Winslow Macincavage! There's a pegasister here to see you." She shouted to the upstairs to her son. "You go on up and can you bring him his lunch?"

"Lady I like your style!" Cha said and walked up stairs with the plate of happy looking spaghetti.

Elymra: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=19TBzy81Mac  

The couple walked off thinking how Cha's sweater would look good on a dead lady's body. While Cha was on her way to Ex's room she saw multiple photos of him during his childhood and how he transitioned from a happy little boy into who he was today. She knocked on his door covered with posters telling others to go away. 

"Ex, it's Cha!  " She said through the door.

"Who?" He asked back.

"I'm like girl CNF." She said.

"Eugh go away!" He told her but she came in anyways. Inside Ex's room were tons of goth things and a drawing he had of him and Aya.

"Listen, no one in your family is allowed here. Your stupid brother ruined my life." Ex said and chucked a spray can at a dartboard with CNF's face on it.

"And Cha's the one who's gonna fix it." She said and put his dinner on his desk. "Listen Ex, I see you as a creepy jerk like a human Oddfellow Rat Poison." 

"Uh go on." Ex told her.

But when I saw you in the cemetry like that I thought 'Ex's not a bad guy.' His soul is just broken and needs love. And non-YTP videos!" She said.

"Hey iCarly YTPs look awesome man." Ex shot back while lying on his bed.

"Nah they don't.   You just need a good matchmaker and I guaranteed I'll get you it or twice your sadness back." Cha said.

"If I say yes will you leave my room!?" He yelled and she agreed.

Cha made the entire town in cardboard cut outs and placed all the females townsfolk in it. She went through several women before getting advice from Guano. (Actually he just asked for help because he was still tied to Thomas but Cha got an idea.) Meanwhile at a house, Elastic and Sex are piling up snacks on E.V.I.L. as he's just happy to be included. Now they could sneak in snacks to the festival and the idea was from CNF. 

"Haha kid, I sense greatness in you." Elastic made aware to cheerful CNF. Elastic put CNF on his shoulders and said it again.

"Aight, everyone get ready for the concerts so go home." Aya said to her friends.

"don't wait up evers.  " Dr. Sex said to EvSpongeFan.

"Don't call me Evers.." She told him looking up from her cellphone for once.

"classic evers  " Sex spoke.

Meanwhile Ev got a new text from a secret admirer telling her to bring her sweet bod on a date. 

Now at the Greasy Spoon, Cha tells SG that love is about to happen. EvSpongeFan enters the diner and is shocked to see Ex sitting there at a table. They are both shocked to find each other there as Ex says he'd rather not date someone he already knows. Which Ev told him she wasn't even interested and Ex said that he was out of Ev's league. While Cha becomes upset with how she didn't match Ex up, the Love Homie comes into the diner. He plays We Belong Together on the jukebox.

" " The Love Homie proclaims and a bunch of diner customers are excited to see him. 

He makes a random old man fall in love with a pregnant woman just by pointing at them along with others. While he's sipping herbal green truth tea, Cha makes her move to talk to him.

"Hi Love Homie, Cha big fan. Can I just say that that was some of the finest match making I've ever seen? Can you please, please, PLEASE tell me your secret?" She complemented him.

"Well between you and me chica, let's just say my name isn't really a coincidence.  " He motions his wings on his back.

"Are you an actual Love Homie?  " Cha asked.

"Ju know it. Call me a Lil' Hoe, the internet pretty much does it all for me, so I focused my time on listening to the queens of pop." He points to Mariah Carey and Ariana Grande albums he has.

"Can you make anything fall in love?" Cha questioned again and pointed to two random animals and Homie did it with ease.

She asks for some of his potions but he says she can't handle the effects it gives to people. But while he's making a vocaroo with some random chick, Cha steals one of his potions. She adds some of it to the fries that were going out to Ex. As EvSpongeFan and Ex try out the fries and start to really like each other. They leave the diner to go kiss in public and Cha is excited to have another match made. Meanwhile, Aya, CNF, Cha and their friends were waiting for Ev to arrive inside E.V.I.L.'s garage to they could go to the festival. But Cha explains to them that she's a little busy at the moment with Ex, wink, wink. (Take that wording for whatever you want.) But Dr. Sex gets upset because all along HE had a crush on Ev! (jjs: what a twist!) While Elastic gets upset because Sex told Ex and not Sex's best friend Elastic.  Aya gets angry because she says it's just like Ev to go behind her back and date her ex. All of them bail out of going as E.V.I.L. chases after them saying that omf he can't go back to having no friends.

"Match made...?  " Cha said as all her stickers off her happy chart fell off.

"OMF wait don't go guys! You're all I have!" E.V.I.L. with a llama hat cap over his head and snacks on his body tells them as they walk off and Dr. Sex hits E.V.I.L.'s photography camera. He turned to the twins now. "What did you two just do!? It took me for years to get into this group!! Now it's falling apart more than Horsehead's nasty hot winter weather!" 

"But we were finally all hanging out together. I was one of the gang!" CNF said disheartened.

"Well unless you can get Ex and Ev apart, then there won't be my dumb llama. Now I'm gonna take a potato chip, AND EAT IT!" E.V.I.L. walked off in anger.

"Cha what did I tell you about staying out of Ex's love life?" CNF said to her.

"I know, I shouldn't have never gotten a love potion from the Love Homie." Cha said.

"Love potion? If it's a spell well can't you undo it ?" CNF asked.

"That's it, if I undo the spell then everyone will be friends again! But I'm gonna need your help and you're NOT pulling off that Sailor Moon skirt." Cha said.

"I know..." CNF sighed.

"Burn it!" Cha yelled.

At the Turntable Festival several people are dressed up as the pawns for the website and several DJ tables are on a concert stand. So imagine something like this but in real life.

Meanwhile, good ol' ssj is there as well.

"Make that app faster SOF, we need this thing in the Apple store before the festival ends!" ssj barked at him. 

"are you sure that glitch shoud be so close to that dangly thing?" SOF asked.

"I'm sure of everything! o_o Lose up that game with some more Angry Birds, more Angry Birds!" The old man ordered.

At the entrance, Cha and CNF are hiding behind garbage cans as E.V.I.L had dragged Aya and the others there. He begs them to come inside but they leave as soon as Ex and Ev come walking by in lovey dovey, hug walk mode. They sneak inside the Turntable Festival and see the Love Homie's van parked. One of the workers asked for him to come on stage and Homie emerges from his van with his groupies including Patty Sponge. But when they leave, the trunk is left open and Homie's love potions are inside. You'd think he'd be more careful with those. Cha went through the various potions before finding the anti-love one. All of a sudden Homie came up to them.

"Hey you're the woman who stole my potions. I am not loving this. " The Love Homie told them.

"I'm sorry but I made a mistake and you have to fix it.  " Cha said.

"I told you this stuff is way too powerful for you. Uh wait, were did they go?" Homie asked and looked around.

CNF and Cha ran off with the anti-love potion. Homie chased after the twins as they ran on the Turntable stage with Hawd Rappuh Gankstuhs playing. Homie orders them to get the kids and they make some pun about a song of theirs I'm too uncapable to think of before CNF and Cha escaped again. They crowd surfed as CNF cried about everyone touching everything (Are we sure this is still a kid's show?) and Homie was close behind. Homie starts to use his wings as a man sees this and dumps out his hippie tea as he's afraid it gave him this drugged vision. Cha sees Ex and Ev but before she can spray them with the potion, the Love Homie does a weird pink mist trick. She sees all the boys she use to like including Guy, Halibut the Merman, Bubblerock, the Kappa Boyz and even WhoBob from the first episode with her note! CNF punched the WhoBob mist and it disappeared.

"Ha, you'd think we fall for that?" CNF said.

"Sure you all can marry me! Oh Patrick from SpongeBob SquarePants, I forgot I had a crush on you.  " Cha said surrounded by them.

"Cha they're not real! -_-" CNF told her.

"Just give us the bottle Cha." Halibut said and the others nodded.

"Cha don't!" CNF yelled and the screen changed to ssj and SOF before we could see if Cha did or not. Oh darn.

"Now people will see that I love the young people! I give kids Tomb Raider's games! ^_^" ssj said holding up a pop up ad of his face on the app that would give children joy (or fear) when they gazed upon it. "Let 'er rip!" 

When SOF launched the app it glitched like nuts and removed some letters off of ssj's message. People screamed as the message "I give kids aids" gave them a virus on their electronic devices. 

"It's trying to punish us for our terrible taste of memes!" One man shouted.

The app/virus clouded the iPad of one kid and his mother. 

"Mommy will the big scary virus give us aids?" he asked.

"Yes, yes it will G4ry!" She told her small children and hugged him in defeat.

Finally we get back to the siblings as Cha hands over the potion to Halibut, who gives it back to the Love Homie. All of Cha's wet dream crushes then vanish and Homie declares victory. Until his phone starts to vibrate and he faints with fear at ssj's horrible message. Randomly, Mr. and Mrs. Macincavage  arrive out of no where and hope someone didn't die as they laugh. Ssj and his faithful sidekick SOF walk around the panicking citizens as ssj doesn't get it. Everyone around him freaks out and claims it's the aids man! Even though ssj says he already touches himself every night and has no aids (but for times' sake and the PG rating we won't get into it). Homie wakes up from fainting, defeated and allows whatever they want to do with the potion. Cha and CNF go to spray Ex and Ev with it, but Ex sees her. 

"yoo cha! I just wanted to thank you. When I broke up with Aya I thought my life was over but now with Ev I'm lit." Ex said and Ev called him over about their couple pictures being liked on the internet.

"Maybe we shouldn't do this. I mean every time we play with other's fates it turns out worse." Cha explained.

"Well they are kinda perfect for each other in a gross kind of way." CNF said as they watched the couple play Ex's favorite videos. "What about our friend group?"

"It'll sort itself out. There's gotta be something to bring everyone back together." Cha said and the screen cuts back to Aya and friends.

"Guys I made a friendship cake! Let's talk this over lolk?" E.V.I.L. said but one of them threw a beach ball at him, knocking down his Nutella cake to the ground. His shirt also rips and the snacks are visible on him.

"Hey food from the outside!" A security guard shouted and two of them chased him up a pole in a comedic style.

Aya and the rest were amazed at this and slowly enough all of them became friends again after mutual stares. 

"I think everything might be alright.  " Cha said.

"Maybe someone up there might really be a genius matchmaker." CNF said.

"All according to plan lel!"  E.V.I.L. said getting smacked by the security guards.

Cryptogram (Caesar): ORYH PH OLNH BRX GR

Edited May 27, 2016 by jjsthekid

[WhoBibbles]

How dare CNF punched me? He's gonna get it.  

[Hayden]

30. Mamawest Mansion Noirstery

Our scene sets in on a mansion (who might've thunk) during a dark night of rainy downpour and ominous sounding lightning. 

"Sebastian, I must say, the guest list for this year's party has so much diversity!" Kinda Mamawest said, whilst holding up a sheet with the names of the Loyal Customers that would be attending the mansion's fancy soiree.

"Yes, a nice mix of trillionaires and quadrillionaires." Sebastian Mamawest replied before turning his attention to the lowly peon setting the table. "Put that oyster fork at an angle, we're not sea creatures, man." He swatted the random nobody with a newspaper and that seemed to fix the trivial fork positioning.

"Now where the devil is...Saucifica!" Kinda Mamawest turned to see her daughter dressed in a V11 Starfish Skin. "What did I tell you about that hideous skin? The theme is Splash, not Starfish. Our outfits need to make a splash so that we can stay relevant. Switch it at once!"

"But, I-I kinda like it." Saucifica said in a futile attempt to stick up for her individuality

"Mind your mother, Saucifica. Her name is Kinda and she DOESN'T like it." Sebastian Mamawest pointed out in the most condescending tone possible.

Before Saucifica could fully refute that logic, Sebastian dangled a bell causing her to sigh in defeat. "Yes, father." But before Saucifica could carry out her father's request, an earthquake shattered throughout the dining hall. Then, the laws of gravity themselves stopped working and a bunch of silverware started floating in the air and getting flung everywhere like weapons. Yeah, you can figure out what type of thing this is by now.

 

The family of Mamawests dove down beneath a table. "This is a disaster! The party's in just 24 hours!" Kinda Mamawest lamented in anguish, clearly having her priorities all in order.

"Surely there's someone who can handle this sort of nautical nonsense!" By mere chance Sebastian's newspaper then rolled over on a headline story from the SBC Falls Gossiper picturing CNF saving Nuggets and tvguy from a vampire bat that looked almost like a Noivern. "And I think I know just the person..."

(Theme Plays)

CNF was lazing off on the couch eating a variety of delicious snacks (fruit and cookie chips, what a balanced diet) while binging a marathon of a show about harassing ghosts. The channel's name also parodies a real life history channel, therefore parodying it would be redundant.

However, before CNF and his bladder could stay completely comfortable, a breaking news bulletin flashed on the screen. Cha alongside Someone and Negi, decided to violate CNF's personal space and butt into his cushions.

"Well tonight's the night but I've been standing here for days!" More announced while looking even filthier and ugly than usual. "The Mamawest family's high-society-shindig-ball is here. And even though us non-Loyal Customers aren't let in, that doesn't stop us from camping out and trying to get a glimpse at all the special sneak peeks stored inside!"

The girls swooned but CNF was not as easily impressed. "Can somebody please explain why people care about this rich fancy stuff more than anime conventions?"

"Rich food, richer boys. It's the most fabulous gathering of the summer!" Negi said with exaggerated admiration. "They say each gift basket has a live whale inside!" Cha added in without much thought behind that statement.

"Give me your life, Saucifica." Someone coddled the TV set. "I want to be Somebody, not just Someone."

