Jjs Goodman Posted January 15, 2016 Author Share Posted January 15, 2016 Down Under 4. Take to the Skies Spoiler (S1E4) Episode 4: Take to the Skies [Fa: Under the Sea!] [Steel: G'day! It's your mate Steel, joining in on this barbie of a roast-fest, and today I'm lookin' at SBC in the land Down Under! It's no wonder now that I'm typing like an Aussie, but with a title like Down Under, I'm going to have a wallaby of ride with riffing this spin-off!] Although CF was scared about her upcoming journey, she somewhat embraced it. It was a new adventure. She craved adrenaline, [Hayden: CF is a total adrenaline junkie, based on her choice of "Winnie the Pooh" addicted bad boys like CDCB.] as she had done nothing but gather food and make blankets. She wanted to fell more helpful. [Fa: Free falling, just like this story is about to.] [JCM: She won't be very helpful if she falls all the time.] [Steel: Well, crikey! I wasn't expecting a lack of wallabies.....nope, time to go into serious mode. Don't worry, this is the only time I would dare use this type of joke.] Steel didn’t feel the same. He was gloomy about the fact that he was going to leave his friends for who knows how long. He wasn’t the type of person that wanted to jump up and volunteer to do things. [Hayden: He jumped up and volunteered for this riff though!] The two then bid farewell and departed. Theme Plays http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3reF1gfkTAc 0:02-0:31 [Fa: DOMA is coming for you, Dylan. ] [JCM: The theme song is a YouTube copyright notice?] [Steel: "Sunday Bloody Sunday" exemplifies the nature of this spin-off a lot more, just a thought.] [Hayden: One second guys, I'll repair this. *hammers computer screen* That oughta do it. ] Starring…. Terminoob-“I’m supposed to believe you?” [JCM: Oh, I remember that!] [Tvguy: - "I didn't do it!"] [Hayden: The cast of I Didn't Do It? Those losers were the first Disney sitcom canceled after just two seasons in ages though.] Wumbology-“If anyone is here speak now.” [JCM: I remember that, too!] That70sguy92-“If we can do it on the internet, we can do it here!” [JCM: He's doing this for everybody, isn't he?] [Hayden: Actually, there's a lot people on the internet that might not be wise to try doing it in real life. Poking or tagging people is frowned upon in most social settings.] CF-“Drop the gun! NOW!” [Hayden: Clearly the most intimidating SBC user that could say this.] Deli-“Yeah, I don’t understand.” [Fa: Line of the episode and it's in the opener.] Clapmaster-“Yes, coming from Mr. Sarcastic.” [Hayden: I hope we meet a character named Mr. Sarcastic that is an old college buddy of The Mastermind.] ExKizuna-“SHUT UP! NOW!” [Steel: These voices in my head, what are they telling me!?] Jjsthekid-“Hello. I wish to join.” [Hayden: You know Jjs has been reduced to a minor character when this is the best line to choose from.] Steel Sponge-“Oh my god….” Jellyfishjammer-“Clappy…I…..I.” [Steel: I'm gonna keep stammering until you find them! I....I...I, I, I, I....] Girlygirl-“Move unless you want to die!” Luke-“I’m not who you think I am.” Tvguy-“Loser.” [Steel: IN A TIME OF CHIMPANZEES, I WAS A MONKEY!] 4EverGreen, SpongeOddFan, Hassan, Sarah, Sara, Goosebumpsfan, Whaleblubber, Hipeoples4, The Cartoon, Beachbob, SBLover, Storytime, SG10, Spongebobs1fan, teenj12, and everyone else) [JCM: Everyone else must feel like crap.] [Hayden: But if Luke is WhaleBlubber, why is WhaleBlubber grouped into the bottom portion of apparently irrelevant characters?] [Steel: "Everyone else" might know how the "The rest" from Gilligan's Island feels.] The Mastermind sat behind the bullet proof glass, observing an interrogation. His best cadet, Jerry Sandoval, was posing as RaeandAnasRock. Cadet William Patterson was posing as a user called BrennanNN. Good, he thought. [Fa: What are they? The Navy Seals now? ] [JCM: Who thought? There's like 20 names before this.] [Hayden: So everybody in that room pretended to be someone else. What are the odds?] I’ve found Whaleblubber. The cadets then left the room. “It’s Whaleblubber,” confirmed Sandoval. “But ExKizuna is still with the group.” [Fa: I kinda feel Ex is secondary to Blubbie at this point.] [Hayden: Would it kill an SBC Lit to make people besides Ex and Hassan the special snowflakes?] “What do you want us to do with him?” [JCM: My guess is that it's sexual.] “Hmm,” hummed The Mastermind. [Hayden: ] “I’d like you to hide him in our D-Block. Keep his cell masked and guarded at all times.” “Yes, sir,” the two chorused, and walked off. Whalebubber, The Mastermind thought. What a stupid name. [JCM: Not everyone can have a name as cool as "The Mastermind". Which sucks, because I want that name.] [Hayden: It's actually blubber, not bubber, does that change your judgment sir?] [The Mastermind: Certainly he's a big name troll on SBC, but wow, nothing sounds more important than having a stupid name!] -------- CF and Steel had already ventured out into the middle of the plain, sea floor. There was no plants, caves, mountains, or anything as far as the eye could see. It was all blank, sand. [Fa: Those commas, were unnecessary.] [JCM: This paragraph has a lot of unneeded, commas.] [Steel: That paragraph could've been a lot more empty like the description.] “Wow,” said CF. “It’s so…open.” [Fa: Open and Free.] [Down Under!CF: By the way....have you seen my soul?] [Down Under!Steel: What's a soul?] [Hayden: Actually it seems rather closed for business.] “Yes,” said Steel. “Do you have a gun?” [Fa: Steel's Big Game Hunt.] [JCM: Just because you got lost doesn't mean you have to go and kill yourself, Steel! I'm pulling for you!] “No, why?” [Hayden: Because if you two don't find a gun it will be hard for you to scream that line from the opening.] “What if something or someone comes and we can’t defend ourselves?” Steel replied. “I don’t know,” CF said. “I guess we’ll have to run. Or cooperate with the hostiles.” [Fa: The kumbaya strategy. Let's see if it pays off...] [JCM: That's the spirit!] [Hayden: But they apparently have powers now from the training?] They went on, not talking at all. [Fa: Riveting.] [Hayden: Translation: Author could not think of any other generic lines or exposition for the moment.] [Steel: That's all, folks.] “Oh wait!” Steel said. “We have our powers. Duh!” Steel felt dumb for not thinking of them. [JCM: Don't worry. You only feel dumb because you are dumb.] [Hayden: ......Okay, so either tvguy forgot that detail and didn't feel like revising what he'd already typed, he needed a lazy amnesia reason for them to foreshadow guns, or he's intentionally trying to make Steel out as an ignoramus. If you're playing at home, go track down tvguy and hold him at gunpoint until he tells you.] [Steel: Can he make jars of seahorse radish pop out in thin air? If not, then I don't believe him.] “But we aren’t very experienced,” pointed out CF. “Meh.” [Fa: I apologize to Steel for not nominating him for Best Debater in the GCA's. Forgot how convincing he was back in the day.] [Steel: You could've had the chance to do so because I was clearly outspoken for my ability to "meh" like there was no tomorrow.] [JCM: And that's that.] They continued on for another couple of hours, but didn’t see anything. “This is hopeless,” moaned Steel. “Why did 70s want us to come here? There’s obviously nothing here.” [JCM: It's not his fault you suck at finding food.] “Maybe he just wants- [Fa: Cake! I mean who doesn't want cake?] [Steel: Interruption!] Suddenly, a doodle ran towards them, gun in hand. [JCM: Look! A doodle must have heard you and is here to let you borrow his gun! That's what's going on, right?] [Hayden: ] “GIVE ME IT!” he bellowed. “Give you what?!” Steel said. [Hayden: Compensation for the gun, nothing's free.] [Fa: His precious! ] [JCM: Your virginity.] [Steel: JCM, that's gross.] “You KNOW what!” CF then unleashed her powers. A ripple of purple flew off her fish body and collided with the Doodle. The ripple of power wrapped around the fish and electrocuted the Doodle. [Hayden: I love rippling purple!] [JCM: What a shocking turn of events!] [Steel: I was wrong. Down Under's version of CF does have an electrifying personality.] “GAH!” it shouted in pain. [JCM: Oh, come on. That joke wasn't that bad.] “Wow,” breathed Steel. “That was awesome.” “Eh,” shrugged CF. [Fa: Well hey, he nailed mellow CF at least. Kinda.] [JCM: Takes a lot to impress her, doesn't it?] [CF: I wanted to do a Rasengan!] ------- A yellow vortex appeared in the sky, spinning. Two fish fell out, plummeting to the ground. They smashed into the sand, unscathed. They were covered in a gold like armor of some sorts. One was named Pakasa, the other SabreSpongebob. [Steel: So they turned into knights?] [Hayden: I hope it's Thunder Armor.] “Anyone in the area?” Pakasa asked. [JCM: Have you tried using these things called eyes?] [Steel: Yeah, ask yourself that because the person behind you doesn't seem to "exist."] “Negative,” replied Sabre. “Let’s move.” The two jumped and took to the sky, sprouting yellow, leathery wings. They soared high into the ocean sky, close to the cottony flower clouds. [JCM: Underwater clouds are made of cotton? You learn something new every day.] [Steel: Fish....yellow wings....gold armor....are they some undiscovered species of Pokemon I don't know about!?] [Hayden: ] “Look,” Pakasa said suddenly. “They’re moving.” They dove behind the rock quietly and observed the friends who were fleeing the cave. [Fa: ] [Hayden: I'm so fascinated that other creatures have the ability to move!] “What should we do?” [JCM: Go on another hiatus, I assume?] “Hmm. Follow them. See where they go, Sabre. I’ll go inform Siali.” At that, Pakasa sprouted his wings and flew away at an alarming speed. Sabre then took to the sky and flew ahead of the group. [Fa: Something tells me they're up to no good.] ----- “Where exactly do you plan on heading to?” Wumbology caught up to terminoob and 70s who were leading the group. “Away from here. As far from here.” [Fa: Stay weast per usual, kids.] [JCM: That clears up that.] [Steel: Pick one.] The group walked on for many more hours. They were in the middle of nowhere. [Fa: Are we there yet?] Sand stretched for miles in every direction. They then completed the first day and day turned to night. They then stopped and set up camp for the night. [Steel: Sand, sand, and more sand. So much sand you wouldn't really believe it...] [Hayden: Lovely scenery, really making this "down under" gimmick come to life.] ---- “SHUT UP! I’M SICK OF YOU!” The fish tore apart The Mastermind’s house, screaming. The Mastermind starred at him, expressionless. [Fa: For a mastermind, he sure picked a pretty weak house if that was all it took to break it.] [JCM: Mr. Mastermind didn't like that house that much, anyway.] [Hayden: He especially found the furniture pretty drab.] [Steel: Up next on Down Under: How will Mastermind be able to consult to his son after he comes home with a bad report card!?] “You’re just making it more hard on yourself, Daniel,” The Mastermind said calmly. “NO! NO!” The fish named Daniel continued to tear apart the home. He then whipped out a gun and swirled around, about to shoot when a bullet pierced his torso. The Mastermind held a .38, pointed directly at Daniel. [Steel: Does everyone in this universe own a conveniently placed gun?] [Hayden: Maybe try a fast gun pull on The Mastermind when you aren't a raging mess, for better surprise results.] “See,” The Mastermind said, smiling. “It’s just harder on you.” [JCM: Fun fact: He says that exact same thing when they have sex.] Daniel staggered backwards, gasping for breath. His eyes showed he was in shock, but his hands quivered with hate. [Hayden: His lips quivered with love.] “Y-you..will…not- [Daniel: Get Cake. No cake for you.] [Steel: Interruption!] Daniel collapsed onto the book shelf behind him, dead. [JCM: Aw, you stained The Mastermind's copy of Mein Kampf.] [Hayden: At least he broke one last piece of furniture on his way out.] “Hmm,” said The Mastermind. “The only thing I’m NOT is dead.” [Steel: And nothing of value was lost.] [Hayden: That's a long list of things he is.] ------- “Clappy…about that kiss,” Jelly started to say to Jelly that night. [Fa: Double Jelly.] [JCM: She's talking to herself now?] [Steel: Cloning is real!] “Oh I know,” said Clappy. “You didn’t mean it.” “Oh…yeah,” Clappy said, suddenly hurting inside. I don’t have feelings for her, he reminded himself. Am I attracted to him? Jelly thought. “It’s just…I didn’t want anyone to fell uncomfortable [Fa: Most falls are generally uncomfortable sadly.] [JCM: What's with you and falling?] [Hayden: This chapter has been more about tumbling down than about actually being in the sky.] now that Bob Ball and I are a couple.” [Steel: Cue the record scratch.] [Hayden: She's just dating him for his balls.] “Y-you’re…y-y-you’re dating Bob Ball,” stated Clapmaster, processing it. “Yes,” said Jelly. “I kissed you because…well, I thought it would be a way to get our friendship started.” [Fa: Most asinine logic ever.] [Hayden: Cheating leads to friendship, and friendship leads to friend zone.] [JCM: Kissing isn't a great way to start a friendship, but it's a great way to end one.] “Right,” said Clappy. [Fa: ] [Hayden: ] “I know my relationship with Bob Ball is a bit of new news to you, but not many other people know. [JCM: At least it's not old news, which I traffic in.] [Hayden: I don't think tvguy knew either until this chapter.] You’re the second to know.” [Hayden: Whose the first? Bob Ball?] I’m dating Bob Ball, Jelly repeated in her mind. Yet I feel attracted to Clapmasteer. Oh my god. [Hayden: Name one reason you're with Bob Ball that this narrative is ignoring.] “No, no, I get it,” said Clapmaster. “It’s alright.” Clapmaster got up and walked away from her, a tear streaming down his cheek. [JCM: Crybaby.] [Steel: Here lies Clappy's hopes and dreams.] [Hayden: ] ------ “GET UP! NOW!!” Clapmaster awoke to bursts of color flashing above his eyes. He got up and saw that their camp site was under attack. He looked around, trying to find the attackers. “CLAPPY!” PokeSponge tackled Clapmaster as a ray of red flew above their heads. [JCM: PokeSponge is better at tackling than most of the Giants' defense.] “You saved my life,” breathed Clapmaster. “Not now! Go, go, go!” The two got up. [Steel: -Power Rangers!] [JCM: You had me at the second "go".] “Use your powers,” shouted PokeSponge. The two then started using their powers. Clappy sprouted water out of his hands. [Hayden: and his eyes.] PokeSponge caused forests of monster plants to shoot up out of the ground. An explosion rocked the ground. Another blast of orange shot past them. [JCM: Blasts of orange soda? Kel would love this.] [Hayden: Rainbows must be goddamn super weapons.] PokeSponge deflected it. [Steel: Save the Earth, mofos!] Not now. Go. [Steel: Sounds like a couple of flashcards you would show to your child to make him smarter.] [Fa: The crazy not so crazy voices inside everyone's head are back, I see.] The voices came out of nowhere. Clapmaster shook his head, trying to rid his brain of the voices that he was hearing. [JCM: Reserve some more therapy sessions when we get home. Someone else is hearing voices.] [Steel: ] “CLAPMASTER! HELP!” Clappy looked at his side and saw that PokeSponge was bleeding. He’d been shot. [Hayden: With a gun or with a blast of orange? I'm sure I'll take both very seriously.] --------- Sabre watched the battle. Should I help? He thought. [JCM: Nah, screw 'em.] [Steel: Why is that an option?] Then he took to the skies and swooped in. He sprayed a blue mist over the attackers. They all fell down, dead. His former friends stared up at him, in awe. But of course, they didn’t know it was Sabre because he was going so fast. He kept on flying, and eventually landed around fourteen miles away. Yes, he was that fast. [Steel: Thanks for reminding me, spin-off!] “Okay, okay,” Sabre said. “I helped them. That’s good!” [Hayden: But this episode wasn't.] [Fa: So Sabre's a good guy after all (?). Symbolic of this entire chapter, as my most common thought was "huh?".] [Steel: But the frogurt is also cursed.] [Sabre: That's bad!] 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metal Snake Posted January 15, 2016 Share Posted January 15, 2016 who kisses someone to show a start of a friendship tf If you guys are confused now, get ready. After here is where it gets really bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jjs Goodman Posted January 22, 2016 Author Share Posted January 22, 2016 Down Under 5. Visions Spoiler (S1E5) Episode 5: Visions [OMJ: So this chapter's gonna finally address the hallucinogenic affects this story's had on me since I was last here?] [Metal Snake: On October 11, 2010, I made a post in the Down Under thread that went something along the lines of this… “Another excellent episode! :D” Please disregard this comment entirely. Because on December 27, 2015 (the day I’m writing this, not the day jjs is posting this), I am telling you honestly that this episode is not excellent. It is...very flawed. In fact, I believe that this is the episode where Down Under starts getting REALLY confusing. You have been warned…] [Fred: Don't worry about it, Metal. We all say some stupid shit in our early years. Some of my late 2014 to early 2015 posts were pretty cringey. I really hate looking back at them. That aside, I can tell from here on out that we're gonna be going on a wild ride. No turning back.] [SOF: Ho boy, I hope this doesn't turn to be MORE confusing to me than the last time I riffed this in my critic corner...] A hole is dug in the ground. [Fred: You mean a plothole is dug in the ground? *gets rock thrown at*] [Metal Snake: A hole is dug in your ass.] [OMJ: Must've been Tvguy digging his own grave.] The group of SB friends are gathered around it. [Metal Snake: Which group? We’re all fans of Spongebob here, amirite?] [Fred: Actually, I'm not a fan of SpongeBob. I was told this was an FOP community.] [SOF: “Do they want to be our friends, too? We’re always happy to have more friends! ”] [OMJ: Super SB Friends, ASSEMBLLLLEEEEE!] A casket is being lowered into the ground. SG10 steps forward and starts to speak. [Metal Snake: So they’re holding a funeral now? Well, close to the end of the last episode, PokeSponge did get shot, so I guess it’s just common consistency…] [OMJ: Hey, I've seen this episode of The Walking Dead. SPOILER ALERT: It was Tyreese's funeral all along.] “He was a great guy. I feel that I could’ve saved him,” she said, her voice cracking. “But now that he is dead…I feel no need to live. It is my fault. 70s…rest in peace.” SG10 stepped back, shaking and sobbing. [SOF: Wait a minute, 70s? Didn't PokeSponge get shot?] [M. Night Shymalan: I have a new plot twist! What if it turns out that PokeSponge wasn't shot, but instead, it was just 70s disguised as PokeSponge? And as it turns out, the real PokeSponge is trapped in 70s' basement! Genius twist! This'll definitely get me the Spin-Off Award I always wanted!] [OMJ: Damn, way to pull a Walking Dead before the Walking Dead. I mean it this time, Tvguy truly was innovative.] [Metal Snake: ...What. Yeah...I feel it’s time for another riff involving me following up my confusion with a list of problems followed by a paragraph of criticism. What better time to do so than now, since this is Down Under we’re riffing, the SBC show notorious for causing confusion on a multitude of levels. So here I go with my little running gag, three things… 1. The last episode ended with Sabre saving his (former?) friends from a gang of attackers and then this episode opens up with a funeral scene for no apparent reason. 2. SG10 hasn’t been mentioned since episode 2, and now out of the blue, she’s basically saying she can’t live without 70s...even though it was never established or implied previously that her and him had a relationship deeper than we believed. 3. The last time we saw 70s, he, terminoob, and Wumbo were leaving the camp and venturing elsewhere...and now all of a sudden, he’s dead. Don’t get me wrong, I am aware that this scene is supposed to be referencing something that happened in the past that we’ve not seen yet. It’s a classic writing technique to have a part of the story take place in the future, then explain what happened that caused that future. The problem that lies here is that there is no reason for this part of the story to take place in the future. Why should 70s dying mean any more to the readers than Elastic dying? Because he’s an admin? I thought this wasn’t an internet forum. When were we given any build-up to 70s and SG being more than just internet buddies? Is the casket an actual coffin, or just a box of wooden boards they nailed together? But the biggest question of all, does this scene have any relevancy to the plot?] [OMJ: Regarding your second point Luke, I think I know this. SPOILER ALERT: SG was Sara all along.] 70s opened his eyes and saw he was in the middle of a circle of mirrors. [Metal Snake: No. It doesn’t.] [OMJ: Each mirror of the circle representing a member of the Reynolds family, surely.] They reflected off each other, making it near impossible to see which way was out. [Metal Snake: That is totally how mirrors work.] 70s then noticed he was holding a gun. How did I get this? [SOF: You pulled it out from your ass, obviously.] [M. Night Shymalan: Another great plot twist! As it turns out, 70s is alive and as it turns out, the 70s that was dead was actually PokeSponge dressed up as 70s and--oh, who am I kidding, even this plot twist confuses me.] [Metal Snake: Better question, HOW AM I ALIVE?! LIKE HOLY SHIT MAN, WHAT IS THIS, A HEAVEN GUN?!] [OMJ: Must be the setup for another faux suicide attempt.] Then the voices started. [Metal Snake: OH NO, THE VOICES IN MY HEAD!] [OMJ: Damn, how much Reynolds family joke bait are you gonna give me in one episode?] Hello. Good bye. [Fred: Good. Bye.] Ha! You foolish idiot. [SOF: "Ugh, talk about a headache..."] [Metal Snake: OH NO, THE VOICES IN MY HEAD THAT SAY THINGS WITH NO COHERENCY!] Suddenly, the mirrors shattered as bullets pierced their smooth, glass surface. [SOF: "OMGZ, I killed the mirror!”] [Metal Snake: R.I.P. mirrors. ] [OMJ: Makes me wanna duct tape the shards to myself to survive the winter.] 70s started to run. The room was filled with terrible sounds as bullet ricocheted of obstacles. [Metal Snake: You mean the broken mirrors? How does that even work?] [OMJ: So that's what this story sounds like.] I’m going to die, 70s thought. [OMJ: Now all we need is Sara/SG to drive up the suspense even more. Hehe, "drive up".] [Metal Snake: But...you’re already dead. >.> What is this, Bleach? And don’t tell me this scene is occurring in the past to explain what happened, we’ve been given no indication that that’s the case...] [Fred: Then are you gonna come back to life again? Since, you know, you have the power to do that?] He then tripped and face planted into the ground. [SOF: Face planted? *facepalm*] [Metal Snake: First facepalmed, now face planted. What the hell.] [OMJ: Faster, but not quite as hard as Bikini Top.] Theme Plays http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3reF1gfkTAc 0:02-0:31 Starring…. Terminoob-“I’m supposed to believe you?” [OMJ: About as believable as you taking this site down with you at the time.] Wumbology-“If anyone is here speak now.” [OMJ: God, Wumbo's still a paranoid schizophrenic?] That70sguy92-“If we can do it on the internet, we can do it here!” [OMJ: Come on! This bait's too easy!] CF-“Drop the gun! NOW!” [OMJ: Even I can't imagine CF speaking that loud.] Deli-“Yeah, I don’t understand.” [OMJ: Yeah, your reason to leave here still baffles me til' this day.] Clapmaster-“Yes, coming from Mr. Sarcastic.” [OMJ: JCM is in this? Yay! *sarcasm*] ExKizuna-“SHUT UP! NOW!” Jjsthekid-“Hello. I wish to join.” Steel Sponge-“Oh my god….” Jellyfishjammer-“Clappy…I…..I.” Girlygirl-“Move unless you want to die!” Luke-“I’m not who you think I am.” Tvguy-“Loser.” 