Wumbo Ranks Billboard Year-End Hot 100 Charts! (Ahhh, the deed is done.)

[Clappy]

Only thoughts I really want are on “Gotham City”.  Otherwise, good stuff as always my man.  I feel redundant saying the same thing over and over, but the sincerity is always implied because they are just a joy to read whenever I see them.

[Wumbo]

"Tubthumping": Just couldn't make it for the second year. Honestly it's a great song, but it's been so thoroughly assimilated into culture that a song like this loses its impact a little. Still awesome though.

"Everyday is a Winding Road": Sheryl Crow's self-titled album is like the gold standard for adult alternative female singers in the 90's. I love every song on that album.

"Bitch": It's fine enough, I guess. Nice little angsty song.

"Barbie Girl": I don't care if this song is being sarcastic or ironic or whatever, the fact is it's still annoying as hell and honestly not a great representation of Aqua otherwise.

Elton John: I've never been as huge of an Elton John fan as I should be, and a double single featuring two soft-tempo ballad-y songs won't do much to change that.

Space Jam stuff: Okay, can I just say that Space Jam is a terrible movie? Can I? Because it is. It's really bad. That said, the songs range from interesting (Seal) to decent (R. Kelly) to predictably forgettable (Monica). "Space Jam" by Quad City DJ's or "Hit 'Em High" would have smoked any of these, though.

"The Jock Jam": Eh, at least with this medley you know what you're getting straight away. That doesn't make it any less tedious or pointless, though.

Cranberries: Just not the most interesting songs they've released. How unfortunate the timing for this list has become indeed, though. RIP Dolores, "Linger" is still an all-time fave of the decade.

"If It Makes You Happy": This song I kinda wanted to make my Top 10 this year but it just couldn't get there. I still love it to pieces, though, and like I said, the full album is wonderful.

"Mo Money Mo Problems": One of the best beats I've ever heard on a Puffy track. Honestly, this song and video do a lot more service to pay tribute to Biggie than "I'll Be Missing You" does, IMO.

"Return of the Mack": I'm not sure if I'm totally down with Mark Morrison's goose-like voice, but I am down with this beat.

"Sunny Came Home": What's another word for "boring"?

"MMMBop": It's come a long way from being on that "worst songs ever" list I did in 2012, but this is still pretty insufferable.

"I Shot the Sheriff": People seriously need to stop touching this song. It just seems that no one can do it service like Bob Marley.

"The Freshmen": Interesting story - my one friend's dad actually hired the lead singer of The Verve Pipe to come play at a party he was having. It was actually kind of insane, as at the time that was the closest I came to an actual celebrity, and I have no idea how he did it. Then I remember how this song was just kinda mediocre and Verve Pipe hadn't had a hit in years, and the pieces start to fall into place. It's not a bad song by any means, I think the tone is pretty much appropriate for what he's going for, but it definitely doesn't grab me the way a lot of other songs on this list do. I shouldn't be confusing this with "I'll Be", that's all I'm sayin'.

"My Love is the Shhhh!": In a year when a lot of stuff was middle-of-the-road, the more interesting train wrecks of songs had a shot. And really, this isn't all that terrible, but it's a B-list R&B jam at best.

"Change the World": I have no idea why this was so high on my 1996 list. This dreary, uninteresting shit made my Top 30, ahead of "Wonderwall"? It's a mystery to me.

"I'll Be Missing You": I'd hesitate to call this a bad song by any stretch, because on paper it just seems cruel to do so and really, it works perfectly fine in a vacuum. But that Police sample is still such a weird choice to me, and as usual Puffy kinda lacks as an MC. Not to judge, but how are you more emotional on "Can't Nobody Hold Me Down" than your tribute to your late friend and business partner?

"C U When U Get There": This is honestly a really nice song. I like it, but Coolio's other successful songs will always be eclipsed by the monster that is "Gangsta's Paradise" for me.

"I Believe in You and Me": Picking on Whitney Houston at this point is just so overdone, I choose to withdraw from this commentary and instead say that it's still better than Toni Braxton on the average.

Madonna: So Madonna's presence on the charts this year was entirely due to her movie Evita. I'm honestly not the biggest fan of musicals on the whole, so these songs already had an uphill battle. As is, they both ended up being kinda typical musical fodder for me, which translates to a good, solid "meh".

"It's All Coming Back to Me Now": Hearing how wrong a song choice for Celine Dion can be makes me better appreciate any of her songs, really.

"When You Love a Woman": Aw, come on, Journey, not you too! Even on your ballads, you were at least somewhat interesting in the 80's. What happened here?

"Barely Breathing": More like "barely existing". Hootie & the Blowfish would laugh in your face for not having enough of a rock edge.

"Don't Let Go (Love)": The enthusiasm for En Vogue wore out by the end of the decade as they were replaced by younger, newer artists. Just couldn't keep up.

"Foolish Games"/"You Were Meant for Me": Both okay enough songs, honestly. Latter is honestly probably one of my favourite Jewel songs, though that says more about Jewel than the song.

"I Want You": You have a song like this that's actually half-interesting and dynamic and instead your simpering, unlistenable ballad becomes the bigger hit. I don't get it. Admittedly, this belongs in the earlier half of the 90s so it's kind of a miracle it got big at all, honestly.

"Building a Mystery": Sarah McLachlan hits that melancholy just right to keep her from being forgettable. There's just something she awakens in me; I can't explain it. And this isn't even her best song ("Sweet Surrender" is, by a mile).

"Honey": It's Mariah Carey. It's gonna be good. Not her best, but good.

