Wumbo's Bottom 50 Songs of All Time

[Wumbo]

Let's just pretend that this was my 16000th post and not my 16002nd, shall we?

Let's start things off!

50. We Built This City - Starship

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nsdj9NRzqC4

When you're talking the worst of the worst, this song is usually a staple. And it's easy to see why. How Jefferson Airplane changed to this, I'll never know. What I do know is this song is the epitome of 80's cheese. Not only is this probably the worst example of "rock and roll" out there music-wise, the lyrics make about as much sense as the ending of Lost. I mean, really.

Someone's always playing corporation games

Who cares they're always changing corporation names

What the fuck does that even mean?

To top this travesty of a song off, they have this equally cheesy video of people fading in and out, Mickey Thomas busting a move (God, why?) and Grace Slick looking like she enjoys about as much of this as we do. It gets worse from here on in, folks!

This next entry may ruffle some feathers and/or jiggle some jelly...

49. Revolution 9 - The Beatles

Sorry, folks. The Beatles were no doubt one of the greats, but they weren't infallible. Proof? Whatever the hell this is. You can call it modern art or something that "I just don't understand", but it doesn't change the fact that this song is absolute garbage. At least when The Beatles usually get weird, there's some kind of discernible melody, or lyrics, or really anything that would make me happy to call it a song. As it is, we have a headache inducer whether you're trying to decipher it or just trying to listen to it. Apparently this song also fueled "Paul is dead" rumours, because if you listen to it backwards (hey, worth a shot, can't be worse than forwards), you hear "Turn me on, dead man." Which makes about as much sense as the rest of this cesspool. If you're listening to The White Album, do yourself a favour and skip this one.

Coming Up:

Spoiler

I rip apart a couple of legends, and the first 90's song makes the cut.

[SG19]

I actually find #50 a good, catchy tune, but it's your list, man.

[Clappy]

He built this list....he built this list out of hate and spite.

I'm interested to see what else you have on here my man.

[Elastic Dawg]

Dude, Rev 9 is one of my two fav Beatles songs (the other is Helter Skelter). But I can understand if you dislike it. Trippy, experimental shit ain't everyone's thang.

[E.V.I.L.]

That sunset in 50 was the most fake looking sunset I've ever seen, And Rev. 9 is a song that fits in Majora's Mask.

[Sabre]

I ... I like both of those songs *Hides in corner*

[Metal Snake]

It's your opinion, but I find both of those songs so bad they're good.

[Wumbo]

This is good that I've sparked a little controversy. Honestly, I'm kind of with Metal Snake in the sense that the Starship song is so bad it's good, and that's why it's not higher. Here are the next two songs!

So let me get this straight: Two of the greatest minds in musical history, and they couldn't think of a better word to describe a girl than doggone?

I mean, what, is this a precursor to Brandy* and Mr. Whiskers?

Now there's a doggone girl.

But here's the thing: that's not even the worst part! The worst part is that stupid banter at the end:

Michael, we're not going to fight about this, okay?

Paul, I think I told you, I'm a lover not a fighter

I've heard it all before, Michael

She told me that I'm her forever lover

You know, don't you remember?

Well, after loving me, she said she couldn't love another

Is that what she said?

Yes, she said it, you keep dreaming

I wouldn't listen to two people grouse over a love triangle like this in real life, so why in the song, guys? Other than this song, both artists are great. RIP Michael.

In the "Who the Hell Told Them They Could Sing?" category: Who the hell told Taylor Hanson he could sing?

He's like a whiny 4-year-old, for God's sakes. When he sings "Can you tell me WHOOO will still CAAAAA-AA-AAARE", my ears feel like they're being cut off by a rusty chainsaw. Not only that, the chorus is just awful.

Mmmbop, ba duba dop

Ba du bop, ba duba dop

Ba du bop, ba duba dop

Ba du

Yeah

"Hmm. You know what, guys? I'm suffering from writer's block here. Would you mind if we ditched the chorus and instead just threw in nonsense words?"

"Yeah, man! One of them could be 'mmmbop'! Hey, can we make that the title of the song?"

And on the 7th year (of the 1990s), this lyrical masterpiece was born.

To top it all off, the video is pretty annoying as well. "We're Hanson! We're walking on the moon! We're skateboarding and not giving a shit! We're insufferable little Muppets who won't cut our hair!"