4EverGreen, SpongeOddFan, Hassan, Sarah, Sara, Goosebumpsfan, Whaleblubber, Hipeoples4, The Cartoon, Beachbob, SBLover, Storytime, SG10, Spongebobs1fan, teenj12, and everyone else) [OMJ: Yeah, fuck everyone else with no real character development! You don't get a line in the title sequence, let alone the show!] “Ugh…,” moaned Clapmaster. He opened his eyes and almost screamed. He was in an airplane…with fish. [Fred: Airplane? Seaplane? Submarine?] [Metal Snake: Is he screaming because he’s shocked about suddenly being on an airplane or suddenly being on an airplane with fish?] [SOF: I don’t know Metal Snake, maybe it was all just a bad dream. A bad dream involving gaining fish superpowers after getting sucked into a computer.] [OMJ: Can't blame em. I'd be scared too after seeing this: ] Other fish were reading, listening to FishPods, [Fred: That's clever! He took the iPod and made it sound different by adding the word "fish" to it! Genius!] [Metal Snake: No no no, I want to forget about Bikini Top, thank you.] [SOF: Same here.] [OMJ: There's something fishy going on here, can't quite put my fin on it.] or watching TV. [OMJ: Because watching FishTV would've been absolutely too ridiculous.] The fish next to him had a computer open and was writing what looked like a story. [Metal Snake: Could this fish be tvguy/Dylan? Actually, I take that back. This isn’t looking like a story. This is looking more like gibberish.] [OMJ: Undeniable proof that a fish can write better than Tvguy.] “Excuse me,” said Clapmaster. “Where are we?” [SOF: Don’t you mean, “Where am I?”] [Metal Snake: Oh, I don’t know? A plane?] [Fred: You're in a very confusing spin-off.] [OMJ: Going on another work-related hiatus, I'm sure.] “Um…,” said the fish. “What do you mean?” [OMJ: What do YOU mean? How could you not see the topics/status updates telling us "Bon voyage"?] “What’s my name?” [Metal Snake: “Greetings, old chap. What’s my name?” O_O] [Fred: Is it: A. Slim Shady B. Hank Hill C. Eddie Stillson D. Snoop Dogg E. Dildo Baggins] “I don’t know,” said the fish. “I haven’t talked to you since you sat down.” “Oh my god,” he breathed. “I don’t know who I am.” [Metal Snake: “Oh my lord,” I sniffed(?). “I don’t know how many times I’ve seen the amnesia cliche used in such a disjointed manner.”] [Fred: OH*breath*MY*breath*GOD*breath*I*breath*DON'T*breath*KNOW*breath*WHO*breath*I*breath*AM*breath*!] [OMJ: Could've sworn you were SpongeBob's #1 Fan for a minute there.] “Your problem,” said the annoyed fish next to him. [Metal Snake: “You’ve possibly suffered serious trauma? Your problem.”] [Fred: Wow. Just wow. I think we found the biggest asshole in the series.] [OMJ: Sounds like the Bikini Bottomites we've grown to love to hate.] “Please,” said Clapmaster. “I don’t know who the hell I am.” “Look man,” said the fish. “My name is Jeffery Scott. I met you the minute I sat down. You went to sleep and now you wake up claiming you have amnesia. Fuck you, man!” [SOF: ...Talk about an awkward greeting.] [Metal Snake: “What are you going to claim next, that I have some kind of a mental disorder?”] [Fred: I bet this guy would make a great doctor. "I'm sorry, Mr. Johnson, but you have been diagnosed with cancer. Fuck you, man, you don't have cancer!"] [OMJ: This still isn't really SpongeBob's #1 Fan?] “Help,” Clapmaster said, getting up. He was panicking. A stewardess walked up to him. “Sir, can I help you? You seem worried ,” she said. [Metal Snake: “Yes, the man sitting adjacent to me is being inexplicably hostile towards me, can I please change seats?”] [SOF: "I don’t want to stay on this plane, get me outta here!”] [Fred: "How the hell did I get on an airplane or whatever this is?"] [Stewardess: Some nuts to go with your in-flight psychotic break?] Clapmaster looked at her, recognizing her face from somewhere. I know that face, he thought. [Metal Snake: Yay, no quotations!, I riffed.] [OMJ: Ooh! I know, she's the one who forgot to put on sunscreen!] “Help,” he said. Clappy then sprinted down the aisle and pulled out a gun from his pocket. [OMJ: That came off so hilariously monotone.] [Metal Snake: I PULL OUT MY BARETTA] [R. Kelly: TELL ME WHERE JOHN TRAVOLTA IS OR ELSE I'M GONNA SHOOT SOMEONE!] “SIR!” the stewardess cried. She chased after him, her heels clacking against the floor. [OMJ: A real badass runs in high heels. And chasing after an armed man too, I suppose.] Clapmaster reached the cockpit and banged down the door. [SOF: Wat...] [Metal Snake: Clapmaster’s power is using water as a form of attack, not super-strength. “Banging down” a metal airplane door is a much different story than breaking down a normal wooden door in a house.] [OMJ: Considering he's in a plane with fish, I'd assume the plane would be filled with water, which he could be using to his advantage to our lesser knowledge. Or Tvguy just consulted the SBCPU Department of Superpowers on this one.] Then Clapmaster realized where he recognized the stewardess from. “CLAPMASTER! DOWN ON THE GROUND!” Jelly screamed, pointing a gun at him. Frightened first-class stared at the scene in fright. [Metal Snake: Confused readers stared at this scene in confusion.] [SOF: I don't know anymore...] [OMJ: Oh, she wants him down on the ground, alright.] Everything the flooded back into Clappy’s mind like a rushing river. Clapmaster pointed the gun at her. I have no feelings for you, he thought. [OMJ: Well that worked itself out rather quickly.] [Metal Snake: I have no words for this scene, I thought.] [Fred: I have no feelings for me, I thought.] Oh my god, thought Jelly. [OMJ: What, you read his thoughts or somethin'? We can do that too right now.] She raised her gun higher and squinted. [OMJ: Ooohhh, girl definitely read his thoughts!] Clapmaster and Jelly fired at each other at the same time. At that moment, the airplane dove into a spiral, heading towards the ground. [Metal Snake: And then it exploded in a giant fireball, AND EVERYBODY DIED.] [Fred: Too soon, man....] [OMJ: Now that's what I call some explosive sex! Heheh! Allllriiight!] ------- He folded his hands and breathed in. He’s not going to listen, he thought. [The Mastermind: "Don't fold your hands!" they said. "You could break your hands!" they said.] The Mastermind opened the file in front of him. “It says here you escaped from the Bikini Bottom Prison five times,” he said. Ginger Jackson [Metal Snake: ...Who’s this?] [Fred: As Told by Ginger.] [SOF: Uh...is it ever even explained where this character came from? Does she have any backstory other than being a crook?] [OMJ: Sounds like some albino black dude. NUGGETS?] stared at him, her eyes burning into his. She was seriously beautiful. [OMJ: Judging from the way she's staring at him, I'd say he was beautiful-er.] [Metal Snake: And this scene is seriously pointless. What’s the reason for introducing a stock “criminal mistress” character into all this? Besides, I thought The Mastermind opened the file in front of him.] [SOF: I can tell she’s also being seriously described.] Her luscious, blond hair hung just above her shoulders. Her brown eyes shined. Ginger’s face was in a perfect shape. Her lips pursed into a simple line. [Metal Snake: As opposed to pursing into a complicated line?] [OMJ: And already this nobody has gotten more development than half of everybody in that title sequence.] She wore wine redlipstick. [SOF: Pretty sure there's something called a "space" in-between "red" and "lipstick"...] [OMJ: This one goes out to all the music critics out there! ] “Yes,” she said, smiling to reveal pearl white teeth. “And I’d do it again.” Her voice was smooth and intimidating, but beautiful all the way. [OMJ: Okay! We get it! Her reality image would make ours shit bricks, she'll get a godlike on the hotness/age scale. Something tells me this is what Tvguy touches himself at night about given the level of fucking detail here.] “Hmm,” said The Mastermind. “Do you think you’ll escape from this facility?” [Metal Snake: Okay, so they’re moving her to another prison? I’m still not understanding what this has to do with SBC users getting sucked into the world of Spongebob…] [SOF: This scene here has nothing to do with any of the other subplots we’ve seen so far either. What does a story about jail have to do with Luke being WhaleBlubber?] “It depends,” she spoke again. “I’ll have to examine it.” [OMJ: Pfft, you can try, but you'll just get lost in the story like everyone else.] The Mastermind chuckled and glanced down at the file. “We’ll see about that. Now,” he replied, leaning in towards her. “I know you are my equivalent, but female. [OMJ: Girly parts.] Let’s not joke around. I KNOW you have to jewel.” “A jewel? You’re after a jewel?” She laughed. “Aren’t you like forty years old?” [Metal Snake: “A forty-year-old is after a jewel?! IT’S A SIGN OF THE APOCALYPSE!” ?!] [OMJ: As an old man, I take no offense to that.] “Ha. You’re a good actress. You would’ve fooled any other person-but me. [OMJ: And the Spinny goes to!] Give me it,” he said, his voice as cold as steel. [Fred: Hahahahahaha, what? How can steel be cold? That doesn't really make any sense. Unless you're talking about the member Steel Sponge.] [OMJ: Alright! You can have the spinny. Had me convinced you were Steel for a second there.] “No,” she said flatly. [OMJ: And this is "good" acting.] In a swift move, her hands slipped out of her handcuffs, her leg sent the desk flying into The Mastermind’s face, and she grabbed the file which had ended up on the floor in the hassle. She bolted from the room, leaving The Mastermind unconscious on the floor. [OMJ: I didn't know I've been reading Agent 47. Seems about just as crappy.] [Fred: Alright, let's get a few things straight here. 1. How the hell did her hands break out of the handcuffs so fast? Does she has thin paper hands or something? 2. Why is her leg somehow strong enough to knock a desk over? 3. Why does she need the file? Is she a spy or something? Explain yourself, Mr. tvguy.] [Metal Snake: lolwut That entire sequence made no sense. First of all, you can not just slip your hands out of a pair of handcuffs unless you’ve damaged them somehow or you’re Roger Rabbit. Second, her leg sent the desk flying into his face? I’m already having a hard time imagining your average desk can be flipped over with a single kick, and then she hits it so hard it carries enough force to knock him out?! Finally, she just steals the file...because why? When was it established that it had any importance to her? This is why we build things up first.] [SOF: ...Yeah, what Metal Snake said above, try to actually give us some details on the scene.] -------- 70s got up and looked around. No one, he thought. Then who was chasing me? He started to walk away, eager to get back to his friends. Suddenly, a figure popped out. 70s was about to run when he stopped. I recognize this person. [Metal Snake: Funny. I don’t recognize any of this. At least not as something cohesive to the main story.] [OMJ: So the narrator recognized this person?] “Who are you?” he asked. “Wouldn’t you like to know,” the figure said, his voice unkind and jagged. “I’ve been told to warn you.” [Figure: This show is going to get a lot more confusing starting from this episode...] [OMJ: Looks like my long awaited appearance was a bit overdue.] “By The Mastermind?” said 70s, recounting the words Wumbology had told him. “The Mastermind? No, he is not my leader. I am my OWN leader,” said the figure, smirking. [Fred: ] [OMJ: I mean it sounds like me, right down to the smirk. ] The figure took a step forward, out of the shadows. “Do the names Pakasa and Sabre ring a bell?” [OMJ: Thanks for that, I almost forgot they were members here.] [Fred: I don't hear any bells. Do you guys hear any?] [Metal Snake: None of this rings a bell, what the fuck is going on?] [SOF: I don't have a clue what the hell happened here.] 70s didn’t reply. He just stared at the figure in shock. The figure was a male and had jet black hair. His jaw was in the shape of a square [Metal Snake: Interesting. Is his skull shaped like a trapezoid?] [Fred: SpongeBob SquareJaw] and he had blue eyes. He was very handsome, but seemed homicidal. [OMJ: You had me up until "handsome", but by Neptune, you got me back at "homicidal". Something tells me this is what Tvguy touches himself at night to, too.] “Yes, the names DO ring a bell,” said the figure. “My name is Percy Rivas. I am the person who just killed Hassan.” [Metal Snake: So Hassan’s dead...again. He died, then came back to life, and now he’s dead again. … You see what I meant by this being the chapter where the confoundment really starts to accelerate?] [SOF: Here, I thought he was alive...then again, he was killed...twice? I don't get it.] [Fred: Come on guys, what did you expect? This was the same spinoff that killed off and unkilled 70s, tvguy can pretty much bring anything and anyone back to life in this spinoff. Who else will he bring back next? Robin Williams? Alan Rickman? David Bowie? Okay tvguy, please bring Bowie back to life please.] [OMJ: Who the fuck is Percy Rivas and why should I give a damn other than he gives Handsome Squidward a run for his money.] ------- Their camp was in ashes. Everything was destroyed. The users were about to leave, despite their minor injuries. [SOF: Wait...what? What's going on here?] [Metal Snake: “We have no time to worry about the paper cuts on our fingers! We gotta get out of here!”] [Narrator: Many bruised egos and hurt butts later.] “We’re missing people!” shouted Deli. She had been helping some of the wounded. “PokeSponge is in terrible condition,” said Wumbology. “I think he’s close to death.” [Jeffrey Scott: And now you claim he's close to death?! Fuck you, man!] [Metal Snake: That’s as terrible of a condition as any.] SG10 walked around, a deep gash on her cheek. People were screaming and there was a low rumbling, although she had no clue what it was. [OMJ: Sorry, that was me. Made the wise decision of not eating before going to the riffing theater.] “HELP ME!” “Gahh!” “Oh my god!” [OMJ: ] SG10 did a 360, seeing so many of her friends wounded. [SOF: A 360? What, did she just flip around?] [Metal Snake: What kind of 360? Did she turn around all the way? Have a change of tune? In both contexts, it’s called a 180.] [Fred: He probably meant "Xbox 360".] [OMJ: Well, the ads used to always say to "jump in". ] “ATTENTION!” screamed terminoob. “We MUST get going. If we don’t, those PEOPLE will be coming and most likely kill us. For those of you who are wounded, just TRY to walk. We leave NOW.” [Termi: EMPHASIS!] [Metal Snake: Geez, why is terminoob always the leader character in these kind of stories? In my personal opinion, he’d be much more endearing as the comic relief-providing joker character.] [Fred: I guess it's because he created the site, yadda yadda yadda, all that junk.] Several people helped injured people and the group started to move. SG10 went to the back, her hands glowing blue. She would be ready to use her powers whenever they were needed. She’d been practicing. [OMJ: Handjob powers, ACTIVATE!] “Hi,” a voice said. She looked around her and saw Spongebobs1fan. “Oh hey,” she said warmly. “How are you doing?” “Good, good,” he replied. “This is all happening so fast. [Metal Snake: Tell me about it.] [SOF: Same here.] [Fred: I too agree with the two users above me.] [OMJ: About as fast as Jelly out of bed.] What do those people want from us?” “I don’t know,” she said grimly. [Metal Snake: No one does.] “But whatever it is…I’m sure it’s the reason we’re missing so many users.” [OMJ: Ironic, considering about half these people are missing nowadays, including the user you're talking to right now.] Sbs1fan nodded and continued on. Meanwhile, SpongeSebastian was deep in thought. He recalled the house in the middle of nowhere. Where Santa Dog (Elastic) was killed. But by what? Nothing made sense anymore. Not that this experience made sense in the first place. [Metal Snake: At least tvguy was being honest here.] [OMJ: At least no one is bringing their real life drama into this, that'll surely bring his mellow down.] ---------- Smoke filled the ocean air. Jelly coughed and stood up. She only had a few scrapes on her arms. [OMJ: I wish the same could be said for most other plane crash victims.] But passengers littered the ground, along with metal pieces and enormous engines. People were screaming and there was a loud humming from the engines. [SOF: Plane crash in a nutshell, amirite folks?] [Metal Snake: Such an accurate depiction of the aftermath of a horrible tragedy such as a plane crash.] [Fred: You know, I think I just realized something. I don't think anyone can die in this show. Even if it said they did, they just come back to life suddenly without any rhyme or reason. I'll probably eat my words later on in the show, but for right now, I'm holding on to this theory.] “Help me!” People were yelping. They were panicking. Jelly was the stewardess. She had to help. [Metal Snake: By calling 911? The stewardess is not some medic trained to assist people who have miraculously survived a plane crash…] [Jelly: Would you like some roasted peanuts to go with your in-flight third degree burns, sir?] “Excuse me,” a passenger asked, tugging her shirt. “I’m Jerry Sandoval. What happened?” [OMJ: What the fuck do you think happened? Look around you, you ain't in the sky no more, Jerry me boy!] “Oh, I don’t- Jelly stopped, mid-sentence. She noticed that his clothes weren’t burnt or damaged or anything. His hair was also fixed nicely. He also carried a brief case. [Metal Snake: Jerry had his tray table up and his seat back in the full upright position, obviously.] [Fred: Wait a sec. Jerry? Jelly? Please don't tell me that they're gonna be shipped or something.] [OMJ: Well, this chapter has certainly taught me what really happened to the Triassic, Jurassic and Cretaceous periods.] “What was that?” Jerry asked. “Um…nothing,” Jelly said. She walked away. [OMJ: Yeah, fuck you for not being gravely injured, bitch!] ------- The group came out from a corner and gasped. The enormous wreckage of a jumbo jet sat before them, survivors screaming and yelling for help. [Metal Snake: What group? And didn’t everyone survive? The passengers “littering the ground” weren’t described to be dead. Also, why are the survivors screaming for help? Are they trapped in the plane? Give us details, dammit!] [Fred: Y'know, the group of SB fans! The only people on SBC who like SpongeBob!] [OMJ: Well, if they're screaming for help. They sure as hell aint gonna get any from SBC. Relatable Cards and their 90K+ followers can vouch. And SpongeBob's #1 Fan.] -------- [Metal Snake: This episode made no sense, the first episode where I truly got lost trying to understand anything that was going on. Is anything going to make sense from this point forward?] [SOF: I feel ya, Metal Snake, this episode leaves so much unexplained that we want to know. Like, what was Clappy doing on a plane? Who's Ginger? And why does The Mastermind want a jewel? Is he Lex Luthor, is this Superman all of a sudden? I don’t know, JUST TELL US WHAT! Anyways, I hope this confusion isn't going to get worse further on...] [Fred: Welp, I'm glad I decided to do this episode because goddamn, I don't think I could make out any sense of it. It was so confusing that it even made M. Night snap. And we have a ton of plots and characters we don't even know about yet. I don't even know if any of these plots connect and this whole story is just a bunch of tvguy's coma dreams bunched up into one. I need a moment to think...] [OMJ: SPOILER ALERT: The confusion is going to get worse further on.] 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metal Snake Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 1 hour ago, jjsthekid said: 1 hour ago, jjsthekid said: Besides, I thought The Mastermind opened the file in front of him.] Yeah, I forgot to emphasize "him" there with Ginger being a woman. Forgetting that mistake of mine, I'm very happy with how everyone's riffs of this episode turned out. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SpongeOddFan Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 Glad to see everyone did decent with their riffs. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Biden Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 I think we did a great job, SOF, Metal, and OMJ. 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jjs Goodman Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 Down Under 6. Halloween Gone Wrong Spoiler (S1E6) Episode 6: Halloween Gone Wrong [Halibut: 2spooky4me.][OMJ: ] It happened again. Storm clouds popped out of nowhere and covered the previously sunny sea. The rain pounded down, but this time lightning was striking the sea floor everywhere. [JCM: Emphasis.][OMJ: Tvguy can even make a simple tropical storm seem like a sexual experience.] "Where did this storm come from?!" shouted Deli. [JCM: Someone didn't pay attention in Geology.][OMJ: I lost track after his buhmillionth account.] "Keep moving! There are people from the plane that need help!" yelled Wumbology. [Halibut: Wait, so... they're trying to help the plane that Clappy and Jelly were in?][OMJ: Color me surprised.] The storm was stronger than the first storm. The roar of the wind and thunder grew louder. [OMJ: Must be Bang Bang.] The wind was so strong Spongebobs1fan felt like he would be swept up into the clouds. [OMJ: Fucking lightweight.] They made it to the plane, only going off of the enormous silhouette the plane produced. [Halibut: Well yes, a silhouette of a plane would normally have the shape of a plane.] "Help!" Voices were coming from everywhere. [Halibut: And only one bothers to shout 'Help'?] "Spread out and help the wounded!" yelled SpongeSebastian. [Halibut: And nothing will be done with the dead.][SpongeSebastian: And if they bring up their real life drama, by all means, put em out of their misery!] Deli ran towards the plane. Suddenly, the darkness of the storm was illuminated by an enormous explosion. Deli ducked as debris soared over her. A terrible humming noise overthrew the thunder and wind. [OMJ: Worst. Singing voice. Ever!] Then the ground shook vigorously and the remaining engines exploded into a fire filled mushroom. [JCM: Aw man, that's the mushroom the Smurfs lived in!] "AHHH!" Deli screamed and ducked. Although the engines had blown, the ground was still shaking. Deli got up when she felt a hand on her shoulder. "Deli," said the voice. "It's Girlygirl." [OMJ: Ah yes, our strong willed, independent, empowering female lead, Girlygirl, has finally returned!][JCM: Duh duh duh! Wait, why is that dramatic?] (theme plays) "Let me go," 70s said. [OMJ: Me every time I'm contractually obligated to return to this.][JCM: No recap? Fine. Make it harder on me.] "You know I can't do that," Percy said, smiling weakly. [OMJ: How intimidating. I'm shitting my pants mightily.] "Not until you give me the information I want." "WHAT information?" "You KNOW what information, 70s," said Percy, glaring at him. "Give me them or I'll have my snipers blast you into little bite sized bits." [JCM: Or you could just stop being vague and tell him what information you want.][Halibut: Bite sized bits... so Percy is going to eat 70s after he snipes him.][OMJ: Snipers armed with mini-guns or do you have a hundred snipers trained on him?] 70s sighed and hesitated. "Fine," he said. "Just tell me what you want to know about it." "Good boy," said Percy. "Now...how many people can Hassan bring back to life?" "12 at a time," replied 70s. [JCM: Sounds like a mighty fun orgy.][Halibut: Well they're fucked. They needed to bring back 14 people for this.][OMJ: That's a lot people to pull out of one guy's ass.] "How did he come about this unique power?" "Just like the rest if us. Out of the blue." [Halibut: This explains literally nothing.][OMJ: Can this conversation get anymore vague.] "Hmm," said Percy. "I just shot Hassan. He brought himself back to life." [JCM: That's very interesting. Tell us more stuff we already know.] "No surprise," replied 70s. "He told me about his power before he disappeared." "HASSAN!" bellowed Percy. Hassan appeared, wearing a creepy medallion around is neck. [JCM: With the power to drop random letters from words.][Halibut: Did he win some kind of game while Percy and 70s were talking?][OMJ: You put a subpar Jackie Chan movie around his neck? You fiend!] "Hello, 70s," said Hassan. "Sorry about my betrayal." [OMJ: Don't worry, we're SBC! We forgive and forget almost everything.] "Betrayal?" 