"In case you've already forgotten guys, Saucifica Mamawest is the worst. And that's just not jealousy talking, I'd say that to her face." CNF said as he began to walk up and open the door that had just been knocked. Saucifica just so happened to be standing there right after he said that line of dialogue. SPOOKY timing.

 

So Saucifica asks for help and CNF slams the door in her face after he calls her the worst, thereby proving he had the serious balls he was talking about.

However Saucifica's pleading for a hero (CNFcifica FTW) and Cha's anxious party invite dreams force CNF to reconsider his ghost hunting business.

Saucifica, CNF, Cha, Someone, and Negi all pull up to the gate of the Mamawest Manor and are let in by some butlers. The girls immediately run in and discover the gift basket rumors are true. Miniature whales in tanks are being given out. A whale flops out causing Cha and friends to chase after it, much to the annoyance of Saucifica's parents.

CNF goes up to address Saucifica's parents. "If it isn't the man of hour." Sebastian said. "I trust you can take care of our little....situation. Before the customers arrive in an hour."

"I'll do my best." CNF assured. Sebastian seemed relieved, before then ordering Saucifica to fix CNF's horrible clothing attire. 

We cut to CNF looking like a turkey in a suit, and Saucifica fixing his bowtie. How sweet and perfectly platonic of a scene.

"Who do you guys think you are impressing with this stuff?" CNF asked incredulously. "Um everyone. You wouldn't understand. High standards are what make the Mamawest family great". Saucifica defended.

"Funny, I thought it was lying about founding SBC Falls." CNF snidely remarked, referencing the first scene they shared together, before getting scolded for lingering by some framed Mamawest family history portraits.

Meanwhile back in that subplot that toonzone despises even more than CNFcifica shipping fanservice, Negi has stumbled upon the soiree's guest list. "Oh man, what a sizzling hottie!", pointing to a picture of The Drifter. "It says here he's a prince from the Philippines." 

"He's a literal white whale, and not the one from our gift basket that we couldn't catch either." Someone said in amazement.

"Exactly, totally out of our league." Cha said, trying to feign lack of interest. "Let's not even waste our time on this guy."

"Deal." they all said in unison despite clearly not meaning it.

 

We cut back to CNF and Saucifica alone in a room together. What could these two 12 year olds be getting up to together, alone at a party? That's right, they're reading out of CNF's journal and scanning for ghostly activity! CNF seems confident he's dealing with a Category 1 threat, but that changes quickly when all the sea creature heads on the wall start bleeding out of their eyes and chanting about ancient sins. Seems innocent and kid friendly enough!

"What do we do? What do we do?!" Saucifica asked, shaking CNF by his bowtie.

"Don't worry. It can't get worse than this." CNF replied, trying to keep his cool.

Everything proceeded to get worse as a giant skeleton with an axe lodged in its head climbed out of the fireplace. It then grew human skin all Baby Lich style and ignited off a beard/mustache made of blue fire.

 

"I smell a Mamawest!" the Lumberjack themed ghost yelled out while clutching another even larger axe that wasn't in his skull. "Come out, come out wherever you are!" He demanded while dragging his axe through the floor menacingly.

CNF tries to impress Saucifica with his mad journal reading skills, but instead of helping him save Saucifica's life all it tells him to do is pray for mercy. Whoever that author turns out to be must be a huge dingus.

While CNF and Saucifica run for their lives, Sebastian Mamawest invites guests with short remaining life spans into his palace. Specifically the Gravity Falls resident mayor, crushingmayhem. He has a flock of vultures as travel buddies. Charming!

Suddenly, The Drifter passes by Negi, Someone, and Cha and greets them with a brief "Guten tag."

"Guten-take me now!" Cha exclaimed, abandoning her asexuality and going wild before Negi cuts her off. "We had a deal, remember?"

"Yeah Cha, the deal." Someone said, seemingly backing Negi up. "Negi, would you go get us cheese and chocolate fondue?"

"I'm on it!" Negi scurried off and left Someone and Cha to do some traitorous conversation about working together to get the The Drifter's attention without Negi. However, before they can start hitting on him, they turn to see Negi dunk The Drifter's head in a chocolate fountain whilst flirting.

"Oh no!" Someone said in anguish.

"What on earth has she done?!" Cha worried.

However, The Drifter just laughed. Negi laughed too and dipped her head in cheese. They then started making out with their delicious faces.

"I think we just learned a valuable lesson, Cha". Someone said, reflecting on the situation.

"Never trust your friend not to deceive you before you can deceive them!". Cha said, embracing the point of this plot perfectly.

With that resolved, Saucifica and CNF are running through an elegant garden filled with seacocks and have reached a mirror room. CNF learns that he can trap that fugly ghost in a silver mirror. CNF is tracking mud though, so Saucifica won't allow him in there because it would cause a lot of property damage that her parents wouldn't like. Kind of like those broken floorboards. Girl, think straight.

Saucifica and CNF get into a scuffle as the lumberjack closes in on them, but luckily CNF kicks some mud into the air which blinds the lumberjack and causes him to crash right into a mirror. Zoinks! Too bad we can't pull off that mask and see who this ghost really is.

"We did it!" Saucifica cheers. Saucifica forgets the mud rule for a second and hugs CNF passionately before stepping back. "Can I pay you to pretend that never happened?". However no amount of money was able to pay off the internet fandom from finding meaning in that.

Back in the garden we see Sebastian and Kinda Mamawest praising CNF for handling the job. A nameless butler shakes his hand vigorously, which is more than thanks enough for the lad. CNF prepares to leave but Saucifica tries to ask him to stay, noting where he's at.

"I'd love to stay, but I've got a Category 10 ghost to dispose of." CNF walks blatantly into a pillar on his way out. A mistake he'll never repeat? The two chuckle and CNF heads out to do his "business" in the wilderness.

"Call me crazy, but maybe she's not that bad after all." The Lumberjack erupted in laughter at CNF's naivete. "What are you laughing at, axehead?"

"You've been had there boy-o. That girl really got the best of you. You remind me of my own folly with the Mamawests."

NOW ENTERING FLASHBACK MODE!

"The Mamawests asked us to build a grand forum mansion. I, Spongebobs1fan, and the others were told that it would be a service benefiting the entire community. Once a year, everyone would be invited to share in a festival of great bounty. It was a backbreaking amount of labor, but when it came time for the Mamawests to pay up on their bargain, they left us commoners high and dry with no access in. Only the elite and wealthy Loyal Customers were given that privilege."

"YOU PROMISED, MAMAWEST!" Spongebobs1fan screamed in rage.

"It was then that I attempted to hack my way in with an axe, that was when everything backfired, as a terrible storm hit. I fell into the mudslide and everything was lost from there." Cut to gruesome and detailed shot of Spongebobs1fan having his own axe impale him since we have no censors. "So I enacted a curse for generations to come."

"Eleventy-seven years I'll return from inactive death, and if this forum is still private to y'all, snooty bodies will have to fall!"

Shot of 70s Mamawest writing down curse with quilted pen and passing it onto the next member in line until it finally got to Sebastian, who nodded with Saucifica.

ENTER PRESENT MODE!

"The Mamawests KNEW this was going to happen?!" CNF said, angry at himself for trusting Saucifica. "I'll be right back, I have someone I need to tell off again."

"Thank you so much for coming, Mayor Crushing. As a sign of respect, please take this sea monkey servant." Sebastian said, trying to gain political favor.

"Mamawests!" CNF burst through the gate and pointed accusingly at Sebastian. "You have quite a bit of explanation to get done!"

Saucifica ran in from another room, clearly overjoyed to see her boy who is a friend. But CNF wasn't as happy to see her. 

"You lied to me! All of you did! All you had to do was let normal members in here and you could've broken the curse! But you made me do your dirty work instead!" CNF snapped at them.

Sebastian leans down threateningly. "Watch who you're talking to, peasant. I'm hosting a party for the most powerful internet users in the world. You think they'd come to this forum if your kind were polluting it?"

"My kind?" CNF turns to Saucifica, hurt. "I've been right about you all summer. You're as awful as your parents. Another link in the world's worst chain of privilege."

Saucifica desperately tried to apologize but was stopped by the sound of a bell from Sebastian, which once again made Saucifica lose her ability to speak up.

"Enjoy the party, this is the last time you'll ever be welcomed in here." 

CNF stomped past the Crushing's sea monkey servant and went out to perform an exorcism. Spongebobs1fan saw how things went down and tried to manipulate CNF into letting him have vengeance for the both of them. When that didn't work he convinced CNF to let him view the beautiful trees since lumberjacks love trees and junk. The journal apparently didn't explain that this gives him the power to get out of the silver mirror though, as Spongebobs1fan broke free and headed back to the mansion to cause full chaos. Thanks again, boneheaded author.

Sebastian is busy preparing a preppy toast when Spongebobs1fan smashes through the main hall's fireplace. "GENERATIONS LOCKED AWAY, MY REVENGE SHALL HAVE ITS DAY!" he said, clearly unhinged and unstable like CNF feared.

"Ah, the grim reaper. I'd been wondering when you might arri-", but Crushing was cut off as he was turned into solid wood. R.I.P. Too bad he didn't think to preserve himself in peanut brittle or tree sap.

Dead taxidermy animals also come alive and start attacking the crowd, while Sebastian and Kinda only think to save themselves with a panic room.

CNF gets back in just in time to hear Spongebobs1fan remark his one condition for ending the rampage. "JUST ONE WAY TO CHANGE YOUR FATES: A MAMAWEST MUST OPEN UP THE TOPIC GATES."

"Saucifica!" CNF ran past tree-turned citizens and eventually found Saucifica moping by herself. "I need your help, the ghost is rhyming and I think Cha's in danger!" CNF spoke, trying to get through to her.

"You were right about me. All my family has ever done is lie, cheat, and steal. I let them get away with it again with you just because I'm too scared to talk back to them. I'm just as bad as them." Saucifica emotionally vented in a monologue.

"Saucifica, I'm so sorry about what I said earlier. I was just mad, you don't have to be exactly like your parents. You can be your own person. Come on, it's not too late." CNF pleaded.

But it actually was too late. CNF and Saucifica went out to see every guest successfully detained. CNF and Saucifica screamed in panic before CNF sees a frozen Cha.

In a bid to be a hero, CNF runs toward Spongebobs1fan, ready to entrap him again. However, a blast from the ghost causes him to spaz out and meet the fate of every other guest. "SOMEONE HELPPP." CNF says before freezing in the same form he assumed back in "Down a Bunker".

"A FORUM OF DEATH, A LESSON LEARNED, AND NOW THE MAMAWEST MANSION IS ABOUT TO BURN". Spongebobs1fan declared in victory as the mansion was set abl4ze,

"No, CNF!" Saucifica cries out before glaring towards Spongebobs1fan. "Listen here, you hideously out of fashion ghost. Axes are never going to catch on as headgear. Let CNF and everyone else go and I'll unblock the other members from getting in here!" 

Spongebobs1fan noticed Saucifica's stern resolve. "YOU WISH TO PROVE YOURSELF? PULL THAT LEVER AND OPEN THAT PASSAGEWAY FOR THE COMMUNITY. FINISH WHAT YOUR ANCESTORS' STARTED."

Sebastian then popped up from beneath the floor, proving himself, the Butler, and Kinda to have survived the onslaught. "Saucifica Elise Mamawest. Do not even think about letting those middle class pondscum invade our precious abode. We have so many more reputation points than them to uphold! Now come into the panic room, we have enough oxygen and banquet delicacies to last me, you, and a Butler a full week." Sebastian explained, oddly forgetting to mention his wife. "We'll eat the butler." Sebastian went on, furthering the confusion since it seems they would have let the butler hoard up most of their supplies before dining on him. R.I.P. Kinda Mamawest.

Saucifica looks longingly at CNF's statue and reaches for the lever.

"You dare disobey us?" Sebastian said astonished. He began to ring that damn bell again. "Dingally dingally! Is this bell broken?!"

Saucifica finally put her foot down though, and yanked the lever. "Our family name is broken, and I'm going to restore it!".

Spongebobs1fan nearly had a heart attack out of shock. Outside, Patty Sponge was chanting "Git it! Git it!". Because getting it, indeed they were. Skins, banquets, whales, fountains. PARADISE.

"YES, YES, IT'S HAPPENING! MY HEART, ONCE HARD AS OAK; now grows soft like more of a.....idk birch or something. Tree references can get taxing to have to constantly make".

CNF and etc. are released from their wood. Everything is back to normal.

"Saucifica, you are not like the other Mamawests. I feel....hacking justice." Spongebobs1fan proceeded to vanish into thin air, leaving the axe to fall to the floor. Strange how that works.

The entire town breaks into the mansion (maybe Sebastian should have invested in security), and storm the main hall, making a mess of everything.

"Good lord, the riffraff who riff things! They're everywhere!" Sebastian had a mental breakdown as Patty Sponge put an oyster fork at a wrong angle.

"Man, if your family hates you for this, they're idiots. This is fantastic!" CNF said, trying to lighten things up for Saucifica.

"Enjoy it while you can, next year I bet they'll just lock everyone out again." Saucifica sighed.

"Hey, look what we're standing on. I hope your parents are able to live with it." They both looked down to see the Mamawest carpeting a total disaster and then started spilling more stuff onto it.

"Haha, but seriously, I should go find that nameless Butler and see if he's up for cleaning this. Be right back  ". Saucifica departed, sinking everyone's hopes and dreams for CNFcifica for the rest of the season.

Alas though, we have a plot development! OMJ danced onto the scene with his usual gibberish. "Woo! Scoobity-doo! Hornswaggle m' Gompers knees!"

"Whoa-ho-ho! What up Old Man Jenkins?" CNF greeted the old man, who dragged him off to the side to divulge important details.

"CNF, I been lookin' for yaz! I fixed the laptop. I been doin' calculations and I think something even more terrible than my lits is comin'! The apocalypse! End times! 2012! Oh right, we're technically still in the summer of 2012 so we aren't sure if that's a hoax yet."