"Gotham City": Unlike "Look Into My Eyes", "Gotham City" perfectly matches Batman & Robin's quality for me, in that it's pretty lame. It's hard to listen to R. Kelly's songs in a vacuum after all the disgusting shit he's done over the years, but I at least expect to feel something from his songs and this gave me... nothing.

[Wumbo]

Whoa there, happy February! Let's end this 90s streak with one more year. Inching as close to the early 90s as we can at this point, we have:

1992

After one phenomenal year and one disappointing one, how will this year in the 90s hold up? Find out by the end of the month!

[Joe Biden]

callin it that november rain will be number 1

[4EverGreen]

Will Michael Jackson or Nirvana dominate this year?! But what I'm really looking forward to; is seeing where Blind Melon's "No Rain" will place. In my honest opinion; it's one of the songs that MADE the 1990's what they were!  Of course; R.E.M. was pretty good this year, as well. We'll just have to wait and see! 

[Wumbo]

43 minutes ago, 4EverGreen said:

is seeing where Blind Melon's "No Rain" will place.

friend it won't be placing on the hot 100 charts i'll tell you that

[Steel Sponge]

One of the best, if not the best, year-end lists of the 90s hands down. Just go ahead and enjoy it.

Edited February 2, 2018 by Steel Skeet

[Wumbo]

just a heads up erreone these lists will probably be a lil late bc school & other stuffz but i'll have em up when i can!

[Wumbo]

I usually don't have trouble with these openings. They're a way to make a blanket statement about how I felt about the year I covered, and then I get on to the worst and best lists. But 1992 is giving me trouble on this front. Mostly because... I have no idea if I like this year or not.

 

This year was... whoosh, it was all over the place, man. I wanted to at least call it an interesting year, but honestly, a fair chunk of it was also boring adult contemporary shit, more so than I think it should have been. And that's a shame, because the good songs of this year are really great, and I wanted to give this year a gold star on the whole. But something was keeping me from doing it. Something like my absolutely turgid, useless worst list. Every one of the songs on this list just makes me shake my head. Whether they're awful trends from the past on their last legs, or wretched abominations of the time that never should have happened, It's all crap. So join me, won't you? Let's take a look at...

Wumbo's Bottom 10 Hits of 1992

Spoiler

 

 

Amy Grant had three hits this year. None of them were as bad as this. In fact, honestly, two of them weren't... awful. They weren't very good, but you could tell especially by this point Amy Grant was trying to become as innocuously mainstream as possible. And the two songs that didn't make this list were generally well performed, if completely forgettable and disposable.

This third song is like that, except not well performed. So naturally, it makes the list.

10. "That's What Love Is For" - Amy Grant

 

This is some discount Bette Midler shit, sprinkled with all the useless saccharin that permeates every terrible Amy Grant song. That chorus is fucking awful. You need a Celine Dion or a Whitney Houston on that chorus. Instead, you have Amy Grant, who sounds like she's singing with a head cold.

Amy Grant isn't the worst singer of all time, but she is a limited one. So giving her a big, booming chorus doesn't work because she can't sing it. And no, no amount of random-ass guitar shredding or drum fills is going to solve that problem. Save them for another song that's worth building up.

This was the Amy Grant song this year that was completely useless to me. And honestly, given how I feel about her in general, it's pretty good that she only managed to land on my worst list once this year. But oh god, for this one song, she definitely deserved it.

 

 

Spoiler

 

9. "When a Man Loves a Woman" - Michael Bolton

 

Oh, sweet jesus fucking christ. You're lucky UB40 and Vanilla Ice existed, Michael, or you would be the poster child for white people ruining black music.

I've said in the past that I kinda feel bad for dumping on Michael Bolton, because if nothing else, the guy has passion and conviction in his performances, and he does try hard. That's why I can't put him at that level that I put UB40 or Vanilla Ice, because there is a clear effort here. But... I'm sorry, this song in particular? No. Hell no. Listen to the original!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jHS8LAqHyHs

Hear that? That's what you call control and poise in a performance. Not just braying like a pained donkey over the entire track, like Bolton's doing here.

The two versions of the song are like night and day. I usually give Michael Bolton credit for the passion in his performances, but power isn't the same thing as passion. He sings here like he doesn't have a clue what he's singing about. Just the same tone all the way through. Come on, Michael. You're better than this.

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

The 90's were definitely the best time for alternative rock to have a chance on the charts. Maybe not the same chance as gangsta rap or dance music, but certainly a better chance than it ever had in the past, and would ever have in the future. Just look at the charts now.

 

To be fair, it's not hard to see why some of these songs don't set a good precedent for the genre today. But still, alt rock feels like the product of a bygone era. So many unique sounds to come out of that genre... some hitting harder than others. They can't all be winners.

8. "All I Want" - Toad the Wet Sprocket

 

When you're getting out-rocked by Jars of Clay, you have work to do. This is certainly a type of alt rock song that has a good chance of crossing over, but in the worst possible way. It's lifeless, by-the-numbers, and completely weaksauce.

So maybe it's not the worst song ever. But I certainly have higher expectations for rock music than this. And listening to this song, all my hopes are dashed. I go out of this song not remembering a single moment in it, and for the purposes of longevity, that's a serious problem. Even bands with similar sounds, like Gin Blossoms, actually had distinctive melodies to back up their tunes. This is just white noise. Thank god this band would find their groove a few years later, but all I want is to move on to the next song.