70s screamed. "What are you talking about?" [JCM: I'm not even trying to understand anymore.] A blast split the air and 70s collapsed. Then everything went black [Halibut: Everything went black and only 70s collapses.][OMJ: Well, you know what they say: Once you go black, you never come back! I hope.] -------- "Bring him back to life now," said Percy, staring at 70s motionless body. [JCM: 70 motionless bodies? Talk about an orgy gone wrong!][OMJ: Here lies my hopes and dreams.] "Alright." Hassan set the gun down on the floor and waved his hand. The bullet hole disappeared and 70s gasped. [Halibut: I guess that explains why only 70s collapsed, but now this just raises more questions than it answers.] "What-" he screamed, breathing heavily. "Good, good," said Percy, staring contently at 70s. "We can use your power for good use, Hassan." [JCM: We can repeat words repeated times, Percy Jackson.][OMJ: So are you gonna kill him again or just keep him lying there to look sexy? Because surely keeping him around won't hamper your plans at all.] "Thank you sir." ------ The storm raged on, and the gang had regrouped. They had six plane survivors: James, Lanie, Josh, Kim, Bill, and Sadie. [OMJ: Yay! More people I don't know and probably won't care about!] Clapmaster and Jellyfishjammer also were with them, although not informing them of the events on the plane. [OMJ: What happens in the mile high club, STAYS in the mile high club.] Girlygirl was also welcome back. [JCM: Now to never mention her ever again.][Halibut: And there still hasn't been any explanation on what the plane has to do with the story.][OMJ: Everything going black, plane crash, convoluted plot lines. Yep, this story is truly Lost on me.] The group went on. "Oh my god," Wumbology suddenly cried. [Halibut: Wumbo just realized how stupid the plotline this is.][OMJ: Does Wumbo want his bottle? Does he wanna cuddle waddle with Mr. Huggykins?] The rest of the group stopped and stared. [JCM: Great, now Wumbo feels violated.][OMJ: ] "Look!" he said. He dropped to his knees and started removing the sand, only to reveal a metal door. [Halibut: Good thing that Wumbo had a metal detector on him to notice it.][OMJ: The things his wumbooty can do.] "What th-?!" Ex said. [JCM: Your implied swearing offends me.][OMJ: The one line Ex can get and he can't even finish it.] "Can you open it?" asked SG. "I think," Wumbo said. He found a latch and heaved. He made a grunting noise, but then hatch door flung open. Suddenly, there was a glass-shattering crash. "In, in, in!" terminoob hollered. [JCM: terminoob seems to be suffering from a stroke.][Halibut: Out, out, out!][OMJ: I'd bet top dollar that gets all the girls on Tinder.] The group filed in. They looked around the room and saw that there was an enormous wall in front of them. Ex checked it out, peering out from behind the wall. [OMJ: Well now the wall feels violated.] He came back, a look of woe on his face. [Ex: 4/10 would not bang the wall.] "It's a maze." "Oh jeez," said Clapmaster. [JCM: Mazes hurt Clappy's brain.][OMJ: Being the only person who's probs read Maze Runner here, you should have this in the bag.] "We have our powers, though!" reminded Deli. [Halibut: So far, that is completely irrelevant to the maze...][OMJ: So who reminded Deli?] They were silent for a moment, [OMJ: Well that answers my question.] everyone trying to get their powers. [JCM: Don't try too hard or you'll hurt yourself. Actually, never mind. Please try too hard.][OMJ: Now would be one of those "right times" for SG's handjob powers to come into play.] "No," said Wumbology. [OMJ: Well sorry I brought it up!] "It's useless. We can't use them in here." [Halibut: But... why? Is the maze superpower-resistant?][OMJ: A maze is as good a place for a handjob as any.] "We should make camp her for the night," said terminoob. "Who cares if there is a maze? Let's just stay here." terminoob closed the hatch door, blocking out the rain. [JCM: How does underwater rain even work? Is it just more watery water?] Everyone settled out in the dimly lit hatch. [OMJ: So they're camping outside the maze inside the hatch? Just trying to paint a picture here, but it's looking like a Fiasco.] -------- "I'll send him back now," Percy said, smiling at Hassan proudly. Percy then returned his focus to 70s and snapped his fingers. 70s felt a sharp pain in his thigh [JCM: Should have used your rape whistle.] before the world evaporated around him. Then it reappeared again, and he was falling into a cave-like place. He landed in the middle of his friends. [OMJ: Way to kill the mood.][Halibut: It wasn't a cave, it was only cave-like.] "70s!" cried SpongeSebastian. "You're back!" said Queen Malie. [OMJ: So are you, apparently!][JCM: who] His friends swarmed around him, helping him up. "I'm fine you guys," said 70s, swatting them off. "I'm alright." [Halibut: He's so beautifully unaware that he's going to die soon.][OMJ: Every 70s xat fiasco ever.] "Are you sure?" Wumbology asked, skeptical. "You just fell through the roof of this hatch." [JCM: Just a couple of broken bones. Nothing serious.][OMJ: The Wumbo I knew at the time would've taken this opportunity to surpass 70's post count.] "Hatch?" asked 70s. "As in Lost Hatch?" [Halibut: Well now it's a Found Hatch.][OMJ: I was joking about the whole Lost thing earlier.] "Sort of," chuckled Wumbology. "I found a metal door in the ground. It led to here. That's a maze right there." [Maze: Pleasure to make your acquaintance, 70s!] "Hmm," said 70s. He then noticed the door was still open. "Why is the door open?" [JCM: Because everyone is lazy.] "What?!" said terminoob. "I...I closed it." [OMJ: Much like this chapter in your SBC life, I guess it just reopened.] "Yes," a voice suddenly said. "I opened it. I'm closing it too." The door swung shut. "I am a killer," the voice continued. "But a good killer. I kill for good. Good." [JCM: Darkly dreaming douchebag.][OMJ: Well, that makes you aight in my book.] Everyone listened in horror. [OMJ: What a bunch of fuckin pussies.] "There is no escape. This Halloween will be more of a Helloween." [OMJ: Yes! Some Helloween can save this story for me! ] The lights went out, but the voice continued. [OMJ: Can't the voice go out and the light continue instead?] "Now," said the voice. "I am going to send an enormous cinder block plunging down onto you unless you move into the maze. 5...4...3...2..." [JCM: Crap! What comes after 2?][Halibut: 1.9 comes after 2. Maybe you guys will be safe.][OMJ: I call bluff.] An SWOOSH of wind caused everyone to run into the maze. [OMJ: It was an bluff, you pussies!] Just after, a cinder block crashed down on their campsite. [OMJ: Well, this would be my last chapter. ] "See you later...in hell," said the voice. [JCM: If they're going to die anyway, what's the point of playing your game?][OMJ: It's a date.] ------ "Okay, everyone needs to split up," said 70s. [JCM: Ruh roh Raggy.][70s: Everyone's right arms take the left path, everyone's left legs take the right path, torsos cut it straight down the middle so everyone's head can get a head start. Whoever reaches the end first can warn everybody else by playing with everyone else's private parts. Ready, break!] "Then whoever this killer is will have a less likely chance of getting to all of us. We don't know how powerful he is." "But that's how people die in the movies," said tvguy. [OMJ: Or ATTWL.] "This isn't a movie." [JCM: Uwe Boll is in talks to adapt it, though.][OMJ: With Golden Globe winner, Lady Gaga, sending feelers out for the role of Tvguy.] Everyone then split up, going in different ways in the maze. [Halibut: You forgot the ball of yarn to trace your path.][OMJ: Yes, a perfect representation for the loss of direction for a good bulk of these characters.] ------ Ex and 70s were partners. [JCM: I knew it!][OMJ: I'm sure Sara wouldn't mind that.] They ventured through the maze, turning corner after corner. [OMJ: Making me dat money.][Halibut: They're just trying to find a nice place where nobody will see them fuck.] "Hey!" Ex said suddenly. "What the hell is that?" He pointed to a open hatch. "Another hatch?" said 70s. The two crawled in and saw that it was an underground tunnel. [JCM: El Chapo must have passed through here.][OMJ: ] "Oh god...," said Ex. They then walked through. "Hello," a voice rasped. [Halibut: Is it me you're looking for?][OMJ: ] ------- "Oh god," CF said. The storm was coming down on them hard. [OMJ: Ejaculation.] "We need to find shelter, Steel!" The two ran around, blinded by the storm. [Steel: Time to bring back Z-Storm!] "CF," said Steel. "Just be quiet for a sec." [JCM: Putting CF in her place. I'm impressed.]OMJ: Now I know why she doesn't like coming here anymore. "WHY?" ("Shiver" by Coldplay plays) [OMJ: Just a random ass Coldplay song, nothing too out of the ordinary here, mang.] "CF!" shouted Steel, swirling around to face her. "PLEASE. Be quiet!" The two stared at each other. [OMJ: "Let's Get It On" by Marvin Gaye plays.] [JCM: ] "WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!?" shouted CF. "I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP!" [OMJ: I guess Steel just doesn't like a screamer.] "I DON'T NEED HELP!" "YOU DON'T NEED HELP?" "NO!!" fumed Steel. [JCM: LOOK EVERYONE I CAN ABUSE THE CAPS LOCK TOO] "Fine," said CF softly. "I'm gone." She then turned around, and ran into the storm. [Halibut: Playing chicken with a storm isn't the best idea, but if it's what gives you that rush, go nuts.][OMJ: Worst. Sex. Ever!] ------- [Halibut: Lines.] 70s elbowed the killer in the nose. [OMJ: Completely on accident, mind you.] He stumbled backwards, in pain. [JCM: For a guy who kills people, you're a really piss poor fighter.] "RUN!" Ex screamed. The two darted down the damp, underground hallway. [OMJ: Which underground hallway is this? The one they were already in or the one they just found?] "YOU'LL LOSE!" the killer called, coming after them. He resembled Ghostface from Scream, except he had a slim, jack-o-lantern mask. [Halibut: So he's like the guy from Scream without the Scream mask?][OMJ: Tvguy must've mixed his horror movies up. Surely he meant Pumpkinhead, which would honestly make for a better chase scene. ] "Turn this corner!" 70s said. But Ex didn't. He stayed back. "YOU MOTHERFUCKING JACKASS! YOU DON'T MESS WITH MY FRIENDS!" [JCM: He has quite the mouth on him.][OMJ: The Jerk With a Mouth.] He punched the killer in the nose [OMJ: I think Tvguy got his horror movies mixed up again. Surely he meant the shark from Jaws.] and tackled him. He grabbed the knife he held [JCM: Killer was apparently holding a knife.][OMJ: Tvguy's just butchering the horror genre not unlike American Horror Story.] and tried to stab him. But the killer kicked him off picked him up. [OMJ: Without even a blink.] He threw him across the hall, Ex hitting the wall. [Halibut: What a rhyme!][OMJ: Looks like Ex did bang the wall after all. ] "YOU'LL DIE HERE. ALONE." The killer pressed a hidden button on the wall [OMJ: Placed at that exact spot for no one's convenience.] and a thick, metal door slid down. An explosion then ripped through the underground place, causing the place to cave in around Ex and 70s. [JCM: At least they died together.][Ex & 70s: ] -------- "Do you know how to use a gun?" Clappy and Jelly had been partnered up again. [OMJ: Partnered up randomly for no one's convenience.] They hadn't told their friends they still had their guns. [Halibut: JUST PULL THE DAMN TRIGGER.][OMJ: Well, some "friends" they are.] "Yes," she said coldly. "I was a cop for the BPD before all of this happened." [JCM: BPD? Booty Police Department?] "Good," smiled Clappy. He loaded his gun with a snap. "Let's roll." [OMJ: ] They strolled down the hall, guns ready. [Halibut: They strolled? Now wouldn't be the time for a nice evening stroll, guys.][(insert, idk, everyone in that Skype group here): ] They turned a corner, scanning everything. [OMJ: Yes, it's just as I feared. These are most definitely walls.] They abruptly heard a faint rustle. "Did you hear that?" rasped Jelly. [JCM: Jelly's rasping too? Is there a bug going around?][OMJ: ] "Yes," Clappy nodded. They listened intently before the sound of footsteps filled the corridor. "Oh god," Jelly breathed. "You take that side, I'll take this side." [Jelly: You lean up against the left wall, I'll lean up against the right. We'll then both stand in the middle of the hallway once they immediately see past our cover.] They turned in the opposite directions, back to back, surveying the dim labyrinth. [JCM: While tvguy continued to survey his handy dandy thesaurus.] "Hey!" whispered Clapmaster, his voice cracking in horror. "I-I-I...I think I see something!" Jelly turned around and almost screamed. It was almostcompletely transparent, but there was that small force that showed it was there. [OMJ: ] "H-hello?" asked Jelly, shaking in fright. Then it happened. The transparent figure disappeared and a man in a black suit appeared. He had a pumpkin mask over his face. Dirty, tangled locks of hair hung out from behind the mask. His costume resembled Ghostface from Scream. [JCM: Yeah, I got it the first time you said it.][Halibut: If he's in a suit, then how could he resemble Ghostface?][OMJ: Clappy made a killing off the whodunit genre, now it's gonna make a killing off of him.] "Hello," said the figure. His voice was raspy and horrific, resembling Scream...again. "My name is The Admiral." [Halibut: Woah, Admiral Ackbar has a role in this?][OMJ: This has to be it, this must be me!] "What, is that your killer nickname?" Clapmaster snickered. [WhoBob: YEEEAAAAAHHH! ] In a swift move, The Admiral pulled out a gun the same time Clapmaster fired at his chest. The bullet didn't effect the killer. [JCM: Verbs are not hard! Affect, not effect!][OMJ: *insert Pokemon reference here*] "HA!" shouted The Admiral. "I'm unstoppable." [OMJ: ] "Run," said Clapmaster. The two ran down the hall. [OMJ: That came off so hilariously monotone again.] "He's probably wearing a bulletproof vest!" Jelly suggested, trying to reassure herself more than Clappy. [OMJ: Now say "tax exemption"!] They turned a corner and continued to run. They hid behind a row of wooden crates that were in the middle of a clearing in the maze. They breathed heavily. [JCM: This isn't a good time to have sex, guys.] "Do you think we lost him?" asked Jelly. [OMJ: No, but this story has sure as hell lost me.] "I don't know," replied Clappy, poking his head out and trying to make something out of his surroundings. "Boo!" the same, raspy voice said. [JCM: Could you think of something less original to say?][Halibut: Forget 'less original', how about 'less wimpy'?][OMJ: I just shitted myself mightily again.] Clapmaster swirled around, about to shoot when The Admiral grabbed his hand [OMJ: ] and twisted it. A gunshot split the air, [Halibut: How can it split the air when you're underwater?] and The Admiral displayed a knife. [Halibut: He's only gonna display it, not use it. Why ruin such a beautifully crafted knife with blood stains anyway?] "Gah!" shouted Clapmaster. Jelly then socked The Admiral in the face, grabbing Clappy and running. [Jelly: Nobody grabs his hand but me, puto!] -------- THREE YEARS EARLIER [JCM: Lovin' the font.] [Halibut: Nothing says drama like Impact!] We see Jellyfishjammer sitting in the front seat of a BMW. She sips at a coffee from Starbucks. A laptop sits on top of the compartment top. A Google Chrome window is open and a word processor [Halibut: Ugh, "word processor." If you mission was to make Jelly seem as obnoxious as possible, you've done it!][OMJ: She was obnoxious enough at "Starbucks", maybe even "BMW".] is open. Jelly takes another sip of her coffee and stares out of the foggy window at an old house. This is the house of a very old enemy. [OMJ: I get it. It's me.] She then decides she can't wait any longer. She nods to her partner and they exit the car. Her partner is silent like a lion stalking his prey. [OMJ: Bitch please, her partner doesn't even have a name. They're only silent because Tvguy has no lines to give em.] Her partner breaks down the door. "BPD!" shouts Jelly. [OMJ: He doesn't even get to say that.] A bullet whizzes past her skull and she ducks for cover inside a room. Her partner does not follow. [Jelly's Partner: That's for taking my one line, you selfish bitch!] She then goes out and shoots the assailant. She makes the arrest. [OMJ: Why don't they just promote her to chief while she's at it?] She then sees a trail of blood. Her partner had been shot, and then had tried crawling into another room for cover. But he didn't make it. [JCM: On the bright side, that Starbucks product placement will make you a crapton of money.][Halibut: How does this have ANYTHING to do with the story?][OMJ: Figured as much.] --------- ("Before He Cheats" by Carrie Underwood plays through the scene) Wumbology and Deli walked together in the eerie labyrinth. Wumbology and Deli had had chemistry on the internet...and in real life. [OMJ: Well, this choice in music doesn't seem to support that.] They had met and become great friends. But Wumbology had an enormous crush on Deli. Deli had an enormous crush on Wumbology. The two had chemistry...they had been told so by friends. [OMJ: Yes, I heard that the first two times.] But they weren't sure if it would work out. [JCM: Man, this paragraph looks like it came straight out a Twilight novel. Someone put me out of my misery.] [Halibut: ] [OMJ: About 4-5 years later, and Deli ultimately picked God to be her man.] TWO YEARS AGO [JCM: Jesus Christ, another flashback? Wake me when it's over. *falls asleep*] Deli and Wumbology were having tea at a place called The tRea House. [Halibut: tHat cApitalization tHo][OMJ: They should really have that sign fixed, Tear House would be more appropriate. I'm being bored to the point of it.] "So what have you been up to?" Deli asked, smiling. "Deli, you KNOW what I've been up to. I've spent every day this week going places with you," giggled Wumbology. [OMJ: ] "I know, I know," she said, smiling. "Dealing with my brother's death has been much easier. It's been so much fun with all the places we've been." [Halibut: Her brother's death? What...?][OMJ: Yeah, this is news to me too.] "Yes," said Wumbo, smiling a white smile. [OMJ: Homie's teeth on fleek!] Suddenly, a very muscular man approached them. [Halibut: He wants to participate in the orgy that's going to happen soon.][OMJ: Oh look, Gary! There I am!] "Oh hey Craig!" said Deli, getting up. OMJ: Awww. ] "Craig?" said Wumbology. [OMJ: Craig Mammalton? ] "My boyfriend," said Deli, smiling. [OMJ: ...You fucking tease.] "Your...your boyfriend," said Wumbology, stating it, more than asking. "Er...yes. We've been dating since last month. We really hit off," said Deli, smiling broadly. She killed Craig. "Oh we better go, or we'll be late." "Oh, yeah," said Craig. "I'll get your coat." He grabbed Deli's coat which was draped over the side of her chair. "Bye!" said Deli. "By-..Bye," said Wumbo, his heart shattered. [OMJ: So we're just fuckin' gonna ignore the whole "She killed Craig." thing?!] ("Bleed It Out" by Linkin Park plays) Now they were walking together in the corridor, once again. [OMJ: You say that like they've done this many times before.] The two hadn't seen each other since the run in with Deli's boyfriend. [OMJ: Wait, wait, wait. They haven't seen each other in TWO YEARS? Unless Deli eventually ditched Craig and found God, this is a small freakin' community we have here, especially back then!] That had been two years ago. They hadn't met on the internet, or in person. [OMJ: Wow, mang. Just...I think I need some air. Can we get some air conditioning in this theater?] "So," said Deli. "How are you?" Wumbology didn't respond. [OMJ: She must've confused him for Grace Kelly's ask thread.] "Wumbo...," said Deli. "What's wrong?" "Nothing," said Wumbology. "Absolutely nothing.[i/]" [Halibut: When I feel the need for emphasis, sometimes I go overboard and add an unnecessary BBCode too.] "It seems like- They stopped when they saw a computer-like pillar in front of them. [Halibut: What if it was an actual computer?][OMJ: It's a step up from the cave-like cave they're in.] "Oh my..," said Deli. "What is that?" Wumbo didn't answer. [Wumbo: ] He stepped towards the pillar which extended to the roof of the hatch they were in. He ran his fingers across the enormous screen and across the keyboard which sat on a surface that popped out of the pillar. He spotted a ON/OFF button on the side of the pillar computer. Wumbology pressed it and the screen instantly exploded with life. OMJ: That didn't sound sexual. ] "Hmm," hummed Wumbo, staring at the screen with curiosity. [Halibut: The screen EXPLODES WITH LIFE and all you can say is "Hmm"?][OMJ: So YOU were the one making the terrible humming earlier!] The sound of the operating system music came from unseen speakers. A spinning icon appeared. The bootup screen then disappeared, only to present a operating system which looked confusing and for cryptographers. [OMJ: Haha! It's a giraffe!] ("Master of Puppets" by Metallica plays) "Let's go, Wumbo," said Deli. "I don't like it here." [Halibut: Too fucking bad, Deli.] "Hush," said Wumbology sharply. "You can go on your own. I'm staying here." [Morgan Freeman: And so it was, that Deli never logged onto SBC after that fateful day.] "Wumbology...what did I do? You just stopped speaking to me after that day at the tea shop!" exclaimed Deli. "I TOLD YOU!" Wumbo said, temper flaring. "I AM NOT ANGRY WITH YOU!" [JCM: *wakes up* Huh? Shoot, this is still going on.][Halibut: OF COURSE I'M NOT ANGRY WITH YOU. CAN'T YOU TELL FROM MY CAPS LOCK!?][OMJ: As Tvguy would say, "calm you tits".] "Wumbology," Deli said, her voice suddenly scared. "Don't touch the computer." "Why? WHY NOT?" Wumbo then turned around and touched the computer mouse when a man in a black suit, similar to Ghostface's from Scream, stabbed him in the arm. [JCM: We get it. You like Scream.][OMJ: It's just his way of saying ] "AHHHH!" screeched Wumbology. [OMJ: ] "HEY!" Clapmaster and Jelly suddenly came out from a corner and fired at The Admiral. The Admiral ripped the knife out of of Wumbology and pulled out a machine gun. [OMJ: Oh, NOW.] "DELI, MOVE!" Jelly screamed. She fired at The Admiral five times, some hitting the computers. The sound of gunshots filled the air. Clapmaster dove behind a maze wall just as a hail of bullets flew over him. [OMJ: She only fired five times.] Jelly ran towards The Admiral and shot at his head. Suddenly, The Admiral disappeared and the ground shook. [OMJ: Good going, you struck him down and made him more powerful than you could possibly imagine.] A wall of fire surrounded the group. [JCM: This tunnel isn't up to code.] "WATCH OUT!" [OMJ: said Someone.] "WUMBOLOGY, MOVE!" Deli looked up and saw a man in black falling. She pushed Wumbology out of the way just as The Admiral smashed into the ground. He stood in a menacing position, his terrible pumpkin mask gloating at them. [Halibut: Is it terrible as in shitty quality?][OMJ: So he landed on his feet? How did he get up there anyway? And why did he just fall like that? Couldn't he just throw down another cinder block? WHEN WILL I STOP CARING ABOUT THIS?] "Just give up," sneered The Admiral. [JCM: Falling on them obviously didn't work.][OMJ: If anything, he did more damage to himself.] Another explosion of gun fire sent Jelly and Clappy running towards him. The Admiral then ran at them, pulling a kitchen knife out. [Halibut: What about the display knife from earlier?][OMJ: Who the hell was shooting that "explosion of gunfire"? All those snipers I mentioned earlier?] "Say your prayers," muttered Clappy. He shot at the killer. [OMJ: About time Clappy did something useful.] Miraculously, The Admiral dodged them and jumped. He then landed...with a gun. [OMJ: It's like Clappy is the Luigi of this story.][Halibut: If you jump high enough, you can make your knife turn into a gun!] "I'm going to win," he said. The Admiral held the butcher knife steadily before diving towards Wumbology and Deli who had been sitting at the sidelines. He plunged the knife into.....the wall. [JCM: It's not an episode of Down Under...without overused ellipses.][OMJ: RIP Wall: Episode 6 - Episode 6...Still would not bang.] "RUN!" shouted Deli. She had saved Wumbology's life again. The two got up and ran towards the fire. They ran through and then dropped and rolled until the fire was out. [OMJ: BUT they didn't stop before dropping and rolling, so really, they should be extra crispy.] ---------- ("One Day" by Matisyahu plays_ [OMJ: Ah yes. One day this episode will be finished. One day...] Steel stared into the blackness, a tear streaming down his cheek. Did CF really just do that? I was an ass, thought Steel. [OMJ: Just about the only character who's been done real justice in this story.] He then took off at a sprint, trying to find CF. [JCM: She's probably in PC with CDCB.][OMJ: The odds of that happening are about as great as Z-Storm getting finished.] "CF!" he yelled. "CF!" He then collapsed to his knees, crying. He was sobbing. [OMJ: Yes, yes, we get it. ] "CF!" he screamed again. "CF! I LOVED YOU!" [OMJ: So he doesn't love her now? I guess CD got his sloppy seconds. ---------- ("One Day" by Matusyahu CONTINUES to play) [JCM: Even tvguy has gotten weary of it.][OMJ: He didn't even spell his name right to boot.] We see Steel sobbing in the sand and in the storm. [OMJ: Pick ONE, don't be greedy.] We see CF alone in a cave, scared and cold. [OMJ: Pick ONE, share some emotion for the other underdeveloped characters to express.] We see Clappy and Jelly battling The Admiral. [OMJ: Pick ONE, I've certainly had enough of those two together.] We see Wumbology in pain, Deli next to him. We see Ex and 70s in the collapsed tunnel. [OMJ: Pick ONE, we have enough ships sailing and hogging the sea as it is.] We see The Admiral walked down a hall, knife with blood on it in hand, and walks up to the camera and says, "HAPPY HALLOWEEN!" [JCM: Verbs are still not hard. Get your tenses right! JCM out.][Halibut: We're seeing many things, but nothing that actually makes sense. I'm so confused though, this was a Halloween special or something? Will this actually have anything to do with the later episodes? Jesus Christ, this spin-off is getting confusing.][OMJ: The butchery of that sentence was the scariest thing in this episode.] 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metal Snake Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 26 minutes ago, jjsthekid said: That had been two years ago. They hadn't met on the internet, or in person. How did we overlook obvious plotholes like this? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
