Clappy Posted December 8, 2016 Author Share Posted December 8, 2016 To everyone who sat still and look pretty waiting to do their Billboard year end countdowns: http://www.billboard.com/charts/year-end/2016/hot-100-songs It's time. 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katniss Posted December 8, 2016 Share Posted December 8, 2016 1 hour ago, Clappy said: To everyone who sat still and look pretty waiting to do their Billboard year end countdowns: http://www.billboard.com/charts/year-end/2016/hot-100-songs It's time. Welp, time for me to start examining some music and LYRICS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wumbo Posted December 8, 2016 Share Posted December 8, 2016 1 hour ago, Katniss said: Welp, time for me to start examining some music and LYRICS BEAUTIFUL WONDERFUL LYRICS Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clappy Posted December 14, 2016 Author Share Posted December 14, 2016 Wow, I'm actually finished my worst hit songs list ahead of my normal time for a change. Don't get use to that. …….THANK YOU CHRIST THE 2016 YEAR END HOT 100 IS FINALLY UP! I was BEYOND ready for this Billboard year to be over. I can for sure say this isn't the worst year ever because I do think there was enough good to salvage it but not enough to redeem it. This is one of the worst lists I’ve ever written in terms of quality. 2015 is starting to appear more and more like a fluke as actual good pop music barely gained any traction or fell of the charts instantly while the stuff that got popular was interchangeable shit. It has to get better from here, right? Because I wasn't as excited to talk about pop music this year as I've been in years past. Hell my music thread was barely updated this year and it's not just due to the fact that my real life has taken up more of my time as of late, which 2016 was a great year for me personally, but this isn't the right place to talk about that. Let's talk about the bad music man. Throughout this entire worst list writing, I was highly tempted to do a much larger scale list than your normal top ten worst. That’s how close it was so don’t be surprised if you don’t see your predictions come true. They were pretty damn neck and neck. Hell I still had to shuffle songs around because I found more to hate after a few more listens. Let's get this started, we are counting down: CLAPPY'S TOP TEN WORST HIT SONGS OF 2016 Spoiler …okay this isn’t as bad as I made it out to be. It’s no masterpiece and it’s very stupid. Meghan Trainor is not convincing at all, but that nostalgic production. It grew on me and that untouchable break down, it’s pretty good. Listen guys, it’s easy to hate on Meghan Trainor. She’s young, obnoxious, her stupidity shows throughout every single song of hers, but if you can look past all that, she does have something going for her. Her confidence is through the roof and while it’s hard to look past all the shit to see that, it’s easy to tell why she’s one of the bigger stars in music right now. That being said, one’s confidence does have its limits. 10. “Me Too” – Meghan Trainor Look I can buy Meghan Trainor telling a guy off, I can buy her writing about supporting one’s body image in the most stupidest way possible, but who in the hell told Meghan Trainor to write one of the worst flex anthems in recent memory? It’s one thing to empower others around you, but this is Meghan Trainor literally dangling how much better she is than you. Which, I’m not going to lie, I don’t have a problem with that either if you go into full detail about how awesome you are. And for a song with SIX WRITERS (one of them also being Jason DeRulo which explains a lot), the most self empowering thing you can say about yourself is that your life is like a movie, Tom Cruise, so bless me baby, achoo. I seriously wish I was kidding because that’s fucking terrible. For the record, as awful as the lyrical content is, the production is even worse. This is ear bleedingly bad, which I would expect from the guy who produced another song I despise in “Wiggle”. Except he replaces your favorite childhood toy, the recorder, for a cheap will.i.am knockoff that even the real will.i.am would reject. This is the sort of groove that would make someone want to leave the club then get off your ass and party. This song is just sad. Raise your hand if anyone actually wants to be like Meghan Trainor? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Moving on. Spoiler For the record, country music had a great year. Bro country finally started to fade out of the mainstream. Don’t get me wrong, it’s still around, but what started to become more popular was a traditional sound as your Chris Stapleton’s and Sturgill Simpson’s started to become the new norm. As someone who was once a proud country music fan, this warms me cold, narcissistic heart. That being said, how many country songs crossed over this year? Three. That needs to be worked on because the mainstream country crossovers we are currently getting suck massive ass. 9. “H.O.L.Y.” – Florida Georgia Line Yes, our bros Florida and Georgia had to evolve as artists as soon as bro country started to die and what we got from them this year was a mixed bag to be honest. I’ve heard some of their new album due to being from a country music listening household and honestly, it’s not all bad for as often as my worst lists imply how I feel. This, on the other hand, makes my skin crawl. This has all the charm of a bad 80s hair ballad except with autotune because country music still feels the need to wave around to their other genre counterparts to get recognized. But what's truly terrible about this is the lyrical comparisons of your love to religion which are vomit inducing. Being high on loving you might sound flattering if you were as drunk as a skunk, but the religious high gets thrown right out the window when they start comparing you to ecstasy. Because you know, being compared to that is flattering. Biggest country song of the year, folks. This is moronic, next. Spoiler Listen, I don’t hate this next guy. To be honest, I find Kevin Gates oddly charming. Out of all the new acts to become bigger names this year, I’m genuinely intrigued as to what he has to offer more than say Lil Uzi Vert, Lil Yachty, Kodak Black to name a few. Hell he had two hits on this year’s end list. I know you guys are probably expecting “2 Phones” to be the song that this preamble is building up towards but I think that song is just stupid, not offensive or not even bad. No the song that I’m talking about wasn’t even a true hit, barely even cracking the Top 60 on the Hot 100. And I can see why because this song is fucking terrible. 8. “Really Really” – Kevin Gates That organ swell deserves a better song because oh my god so much of this production is just a nightmare. I get that trap rap is experiencing a mainstream revival but this is just a clusterfuck of throwing as much limp bass heavy beats as possible to see what sticks. And once you get past all that, you get to the lyrics, which is your basic hustling anthem about how awesome it is to be Kevin Gates. But if you actually take the time to comprehend what he’s saying, Kevin Gates is painting himself out to be an unlikeable asshole: -Using his stacks of money as Kleenex = gross -Eating Jhene Aiko’s booty like groceries = Great, Jhene Aiko will forever be known for that one line. -Taking away your girl’s cellphone when they hook up = …… -Dumping his girlfriends once they start to develop feelings = ……… You know, I could “really really” keep going about how he treats your woman because there is A LOT MORE lyrics that make me question Kevin Gates attitude towards women. Which I get that the hundreds upon thousands of songs like this always have questionable attitudes towards women, but this is the first time in a while I genuinely fear for whoever actually hooks up with Kevin Gates because it sure sounds like he is actual human scum. This would be a lot lower if it wasn’t for the fact that Kevin Gates has actual flow to his lyrics and does have personality to buy what he’s selling, but what he is selling is shit. Spoiler The one thing I always promise with these lists, and I’ve said this before, are to fill them up with the songs that I hate the most, key word: I…because if I placed songs on here that other people despised, then it wouldn’t be an honest to god CLAPPY’S TOP 10 WORST HIT SONGS OF 2016 list. I don’t aim for the songs that give me the most material, otherwise\I would have placed Meghan Trainor much higher on here because she makes my skin crawl or Charlie Puth on this list at all for being such a massive joke of an artist. Ah yes, that would give me so many likes….aaaaaahhhh, yeah I wish it was that easy. 7. “Lost Boy” – Ruth B See here is the main problem with my worst list this year. It’s not even funny bad. It’s boring as tar. I already mentioned this song was a worst of the year contender the last time I did any sort of song reviews for this year because it epitomizes everything I hate about this year and you know what? It still does just that. So let me elaborate more in depth as to how much this song pisses me off: 1. It got BIG off of Vine. Vine may be dead as we give it a proper seven second eulogy, but the fact that songs got big off of Vine pisses me off to begin with. 2. I’ve already explained how I feel about dreary shallow pretentious piano ballads trying to pass themselves off as deep and meaningful. Those bare minimums that those songs contain better be fucking impressive, which these are the most embarrassing bare minimums I’ve heard in awhile. 