Wumbo's Bottom 50 Songs of All Time

[E.V.I.L.]

E.V.I.L's spoof of "That's Not My Name"

They call me Omar, they call me Omeir, they call me Omer, I'm called Omore, that's not my name, that's not my name, that's not my name, that's not my name!

[Clappy]

Hahahahaha Nookie. Such a horrible song. Wasn't an entirely big fan of Limp Bizkit in general. Always considered them overrated and this song is the perfect example as to why they stunk.

[Wumbo]

Also, what a stupid name for a band. It doesn't get much worse than Limp Bizkit.

Here's 38 and 37, folks! After this, we can say goodbye to the 90's.

Beyoncé is the most overrated artist on the planet. Her songs are okay at best, and stupid, self-indulgent and annoying at worst. This is Beyoncé at her worst. I mean, this is the chorus.

can you pay my bills

can you pay my telephone bills

can you pay my automo'bills

then maybe we can chill

I don't think you do

so you and me are through

Wow. Can you imagine Beyoncé singing this today? She would be laughed off the stage. I'm pretty sure you and Jay-Z take money baths together while Mary Poppins babysits, so you can pay your own freakin' bills, thank you.

Um, ha ha! Automo-bills!

The rest of the song is basically whining about how he be buyin' thangs with Beyoncé's credit card, and making her pay for things! But it should be the man who has to pay for things, right? If he doesn't, then girl, get yo ass out the door.

Thank you, Destiny's Child, for setting feminism back 40 years or so. Also, thanks for making your relationships based on money, making yourselves look like cheap scumbags.

By the way, you can stop listening to this song about 2 minutes in, because it just repeats the bridge and chorus 6 times. Seriously. The second half of this song is filler.

What an utter failure of a song. I don't get Beyoncé love at all.

(worst song of the 90's)

Thank God for artists like Eminem and Beastie Boys, otherwise this guy would be the most prominent white rapper. And frankly, it's not a good representation.

First off, look at this guy.

Douchus Insufferablus, in its natural habitat.

As you can imagine, his song is as douchey as his style. He raps like he's aspiring to be gangsta so bad, but he sounds like an annoying 14-year-old at a high school talent show.

But hey, at least the lyrics are good.

Wait, no they're not. They're this:

I'm killin' your brain like a poisonous mushroom

Yes, and in the worst way possible.

The girlies on standby

Waving just to say hi

Did you stop?

No, I just drove by

"Hey, ladies! I'm a douche! I don't even acknowledge people who wave at me, I just drive by because I'm the most important person ever!"

"So... um, wanna go out sometime?"

'Cause my style's like a chemical spill

If my rhyme was a drug

I'd sell it by the gram

No, but seriously: What?

Yo man, let's get out of here

Word to your mother

One last attempt at gangsta... and you failed.

...But hey, at least the beat is funky!

Wait, that's because he stole it from a http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a01QQZyl-_I. He added one extra note and claimed he changed it enough to claim it as his own. Naturally, he didn't buy the rights, and his pants got sued off. And then it was found out his dance moves were stolen. And his claim that he came from the Miami ghetto was false. Finally, Vanilla Ice became what he deserved to be all along: a laughingstock.

Yep, so that's the end of the 90's. No decade is perfect, but this one came pretty close, with a couple stains.

(Fun fact: Vanilla Ice's real name is Robert Van Winkle.)

Coming Up:

Spoiler

A band that makes me think, "How the mighty have fallen..."

The first of quite a few Nicki Minaj songs.

[Clappy]

Hmmm I wonder if me making you do that Nicki Minaj cd review caused physical harm to you if the first of many songs by her are coming up?

[Wumbo]

Man, what happened to The Black Eyed Peas? They used to be http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpYeekQkAdc. Now, they're overhyped techno-shit. Perferct example? This song. I'm a little more lenient lyric-wise when it comes to dance songs, because they obviously aren't meant to have good lyrics. But come on, what is "Don'tst Don'tst Don'tst Don'tst Don'tst Don'tst Don'tst Sto Sto Sto Sto Sto Sto Sto DON'T STOP THE PARTY" supposed to be? But that's far from the end.

