Jjs' Riffing Theater 3000

Clappy · January 3, 2015

Nice job guys. And OMJ should riff more. He plays off the material perfectly.

**So Sejima** · January 3, 2015

[Trophy: I think I know who I am, and do NOT make me have to do a Shadow the Hedgehog reference here...]

Possibly the first pop culture joke Trophy made that I understood perfectly, no insult to him. OMJ also did good for his first time riffing!

I'm pretty sure that if there were non sports ones they were all coincidences. Well I haven't done this in a while if I remember, so I get my weird kicks in every now and then.

**Jjs Goodman** · January 9, 2015

SBC Parallel Universe Season 1

6. CDCB's GBGD

Spoiler

6. CDCB's GBGD

[steel: So now it's down to a death-match episode, this should be fun!]

[sOF: Well, I'm back again. Looks like we're having a Community Deathmatch!...or if this is an opposite world, shouldn't it be a Community Lifematch? Okay, I'll stop.]

[Hayden: So does CDCB have ownership of GBGD?]

CDCB fought back at GBGD. GBGD then knocked him out and threw him in the dumpster.

[sOF: Well, that was a disappointing showdown. This might go up there with Kara vs. Astenias and SOF and Steel vs. 70s and CDCB as nominees for the Most Underwhelming Fight ever.]

[steel: Wow, that wasn't as fun as I was expecting.]

[Hayden: At least CDCB is in character.]

"You-You-won't get away with this," said CD.

[Trophy: You-you should be knocked out. You won't get away with this. INCONSISTENCY POLICE!]

GBGD said," Hmm...I could ruin your reputation! I look like you!"

[Trophy: Shouldn't you look completely different if you're both OPPOSITES? Heck doesn't this mean the opposites should also be the opposite gender too? PLOT HOLE POLICE!]

[Hayden: How could one worsen CD's reputation more than it already is?]

"No..Please..." CD said in despair.

[steel: Oh no, I am too weak to break out of the dumpster to warn everyone.]
[sOF: If CD isn't knocked out now, can't he just try to get out of the dumpster and attack GB, or is the dumpster too large for him to get out of?]

[Hayden: CDCB's last resort is the magic P word?]

We then see GBGD walk out with CDCB's clothes and he erased markings on him. He laughed.

[Trophy: ...With his clothes? That's just wrong, man.]

[sOF: Not only that, but this raises quite a few questions. For starters, did CD just willingly let GB strip him? If so, CD sure has some weird fetishes. And second, markings? I can't help but imagine that someone drew all over GB now with a bunch of color markers.]

[Hayden: ????? He erased markings on him? Grammar Nazis....ATTACK!]

We cut to the Short Writing Stories place.

[steel: And I have a feeling this episode is going to be cut short of its writing. *pointless rimshot*]

[Hayden: Is this where this short hunk of junk would be located in their universe?]

"And the winner is....Familyguyfa!"

[Hayden: Was it a cutaway gag contest?]

[sOF: Wait, who even announced this? I don't want to make another Steve/Hobo from the Bus Station gag, so I'm just going to assume it is the Judge from the previous episode, but apparently he doesn't want us to know it was him.]

[steve: Did somebody call us?]

[Hobo from the Bus Station: Please, spare some change?]

[sOF: Nope, nobody called you guys. Sorry, please run along now.]

[Hobo from the Bus Station: ]

[steel: How he won just makes me think. His entry might have been a gag spin-off.]

The crowd cheered.

"Oh well, better luck next time. " said 4EverBlue.

"Don't fret my Blue friend! In another day in another time, you will succeed your goals!" said 4EG.

[Hayden: So 4EverGreen wants us to believe in ourselves! Now I get it.]

"That was moving," sniffled 4EB.

[Trophy: If that was moving, then I'm Dr. Seuss, with antlers of a moose.]

[sOF: Wow, 4EverGreen should be the next Martin Luther King Jr.]

[Hayden: Enough said, true believers!]

We see GBGD bump into Sabre and Steel.

[sOF: I think you would lose count on how many times people bump into each other in this story. As good old Wumbo once said: "You got your plot device into our exposition! No, you got your exposition into my plot device!"]

[steel: Everyone's bumping into everybody. In other words, most of the members and opposites here are total klutzes.]

"Hey CD! I see you've entered the opposite world too," said Sabre.

[steel: How about an "excuse me dude, but are you going to say excuse me, too?"?]
[Hayden: You could say he "bumped" into it.]

"Oh hey guys." GBGD said, impersonating CD.

[steel: Thanks for clearing that out.]

[Hayden: "Oh hey guys" Spot on impression! How does GBGD do it?!]

"How is your TV show Nerdy School coming along?" asked Steel.

[Trophy: Oh yeah... that existed.]

[GBGD's self-conscience: WTF is a Nerdy School?]

[Hayden: I'm thinking the same thing GBGD is thinking right now. This "Nerdy School" already sounds like golden riffing material.]

"Wait what?" asked GBGD.

[sOF: Obviously in the opposite world, the show should be Jocky School.]

"Your show, you know." Steel said, getting suspicious.

[Hayden: Suspicious already? What if "CD" had simply misheard you? Given your nice cheery naïve demeanor, that would probably be your reaction.]

"Oh yeah, fine. I had a memory bust," he said.

[sOF: Or maybe you have Critic SOF amnesia.]
[Trophy: A memory bust? YOUR MEMORY IS NOT A ROBOT! It isn't iron, so it shouldn't rust. Stop pretending to be someone you're not.]

[Hayden: ]

Fa came and said," Oh hey CD."

[sOF: Ohai Mark.]

[steel: "I just came by to ask if your soul isn't hollow like mine."]

"Hi there...uh.." GBGD said.

"It's me, Fa. Are you ok?" Fa asked.

[Trophy: What kind of question is that? It isn't hard to see this ruse, stop with this boring nonsense for it's making me snooze.]

[Hayden: Trophy, why is it in rhyme you speak? This plot calls for ignorance, something SBC believably had plenty of at its peak.]

"Yeah, yeah!" GBGD said.

[sOF: I like repeating myself, I like repeating myself!]

"Have any storyboards for us to see, while in this odd place?" asked Sabre.

[sOF: I'm getting a bit tired of the constant use of "odd" to describe the opposite world. I get it is supposed to be strange and different, but all "odd" keeps making me think of is... me.]
[Hayden: You're in an opposite world and want to see storyboards of his work? Wouldn't he have kept those back home or been preoccupied with this?]

"What storyboards?" GBGD asked.

[Hayden: At least TRY to go along with what they're saying. I can see his "ruining CDCB's reputation" plan is going well, unless being stupid is how he plans to ruin it.]

"Umm..nevermind." Sabre said.

[steel: Yep, this conversation is getting boring....]
[sOF: And I think I'm running out of jokes...]

GBGD was nervous, knowing they may be suspicious.

[steel: Needless exposition, we've already gotten that straightened out.]

[Trophy: Suspicious of what? Isn't it obvious that there's no trace, for them to put you in your place?]

"Who is this?" Fa whispered to Steel.

"I don't know...but I know that is not CDCB." Steel replied.

[Trophy: You can't know that, it's like a blind man guessing out of the blue that I'm wearing a hat. *is shown NOT wearing a hat* JUMPING TO CORRECT CONCLUSIONS OUT OF NOWHERE POLICE!]

[steel: Thank you, Me!]

[sOF: So, are you guys going to confront him or just stand there...]

We see Elastic hanging out with AOF.

[sOF: ...or we can just switch perspectives to a random subplot out of nowhere.]

"You are pretty darn awesome," said Elastic.

[Elastic: Gosh darnit to heck, did this opposite world take away my swearing?]

"Thank you my fine rubber friend." AOF replied.

They noticed a wanted poster. It said Massan_Najwa on it.

[steel: No bounty? How rewarding.]

[sOF: Maybe the reward isn't money, it is like a handshake or just the good feeling of knowing you did something right.]

[Hayden: Why would anyone WANT that guy?]

"Who's Massan?" asked Elastic.

"This world's most wanted criminal," AOF said.

[steel: That's right, he caused the 10/12 attacks! He brought out the nuclear accident in the Crimea power plant! He cancelled one of the shortest running Fox series, Glee! If my assumptions are right, then he's a real threat, even the biggest one in this ENTIRE WORLD!]

[sOF: You know, for their world's most wanted criminal, I love how his hideout was just in a random forest anybody could find.]

"Sounds badass. You remind me of this guy named Hassan from SBC." Elastic said.

[steel: In this world, criminal posters are living things and worthy of talking to.]

The two then spent the day together, talking about various anime.

[Hayden: Elastic and AOF or Elastic and the poster?]

[Trophy: Sure, anime is all the buzz, and I can't be found giving a... uh... OK SCREW THIS RHYME STUFF I'M OUTTA HERE!]

[sOF: Wait, that was it? That barely even felt like an episode. I have to admit this was one of the show's weaker episodes. It wasn't awful, but it fell very flat and gave me very little to riff. Hopefully things get more interesting from here.]

[steel: This episode felt nothing special for me, so I can call this a weak point for SBCPU.]

**Jjs Goodman** · January 12, 2015

SBC Parallel Universe Season 1

7. Exposed

Spoiler

7. Exposed

GBGD continued walking with Steel, Fa and Sabre.

"Hey CDCB, what's your name?" asked Fa.

[JCM: Compact Disc Collection Bureau: "We still exist?"™]
[William: The Council on Dairy Cattle Breeding would like a word with you. (Oh, and hello guys, I guess. Man, how did I even get here.)]

"CDCB, duh." GBGD said.

[Halibut: Um... was there zero need for the last two lines?]

"No..your real life name." Steel said, questioning him.

[steel: Because Fa wasn't asking him the right question to begin with.]
[Halibut: Well obviously, it's CDCB.]

"Crap, they are onto me," he said.

[JCM: Quick, fake a heart attack!]
[William: Theory: CDCB is an alien and his real name is probably unpronounceable as hell or something.]

"Don," he then replied, taking a shot in the dark.

"WRONG! His name is Christian, poser!" yelled Steel.

[JCM: That's just what the bureau wants you to think.]
[Halibut: Poser isn't really the most accurate way to describe what it is...]
[William: Looks like that shot in the dark missed.]

[steel: But what if his name really is "Don"?]

"What are you talking about, of course I am CDCB.." GBGD said. "I uh...oh fuck it!"

[William: What, so you're just… giving up like that? You'll never become a professional Pretending To Be Somebody's Friend Guy if you just give up like that.]

He then ran for it. He stole a bike and ran off.

[steel:

Now he's gonna pay....]

[Halibut: CDCB probably would've just carjacked someone instead.]
[JCM: Remembers, kids. Don't leave your bicycle unattended in an opposite world, or some psycho impersonating a guy he knew for all of ten seconds before deciding they were bitter enemies will steal it.]
[William: Wait, he ran off, not cycled off … so he just ran off with the bike in his hands?]

Steel, Fa and Sabre then ran after the bike, and got in front of a car, which belonged to spongebobiscool's opposite, Avatariscool, and he honked his horn at them.

"Get out of the way, you crazy kids!" Avatariscool yelled.

[William: "Or I'll have to call the Internet Police!"]
[Halibut: So Avatariscool is a grumpy old man. What does this say about spongebobiscool, though?]

[steel: ]

"What did you do with the real CDCB?!" yelled Fa.

[Halibut: Who asks interrogating questions WHILE chasing the suspect?]
[JCM: He assumed it'd be easier for GBGD to hear him with the wind in his ears.]

[steel: Captain's log: Hour 3, still nobody has found my body lying around in the dumpster.]

He continued racing on. He then raced off into a forest and jumped off his bike into a bush. The bike kept rolling on. Steel, Fa and Sabre continued chasing after it in the car.

