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Elastic Dawg

By Elastic Dawg
in Davy Jones' Locker

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Elastic Dawg

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One more test pilot and then it'll be decided whether this will stay alive or die.

Episode 2: Runaway Sponge (pilot)

Episode 1: The Bikini Bottom Chase

A tall and skinny buisnessman ventured into the Bikini Bottom Bank.

"Hello sir. What can I help you with today?" The bank teller said.

"I would like to take 20 dollars out of my account." The buisnessman replied.

"Sure thing. I'll be just a couple a minutes." The bank teller said.

Right as the teller was about to enter the transation into the computer, a giant crashing noise came from behind where they were standing. Oh no! It is the Runaway Sponge.

Either this is happening right now or the writer has no sense of tense (little rhyme thar

"Nobody moves! You know who I am!" The Runaway Sponge told the people in the bank.

No. No we don't.

"Alright, Patrick you get a hostage, i'll get the money." Runaway Sponge said.

"Sure thing boss." Patrick said.

Does Patrick just do like anything the "Runaway Sponge" tells him to do?

The Runaway Sponge walked up to the counter.

"Give me all this dump has!" He screamed as he poked the gun in the managers skull.

"Alright, alright!" The manager said as he pushed all of the money into giant bags to give to him.

Wait, if the gun was poked into his skull, how is he able to respond under such pain?

"Now, Patrick did you get the hostage?" The Runaway Sponge stated.

Stated? Dontcha mean asked?

"I..can't choose! They all look so nice." The dumb witted Patrick said.

...No comment.

"Ugh! Just pick someone who looks like they are important." He said."Hurry! We are running out of time here!"

Patrick picked someone.

"Grab her, and lets go!" He stated. "And you, don't even thing about moving, i'll kill you now." Spongebob said as he looked at the hostage.

They then ran out of the bank with the money and the hostage and headed to there car.

Run-on sentences ahoy!

They put the money in the backseat, hostage in the back, and then drove off out of the area.

At The Police Station:

The police radio started to talk:

"We got our next target. Spongebob Squarepants or mostly know as "The Runaway Sponge", is driving at dangerous speeds throughout the city. But the worst part is that he has a hostage from the bank robery earlier today." The radio stated.

"We got to go now folks, lets go!" The head police officer said.

The head police officer also know as John, has been a police officer and a firefighter since the age of 12.

Is it even possible to be a firefighter at 12?

He's known for his large height and his ability to keep all workers on the job.

"Lets go everyone! We got another case of "The Runaway Sponge" on our hands." He said as he started to get his gear ready.

"Alright, guys we have got to be carefull on this mission. That Sponge is smart and always knows what to do." The co-chief Bobby said.

They got in their cars and speeded away looking for him.

This spin-off sounds like it was written speededly.

Later on the Chase:

"Guys, I see him up ahead down highway 53." Bobby said."I'm going to try to speed up by him to set down some spikes."

"Speed Up: a novel by Him.

"Alright." John said through the walky talky.

Inside the Runaway Sponge's Car:

"Ahh! They are catching up to us!" Spongebob told his wimpy and dumb assistant.

God, enough of the Patrick abuse, seriously.

"Why cant we just give up?!" Patrick said crying.

"Patrick! Remember, we never surrender!"

You should. You really should.

Besides, we got a hostage." Spongebob said.

"Alright! Lets let the hostage go, then surrender!" Patrick said again.

"No! No! No!" Spongebob said as he looked at Patrick and almost crashed the car. "Get a hold of yourself! Remember? I'm the "Runaway Sponge" you chose me!.

TAKE NO PUNCTUATION.

5 Years Earlier:

"You either work with me for danger and excitment, or you work at this boring grocery store." The Runaway Sponge said.

"Yeah...I remember Spongebob." Patrick said.

"Good." Spongebob replied.

What just happened?

-The focus turns back to the police-

"He's gaining speed! He's at 130 mph! I can barely see him in the distance anymore. We are going to have to make more of an effort to get past him!" Bobby said.

"Yeah, yeah i'm trying." The head police officer replied.