This is the original

This has no identical

You can't have my digital

Future Aboriginal

Your... digital future Aboriginal? Do I even want to know what kind of twisted army will.i.am is threatening to kill us all with? Besides the Army of Autotune, obvs.

Get up off my genitals

​Thanks, I was just leaving.

Then there's also the way Fergie sings her part of the song. It's like she stops trying before the last word. "I ain't gonna quit until I've won" is mangled into "I ain't gonna quit until I cwaaaaa".

Overall message, Black Eyed Peas: What happened?

35. Roman Reloaded - Nicki Minaj

The first of many, here's a Nicki Minaj song. I refuse to listen to this again, but what I remember most about the song was that godawful chorus, if you can even call it that.

Bang my shit bang, it bang bang

Bang my shit bang it bang bang

​No, that's not 2 lines of the chorus. That's the chorus.

It doesn't stop there:

I guess I went commercial

Just shot a commercial

When I flew to the set though

I ain't fly commercial

"Hmm, so it appears 'commercial' has three different meanings. How can I shoehorn that into the song in the most awkward way possible?"

Where we shot it was a lot of different agricultures

Agricultures. Yeah. Um, I'm sure Pepperidge Farm was glad to have you for their commercial, Nicki.

Then again, maybe not.

Ayo, now when I tell ‘em it’s Barbie bitch

Yes I really do mean it’s Barbie bitch

Ask Mattel, they auction my Barbie bitch

Raggedy Ann, could never be a Barbie bitch

Rhyming "Barbie bitch" with "Barbie bitch" 4 times. That sounds like a stunt that could only be perpetrated by...

Oh, guess who else is in this song? Our dear friend Lil Wayne. Here's what Weezy had to offer.

Fuck the world with my thumb

All right, that's quite enough. The only thing good to come out of this song is Lil Wayne's slightly amusing "Nicki Menage a Trois" line, but by that ponit the song has accumulated such levels of shit that it doesn't even matter. Brace yourselves you two, this is only the beginning for both of you.

Coming Up:

Spoiler

The two artists from the last song are featured again.

[Wumbo]

You know what, I lied again. Ice Ice Baby is not the worst song of the 90's. There's one more to come, but it's so deplorable that you won't see it for a while.

As stated previously, Clappy once got me to listen to the entire Pink Friday: Roman Reloaded CD and review it. Because he was Overlord at the time, what else could I do? Well, this was the opening track, and it was one of the worst. It's got the same lyrical capacity as any other Nicki Minaj song, which is

You done, you tight?

You suck at life?

Bitch, twitch, bitch!

Motherfuckers right, this is World War 6

This right here might make a bitch die

And this right here gon make a bitch cry

...and so on, and so forth. But unlike most Minaj songs, the lyrics aren't the worst part. It's whatever the hell she's doing with her voice that's the worst part. It's like a bad imitation of a Cockney accent at the beginning of the song, and then she goes into her usual shitty rapping style, which is weird-ass sugar high style.

There is one small saving grace in the song where she sings rather nicely, which is why it's not higher on the list. But the singing is kind of shoehorned in as a random "O Come All Ye Faithful" reference, and the whole song is just really odd and stupid as a result. Like many Minaj songs.

You know the main problem I have with today's rap? It's boring. Take this song, for example. It's like they weren't even trying. Here's the chorus:

This club so packed, these hoes so drunk

This club so packed, these hoes so drunk

This club so packed, these hoes so drunk

Gotta Bottle, Gotta bottle, Gotta Marley, Gotta Blunt

Ball, Ball, Ball, Ball

Ball, Ball, Ball, Ball

Ball, Ball, Ball, Ball

Gotta Bottle, Gotta bottle, Gotta Marley, Gotta Blunt

Ball

It's just so... stupid. Let's repeat a line that makes us look like dirty scumbags, talk about how drunk we are and how we gotta keep drinking, make an out-of-place reference to Bob Marley, repeat the one-word title umpteen times, and boom.

