SpongeOddFan Posted July 15, 2015 Share Posted July 15, 2015 lol being 50 in this lit is really creepy tho... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katniss Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 Good riffs, you guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
So Sejima Posted July 16, 2015 Share Posted July 16, 2015 May I also add how convenient it is that the Grand Ruler goes around on a SpongeBob forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MMM Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 any (ahem) riff openings? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jjs Goodman Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 any (ahem) riff openings? Maybe for the next work we do, if you're interested. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MMM Posted July 18, 2015 Share Posted July 18, 2015 Maybe for the next work we do, if you're interested. oh, okay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jjs Goodman Posted July 20, 2015 Author Share Posted July 20, 2015 (edited) Here we go. SBC Parallel Universe Season 2 52. The Moment of Truth Spoiler Spoiler 52. The Moment of Truth[Jjs: Well, here it is folks. The end of this crazy ride. What's the truth going to be? This season has nothing to do with Season 1? This is going to be an underwhelming finale?][OMJ: This is it men, the moment of truth. Now, I never braved two whole seasons of this schlock for two (count em, TWO) times fer nothin'. It's time to finally put this cow out to pasture, but not before we milk it for a few more cheap laughs first!][steel: Time for me to put it out of its misery....][Metal Snake: At least the title is a step-up from "The Evil Truth".]The three walked inside of the temple, and it was dark.[Jjs: Hopefully there's a lot of "dark stuff" in there.][OMJ: Three? Last I counted, there were four of them entering the temple. Or has Mothra been so deprived of her own character and has her head so far up Ex's ass (pause) that they're now just one and the same? MAY AS WELL BE.][Clappy: I thought this whole time it was light. Thanks jjs.]“I can’t see a thing, my eyes are basically darkened than a night sky,” Mothra said.[Jjs: There’s probably a Luna reference I intended with that line.][Metal Snake: And Luna probably could not withhold her enthusiasm when she learned she got left out of this.][OMJ: "my eyes are basically darkened than a night sky"? Wow. Just the way I wanna kick this finale off.][steel: Nice metaphor, lit.] Just then, they all came across a big bridge, with white glowing lights below.[Jjs: At least Ronuletto took my advice to put some lights in this scary dark place!][OMJ: I sure hope they're at least smart enough to solve the Grumpy Old Troll's riddle, but considering the rest of this season...eek, wouldn't hold my breath.][Clappy: And here I thought they were dark glowing lights. Thanks jjs.]“I’d rather not find out what is below..” Ex said, as the four carefully walked across.[Jjs: Neither do I, especially after "they all came across a big bridge".][OMJ: Sure would explain all the white glowing stuff below.] Just then, Flareix and Phalos jumped from the ceiling, and onto the bridge.[steel: CIPHER PEONS FLAREIX & PHALOS would like to battle.][Jjs: They can hang from a ceiling? Are they mothafuckin' ninjas?][Flareix: If you wanna come over, all you have to do is this! All you have to do is thiiiiiissss! ]“Ugh, two of Ronuletto’s cronies, let’s take them out!” Ex said, kicking Flareix.[Jjs: Kicking? I wanna do some kicking!][OMJ: Since when did we enter the xat?][steel: 3, 2, 1, fight!] [Clappy: Shouldn't you take them out to wine and dine first before you make your move?][Metal Snake: "The party was attacked by Ronuletto's Cronies!"]Flareix made burns across the bridge, but Mothra punched him off the bridge, and she kicked Phalos off as well.[Metal Snake: Well, that was underwhelming.][Jjs: RIP Flareix and Phalos, we hardly knew either of ye.][steel: Weak.] “Hey, I know some moves too,” Mothra said, as they traveled to the next part.[Clappy: Oh, I bet you do Mothra, I bet you do....][SOF: Clappy, that's gross.][Jjs: What, did you get those kung fu moves from MLP?][steel: Or from Po. Endless possibilities.][OMJ: While Mothra finally gets to show some independent girl power, Flareix and Phalos are a Phoenix and a Pegasus. They both can fly! I don't know how you did it, but you somehow mindfucked with two of the biggest mindfucks in this story.][Metal Snake: Surprised Jjs didn't reference that "You think that duck would remember that he can fly." line from Looney Tunes.]They came to the central area, with Ronuletto, and suitelife tied to a pillar at the top.[OMJ: Hang in there, baby!] “Well well well...you have stopped all of my minions for now...[OMJ: Dear SOF, he has more eldritch abominations to shit out his ass? Or did Jjs finally remember that a Phoenix and Pegasus can fly and shoehorns them back in? All of this and more will be revealed when I give at least two shits about it...so far, one...][Clappy: For now? What kind of ass pull is this? I wish I can summon minions like magic.][Metal Snake: You'd think for the last fight with the main bad guy's minions, we'd get something a little more epic than "KICK PUNCH TURN AND OFF THE BRIDGE YOU GO!". ]but you are no match for me, ExKizuna. You were foolish enough to say no to SOF’s offer.....with SOF still as Grand Ruler, his magic to keep himself alive would wear off...”[OMJ: Yeah, Ex. Of all the times to have a conscience and not take the choice to practically kill somebody who's worth killing.][steel: Well, that's a downer. SOF needs Grand Ruler powers to stay alive? Is SOF supposed to be an ordinary SBC member with god powers or some kind of storybook character with god powers?] “...thus, giving you an easy chance to strike..” Ex said, finishing.[OMJ: ...thus, making his job that much easier for him.][Jjs: Well what do you know, our hero FINALLY figured something out on his own. At least he retained some of Hassan's genius for the final episode.] “Yes, aren’t you smart?” Ronuletto laughed.[Clappy: For someone who finally used his brain for the first time all season, no, no he's not.][Metal Snake: "Why thank you. Aren't you nice?"][OMJ: You're worse than ACS when it comes to laughing at your own shit.][steel: At least he doesn't shout almost literally everything he says.]“Now I shall claim the Grand Ruler position when I kill SOF!”[OMJ: I don't think it could be that much worse from there. Hell, things might even get a lil' better under his rule. They're both bloodthirsty mofos, but at least Ronuletto is more straight-up about it and not a pathological liar.] “Never!” SOF said, blasting magic at him, but it had little affect.[Jjs: I'm still wondering how SOF even imprisoned him in the first place.][OMJ: I'm still wondering how SOF even gained that power in the first place.][Clappy: I'm still wondering how SOF even exists in this universe in the first place.][steel: I'm still wondering how SOF even got promoted to a God that's been immortal for 50 years.][Metal Snake: Time to finally try my hand at this joke..."SOF used magic! It's not very effective..."]“You old fool, your magic is dying....” Ronuletto laughed.[OMJ: Now would be a good time for Mothra to come swooping in, two-faced and all, and reference how friendship is magic or some bullshit.][steel: SOF's got multiple chins 'cause he's ooooold!] "Ugh, you are a monster...you killed Stalus, turned suitelife evil, and many other things.." Ex said.[Jjs: I'm personally more threatened by the "many other things".][OMJ: Like doing nothing with tvguy and forcing Q to kill himself, you bastard!][Clappy: And possessing CDCB because plot convenience. Look how far that got him.][steel: The story still doesn't care about explaining things completely.][Metal Snake: "You murdered my friends, destroyed my hometown, and blah blah!"]"Thank you for the compliment!" Ronuletto laughed, shooting dark blasts at Ex, and he dodged.[Jjs: Is this whole battle just going to be Ronuletto shooting dark blasts?][OMJ: and *insert name here* dodging?][Clappy: I thought this whole battle was just going to be Ronuletto laughing.][steel: Ronuletto gained a Moon Power somehow.] Mothra threw a rock from the ground at Ronuletto’s head,[Jjs: No wonder we're losing, we're throwing nothing but rocks!][OMJ: Well that's a nice change of pace, but you'd probably have a better chance with boulders.][steel: Okay, that made me laugh. Seriously, a rock?][Clappy: Why am I getting bad The Last Airbender flashbacks? ]but he used his hand to stop the rock, and blast it back at them, destroying a pillar. [OMJ: NOT THE PILLAR!! You, you, YOU NOT NICE PERSON! Destroying your own lair like that, his treachery knows no bounds!][Metal Snake: Big shock. There has to be some kind of golden rule when writing fantasy stories that throwing a rock at a dark overlord must never be allowed to be an effective attack.][Clappy: Wow, that must be some rock. It's so small to hit a guy in the head, but it has the power to destroy a whole pillar. We must take that rock and study it. It could be our secret weapon to ruling the Parallel Universe.]It made suitelife shake a bit though.[Jjs: Was he on the destroyed pillar, or was that rock blast so damn powerful it shook the whole temple?][OMJ: Maybe it frightened him so much, he was shivering.][steel: But did he bake it, booty quake it?][Clappy: Have no fear suitelife. It's just a rock. A ROCK OF THE GODS.]“You are all fools....you can’t defeat me, and when I destroy you all, the world will be covered with darkness once more!” Ronuletto laughed.[Jjs: is that your only goal][OMJ: Last I remember, you only used your powers last time to shit out mythical creatures. I never heard anything bout no world being covered in darkness.][steel: He did cover the island in sand tho. I'll consider that a bit of an accomplishment.][Metal Snake: And of course, the bad guy's goal is to take over the world and cover it in darkness. Corny cliches FTW!]Just then, we see the possessed!CDCB appear, laughing.[Jjs: Does he have teleportation powers too?][OMJ: Did you really just refer to him as "possessed!CDCB"? How did anyone ever take this seriously back then?][Metal Snake: Oh, that's just the cherry on top. Now we're bringing TV Tropes talk into this?][steel: TV Tropes does some things to your brain, mang.][Clappy: Oh hey, I just mentioned you and of course you show up. On a side note, "possessed!CDCB" is unintentionally hilarious.]“Finish them!” Ronuletto said. “Ah ha, I knew something was fishy about you!” Ex said, punching the possessed CDCB.[Metal Snake: You waited this long to finally realize?][Jjs: What gave it away? The purple eyes, the fact a dead guy mysteriously came back to life, or the fact Ronuletto won before and could use it to bring someone back to life? Though the second part should've been a dead giveaway.][OMJ: The fact that possessed!CDCB actually got some laughs is what really should've tipped you off.][Clappy: Geez? How many times was this made obvious that there is something obviously wrong with him and you just now pointed it out? I'd rather have smartass Hassan as our hero than you, you oblivious dumbass.]“DARKNESS!” CDCB yelled, but SOF used one last blast of magic at CDCB, and it cured him of his dark possession.[steel: SBCPU Season 2 in a nutshell.][Jjs: Now that's just lucky! Or an ass pull.][OMJ: Well that was about as anti-climactic as CD and CF in bed.][Clappy: I'm sorry, but this is hilarious gold that is making up for so many of this episode's flaws. CDCB used darkness. It was super effective.][Metal Snake: Writer's convenience aside, I love how CDCB just randomly yells "DARKNESS!". Because you know, that's a thing with minions of the dark lord these days.]