The chase went on and so far has been going on for over 300 miles. Over 5 hours later and they finally are feet away from the car.

"Watch out! He's got a gun! He is firing aimlessly at us." An officer said.

Wait, who's driving again?

"When he slows down a bit we will try to get ahead again." Another officer said.

But he did not slow down. he even shattered one of the cop cars window that had Bobby inside.

"No! We are spinning out of control!" Bobby said."Lets try to stop up here!

They managed to stop, but they were unable to continue in the chase.

Finally! Now this shitty car chase scene can e-

"It is up to our car now!" John said as they were the last car remaining.

GODDAMMIT!

Awhile later, the "Runaway Sponge" headed up a steep mountain road making it even harder for the police to stay close.

"He's making sharp turns! I'm struggling to follow!" John told the other officer inside the car.

He's an excellent driver! We have no chance of stopping him!

Eventually, they lost the "Runaway Sponge".

Just like everyone who read this, ignoring the fact that their "Runaway Sponge" was actually faith.

"No! That hostage is doomed! I'm sad there is nothing that we can do." John said.

You know you're failing when Tommy Wiseau could probably say that with more emotion than you.

Inside the Runaway Car:

"Great! We lost them. We will stop up this hill to get our buisness done up here." Spongebob said.

What buisness? Dirty buisness?

"I don't get it. Why didn't we just take the money from the bank and leave? We didn't need to get a hostage." Patrick said.

Because the story needs more useless subplots, dammit!

"Patrick! Its the tradition, we get the money, then get the hostage, and then take the money back to the hideout." Spongebob stated.

I am now left to ponder what they do with the hostage.

"Fine, fine." Patrick replied.

They stopped at the top of the hill and got out of their car.

"Lets get the hostage out of the trunk." The Runaway Sponge said.

They opened up the trunk and took out the hostage. The hostage was roped up with tape on the mouth. Spongebob grabed his pistol out of his pocket and loaded it with one bullet. The victim started moving and screaming.

"Shut up! You have got to relize, squirming is going to do yourself no good. This is our job and living, nothing will stop us." Spongebob said.

The Runaway Sponge moved the tip of the gun to the hostage's head and then started talking again,"You...are an unlucky one of the bunch at the bank. Have fun being dead." Spongebob finished talking and pulled the trigger. The hostage was dead.

...and so, what would've been a 20 year sentence is now life in prison.

They got back in their car leaving the hostage on the side of the road. But when Spongebob tried to start the car, it wouldn't start.

"Patrick, you know the drill. RUN!" Spongebob said as he grabbed all of the money. Spongebob knew though that there was evidence left behind, their car and the dead hostage, they are not going to get out of this one that easy. But for now, the "Runaway Sponge" has escaped.

This is the only case of a cliffhanger in which I hope we don't find out. Overall, this was fucking terrible. Also, if you're interested in joining in on the fun, PM me.

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What...? What posts from HER were spam? o.o From what I can tell, her posts were merely stating her opinion...

She was only suspended for a week or so for bad-mouthing the site and the staff. She should be allowed back today.

And most of her posts in this thread are spam.

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Elastic Dawg

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101: Some SOF Talk Show Claps Found

SOF: Hello everyone, today is the season 1 finale and we have a special guest for you.

Claps: It better be Jimmy Two-Shoes or "we" riot!

Luke: That's a good introduction to a spin-off, a run-on sentence. We're in trouble.

*scene cuts to audience*

Squidward: "SpongeBob, why am I here?"

Claps: Good question Squidward. Unless SpongeOdd lives underwater, both of you would be dehydrated by now.

Spongebob: "Because Squidward, I want you to see the show!"

Wumbo: "And I cut your cable and everyone else's in Bikini Bottom, so the only way to see the show is to appear on it! Now stop asking stupid questions."

*Squidward groans*: "Stupid show."

Luke: I know how you feel, Squidward. Trust me, I know.

Claps: I hear you loud and clear Squidward. SpongeBob's reasoning is piss poor and you should have just not listened to him like you usually do. Otherwise you would look out of character. Like so...

SOF: "Please welcome Squilliam Fancyson!"

