Clappy vs Billboard Hot 100

Clappy · March 20, 2018

Fighter - Definitely enjoy the hell out of this one. It’s everything Can’t Hold Us Down was trying to be but wasn’t nearly empowering enough.

Miss Independent - Like it a lot. Was the first real sign that Kelly Clarkson was about to shed the American Idol typecast and break out in such a huge way one year later.

Underneath It All - Had a feeling all along this song was a perfect representation as to how mentally fucked up Gwen’s relationship was with Gavin Rossdale. As is, not one of the best No Doubt songs, but I appreciate it for trying to be different.

‘03 Bonnie and Clyde - The chemistry is definitely there just as it is with all Jay and Beyoncé collabs (even with Drunk in Love and I still hate that song), but I’ll be honest, it’s not nearly as interesting and can’t really hold my attention. Even the aforementioned recent collab has Beyoncé doing that “surfboart” bit and Jay’s cringey chorus. All this has that is memorable is that 2pac sample.

I’m With You - Honestly if overplayed affected any of my rankings for this list, it’s this one. It’s always a retail playlist favorite. As I said with #7, I can appreciate the attention to detail Avril wrote with this, but this is one of those aforementioned performances I wasn’t able to connect with by her.

Clocks - This is honestly one of the more perfect smack dab in the middle of 100 rankings I’ve ever had if I do say so myself. Older Coldplay was such a frustrating period for them. I’m willing to defend songs like Yellow and The Speed of Sound as honest to god good adult alternative music, but Clocks is just there. It exists like a lot of older Coldplay music just...exists. Not particularly good but not really all that bad either. It’s just a functioning song.

She Hates Me - Oh man, I knew someone would question this positioning (ahem Steel). Honestly one of the biggest guilty pleasure songs I’ve done in these retrospectives so far. It’s so hilariously bad that it gets a lot of enjoyment out of me. All the nu-metal/grunge songs and bands back then were so mad and self-serious to the point that it was becoming so same sounding to the point of it being unmemorable. At least this one had identity and personality behind it no matter how dickish it was. Yeah it’s a juvenile song but it at least basks in how lame it is right down to the chorus.

SN: This was a go to classic on Turntable back in the day whenever we hosted 2000s-core nights with Elastic, who also shared the same guilty pleasure-ness of this with me.

Ignition (Remix) - This was the most painful cut for the best list. As it becomes harder and harder to separate the man from the music, I’ve always liked this. Insanely earwormy and was such a go to bop when it came to pregaming for college parties (or any sort of party for the matter). Fun song is fun.

Picture - Honestly one of, if not the lamest, songs Kid Rock has ever done up til this point, but it was refreshing to see this sort of vulnerability from the “American Badass”. Sheryl Crow definitely helps a lot lol.

The Remedy (I Won’t Worry) - I’m starting to wonder if I ever liked Jason Mraz to be honest after relistening to this. I mean it’s okay, I’d rather have this than whatever the hell Train was doing back in this time period, but it’s also annoyingly happy to an extent.

Why Don’t You & I - I was thinking to myself right before writing this if I had this ranked too low and relistened to it. Then I remembered. There is way too much Alex Band and not enough Santana. I was also never that big a fan of The Calling for Alex Band to be honest. *ducks*

The Game of Love - Now this on the other hand is how you do a perfect counterbalance of both collaborators. One of the few occasions where I absolutely love pure pop Michelle Branch. Very close to making the best list.

When I’m Gone - Yeah this was the point where 3 Doors Down started to sound more and more like another post grunge act with less identity. Not as bad as their other hit from this year, but dull as dirt.

Like a Stone - Love Chris Cornell but this is not one of my favorite songs from any of his bands. It goes in one ear and out the other. That guitar solo saves this from being on the opposite side of the list.

Miss You - I miss Aaliyah and her death is a tragedy. This isn’t the best example to show off how talented she was though. Still a solid song though because...well Aaliyah.

Gossip Folks - You are definitely right about Timbaland and Ludacris on this, but I’m not completely sold on what Missy was trying to do here vocally. It’s kind of annoying. At least her flow is still good to prevent this from being any lower.

Never Leave You (Uh Ohh! Uh Ohh!) - That dancehall production saves this song from being much lower. It bangs. Everything else is crap though, especially that Lumidee chick. The remix is saved by Busta though.

Cry Me a River - Love JT but this is such a whiny grating song. His presence helps, but not too much.

Landslide - The Dixie Chicks, an act I’ve never bought the hype behind, covering one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite acts? Yeah I’m surprised it wasn’t shittier.

Unwell - Fitting song title from an act who was reaching the last couple laps of their “we’ve stopped trying” years.

Baby Boy - Like I said before, Scott Storch’s party music wasn’t too bad. Doesn’t mean it wasn’t good though. Too much Sean Paul, not enough Beyoncé.

Bring Me to Life - It’s a silly overdramatic song that is absolutely enjoyable. Without a doubt, their best song.

President Squidward · March 23, 2018

Wow, I agree with most of the songs on the top ten. XD Fantastic list as always man. What are your thoughts on Frontin?

Clappy · April 4, 2018

On 3/22/2018 at 10:02 PM, President Squidward said:

Wow, I agree with most of the songs on the top ten. XD Fantastic list as always man. What are your thoughts on Frontin?

Sorry it took so long to get to this. Frontin is alright. I had no idea this song existed sadly until I covered this year. Both artists have done so much better that I came out a tad disappointed. Still a decent song though.

Clappy · June 22, 2018

So bear with me here. I’ve been wanting to try something different with this thread for a while now. It’s not like I’m getting bored with doing my music reviews or my year end retrospectives. But it just feels like I’m not challenging myself with what I could be covering. I mean let’s be honest. I’ve been trying my hardest to keep up with what’s popular right now on the charts, but I’ll be honest. 2018 has not been a good year for hit music (so far). I think it’s safe to say that halfway through the year when there have barely been any legitimate hits. There can be a lot to blame for that (cough THE RADIO INDUSTRY DOESN’T KNOW WHAT’S POPULAR ANYMORE THEREFORE IT IS DYING cough), but I don’t want to go that much further in depth yet.

Instead I want to try something new. The reason I not so subtlety brought up the death of radio is because I think where one format is dying, another long lasting format is making a comeback. Albums. Yeah while album sales aren’t as important as they once were, streaming has helped revive the importance of albums whether they be in concept or just discovering new acts. I mean hell, if I can point out one trend that I’ve been noticing on the charts now more so than ever, is album bombs are constantly shaking up the charts often. Maybe that might have something to do with radio not being able to figure out what’s popular and what isn’t? Who knows, but one thing is for sure. The importance of entire albums are becoming fully realized once again. So why not start reviewing those on this thread?

With that being said, I’m considering this post a test pilot. If you guys like it and want to see me do more of these, then I’ll definitely consider it. And I’ve already got my first album picked out that I want to cover because this album is something I’ve been curious about no matter how many signs were telling me that this could at least be interestingly bad. It didn’t shake up the charts, but I can’t think of an album that will be more divisive to talk about.

Yep, I’m going there. The preamble surrounding this album is self-explanatory with the whole second page of that Taylor Swift topic lol. So let’s see if this album’s reputation proceeds it with a track by track review.

…Ready For It?

Let’s see if this is as bad as I remember…yeah it still sucks. I love how this is placed as the opening track. Because Taylor really wants to ask us if we are ready for her ego driven concept album on how much she clearly cares about her reputation. Which btw, I will give this song credit. At least this is one of the few cases where this isn’t about her reputation.

End Game

Oh here’s something that I was mildly curious about when I first saw who this song featured. And then she made this her third radio single. All I can ask is HOW? How can you take such a hilariously bad pairing of artists and make something THIS BORING? Hell, the only one who sounds like he legitimately is trying Future and that’s barely a stretch. How the hell am I supposed to believe that Ed Sheeran has a big reputation? The only thing scandalous about this guy is whether he did or didn’t date Ellie Goulding. Otherwise, he is as scandalous free as they come. On that note, I’m also incredibly fucking sick of him being involved with every single song on the radio, he can go the hell away for all I care. At the end of the day, this song boils down to Taylor Swift not sounding like she cares at all about anything with this song. And why should I care as a listener?

I Did Something Bad

Okay let me ask. What bad thing did Taylor Swift do? Who is she fighting with this time? Kim and Kanye? Calvin Harris? Katy Perry? Honestly, this song exemplifies most of my problems with this album. The lack of lyrical detail. This is the first Taylor Swift album I’ve ever listened to where I struggle to relate to anything about it. Granted, I can’t relate to any of Taylor Swift’s other albums, but I clearly saw that her target audience could clearly relate to the songs she wrote about. She used to be that great of a lyricist. The concept of most of this album is abundantly clear that it is about Taylor Swift and how the media has portrayed her over the years. If that is the case, then specify. Let there be stakes. Make your audience relate to it.

Don’t Blame Me

Now here is a prime example of the album’s concept showing potential to feel fully fleshed out. You can feel the drama building up and she is reaching a near low. It feels like we are getting slight examples of vulnerability for the first time from this record. Yeah I liked this more than I initially thought while writing this review.

Delicate

Best song on the album. Hands down. Excellent. I feel like this could have been a lost track on 1989 and it would fit right in. If Taylor is going to go full on pop, an electropop love ballad is right up her alley. With all the praise I’m giving this song in particular, I’m going to give one complaint because it’s been released as a hit single. In terms of the album, yes it’s nice to mention her reputation because it fits in with the concept of the album. But as specifically a radio single, I never want to hear Taylor mention her fucking reputation ever again. Still love it though.

Look What You Made Me Do

And that atmosphere goes right out the window. I still fucking hate this piece of dogshit, but let’s talk about where it’s placed on the album. Why would you put this right here after you just had two songs that set the atmosphere as vulnerable and down on herself? Is this supposed to be a look into Taylor’s psychotic mind? Fuck this song to hell in a handbasket.

So It Goes…

Yeah the placement of this song behind LWYMMD makes sense. But at least all these other songs, yes even the pile of dogshit above, sounds like something Taylor Swift would have done. This is the first song on the album where I felt like ANYBODY could have done this. Let alone one of the biggest stars on the planet. Fuck this.

Gorgeous

I used to like this at one point. Hell I mean wouldn’t you when you hate the first two singles from this mess of an album like I did? But good lord, Nugs said it best that this felt like a song from the reject pile of songs that were cut from 1989. And I haven’t been able to shake that feeling ever since because he’s right. It just feels so incredibly out of place on this entire album and even if it was on 1989, it’s boring.