 

 

Spoiler

 

7. "Wishing on a Star" - The Cover Girls

 

I really don't have a thing to say about this, just another bland and lifeless track. This band is called The Cover Girls, and this song is, fittingly enough, a cover. Let's look at the original and see how it compares:

 

See, there's how you do a good soul song. None of these artificial drum beats to drown out the beautiful singing, just sultry instrumentation to match the mood. I get that it was the 90s, and drum machines were being handed out like candy, but this song should have been left alone for what it was. This 90s cover doesn't do it justice at all. Not the worst cover I've ever heard, but certainly a pointless and lifeless one.

 

 

Spoiler

 

Everyone loves a good mystery, don't they?

 

I don't know what the bloody hell this is, but it cured me of any sickness I'll ever have in my life. Enjoy.

Anyway, yeah. Mysteries! Everyone loves a good mystery. So why not use a whodunit to prop up hype for your song? It's an interesting idea, at least. Could it work?

Well, there has to be some explanation for this, anyway.

6. "Hazard" - Richard Marx

 

So here you have one of the adult contemporary darlings of the mid-to-late 80s, Richard Marx. Some days he was bland, some days he was inoffensive. I don't know where a song like this fits into his catalogue, but certainly not on the good side.

Here's the thing: this song could work. It's an story with some intrigue. If it was fleshed out a little and given to a different singer I could see its merit. But it wasn't, and it's Richard Marx. He's really gonna sell this creepy, mysterious song about the boy in town who "isn't right"? I could picture this better coming from Hank Hill.

 

So in order to hype up this song, Richard Marx makes a video that is set up like a murder mystery. No fucking joke. This pile of white bread serves as the basis for a murder mystery. One that people were still trying to solve back before web design was a thing, apparently. This song! This fucking song gets its own murder mystery because of a video. Are you kidding me?

Of all the artists... we could have had something set up by Michael Jackson, or Madonna, or even Eminem! Artists with actual star power who could pull a concept like this off. But no, it had to be Richard fucking Marx, because apparently no one else would bite the bullet. And it had to be for this song, because Richard Marx forgot how to make music in the 90s and relied on gimmickry instead. Fuck this, fuck this whole thing.

 

 

Spoiler

 

But I'll say this at least for "Hazard": At least there was something to say about it.

5. "Masterpiece" - Atlantic Starr

 

Because there's nothing to say about these R&B D-listers, here's a video of Snoop Dogg playing Fast Money on Family Feud.

 

I wasn't going to leave you without any entertainment for this one, like Atlantic Starr seem to want to do. This is some sub-Lionel Richie shit. At least Richie tried. Fuck this.

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

Is anyone else worried about the state of country music today? I feel it's sliding into irrelevance, with trap music taking over and last-ditch efforts by Florida Georgia Line barely even qualifying as country. Kind of reminds me of other times when country popularity was at an all-time low... like the late 80's and early 90's.

 

In the slick, synth-blast era of Rick Astley, there just wasn't much room in the pop world for country tunes. Too old-fashioned and rustic, not hip and new. Well, one man sought to change that stereotype. He went by the name... of Billy Ray Cyrus.

4. "Achy Breaky Heart" - Billy Ray Cyrus

 

I guess on some level I have to begrudgingly respect this song for bringing an effectively dead genre in the mainstream back to life among the youth. I mean, look at that screaming throng of women. They're line dancing, for god's sake. Billy Ray Cyrus got people to line dance en masse in 1992. That alone is impressive. But it doesn't change the fact that this song is garbage.

I can just hear the seeds of bro-country being planted. The big, doofy posturing. Granted, this song at least seems self-aware of how stupid it is. But there's a limit I have to stupidity, and this well crosses it. Weird Al made a parody of this song, and then felt apologetic because he felt it was too mean-spirited. When even Weird Al has the urges to sink his teeth into you, that's when you know you fucked up. It was true for George Harrison, and it's true for this. Fuck this song, this achy breaky song. It blew up and killed me. Is there anything else I'm leaving out? Something that might be pertinent to this review, perhaps?

 

What. The. Shit.

 

 

Spoiler

 

...Okay, so... "Achy Breaky 2" was a thing that happened.

I could go on and on about how ugly that particular piece of shit is, what with its cringey attempts to connect to the youth today, its complete failure to blend genres, its mean-spirited attacks at Billy Ray's OWN DAUGHTER... but I'm looking at 1992 now, and as such I have to settle for plain old-fashioned grossness. Where better to look for that than a band that literally calls themselves "Ugly Kid Joe"?

3. "Everything About You" - Ugly Kid Joe

 

You see, before pissed off white boys had Linkin Park, or Limp Bizkit, or even the Smashing Pumpkins to latch onto, they had to settle for the dirty rotten leftovers of hair metal. This is everything ugly about rock music of the 80s, the 90s, and the 2000s somehow rolled into one. It's like if Poison and Three Days Grace had a baby. This isn't charming or fun. It's just rude, and boisterous, and misanthropic for no apparent reason. And it's also so meatheaded and stupid about it!

I, hate the rain and sunny weather,
And I, hate the beach and mountains too

...Why?

I don't like a thing about your mother,
And I, I hate your daddy's guts too

Again, why? What kind of message are you trying to send? This is angst so bare-bones it doesn't even bother to try for poetry. It's just a five-year-old having a tantrum.

I, I, I, think sex is overrated too

Yeah, okay buddy. Just because you ain't gettin' any doesn't mean you need to embarrass yourself.

