Wumbo's Bottom 50 Songs of All Time

[Wumbo]

20. Hot Problems - Double Take

What the hell is this.

No, seriously. Who did this?

They're not even singing... or rapping... what is this? They're just talking... like bad imitations of the stuck-up hot girls they're trying not to be.

I hope, nay, pray to God that this is a joke. It's a big, satirical joke. But somehow, I think they're being serious. It's too authentic to be a joke.

*sigh* Well, ignoring the fact that neither of the girls have any musical talent (gosh, is that a hot problem?), the lyrics are bloody awful. I can't even begin to go through them, so I'll just make this point. They go on and on about how perfect they aren't, and how they sometimes lie (which makes no sense... you're putting problems on other people, not yourselves). And then at the end...

just kidding

we're perfect

Fuck this song. Fuck the sensibility that thought anyone would like it.

Yeah, so this is one of the worst rap songs I've ever heard. Of course, if it wasn't, it wouldn't be on here. You know what's unfortunate? There's still 18 songs to go.

Let's start with the crappy video. Drake is apparently having a "re-bar mitzvah" (because these totally exist) and he basically acts like the biggest douche while it happens. He pretty much destroys a cake made to look like the Torah. Even I know that should be grounds for sacrifice to God. If only.

Meanwhile, Lil Wayne is wearing a panda mask or something, hell, I dunno.

Anyway, they both rap like they're on the biggest sugar rush of their lives.

And I think I text her and told her I made it

And that’s when she text me and told me she prayed it

And that’s when I text her and told her I love it

Then right after texting I told her I’m faded

Those are the lyrics. Here's how they sound when Drake raps them:

ANDITHINKITEXTHERANDTOLDHERIMADEIT

ANDTHATSWHENSHETEXTMEANDTOLDMESHEPRAYEDIT

Whatever. Then there's this stupid bridge where Lil Wayne asks questions that are apparently confusing to both of them, like:

Do you love this shit?

If you mean the crappy song, no.

Are you high right now?

Nope.

Do you ever get nervous?

Um... yes, I do get nervous on occasion.

Are you single?

Yes.

I heard you fucked your girl, is it true?

No.

You getting money?

Through my savings account, yes.

Wow, hard questions indeed. And then they say "Hell yeah, hell yeah hell yeah, fuckin' right, fuckin' right all right" for a wonderful chorus to tie the loose ends of this song. *sigh*

Coming up:

Spoiler

Girl power!

[Metal Snake]

Hot Problems #20? I'd definitely have that in my bottom five at least, but it's your list.

[Wumbo]

I don't get this song at all. It's just Missy Elliot saying "get your freak on" for half the song, and the other half just being mediocre lyrics. And that "HOLLA" thing is bloody annoying. Finally, the beat is just the same 2-second tune played over and over again, and it's not even a David Guetta song.

And then out of NOWHERE at 3:16, it completely changes for no reason at all. The beat, the melody, everything. It's just a really stupid, repetitive song overall, and I don't get why Missy Elliot is so revered among hip hop fans.

So, let's get something straight here.

It takes one person (admittedly, one brilliant person) to write Bohemian Rhapsody, one of the greatest songs ever.

Yet it takes 6 people to write this?

Girls! we run this mother (yeah)

Girls! we run this mother (yeah)

Girls! we run this mother (yeah)

Girls! we run this mother (yeah)

Who run the world? Girls (girls)

Who run the world? Girls (girls)

Who run the world? Girls (girls)

Who run the world? Girls (girls)

Who run this mother? Girls

Who run this mother? Girls

Who run this mother? Girls

Who run this mother? Girls

Who run the world? Girls (girls)

Who run the world? Girls (girls)

Who run the world? Girls (girls)

Who run the world? Girls (girls)

How? How did music sink so low? How does this pass off as a good song? Because it's Beyoncé? Well, this could have been performed by Whitney Houston and Mariah Carey, and it still would have sucked. There's no excuse for wasting time with this repetitive shit. Is this supposed to be some kind of propaganda? Congratulations, Beyoncé. You've convinced me... that you suck.

You'd think the repetitive, shitty-ass lyrics would be bad enough, but then there's the boring marching band beat, coupled with whatever the fuck

is (skip to 1:12). That is techno at its worst. Whoever recorded "AAAH AAAH AAH AH AH OH AAAH AAAH AAH AH AH WHAAAT" and thought it sounded good needs to get their head examined.

My fear is that feminists will get roped into thinking that this is a good song, because girls run this mutha (yeah!) and female empowerment, amirite? Well, here's my take. I think this song makes women, particularly Beyoncé, out to be self-absorbed annoying clowns. So, yeah. Find another, better song to rave about. Please. Any one of these will do.

