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Wumbo's Somewhat Informed Opinions on Music


Wumbo

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State Of Grace - Taylor Swift

Rest assured, this is the only Taylor Swift song in this installment.

This song was actually okay. It wasn't the generic butthurt Taylor Swift, and the music was okay. Still not an excellent song, but at least it wasn't mind-numbingly awful. Which is pretty good for Taylor Swift.

Bottom Line: State of decent.

Rating: 7/10

Ball - T.I. ft. Lil Wayne

Yeah, this is another crappy rap song about hoes getting drunk, explicit words to describe black people, what have you. I wasn't expecting much from this song, and my expectations were still lowered. I never had a high opinion of either artist here, so this review should come as no surprise. If you've heard any crappy Lil Wayne song, you've heard this one.

Bottom Line: If this song was a ball, it would be deflated.

Rating: 0/10

Catch My Breath - Kelly Clarkson

Ah, Kelly Clarkson. We're back to real music here. Whether you enjoy this type of music or not, there's no denying that the girl can sing. I'd place her in the category of singers who you just can't insult for their voice, joining Whitney Houston, Mariah Carey, Alicia Keys, Leona Lewis, and others. She just has such an amazing voice, and great songs come form it, like this one.

Bottom Line: Well, catch my breath and call me a fan! (Wait, that makes no sense. Oh well. Good song.)

Rating: 9/10

Anything Could Happen - Ellie Goulding

Hmm, I don't like this song as much as I did Lights. For the most part, it was okay. But the "eee-eee-eee-EEE-eee-eee" was kind of annoying, especially the extra-shrill note. Ellie Goulding's still a decent artist in my eyes, but I think she can do better than this. Not too bad of a song, but I've heard better.

Bottom Line: Anything could happen, yes. All the more reason to make a better song.

Rating: 7/10

Put It Down - Brandy ft. Chris Brown

Chris Brown? Big ego? Naaaawwww.

This song is just okay for me, minus the Chris Brown part, because Chris Brown always sucks. Brandy's a decent singer, but not amazing, and "I'maputitdownyoucanfallinlove" was kind of annoying after a while. But it wasn't too bad. Chris Brown's appearance brings it down a couple notches, however. Hate that douche so much.

Bottom Line: Put it down on paper, Brandy: Don't put Chris Brown in your song, and you'll be okay with me.

Rating: 4/10

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Swimming Pools (Drank) - Kendrick Lamar

This song's just creepy. Seriously, that "drank" echoing is going to haunt me. I just don't understand today's music. What makes this a good song? Someone, please tell me. The best it gets is mediocre. Is that we've come to? Is it?

Bottom Line: The music pool's getting shallower and shallower.

Rating: 4/10

22 - Taylor Swift

Opening line:

"It feels like a perfect night to dress up like hipsters and make fun of our exes"

headdesk.gif.gif

Enough, Taylor Swift. Even when you do party songs, you still have to shoehorn in something about your exes. The best part of this song is the voice in the background going "Who's Taylor Swift anyway?" because I hope that's exactly what happens. Please stop making music, Taylor Swift. Two good songs is not enough to redeem yourself.

Bottom Line: What the hell ever.

Rating: 2/10

Hall Of Fame - The Script ft. will.i.am

will.i.am, IMO, is more tolerable when he's collaborating with artists other than the Black Eyed Peas at this point. I'm reasonably certain there was a time when they were good. But enough bellyachin'. This is a great song with an uplifting message. The only problem with great songs is that I can't rip them apart. But at least my ears don't get ripped apart.

Bottom Line: This song should be in the hall of fame.

Rating: 9/10

Madness - Muse

Another good song, courtesy of Muse, one of the greatest bands out there currently. They're so original. This may be my favourite song from them yet.

Bottom Line: This is Madness? Madnerss? This... is... MUSIC!

Rating: 10/10

Beer Money - Kip Moore

Decent enough country song. Sure, it's about beer. But at least it sounds okay.