I'm not even going to bother with the lyrics, but there's a certain line where T.I. references that "bad bitches" have.... something "looking like Aaliyah". Wow, nice homage. I'm sure she's smiling down on you from heaven because you just compared her to bad bitches. Now fuck off.

Coming Up:

Spoiler

I blast two more lazy rap songs.

[Clappy]

I don't agree with Ball being on the list. It may be lazy and I may not like it, but I have heard far worse rap songs than that.

[Wumbo]

Believe me, that was just the beginning.

[Wumbo]

I have to admit, the reason most of these rap songs are coming from 2012 is because this is the year I started my Knee-Jerk Opinions thread. And consequently, it's also the year where I reviewed the worst of rap. So yeah, I may be missing some bad songs from before. But holy balls, it doesn't get much worse than this (yet it does... stay tuned).

I mean, this is the epitome of lazy rapping. Half the lyrics are "That's that shit I don't like." It's like the antithesis to "My Favourite Things". Also, it uses derogatory terms for black people gratuitously and unnecessarily and what the hell is a sneak disser? A gossip? Somebody who doesn't like sneakers?

Gah. Awful, awful song.

This is the first song I ever gave a 0/10 to in my Knee-Jerk Opinions thread. Surprise, it still holds up as shitty music.

First off, what's up with that intro in the video? Who the hell is André, and who is this woman? But that's not even part of the song, so let's get down to it. Now, Let's Make a Deal. You can keep your money, or choose one of these three "prizes":

Shitty Rapper #1: Drake

Drake puts me to sleep. I get that rappers aren't singing, so it's supposed to be kind of monotone. But hell, it doesn't even sound like he wants to rap this song. And with half of the words being the N-word, I can't blame him.

Shitty Rapper #2: Lil Wayne

Weezy raps just like that: a 65-year-old man with shortness of breath. His lyrics are basically about his latest disgusting encounter with the female anatomy, and about how he's "so Young Money". Enjoy it while you can, Weezy. Enjoy it while you can.

Oh, and he referenced Sir Mix-A-Lot, out of nowhere. Good job?

Shitty Rapper #3: T...Raw?

Well, um, that's what he calls himself anyway. The Motto just wouldn't be as terrible without this guy to add his contribution. It's more generic shit about how he wants to ride a bitch's ass like a donkey. For humanity's sake, I hope the sex ends with a swift kick to his teeth.

---

Finally, one more reason to loathe this song: The fact that it spawned the stupid phrase "YOLO". Now, it wouldn't be so bad if the idiots of the world didn't use it to justify getting drunk off their ass and doing stupid shit. Hey, what's this song about again?

Yep. I blame this song with dumbing down humanity. That's pretty bad, even for a current rap song.

Coming Up:

Spoiler

Lil Wayne and Drake come back for an encore.

This makes 4 entries in a row featuring Lil Wayne. What a tool.

[Wumbo]

God. Damn. It. This is absolute shit. I don't really need to explain it, but I will anyway. Here are some of the "lyrics":

give me brain ideas

As opposed to "foot ideas", I guess?

I swing your ass back and forth, back and forth on my monkey bars

Look, I have no problem with euphemisms, as long as:

1. They make sense (monkey bars? so he's got more than one? what?)

2. They don't desecrate childhood toys/memories

3. They don't provide disturbing images (swinging back and forth? I don't even.)

This lyric violates all of those rules, thus my problem.

That camel toe that camel toe

List of things not to rap about: THAT.

I would talk about my dick, but man that shit would be a long story

I don't think I can make it much clearer, but what's even worse than the lyrics is that the way Lil Wayne raps them sounds like he thinks that he's the cleverest little shit to walk the face of the Earth. Somebody tell him that he's not. Please?

I'd judge Detail, but all I've heard from him in this song is masked by autotune, so I can't really.

Through history, songs have been criticized by church groups. Stairway to Heaven has been deemed satanic due to backwards lyrics, people went up in arms after Madonna's Like a Prayer video, and now we've come to this generic shit rap song that disguises itself by having lyrics about church. But it just seems really shoehorned and stupid. The second half of the chorus, in particular:

And I say church (Preach)

We make it light up like a church (Preach)

She wanna fuck and I say church (Preach)

Do Liv on Sunday like a church (Ahh, Preach)

"She wanna fuck and I say church"? What does that even mean? If you're going to do generic rap shit, just do it. Don't try and use weird metaphors to justify your lack of creativity. You get crap like this.