Coming Up:

Spoiler

Had enough Lil Wayne? Well, he makes his last hurrahs in the next installment.

[chocolatesoup]

I get jump-scared when the beat RANDOMLY changes on GYFO... and in my opinion, Run The World is embarrassing for girls. But GYFO isn''t that bad compared to RTW. Both deserve to be in the bottom 50

[Wumbo]

Say goodbye to Lil Wayne after this, folks.

Two of the biggest clowns in the music industry? You gotta know that this won't be good. I'm just sick of lazy choruses:

I'm faded faded faded

My n**** I'm faded faded faded

My n**** I'm faded faded faded

My n**** I'm faded faded faded

My n**** I'm faded faded faded

My n**** I'm faded faded faded

My n**** I'm faded faded faded

My n**** I'm faded faded faded

Vulgar terms substituting for edge (see previous), disturbing sexual images:

Use the butt up in the front, dick up in her c***

And I put it in her hole, hole in one, putt putt

and really, I'm just sick of Lil Wayne and Tyga in general. They've tried multiple times to make a good song, and each time they fail. It's pathetic, really. At least Weezy is moving onto skateboarding. Tyga, I'd suggest the same.

And what the fuck is Lil Wayne screaming at around the three minute mark? "Young moola baby"? Oh, young money! Ha. Ha. What's next? Young dead presidents?

You know, it took some deep thinking to find the worst Lil Wayne song, ironically. And finally, I decided to choose this one. Why? Well, let's take a listen.

Well, he calls himself Tunechi three times in a row. That's a good start.

Then there's yet another godawful chorus:

Yeah my homies still

Ha ha my homies still

Yeah my homies still

Don't make my goons go stupid, go stupid, go stupid

Don't make my goons go stupid, go stupid, go stupid

Your homies still what? Still listen to your garbage music? That's enough to make any "goon" go stupid.

Then there's Big Sean with gems like:

I like the pussy so wet that I can surf off

And finally, there's the shitty beat, which sounds like leftovers from "Stupid Hoe" (more on that later).

Basically, this song has everything I hate about Lil Wayne and lazy rap songs, and that's why it's the worst. And that's it for Lil Wayne. Peace out, Tunechi.

​ Coming Up:

Spoiler

A rap artist who hasn't appeared in this thread yet gets a double feature.

[SG19]

Spoiler

I'm assuming the next artist is 2 Chainz.

[Macseed]

Spoiler

I'm assuming the next artist is 2 Chainz.

Didn't he show up already?

[Clappy]

Spoiler

Wumbo hates rap music.

[Sauce Mama]

But I like the song Faded. But I hate My Homies Still and Lil Wayne, my brother sings that all the time lol.

[Old Man Jenkins]

Spoiler

Wumbo hates rap music.

Except Funky Cold Medina. Right, Wumbo?

[SG19]

Didn't he show up already?

Don't think he has.

[Macseed]

Don't think he has.

I looked back and he did show up featured on #23.

[Clappy]

Oh and Mr. Wumbology, to answer your question. Mr. Wayne says Young Moolah baby because he is the founder of Young Money, which is his rap music label. So of course he has to self promote his label in every song he ever does or guest tracks in.

[SG19]

I looked back and he did show up featured on #23.

He hasn't been featured as a main artist, but that's still a good point.

[Wumbo]

Except Funky Cold Medina. Right, Wumbo?

Funky Cold Medina forever, yo. Back when rap had style, and class, and lack of Lil Wayne.

Anyway, I'm sorry that this list is indeed very one-note. But I just love rock so much, I couldn't include too many rock songs. If it's any consolation, the top 10 is slightly more diverse. (Perhaps to even the score, I should post my 50 favourite rap songs next.)

My personal opinion? Lil Jon started the downfall of rap. I mean, this is utter shit. Sorry, "crunk". I don't know what crunk is, really, but if it has anything to do with this guy, I don't want anything to do with it. First off, one thing I can't stand is when songs get censored, and it sounds unbelievably stupid. Example line:

To all skee skee motherfucker, all skee skee got dam

Censored line:

To all skee skee skee skee skee skee skee, all skee skee got, got

That doesn't even make sense! Well, it didn't before, but now it makes even less sense.

But if you thought censorship was the worst part of this song, you've got another thing coming. It's Lil Jon and the East Side Boyz sounding like a rusty chainsaw ensemble rather than rapping. And, as is the case with many modern rap songs, the lyrics just suck. Repetitive garbage. Were you really surprised?

I think in my Knee-Jerk Opinions thread, I've been exceedingly generous to LMFAO. I've accepted them for what they are: a group not to be taken seriously, a party rockin' group that's sexy and they know it. But this song is horrible.

Get this: Another repetitive, shitty chorus! Made even shittier by Lil Jon's awful voice. Who gave this douche-bomb a career?