3. These Peter Pan references are unremarkably clumsy. She does absolutely nothing with them except list off all the Peter Pan check points like she’s listing off the summary from the movie. Yes, Captain Hook, Wendy, and Tinkerbell are all characters. So what? I’ve read online that people are saying there is hidden depth about domestic violence and BULLFUCKINGSHIT. Why not ask Ruth B herself who said and I quote: Quote I was inspired by watching Once Upon a Time on television one night. Oh how uninteresting. That’s honestly one of the most humiliating admissions on how to write a hit song that I’ve ever read. Congratulations America, you made a 20 year old girl’s Once Upon a Time fanfiction one of the top 100 songs of the year. Is this seriously what we’ve devolved to when it comes to choosing what becomes popular guys? Let’s move on before I fall asleep. Spoiler The past two years have been HUGE for Drake, not denying that, but it goes without saying that his quality has definitely dropped. I know he insists he doesn’t have ghost writers, but with the amount of quantity that he keeps shoving out to the listening public, it’s impossible to say that there aren’t additional writers of some sort because Drake’s writing wasn’t always THESE levels of lazy. All that being said, Drake has to be doing something right as a performer because every single time someone tries to imitate his style, it’s always terrible. 6. “i hate u i love u” – gnash (featuring Olivia O’Brien) You know, this chorus doesn’t sound too bad. I mean it’s no Bebe Rexha hook, but this chick has a good voice. Am I sure I got the right song…there it is. Everything I despise about this song all has to do with gnash. I instantly want to tune out the moment gnash opens his weasel mouth. This is not only someone who I hope is destined to be a one hit wonder. This is somebody who I hope I never hear record, write, produce, or have anything to do with music ever again. This guy does not deserve to be famous let alone have a Top 10 smash hit. I don’t even care about what he’s saying because this subject matter has obviously been covered time and time again. I’ve said a lot of bad things about G-Eazy this year, but at least he is able to convey emotion. For a song about mixed messages, gnash still sounds the same the ENTIRE FUCKING TIME. You’re supposed to sound like you miss her when you can’t sleep, not sound like you want to go to sleep you FUCKING MORON. You’re right Olivia O’Brien, he clearly doesn’t give a damn about you. You deserve better. Spoiler Another thing I’ll remember about this year? How many comeback singles faltered by the wayside from some of music’s still biggest female stars. Katy Perry? Flopped. Britney Spears? Flopped. Lady Gaga? Flopped. Miley Cyrus? Flopped. I wonder if this is a sign for the future of music that it will be far less personality driven because I want my pop stars to have personality dammit. Otherwise, they’ll be forced to perform interchangeable bullshit like Pink. 5. “Just Like Fire” - Pink Is it even fair to call this a Pink song? Because this is female empowerment anthem 324938 in my eyes. I assume she’s empowering people to go see Alice Through The Looking Glass, which she sure failed to do that. Actually, I take back that first sentence because this is a rehash of multiple Pink songs. It’s the production of Sober, the chord structure of Try, and the lifelessness of nearly every Pink song since 2011. Seriously, didn’t Pink use to at one point show actual real emotion in her music? Because this song could have at least been better if she showed some sort of emotional weight behind this. I said it once before and I’ll say it again, if you’re going to shamelessly rip yourself off, at least try something different with it. This is Pink selling out all the way down to the Shake It Off pseudo inspired rap breakdown. Absolutely despise this song and if this is what leads to a Pink comeback, I don’t know if I want one anymore if it means more uninspired trash like this. Spoiler It pains me to see what has become of the alternative rock genre in 2016. It was virtually irrelevant in the mainstream this year with the only songs that got any real traction being pop rock like Coldplay or whatever the hell genre twenty one pilots want to consider themselves as. Hopefully it comes back at some point in the 2010s because the potential is there with a lot of good stuff getting popular in the indie scene. Because the sort of “real rock” music that is getting crossover appeal at this point in time is simply inexcusable. 