Not to mention that neither rapper here has any kind of edge at all. Like Lil Wayne, Rick Ro$$, and others, they have what I call "wannabe edge". They try to make up for their lack of edge by throwing around sex metaphors and swear words that don't make any sense, and it somehow fools the public into thinking that these songs are edgy. Well, they're not. They're lazy, they're generic, and they're shit.

Coming Up:

Spoiler

Taking a break from 2012, 2 songs from the other years of this new decade.

[Clappy]

I sense a recurring theme here with modern day rap music showing up on this list.

[Wumbo]

Sorry, Will Smith. You're a great actor, but it appears you've passed on your rap skills to your daughter (Bel-Air theme song notwithstanding). Let's face it, Will Smith's rapping is laughable at best. All you have to do is listen to the awkward rhyme of "you got a, Prada, bag with a lotta, stuff in it" to agree. But in this list, it's his daughter's time to... erm, shine.

So why do I hate this song? Well, it's mostly the chorus, if you can even call it that. It's "I WHIP MY HAIR BACK AND FORTH" repeated ad nauseam. Tell me that's not annoying. I dare you.

Why else do I hate this song? Because she sings (and I use this term loosely, as I'm certain autotune is doing more work than she is) about swag and haters. What are you, like, 11? GTFO. "Swag" is a term I hate in general, but more on that later (you'll see why). It's even more deplorable when an 11-year-old is claiming to have it. It's just a stupid song with a stupid message. Is this hair whipping supposed to be some new dance craze or...? Whatever. I feel like the less I think about it, the better.

Just when you think Soulja Boy could not possibly be any more of a joke than he is, he comes out with a song like this. I almost had Turn My Swag On make the list, but then I heard this song, and it's much, much worse. He's... outdone himself again.

First off, he sounds like Stevie from Malcolm in the Middle.

Dis *wheeze* right here *wheeze* is my *wheeze* swag

And that would have been bad enough, but Soulja Boy decided to go the extra mile with these awful, awful lyrics.

Let's start things off here. What the fuck is swag? Urban Dictionary tells me that it's a gross corruption of the Scottish slang word "swagger", used to describe the way that some Scots walk, i.e. in a swaying motion. Somehow, we interpret that to mean how cool someone is?

It is kind of entertaining to hear Soulja Boy basically say he walks in a swaying motion though, and being so damn proud of it!

Okay, now that I've got that out of the way, here's what else the lyrical master has to say:

He rhymes "swag" with "damn", "attention", and then "swag" once again. Look, if you can only rhyme words with themselves, please do so.

After the initial chorus, he says "Pretty! Boy! Swag!" in the most annoying way you can possibly say it, with "AYYYYY" in the background to boot.

He... somehow butchers "swag" even more by turning it into a verb.

Girls scream my name when I pretty boy swag

Watch me pretty boy swag

In the words of Kevin McCallister, "Had enough, or are you thirsty for more?"

Girls on my heavy 'cause I look so sexy

Yellow diamond shawty in the club straight flexin

I'm lookin' for a yellow bone long haired star

Thick in the hips come and get in my car

I'm pretty boy swaggin' in the club I feel sexy, (no homo)

Took her to my condo let the girl strip

Then she got naked then she pretty girl dipped

This... right here... is... is...

COMPUTER MALFUNCTION. CAN ONLY HANDLE SO MANY BAD LYRICS IN ONE SITTING. PLEASE LISTEN TO SOME JOHN LENNON AND/OR BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN TO CLEAR YOUR SYSTEM.

I'll give Soulja Boy Tell'em this: When he sets out to make an awful song, he gives it 110%. The sad thing? There's still 26 songs left on this shitlist. I hope Soulja Boy's not too disappointed...

Worry not! At the rate you're going, it'll only be a matter of time before you produce a song even worse than this!