And well, that would all be annoying enough, but then we get halfway through the song, and just... madness madness madness. The lead "singer" does some proto-Limp Bizkit/Hot Action Cop rap-singing, it unceremoniously goes back to the chorus, the singer does some throaty vocal... thing towards the end like he's trying to channel Louis Armstrong and Peewee Herman all at once... and then it ends on, for whatever reason, "shave and a haircut". What the fuck is this?! How did this get past first draft? Everything about this is so ugly and wrong. Hair metal may have been stupid, but it didn't deserve to go out like this. This shit is worse than Warrant, for god's sake. It's incompetent and it's gross. Toss it into the garbage where it belongs.

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

May I... suggest something here? Maybe MC Hammer was never... really... any good.

I'm sorry, it's the truth. Even "U Can't Touch This" mostly rides on the beat lifted from "Super Freak". Hammer's lyrics were always kinda wack and he can't exactly stay on the beat either. So, like, both things that a rapper should be good at, he isn't. And he was at his absolute worst when he was trying to be someone else.

2. "2 Legit 2 Quit" - Hammer

 

Of all the songs on this list, I'd be hard-pressed to find one that more just wasted my fucking time. Hammer, what are you doing? You're not C&C Music Factory or 2 Unlimited. You come off sounding like an off-brand Vanilla Ice. THAT BAD, DUDE.

It actually pains me to think that this was a hit. There is lack of quality, and then there is this. This sounds like it was conceived and made in 20 minutes. Even the singer they got to try and further cash in on the Eurodance trend is garbage.

 

You know that you can't just bray and hope that the notes find you, right? You actually have to try and hit them yourself. Jesus, where is Autotune when you need it?

And then... there's "Hammer".

How do you make a song that's meant to convey your presence as a superstar and come off as a non-presence on it? Did you drop your star quality along with the "MC" from your name? When an off-key singer has more star attributes than you on your own song, that's a problem.

Another problem is THIS SONG IS OVER FIVE FREAKING MINUTES LONG ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Of ALL the songs to make over five minutes... you know what, I've wasted enough time on this. Hammer, you are not legit. Quit.

 

 

Spoiler

 

Now, you'd think that with the two songs I just showed you, I couldn't possibly have anything worse to top the list. But, as always, it comes back to cover songs. Or rather, in this case, a different interpretation of an already-existing song. I am referring in this case to Lou Reed's "Walk on the Wild Side".

 

Now this is a song which has its own share of issues. I'm not really the one to comment on how Lou Reed speaks of transgender people in this song. But rest assured, it is still an all-time classic. So, how do you fuck up a song like this? You give it to 1992's other quasi-Vanilla Ice, Marky Mark.

1. "Wildside" - Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch

 

No no no no no no no no no no.

Okay, let me make this clear: I am not against the idea of this song. I think it could work to re-interpret the "wild side" as representing the ugly side of crime in America. But not like this. Never like this. Not with meatheaded Mark Wahlberg fronting the track!

The execution is beyond clumsy. I also don't like how they actually reference real-life crimes in this song. Given the tone-deafness of the whole song, it feels especially disrespectful to the victims. Why did Marky Mark of all people think he could pull this off? Who told him he could? This song is a complete dumpster fire, and I have no idea why it was ever released. This makes as much sense as... I can't even find a parallel to explain how little sense this makes. Marky Mark was never a brilliant MC, but I always thought he knew where he stood as an artist. I guess not.

 

What the heck indeed, dude.

 

 

[Joe Biden]

wumbo, you get all my respect points for posting that snoop dogg family feud video

[CyanideFishbone]

 

Edited March 13, 2018 by CyanideFishbone

[Wumbo]

2 hours ago, Turd Ferguson said:

wumbo, you get all my respect points for posting that snoop dogg family feud video

PIE IN THE

HWAT

[4EverGreen]

This is probably the 1990's bias and nostalgia in me talking, but I actually kind of like Michael Bolton's "When a Man Loves a Woman", and Toad the Sprocket's "All I Want." Hopefully the best of list will have all the hits you actually LIKE listening to! 

[Wumbo]

I like THESE SONGS and I cannot lie!

 

Welcome back. Now, as I said before, 1992 was hard to write a pre-amble for, mainly because I couldn't figure out if I actually liked this year or not. After reading my worst list, you would think I absolutely loathed this year. Not so! Because every year has a good and bad side. And this good side was damn awesome.

 

These songs are definitely not wiggedy-wiggedy-wiggedy-wack. In fact, I'd argue they're some of the best this entire decade had to offer. High praise for a year's music. But I say it deserves it. You excited? I sure am! Let's dive right into...

Wumbo's Top 10 Hits of 1992

Spoiler

 

Of all the songs on this list, this is the one I least wanted to put into the Top 10. Not because it's bad, mind you. Certainly not that, otherwise it wouldn't have a chance anyway. But because... there are some songs that just plain don't belong on a Top 10 list of a given year. And this one certainly does not belong in 1992. I had a similar problem with 1994, but that song was easier to keep off. This one? Weeeeell...

10. "Bohemian Rhapsody" - Queen

 

I'm sorry guys, I couldn't do it. This had to go on the list again. I tried to make every argument I could against it... and yet, here it is.

Look, if you're really upset about a song clearly from the 70's on my Top 10 of 1992... then just pretend "Baby Got Back" is my #10. Certainly another worthy contender! A mammoth song that pretty much encapsulated the year. Fuck "End of the Road", that was the biggest hit of '92. But this? Well... it's Bohemian Rhapsody.

You see my dilemma. I want to accurately represent the best songs of any given year, but with this song staring me in the face, I couldn't leave it off. I just couldn't. I really don't think I have anything else to say other than it's Bohemian Rhapsody. If it was on every year end list, there's a good chance it would make all my Top 10s. It's that good. It's that iconic. It's Queen.