[steel: So, this is "Speed Racer" now? Oh wait, Jjs has already saved the race theme for next season.....]
[Halibut: Wait a minute, it never said anywhere that the guys got inside a car. It just said that the guys went "in front" of it.]
[JCM: They took a page from CDCB's book and carjacked the old man.]
[William: Don't jump off your bike into a bush, kids.]

GBGD thought he was safe, but then a mysterious figure appeared.

[steel: I'm surprised GBGD didn't bump into him at that moment.]

"Massan!" yelled GBGD.

"You failed me...the people from the other world are still alive.." Massan said, cracking his fist.

[Halibut: What did the people from the other word do to you, asshole.]
[JCM: Show me on the doll where the bad SpongeBob fans touched you.]

[steel: Good.]

"They grew suspicious!" he whispered.

"You could have killed them at least. Beat them up or something.."

[JCM: Yes. Beat up three people at once. In the middle of a public forum.]
[Halibut: Beating up won't really lead to killing, but go on.]

"Well uh...." GB replied.

We then cut off and hear a terrifying scream.

[JCM: Massan probably "beat him up or something" for delicious irony.]

"Was that CDCB?!" wondered the gang. We see CDCB walking out of the alley,

[William: It took you that long to get out of the dumpster?]

and he went up to the forest when he saw, Fa, Steel, and Sabre there. He then saw the bike GBGD used and he hopped on it since he was curious.

"Cool bike. But who does it belong to?" he wondered.

[steel: In other words, CDCB steals a bike that he knows does not belong to him.]

[JCM: You seem really chill for a guy who was just pummeled, undressed, and thrown into a dumpster.]

"Take off that CDCB suit, you impostor!" yelled Sabre, as the three of them chased after CDCB into the city again.

[Halibut: Okay, major issue. If GBGD took all of CDCB's clothes, then wouldn't it be obvious that CDCB is wearing different/no clothes? Sorry Trophy, but I have to call it. PLOT HOLE POLICE!]

[steel: Apparently, CDCB costumes exist.]

[William: If GBGD really did take all of CDCB's clothes... does that mean CDCB is on the bike in his birthday suit? Not sure how to feel about that.]

[JCM: Looks like the episode title has two meanings now, at least.]

"What?" asked CDCB, seeing all three of them.

"Don't play dumb!" said Fa.

[JCM: "Be actually dumb, like us!"]

Steel threw a rock at him. CDCB gasped and raced on his bike.

[Halibut: The rock had no affect, Steel. Try again.]
[William: That wasn't your bike, you just found it. What is with everybody's obsession with stealing things?]

[steel: Oh great, now I'm stealing the bike!? Why does everyone want this unidentified person's bike? Is it because it has really nice cup holders or something?]

"Why are you guys trying to kill me? I thought we were friends!" he yelled as he raced on.

[JCM: When was throwing a rock at a guy equivalent to murder?]

[steel: Then I guess I'm going to jail. See you guys on the flip side.]
[William: "I THOUGHT WHAT WE HAD WAS SPECIAAAAAAAL!]

He then raced back into the forest, since he had no idea where to go.

[Halibut: I suggest CDCB go down the yellow brick road.]
[William: Oh yeah, sure, go back into the forest where the people trying to kill you are currently located. Good plan.]

[steel: This is the best race ever.]

"We know you aren't CDCB!" Steel yelled.

CDCB then crashed the bike into a tree. He awoke in another part of the forest, face to face with Masan Najwa.

[steel: I'm confused. Who has the bike now? Or was there really two bikes and the other came from the forest through the same "inexplicably appeared" plot device?]

"Who..Who are you?" asked CDCB.

"I am Massan Najwa," said Massan as he pointed a gun at CD.

[steel: "GBGD didn't kill anybody. Prepare to die."]
[JCM: See, CD, now that guy's trying to kill you.]

We then heard a gun fire.

[Halibut: You didn't need to make it ambiguous, I think we all know that Massan simply shot the gun in the air to warn CD that he should probably run. Duh.]

We see AOF and Elastic in an anime store, discussing various animes.

[JCM: Just a pair of mans discussing animes.]

"Have you seen Big O?" asked Elastic.

"If you mean Big Q, then yup," he said.

[steel: "It's my favorite anime, next to Samurai Bebop."]

"In my world, it is called Big O." AvatarOddFan said.

[Halibut: Minor nitpick, but shouldn't the main noun be used BEFORE the pronoun in dialogue?]
[JCM: I think Elastic was supposed to say this line, but one thing led to another, and now we have this mess of dialogue in already messy, pointless scene.]

[steel: Now we went from stealing bikes to stealing lines. I sure did learn something useful from this episode.]

"Interesting." Elastic said.

"We lost him." Sabre said.

[JCM: You also apparently lost the transition back to this scene, because I sure didn't see one.]
[William: Well, that scene was so uninteresting I suppose Jjs just got bored and forgot to put one in.]

"Oh well, now I wonder where the real CDCB is?" wondered Fa.

The 3 remained in the forest, curious and confused.

We see AOF and Elastic walk out and meet Jelly, Old Man Jenkins, Young Man Jenkins and PeanutButterBammer.

"Fifi!" said Elastic.

"Who are they?" asked AOF.

"Friends." Elastic said.

[William:
]

"Ah, nice to meet you, chap." Young Man Jenkins said.

[JCM: Young Man Jenkins is apparently British.]

[steel: I could use a spot of tea.]

The six continued to talk.

[Halibut: That really isn't a great way to end unless it's some sort of shitty cliffhanger.]
[William: Wait, so it just… ends there? Strange. Well this was a bit of a short episode.]

[steel: Just as bland as the last episode. Still not giving up on this lit though.]

~~Metal Snake~~ · January 12, 2015

Great riffing. And good job to Halibut for finding another inconsistency I glossed over. How could CDCB have been wearing a "CDCB suit" when GDGB stole his clothes?

**So Sejima** · January 13, 2015

Great riffing. And good job to Halibut for finding another inconsistency I glossed over. How could CDCB have been wearing a "CDCB suit" when GDGB stole his clothes?

He bought it at the SBC doubloon store of course, you just need a time stopping watch to get away with this inconsistency, 4 payments of $99.82 not including shipping and taxes, and for the suit itself, just a low price of 88 payments of $666.00!

**SpongeOddFan** · January 13, 2015

He bought it at the SBC doubloon store of course, you just need a time stopping watch to get away with this inconsistency, 4 payments of $99.82 not including shipping and taxes, and for the suit itself, just a low price of 88 payments of $666.00!

only for just $9.99!

MMM · January 15, 2015

I should riff sometime.

**Jjs Goodman** · January 16, 2015

SBC Parallel Universe Season 1

8. Whale Tales

Spoiler

Jjs is still seen tied up in his prison and asleep, when the two Mysterious Men enter in.

[Mysterious Man #1: WAKE UP!]
[Jjs: *wakes up* Huh, who and the what now, oh yeah, you guys. Why do you keep torturing me?]
[Mysterious Man #2: So you can feel the pain we had when you made this drivel.]
[Jjs: What are you talking about? Are you sure you guys aren't really stoned right now?]
[Mysterious Man #1: Forget it, the riffs are continuing as planned, and without your aid, your show and reputation will be torn to ruin, and SBC will be without a leader.]
[Jjs: Uh... three problems with your diabolical plan:
1). Yeah, a random lit that not everyone read and is being riffed in a show that not everyone reads will sure ruin my reputation.
2.) I've said I don't think my show is that great looking back, so who cares if it is "ruined"? And it's not like you are brainwashing people to hate it or anything.
3.) Without a leader? Yeah, it's not like AN or hilaryfan80 are there or anything man.]
[Mysterious Man #2: Well, uh... maybe we didn't think this through well enough.]
[Mysterious Man #1: Ugh, who cares. We'll be back! *both exit*]
[Jjs: Well, hopefully my riffs of their plan will give me time for my next riff return, hehe. Those idiots failed to tie my ropes in, and leave me with this stash. *gets out of chair and goes to stash of objects the room had, pulls out a Mac, revealing jjs had it on him while kidnapped and was thrown into this pile* Suckers, I've been catching up with riffs with this thing. I better make this quick.]

Clappy, Steel and Hayden are seen in the theater, ready to riff Episode 8, when an image of jjs pops up on the movie screen.

[steel: Zomg, jjs?!]
[Jjs: Yup, it is me. I can't talk too much, but I have found another way to get back here. I've been watching your riffs with this in my spare time while they leave me unattended, and you guys are making me proud. I've decided to return to riff this particular episode, which I felt was a dud. Let's make this quick, because those rude men might come back soon.]
[Clappy: How the hell are you on the tv?]
[Hayden: He already riffed with a robot, I'm sure he has a good explanation for this that won't be as bad as his Parallel Universe writing.]
[Jjs: Riffing Theater frequencies and shit, now let's get the show on the road!]

8. Whale Tales

[Jjs: I am now very tempted to make a parody of Dragon Tales with this title. Yay or nay?]
[Clappy: Haha, get it because it rhymes?]
[Hayden: Sounds like a Pearl themed SB DVD or children's book....]

"CDCB, where are you?" asked Steel.

[Jjs: This question is a bit harsh in hindsight now, considering CD's current whereabouts...]
[Hayden:
]

"CDCB...stop playing games," said Fa.

[Clappy: Eww, I can only imagine what kind of games CD plays.]
[Hayden: Peanut Butter Jelly Otter board games?]
[steel: Yeah, we don't wanna play Life again!]

"He is dead," said a mysterious voice.

[Jjs: Is this ATTWL 3 70s doing another mimicking trick?]
[Hayden: "Thanks for the info, creepy voice we've never heard before! We'll be on our way now....]
[steel: "Do an order of pizza for dinner."]

"Who...are you?" asked Sabre.

[Clappy: A poorly written character that will get an underdeveloped backstory.]
[Hayden: I guess that's more important to ask first than what happened to your friend.]
[steel: I'd be blown if the person's real name is "mysterious voice".]

"I am WhaleBlubber," he said.

[steel: Darn.]

"OH MY GOD, KILL IT!" said Steel.

[Jjs: YOU BASTARD!]
[Hayden: You'll need a harpoon or three.]

"No..please don't. I must tell you a tale. I can help you all find your friends," he said.

[Clappy: Or shove poop down our throats. I mean, that's what he would normally tell us.]
[Hayden: I'm right there with you Clap, why would Whaleblubber cut the crap now?]
[steel: They've obviously had enough of their whale sh*t to care for a story.]

"I don't trust you, troll!" said Fa.

[Hayden: Just say no to trolls, no matter what the situation.]

"Now hold on guys, he could be trying to turn over a new leaf," said Sabre.

[Clappy: Since when did Sabre become so trusting? As a matter of fact, since when did everyone become so cliched?]
[Hayden: For all we know, it's a poop covered leaf that he used to wipe his buttocks.]
[steel: Or Animal Crossing New Leaf, that would be promising.]

"Don't believe him," said Fa.

[Jjs: Okay, so you don't believe him...are you going to do something about it, or...?]
[steel: Too late, he believes him.]

"Fine, but I will still tell my tale." Whale said.

[Clappy: Well, he's the most influential story teller of our times. Ignores his critics but still tells his tales. WhaleBlubber confirmed as M. Night Shyamalan.]
[Hayden: But you only have a 50 percent approval rating!]
[steel: This tale is called "Green Eggs and Dirty Sweaty Logs of Crap".]

"What is it?" asked Steel.

"Well..." WhaleBlubber continued.

[Jjs: Scene transition in 3...2...1...]

We cut to AOF and Elastic meeting Jelly, OMJ, Young Man Jenkins and Peanut.

[Jjs: Wow, I was spot on. I have to say, the choppy scene transitions in this might be up there with ATTWL 3 and BT's awkward ones.

