Ask Jeeves

[Old Man Jenkins]

I'll have you know that stubbed my toe while watering my spice garden last week and I only cried for twenty minutes.

[Sauce Mama]

How you doin'?

[Old Man Jenkins]

Fine, thanks.

[Sauce Mama]

So, I heard you like shooting yourself out of a cannonball?

[Old Man Jenkins]

It was worth giving up farming for it.

[Cha]

And living the life as a Mild One, how did that go for ya?

[Old Man Jenkins]

I'm still alive, aren't I?

[Sauce Mama]

What was your most traumatic experience?

[Old Man Jenkins]

Spoiled for length.

Spoiler

Would probably have to be the time my so-called, asshole of a "friend" knocked me off this over 5-foot cement bench thing outside the library back in intermediate (middle school) when I wasn't even looking all because I stepped on his shoes. As you can tell, it was a quite a fall, I had my backpack on at the time, and that combined with my body weight pretty much fucked up my arm when it broke my fall and I had some bad lacerations on my face from all the dirt below. And this was done during recess in front of a good majority of the student body. Been slightly afraid of hospitals ever since. My dickhole vice principal at the time came in to seem in the health room and made it seem like it was my fault it fucking happened, like he was justifying what the prick did to me. It blew up into a lawsuit and my parents decided to keep home for an entire quarter. I was young at the time, I couldn't comprehend all the legal shit back then so it was a lot of stress on me not knowing what the hell was going on. Things got interesting when the prick's father turned out to be a lawyer, and a sucky one at that. I had to make up all the work of that quarter for all seven classes all in the span of a 1 week spring break, which definitely ate me up. Don't know how I managed it, but I was able to pass.

I was afraid to go back to school. I didnt know how things would pan out. Things could either go north or south from here. Apparently being blindsided meant I "had my ass kicked" as a whole lot of them told me. Some even thought I died. A lot could happen in the span of a quarter, and the word would spread like wildfire, especially if I wasn't even there to do anything about it. My reputation and my pride took a huge hit. I would lose, well, a lot of friends, good friends. They'd harass me about the whole thing, well into our high school years. Even kids who I didn't even know had the balls to harass me. I became that kid who got "his ass kicked" in front of the whole school and I guess it stuck with me til the end because that's how people would come to know me by, address me as. I would come to only confide in a few GOOD friends who were there for me. I still feel like an ass for kicking them off to the side during high school. Most of my teachers were assholes and weren't even accomodating when I came back. Only, like, one out of the seven made me feel, I don't know, "welcomed" and went beyond the call of their duty to help me out work-wise. The others were just flat-out Dick's to me for whatever reason they had. The worse thing was that I didn't do anything to defend myself, I just took all the shit, never told anybody at the time. I don't even know how I managed to get through it, but hey, I did.

Looking back on it now, I can kinda see why I had the problems I had during my high school years and why I didn't care about anything during those said years. Why I have such a low opinion of people and why I'm quite cynical at times. It still affects me to this day. I lost a lot of confidence in myself and I allowed that incident to mold me into the pathetic, bitter ignoramus I am today. And that, Sauce, was my most traumatic experiences, well, other than the time I almost drowned when I was 10 but I got over that.

[Sauce Mama]

Spoiled for length.

Spoiler

Would probably have to be the time my so-called, asshole of a "friend" knocked me off this over 5-foot cement bench thing outside the library back in intermediate (middle school) when I wasn't even looking all because I stepped on his shoes. As you can tell, it was a quite a fall, I had my backpack on at the time, and that combined with my body weight pretty much fucked up my arm when it broke my fall and I had some bad lacerations on my face from all the dirt below. And this was done during recess in front of a good majority of the student body. Been slightly afraid of hospitals ever since. My dickhole vice principal at the time came in to seem in the health room and made it seem like it was my fault it fucking happened, like he was justifying what the prick did to me. It blew up into a lawsuit and my parents decided to keep home for an entire quarter. I was young at the time, I couldn't comprehend all the legal shit back then so it was a lot of stress on me not knowing what the hell was going on. Things got interesting when the prick's father turned out to be a lawyer, and a sucky one at that. I had to make up all the work of that quarter for all seven classes all in the span of a 1 week spring break, which definitely ate me up. Don't know how I managed it, but I was able to pass.

I was afraid to go back to school. I didnt know how things would pan out. Things could either go north or south from here. Apparently being blindsided meant I "had my ass kicked" as a whole lot of them told me. Some even thought I died. A lot could happen in the span of a quarter, and the word would spread like wildfire, especially if I wasn't even there to do anything about it. My reputation and my pride took a huge hit. I would lose, well, a lot of friends, good friends. They'd harass me about the whole thing, well into our high school years. Even kids who I didn't even know had the balls to harass me. I became that kid who got "his ass kicked" in front of the whole school and I guess it stuck with me til the end because that's how people would come to know me by, address me as. I would come to only confide in a few GOOD friends who were there for me. I still feel like an ass for kicking them off to the side during high school. Most of my teachers were assholes and weren't even accomodating when I came back. Only, like, one out of the seven made me feel, I don't know, "welcomed" and went beyond the call of their duty to help me out work-wise. The others were just flat-out Dick's to me for whatever reason they had. The worse thing was that I didn't do anything to defend myself, I just took all the shit, never told anybody at the time. I don't even know how I managed to get through it, but hey, I did.

Looking back on it now, I can kinda see why I had the problems I had during my high school years and why I didn't care about anything during those said years. Why I have such a low opinion of people and why I'm quite cynical at times. It still affects me to this day. I lost a lot of confidence in myself and I allowed that incident to mold me into the pathetic, bitter ignoramus I am today. And that, Sauce, was my most traumatic experiences, well, other than the time I almost drowned when I was 10 but I got over that.

Awwwww! wow. The kid that "had his ass kicked"? That's not cool, at all. There is no reason that kid should've pushed you down, and why they should've harassed you, and even your friends! That is fucked up, and I'm sooo sorry all of that happened to you. You aren't pathetic or bitter, all of those people are assholes. (excuse the profanity) And believe me, when I hurt my knee at school, my vice principle was the biggest, cocky you-know-what ever, so I can relate. What comes around, goes around, botches. They deserve what's coming to them. Even today, try not to let it get to you. You're the bigger man here. But I'm glad you're ok besides, and again I'm really sorry about that.

[Sauce Mama]

Oh yeah haha I have to ask a question. What is your favorite store to shop at?

[Old Man Jenkins]

Thank you for the words, Sauce Mama.

Pac Sun is a pretty cherry place for me to buy clothes, that or Ecko.

[Sauce Mama]

^ I love Pac sun. I think they closed down the one at our mall though.

Are you tired of city folk and their flying machines?

[Rap Critic]

Are ya glad ya gave up farmin'?

[Old Man Jenkins]

Smiles: I always knew no good would could come from em'.

Wumbo: IM GLAD I GAV UP FARMIN

[crushingmayhem]

What games do you play online?

[Old Man Jenkins]

I used to play all sorts of games on Pogo.com and Heavy Games. Console-wise, I don't really do online unless I wanna be a troll or I'm with friends, but the games I have played online are GTA IV, Saints Row II and Dead Rising 2.

[Sauce Mama]

Who's that smooth looking man in your avatar?

[Old Man Jenkins]

Mr. Pink from Reservoir Dogs, played by Steve Buscemi.

[Sauce Mama]

Are you beyond the reef where the sea is dark and cold?