The perfect karaoke song for the ambitious drunk lad. The anthem that people are still power singing years and years later. The soundtrack hit from Wayne's World, and rightly so. "Bohemian Rhapsody". It existed in 1992.

 

 

Spoiler

 

On to the list proper. What was actually happening in 1992's music scene? Hip hop was happening!

 

I mean, maybe it wasn't the most dignified of a genre just yet (sorry, Kris Kross), but there were still some standout acts and some mammoth hits. I refer you to "Baby Got Back" once again. Now, this one here people kind of forgot about today, but rest assured it is still awesome, from a criminally underrated group.

9. "Tennessee" - Arrested Development

 

Even with hip hop slowly gaining popularity and relevance within the pop music scene, no one in the mainstream was really making music like this. I mean, it's called "alternative hip hop" for a reason. But hey, Arrested Development got a few hits this year, and this was the best of them.

This song just has an infectious groove, paired with captivating vocals. It's kind of a lull all the way through, but like in a good way. And there's this undercurrent of anger and desperation in the lyrics, hoping for a better world but losing that hope in a higher power. You can tell this was written at a dark time in the writer's life, and it was. Speech, the main vocalist on this song, wrote this shortly after attending both his grandmother's and brother's funerals so close together. I'd say that's enough to be crying out in desperation, hoping to understand the plan of a higher power.

Definitely one of the more low-key songs I've put on a Top 10. It's certainly not bombastic like "Bohemian Rhapsody". But it's an underrated little gem that manages to be catchy and poignant at the same time. And with that, I think I understand Arrested Development's plan to release this as a single.

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

The rock scene in the 80's was a weird beast indeed. You would obviously have your hair metal staples like "Livin' on a Prayer" and "Kickstart My Heart". And then you would have the alt rock and punk scenes that were juuust on the cusp of being mainstream but couldn't quite make the bill most of the time. At the heart of this scene, you would find The Cure.

 

The Cure are famous for dark, sickly beautiful songs that are a staple of gothic rock. But we're in the 90s right now, and a lot of bands changed during this time. So instead, let's look at fun happy joy joy Cure YAAAAAAY

8. "Friday I'm in Love" - The Cure

 

Many bands from the 80s either tried and failed to adapt to the times or didn't try at all. Meanwhile, The Cure had this fun, singalong pop song and it became one of their biggest hits. It's not hard to see why.

I mean, it's just a fun song with an easy melody and lyrical structure to follow. No wonder this became a big hit for this band. Honestly, I'd be more shocked if it wasn't a hit. It's one of the most pop-friendly turnovers I've ever heard.

The word "sellout" is thrown around a lot when things like this happen. I say, if the music's still good, then I refuse to acknowledge those criticisms. Bands are allowed to change their tune, even if it does skew to a more commercial sound. And full disclosure: this might be one of my favourite Cure songs anyway. Yeah, yeah, say what you will about the pop music junkie in me. It's infectious, what can I say? It's Friday, and I'm in love!

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

U2 have certainly... evolved their sound over the years. And it's not hard to point to the production of their first 90s album, Achtung Baby, as the starting point.

Now personally, I absolutely love the album. It's right up there with War and Joshua Tree as one of their best. But it also marked a significant change in U2's sound and persona. Disappointed by the criticism they got for their last album, Rattle and Hum, U2 went back to the drawing board and tried to reinvent themselves, with more electronica-inspired music. It was a long, grueling process, and could have led to the breakup of the band altogether. But there was one song that saved them. Just one.

7. "One" - U2

 

By this point in their career, U2 were a band already cemented in rock history. But this song elevated them to the status of rock gods. It is an encompassing song, one that sticks with you long after its peak. While I personally like some other songs on the album better, there's no denying the raw power and intensity that comes from this performance.

As I said, U2 were coming out of a bad album and a desire to change their tune. This is the song that helped them along the way, the most personally meaningful song on the album. Bono has meant it to be a song of melancholy and strength, the inevitability that we must help each other if we are to get through this world alive. We're all we've got, and I think that is a very strong message. Certainly helped the band some.

What more can I say? U2, as always, is awesome. If for some reason you haven't heard this song before, give it a listen and witness the raw intensity one band can have.

 

 

Spoiler

 

And speaking of bands looking to elevate themselves to rock gods...

6. "November Rain" - Guns N' Roses

 

I actually don't think I've gotten a chance to talk about Guns N' Roses proper in these lists yet. They've basically fallen into my blind spots so far: late 80s and 1992, when this song was released. Well, let me tell you what I think about Guns N' Roses: I don't care, they're awesome.

I have heard everyone under the sun try to discredit these guys, but as far as I'm concerned, they are the band responsible for bringing great hard rock music back into the mainstream. Sure, you have U2, or Bon Jovi, and I do harbour affection towards both those bands. But they're not hard rock the same way Guns N' Roses is. And we desperately needed their presence on the charts, to pave the way for acts like Nirvana or Smashing Pumpkins to have a shot.

But I get ahead of myself. We're talking about "November Rain" here. Another one of those tracks that just sticks with you, not least because it's a gigantic nine minutes long, which is practically an eternity in the pop world. But it is one of those songs that needs everything it's got to be complete. The two Slash solos, the soaring choruses, and especially the ending which sends chills down my spine every time.