Luke: Yeah, don't worry about the lack of commas and grammar errors folks. There's only a hundred more in this episode.

Squidward: "WHAT?!"

*Squilliam enters*

Squilliam: "Hello everybody!"

Squidward: "Hold it!"

Elastic: No, firmly grasp it!

*everyone gasps*

Luke: Dear God, he interrupted someone! What's our world coming to?!

Claps: Because if we had an audience member overreact like that, he would so not be taken out by security by now.

Squilliam: "What's the matter Squiddy?"

Squidward: "I don't think that's your plan!"

Luke: Plan? What plan?

Wumbo: Where did he say he had a plan? Unless "Hello everybody" is code for something, like "I plan to kill Squidward, bury him in an unmarked grave, and dance the Charleston on it."

Claps: What plan? The plan to get interviewed by SpongeOdd? How diabolical!

Squilliam: "Oh of course not! I wasn't here to be interviewed. Instead, I'm here to tell everybody your deepest, darkest secrets!"

Claps: Like I said...diabolical...

Squidward: "YOU WANT TO WHAT?!

Wumbo: I want to make sure that you use quotation marks at the end of your sentences. If that means revealing to the world that you have 'shrinkage', so be it.

SOF: "Not so fast! I have a better idea, why don't we have a challenge here? The 1st one to make a successfully working invention becomes the Best Squid!

Wumbo: What is this, SOF's ADHD hour?

So now I'll let Chris be the one to judge your inventions and then we decide which one is better, deal?"

Claps: Don't even get me started on riffing this last statement. First of all, Squilliam can still reveal those deep dark secrets without there being a challenge Second, an invention competition to become Best Squid? Pure lulz at its finest. Third, Chris McLean is being brought into this? Where did he come from? Was he the special guest? Clarity is all I ask for.

Elastic: I wanna hear secrets, dammit!

Squidward & Squilliam: "Deal!"

Luke: How the-? Wha-?

Claps: Poor saps! They would do anything for this made up award...

SOF: "Excellent! So let's begin!"

Luke: STOP! What is going on?! I don't understand this at all! First of all, how does Squilliam know Squidward's secrets? He doesn't hang around him at all, what, has he been stalking him in the dead of the night? There's no explanation. Second, what kind of talk show host would have a contest in the middle of a freaking interview? Did he have this planned in advance, did he just randomly decide to do this? And third, making inventions? Are you serious? They came here without any tools or material!

*Squidward and Squilliam are both finding and gathering up their materials to work on their inventions.*

Luke: WHAT?!

Wumbo: It's amazing how many nuts and bolts can be found backstage. Not to mention means of electricity.

Elastic: The person who wrote this WAS nuts!

*Squidward and Squilliam then both start working on their inventions.*

Wumbo: I think at this point, SpongeBob slipped off to go watch that sea anemone porn show he cherishes.

Luke: What the hell?! This doesn't make any sense! You can't- UGH! Never mind! The faster we get through this, the better!

*Seven weeks later...*

Wumbo: I take back my previous comment. This is SOF's Anti-ADHD Hour.

Elastic: I had no idea talk shows lasted 7 weeks.

Luke: Seven weeks? What's the audience been doing this whole time? Learning a new language? Wow. I just noticed that that's a much more productive thing I could be doing rather than reading through this nonsensical mish-mash of nonsense!

Squidward & Squilliam: "Alright SOF, we are all finished, now take a look at our inventions!

Claps: Oh good lord. I feel sorry for the "audience". Sitting in that studio for seven weeks doing nothing. Oh wait that's right, they are watching Squidward and Squilliam invent. They must be piss poor at inventing for it to take seven weeks.

Squidward & Squilliam: "Alright SOF, we are all finished, now take a look at our inventions!"

SOF: "Okay Chris, you're the judge, observe their inventions and determine which one is better."

Wumbo: Ah. All is right with the world.

Elastic: Who's Chris?

