Popular Post Katniss Posted July 27, 2015 Popular Post Share Posted July 27, 2015 Oh hush up. There’s no law that says I can’t review music too. Besides, my schtick will be different. I’m not gonna look on the bright side of things. That’s right, I’m reviewing bad lyrics and bad lyrics only. Time to wade through the crap and riff on it to make it more bearable. It’s gonna get a little weird and probably a little wild, but hopefully you enjoy the ride. Now, for our first victim. Do y’all remember Trinidad James? … … … Okay, you guys know this, right? Well, that’s a call-back to a lyric in Trinidad James’s 2012 song All Gold Everything. And it looks to be his only hit, especially since his record label, Def Jam, dropped him in 2014. Ouch. But why do I think this song is about as precious as fool’s gold? You’ll see. All Gold Everything by Trinidad James https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NK2FqPNIT_U [intro:] Shit sound like 007 on N64 and shit ...What. What the heck does this have to do with the rest of the song? It sounds really out of place. Imagine if I started one of my stories with “Ha ha ha, look at my writing, I’m on some Harper Lee killin’ the Mockinbird shit.” Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah James [Hook:] Gold all in my chain Gold all in my ring Gold all in my watch As you can see, Mr. James is someone who appreciates gold...a lot. Don't believe me, just watch Oh, how clever, rhyming watch with watch. Nah, I shouldn’t nitpick his rhyming skills, especially when there’s so much more to talk about. Nigga, nigga, nigga Was it really necessary to drop an N-bomb three times just because you can? I can't stand when rappers do this. It's so lazy. Don't believe me, just watch Don't believe me, just watch Nigga, nigga, nigga Don't believe me, just watch Don't believe me, just watch Gold all in my chain Gold all in my ring Gold all in my watch Don't believe me just watch Lather, rinse, and repeat. [Verse:] This ain't for no fuck nigga That’s good to know. You a real nigga then fuck with me Um, okay. But you just said---*deep sigh* I guess this is his wordplay. This one for the hood niggas Hipster bitches that shop at Lenox So apparently this is music that guys from the hood and girls who are hipsters can both enjoy. Gotta love how a song can bring people together <3 Dark skinned, light skinned Asian and White women All kinds of demographics in this thing. Hype beast we know about chea' Well, I don’t know about chea’. Don't buy shoes unless they popula' wise words from Mr. James I know I said I wouldn’t comment on his rhymes, but THAT is reaching for a rhyme, my friend. For the hoes, my nigga That's pussy popping at Magic City Thanks for that image. EW. Got that strong, my nigga Then come match that shit with me Smoking mid, my nigga Then don't pass that shit to me He’s also particular about his drugs and the matter of which they should be consumed. I’m not even going to pretend I know what this stuff is. Instead, here’s a round of applause for an obligatory drug reference: Also...was this song supposed to be about gold, or did the subject matter suddenly veer off course? What am I saying, you know the answer to that. This one for my niggas And bitches bout that money (cash out) Gotta love, Chesire Bridge Them bad hoes at Onyx Is it bad that I live in GA and have no ding-donged idea what he’s talking about? I don't fuck with no snitches So don't tell me who telling So you don’t want to know if anyone’s snitching. Okay, your loss, my man! This one for them colleges Them bad hoes at Spelman You know, it’s great how young women are heading off to college to further their education. Back in the days, ladies were expected to go to college to find a husband (your “MRS. degree”, if you will), but now they’re--- Wait, you called them bad hoes. Forget everything I just said Shout out to them freshmen On Instagram straight flexin' *does math* So Trinidad James was born in 1987. When this song came out, you were 25 years old. … WHY ARE YOU LUSTING AFTER COLLEGE FRESHMEN GIRLS????? Pop a molly, I'm sweating (woo) Pop a molly, I'm sweating (woo) So this is one of the references that people were going crazy over in 2012/2013. Big. Freaking. Whoop. That woo is an amusing touch, though. Gotta love those sound effects. Momma always told me Boy I count your blessings In God I Trust So I kept counting them Franklins Don’t think that’s what your mom meant, but all righty! I'm too fly, you know this https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0mfd-V-X3Ko Sure. Lemme give your ass a checklist *my rear end takes out a pen and paper to take notes* One gold watch, two gold chains Six gold rings, it's nothing (God dayum) Let's count the gold, everybody! *Count Von Count laughs* Wow, I think this is the first time you’ve mentioned owning gold items since the chorus. What was this song about again? OG Jord', them high socks No shirt on, I'm stunting (okay) And this song for them fuck niggas But--but---but you explicitly said in the first verse that this wasn’t for them “fuck niggas”. So what’s the truth? Who is this song for? Who hating on you this summer (fuck 'em) Talk shit behind your back But won't say shit in public (fuck 'em) Yeah, fuck ‘em. Haters gonna hate and I’m just gonna shake it off. Oh my bad, there I go referencing a better song than this one. And that is All Gold Everything by Trinidad James. The lyrics aren’t anything special and they’re not even what I would consider mindless fun. The beat isn’t terrible but I do find it mediocre. I’m surprised that this was a hit in the first place, honestly. As for that music video? I’m not even gonna question it. 13 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