"Know what, OMJ? How about we save this for tomorrow? It's a party. Let's chill and have a good time for once." CNF said, practically sounding out of character. Saucifica sure has an impact.

CNF walked off before OMJ could explain, but OMJ pulled out the laptop from his massive beard, which had a 24 hour countdown clock on it. "Oh this is bad! Something finale-ish is comin'! Somethin' big!".

The shot looms up above OMJ to show a tapestry depicting Hayden Shellder in the sky above a burning landscape and cowering figures. Skeletons and other horrifying jazz lay below the worshippers. Looks as if OMJ wasn't kidding this time.

Cryptogram (Caesar): VVM LV QRW ZKDW KH VHHV

Edited January 8, 2018 by jjsthekid

[Jjs Goodman]

Hey, one good ep deserves another.

31. Seems Not He What

Attention SBC Falls viewers: Tonight’s episode is really serious, man. It’s so serious, we filmed it in front of a live-studio audience. Just note this is so serious, that there will not be many jokes in it. It’s that serious. It is big, the biggest episode of the show today. Now, a word from our sponsors: 

Now, onto your regularly schedule program. Just remember, this is a very dramatic episode.

...

Late at night, ssj is busy hard at work downstairs on the machine, causing spooky lights and all that good stuff. 

“Alright boys, that should be enough to finish the job...” ssj said, talking to himself, as he pushed a lever forward and it made chemicals in two tubes rise up. They then go BEEP! (fun with onomatopoeias!), causing the timer to start at 17 hours, 59 minutes, and 59 seconds. 

“Extreme usage could lead to extreme gravity anomalies, yeah, yeah, can it Jimmy Neutron! >_> I came this far!” ssj said, still talking to himself for some reason, reading Journal #1, as he hit the big red button, and the machine powered up.

“It’s working!  " ssj said, once again talking to himself, causing his fez to rise in the air, as many things outside the shack and in the town began rising up (including poor Thomas the Goat, OMJ, who was sleeping next to the laptop, and CNF and Cha in their rooms, sleeping while oblivious to them in mid-air) from the ground, and then everything fell back down.

“Just 18 more hours...” ssj said, as he set exact time onto to his lucky gold watch (which he may or may not have stolen illegally from Waldo’s Wonderful Watch Store, but that’s a story for another day).

“Everything changes....today,” ssj said, also still talking to himself like a weirdo, as the book flips to the cover to show “1”.

(Theme Plays)

   

“CNF, CNF, check this out!” Cha said, waking up CNF, to show him a closet full of fireworks (BABY YOU’RE A-Nope), as ssj sees the commotion.

“You aren’t setting off those illegal fireworks...without me!  " ssj said, as they laughed like a group of sitcom characters, and were on the roof.

“I AM THE GODDESS OF DESTRUCTION!  “ Cha yelled, shooting one off, making it explode in the air, when Officers Nuggets and tvguy come to the scene.

“Yo fam, do you have a permit for those fireworks?” Nuggets asked.

“Do you have a permit for being a nark? ” ssj replied. 

“...Can’t argue with that, have a nice day. ” Nuggets replied, as he and tvguy walked off. 

“wait whats a nark,” tvguy asked.

“But seriously guys, now we gotta clean this up.” ssj said, referring to the mess of fire.

“Water balloons? ” Cha suggested, pulling one out of nowhere. 

“I don’t see why not!  " ssj said, as he sat back and laughed at CNF and Cha cleaning up the mess by throwing water balloons at each other, while drinking a Coca Cola (yup, gotta get product placement in here). 

CNF tried throwing one at Cha, but it fell flat on the ground. Wah wah wah.

“Seriously?” CNF said in disappointment, as Cha pelted him with another water balloon.

“I tell you, it’s unnatural for siblings to get along as well as you two do,” ssj commented, sipping his soda.

“To Gruncle ssj, not just any uncle, but the gr8test uncle!” Cha said, raising an ice pop to that, as did CNF. Ssj felt awkward by this, and kind of sweaty.

“Yeah....uh, kids, there’s something I should tell you....it’s....well....tough to talk about, but...” ssj was saying.

“What is it?” CNF asked.

“I...need a tailor. BECAUSE I RIPPED MY PANTS!” ssj yelled in a quick cover, ripping the back of his pants and laughing.

“ssj, you rapscallion!  ” Cha said.

“Gross!” CNF said, trying to pretend he didn’t see ssj’s behind.

“Hold on, I gotta refill this,” ssj said, as he walked to the side of the shack, holding his Coke. “Enjoy it now ssj, they’re going to find out sooner or later... :/”

Suddenly, a red dot appeared on his head.

What’s that, a ladybug? ” ssj asked, swatting it on his head, when more appeared all over his body. “OH NO-” 

An armored agent then tackled ssj to the ground, holding him tight to the ground, as Agent Teenj appeared and helicopters flew over.

“Target captured, take the house!” teenj ordered, as agents moved in and took the shack. One broke into Cha and CNF’s room and “secured” Guano.

“Some purple creature secured, we have secured a weird purple creature!” the agent reported, as they wrapped Guano with caution tape.

“help,” Guano said.

Back outside, ssj was being escorted by an agent, as CNF and Cha stood there confused.

“So is this my dream or are we dreaming at the same time?  " Cha asked to CNF. 

“Hey, don’t grip so tight, jerk! -.- What did I do that deserves this much arresting!?” ssj asked, as the agent slammed him onto the back of a truck, when Agents terminoob and Teenj appeared in front of them.

“...The government guys? I thought you got mauled by zombies,” CNF said.

“We survived...barely.  " Teenj said.

“I used teenj as a human shield, and he cried like a baby. He was lucky to avoid the “black guy dies first” trope,” terminoob replied.

“Hey, wait-come on, not in front of the special ops guys.  " Teenj said.  

“Late last night, someone broke into a government storage center, taking toxic waste, and we suspect the culprit is your uncle.” terminoob explained, showing them the footage of a guy in a hazmat suit taking barrels of toxic waste.

“That could be anyone in that suit! I was restocking the gift shop!” ssj protested.

“You got the wrong guy! Sure, our gruncle may shoplift the occasional gold watch, but he’s not a bad guy!  " Cha protested. (told you the story was for another time) 

“We’ve seen some disturbing things this summer, some I’d rather not remember, but nothing as horrifying as what your uncle is hiding. We believe somewhere under this shack is a DOOMSDAY, yes, I put EMPHASIS on that, making sure you’re paying attention here, yes, a DOOMSDAY DEVICE under the shack. Sorry kids, but you don’t know your uncle at all...and that’s not fair since I don’t know mine well at all, but oh well, life sucks.” terminoob said, as ssj was put into the truck and termi went off with him.

“KIDS! I’M INNOCENT, YOU GOTTA BELIEVE ME! KIDS! " ssj yelled, as the truck drove off. 

“We’ll be taking you kids. Take the ice pop,” Teenj ordered, as an agent took Cha’s ice pop, and escorted them into Teenj’s truck.

“Ice pop, secure! Mmm...” the agent said, licking it. Weirdo.

The agents try breaking down into the house, as Aya whistles, making her way to work.

“going to work, going to work,” Aya was singing, saw the ruckus, and walked away. “or not.”

CNF and Cha are in the backseat of Teenj’s agent truck.

“We have to clear ssj’s name! He’s innocent! If we can get back to the shack and check the recordings, we can prove he was restocking!” CNF said.

“But how do we get out of here?” Cha asked.

“We’ll be taking you two to child services,” Teenj said.

“Boo!  ” Cha yelled. 

“In the meantime, enjoy some mindless television so you don’t have to ask me questions,  ” Teenj said, turning on Johnny “You Got Punk’d, Son” PunkPants. (and I’ve copyrighted that tv show name, so don’t you even try!)

The episode shows a doctor telling a patient some bad news.

“I’m afraid I have some bad news...” the doctor said.

“Oh no! Am I going to die?! Do I have aids? Is my wife pregnant? Wait, I don’t even have a wife...” the patient said.

“I’m afraid...you...HAVE BEEN PUNK’D!” the doctor yelled, to rip off his clothes to reveal Johnny PunkPants, throwing confetti everywhere.

“Johnny “You Got Punk’d, Son” PunkPants will be back right after these messages!” the announcer said, showing another word from our sponsor:

“We need to get out of here, and fast,” CNF said, panicking, as Cha agreed.

The twins think of a way to escape, as Cha sees Manly Clappy driving a truck to the side, and she sees a “Kappa Boyz” sticker on the truck. Cha bangs on the door window, and writes “Kappa Boyz Suck” on it.

“I DON’T THINK SO!  " Clappy yelled, as he rammed his truck into Teenj’s, causing Teenj to lose control of the vehicle and fall down into the woods, crashing.  

CNF and Cha get out safely (lol, “safely”) and try to head back to the shack, as Teenj tried sticking his head out of the branch that is stuck between the door.

“We’re going to clear our gruncle’s name!” Cha said.

“You poor kids...I’ve seen it all before. First they play with water balloons, then they build doomsday weapons. Your uncle scammed the whole world, you’re letting him scam you too?" Teenj asked.

“You...you don’t know what you are saying!” CNF said, as he and Cha ran off. 

“YOU WILL REGRET THIS!!  ” Teenj yelled, as the airbag activated. 

At the police station, ssj is cuffed and on a chair in a room with Agent terminoob and two other agents, as on the back of the wall is a board of his crimes and past.

“ssj4gogita4, you stand accused of theft, conspiracy, scam, possession of illegal weapons, and taking nuclear waste. How do you plead?” terminoob asked.

“I TOLD YOU, I DIDN’T DO IT!” ssj replied.

“That only works if your name is O.J. Simpson, and we all know where he is now,” terminoob said.

“Fine...I plead, uh...innoguilty, I mean guiltocent....I plead the 5th! Oh screw it, can I have a phone call?” ssj asked. 

SOF is seen pulling into the drive-thru of a Taco Bell. (Fun Useless Fact of the Day: the actor himself chose this restaurant location)

“alrught, i have bust soft kids shelled taco you got,” SOF said into the speaker, when he heard a “SOF!”.

“ssj?!  is this some possussion (sp?) scenario...” SOF wondered, talking to the speaker box, grabbing it, and heard another “SOF!” from his walky talky, answering it.

“ssj? i hear you went to slammer, had to get panic taco...  " SOF replied.

“Listen to me SOF, I need you to do one important task for me, and it is the most important assignment I will ever give you. You know that vending machine in the gift shop? Guard it with your life. No matter who talks to you, or wants the food, do not let anybody touch it. Watch it like a hawk,” ssj said, speaking to SOF in a private room via telephone.

“yes boss! i watch it lick a hulk!” SOF said, taking the call of duty. A true American-Canadian hero.

“Your kids taco, sir,” the worker said, holding out the bag.

“just put it in my mouth,” SOF said, as the employee did so.

“let’s do this!!!” SOF said, biting on the taco, and drove his truck off. “must take serious, do not imagine whacky fantusy...”

SOF then got into a fantasy, and stopped his truck dead in the tracks when he saw his arch-enemy, Milkmaidman, the town’s milkman from Episode 1.

“SOF! It is time we end this. This town ain’t big enough for the two of us partner, there’s only room for one user with three letters in their name! And you were right, I AM a werewolf!” MMM said, turning into a rapid werewolf.

“I KNEW IT! BUT YOU WONT STOP ME, I DO IT FOR SSJ!!!! LICK A HULK!!!” SOF yelled in a warrior voice, when he woke up and ended his fantasy, as he got his eyes back on the road after nearly hitting the real Milkmaidman walking across the street.

“next time... ” SOF said, glaring at Milkmaidman in the mirrors, and continued driving to the shack. 

Back at the shack, CNF and Cha sneak around.

“Alright, here’s my plan: We fight our way through, backflip the guard, and break our way in through the entrance-” Cha was suggesting, getting all aggressive.

“Or we could use your grappling hook,” CNF said, pointing to the window at their room.

“Oh yeah,” Cha said, pulling out her grappling hook, as they zip-lined across.

Below, two agents are seen looking at the thing that looks like a face thing.

“So is it is a thing or a face?” an agent pondered.

“I think...it’s a philosophical metaphor,” another agent pondered. This truly will be the show’s most important mystery.

Anyways, CNF and Cha make their way into the shack, and look around in ssj’s room.

“Now if I was ssj, where would I hide the security tapes...” CNF wondered.

Cha then looked around and saw a moose head with deer antlers on a plaque, as she noticed an odd antler.

“I think it’s behind the mooseer!” Cha said.

“Don’t you mean moose-” CNF asked, as she pulled the antler and it turned around to reveal the shack’s security tapes. 

One tape showed SOF doing the worm, with Aya and Cha shouting “GO GO GO!”, as CNF looked at Cha.

“Someone yelled wormy dance, we had to! " Cha said, as they kept looking through the footage, and find ssj restocking the gift shop. 

“I knew it, he’s innocent! There he is, restocking the gift shop like he said!” CNF said.

They fast-forward, and ssj eventually leaves for a suspiciously long time. 

“Maybe he went to the bathroom for a really long time....that came out wrong.  " Cha said. 

The footage then shows ssj coming back in the hazmat suit, wheeling in the toxic waste barrels.

“Oh no, ssj you didn’t...” CNF said, not believing his eyes.

“Hey, we don’t know for sure if that is him-” Cha was saying, when ssj dropped a barrel on his foot and began yelling one of the thirteen bad words.

“::dolphin noise::! Wait, I’m alone, I can swear for real!  MOTHER-” ssj was about to say, as CNF fast-forwarded.

“Okay, so ssj took toxic waste, but he’s not super-villain!” Cha said.