Getaway Car

If Delicate is my favorite song on this album, this is a super close second. Actually you know what, since I have a mild complaint about Delicate as a radio single, I wouldn’t have any complaints if this was one. So yeah, this is the best song on the album retroactively. Fucking amazing. The 80s beat, the huge chorus, the shimmering synth-pop romance. Love every second of it.

King of My Heart

Is this album over yet? That was my first impression of this overlong bore of a song. Everything about this song just feels supremely processed. Literally. Taylor Swift’s voice sounds even more robotic here. Look there are worse songs on this album, but I’ve got nothing interesting to say about this. Let me save my material for something more deserving.

Dancing With Our Hands Tied

This song is actually kind of interesting. I mean an EDM love song amidst the media chaos? Granted Taylor has done songs like this before that were better. It’s not tackling new roads, but hey at least it always manages to hold my attention no matter how many times she does it. Who says the old Taylor Swift is dead? One of the better tracks on the album by default.

Dress

I’ve read some publications say that this Taylor’s sexiest song to date. Hell no. It’s not even the sexiest song on this album. God so many of these lyrics are supremely grating. Carve your name into my bedpost? Only bought this dress so you could take it off HA HA HA AH-AH (I kid you not those sound effects are legitimate)? Yeah no. I admire it for not sounding so off-putting, but this is one of the worst songs for sounding so supremely unsexy.

This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

And here I thought there would be no song on this album worse than Look What You Made Me Do. Fuck. This song is as subtle as a flying brick coming through a window. What an insanely bad song that is clearly about Kanye. I hate everything about this from that obnoxious laugh to the annoying production. It’s an immature song from an immature brat. If you wanted to paint yourself out to be an unlikeable piece of shit, congratulations Taylor. Worst song she’s ever done and I’m sure she will ever do.

Call It What You Want

Sorry if this one is kept short. Still recovering from whatever the fuck that last song was and the fact that I’ve briefly talked about this before. In terms of how it fits with the rest of this album, it fits like a glove. All that should matter to her is what she has right in front of her. Too bad I don’t believe any of it because Taylor’s public image matters a lot to her and it is completely obvious. I kind of like it still, but not as much as I used to back in the promotional period.

New Year’s Day

At least this album ends on a high note. Yeah this is as old Taylor Swift as it gets. It’s too beautiful of a song to be placed on an album as overly messy as this one. Seriously, country radio. I know you haven’t gotten over Taylor transitioning to pop music. Add this to your country playlists now and it’s like she never left in the first place.

Conclusion: Reputation wasn’t as bad as I feared it would be. That being said, this album couldn’t have come at a worse time for Taylor Swift. The last thing I wanted to hear her from her is to tackle all of her public feuds in the form of an album. To me, this is what any conventional star would turn to when their PR image takes the hit Taylor’s did these past few years. By doing so, Taylor has deemphasized her real skills when it comes to songwriting and just become another diva. And I really wish she didn’t do that because the moments of what made Taylor Swift the star she is today still seep through all over this album and those are the moments I genuinely do like about Reputation. Because that is when Taylor Swift is at her best. Not settling PR scores that have long since expired, but writing good introspective songs we can understand and possibly relate to.

I do genuinely believe Taylor Swift can rebound from this album. Hell with the way Delicate is continuously rising and lasting on the charts right now is further proof that Taylor’s clout as a pop star still has plenty left in the tank. I know for sure would like to see a pop music landscape where Taylor Swift is one of the biggest stars rather than your Bebe Rexhas of the world. Just promise me that we’ll never hear the word “REPUTATION” in your music ever again Taylor and we’ll be fine.

Rating: 5/10

FIVE BEST TRACKS (from best to still very good): Getaway Car, Delicate, New Year’s Day, Dancing With Our Hands Tied, Don’t Blame Me

FIVE WORST TRACKS (from worst to least worst): This Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things, Look What You Made Me Do, So It Goes…, …Ready For It?, Dress

Clappy · February 15, 2019

Wow. This fell all the way to Page 2. Sounds like this thread needs a revival. But what should I do? Since the main charts are doing basically nothing right now, how about another year end retrospective? Yeah! It’s been nearly a year since my last one. And since I’ve been thinking about this year a lot lately for a project at work, it made me in the mood to talk about the music of this year as well. So buckle your seatbelts you guys as we go all the way back to the year of...

1992

Will this list be too sexy, it hurts? Find out in the next month or so after I finish my Best Films of 2018 list.

Clappy · March 3, 2019

The year was 1992 and....it was something, alright.

Now usually this is the part where I say if a year was good or not, but in all honesty, I'm a little perplexed on what to call this year. So you'll have to bear with me for this analogy. Remember how I thought 2018 was a pretty bad year, but the best list had such great music that could compete with best lists from this decade? Well, it's a little ironic that I ended up doing this year for my latest year end retrospective because it's a case of deja vu all over again.

That doesn't mean 1992 was necessarily a bad year. You could see the seeds being planted in hindsight for how the next couple years were going to turn out with hip-hop, R&B, and grunge rock starting to emerge from the surface since those were the big three genres for the next couple years that ruled most of the 90s. But what did dominate most of this year end list was a crap ton of soft rock and adult contemporary. Yeah most of this year end list bored the ever living shit out of me, just like 2018. I had to relisten to most of this list to try and remember how some of these songs ended up going. The struggle was real covering this year, but I'm pretty proud how both of these lists turned out when it was all said and done. So strap on your seat belts as we save the best for last. We're counting down!

CLAPPY'S TOP TEN WORST HIT SONGS OF 1992

Spoiler

So based off my preamble, you’re fully expecting this worst list to be a crap ton of easy listening shlock. Well..you’re not wrong. But fear not guys, I have room for plain ole garbage like this.

10. “Addams Groove” – MC Hammer

I was so close to saving this from here because at least it makes me laugh at how dated and awful it is. It’s so easy to look back at how dated all of MC Hammer’s corporate tie-ins are. You can’t help but feel awful for the guy knowing how the story of Hammer’s fame went from here…actually I don’t. Not even the slightest. Hammer did this to himself. When you whore yourself out to consumerism the way he did, you can only feel the slightest amount of pity.

…or maybe I should show some pity towards the Hammer? After all, this song managed to outpeak most of his other hits, including the iconic “U Can’t Touch This.” This song. About life as a next door neighbor to The Addams Family. I wish I was making this alarming statistic up.

I haven’t talked about the actual song yet. Because there is little to no substance towards it. It namedrops the characters, but nothing else warrants its existence. Hell, I understand the reasoning behind Hammerman over his shamelessly half-assed corporate tie-in. Wise investment Paramount. That Razzie you won for this was certainly worth however much Hammer made off it.

The Addams Family has an animated movie coming to theaters in October 2019. It’s not too late to remake this song for it!

Spoiler

And speaking of shameless consumerism for movie studios, we have a tale as old as time.

9. “Beauty & the Beast” – Celine Dion & Peabo Bryson

Another 90s year end retrospective and another Celine Dion appearance. I swear to God I don’t hate this woman’s music. But this explanation needs a bit of context:

This is the version that you are all familiar with from the movie. It’s a beautiful performance from Angela Lansbury. Her voice lends a bit of world weariness that can’t be overstated. Like words of wisdom passed down from generations that really make this love song about friends falling in love reall sound like a tale as old as time. If this was the version that charted on this year end list, it would for sure be in my Top 10…hell Top 5. I love Angela Lansbury’s version that much.

And then you have this version. It technically sounds good, yeah. I think they both sing this just fine. But compare it to the movie rendition and it just sounds cheap. At the time, both of these stars were not household names yet, so Disney got them for cheap to do this song for their tie-in and you can tell how cheap this is. I don’t even consider this a duet with how much vocal harmonizing they do on this.

I feel absolutely nothing at all from this. No chemistry, no emotion, no personality whatsoever. Without the context of the movie, this is just another easy listening duet for adult contemporary stations in a time period where the charts were flooded with these. That’s why it makes my list. For being absolutely indistinguishable from this year as a whole. Next.

Spoiler

As I’ve mentioned before, while doing these year-end retrospectives, I like to absorb as much of the pop culture landscape as I can to really understand what was popular this year not just from music, but from movies and television as well. The reason I mention this is because apparently this show existed back in 1992:

https://www.buzzfeed.com/briangalindo/the-heights-the-only-cancelled-tv-show-with-a-no-1-billboard

Wow a short lived show with horribly low ratings managed to score a number one hit song due to its theme song? That must be one hell of a song. Play it.

8. “How Do You Talk to An Angel” – The Heights

Or it must be another easy listening snooze fest from this dull year. I mean look at that song title. That’s the sort of shit you’ll hear douchebags play on their guitar to women in order to get laid. And the lead singer of this band has a pretty punchable voice to back up my assumption. And good lord, that saxophone. I love the sax, but it has no purpose being here. It does nothing but show up abruptly multiple times. I feel bad for it because it deserves to be on a much better song.

Sad thing is…and because I have nothing else to do with my life…I checked out the rest of that sole album in their discography. Not a single song of theirs has anything remotely worth mentioning except that saxophone again absurdly comes in out of nowhere on multiple tracks. Was that part of the charm behind the show? Those meddling kids and their saxophone too!

Seriously, give me Big Time Rush or any other show about a band trying to get famous over these guys if this was the quality of their content.

Spoiler

So yeah 1992. Nirvana is becoming one of the biggest acts in the entire industry. Grunge is perfectly acceptable in the mainstream after being underground for years. People now think it is okay to wear flannel button ups and cut holes in your jeans. And hair metal is basically on its last legs as everyone is now trying to be the next Nirvana. Including these assholes.

7. “Everything About You” – Ugly Kid Joe

Okay give me one minute. I’m editing this as I post it because I’ve never seen the video up until this point. I’m laughing. I thought to myself that I can just picture it being these guys angrily playing this up on the beach stomping around like pissed off five year olds.

Anyway…I mean assholes in the most flagrant way possible. I get the joke behind their band name, but I wish I was listening to Pretty Boy Floyd. Because this song and this band is just awful intentionally and unintentionally. There is being angst and then there is this. Lead singer Joe, I don’t care if that’s his name don’t @ me, is just the fucking worst. He bitches about everything with his nasally grating voice and not a single lick of his angst makes any sense. So according to Joe, this is what really grinds his gears:

-Rain and sunny weather
-Beaches and mountains
-The city
-The countryside
-YOU
-YOUR mother
-YOUR father
-YOUR sister
-Sex

And why does he hate all of this? Because he’s a hermit who doesn’t like the outside? Because he’s living in a box? Because he hates families? Because he’s not getting any? We never find out. We just listen to these guys bitch and moan and end on a really bad Pee Wee Herman impression. Seriously, the last minute of this song completely jumps the shark in ways that I can’t even begin to explain.

