Wumbo's Bottom 50 Songs of All Time

[Metal Snake]

Kudos, people need to learn that Friday is not that bad (it is bad, but it's also insanely catchy and even has some so bad it's good appeal). The giant big problem I have with My Jeans is that the theme of it makes NO SENSE. She finds out that some celebrities wore these jeans that she thought were cool and has a massive ego stroke?! WHERE IS THE LOGIC.

[Wumbo]

All right, let's start things off with...

10. Dance (Ass) - Big Sean

Even though there's worse songs out there, this one, I think, wins the laziest chorus prize. I mean, really? "Ass" over and over again? Changing the pitch of it doesn't help.

Oh, my mistake. It also has the line "Stop... now make that motherfucker hammer time like..." *insert shoehorned MC Hammer sample here*

God, why? This is the epitome of lazy rap. I mean, here's some of the lyrics:

Wobble-dy wobble-dy wa wobble wobble

I'm st-stacking my paper my wallet look like a bible

A filler line... and you can't even rhyme it right. *facepalm*

How your waist anorexic and then your a$$ is colossal

I absolutely hate when "anorexic" is used in place of "skinny". It trivializes a horrible disease. I think this is the first song on my list to do this.

And the rest of it is pretty much "gurl look at your ass, I'd like to put my dick in there", or even better, lyrics like this:

I walk in with my crew and I’m breaking they necks

I’m looking all good I’m making her wet

They pay me respect they pay me in checks

And if she look good she pay me in sex

That's... just gross. And creepy. And unnerving.

*sigh* This song is enough to make anybody "go stupid".

[Webizoid]

Why can't rappers rap about nice things?

"YO GURL IMMA BUST A CAP off your Coke because we only have bottles and you look like you're having trouble with it."

[Wumbo]

Haha, Hood Dad.

Anyway, without further ado...

So the video starts out all self-referential, with will.i.am discovering this hip new device that changes your voice!!!11 Of course, that hideous demon is known as Autotune. will.i.am knows it. It ends with Fergie walking out, bellowing "WE'RE NOT ROBOTS." This would be funnier if it weren't so pathetic how reliant The Peas are on Autotune now.

Anyway, that montage just means the "song" starts at around the 1:40 mark. So let's get to it. "Imma Be" starts out with will.i.am... singing? rapping? autotuning? about how he's a bee. At least that's what I get. Because Imma Be on its own doesn't make any sense.

Then Fergie starts rapping about the things she...ma be doing. I don't see this as much more than an excuse to show off Fergie's svelte figure. You know what? It's the best part left of this sorry group. More power.

Then will.i.am comes in, rapping about the things hema be doing. This, coupled with overuse of autotune and shitty lyrics, is the problem with The Black Eyed Peas. It's not The Black Eyed Peas anymore, it's the will.i.am and Fergie Show. Apl had a brief part in the intro, that's good enough. Taboo? Who cares about Taboo? And then there's this disgusting lyric:

Imma be ya bank, I be loaning out semen

No. Just... no.

Oh look, they decided to give Apl a rapping solo! They also decided to give Taboo... the right to say "Hey!" They even sampled Rob Base's "It Takes Two" just for good measure! Which brings us to Part 2 of this sorry saga: Rock That Body.

So yeah. It starts off with almost no original material for the first 10 seconds or so. Who did they consult for this song, Flo Rida?

And then, bring on will.i.am and the wave of autotune! But at least he doesn't sound like a drunken chipmunk, like... whatever the hell Fergie has been turned into. Seriously, who thought that sounded good? This is Skrillex-level bad. It sounds like I'm watching a home video of some 5-year-old singing with bad audio on the camera.

At least Apl and Taboo aren't forgotten. They get about 8 lines each. Not bad!

Finally, after roaming through the city rockin' people's bodies, it all turns out to be a dream. Fergie's dream, to be exact. And her first words as she comes to? "I just had the greatest idea for a video..."

This is an insult to what The Black Eyed Peas http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpYeekQkAdc. I'm just glad that will.i.am went off on a solo career, and it's actually been a decent ride.

[Webizoid]

Compared and contrasted the video you critiqued and the one that you mentioned later. It's almost like it's two different groups. Black Eyed Peas, you have my pity.

[SG19]

To me, the best part of Imma Be is the bridge. Otherwise, it's a rather non-canon tune. Same goes for Rock That Body.

[Clappy]

Yeah that song is a guilty pleasure to me. I don't know if it would be on my bad song list (which I'm kinda considering doing ). This isn't even the worst Black Eyed Peas song. Those distinct honors belong to The Time (Dirty Bit). Whatever the hell a Dirty Bit is.

[Wumbo]

Eh, The Time is pretty bad, but not quite so bad to me. Imma Be Rockin' That Body tops the worst Black Eyed Peas song for me, but to each their own.