“I don’t know, maybe there’s an answer in his junk,” CNF said, as they looked around the room, and Cha looked into a box, gasping when she saw a newspaper article saying “SSJ4GOGITA4 DEAD”.

“ssj is dead?!” CNF and Cha exclaimed at once.

“Fiery car crash...breaks cut...by who?!” Cha asked, extremely confused and shocked.

“Unnamed grifter at large, why would they call him unnamed?!” CNF asked, seeing a picture of an unnamed grifter at large with a picture of ssj.

They look further into the box to see a bunch of fake IDs.

“SJ Gogitafield?” Cha said, seeing the first ID. 

“Bobby Hillester?” CNF said, reading another.

“Daniel “Snake Eyes” Alcatraz?” Cha asked, seeing the last one. (yeah I’m just making these names up on the fly)

“Cha, why would he have fake IDs? You would only have fake IDs if you were hiding your identity,” CNF said.

“But...unless ssj...ISN’T SSJ?!” Cha said in horror, as they looked at a really creepy portrait of ssj (seriously, it will give kids nightmares. Oh and DUN DUN DUN, I guess).

They lined up all their evidence, and were pondering.

“It doesn’t make any sense, who have we been living with all summer?” CNF asked.

Cha then finds a strange paper saying “secret code to hideout” with letters and numbers.

“Never seen a code like that before...” CNF said, trying to compare it with codes in his journal.

“Wait, I have! CNF, it’s the vending machine!  " Cha said.

Back at the police station, ssj looks at his watch, as a small gravity anomaly goes off, causing the coffee to rise out of the cup (that is pretty cool you have to admit) and splash back in. Outside, everything rose up and slammed back down.

“Yikes, did the entire world just hiccup?” Patty Sponge asked, getting up.

“It was probably a baby sized earthquake,” Lazy SG said, having no worries about this at all.

“D’aww, baby sized, how cute!” Patty said.

terminoob and the agents enter back into the room.

“Alright ssj, it’s over, friend. The ‘copter is ready to dust off to Washington, I’ll have fun putting you behind bars, and I’m exaggerating when I say “fun”,” terminoob said, as ssj looked at his watch again.

“How about a quick bathroom break first? You don’t want me making a mess right now, do you?” ssj asked. 

“Well, it wouldn’t be my problem. Now, the jig is up. You’ve run your whole life, and your time has...caught up,” terminoob said, putting on shades.

“Just give me fifteen more seconds!” ssj argued, as terminoob grabbed a key and began adjusting his cuffs.

“Nope, game over. You have a flight to catch,” terminoob said.

“Oh yeah? So do you.  ” ssj said, as he looked at his watch and an anomaly went off, causing everyone in the room to float.

Ssj smashed the chair against the wall, as he grabbed the key with his hands and un-cuffed himself in a way cooler that I could not describe in words, as he jumped off agents (even stealing one’s wallet) and made his way to the door.

“YOU WON’T GET AWAY WITH THIS!” terminoob yelled, as he crashed into the other two agents, floating at ssj, as ssj slammed the door on them, and they fell to the ground as it ended.

Officers Nuggets and tvguy were seen blindfolded trying to hit a pinata, which fell out of their room.

“Go get ‘em, get ‘em boi!” Nuggets said, swinging around with tvguy.

Ssj then ran outside, as he met a cab driver who sounds an awful lot like Squidward. He pays him off to drive as far away as possible from the Mystery Shack when the cops chase him, as the cab driver drives off and ssj hides behind a tipped over car. The agents run out and see the cab.

“FOLLOW THE CAB, OBVIOUSLY!” terminoob yelled, as the agents made their move.

Back outside the shack, Teenj appears somehow after the crash.

“SSJ ESCAPED, SWEEP THE TOWN BOYS!” Teenj ordered, as the agents all made their move and began to patrol the town for ssj, leaving the shack unguarded.

“the coat is clear...” SOF said, as he walked in through a window and got in front of the vending machine. 

“okay, plan: guard machine, get adopted by ssj, change name to ssj jr,” SOF said, who has his life planned out.

CNF and Cha then run down and come face to face with SOF.

“hal CNF and Cha, ssj gives me mission to protect machine lick a hulk, he must love food too,” SOF said.

“SOF, we have to get through that machine,” CNF said.

“NO!” SOF yelled.

“I didn’t want to do this...” Cha said, as she blew a purple glitter into SOF’s eyes.

“aaagh, it hurt!” SOF yelled, trying to see, as CNF and Cha jumped on him. “plz stop, this hurt me more than it hurt you!  "

CNF enters in the vending machine code, as it opens up to reveal the hidden entrance, as all three stop their struggle and see the hidden entrance.

“What the...” CNF said, as the three walked into it.

“...wat?” SOF said, as they went into the elevator and down into the bottom floor. They explored all the crazy machinery.

Back outside, ssj runs like Usain Bolt to the shack, looking at his watch with 15 minutes remaining.

“Come on legs, don’t fail me now!” ssj said, sprinting, as we go back inside to the basement.

“Wow, this is just like that bunker in the woods,” CNF said, looking around.

“why do ssj have all this?  " SOF wondered.

“So ssj has a bunch of weird stuff under the shack, that still doesn’t mean he’s an evil criminal mastermind!” Cha said, as CNF gasped when he saw Journals #1 and #2 on the desk, and compared his with them.

“The other two journals?! All this time, SSJ had them!? Was anything he said to us true!?” CNF yelled angrily, slamming the desk.

“maybe he auther?” SOF suggested.

“Or he stole them from the author! Maybe he is some master criminal and this machine is his ultimate plan!” CNF said, as they looked at the portal machine and noticed the countdown.

“oh no! it the final countdown, like they always stung about!” SOF said, looking at the timer. And yes, we all know this should be playing in the background.

CNF opens all three books to the portal instructions, and hovers over his black light that reveals the invisible link over the pages. It shows a hidden message: “the machine was supposed to create knowledge, but it is too dangerous! I have been tricked and it is too late, if activated, this machine could DESTROY US ALL!” (DESTROY US ALL! DESTROY US ALL!-).

“how do we shut it up?!” SOF asked, as CNF looked at a manual override page. 

The three then saw the three override keys, as they turned them at once, and it opened up a big red shutdown button. CNF ran to it and got ready to slap that bad button.

“This stops...NOW!” CNF said, ready to hit it, when ssj ran in, out of breath.

“YO, DON’T TOUCH THAT BUTTON!!!!” ssj yelled, breathing, as he walked into the room. “Kids, you gotta trust me, I need that machine to stay on...”

“I should trust you why?! After you lied to us all summer?! I don’t even know who you are!” CNF yelled.

“Listen to me-oh no, wait, hold on tight!” ssj sad, looking at his watch to see another anomaly, as the portal spun faster, and all four began floating in the air, and the timer kept going down.

CNF dived for the shutdown button, but ssj grabbed him.

“Let go!” CNF yelled, trying to get free, when Cha made her way to the switch, being floating by holding onto a wire. “Cha, push it!”

Cha was about to push it, but ssj floated toward Cha.

“Cha Cha Cha, stop!!!” ssj yelled, when SOF got in the way and tackled ssj.

“SOF, what are you doing, you knucklehead?! I gave you an order! O_O” ssj said, trying to get SOF off.

“soz ssj, if you are real him, but i have new mission: protect these kids!!!” SOF said, tussling with him still.

“LET GO!” ssj demanded, as he looked at his watch and another anomaly happened, as ssj went flying into the wall, and the portal kept spinning.

“Cha, press it now!” CNF yelled to Cha, who almost hit it.

“Look into my eyes Cha...do I really look like a bad guy?  " ssj asked to her.

“Gruncle ssj, I don’t even know if you are my gruncle...  I want to believe you but...” Cha said, as her tears were floating upward (and I’m actually sad at this, as you should be), and the timer was nearing the end.

“Remember this morning when I wanted to tell you kids something? The truth is, I didn’t really rip my pants. I was going to say you may hear some bad things about me, and some of them are true. But all I’ve worked for, it’s all for this family.  " ssj said.

“HE’S LYING! SHUT IT DOWN CHA!” CNF yelled, as Cha was conflicted, and five seconds remained.

“Gruncle ssj....I trust you.” Cha said, as she floated up, and the timer hit zero.

“CHA, ARE YOU INSANE?!-” CNF was asking, as the portal flashed a beam, as all four yelled as they went floating in mid-air, shattering a photo of CNF and Cha, and everything outside in the town floated upward again. 

Everything crashed again, as the portal was destroyed. CNF’s journal was on the ground, as all four looked up at the broken portal.

Suddenly, a mysterious man walked his way out of the destroyed portal, in a black cloak. They made their way to Journal #1 on the ground and picked it up with a six-fingered hand.

“Who....who is that...” CNF was saying.

“The author of the journals....my brother......” ssj revealed, as the man took off his gear to reveal.....

...

...

jjsthekid (WHAT A TWIST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). (yeah, about time I put myself into this lit, isn’t it)

 

“........Is this the part where one of us faints?” Cha asked, as their jaws were hanging lower than Pickle and Peanut’s IMDB score.

“heh, on it,” SOF said, as he fainted.

Cryptogram (A1Z26): 20-8-9-18-20-25 25-5-1-18-19 12-1-20-5-18: 8-5’19 2-1-3-11 9-14 2-12-1-3-11

...Yeah, I made myself the author. Deal with it. 

[Metal Snake]

2 hours ago, jjsthekid said:

...Yeah, I made myself the author. Deal with it.

It only makes perfect sense that you're the author because you're the author of the actual lit. ;D

Edited February 20, 2016 by Metal Snake

[Minty Car]

Ssj and Jjs, kinda saw it coming  Good episodes from both of ya though

[Inanimate Carbon Rod]

This is awesome.

[SpongeOddFan]

Decent episode, kinda knew this coming

[Jjs Goodman]

32. A Tale of Two Guys With J and S in Their Names

In a flashback, we see two young lovely children running along a New Jersey beach. They find a boarded off area.

"Jinkies! A mysterious boarded up cave! It could be filled with prehistoric fossils, or even rare American gold!" the geeky looking one (that's me!) suggested.

"Ladies first," the tough looking one replied, as the geeky one punched him playfully, and the two laughed.

The geeky one tried to open a board, but he was not strong enough, as he fell back.

"HA! Good thing you got your smarts, 'cause I got that other thing! What was it called? Oh yeah, PUNCHING!  " the tough looking one replied, as he punched through the boarded area, and they found a cave. "Cool, splinters! Now I'm just like Master Splinter!"

The geeky one shined his flashlight into the cave, as they looked around.

"Whoa, it's so creepy in here..." he pointed out.

"Don't forget to leave our names, so anybody who comes in here knows this is our turf now!" the tough looking one replied, as the geeky one pulled out a marker and wrote inside: "SSJ AND JJS", as the two boys ran off shouting their last names.

(Theme Plays)

Continuing from the previous episode's epic cliffhanger, Jjs makes his grand debut to everyone. (and yes, I knew it was about time I put myself in the lit)

"BROTHER! AFTER 30 LONG YEARS, YOU'RE BACK! " ssj said, ready for a hug, but instead of a hug, Jjs punched ssj in the face, because I'm a rebel like that. "What was that for?! "

"Boy, this was an INSANELY risky move restarting the portal operation, didn't you read any of my dang instructions?! I didn't write those out of boredom! " Jjs coldly said in my first speaking role.

"Hey, you should thank me for even saving your behind! -.-" ssj snapped back, as jjs seemed flabbergasted.

"Thank you?! You really think I'm going to thank you after what you did 30 YEARS AGO?!" Jjs yelled back, as the two tussled like men.

"Don't think I'll go easy on you because your family!" ssj warned, as jjs was grabbing him from behind, when Cha interrupted their fight.

"Hi there, quick question: WHAT THE HECK IS GOING ON?!?!" Cha asked, as jjs noticed her, CNF and SOF.

"Ssj, you didn't tell me there was kids down here...and some sort of large Canadian beaver man.  " Jjs said, referring to SOF.

"heh, i get that one a lot," SOF said.

"Those are your family, genius. Bobby's grandkids," ssj said

"I have a great niece and great nephew? I tell you whut, greetings there lass. Do people still say "greetings"? I dunno, I'm not up to date since I haven't been in this dimension for over 30 years lol," Jjs said, giving Cha a six-fingered hand shake.

"Wow, a six-fingered hand shake, it's like shaking a hand with one more finger! " Cha said, honored to shake it.

"Y-you're the author of the journals?" CNF asked nervously.

"You read my journals?" Jjs asked, feeling honored.

"READ THEM? I'VE LIVED THEM! I HAVE SO MANY QUESTIONS....uh, I think I'm about to hurl. Nope, there we go," CNF said, about to have a fan heart-attack.

"yea, you also writes our existence, so you author of us too " SOF said, breaking the 4th wall.

"SOF, now's not the time to break the 4th wall in my story. Now then ssj, does anybody else know about this portal?" Jjs asked.

"Nada, just us. Also maybe the entire American Government," ssj replied.

"WHAT?!" Jjs asked, as they saw the security footage showing the agents still searching the shack. 

"welp, we doomed," SOF said.

"Not yet. We still have time until they find the secret entrance," Jjs replied.

"Okay, until that happens, ssj, tell us what is going on plz before I die of confusion.  " Cha requested.

"Yeah Gruncle ssj, no more lies," CNF demanded.

"Yes, I have quite a lot of questions about this myself, TIMO," Jjs said to ssj, as he was writing in Journal #1.

"Timo? Ssj, you told us your name was Justin..." CNF said, as Jjs was shocked and stopped writing.

"Wait, you took MY name?! What have ya been doing these past 30 years ya knucklehead?!  " Jjs asked.

"Alright, alright, it's time I told you all the story of how it all started..." ssj was saying.

"Of how you met your mother?  " Cha asked.

"No, not that one-" ssj was saying.