And what is with all of the "we cut" lines? It's just making me imagine that a Pokemon is using Cut across the scene...]
[Hayden: Maybe this scene we cut to is the tale WhaleBlubber is telling. Kind of vague....]
[steel: It all started with a crazy meet-up...]

"OMJ! " said Elastic.

"Elastic! Some guy with him!" he replied.

[Jjs: It's a bird, it's a plane, no wait, it's some guy!]

"My name is AvatarOddFan, AKA AOF." AOF said.

[Clappy: Oh god. These parallel universe names. I forgot how corny they were. xD]
[Hayden: Kan binged the series as he said before. Maybe opposite world Kan should hate wrestling instead as his opposite trait.]

"Want to listen to New Kids on The Block?" asked PeanutButterBammer.

[Clappy: Eww, this was probably the corniest.]
[steel: My response in 3, 2, 1....]

"No.." Elastic replied.

"I'm sorry to say Peanut, but nobody wants to listen to your music," said AOF.

[Clappy: Obligatory AOF has better grammar than SOF joke.]
[Hayden: Wow, I was able to take AOF seriously!]
[steel: Because "Peanutty" never catches on.]

"Let's listen to the Beatles," said Jelly.

"Win," said Elastic.

[Jjs: Let's not forget the obligatory Jelly loves Beatles joke.]
[Hayden: ]

We cut

[Jjs: Stop that.]
[steel: Obligatory cut.]
[Hayden: ]

back to the forest.

"The man who killed CDCB was none other than Massan Najwa," said Blubber.

[steel: And that's why you should never feed a llama pancakes.]
[Clappy: You call that a tale? Wow, maybe the M. Night Shyamalan comparisons were too accurate. That scene was entirely pointless.]
[Hayden: What? Where? Why? When? How?]
[Jjs: ...Was that seriously his whole tale? And he waited so long just to tell a one sentence story? Wow, what a story teller you are. I doubt he'd get a free pass like this though if he were a story teller in a book club, oh boy...

*WhaleBlubber is shown reading to kids for a book club*

WhaleBlubber: Now, the book we're reviewing this week is Harry Potter. It's about a wizard named Harry, his parents die, Dumbledore dies, and the bad guy named is Voldemort, who also dies. That's the book series in a nutshell, now I saved you 7 ridiculously long installments. Club dismissed!

*All of the kids begin to cry and start to beat up WhaleBlubber*

WhaleBlubber: HELP!!!!!]

"Who?" asked Fa.

[Hayden: Oh right, that too. Thanks Fa.]
[Clappy: Young Fa has a point. I never understood everyone's fascination with Hassan. He never came off to me as anything other than 2010-2011's crushing except not posting on SBC. The one thing I do remember from this is that he got a ton of spotlight in the latter half of Season 1 instead of more recognizable SBCers, so that didn't help either.]
[Hayden: An old version of Crushing, eh? Well in any case, jjs definitely missed out on using someone more creative. Someone well known but elusive to the site.....someone like me.]

"A mass murderer wanted in this world. He sent out a clone of CDCB to impersonate him and he ended up killing both."

"Dang," said Steel.

[Jjs: You can really feel the emotion, folks.]
[steel: Apparently, the opposite world has the ability to suck out people's souls.]
[Hayden: I'm crying on the inside, I swear.]

"Hold on, we don't know if this is real or not," said Fa.

[Jjs: Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?]

"It is. My men were killed by him. We had a dreadful encounter with him yesterday," he said.

[Clappy: Now why couldn't we get this tale? That would have probably more significant to storyline progression than that previous one.]

"Hmm...I guess that explains why your friends aren't here," said Fa. "I believe you...but if you pull any funny stuff, I'll hurt you so bad!"

[Fa: *taps WhaleBlubber on shoulder*]
[WhaleBlubber: *still in pain from being attacked by kids* STOP, YOU WIN!]
[Clappy: Fa confirmed as least intimidating badass ever.]
[Hayden: That's the only explanation for why his friends can't be there? Fa's switch after 10 lines of being a little punk was not believable.]
[steel: If you're giving me any jokes, I will break your legs, man!]

"Good, now let's put aside our differences and try to escape this world!" he said.

"Okay," Steel said.

[Jjs: ]
[steel: ]

"Hehe..those idiots don't know what I am planning," WhaleBlubber said to himself secretly.

[Clappy: You mean WhaleBlubber was....gasp....evil? Least surprising plot twist, even more so than him telling a pointless tale.]
[Jjs: WHAT-nah, not worth it. WhaleBlubber really is M. Night Shyamalan.]
[Hayden: You could have just thought that, Blubber. But sure, might as well cause more problems for this crew after all your own friends were viciously murdered. Guess avenging them is less important.]

They walked out of the forest and found Hassan Bajwa using some kind of device.

"Hassan!" said Steel.

"Hello Steel, Fa, Sabre and...WhaleBlubber?" Hassan said, confused.

[Clappy: One of these things is not like the other.]
[Jjs: Here's my Pokemon team: Swampert, Linoone, Swellow and...Gatomon?]
[Hayden: Is WhaleBlubber's diabolical plan to confuse Hassan?]
[steel: Take off that Massan costume, imposter!]

"He's "helping" us," said Fa.

"Okay. Well, I'm using this device to try and scan to see what matter this place is made of. It is very interesting."

[Clappy: Why does that matter?]
[Hayden: ]
[steel: I'm surprised of how sane Hassan is here and not questioning how he and everyone else transported into a different world.]

"I'm sorry, but what?" asked Steel.

[Jjs: That reply sums up my thoughts well.]

"Eh, you wouldn't understand." Hassan said.

[Hank Hill: You just don't understand. That boy ain't right.]
[Hayden: Well maybe these idiots won't understand, but the viewers at home would like to.]
[steel: Implying that the device he's making is just a "device".]

Elsewhere, we see tons of other users come out of the vortex as well such as 70s, tvguy, SOF, Wumbology, Dragiiin, CF and some more.

[Clappy: Still no Someone.]
[Hayden: I guess we'll save my huge appearance for later?]

"Where the hell are we?" asked Dragiiin.

[Clappy: I would like to know the same.]
[Jjs: We're barely halfway into this season, and I am getting very tired of this "Where are we?" gag...]
[steel: At least this didn't turn into a "bump" gag.]

"No idea. Seems like a place from my dreams," said Wumbo.

[Jjs: Wait, what the hell, didn't OMJ say that when he entered into the world as well? I can tell my originality was spot on.]
[steel: Hopefully that doesn't mean we'll get a "looks like something out of my dreams" gag.]

Just then, it started to rain.

[Clappy: Such vague imagery.]
[Hayden: Let me paint a picture for you Clappy:

...Oh whoops, wrong one:

]

"Aw crap," said Drag.

[Jjs: Rain what, exactly? If this is an opposite world, then is it raining fire right now? D'oh!

Yeah, sorry guys, but the more I read this, the more disappointing I keep finding this. I did not need to stretch out this CD/GD arc for 4 episodes, and all of them came off rushed because of it. Well, hopefully I can finally escape the mysterious men's clutches and get my final thoughts on this before it is too late. See you all soon.]
[Clappy: Well so far my thoughts on this have remained the same. It's just too vague and boring for me to remember. Like, it's a lot of talking and a lot of this talking really doesn't lead to much of a payoff so far. This hasn't been bad persay, it's just been very dull. Will this pick up? We shall see but at least I remember why this hasn't been etched into my memory banks.]
[Hayden: Yeah, we need to cut down on the filler. Why was an entire episode devoted to WhaleBlubber giving them the news? This should be a passing moment before the chapter builds up to a confrontation. Instead it sizzled out. Whale and the SBC users aren't giving me any reason to not want the serial killer to win either.]
[steel: So far, this looking pretty uninteresting, but this episode is not as bad. Steel out.]

Epilogue:

Jjs tosses the Mac back into the pile and ties himself back up, as the men shortly enter in later, as jjs whistles.

[Jjs: Sup?]
[Mysterious Man #1: Well, we've reworked our plan. We have big things in store, hehe...]
[Jjs: Th-that's all folks?!-]

~~Metal Snake~~ · January 16, 2015

That was my favorite SBCPU episode riffed so far! Hoping on more episodes where jjs joins in.

**Jjs Goodman** · January 19, 2015

SBC Parallel Universe Season 1

9. Full House

Spoiler

9. Full House

[Metal Snake: EVERYWHERE YOU LOOK-Too easy.]
[OMJ: Whatever happened to predictability?]

Almost every SBC user was in the Parallel Universe!

[OMJ: Like the milkman, the paper boy, even evening TV.]
[Metal Snake: DUN DUN...dun? Not much of a surprise if you ask me, I don’t see the reason for the exclamation mark.]
[JCM: Almost? Is spambot123 too cool for your parallel universe?]

"What is this place?" tvguy asked.

[Metal Snake: Unbelievable. One line of dialogue in and I’m already getting callbacks to Resident Evil again… O_O]

"I...don't know," replied 70s.

"I think forumaation might be experincing technical ussues," SOF said.

[JCM: Gesundheit.]
[Metal Snake: who are u and wat yu have don wit SOF?

I’ve never seen SOF capitalize his sentences, nor have I ever seen him leave them devoid of lulzy grammar errors.]

"I think SOF might be having a grammar issue," said tvguy.

[Metal Snake: SPELLING issue. “I think forumotion might be experiencing technical issues” IS grammatically correct.]
[OMJ: HE NEVER KNEW HIS GRAMMARRR! Isn't that so sad ]
[JCM: Kelsey Grammer and SOF never did get along.]

"It's not forumotion. We've be warped to some weird place," 70s said.

[Metal Snake: Okay, you’re trolling me now. “We’ve be”? Is 70s trying to talk like a pirate now?]
[OMJ: Dont worry, I'm sure this was the just the cc.cz site conversion]

Dragiiin, CF, 70s, tvguy and Wumbo headed down to a nearby street. They entered in a small town that read "Wourlot Town."

[JCM: Wourlot Town was one of small town's favorite books.]

"What the fuck?" asked Drag.

[Metal Snake: Thank you for taking my line.]

"Hello!" said that80sguy93.

[JCM: that80sguy is kind of like that70sguy, only a lot less funny. I wouldn't be surprised if Fox cancels him after a season.]

"I'm 80s' wife," replied a women named that80sgirl94.

[OMJ: So, I assume they're actually real in this universe. And that she's more than one woman. Well she's a whole lotta woman alright hurrhurr]
[Metal Snake: Part of me wants to ignore the fact that SBCPU was written well before “70s’ unveiling” and crack a mean-spirited joke about that80sgirl being that80sguy’s imaginary girlfriend, and part of me wants to nitpick that the years at the end of 80sgirl’s and 80sguy’s names differ from each other when 70sguy’s and 70sgirl’s end years were the same, 92. Part of me also doesn’t think doing either would be that funny, so part of me is moving along.]

"80s...70s?" questioned a confused Wumbo.

[JCM: Yes, those are two decades.]
[Metal Snake: “Questioned a confused Wumbo.”...That dialogue tag eerily reminded me of something that I wrote…]
[OMJ: Well Wumbo, the 80's were more of the shit, so I'd suggest fucking that in your next music blog.]

We seen an officer named Mumbology who doesn't care when two opposites litter.

[Metal Snake: “We are introduced to Mumbology, who I assume must be on patrol for potential jaywalkers.”]
[OMJ: Thank you for that unnecessary and somewhat spammy tidbit.]
[JCM: Unnecessary? This episode wouldn't be complete without a look at the apathetic adventures of *mumbles*logy!]

"Whatever," he replies.

[Metal Snake: “I’m so cool, I don’t care about the question you didn’t ask me.”]
[OMJ: OUR LADY PEACE! OUR LADY PEACE!]