“Whoa....what happened?” CDCB asked.[Clappy: SOF landed a blast of his magic on you and it made you feel better....jjs, please tell me you realize how that comes off as now?][Jjs: I know, I'll call them...ASS PULL POLICE!]“Yeah, let’s not deal with this at the moment,” Ex said,[OMJ: Thank you.] throwing a rock at CDCB, which knocked him out.[OMJ: And thank you again.][Jjs: Are you trying to kill him again?][steel: AGAIN WITH THE PUNY LITTLE ROCKS???][Clappy: Rocks can destroy pillars, yet only mildly concuss humans?][Metal Snake: Wait, what was the point of knocking him out? Did Ex just not want to listen to his jokes?]“hot wings..” CDCB said, laying on the ground.[Jjs: ][OMJ: More like "otters..." amirite][Metal Snake: And ha ha, SpongeBob reference. Do I even need to be bringing up ATTWL 3 at this point?][Clappy: Hey guys. We're a SpongeBob site. Hooray references.]“Go on, through your next test at us, you failure!” Tvguy said.[Grammar Police: Did you mean: throw][OMJ: Big talk coming from the mastermind behind SBU.][Clappy: And the mastermind behind Regular Time.][steel: Failure? That's the best for an insult against an evil mastermind?][Metal Snake: "Failure?! I'll have you know I got 70s on my finals!"]“Ah, mad I ditched you, eh?” Ronuletto laughed.[OMJ: Take a number and get in line behind all the other Good Noodles.][Jjs: Lovely, yet ANOTHER reminder Ronuletto is laughing. Are these guys hopped on laughing gas? It'd explain a lot.][steel: If so, then that's a lot more dosage on laughing gas than in SECC.] Just then, a portal opened.[Jjs: That must be our way out! Let's jump in and get out of here!][OMJ: Yes, jump into the Forumotion site portal! Nothing bad ever happened there!][steel: A time portal?][Metal Snake: Is it time for me to make a Valve joke again?]“Going to flee? Coward!” Ex yelled.[Jjs: Yeah, I bet SOF is making him cower in fear.][OMJ: Cuz Ex's track record sure isn't.][Clappy: He doesn't want to nearly get hit again with another rock. Look what you did to CD as proof.]"I didn’t make that portal! What is the meaning of this?” Ronuletto said.[Metal Snake: ...Plot twist?][Jjs: PLOT HOLE POLICE! Not going to give this away, but Ronuletto's whole "I can see the future" thing is going to be put in question within the next few lines...][OMJ: Don't give yourself a stroke, there's no meaning to anything in this story.] “Then who did?” They all said, confused.[Clappy: They all said it in unison....what is this? Scooby-Doo?][steel: Aku did. Fingers crossed.][Jjs: I don’t know, maybe Hassan invented a portal and wanted to make an appearance for the finale.][OMJ: Is it Henry, the mild mannered janitor? ][Hong Kong Phooey: Could be!] “STOP RIGHT THERE!” a voice yelled.[OMJ: ] It was Dradius - he came out of the portal.[M. Night Shyamalan: WHAT A TWIST!][OMJ: Ew.][steel: Boo!][Clappy: Oh yeah...you exist.][Metal Snake: Oh, don't tell me...]“Dradius! Help me!” Ronuletto said.[Jjs: For a "dark and evil" bad guy, you're looking like a mighty pussy right now if you need to rely on your minions. I can see he plotted this well.][steel: Now it made sense for Ex to call you a coward.][Clappy: We're suppose to be intimidated by this guy?]“Not quite...master...” Dradius said.[steel: Didn't even feel anything from this. Dradius wasn't that good of a villain anyway.] “What are you doing?” Ronuletto asked.[Metal Snake: Yup...][Clappy: Shouldn't you know? You see the future after all. He's going to turn on you.]Dradius blew fire around Ronuletto, and made his dark fire form a bunch of pointy blades....pointed at Ronuletto’s neck.[Jjs: POP THE BUBBLE!][OMJ: But were they dark blades?][steel: Yeah, I can see the POINT you made back there.] “So...treason, is it? You truly think you are capable of killing me?” Ronuletto chuckled. “Yes, I do. You treated me like dirt...I was your second in command! Then you replaced me with Gargos..” Dradius said, irritated.[Dradius: No one but me gets to suck the shadow of your dick! NO ONE!][OMJ: Look Starscream, at least take some pride in the fact that Ronuletto is now your sloppy seconds.][Jjs: Eh, this isn't the worst twist this lit has done, but like I said earlier, shouldn't Ronuletto have seen this coming if he can see the future? Or did Dradius use one of his magic portals to see the future and decided to screw with destiny? Even as the author, I can't even give this a concrete answer, so either go with my theory above or it's time for this story to go into the Plot Hole Police Jail.][Metal Snake: Yeah, this is not too cliche, but still, it's definitely not a plot turn that's leaving me hanging on the edge of my seat.][steel: If he puts it that way, then anyone could be capable of killing Ronuletto by making him look like a total coward.] “Hey, it’s not our fault your plans sucked,” Ex yelled.[Clappy: So that makes two things that suck. Their plans. And you.][OMJ: Tell that to all the times they had your number and fucked you over in the races.][Metal Snake: *joins in audience reaction*"HE'S GOT YOU THERE!] “Oh, don’t worry....when I finish him off, you are all next,” Dradius said.[steel: Step aside everyone, we got a badass over here.][Jjs: What is your new plan this time? To shoot more balls of fire?][OMJ: At least Dradius thinks about all of us, unlike Jjs who just focuses on questionably select users. ]“Haha...go ahead and kill me.” Ronuletto laughed.[steel: SOY UN PERDEDOR! I'M A LOSER BABY, SO WHY DON'T YOU KILL ME!?][OMJ: Even Ronuletto seems eager to get killed off already.][Metal Snake: Wow, even the main villain feels this whole thing has gone on for too long. What does that tell you?]“So be it..” Dradius laughed.[Dradius: This one's going to hurt the most.][OMJ: What are you gonna do, make him laugh to death? Seems easy enough.][steel: I don't even know who the real main villain is supposed to be anymore.] He then casted a spell that made his fire blasts turn explosive.[Ronuletto: Now THAT'S funny! LOLOLOLOLOL- *slain*][Jjs: OMG EXPLOSIVE FIRE!11111 I haven't seen something more scary than that since the icicles, boulders and sand!][Metal Snake: OOH I'M GOING TO HAVE NIGHTMARES I'M SO SCARED][steel: That's what he gets for being a masochist in front of Dradius.] “Yeah.....we may want to start running..” SOF said, as they all headed out of the room.[Jjs: Like OMJ said, SOF is the master of hiding this season.][OMJ: What, did SOF summarize the Dark Ones and crapped on them for like two days?] “Whaa...how?!.-” Ronuletto said.[Metal Snake: HOW DOES HE DO THAT]Just then, we see the temple explode.[Jjs: Insert obligatory "Did Michael Bay direct this scene?" joke.][steel: One more scene like that and I'm going to make the assumption that Jjs is....you know, in disguise.] Dradius flew out, and we see suitelife go flying onto the ground outside, having his ropes burned off from the flames.[Jjs: I don't think explosions work so that "rope can burn off from the flames" and your body comes out perfectly unscratched.][OMJ: Unless you have glass bones and paper skin like Ronuletto, apparently.][Metal Snake: Not to mention having his flesh burned off from the flames.][Clappy: Wow, that seriously is some mystical fire being able to perfectly burn the rope off, but not harm you. Yeah, I call ass pull.]“He...really did kill him..” SOF said.[steel: Good.][Jjs: Wow...these...dramatic...pauses...really...don't...help.][Metal Snake: So...climatic..]Dradius laughed, appearing in front of all five.[Clappy: The New Fantastic Five. ]“But I don’t understand...how did you learn to do that?” Ex asked. “Ronuletto is a fool, he doesn’t know that I know some magic spells,” Dradius laughed.[Dradius: Such as Bippity Boppity Boo!][Jjs: Wow, who knew turning fire explosive was Level 10 Wizard powers. He's giving Seb a run for his money.][Metal Snake: Yes, the powerful lord of dark magic was done in by his right-hand man...knowing how to do magic....Weak.]“And now SOF....you are next. I am taking your Grand Ruler powers!”[steel: Same old story, same old motive. Amirite?][OMJ: At this point, would those powers even make a difference for you?][Metal Snake: Sadly, I wouldn't mind that too much.]Dradius flew at SOF, and the others tried to stop him, but he blasted them out of the way.[OMJ: That's okay, you all get a participation award for trying.] He jabbed SOF’s stomach, and we saw Dradius began to glow.[OMJ: And SOF gets nothin for doing squat.][Jjs: Lolwut? He poked SOF's stomach, and that makes him get the Grand Ruler powers? Huh, maybe that explains how SOF apparently succeeded Ronuletto.][Metal Snake: ...At least that jab didn't involve a whip this time.][Clappy: Jesus Christ. That really is a slap in the face to these powers. Is it too late to force myself in a cameo to poke stomachs?]SOF fell to the ground, powerless, as Dradius was further glowing.[OMJ: Well, you jammed the fact that he's dark so far down our throats. I'm having a hard time believing he's possibly glowing light right now.][steel: Glowing? And they call him one of the Dark Ones.]His wings grew double in size, and he had gold plates on him.[OMJ: Who needs Viagra when you can just get Grand Ruler powers?] “Now listen to me...I HAVE THE POWER! I AM YOUR NEW GRAND RULER!!!” Dradius laughed.[Jjs: ][steel: Say that again? I didn't listen.][Metal Snake: "I TALK LIKE A VIDEO GAME VILLAIN! FEAR ME!!!"]He shot golden fire blasts everywhere, and blew everything up.[Jjs: Wow, I called it. Shooting more fire blasts, how diabolical, you fiend! Keep firing, one of them will kill someone. Maybe. There's a 1 to 152 odds of someone getting hit by one.][OMJ: Hey, this time they're golden. Slightly big difference.][steel: And t'was the end for our fallen heroes. THE END.] We see suitelife come near the others.[steel: My fake-outs are getting worse every time.][OMJ: Well, now that he's got that outta his system.] “I have a plan on how to stop him...but you have to all trust me. I know I did bad things on Opposite Island...but I was possessed..” suitelife said.[Jjs: At least he only said they were "bad things", and not something like "murdering CDCB and nearly killing everyone over an internet fight", heaven forbid all that.][Clappy: I possess the power to smell bullshit plot twists. Go on.][Metal Snake: "I DID BAD THINGS BUT THAT'S OKAY BECAUSE I WAS POSSESSED"Ha ha ha...you forgot to say sorry. ] “Do it...for us.” Ex said.[OMJ: Cuz SOF, or Dradius now, knows you can't.][Metal Snake: And of course, they instantly forgive him because what else were you expecting.]Suitelife chuckled,[Jjs: What's so funny? Did I miss a joke or something?][OMJ: Not even Jjs can appreciate his own humor. But that honestly didn't sound like a treacherous, scheming chuckle at all.][Clappy: That chuckle is in memoriam to his former possessor Ronuletto.][steel: So much laughing gas for something so serious....] and he ran up the temple stairs. “Hold him off so I can get him in one spot!” SOF tackled Dradius, and the others tried holding him off.[OMJ: What, does SOF suddenly gain the strength of 10 Mounties (plus 2) after being jabbed in the stomach?][Jjs: TONIGHT ON COMMUNITY DEATHMATCH... THE CANADIAN MAN SOF... VS... THE BIG BLACK DRAGON DRADIUS!!!! With your hosts, OMJ and Jjs. Suitelife is ref. I dunno about you guys, but this looks like a slobberknocker.][Clappy: SOF isn't just block. He's ripped like a god.]“Ba ha ha! You are all costed me my pilot job! I will kill you all next!” Dradius growled.[steel: *You all.][OMJ: THEYTOOKYERJERRRRB][Metal Snake: ALL MY JOB WERE LOST TO YOU]“I can reshape this world in a better image, a better one that what Ronuletto had planned!”