So Sejima Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 "Er...yes. We've been dating since last month. We really hit off," said Deli, smiling broadly. She killed Craig. "Oh we better go, or we'll be late." .......To the court session or the funeral? 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jjs Goodman Posted February 8, 2016 Author Share Posted February 8, 2016 Down Under 7. Become Alive Spoiler S1E7) Episode 7: Become Alive [Fa: *Insert Walking Dead joke here*] [Hayden: Haven't we had enough resurrection? This story makes me numb from nonsense and less alive.] Blood trickled down Wumbology's arm. His wound was worse than Deli and him had expected. It was bleeding drastically now. They knew Bob Ball was a doctor, but they didn't know where anyone was. [Clappy: Wow, he's a doctor? What a convenient ass pull.] [Hayden: He's a ball specialist. He's reattached balls so he can probably fix an arm.] (theme plays) [Fred: ] [Clappy: Aww, I missed my chance to riff the iconic theme. ] "We have to get out," Ex said, breathing heavily. "I can't fucking breath." [Clappy: Aren't you suppose to be a fish person or whatever? Use your gills, merman.] [Fred: Okay, I'm no English teacher or anything, but I think it's supposed to be "breathe". Just a little nitpick there.] "It's going to be alright, Ex," replied 70s, who was leaning against the wall for support. [Hayden: The wall is 70s best friend.] "How can you say that?" whispered Ex. "LOOK AROUND YOU! THAT'S A BUNCH OF DIRT!! How can we get out?" [Fa: ] [Hayden: Try eating it, you bonehead.] 70s didn't reply. He just stared at the floor. "We'll dig our way out." [Fa: I am not going to finish this sentence. ] [Clappy: Isn't that technically a reply?] [Fred: Contradictory sentence is contradictory.] "What?!" said Ex in disbelief. "With WHAT?" [Hayden: Truly this is the oddest plan anyone has ever suggested to Ex.] "Our hands," he said. [Fa: ] [Fred: These dirty hands!] 70s then dropped to his knees and started to claw at the dirt. "Are you going to help or not?" [Fred: Is 70s a cat or something?] [Clappy: Do fish people have hands...or do they have flippers...I don't know if I'm anatomically able to help?] "Uggh," moaned Ex, before dropping down beside 70s and clawing. [Hayden: ] ------- 4EverGreen and Goosebumpsfan walked along the maze hallway, looking around. They hadn't heard from anyone since they'd separated from the group. [Clappy: Hey Jjs. You told me we were riffing Down Under, not another installment of ATTWL. I didn't sign off to riff my own works again.] "Let's turn this way," suggested Goosebumpsfan. [Fa: Oh right, that way. Much better then that other way.] "Alright." They turned and gasped. There was a swirling vortex hovering above a lady in a latex suit. She turned and around. [Hayden: She turned AND around? Even more unusual.] [Clappy: ....well thanks tvguy for explaining the latex suit. Because we clearly needed to know that part.] "Who are you?" she shouted. [Fred: Who who? Who--oh wait, I think I used that reference earlier.] [Clappy: No. Who and what are you? How are you in this universe and how do you function?] "Um...ummm," stuttered Goosey. [Hayden: Goosey gets this way around girls in latex.] "SPIT IT OUT!" [Fa: ] "We're from the real world!" said 4Ever. [Hayden: What does 4Ever know about reality?] [Fred: Ain't it fun living in the real world? Paramore reference, come get me Butters.] "We were sucked in through our computers by....by something that looked like that." He gestured to the vortex. [Fa: The vortex got swagga.] [Clappy: Gesturing towards the vortex? ] "This vortex is different," said the woman. "How do you know? You don't even know what OUR vortex looked like," challenged 4Ever." [Fa: 4EverGreen has challenged the vortex to a duel!] [Fred: Where's hilaryfan80 with that Yu-Gi-Oh reference?] [4Ever: My vortex was green. Your vortex was latex.] [4Ever: As an expert on dimensional portals, like the one Captain Retro came through to get to the cartoon world, I should know you have less knowledge on the matter despite being directly in front of a portal of your own and not getting sucked in like I did.] [Hayden: ] Everything then spun. [Clappy: Now time for our new iCarly segment....Random Spinning?] "Whoa," said Goosey. "Who are you?" the woman shouted. [Hayden: How about offering your own answers for a change, Ms. Tori Vague-a.] [Clappy: Why do I have a bad feeling we are going to suffer through the same tedious dialogue all over again?] [Fred: Who--okay I'll shut up now.] "Umm...," said 4Ever. "We just told you." [4Ever: Even I know this dialogue is repetitive and I'm in the damn thing!] "YOU DID NOT!" [Clappy: ALL CAPS ARE INTIMIDATING.] "We're from the real world!" repeated 4Ever. "Sucked in by a vortex like that!" He once again indicated the hovering vortex. [Clappy: ...vortexs hover? Down Under: Defying The Laws of Physics since 2011.] "This vortex is different," said the woman. "You already said that...," said 4Ever. Everything spun again. [Hayden: Just keep spinning. Just keep spinning.] [Fa: ] "Who are you?" the woman shouted. "Oh my god," breathed 4EverGreen. "We're in a time loop." [Hayden: The audience is still out of the loop.] [Clappy: And I got a feeling I'm going to be needing an Excedrin by the time I'm done reading this.] [Fred: Futurama did it better, and that episode came out like three years after this one.] ------- "Come out, come out, wherever you are!" The menacing voice of The Admiral sliced through the cold air. [Fa: A wild The Admiral's voice attacked!] [Clappy: His voice "slices" through air? The Admiral used Screech. It's super effective.] [Fred: It's a trap!] He held his same knife, which still had Wumbology's blood. He walked through the halls of his labyrinth in his Scream-like costume. [Clappy: ...wait...his Scream-like costume. The Admiral is Ghostface from Scream? That's not intimidating. That's fucking hilarious. We're suppose to be scared of one of the least intimidating horror thriller villains of all time? ] He turned around a corner and smiled. [Fa: ] [Clappy: So scary... ] Deli and Wumbology sat huddle together, unaware of The Admiral in the shadows. He walked towards them, becoming transparent. [Fa: Must have borrowed SpongeBob and Patrick's invisible spray.] "Hello," he rasped. Wumbology looked up. He couldn't see him, of course. The Admiral raised his also transparent knife and plunged it into Wumbology's arm. He howled in pain as blood gushed out. Deli yanked him away, causing the knife to slide down to his hand. [Clappy: ...man do I owe an apology to ATTWL 3. Apparently Cha's death wasn't the first time a SBCer had a near death experience from hand bleeding.] [Stan Marsh: Oh my god, he killed Wumbo!] [Kyle Broflovski: You bastards!] "COME ON!" Deli screamed. They dashed away from the thing that had stabbed Wumbology. -------- We see a man digging a shallow grave in a graveyard. A full, bright moon blazes down onto the graveyard. The body of a woman lay beside the grave, which is gradually getting deeper and deeper. The man digging stops and sighs, placing his hands on his hips. He thinks for a second before he kicks the body of the woman into the hole. The man then fills the whole [Hayden: ] back in with dirt. Just as he finishes, police sirens sound. He runs, his shovel still in hand. He is about to head out the gate when another man pops out from behind a gravestone. [Fred: Fred Rechid appears and announces his actions in italics.] [Clappy: Oh great, these portions of the story again where flashbacks are italicized to signify important backstory yada yada yada. This does nothing for me.] "HEY!" the new man roars. "DROP IT!" There is a sharp PING as the man smacks the opposing man in the forehead. [Hayden: ] [Fa: You can ping me on your cell phone!] [Fred: Call me, ping me, if you wanna reach me.] [Clappy: Okay backstory. Points for making me laugh at a stupid sound effect.] The new man drops down on the ground, a slow trickle of blood bleeding out. The man continues on, sprinting out. He exits and looks both ways, deciding which direction he should go. He sees the distant light of police lights and decides to go left, the opposite of where the police are. The man runs and runs, before he slows down. He pants. "Hello Jake," a voice rumbles from the shadows. The man, identified as Jake, perks up. He looks around, searching for the source of the voice. A figure steps out from the shadows. "I've been waiting." It is Ginger Jackson. There is a small CLICK as Ginger loads her gun. [Hayden: As Load By Ginger] [Fa: I thought this was Down Under, not the All About Ginger reboot!] She then holds it up and fires. But Jake is already running. He dives behind a trashcan as a bullet streaks past his head. [Clappy: I would be running too from a name as stupid as Ginger Jackson.] [Fred: Someone once told me this lit was much better on the other side.] "YOU'LL NEVER GET ME, JACKSON!" screams Jake. He then pulls out a derringer and fires at Ginger. When he hears no THUMP from the body dropping, he peers over the trashcan and sees Ginger has disappeared. [Clappy: This backstory was educational, but mostly violent. Yay violence. *yawns*] [Hayden: What reason has this fic given me to care about whatever this rivalry is?] ----- "Percy?" the voice crackled over the radio. "Percy, are you there? Over." [Fa: Percy Jackson and the Oracles of SpongeBob.] [Fred: Percy Perkins.] "Yes, over," a voice whispered back. "Alright, Whaleblubber is still in our D-Block. Mastermind has kept him there. You can breach the system and I'll break him out and take him to you. Over," said Cadet Jerry Sandoval. [Hayden: Is Whaleblubber supposed to be a threatening prisoner or someone we are rooting for to break out?] "Good, over," said Percy. [Fa: ] [Clappy: Is this chapter Over yet? What purpose did this serve except to point out that WhaleBlubber likes to D-Block?] [Fred: I'm just waiting for the part where 4Ever gets killed off.] [Hayden: Shhh, spoilers. A character getting killed off when they can be instantly revived is exactly the kind of cliffhanger this survives off of. Just look at Dragon Ball.] ----- Son of a bitch. [Clappy: My thoughts exactly realizing this is still going.] [Storm: No no, the correct phrase is "Son of a Botch".] The Mastermind sat in front of a row of monitors, observing his previously best cadet, Jerry Sandoval, divulging confidential information to an outsider. "You'll pay, Jerry," muttered The Mastermind. He picked up a gun and slipped it into his pocket. He headed over to the D-Block Surveillance Tower where Jerry was. [Hayden: The Mastermind better be revealed to be Tom.] [Fa: This could have been part of the previous scene tbh. Come on man, my fingers hurt all that scrolling.] [Clappy: Seriously, why the fuck are you inserting page breaks into such short sequences? To be artsy? Because when Bikini Top did this, at least it served a purpose despite huge large texts of nothing. This is just nothing.] ------ [Fred: There's your page break, Clappy.] I'm doing well, thought Sandoval. He stood in the D-Block Surveillance Tower, overlooking the empty cells....except Cell A2. The cell that housed the infamous Whaleblubber. Percy will be very pleased, Sandoval thought, very proud of his accomplishment. An abrupt noise made Sandoval clutch his gun. He eyed the doorway when he made an odd discovery. A puny black ball was above the doorway entrance. It blended in with the black tile, but it now had a little beeping red dot. He's watching me! Sandoval got up and ran to the doorway. He slammed his fist on the LOCKDOWN button. [Fa: I hope the button was red at least. If you're gonna go cliche, you may as well go all out.] "D-BLOCK LOCKDOWN," a robotic voice announced. "5...4....3....2...1." All the computer monitors in the room went dead. The flashing red dot on the camera stopped. The lights went out. Luckily, light from the windows still filtered in. Sandoval breathed a heavy sigh of relief. But he still held his gun. [Clappy: At least he still had his gun. Everything else went to shit and panic, but at least he still has gun...] [Fred: Who needs power when you have a gun?] [Hayden: Lot of effort just to stop a puny black ball.] ------ Outside D-Block, The Mastermind pounded on the door. The keypad outside D-Block was dead. It usually was lit up. Fucking Sandoval. He slammed his fist down on the dead keypad and rested his head on the metal door in surrender. No. I'm the fucking Mastermind. I always have a trick up my sleeve. [Fred: I'm the fucking Fred Rechid riffing this fucking episode on fucking SBC.] [Clappy: My self esteem prison classes have worked wonders on me.] The Mastermind looked up at the door and had an epiphany. [Hayden: You should have had that sooner or else you aren't the Gary Stu that you're being described as.] "Sandoval," he said. "I know you can here me." [Hayden: Knock knock, who's HERE?] [Fred: According to Merriam-Webster dictionary, an epiphany is "a moment in which you suddenly see or understand something in a new or very clear way". That is not an epiphany you just described.] [Clappy: That's his epiphany....do you even know what an epiphany is? Stop using big words to sound professional if you don't know what they actually mean.] Inside, Sandoval got up and pointed the gun at the metal door. Outside, The Mastermind slid to the edge of the balcony that the D-Block Surveillance Tower was on. The structure was a bulky, roundish pod that hung over D-Block. It had four windows, but they weren't accessible by the entrance balcony. He would have to climb. [Clappy: Okay, seriously. These page breaks are getting on my nerves.] ---- The ramming had subsided. Maybe he gave up? Sandoval lowered his gun and sat down again. Just as his ass met the cushiony seat, bullets from a machine gun blasted through the four windows from the D-Block ST. Shards of glass exploded from the frame and spiraled to the ground. Sandoval ran for cover. He dove behind a waste basket just as a grenade flew in. Oh shit. Sandoval was suddenly angry at himself for putting D-Block in a lockdown. It'll take at least four minutes to get everything back online. The grenade will go off by then. Sandoval jumped out of the window to the D-Block floor below. [Fa: There's a difference between smart page breaks and flat out unnecessary.] [Clappy: He jumped out the window? Instead of being as action packed as he thinks this is coming out, this is what I'm actually picturing: There's a reason The Other Guys parodied the massive amounts of stupidity in action movies, you know...] ---- The Mastermind had decided against climbing. Too risky. He'd gone to the Falcon's Perch, which only five people knew about, excluding Sandoval. It was made with a special type of glass that made it blend in with the tiles around it. The Mastermind had sneaked up, silently slid open the window, and fired. After he'd shattered the windows, he slammed the window shut. He was going to observe Sandoval. What he didn't expect was Sandoval jumping the six stories to the D-Block floor. Surely he was dead? [Clappy: Okay wait, Sandoval jumped six stories? If he's still alive from a six story jump or not critically injured, I call massive amounts of bullshit.] [Fred: Even if he did die, he'd probably come back to life again like 70s did.] ---- [Hayden: Here's the action that's packing!] "70s," groaned Ex. The two had been digging for an hour and a half. "This is no fucking use, man!" [Hayden: Exactly, start clawing at each other. That's a use for fucking. "Ex," replied 70s. "Do you want to survive?" [Ex: Nah, just kill me here. I'd rather end this shit here then whatever scene Dylan writes me up in later.] "No shit." "Then shut the hell up and dig." They had made little progress, but the air was better. That signaled they wouldn't suffocate if they kept digging. [Fred: I'll summarize this whole scene up. "Hey Ex, do you want to survive?" "Yes, now shut up and start digging."] [Clappy: What I got from this waste of a segment is "cursing makes me edgier".] [Hayden: Why do fish need air?] ---- The vortex hovering above the woman grew bigger. "4Ever...," said Goosey. "What the hell do we do?" Lighting [Hayden: No night lights needed now!] suddenly struck the ground from the vortex. [Clappy: ...seriously, I give up. If this is seriously "down under" and lightning struck the entire ocean...shouldn't everyone be dead? I mean, I'm not one to question the integrity of scientific research into this phenomenon, but if lightning came out of this magical vortex into the ocean, everyone should be dead. The end.] [Fa: ^ Better ending. ] [Fred: Shit, I almost thought this took place in Australia, mate.] "Run," he said. "Run." The two took off when something odd occurred. A Mercedes Benz suddenly drove out from behind a wall and stopped in front of them. [Fred: Yo, Mr. tvguy, the manager of the Mercedes-Benz company just called about a lawsuit over one of their cars.] [Clappy: Okay, those are nice cars, but driving one in the ocean makes...ugh never mind. If I sat here and nitpicked every single thing that should not work in this spin-off, I would be wasting my time.] [Hayden: I thought the 50th Super Bowl had odd advertising tactics, before I read Down Under.] "Sweet!" said Goosey. "Get in!" 4Ever glanced behind him at the enormous vortex. He got in and floored it. They sped back towards the vortex, sped past it, and a few minutes later they were entirely away from it. [Fa: That must not be a very menacing vortex if a Mercedes Benz can escape it. I mean really.] [Hayden: That's how slick the car is. You all should buy it.] [Clappy: Yes. That's what happens when you are going miles per hour over the nonexistent speed limit.] [Fred: Did they go 88 miles per hour Back to the Future style? Did they land in 2015? Is this gonna turn into Back to the Future?] "Alright," Goosey said, breathing a sigh of relief. "Slow down." They slowed down and looked around. "Where are we?" asked 4EverGreen. "I dunno. Hold on, I'm going to survey the area." [Hayden: I myself would like to ask it a fuck ton of questions about its leaps of logic in nature.] Goosey got out and started to walk away. He turned a corner. 4EverGreen was alone. He waited. And waited. And waited. [Fa: ] [4Ever: Hey tvguy? Am I going to die soon? ] [Tvguy: Wait just one moment, 4Ever. I'm building up the lack of suspense.] [SpongeBob: I'm waiting! I'm waiting! I'm waiting!] "Where the hell is he?" 4EverGreen said to himself. He was just about to get out of the car when blood splattered over the window. 4Ever froze. What was that?! He then shifted the car out of Neutral and drove down the maze. It was quiet. Where the hell did that blood come from? The car slowly gained speed before an enormous explosion rocked the floor. The rocky hatch floor suddenly lifted up, crumpling from the underground explosion. 4EverGreen floored the pedal. He was barely making it. The crumbling floor was just behind him. He turned a sharp corner and rammed into a wall. But he kept going. Another explosion came from his left, knocking down several maze walls. He turned right and crashed straight into The Admiral. The weight of his body shattered his window. [Clappy: Hence forth, Dylan is stating that 4EverGreen is fat.] "HELLO 4EVERBITCH!" [Hayden: 4Ever would go on to prove this nickname the most accurate moment of the entire saga.] The Admiral screamed in a psychotic voice. He shot 4EverGreen five times and the car stopped. [Clappy: [Stan: Oh my god! He shot 4EverGreen!] [Kyle: You............bastards?] The crumpling road stopped behind the car, a hazy mushroom cloud engulfing the car. It was a gruesome scene. A smashed up Mercedes Benz, a dead 4EverGreen, blood splattered over the window, glass shards everywhere, and an enormous hole in the ground. [Clappy: Sounds like the start of a CDCB joke.] [Fa: So this is what 4EG threw a fuss over back in 2010. I don't see the problem, he should be glad he didn't become the subject of a poorly written scene about naked cartoon characters tbh.] The Admiral smiled and walked off. [Hayden: What was the Admiral's grudge or motivation here?] [Fred: Looks like 4EverGreen just became 4EverRed. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!] [Sniz: Tune in next time on Total...Cartoon...Extinction!] [Captain Retro: I'll take over from here. *grabs 4Ever's SBC ID and assumes his identity*] ---- "70s!" Ex screeched. "I think we've made it!" They dug furiously when light broke through. The metal door hung on hinges. The outside tunnel was torn apart. But it hadn't caved in like the previous room. "Thank god," said 70s. "Alright. Let's go." They walked off and spotted the place where they'd entered. They hauled themselves up and sighed in relief. They'd escaped. [Fa: I wish I could escape this spin-off.] [Clappy: What a relief, I commend you guys. I'd want to escape this spin-off too.] [Fred: And I just escaped this episode.] [Hayden: Tvguy really hoped we would DIG this installment and its pacing.] ---- Reviews appreciated. [Clappy: Surely. This chapter gave me a headache. All of this confusion is going to make this a mess and we're only seven episodes in. So many many many many more to go. Also, 4EverGreen shouldn't have gotten super pissed over this. I wish my character would die this early in.] [Fred: Yeah, I don't think this episode was even controversial enough to be pissed off about. 4EverGreen didn't really need to be ticked over a mediocre episode like this one. Oh and stop with the page breaks. They're just confusing. Have a nice day.] [Hayden: Oh, it's controversial alright. I'm offended by how dull 4Ever's death was after all that hype Jjs attached to this chapter. If you're going to kill off a gag character, at least bring everything creative you have to the table. Not a Mercedes Benz.] 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metal Snake Posted February 8, 2016 Share Posted February 8, 2016 1 hour ago, jjsthekid said: [Clappy: ....well thanks tvguy for explaining the latex suit. Because we clearly needed to know that part.] hahaha just wait till episodes 9 and 10. Pretty good riffing, I loved the image gags, especially the gif with Deidara from Naruto and Clappy's video clip of The Other Guys that killed that scene with Jerry jumping out the window. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jjs Goodman Posted February 12, 2016 Author Share Posted February 12, 2016 Down Under 8. Bikini Bottom Spoiler (S1E8) Episode 8: Bikini Bottom [Jjs: Right, this is a SpongeBob spin-off. Almost forgot. Actually, I did forget. Oh, and I'm back.] [Steel: And I'm back! With "Bikini Bottom" in the title, I bet we're going to see some Spongebob related stuff take place.] "We need to get out of here," said Ex, following 70s. [Metal Snake: You know, because we “escaped” in the previous chapter.] [Jjs: Wow, you know it's bad when even the characters want out.] "Where do you think I'm going?" "Dunno," replied Ex. [Jjs: Funny, sounds like the author when writing this story's direction.] [Metal Snake: Don’t rack your brain, Fictional Ex. He’s obviously going to Finland.] [Steel: But what if 70s really is going to the magical place of "Dunno"?] "To the cinderblock!" said 70s. Ex looked skeptical. "You plan to dig through that too?" "Nope," said 70s, without a trace of laughter. [Metal Snake: “Your attempt at making comedy out of the act of tearing through solidified cement does not amuse me.”] "We're going to blow it up. [Metal Snake: “With the stick of dynamite I conveniently found in my pocket.”] [Jjs: With Michael Bay's production values, I assume.] "Oh Jesus." [Steel: Insert comment comparing this quote to the riffer's exact thoughts here.] (theme plays) [Jjs: Aww, I missed riffing the theme too. ] Percy's fingers hit the keys on his laptop rapidly. [Metal Snake: Tsk, tsk. Unlike SG10, your fingers could use some dancing lessons.] Lines of code appeared on the screen. He typed a new line and hit enter. The D-Block exploded in sound. [Metal Snake: As opposed to exploding in silence?] [Steel: So in other words, the D-Block hurt Percy's ears.] Percy flinched before sliding the laptop into his carrying case. He entered the D-Block. He ignored the pile that was Jerry Sandoval. [Metal Snake: The pile of...what? Shit? “Mess” would’ve made for a better non-descriptive noun, but I’ll leave this line be for now because, spoiler alert, we’re going to get back to it later…] [Steel: I didn't know he's got a Jerry Sandoval stash.] [Jjs: Maybe Jerry Sandoval is a pile of shit.] All of the cell doors could now be opened; it was stupid of the Mastermind to exclude actual keys to lock the cell doors and replace them with computer programming. [Metal Snake: “In 1864, we reckoned that them wardens started locking their cells with keys instead of fancy machinery!” I’d also like to point out that it would much be more difficult for the average joe to bust out of a technologically advanced cell than a plain-old key-locked bar cell. Nostalgia hacks, don’t know when they’re born.] He yanked open the door that belonged to Whaleblubber. Percy jumped back at the sight of him. His hair was wet and wiry. His skin was egg-white. His teeth were pointed and yellow. Black paint outlined his eyes. [Metal Snake: Uh...no comment on those first three descriptions, but…black paint outlined my eyes? Did tvguy think all the “silly” and “really happy” smileys I used in my posts were my way of hiding the fact that I was secretly emo? O_O] "Ello," Whaleblubber barked. "Can I help you?" [Metal Snake: He barked...a British greeting. … Who is this guy, the British dog from Soos’ nightmares?] [Steel: Beware the Blubber.] [Jjs: Ello Gov'Nor Blubber.] His voice was frightening...it even scared Percy. But he still managed to maintain his firm voice. [Steel: And during his time, he's been practicing the arts of demonic possession.] "You're coming with me," Percy said. "Let's go." Whaleblubber stared at him, his jaw hanging open. [Metal Snake: But seriously, this “twist” is so unsurprising that I doubt it would even surprise an anime character.] "Why?" "Because. Come. Now." [Jjs: The Lich can do one word threats better than you, bud.] [Metal Snake: And I flipped shit back in the day over, “But not when”. Forget grammar though, I still would’ve taken “Because pancakes.” more seriously.] [Steel: Hey look, it's our good old friend "vagueness." Say hello!] "Ha," he snickered. "You're trying to keep your voice from quivering." Percy was speechless. "I...I am not! Now come!" "YOU AREN'T MY FUCKIN MASTER!" Whaleblubber stood up and socked Percy in the face. [Metal Snake: “YOU DIDN’T JUST SAVE ME THE FUCKIN TROUBLE OF BREAKING OUT OF PRISON!”] [Jjs: YELLING AND CURSING!!!] Percy slid onto the ground. Whaleblubber approached him, his fists clenched. "Don't mess with me," Percy said. As much as he didn't want to use his power, he had no choice. He snapped his fingers and Whaleblubber disappeared. [Jjs: So he didn't want to use it, but he used it. Pointless character struggle for padding!] [Metal Snake: Oh God in heaven what the hell He snapped his fingers and made him disappear. He used his vague power to make him vaguely go away. Just...no.] [Steel: This is more like it after how he just acts like a coward by the sound of WB's voice.] ---- "We don't know where anyone is, 70s," Ex said, trying to keep up with 70s, who was practically sprinting to the cinderblock. [Metal Snake: Sprinting to it? In the opening, you were talking like you were right freaking next to it. You never said, “Hey! Let’s blow up that unusually massive cinderblock that I can see in the distance down this really long corridor underground this plane maze!” Don’t tell me you can’t even keep the details in two scenes relating to the same plotline in the same episode sounding consistent.] "How are we going to get everyone out?" "I have a plan." "You always have a plan," Ex grumbled. [Jjs: Hopefully the plan is more planned out than the so-called "story" in this spin-off (which, by god, ignoring the confusion, is also not that interesting; I stopped trying to follow it like three episodes ago).] [Metal Snake: “You always have an idea about how to get us out of trouble. Hmph!”] [Steel: Just keep moving forward.] "I'm an admin, aren't I?" 70s countered. [Metal Snake: And...so was Ex at the time?] "Well...yeah. I guess," said Ex. They continued on. A few moments later, they were by the cinderblock. "Alright. You said you were going to blow it up." [Jjs: Yeah, he did say that, unless this 70s has short-term memory loss and you have to remind him of everything.] "Yup," 70s said. He raised his hands. Fire sprang out of his hands in ribbons of heat. [Jjs: "Ribbons of heat" ...What? I can't even make a witty joke for this, just...what.] They wrapped around the cinderblock. It started to crack. It then exploded in little bits of charred cement. "Oh my god," Ex breathed. "That is badass. My power is moving the ground." [Jjs: Ex is an Earthbender?] "Pretty badass too," said 70s. "But now isn't the time to marvel over each other's powers. [Metal Snake: “Let’s not marvel these Marvel comic-esque superpowers.”] [Steel: Not so sure about the spectacular of "moving the ground."] We need to round everyone up." "Isn't that pretty much impossible, given our tightened time frame?" "Difficult," 70s said. "Difficult, but not impossible." [Jjs: Well, 4EverGreen went up to the great beyond, so you're already at a disadvantage. Unless these guys just shrug off his death like the SBCPU gang in Season 1 did to CDCB, which honestly wouldn't surprise me.] ---- SG10 had heard the explosion from the other side of the maze. What was that? She instantly started sprinting towards the front. The maze was a breeze for her. She went in one time and had it instantly memorized. She back by the cinderblock in seconds. [Metal Snake: Tarzan back by the cement in smithereens.] She crashed into ExKizuna. [Steel: And here's our other friend "crashing into hello" joining in on the action.] [Jjs: That's going to be one hell of a ticket.] "Hey SG!" he said. "How did you get here so fast?" [Steel: *Resists urge to make Sonic joke.*] [Jjs: "And it's not like I am pissed you crashed into me or anything, so it's all good!"] "I'm smart," she joked. [Metal Snake: “Ha ha, it’s funny because I just used common sense.”] "Where are you guys going? I heard an explosion." "70s blew up the cinderblock. We can escape," Ex informed. [Metal Snake: Because we established very well that the cinderblock was blocking the exit.] "I can radio everyone!" SG said, catching on. "You're trying to herd everyone back up, right?" [Steel: SG: Making people join a herd before bronies.] [Jjs: Ex and 70s are our shepherds.] "Yeah," 70s nodded. [Metal Snake: “Get the sheeple back in line…”] "I can radio everyone. I can read minds and telepathically send messages," SG said. "I'll send them all directions!" [Metal Snake: Directions off of Google Maps, obviously.] [Steel: There's "communicate telepathically" and there's "radio."] [Jjs: Another problem I have with this spin-off: These powers. I wouldn't mind them so much if they got developed, but as far as my memory goes, I don't think they are ever properly explained and are pulled out of their asses in the most convenient situations. I won't write them off yet if they get explained further, since I did stop reading around this episode, but right now it is coming off like lazy writing.] "Alright," said 70s. "But they're all in different locations; you can send them all individual directions?" [Metal Snake: “But you have telepathy; wouldn’t you be using telepathy?” *facepalm*] "I'm Science Girl, 70s," SG said, shutting her eyes. "The brain can do anything. [Metal Snake: Expect beat the dry-packed taste of Sunny D, obviously.] [Steel: But can it see why kids love Cinnamon Toast Crunch?] Especially my brain." She kept her eyes shut for a minute or so before they fluttered open again. [Steel: Gloating is fun!] [Jjs: So, are you actually going to show us SG is smart? Bragging about your smartness =/= being smart.] "Are they heading here?" Ex asked. "Yeah," SG said. "I feel proud." [Metal Snake: “Heh. I feel honored to do this.”] [Jjs: I'M SMART AND I'M PROUD! I'M SMART AND I'M PROUD! I'M SMART AND I'M-] ------ Sandoval couldn't move. [Metal Snake: Because he was a pile, obviously.] [Jjs: Of shit, nonetheless.] He'd seen someone walk in, but that person hadn't seen him. He'd kept quiet...until Whaleblubber broke out. [Metal Snake: Correction, until Percy broke Whaleblubber out, whom I’m sure will do something plot-essential in whatever plot-essential place he was sent to.] The man was now on the ground breathing heavily. Sandoval remained silent and reached into his back pocket for his gun. He pulled it out, checked that it was loaded, and shot the man. [Metal Snake: Yup folks, Sandoval jumps out a big-story building to his supposed death, becomes a pile to add to the mystery of whether he survived or not...and then is just...alive for no explained reason. That "pile" line went absolutely nowhere. You know something's wrong when this show can't even get this kind of continuity right.] [Steel: And here we have gun #562 making its entrance.] [Jjs: ] ---- [Jjs: Oh, and as Clappy stated last episode, these scene breaks are very annoying, especially when the following scene takes place after the previous one...] Percy felt a sharp pain in his right shoulder. He now lay straight on the ground; blood gushing out of his arm. He turned to look at his attack. [Metal Snake: He turned to look at the attack that just happened?] [Percy: Can I still use my Psychic attack? Oh yeah, never-mind.] "Who are you?" Sandoval barked. [Jjs: He's a dog now?] Percy said nothing. He got to his feet, using his left arm to help. "HEY!" Sandoval shot Percy in the chest, knocking him back to the ground. [Metal Snake: “Answer me, random guy I’m shooting for no apparent reason!”] "You killed me," Percy managed to say. His chest heaved up and down. He was finding it hard to leave. [Steel: "That's bad....I think."] [Jjs: No comment on him being shot and miraculously coming back to life. I just wish now the ATTWL 3 users had this luck.] "You're a threat to me," Sandoval said, putting the gun down. "Now...who are you?" [Metal Snake: Yes, who is this guy I don’t know that I know because he’s a threat to me. …………… Mind=Twinkie cream] "Someone is a bigger position than you," Percy said. Suddenly, something shocking happened. [Metal Snake: Oh, I’ll bet…] [Steel: *Resists urge to reference that one SBC member*] [Vagueness Police Officer: Someone is also getting a ticket for a certain crime committed in a certain sentence.] It was like something inside Percy's chest had stopped working. Up his throat blood spat out. He tried breathing, but blood just shot back up. He was starting to panic. A piercing pain then started in his ribs. It was unbearable; like several rats running around inside you. [Metal Snake: I, for one, welcome the rats inside my body.] [Steel: That's what happens when he decides to resort to eating live animals.] He tried again, heaving in. No use. It was as if he were under water now. [Metal Snake: Wait, are these guys supposed to be fish or people?] [Jjs: That right there is the million dollar question I don't think even tvguy himself knew, Metal Snake. Seriously, can we fast-forward past these boring OCs now? I'd rather see SBC members, regardless of how butchered they are in characterization. At least they have some interesting parts. These OCs are a drag to get through and just make me want to fall asleep, especially because THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THE MAIN PLOT (which was supposedly about SBC members being stuck underwater). But the rest of this rant will be saved for later in the series.] [Steel: It's like he's really there!] "...can't," Sandoval was saying. "Hello?" [Steel: Is it me you're looking for?] Percy shook. His vision became fuzzy. Then he went black. [Metal Snake: As opposed to going white?] "Hello?" Sandoval called. "HELLO?" [Sandoval: The phone's still broken. Remind me to get that fixed.] [Jjs: ] ---- "Fighting" by Eyeshine plays [Metal Snake: Oh, hi again Bikini Top.] [Jjs: Oh right, I remember tvguy put this song in specifically to pander to Ex.] Everyone was crowded around 70s. [Steel: It's one of those sewing circles, I bet.] "Alright," 70s said. He counted everyone, making sure they were all there. [Jjs: I'd count too, knowing how many are in different sub-plots right now.] "4EverGreen is dead!" Goosebumps shouted. "A lot of people are dead," Girlygirl said. [Metal Snake: “That’s a lot of dead people.” I love how she says that so deadpan when only a few people have died so far in this story, even counting people who should be dead, like 70s and Hassan...] [Jjs: Wow, I can tell these users care as much as I am right now about the story. And lol, I called it at them not caring he died. Do I even need to reference SBCPU at this point?] [Steel: And we're gonna have a lot of funerals.] "Where is Luke?" [Steel: Wondering where he was in "The Force Awakens".] "HEY," 70s screeched. The room went silent. "This is how this going to go...the hatch is obviously very high up. But we have powers. Someone will lift the ground up there." [Metal Snake: And he just glosses over 4EverGreen’s death, what Girlygirl just said, and my disappearance? What an asshole.] [Jjs: Obviously 70s only cares about the important members. But 70s is our main character (for the SBCers story anyways), meaning is always right and nobody can say otherwise. All hail 70s!] "I'll do it," terminoob said. "Everyone get in this square." Everyone formed a square. [Metal Snake: Cause it’s hip to be square.] [Jjs: Psh, form a triangle, you squares.] terminoob raised his hands and the square of ground popped up. They went up and up. In a few moments, they were up to the hatch. 70s opened up and they all clambered up. [Metal Snake: To find out that they were right back where they started.] [Jjs: Loving the fancy vocabulary there with "clambered". You can nitpick tvguy's story all you want, but don't deny he is dedicated!] "What now?" "The storm is still here!" [Jjs: Back with another alt account, I assume.] "We're gonna get lost!" [Metal Snake: Even with SG10’s memory/Google Maps telepathy powers?] [Steel: We just need one more season!] "What if The Admiral chases us?" "It's not safe out here, is it?" [Metal Snake: IT’S NOT SAFE IN BIKINI BOTTOM ANYMORE Haven’t we already made this clear?] [Steel: Why are we asking you all these questions!?] [Jjs: Better question: Who is even shouting these lines of dialogue? I guess anybody that isn't 70s or Ex or the OC's or Major Boobage Tvguy's wet dream Ginger can't be named. Then again, I have no right to judge here, knowing my streak in SBCPU. ] "EVERYONE," Ex shouted. "SHUT THE FUCK UP." [Mermaid Man: STOP SHOUTIN', I'M NAPPIN'!] "Ex, where the hell are we?" Dragiiin demanded. [Metal Snake: Most in-character Dragiiin ever, folks. This line marvelously shows how close he and Ex were as friends back in 2010.] [Steel: Oh hey, I forget Dragiiin was in this story too.] [Jjs: So did I!] "We just need to find a cave," 70s said. [Metal Snake: Is that your answer for everything?] [Steel: And then blow it up?] [Jjs: The caves in this story are the equivalent to the ATTWL 3 users walking around everywhere.] "We always find caves," Jelly said. [Steel: Served.] "Where else do you suggest we go, Jelly?" 70s said, pissed off. [Jjs: Do not question 2010!70s' authoritah!] "Uh, remember where we are? Let's go to Bikini Bottom," said Jelly. [Jjs: I thought they already were in Bikini Bottom.] [Metal Snake: Yes, we fled Bikini Bottom in the first episode to go to Bikini Bottom. What is this reminding me of?] "I like that," tvguy agreed. "Sounds good," SG said. "Maybe there are other fish there?" [Jjs: No no no, stop right there. "MAYBE there are other FISH in BIKINI BOTTOM"? Please read that again. Do you have any idea how stupid that sounds? No SHIT there's fish in Bikini Bottom. I thought SG was the smart one, guess that's what you get for bragging...] "What about the Doodles?" SBLover said. "They're all over," said Storytime. [Metal Snake: Censoring death in a TV-14 show for the win!] [Steel: And I also forgot the doodles were a main factor to the plot.] [Jjs: As did I. I didn't even know they got killed off, but then again, knowing this story's streak with deaths, they'll come back to life through mumbo jumbo nonsense.] "Let's go." "We don't even know where Bikini Bottom is!" 70s said. "We're in the middle of the fucking ocean!" [Jjs: B-b-but I thought you visited Bikini Bottom in the first episode...INCONSISTENCY POLICE!] [Steel: Bikini Bottom is in the middle of the ****ing ocean. Looks like they're gonna have to use SG's brain to figure out this problem.] "Spongebob was lost before," spongebobiscool said. "In the one pizza episode." [Metal Snake: *nasally Douchey McNitpick voice* It’s called Pizza Delivery, you scrub fanboy!] [Steel: And thank you for that rare "this is a SpongeBob spin-off btw" sentence.] [Jjs: Right, this is a SpongeBob spin-off. Almost forgot. Actually, I did forget.] "Yeah, and he rode a rock," Sandman said. "You really want to go off of that?" "What do we do?" jjs said. "Cause standing here, arguing, isn't working." [Jjs: Yeah, cause there's a standing fee.] [Metal Snake: Tvguy/Dylan is aware that this padding dialogue isn’t working but he puts it in anyway.] [Steel: "Exposition!" I didn't know you were coming over!] "Bikini Bottom is our best bet. They won't suspect we'd go where we started," said Jelly. [Jjs: DURR BUT I THOUGHT THEY WERE ALREADY IN BIKINI BOTTOM??? Is "unnamed desert with caves" its own territory now?] [Metal Snake: *GASP* THAT’S GENIUS IT’S NOT LIKE THEY’LL HAVE GUARDS THERE NOW WAITING FOR YOU IN CASE YOU RETURN But yeah...NO. The golden rule of running away from a group of people hunting you down is that you do NOT return to where you were attacked by them and/or their men.] 70s stood in the front of the group, looking thoughtful. "Alright...which direction do think we should go, Jelly?" "Well we went South when we fled from Spongebob's house...so North," said Jelly confidently. [Metal Snake: Jelly’s idea of going South is running and hiding in a cave and then running and hiding in a cave that turns into a maze.] "Alright," 70s said. "Let's go." [Steel: Is it just me or is 70s saying "Let's go" so often?] ("Fighting" ends) [Metal Snake: That goth rock rebellion song fit the scene of them standing around and talking about the pizza episode of Spongebob perfectly.] [Steel: I don't remember that song taking this much time as your typical reader.] [Jjs: I didn't even know it was still playing. I guess tvguy got the extended versions that Bikini Top also had, which is fitting since tvguy made this to be like Bikini Top, so might as well go all out.] ----- "Road to Nowhere" by Ozzy Osbourne plays [Metal Snake: Crikey, now ya draggin’ Ozzy into this ordeal?] [Steel: "Plot to Nowhere" is more like it.] [Jjs: I'd make another "this story has no direction" joke, but Steel beat me to it. Although, now that I think about it.... What even is the plot of this episode? No, seriously. I know the SBC users are walking around for no real reason, and there's a sub-plot with tvguy's OC's...but how do they tie into the overall episode? I literally don't know what the main focus of this story is, which is a heavy problem we've only just got into, and will only get worse from here on out.] The enormous group trudged through the storm, heading North. They didn't stop once. Some chatted. [Jjs: Yes, "some". I wouldn't give 'em names either if they are going to do nothing other than being thrown into useless sub-plots.] "I've actually come to like you," Wumbology said to SOF. "Compliment?" he asked, smiling. "Yeah," nodded Wumbo. "I guess...you're just a bit misunderstood." [Metal Snake: Wumbo’s obviously gotten over the fact that SOF is Canadian.] [Jjs: Canadian bromance. Warms the bottom of my otherwise uncaring heart to this story, it does.] "Hey guys," Talonmalon said, walking up. "What's up?" [Jjs: Talonmalon....um.....oh, that guy. So an obscure SBC member gets more words than most users in this spin-off. Yeah, because I bet you most people reading this will totally remember Talonmalon of all users.] "Nothing," SOF said. "What have you been up to?" "Walking around. Talking to random people." [Metal Snake: “Being bland. Saying bland things.”] [Steel: "Unneeded exposition as usual. You?"] Camera floats overhead, showing the enormous mass of fish walking. Zooms down to the front to show 70s, walking furiously against the storm. The camera goes back to an ariel view. [Jjs: OOOH, ITALICS. Also, cool, this has its own cameraman now too.] ("Road to Nowhere" ends) ------ "Breakaway" by Kelly Clarkson plays [Steel: I'd like to breakaway from this episode.] Ariel view of the lit and bustling city. Camera then zooms into the group, entering. [Metal Snake: Wait, the camera was in an aerial view, like somebody was filming this out of a helicopter...and just after that, it ZOOMS INTO THE GROUP?! Whoever’s filming this must be one devoted cameraman…] [Jjs: Well, tvguy did want this to be like his favorite live-action shows...] They look worn and tired. "We're here," 70s muttered to himself more than to his friends. There was a murmur from everyone. "Hotel?" Wumbo called. [Metal Snake: Because, “That was a long journey, we should probably rest at a hotel.” is too much dialogue to write out.] [Jjs: Hopefully it has a waiter that cooks pizza, a golf course, a stage, and a killer.] "I have no money!" Mikadelic said. [Steel: Go home, Greece. We don't need your company.] [Jjs: who. No seriously, who? If you're going to throw obscure SBC members into the mix, you should at least give them some compelling dialogue...] "Let's visit Patrick and Squidward!" Sponge Sebastian suggested. The group said nothing, but ended up in front of Patrick's rock. [Metal Snake: Just like that.] [Jjs: Ohai Seb.] "Open," SG said. "How does Pat lift this?" "It's a cartoon," Ex said. "Oh right." [Metal Snake: Um...that’s funny?] [Steel: Uh, SG: smartest person in the group, I believe your brain is on the fritz?] [Jjs: Well, SG had to ask herself if FISH WERE IN BIKINI BOTTOM, so I guess the story dun goofed her brain today.] "I'll do it," PhilipB said. He walked over and flicked it open. [Jjs: Now we're throwing SBM members into the mix? Jesus Christ, this was ahead of its time.] "How did you do that?" [Metal Snake: He used his cartoon powers, obviously.] [Steel: He comes from a planet where people like him know what it means to "lift a rock."] "It's Styrofoam," he said. The gang entered the rock, barely fitting in the small house. [Metal Snake: If the rock is made of Styrofoam (?!), what is the sand in Patrick’s house made of? Plastic?] [Steel: He replaced the look of his rock with Styrofoam just in time for his fairy-versary.] "PATRICK!" they all screamed, searching the few rooms. They didn't find him. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE?!" They all looked up to see the familiar pink starfish staring down at them. [Metal Snake: WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!] [Steel: "You ludacris fools!"] [Jjs: Right, this is a SpongeBob spin-off. Almost forgot. Actually, I did forget.] "Can we stay here?" terminoob said. "Sure, friends," Patrick said. He hopped in and closed the rock. They were all packed together like sardines. "Okay...if everyone moves to left, we can use the pullout mattress!" [Jjs: Pretty sure all those SBCers cannot possibly fit into Patrick's rock, but then again, all the others are demoted to "random people", so maybe they can fit.] [Steel: Well....that escalated quickly.] [Metal Snake: Breakaway, a motivational song about opening yourself up to the world around you perfectly matches a scene of internet users being cramped together in Patrick’s house. Oh ho ho God...what was up with us not knowing how to include songs in stories properly back then on SBC?! I hate to rub my own ego, but the one time I included a song in my story, I made sure it matched the mood of the part of the story I included it in, the ending. There’s a time and a place where music can enhance the mood of a story, but so often when I see songs in stories like these, I feel the only reason they were included was because they were what caught the author’s eye on their music playlist that day.] ----- "Drops of Jupiter" by Train plays http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtOeitDuu3I [Jjs: That's just all we need, a Train song? Because that's what I can totally imagine playing in a spin-off like this.] Steel Sponge awakes, a tear streaking down his cheek. [Steel: Down Under me doesn't know what it means to imagine love, prive, deep fried chicken. No wonder he's upset.] [Jjs: Poor Steel is upset at his lack of screen-time in this episode.] CF walks the barren sea, alone. [Metal Snake: Jesus, not again…] [Jjs: ] The group awakes, cramped and annoyed. [Steel: I guess that's suspenseful in some way.] [Jjs: Ah, how I missed the Bikini Top montages (well, not really). That's just another thing to check off on the "how to be like Bikini Top" checklist.] 4EverGreen lay dead in the smashed vehicle. [Metal Snake: Yup, he’s dead. Eeyup.] [Jjs: Yeah, because an upbeat Train song TOTALLY fits this dark and tragic description. Totally.] The Admiral hauls himself out of the hatch. Percy lay dead in D-Block. [Metal Snake: Yup, he’s also dead. Eeyup.] [Jjs: We hardly knew him, but he'll probably magically be revived again.] Sandoval cries, knowing he's shot someone. [Metal Snake: *sob* “I’M AN EVIL ASSASSIN WHO KILLED A MAN POSING A THREAT TO ME! MOAN!”] [Steel: Lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely....] The Mastermind watches from The Eagle's Eye. He, however, doesn't fire. Whaleblubber discovers himself in Bikini Bottom. [Jjs: And there's the vague cliffhanger! *checks off* Congratulations, this spin-off has successfully accomplished what it was trying to do from day one: be Bikini Top!] ------ ("Drops of Jupiter" still plays) [Jjs: This isn't over yet?! Goddammit Dale.] I'd just like to say thanks to everyone for supporting Down Under. Almost 700 views for a show that has eight episodes?! That's amazing. [Jjs: Wonder how many of those viewers were forced. ] [Metal Snake: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA 700 views for a show that has eight episodes that make no sense?! That’s amazing.] [Steel: This calls for a celebration!: a few days of relaxation after spending a lot of time on an episode with much talking than anything really exciting.] NEW EPISODES ON SUNDAYS [Jjs: SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY!] That's right. Season 1 Down Under episodes will be airing every Sunday at 5:00 PM Pacific Standard Time; 8:00 Eastern Standard Time. [Metal Snake: You will be airing Down Under episodes every Sunday, Mr. Dylan, FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.] [Steel: If only it was 2010 again and I wouldn't be worrying about missing this timeslot.] [Jjs: Funny, because not every episode was posted on a Sunday after this, nor at those specific times.] QUESTION OF THE WEEK: Who is the real villain in the show? The Admiral, Percy, Hassan, The Mastermind, or The Doodles? [Steel: Oh gee, this is hard. Can I use my lifeline? No? I think I'll go with Mastermind.] [Jjs: Alright trainers, which one of these villains evolves into Seviper?] Answer: The Mastermind and Hassan are the true villains, now that Percy is dead. [Steel: The Mastermind's the villain?! I knew it! Who else would've thought!?] [Metal Snake: W...what. I don’t get it. Was there some contest going on at the time this first aired? Or was this just your version of “Who’s That Pokemon?”? Ugh...my mind…] [Jjs: Now there guys, I can't blame tvguy for having to spoon-feed us information, as I'd forget who is the main villain too with how many damn sub-plots and character arcs that keep getting thrown at us. This episode was honestly a drag to get through. No, this is not one of the worst things riffed (at least so far, I have yet to see the rest). But, oh my god, the story is all over the place. Right now it's just a bunch of shit happening for no reason, and never connects to anything else. For all the crap we gave Bikini Top and SBC Parallel Universe, at least they tried focusing on certain things. This spin-off has thrown, like ten plots at us within eight episodes, none of them really getting a decent focus, and it's just all over the place. To be honest with you guys, I even had to reread some previous episodes because I was so lost at points. I don't care about tvguy's OC's and Major Boobage. I don't care about some random obscure SBC members with no real personality. I don't care about Metal Snake being WhaleBlubber (which by the way, makes no fucking sense, but I'll get into that later). This was supposed to be about SBC users being trapped in Bikini Bottom. On paper, that sounds like a pretty good idea. In execution...well, not so much. It's obvious tvguy just started changing stuff as he went along to make it like Bikini Top and live-action shows like Lost, which he admitted to. I don't know the hell anybody was able to follow this back in its day, but I sure as hell didn't, hence why I believe I stopped reading it around this time. I don't think tvguy is a bad writer, but there's a reason this spin-off has been hit with criticism. Sorry for the downer rant, but I had to be blunt on what doesn't work with this spin-off so far. See you guys next time for episode 13, and I'll probably be even more LOST *drum snare* by then.] 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metal Snake Posted February 12, 2016 Share Posted February 12, 2016 yay I have a lot to say First of all, I also DUN GOOFED... 7 hours ago, jjsthekid said: I’d also like to point out that it would much be more difficult for the average joe to bust out of a plain-old key-locked bar cell than a technologically advanced one. Got those mixed up, it was supposed to be "bust out of a technologically advanced cell than a plain-old key-locked bar cell". Sorry. Second, great to have you back riffing jjs, and I completely agree with what you said at the end. Finally... 7 hours ago, jjsthekid said: [Steel: "You ludacris fools!"] Steel, you get +15 Metal Snake points for that My Immortal fanfic reference. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jjs Goodman Posted February 17, 2016 Author Share Posted February 17, 2016 Down Under 9. Houston, We Have a Problem Spoiler (S1E9) Episode 8: Houston, We Have a Problem [Fred: I'll say. This is supposed to be Episode 9, not Episode 8.] [Fa: This spin-off, captain! It's too damn confusing!] [Halibut: This is ground control to Major Tom.] "Alone" by Eyeshine plays in the beginning [Fa: Remember when putting music in spin-off episodes was innovative and edgy? Dylanridge Farms remembers.] [Fred: ] The gang walked throughout Bikini Bottom, not seeing anyone. The bruised and scared friends cling to each other, despite the fact that they are dirty and unclean. [Fa: So dirty, they were unclean. A sad tale indeed.] [Ren: These dirty hands!] The city in which their favorite show takes place is terrible. [Fred: The city where your favorite show takes place is terrible!] They looked all around, trying to look for some sort of fish. There wasn't any. [Halibut: You guys are all fish, just look at each other.] [Fred: Which fish were they looking for? Red fish? Blue fish? Old fish? New fish? Dead fish?] "So where do we stay?" asked Clapmaster. There was no reply. Just silence. They just continued on. [70s: Leeeet's just stay out here on the cold, dark sand. Screw shelter.] [Clapmaster: Who needs dumb old shelter anyways!] [Halibut: Nobody cares about Claps these days, damn shame.] They eventually came across what looked like a hospital. [Halibut: Maybe it's a hospital!] [Patrick: This is a hospital?] "Aren't hospitals supposed to be short and wide, not long and tall?" Dragiiin asked, admiring the skyscraper hospital. It read HOSPITAL on the top. [Halibut: I feel like it's fitting for Dragiiin to question it being a hospital even if it reads HOSPITAL on top.] [Fa: And this was supposed to be an SpongeBob spin-off.] [Fred: Asking the real questions here. And on the contrary, I've seen some hospitals in Florida that are long and tall.] "Traditionally," 70s said, looking up. "Maybe not here though. Let's go inside." [Halibut: Bikini Bottom is all about innovation and standing out. They're not going to conform to the commoner's bullshit views on what a hospital should look like. They're better than that.] "Wait, why a hospital?" asked Girlygirl. [Fa: Right now, that's the equivalent of asking "why eat?".] [Girlygirl: Why couldn't we go to the dentist instead? That place is cooler.] "They have medicine there. Showers. Beds. It's clean," terminoob said, answering for 70s. "It seems like a good place." [Halibut: It won't be so good once you get the bills afterwards.] Everyone thought for a moment before agreeing and entering the hospital. The lobby was commodious and luxurious. Everyone looked around. "Shouldn't a hospital be bustling with people?" Dragiiin asked. [Fred: *facepalms* Ummmmm, are you stupid or something?! You guys are like the only ones there in the town! There is literally no one else in this town besides you guys! I don't even think there are any doctors or nurses in the hospital either!] [Fa: I guess Drag forgot about the deserted town already.] Suddenly, there was rustling. They turned around. They were shocked. Santa Dog panted in front of them. [Halibut: Why was he rustling? Was he camouflaged like a bush or something?] "What the fuck!" Ex cried. "You're dead!" [Fred: No, YOU'RE dead!] "No, no!" he said, breathing heavily. "I'm not!" [Halibut: Thanks for correcting him.] "We saw you die!" tvguy said. [Fa: Yeah, thanks for the recap. I already forgot just like everyone else's apparent short term memory in this spin off.] "No," said Santa Dog. "You want to know who was in there?" "Who?" [Fred: Hoo was the guy in there.] [Fa: Pete Townshend, Roger Daltrey and Keith Moon.] "Old TV.com members! SBM Members! They're here too! It's not just us...it's the entire damn internet users that like Spongebob," he said. [Halibut: That's a lot of 5 year olds sneaking onto their parent's computers when they're not in the room.] [Fa: Give Dylan credit: putting SBM members at the height of our feud with them was rather edgy at the time.] "Oh my god...," 70s breathed. [Halibut: ] "Then why did they attack you and shriek?" asked jjs. "They know more than us as of now. They say that they're are monsters. They need to scare people away and be on edge," Santa explained. "Can we trust them?" Ex asked. "We have no other choice," jjs said. "If there are monsters...we should stay in Bikini Bottom!" [Fa: I know a couple people mentioned this in the last episode, but where in the world were they before now? Dylan really didn't make consistency a virtue for this story.] Everyone then started chatting and getting panicked. [Halibut: They were having a casual chat AND getting panicked?] [Fred: Were they chatting about panicking? You can't do two things at the same time like that.] "HEY!" terminoob shouted. "EVERYONE. GET SOME FUCKING SLEEP. WE'LL DISCUSS THIS TOMORROW." [Mermaid Man: STOP SHOUTIN', I'M NAPPIN'!] [Terminoob: LET MY SOOTHING VOICE CALM YOU TO MAKE SLEEPING EASIER!] [Fa: At least he's got old school Terminoob nailed to a tee.] The large group went silent and then searched the hospital, eventually settling all through out the building. ("Alone" by Eyeshine ends) [Fa: No way anyone finished that section in under 4:40 and understood it. No chance.] (THEME PLAYS) [Fred: Wow. What a long-ass buildup to the theme song. Now, I don't mind long introductions before the theme plays. Just as long as they're interesting enough and easy to comprehend. This was not one of those situations, however.] It was the evening the following day and everyone was just wandering around the hospital. They still hadn't found out what to do. They were just going to stay put until they could decide what to do. [Fa: So no one even tried to organize any sort of structure to survival for a full day? I call BS, considering some of our personalities 5 years ago.] ---- "Hot Mess" by Cobra Starship plays Ginger Jackson strutted down Bikini Bottom in a latex suit. The Mastermind stood beside her. But...they're rivals! The Mastermind was even keeping her captive! The two actually decided to join forces, as The Mastermind knew that she was a smart and dangerous woman. She would be a powerful asset to his crew. After leaving Sandoval to die like Percy did, he found Ginger quickly and they joined together. [Fa: It's not even that this section is that bad. It just feels like Dylan wrote it knowing most of us wouldn't get it. It reads so awkwardly then anything else so far to me, which is a sad achievement for this story.] "Alright, you sure you wanna do this?" Ginger asked. "Yes," nodded The Mastermind. He pulled blue gloves out of his pocket and strapped them on. "Haven't worn these in a long time." [Fa: The Mastermind seems like the type to wear finger less gloves. Douchey enough for 'em at least.] "Remember what we came here for," said Ginger. She loaded her gun she had been carrying. "I'll be hidden in the hospital if anything goes wrong, alright?" "I know, Ginger," said The Mastermind, rolling his eyes. "Now give me the laughy floaty gas." [Fred: You mean helium? I'd rather huff helium than read this.] Ginger chuckled. [Fa: I wish I could chuckle at this story, but I can't even.] "Come on, we've said the name like twenty times." Ginger snapped her fingers and a bazooka-like turbine appeared. "I like your power better," an annoyed Mastermind said. He entered the hospital. ---- [Fa: Annoying page breaks for the very next scene? Check!] [Fred: Okay, this page break feels so out of place here. You don't place it after he enters the hospital. THAT does not make sense! Same with an 8 foot tall wookie living on the planet Endor.] The Mastermind sprayed the bazooka everywhere. But blue came out. Everyone, except 70s and Santa Dog who were in a room which was guarded by a door made of solid iron, suddenly started laughing, and seeing everything as smiley faces: [Fa: Why just 70s and Elastic? Why not everyone they could fit in, or at least say the admins? Putting those two only in just seems random.] "New Soul," by Yael Naim plays: LISTENING TO THIS SONG IS ESSENTIAL TO GET THE EFFECT OF THIS SCENE. LISTEN NOW. [Fred: Hey! Don't tell me what to listen to! I listen to what I want when I want and no one is gonna stop me! *blasts The Edge of Glory by Lady Gaga*] [Mermaid Fa: Quiet, I'm nappin! ] Everyone floated around the hospital, seeing smiley. [Fa: So that's the story behind . ] "TEE HEE!" Ex said, his eyes wide. He giggled. "DONKEY FACE!" [Halibut: Yes, you are an assface.] [Fred: Oh, there you are, Halibut. I thought this spin-off killed you for a second.] "Temperance," Dragiiin said laughing his head off. [Fred: Bikini Top characters! Hahahahahahahaha!] "NAOMI!" tvguy argued back. But he was laughing hysterically. [Fa: 70s!] [Fred: Is this whole scene a Bikini Top plug? Feels like one.] "La, la, la," Wumbo said. "This feels good," said terminoob as he masturbated in a corner. [Fa: ] [Halibut: Holy fucking christ, I was not prepared for that. Is there anything that can actually be said?] [Fred: Holy fuck, terminoob, have you no shame?!] "Paul, Paul, BO BO!" Jelly said. "Please marry me," Girlygirl said, proposing to jjs. jjs bawled his head off, crying and crying. [Fa: Jjsthehusband ] [Fred: wut da fuq I am confuzzled beyond all fuck.] "BITCHES!" Clappy said. "I have a bitch!" Bob Ball said, floating by. They were somehow able to float. "Her name is Lucy!" [Fa: "Somehow able to float." Just like they "somehow" discovered super powers and "somehow" got sucked into this world.] [Halibut: If Lucy was floating too, that's probably because she's in the sky. With diamonds.] [Fred: I Love Lucy?] "Hello SMILEY FACE," said Deli. "HELLO SMILEY FACE." She walked into a wall. "Hello smiley face!" She walked into it again. [Fred: ] The Mastermind admired his work and threw the bazooka out the door. He then cracked his gloved fingers and electricity spun all over them. ("New Soul," by Yael Naim ends) 70s and Santa Dog looked at him through security cameras. "He took the entire hospital hostage," 70s said, looking at Santa Dog. The computer screens showed how pale his face was. "Where is he now?" "In the lobby," 70s replied. [Halibut: Mr. Moseby better be there too.] "What does he want from us," Santa said, resting his head in his arms. [Fa: 70s comforting Elastic is so unbelievable it's nearly funny.] "Dunno," said 70s. "But according to the security camera feed...everyone is-" 70s went quiet. Santa look up. "What?" "Oh shit," he breathed. 70s ran to the door and locked it. "WHAT?" said Santa. He was scared. "Never Look Back," by Zach Berkman plays [Fred: Son, don't make me look up whatever this song and artist is.] "He's not on any of the security camera feeds," said 70s, standing against the ice cold door. Santa looked at the computer screens and saw that The Mastermind was gone. "Oh god," said Santa, shutting his eyes. [Halibut: That's going to help for sure.] "I'm going," 70s said abruptly. "What?" Santa said. [Fred: Little nitpick, but calling him Santa instead of Santa Dawg is a bit confusing. Makes me think that you're talking about Santa Claus.] "I have to," 70s said. "Everyone is in stupid mode. I'm the only one left..." He realized that that had come out wrong. [Fa: Mathematically wrong!] "Right," said Santa. "You're the only one that can save anyone." "Santa, I didn't-" "No, no," Santa said. He stood up. "I get it. You need to do what you need to do." "Santa, please," 70s said. "No. Handle it on your own. You're obviously the hero here." Santa raised his hand and a blue jet shot out, hitting the door. It blew the door off of it's hinges. He walked down the hallway. The lights in the hospital suddenly went out and Santa disappeared. [Fa: This scene, in a sense, is a perfect encapsulation of this series' flaws. What should be a dramatic scene between 70s and Elastic fails because really the relationship between the two has barely developed (Elastic just reappeared from the dead earlier in this very episode!) and yet Dylan rushes us right to the climax where the two are fighting over how to save the day. Just one of the various examples of this series' inability to properly develop its characters.] 70s sat down on the chair, at a loss. [Halibut: Did Chris Hansen tell you to?] ("Never Look Back" by Zach Berkman ends) ----- SG10 snapped out of it. She was floating and fell to the floor with a smack. She tried to look around, but it was pitch black. She stood up and leaned against a wall. Suddenly, muscular arms wrapped around her hand and picked her up. SG struggled, putting her hands on the meaty hands that held her. [Fa: SG is in the loving arms of Mr. Meaty.] [Fred: Nothing says comfort like the words "All God's creatures fresh off the grill".] [Halibut: This is one weird porno.] "Listen here," a voice said. "You know what I want to know." "Mmmm!" SG mumbled. "I'm going to uncover your mouth," said the voice. "If you even try to scream, I will put a round in your skull." The hands released her and SG sprinted down the hall. The man caught up to her and SG felt a cold gun to her forehead. "Please," SG yelped, being extremely loud. "Don't shoot!" "Shut the fuck up and you won't die!" "PLEASE!" SG sobbed. [SG10: Please save me from a horrible spin-off existence!] [Fred: I feel bad for her. Not just for being killed, but being killed in a very confusing spin-off.] "I swear," the man rasped. "Don't...move." Suddenly, there was the sound of a wall collapsing and someone shouted "RUN." SG got up and ran, faster than she ever had. ---- "Dog Days Are Over" by Florence and The Machine plays [Fred: At least it fits the scene. And "Dog Days Are Over" is a kick-ass song.] Santa walked along and walked down the stairs. He walked straight out the hospital doors and walked down towards Conch Street. He suddenly stopped in his tracks. Didn't we stay at Patrick's house? [Fa: Okay, so Elastic's hissy fit resulted him just wandering all the way back to Patrick's house? That makes no sense.] He knocked on the rock and it flipped open. It showed everyone, including him, sleeping. [Patrick: WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE?!] "Oh my god," Santa said. He turned around and started to run when he heard a WHIZZ, and an arrow pierced his upper shoulder. [Fa: R.I.P. Elastic... again.] (Dog Days Ends) ----- "First Train Home" by Imogen Heap plays [Fred: Really? Are you sure you didn't wanna go with MMM WHATCHA SAY?] Steel walked along the flat, barren landscape that was the middle of the ocean. He was hungry. He was tired. He was sad. He was crying. His heart was broken. [Fa: This spin-off has broke us all Steel, don't be so needy.] "CF," he kept muttering over and over again. "CF!!!!!!!!" The storm had been good to him...until that moment. A storm cell touched down. "MOTHER FUCKER!" Steel shouted at the oncoming tornado. "TAKE ME." He spread out his arms and ran towards the tornado. The wind smacked his and sped him up into the funnel. He was then thrown out of the storm, hitting a rock and getting killed. [Halibut: That is one boring-ass 1st Casualty.] (First Train Home Ends) --- "Please," said tvguy, holding the gun at the face of a figure in the shadows. "I don't want to do this." "Then I will." Hassan stepped out of the shadows and fired. [Fa: Wait... Wasn't Hassan a good guy? Or was that Sabre? Was Sabre even in this? SO MANY QUESTIONS, ZERO ANSWERS!] [Halibut: Hassan fired Dylan. Damn, that takes guts.] [Donald Trump: Hey, I'M the one who's supposed to do the firings around here! Screw this, I'm running for president.] ---- "Speechless" by Lady Gaga plays [Fa: This episode leaves me speechless for all the wrong reasons.] 70s sits alone in the office. Santa sags down, an arrow in his back. CF cries, still alone in her cave. Steel's mangled body still lies on the rock. The Mastermind battles an unknown and unseen figure. SG runs and doesn't stop. Ginger walks away from the control panel, after cutting the hospital's power supply. tvguy and Hassan battled, tvguy shot in the chest. Wumbology and Deli stare at each other, after breaking out of the loopy gas. [Fa: Thanks for the summary: basically everyone is either dead or wishing they were.] [Fred: And Fred Rechid is still confuzzled at what he just read. The end.] ------ Reviews appreciated! [Halibut: Oh my god. That was easily one of the most fucked up episodes yet. If it gets even weirder, this will be one hell of a roller coaster.] [Fred: Yeah, there were some mistakes here and there and the writing was still half-assed and confusing as hell. Trust me, Halibut, it WILL get worse and I am not exaggerating that. See you all on the next odd numbered episode.] 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metal Snake Posted February 18, 2016 Share Posted February 18, 2016 3 hours ago, jjsthekid said: [Fa: This scene, in a sense, is a perfect encapsulation of this series' flaws. What should be a dramatic scene between 70s and Elastic fails because really the relationship between the two has barely developed (Elastic just reappeared from the dead earlier in this very episode!) and yet Dylan rushes us right to the climax where the two are fighting over how to save the day. Just one of the various examples of this series' inability to properly develop its characters.] Well said, Fa, well said. Decent riffs. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CDCB Posted February 19, 2016 Share Posted February 19, 2016 Oh dear! We shouldn't be saying such mean things about other people's work. We should say nice things and encourage them! Maybe jjs can change this to a Kindness Theater instead! Hoho! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jjs Goodman Posted February 26, 2016 Author Share Posted February 26, 2016 Down Under 10. Out There Somewhere Spoiler (S1E10) Episode 10: Out There Somewhere [Metal Snake: Out there somewhere, I know there are stories that make sense.] [Hayden: ] DoodleBob rises out from behind Patrick's rock. He held a bow, a bucket of arrows attached to his back. He circled Santa, blood dripping slowly out of the wound. [Hayden: Well one doodle is on Santa's naughty list.] [Metal Snake: Hold on a second, if the users are sleeping, that must mean they met Elastic in a dream. If they haven’t woken up from this dream, how can Elastic meet them here in real life? Either the hospital scenario is real, or them being here is real, it can’t be both...] [SOF: I don't know Metal, maybe they thought he was killed again and visiting them in their sleep as a ghost. After all, they were so quick to assume he died in the second episode...] Doodlebob glanced at everyone standing inside Patrick's home. [Fa: What about the hospital? When did we get to Patrick's Rock? Literally no explanation whatsoever.] [SOF: Wat....are they even standing or dying? Because I honestly thought they were dead. Didn’t Doodlebob come here to kill them? Why would he come here just to stare at them? Is it how he gets his sick kicks?] [Metal Snake: Wait, STANDING? I thought everyone was sleeping! If they woke up during the commotion, at least say that they did!] He snapped his fingers. [Hayden: ] ---- At the hospital, SG suddenly fell to the ground. She was shaking vigorously. [Metal Snake: Oh god, first her house and now her? What, is she a human vibrator? P-please don’t take that the wrong way.] In the office, 70s was on the floor, shaking as well. Everyone was shaking. [Metal Snake: will it ever end] [Hayden: This must be the newest dance craze.] ---- Everyone inside the rock suddenly disappeared. Patrick was asleep on the ground. [Fa: DYLAN TOOK EVERYONE FROM THE HOSPITAL AND MOVED THEM TO PATRICK'S ROCK AND WHY IDEK! This story has gone from confusing to just straight up trippy bad right now.] [SOF: ...HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?! Just a moment ago, everyone WAS THERE laying around in Patrick's house, and then they were in the hospital, and then they just...disappear?! They’re either in ONE PLACE OR THE OTHER! There’s no way they could’ve just teleported back and forth that fast in just three seconds!] [Hayden: Does this mean Patrick is going to stay irrelevant in the story?] "W-what do you want?" Santa said, shivering. Doodlebob bent down to see him. [Santa: I'm not even gonna ask how I'm still alive, because I'm equally confused.] [SOF: And Doodlebob is STILL standing because he’s paper. He doesn’t have to bend his knees, just himself. Shocking, I know.] "You are afraid of Percy," he said, his voice oddly smooth and warm. [Hayden: Is Doodlebob trying to seduce them?] [Fa: But isn't Percy as flat as a pancake right now? Or am I confusing him with one of the other listless OC's in this story whose personalities are equally flat?] [SOF: Who the fuck is Percy? Oh right, it's the guy (I thought it was also a girl's name though, Percy) who told Hassan to hunt them in the previous episode. Even then, Santa wouldn't know who or what Percy is. Also, I thought Doodlebob doesn't talk that much. He can only do gibberish words.] [Metal Snake: Let me guess, Percy has come back to life now too? For Christ’s sake, don’t kill these characters off or say that they’re dead if they’re just going to come back several episodes later smh.] "You are afraid of The Mastermind. You will be afraid of me." [Hayden: How does listing other people that they are afraid of help you stand out?] [Metal Snake: Uh…”will”? What do you mean “will” be afraid of you? I think the fact that he’s shivering is evidence enough that he…] "Please," he replied. "I'll do a-anything." [Santa: SHIVERING IN FEAR AIN'T ENOUGH TO BE SCARED NO MORE, EH?] [Metal Snake: ...yeah, already is afraid of you.] "I...don't...care." Doodlebob stood up and walked away, towards the hospital. [SOF: Uh...is that hospital under the rock or outside the rock?] [Metal Snake: So…is the users being at the hospital what’s real or...them being under Patrick’s rock? I don’t get it.] [Fa: I still have no idea where everyone is.] Santa didn't look at him; it hurt to move a muscle. (theme song plays "New Years Day" by U2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3reF1gfkTAc ) Steel's eyes fluttered open. [Fa: Must be made of steel too I guess. Only way to explain having died but not actually died.] [Metal Snake: AND STEEL IS ALIVE, WHAT A SURPRISE You see what I mean? Keep abruptly resurrecting these characters/lying to us that they’ve died, and guess what? It. becomes. TIRED. and. PREDICTABLE. I’m not anti-bringing characters back to life, but the resurrection element, like any element in a story, has to be written well, and this show is a prime example of where it is not written well.] They were slits; orange slits. His muscles ached. He stretched out and almost screamed. Auburn fur covered his entire body. Sharp talons extended out of his fingers. What am I?! Steel tried to stand on two feet, but it felt more natural to stalk about on all fours. He stretched. Oh god...I'm not a cat...I'm not a cat! [Fa: Steel Cat] [SOF: "WHOA, I'm a cat! What's this magic?"] [Metal Snake: “I’m a sponge of steel!”] [Hayden: I wasn't aware cats had talons.] He suddenly felt the urge to cough and when he did, he let out an air splitting roar. Damn. I'm loud. [Metal Snake: “Oh Steel, you’re such a loudmouth.”] [Hayden: I was expecting a hair ball.] He walked around and was back in the middle of nowhere. [Metal Snake: Poor Courage already has enough trauma to last him a lifetime, and now he has to see all this...] What will CF say when she sees me...wait...didn't a tornado smack me against the rock? [Fa: I think her first question would be more or less why you changed species.] "Yeah, it did," a voice said behind him. Steel the Sea-Leopard swirled around to see a blue sea-leopard staring at him. [Metal Snake: Sea-Leopard? I guess Dylan wasn’t a sea-lion person.] "Who're are you? And how did you read my thoughts?" Steel asked, eyeing the cat. [Grammar Police: Don't you mean: Who are you? And “Who’re are you”? “Who are are you?” Do we have to get the Redundancy Department in here too?] "I'm CF, silly!" she said. "I dunno how I read your thoughts. It just...kinda happened." [Metal Snake: Y’know, telepathy? Some people just...kinda gain that power out of nowhere.] "CF!" Steel exclaimed. He strutted over and licked her fur. [CDCB: I do not approve of this.] [SOF: Uh...not even going to ask...] [Hayden: Is this another thing that turns tvguy on?] "Steel, Steel!" she mewed. [Fa: ] [Hayden: Mew is a Pokemon that says its own name, not Steel's.] [Metal Snake: “Steel” sounds like “Meow”?] "I'm still angry at you." [Hayden: Is it bad that I forget what they fought over?] "I'm so sorry, CF! I truly am. Please forgive me!" Steel said. A tear streamed down his furry cheek. [Fa: Dylan confirmed to be a secret furry lover.] [Metal Snake: I always knew Steel had the face of a furry…] "No," she said, shaking her head. "You were a jerk to me. I normally would...but...given these circumstances, it's important that we get along." "Then why won't you forgive me?" "Teach you a lesson," she nodded firmly. [Fa: I kinda think this is a bad time to start holding a grudge, CF.] [Metal Snake: About the magic of friendship?] [SOF: Don’t forgive your friends because friendship is magic!] "But you just said we should be getting along...," Steel said quietly. "After you learn not to be an asshole!" [Hayden: Well look at the hypocritical She-Leopard CF.] "Fine, fine," he said. "When will that be?" [Hayden: When the next chapter of UWS is released.] [Steel: Can you help me? I forgot how to make logical decisions.] [Metal Snake: “When am I going to learn not to be an asshole?” Um...you can start today? O_O] "I don't know," she replied. CF looked at her paws. "But until then...I'm willing to work with you. That's it." [Fa: Yep, vintage CF here. No bullshit here.] [SOF: Yep, the fact CF is SUPPOSED to be the NICE user as is not in any way helping this new ludicrous subplot.] [Metal Snake: Nicest user on SBC, everyone!] "Good enough for me!" said Steel smiling. "You look more like a dog than a cat." [SOF: "Actually, I'm more like Garfield. I eat anything and everything and groan."] [Metal Snake: I’ve heard of “men are dogs”, but that bro’s a natural feline. Getting serious, I don’t see what Steel did that was...canine-like. Was the joke that “cats can’t smile”? But even good comic relief couldn’t save this scene from being completely...wut.] [Hayden: He's a cat in the doghouse. Although, I would expect a higher patience level from CF considering she dates CD.] ---- The Mastermind battled an unseen force. [Metal Snake: Time for another, “Well, that escalated quickly.”] [Hayden: Isn't every force basically unseen considering we hop around too much without actually getting to learn anything useful about one force?] "You can't stop me," a voice chuckled. "I control the ocean." [Fa: Clash of Triton, the redux.] [SOF: I thought King Neptune controlled it, but who cares? This is a spin-off...or lit at this point.] "Jonathon," said The Mastermind. "I don't give a shit." [Metal Snake: “I DON’T GIVE A SHITTING SHIT ABOUT SHITTING ANYTHING!”] "I can be invisible," said the voice. "What the hell can you do?" [Fa: Really, outside of no being able to see you, what can YOU do?] [SOF: Y'know we're underwater, right? He can now more than easily hurt you by…] [Metal Snake: Pfft. Um, hate to break it to you dude, but invisibility isn’t exactly an A-list superpower…] Anger coursed through The Mastermind's veins. Electricity funneled through his gloves and shocked, as well as outlining, a figure. [SOF: ...yeah, shocking you. And Static Shock, is that you?] [Metal Snake: He turned the figure into a cartoon character, obviously.] "GAHHH!" the figure howled. A gruff fish appeared, sagging to the floor. The Mastermind shocked him again...and again. [Fa: That's much cooler then invisibility, brah.] [SOF: And the next day, and the next day, and the next day...] "I AM IN CONTROL," heaved The Mastermind. "Not...you." The Mastermind shocked him again. The figure disappeared into thin air. The Mastermind sighed. Why does he never die? [Metal Snake: Because tvguy doesn’t know how to properly write death in this spin-off.] ---- "H-assan," panted tvguy. He gasped for air. Blood spouted out of his mouth. "Please...help me!" "I can't," said Hassan, not looking at his dying friend. "I'm in control now; Percy's dead." [Hayden: If you're in control, you can bring him back to life or something. Nevermind tvguy's writing you into not helping him.] [Fa: This whole episode is breaking my brain. I mean, Percy is dead, right? Or what?] [SOF: Now wait a minute...before this happened, Elastic and Doodlebob were talking about Percy like he was alive, and now you're telling me that he's ALREADY dead? What’s been established that has to do with this guy and Hassan?] [Metal Snake: And he’s totally going to stay dead too, I’ll bet.] "How do you know?" "Our minds were linked. He died and I knew," said Hassan. "Percy would let me live!" tvguy pleaded. [Fa: And you're basing that on the zero interactions you two have had together?] [Metal Snake: “We never knew each other so well!”] "tvguy, you know that that is utter bullshit," he said, looking down at him. Hassan then picked tvguy up and dragged him into a hospital lab. A bowl of liquid nitrogen sat on a table. "Hassan...Hassan!" tvguy screamed. "PLEASE! NO! HASSAN!!" tvguy squirmed and tried to get away, but Hassan was too strong. He thrust tvguy's head into the bull [Fa: When did Hassan become so... demented?] [Metal Snake: Oh God, that is a lulzy typo of SOF levels. What, is the bowl of liquid nitrogen a lie? Is it really a steer?] [SOF: LOL, that IS SOF level right there, folks. That’s coming from me.] [Hayden: I'm guessing tvguy's head was shoved into the bull's anus so that he could smell his own bullshit.] and tvguy's head froze on contact. [Metal Snake: Those must have been some horrifying lies he was forced to read.] [Hayden: Brain freeze, the feeling everyone has while trying to keep up with this.] Hassan yanked it out and smashed his head onto the counter; his face shattered into several pieces. [Fa: See ya alive and well next ep, Dylan?] [Metal Snake: What is this, Act II of tvguy’s smashing performance from ATTWL 3?] ---- Ginger entered the hospital in her Latex suit. [Fa: Rubber furry love.] [SOF: Love how descriptive this sentence here is.] [Metal Snake: Yippee, more rubber fetish porn.] She zipped down the front part of her shirt, exposing more of her enormous breasts. [Fa: TMI] [SOF: Uh...moving along...] [Metal Snake: ...I was kidding. O_O] [Hayden: Hasn't SOF ever imagined fish breasts alone by himself? No?] She loaded her gun and strutted down the hallway. She noticed some users...they were shaking on the ground. What the hell..? [Fa: Line of the series right here kids.] [SOF: My thoughts exactly.] [Metal Snake: Not just your reaction…] [Hayden: Zip up that shirt before they get nosebleeds too.] She walked on, holding her gun steady. Ginger came across an elevator and pressed the lit "^" (up) button. She counted thirty seconds before the metallic doors finally slid open. She stepped through and examined the long panel of numbers. She selected the thirtieth floor. I'm not The Mastermind's servant...I am no! [Metal Snake: “I am...a negative response to a question!”] The doors slid open rather quickly, and she stepped through. Ginger wasn't satisfied that she was actual on the thirtieth floor. She opened a door and peered out a window. Bikini Bottom's glowing lights illuminated the sea. [Fa: The empty, deserted city of bikini bottom...] "Oh god," she breathed, sitting down. Ginger hated being so high. [Metal Snake: How can we blame her? LSD is one hell of a drug.] What if it were to collapse, or sway? She didn't want to find out. She exited the room and searched the whole floor. There wasn't any sign of any SBC members, nor SBM members. Ginger looked down at her feet. She had a soft spot for SBM. [Fa: SBM fetish?] [SOF: I'm pretty sure this has nothing to do with any SBC/SBM feud in this episode, right?] [Metal Snake: She for one enjoys the constant fighting and ssj’s Family Guy references.] ---- Santa twitched. The previously warm blood was now ice cold and was drying. [SOF: ...Talk about cold-blooded killing?] [Metal Snake: ...Freeze-drying?] Every time he tried to breath, blood shot up from his lungs and flew out, pushing the air right out. What did Doodlebob do? I distinctly remember going to Patrick's rock...then suddenly we were entering the city! [Metal Snake: I-I don’t follow this at all. Are they in the city or under Patrick’s rock? Were they dreaming about being in the city? Was it in an interdimensional plane? I just have no idea…] He made an attempt to crawl, but a piercing pain shot through his whole body. He was stuck. ---- 16 YEARS BEFORE Charlene McGeaver [Fa: *adds another listless OC to story* Check!] [SOF:...AW COME THE FUCK ON... If we're going to continue adding a new character that has nothing to do with SBC or Spongebob, every what, three episodes, how can you call this an SBC or SpongeBob fanfic? I can see what it’s trying to do, but it’s just not working...] [Metal Snake: *bashes keyboard against face* FUCKING HELL] [Hayden: Now that's....a name.] sat inside her home, thinking intently about something. [Fa: Okay, just tells us who she is, what she means to the story, and why we had to go back 16 years to meet her. Just give us some freakin' clarity.] [Metal Snake: I DON’T CARE THESE FUCKING NEW CHARACTERS ARE POINTLESS JUST TELL A STORY ABOUT SBC USERS IN BIKINI BOTTOM] "Mommy," three year old Zoey said, stumbling up on her lap. Two year old Jacob followed. They both had blond hair, and beautiful blue eyes. They had pretty, ocean blue skin. [Metal Snake: Again, are these fish or people? Because ocean blue skin wouldn’t look pretty on humans…] "Yeah, sweetie?" Charlene said, focusing her attention on her kids. "There's a man outside," said Jacob, smiling his toothless smile. [Fa: He's lost all of his teeth? At 3?] [Hayden: Those teeth will take at least another 16 years to grow in.] "He's not daddy though," said Zoey, shaking her head playfully. Charlene went pale. [Metal Snake: Charlene is terrified of door-to-door salesmen.] [Hayden: ] "Sweeties," said Charlene picking both of her children up in both of her arms. "I'm going to put you in your rooms. Don't come out, okay?" "Are we in trouble, mommy?" asked Zoey. "No," said Charlene. "But mommy needs to talk to her old...friend." [SOF: Translation, her ex-husband.] [Metal Snake: How does she know it’s her “old friend”? I saw no part where she looked at the man.] "Oh," said Jacob, sucking his thumb. Charlene set both kids down on the floor of Jacob's room. [Hayden: So it's only Jacob's room? Bum deal for Zoey.] She locked the door from the inside and then shut it. Charlene raced back outside and took a deep breath. "You aren't supposed to be here," she said, looking at the man in black. [Metal Snake: ] "You aren't supposed to have my kids," the man said. "Charlene, we've been over this." "Darren, these are not your kids," said Charlene, her hair billowing in the wind. [Fa: Everyone has hinted at this to an extent, but I'll just go ahead and say it: I don't care at all for this. What in the world does this connect to the SBCers at all? Or even the other listless OCs? So far nothing and it's getting old fast to have this sort of thing occur each chapter without really progressing the story.] [SOF: Oh goodie, another boring, stock drama scene to distract us from the main plot...] "YES!" Darren snapped. He lowered his voice. "Yes...they are my kids." "Darren," Charlene replied, her voice cracking. "If you don't stop these visits, I'm going to call the police. [Darren: You crazy! I just wanna see my kids!] [Hayden: Just settle this shit in court, Darren. Worked for my dad.] [SOF: So you're going to report him to the police for visiting her house? Okay then, good luck with that.] [Metal Snake: Call the cops on him for...visiting his kids?!] I haven't the past few times, because I feel bad for you, but-" "YOU?" he roared. "FEEL BAD FOR ME?" [Metal Snake: “HOW DARE YOU PITY ME!”] "I have custody," she said. "YOU DO NOT." [FA: ALL CAPS FOR EMPHASIS! INNOVATIVE!] "Let me see them! NOW!" Darren suddenly rammed into Charlene. She fell to the floor, hitting her head with a smack. Blood dripped out; Darren didn't notice. He broke open the door and searched the house. [Metal Snake: ...Which door?] He eventually came to Zoey's room door. He tried the handle. Locked. He rammed the door. Bits of wood fell off. [SOF: Everybody seems to conveniently have the strength of Superman…] [Hayden: .....So now they're in Zoey's room instead of Jacob's room????] Inside, Jacob and Zoey huddled together. They were extremely frightened. [Metal Snake: “We’re not interested in anything you’re selling!”] "Come on, Jake," said Zoey. She climbed up from her bed to the window and pulled it open with her brother's help. She pushed the screen out and the two crawled out. [Metal Snake: And fell to their deaths because they were on the second floor.] She helped Jacob climb through. The door gave out and Darren burst through. The two children darted to the side of the house and ran. They went to their neighbor Marilyn's house. The elderly woman took them in, and hid them when Darren came knocking. [Hayden: And then he just stopped looking? What happened to Charlene? How did a 2 and 3 year old pull off such a daring escape?] 16 YEARS LATER, PRESENT "Zoey, hurry up," Jacob said, looking back. "He's coming!" "I'm trying my best, Jake!" Zoey growled. She continuously punched codes in. [SOF:...And they're STILL being chased by that guy for 16 YEARS?! I know he’s their father, but geez, know when to quit. You’re not Wile E. Coyote from a Road Runner cartoon.] [Fa: I know he's crazy, but just day hi to your dad already..] "Who the hell makes you punch the same code in 14 times?" Jacob said, looking down the dirt hallway. [Metal Snake: But it said she punched codes in, not a code.] Suddenly, The Admiral appeared, boasting a kitchen knife. [SOF: Welp, Darren is The Admiral. That’s all for this plot, folks!] [Metal Snake: So if my assumption is correct, Darren is The Admiral. Who knew that all this time, he was actually a character we knew nothing about.] [Fa: So Darren is the admiral? So what? Yet again, no development of him really whatsoever.] "ZOEY!" Jacob hollered. Zoey punched in the last line of coding and the door slid open. The two ran in and the door slid shut behind them. They breathed heavily. Pounding followed, but the door withheld The Admiral. "There has to be a way out of here," said Zoey, looking around the room. "I know, I know," said Jacob. [Metal Snake: “I know, I know, we have to look for a way to escape from a psychotic killer…”] "What? You know a way out?" "No," said Jacob. "Then why-I'm not going to ask," said Zoey. [Metal Snake: Why he’s so nonchalant about escaping?] She scanned the dirt walls. "We can't escape. He has that-" [Fa: We're going to have to eat through the dirt!] "We've gotten out of this shit before," said Jacob. He looked around the room and grinned. "What?" He walked over to a crate and picked up two guns. He handed Zoey one. [Metal Snake: “We’ll get out by blowing holes in the floor!”] "Jake, I can't kill- "If we don't, he'll kill us." Zoey looked at the gun in her hands and nodded. She loaded the gun and then opened the door. Zoey was ready to fire, but stopped. The Admiral was gone. [Hayden: 16 years later he finally realizes that abandoning his kids is what's best for them.] [SOF: Er….how? Does he have super speed? Is he planning a surprise attack? Did he teleport? So many possible explanations, yet we never get one...] [Fa: And we still don't know how any of these people connect to the SBCers.] ---- ("The Traveling Song" by Will.I.Am plays http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zwGgaBjoL3E) CF and Steel ran at an amazing speed through the barren desert that was the middle of the ocean. Occasionally, they came across a whale or another sea leopard but nothing else. [Metal Snake: Did they meet up with Pearl and the sea-lion from Spongicus’ cousin?] Whenever Steel tried to touch CF, CF growled at him and clawed him. [Fa: ] Why does she hate me? I apologized... he would think every night. [Metal Snake: Yeah, that’s a good question to ask. It’s never explained why CF has so much resentment for Steel. She was never the kind of person to hold a grudge against someone for saying a few mean things…] [Hayden: Probably those sea leopard hormones impairing her judgment.] Whenever or wherever they slept, she would always keep ten feet or more away from him. Now they were running...it was an amazing experience. Steel had never gone so fast. Overhead, Pakasa and Sabre followed the two. [Metal Snake: Oh yeah, these guys existed.] [SOF: At least 2015!Sabre returned to SBC last year.] "Anything?" Sabre asked. "Nope," said Pakasa. "Wait, wait. Yes. They're one of them." [Metal Snake: CF and Steel did a Steven Universe fusion.] "You sure?" "Positive," Pakasa confirmed. "Steel Sponge and CF3689." [Pakasa: I need to head back to math school however.] "Good, good," said Sabre. "Let's take them." [Hayden: On a double date?] "You sure, Sabre?" "Never have I been so sure. I want to know why the fuck they're cats," said Sabre. [Fa: Sabre being blunt there.] [Metal Snake: Way to speak for us.] They swooped down and picked one up. "WHAT THE HELL?!" Steel screamed, wriggling. "Be quiet," said Sabre, turning his voice to sound robotic. "Now." [SOF: So Sabre is a robot? OMG] [Metal Snake: Sound robotic? “I am the real man of steel…”] "Steel, what the-" "SILENCE," Pakasa roared. Metal knifes extended out of his fingers, jabbing CF. [Hayden: It'd be nice to know the intentions here.] (Traveling Song Ends) ---- ("Pharrel" plays) Doodlebob strutted towards the hospital, smiling. He had used his doodle powers to confuse them and manipulate them. [SOF: He used the Orb of Confusion.] [Metal Snake: Because it’s hard to figure out what a doodle of something is supposed to be.] [Hayden: Did his doodle power extend to us, the audience?] He had caused the plane crash. He had taken half of the members and placed them on the plane...not knowing anything. He had made them all think they had gone to Patrick's home. [Metal Snake: Well I can see he did a great job making them think they went to Patrick’s home by leaving them aware of the fact that they actually went to the hospital. What the fuck.] [Hayden: Tvguy is failing remarkably at explaining his plot holes.] He entered the hospital and smiled at the users wriggling on the ground. [Hayden: ] [SOF: I’m sure they must be in pain wriggling there, but I’m honestly more concerned about Elastic, lying there and possibly bleeding to death...] (Pharrel ends) ---- ("Glory Bound" by Martin Sextion) SBM users sat together at a table, ssj sitting at the front of the table. [Fa: More SBM "edginess".] [SOF: Not again...can we please not have another SBC-SBM feud plot?] "SBC users have come," he said, looking down. "Destroy them," said Mothra. [SOF: Ironic, seeing as Mothra riffed on her own at SBM back in 2010-2011, and the show I remembered she riffed...was Down Under.] [Metal Snake: Seriously? This again?] "Elastic Wasteband is there," PhilipB said. "I'm also there." He stood up and walked out the door. "That was sudden," Abney said. [Hayden: Summarizes every action in Down Under.] "We stick together," said ssj darkly. "They may be dysfunctional, but we aren't." [Metal Snake: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA No, not just nowadays, even back then, this is just...too hilariously inaccurate of a statement.] ---- 70s sits alone in the office, recovering from the Twitch, as Doodlebob calls it. [SOF: Are we in the X-Files now?] [Metal Snake: Calls...the Twitch? What is it, a phone?] [Hayden: Twitch isn't that bad of a website.] SG sits against a wall, only wanting to go home. Zoey and Jacob run down the dirt hallway. [SOF: Will we ever know any more about those characters?] tvguy's face lay in hundreds of small pieces. [Metal Snake: Because several pieces = hundreds of pieces.] Hassan walks throughout the hospital, searching for someone. The Mastermind stands alone, thinking about Jonathon. [Hayden: And his shrunken manhood.] Sabre and Pakasa carry CF and Steel to a secret place. [SOF: "I tawt I saw two puddy cats."] The Admiral pulls his mask off to reveal..... [SOF: I think you already gave it away too early...we know it's Darren.] [Metal Snake: It’s Darren. Why else would there be a backstory establishing his character right in the middle of everything. It’s Darren.] [Hayden: Knowing tvguy the mask will actually reveal Charlene. Who after Darren hit her head, became a raging psychopath bent on killing her own children.] TO BE CONTINUED... ---- CLIFFHANGER!! Wanna find out? You're going to have to wait until next Sunday! [Fa: Next Sunday, I'll just set up a tee time instead.] [SOF: Or we can just wait for the next episode to be riffed.] [Metal Snake: Or we can just go to Writing 101 class and use simple deductive reasoning after learning that every scene in a story should contribute to it in some form. But then again, this is Down Under…] [Hayden: See you next time, when the story randomly drops everyone into Antarctica, introduces a new OC with a "dark" backstory named Frederick Fahrenheit, and focuses on two SBCers turning into polar bears while hashing out relationship drama.] 