Luke: You know, I just realized this spin-off's most fatal flaw. Can you guess what it is? The ridiculous plot? No. The speling errors? No. The characters not acting in character? No. The lack of any sort of logic, reason, rationality, science, physics, order, consistency, or reality whatsoever! No! It's the PACE. This story goes by too fast! There's not a single moment where the plot takes a break to develop a scene or explain anything! It's rushed beyond belief! If you want to have a good story, you need to take your time and develop the plot with care and patience. Not force everything to go at speeds unknown to man!

*Chris observes their inventions.*

Wumbo: Quite the obedient assistant, isn't he?

Chris: "Okay, Squidward invented a properly working Plasma Rifle, and Squidward developed a Nuclear Fusion Machine. Now to determine the winner..."

Luke: Wait, what's there to determine? Squidward built both inventions.

Elastic: Maybe Squilliam invented a cloning device.

Claps: Wow, Chris must feel honored to just tell the readers what they invented. I hope he is getting paid well to stand around.

Squidward: "Hey I think I should win! I am the best inventor there is!"

Squilliam: "Oh Silence Squiddy, its obvious I'm the clear cut winner."

Luke: "I'm going to win because you built the inventions, and I didn't do jackshit! Ha ha, I'm so clever!"

Wumbo: "Well Squilliam, at least I know that 'silence' is not a proper noun."

Chris: "Actually... Squidward nor Squilliam has won."

Claps: D'aww, no Best Squid for either of them.....:sadface:

Squidward and Squilliam: "What?! Why?!"

Chris: "You guys both are winners! You both have created equally good inventions."

Elastic: What did they create exactly? This shitty talk show?

Wumbo: "In other words, neither of you gave me enough bribe money to justify a winner. You had seven weeks, assholes! SEVEN WEEKS!"

Luke: You did it. You went to the lowest common demoninator and made the contest end in a tie. You are incredible. You really are. Spin-off, you deserve a FUCKING AWARD for the incredible amount of disappointment you have brought upon to any poor soul reading this! SHAME ON YOU, SPIN-OFF! SHAME ON YOU!

Squidward: "What? I don't get it, this makes no sense."

Squilliam: "I don't get it either, where's my trophy?"

Chris: "You guys, the whole secret to this contest was to declare you both winners to help you realize it doesn't matter which Squid is better, its to help you realize you shouldn't be rivals and keep competing against each other, you both are fabulous inventors, and you should make up and be friends because of it."

Elastic: What a fucking pussy moral. Seriously, why?

Squidward: "Well I suppose he has a point."

Claps: NO HE DOESN'T!

Luke: "That's why we set this up on the spot, made you waste seven weeks of your life, and have now probably lost hundreds of our fans."

Squilliam: "I suppose I should agree, but now there's a new problem, while we were both busy talking and not keeping an eye on our inventions, I looked at them just now and saw that they are both gone! Someone must have snatched them away from us!"

Wumbo: Perhaps the plasma rifle fused with the nuclear fusion machine.

*Everyone gasps again*

Luke: Oh no! Thanks to them not paying attention, the devices got stolen! Damn you Squidward and Squilliam! It's not like there was a bunch of people in the audience watching!

Wumbo: Fucking hell, does this audience have shortness of breath or something?

Claps: M. Night Shyamalan! What a twist!

Chris: "E Gad! What are we gonna do now SOF? We need to find out who stole their inventions."

Wumbo: I think it was Mr. Gad's brother, TJ.

Elastic: E Gad sounds pretty rad.

SOF: "I know, Plot Tweest!

Claps: M. Night is calling his lawyers as we speak.

But this is the season finale, so we must first scout out and start our adventure

Claps: SOF's Talk Show Live...on the road.

on who stole the plasma rifle and Nuclear Fusion Machine in the next season of SOF's Talk Show which wil be exclusively at SBC so stay tuned!."

Elastic: It died on the way there.

Wumbo: "Of course, if this was the premier, we wouldn't be doing jackshit for you sorry octopi."

Claps: What a cliffhanger! Too bad we don't find out what happened...nor does SpongeOdd since he cancelled his talk show after one season.

Luke: And that's the end of this spin-off. A cliffhanger that I am not even remotely interested in finding out, because I was not even remotely interested with this! This was bad, just bad. Nothing was entertaining, nothing made sense, everything was just terrible.

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