Appetite for Destruction was Guns N' Roses' breakthrough, but the Use Your Illusion albums are where they became artists. A shame that not too soon after this, Axl Rose would disappear into that pretention and sixteen-odd years later we would get this monstrosity, but you have to admire the ambition going into this album, and this song. Axl had been trying to work out this song on a piano since the early days, and it must have been so cathartic for him to finally see it come to fruition. And what a beautiful, hauntingly beautiful song. Say what you will about Guns N' Roses, "November Rain" is untouchable.

(I still don't really get this video, though. They get married and then their reception gets rained out and... that she dies. Whatever. At least Slash solos outside a desert church.)

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

In some respects, pop music was kinda weird in the 90s. In the 70s and 80s, you would have soundtrack hits, you would have your teen idols. These made sense, they were cultural staples of the time. In the 90s... I guess we really liked sports?

 

Jock jam after jock jam after jock jam. Songs that are better suited for pep rallies than the pop charts. We had so many jock jams in the 90s, there was a song entirely made out of jock jams called "The Jock Jam"! It can get exhausting, no matter how fun these songs are. Like them or no, these are songs that, by design, are meant to tire you out. So they don't hold up much to repeated listens. With one exception.

5. "Jump Around" - House of Pain

 

The reason why this is a jock jam that holds up is because I think it became a jock jam by incident, rather than by design. There is certainly more effort put into the lyrics here than your average jock jam, but it also has that all-too-memorable chorus and beat. It kind of reminds me of "Mama Said Knock You Out", just an unstoppable force of energy. It became a jock jam because sports culture embraced this song. Because it's awesome.

"Baby Got Back" (wow, that must be, like, the third time I've come back to that song here) may have been the most popular hip hop song of 1992, and justifiably so, but this one for me hits the hardest. It's just a totally fun energy that makes you want to get out your seat and jump around. The jock jam to end all jock jams. Am I saying "jock jam" too much? I'll stop.

 

 

Spoiler

 

Jock jam. There, it's all out of my system now. So, what was Michael Jackson doing in 1992?

 

Well, he was being kinda weird in 1992! Not as "weird" as he would be in later years, but in 1992, singles from his album Dangerous were released and... well, I'm just gonna be blunt, it doesn't hold a candle to his 80s work. Michael Jackson was an unstoppable god of pop in the 80s, but by the 90s things were starting to come apart. He wasn't the most important man in music like he once was, and the songs, while still fairly popular, were just kinda... there. Again, with one exception.

4. "Black or White" - Michael Jackson

 

This is the only Michael Jackson song of the 90s that doesn't feel disposable to me. This is definitely his most important song of the 90s, sorry "Heal the World" or, god forbid, "Earth Song". The song about racial harmony and peace wins out.

Also, can I just say what an amazing music video this is? Like, the effort put in is unbelievable, but it's also a massive cheese-fest and I love it. My personal favourite part is the speakers with the "Are You Nuts?!" setting. Gets me every time.

But the song proper. Michael Jackson sought to bring harmony between people through his music, and he uses every ounce of charisma he has left to sell that message. With the catchy guitar loop and Michael himself giving it his all, you can't really go wrong here.

It's just a totally fun, uplifting song. Ain't nothing wrong with this. Michael had one more truly amazing sing in him after the 80s, and here it is. Yeah yeah yeah.

 

 

Spoiler

 

 

Blood Sugar Sex Magik is one of my favourite albums, period, but it's also a bit of a strange album with some of its songs. Opening up this album circulating around filthy, filthy sex, you have "The Power of Equality", an earnest song about human rights and social equality. And right in the middle of the album, you have this.

3. "Under the Bridge" - Red Hot Chili Peppers

 

Canonically, this may be the Chili Peppers' most important song, as it was written as a very personal story of lead singer Anthony Kiedis, about his struggles with drug addiction and how it drove him away from his love and his life. And despite being tonally different from most of the album, it is certainly one of the album standouts.

You wouldn't think that the Red Hot Chili Peppers would hit it big with this song in particular, a mostly down-tempo ballad about serious matters of drug addiction. Certainly not off of their raunchy sex album. But its powerful emotion and refreshing honesty and vulnerability put it over the top, and it definitely deserves to be up there with some of the Chili Peppers' best work, period. It's a very moody, dark-sounding song, but it just plain works. Every ounce of emotion can be felt, culminating in the final verse with the choir punctuating each of Kiedis' regrets about his heroin and cocaine addiction. Then soars into the outro. Just a haunting song that has lasted throughout the years for good reason. It's a damn masterpiece.

 

 

Spoiler

 

Another 80s superstar trying to find relevance in the 90s: Prince!

 

Hah. Now I can post all the damn Prince clips I want. Fair use forever! ...Rest in peace to him.

I think the crucial difference between Michael's and Prince's careers in the 90s is that Prince didn't need the mainstream to embrace him. I love both artists, but Prince has my heart. So it's only fitting that he would outrank Michael here.

2. "Diamonds and Pearls" - Prince and The New Power Generation

 

Yeah, the straightforward love song outranks the righteous call for peace and equality. Well, looks like I'm more of a sap for certain artists.

Like many songs preceding it, this song is just beautiful. It's the best example of R&B we got from this year. Sorry, Boyz II Men. Maybe another time. But yeah, this is what a love jam should sound like. Plain and simple.

1991's Diamonds and Pearls was the debut of Prince's new band, The New Power Generation. They certainly help to bring Prince into the 90s, and yet let him keep a sound all his own. I especially have to give credit to Rosie Gaines, the other vocalist on the song who just blows me away with some of the high notes she hits towards the end. It's a gorgeous-sounding song from a gorgeous man and his band. What else can I say at this point? His name is Prince, and he is funky.