"how about of how you become fresh prince?" SOF asked, making another obligatory reference.

"SOF, stop, I never even watched that! >_> Now then, it all started...a lifetime ago, in Crystal Shard Beach, New Jersey..." ssj was narrating, as the story goes back in time to the 1960s. "Our parents owned a pawn shop, and our dad was a tough block who wasn't easily impressed."

"I'm not impressed. -.-" their father, Spongedude, said when reading a newspaper.

"Our mom was a pathological liar and claimed "phone psychic"," ssj narrated, as their mother, DadMomAngryPants, was chatting with someone on the other line about SpongeBob news.

"No, you're the one scamming us. Yeah, I predicted you were going to hang up, sweetie," DadMom said, after in a heated debate with a customer.

"I lived with my twin brother, jjs, who had a strange birth defect, being born with six fingers instead of five, which probably explained his obsession with weird geek stuff like alien. He was the brains to my brawn though, we made together a perfect duo. We liked exploring the town's beach, and not explorations like that stupid cartoon Spanish explorer's, mind you!" ssj narrated, when the twins came across an old broken boat in the cave they found, which they hauled onto the beach yelling "QUEEN SOUTH NEW JERSEY!".

The twins were fixing up the ship, as they painted the words "SJ-O' War" on it, representing initials in both their names.

"I dub thee, the Sj-O'War!" Jjs said, when a rock hit him in the head, as they heard obnoxious laughter.

Three bullies who look like Jersey Shore rejects looked at them, laughing.

"Sup, losers!" one of them said, laughing.

"Go away, Bully!" ssj snapped back.

"You two are both some of the biggest LOSERS I've ever seen! You're a six-fingered freak, and you're just a dumber and sweatier version of him! Be glad ya have each other, because that's all you got!" the bully said, named Bully, as the three laughed and walked off.

"Don't listen to them. I tell you, one of these days, we're going to sail away across the world from this dumb town, get all the beautiful women, and get all the treasure! " ssj reassured eagerly to jjs, as they looked out at the sea.

They then flashed through high school, as ssj went on and on how smart jjs was and could be the next Albert Einstein. Ssj was the more rapscallion of the two, often getting into more trouble more than not, but when your brother is the smartest kid at the school, it also makes copying off of his work easier. Then one day...

"Jjs and Ssj twins to the principal's office!" the announcement said, as the two were seen outside the principal's office faster than I typed this. Both walked up to it, when a worker there stopped them.

"Not you, him," the worker said to ssj, as they let jjs in.

"Well, good luck bro!" ssj said reassuringly, giving him the thumbs up:

 

Jjs walked in, closing the door to see his parents, Spongedude and DadMom in front of the principal's (who kind of looks like a hippie but anyways) desk.

"Hello there, madame and mister. One of your sons is in here, while the other is standing right outside this room," the principal said.

"What are ya saying?" DadMom asked.

"What I'm saying is...your son jjs is a genius! His perpetual motion machine he made for the science fair caught the attention of Super Smart Advanced Place Tech, and representatives from it want to see your son's work. This is one of the best colleges in the country, man," the principal said.

"I'm impressed. " Spongedude said, as was jjs.

"But what about ssj?" DadMom asked, as ssj was overhearing them from the other side.

"That joker? At this rate, he'll be lucky to graduate high school. Your son jjs is going places. Someone's gotta get paid to take out the smelly trash in this community, but hey. At least you'll have one son in New Jersey forever," the principal said, as ssj felt like he got punched in the feels gut on the other side.

ssj and jjs are seen on a swing-set on the beach, looking at the beautiful sunset.

"Ha, they're crazy if they think you'll go to that dumb old college, right?" ssj asked to jjs.

"I don't know ssj, this is a huge opportunity for me. I really can't pass that up," jjs said, pondering.

"But you're still gonna sail around the world with me like we promised? " ssj asked.

"Of course," jjs reassured, but still had his mind set on Super Smart Advanced Place Tech, as he got up, leaving ssj alone, who was sad.  

Ssj is then seen in the empty school gym late at night, looking at jjs's science fair project, eating potato chips. (Fun Fact: Next to the device can see the GogetaBot from "The Hole at the Bottom of the Pit")

"Stupid machine! This is all YOUR FAULT! I DEFY YOU, MACHINE! -.-" ssj yelled in frustration, as he slammed the desk, which caused the machine to stop spinning and the panel broke off.

"OH NO! Come on, work..." ssj said, panicking, as he put the panel back on, and it seemed a-okay. "There, it should work...maybe.  "

He then walked off, as he left his bag of potato chips on the floor.

 

Jjs is seen in front of his motion machine, waiting for the three Super Smart Advanced Place Tech representatives. He then sees them coming, as he is nervous and excited at the same time.

"Jjsthekid, perpetual motion machine, show us what you got," one of them said, looking at the checklist.

"Alright everyone...BEHOLD!" Jjs said, taking off the curtain to reveal a motion machine that wasn't moving (I know, that's a contradiction, mind=blown).

"Kid, a motion machine has one job: it is supposed to move and never stop," one of them said.

"Wait...WHAT?! But I swear it was working yesterday..." Jjs said, not believing his eyes.

"Sorry kid, but you don't look like Super Smart Advanced Place Tech material," one of them said, crossing his name off the list.

Jjs was angry, as he stepped on a potato chip bag and picked it up. Back at their house, ssj is seen playing paddleball, when jjs appears in front of him.

"Hey there bro, what's the news? " ssj asked.

"Can you explain what THIS was doing next to my broken project!?" Jjs asked, showing him the potato chip bag.

"I can explain! Look, I may or may not have been horsing around the night before, but I swear I thought I fixed it!  " ssj said nervously, feeling confronted. "But hey, on the bright side, now we can go treasure hunting!"

"Are you kidding me?! Why would I do anything with the person who sabotaged my entire future?!" Jjs asked angrily, pushing ssj onto the couch, when Spongedude picked ssj up by the shirt collar.

"You did what you knucklehead?!" Spongedude asked, when DadMom entered in the room holding a crying baby.

"Ssj, what's going on in here?" DadMom asked, when ssj is seen being thrown out of the house by Spongedude.

"You ignoramus, your brother was going to be our one way ticket out of this dump! You cost our family potential millions, and until you can make money, YOU AREN'T WELCOME BACK IN THIS HOUSEHOLD!" Spongedude yelled angrily.

"Fine, I can live on my own! I don't need you! Tell him he's being cray cray jjs! >_>" ssj said, as Jjs just looked at him from the window and said nothing. Ssj then went into his car and fled off.

"So, I had no friends, no family and no home now, but I had a plan to fix everything..." ssj continued narrated, as we take a break to see both twins bitterly not looking at each other in the basement, as CNF, SOF and Cha were all sad.

"This story's so sad! I know what this broken bond needs: hugs! Let's hug it out...hug it out...hug it out! Hug train coming in...anything?" Cha was encouraging.

"Quiet kid, I'm trying to tell my life story here! -.- Anyways, I decided to prove my family wrong by looking for gold!" ssj narrated, as he was seen using a metal detector to find gold on the beach. "Unfortunately, it turns out gold is some hard to find metal, so I had to resort to being a businessman!"

A commercial is seen with ssj in a flashy suit.

"Hey there, I'm Ssj Timoniten, and are you sick of THIS always happening to YOU?" ssj asked, as he is seen spilling water on his pants. "Then what you need is the Ssj Sham Wow, which will remove any spot in an embarrassing location of your pants! It's a total sham!"

"My shammies left their mark, and they were making me lots of the green stuff, as that greedy crab would say. Unfortunately, the cheap ink die I used also left their mark, and the ink ruined people's pants. Yeah, people weren't too crazy about that," ssj said, as an angry mob is seen in front of his stand. He then made a break for it, as the people pulled out their pitchforks (and cotton candy), but all broke. "Thankfully, the mob was using ssj made pitchforks. I was officially banned from New Jersey, so I went next door to start a new life..."

Ssj is then seen in Pennsylvania, and another commercial comes on.

"Hey there, it's SJ Gogitafield! Tired of pimples that are hard to remove? Then what you need is the Rip-Off! Just put this bandage on your skin, rip it off, and it'll rip off your pimple! It's a total rip-off. The rip-off WILL NOT (EMPHASIS!), I repeat, WILL NOT, give you rashes!" ssj announced. "It gave people rashes."

An angry mob chases ssj out of Pennsylvania, as he drove off. He was now BANNED from Pennsylvania!

"I was then banned from Pennsylvania, not like that state was good for anything other than making pencils! -.- I made my way around Americuh, selling all sorts of whacky products including chocolate (from "Dream Chasers"), DragonBall Z costumes, SpongeBob merchandise, and more that all got me banned. I then settled down and had a new very sophisticated business strategy..." ssj was narrating, as he is seen in his car scratching off a lottery ticket.

"Money sign...Money sign...DOG WITH A TOP HAT?  D'OH!" ssj said angrily, throwing that trash away, stopping his story there.

"What about you? Did you go to your dream school?" CNF asked to Jjs.

"Not exactly..." Jjs said, as he is shown at an introduction to "Last Minute University".

"Welcome all to Last Minute University! I know this wasn't anybody's first choice, but what we lack in books, we make up for in large rooms! I'm sure your parents are proud...maybe, more or less," the announcer said, as Jjs was seen in the crowd sighing, looking at a picture of Super Smart Advanced Place Tech.

"With a place like that, I had to study thrice as hard. I graduated at the top of my class, and received a grant for my research. But what to do next? I always had a fascination in anomalies, things that were not normally possible. I had a relation to them due to my...er, birth defect. I concluded there was one town with a higher anomalies than anywhere else, a town named SBC Falls. I moved there, and enlisted help of the locals to build a shack. I had to analyze the town's weirdness, but where would I begin?" Jjs narrated, as he saw his car getting smashed and taken away by Master Hand a strange hand. He gasped and put his glasses back on.

"I had to keep my research together. I recorded my research in journals," Jjs said, as he is shown outlining his hand and putting the symbol on the front of Journal #1, when his story is interrupted by...

"AAAAHHH!!!!! THE JOURNALS!!!  " CNF yelled in excitement, fanboying out. Jjs just looked at him strangely, as did everyone else.

"Anyways, I kept my research in three journals-" Jjs was saying.

"AAAHHH!!!!!" CNF yelled again in excitement. "I'm sorry..."

"I'm just going to ignore that and move on. Anyways, I studied the town's strange anomalies, creatures and more," Jjs said, as he is shown hatching a baby Fred Shape Shifter out of its egg, chasing after eye bats, and measuring a Spambot resembling guymonty.

"Fascinating, and what did you say your name was?" Jjs asked.

"Guymonty...Sr!" Guymonty Sr. said.

"But something was still biting at me. I figured the weirdness was leaking in from another dimension of some sort, a punched hole at a weak spot in our dimension. I decided to build this gateway portal between worlds, but with some help of course. I requested help from my old college buddy Old Man Jenkins, who was at a garage in Hawaii wasting his time with personal computers, and weird mobile pad things for some reason. With his genius, we began construction." Jjs narrated, showing OMJ and Jjs working on the portal.

They did some tests, as one night, a young Patty Sponge and his mother are seen walking by and see a bunch of blue lights emitting from the shack.

"GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!" his mother yelled, as Patty began making a run for it with her.

"Eventually, we were finally ready to test the portal. But then, it all went wrong..." Jjs was saying.

"WHEN FIRE RATION ATTACKED!" SOF interrupted.

"What, no! Anyways, something went wrong..." Jjs narrated, as he, OMJ and a test dummy were seen behind a safety line in front of the glowing portal. OMJ was holding onto the test dummy, as he let it go. 

"One small step for man...and AAAHHH!!!" OMJ yelled, as he was dragged along with the test dummy into the portal, as Jjs was able to hold him back. 

OMJ then came back, as he fell to the ground, with his eyes widened. Jjs checked to see if he was okay.

"SZBWVM HSVOOWVI! When SBC Falls and Earth become sky, fear the beast in the shell!" OMJ rambled like a maniac.

"OMJ, get it together, you're not making any sense! What did you see?!" Jjs asked.

"I don't know about you braddah, but we've just unleashed something deadly on the world. Shut this thing down mang, before it destroys us all (DESTROY US ALL! DESTROY US ALL!-). Find another assistant, I'm throwing in the towel! I quit!" OMJ said, as he left.

"Fine! I don't need you! I'll do it on my own!" Jjs said, as he heard strange whispers. "I feared I was slowly losing my sanity. There was only one other person I could trust..."

"Meanwhile, your Gruncle ssj was living in paradise..." ssj narrated, as he is seen in a run-down apartment room, when someone knocks on the door. He then grabs a baseball bat.

"GIVE ME A FEW MORE DAYS ENRIQUE, I PROMISE I'LL PAY YOUR GOONS BACK!" ssj said scared, when he looked to see a postcard was mailed in. He looked out to see the mailman walking away.

He then looked at it, showing a picture of SBC Falls and a "HELP!" from Jjs.

"I made my way to SBC Falls in Oregon, one of the only states I wasn't banned from, surprisingly." ssj narrated, as he is seen walking through snow and made his way to the shack. "Okay, it's been over ten years since you last saw your brother. I'm sure he'll give me a nice, warm, welcom-"

Jjs then opened the door, holding a bow and arrow at ssj's face.

"HAVE YOU COME TO STEAL MY TONGUE?!" Jjs asked.

"I can always count on you for a warm welcome. -.-" ssj replied.

"Good, you came. Ssj, were you followed?" Jjs asked, quickly closing the door, as he examined ssj's eyes with a small light.

"What's going on? You're acting like mom after her tenth cup of coffee. " ssj asked.  

"I had to make sure you weren't....eh, never mind. I need to show you something, something you won't believe..." Jjs said.