[Grammar Police: Did you mean: than][Jjs: Will he make a spin-off of Dragon Tales called Dradius Tales?][OMJ: Before you go reshaping the world, how's bout you reshape these last two sentences k thx.][steel: By making it even darker? How intriguing.] [Clappy: I picture everything in beige and dragons getting civil rights.]SOF then tightly grabbed Dradius by the wings,[CDCB: ...hot wings.][steel: Speaking of CDCB, whatever the heck happened to him back in the temple?] and punched him in the face several times, and got him to the center of the ground on a circle spot.[Jjs: For a 50+ year old ex-God, SOF is holding up pretty well.][OMJ: Seriously, where was this right before Dradius TOOK HIS JOOOOB?][Metal Snake: Wait, he punched him in the face while he grabbed his wings? Did I miss a part where SOF grew an extra pair of arms?]“Let me go you OLD FOOL!” Dradius growled.[OMJ: BE QUIET, I'M NAPPIN!][sOF: NOT UNTIL YOU GIVE ME SUM APPLESAUCE, WOMAN!] “Look!” Mothra said.[Jjs: What, is Waldo there?][OMJ: I see those darkened as the night sky eyes are finally coming into play here. Maybe there is some meaning in this story after all.] We see Suitelife at the temple top, on a stone bridge hanging above the circle. He pulled out a golden sword of some sort.[Jjs: That was an ass pull of some sort.][OMJ: Marvelous, I was just thinking to myself that this just wouldn't be an SBCPU *holds nose* finale without wangs being whipped out.][Metal Snake: DO YOU LIKE MY SWORD SWORD][steel: Zero to hero: Suitecules! ....No seriously, WTF?][Clappy: Mothra was impressed by the size of thesuitelife's golden sword.]“How...what?” Dradius asked.[OMJ: inorite.][Jjs: Amount of times the word "What" or some other word of disbelief is used... Too many to count. At least the series came full circle, though.] “Well, let’s just say I ransacked Ronuletto’s storage when he wasn’t looking,” suitelife laughed.[Jjs: HAHAHA! I still don't know what's so goddamn funny!][OMJ: It's funny because it's half-assed even by ass pull standards.][steel: Nothing about this episode is laughing matter.][Metal Snake: "Ha ha, I'm kidding. I just bought this on eBay in my spare time."]“Anyways Ronuletto..part of you is probably in Dradius I bet...[Clappy: Ronuletto planted his seed in Dradius?][Jjs: So now Ronuletto is inside Dradius who is inside 70s, assuming "liar" is still relevant.][OMJ: Calvin Reynolds seems about freak enough to roll that way with mythical creatures, if Bikini Top is anything to go by.][steel: I still don't even know who the main villain is supposed to be anymore.]you are both cold and cruel.[Jjs: Hot damn, this guy is really ranting it up. How can you not be scared of him with such word choice?][OMJ: And dark. ] You turned me evil....now feel what it is like to be bitten back!”[OMJ: By...turning them evil...?][Metal Snake: LEGO Ninjago called, Jjs. Lord Garmadon wants his finishing move line back.]“But SOF.....you’ll...” Ex said. “I accept my fate...I was going sooner or later..” SOF said, as he was turning to dust as it is.[Clappy: Hey look. SOF is finally dying his long overdue death in ATTWL 3.][Jjs: He's literally crumbling to sand as this is happening? How is he even still holding Dradius?][OMJ: If he can survive a jab to the stomach and come out of it even stronger, I'm sure a stab will be like the tickle of a feather.][Metal Snake: I guess he's got a sinking feeling that this will be the end. HYUK HYUK HYUK I COULDN'T RESIST][steel: I have a feeling that SOF himself doesn't sound sad about facing death.]"Let him go, Ex," tvguy said.[Jjs: Nope. Not making a Frozen joke. But lol, of course tvguy is fine with SOF dying.]“Quick suitelife...do it before I die and let go of Dradius!” SOF yelled.[OMJ: We get it! There's a snowball's chance you'll die and let go of Dradius and drag this out even longer than need be- maybe a snowball's chance is a bit too generous.][Clappy: Are you going to die or let go of Dradius? Make up your damn mind.]“LET ME GO!” Dradius yelled, bashing SOF.[Jjs: Forget Mothra and Ex's romance, Dradius and SOF are still "bashing" into each other.][OMJ: You didn't say "pretty please with Canadian bacon on top".][Metal Snake: And I thought we were brutal on SOF.]Suitelife jumped off with the golden sword, and smashed it into Dradius’ head, and we see a big golden explosion cover across the island, as everyone ducked again from the explosion.[steel: *music*Watashi wa shinen! Shinezu!Falcon swipe!Captain Suitelife!UUUUAUUUUUUUUUUUGH!What? At least it's not a Michael Bay joke.][OMJ: "Ducked again from the explosion" Now that's gotta be another SOF typo. I know that ain't even a line, but it's just gotta be.][Clappy: Golden explosions? I don't want to picture thesuitelife's OOOHHH face, dammit.]The screen than flashed white.[Jjs: Welp, that's our story folks. Everyone died, good night!][Clappy: Nope. Not falling for this again.]....[Jjs: FOR FUCK'S SAKE END ALREADY][steel: Cut! Where's the cut!?] ....[OMJ: This is it, reader. Leave while you still can!] ....[OMJ: WHAT ARE YOU STILL DOING HERE, YOU FU-][Metal Snake: Honestly, I'm just glad to see a change of pace after everything going black SOF knows how many times.]We see Ex, Mothra, and Tvguy wake up on a grass field.[Jjs: So this is what heaven looks like.][OMJ: If that's the case, does that mean they all finally fucked and this is them in ecstasy?][Clappy: About damn time that three way happened.][steel: Never stay the same Paralois Island, never stay the same.] “What happened now..?” Ex said, getting up.[OMJ: The bigger question is, do we even wanna know?][Metal Snake: Better question, what does it matter now?]We see suitelife greet them. “You survived?” Mothra asked. “And what did that sword do?” “The sword was an ancient sword[steel: Really?][OMJ: Thanks, for a second there I thought you just jabbed your dick in Dradius' head or something.]that can be used to defeat Dark Ones, and cure any dark curses they put[OMJ: That and SOF, apparently.][steel: ....WHEN!?] ....I stole it from Ronuletto’s temple, he kept it locked up in there...” Suitelife explained. “But alas, the sword is gone now.”[Jjs: Yes, that makes so much sense. Keeping the one thing that can destroy you in your lair. That's like Superman keeping Kryptonite with him all the time in his pocket.][Clappy: Yeah, I call massive amounts of bullshit that you were able to remember all this after being possessed. This is probably the most massive ass pull of the entire series chalk full of them.][OMJ: And you found all that out how exactly? Just temple running around the place for two hours while Ronuletto just looked the other way? For two hours. Some all-knowing dark deity.][Metal Snake: And to put the icing on the cake, explaining a plot element that was pulled out of nowhere does not solve the problem of it being pulled out of nowhere.][steel: So, these guys went through all these trials, some got killed/half-killed to save the universe from the forces of the Dark Ones, when all this time, a stupid legendary sword hidden inside Ronuletto's keep, without any mention of it until the last minute, was the Dark Ones' one true weakness!? In fact, if suitelife knew about the sword, he could've whispered the facts into the SBC members' ears and try to retrieve it, then maybe SOF wouldn't have to get killed in this lit!] “But SOF....he sacrificed himself..” Ex said. “Now I feel bad for all the times I mocked him,” Mothra said.[OMJ: Only just now? At least she's getting closer to her real self in terms of bitch-factor.][Clappy: Bite me. How can I take this seriously when you are just now capable of showing regret, you stupid bitch.][Jjs: Okay, I think right here is where one of the lit’s biggest problems comes into play. It’s not good at being serious. While SOF’s death wasn’t handled too badly...it’s kind of hard to take it seriously considering this is the same lit with robot opposites, letters of the alphabet, ACS, mythical creatures, aliens, and whatever else I added into this season. Even then, the whole memorial is kind of made bitter with “Now I feel bad for all the times I mocked him”. That’s...it? I don’t know, I feel like this whole episode shows SBCPU was never meant to be this grand, serious epic tale. It kind of shows through this season too. It was pretty much impossible for me to adapt something as complex as Oban Star Racers and make it into an SBC lit.][steel: No wonder I got so mad about this. Like Jjs said, the story isn't good at being serious.] “He knew it was coming, just like Q. He helped save us.” Tvguy explained.[Metal Snake: I love how great these guys are at pretending to care.][Jjs: Cut the crap, we know you wanted him dead, you sick fuck.][Clappy: Yeah, didn't you want him dead just one chapter ago? Now we're suppose to believe that this group of assholes can suddenly feel emotional now? Jjs said it best, this series sucked at attempting to be serious.][OMJ: Srsly, tvguy seemed evil enough on his own before his one night stand with Ronuletto. Now he's suddenly this goody two-shoes working with the chick he tried killing himself and the dude whose ship he sabotaged to do just that without any real explanation other than Ronuletto ditched his ass. Tho in its own way, it sorta encompasses Dylan at the time. ] Just then, we see OMJ, 70s, CDCB, and Elastic come up to Ex, happy he is there. Ssj and abney came up to Mothra.[Jjs: The gang's all here. But wait, weren't MechaWave and PhilipB with the SBM team in the previous few episodes? Did they die? Well...I guess you can't expect a happy ending for everyone.][OMJ: And there we have it, folks! It's not everyday that we see a reunion between some of the most despised characters in SBC fiction.][steel: The gang's all here. Or otherwise the whole key cast.][Clappy: Now the gang's all here. You can watch this zany cast of characters nearing causing all sorts of destruction and death of innocent bystanders weekly at 8 PM in their new sitcom: The Asshole Bunch.]"Well...I suppose maybe SBC isn't so bad after all if they helped everyone.." Abney said.[Jjs: You’ll probably be regretting what you just said when more SBC/SBM drama happens.][Clappy: You still delete any mention of SBC on SBM. I bet these fake zany adventures didn't change a damn thing.][OMJ: I don't know about everyone. Just try saying that, with a straight face, to the dead racers, SOF, the smashed opposite robots, the people who were on the receiving end of the opposite robot destruction on Opposite Island, and anyone who didn't survive that huge explosion, which includes members of your own team apparently.][Metal Snake: Yup, that's what saving the world from the dark mages gets summed up as. We helped everyone, yay!]“Ex! I got my memory back, I’m sorry for all I did, I was possessed!” CDCB explained.[OMJ: Well, at least CD's haphazard development has come quarter-circle. More than I could say about most everyone in here.][steel: Don't mind me, just letting you know that I was possessed and survived without explanation.] We also saw Zwuir, Massan, and Jss also survived, greeting Ex too.[Clappy: Oh hey, these guys existed.][Jjs: They may have made it out without a scratch, but Nondai, ACS, ACS' "crew", Stalus, SOF and Q aren't very happy right now.][Metal Snake: To be fair, Nondai was a dick.][OMJ: *Also greeting Ex too, also proving once again that this is also the second season of SBCPU, also.] “You guys...it’s all over.” Ex said.[Jjs: Thank SOF.][OMJ: Yes, thank SOF, but is it also over?][steel: Ex knows exactly how I feel.][Clappy: You aren't pulling a fast one on me again, lit. This isn't ending.]SOF’s spirit appeared in front of them all however.[Metal Snake: Oh, I am laughing right now imagining how SOF's spirit would react to having the Ghostbusters called on him. XD][OMJ: ] “Though the race is over...there is no more Grand Rulers, or Great Races...[OMJ: Literally, thank SOF.][steel: And sadly no SOF, think about that.] it has caused too much corruption...it is time society moves on, and forgot they ever happened..” SOF’s spirit said, fading away.