Honestly, more than anything, this song makes me think this was the inspiration of nu-metal nearly ten years later. It’s all there. Right down to the Limp Bizkit rap breakdown in that baffling last minute I mentioned earlier. And really. That’s what 1992 really needed. Angry white boys bitching about life. Eat shit. Next.

Spoiler

So I know what you are all thinking, when am I going to get to “Achy Breaky Heart”?

If you want to look at a potential brain child for the “bro-country” trend, look no further than this meat-headed clunker. But it’s not going to make this list. At all. I actually admire at how self-awarely stupid this song is. And unlike what I placed at number ten, I can at least come back to it. That chorus is such an awful, yet somewhat catchy earworm.

That song is such an easy target to go for, but I always aim to be honest with these lists. And in this year especially, I have to stay true to what pisses me off the most.

6. “Stay” – Shakespear’s Sister

If you want a poster child for what I got sick of fast this year, it was slow tedious ballads like this. I read publications while doing research about this band calling this song in particular, intense and dramatic. Could have fooled me with how dull and boring the first half of this song is. This was the breaking point for me listening through this year. I literally banged my head on my desk just asking myself who the hell was this for? You can’t get more natural reactions than this when it comes to my retrospectives.

This song would have placed so much lower on this list if it didn’t pick up tempo during the second half of this song with lead singer, Siobhan Fahey. That saved it a lot. But even then, it doesn’t cover the fact that Shakespear’s other other sister here is by far the worst part of the duo. The fact that she gets 80% of this song singing her whiny nasally voice about this guy makes me prefer other versions of this done to death topic. Hell, I can’t believe I’m saying this, I would take Sam Smith telling him to stay with me over this girl. Yeah, that’s how low the bar is being set today.

Spoiler

I never thought I would see the day that a group as great as Boyz II Men would make it on one of my worst lists, but even I have my limitations as to what acts I like can or can't get away with.

5. “Uhh Ahh” – Boyz II Men

Boyz II Men has made a lot of music I’ve liked. Hell, I’m going to go one step further. They’ve made a lot of music I love. But this…what in the ten, nine, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one hells is this? I mean I know the ladies wouldn’t mind hearing these guys moaning and groaning into their ears, but I sure as hell don’t.

Scratch that. Ladies, be honest. Is anything about this song sexy? I mean I guess maybe the verses, but even then, this is Boyz II Men. They owned this decade with so many great sultry jams and ballads with their vocal harmony. This is C-level material from these guys.

But yeah, this makes it on this list 80% for that intro and especially that chorus. It’s just thoroughly unpleasant to listen to them harmonize about their “OH!” faces. Worst song of theirs for sure.

Spoiler

Even with my absolute disappointment in Boyz II Men above, it could always be worse.

4. “All 4 Love” – Color Me Badd

Color me surprised to see these hacks show up on another worst list from this decade. And what is this? They are butchering soul music? Again?

Look I love new jack swing as a genre, and this groove is the only positive thing about this song. But Jesus they turned this sample into one of the whitest songs I’ve ever heard. It’s so corny and cheesy that I’m going to vomit.

I wondered where I heard this song before and I realized after the first twenty seconds it was on my first job’s work playlist where they played the safest, least offensive mush. So maybe that adds additional layers to my deep hatred for this. And you know what the worst thing is about this song and this band. That almost all of these guys, especially lead singer Bryan Abrams? Their lack of harmonizing. Seriously, Abrams sounds like he always has helium in his voice.

I h8 this song all 4 U 2...yeah that's how I'm going to end this. With a badd pun.

Spoiler

And speaking of white artists ruining black music…

3. “When a Man Loves a Woman” – Michael Bolton

Look, I don’t necessarily hate Michael Bolton. If anything, I feel like he’s redeemed himself in my eyes with all of his self-aware parodies of his oversinging with The Lonely Island. But let’s not call a spade a spade. He was not good. And honestly, this might be his worst song to me until I come across something of his that’s truly undisputedly awful.

Honestly, all my problems with this cover comes down to listening to how much better the original is compared to this:

Seriously listen to this. It’s beautiful. Listen to how poised Percy Sledge sounds here. He displays the right amount of conviction and passion without going over the top. Compared to Michael Bolton, who sounds like a horse who got its leg amputated the entire time singing this song. Look, I’m going to save my deeper analysis for more deserving songs. If you want to know why this is as low as it is, it’s due to being one of the worst covers I’ve ever heard and Michael Bolton sounding like he’s getting castrated the entire time singing. That’s seriously all the analysis it needs. If you’re expecting more coverage of Michael Bolton, well here he is singing about his incredible thoughts:

Spoiler

How we got from here to this point over the course of one year is just astonishing.

2. “Wildside” – Marky Mark & the Funky Bunch

I really wish that I never knew this existed and that Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch were just a one hit wonder. But nope, we got to talk about this. Their other huge hit. It’s fucking terrible. Where do I begin?

For starters, that sample. I get why they used it. Lou Reed’s song was quite controversial back then for tackling such taboo topics like transsexuals, drugs, and prostitution. Mark Wahlberg intentionally wanted to do what Lou Reed for modern times because it was 1992 and America was going through plenty of political uprising around this time to. Except there is one tiny problem…THIS SONG IS BEING NARRORATED BY MARKY MARK AND THE FUNKY BUNCH.

Nobody wants to hear this tale from Mark Fucking Wahlberg of all people. As someone who has followed his career for a long time not just for his music, but for his acting, there is no polite way of saying this. Mark Wahlberg was a fucking tool. He may not be now with all the charity work he’s done and his proudly open stance on same-sex marriages. But there is no erasing what he did in his teenage years into his early twenties where he was a racially intolerant bigot. He harassed black people by shouting the n-word at them and struck multiple Vietnamese men with weapons in an attempt at murder.

That’s my main problem with this song. I’m being told that violence, intolerance, and greed is bad by someone who had a track record for being a punk ass shit nearly two years earlier. And even if I’m having a hard time separating the art from the artist, this still sounds bad. Mark Wahlberg’s flow on this is awful. He’s trying too hard to match his flow with the sample and it comes off as limp and lame.

Nothing about this song works even on a remotely basic level. And that’s why this group fell off the face of the planet immediately after this. What the heck.

Spoiler

Look. By all accounts, I get why “Wildside” should easily top this list. I had to restrain myself from commenting even more about every single problem I have with that song. I had pages of material. But at the end of the day, I would be lying to myself. Just because I can write enough commentary about one song doesn’t define what makes a song the worst of a year for me.

But during this year in particular, my number one choice came down to one thing for me. What song gave me the least to justify its existence? And in this rather interchangeable year of dull music, this is the one who’s existence and popularity baffled me the most. And it came from the biggest name in pop music.

1. “This Used to Be My Playground” – Madonna

I refuse to believe Madonna performed this for the longest time. “A League of Their Own” is one of my father’s favorite movies and once those end credits roll, even he calls it quits because this song is just too boring for even him to listen to. So color me surprised that I found out that Madonna was the woman who made this turgid slog of a song.

Madonna. One of the defining names in pop music history. The woman who has made her name present on the charts for going on over four decades. A woman who has proven capable of changing her style to go along with the times…actually you know what? That explains a lot as to why I hate this so much. Because we know Madonna is capable of being so much more than a trendsetter. Not a trend rider.

Granted that’s what she is now as she’s grabbing for whatever remaining hopes of relevance she can get. But not during the peak years of Madonna’s popularity. I mean just the year before, she released a piece of dog shit in “Justify My Love” but that is absolutely something Madonna would have made.

Not this though. This is Madonna on autopilot not trying anything remotely new or challenging. Hell, even these lyrics are super basic.

Don't look back
Keep your head held high
Don't ask why
Because life is short
And before you know
You're feeling old
And your heart is breaking
Don't hold on to the past
Well that's too much to ask

And that's just one of the verses. These lyrics. They convey nothing. The whole song means nothing. Madonna sounds bored performing this. I'm bored listening to it. And yet, this was one of the biggest number one hits of this year. How? Was the general public really this uninterested in actually listening to good music? I never want to hear this damn song ever again.

This song perfectly represents how boringly bad most of the songs this year were. I can't wait to remind myself what good came from this year next year because writing this list took a lot out of me in terms of creativity. So I'll wrap this list off right with reminding you all that there is no crying in baseball.

Joe Biden · March 3, 2019

Ironically, "All 4 Love" is one of the songs I hear at work all the time too. Not to mention a lot of the adult contemporary stuff from the year like Jon Secada, CeCe Peniston, and Amy Grant play there too.

Clappy · March 3, 2019

14 hours ago, Chef said:

Ironically, "All 4 Love" is one of the songs I hear at work all the time too. Not to mention a lot of the adult contemporary stuff from the year like Jon Secada, CeCe Peniston, and Amy Grant play there too.

Yeah my first retail job when I was in high school had a lot of adult contemporary. They were a faith based company that played the safest stuff possible from around this time period and the early 2000s. Amy Grant was definitely on there too, but more on her later with my full rankings from this year.

Clappy · March 23, 2019

So yeah. That Best of 1992 list. It's going to be awhile. Because I'll be blunt. It has nothing to do with Michael Jackson, which even if that documentary didn't make writing about him even harder to do in the first place, this is honestly the most quality best list I've ever done. It's too legit to quit trying to rewrite because there are so many deserving candidates that I'm still flipping around songs because I've got at least twenty legitimate contenders for my top ten. Yes including "Black or White". I promise that I will have the best list done in the next month. But I didn't want to keep you guys waiting without any sort of material. So because I do these at least once a year, I thought I'd do a seasonal ranking to hold you guys over for a bit.

So yeah. How about the year 2019 so far? No seriously. You guys start.

I don’t know what’s going on this year so far. If someone were to ask me about what’s been going on so far this year, all I would say is that Ariana Grande is the STAR of 2019 at the moment. And that’s it really. Like nobody else seems to have any momentum at the moment. Maybe Halsey? I mean trap is still the biggest genre at the moment, but even then the album bombs are as big as they were last year. Shit Juice WRLD up there, one of the biggest names at the moment, just dropped his hour and a half long slog of an album and like five songs charted? Maybe the market is FINALLY becoming oversaturated with trap? I don’t know what to tell you guys except I hope something freshens up the music industry soon because I’m already dreading this year as a whole since it’s the spring and most of the stuff in the Top 20 was still big when I wrote my year end list last year. We’ll see. But I owe you guys at least one seasonal ranking per year since I give up on them so easily. But hey, I’m finally doing one of these on a week where the season officially changes. Progress! This is…

CLAPPY RANKS THE BILLBOARD TOP TWENTY OF SPRING 2019

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20. "Girls Like You" - Maroon 5 (featuring Cardi B)

...this is still here.