Eh, you know the drill. Drinking, women, shallow lyrics. Yep, it's LMFAO in a nutshell. So why can I accept Sexy and I Know It and not this song? Three reasons:

- It features Lil Jon, one of the worst rappers of all time

- Its chorus is just "shots" repeated over and over again. At least Party Rock Anthem/Sexy and I Know It have a less repetitive chorus.

- That shitty "LA DA DA DAA DA" at the end or whatever. If I wanted to hear that, I would go to a bar at happy hour.

Sorry, LMFAO. Not even your Party Rock Crew could save you from this disaster.

Coming Up:

Spoiler

The actual worst 90's "song".

Unlike Thong Song, a song dedicated to something worn over underwear.

Btw, this is my last spoiler. Once we reach the top 10, it's one song a day without any hints. I feel the absolute worst of the worst needs to stand alone.

[Jellatine]

Woo, ok...after reading these 3 pages and sampling some of those...gems, I really need some good music to bring me back to my self. The problem is, Wumbo, that you are thinking here that rap IS music, when really it's just a shitty excuse to talk fast about hoes and bitches with a beat on the background...it's just..no. But I am proud to say I never have heard almost all of these rap "songs" you have listed... and you dare put The Beatles in a list with these people, how dare you? lol ok, I'll give you Revolution 9 cuz it really isn't for everyone. But anyway.. can't wait to see the rest cuz your comments are so lulzy.

[Metal Snake]

I wouldn't mind Shots if it just had an actual chorus. I do definitely want to see what you have planned for the bottom 10.

Woo, ok...after reading these 3 pages and sampling some of those...gems, I really need some good music to bring me back to my self. The problem is, Wumbo, that you are thinking here that rap IS music, when really it's just a shitty excuse to talk fast about hoes and bitches with a beat on the background...it's just..no. But I am proud to say I never have heard almost all of these rap "songs" you have listed... and you dare put The Beatles in a list with these people, how dare you? lol ok, I'll give you Revolution 9 cuz it really isn't for everyone. But anyway.. can't wait to see the rest cuz your comments are so lulzy.

I count rap with good lyrics as music, Jelly.

[Wumbo]

I'm really satisfied with my Top 10, if anything. I think I really nailed the worst of the worst.

Also, I was wondering when you'd comment on The Beatles, Jelly.

[SG19]

The lyrics of GL make no sense yet it's an occasional guilty pleasure for me. The chorus of Shots is hardly structured, though ridiculously catchy. It's stuck in my head whether I like it or not

[Wumbo]

All right guys, last pair until the Top 10!

So, this is in my eyes no doubt the worst song of the 90's. First of all, the beat at the beginning sounds like someone with gas problems, punctuated by drums. And I know I've said before that I'm lenient with dance songs' lyrics. But this is unforgivable. "Change my pitch up, smack my bitch up" over and over again? No, that's garbage. I don't care what kind of song it is. Finally, the whole thing is all so random. It's like this song doesn't know what it wants to be. I'll tell you what I want it to be: a different song.

And this goes on for nearly 6 minutes! To all people wanting to relive 90's music... skip this one.

Okay, I'm going to say this right now: Friday did not make this list. And I have a couple reasons why:

-The poor girl gets enough hate already. She had to be taken out of school after too much bullying, for God's sake.

-Tying in with the first reason, because it's hated so much, it's a really cliché choice at this point.

-Finally, I don't think it's that bad of a song.

Okay, hear me out. Yes, the lyrics are rather shallow. Yes, her voice is slightly annoying. Yes, it has Mr. Creepy Rap Interlude. But she at least seems like a sweet girl who genuinely wanted to make a good song, and I can't fault her for that. And really, I've heard worse. (See Numbers 50-12.)

Which brings me to this song. Unlike Rebecca Black, Jenna Rose comes off as a self-absorbed, spoiled prick. The type of girl everyone secretly hates in high school (middle school? elementary school? how old is she?)

I mean, she's singing about celebrities wearing her jeans, and how great she looks in them. What the fuck is that?

This... this abomination of a song, I feel, needs to be examined step by step, lyric by lyric. Here goes...

The song starts out with some electric guitar, and then her... attempt at screamo? Did she just wake up from a bad nightmare? What... I don't even... moving on.

Staring out my window

I brush my hair

Getting dressed to meet my friends

But I don't know what to wear

Okay. A relatable problem, I guess. For a 12-year-old. 10? 5? Seriously, how old is she?

Commercial shows on my T.V

About these cool designer jeans

That I put on at the mall

Change the channel and what do I see

​Wait... what does this have to do with anything? Aren't you trying to find something to wear? Stay on track, girl! Don't relate to us a story about how you put on jeans at a mall one time.

So, what does she see?