But the worst part is, Isaac Hanson actually has a decent voice, yet they gave the main vocals to Taylor McTonedeaf. Had Isaac been singing the main part of the song, who knows? MMMBop might not have even made the list.

*Actually kind of funny, because Brandy (the artist) performed a duet with Monica called http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Va1Y6uAgNJY, sort of an answer song to "The Girl is Mine". I think this song actually works, because instead of having that stupid banter at the end, it's sang throughout the whole song, and is melodic instead of cheesy.

Coming Up:

Spoiler

A song dedicated to underwear.

An artist that is probably the most love/hate artist of all time... yet I simply find him mediocre.

[Sabre]

Oh God, I like those two songs also...

I agree that "The Girl is Mine" is a pretty lame song lyrically, but I just love the cheesiness and the silly little banter between the two makes me enjoy it even more :/

"MMMBOP" is a song I wouldn't choose to listen too but if it was to say, play on the radio, yeah, you may see me nodding my head to it. But I do agree that neither are fantastic although none of the four so far would make my bottom fifty...

[Clappy]

MMMBop has to be one of the worst songs that managed to top the charts.

[Wumbo]

Hopefully these entries will restore your faith in me, Sabes...

Beginning of the video: Sisqo's daughter walks up to him, holding up... yes, a thong, and asks, "Daddy, what's this?"

Sisqo's response:

This thing right here

Is lettin all the ladies know

What guys talk about

You know

The finer things in life

Hahaha

Check it out

What the fuck, man? She's like 6.

I know that this song is essentially generic horny guy soul music or whatever (I wish that wasn't a thing), but there are certain aspects of this song that put it on the list:

-The creepy and misleading intro (I'm pretty sure guys talk about what's under the thong th-thong thong thong, Sisqo, if we're going to stereotype)

-The fact that it rips off Livin' La Vida Loca and it doesn't even rhyme or flow with the other lines in the verse

-The fact that after you've heard the first chorus, you've heard the whole song because the insufferable lyrics keep on repeating

-The phrase "dumps like a truck"

-The rest of the song s-song song song

Yep, this song is a complete failure. Terrible concept and even more terrible execution.

​So the artist I hinted at in my last entry wasn't Ludacris, just fyi. Justin Bieber's probably the only artist who I think gets too much love and too much hate simultaneously. I kind of lean away from calling myself a hater of Biebs because his haters are the morons who call him "gay" as if it was an insult, and people like that just need an ice pick through the head, kthx.

But back to the song. This song is the only one of Bieber's that I think legitimately sucks. Another shitty chorus (Is it "oh" or "no"? MAKE UP YOUR MIND!) and a legitimately creepy rap interlude from Ludacris about meeting girls on the playground. Come on, Ludacris. You're better than this.

Overall, the song is one big trite cliché of yet another teen in over his head about this mystery of love and OMG A GIRL BROKE HIS HEART POOR JUSTIN. Yeah, tell this to your obsessive fans about how broken your heart is and how you'll never find lovevagain. I'm sure the death threats to Selena Gomez speak otherwise (a reason why I don't lump myself in with the fans).

Overall, Justin's a mediocre artist, but this song just blows.

Coming Up:

Spoiler

The second-worst lyrics in a pre-80's song.

One of the creepiest songs ever... and it's by an American Idol finalist.

[Sabre]

Well I definitely can't defend either of those songs, great choices. Hopefully they get worse on from here

[Macseed]

*crosses fingers* plz be Phillip, plz be Phillip...

[Clappy]

*crosses fingers* plz be Phillip, plz be Phillip...

How exactly is Phillip's song Home creepy? That has to be one of the best songs from an American Idol finalist in years. My guess is that Wumbo is talking about Clay Aiken's Invisible. Oops, spoiler alert.

[SG19]

A little shocked that Baby isn't higher on the countdown.

[Wumbo]

*crosses fingers* plz be Phillip, plz be Phillip...

You know what's funny, I'm actually making Home the Song of the Day. xD

Anyway, here's 2 sucky ones:

​Kids, don't do drugs. Otherwise you may be deluded into thinking that these lyrics are decent. I mean, I've heard many bad lyrics in my lifetime, but "there were plants and birds and rocks and things"? That's unforgivable. And the shitstorm just continues.

The heat was hot

Wow, and all this time I thought heat was cold. Thanks for the clarification.