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Now back to your regular scheduled programming with the worst song of the season…

19. “Without Me” – Halsey

…I don’t think this comes as a surprise to anyone since I’ve told you all on Discord that this song is flaming hot garbage. Worst song of Halsey’s career for sure. And while Todd’s review of it really did help me see some reasons why people would like this, it didn’t change my mind. But it did open my eyes to one comparison point I’ve used in the past. I’ve told some of you that I think its Halsey’s version of “Cry Me a River”, which for the record I hate that song too. But she paid Justin Timberlake’s camp for lyrics from the actual song. How did I not notice that before because that makes my metaphor all the more accurate?

Yeah, that still doesn’t change anything. This song is just unpleasant to listen to. Halsey sounds like a wailing child. The chorus sounds like an immature ten year old wrote it. Halsey may be a bigger star than G-Eazy is now, but G-Eazy doesn’t owe his fame to anybody. For as much as I hate him, he was famous before Halsey was. And look, I’m not discounting the pain Halsey is going through. Being cheated on sucks. I know it. But you’ve proven before this song that you can empower yourself through failed relationships instead of sounding like you’re the only one who has ever suffered like this. It’s unhealthy.

But you know what my biggest problem is with this? This sounds like dogshit. Like this entire song sounds like it’s drowning vocally. I don’t know how whether it’s the heavy amounts of reverb being swamped out throughout the song or all the vocal filters Halsey is using. It is unpleasant to listen to.

And now it’s the biggest song of her career and has a chance to be the number one song of 2019 when it’s all said and done because it has had tremendous staying power. I seriously hope this isn’t a sign of things to come from her next album. Halsey is much better than this.

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And speaking of being much better than this.

18. “7 rings” – Ariana Grande

The first time I heard this song, my heart dropped to the pits of my stomach. I was rooting for you Ariana and you disappointed the hell out of me with could now potentially be the most successful song of her career. Look, I can talk about the many many problems this song has, but I’m just going to keep it simple. It’s an ass song that sounds like ass. I don’t want to listen to Ariana Grande and her spoiled rich girl problems and sing-rapping about how much better she is than me.

I almost wanted to make this a two-way tie with Halsey’s awful song, but I’ll be honest. For all the heavy amounts of cultural appropriation this song definitely is flooded with, that trap production actually compliments my mood for this song. It’s cold and joyless. That’s something at least because the rest of this song infuriates me with wasted potential.

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17. “Wow” – Post Malone

So here’s one artist I didn’t talk much about around year end time last year. It felt a little weird not mentioning him because Post Malone had such a huge year, but just like all of his singles that charted, what is there to say? I still think the dude is a culture vulture, but then I see him appearing in all these interviews, talk shows, etc. and then he legitimately sounds like a down to Earth guy who would be chill to hang out with. WHICH POST MALONE IS HE?

To me this is a total 180 PR move because what Post said about rap music of yesteryear is some damning stuff that would end other careers. And this 180 couldn’t have come at a better time because I checked out “beerbongs and bentleys”…I kind of liked it? It’s total turn off your brain and just roll with it kind of vibes. In that sense, it worked.

But then this song came out. I guess Post must be done with that album cycle because to quote this song, he made another hit because he got bored. So with that self-admitting move, how do I feel about this? Honestly, I don’t. I saw that episode of BILLBOARD BREAKDOWN where Mark admitted this is hilarious and I really don’t see it. This song just feels like that lyric I quoted, a throwaway hit to keep Post Malone near the top of the charts like he’s been for the last year and a half. Nothing about this song makes me go wow. It feels like a product of its time with the production, the Dak Prescott reference (fuck the Dallas Cowboys ftr), flexing about his watches, and rolling down the streets pumping…Fall Out Boy? I’m supposed to be intimidated by Fall Out Boy? Which song? Sugar We’re Goin’ Down? Thnks Fr Th Mmrs? My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark? Uma Thurman? I like Fall Out Boy and even I feel like that’s an out of nowhere choice band to flex to.

I don't hate Post Malone like I used to, but this is just straight white noise. I forget about it every time it ends and then I completely forget how it goes before it starts up again. Next.

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16. “Going Bad” – Meek Mill (featuring Drake)

Out of all the good songs to promote from Meek’s last album, leave it to the Drake collaboration to be Meek’s biggest hit not just from this album, but of his entire career. Say what you want about how sick you all are of Drake, but that’s how big of a presence he holds on the charts right now. He can revive the career of someone he ended.

Okay that’s not completely fair to Meek. He was able to drop two albums with some success on the charts ever since he was incarcerated. And being the diehard Philadelphia Eagles fan that I am, lord knows how often I kept hearing “FREE MEEK” from that inner circle, let alone seeing it trend on Twitter as often as I did. But yeah, being a fan of Philadelphia sports, Meek Mill is a huge deal to that city. The Eagles came out to “Dreams and Nightmares” during last year’s Super Bowl and his latest album “Championships” is written in Eagles logo font. And my personal bias withstanding, it’s a great album. Easily the best Meek has done in years.

But god, why was the song that got big? The Drake cosign? The fact that this song is proof that their beef is dead? It’s just an uninteresting song. The only two things worth mentioning are that Meek brings up Back to Back and how it was scary. Damn right it was scary. It ended your mainstream relevance you goof. But the worst line goes to Drake where he brags about how “he has more slaps than The Beatles”. He might have more songs than them but that’s because he is taking advantage of a broken charting system where entire albums can technically qualify as hits. So congratulations Drake. Good luck being as culturally relevant in the history of music as The Beatles, dog.

Boring, next.

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Man this next one. Jesus. Where do I even begin?

15. “Murder on My Mind” – YNW Melly

I…I don’t know how to approach this song. For those of you who aren’t aware of why this is as popular as it is, YNW Melly was recently arrested and charged with two counts of first degree murder of two of his “close friends”, which happened a few months prior. And while this song is not written as a confession of his alleged double murder, these lyrics are awfully damning evidence for someone who has been in and out of jail so many times in the past four years. Plus with evidence that links him to the scene of the crime, he could be facing life in prison or the death penalty. And not too long after that double murder charge, him and his accomplice were charged of murdering a Florida law official a few months prior doesn’t make talking about him all the more tough.

But hey, the American listening public loves glamorizing criminals if these past few years have taught us anything. And now this is a huge hit. Is it good? I will say that it’s a very haunting song. It definitely makes me feel uncomfortable listening to it. So I guess it works in that regard? But for as dark of a song that this is, the gratuitous amounts of autotune just doesn’t work. This guy might be a cold blooded murderer in real life, but he sounds like an absolute joke with how heavily his sound relies on autotune.

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14. “Sucker” – The Jonas Brothers

So…The Jonas Brothers are back together. Woo?

I get why this became a number one hit. There was a market out there wanting this since it’s been practically ten years since they were last relevant as a group. I guarantee you that their fans were freaking out when news broke that they were reuniting. I would know. My sister texted me in all caps about this announcement and my fiancé flipped out when I told her too.

And in all honesty, these brothers needed this reunion for their music careers. Nick’s solo career was trending downward after his last album didn’t do so well in terms of making hits. Shoot he even had a lead single for a new album that never happened and was giving it away for practically free on iTunes and it didn’t even chart. And don’t get me started on how big of a joke DNCE turned out to be after the novelty of “Cake By the Ocean” was over. Yeah, that’s all of the brothers…oh yeah. Kevin existed.

So the brothers reunited and got their first number one smash hit…and I’m not a fan. I don’t care that this song jacked the melody from “Feel It Still”, which let’s be real, they obviously did. Like I said before, The Jonas Brothers just weren’t my cup of tea. They did have that one good song “Burnin’ Up” but nothing else to really write home about. Their music wasn’t made for me in mind. And even though all three are happily married or in Joe’s case, engaged, this is still a song directed specifically at YOU. They are suckers for you and all the subliminal things that YOU do. And by YOU, I mean you-you now all grown up female fan that worshipped the ground this band walked on. And even though The Jonas Brothers are no longer preaching their G-rated values on abstinence and purity rings, that still doesnt mean their music isn’t about how they subliminally want to get into your pants. Especially now that they are all grown up and have had sex. I don’t care if their significant others are in this video with them that doesn’t change the subtext of the lyrics. It’s the same formula they have always done, just with more apparent innuendos.

And if this is what it takes to get the industry talking about these guys again, imagine what will happen when One Direction gets back together. Let’s be real, that’s going to happen. Sooner rather than later with how all of their solo careers are going.

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13. “Thotiana” – Blueface

Okay so here’s the thing. By all technicalities, I know this is a bad song. Blueface can’t stay on the beat, his flow is garbage, and these lyrics are trash. But I can’t completely hate this. It’s hilarious. I find myself laughing at this quite often when I hear it on my Apple playlists. Especially when he goes “Blueface bay-bee”.

But god, for as bad as this song allegedly is, why can’t I get it out of my head? Once I hear that chorus, it stays in my head all day. I mentioned at the very beginning about how we don’t have that much newer music this year that is memorable. This song however is definitely memorable so I will give it that at least.

Also all the YouTube comments on this video are right. Blueface definitely looks like he’s on ALL the drugs. Maybe that explains a lot for his performance.

And this is a huge hit because it has a remix from Cardi B. Because of course it does. Everything has Cardi B on it these days and I'm starting to get a little tired of her because of it. There is a separate one with YG too, but he's not Cardi and the views definitely tell which one is the bigger hit. Because he doesn't go C-CARDI.

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12. “Eastside” – benny blanco, Halsey, & Khalid

Honestly, it amazes me that this song has stuck around as long as it has. Because I think this is the perfect song to represent how stagnant this year has been.

As for the song itself, it has kind of grown on me a bit. Not to say that I like it, I don’t. It went from being a nothing of a song to being slightly tolerable. Marginal improvement. I still feel like it’s an absolute rip-off of “Closer”, doesn’t help that Halsey is featured on both songs. But unlike “Closer”, this just feels too polished for it to work nearly as well as that song did. Benny Blanco has been making hits behind the scenes for practically the entire 2010’s, so he knows how to craft pop songs. But man, I really wish I was listening to “Closer”. I’d rather listen to Andrew Taggart singing so horribly off-key than Khalid singing so perfectly. Khalid’s moody vibe music usually works for me, but it just doesn’t here this time. I guess the reason this grew on me is more for Halsey’s portion of the song, which is something because there is no chemistry between her and Khalid on this song to me.