[Clappy: Wait. How the hell can you make such a decree? You're dead.][steel: Are you gonna at least say goodbye to those SBC patrons around you?][Jjs: Don’t worry, forgetting this ever happened will be pretty easy for us to do.][Metal Snake: Surprisingly, I agree.][OMJ: You'd think he would've came to this realization the first time Ronuletto was on his period or the moment he entered the race himself for no good reason whatsoever other than to inflate his own ego, I guess.] “Farewell, SOF,” Ex said. “Well, it looks like things are all back to normal nonetheless,” Suitelife said. “Let’s all go home.”[Clappy: We have homes? I thought we just logged on simultaneously every day.][Jjs: *sniff* I almost wished this touched my heart. I wonder how the gang is going to explain suitelife being alive though, that’s one mystery never solved!][OMJ: I don't know, after having a falling out with online friends, getting kidnapped, brainwashed, nearly killed by people I once called e-friends, frozen in a block of ice, surviving an atomic explosion unscathed and coming across the likes of mythical creatures, robots, opposite robots, ghosts, aliens, Jjs' thought lightbulbs and ACS, I'd probs have some major PTSD going on.][Metal Snake: Yeah, OMJ pretty much hit the nail on the head. "After all we've been through, let's just go home and pretend nothing happened! Life is good!"][steel: And the status quo is right where we needed it.]And so....the Dark Ones were stopped, thanks to the efforts of SBC.[OMJ: Yeah, just fuckin' barely and hardly by just SBC alone. And even then, more like "thanks to the ass pulled efforts of 2, maybe 3, SBCers and maybe 1 SBMer. And a letter." Because hell, if any other SBCer actually did anything useful or remotely relevant that really impacted that ending. What a load of hogwash.]SOF would not be forgotten however in SBC’s future....[OMJ: BOOOO!][Clappy: Of course SOF gets his ego rubbed by being mentioned again.][Metal Snake: Yup, because SOF is God. SOF is immortal.][steel: duh end.]The End.[OMJ: YAAAY!][Clappy: Nuh uh. I'm not falling for this again. Nice try. I am going to keep on scrolling and keep on riffing this never ending finale.][Jjs: And it’s over. Where do I begin. Well, to start. Is this the best thing I’ve ever made (both seasons in general)? No. But is it the worst thing I’ve made? Eh, no. I’ve already vouched my thoughts on Season 1 in the season finale’s riffs, so I’m not repasting them. This finale wasn't that great, but I guess it was at least more interesting than "Plot Convienence: The Episode" (aka the Season 1 finale), but it still felt anti-climatic. At least I tried to tie up all loose ends though. So, despite my panic of Season 2 being “the worst thing I ever made”, is it really? I don’t think so. I’ll start with the positives. While it has a ton of faults, trust me, it does...I don’t know, there’s something weirdly amusing about it. You have to admit, it’s at least interesting to read, unlike Bikini Top Season 2. While the idea could’ve been its own lit, it’s at least kind of interesting in theory. Despite some flawed characterizations (*cough Mothra cough*), I do feel I at least attempted to give users more personality compared to the bland ones of Season 1. Another thing it has going is the humor. This may be the lulziest and funniest thing we’ve riffed, ever. I’m dead serious. Like, there’s so many strange lines of dialogue... “Watch as I pull a blunt object out of the Pulp Rider’s behind!” “Wow, I don’t know what to say in this debate, but wow, just wow” “Now turn those robot opposites bad...” and strange scenarios overall, that I kind of can’t help myself to find them hilariously amusing. I don’t know if it is more lulzy than ATTWL 3, but it’s up there. But alas, here comes the negatives. As I said before, this literally had nothing to do with Season 1, other than forcing Massan & Jss in and trying to make Ronuletto the reason suitelife was evil, which was a forced plot twist from me. Also, while I did attempt to give more characterization, perhaps I gave too much, in the case of Mothra, who was impossible to root for near the end. Ex I suppose made more sense than Hassan as a protagonist, but even then, he felt a bit bland, but at least my losses near the end made him less perfect, I guess. As I also mentioned, I was way in over my head to think I could adapt something as emotionally complex like Oban Star Racers and mix it with an SBC lit. But here’s probably the biggest flaw of all... There are way too many characters. And it’s really hard to care about most of them. Like, it’s pretty much impossible to invest into the SBCers, because most of them vanish by the end. It’s also especially hard to care about most of the one-off OC opponents and the ones that do have any sort of story behind them, get axed off without many answers (Q and Stalus). Our villains at least did more than BT S2’s villains, but even then, the only ones that got focus were Dradius, Gargos and Ronuletto. Then there’s a ton of abandoned story arcs (Tvguy being evil, OMJ finding out about the Dark Ones, the gang getting suspicious of CD) that all just abruptly come to a halt. So, this isn’t the worst thing we’ve riffed, but I definitely don’t think it’s my “#1 Work” anymore. That’s all folks.][Clappy: Wait....are there no more ....? This is actually over? HOORAY!Yeah, bad finale aside, I wouldn't say this is the worst thing I've ever sat through. But this has definitely not held up well as time goes by. So many wtf plot developments and ass pulls that literally came out of nowhere. Also, this cast had way too many characters and there were way too many elements that I had to remember for my taste. Hell, to be completely honest with all of you readers, Jjs had to edit a few of my riffs because it completely passed my mind that Event A or Event B happened and my nitpicking was proven inaccurate. I mean, can you blame me for making these mistakes? I don't have the attention span to remember every single thing when so many other subplots are being presented that I also have to pay attention to. Also, that cast list. I know everyone else is going to touch upon that much better than I will, but holy hell Jjs. WAY TOO MANY CHARACTERS. I was tempted to re-read what I previously riffed to even begin to remember who the hell some of these people were.But alas, this was definitely not jjs' best work. Sorry guys, but SBCPU is a lit that doesn't need to be revisited again anytime soon. Looking forward to what's coming next...and as someone who knows what's coming next...prepare yourselves.] [OMJ: Well, first off, this season is still about as crappy as I remember it during its heyday lol. Hell, Jjs and I practically tore this a couple of new ones back on my old cbox (or at least I did). And this is coming from someone who liked (and still had some fond memories looking back at during its riffs) season one. It was such a departure from what made the first season, despite its own flaws, enjoyable to me. I agree with the whole lot of Jjs' points. The one thing that I felt was completely out of the place was the influx of all these original and one-off characters that came by way of the Jjs name generator. I felt that a whole lot of 'em could've easily just been any old SBC/SBM member. Hell, you could've even made The Dark Ones the inept ass TV.com staff or something instead of some mythical creatures, robots, letters, aliens and all that shiz. Like he said, this had some potential to be a good lit all on its own or something you could see outta Storm Racers, but as a continuation to an SBC lit, it just didn't mesh well with what you already established. Along with that, a lot of stuff felt shoehorned in and yeah, the characterization. You know something's wrong when you can't even root for your own team or even yourself while at the same time, finding yourself rooting for these other characters and ACS of all people. Is it a lulzfest now that I've revisited it? Hell yeah, some top notch unintentional comedy to be had here. Has it fared any better with time in other areas? Nope. I can agree with Jjs on another thing, trying to make something with as big a cast of characters as these SpongeBob sites can be really freakin' taxing. My first real, serious attempt at that was S(lums)BU. While it did pretty good for itself during its brief run, it just became too complicated to tailor a big, grand storyline that could give everybody something to do. Hell, I still feel some of that same pressure when writing Community Deathmatch. In closing, it's been one hell of a time looking back at what is still, quite honestly, one of my inspirations for my writing. Like some crazy roller coaster ride; it had its ups, downs, twists, turns and it'll make you wanna barf at the end and leave you questioning yourself over why you chose to experience it. Hopefully I'll be back to riff with you fine people again fairly soon. Now can somebody please take SBC*holds nose*PU to the trash? It's starting to give me a rash.][steel: *Takes lit out of cartridge slot* This is garbage! ....But I've seen worse junk than this. Everything Jjs writes isn't gold, and he's not a bad writer in addition to that. First, let me just say that I haven't changed my mind about SBCPU Season 1. Whatever flaws I've pointed out, it doesn't stop me from seeing that as a guilty pleasure, even when the Goosey/SOF dispute portrayal is taken to extreme, and the whole gems storyline that I couldn't seem to get anything out of. As for SBCPU Season 2, I thought it was pretty bad and I can think of a number of problems. Season 2 pretty almost phases the "SBC" out of SBCPU, by giving a small portion of SBC members involvement with the storyline and giving so much focus to randomly named, over-the-top villain OC's, one of them shoehorning in some twists. Then there's the rest of the OC's filling up the space for the character roster.Speaking of over-the-top villains (adding up to my bits of criticism on the lit's "seriousness"), I can't help but see how doofy and cliched Dradius and Ronuletto are at being evil, and felt like they came out of a bad fanfiction. Not only that, I can't help but have the feeling that the story has an Attention Deficit Antagonist Disorder by randomly making some members evil before using the brainwashing excuse. It also got confusing when the lit progresses to the last chapter and transitions either Dradius or Ronuletto as the main villain.That's not easily as bad as how some of the members are portrayed as characters. There are moments where it wasn't easy to root for Mothra and Ex when they're at their least likeable, even when Ex exists as the main hero. It's not as better when comparing Ex's performance itself during the first and second stages of the race. OMJ gets taken out of the picture by unluckily messing up, while Ex had little to no problems during the first stage of the race while during the second portion, there came a time when Ex was constantly losing the race but still standing because he would have "enough points." This is a nitpick, but there was also SOF, who doesn't even feel like SOF, just more like Gandalf with godlike powers.Lastly, there's the dispute portrayals that the story throws at us (The RACB feud, the SBM feud, the tvguy and Ponies forum feud, probs to a lesser extent). A little too much on the personal side. There is some good towards the lit, right? Jjs at least tried to show some effort in the writing. The concept wasn't so bad. It had some thrills. Some of the non-villain OC's served as better characters (Stalus, Q). And that should be all. In the end, I'm glad I'm finally done riffing this thing.][Metal Snake: Now for my final thoughts, I don't really feel like writing a critical essay because I feel that