So Sejima Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 So only lyrics eh, if you ever tackle good ones lemme know. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wumbo Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 Wait, I didn't know Uptown Funk was actually a callback to that. xD I made the connection, but I always assumed it was a coincidence. Anyway, great thread and I can't wait to see more! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Less_SpongeBob Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 Are there any songs you can think of that you like, even if they have terrible lyrics? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katniss Posted July 27, 2015 Author Share Posted July 27, 2015 Are there any songs you can think of that you like, even if they have terrible lyrics? One that comes to mind is "23" by Miley Cyrus, Wiz Khalifa, and Juicy J. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MMM Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 Wait, I didn't know Uptown Funk was actually a callback to that. ....what Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Space Cowboy Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 One that comes to mind is "23" by Miley Cyrus, Wiz Khalifa, and Juicy J. That is true, that song's lyrics aren't that good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popeye Q. Krabs Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 Do you take requests? I'd like you to take on Alison Gold's chinese food song. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katniss Posted July 27, 2015 Author Share Posted July 27, 2015 Do you take requests? I'd like you to take on Alison Gold's chinese food song. Sure, I'm open to requests. That song is awful...which means I absolutely have to cover it. I'll add it to my list. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
So Sejima Posted July 27, 2015 Share Posted July 27, 2015 Do you take requests? I'd like you to take on Alison Gold's chinese food song. Any song with a title like that is an automatic must-do katniss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clappy Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 However I do enjoy what I saw from this thread and will tune in for the forseeable future. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metal Snake Posted July 28, 2015 Share Posted July 28, 2015 Man Kat, you would make a great riffer on Jjs' Riffing Theater. I'm not even a fan of music reviews, and I liked this. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burgerpants Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 How about I collaborate with you on one of these? I love making fun of pretty much anything related to entertainment. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katniss Posted July 30, 2015 Author Share Posted July 30, 2015 How about I collaborate with you on one of these? I love making fun of pretty much anything related to entertainment. Sure thing, I'm about to start working on another one and I can send you the song/lyrics if you're interested. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Burgerpants Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Sure thing, I'm about to start working on another one and I can send you the song/lyrics if you're interested. Sure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
So Sejima Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Sure thing, I'm about to start working on another one and I can send you the song/lyrics if you're interested. Send me one you'd think I'd hate, I mean I always have spare time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kev Posted July 30, 2015 Share Posted July 30, 2015 Send me one you'd think I'd hate, I mean I always have spare time. DITTO TO THAT Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katniss Posted July 30, 2015 Author Share Posted July 30, 2015 There will be opportunities for collabs in the future, y'all, don't worry Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 31, 2015 Share Posted July 31, 2015 Got some suggestions: Party On Your Pussy - Red Hot Chili Peppers (pretty self-explanatory) How Do You? - Radiohead (Okay Radiohead's lyrics are almost always good but seriously "He was a stupid baby who turned into a powerful freak") You don't have to take either but it's just some ideas throwing out there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katniss Posted August 1, 2015 Author Share Posted August 1, 2015 One of Justin Timberlake’s talents--besides that smooth singing voice and those sweet dance moves--is the ability to craft great, sensual love songs. You really believe that this R&B crooner will take care of you and give you the loving that you deserve. Now imagine a douche with a punchable face trying to make a sexy R&B jam. That, my friends, is the masterpiece