I can't believe I gave this simply a mediocre rating in my Knee-Jerk Opinions thread. This song is terrible. Was debating on which version to have (she has another version featuring some other annoying schmuck from The X Factor), but ultimately decided that more Cher Lloyd is worse than less.

Let's start off with that grunting noise she makes after every. Damn. Verse. What is that? Is she singing this while constipated?

I used to think that that was the worst part of the song. But then I actually saw the lyrics, and I was floored as to how bad this song is. Here's the premise, for all you tl;drs: Cher Lloyd breaks up with this guy because he "never had much game", then sees him with some other girl, and thinks that he should leave her and come back to the girl that dumped him! Wow, what a bitch.

Now that that's out of the way, let's take a closer look at these awful, awful lyrics.

Hey, boy you never had much game

Thought I needed to upgrade

So I went and walked away way way

Ugh!

Okay, that's the first and last time I'll put "ugh" in with the lyrics. But it gives you a good idea of annoying grunting. Just picture it after every group of lyrics I post, mmkay?

Anyway, so Cher Lloyd, as I said, walked away from this boy because he never had much game. Okay, fine. Breakups happen.

Now, I see you've been hanging out

With that other girl in town

Looking like a pair of clowns clowns clowns

Sheesh, jealous much? Why do you care who he hangs out with? And who is "that other girl in town"? Do you live in a town with a population of 5 people? That might explain your getting a date in the first place.

Remember all the things that you and I did first?

And now you're doing them with her

If a girl dumped me because I "never had much game", I'd be trying to forget that bitch, not remember. And since when can you not do the same things on dates with different people? ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU ARE THE ONE WHO BROKE UP WITH HIM.

And now you're taking her to every restaurant

And everywhere we went, come on!

Again, not his problem. If you didn't want him dating other girls, maybe you shouldn't have broke up with him.

Boy you can say anything you wanna

I don't give a shh, no one else can have ya

I want u back, I want you back

Wa-want you, want you back

Correct response: "WELL THAT'S TOO FUCKING BAD."

You don't give a shh? I wish you'd give a couple shushes so you'd stop this train wreck.

I broke it off thinking you'd be cryin'

Seriously? Your motive was to make him cry? What the fuck is wrong with you? YOU are the absolute, hands down, biggest bitch in the music industry. And you did it all in one song!

Now I feel like shh looking at you flyin'

I AM CHER LLOYD. I HATE WHEN PEOPLE ARE HAPPY. I HAVE AN INCESSANT GRUNTING PROBLEM.

Unfortunately, she's not available, boys! (Lol at the stroy describing her as "X Factor Reject").

Please, this ain't even jealousy

She ain't got a thing on me

Tryin' to rock them ug-a-ly jeans jeans jeans

Ug-a-ly jeans? Have you seen your video? At least she probably knows what a top is. (Hint: you need more than a brassiere and an open jacket.)

You clearly didn't think this through

Yeah, this boy... clearly didn't think through... being broken up with!

Oh, for fuck's sake. This is my head with any song before this:

But this is my head with this:

Ohhh, I thought you'd still be mine

When I kissed you goodbye uh oh, uh oh

Ohhh, and you might be with her

But I still had you first uh oh, uh oh

I... I can't do it anymore. I really can't. Vanilla Ice may have had a style like a chemical spill, Soulja Boy may have had his pretty boy swag, and Jenna Rose may have had her jeans, but Cher Lloyd has nothing except an unhealthy amount of psycho bitch in her system. I can't wait until her 15 minutes are up, and she's working at a pig farm, using grunts to communicate.

One more thing before I quit:

[Macseed]

Aw I like that song . I guess I can agree the lyrics aren't that good.

[Clappy]

The ending to this song is easily one of the worst song endings I've ever heard. This post is finished.

*helicopter sounds*

[Wumbo]

"Blah blah blah" describes a great number of Ke$ha songs, but this one stands out to me as the stupidest. Maybe it would be better if somebody sang this to Ke$ha, because she's basically telling somebody to shut up. And really, there's not much more to say. It's just Ke$ha with her signature terrible rapping (she always sounds drunk as a skunk when she attempts it) and features another terrible artist, 3OH!3. Let's talk about them for a second. What a stupid band name. How are you even supposed to pronounce it? three-oh-three, emphasis on the oh? Did somebody come up with this while drunkenly texting a bro or something? The cast of Jersey Shore could come up with a better band name. (Also, Don't Trust Me would have probably made the list if it wasn't so catchy.)

I wish I had more to say about this, but I really don't. It's just the quintessential stupid Ke$ha song. Blah blah blah indeed.

[Wumbo]

This is one of Nicki Minaj's worst songs, and it's one of the few that actually has more dislikes than likes on its video. For good reason, too. This... "song"... is bloody awful. I don't even know what to compare this to, but it's not human.

Let's start with the beat. It's just two different annoying tunes over and over again. It's not even interesting, yet it's annoying.