Oh and for the record, this music video is lazy as fuck. I hate it. It’s like watching paint dry, even with the captions telling a story. Show it, don’t make me read it.

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11. “Happier” – Marshmello & Bastille

Man this has shrunk on me considerably. I’m done with this sticking around for as long as it has too. And why has it stuck around for so long you may wonder? Well…

Yep you are watching this correctly. That is Marshmello hosting an exclusive concert in the wildly successful video game of the year, “Fortnite”. Marshmello is an avid gamer. He’s streamed himself playing Fortnite with gamers like Ninja, so of all the artists to do this, I’m not surprised it’s him.

And because we are living in such a strange timeline, the wildly successful concert almost launched this song to number one on the Hot 100. Online gaming concerts was not the future I was promised, but because this launched more chart movement on the Hot 100 than the Grammys and the freaking Super Bowl halftime show, expect more exclusive Fortnite concerts in the future. How do I know? Because Marshmello himself is now launching Fortnite merchandise. That means more of his singles will get performed live from Loot Lake, Dusty Divot, Salty Springs…seriously fuck this overhyped game. What singles does he even have out now?

CHVRCHES is now breaking through to the mainstream? Well at least Marshmello is using his starpower to push deserving artists.

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10. “Better” – Khalid

Man, Khalid just isn’t doing it for me right now. Normally, I’m able to vibe to his music, but this isn’t working for me like it usually does. Maybe it’s because this is what every Khalid song sounds like? I hate to say it, but this just sounds and feels very lazy?

For a song about wanting to feel better than this, he just sounds very lethargic. How am I supposed to vibe to someone who doesn’t want to put forth any effort? It’s a damn shame though because I do think there is a good song trying to come out of this. I like the production. I like the trap snares. I like practically everything else but Khalid on this song. He just doesn’t sound like he cares, so why should I?

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9. “break up with your girlfriend, i’m bored” – Ariana Grande

At first listen, I was absolutely ready to pass this off as Ariana on autopilot. I mean the nerve of her to try and convince YOUR man to break up with you. But then that last sentence really struck something with me. It’s rare we get the gender roles reversed like this. That’s an interesting twist. I welcomed it…until I realized that Ariana trying to stir the pot is just because she’s jealous. And you guys should know by now that jealousy just isn’t that attractive of an emotion to me.

I will give it this though. It’s one of the better songs to portray jealousy because it’s supremely lowkey about it. She’s not making a huge stink or painting her out to be insecure about these two being together. All Ariana is feeling is she’s bored and just says point blank you should break up with your girlfriend and have sex with me. And extra points for not saying it’s her right to be hell-ish.

It’s a fine song. Not one of the best tracks from “thank u next”, but I think it’s okay.

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8. “Please Me” – Cardi B & Bruno Mars

It actually really sucks that I think this song isn’t more than just better than average. I may be getting tired of both of these artists for as much as I like them, but it’s Cardi and Bruno doing another retro 90s R&B jam. That is right up my alley just like “Finesse” was.

But I think a lot of this has to do with the same problems I had with another song last year that should have been right up my alley in “Pray For Me”. Listening to this makes me think of radio executives paying off Atlantic Records to have these two team up again because Top 40 stations desperately need to freshen up the airwaves with new music from 2019. As I mentioned in my year end lists, radio is a dying listening format that is behind the times and Top 40 stations in particular don’t want to play trap music. But those radio executives know Cardi B is one of the biggest stars right now and they love Bruno Mars and know his stuff is very radio friendly. To those of you who know what “payola” means, yeah I wouldn’t be surprised if payola played a part in these two practically rehashing “Finesse” for the radio to play something, while also racking up those playlist streams as well.

Who knows, maybe come year end time, this will have grown on me. But I’m just not as impressed by this as I know I should be.

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And speaking of not being as impressed as I should be.

7. “MIDDLE CHILD” – J. Cole

I’m glad that J. Cole has a legitimate smash hit with staying power in 2019. He has been doing so much damn good in the last two years whether it be making good albums or as of late, excellent guest verses on other rappers songs. This guy deserves to be one of the biggest names in rap right now.

And yet, I only think this is decent and not great. But let me get these positives out of the way now because if anything is going to make this grow on me, it’s how great J. Cole’s flow is as well as the production. God I love those trumpets. Because my problem with this song is the story it’s telling. I’m not against the idea of having J. Cole being the metaphorical bridge between two generations of rappers. If anything, I think him and Drake are the two rappers I would consider this being the case because of how well they have been able to adapt from the early 2010s to the current rap scene. But god those shots at Kanye are so fucking cheap. Yeah Kanye is an easy punching bag these days, but in case J. Cole forgot what song first put him on the map, it was a song where he sampled “The New Workout Plan”.

And of all the new rappers he gives the metaphorical rub to. I don’t have a problem with 21 Savage. He’s getting better. But more than one line dedicated to Kodak Black of all people? I don’t care how big of a fan base this guy somehow has. Kodak Black is fucking trash. He’s not talented, no matter how many songs he shows up on that I like. And in case you guys have forgotten his large dirt sheets of crimes he has been charged with, including rape, he’s toxic scum. I don’t care what J. Cole tells me that he’s changed and he’s looking for guidance. Guidance isn’t going to change the fact that Kodak Black is a piece of shit.

It’s so close to being good and who knows, maybe this will get better as the days pass? I like rap songs that tell stories like this, even if the execution is not as good as it could be. But for now, it’s just short of good, but still pretty solid though.

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And to think that this song is still growing on me despite making my best list.

6. “SICKO MODE” – Travis Scott

Not going to lie guys. The gap between these next six songs and the rest of this list is staggering. I actually had a really tough time ranking the rest of this list because these are all really good songs.

Out of all of them though, I’m surprised how much this keeps growing on me. To the point that maybe it should have been on the list proper. I almost undersold how much I liked this in comparison to the rest of AstroWorld. Which if you guys haven’t checked out yet, what are you waiting for?

Shoot I watched The Rap Critic make an absolute fool out of himself a few months ago and call this the Bohemian Rhapsody of trap music. I don’t know if I would go that far, but Todd’s comparison to this being the prog rock of trap music is more realistic. I wish trap music would get more experimental with the way Travis Scott has been able to push boundaries.

This song may not be worthy of the SpongeBob introduction that it got at the Super Bowl, but in comparison to how the rest of that halftime show, this song didn’t have me OUT LIKE A LIGHT LIKE A LIGHT LIKE A LIGHT.

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5. “Shallow” – Lady Gaga & Bradley Cooper

I did not expect this to ever hit number one. The fact that this did astonishes me. I know how dedicated Lady Gaga’s fan base is, but if they wanted her to have a number one hit again, where were they during that eight year gap between then and now? Eh, who cares about the logistics, I’m just ecstatic that it got there.

That being said, that does raise this question I’ve asked in the past about other soundtrack hits. Does it stand out without the context of the movie? And honestly, I can see both sides of this argument. It’s a little more flimsy without knowing that this is associated with “A Star is Born”. But I could also seeing this being a parallel between the Lady Gaga of 2011 and the Lady Gaga of 2019. She definitely has dropped all the costumes and the personas and became a legitimate star without all of that. So yeah, she is far from the shallow now…even though I wouldn’t classify Mother Monster as “shallow” persay.

And just so I don’t forget about Bradley Cooper’s part in all of this, who would have thought that Phil from The Hangover movies had that good of a voice. I sure didn’t. They both got robbed at the Oscars for their acting. But at least this won Best Original Song. Pretty much one of the few things the Academy did get right this year. Fuck Green Book.

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4. “High Hopes” – Panic! At the Disco

I’m so happy to see Panic! At the Disco being relevant in 2019. They’ve had too big of a presence in the 2000s rock scene to only have that one crossover hit. And by “they” I mean Brendan Urie. Because this is not a band anymore. He’s the only one left.

We can all sit here and nitpick which songs of theirs should have been crossover hits, but let’s bask in the fact that in this dark, dreary, depressing music climate we are currently living in, we have this sunshiny feel good, uplifting pop-rock song talking about how we should all have high hopes. And honestly, I vibe with this song so much. I feel like I’m working at a lower-end job where I’m not getting paid nearly enough with little room for advancement right now. I, too, have high hopes that it all work out for me and that I will fulfill my legacy, whatever my legacy is.

And god, those trumpets are glorious…wait a minute. How many times is this now in the past year where I’ve talked about trumpets? Shoot, this isn’t even the first time I’ve talked about it in this post. Are we in the midst of the year of a triumphant comeback for trumpets? Count me in!

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And speaking of songs that just make you feel good.

3. “Sunflower” – Post Malone & Swae Lee

For those of you who haven’t seen Into the Spider-Verse yet, then what the hell is the matter with you? It’s available to rent/own now. Do yourselves a favor and just watch it. Because you’ll understand exactly what I’m talking about with this song’s correlation to the movie. So on that note

MINOR SPOILERS AHEAD

Miles uses this song to calm himself down whenever he’s feeling stressed, massive amounts of tension, sadness, or just to feel relaxed. And honestly. That’s exactly my feelings about this. It just puts me in a warm relaxing mood. And while my interpretation is that this song is about two different sides of Miles dueling it out, both sides just complement each other so well that it can be about anybody. That’s why this song can correlate outside of the movie more so than “Shallow” does.

This isn’t the first time Post and Swae have collaborated together, but they just work off each other greatly. I love Swae Lee’s part more than Posts’ honestly. Ever since Swae started using heavy amounts of reverb due to how big “Unforgettable” was, it’s given his vocal styling identity. And because Rae Sremmurd are “done” (I doubt it), Swae’s career as a solo artist is about to skyrocket. Especially as an in demand pop-rap crossover artist. His part here is just great as the youthful exuberant side of this person looking for a hook-up. That’s not to say Post’s part isn’t good because it definitely is. This is ideal casting for Post as the wistful side who is struggling to make a connection.

I love this song and I’m so glad it topped the charts. Now go see Into the Spider-Verse dammit.

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Ladies and gentlemen. Welcome to the Ariana Grande era of pop music. Deal with it.