everyone else has already done a damn good job elaborating on all of the legitimate reasons not to like this lit. I mean it, what else can I add? The problems with the writing, pacing, and characterization have already been covered, and Jjs even explained what was actually better about this season than the last. So I'm just going to share a particular opinion of mind that I feel needs to be shared...This story is overhated.Yes. I said it. This story gets too much hate nowadays. Now, don't worry, I have no intention of defending it as a good story. I agree with the now popular opinion that it's not good and had just as much fun riffing all the bad things about it as the guy next to me. I just want to ask a question and bring up one very overlooked thing..."What would you have done differently?"Silly question, right? Ha ha, allow me to refine it a little then..."What would you have done differently if you were Past!Jjs?"I mean seriously...think. You are fourteen years old, you still don’t have much experience as a writer, and you want to write an SBC-themed lit for fun. After you write and post the first few lulzy episodes, you all of a sudden get lots of comments from people telling you that this lulziness is actually good.Now, if you were Jjs, how would you react in such a situation? Would you tell them that they were wrong? Or would you try to give them what they wanted? Keep in mind that this is not like with 70s and Bikini Top, Jjs wasn’t borderline forcing anyone to like his stories and praise them to high heaven. These were honest fans telling him this, these were honest fans he was trying to please with Season 1. And believe it or not, it was the same thing with Season 2. Honest fans wanted him to continue the story after Season 1. Even though there wasn’t much material to work with for a continuation of the story, Jjs still tried his best by going to one of his favorite shows for inspiration, something completely natural for beginning writers to do.I like SBCPU. Both seasons. If I turn my brain off, I can enjoy it. That’s a bit more than what I can say for Bikini Top, where even disregarding its flaws, was generally boring to me. The reason I enjoy the second season more is because I enjoy it more. I do realize that that alone does not redeem SBCPU’s problems and that people are going to argue that the problems ruin their enjoyment of it, but you know what, that’s perfectly fine. You’re your own best critic.Also, this entire thing is not directed at anyone. It’s directed at everyone. I just want to enlarge our perspective on riffing stories like this from the past. I don’t want anyone thinking that just because they wrote a story in the past that was bad, that makes it a mistake that they have to feel embarrassed about. Of course the stories we wrote in the past are going to be nowhere near as good as our stories in the present, because since then, we have had the time and practice needed to improve.So please, don’t look at these kinds of stories as mistakes. Look at them as important steps on your path to becoming a better writer. Thank you.…..TL;DR version: Srsly gaiz, SBCPU was bad, but it wasn’t that MLP fanfic where Celestia got pregnant bad.] Edited May 18, 2017 by jjsthekid 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MMM Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 What a finale. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
So Sejima Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 Cure any curses doesn't involve reviving the ones they killed, how touching. Plus if the sword's ancient then like 50-100 years means ancient now, LEARNING ENGLISH WITH JJS! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metal Snake Posted July 20, 2015 Share Posted July 20, 2015 These riffs really were worth waiting for. Great finale! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katniss Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 It was a long one but a good one. Great finale riffs! I laughed a lot 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clappy Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Yes great riffs for that finale: Although I would like to touch upon something that MS said in his last comments. I wouldn't say SBCPU is overhated. I really don't get that vibe at all minus a few people who I'm not going to name. Looking at the riffs, I've seen people say it's not the worst thing they've ever riffed. I take that as not hated. I mean I was generally bored with a majority of the series and the bad was more wtf than the general assumption of bad. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but I think that MS's opinion of it being overhated is more confusing to me than anything else. Otherwise, I agree with everything else about his last comment there. I mean I know for a fact that the general public viewing will lead to you writing some of the worst stuff of your writing career on the forums...and I think we will all get a taste of that in the near future from my writings. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metal Snake Posted July 21, 2015 Share Posted July 21, 2015 Yes great riffs for that finale: Although I would like to touch upon something that MS said in his last comments. I wouldn't say SBCPU is overhated. I really don't get that vibe at all minus a few people who I'm not going to name. Looking at the riffs, I've seen people say it's not the worst thing they've ever riffed. I take that as not hated. I mean I was generally bored with a majority of the series and the bad was more wtf than the general assumption of bad. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but I think that MS's opinion of it being overhated is more confusing to me than anything else. Otherwise, I agree with everything else about his last comment there. I mean I know for a fact that the general public viewing will lead to you writing some of the worst stuff of your writing career on the forums...and I think we will all get a taste of that in the near future from my writings. So have I, but I've also seen people be very critical on it in their riffs and calling it terrible, even going back to season 1. I take that as hated. It's just a difference of perception on the majority's opinion, I don't know people on SBC as well as you. I don't blame you for being confused, because hell, I get confused on what people's real thoughts on SBC shows are from riffs a lot. That's because everyone has a different sense of humor and a different way they express their opinions. You can say you hate something and just be jokingly saying that you actually love it or say that something is good but not actually like it. I am aware that some people do not find this lit that bad, but on the other hand, there are people who do...FROM WHAT I'VE SEEN. Like...I can't win. It's really tough to find that key adjective that accurately describes the general consensus' opinion. If "overhated" is the wrong way to describe SBCPU, then I'm fine with jjs cutting that out if he wants. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Jjs Goodman Posted August 11, 2015 Author Popular Post Share Posted August 11, 2015 (edited) Time to begin the next mini project, with a show not riffed by me, and Clappy's personal shame... Bikini Bottom High 1. Pilot Spoiler [Clappy: So once upon a time, I came back to SBC. I saw 70s constantly self promote Bikini Top. No matter what I wrote, I was constantly jealous of his "self acclaimed glory" for Bikini Top. I decided that if you can't beat them, join them....why did I try to write something that I had little to no expertise in. Just why.] [Wumbo: Yep, I'm back. They say you can't keep a good man down. And I'm here to prove that the opposite is true. Anyway, on to the riffing!] [OMJ: And I'm just here for the milk and cookies, and they're all out of milk and cookies.] [OMLJ: And I was told that this was just like Bikini Top. Really cheesy and over the (Bikini) top.] [Hayden: *wipes cookie crumbs and milk mustache off face* So Clappy trying to imitate 70s....will the imitation be better than the real thing?] [MMM: I'm also here, it's good to be here....except I have to riff this.] [bubblerock: Also, I exist. You might want to know that.] Pilot time already? No way. Why now? Maybe just to make a point. [Hayden: There's a point being made? I'd love to see it.] [Clappy: ...what the fuck is this? No. Seriously. What the actual fuck. If I wanted to be 70s that badly, I could have at least apologized for taking so long with this pilot.] [MMM: Why now? Indeed. In fact, why ever?] [Wumbo: Most passive-aggressive intro ever. You can't tell me that this isn't at least a little Bikini Top-inspired from that line alone.] [OMJ: ] [OMLJ: "Pilot time already? I don't even want to write for this show!"] 1. Pilot [bubblerock: If I had a quarter for every time the pilot was named pilot, I'd have... a lot of quarters.] The Rechid [Hayden: Wretched.] family composed of parents, Fred and Sadie, and their twin children, Monroe and Nancy, [bubblerock: Wait, you said it was all parents at first. God, this story just began and it can't be even a little consistent. Or maybe it's just a bad use of grammar and sentence composition. Probably the latter.] have returned to Bikini Bottom. Monroe and Nancy are a little anxious about their return since they have not been in Bikini Bottom since they were in elementary school. Their father Fred kept breaking his leg [bubblerock: http://www.niceme.me ] [Fred: My leg!] [OMLJ: I have no time for you, alternate personalities. I've got a show to riff!] thus leading to extended periods away from his job as a sales executive, which led to their mom Sadie bringing the cashflow home for the both of them as a real estate agent. [OMJ: So she got naked?] [Yakko: Hellooooooooooo, nurse!] [OMLJ: That's enough out of you, Yakko.] [Hayden: "cashflow home"? Also, Fred being shoehorned in implies actual characters from Bikini Bottom exist and Bikini Top never bothered with that.] Sadie's job moved back when Monroe and Nancy were in fifth grade, thus the twins had to say goodbye to all their friends and leave for Algae Bottom. [Clappy: EXPOSITION! HOORAY! Also Fred breaks his leg because....SPONGEBOB REFERENCE....ouch.] [Wumbo: Got all that? Good. Absolutely none of it matters. Moving on!] [OMJ: Hey, Fred's obligatory leg breaks still matter to me dammit!] [Trophy: Hooray for horrible names ending with Bottom for the heck of it!] [MMM: As far as I'm concerned, the Monroe in SpongeBob is a happy and innocent little kid, and the Nancy is a fully grown, angry, adult. So, the only thing that's keeping this from being anything else is the Bikini Bottom label. At least this is similar to Bikini Top in that respect.] [Hayden: Her job moved back? Word for word great imitation of how 70s wrote so far.] Three years later (aka present time), [OMLJ: ] [OMJ: (aka five years ago)] [Hayden: I clearly couldn't tell by context that you were speaking in the present with the backstory.] Sadie quit her job as a real estate agent after noticing how miserable Monroe and Nancy were in Algae Bottom and moved back to Bikini Bottom in hopes of finding a new job and [Hayden: so] that her kids can be happy again. [OMJ: Shit, I don't know about those brats but I'd be rolling in that real estate dough.] [Hayden: ] Meanwhile, Fred hopes that his new hollow leg can stop raising medical payments and that he can stop putting so much pressure on his wife to make money for the family. [Wumbo: He... got his leg amputated and replaced with a hollow one? Well... sacrifices, I suppose, but couldn't you just be more careful? What's to stop you from breaking your hollow leg, anyway?] [MMM: From the sound of a few sentences ago, it was hard for the "twins" to leave Algae Bottom and they had lots of