4. “Unsteady” – X Ambassadors The success of X Ambassadors is simply baffling when they keep recording such soulless garbage like this. I don’t have problems with songs about staying together for the kids, it’s one of my favorite blink-182 songs. But instead of trying to establish the marital problems from the parents, it just goes straight to mom and dad are fucked without me. Which is not only conceited, it gets even further self-centered with “if you love me don’t let go”, which is easily the most asshole-ish way you can deliver that line. Hey mom and dad can keep fighting for all eternity because I’m an unstable basket case of a five year old who uses big words like “approach appear”. Seriously Sam Harris, go fuck yourself. Say what you want about Renegades but at least that song had some sort of tempo and you can drive along to it. This song sounds like someone slowly dying. It’s boring as tar and feels like studio executives were telling them to record this for some major motion picture…. …and of course it was. Seriously, do these guys have any sort of direction? Their first hit was for a car commercial, their second hit was for a summer romantic drama, they also guest spotted on another soundtrack hit in Sucker For Pain…just barely. They are so plastic that I can see why the music industry keeps allowing these guys to stick around. I would say they sold their artistic integrity to become one of the biggest rock groups from the 2010s but that would require them to have souls to begin with. Spoiler Earlier I talked about how our current pop divas flopped with their comeback singles in 2016. It also made me wonder about the future of the term “pop princesses” because eventually new artists have to come into play to become the next big things since the likes of Ariana, Demi, Selena and all them have been established in the mainstream for a few years now. Which new female pop singer had the most momentum this year? 3. “Hide Away” – Daya If I could pick a worst new artist of 2016, it’s no contest that the winner is Daya. The first moment I heard this, I knew it would make my worst list. I hate every single fucking second of this juvenile piece of crap. This song is painfully high school down to the subject matter. Daya knows what boys like: Boys seem to like the girls Who laugh at anything The ones who get undressed Before the second date Boys seem to like the girls Who like to kiss and tell Talking them up about the things they do so well Ah, thank you so much for the explanation Daya. So pretty much they don’t like you and you’re judging the entire male species because their preference isn’t you. Makes zero sense to me. Well let me turn the tables, what kind of boys do you like? But I'd rather find a boy Who is down for the chase Putting in the time that it takes To supply all my heart’s demands Bullshit. Bull fucking shit. This is the sort of high school mentality that I’m getting so damn sick of. The whole girls date assholes, why can’t I find a nice guy cliché is horseshit. It’s 2016, I don’t need to explain why this is horseshit. It’s a useless mindset validated by the most desperate of people who constantly have to bring this up. I haven’t been this insulted by a pop song since Dear Future Husband, which Daya clearly has been influenced by. Right down to the outright mindnumbing stupidity of it all. I’ll tell you where all the good boys go: Tinder. Because they don’t have time to put up with your basket case bullshit. Next. Spoiler Have I mentioned how much I despise this loathsome little shit? 2. “Treat You Better” – Shawn Mendes This song was destined to top my worst list for the longest time. Not just because it rips off the same damn chord progression and melody of a song I already loathe in Stitches. Not just due to the fact that the guy singing this song has absolutely nothing redeemable about him as a performer, while also having one of the worst singing voices I’ve ever heard. More due to this subject matter has been done to death time and time again. I don’t know what else there is to say that every review of this hasn’t already covered. These nice guy songs are even more deceptive than the “I’m a dumb guy who gets laid a lot” ones because at least the latter is straight forward. The nice guys are as big or even bigger assholes to me because they are insufferably smug about it by just telling the girl to ditch the guy and get with him because he can treat you better. Honestly this song would be more interesting if it tested those conventional limits, but Shawn Mendes can’t even do that. He just smuthers it with his bland white breaded persona, with a Ja-fake-an accent so insulting that Bob Marley is crying on cloud nine somewhere, and makes it boring as tar. There is seriously nothing to this… BEDDAH THENEE KEN …what in the nine hells was that? I’m so sorry Ariana Grande. Your annunciation is clear and concise as a professional linguist. Seriously, that was the most baffling sound I’ve heard in a pop song all year. Shawn Mendes has always