Now that the least bad part of this song is out of the way, let's move on to the worst, which is a recurring problem in this list: The lyrics. I don't think I have to explain that "you a stupid hoe" over and over again does not a good chorus make. And if that repetition wasn't bad enough, it also has "fuck you/a stupid hoe" over and over again at the end. This is a 12-year-old's response to someone pissing them off. Grow up a little Nicki, will ya?

Ugh, and the rest of the song may as well be those lyrics, because the rest of it is shit like "piss on bitches" and other shit about stupid hoes. Then she says "I am the female Weezy" at the end. That's... not exactly something to be proud of, Minaj. I know Weezy founded you and all, but you can stop paying homage to him. You're successful now, for some reason.

Finally, Nicki Minaj's voice. Her rapping kills me in the worst way possible. Blood donor clinics should just have people listen to this song and it'll come right out of their ears. And why does she extend the word "would" to an ungodly long amount of time? This song could have been shorter if she didn't. When Nicki Minaj plans to make me suffer, she goes the full mile.

[Wumbo]

​Ugh. Skrillex. This barely qualifies as music. Well, actually, the first 30 seconds or so isn't bad. Kind of weird, but not bad. But then there's this kid yelling "OH MY GOD" and the beat devolves into what I believe is robots throwing up. This is what a great deal of Skrillex songs sound like, but I feel this one best illustrates it.

I mean, seriously. I'm all for machine-made music if it's good, but this is bloody awful. This is like, what a techno artist rejects. And seriously, what is up with that fucking kid? Did he just randomly walk into the studio one day, yell, and Skrillex decided to use it in his (their? its?) song before he was escorted out by security? That's my best interpretation, and it still doesn't make sense. Skrillex fans, help me out.

Finally, this stupid song just repeats about halfway through, so you can stoip listening at that point, unless you want to hear those garbled lyrics at the end. That's actually lyrics backwards, which is probably why it sounds so ungodly. Still doesn't excuse the bad music, though. Or maybe it does.

[Webizoid]

​Ugh. Skrillex. This barely qualifies as music. Well, actually, the first 30 seconds or so isn't bad. Kind of weird, but not bad. But then there's this kid yelling "OH MY GOD" and the beat devolves into what I believe is robots throwing up. This is what a great deal of Skrillex songs sound like, but I feel this one best illustrates it.

I mean, seriously. I'm all for machine-made music if it's good, but this is bloody awful. This is like, what a techno artist rejects. And seriously, what is up with that fucking kid? Did he just randomly walk into the studio one day, yell, and Skrillex decided to use it in his (their? its?) song before he was escorted out by security? That's my best interpretation, and it still doesn't make sense. Skrillex fans, help me out.

Finally, this stupid song just repeats about halfway through, so you can stoip listening at that point, unless you want to hear those garbled lyrics at the end. That's actually lyrics backwards, which is probably why it sounds so ungodly. Still doesn't excuse the bad music, though. Or maybe it does.

Kid=

[Macseed]

Kid=

OH MY GOSH!

[Wumbo]

Kid=

I'm scared...

[Wumbo]

Eminem is probably the most inconsistent rapper for me. When he's good, he's http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1wYNFfgrXTI. When he's bad... he's the #4 worst song of all time in my books.

I mean, seriously. What the hell​ was he going for here? Is this supposed to be satirical? Because if it is, I don't get the joke. This song is just awful.

Want to know what it's about? It's Eminem yelling at his ex-wife Kim, and he also does Kim's voice, a crying, terrified woman. Am I supposed to be impressed? Because as it is, the end result is really unnerving.

It's barely even a song. It's just Eminem yelling. I mean, many of the lyrics don't even rhyme. The song ends with Eminem killing Kim. Maybe this kind of thing would have worked in a movie, but as a song, it jsut completely fails. Both of Eminem's voices make my ears bleed, the lyrics are sadistic to the point of no return, and it's just an overall mess as a result. And it goes on for 6 minutes! That's torture.

Eminem, you're alright most of the time, but this just sucks, and is wholly deserving of the #4 spot.

[Wumbo]

I believe it was Elastic who coined this as the worst song ever. When even Elastic is too weirded out, that's a problem. This song lasts 4 minutes and 17 seconds, and that's 4 minutes and 17 seconds too long.

I don't even get what they're saying. "I hate cheese pizzas" is something I hear at some point. WELL FUCK YOU TOO.

Most of the song is the singer just repeating "Prit Stik" over and over, with her voice reaching abnormally high levels at the end. It's also punctuated by "drum solos" and "guitar solos", which are just the singer I presume doing a bad impression of a drum set/guitar.

At around the 3:35 mark, they repeat "we're not finished yet". I wish you were finished 3 minutes and 35 seconds ago.

Ugh. This song is just complete garbage. Worst song of the 80's and the 20th century.

[Clappy]

I actually like Kim. It's an interesting take into domestic violence. The story feels so real that it kinda sends chills down my spine.

[Wumbo]

It's a good concept, I agree. But I think it was executed all wrong.