friends there, and now they're miserable there?] [Trophy: I need to study the anatomy of anthropomorphic fish more often.] [Clappy: Maybe Fred has Canadian health coverage? I hear it's the best in the world.] [OMJ: And I thought the dude with the glass bones and paper skin had it bad.] [Hayden: ] [Fred: Hey, at least I didn't get the iron butt like my friend Tom did!] [Tom: Quiet, you! ] [OMLJ: Will you both just shut up already?] It was Monroe and Nancy's first day at Bikini Bottom High. Both were nervous and afraid. They hoped that their old friends remembered them and that they don't have to be lone wolves ready to get picked on for being the new kid. [Clappy: ....no seriously. YOU HAD THE PERFECT "FISH" PARODY MATERIAL RIGHT THERE. Hindsight is 20/20 so it seems, past Clappy.] [Wumbo: That's "lone fish".] [MMM: No, that would've been even worse.] [OMJ: Picked on for being "the new kid"? Are they siamese all of sudden?] [Hayden: Guys, clearly Clappy is being literal. Monroe and Nancy are actually wolves to tie into this Bikini Top parody and they're looking for other supernatural fish wolves to converse with.] "Relax kids, things are going to be fine. Now go out there and make the best of your situation." Sadie told her kids as she dropped them off. [OMJ: You know, mom, a "have a great day" would've boosted up my confidence slightly more.] [Hayden: Isn't this what the kids wanted? I think Sadie saying this would have fit more with this being their first day at Algae High. Might as well have used that town or had them move from Algae Bottom to Bikini Bottom. We didn't need something so convoluted to start the series off.] "Well, let's get this show on the road." Monroe said. [MMM: (Theme Plays)] [Wumbo: "Let's get this show on the road"? Yeah, you'll fit in just fine. Especially with a name like Monroe.] [OMJ: About time, that opening intro was more long-winded exposition than The Brady Bunch.] [Hayden: If Clappy has them advertise it all over the country on the open road, it can't possibly bomb.] [OMLJ: With a line like that, I expected us to break into a big musical number, but I should probably shut up now before I end up eating my own words.] Monroe and Nancy walked inside as the school reaked of raging hormones and underage drinking. [Hayden: ] [OMJ: I don't know what's worse, the kids or this school for smelling like alcohol and seeming damn proud of it.] [Wumbo: Yikes. What sort of dark, gritty drama could-] [OMLJ: Reminds me of Makeout Reef.] [Trophy: WOO HOO, STEREOTYPES! Seriously, I know I haven't even BEEN to High School yet, but c'mon.] Well not really, but it seems like all teen dramas do. [Clappy: Ouch. I think I just killed myself from too much self-awareness.] [Wumbo: OH. HA HA, I GET IT. TEEN DRAMAS, AM I RIGHT? Christ, please tell me that was a one-time thing.] [MMM: So, does the school really have all of this or not?] [Trophy: ...What? Is this a narrator saying that it's basically saying "Eh fuck it, go with stereotypes even though they aren't true!"?] [OMJ: Scratch that, this spin-off is worse. ] [OMLJ: That fourth wall break was so painful.] [Hayden: I'm confused. Is Clappy hurting 70s' fanbase yet?] As they were walking down the hall trying to find the principal's office, a certain voice screamed from the distance. "Monroe is that you? Its me Tyler!" [Tyler: Have you seen Blue, my puppy?!] [Clappy: Monroe...Tyler...how many other SpongeBob little fishes am I going to try and destroy with this short-lived failure?] [MMM: At least there ARE SpongeBob names.] Tyler came running up to Monroe. Tyler use to be Monroe's best friend back in elementary school. The two use to be inseparable back in the day. [OMJ: Yeah, til' he moved.] [Wumbo: Well... fuck that whole "lone wolf" thing, then! Are there actually going to be any stakes in this show, or just instances of hinting at them?] [MMM: I used to think that same thing.] [bubblerock: They were made to be together? Like, some self-fulfilling prophecy kind of shit?] [Hayden: It's only been two years at best. I'm sure they can survive long distance.] [OMLJ: They used to be Siamese twins? Were they both stuck in a wringer?] "Tyler, I haven't seen you in ages. How have you been man?" "Pretty good. You know just homework, girls, doing nothing. Stuff like that. [Wumbo: "I'm cool."] [OMLJ: "In other words, it was a pretty boring day. Nothing interesting happened."] [MMM: How could I expect anything different?] [Trophy: Those all fit together.] [Hayden: This Tyler guy is trying to steal my school hobbies.] [OMJ: If you really wanted to be cool, you should've worded it "you know just nothing, homework, doing girls." Stuff like that.] Hey where is Nancy?" [MMM: What a smooth change of subject.] Monroe never noticed that Nancy walked off when he ran to greet Tyler. [Hayden: ] Nancy was heading off to the principal's office like they were suppose to. She was waiting to get her schedule of her courses when a rebellious looking fish walked out of the principal's office. [Clappy: Rebel Without a Cause for typecasting.] [OMLJ: Rebel Without a Fin.] [MMM: Oh no.] [OMJ: Ah, the good ole "good girl with her priorities in check meeting the rebellious lil ragamuffin". I do wonder where this will go.] [Hayden: They'll do that while driving and fall off a bridge like Temperance.] "Hopefully this will finally put responsibility into that thick skull of yours." the principal shouted. [Wumbo: "I like to insult my students' intelligence so that anyone within earshot of the hallway can hear me! I'm kind of a shitty dude!"] [OMJ: About as counterproductive as this story's been so far.] [MMM: Who is this supposed to intimidate, again?] [Hayden: If responsibility is a learned trait, he isn't teaching it very well. He needs to cram it into the brain, not the skull.] As he was walking out, he took a glimpse at Nancy as he was checking her out and then continued to proceed. Nancy thought it was absolutely boorish of him, but couldn't help but feel a bit attracted towards him too. [Clappy: Don't you mean borish? I'm honestly more bored than appalled right now.] [Hayden: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/boorish Clappy hasn't aged well.] [Wumbo: Men! Can't live with 'em, can't legally gouge 'em.] [MMM: Ooh, ooh, baby, I love the way you're......uh.....I can't think of a reason.] [OMJ: Just fuck each other in the teacher's lounge already.] She walked off to try and find the mysterious fish when she bumped into a thespian type. [Clappy: I bet if you walk two more steps to the right, you'll walk into the cheerleader fish....seriously for god's sake, how many more typecasts am I going to force into this shit?] [Wumbo: But will it be strong against Water Type?] [OMJ: That would be the AV Kid Type, my dear Wumbo.] [MMM: Reminds me of those people at every high school who sort everyone into basic groups.] [Hayden: ] "Hey you must be the new girl. I can tell by the fact that you look lost. [OMJ: Either that or Nancy's the Stoned Type.] [Hayden: She's Missingno.] My name is Susie." said the thespian fish. [Hayden: For some reason I assumed it was another male for a love triangle. Guess we needed the quirky best friend to get checklist off first.] "Wait a minute Susie Fishkin? I remember you from elementary school before I moved." Nancy asked. [Trophy: *RECHID, DID YOU DO RESEARCH? Wait, Fishkin? Like Principal Fishkins, Principal Fish's cousin? Well there's one similarity to Bikini Top so far.] [Clappy: ...because coincidence....how many fucking coincidental stuff am I going to self-impose into this?] [OMJ: Until you get as much awards as Bikini Top does.] [MMM: Obligatory fish pun of the hour, at the very least.] [Hayden: Haven't we met the Fishkin family before? That surname has to have already been trademarked by 70s.] "Nancy? Oh my goodness. I hardly recognized you. Here let me show you around." [MMM: How big is this school?] [Wumbo: Bikini Bottom High! Where all your problems are solved by coincidence and no actual character growth is required.] [OMJ: I don't know bout y'all, but the fact that they went from unrecognizable to recognizable in a matter of seconds seems to be about as much growth that I feel we're gonna get.] [Hayden: They're still social outcasts for only having one friend apiece.] [Trophy: The other two were friends... but just people who knew each other existed??????] Nancy and Susie played catch up on what has been going on in their lives as the school day started. [MMM: Same thing as usual, I bet. Playing catch up sounds easy.] [OMJ: They should join the catch up team. I hear everyone's on it.] [Hayden: That's right next to the exposition club.] [OMLJ: I like playing with ketchup too.] At around lunchtime, Monroe and Nancy met up and sat at a lunch table with Tyler and Susie. The four then talked about back memories from elementary school days, when that mysterious fish from earlier walked up towards Susie. [Clappy: "that mysterious fish"...I really don't remember what I named him, but nothing will be better than "that mysterious fish".] [Hayden: I have lots of fond back memories. Without my back, I'd never have managed to stand up for myself.] [OMJ: STERNUM!] [OMLJ: Heeeeeeey, Susie. Want to see something strange and mystical?] "Hey sis, let mom know I got after-school again for cussing out a teacher." [Wumbo: "Yeah, I got after-school. That's what the kids are calling it, right? Am I cool yet?"] [Hayden: After school activities.] [MMM: Maybe he's trying to be cool by using a vague and unused term......wait, sis?!] "I swear Jimmy, you are such a pain in the ass sometimes." Susie told him. [OMJ: It could be worse, he could've gotten detention or something.] [Hayden: Of course, he's the quirky friend's brother.] "A pain in your ass? You better get that checked out." Jimmy smirked as he walked away. [Wumbo: Good one, Jimmy! But seriously, Susie has a terminal disease and doesn't know about it.] [MMM: His future as a doctor is so clear, he doesn't even need to study up at medical school.] [Jimmy: Is there ever not a pain in your ass? ] "Dammit Jimmy, you forgot your stupid pink slip." [OMLJ: Dang it, Bobby!] [bubblerock: Yes, it is I: No-Name Man. Fear Me.] [Clappy: Please stop talking. I feel like I want to gauge my eyes out just re-reading this.] [Hayden: *gouge. I know I'm supposed to be riffing Past Clappy, but this is too much fun.] "I'll go take it to him." Nancy offered. [MMM: I've got a bad feeling about this.] [OMJ: I don't think that'll be the only thing she offers. ] [Hayden: Then maybe you can go the principal's office afterwards.] Nancy walked to find Jimmy as she was in total shock that they were related. [OMJ: You're telling me that she's got the hots for her-] [Hayden: Incest in the first episode? Even 70s had to ease into that.] Nancy didn't even know that Susie had an older brother [OMJ: Oh, phew!] and she wasn't sure that she should tell her or not about how he was checking her out. [OMJ: That'd be pretty , don't you think.] [Hayden: I'm pretty sure she's aware her brother is a rare pig fish.] "Jimmy!" Nancy shouted. Jimmy turned back and saw that Nancy had his pink slip. "I don't need it, but I do know that I want some of you." [Trophy: Creepy sex? CHECK!] [MMM: They're perfect for each other.] [Clappy: Wow. Just wow. Maybe Jimmy should go back to the Mike Posner school of pick-up lines for much better pick-up lines than this.] [OMJ: He wants to slip something pink, all right. I should go there too.] [bubblerock: So, because you remember this one random kid from elementary school, you want to go down on him. Makes total sense.] [Jimmy: I don't need it. I don't need it. I definitely don't need it. Okay, maybe some of it, then.] [Hayden: ] "Do you talk to all girls that way because that is absolutely appalling." [Wumbo: If Mrs. Puff can do a "lay" on an underage boy, I think we get at least one free shot.] [OMJ: Give it up, your goodness is totally not gonna rub off on him! Eventually!] [Hayden: No, he only talks that way to the ones stupid enough to be attracted to it.] "Only the ones I desire." [Trophy: Awkward creepy sex dialogue foreshadowing obvious creepy sex? CHECK!] [Hayden: See? This guy's playbook is nothing to lust over after one day. If you're going to be the snooty grade focused girl, at least take some time to establish as that in this story before you hop on a douche fish's gills.] Jimmy walked off as Nancy couldn't help but feel a bit tingly about the whole scenario that just went down. [Wumbo: "I feel harassed... and aroused. I feel... 