known as: “Bow Chicka Wow Wow” - Mike Posner featuring Lil Wayne Spoilerhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWfUp70XMLI [Mike Posner] Once I throw on this, once I throw on this It's over girl Throw on “this”? What is “this”? A blanket? Are we going night-night already? ‘Cause naps aren’t sexy as far as I’m concerned. Once I throw on this, once I throw on this It's over girl. And now it sounds like a threat. Mike Posner is going to kill you with his terrible lyrics. Run for your lives, everyone! I hear you knock knock knock baby come on up I hope you got got got something in yo’ cup I really hope hope hope the rest of the song isn’t structured like this. And what something? Hopefully not a roofied drink so she can easily give in to your advances. … Whoa that got dark really fast. Well, back to the jokes! Cause I’m three shots deep and I ain't tryna sleep Oh wonderful, we get to deal your annoying presence all night. Get your redbull on cause I’m ready I don’t see what Red Bull has to do with this unless-- *notices shots of Red Bull in the music video* Oh riiight, product placement. Now that’s hot. You’ve been playing hard to get with me all night We both know exactly what you want right To go home, yeah? Can I finally go home? Don’t tell me what you won’t do Tell me what you gon’ do, what you gon’ do Oh that’s real nice. So the girl is only allowed to list what pleases you, huh? You’re a stand-up guy and a real class act. Man this is already worse than Cooler Than Me. Once I throw on this bow chicka wow wow What you gonna say I’m gonna say what the heck is a “bow chicka wow wow”? I know it’s been said when referring to sexy times, but now apparently it’s something you can “throw on”. Okay, Posner. I’ll try to play along. You act like you gon leave But I know that you gon’ stay Of course. Because no girl can resist your charm, right? Break it down dicky downdown No no no no NO. Did you seriously pull this nonsense crap out of nowhere just to make a rhyme. It’s not funny and it sure isn’t cute, either. Girl don't even play Once I set the mood right I’m a make sound like I’m a make you sound like Sound like a girl who’s screaming to get away from Mike Posner? But seriously, you can’t give us more description than that? Even your buddy Wayne said in “Mrs. Officer” that he’d have a lady hollering like a siren. Are you tryna make me wait wait wait till the second date But I can’t can’t can’t even contemplate Waiting one more minute lemme jump in it Aww, poor widdle horny man. You can’t bear to wait to have sex, you just gotta do it NOOOOOWW. Waiting’s too hard https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rAlTOfl9F2w I bought you flowers and a teddy Flowers and a teddy? Well damn, that’s gonna make me wanna jump your bones ASAP! You’ve been playing hard to get with me all night We both know exactly what you want right Don’t tell me what you won’t do Tell me what you gon’ do what you gon’ do Once I throw on this bow chicka wow wow What you gonna say You act like you gon leave But I know that you gon’ stay Break it down dicky downdown Girl don't even play Once I set the mood right I’m a make you sound like Yeah I can make you sound like [Lil Wayne] I gotta leather couch And a black mic Cool story, bro. And we all alone What it sound like? Well golly, what does it sound like when two people sleep together? Wait. Is that why you need the mic? What the heck, Wayne? The night was dead We found life We found life in a stupid song, we found life in a stuuuupid soooong. I know I talk shit But it sound right Nah, I’ll have to disagree. A lot of the shit you talk belongs in the garbage. You say you can’t But that’s a fib Hey waiter, can I get a side order of clarification so these lines actually make sense to me? Gotta give something Something’s gotta give Oh look mommy, I switched around the order of the words in the next line! I’m so clever. I bet you love it I win the bet Don’t mind me. I’m simply tearing up at Wayne’s cleverness. Now we lighting up … cigarettes It ain’t a Lil Wayne verse without some form of hashtag rap. Never change. Well, you could stand to improve lyrically, but should I really expect better from a guest verse in a Mike Posner song? [Mike Posner] Now I ain't even gotta say shit To make you feel alive girl you know you like that You know, I would like it if you kept your mouth shut. That would definitely liven me up! Say I ain't even gotta say shit To make you feel alive girl you know you like that We understood you the first time, Sir Cockiness. Once I throw on this bow chicka wow wow What you gonna say You act like you gon leave But I know that you gon’ stay Break it down dicky downdown Girl don't even play Once I set the mood right I’ma make you sound like Yeah I’m a I’m a make ya Once I throw on this, once I throw on this It's over girl Once I throw on this,once I throw on this It's over girl It’s over, it’s finally over! Wow, that was painful. From forced rhymes to unsexy lyrics, this song fails on multiple levels. Mike Posner, leave the “I’ll make love to you” songs to the pros, all right? And Lil Wayne? Perhaps don’t turn in your rough draft of a guest verse next time. 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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