​ Coming Up:

Spoiler

We return to your scheduled programming of bad 2012 rap songs.

[Wumbo]

*sigh* more of these lazy lyrics. It's just a 5-minute (!) "fuck you I get bitches" to everybody else. I just don't get it. Why do these songs get popular, and why do these guys have successful careers? Obviously talent has nothing to do with the music scene anymore. Not that you need them, but here are some examples:

Money ain't a thing but a chicken wing

​Is... this something people actually say? Or is this something Lil Wayne thinks people say?

We don’t dress alike, we don’t rap alike

I shine different, I rhyme different

Only thing you got is some years on me

Man, fuck you and your time difference

Oh, TIME DIFFERENCE! Cle-ver. These must be the really deep Drake lyrics everyone keeps raving about.

Feed them bitches carrots

Fuck ‘em like a rabbit

Meanwhile, Rick Ro$$ appears to be experimenting in bestiality. I can't decide which is more disturbing: that, or the fact that he has a rapping career.

Work, work, work, work, work, work

Filler, filler, filler, filler, filler, filler. C'mon, French Montana. Just because you got top billing doesn't mean you can try and out-lazy the others.

4 equally deplorable "rappers" in this one, making for a damn shitty song.

I really wish this list wasn't so repetitive, but I'm not throwing in other songs for the sake of diversity when there are awful songs like this out there. I mean, really. Since when is "bitches and the drinks" repeated over and over again a good chorus? Oh, that's right. Ever since popular music went permanently in the shithole.

*sigh* Maybe this shouldn't be so high, but really, all these shitty songs are the same. Fuck this shit, where's a 2Pac hologram when you need one?

Coming Up:

Spoiler

2 Chainz and Kanye West make their debut, while Nicki Minaj is welcomed back.

[Clappy]

You seriously hate recent rap music, don't ya?

If you think that's bad, you should have heard some of the rap songs from when I was in high school. I'll share some of them with you after your list is over because you might have to make a couple changes to your list.

[Wumbo]

I'll be glad to hear them... in the weirdest sense of the word.

Yeah.

Birfday.

Ish ya birfday.

And all 2 Chainz wants is a big booty hoe. Hands up if you saw that coming.

We all know 2 Chainz is a tool. But Kanye West? His songs used to actually be decent. Why is he getting involved with this shit? I'd rather see him interrupting acceptance speeches than this.

Both have their fair share of bad lyrics First, 2 Chainz:

When I die, bury me inside the Gucci store

When I die, bury me inside the Louie store

Well, make up your mind! Unless you're thinking dismemberment, and spreading your limbs all over overpriced clothing stores. In which case, I'm all for it. It's less disturbing than this:

So when I die, bury me next to 2 bitches

But... you'll be dead. So why would it matter who... OH GOD NO 2 CHAINZ ZOMBIE SEX NO THANK YOU

See I done have more bombs than Pakistan

​I wish stupid lyrics like this would just get him placed in solitary confinement.

It's your birthday, it's your birthday

Bad bitch contest, you in first place

You in first place, you in first place

Bad bitch contest, you in first place

Guess who's in first place for a Bad Lyrics contest?

Seriously, 2 Chainz? What the fuck?

Okay, Kanye West had his fair share of bad lyrics too:

Ya'll been together ten years, you deserve a Minaj

Nobody deserves that.

Weren't you at niece's graduation? Man, I hate those kids

I'm sure the kids hate you too, Kanye. I think it has something to do with you ripping their artwork off the refrigerator and bellowing "WARHOL HAD THE BEST ART OF ALL TIME"

Last birthday, she got you a new sweater

Put it on, give her a kiss, and tell her, "Do better"

She said, "How 'bout I get you jewelry from the West End? "

How 'bout she hit the West End and get her best friend?

No, Kanye. After the Swift incident, you're supposed to try your best not to behave like a douchebag.

I'm jokin'

Oh, okay.

I'm just serious

This song completely fails. Unintelligible lyrics, awful chorus, predictable subject matter, and signifies the downfall of Kanye.

Welcome back to the countdown, Minaj. I'd like to say I missed you, but I really didn't.