'haroused'."] [MMM: Wouldn't anyone in one way or another?] [Nancy: I have the weirdest boner right now.] [OMLJ: I didn't really need to know that.] [Hayden: ] Reviews appreciated, but not necessary [Clappy: Yeah, I've got something to say. Excuse me while I barf over how awful this pilot is.] [Wumbo: Well, I'll give Clappy this: He's right, this is nothing like Bikini Top so far. Bikini Top had actual plot-lines.] [Trophy: Well Wumbo, all we need is creepy grin imagery and that could change your mind. ] [OMJ: *backspace*] [Hayden: In that case, I won't be writing one. Unless of course, you bully and harass me relentlessly until I do. That seemed to work for 70s AND is a turn on for Nancy.] [OMLJ: Well, even though it didn't have any songs inserted into the episodes (which I do have to give the spin-off credit for), it was pretty boring. But I do know that we're in for one wild ride. See you all on the last episode.] [MMM: First impressions are always an important thing. This pilot blew it in every way possible.] Edited May 21, 2017 by jjsthekid 10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metal Snake Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 Wow, no offense to Clappy (though I doubt he'd take any xD), but I got bored reading that pilot. He riffed it well though. I'm interested to see where this will go. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MMM Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 it's my big break guys 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wumbo Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 *Wumbo eyes the riffs with a devilish grin on his very handsome face* 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MMM Posted August 13, 2015 Share Posted August 13, 2015 promise i'll do the ep 3 riffs soon 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jjs Goodman Posted August 14, 2015 Author Share Posted August 14, 2015 (edited) Bikini Bottom High 2. My Not So Sweet 16 Spoiler Hey....remember this spin-off? Yeah its been a couple weeks since I promised this episode. Hope its worth the wait (it probably isn't ) [Wumbo: oh] [bubblerock: It's not going to be, is it?] [MMM: Even the author knows it wasn't worth the wait.] [OMJ: Yeah, five years is definitely not proving to be worth it for me.] [Clappy: Thanks for the update Clappy, now onto Trophy with sports.] [Trophy: Well Clappy, I also do more than sports, I have a 5000 page list on why Wander is great and why not saying why I hate Pranks a Lot is funny because of your reactions as well.] [Hayden: It'll be hard for this chapter to out-disaster Trophy's segments, but let's see if it does anyways.] 2. My Not So Sweet 16 [Wumbo: Not a holly jolly Christmas, either.] [MMM: This title will be handy when BBH turns 16.] [OMJ: Lemme guess, they forgot the Ferrari cake and got an Acura cake instead?] [Hayden: We're really going with that cliche? Why not a Bar Mitzvah to shake it up?] (Theme Song) [Wumbo: THEME PLAYS] [Hayden: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4DLauwRy-o ] [Clappy: To be fair, that's because one of the whole two or three people that actually enjoyed this spin-off for some god forsaken reason, Ex, wanted me to have a theme song. If the world's smallest violin was the Bikini Top theme song, then this is the Bikini Bottom High one: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92NQjMXB19w ] [MMM: There it is, in all of it's.....glory.] [OMJ: BIKINI BOTTOM HIIIIIIIGH! BIKINI BOTTOM HIGH! WANDERING DOWN THIS ROAD THAT WE CALL LIIIIFE, IS WHAT WE'RE DOIN! IT'S GOOD TO KNOW THAT I HAVE FRIENDS WHO'LL ALWAYS STAND BYY MEEEE! When this Bikini Bottom Gets Hiiiiiigh] The episode begins where the last one ended with Jimmy walking away from Nancy after flirting with her head once more. [Hayden: Which side of the head? The side that can't speak?] Nancy heads back to the cafeteria to a little announcement from the most popular girl at Bikini Bottom High, Angela. [MMM: Who?] [Clappy: You got that? Good? Now how many of you care? *cricket sounds*] [OMJ: It would've been better if she walked in on that announcement in THE GIRLS ROOOOOM!] [Hayden: Angela isn't even a popular name.....then again, it beats Nancy.] "Attention, everyone! For those who are unaware of what today is, today is one of the most important days every year. [bubblerock: Is it Christmas?] [Trophy: The one day every 6 month when Nick airs new episodes?] [MMM: National Hairball Awareness Day?] [Hayden: National Seahorse Appreciation Day?] Today is my birthday! [bubblerock: Oh, never mind.] [Trophy: GO TO HELL!] [Hayden: WHAT HE SAID!] Now since the principal is my daddy, he allowed me to make this announcement to all the masses. [Principal: I never said that.] Everyone is invited and BYOB! [Party Naive Hayden: *looks up BYOB acronym* Aren't popular bitches rich enough to provide their own bottled water? Rewd.] [OMJ: I sure do hope that means "bring your own bag", otherwise this school administrator and proud father condones underage drinking.] Oh and I better get an extremely awesome present or the hottest guy in school aka my boyfriend Brad shall finish you with a false swipe!" Angela said. [OMJ: And student on student violence.] [Clappy: Ouch...Pokemon references? Why? Did I really want to impress my Ex audience with a horribly forced joke?] [Wumbo: I'm willing to suspend my disbelief. Popular girl in school has the principal as her dad? Fine. "BYOB" being allowed to be shouted in a high school by the principal, not to mention her dad? Questionable, but okay. But under no circumstances am I accepting that the most popular girl in school uses 4Kids Pokémon references. What the shit am I reading?] [Trophy: So he'll kill us...over that...by not swiping at us so we die of fear?] [Regular Hayden: Actually, False Swipe would leave them with one HP. So your boyfriend wouldn't be "finishing" them, you stupid slut. Get your Pokemon shit straight before I have a Delibird deliver your "present".] [Delibird: ] Even though it was a school night, Angela handed out party invites to everyone in hopes of having a fun wild night. Nancy thought that this would be the perfect opportunity to get to figure out Jimmy some more and get underneath his skin….and maybe some more. [Trophy: Eh, better than Seather.] [Clappy: EW EW EEEEWWWWW. Did I seriously write that? What the actual fuck?] [Wumbo: *washes brain vigorously*] [MMM: (rips up contract)] [OMJ: And people say I have the dirty mind.] [Hayden: She wants to get into his bones and intestines?] Nancy may be a good girl, but she seems to find Jimmy simply irresistible. She doesn’t know what it is but it’s something about bad boys that tickle her fancy. [Clappy: Hmm....I wonder what song I will end up choosing to go here? Muskrat Love?] [Wumbo: Something about the way they cause her to switch from past to present tense...] [MMM: Exactly how many bad boys like this has she met?] [Trophy: I'm speechless, something just tickles her fancy, FOR HOW LONG?] [Hayden: Sounds like she should just save herself the trouble and buy a Tickle V Elmo. You know what the V stands for.] (Good Girls Go Bad by Cobra Starship plays while Nancy is thinking about Jimmy ) [Wumbo: NOT BIKINI TOP AT ALL, FOLKS. NOT LIKE BIKINI TOP AT ALL.] [Clappy: Oh Clappy. You totally managed to surprise me. I would have never guessed Cobra Starship. Not even once. *bangs head repeatedly against desk*] [Hayden: I love how the song title conveys the rich and subtle underlying depth of the scene. I've never seen anything like it. One question. Who is the good girl in this situation? All I see is a ho bag that never went to the principal's office.] [OMJ: Is she gonna paint it all black, smoke drags and dolphin noise next?] After school has ended, Monroe stays around to try out for the football team. [OMJ: Daring today, aren't we?] Football has always been a passion of his since his father, Fred, use to be the star quarterback of Bikini Bottom High back in the day. [MMM: Nothing to see here except a waste of space, time and thought. No flash photography.] [Hayden: So THAT'S why his leg is so sensitive now.] Tyler, who is a running back, has already made an arrangement with the coach of the football team to have Monroe at least try out since he was not around during original tryouts back in the summer. [Hayden: Those happen in the summer?] “Congrats son, you made the team” Coach said. [Clappy: Thanks dad! Gag me.] [MMM: Did I miss something?] [Hayden: Will the coach try to molest somebody in a Degrassi style twist?] “But I did not even tryout yet, I am excited and all, but why….” Monroe said, until he had a sudden pause and saw Fred walk out of the tunnel with a whistle and his old Bikini Bottom High letterman jacket. “Boys, as you all know, I have been in poor health for a long time now and while I was contemplating making this my last season, I don’t think I have the strength to make it through. Let me introduce to you my replacement. He is in the Bikini Bottom High football Hall of Fame, Fred Rechid.” [bubblerock: Stay in your seat, Bran Flakes.] [Trophy: COINCIDENCES COINCIDENCES COINCIDENCES!] [Hayden: RIGGED TRYOUTS. RIGGED!] [MMM: Must be a town with double digit population if everything can just fall into place like this.] [OMJ: I seriously had to double take who was talking here because I thought Fred was the one who was in poor health.] “Monroe, my boy! Aren’t you proud of me for finally getting a job? [OMJ: I'm guessing being a space man and king were far out of your pay grade, as well.] Guess who is automatically the new starting QB?” Fred said. [Trophy: ...I can tell where this is going, it barely pays Fred at all, right, and something at practice breaks his leg?] [Hayden: Does Monroe have the same leg strength as his father?] [ben Gruber: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R9hTaMpEkpg ] [Hayden: ] Monroe walked away in embarrassment as he did not want to win the starting QB job this way. [OMJ: Our last act was living proof that nepotism is alive and well!] [Monroe: Maybe it's not too late to join the Glee club because...70S!] [Hayden: But Monroe, that's how all the popular kids get their statuses and you don't see any shame in their eyes.] As he was walking, a cheerleader went straight up to him. [OMJ: Neptune forbid cheerleaders immediately associating themselves with anybody but football players.] “Hey, my name is Katie. Congrats on being the new QB. [Hayden: Word travels fast around these parts.] [Wumbo: "It's really hard for me, and everyone else in this town, to say 'quarterback'! Teeheehee!"] [MMM: Acronyms must be the new hip groove.] You should take me to Angela’s party tonight. It’s going to be insane.” Katie said. [Katie: Here's my number! SO LET'S MAKE BABIES!] “Umm…..okay?” Monroe said. He was too in shock about what just happened. [OMJ: A cheerleader throwing herself at a guy named "Monroe", I'm just as shocked as you are.] He doesn’t know if he is more confused and more pleased about Katie’s sudden interest in him, but she was stunning. [Hayden: She means you should carry her