 

 

Spoiler

 

My #1 song this year is... quite obvious. Now, sometimes I have obvious picks for my number 1. I just happen to align with critical and cultural consensus at the time. But this may go down as my most obvious pick of all. In fact, long before I got to this year, I knew I would end up making this song my #1. Not only does it best represent the music of 1992, it is the defining song of the entire decade. With this song, the 90s were officially allowed to begin. And you already know what it is.

1. "Smells Like Teen Spirit" - Nirvana

 

1990 and 1991 both had their share of great songs that deserve their place in the decade. But no song defines and kickstarts the decade as well as this song. Guns N' Roses may have set the stage for Nirvana to get a chance, but Nirvana set the stage for the 90s to have an identity.

One of anger. Raw, unfiltered anger and bombast. There's really nothing left to say about this song that hasn't been said. It is a pop culture artifact. This song will be remembered forever. And for good reason. Without this song, the 90s may have sounded far, far different from how we know them, even in the mainstream. "Smells Like Teen Spirit" is an anthem. A righteous, pissed off anthem that captured a full audience at the time and continues to be remembered to this day. It transcends just being a pop song, or even a rock song; it's a golden masterwork of music all on its own. And with this song, rock music would never be the same again. Other bands may have come first, but Nirvana caught the Zeitgeist. And the rest is history.

 

 

Full List:

Spoiler

 

1. "Smells Like Teen Spirit" - Nirvana

2. "Diamonds and Pearls" - Prince and The New Power Generation

3. "Under the Bridge" - Red Hot Chili Peppers

4. "Black or White" - Michael Jackson

5. "Jump Around" - House of Pain

6. "November Rain" - Guns N' Roses

7. "One" - U2

8. "Friday I'm in Love" - The Cure

9. "Tennessee" - Arrested Development

10. "Bohemian Rhapsody" - Queen

11. "Baby Got Back" - Sir Mix-a-Lot

12. "Make It Happen" - Mariah Carey

13. "Humpin' Around" - Bobby Brown

14. "Jump" - Kris Kross

15. "The Way I Feel About You" - Karyn White

16. "I Love Your Smile" - Shanice

17. "The Best Things in Life Are Free" - Luther Vandross and Janet Jackson

18. "Live and Learn" - Joe Public

19. "Can't Let Go" - Mariah Carey

20. "My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It)" - En Vogue

21. "Real Love" - Mary J. Blige

22. "To Be with You" - Mr. Big

23. "Finally" - CeCe Peniston

24. "I Can't Make You Love Me" - Bonnie Raitt

25. "Mysterious Ways" - U2

26. "Everything Changes" - Kathy Troccoli

27. "Too Funky" - George Michael

28. "They Want EFX" - Das EFX

29. "I'll Be There" - Mariah Carey

30. "Giving Him Something He Can Feel" - En Vogue

31. "Warm It Up" - Kris Kross

32. "No Son of Mine" - Genesis

33. "People Everyday" - Arrested Development

34. "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me" - George Michael and Elton John

35. "Set Adrift on Memory Bliss" - P.M. Dawn

36. "Beauty and the Beast" - Celine Dion and Peabo Bryson

37. "The One" - Elton John

38. "Come and Talk to Me" - Jodeci

39. "Stay" - Shakespears Sister

40. "Keep on Walkin'" - CeCe Peniston

41. "Remember the Time" - Michael Jackson

42. "Life is a Highway" - Tom Cochrane

43. "Breakin' My Heart (Pretty Brown Eyes)" - Mint Condition

44. "Baby-Baby-Baby" - TLC

45. "Tell Me What You Want Me to Do" - Tevin Campbell

46. "Rhythm is a Dancer" - Snap!

47. "In the Closet" - Michael Jackson

48. "What About Your Friends" - TLC

49. "End of the Road" - Boyz II Men

50. "I Wanna Love You" - Jade

51. "Tears in Heaven" - Eric Clapton

52. "I'm Too Sexy" - Right Said Fred

53. "Thought I'd Died and Gone to Heaven" - Bryan Adams

54. "Back to the Hotel" - N2Deep

55. "It's So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday" - Boyz II Men

56. "I'd Die Without You" - P.M. Dawn

57. "Move This" - Technotronic ft. Ya Kid K

58. "Please Don't Go" - KWS

59. "Would I Lie to You?" - Charles & Eddie

60. "Hold on My Heart" - Genesis

61. "Uhh Ahh" - Boyz II Men

62. "Justified and Ancient" - The KLF

63. "Slow Motion" - Color Me Badd

64. "Good for Me" - Amy Grant

65. "Take This Heart" - Richard Marx

66. "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover" - Sophie B. Hawkins

67. "We Got a Love Thang" - CeCe Peniston

68. "She's Playing Hard to Get" - Hi-Five

69. "This Used to Be My Playground" - Madonna

70. "Ain't 2 Proud 2 Beg" - TLC

71. "Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough" - Patty Smyth and Don Henley