sounded like he sings words off on purpose, but holy mother of god that is beyond shit. I stand corrected. If the most notable thing about your song is terrible annunciation, then there is something at least. Otherwise, this song is just a massive abomination that I am beyond tired of hearing every damn hour on my local radio. You suck Shawn Mendes, you flat out suck. I know what you guys are thinking, where are the dishonorable mentions? Trust me, I purposely placed them here this year special. Why? To emphasize how god awful the worst hit songs were this year. Any one of these could have made my Top 10 at one point or another and honest to god did when organizing my list. So let's continue with them, in no particular order, before I talk about my number one: Spoiler Dishonorable Mentions: “Work” – Rihanna (featuring Drake) Remember that expiration date I mentioned when I briefly talked about this earlier in the year? Yeah it’s long past its expiration date and I am beyond sick of this. Rihanna’s part, Creole or not, is just fucking terrible and Drake’s guest verse soured on me as he still feels the need to bring up that Meek Mill beef over and over and over and over again. One of the biggest songs of 2016…unfuckingbelievable how bad so many of the big hits were this year. “Sit Still, Look Pretty” – Daya I'm so sorry Meghan Trainor. Apparently there is someone out there that can do dense female empowerment anthems out there much worse and far more stupider than you. “Don’t Mind” – Kent Jones Out of all the songs in the past few years to influence pop music in 2016, why Talk Dirty? I’m not afraid to admit that the production for that song has grown on me to the point that I like it a tad more than I use to loathe, but in spite of itself, we’ve had too many clones in the past two years that rip off the production entirely. Have no fear though, because here comes Kent Jones to completely rip off the insufferably smug lyrics entirely. But instead of a fantastic horn and saxophone to redeem itself, we have an ugly as hell faded synths and and horrible sampling of Barry White’s “Practice What You Preach”. Absolutely disgusting. “Adventure of a Lifetime” – Coldplay I know that 2016 Coldplay is all about spreading love, goodwill, and what a joy it is to be alive, which I don’t condemn them for that. Lord knows that sort of message resonates very well with me in such a historically dark year. But that doesn’t excuse this song from sounding like utter dogshit. I don’t mean the song itself, the lyrics and message are fine as well as Chris Martin, but good lord what the hell is with that production? One of the worst production choices of the entire year to be honest and the sole reason I have this on the lower half of the totem pole. “Gold” – Kiaara What an obnoxious song. This is the same sort of shit that Lorde was calling out three years ago with Royals. Honestly still having thoughts now as to whether this should be on the worst of the year list officially, but I’ll give this song one saving grace. That drop is an ear worm that digs away into your skull. Once you hear it, there is no escaping the rest of the song. Even though I can’t stand a single second of the rest of the song from the YouTube poop chorus to Kiaara bragging rapping. That drop is lucky enough to grab my attention so I’ll give it that. “Same Old Love” – Selena Gomez I know a lot of you love this for the minimalistic approach and you know I don’t blame you. The minimalistic approach is the only thing redeeming about this song and it could have worked so much better if an actually interesting artist tackled this. But Selena Gomez is just an empty vessel where music comes from and I don’t buy any of this. It’s the same song Selena Gomez has been singing for nearly five years now and it’s just pathetic to pass this off as a completed song. And speaking of incomplete: “One Dance” – Drake (featuring Kyla & WizKid) I’m tired of hearing this incomplete piece of garbage. Overplay nearly tempted me to put this on the Worst List but I’m sparing it because this song could have been good if Drake wasn’t trying to rush out new music every three months. The foundation was at the very least there. Otherwise, this song is just an unfinished mess that I’m so sick of talking about. Next. “Wicked” – Future I don’t hate trap rap. I actually have more of a tolerance for it than you guys would probably expect coming from someone like me. Hell, I’ve come around to respecting Future far more than I ever have for being able to make it more accessible to me. But this is seriously baffling levels of bad. There’s no beginning, no end, no chorus, barely any lyrics. The only lyrics are the same tropes Future usually goes over and him whining about how he’s CLEARLY not over Ciara. Dude you’ve done