2. “thank u next” – Ariana Grande

And it’s all because of this one song. This one amazing song changed the pop landscape. It brought pop music out of its deathbed and I’m so glad it did. Pop has a long way to go before it becomes the biggest genre once again, but it is songs like these that reminds me why I love pop music.

I understand that it is very easy to be tired of this song by now since it has been big for nearly six months now, but allow me to explain why I will never be tired of it. It’s all about this song in context with Ariana’s real life. I can’t think of a single pop star who has had a more traumatic last two years than Ariana. The Manchester bombings at her concert, the death of her long time ex-boyfriend Mac Miller, her engagement falling apart…and yet here she is. Pumping out two albums in one year and taking control of the public’s narrative of her engagement falling apart with this one song. And it’s a damn empowering song at that.

I wasn’t kidding last year when I said all of her hits would have qualified for my best list last year. That statement probably won’t ring true this year, but with songs like this, she has a great shot of making an appearance at the end of the year.

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Oh gee, my number one song of the rankings. I wonder how low on my best list will it rank this year. I wonder if I will still like it come December. Yeah, who knows how I will feel. That’s why I always say don’t take these rankings too seriously because I can’t predict how much a song will grow or shrink on me.

That being said, the first time I heard this song, it just struck me. It hit me so hard to the point that I got lost in memories. This song just hit me that hard on a personal level. So I’m just going to reveal my number one and then it is story time.

1. “Dancing With a Stranger” – Sam Smith & Normani

So long time readers of my sharing time thread will know about this girl I had feelings for in my real life for nearly three years of my life. She shot me down hard and while I tried to move on, it was practically impossible due to her dating a couple of my friends. It pissed me off for sure that she never gave me that chance, but it was hard for me to get over her. Well one night, we went to a club for her birthday and I drank one too many. And then we hit the dance floor as I saw her dancing with one of my friends and I got lost in my feelings and I had to abruptly leave and just wallow in my self-pity. Then one of her friends came up to me, calmed me down, and then offered to dance with me. And then I got lost in that one moment of time for a couple of songs. The rest of this story is irrelevant because she came and went out of my life. Things didn’t work out and that’s okay.

But yeah. This one song just got to me. This is one of the most relatable songs I’ve ever come across. And it comes from Sam Smith of all people. If you told past me that Sam Smith would have a song better than his collaboration with Disclosure, I would have completely written that assumption off. Well look where we are today. Sam Smith has gotten better over the years and this song just blew me away. His portion of this song is just stellar.

I’ve told you guys about how much potential I think Normani has. This solidifies it for me. How she works off of Sam Smith just makes this full mood circle complete. I don’t know how she is able to have such great chemistry with the guys she works off, but I can’t picture anybody else. In terms of former Fifth Harmony members, I get why Camila is getting all the attention, even though I don’t like her nearly as much as I do Normani. But Normani doesn’t need to get the most buzz because all she has to do is keeping make great music and she will easily be my favorite ex-Fifth Harmony singer.

2019 may not be a strong year for hits so far, but if this excellent song is in the Top 20 right now, the music listening public must be doing something right.

And thank you guys for allowing me to procrastinate for a bit. Best of 1992 won't be that much longer to wait.

**kev** · March 23, 2019

damn i’m glad i wasn’t the only one to catch on that Feel It Still comparasion to Sucker, which is arguably such an empty and soulless alternate of the former. it def shows in the chorus.

solid rankings, forgetting and remembering Shallow hit #1 was such a warm feeling. i honesty do agree with your point that Sunflower can correlate outside of the movie. but like, i think it’s because i found it to not have as much importance in the movie as you put it? i felt like majority of the soundtrack in the movie was there for the sake of it, along the lines of suicide squad. if there was an overarching impact for it in the movie, i wish i felt it.

as much of a trash song it is, i can’t help but still vibe with 7 rings. maybe it’s bc of ariana but i’d rather listen it over whatever borish slog khalid spews out. i get why people listen to him, but to me he’s always sounded so uninterested in the words he’s singing. seeing how high ty, next was, it absolutely reminded me how much i love this joyous bubble of a song that i’m so fucking grateful for. i had to listen to it again straight from seeing the title.

President Squidward · March 25, 2019

oh my god I didn't know murder on my mind was actually on the charts I thought it was just a meme

I feel bad but I guess High Hopes just doesn't do anything for me, wish Brendon would go solo already. I'm not too big with Ariana's three hits, I dig Sicko Mode and Sunflower though. Always fun seeing your thoughts!

Clappy · March 26, 2019

On 3/23/2019 at 5:50 PM, kev said:

damn i’m glad i wasn’t the only one to catch on that Feel It Still comparasion to Sucker, which is arguably such an empty and soulless alternate of the former. it def shows in the chorus.

solid rankings, forgetting and remembering Shallow hit #1 was such a warm feeling. i honesty do agree with your point that Sunflower can correlate outside of the movie. but like, i think it’s because i found it to not have as much importance in the movie as you put it? i felt like majority of the soundtrack in the movie was there for the sake of it, along the lines of suicide squad. if there was an overarching impact for it in the movie, i wish i felt it.

as much of a trash song it is, i can’t help but still vibe with 7 rings. maybe it’s bc of ariana but i’d rather listen it over whatever borish slog khalid spews out. i get why people listen to him, but to me he’s always sounded so uninterested in the words he’s singing. seeing how high ty, next was, it absolutely reminded me how much i love this joyous bubble of a song that i’m so fucking grateful for. i had to listen to it again straight from seeing the title.

I’m noticing a trend with some of Louis Bell’s songwriting. While there are songs that he’s written that I’ve liked, I’m looking at a recent list of his written and a lot of the choruses he’s been a part of in writing are soulless and convey nothing (practically all of Post Malone’s hits are written by him, Never Be The Same, Beautiful, Without Me).

And definitely agreed about Into the Spider-Verse’s soundtrack. All of it really does not correlate to the movie, but Sunflower is one of the few exceptions. They tied it into the movie real well.

I like Khalid and all. I vibe with a good majority of his music. But his last two hits from this album cycle just haven’t worked for me. I’d like to give him the benefit of the doubt and maybe a song comes out that works for me again.

On 3/24/2019 at 9:08 PM, President Squidward said:

oh my god I didn't know murder on my mind was actually on the charts I thought it was just a meme

I feel bad but I guess High Hopes just doesn't do anything for me, wish Brendon would go solo already. I'm not too big with Ariana's three hits, I dig Sicko Mode and Sunflower though. Always fun seeing your thoughts!

Technically he is solo since there are no existing members of the band left except for Brendan Urie. It’s just him and no names that aren’t official members to play the accompanying music.

President Squidward · March 26, 2019

2 hours ago, Clappy said:

Technically he is solo since there are no existing members of the band left except for Brendan Urie. It’s just him and no names that aren’t official members to play the accompanying music.

Yeah I know, but I mean he should just do a solo name or something instead of tarnishing more of Panic's name, as I'm not big on the last two release songs besides a song or two.

**Wumbo** · March 27, 2019

robbery by juice wrld for top 20 when

Clappy · April 11, 2019

On 3/27/2019 at 4:27 PM, Wumbo said:

robbery by juice wrld for top 20 when

When you still see my shadows in your room.

Clappy · May 19, 2019

Who's ready for this best list!?

I got to say. This was the toughest best list I've ever done. For many reasons. One. This is the best best list I've ever had to compose. I had to make so many painful cuts. The quality just delivered that greatly. Two. I had a lot going on at work. Especially this past month. So I made it my goal this weekend since I was off and had practically nothing to do, to finish this best list. And with a few hours remaining, it is completed.

And I also got to say, this was such a fun retrospective to write, I'm aiming to do another one of these real soon. So don't be surprised if I get another round done this summer. Enough rambling, on with this great best list. Don't let the sun go down on this thread now. We're counting down!

CLAPPY'S TOP TEN BEST HIT SONGS OF 1992

Spoiler

What? This topped the year end list? I mean Boyz II Men owned the 90s, but biggest song of ’92? No. How could Billboard get this so wrong? Because while this song isn’t even all that bad to me, the song immediately underneath this on the charts defined a generation. You all know what I’m talking about. Let’s call 1-900-MIX-A-LOT and kick them nasty thoughts…

10. “Baby Got Back” – Sir Mix-A-Lot

Baby Got Back is so deeply ingrained into pop culture that I can’t ever hear someone talk about big butts without thinking immediately after “…and I cannot lie. All you other brothers can’t deny.” What can I say? It’s the booty jam that all other booty jams have to measure up to and can’t surpass.

But what makes this become more than just a booty anthem is the political statements about how we as a society shun those who have big butts. Mix-a-Lot is striking back against society’s definition of how we view beauty. He is not down with Cosmo’s definition of curvy women. He doesn’t like how big butts get treated differently than skinnier flat butts. Of all the songs to make a statement, this is the one that still surprises me the most.

It’s an impressively stupid song. It helped influence a lot of the rappers I grew up with in the 2000s into today. It appeared in a lot of children’s films of all things. Who would have thought that this controversial piece of stupidity ended up becoming one of the most influential hip-hop songs of all time. Who cares, I love it for what it is. A hilariously provocative, yet insanely catchy anthem.

Spoiler

So I’ve spent plenty of years telling you guys about these god awful retail playlists.

https://www.racked.com/2018/4/25/17271928/retail-music-staffers

And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, consider yourself lucky. But just you wait because I guarantee at least one point in your life, you will have a retail job and be stuck listening to the same songs every day. It’s torture. Especially since I’ve had two jobs now with completely polar retail playlists. My current job plays current pop hits and the big ones of the last five years that are work safe. And then there is my first job that had the same set list of 80s/90s/early 2000s A/C friendly music.

Look I’ve said some pretty bad stuff about the latter. Even as recently as my last post in here. But every now and then, a few songs would show up and save me from hating the soundtrack to hell. For example:

9. “I Love Your Smile” – Shanice

Allow me to just say this in the simplest of terms. Every time this song came on and I would hear that production and that whistling in the chorus, it would just put me in a good mood. It’s just a cute song about a girl who is just happy to be with her man. It’s Sesame Street levels of cute so no wonder retail playlists play the hell out of this…and wait what is this? There was a rap verse in the original version? I…I spent years not knowing that this existed. And now I’m mad that this got edited out. Fuck off Martin’s

…sorry guys, still have years of vent up grocery store frustration. But yeah this song is just infectious with how cute and simple it is. Sometimes it doesn’t take much for me to love a song and that chorus (as well as that sax solo) is all it takes to get me super happy. Seriously that’s all it takes.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y6fThXQPT6I

AND FUCK OFF CHRIS BROWN FOR RUINING YOUR EXCELLENT CHOICE OF SAMPLING.