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metal Snake Posted February 26, 2016 Share Posted February 26, 2016 Loved these riffs, Hayden had me rolling at the image of Patrick from Chocolate With Nuts after my salesman line. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jjs Goodman Posted March 9, 2016 Author Share Posted March 9, 2016 (edited) Sorry for the delays. Down Under 11. Thirty-One Spoiler (S1E11) Episode 11: Thirty-One [Fred: Hey, I thought this was episode 11, not 31.] [Steel: Well, I haven't missed much, but from what I can examine from one of the last two episodes, CF was gone and I died, until we were somehow granted new forms that represent who we were now meant to be: a sea leopard. Yeah....and it's literally an underwater breathing leopard to boot. If this ep contains some of my new furry adventures, then it's going to be a wild ride.] Title Card: (This isn't ripping off Bikini Top, considering I came up with the idea of title cards first ) [Fred: No, but it rips off SpongeBob because SpongeBob had title cards too.] [JCM: I'm pretty sure titles cards have existed longer than you've been alive, Dylan.] [tvguy: If you made title cards after I already have, then I'll be seeing you in court.] Johnathon sprinted down a building hallway in New Kelp City. Sweat dripped down his neck. He looked back anxiously and tried to open a door. It wouldn't budge. He looked back again and tried another door. It wouldn't open. He looked and saw a man in black. Johnathon panicked and tried to open another door. Nothing. He glanced at the window at the end of the hallway and sighed. He ran towards it, smashed through it, and turned into a black mist. (theme plays) ("O' Children" by Nick Cave plays) [Fred: Cartoon Network Cave is better.] [JCM: Nick Cave must get confused with Nicholas Cage all the time, and it must be wonderful.] Sabre awoke, his eyes full of sleep. [Fred: That's sorta how I wake up every day. ] [JCM: how does that even work] He stared up at the bunker ceiling. It was so empty; an eternity of nothing. Sabre sat up and looked over the side of his bed. CF and Steel were chained to a cage, [JCM: Nicholas Cage.] [Steel: Please don't tell me this is related to bondage.] both on opposite sides. Pakasa was sitting on the couch. Sabre clambered out of his bed and grabbed his rifle on the way. "Hey," he whispered to Pakasa. "It's disappearing!" [Steel: Explain "It."] "I know," said Pakasa, looking at Sabre. [JCM: OMG! If they kiss, all of my fanfiction dreams will come true!] "Will it disappear for them?" [Fred: Huh, what? What is disappearing? Is this the answer to life or something?] [Steel: I'm still waiting on what's "it" that they're talking about.] "Dunno," he replied. "But Siali will be happy that we can return to her palace." "But they're our friends...," Sabre said. "Siali won't care. Daniel spread the disease to us... [JCM: At least it was only herpes.] [Steel: So now there's another OC we need to be introduced to? Yeah, I heard of Siali! You know, Siali! Remember, from the party? Time to add another character from DU to add to my list of OCs from this spin-off I've forgotten about.] can't believe we had to bear near there when it happened...now we pass it to them," replied Pakasa, not paying attention any more. "We can't just leave them like that!" "SABRE!" barked Pakasa. [JCM: Pakasa's a dog now.] [Fred: Whooooo's a good Pakasa?! Whooooo's a good Pakasa?! Yooooooou are!] [Steel: Says the robotic fish with golden armor and bird wings.] "We aren't robots any longer! Isn't that good enough for you? The disease Daniel had turned us into robots...it now faded, as we passed it to them, turning them into sea cats. They'll just have to find someone new to pass it on too." [Steel: So Daniel is now a name of a disease while I was dead?] "But we WANTED to pass it on...how will they know they need to truthfully and emotionally want to give the disease to someone in order to pass it on?" [JCM: You guys are spreading herpes? That's messed up.] [Steel: I'd like to know if there's a cure to the Daniel, if it would mean Down Under me being a human again and not a furry.] "They'll figure it out in time," said Pakasa. "Come on. Let's go." He stood up and grabbed the rifle Sabre was holding. "What is your problem, Pakasa?" Sabre said with contempt. [JCM: Good thing you added "with contempt". I'm sure we couldn't tell it was contemptuous from the dialogue.] "You've been a real ass lately." "Excuse me?" Pakasa said, whirling around. [Fred: He was spinning around in a circle while saying that?] [Steel: Was that slapped in so that we have more drama than we needed?] "Yes! What happened to the guy who used to care about his friends?" "He met Siali, the true friend," Pakasa snarled. [JCM: Calm down, boy. Want a treat?] [Steel: I don't know how much I can survive from this vagueness.] "Why do you care so much?" "I've known them for a long time!" Sabre said. "I'm helping them." He walked towards the cage [JCM: Nicholas Cage.] [Nicholas Cage: Hey, man, stop calling my name out already, I'm trying to star in bad movies right now!] and clutched the bars. Yellow electricity vibrated through it, the bars turning to ash. CF and Steel awoke, realized this was their one shot at escape, and ripped off the chains that bound them. "Sabre...Siali is not pleased," said Pakasa staring at the ash that used to be the cage. [JCM: Nic-alright, alright. I'm done.] [Steel: He brought dishonor to his family.] "Go," Sabre hurried. "Now." CF and Steel raced out the bunker as Sabre battled Pakasa. "You are not a follower of Siali," said Pakasa, his eyes flaming. "Therefore you are a demon." Pakasa overpowered Sabre and killed him, the person who had been his partner just minutes before. [JCM: There went my OTP.] [Fred: How to Saber a Life] [Steel: The Holy Church of Siali must be a scary place, then. Pardon me for not getting the idea that Siali is related to a religion.] ---- Doodlebob entered the hospital, a smirk painted on his face. [DoodleBob: / ] He looked at the bodies writhing on the floor. Doodlebob walked up to the elevator. He pressed the glowing "^" up button and the metallic doors slid open. He stepped in and selected the Floor 15 and the doors slid shut. He was on top of the world; soon he would rule Bikini Bottom! No you won't. [JCM: Doodlebob has some pretty negative voices in his head.] [Steel: Well, the story just burned itself. I wasn't expecting that.] Oh, how naive you are! Doodlebob stopped for a second, wondering who that was. [Fred: I'm starting to think that DoodleBob has some Bill Cipher in his head trolling him wherever he goes.] "'Ello?" he called, thinking to himself How stupid I am! Suddenly, the elevator jolted and the lights went out. [JCM: Our technicians are such crap, man.] I am here. "Ha," chuckled Doodlebob. I'm in the power; no one is here! "Oh really?" Yes. "Then what am I doing?" Doodlebob danced around in the dark. [JCM: Making an idiot of yourself.] [Steel: DoodleBob can't start a fire without a spark.] There was no response. "See? You can't see me! You're probably some fool from The Spongebob Community that was doomed with mind powers." Listen you little bastard, if you don't shut the hell up I'll gut you like a fish! UNDERSTAND? [Steel: Look how edgy I am!] Doodlebob went pale. [JCM: But DB was already pale. You don't get much paler than white.] Suddenly, there was a loud pang! and the elevator car was free falling. [Tom Petty: AND I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE] ---- ("I Like It" by Enrique Iglesias plays) [Fred: I don't like it, I hate it, hate it, hate it] Ginger Jackson noticed an open door at the end of the hospital. She walked towards it and entered. [JCM: I haven't read anything after chapter six, so I have no idea who this is, but she sounds like she'd make the best pimp.] "Whoa!" 70s cried, frightened. "Who the hell are you?" [Steel: Baby I like it, the way you move on the floor....?] "Oh, hello," said Ginger, smiling. "I'm Mothra." "Really?" said 70s, skeptically. "From SBM?" [JCM: No, from Godzilla.] "Yeah...," said Ginger, sitting down. "Who are you?" "70s," 70s said. "In fish form." [JCM: 70s, meet JCM. In riff form.] [Steel: I'm Steel, no relation to the superhero played by Shaq.] "I see." "What is this? You and SBM have been here longer, right?" 70s asked. "Yeah," nodded Ginger. Her phone suddenly started to vibrate on her belt. "Oh, excuse me." [JCM: Ginger has some hoes to slap.] "Wait, you have phones down here?" "We...er...found one. I was voted to hold onto it," said Ginger. Escaping any further questions, she went outside into the hallway and answered. "Yes?" "Ginger, I'm following Jonathan," The Mastermind said. [JCM: Jonathan does not appreciate you stalking him.] [The Mastermind: On Twitter, JCM, on Twitter.] [Steel: I thought it was Johnathon.] "WHAT?" roared Ginger. [Fred: She's got the eye of the tiger.] She glanced back at the open door with 70s in it and lowered her voice down. "I specifically told you to not get distracted! We had a deal!" "Later, Ginger! Everything-" "-can't be done at once. Yeah, yeah. I don't care! You know we needed this!" "Jonathan is more important. You know that." [JCM: Face it. He's just not that into you.] [Steel: Jonathan who?] Ginger didn't reply. She clicked the "END CALL" button on her iFishPhone and slipped it back into her belt. She re-entered the room. "You aren't Mothra," said 70s. [JCM: Winner of the award for slowest member: still me! But he's now a close second.] "No," said Ginger, smiling. "I'm not. But I'd like to join your group." "I don't-" 70s was interrupted as Ginger slipped out of her suit and lingerie and was standing nude in front of 70s. "I..uh...I'm married." [JCM: Remember when people thought 70s was actually married? Me neither.] [Steel: "Careless Whisper" by Wham! plays] Ginger then hopped onto 70s lap and the two fell onto the floor, rolling around and kissing. ---- ("Please Don't Leave Me" by P!nk plays) Abney raced after Philip, who was trudging through The Storm. [JCM: Storm's in this spin-off already? I missed more episodes than I thought.] [Storm: this spinoff sucks dick you son of a botch you can suck my dick] [Steel: They found Aku's time portal and landed in 2013.] "Philip, please don't go!" Abney pleaded. "Abney, please-" "I love you!" Philip looked at her. [JCM: Uh...her? I'm not even going to comment on this.] [Abney: okay what the fuck philip i'm not a girl you're drunk] [Steel: Hate to break it to you Dylan. Abney may sound like a girl's name, but....] "Sudden," Philip remarked. "But I'm sorry, that doesn't change my situation...I still like you as a friend." "Philip...please," Abney sobbed. "Please stay." "Abney we're going separate paths..I'm going right, you're going left. Doesn't change the fact that we're friends...and maybe more." Philip then planted a kiss on Abney. "See ya around, Abney." Philip then disappeared in the rain and fog. [Philip: And that's How I Left Your (Somehow) Mother.] [Steel: Phillip in the House of Rain and Fog.] ("Please Don't Leave Me" by P!nk ends) [JCM: Leaving this scene will make me very happy.] ---- ("Moneygrabber" by Fitz and the Tantrums plays) 70s and Ginger looked at each other. Ginger smiled before kissing 70s once more. [JCM: Be careful, 70s. Gingers don't have soul.] "Alright, let's get dressed before we get caught," 70s said. They both stood up. 70s turned around to hand Ginger her suit when she reached for 70s pants [Steel: Oh?] and pulled his wallet out, pulled money out, and put it between her butt. [Steel: Ohhhh...] "Thanks," Ginger said, taking the suit from 70s. She put in on and then walked out. She reached down, pulled the money out, and played it in her pocket. [JCM: How does one play butt money?] "Let's go regroup with my group of users," 70s said. He buttoned his top button of his shirt as they walked. They entered the lobby and saw that everyone had come around and were huddling together. "What happened?" "I'm cold." "Help us!" "I'm frightened!!" "What if it happens again?" [Steel: The voices. They never stop.] It was chaos out there. [JCM: I couldn't tell.] ("Moneygrabber" by Fitz and the Tantrums stops playing) --- Zoey and Jacob clambered out of a manhole in the middle of the street in New Kelp City. Cars zoomed by. The lights of the city were a change from the darkness of the underground. A car horn blared. Zoey and Jacob turned around to see a taxi inches away from them. "Get the hell outta the street!" the gruff taxi driver yelled. The siblings raced to the sidewalk; they looked terrible. Like they had been...well, from a sewer. () [JCM: Even though it seems unprofessional, using the emote was the only way to convey how amused Dylan was by his own writing. Big words and confusing metaphors can only get you so far.] [Steel: Good joke. Can't wait to hear more.] They were thrust into the sea of fish going to their destinations. "What's the time?" Jacob asked a man. [Fred: Half past invisible.] [JCM: What's a man doing in the sea of fish?] "9:15 AM," the fish replied kindly. "But it's dark outside," said Jacob. The fish's face turned to hate. "Oh yes...prank me, eh?" The fish stared at them, as if he were wondering what to do with them. "Come with me." [JCM: and you'll be in a world of pure imagination] [Steel: Even when you're trying to ask someone for the time, the entire world feels miserable.] He grabbed both of them by the fin and dragged them down the sidewalk. They walked for what seemed like hours. They finally entered a building and by reading the clock on the wall, found only five minutes had passed. "Greg!" a female fish from behind the counter in the room said. "You're early." "Yeah, Judy," said the fish called Greg. [JCM: The fish? What happened to the man?] "But I found these two troublemakers who are apparently ditching school." "Principal...," said Judy quietly. "You know how Laura feels about attendance issues...she's is the truant officer." [Fred: She is is the truant officer?] [JCM: Fun fact: I didn't know what a truant officer was until today. I'm such a goody-two-shoes.] "I don't care," said Greg. "They'll be in my office." Greg dragged them past the counter, past the wondering eyes of Judy, and into the office. There was a large, oak desk in the room. A FishPod sat on the table, next to a Fishosoft desktop computer. [Fred: Along with a Fishtendo Wii and a Fishsung Smart Remote.] [Steel: And the principal was eating lunch from Fishpotle.] Two wooden chairs sat opposite of the desk. "What-," Zoey started. "Sit," Greg commanded. He slammed the door in frustration, rattling the frame. Zoey and Jacob sat, frightened. Greg then paced back and forth beside them. "Listen," Jacob said. "We aren't-" [JCM: Prostitutes, but they'll still give you a good time for the right price.] "SILENCE," Greg roared, slamming a fist down on his desk. He looped behind them and sat down in his own chair. "Why are you not in class?" "We don't go here," said Zoey. "Oh really," said Greg. He was perspiring at an alarming rate. His lip was quivering uncontrollably and his eye was twitching every few seconds. "Then where the FUCK do you go?" [JCM: Yo mama's apartment.] Zoey was taken aback by the principal's language. "You can't talk- "I can talk to you however I want too," said Greg. [JCM: Using profanity I can understand, but using the wrong version of "to" is unforgivable.] [Steel: The school principal, everyone!] "No..," said Jacob. "SILENCE!" Greg rasped. He pulled out a pencil and a notepad from a drawer. "Who's your teacher? WHO?" [Fred: Who, who? Who, who?] [Steel: See what this spin-off has done Dylan? Now Fred has caught the Daniel and turned into an owl fish with squid legs and dinosaur hands.] "We told you...we don't go here!" "I believed you outside," Greg said. "I thought, 'Oh, they probably go to Bailey Middle School...they don't start until 10:00 AM.' But then when that boyasked why the sky was dark...I knew he attended my school. [JCM: Does your school not teach earth science?] So who is your teacher?" "We don't-" "THEN WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?" [JCM: CAPS LOCK MAKES EVERYTHING BETTER.] "THE MANHOLE!" Jacob screamed, standing up. "Our Mom is dead...we were stuck in a maze with...with a maniac for ten years." Greg went pale. "Those stories are true? About the killer down there?" "Yes," the two nodded. "He's...he's our dad. He's goes by The Admiral." [JCM: Mastermind, Admiral. What's with all the generic names?] [Steel: Perhaps their cousin is "Emperor".] ---- The Admiral pulled off his mask, to reveal the scarred face of Darren McGeaver. His blond hair was matted down from his mask. He pulled off his costume, to reveal that bullet proof padding covered him. He snapped his fingers and it all disappeared. He walked along the hallway, looking at the manhole. I haven't been above ground in over ten years... He shut out his emotions and blasted the manhole off. [JCM: Okay, that cannot be a coincidence. You are trying to make this sound like a gay porno.] He climbed up, surprising everyone around. He looked around, taking the city lights in. He looked up at the sky and gasped. Oh shit...how did we get...here?He was in an alternate universe...a universe of Rock Bottom. It was replicas of the real thing. He wasn't at New Kelp City...he was at Rock Bottom: New Kelp City. He needed to get out. ---- "Show me," Greg said. "I need proof." The two looked at each other, hesitating. "There is one thing..." "Then take me to it." This time, they stood up without hesitation and led Principal Greg out of the building. They went back down the manhole and down the dirt hallway. But this time, they turned down another hallway and went deep down into the ground. When air started to get hot and unbreathable, Greg started to scream. [JCM: Very smart idea. When I'm running out of the breath, the first thing I do is scream to waste what little of it I have left.] [Fred: *inaudible screaming*] [Steel: He's going Super Saiyan.] But the two siblings prevailed and dragged him down further. About five minutes later, they arrived at a metal door. Jacob plunged his hand into his pocket and searched for the key. Once he found it, he inserted it into the door and it opened. Inside the room, air was plentiful. Greg gasped, collapsing on his knees. "You'll get used to it," Zoey said. "Once you come down here a lot, your body will teach itself not to take as much air." "I don't care," said Greg. "Show me." He looked around the rather large room; it had marble floors, luxurious furniture, and pearl while walls. There were iron bookcases, holding thousands of books, on the right side and a single door on the other side. The kids led them to the door and Jacob, once again, unlocked it. They went down a very well lit hallway with peach wallpaper, which was peeling off. They came to another door, but this one Jacob simply pushed open. "How far is it?" Greg questioned, when they came to a pair of French doors. [JCM: Questioned? You won't go to hell for just saying "asked".] [Steel: So we're near the undersea version of France now?] "We're here," said Zoey. Jacob opened the French doors and Greg gasped. The site was beautiful; it was a French countryside, fish going about their day to day duties "What is this?" Greg said in amazement. [Steel: Inside this room, all of my dreams become realities. And some of my realities become dreams.] "You've seen nothing," smiled Jacob. They walked across the scene, coming to a cafe. They entered and went straight to the back; employees didn't stop them. Zoey opened the door and they shuffled in. Jacob then shut the door. "This is a pantry," said Greg. "Open the door," said Jacob. Greg did and he gasped...again. [JCM: And I groaned...again.] They were in a room in a courthouse. A case was in progress. [Fred: ] "Come on," said Zoey. She squeezed past Greg and Jacob and strode right in front of the judge; no one stopped them. Zoey opened a door, to reveal a staircase. "Okay, when are we going to-" Greg started. But then he saw it. A steel safe, sitting on a shelf in the courthouse supply closet. "Do you still have the combination?" asked Zoey. [Steel: One safe opening later...] [JCM: 1-2-3-4 isn't that hard a combination to remember.] "Yeah," said Jacob. He stepped forward and turned the lock until there was a click and the lock popped off. "You sure you want to see this?" asked Zoey. "Once you step into our world, there's no going back." Greg hesitated before nodding. Jacob pulled open the safe door. Greg gasped. Again. [JCM: Greg really needs to learn how to conserve his air.] [Fred: Even the emphasis on "again" seems to indicate this story's annoyance with verbs.] ---- Sorry, I wasn't able to put "Torn" in here. Next episode. Reviews demanded. [Fred: You're a little late, I'm already torn] [JCM: tvguy became 4EG so fast I didn't even notice.] [Steel: Hopefully I'll be able to understand the story a lot more before I continue riffing this spin-off. Again.] Edited March 9, 2016 by jjsthekid 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metal Snake Posted March 10, 2016 Share Posted March 10, 2016 Another high-quality riffing, JCM had me laughing all the way. xD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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