"Mumbology...?" Wumbo asked. "How cheesy."

[JCM: How did you know his name was Mumbology? Do these opposites walk around with nametags or something?]
[OMJ:  ]

"I know this sounds stupid, but what if we are in an opposite world?" asked tvguy.

"Shut up punks," said a tough girl named FC.

[JCM: "Shut up" is a bad word! I'm telling mommy!]
[Metal Snake: Good lord, this exposition is just marvelous.

>Wumbo ponders the similarity of two usernames.
>A police officer comes out of nowhere talking like Squall Leonhart.

>Wumbo expresses his thoughts on his opposite’s name.
>Tvguy abruptly comes to the conclusion that they’re in an opposite world, deriding his theory in the process.

>Tvguy establishes vital exposition.
>Someone comes out of nowhere to derail it.

Again, not trying to offend jjs, but this episode looks like it was written in a hurry.]

"Ok..." CF said.

"Put a sock in it, pussy girl," said the woman.

[OMJ: At least her and CD's opposite seem about as compatible as they are in our universe.]
[CF: You take that back! I am not a cat lady!]
[JCM: I tawt I taw a poorly tawt out TF clone.]

"Someone needs to teach you some manners," said 70s.

"Don't mind her, she is quite rude," said 80s.

[OMJ: Why you gotta be so ruuuude?]
[JCM: I'm tempted to make another Full House joke, but nobody wants that. ]

"Where's my opposite?" asked Drag. "I bet he is nowhere near as awesome as me."

[Metal Snake: Like SOF, Dragiiin is well-known for capitalizing his sentences.]
[OMJ: Awesome enough to write short story sensation, Dog on Flea with Blog.]

Dragiiin walked into a house and started to spam it up.

[Metal Snake: Wait, A house? He’s not with the group anymore? He’s in his own scene all of a sudden? Look Ma, no transitions!]
[JCM: How do you spam up a house? Do you throw processed meat everywhere?]

"             :pepsi:     " Drag spammed.

[JCM: How does that even work? Does he just vomit emotions a la rainbow-puking gnomes in Gravity Falls?]

"AAH! GO AWAY SPAMMER!" said the opposite family in the house.

[Metal Snake: Smiley spam? Shame, I thought in a dialogue-heavy show like this that Dragiiin would spam people with obscure pop culture references and goofy nonsense.]
[OMJ: In an opposite world, you'd think they'd want spam.]

"Okay Dragiiin, stop. This is serious," said 70s.

"Why not you come rest in our house?" asked 80s.

[JCM: Do you how do?]
[Metal Snake: Oh sweet, 80s is the new SOF.]
[OMJ: Yes, invite the guy who was just mercilessly spamming your house INTO your house]

"Sure, you seem more friendly than that FC woman," said Wumbo.

[Metal Snake: You know, the woman who conveniently disappeared so I could say that out loud.]

They entered their house.

[JCM: Who entered their house? There are so many characters I can't even keep track anymore.]

"Nice house," said CF.

"Why thank you. Care for some cookies?" asked 80sgirl.

[Metal Snake: You know, because 70sgirl was well-known for being impolite and unmotherly.]
[OMJ: Oh, I like opposite Sara's cookies  ]

"Yummy!" said Drag.

[JCM: So Drag breaks into a family's house, terrifies them, and then gets rewarded with cookies. Talk about a Karma Houdini.]

"I might enjoy it here," said tvguy.

[OMJ: See, these muh'fuckas know what I'm talkin bout]
[Metal Snake: The moral of the story kids is to go into a stranger’s house when prompted, because you just might enjoy it there! ;D]

Meanwhile...

"Where am I?" wondered Pakasa as he walked through a field.

[OMJ: So opposite me must've guessed correctly in the Guess the Next Poster thread!]
[JCM: As if we didn't have enough characters already.]

Just then, something grabbed him.

[Metal Snake: SomeTHING? I guess Someone got tired of all the “someone” jokes.]
[OMJ: Opposite me just got lil too overexcited there.]

MMM · January 19, 2015

Cool how this lets both the older members remember times of the past and newer members experience mediocre spin offs of the past.

**Jjs Goodman** · January 22, 2015

SBC Parallel Universe Season 1

10. Pot of Spam

Spoiler

10. Pot of Spam

[JCM: This looks indigestible.]
[Hayden: At least the title already tells us it's going to be a stupid and pointless chapter. But that won't be all it gives away apparently...]

[Halibut: The end of the rainbow has never been so disappointing.]

"What are you?" said a scared Pakasa.

[Hayden:  ]

[Halibut: Just another vague character in this story, that's what "it" is.]

"Pakasa!" said Steel.

[Hayden: That sounds like some sort of rejected Pokémon.]

"Oh, thank goodness it is just you guys," he said. "And who is that trollish looking guy?" he asked.

[JCM: Okay, there's so much wrong with this line. For one, who are these "guys"? It's been two episodes since we saw Steel and the crew, and we have two billion characters, so telling us who's in this group again won't kill us. I never thought I'd be criticizing a show for having too little exposition, but here we are. Second, two dialogue tags in one line of dialogue? You are tearing me apart. Third, couldn't Pakasa think of an identifier other than "trollish looking"? Unless WB is covered in hair like that troll from Dora the Explorer, it doesn't really make any sense.]

[Halibut:  ]

"WhaleBlubber," said Hassan.

[Hayden: This must be what WhaleBlubber looks like in real life:

]

[Halibut: I know this is nitpicking, but taking someone as notorious as Whaleblubber and just switching him around as the guy who wants to help is just off-putting on so many levels.]

"Should I be scared?"

[JCM: Yeah, he might throw poop at you or something.]

[Halibut: That's the one thing you're questioning?]

"No. He is "helping" us," said Fa.

"Don't be an ass, Fa. I swore on my soul," replied Blubber.

[Hayden: Spoiler alert, Blubby's soul is getting taken. If you can take something that isn't there.]

[Halibut: Pretty sure he's always been soulless.]

"Sorry." Fa said.

[Hayden:  ]

"Now then, this field carries many secrets," said Hassan.

[JCM: "And non-curable diseases, so don't eat those berries!"]

[Halibut: This lit is so dialogue-heavy I didn't even know we were in a field...]

"How so?" asked Steel.

[Hayden: It's a heavy lifter that gets ripped at the gym on a daily basis bro.]

"I am still a bit confused on what is going on," said Pakasa.

[JCM: You're not alone.]

[Hayden: Exactly, you're another thing slowing us down because apparently we need to cut to every SBCer and fill them in individually on stuff that happened several chapters ago before we can move on.]

[Halibut: Even in the earlier episodes there was a storyline that could balance out the dialogue, but now I just don't know what the fuck is going on, especially with all of these bland characters.]

"Long story short, you are in an opposite world," said Blubber.

[Hayden: Actually it'd be "we're", unless Pakasa is suddenly the only character carrying the plot.]

[Halibut: At this point, nobody is carrying the plot.]

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?" he then asked.

[JCM: If I found out that I might never see my family again, the first thing I'd wonder is whether it's a good thing or a bad thing, too.]

[Hayden: Form your own opinion.]

[Halibut: Is it a good thing or a bad thing that I chose to riff this episode?]

"Depends how you look at it." Sabre said.

[Halibut: That doesn't answer anything. I have no idea what jjs was thinking to put this much dialogue, especially when it does nothing to further the story.]

"Now then, with my scanner, I determined there are some hidden gold mines throughout these fields. There might be a cave nearby.."

[Halibut: Okay, since when did he have a scanner? It showed nothing about him with a scanner. I don't even know who said that line! Oh my god, I am so fucking confused.]

"GOLD! I-We can be rich," said Blubber.

[JCM: Who's I-We? Is he You-They's opposite?]

[Hayden: Blubby has big plans for this gold...

]

[Halibut: I can't believe they're still trusting this guy. And why does gold hold any importance in the story? It seems like it was shoved in by jjs to make up for something.]

The gang ran for the gold mine.

"The tracker says North!" said Hassan. Within minutes, they found a nearby cave.

[Hayden: Did I miss something? When did this become their objective?]

[Halibut: It became their objective when a metal detector just suddenly appeared in Steel's pocket, or at least that's what I assume.]

They walked into the cave, and the cave was all bright,

[JCM: You're all bright, mate.]

but it was quiet.

[Halibut: It's a cave, so unless a bear is getting ready for hibernation, of course it's quiet.]

"Does somebody live here?" wondered Steel.

[Hayden: Why would the cave being quiet indicate someone inhabiting it?]

"Look! A pot," said Hassan.

[JCM: I wonder what's in the pot! Casserole? Toiletries?]

"Gold, gold, gold!" said Blubber.

[JCM: Nah, nah, nah.]

[Halibut: Since when did Whaleblubber turn into Mr. Krabs?]

"We get it. Stop being a broken record," said Hassan.

[Hayden: Right, because THAT line is the most repetitive part of all this. Stop having an evil psychopathic murderer for an opposite version of yourself.]

They opened the pot and gold was in it!

[JCM: Wow! Didn't expect that!]

[Hayden:  ]

[Halibut: But... the title said it was gonna be a pot of spam. I am disappointed.]

"Ah...lovely gold!" said Blubber has he began picking at it.

"So, how does it help us get back?" asked Fa.

[Halibut: The better question is how does it help to make the story any better?]

"I need a sample of this gold. If I put it in my machine, it will help create a portal back to our world!" explained Hassan. He took a piece of gold.

[JCM: Why would you power your machine on gold and not something less ridiculous, like anything other than gold?]

[Hayden:  ]

[Halibut: Okay, maybe this was cleared up before, but since when did Hassan have a fucking machine!?]

"Hey guys...why is the pot ticking?" asked Steel.

"What?-" Sabre asked, but it was too late!

The gold exploded across the cave, revealing it was spam.

[JCM: what]

[Hayden:  ]

[Halibut: A-HA! I knew it, it was actually spam! AHAHAHAHHahahah... that made no sense in any way whatsoever. That's probably the weirdest thing I've read in this series so far, and I doubt anything can top it.]

"Tasty," said Blubber. "But I know nothing about this."

[Hayden: Immediately saying that before anyone can accuse you makes you less suspicious to them how?]

[Halibut: Obviously, WhaleBlubber is lying. Nobody could ever find SPAM tasty.]

"You lie!" said Fa. "You set this up!"

"I swear..I didn't. I really had nothing to do with this and if I DID do it, why would it seem like it was set up a long time ago?" asked Blubber.

[JCM: Because you made it seem like it was set up a long time ago.]

[Halibut: Or to make it simpler, WhaleBlubber set it up a long time ago.]

"I guess you're right," said Fa. "Sorry."

[Hayden: Fa's backbone is wildly inconsistent.]

[Halibut: Make up your mind, Fa.]

They heard a voice.

"Back away from me gold!" said the man.

[JCM: The gold that just exploded into a spammy mess? Do you really want that?]

[Halibut: What... I can't... what?]

His name was faiiiry456.

[Hayden: Get it? Because Dragon types are weak against Fairy types? I noticed that all by myself.... which is weird, since this was written long before Fairy types were introduced. Did jjs predict the future? ]

"Ye thieves fell for me trap!" he said.

[Hayden: And why is this fairy talking like a pirate?]

[Halibut: Does this imply that Dragiiin speaks like the opposite of a pirate?]

"What the?" said Steel.

"I despise spam, but I use it to fool dopes like you!" he said.

[JCM: That's pretty logical, like someone who's allergic to peanuts buying a whole bag of them so he can throw them at his enemies. Sure, he could have chosen something that wouldn't have got him sent to the emergency room, but where's the fun in that?]

[Halibut: Does this guy have an actual reason to be there, or is he just an antagonist for the sake of being antagonist?]