Hannah Montana's wearing my jeans

Ashley Tisdale's wearing my jeans

KeKe Palmer's wearing my jeans

Oh, how style-savvy you must be, Miss Rose! With Hannah Montana and Ashley Tisdale and... KeKe Palmer? Not Vanessa Hudgens? Or Taylor Swift? KeKe Palmer?

Also, you don't actually own these jeans (as evidenced by her wearing a skirt instead of jeans, which she does for 99% of the video. A song about JEANS and she's not even WEARING jeans. Epic fail.) You put them on at the mall once. You said so yourself. So they're not your jeans, they're much more famous people's jeans.

And then it just goes "I just can't believe she wore those jeans like me", and then repeats "oh, oh o-whoa" and "she wore those jeans like me" over and over again. This is also the moment where she gathers all 20 of her friends into a car and starts driving. Because fuck, why not, right? If Rebecca Black's friends can do it, so can you.

Staring at the mall window

My finger drew a smile

Well, I guess with a face like this:

Your best bet would be to express emotion through drawing.

I thought about how cool I'd look if I had them on right now

Because fuck rhyming. "Smile" and "now"? Close enough!

It feels like Heelys are racing on my spine (Ooh-iee)

Yep. Heelys are racing on your spine. Because that's an appropriate metaphor for anxiety, and not "OH GOD MY BACK IS KILLING ME".

Wondering about the "Ooh-iee"? Something had to vaguely rhyme with...

I just can't wait to call these my jeans

Everyone can look at me in my jeans

I can go anywhere in my jeans

But I still can't believe they wore those jeans like me

All right, where to begin here? First of all, I was right, she doesn't even own these jeans yet. Secondly, "everyone can look at me in my jeans"? Why, because they'll distract them from your hideous visage? And finally, the line "I can go anywhere in my jeans".

Wow, what a development! Jeans that will allow you to go places!

And then it just goes into that repetitive shit again. And after thaty, we're treated to not one, but two shoehorned rappers. Actually, one rapper at the moment. The other guy... um, let's just hope he's his legal guardian. Here's what Baby Triggy has to offer:

1, here comes the 2 to the 3

Not it's the T.R.I double G

Why, she's got those cool new jeans now sittin' in the J.E.T, but she's fly

You might see me in a video or a TV show, MTV, Nick, HBO

Jenna could be a model on a fashion show, look there she goes

This is actually the most entertaining part of the song. "ERMAHGERD I CAN SPELL GAIZ. I KNOW ABOUT TV NETWORKS, YOU MIGHT HAVE SEEN ME IN A VIDEO."

Back to Jenna Rose.

ABC 1-2-3 That girl wore her jeans like me

Firstly, Michael Jackson is rolling in his grave, thank you very much. Secondly, who is "that girl"? Is this a nice tribute to some other girl who wore fashionable jeans?

I bet she's mad 'cause I look fab

You are the reason puppies die.

Ha-ha-ha-ha, jack my swag

...

Ha-ha-ha-ha, jack my swag

...

Ha-ha-ha-ha, jack my swag

I... I don't... I don't even.

Sticks and stones may break my bones

But mine look new and hers just look so old

How the fuck does this girl have one friend, let alone 20 that she can fit into some clown car? First off, "sticks and stones"? I'm pretty sure you're the only one being insulting here. And not just to the music industry, either.

And you haven't even bought the jeans yet, you freakin' dumbass! Why do hers look old? WELL GOLLY, MAYBE SHE ACTUALLY WORE THEM, UNLIKE YOU, YOU SMARMY LITTLE SHIT-DISTURBER.

...In Canada, that's what we call a burn.

Oh good, back to Triggy. I can't stand much more of Jenna Rose.

Oh my, look at those jeans

They should be posted in a magazine

Matter-of-fact, let me get my phone

So what are you going to do? Send the picture to Esquire? After using a phone to take it? Well, don't quit your day job. Oh wait...

What?

Trigg bought a new blackberry?

What?

Trigg bought a new blackberry?

What?

Trigg bought a new blackberry?

Aw, just take the picture already

Every other line starting with "What?" belongs to the formerly silent... um, rapper. But this is just a conversation, and barely that. Is this guy deaf? It's not Triggy's fault he's not taking the picture, he has to keep repeating himself for your sake, dumb fuck.

Sorry, I was stuck in a daydream when I bought those jeans with my new ice creams

Sorry, help me out here. His ice creams? Are these... some kind of shoe? Or is he literally talking about ice cream? And are these supposed to be unisex jeans? You know what, screw this. I'm done. I'm absolutely finished.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtfCRaNg5EU

Congratulations, Jenna Rose. This is the first walk-out I've done. Your song sucks so much I can't even bring myself to critique the rest. Go back to school, get a real job, and do something about that http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3WWloVLRt24.