"Trust me, I've been around the world and back, whatever it is, I'm sure I can understand." ssj said, and saw the portal downstairs. "Welp, there is nothing about this I understand.  "

"Ssj, I'm afraid I've made some mistakes that I cannot undo, but I trust you. Remember when you made that promise as a kid to sail around the world?" Jjs reminded.

"Yeah...?  " ssj asked, getting excited, as Jjs handed him Journal #1.

"I've hid my other two journals, and I'm leaving the last one to you. Go sail as far away from here as possible and bury this journal where NOBODY can find it," Jjs demanded.

"...That's it?! You finally decide to meet me again after so long, and it's to tell me to get as far away from you? -.-" ssj asked angrily.

"Ssj, you don't know what I've been up against!" Jjs said.

"No pal, YOU don't know what I've been up against! I've been to prison in three different countries, and had to chew my way out of a trunk! You think you've got problems, I've got a giant whopper of problems! -.- You want your stupid journal gone? Then so be it!" ssj snapped angrily, as he pulled out a lighter and was about to burn it.

"NO, DON'T!" Jjs yelled, as they began wrestling WWE style. 

Jjs then pushed ssj into a desk, as the red symbol on it branded its mark into ssj's shoulder, as he yelled.

"AAAAHH!!!" ssj yelled, as he did some Goku fighting moves, and the two kept fighting in a way that makes a DBZ fight look childish. However, as they kept fighting, they were powering up the portal accidentally, and ssj confronts jjs.

"Some brother you turned out to be...you care much about your dumb research than your brother! If you want your diary so badly, then TAKE IT!" ssj yelled, as he threw it into Jjs's arms, but it pushed him back over the safety line, as he began to float up into the portal. 

"SSJ, HELP!" Jjs yelled, as it was pulling him in, and ssj had a "oh my god what I have done" face.

"What do I do?! How do I turn it off?! " ssj asked, panicking.

"There's no time, take my journal! It has all the instructions! SSJ!" Jjs yelled, as he threw the book at ssj, and was sucked into the portal. 

It then shut off, as did all the machinery.

"WAIT, NO! I JUST GOT HIM BACK, I CAN'T LOSE HIM AGAIN!  " ssj said, trying to turn it back on, and no luck. He then shouted into the empty hole, "JJS!!!!!!".

"He was gone. I didn't know if he was dead or went off to some distant galaxy, but I knew his other two journals had the answers...wherever they were," ssj narrated, as he read the "CONTINUED IN JOURNAL #2" on the last page of Journal #1 (there, I made counting easier for you).

"I didn't get much sleep that night...or the night after...or the night after," ssj said, as flashbacks showed him mourning his brother in the secret room from "Funky Friday".

"With no job, friends, or family, I was officially at rock bottom. I ran out of food and decided to journey into this weird town." ssj narrated, as he is seen entering the Mornin' to Night store (from "The Ottering") surrounded by annoying teenagers outside. 

He buys a bag of bread and puts it on the counter, to see CDCB and CF.

"Will that be all?  " CF asked, as ssj pulled out of his pocket: a coin from another country, a paperclip, and belly button lint.

"Hey, I know that guy. Aren't you the man who owns that shack in the woods?" SG asked, as everyone in the store looked at him.

"I've heard strange stories about that old shack..." More said.

"Yeah, fam. Spooky and lit lights, weird experiments and all," Aquatic Nuggets said (jamming out with a cool afro).

"Do you give tours, Mr. Researcher?" CDCB asked.

"No, I really don't..." ssj was saying, when he looked at what he had in his hand. "Actually, as a matter of fact, I DO give tours, starting at 10, no no, 15 dollars a pop! " 

He then looked at everyone pulling out dollars, as his eyes turned into dollar signs.

"What did you say your name was?" SG asked.

"Ti....Justin, Justin Ssj4gogita4 the 4th!" ssj said, lying about his first name and taking jjs's real name.

Ssj then showed them to the shack.

"Step right up folks, here we've got some...nerd box," ssj said, showing a box with two rods shooting a small bolt between them. SG looked at it, and a spark hit her eye, causing the eyelid to fall down.

"I paid fifteen bucks for this?!  " SG asked, as everyone was not amused, and ssj had to make something up.

"Well, you better be glad you weren't a part of the last tour group...THEY NEVER MADE IT OUT OF ALIVE!" ssj taunted, showing a skeleton in vacation clothes, as they all laughed.

"Now that's funny! " SG said, even though she is permanently half-blind BUT ANYWAYS...

"And so, the Mystery Shack was born. I turned this old dump into what you see today, a house of junk to make some quick green stuff. The old me was dead, and I faked a car crash to prove it. By day, I was ssj4gogita4, man of mystery, but by night, I was downstairs in the basement, trying to find a way to save my brother. I lied to everyone, even your parents," ssj said, finishing his story.

"Oh man, Gruncle Ssj...I'm so sorry for doubting you, I wouldn't have believed you," CNF said, apologizing.

"It's okay kid, I don't know if I would've believed myself either..." ssj said.

On the security monitor, the agents are shown opening the hidden vending machine door, as the gang saw.

"uh ohz, I was so distructed by your tale i forgot about them..." SOF said.

"If only there was a way we could make them forget or something..." Cha said.

"Wait...forget, FORGET! I think I have a solution!" CNF said, pulling out the memory eraser from "Steelluminati" (lots of callbacks), and Jjs gasped.

"Excellent! I don't know how you got your hands on one of these, but this is perfect! If I can amplify this to a headset...here we go. EVERYONE, PLUG YOUR EARS!" Jjs yelled, as he set up the gun, as they all got down and plugged their ears.

"Sir, we've found a hidden entrance behind the vending machine," an agent reported to terminoob.

"Excellent, get me Washington on line 5. I've been practicing ways to dramatically report this to the boss," terminoob was saying, when they all heard a strange noise.

Out of the totem pole outside, the blast from the memory gun shot a wave in the area to the agents, causing them to accidentally close the door in the process. 

"Ugh...where am I? Why am I at some goofy knick-knack shack?" terminoob asked, completely confused, when Jjs appeared.

"Gentleman, stand down. The strange activity was actually radiation from an unreported meteor shower, a total embarrassment for your agency. Thankfully, I'm here to take this mess off your hands. I'll need everything on this case on whatever you contain it on...floppy disks, is it?" Jjs ordered, reading sketches of Kappa Mikey characters from Cha's notebook.

"Uhh...everything about this case is on this drive," terminoob said, handing him a flashdrive saying "ssj" on it.

"What are you waiting for, a kiss on the lips?! You all better get your butts out of here unless you want to tussle with the monkey in the cage!" Jjs demanded.

"Uhh...yes sir?" teenj confusingly saluted, as both of them whistled.

"Move out, gentleman," terminoob said, as the agents all left, and the two got into their car, as terminoob hit his head out of confusion.

The two then drove off, as Jjs fed the flash-drive to Thomas the Goat, who ran off with it. He goes back inside to see the gang.

"Thank you so much Gruncle Jjs! I have like two trillion questions to ask about this town," CNF was saying, getting a pen and paper.

"Nah ah, it's time you two went to bed, me and my bro have a lot to discuss," ssj said.

"Aww, Gruncle ssj-" CNF was saying.

"Go! >_>" ssj said, as CNF and Cha went to their room.

"okay, but it got a lot to tell aya, heh," SOF said, as he called Aya about the events.

Later that night, jjs and ssj look at themselves in a mirror.

"Ha, look at us two geezers, our parents would be proud. " ssj said.

"Wow, we sure have aged over the years. Listen ssj, you can stay here for the summer to watch the kids while I stay in the basement and clean up any damage. But after this summer's over, you give me my house back, my name back, and this Mystery Shack nonsense is over for good," Jjs demanded.

"You aren't going to thank me, are you? :/ Fine, on one condition: You stay away from the kids, since as far as I am concerned, they are the only family I have left," ssj said bitterly.

Cha is seen trying to listen to their conversation from inside their bedroom.

"I think they said they are going to get us cats made of ice cream...wishful thinking though," Cha said.

"I don't know about this anymore...I wanted to meet the author, but..." CNF was saying.

"Yeah, those two used to be best friends until they got all stupid. Promise me you won't get stupid?" Cha asked to CNF.

"Not anymore stupid than you, dum dum.   " CNF replied, as they laugh and go to sleep, but Cha lies awake, feeling uneasy.

In the end credits, SOF is telling Aya the story.

"so then dude named jjs came out of portal, but it turn out that jjs is ssj's brother in plot tweest, and that they swap rl names, but it turns out that ssj we know-" SOF was still rambling.

"SOF, IT'S 3 AM!" Aya yelled angrily, who barely slept.

"OH BOY, 3 AM!" SOF replied, as he hung up and when to get his 3 am Krabby Patty.

Cryptogram (Atbash): HHQ ZMW QQH: YILGSVIH RM ZINH

Edited March 11, 2016 by jjsthekid

[Metal Snake]

Awesome episode. SOF was great with the "FIRE RATION ATTACKED" line and him explaining the story to Aya.

[fortnitefan12]

I liked how you referenced Master Hand.

[Minty Car]

33. Dungeons, Dungeons, More Dungeons, and Yet More Dungeons

Our story opens to our heroes not running for their lives or solving some random/bizarre mystery for once, with Cha just resting on the floor, CNF reading the journal, and Grunkle Ssj not looking for reasons to ban someone.

“What a wonderful lazy day…” He said aloud.

Suddenly, Great Uncle Jjs ran into the room, being attacked by an Octopus-like creature with several eyes and bearing an odd resemblance to Donald Trump.

“Don’t let the CyTupus touch you!” Jjs warned.

“… I spoke too soon…” Grunkle Ssj spoke as he swatted at the beast with a newspaper. “Out of the shackbox! OUT!”

CNF is just kinda staring in admiring fashion when Jjs finally subdues the creature and is about to hide away once more in the basement.

“Wait, can I help you Great Uncle Jjs?” CNF asked. 

“No way!” Jjs responded somewhat harshly. “This journey I’m on, this bizarre depressing journey, must be taken by me and me solely. Anyhow see you at dinner.” Jjs then went behind the vending machine and conducted research that made lots of flashing lights, depressing CNF that he could not join in.

“Don’t feel too bad CNF.” Cha said. “Great Uncle Jjs will let you in the basement someday soon I’m sure.”

“No, he won’t!” Grunkle Ssj said. “My brother is a class A loon, and you don’t want to get mixed up with him anymore then you already are, take my word on that one!”

CNF sighed. “But Grunkle Ssj, I’ve wanted to meet the author of these journals all summer, and now he’s in our basement and I still can’t talk to the guy.  “

“Eh you’ll get over it!  ” Grunkle Ssj said, as he patted him on the back.  “You belong up in the real world with me and Cha anyhow!”

“Yeah! And you can still catch Dog-Tective’s season finale on Friday with us!” Cha said excitedly as she and Ssj began to bark like a dog. “Bark with us CNF!” 

But CNF had already moped off to his room.

(Theme Plays)

About a day or so later, Cha is writing a letter to their parents explaining the events of the summer.

“Dear Mom and Dad, We’ve been in SBC Falls for only a few months now, but so much has happened! Just yesterday, gravity reversed and almost destroyed the whole town!”

The scene then cuts to a TV where Mayor Crushing has authorized the wrecking crew to tear down a half broken tree, but it misses and hits the radio tower instead, cutting off the TV signal.

“Let us, bring in a new age of nat-“

“But the best part was when Grunkle Ssj’s twin brother came out of this portal in the wall! Now we have two grunkles!” Cha is then adding detail to drawings of the two grunkles when CNF runs into the room which a box.

“Guess what I found at the store today!” CNF excitedly said.

“Dogs!?” Cha exclaimed. “No wait, dogs with hats! Yes, dogs with hats!”

“Nope. It’s my favorite fantasy styled role playing board game ever! Dungeons, Dungeons, More Dungeons and Yet More Dungeons!” CNF said showing a box that had a great wizard, a maniac along with several other grunts of sorts that would appear in the game.

“Hmmm, well that cute lookin’ maniac steals my eyes plus unicorns. Alright, explain it to me!” Cha said enthusiastically.

CNF then pulled out a thick book of rules and as he explained in technical details too complex for most, Cha’s excited grin faded into droopy frown.

“Can I ride the mani- unicorn already? ” Cha asked.

“Sure!” CNF said. “First, we just need graph paper-”

Cha then shrieked mildly and repulsed back before regaining her composure. “I go on summer vacation to escape homework, not do it for fun!”

“Ah come on Cha, I need two players to play!” CNF said rather desperately. 

Cha is saved by the rather timely arrival of SOF. “Say what you dong, CNF?” SOF asked.

“Well me and Cha wer-“ CNF then realized Cha had left silently. “SOF, you, me and some D&D&MoreD&Yet More D?”

“is that some kind of club or something?” SOF asked. “I’m not into tht?”

“No SOF. It’s Dungeons, Dungeons, More Dungeons and Yet More Dungeons!” CNF replied.

“Uhhh, no thanks. I’m gunna go…. Act real life. Bye!” SOF then hurried off to the disappointment of CNF. Again. Well before Grunkle Ssj walked in.

“Don’t even ask me about your game kid. Too nerdy for me.  " (And that was the end of that) 

CNF then tries to play it with Thomas, but Thomas is a goat, and kids playing board games with a goat rarely ends well. A frustrated CNF begins to grunt sexual things about Aya to himself before noticing that his die had fallen down the hole that led directly to the basement.

CNF went to retrieve the die, falling into the basement in the process to witness Jjs fooling around with propane tanks.

“CNF! I know it’s not dinner time, so what are you doing down here?” Jjs asked, confronting him.

“Err I dropped m-“ a flustered CNF tried to explain before Jjs interrupted him.

“Is that an 18 sided die with 7 different reflective colors???” Jjs asked, as CNF nodded back. 