Spoiler

I’ve spent a damn good portion of this year end retrospective talking about how grunge changed the cultural zeitgeist of the 1990s, but that wasn’t the only genre that had a huge impact on this decade.

Yeah 1992 saw a huge upswing in hip-hop becoming more of a power genre in the music industry. We are a few years away from when it really became more apparent with the Snoop Doggs, the Dr. Dre’s, etc. really started to become household names. Middle class America was not ready for “gangster rap” just yet, so there had to be a transition period. And in 1992, we got that transition with two kids who became the mac daddies of the music industry.

8. “Jump” – Kris Kross

Another bad little fad these two kids are not. I openly admit that when it comes to child/teen performers, I usually have the same general thought. This twerp is not ready for the big leagues just yet. Kris Kross is one of those rare instances where I’m fully invested from the start. They just ooze charisma and have genuine presence behind their bars. Also, wearing your clothes backwards? Dope.

But what also really makes this song work is the production. It’s amazing. Credit to where its due to an at the time no name, Jermaine Dupri. Genuinely did not know that heading into this, but clearly his sampling of “I Want You Back”, “O.P.P”, and a bunch of other songs gave him over twenty-five years and counting of being a major name in the music industry.

But yeah I give credit to this huge song to help make rap music marketable at a time where it wasn’t quite there yet. So in terms of its importance to making rap music commercially successful, this song isn’t wiggidy wiggidy whack.

Spoiler

And in today’s episode of how did we get from there to here, we have this late 80s staple of goth rock:

Becoming a sunshiny happy pop rock band. Yeah I don’t get it either.

7. “Friday I’m in Love” – The Cure

I consider myself pretty knowledgeable about a lot of pop culture and music history, but I’m not going to Google search “The Cure” just so I can get some information on them. Honestly, I know next to nothing about The Cure’s goth rock roots except they did the theme for goth cult movie hit, “The Crow”. And even then, “The Crow” came out two years after this, so that’s them going back to their roots. Which goes to show how little I even knew of their past stuff.

But this is another staple of my retail radio roots that just makes me so damn happy every time I hear it. It’s so simple and it just knows how to put people in a good mood. Which begs the question, does that make The Cure a sellout band? Honestly, I don’t care. They were able to manipulate an easy lyrical structure into a simplistic melody into THIS. If anything, more “sellouts” should be able to manipulate their sounds into good music. Is that so hard to ask?

Look, it’s plain and simple. If you try instead of taking the cash and shitting out another disposable track, you’ll be The Cure. Otherwise, you’re just another Maroon 5. Next.

Spoiler

You can’t talk about the year 1992 without mentioning the song that not just defined this year, but this entire decade.

6. “Smells Like Teen Spirit” – Nirvana

This song set the stage for the 1990s as a whole. It gives this decade an identity it badly needed because otherwise, the 1990s would have been a plethora of other different tones. This song is an anthem of pissed off self-righteousness. How influential this song is seriously goes without explanation.

All that being said, it’s not even in my Top 5 Nirvana songs. What’s in that Top 5 you might ask?

1. “Come As You Are”

2. “Heart-Shaped Box”

3. “All Apologies”

4. “In Bloom”

5. “The Man Who Sold the World”

“Smells Like Teen Spirit” is ironically number six. I wish the verses were as memorable as this iconic chorus. That’s the only thing holding me back from placing this song even higher on this list. It really is devastating that Kurt Cobain was taken from us so soon because to me, Nirvana is one of the most influential rock groups of all-time. And while “Smells Like Teen Spirit” isn’t my favorite song of their discography, I’m not denying the impact it made on the music industry. It’s well deserved of its importance and significance to alternative rock music.

Spoiler

I know I’m going to come off as a hypocrite for all the easy listening music I placed on my worst list and what I said about over the years and years of writing these lists. But sometimes, a song just hits. And when it hits, it hits hard. And who is responsible for such a feat in this glorious year?

THE GOAT

5. “Can’t Let Go” – Mariah Carey

I’m sorry, do I need to actually analyze this? Just listen to the song. It’s gorgeous. It’s beautiful. It’s absolutely devastating.

I’m a sucker for these sorts of songs that convey such powerful emotional depth. And Mariah Carey performs it masterfully. This is just an atom bomb of a song that makes you feel pain and sorrow. You can go back through this thread and read so many emotional stories that songs can make me relate and connect to. Hell if you want to be even lazier, just scroll up a few posts to my Spring 2019 rankings and read my number one. I have had a hard time letting go of relationships that I'm still deeply invested in. I can relate to this song so hard it's not even funny.

And when Mariah's voice hits those high notes at the end. God damn. I'm spent. And this was back when Mariah's career was just starting. I think you all know how it only gets greater from there. Mariah Carey. Better than everybody.

Spoiler

1992. Hair metal was on its last legs as grunge rock was starting to come into the forefront of the public identity of rock and roll. But at least hair metal had one last truly iconic song for the public to remember it by.

4. “November Rain” – Guns N’ Roses

Where do I even begin with this masterpiece? First of all, it’s my favorite Guns N’ Roses song. Ignore anything I ever said about “Welcome to the Jungle” five years ago with that supremely rushed Best of 1989 list. It’s great, but it’s not a work of art like this is. This was a song that was nearly ten years in the making when this band first formed. Axl Rose took his time to craft this piece and wait for the perfect opportune moment to drop this nine minute long ballad. He waited until the band was at the peak of its popularity where he can release a song that defines the band’s legacy.

And define its legacy this song did. While I still don’t fully appreciate the accompanying music video (It’s great up until she dies…did the rain kill her? Thank god those Slash solos fucking slay.), the general public sure did. It is the oldest music video to reach over one billion views on YouTube. I’m not kidding, look that statistic up. If that isn’t a sign as to how well this song has lasted the test of time, then consider this a sign as to how well this song defines Guns N’ Roses legacy. Because surely Chinese Democracy didn’t do that.

Let’s pretend that clusterfuck never happened.

Spoiler

Thank you Wumbo for making this happen.

3. “Jump Around” – House of Pain

Honestly, just watch the OHW request episode from SBC's favorite music nerd because one of the best internet critics out there can do this song more justice than I ever could.

It’s one of my favorite songs from this decade. It’s so a part of my life that it’s going to be one of my multiple bride/groom dance songs at my wedding. If that isn’t a sign as to how much this song means to me and it isn’t even my number one choice from this year, then 1992 is a glorious year for this year end list.

Spoiler

…okay come on now. Who let this song chart again? This isn’t even fair.

2. “Bohemian Rhapsody” – Queen

To be fair, I understand why this song charted again. Freddie Mercury passed away in 1992 and the rest is history that you can now catch in the self-titled movie based off the song that’s about the inaccurate history behind the band Queen and the formation of this iconic song that makes me like the song a tad bit less knowing that there is a mediocre movie about it no matter how great Rami Malek was as Freddie Mercury….

…okay enough about that movie that somehow won so many awards this year. It doesn’t take away from the fact that Queen is still one of my favorite bands of all time and this song is widely declared the best of theirs by the popular consensus. It’s not my favorite song of theirs, but it is absolutely one of their best. It’s just one of the most inexplicable songs to ever exist, but it’s the commitment and dedication by the band that makes it so poetic. Nobody could ever replicate these levels of weird and amazing unless they were fully sure of how awesome they truly are. And that’s why Queen will go down as one of the most popular acts of all time. I know I’ll make sure my children know how iconic this band is…and make sure they never see that movie

So yeah, it’s a tad unfair that I’m placing a then seventeen year old song on a 1992 year end list. So how about a few honorable mentions that I don’t really do on these retrospective year end lists anymore?

Spoiler

HONORABLE MENTIONS:

“Diamonds and Pearls” – Prince and The New Power Generation

Prince is great. Do I need to say anymore? It’s a straightforward love song. I do wish it had more of Prince’s flair that you’ve come to expect from his music, but even then, Prince doing a straightforward love song is better than 90% of the rest of the artists that made love songs this year. That’s just how much better he is.

“Make It Happen” – Mariah Carey

The other great Mariah song from this year. When she tells you that you’re going to make it happen, then make it happen dammit.

“Rhythm is a Dancer!” – Snap!

I said some bad things about Eurodance in my 1996 retrospective, but please let it be known that I am not a hater of this trend. I’ve jammed out to this far more times than I can count. And it’s pretty influential to one of my worst songs of 2014...thanks Jeremih

“Finally” – CeCe Peniston

But if you want to talk about a song that influences the future of dance music in the 90s, look no further. This song just has so much personality and that groove is fucking great. It’s so good that it’s been added to my workout playlists without any shame.

“Mysterious Ways” – U2

IT’S ALRIGHT! IT’S ALRIGHT! IT’S ALRIGHT! IT’S ALRIGHT!

…now that I got that obvious joke out of the way, it’s pretty great!

“I Can’t Make You Love Me” – Bonnie Raitt

This is one of my father’s favorite songs. And it just absolutely breaks my heart every time I hear it.

“Black or White” – Michael Jackson

The last great song in Michael Jackson’s discography. I don’t know if recent revelations held me back from placing this on the list proper or not because I wouldn’t be surprised if these claims against Michael Jackson were true. Even before his passing, I thought the man was guilty no matter what the courts said. His bizarre behavior the last fifteen-twenty years of his life was proof enough that he was hiding something.

But even if that documentary didn’t come out bringing this story back into the forefront of the general public, that rap breakdown in the middle was always a little clumsy to me…and then watching Michael Jackson with all those kids, most recognizably Macaulay Culkin, has ALWAYS made me feel uncomfortable because of these decade long accusations.

Spoiler

So yeah. All of those songs were robbed of a best list spot because of one of the greatest songs of all time. But even then, one of the best songs ever could not top my year end list. Honestly, I hate to call my best song of this year a predictable choice if you all know me. But when it’s one of, if not, the best hit of their discography, it’s kind of hard for me to not keep another one of my favorite bands from the top spot.

1. “Under the Bridge” – Red Hot Chili Peppers

This song is such an emotional gut punch that before writing this, I spent literally two weeks just sitting here looking at this screen trying to convey how significant this song is to me.

For those of you who don’t know the backstory behind this song, it’s a very personal story from lead singer Anthony Kieidis. Kiedis suffered badly from drug addiction to the point that it drove him away from everything in his life, including the love of his life. And this song unfittingly is placed on the Red Hot Chili Peppers raunchy sex album. My personal belief was for it to humanize the rest of the album and honestly, it works in that context.