72. "If You Asked Me To" - Celine Dion

73. "Blowing Kisses in the Wind" - Paula Abdul

74. "All 4 Love" - Color Me Badd

75. "Missing You Now" - Michael Bolton

76. "Do I Have to Say the Words?" - Bryan Adams

77. "Just Another Day" - Jon Secada

78. "Keep It Comin'" - Keith Sweat

79. "I Will Remember You" - Amy Grant

80. "Have You Ever Needed Someone So Bad" - Def Leppard

81. "When I Look Into Your Eyes" - FireHouse

82. "I Can't Dance" - Genesis

83. "Just Take My Heart" - Mr. Big

84. "Free Your Mind" - En Vogue

85. "How Do You Talk to an Angel" - The Heights

86. "Thinkin' Back" - Color Me Badd

87. "Addams Groove" - Hammer

88. "Save the Best for Last" - Vanessa Williams

89. "Keep Coming Back" - Richard Marx

90. "Let's Get Rocked" - Def Leppard

91. "That's What Love Is For" - Amy Grant

92. "When a Man Loves a Woman" - Michael Bolton

93. "All I Want" - Toad the Wet Sprocket

94. "Wishing on a Star" - The Cover Girls

95. "Hazard" - Richard Marx

96. "Masterpiece" - Atlantic Starr

97. "Achy Breaky Heart" - Billy Ray Cyrus

98. "Everything About You" - Ugly Kid Joe

99. "2 Legit 2 Quit" - Hammer

100. "Wildside" - Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch

 

 

[Joe Biden]

Spoiler

Yo, that Top 6 is undeniably perfect. And Black and White has a great video (I actually like the 11 minute video better though). Even though I still think "November Rain" is my favorite from this year (Fun fact but I have a soft spot for long rock songs), Nirvana as your #1 makes sense as well.

Thoughts on:
Addams Groove

I Can't Dance

To Be with You

Mysterious Ways

I'll Be There

Tears in Heaven

I'm Too Sexy

Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover

How Do You Talk to an Angel

[Steel Sponge]

Thoughts on:

What About Your Friends
Baby-Baby-Baby
Free Your Mind
Set Adrift On Memory Bliss
I'd Die Without You
Life Is a Highway
Everything Changes
Thought I'd Died and Gone to Heaven
Stay
Jump

Edited March 17, 2018 by Steel Sponge

[Wumbo]

"Addams Groove": In which MC Hammer makes a tonally dissonant, clumsy song to represent the creepy and the kooky. Seriously, how many hits did we need from this guy?

"I Can't Dance": This song is just... kinda annoying. When I talk about 80s bands that tried to change for the 90s and failed, I definitely include Genesis in that pile.

"To Be with You": Quite possibly the best, most charming "hair metal ballad" out there.

"Mysterious Ways": It's all right, it's all right. ALL RIGHT. (Actually, it's pretty good but I just wanted to make that joke.)

"I'll Be There": Great cover from Mariah. Her songs this year didn't quite have the star power they had in other years to make it onto my list, but Mariah is still amazing always.

"Tears in Heaven": I didn't want to be too harsh on this song because it's dedicated to Eric Clapton's late son, who tragically died far too young. But beyond that, I couldn't find much of a reason to put this one any higher than I did. Sorry.

"I'm Too Sexy": Beyond the novelty and humour of this song, it really is just kinda dumb and not worth replaying. Gotta give points to "I'm too sexy for this song", though, which gets me every time.

"Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover": Suffice to say I'll never truly be a Sophie B. Hawkins fan. This is at least more interesting than "As I Lay Me Down", but I don't really like her singing.

"How Do You Talk to an Angel": I've already forgotten how this one goes. 

"What About Your Friends"/"Baby-Baby-Baby": TLC were an oddly infantile group in their early days, and while that novelty only wore out on me for one song ("Ain't 2 Proud 2 Beg"), it was still very odd to see. The other two songs are... cute, I guess.

"Free Your Mind": I don't really know why I don't like this. Doesn't do a thing for me.

PM Dawn: "Memory Bliss" is the track with more longevity, due to that great use of the sample from Spandau Ballet. "I'd Die Without You" just doesn't have that much going for it to be the same.

"Life is a Highway": I'm in two minds about this one, and I think whether I like this song or not depends on my mood. It's definitely a song that gets you even more pumped up if you're already in a good mood, but in a bad mood this song just sounds like hot garbage. In any case, I think I liked Tom Cochrane's career better when he was with Red Rider. But you guys only wanted him for this song, so... there ya go, I guess.

"Everything Changes": This one snuck up on me as just a fun, catchy pop song. Wonder how many times she's heard "Kathy Broccoli" in her life, though?

"Thought I'd Died and Gone to Heaven": This isn't "bad", per se, but I'd be hard-pressed to find anything all that interesting about it. Bryan Adams really disappears into Mutt Lange's production here, and while I normally love Mutt Lange, this is not a great fit. It just dulls the whole experience.

"Stay": This is an odd one. I actually know this song better from a workout remix, so it is surreal hearing the original for the first time. It's... kind of a mess, but it's an interesting mess, I'll give it that.

"Jump": I may have bagged on Kris Kross a bit in my top 10, but they really did have the star presence they needed to be viable superstars in the rap game. This song, obviously, is untouchable.

And now, hopefully getting this done in the next few weeks before I get swamped with assignments again, my next year is...

1984

We got a big one! Will it be as good as '83... or even better? Find out when we come back!

[Joe Biden]

Ooh, 1984. This year's definitely one of my favorite years of the '80s along with '83 and '85. Just a damn spectacular year for '80s music.

[Steel Sponge]

It was only a matter of time before 1984 catches up with you.

Enjoy the ever-loving heck out of that year-end list, man.

[4EverGreen]

We had a lot of star power going on in 1984! We had Michael Jackson, Madonna, Prince, The Eurythmics, Hall & Oates, Duran Duran, Huey Lewis and the News, Tina Turner, and Wham hitting it big THIS year!  I can't wait to see where they all rank!  Enough said!