there and then get lost as soon as you both arrive.] [OMJ: Just how confused and pleased can you get simultaneously? I hope you don't pop a membrane. Or better yet, do so. It'd make things a lot more interesting.] (What’s My Name by Rihanna featuring Drake plays as Katie walks away and Monroe stares in amazement of how stunning she is ) [OMJ: ...this is just fucking hilarious coming after my "Monroe" crack.] [Wumbo: "in amazement of how..." spare me the editorials, he's staring at her ass. A more appropriate song might have been "Rump Shaker".] [Clappy: You know what to do with that big fat butt....would have been far more fitting here.] [MMM: How about "My Humps"?] [Trophy: ...Still better than Seather?] [Hayden: Did he forget her name already?] The evening rolled around as it was the night of Angela’s birthday party. Monroe went off to go pick up as Katie as Nancy walked on over to Jimmy and Susie’s. [OMJ: Woah, woah, hold the phone! "Monroe went off to go pick up as Katie"? What kind of serial killer disturbia shit is that?!] Nancy went up to the door and was disappointed to see Susie. [susie: Well, fuck you too best friend who I haven't seen in years.] [Hayden: 10/10 friendship power, Nancy. Did 70s even write his girl characters this vapidly? Well yes....but they were always more relevant than Bryan at least. Is Nancy even as relevant as Monroe's old pal at this point?] “Hey is Jimmy here?” Nancy asked. [Hayden: >_> Should Susie even ACT surprised?] [susie: ] “Oh, since when did you get a sudden interest in my brother? And here I thought we were becoming tight today.” Susie said. [MMM: Like two squashed up peas in a pod.] [Clappy: We were becoming tight today....WHO THE HELL SAYS THAT? If it isn't obvious enough, this is easily the worst dialogue I've ever written in my spin-off career.] [susie: ] [Hayden: The time flow in this story is even stranger than Bikini Top. Only a total of one day has freaking passed? The first day of school is not this eventful.] “It’s not that at all Susie, I was just hoping he could come with me tonight to Angela’s party.” [Wumbo: "I just want to take your brother to a party with underage drinking! What could possibly give you the idea that I'm enamored with him?"] [MMM: Remember, BYOB.] [OMJ: Enamored and hammered, the makings of either a rape or teen pregnancy angle.] [Hayden: "I just need his help protecting me from douchebags like himself. That's all. Teehee."] Suddenly out of no where Jimmy leaped down from the very top floor of the four story house with a perfect landing. [MMM: ....or so he thought.] [OMJ: VINTAGE JIMMY!] [Wumbo: And two broken legs, but continue.] [Trophy: He's Daredevil now?] [Clappy: ....oh, did I mention that Jimmy knows parkour? No? Well it's too bad, because I'm obviously making shit up on the go.] [Hayden: Four story house? What the fuck. That's the weirdest part for me. Continue.] “So I hear you are looking for me.” Jimmy said. [MMM: Want to make something out of it?] “You sure do know how to make an entrance, got any more surprises?” Nancy replied. [Jimmy: If rejection is a surprise to you, yes.] [Jimmy: Do I look like I don't have more surprises? ] “Oh darling, you ain’t seen nothing yet…and you won’t be seeing any of me tonight.” [Jimmy: ... ] [OMJ: Now that was a surprise.] [Clappy: ....you won't be seeing any of me tonight....OUCH. Stop it, past Clappy. You're repeatedly stabbing me in the gut with a knife here.] [MMM: This is either really good or really bad.] [Hayden: Can she at least see some of your fish skin? I'm sure she won't reach under it.] Jimmy closed the door on Nancy as she was stunned. [Hayden: ] [OMJ: STONE COLD! STONE COLD! STONE COLD!] She thought this whole time it was her that Jimmy desired. She thought she had him figured out, but alas she was wrong. [MMM: Really good.] [Wumbo: Alas, poor Jimmy, I thought I knew him well. Stupid boys.] [Hayden: Alas, poor Nancy, I know her character even less well than she knows Jimmy. Stupid writing.] [OMJ: Here lies Nancy's hopes and dreams.] Nancy headed off in the direction of Angela’s party all alone since she was blown off her alleged best friend and her attractive badass brother. [Clappy: ....her attractive badass brother....on second thought, keep stabbing me.] [Past Clappy: HOW TO GET GIRLS TO LIKE YOU: 1: BECOME A BADASS 2: ???? 3: GIRLS WILL WANT YOU SEXUALLY AND THINK YOU'RE ATTRACTIVE!] [OMJ: Screw putting me under "Badass" on the SBC TV Tropes page. I'd be more than happy to relinquish that spot to Jimmy.] [Hayden: "her alleged best friend". YOU DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO GO WITH HER, YOU WERE JUST THERE TO GET HER BROTHER'S DICK. DON'T ACT LIKE SHE DID, YOU DIRTY, WORTHLESS BRAT.] Suddenly, a couple of shady guys started to go up to her. [OMJ: Watch out, they're shady!] “Damn, what’s a fine looking lady like you walking up in here unprotected?” [Hayden: Condom salesmen at this hour?] “Maybe she’s looking for a good time.” [Hayden: She isn't going to find one unless she spins off into a decent piece of literature.] “I would definitely tap that….as a matter of fact, I think I will.” [Trophy: *steals soap from Wumbo*] [bubblerock: Jesus, Clappy, are you sure this is you?] [Clappy: And that's more obviously forced dialogue. I had to be drunk while writing this. I did drink back in college. That has to explain why. It just has to be...I couldn't possibly be sober while writing something like this....was I?] [MMM: In that case, this would make a fine alcohol PSA.] [Hayden: I wonder if this is what real rapists say to their victims? Straight outta cheesy bad guy acting class.] The shady looking guys started to go up to her. Nancy had no where to run as she was backed into a corner in the alley. [OMJ: Jimmy ran when she threw herself at him, and now Nancy runs when these shady characters throw themselves at her. That, Simba, is the circle of life.] All of a sudden, a wolf appeared and attacked and killed every single fella. [bubblerock: Don't mess with a puppy, dammit.] [Clappy: ...fella....because WWE references. Hooray....on a serious note, I do have a comment to allude to about this whole werewolf thing once I'm done with this awful chapter.] [Wumbo: ...okay, I'm gonna close my eyes, and when I open them, I expect there not to be a painfully obvious allusion to the spin-off CLEARLY not trying to be alluded to.] [Trophy: ...A wolf appears...and helps her by killing everyone in the gang? Dafuq?] [Hayden: "fella". Yes, that's the appropriate term to use here.] [OMJ: On the...somewhat bright side, I can at least think in my head that this finally gives this guy some true purpose.] He grabbed each of them and teared into their flesh and tossed them neck first into the buildings as their necks cracked and killed them instantly. [OMJ: As if tearing into their flesh wasn't getting the job done.] After the blood bath, the wolf ran away from the scene as Nancy was confused about what just happened. [Trophy: ...So are we all.] [OMJ: Good to know I'm not the only one.] [Hayden: The wolf got more "under the skin" action than Nancy did tonight.] [MMM: No one....no one gonna comment on that? No one else in the background saw that? No one else was even there?] (Blow Me Away by Breaking Benjamin plays during the whole shady guys versus wolf scene ) [Clappy: Breaking Benjamin. This was obvious fan service to Ex. I was sober. ] [Hayden: *glares at Ex for inspiring awful song choices* Blow me.] [MMM: This would still make a fine alcohol PSA. This thing blows me away on how awfully stupid it is.] Nancy kept continuing to Angela’s party. [OMJ: It's not like you just witnessed a number of brutal butcherings at the hands of Chewbacca or nothin'.] She finally arrived and was happy to see Tyler, Monroe, and Katie there. Nancy explained the whole sequence over what happened to them as they were shocked, but happy that she is fine. Suddenly, Nancy turns around to see that Susie and Jimmy showed up after all. “I thought you were mad at me and that you had plans?” Nancy asked in confusion. [Hayden: When did Susie say she had plans? Stop rewriting history.] “I couldn’t stay mad at you.” Susie said as she hugged Nancy while Jimmy gave her a glance. [OMJ: Nancy/Susie/Jimmy love triangle, anyone?] [Hayden: ] “Well I got a feeling that tonight’s going to be a good night.” Monroe said as he gave a seductive look at Katie. [Hayden: Quote more obvious lyrics, Monroe. You aren't trying hard enough.] [Clappy: I got a feeling...hmmm...does that mean Lady Gaga?] [Monroe: OH NA NA, WHAT'S MY NAME] [Trophy: ...Seductive, yay more underage sex, still better than Seather count x3.] [MMM: Black Eyed Peas in 3....2....1....] (I Gotta Feeling by the Black Eyed Peas starts to play but gets cut off after 1:29 part ) [Clappy: Oh hey, it's the Black Eyed Peas' best song. Does anyone like this yet?] [OMJ: This ain't Bebot.] “Jimmy, is that blood dripping out of your mouth?” Tyler asked. [Jimmy: Is it just that mouth dripping out of my blood? ] [Wumbo: No. No no no no no. You do not get to pretend anymore that this spin-off is not ripping off Bikini Top completely in every single way. Really? Jimmy's a werewolf now? Gag me. I'm going back to closing my eyes.] [bubblerock: Wow, um... the wolf was this dude? Werewolves? As in, removing any and all realism and form of being serious that this spin-off still had? Wow, Bikini Bottom High... I mean, WOW.] [Hayden: Nah, just some strawberry juices. Look the other way Tyler.] [MMM: He overdid the Cherry Kool Aid, what else could it be?] “Shit…… [bubblerock: You're disgusting, Jimbles.] [Trophy: It's ketchup, I ate a bit too much today.] [Clappy: Hey...I was self-aware of this.] [Hayden: Our next category on Family Feud. Perfect words to say when you're hiding something.] yeah let me just wipe that off. I think I must have bit something I shouldn’t have.” Jimmy said. [OMJ: Pause(?)] [MMM: How suave.] [Hayden: ] Nancy looked on in curiosity as she started to wonder how its impossible for that much blood to bleed from the mouth over a simple accidental bite. [Clappy: Because who honestly gives a fuck.] [OMJ: Well, at least we now know Jimmy and Clappy are both biters in two different senses of the word.] [Trophy: How much was it again?] [Hayden: With this incredibly analytical brain of hers, you have to wonder how she wound up wandering into an alley.] Songs From This Episode Good Girls Go Bad – Cobra Starship What’s My Name? – Rihanna featuring Drake Blow Me Away – Breaking Benjamin I Gotta Feeling – Black Eyed Peas [OMJ: Thanks, I'm so eager to download them now.] Reviews aren’t necessary, but let me know what you guys think [Jimmy: What do you think? ] [Wumbo: But I already riffed Bikini Top.] [bubblerock: This spin-off is little more than a waste of time.] [Hayden: "Don't write a review, but make sure to express your thoughts to me in written form."] [Trophy: THEN WHY DID I SPEND TIME DOING THIS THEN?] [MMM: Reviews aren't necessary because this doesn't deserve a review. It sucks. See ya, ladies and gents.] [Clappy: Okay, to be fair, at the time since Bikini Top was doing vampires, I decided to do werewolves. But even then, that doesn't fucking excuse how brutal that idea, this chapter, and this show was. I have much more to say on this once my personal shame is all over and done with, but it can't come soon enough. Bring on Chapter 3. Just fucking bring it.] Edited May 21, 2017 by jjsthekid 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metal Snake Posted August 15, 2015 Share Posted August 15, 2015 That episode was a bit better than the pilot, but still not good. We...certainly had a different idea about what a good spin-off/literature was in general back then. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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