What bridge was this life epitome about how his cocaine addiction was destroying him? To this day we still don’t know where in downtown Los Angeles. But you can still feel Kiedis singing about how he doesn’t want to feel like he once did wandering around the city doing whatever it takes to numb the pain from addiction. It’s so beautifully haunting and that’s not even before the gospel choir hits at the very end.

Once that last minute hits and you hear the choir then the guitar rift at the end, it just puts this song into such a high pantheon of greatness that I have to sit back and just let it all sink in once more.

Thank you all for reading as always. Full rankings are here:

Spoiler

1. “Under the Bridge” – Red Hot Chili Peppers

2. “Bohemian Rhapsody” – Queen

3. “Jump Around” – House of Pain

4. “November Rain” – Guns N’ Roses

5. “Can’t Let Go” – Mariah Carey

6. “Smells Like Teen Spirit” – Nirvana

7. “Friday I’m In Love” – The Cure

8. “Jump” – Kris Kross

9. “I Love Your Smile” - Shanice

10. “Baby Got Back” – Sir Mix-A-Lot

11. “Make it Happen” – Mariah Carey

12. “Diamonds and Pearls” – Prince and The New Power Generation

13. “I Can’t Make You Love Me” – Bonnie Raitt

14. “Black or White” – Michael Jackson

15. “Rhythm is a Dancer” – Snap!

16. “Mysterious Ways” – U2

17. “Finally” – CeCe Peniston

18. “Ain’t 2 Proud 2 Beg” – TLC

19. “Real Love” – Mary J. Blige

20. “Don’t Let the Sun Go Down on Me” – George Michael & Elton John

21. “I’m Too Sexy” – Right Said Fred

22. “To Be With You” – Mr. Big

23. “The Way I Feel About You” – Karyn White

24. “Good For Me” – Amy Grant

25. “Tennessee” – Arrested Development

26. “Sometimes Love Just Ain’t Enough” – Patty Smyth & Don Henley

27. “Baby-Baby-Baby” – TLC

28. “Back to the Hotel” – N2Deep

29. “The Best Things In Life Are Free” – Luther Vandross & Janet Jackson

30. “Humpin’ Around” – Bobby Brown

31. “Tears in Heaven” – Eric Clapton

32. “Keep on Walkin’” – CeCe Peniston

33. “What About Your Friends” – TLC

34. “The One” – Elton John

35. “Warm It Up” – Kris Kross

36. “No Son of Mine” – Genesis

37. “Too Funky” – George Michael

38. “Blowing Kisses in the Wind” – Paula Abdul

39. “End of the Road” – Boyz II Men

40. “Everything Changes” – Kathy Troccoli

41. “Live and Learn” – Joe Public

42. “I’ll Be There” – Mariah Carey

43. “Breakin’ My Heart (Pretty Brown Eyes)” – Mint Condition

44. “It’s So Hard to Say Goodbye to Yesterday” – Boyz II Men

45. “2 Legit 2 Quit” – MC Hammer

46. “We Got a Love Thang” – CeCe Peniston

47. “Tell Me What You Want to Do” – Tevin Campbell

48. “People Everyday” – Arrested Development

49. “Set Adrift on Memory Bliss” – P.M. Dawn

50. “Life is a Highway” – Tom Cochrane

51. “Move This” – Technotronic & Ya Kid K

52. “Take This Heart” – Richard Marx

53. “My Lovin’ (You’re Never Gonna Get It)” – En Vogue

54. “All I Want” – Toad the Wet Sprocket

55. “Slow Motion” – Color Me Badd

56. “Keep It Comin’” – Keith Sweat

57. “Come and Talk to Me” - Jodeci

58. “One” – U2

59. “Remember the Time” – Michael Jackson

60. “Would I Lie to You?” – Charles & Eddie

61. “I Can’t Dance” – Genesis

62. “Wishing on a Star” – The Cover Girls

63. “Have You Ever Needed Someone So Bad” – Def Leppard

64. “I Wanna Love You” – Jade

65. “Giving Him Something He Can Feel” – En Vogue

66. “If You Asked Me To” – Celine Dion

67. “Save the Best For Last” – Vanessa Williams

68. “Thought I’d Died and Gone to Heaven” – Bryan Adams

69. “They Want EFX” – Das EXF

70. “Hold On My Heart” – Genesis

71. “Achy Breaky Heart” – Billy Ray Cyrus

72. “Just Take My Heart” – Mr. Big

73. “She’s Playing Hard to Get” – Hi-Five

74. “That’s What Love is For” – Amy Grant

75. “Masterpiece” – Atlantic Starr

76. “Just Another Day” – Jon Secada

77. “Justified and Ancient” – The KLF

78. “When I Look Into Your Eyes” - FireHouse

79. “I’d Die Without You” – P.M. Dawn

80. “Keep Coming Back” – Richard Marx

81. “Hazard” – Richard Marx

82. “I Will Remember You” – Amy Grant

83. “Free Your Mind” – En Vogue

84. “Missing You Now” – Michael Bolton

85. “Please Don’t Go” - KWS

86. “Let’s Get Rocked” – Def Leppard

87. “Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover” – Sophie B. Hawkins

88. “Thinkin’ Back” – Color Me Badd

89. “Do I Have to Say the Words?” – Bryan Adams

90. “In the Closet” – Michael Jackson

91. “Addams Groove” – MC Hammer

92. “Beauty and the Beast” – Celine Dion & Peabo Bryson

93. “How Do You Talk to an Angel?” – The Heights

94. “Everything About You” – Ugly Kid Joe

95. “Stay”- Shakespear’s Sister

96. “Uhh Aah” – Boyz II Men

97. “All 4 Love” – Color Me Badd

98. “When a Man Loves a Woman” – Michael Bolton

99. “Wildside” – Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch

100. “This Used to Be My Playground” – Madonna

If you want further thoughts on other songs, please ask and I'll gladly share. See you all next time.

Edited May 23, 2019 by jjsthekid

Joe Biden · May 20, 2019

What are your thoughts on:

2 Legit 2 Quit

I Can't Dance

To Be with You

One

All I Want

Good for Me

Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover

Fine lists as always and I am looking forward to the year that you do next.

**Steel Sponge** · May 20, 2019

-If there's anything I could add about some of your choices, I believe Bohemian Rhapsody managed to become a hit again not from just Freddie's death alone, but it was also featured in Wayne's World.
-I would strongly suggest listening to more from The Cure if you haven't heard so much from the band. For most of the early-to-mid 80's, they've mostly stood out as a gothic rock band, but they've also shown a good ear for melody and a pop accessibility in the latter of the 80s while sticking to their original roots.
-Strongly agree with "Under the Bridge" being your #1 as it's pretty much my #1 favorite hit from 1992's year-end list.

I can very much agree that the good stuff from 1992 is fantastic. While there is still some bad and middle-of-the-road stuff in-between, the great hits from 1992 is mainly why I consider it to be the best year-end Hot 100 list for the 90s. Great lists as always.

Finally, I'd like to know your thoughts on these songs:

Set Adrift on a Memory Bliss

Life is a Highway

In the Closet

Let's Get Rocked

They Want EFX

I'm Too Sexy

Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough

Oh, and I don't know if you have actually noticed, but I've made an overlord request last year in September where I requested that you could cover and rank the top 50 hits of 1957 the next time you would do a year-end list review. This was a time before Billboard created the Hot 100, but I thought it would provide an interesting challenge. If you don't want to do it, I could care less. Whether or not you want to take my old request is completely up to you.

Clappy · May 21, 2019

2 Legit 2 Quit - If this song wasn’t an ungodly long six minutes, it would be a tad higher. Kind of entertains me a bit, but definitely proof that Hammer was such a fluke.

I Can't Dance - Not the worst Genesis song of this year, but definitely a sign that they weren’t trying as hard anymore.

To Be with You - How precious.

One - For as much as I like U2, I’ve always thought this song was incredibly overrated. I’ve heard so many people call it one of their most powerful, but all I hear is Bono slightly up his own ass.

All I Want - For how all they want is to feel this way, they sure succeed at sounding bored.

Good for Me - Amy Grant is such a bad artist. But god, this is unintentionally the funniest song of the year. I didn’t know I needed an Amy Grant “fun jam” in my life, but I’m glad I came across this.

Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover - Another year, another awful song from Sophie B. Hawkins. I don’t know much about her discography besides what I’ve covered from her in the years where she has a song show up, but every single one is bad.

Set Adrift on a Memory Bliss - I guess they make that sample work. Granted I don’t like the song “True” to begin with and the song relies heavily on that sample to begin with. Not the best song, not the worst. Smack dab in the meh pile sounds about right.

Life is a Highway - I actually sort of feel bad. The song itself is not bad, but not once have I come across a version of this song that isn’t, at most, mediocre.

In the Closet - Now this is a prime example of a Michael Jackson song that I’ve never liked; that only got worse because of the accusations. Apparently this song was about rumors about him in general, and knowing what we know (especially now), I’m second guessing if this should have made the list proper.

Let's Get Rocked - The 90s were not good to Def Leppard.

They Want EFX - The lyrics. So many bad lyrics. Who told these guys that these lines were even remotely good? I could probably do a Top 10 list with my least favorite being:

Diggedy-dun dun dun dun dun, DUN DUN!

Who wanted Das EXF again?

I'm Too Sexy - A comedic masterpiece.

Sometimes Love Just Ain't Enough - Fun fact. When listening to this list on Apple Music, I only found the original from Patty Smyth and not the duet that charted. I had to seek out the duet on YouTube...and yeah it’s so much better as a duet. Hearing the other side of this failed relationship just makes the song sound whole. Also I’m a sucker for Don Henley.

And as for that overlord request Steel, I honestly didn’t see it. Usually when I login after being away for days or sometimes weeks, I don’t check a huge portion of my notifications. And I must have missed that request amongst that. So I apologize. I already have my next year planned out, but I fully plan to make this up to you in some fashion. Even if it’s in abbreviated fashion of some list because 1957 sounds like a super tough year to write about haha. Either way, I will follow through with this.

And speaking of that next year. Next time I do one of these year end lists, I’m going back to the 2000s because I have a few gaps in these retrospectives that are driving me nuts. I’m feeling slightly OCD knowing I’ve covered 2006, 2008, and 2010...but not 2007 nor 2009. I want to do one of those years next and after talking it out on Discord the other night, it’s time for me to go back to my high school years.

2007

Katniss · May 21, 2019

Don’t you mean my middle school years :funny:

so hyped for you to cover 2007 omg

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