Here's how the song starts off.

"YO"

"MEEEH"

"meh"

"unh"

I think somebody broke her.

God, this song is so fucking annoying. It's not even just the lyrics, it's Nicki Minaj's awful voice. I feel like if it was at any more annoying of a frequency, it would only be audible to dogs (in which case I would feel sorry for mine).

There's a lot of insufferable stupidity in this song, so I'll just cover the main points:

-2 Chainz is in charge of the second verse, and here's his contribution:

Okay now Nicki Nicki Nicki, put it in your kidney

Let's... steer away from him.

-The bridge has this line:

I don't know man, fuck is on your biscuit?

Fuck.

Is on.

My biscuit.

...

What?

​And I thought taking a cookie and sticking it up your yeah was confusing. My apologies, Limp Bizkit.

-The entire 3rd verse sounds like Nicki Minaj taking a geography lesson, as she lists off random places in the States that don't even rhyme.

It's that New Orleans, it's LA or The Bay

It's New York, Philly, and the whole DMV

I'm a Detroit Player, man it's North/South Cats

Ohio, Pittsburgh, got St. Louis on deck

Would you believe that Nicki Minaj can get worse than this? Well stay tuned, because this is only her third worst song.

Coming Up:

Spoiler

Kreayshawn and Tyga go solo.

[chocolatesoup]

These songs are hilarious and terrible at the same time.

[Wumbo]

Who told this rat-faced bitch she had a future in the music industry? Who?

This is a terrible song. She raps like an Alvin & the Chipmunks reject on crack. And the lyrics are nothing to shake a stick at either:

And we stunting like

Gucci Gucci, Louis Louis, Fendi Fendi, Prada

Basic bitches wear that shit so I don't even bother

Oh good, a hipster. Everybody loves hipsters.

Bitch you ain't no Barbie I see you work at Arby's

Number 2, super-sized Hurry up I'm starving

In the words of the great http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rLmAnzi_52k: "So? At least whoever you're referring to has a job. Working at Arby's contributes more to society than getting high and having some hipster taking pictures of you all day. You are a useless twat, compared to someone who serves delicious chicken, bacon and swiss sandwiches."

I'm rolling up my catnip and shitting in your litter

​That's... just gross. I know you're a hipster and all, but toilets are too mainstream for you?

Also, there's the bizarre thing that keeps repeating over and over again. Apparently it's "One big room, full of bad bitches". Whatever.

Shit song, shit artist. Apparently she dropped out of school for this? Please go back.

"Close your eyes for a second. Try to imagine the most darkest"

Stop. We're really starting with shitty grammar? *sigh*

The worst part is the opening of this song makes it appear that Tyga's about to rap about his life in the ghetto, but then it descends into yet another​ generic shitty rap song about bitches and whatnot. But there's one particular lyric that sets it apart even further than than the previous songs on the list:

I got ya grandma on my dick (ha ha)

That's just disgusting. It doesn't even fit with the rest of the song! Why was it put in? Why? God fucking damn it.

Meanwhile, the chorus and beat are equally deplorable. I'm pretty sure Tyga's not even referring to racks as in breasts, but rather the "racks" of money he has, which of course, makes no goddamn sense. And that beat is so simple a one-year-old could do it. Yawn.

Apparently, "T-Raw" wasn't just a one-time thing either. As Lil Wayne must call himself "Tunechi" in every song, so too must Tyga call himself "T-Raw". For fuck's sake. guys. You already have one stupid rap name. Stick with it.

God. It really does get worse as the list goes on.

Coming Up:

Spoiler

A rare song that has more dislikes than likes on YouTube.

Drake and Lil Wayne get together for one more duet... but only one of them will have their "highest"-ranking song.

[E.V.I.L.]

Gucci Gucci is plain annoying, WTH is wrong with them? Acting like dumbasses with random crap on your body doesn't make you "cool".

[Metal Snake]

These awful mainstream rap songs sound like PARODIES of substandard rap, if only. The pretentiousness of it is just too much...

[Webizoid]

How did I predict that this list would be full of modern rap?