"You're going down punk!" said Blubber as he grabbed him. But he disappeared in a cloud of pink smoke.

[Halibut: Pink smoke? Why pink smoke?]

"Gah, we got pranked!" said Hassan. "And my machine is destroyed...the gold was fake.."

[Hayden: Just build another one and some time travel machines while you're at it.]

[Halibut: Wait, so there was no reason for this? What the fuck? Seriously, was this added on to add length to the episode?]

"Don't worry, we'll find a way to get out," said Pakasa.

[JCM: You can start by not building a machine that runs on gold.]

They walked out of the cave.

[Hayden:  ]

WhaleBlubber, however, began to call someone secretly behind a tree...

[JCM: "Hey babe, you up?"]

[Hayden: Wait, there was more! A secretive phone call cliché?! Oh, just a reminder WhaleBlubber doesn't have the purest of motives. Just in case Fa berating him several times, Pakasa being wary of him and him being a greedy bastard didn't set off any red flags. This dragiiin opposite better be pretty damn important to make an entire chapter about his trap. Really confused with the apparent game plan being set in motion. I'll be back to dissect soon cave dwellers!]

[Halibut: I'm sorry, but half of the time in this story, I had no idea what was going on. The thing was 70% dialogue, had really forced events, and it was just a really fucking weird episode, and one of the worst in the series so far.]

~~Metal Snake~~ · January 22, 2015

Wow, JCM and Hayden were gold in this one. Halibut had some good stuff to offer too.

**Sweat** · January 22, 2015

Wow, JCM and Hayden were gold in this one. Halibut had some good stuff to offer too.

Yeah, I know, I was a bit more negative than anything this time, you don't need to give hints

**Jjs Goodman** · January 24, 2015

Here's not one, but two new episodes.

SBC Parallel Universe Season 1

11. Captain52's Revenge:

Spoiler

11. Captain52's Revenge

[OMJ: Oh look, more fuck for this cluster of bustling personalities.]

WhaleBlubber was behind a tree.

[OMJ: ...P..P.I.N.G.??]
[sOF: I know I'm nitpicking, but didn't we see that last episode? Seems kind of redundant to retell us, Past Jjs must not have had much faith in our memories...]

"Where did WB go?" asked Steel.

[steel: Someplace where it can be called The CW.]
[sOF: Don't tell me we're using SECC/ATTWL 3 abbreviations again...]
[OMJ: I'd check the water tower, he's probably out recruiting his Warner brothers...and Warner sister.]

"Don't know and don't care," said Hassan.

"Yeah, he can ditch us all he wants," said Fa.

[OMJ: I wish I can do the same, but something or someone (Jjs) keeps reeling me back in.]

WhaleBlubber began to call someone.

[sOF: I love how he conveniently had a phone with him when he was teleported into the world.]
[WhaleBlubber: "Hello, this is WhaleBlubber.]
[someone: "Why do you have my number?"]

"Hello!" said Blubber.

"What the?" said Captain52.

[sOF: No need to censor it, it's obvious Captain was going to say heck.]

"It's me, Blubber," he said.

[Captain52: "Sorry, it's just that you didn't greet me with the same ole shit, literally.]
[Captain52: "Ohai Blubber. Not sure how you got my number or anything, but hey."]

"Oh hi. What do you want?" Captain asked.

"Want your revenge on SBC?" he said.

[steel: Now this is the most straightforward conversation I've read through in this lit so far.]

"Wait, I am confused,

[OMJ: Understatement of the year 2011.]

what is going on?" asked Captain.

[sOF: Wow, two for two. Looks like even Past Jjs was self-aware.]

"SBC users have been sucked into an opposite world by some weird glitch. This place is fucked up, but pretty lulzy. Basically, I wanted to spam them up and so I did. But it ended up resulting into a glitch happening." WB told him.

[OMJ: This whole story has a glitch!]

"Interesting...I'll create a new account and see for myself." Captain said.

[OMJ: Said and did every ban dodger on SBC ever.]
[sOF: Captain sure takes WhaleBlubber's word about another world pretty calmly, wouldn't Captain assume Blubber might be trolling him? Unless Captain is just that guy who believes anything anyone says, which might create problems for him in the future...]

Captain created his account to find himself to an empty board with no new posts.

[steel: Is he on TV.com?]
[OMJ: It's a good thing crushing hadn't joined yet, or else he may or may not have had a stroke. But don't take my word for it.]

Right off the bat, he spotted a PM and opened it. He got sucked into the Opposite world. Luckily, the portal opened up right in front of WhaleBlubber.

[OMJ: "Conveniently" would be the word I'd use, or maybe all that gold and Dragiiin's leprechaun opposite rubbed off him.]
[steel: Probably too late to make this assumption, but this must be Aku's doing.]
[sOF: I'm probably nitpicking again, but... what is exactly is going on with SBC during all of this? Is it just frozen in time? I have a hard time believing no new member would join and post, and plus, can't already existing members just ignore the PM and continue to post? Or does this work in a way where the portal makes the PM pop-up and force you to read it? That also raises the question if the portal will be sent to new members who join... I think I found a massive plot hole in all of this, but now my head hurts. Just forget it, not worth thinking about.]

"What the fuck?" said Captain.

[OMJ: Said every riffer riffing this ever.]
[sOF: Dangit Captain, I defended you earlier by hoping you'd say "heck"! This is disappointing.]

"Welcome to the Opposite World!" said Blubber.

[Captain52:
"OPPOSITE WORLD! OPPOSITE WOOORRRLD!]
[OMJ: Home of RockGoddess, I would presume.]
[steel: I think you're referring to "MetalGod".]

"So, now what?" asked Captain.

[steel: Do something interesting.]
[OMJ: I'd get an ice cream! I mean, may as well if you're willing to bugger off course to find gold.]
[sOF: What do you mean "now what"? He just told you he wanted revenge! I suppose trolls are trolls for a reason, though.]

"We get revenge!" said Blubber.

[steel: You already suggested for him to do that!]
[OMJ: Because that went so well the last time, and you had the entire Superman Revenge Squad with you to boot.]
[sOF: I guess the plan was so nice, he had to repeat it twice.]

"Well, there better not be any g*y people here, because I hate g*y people!

[Captain52: "It's not like I pretended to be a girl and hit on Clappy!]
[OMJ: Oh Roku, you're more confused than I gave you credit for.]
[steel: Seems as though he's mostly concerned about the g*y people in the opposite world, if there are any.]
[sOF: Captain52 confirmed for homophobe. I assume he got a bad impression from Anna/Molly in Bikini Top, or something similar like that happened to him in real life.]

I also hate Clapmaster, JellyFishJammer, Santa Dog/Elastic Wasteband, Bob_Ball and anybody else who has treated me like garbage throughout the years on TV.com/SBC!" said Captain.

[Captain: "But most of all, there better not be any g*y people involved for our revenge!]
[OMJ: Help! It's Herbert Moon! And if you get that then you're probably just a nerd with nothing better to do than to watch other nerds with nothing better to do than to riff other nerds with nothing better to do than to write stories that are nothing better to do. But are those slashes really necessary tho?]

"That was moving. But we need to work together to plot our revenge," said Blubber deviously.

[OMJ: Yes, about as moving as RSF moving over to SBC anytime soon. But is this it? This was mostly like reading an Ask Me thread back and forth before Ask Me thread back and forths even became a thing, and equally as mind numbing.]
[sOF: While at least the plot seems to (somewhat) be moving along, this episode was kind of pointless, it just felt like a very strange Ask Me topic. But we'll see where this goes from here...]
[steel: Basically, what happens in "Captain52's Revenge," is that WhaleBlubber contacts Captain through his invisible cellphone and convinces him to join the "we got sucked into the opposite world!!!" party, convinces him to join forces and does so. Just your average "nothing much happens" episode of SBCPU.]

12. World Out

Spoiler

12. World Out

"You'll be a perfect ally!" Blubber said. "We've worked with each other in the past before, like in August 2009 when we banned almost everyone from TV.com and spammed SBC in September 2010."

[Metal Snake: WhaleBlubber was involved with both of those incidents? Well if this story says so…]

"Ah, good memories of DarkWaters78," said Captain.

[Trophy: Stop gloating you asshole.]
[Metal Snake: “Ah, I remember when I was member of SBC, good times.”]

"Now, we plot our revenge!" said Blubber.

[JCM: If you spent less time saying you'll plot your revenge and more time actually plotting your revenge, you'd have plotted your revenge by now.]

Meanwhile, we cut to Jelly, Elastic, Peanut, AOF, OMJ and Young Man Jenkins. They meet up with Hassan, Steel, Fa, Pakasa and Sabre.

[Metal Snake: Yup, they all meet up. Just like that.]

"Guys!" said Sabre.

[JCM: And a girl!]

"Finally, PEOPLE!" said Jelly.

[Metal Snake: SAVE ME FROM THIS WORLD OF XENOPHOBES!]

"I'll tell you what guys, you people have some fancy clothing," said YMJ.

[Trophy: If this is an opposite world... does this mean the opposites are wearing equivalents to "CDCB" suits for their opposite users, or are basically wearing nothing at all? TROPHY: SCARRING YOUNG MINDS WITH RIFFS EVER SINCE 2013! ]
[Metal Snake: I can tell from the fancy descriptions of what they’re wearing. Wait…]
[JCM: I haven't seen a description that vivid since the last time George R.R. Martin described food.]

"Still nowhere near as awesome as me," said OMJ.

[Metal Snake: AWESOME AS I CAN BE!

Seriously though, even way back in the good ol’ glory year of 2011, I never recall OMJ being what you would call...cocky.]

Meanwhile, we see Massan Najwa in his house from Episode 4..

[JCM: Dot dot.]
[Metal Snake: AS SEEN IN EPISODE 4!]
[Trophy: His STOLEN house you mean.]

"Master, the people from the other world are increasing..." Massan told him.

[Trophy: Yeah, we know how babies are made blah blah, SKIP TO THE IMPORTANT PART!]

"Deal away with them soon, we shall," said a shady man on a television screen.

[JCM: His master is Yoda?]

His face and body were colored in black.

[Trophy: Jjs for most racist fanfic of 2011.]
[Metal Snake: Hehe, colored in black. I wonder now if the shady man let his nephew doodle on him with a black crayon.]

"Soon we will open our portals and files to other sites...such as what remains of TV.com, SpongeBuddy Mania, Eurobricks and much...much more," said the shady man.

[JCM: Eurobricks? Are you preparing for Lego SBC Parallel Universe: The Video Game?]
[Trophy: Why would you bother with TV.com exactly, Mr. Black or Shady, I Can't Fucking Decide Anymore Man?]

"Yes Master, I will prepare the hacking devices." Massan said.

[JCM: "Hacking devices" is what he calls his testicles.]

"Good. Within a matter of days, we will have everyone across the internet in this world..."

[Trophy: You must have a shit ton of space for these people.]
[Metal Snake: *Gasp* They’re trying to pull all the internet geeks into the world of the internet! THOSE BASTARDS!]

The screen blanked out. Massan got to work.

[JCM: ]

"I still wonder where master came from," said a curious Massan.

[Trophy: This line later contradicts a "backstory" episode if I am correct, so I am going to ignore this.]
[Metal Snake: So when a man master and a woman master love each other very much…]
[JCM: They pop out a baby and cover him in tar. And that's how you get a shady black man!]

**Jjs Goodman** · January 25, 2015

SBC Parallel Universe Season 1

13. WhaleBlubber's Plan

Spoiler

*Jjs is seen sitting in his prison room still, when the two Mysterious Men enter in*

[Jjs: Sigh... can you guys let me go already, I'm getting really bor-]

[Mysterious Man #1: SILENCE! The time has come...your friends are doing well riffing, but our ultimate plan has been decided.]

[Jjs: Which is...?]