Rhyming "desert sun" with "desert fun". I'd almost rather they just Lil Wayne it and rhyme "sun" with "sun".

You know how bad these lyrics are? I welcome the "la la la" filler. It's one of the best parts of the song And that, my friends, is what we call "sad".

(give that clapper a big hand!)

I don't know what Aiken was going for here, but this song is creepy​. I feel unclean after listening to it.

Whatcha’ doin’ tonight

I wish I could be a fly on your wall

Okay. Mildly creepy, but at least it's somewhat implied, rather than just straight-out said. No harm, right?

Well, meet the first chorus line:

If I was invisible

Then I could just watch you in your room

EW. EW. EW. GO TO HELL, CREEP.

The worst part of this is that I don't even think that this was meant to be creepy and stalker-ish, like Every Breath You Take, for example. Why? Because the rest of the lyrics don't fit the stalker motif, making me think that Clay thinks that this... this is acceptable behaviour.

Well, it's not. Do you hear me, Clay? It's not.

Finally, the chorus finishes off with

I would be the smartest man

If I was invisible

(Wait..I already am)

Wait... so if he's already invisible... OH GOD.

Fuck this song. Idol finalists shouldn't be singing this.

Coming Up:

Spoiler

​The last pre-90's song, plus a 90's song.

[Metal Snake]

Good choices so far, none that I would defend aside from the first two. Yes, I do have a secret guilty pleasure for Baby, but I actually do think it's bad, not so bad it's good.

[SG19]

I actually don't mind the lyrics with #43. Tbh, it's one of my favorite American Idol songs

[Wumbo]

I have a confession to make: I lied in the last spoiler. This is not the last pre-90's song, but it's the last pre-80's song.

Sorry everybody, but I can't get past "someone left the cake out in the rain". It's absolutely ridiculous, and it turns what might have been a decent song into a train wreck. It might not have even been so bad had he not taken the metaphor to the point where he was lamenting about how long it took to bake it and how he would never have that recipe again. The other lyrics are decent enough, but not many of them (Is MacArthur's Park the cake, melting in the dark? It's beyond me).

Don't worry, like I said, this is the last song I tear apart that was released before the 80's.

Nothing much to say here really. I just find the singers' voices (particularly Linn's) to be annoying. The lyrics aren't anything special, and I guess it was really just Linn screeching "EEEEEYYYYEEE SAW THE SIGN" that brought it down so far.

Coming Up:

Spoiler

The first of songs I reviewed in my Knee-Jerk Opinions thread makes the list.

The self-proclaimed "best band in the world"... not.

[Wumbo]

Sorry about missing yesterday. I'll catch up by posting 4 here today.

I hate the Ting Tings. Both songs I've heard by them (Shut Up and Let Me Go and this one) annoy me to no end. But in terms of which annoys me more, this one comes out on top. It's just got such a stupid premise. How does "THEY CALL ME THIS, THEY CALL ME THAT, THAT'S NOT MY NAME" qualify for a chorus? And apparently, she's quiet and a riot.

Listen to me, oh no, I never say anything at all

and then

But I'm a riot yeah

What.

In short, this song is moronic, pointless, and annoying. The perfect candidate for this list.

If you know anything about music, you know that Limp Bizkit is fucking awful, and Fred Durst is one of the biggest twats to walk this planet. Onetime, while his band got booed and pelted with fruit at a Metallica concert, he said that "Limp Bizkit is the greatest band in the world". But don't be fooled by his words. All you gotta do is listen to their music, and know he's dead wrong.

So, this particular song is probably their worst, which is saying something. It's a stupid song about how he did it all for the "nookie", whatever the hell that means (I'm not going to Google it, because ignorance is bliss). Okay, fine. But what the fuck is this?

So you can take that cookie

And stick it up your

(Yea)

Stick it up your

(Yea)

Stick it up your

(Yea)

Stick it up your

What... cookie? What is he talking about? And why does he want her to stick it up her... yeah? I'm sure this makes sense in Fred Durst's head, but it would be nice if he could give us some... uh, insight.

There's also the part where he repeats "like a chump" ad nauseam (but at least he's coming to terms with his inner self) and then there's the awkward rhyme of "she put my tender, heart in a blender, and still I surrendered".

But in the end, the ultimate payoff comes in the video when Fred Durst is arrested by the police for a Limp Bizkit video, which sounds just about right.

Coming Up:

Spoiler

The last two 90's songs!