“Oh my! I used to play D&D&MoreD&YetMoreD during all those great days! I tell you what, let’s play, my boy!  ” Jjs replied cheerfully, putting aside his research. 

CNF then set up the board, excited someone actually wanted to play with him.

“Oh my, the Great Wizard, looks a bit different from my day, now doesn’t he?” Jjs remarks to CNF.

“Yeah, they had a redesign period or two while you were gone. It was dangerously bad.” CNF snickered.

“Not as dangerous… as this!” Jjs then revealed a darkly green flashing die similar in shape to the typical die.

“Woah, what does it do uncle Jjs?” CNF asked. 

“It’s an infinite die, although I usually refer to it as Michelangelo due to the TMNT-like color.  Anyhow, you can truly roll anything on this. You could open a hole to the 73rd dimension, bring the ninja turtles to life, or you could spin bankrupt or just roll a 1. It’s so dangerous I’m putting it in this deceptive looking cheap piece of plastic that actually isn’t safe at all.” Jjs explained, as CNF was awed. “Now, let’s play!”

The two then go through a montage of various play-throughs of the game, along with different versions, including the controversial Brozu edition that was banned due to “too much swag” (along with overpowered dancing beasts that had no weakness, but that gets forgotten ) before dinnertime. CNF talks about strategy for the game all through dinner and even late into the night, awakening Cha.

“And if I summoned an ask grunt there, or some maniacs here and there…”

“CNF, do you plan on getting to bed anytime soon? You've talked dorkitude all night with Jjs.” Cha asked.

“Sorry Cha, I gotta finish this tonight! I'll surprise Jjs tomorrow!” CNF said enthusiastically. “I never realized how cool the author really could be!”

“You really have spent a lot of time with him lately…” Cha said.

“Yeah, and he doesn't make fun of my nerdiness like you and Grunkle Ssj.” CNF said. Cha said nothing back, as she realized she had been had.

Friday came and NegiSponge came to the door, seeing Cha and Grunkle Ssj decked out in Dog-tective gear.

“Thanks for coming to watch Dog-Tective with us Negi!” Cha said.

“Of course I wouldn’t miss this for the world! I'm so invested in the mystery!” Negi replied.

Their excitement was ruined by the sight of Jjs and CNF covering the room with graph paper and the board. Negi and Cha took their anger out on the poor graph paper:

  

“We’re gonna set the all night record CNF!” Jjs said in rather comically bad timing.  

"Hey nerdtastic brother, get your toys out of here. It’s Dog-Tective time! So scram or you're banned! -.-” Ssj demanded.

“Oh no brother, your not ruining my time here anymore. ” Jjs said flatly. “Not after these last 30 years!”

Ssj's face grew red in anger. “Why you! I’ll take my anger out on this cheap plastic box!”

Neither CNF or Jjs were fast enough to stop Ssj in time from accidentally rolling Michelangelo. Suddenly, the D&D&MoreD&YetMoreD box lit up and out popped the “star” of the box…

“It is I, the Great Wizard! Along with my companion The Hot Maniac, we are here to suck the intelligence out of your brain!”

He then spoke in a Peter Griffin voice to summon a Griffin, which took Jjs and CNF off into the forest while the other three just watched stunned, before Ssj spoke.

“Well that solve our Dog-tective problem, even though I didn’t get to ban them.  " ssj said.

Cha looked back at Ssj disappointingly.

“Grunkle Ssj, we can’t just leave them out there! I’m going to save them whether you want to or not! ” Cha said, as she also grabbed Guano and left. Negi wasn’t too far behind, as she also followed.

“Hold on, let's see how much nerd he can suck out of their brains. Gah, fine...I'm going to regret this.  Cha, wait!” Ssj said as he ran after them.

CNF and Jjs are cowering in fear as the Hot Maniac is stroking their faces.

“Hot Maniac, I get first SUCC always!” the Great Wizard shouted. “You know better!”

Hot Maniac laid his head in shame.

“Now, time for the first SUCC!” Great Wizard said again evilly. 

“Not so fast, Great Nerd!” Ssj shouted. “Let our friends go!”

“How on Earth did you get past my one guard!” The Great Wizard shouted.

“Lets just say we played our own spell on him.  ” Ssj said.  

The scene then shifts to the forest grunt, a Mikey looking troll, pounding his head in frustration at Guano. 

“No, how much wood does a woodpecker chuck chuck, not Guano!” 

“Guano Guano!”

The scene shifts back to an angry looking Great Wizard. “No matter, you cannot beat me at D&D&More &YetMoreD!” He said. “Unless you beat me, you're friends minds are mine!”

Suddenly CNF and Jjs are turned into sockish elves, and face off against more Mikey trolls. Cha and Ssj are just blank faced at what to do next.

“Oh God, what do we do!?” they panicked in unison.

CNF looks back and them and says, “Look, as mathematical as this stuff is, the thing is – ” CNF stops to dodge an attack, as Jjs continues for him.

 “- It’s also about imagination! Yes, there's math involved, but a lot of it is also just getting lucky and making moves up!”

“Imagination!  ” Cha grinned. 

“Luck!  ” Ssj licked his lips. “Hey, we can beat this nerd if we work together Cha!”

They then fistbumped and started making stuff up such as a Lily demand which distracted the Mikey’s enough to slay them other heart. This sort of thing occurred several times over and just as it seemed to be over…

“OH NO!” CNF and Jjs screamed, as Great Wizard summoned a powerful creature. “It’s the banned hilaryfan80 Jr!!!!”

“But there can only be one hilaryfan80!” Cha screamed.

"I'm playing the controversial 1991-1992 edition, mwa ha ha!" Great Wizard bragged.

“Yes, people ostracized hilaryfan80 Jr. to the point where he was removed from the game entirely.” Jjs said. “More importantly, he’s greatly overpowered.”

“Well what’s the weakness?” Ssj asked. “No, that’s the thing! You can only defeat it by rolling a sweet 16! It’s near impossible!” Jjs said despairingly.

The Great Wizard, now having taken the form of a K-Pop star to taunt the heroes, laughs in the background. “Brain SUCC time is near!” 

Ssj then took the die out of the hand of Cha. “Not if I have anything to say about it.” Ssj then rolls the die and the forest is silent as it rolls face up on 16, about to roll past… before rolling back on 16!

“NOOOO! IMPOSSIBLE!” the Great Wizard screams as he and his minions are sucked back into the game board and CNF and Jjs become humans again.

“What an incredibly fortuitous roll, brother!” Jjs said to Ssj.

Ssj then picks up the die to reveal glue on the back of the opposite side of 16, but we’ll ignore it because we love our heroes. “More than luck.  ”

Later that night, after being thoroughly disappointed by the Dog-tective twist that the killer was Dog-tective's twin second cousin removed, CNF walks into the basement to see Jjs once more hard at work on forum events his research.

“Alright Great Uncle Jjs, I wanna know what your working on down here all the time.” CNF asked. “Since it was your orb that got us in that mess today...”

Jjs then pulled out a snow globe with a warped hole of space and time.

“Well, I've been down here containing any damage. Ssj saved me, but as I feared, there was a consequence. This is an inter-dimensional rift glitch that spawned from the portal, it is highly unstable, but I have it kept it safe here. However, whatever you do, you cannot tell anyone, not even you sister, about this…” Jjs said sternly.

"Yes, Great Uncle Jjs! I promise!" CNF said back in agreement, as he went off to bed.

"What a good kid," Jjs replied, as he put the rift glitch in a shelf, closing it.

Cryptogram (Caesar): WKH JUHDW ZLCDUG LV QRW VR JUHDW QRZ

Edited May 7, 2016 by jjsthekid

[Metal Snake]

Nice episode. I liked the gif you used for the scene of Negi and Cha taking out their frustration on the graph paper and The Great Wizard's ultimate monster being hilaryfan80 Jr..

[SpongeOddFan]

34. Make SBC Falls Great Again!

Edited by: Metal Snake

This episode opens up with ssj painfully waking up and putting on his slippers, only to find that they’re soggy and filled with milk, much to his dismay. He sees a note attached to them that reads…

“Dear ssj, I needed something to carry milk in, so I used your slippers. Love Cha.  ”

Ssj shuddered and walked to the kitchen. He tried to switch the light on, but the light bulb exploded. Ssj went to get a new light bulb from the light bulb box, however, he found the light bulb box gone, and in its place, a note from CNF that reads...

“Dear ssj, I took these to build something that SOF wants for his weird invention, sorry. Love CNF.”

Ssj is then seen at the store, waiting in line while Ex and his buddies were behind him.

“Whoa, let’s not take this long line, there’s an old geezer that’ll be waiting forever.” Dr. Sex said.

“Pff, I’m guessing he’s waiting to pay with his fake money because he’s so cheap.” Ex joked.

“Hey! -.- For your information, I just shoplifted this light bulb pac-“ ssj was saying, before he was interrupted by the cashier telling the mall cops to tackle him. ssj quickly threw a smoke bomb, but it had no effect as it turned out to just be a rubber toy ball. A pissed off ssj just ran for it before the cops arrived.

Back home, ssj was prepared to replace the broken light bulb, only to be surprised to see his brother, Jjs, finishing replacing the broken one when he entered the kitchen. (how lucky he is ). 

“And it’s done…” jjs said, turning the brand new light bulb on.

“See this? This is a hero in action right here!  ” Cha exclaimed. 

“I thought we ran out of lightbulbs?  ” Ssj asked.

“Oh, we did, so I decided to invent a new one, one that will last forever and make your skin softer. Anyways, where were you?” Jjs replied.

"wow, it so soft..." SOF said.

Angrily, Ssj threw the box of new light bulbs into the trash, and then went to the TV room to turn on the television. 

“Well TV, at least you’ll give me good news, right?” ssj said, lounging in his chair. 

“No, you’re wrong, this is bad news. Mayor crushingmayhem is dead.” Jelly reported on the news.

A startled CNF and Cha overheard the news, and went to see what was going on.

“Whoa, CM is dead? I hope this doesn’t spiral into the summer of death in SBC Falls.” CNF said. 

“Crushingmayhem is best known for raising the water tower, possibly starting the Spanish-American War, and putting ACS in actual adult prison for damaging the town. A memorial statue is being carved in his honor.” Jelly stated, as she started to cry. “I’m sorry, it’s just… *sniff* ...we haven’t had real news to report in a while.” 

“There’s gonna be a town hall meeting later today to discuss the election of a new mayor.” Jelly’s co-host announced.

“New mayor, huh? I wonder who it’s going to be…heh heh... ” ssj laughed to himself, getting an idea...

(Theme Plays)

At the SBC Falls town hall... 

“Alright fam, order! Calm down fools! We’re gonna decide who’s gonna run for mayor in SBC Falls. According to the town charter...” Nuggets said as he opened up an old scroll. 

"Anyone who’s worthy enough to be a mayor, throw your hat into this hoop.” Officer Nuggets said, as Officer Dylan laid a hoop down on the floor.

TheGrandMaster threw his hat into the hoop. 

“If I may…” TheGrandMaster said as he got up to the podium to speak. “Now everyone, I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes in the past, but I can still do a lot for this town if I become mayor.”

“TheGrandMaster running for mayor? Something doesn’t feel right here... ” Cha said.  

“He’s got to be up to something…” CNF said. “If only Jjs was here, he’d make SBC great again as a mayor.”

“Rrggh… >_> ” ssj grunted.

“Idk man, having GrandMaster as mayor might not be so bad. there not many good options either, since a lot of SBC Falls forks are fairly strange, except for Fairly Strange Fa, ironically.” SOF replied. 

“Hi, I’m Fairly Strange Fa, the most normal member in SBC Falls! ” Fairly Strange Fa greeted. 

“Loving you, Fa! ” Cha said. 

“Now, seeing as there are no other competitors, if I may start the oath-” TheGrandMaster said before he paused.

Ssj’s fez was thrown in the hoop, as everyone gasped. 

“Not so fast, I’m taking you on. ” Ssj said.  

“No offense, ssj, but your face is just a load of trolls. xD” TheGrandMaster taunted.

“Well yeah, your face is uh…trollface.” Ssj snapped. Everyone gasped. 

“Oh snap.” Fairly Strange Fa said, surprised. 

“What do you say, everyone?” Ssj said to the audience. “We can’t let this jerk just win by default. Let’s have a real election!  ”

“Get in there, chap cap.” Patty said, as he throws his cap into the hoop. 

“So I see we got some competition, which is fine by me, folks, totally fine. As for you...” TheGrandMaster said, as he pulled ssj’s shirt. “You just made a big mistake against me and Team Rage.”

"I'm so scared." ssj taunted.

GrandMaster then began to walk out of the town hall.

“I’ll win for sure, you’ll see.” he warned, punching The Mystery Shack on the map. This caused Cha & CNF to become more concerned than ever. Knowing they could not allow the suspicious and shady GrandMaster to win, CNF & Cha agreed upon helping their uncle win the election.

...How hard could it be?

Back at the shack, Aya is decorating Guano for the campaign, as the purple dog-like pig yelped for help, poor guy. CNF, Cha, and ssj were also at the campaign getting ready.

“Alright, listen up, the election is divided into two different sides, one side is on the west, while the other side is on the east. I’m hoping we’ll do great.” CNF said.

“Ready for your radio interview, Grunkle Ssj?!” Cha exclaimed, handing ssj a ringing phone.

“You ever see my mouth take a break?” ssj replied, picking up the phone. 

“You’re on with the interviewer now, good luck!” Cha told him. 

On the other line, More, the interviewer, began to ask Grunkle Ssj questions.

“You’re listening to radio SBC, first question Mr. Ssj, how do you feel about the American flag?” More asked. 

“Eh, it could use some improvement. You could start by adding some more stars, and then put a hilarious face of Mr. Not So Face on it.” Ssj answered. 