[Mysterious Man #2: We will destroy SBC once and for all!]

[Jjs: ACS, is that you?]

[Mysterious Man #1: No, but we're more intelligent with our plans than him. Hopefully he doesn't threaten to nuke us for this. Anyway yeah, your ends are coming soon.]

[???: That won't be happening, vile fiends. It's time for a goddamn hero...]

[Mysterious Man #2: What the...]

A giant explosion occurs throughout the base, and the room wall breaks open, to reveal OMJ in a hero outfit, along with the producers and some riffers.

[sOF: yay, jjs is alive!]

[Clappy: Finally, we found him. Who the hell are these dumbasses?]

[Mysterious Man #1: NO, impossible! How did you find us?!]

[Producer #1: After jjs riffed back in Episode 8, we tracked his signal to this run down hotel. The jig is up, Jjs is coming back.]

[Jjs: Hooray, I couldn't take one more second of that boring prison.]

[Trophy: Sign me up to use this place as a dungeon for ~~Penguins fans~~.]

[OMJ: Now then my brothas, it's time we figure out who these goddamn evildoers are...]

[Mysterious Man #2: Not so fast... *throws smoke bomb, as the two mysterious men escape the hotel*]

[steel: Ugh, we lost them.]

[Trophy: Meh, I'll get them tomorrow. *falls asleep*]

[Producer #2: No matter, at least jjs is back safe and sound. I have a feeling we'll see those two weirdos again.]

[Jjs: Yeah, for now, I'm going to riff my own work. I'm back, baby.]

Jjs is seen entering the theater, with shocked looks on the riffers' faces.

[Halibut: He has returned...]

[Jjs: I'm back...in black. Let's get this over with.]

[Trophy: Wait, why are we surprised if we clearly just-]

13. WhaleBlubber's Plan

[Trophy: OH COME ON, LEMME FINISH MY SENTENCES FIRST! Oh well, for another time it must be. It better involve blubber nuggets... *gets booed off stage*]

[Jjs: Well, hopefully he spent more time putting thought into his plan than I have with this show so far.]
[OMJ: I'd assume literally throwing shit together would equate to the amount of time it took you to throw this shit together.]
[Hayden: Oh boy, another episode of Captain52 and WhaleBlubber talking on the phone?!]

"Good, good!" said Blubber as he prepared his plan with Captain.

"Soon, we'll unite trolls who those SBC nerds got banned in the past, once we get out of here," said Blubber. They headed off into town, hidden in cloaks.

[Trophy: When were we ever nerds? That is just mean! *slaps jjs*]
[Jjs: HEY! *slaps Trophy back* But lol, "cloaks"? Are they wearing Woahwoah "cloak suits" or is this Assassin's Creed all of a sudden?]
[OMJ: We became nerds the moment we each joined a forum dedicated to a cartoon sponge.]

[Halibut: So even non-staff got you banned as well. WhaleBlubber must have been a magnificent troll.]
[Hayden: I refuse to be associated with such labels. I can be cool WhaleBlubber, I can get even more people on tv.com banned.]

They spotted the crowd of users like Hassan, Elastic, ect.

[Jjs: And they were doing things like playing the slot machine games, pool, poker, ect...]

[Hayden: Nonsense Jjs, our heroes never rest in the call of duty! *sees Elastic start playing Call of Duty* Never mind....]

[OMJ: It's alright, the others aren't that important to list anyway.]

[Halibut: There are a lot of problems with this lit like boring characters, confusing storyline, etc.]

"Ah yes...Hassan has that device. We could steal it, find some gold, enter it in, and warp ourselves back!

[Jjs: I'm still not entirely sure how that works. Is this implying that if I just got a random piece of gold, put it into a machine, I'll be teleported to another world?]
[OMJ: I'm not entirely sure either. If this is an opposite world, I'd assume you put the machine in the gold.]

[Halibut: Okay seriously, since when was Hassan a mad scientist?]

[Hayden: Didn't that device malfunction though? So what you'd be stealing is useless without Hassan's mind power.]

We'll spam them up, since nobody will be there to stop us!" said Blubber.

[OMJ: Unless hilaryfan80 is there, then you're fucked.]
[Trophy: Shouldn't gold be so common in this "opposite world" that you could find it in a tree? Part 1/5 complete.]

[Halibut: Or you can just use the gold to buy yourself a therapist.]

[Hayden: .....So you'd be spamming a completely dead forum, and no one would even be there to react to your stupidity. Sounds like sweet satisfaction to me?]

"That's brilliant!

[Jjs: Indeed, spamming a forum is a brilliant idea anyone can think of!]
[OMJ: If they really want to do some damage, they'd post some cartoon penises. Not that...I would know...]

[Halibut: Only WhaleBlubber could be this brilliant, people.]

[Hayden: Will their spam somehow also hack the site and make them in control of it?]

Except...where the hell do we get gold in this universe?" said Captain.

[Trophy: LISTEN TO ME, YOU MORON!]

[shadow the Hedgehog: Where's that DAMN piece of gold?]
[OMJ: Just go to the beginning of the opposite rainbows, duh.]

[Halibut: Yikes, if only you can be in the normal world. Then you go in a cave and find a pot of spam that explodes and happens to be filled with gold.]

[Hayden: If it's the opposite world, gold is probably as common as pennies.]

"Well, we found this cave with fake gold in it. This man named faiiiry456 was guarding his real gold, so therefore he must have the real gold," said Blubber.

[Jjs: ...Wow, there's...a lot wrong with this sentence. Let's pick this apart here...
1.) WhaleBlubber never told Captain he was deceiving the SBCers, so if I was Captain, I would be wondering who the hell the "we" is, as Captain never went to the cave with him beforehand.
2.) INCONSISTENCY POLICE! How did WhaleBlubber know faiiiry was guarding "real gold"? Faiiiry never mentioned anything about having real gold, they just saw the fake gold in Episode 10.
3.) "This man is guarding something, so therefore he must have it". Uh, no shit? Not only that, but this is pretty redundant. Time to re-call the Redundancy Department...]
[Redundancy Department: The Redundancy Department would like to have a word with you jjs in this hou-hey, when was the last time we were in a riff, anyways? It sure feels like it has been a long time since we were in a riff, doesn't it? Since it's been a long time since we were in a riff, we'll let you off the hook, especially since you got kidnapped and everything. Hope you are okay from that.]
[Hayden: ]

"Okay, I'll take care of him. Now let's grab the device," he said.

[Jjs: That was seriously his whole plan? First a disappointing "tale" and now this. WhaleBlubber is a man of many letdowns.]
[OMJ: He should just get the TV.com staff to do the dirty for him like he'd usually do, or are the TV.com staff in this universe actual somewhat competent?]

[Halibut: I thought it was Music.com in this universe.]

[Hayden: This should go swell.

]

They knocked out Hassan in their discussion and stole his device.

[Trophy: They knocked him out, in a crowd, during that discussion? Do I need an organization police as well?]
[Jjs: Did Blubber and Captain steal ATTWL 3 70s and CDCB's teleportation/speed powers?]
[OMJ: Thats what I get for blinking while reading.]

[Halibut: This must be a very loud environment where Hassan doesn't even remotely hear them make a 'plan'.]

"Hey, get back here thieves!" said Hassan.

[Trophy: You should be knocked out. INCONSISTENCY POLICE!]

"What did they take?!" said a panicked Jelly.

"I was working on a device that would take us back home," said Hassan, as he got back up.

[Jjs: How did he say "Hey, get back here thieves!" earlier then? He must recover from knock-outs easily, and then wait a while before getting up.]
[OMJ: At least they didn't take their virginity. Or would they give virginity in this universe..]

[Halibut: There is a hilarious amount of wrong with these past few sentences.]

"I'll catch them," said OMJ. He ran off and hunted them down.

[Jjs: OMJ's preying on you tonight...]
[OMJ: Just slap some tribal war paint and leaves on yourself while you're at it.]

"Be safe!" said Sabre.

[Hayden: ]
[Jjs: That's it? He just gets a pat on the back, runs off on his own, and nobody else went to help OMJ? Well...alrighty then.]
[OMJ: 2011 OMJ was a man that dared to dare, he did start the Dare Thread fad after all.]

[Halibut: If the normal SBC people are gonna be lazy fucks, then why don't the parallel universe people go help him?]

Captain and Blubber took off their cloaks

[Hayden: Why didn't you just keep pretending to be in their group and steal the device while they were asleep or not on guard, you idiot?]

[OMJ: And here's an artist's rendition of both.

]

and ran for the cave, with the device.

"Stop, thieves!" said OMJ as he went to the rescue.

[Jjs: "This isn't over, TROLLS!"]
[Hayden: ]

He chased them through the field and into the cave.

[Jjs: Not only did Blubber and Captain steal ATTWL 3 god powers, but they also stole its chase scenes.]

"Aw, if it isn't it a troll reunion," said OMJ. "NightmareFan17 and WhaleBlubber."

[OMJ: How would I even know who they were back then?]
[Trophy: "Aw, if it isn't a troll reunion, NightmareFan17 and WhaleBlubber". *an anvil drops on jjs' head* No regrets here.]
[Jjs: STOP THAT! *hits Trophy* But yeah, my constant cutting of the dialogue gets a bit annoying I'll admit, but you can blame my past self's writing style for that.]

"Keep your mouth shut. Soon you'll regret saying that," said Captain.

[Hayden: ]
[OMJ: Funny enough, I would later find out that the Cap was an old trolling buddy of mine from the Refuge. It's good to see his pissiness hasn't changed between fandoms.]

[Halibut: Why does that line give me ACS vibes?]

Faiiiry456 came in.

"Who dares disturb me ca-"

[Jjs: Speaking of cut-]
[OMJ: And I was really curious about what he was gonna say too.]
[Hayden: His Care Bears?]

Captain knocked him out into the wall, and a pot of real gold appeared. Captain then took a piece.

[Trophy: He hid his gold in a wall? Teach me how to do that or else it appearing out of thin air needs to get the Logic Police and Ass Pull Police's attentions...]

[Hayden: Threatening him for it would have made more sense than that ass pull.]

[OMJ: Just a piece? TAKE THE WHOLE FUCKIN POT WHILE YOU'RE AT IT!]

[Halibut: Can I have a slice of gold, please?]

[Jjs:
]

OMJ tried to stop them, but WhaleBlubber shot a net of spam at him, wrapping him in it.

[Jjs: The imagery in this lit is getting a bit far-fetched. I shouldn't take this seriously, and while I get this is WhaleBlubber, the whole "shooting spam" or "posting a bunch of smilies" in general he and Dragiiin do doesn't make any possible sense. Does this mean they both can just shoot smiley spam from their hands using force magic or some shit?]
[OMJ: What he should be shooting is some fecal matter.]

[Halibut: Or some blubber.]

[Hayden: That brings up an odd question. From what part of his body does the spam shoot from?]

"Stop!" said OMJ.

[Jjs: Drop! And roll!]
[OMJ: ]

[Hayden: I think you're the one stopped, pal.]

"Not so fast pretty boy," said Blubber as he put the gold into the device. It began to boot up.

[Trophy: So OMJ is a fast pretty nerd... jjs, you are so paying for the therapy I'm going to have to get this out of the Logic Police's heads, if this is stereotypes we're talking about here.]
[Jjs: Blubber x OMJ confirmed? And I ain't paying nothing, Trophy.]
[OMJ: Ahh, I remember when I used to be pretty. Had Jelly and 70s eating out of my dick. And Jjs too apparently for him to bump my character up this much.]

[Halibut: I thought everyone just accepted OMJ being pretty as a fact.]

A portal appeared.