Rating: 7/10

Can you tell I'm getting a little tired of this? I think I need to take a break from doing this as well. Sorry to fans, but I'm just really busy around this time.

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Bump, motherfuckers.

So I'm reviving this. Going to have the same format of reviewing 5 songs from Billboard charts, all the while taking requests for possible song reviews and countdowns. This time, I'll try to make all of my reviews not sound the same. We start things off with...

Harlem Shake - Baauer

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bk1_DbbzSdY

Okay, it's near-impossible to discuss this song without discussing this Harlem Shake craze. And "craze" is absolutely the right word here, because this is absolutely batshit insane. I don't know how these kinds of memes get started, but it just doesn't make any sense. This fad begs the question of why? Unfortunately, I still don't have an answer.

Part of the problem with this fad is the song itself. As a 30-second soundclip, it's sufficiently annoying. Well friends, I just listened to over three minutes of... pretty much the same thing again. The hell is this garbage? The beat sounds like someone farting repeatedly. I guess the only upside to this song is that it doesn't literally stink? And the lyrics, or lack thereof, are basically a bunch of random sounds, "With the terrorists" in Spanish, and "And do the Harlem Shake". Mix all these ingredients together and you have one headache of a song.

Rating: 0/10

Thrift Shop - Macklemore & Ryan Lewis ft. Wanz

In my not-so-humble opinion, a great way to determine a great song for me is to ask myself: "Will I still like it after a few months?" Thrift Shop, the current #2 song on the Billboard charts, gets a resounding "yes" from me. You can't help but enjoy the cheesy parody lyrics of walking into a club, like whattup, you got a big cock, being pumped from the shit you bought at the thrift shop. The beat that repeats throughout the song is pretty catchy as well. Each artist does their part in making this a thoroughly enjoyable song.

Rating: 10/10

When I Was Your Man - Bruno Mars

While I'm not a fan of Bruno's apparently continuing trend of old-school video quality, there's no denying he's growing as an artist with his new album, Unorthodox Jukebox. Look no further than "Locked Out of Heaven", a fast-paced joyride reminiscent of The Police in some parts, or this song, where Bruno pours his heart out through his voice and his piano. Nothing more. I mean, if you really want to get into the deepness of these lyrics, listen to a Taylor Swift song, and then listen to this. Hey, look! He's actually blaming himself for the failed relationship (and not in a passive-aggressive "shame on me for ever starting it" way, either). Modern masterpieces. You gotta love 'em.

Rating: 10/10

Suit & Tie - Justin Timberlake ft. Jay-Z

I'M DAVID GUETTA AND I AM CERTIFIED wait this isn't part of the song

When I first heard this song, courtesy of The Clap, I must admit I was underwhelmed. It didn't seem to stand up to any of Timberlake's previous singles to me. Hell, I liked it less than his *NSYNC songs. But then I heard it a few more times, and like a rash, it grew on me (maybe that's a bad example :/).

I think the problem I had with this song to begin with is that it's so different from Justin's previous stuff. It seems more toned down than hits like "SexyBack" or "Love Stoned". But different doesn't always equal bad, and it only took a couple listens for me to appreciate this song for what it was. True, it's more subdued, but it works. Jay-Z slays it as usual with his rap, and Timberlake's voice still shines in the less upbeat tune. My only problem is why is he saying "shit tie" at the beginning?

Rating: 9/10

Stay - Rihanna ft. Mikky Ekko

If we can just ignore the fact this this is probably about Chris *vomit* Brown, this is actually a really well done song, especially for an artist I find to be terrible. Sometimes simplicity works with a song, like Bruno Mars' previously mentioned song. It's just a piano and two great vocal performances. Mikky Ekko's more than Rihanna's, but both do a fine job.

Rating: 8/10

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Awesome! If you are taking requests, I would be eternally in you favour if you were to review any song from David Bowie's new album "The Next Day" (especially if it were the title track or "Where Are We Now?") :P

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