“What would you do to help improve the education system?” More asked. 

“Oh, that’s easy, teach kids how to cuss a lot so that their parents can then teach them a lesson they’ll never forget.” Ssj answered.

Overhearing Ssj’s controversial responses, Cha and CNF became nervous. 

“What are you going to do about crime in SBC Falls?” More asked. 

“Crime in SBC Falls? Well, I could have a wall built to prevent terroris-“ ssj was saying, but the line got cut off when CNF severed it with a pair of scissors.

“Well, that’s too bad…Someone, what’s the damage?” CNF asked. 

“Well, no one liked it, as you can see by both the east and west side of SBC Falls going into chaos with a universally negative reaction.” Someone replied, showing the graph chart, which had gone down massively. 

“You're meme-ing fast, and they aren't good, bruh.” Aya said, pointing to a picture on her phone that reads, “Ssj is unfair, saying things even Trump wouldn’t dare”.

“Maybe we can give you some advice.” CNF suggested. 

“No thanks kid, I can do this all on my own.” Ssj replied, declining. “My mind gives me something to say, and I say it. I’m going to win this thing by following what my mind tells me to do. ” 

This got worried looks from CNF and Cha.

In Jjs’ room...

“And to top it all off, he’s speaking like Donald Trump... there’s got to be a way to fix this.” CNF explained to Jjs.

“Hmm...I have something that could help you out.” Jjs said, showing him a switch and two ties, one striped, and the other black. “This striped mind control tie will allow you to give commands to any person who wears it. Just get your uncle to wear it, and you’ll be able to get him to say and do whatever you want him to, so long as you’re wearing the black tie.” 

“Thanks, Great Uncle Jjs.” CNF thanked him as he took the switch and ties and put the black one on. 

At the next campaign speech...

“Education, get it, bring Undertale to the world, get it, and everything else? Get it.” Patty said.

We see Cha and CNF help Grunkle Ssj put on the striped mind control tie that Jjs gave CNF. When it was time for the speech, ssj and the other candidates went up to their respective podiums. 

“Ok, only jump in whenever he talks Trump-ish.” CNF said to Cha, who was holding the switch.

“Hi there!” Ssj greeted the crowd. “Are you folks getting tired of taxes? Because I can tell the ladies here tonight are!”

“...Hit the switch.” CNF said in a deadpan tone and Cha obeyed. 

“What I meant to say was, you girls are looking fancy tonight!” Ssj exclaimed, being controlled. “I can tell you worked to get your hair like that, woman!”

This pleased the women in the audience and got some people to clap for him. 

“America, I’ve always wanted to bring new things to start something making SBC Falls great again. I believe in this nation and I believe in you. Thank you.” Ssj said, leaving to the backstage as many people in the crowd cheered for him.

“Ssj, that was amazing.  ” Cha said happily.  

“how do you do that, ssj? You must’ve have postivite attitube.” SOF said. 

“I don’t know…it must’ve been my mind just spilling it out of nowhere, but whatever.” Ssj replied as he then heard the crowd. “Wait...why are people cheering? ” 

“Ssj, it’s an applause, they love you!” Cha replied.

As everyone cheered for ssj, More asked them to take a picture for the front page of the newspaper.

“MAKE SBC Falls GREAT AGAIN!” they all said in unison.

As the picture is taken, a montage is shown with Ssj going to different rallies and speaking eloquently with the help of Cha and CNF. At each rally, the crowd applauded him. The scene then cuts to TheGrandMaster slamming a newspaper with ssj and the kids on the front page down on his desk in anger. Worriedly, he goes to his “campaign manager’s” room...

“I’m sorry, but it looks like we have a minor problem.” TheGrandMaster said to his “campaign manager”.

“Is that so?” the “campaign manager” replied angrily, revealed to be ACS on a TV screen, recording live from his prison cell.

“Please hear me out, I’ve been trying my bes-“ TheGrandMaster was saying.

 “NO! You hear me out, Grandy!” ACS demanded. “I need you to win this election and free me from prison! You think this has been a “minor problem” for me?!”

“But you don’t understand, ssj has been pretty damn good with his speeches, unusually pretty damn good. Kinda like...magic.” TheGrandMaster said. 

“Magic, you say…?” ACS replied, getting an idea as he took a piece of paper out. “Looks I finally found the right moment to use this spell that I’ve been saving for a long time.”

“Now wait a second here boy, I thought we talked about using no more of that nonsense.” TheGrandMaster said angrily.

“Nonsense?” ACS replied with a sinister smile on his face. “I’m not using nonsense here, I’m simply using my head. Or should I say...your head.” 

ACS then chanted the spell, which allowed him to gain control of TheGrandMaster’s mind...

Meanwhile, at The Greasy Spoon... 

Ssj arrived, wearing a new outfit of fancy clothes (geez, where did he get those?). He sat at a table with Cha & CNF, who took note of his new attire that lacked a certain mind control tie...

“Here ya go, ssj, it’s on the house.” Lazy SG said, serving a stack of pancakes to ssj.

“Ha ha, now this is more like it.” Ssj said, beginning to chow on a pancake.

“Where’s your lucky tie?” Cha asked.

“Special tie, gotta wear it.” CNF added.

“Oh please,” replied ssj, “have you seen the polls? I got this election in the bag! I could debate with a bag over my head and people would know that this is the face of the man who’s gonna win! ...Wait a minute…”

“Ha ha ha…” Cha laughed. “We’re being serious, we really do need you to wear the suit and tie…” 

“As long as you got the suit and tie, gotta wear it.” CNF added. 

“Gah, why do you kids always tell me what to do?! -.-” Ssj exclaimed, beginning to get angry. “What makes that tie so special? In case you haven’t noticed it, the poll went up, and I’m already in the lead. I’m finally getting some serious respect, and you two should respect me more seriously too.”

“Ssj, we respect you very seriously, it’s not like we’re pulling a prank on you or anything.” CNF replied. “We’re just trying to give you advice. 

“Well, your advice is very dumb.  ” Ssj said angrily. 

“What?!” CNF yelled. “Dumb?! Dang it, ssj! The only reason you’ve been doing so good is because of this mind-controlling tie Jjs gave us!”

CNF revealed what was inside the black mind-controlling tie, peeling back the front layer and showing the circuitry to ssj. 

“What the…” Ssj said, astonished.

“In every one of those speeches, it was us controlling you!” CNF continued. 

Ssj then became more angry than ever.   

“Well, you can tell that know-it-all Jjs that I don’t need his stupid tie to help me!” Ssj shouted. “I can do it myself! Without any of you! ”

Ssj then stormed off. 

“Well, we can’t help him now.” Cha said. “The only thing we can do now is get a new candidate. Somebody easily impressionable, a piece of silly putty we can stretch and mold into a vessel for all our thoughts. But who?”

Just then, SOF burst into the diner wearing a fake beard. 

“guys, I just got fake beard and idk where I got it from and- why are you guys looking at me creepily?” SOF said, worried as he saw the twins’ smug, smiling faces. 

At the debate, the three candidates arrived at their respective podiums, with Jelly moderating the table and Manly Clappy preparing to ask them questions.

“Welcome to the final debate, where our three most popular candidates will quarrel for the gold!” Jelly introduced. 

“Well hello there, ssj, long time no see, heh heh.” TheGrandMaster said.

“Long time?” ssj replied. “Pfft, ya getting senile, old man?”

“Oh wait, this just in amigos, another candidate has just arrived to join the debate.” Jelly said, as SOF walked up the stage.

Ssj is pissed off to see SOF join, seeing Cha & CNF behind the curtains controlling him.

“Ggrrr…” he grunted. “Those traitors…”

“According to the old SBC Falls tradition,” explained Jelly, “members of the audience will throw bird seed towards the candidate they like, and whoever has the most bird seeds before the debate ends wins, so let the debate begin.” Jelly said, ringing the bell.

‘First question, how are you gonna deal with Texas-I mean taxes?” Manly Clappy asked, reading a question card.

“That’s easy, we’ll lower them by going to war with SBM! Heh heh, of course, my site is sure to survive and prosper... MAKE SBC FALLS GREAT AGAIN!” ssj said, as everyone groaned and booed.

“If we can make something cheap, let’s say no to taxes and replace them with kittens!” SOF exclaimed, as the crowd scratched their heads in confusion.   

“What- that doesn’t make any sense Cha!” a frustrated CNF said.  

“You don’t make sense, CNF!” Cha retorted as the two began fighting, not realizing that SOF was repeating everything they were saying because of the tie. 

“Fellas, can’t you see what’s going on here? These politicians are offering nothing but empty promises, while I could empty your worries with my tax free song!” TheGrandMaster said, and began singing a song that pleased the crowd tremendously. Thus, a lot of bird seed was thrown his way. 

“And now, for a quick intermission!” Jelly announced.

At the backstage, CNF & Cha were pondering how TheGrandMaster was doing so well…and they soon got their answer when he approached them with a TV screen attached to his chest that turned on to reveal ACS, who had been controlling TheGrandMaster the whole time.

“Dang it ACS, you’re the one who’s been behind all this!” CNF shouted.

“And you were behind ssj’s success. Not bad, evildoers! I see you’ve taken a step up from being cyberbullies! But that doesn’t matter now! Once I win this election, you two will be losing the shack to me!” ACS laughed. “Get them, Grand!”.

ACS controlled Grand to take CNF & Cha to an elevator at the mountain range where Mayor Crushing’s memorial statue was being built. Riding it up to the top floor, he tied them to a chair, and tied the end of the rope to a box of fireworks that laid by their feet.

“They’re planning to finish the construction for this statue with a bang, as you can see…” ACS explained sinisterly. “Once I win the election, they’ll activate the fireworks, causing the concrete to pour and trapping you inside! Mwa ha ha!”

He then left them there, laughing as he returned to the stage for the rest of the debate, while it could be seen that ssj was not doing well...

“So the Statue of Liberty’s got a pretty rocking chest...” Ssj said nervously as everyone booed him. “...That she can use to keep everyone in SBC Falls safe!” 

Seeing the booing being unabated, Ssj sighed in defeat, not noticing that behind him, CNF and Cha were trying to escape their impending doom by shaking the chair away from the blast range of the fireworks, moving it away from where the concrete would fall.

“Those kids were right all along, I should’ve listened to them… ” ssj told himself. 

Suddenly, CNF & Cha were about to fall off the mountain, having accidentally moved the chair too far towards the opening. They were now only hanging by the rope that bound them to the heavy box of fireworks. 

“HELP!” Cha screamed. “Please, help us!” 

“What the-” Ssj said, turning to look, having heard Cha’s cry. “KIDS! ”  

The rope that bound the twins was starting to snap as well... 

“We’re tied to a box of fireworks!” CNF yelled. “And the rope is about to break!”

This caught the attention of the audience too, who gasped and was worried. 

“Listen everyone, this debate’s on an indefinite hold!” Ssj shouted. “I have to save my kids!”

Ssj then tore his shirt to be like a wrestler guy (or like one of his favorite Dragon Ball Z characters, if you prefer). He rushed towards the mountain and climbed to the top of the range to save Cha and CNF. He grabbed the part of the rope that was holding both of them just before it snapped and pulled the twins up to safety. The crowd went wild for Ssj, and began throwing massive amounts of bird seed towards his podium to show their admiration for his heroism. Of course, this didn’t sit well with TheGrandMaster... 

“NO!” TheGrandMaster yelled, still under ACS’ control. “This ain’t over yet!” 

He then pulled a detonator out of his pocket and pressed the button on it to blow up some TNT that he had concealed in the mountain. Feeling the ground shake and watching rocks begin to fall, Ssj and the twins knew they had to get out as soon as possible. So with the twins in hand, Ssj began to leap down the mountain from rock to rock. Landing on the ground, they had made it out of the range of the explosion, which blew up the memorial as an eagle swooped down and kissed ssj’s fez. (...Weird. O_o)

“Listen kids, I’m sorry I was such a jerk to you.” Ssj apologized to Cha and CNF. 

“It’s okay, ssj, we shouldn’t have put you under our control like that, even if it meant you may have lost.” Cha said.

“Very likely would’ve lost.” CNF chimed in.

“That’s fine, kids...” replied Ssj, returning to his podium and seeing all of the bird seed by it. “Because it looks like the winner is…”

“Not Ssj.” Jelly announced on the news next day, as the election results showed that ssj had been disqualified.

“What?!” CNF, Cha and ssj all said in unison.

“Although Ssj won the election by a landslide,” explained Jelly, “not only was he found to have an extensive internet criminal record, including staging a war between SBC and SBM, it appears that he and no other candidate filled out their paperwork...aside from Patty Sponge. By default, he has been elected the new town mayor.” Jelly revealed, showing a footage of Patty getting the mayor stash on it. 

“Got it, chaps.” Patty said in delight.

“We’ll be dedicating the remainder of this broadcast to list Ssj’s crimes.” Jelly continued. “Slander. Bribery of staff members. Smuggling. Thu-thuggling?! Overmasturba-”  

Ssj quickly turned the TV off. 

“Well, at least you saved us.” CNF said. 

“And I made this, even though it’s not official.” Cha said, giving ssj her homemade stash.

Ssj smiled.

“Come on kids, let’s celebrate.” ssj told them happily, as CNF and Cha cheered, running off with ssj.

Meanwhile... 

A bemused ACS was in his dank and dark prison cell, using chalk to draw a strange symbol with a picture of Hayden Shellder on the wall...

“Soon, I’ll bring him back, and when he comes, I’ll be ready to make a deal...” ACS said ominously as the episode ended.

Cryptogram (A1Z26): 20-8-9-19 3-8-1-16-20-5-18 8-1-19 20-8-5 4-15-14-1-12-4 20-18-21-13-16 19-5-1-12 15-6 1-16-16-18-15-22-1-12