[Jjs: "Would you like to put your hand deep into the hole?" Strangely enough (TANGENT ALERT), the portals that appear at the end of the recent Ruby and Sapphire remakes were caused by Hoopa... did I predict another Gen 6 related thing with this? Huh, I must have been on some strong shit.]

"No! I may have been a troll in my past, but I won't let other trolls ruin SBC!" he said

[Jjs: Secretly though, there can only be one Troll Lord. ONLY ONE. And OMJ wants his title back, bitches.]
[OMJ: Fast forward to 2015 and his lit nearly causes World War III.]

[Hayden: OMJ's a reformed badass.]

as he jumped at Captain, and the 2 went falling back into the portal. Blubber jumped in as well. The device sealed and disappeared with them.

[OMJ: Will Aku's evil be law? Somehow keep staying tuned to find out!]
[Hayden: Stop them, Samurai OMJ!]

The 3 were logged onto SBC. Captain and Blubber then started to spam it up. OMJ was not a Admin, Mod or GFX, so he had to figure out a way to stop them.

[Hayden: Too bad an Admin or Mod didn't decide to chase after them or something. >_> ]

[Trophy: GFX's had admin/mod powers? What have I been missing all these years?]
[OMJ: Knowing me at that time, I would probs join in.]

[Halibut: Good thing they clicked the 'Remember Me' button when logging in before they went through the parallel universe.]

"Is OMJ okay?" asked Elastic.

"I hope so," said a worried Jelly.

[Jjs: Well gee, maybe one of you could GO FIND HIM. Being a sitting duck does not help stop a friend in potential danger! These ATTWL 3 callbacks are getting strange...]

[OMJ: Eating out of my dick.]
[Hayden: I can tell how concerned they are by them sitting on their fat asses.]

Blubber and Captain have united! What will happen to SBC and OMJ? More importantly, who is the shady man Massan works for? Stay tuned!

[OMJ: Having the narrator from DBZ would probably make me wanna stay tuned. But I gotta admit, the extra dosage of me suddenly made this a lot easier to swallow. 2011 OMJ may not have been cocky, and he had the looks to warrant it, but older, less prettier 2015 OMJ basks about as much as he asks. I guess you can say this is where the "Goddamn Hero" thing really took off. Here's to more of me saving all y'all asses!]
[Trophy: OH NOES! Nothing, since it's still standing and we're not in an alternate world. "More importantly", I laughed at this. Stay tuned to what, Boredom Monthly subscriptions? As an FYI, Boredom Monthly is a magazine in "Yeti Krabs" if you don't know.]

[Halibut: Overall, so far this lit just has a weird sense in symbolism. Well, see you guys soon I guess, and we'll see if this improves in the back half of the season.]

[Hayden: While I am glad everything started to pick up and the past several chapters at least had some small purpose, making OMJ the one and only hero seems a little silly after introducing so many people into this. Plus, I've noticed some clunky dialogue and plot points still. Maybe there's still time for this to get more organized and for Massan's master to blow me away. I will say this has probably been the strongest cliffhanger, so perhaps the future is looking up.]

[Jjs: More more importantly, will these cliffhangers get good resolutions at all? I'll admit, I think starting from here on out, I actually knew what I was doing with this show. Since we're at the halfway point, I'll do some minor thoughts. I feel like I had some good ideas with this lit, but they just are not executed that well right now. The show was originally more or less a joke in the style of Elastic's writing at first, which is why a lot of the first half has a lot of filler/short episodes. That being said, I promise you all the plot does pick up from here on out. The 2nd half might some controversial things in it though, so I'll let you all be the judge of how those go. I am free from those weirdos' capture, but they will be returning soon to get me. Good luck hunting me then. Will the SBCPU riffs continue? They will. While the men are gone, and we aren't forced to do this anymore, I still feel like this has a lot of glaring flaws people overlooked in the past, and I do want to riff this all the way through. However, I've decided I am going to not riff all of the 2nd half, but I will still do some episodes. I feel you are all doing a great job pointing out its flaws, and I don't know if I can keep riffing every episode. I'll return to riff plot centric episodes or ones I thought were duds, though. See you all soon.]

~~Metal Snake~~ · January 25, 2015

And now I have my new favorite episode of this riffed so far. 13 had so much good stuff in it...

**Jjs Goodman** · January 28, 2015

SBC Parallel Universe Season 1

14. A Fright of the Night

Spoiler

14. A Fright of the Night

"So...is OMJ okay?" asked Elastic. "It's been hours and I am freezing since it is cold out at night.."

[Jjs: Well... you could go to where he went *hint hint cave field cloaked guys hint hint*. Or you can just continue standing there, that works too.]
[OMJ: It warms me heart to see people freeze themselves to death for me. See what I did there? If only this story could be just as clever.]
[Clappy: Gasp, you mean it gets cold out at night? What a startling concept.]

"Here, let me do it: OMJ!?" yelled Steel a few times.

[Clappy: Since when did Steel ever start dickriding OMJ?]
[JCM: He asked if OMJ was okay, not if there was someone out there who could cry his name out like a lunatic. He could have easily done that himself.]

Nothing happened.

[Jjs: Steel used Yell! It wasn't very effective...]
[OMJ: Steel in a nutshell, everybody.]

"My opposite, OMJ!" yelled YMG.

[JCM: Yeah, it'll totally work this time if you put more words in front it,]
[Jjs: Who is YMG? Did Young Man Jenkins turn into Young Man Grandpa?]
[OMJ: So opposite, that he replaced (or misplaced) the J with a G. I hope this means I'm the smarter one.]
[Clappy: Wow, even the yelling sounds forced. Plus, I can't take that typo seriously since it makes me think of a crossbred of YG and Machine Gun Kelly.]

Nothing happened again.

[Clappy: An accurate summary of multiple chapters of this lit.]
[Jjs: YMJ (YMG?) used Yell! It wasn't very effective...]
[JCM: What a shocker!]

"Okay, is he on break or something?" asked Steel.

[Clappy: That sounds almost as forced as SOF saying "brb" in ATTWL 3.]
[Jjs: Yes, I bet he is on a lunch break or something. Maybe he is on a pizza break in some mansion...okay I'll stop with the ATTWL 3 jokes.]
[OMJ: Nobody's taken a break from the Parallel Universe since the Spam Famine of '59. Sure would explain the amount of spam being shot up in this story.]

"I hope he didn't die," panicked Elastic.

[OMJ: Some people always told me that I'm just wasting my life away online, but this is just ridonkulous.]
[JCM: It's good we have someone like Elastic to cheer us up.]

" I doubt it...and I have another question," asked Jelly.

"What is it?" asked Pakasa.

"How many SBC users ARE in this world now?"

[Clappy: Better question, how many SBC users DO we give a shit about in this world now?]
[JCM: More important question: who cares?]
[OMJ: Thanks for the concern, bitch.]

"About everyone," replied 70s as he walked into town.

[Jjs: Wow, he must have supersonic hearing.]
[OMJ: Or maybe 70s is everyone.]
[Clappy: I mean, he was already seven or eight people allegedly. So we're nearly halfway there.]

"70s!" said Elastic.

We see tvguy, Dragiiin, CF and Wumbo come along with him.

[OMJ: Nice to see you again, people I don't care about!]

"We had a bit of an encounter with our opposites and some of them were asses, but I brought along my opposite: 80s and his wife!" he said.

[JCM: 80s and his wife are your opposite? I didn't know you were a hermaphrodite.]

"80s!" said Elastic.

[OMJ: Just hump both of their legs while you're at it.]
[Clappy: Hehe, leg humping. Get it? Because he's a dog.]
[Jjs: You seem awfully excited for someone you've never met before.]

"Long time no see," said AOF.

[OMJ: I could say the same to you, it feels like.]
[JCM: I'm surprised he can even keep track of all these people. I know I can't.]

As everyone was chatting, a cloud of smoke began to cover the city.

[Jjs: Even in the opposite world, stoners still exist.]
[OMJ: Glad to see you've finally made it, ACS.]

"Oh no....HE is coming..." 80s' wife said.

[Clappy: Not the all powerful, almighty HE....who will get little to no elaborate discussion for his motives and reasons for existing except to be the antagonist.]

"Who is coming?" said a very confused Wumbology.

[Jjs: I'm getting really annoyed with this adjective abuse...]
[OMJ: Wumbo sure is confused a lot in this story. It's a miracle he's figured out how to stay alive, let alone log into his account in the first place.]

"Hide!" said AOF as he grabbed Elastic and they hid under a bench.

[JCM: Yeah! A bench will save you from the rapture!]
[OMJ: Why just Elastic? ElAOFstic confirmed?]

"What the fuck is going on?" asked Dragiiin.

[Jjs: Funny story, this quote can sum up the whole lit so far.]
[OMJ: If I had a dollar for each time this line has been said in this story.]
[Clappy: SBCPU: What The Fuck is Going On sounds like a mouthful.]

A Black Knight appeared out of a cloud of smoke.

[Jjs: I wonder if they have a relation to Massan's "shady black" master.]
[OMJ: So it was Martin Lawrence all along, I should've known!]

"Uh-Uh------" stuttered Steel.

[JCM: It's the attack of the dashes!]
[Porky Pig: B-b-boy-y, you ar-ar-ar gonna-gonna he-he-hear a th-thing or two from-m m-y la-la-wyers!]

"Silence peasant," said the knight.

"I'm so sorry, I'll be quiet," bowed Steel.

[OMJ: Now I have to give this story some credit here, Steel's character is probably the truest to the real thing, even moreso than my own character.]
[Clappy: Vintage Steel.]
[JCM: Also, how could Steel have "bowed" that statement, unless he talks out of his butt like Ace Ventura?]

"That is more like it! I see there are some new neighbors," said the knight.

"Please don't spank me too hard!" whined YMG.

[Clappy: No, seriously...what the actual fuck?]
[Jjs: This black knight turned into Xergiok from Adventure Time and loves to spank everyone.]
[OMJ: I'm pretty kinky as it is, opposite me here must get off just from stubbing his toe.]

"Oh, I won't...these new guests look interesting.."

[JCM: I'd take out my rape whistle if I were you guys.]
[OMJ: Just fuck 'em all already.]

Just then, 4EverGreen and 4EverBlue walked out of the Writing Contest building.

[Clappy: The person who writes the longest wall of useless text first is the winner.]
[Jjs: That contest happened 8 or so episodes ago, were they frozen there this whole time?]
[OMJ: Or they were just too busy drawing crudely drawn penises and vaginas.]

"Hello true believers!" said 4EG.

[Jjs: Enough said! ]
[Clappy: Hello Blue Believers.]
[OMJ: Oooh! I didn't know Stan Lee was gonna make a cameo.]
[JCM: Just what we need! Another random, useless appearance!]

"Hi... " said 4EB.

[Jjs: Wow, he really doesn't want to be here, eh? Can't blame him.]
[OMJ: I'm the hero of this story and even I took the last portal outta here.]

"Silence peasants!" yelled the knight as he pulled out his sword and threatened to slice 4EG's head off with it.

[OMJ: There's a crudely drawn penis joke here somewhere.]
[Clappy: Maybe if CD was writing this story there would be.]

4EB escaped in the midst of the chaos. 4EG apologized to him, and he put his sword down.

[Clappy: Now this is where I would expect a crudely drawn penis joke.]
[JCM: What did he apologize for? Talking? How about the knight apologize for being on his period?]

"Okay, I'll admit that is even harsh, even for 4EverGreen," said Steel.

[Jjs: So apologizing to a knight who is about to cut his head off is "harsh". Makes sense.]
[OMJ: This should've got a Spinny for most believable portrayal of a member ever.]

"He is the Dark Knight! He is all about harsh!

[Clappy: No treble.]
[JCM: And that bass.]
[Jjs: Oh, I see that was referring to the knight's treatment of 4EverGreen, not 4EG himself. Don't you love vague dialogue?]
[OMJ: So is this Sandy or Bruce Wayne?]

All he ever does is he comes to attack our towns late at night and makes us bow down to him!" explained 80s.

[Jjs: And all he does is blow, blow, blow his stupid whistle, rub, rub rub that white stuff on his nose, and show off his...wait a minute...]
[OMJ: So he's Trophy now? Makes sense, but given this story's track record for making sense, I'll just consider it a "fan theory".]
[JCM: "All he ever does is he" oh, my grammar!]
[Clappy: Kinda sounds like a SBC spam raid more than anything else.]

"Oh Katie, what did I do to deserve this?!" bellowed 4EverGreen.

[OMJ: Who the fuck's Katie?]
[Jjs: In defense here, 4EverGreen said a long time ago he had a girlfriend named Katie Jonas (dunno if they are still a thing though), but it was quite a long time ago (like in 2010), so I don't blame people for not getting this obscure joke.]

Steel knocked The Dark Knight's helmet off, revealing a user!

[Clappy: Gasp! Old Man Jenkins?!]
[Jjs: Steel used Knock! It was super effective!]
[JCM: Steel grew a pair of balls all of a sudden.]

"I am Jss!" he yelled.

[OMJ: Well that's a bummer. Not only is Trophy NOT the Dark Knight, Ssj isn't Jjs' opposite neither. That's the last time I try to invest remotely anything into SBCPU, emphasis on the "P.U." *holds nose*]
[JCM: Just sayin', saiyan.]

"Jjs?" said Dragiiin.

[Clappy: Ssj?]

"Who?" he growled.

[JCM: That guy who said four words in the first episode then dropped off the face of the planet.]
[Jjs: So my opposite is a knight that replaces a j with an s, loves to spank people, and growls like a tiger. Eh, I'm sure there's a comparison in there somewhere.]

"Okay, jjs' opposite I presume," said Wumbo. "Now back off."

[OMJ: Watch out, we've got a badass over here while OMJ is gone.]
[Clappy: *intellectual badass.]

"Nobody tells me to back off!" said Jss. He began to swing his sword,

[Clappy: Too many penis innuendos.]

but he is countered by Steel, who defends everyone against him.

[OMJ: Now I take back what I said earlier about that Spinny. Thanks for me proving me wrong again, SBCPU. *holds nose*]
[JCM: How can Steel defend them against a sword? Is he literally made of steel?]

Jss knocks him away to the ground.

[Jjs: Jss used Knock! It was super effective!]
[OMJ: Well, at least it didn't take much effort to knock 'em back down. About that much is believable.]

"ENOUGH! I have come looking for the one known as "WhaleBlubber"!" he said.

[Jjs: You're an episode late, pal.]
[OMJ: I heard you could find 'em in Alaska, and they're chewy.]
[Clappy: I hear you can catch him telling more anti-climatic tales if you're lucky enough.]

"I don't know who the fuck you are talking about," said AOF as he defended for himself.

[JCM: I thought the bench was defending him.]
[OMJ: You're not gonna defend Elastic too?]

"He is this troll who adores feces from our world and bans people," said Elastic.

[OMJ: I can now take some comfort in knowing that feces in this world aren't adorable, at least by Blubber standards. And that should be saying something.]
[Clappy: There is something about this description that is unintentionally hilarious.]

"Sounds like Massan_Najwa, aside from the feces part." AOF said.

[OMJ: Pipe down, you missed your chance to defend Elastic already.]
[JCM: And Massan might be into feces, too. You don't know him.]

"Everyone, stop talking!" yelled Jss.

[OMJ: The only way you can get all those 70s to stop talking is to reveal that their whole lives are a sham.]

"That is what happens when 80% of the SBC population is here," said Drag.

[Jjs: 80%? But 70s said everyone was there, unless 80% is suddenly 100% now in the opposite world.]
[Clappy: 80% of the time that math works every time.]

"And if you even dare mess with me or ANY SBC user; even the opposite ones, we'll kick your ass," warned Elastic.

[JCM: Still cowering under the bench.]
[OMJ: Aww, look at everybody growing their spines while I'm away.]
[Clappy: Elastic wouldn't kick anyone's ass. He would make outdated B-movie references while snacking on gas station sandwiches.]

"Bah! You want to tussle, eh?" said Jss.

[OMJ: So he's Canadian now too, eh?]

"I've had it with your terrorizing of people! Oh boy, I'm going to enjoy this!" AOF yelled as he kicked his stomach in.

[JCM: That's a brilliant thing to do to a person covered in armor.]
[Clappy: Well, hilariously "badass" is one thing SOF and AOF have in common.]

"This armor protects me, fool!" he yelled.

[OMJ: Well that's one thing AOF and SOF have in common, they both get no results.]

Dragiiin shot spam at him.

" http://r12.imgfast.net/users/1211/23/64/63/smiles/801173.gif http://r12.imgfast.net/users/1211/23/64/63/smiles/344797.gif http://r12.imgfast.net/users/1211/23/64/63/smiles/650703.gif http://r12.imgfast.net/users/1211/23/64/63/smiles/40213.gif http://r12.imgfast.net/users/1211/23/64/63/smiles/801173.gif http://r12.imgfast.net/users/1211/23/64/63/smiles/901662.gif http://r12.imgfast.net/users/1211/23/64/63/smiles/54207.gif http://r12.imgfast.net/users/1211/23/64/63/smiles/54207.gif " covered all over his armor.

[Jjs: Eh, I already made a criticism last episode about this, not going to bother.]
[JCM: That's a whole lunch's worth of emoticon vomit. Drag's f'real.]
[Clappy: Smilies covered his armor? Are you sure 4EverGreen wasn't involved in this battle?]

"AAH, I AM INFECTED!" he screamed. He tries rubbing it off his armor, but is kicked in the stomach again by AOF.

[OMJ: Should've worn better protection, now you have Internet gonorrhea.]

"Fine then, I'll rob AvatarBuddy Mania!" he yelled as he vanished again.

[JCM: Okay, then.]
[OMJ: Who's robbing what now?]
[Clappy: Please, Past Jjs. Stop with the lame opposite puns.]

"Everyone stay here, I'll handle this," said AOF. Elastic and 70s tagged along too.

[OMJ: Thanks for not listening. And thanks for not going into the portal with me. Jackasses.]

"I am just doing this for the lulz," said Elastic.

[OMJ: Well, that just makes everything fine and dandy then.]
[Clappy: That's probably the most Elastic has sounded like himself in this story so far.]
[Jjs: Sounds like me writing this at first.]

They then approached AvatarBuddy Mania. All 3 entered in to a world of Avatar fans.

[JCM: How do they know where AvatarBuddy Mania is? Do they carry a map around with them?]

"Looks like SBM," said Elastic. "Just Avatar-ified."

[Jjs: You can tell from the great descriptions. Wait...]
[OMJ: I never would've guessed.]

The head admin "avatardude" welcomed them.

[JCM: Instead of just banning them like spongedude would.]
[Clappy: He's probably going to have problems with multiple accounts and edgy avatars too. Just like his opposite.]

"No time to explain, your site is in danger of being attacked by a psycho knight!" said 70s.

[OMJ: That's about as believable as 70s having a wife and three kids named after Beatles song.]

"Erm....what the ::dolphin noise::?" said Avatardude.

[Jjs: Why are they still using the dolphin noise if it is an AVATAR site?]
[Clappy: They should replaced dolphin noises with mispronunciations of Aang's name in the live action Last Airbender movie.]
[OMJ: That's another dollar!]

Jss appeared.

[JCM: Out of thin air!]
[OMJ: At least we now know he's not wild.]

"Gah ha ha ha! Master will be pleased with the destruction I have caused, but I'll also need a hostage.."

[Jjs: Did my opposite turn into The Runaway Sponge?]
[Clappy: I hear Austin Layers is available for hostage.]
[OMJ: I didn't know just popping up somewhere would cause that much untold destruction. Should've just sent you to Hiroshima.]

He looked at Avatardude.

[JCM: Avatardude looked back, and they proceeded to make passionate love on the floor.]

"Who are you? Get out of my site!"- But it was too late, Jss had appeared in front of him and covered him in a potato bag,

[Jjs: Lol...a potato bag? Of all things to capture him with? Does he always carry that around when attacking towns? This has to be the lulziest description of the show so far, and I don't think anything will top it. xD]
[OMJ: It's about damn time shit got anywhere close to real.]

and escaped with him in a cloud of smoke.

[OMJ: He needs to either lay off the smoke or pass the toke, and I'd much rather prefer the latter if I am to survive this.]
[JCM: And now Avatardude's addicted to weed. The End.]
[Clappy: Did the smoke come out of the potato bag? Or did it come out of his ass like all of his other abilities he seems to possess out of nowhere?]

"Wow..that was one fast little bitch," said AOF.

[JCM: I SAID THE END.]
[OMJ: Watch the potty mouth, asshole, ABM's for kids! Or is it for adults in this universe...]
[Clappy: AdultBuddyMania sounds more like a pornographic site.]

"Our head admin has been captured, what do we do now?!" panicked many users.

[Jjs: SCREAM AND RUN AROUND IN CIRCLES!]
[Magic Conch: Nothing.]

"What is worse is: He had to attend an important meeting tomorrow!" said Plastic.

[OMJ: Neptune forbid he misses that meeting, it's not like he got kidnapped and now has a high risk of dying or anything.]
[JCM: And you know what else else? I think the pizza's getting cold.]

70s, Elastic and AOF felt a bit bad for their site and the fact they couldn't stop Jss.

[OMJ: Yeah, well, not everybody can be me.]

"Don't worry, we'll find a way to help....somehow," reassured 70s.

[JCM: 70s rivaling Elastic as most cynical user.]
[Jjs: "Don't worry, we MIGHT be able to save the world from being nuked!" Great re-assuring pal.]
[OMJ: His definition of helping is probably to hack them all summer.]
[Clappy: And abuse his admin powers.]

We then see Jss back at someone's house in the woods.

[Jjs: When will Someone make up her mind on if she wants to be in this?]
[OMJ: Maybe this time he'll send in the mermaid.]

"Good work," said Massan.

[Jjs: So Jss works for Massan? To go along with AvatarBuddyMania in this episode...]
[M. Night Shyamalan: WHAT A TWIST!]

"Yes sir!" said Jss.

[JCM: Someone's a bit arrogant.]

"Well hello there Avatardude...the head moncho

[Grammar Police: Did you mean: honcho]

of ABM. Without you, your site will fall to ruin," he said.

[JCM: Or they could just have someone else run it until he returns. But nah, it's doomed forever.]
[OMJ: It's funny because in our universe, the site is still perfectly fine without him.]

"Massan! I should have known!" he said.

[OMJ: At least someone would've, because I sure wouldn't.]

"But don't worry, I won't kill you. I have a little surprise planned for you..."

[Clappy: I've had enough "surprises" with this lit already.]

"What is it?" asked Avatardude.

[OMJ: I'll give you a hint, it rhymes with mold muriel. And of course, you know I mean penis.]
[JCM: He better hope they're gentle lovers.]
[Jjs: A CLIFFHANGER!

Well, I will say despite some strange lines, things do seem to be going somewhere, at least.]
[OMJ: Like I said earlier, shit just got somewhere close to real and there was some surprisingly good characterization on Steel's part for a bit there. But still, SBCPU. *holds nose*]
[Clappy: Even if the plot seems to finally be going in some direction, the dialogue and the characters still don't do enough to hold my attention for no more than five seconds before I have to remind myself as to what's going on. But with perpetual lateness, I'm glad to continue riffing this series because at least it's not as painfully bad as some of the others that I've read during my tenure with this crew.]

**Sweat** · January 28, 2015

I wouldn't mind if there was an OMJ-only episode of JRT to be honest

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