like twenty songs about this and almost all of them sound the same. There is no excuse for this to exist. Next. “Work From Home” – Fifth Harmony (featuring Ty Dolla Sign) I didn’t have room for this on my worst list? Christ the bad songs this year flat out sucked. I’ve already talked about this enough in 2016 so I really don’t have anything new to say that I haven’t already said. Fifth Harmony is terrible, Ty Dolla Sign is tolerable, the production is uninspiring, the lyrics are sexist as hell, but I think I’ve left out how absolutely pandering this more than anything else. I blame Simon Cowell for taking away everything that was once interesting about this group back in their VERY early days. It’s a damn shame really, but if these girls want to sellout their artistic integrity to be a shallow pop act, who am I to tell them otherwise. Fuck Fifth Harmony. “Die a Happy Man” – Thomas Rhett You suck Rhett Sheeran. You are seriously one of the worst country music artists working today. The only reason this isn’t ranked any lower is because I do actually believe the sentiment is there now. But the shameless ripping off and the utter void of talent just makes my skin crawl. “7 Years” – Lukas Graham Still don’t hate this as much as I know others do, but this song has gone from inexplicable to insufferable to me. I appreciate the fact that this song tells a story a lot more than I should when you have the biggest hits of the year being unfinished bullshit, but this story is a fucking unbearable one at that. “Starving” – Hailee Steinfeld & Grey (featuring Zedd) If this worst list was solely ranked on lyrics, this would be high up there. That chorus is just unbearable from the awful “by the way/like the way, you do things to my body” line to the even worse “I didn’t know that I was starving until I tasted you”. But fear not because then there is that disaster of a drop that makes me starving for my ears to be torn off. Hailee Steinfeld’s music career is such a mess, go see The Edge of Seventeen fam. “This Is What You Came For” – Calvin Harris (featuring Rihanna) Despite this being an utter monotonous bore, I will give this song credit. It provided us one of the more entertaining showbiz stories of the year with the Taylor Swift ghostwriting controversy. Really Taylor, you want songwriting credit for a song that has a one word chorus and doesn’t even have a starting point or an end? I swear if it wasn’t for the fact that this is actually one of the better Calvin Harris produced songs in recent memory, this would definitely be much worse. As it is though, this is just another interchangeable Rihanna song that is as big a waste of time as nearly all the others. Snore. “Stitches” – Shawn Mendes This year was so bad that I had to spare my number three worst hit song of 2015. “Watch Me” – Silento This year was so bad that I had to spare my number two worst hit song of 2015. “For Free” – DJ Khaled (featuring Drake) Oh my god Drake. Shut up. Just shut up. At least DJ Khaled knows how to make solid productions. Next. “Needed Me” – Rihanna Nope. Still not buying Rihanna as this womanizer who doesn’t need a man. Still like DJ Mustard’s dark production work though, if only the talent was far more convincing because otherwise, this is just even more interchangeable Rihanna garbage. “Back to Sleep” – Chris Brown The production is actually really good and Chris Brown actually sounds pretty good. With that being said, do I even need to give an actual explanation as to why this is on here? Chris Brown is telling you that he will fuck you back to sleep. That’s repulsive. I will point out that the only reason this got popular was due to the remix which has Usher running circles around Chris Brown to the point that it’s embarrassing. Also, ZAYN is on here too and provides nothing. Yes you can say the word pussy now. Over and over again. Congratulations. “Me, Myself, & I” – G-Eazy x Bebe Rexha This song better feel lucky that Bebe Rexha’s chorus was here to save it because otherwise good lord this song would be so much worse without it. I’ve actually heard more and more of G-Eazy’s stuff on the radio as the year moved on and good god this guy is one of the blandest rappers I’ve ever heard. Iggy Fucking Azalea has more personality in her pinky finger than G-Eazy has in his entire being. But as it is, this is literally a perfect example of a song that will be completely forgotten about by this time next year. “One Call Away” – Charlie Puth Superman got nothing on me is honestly such a what the hell mismatch comparison that I actually can’t hate it. But this song is so insufferably bland, boring, and egotistical that it just pisses me off. Charlie Puth is not ready for the big time yet, send this kid back to the minors. He’s got nothing on Sam Smith, let alone Superman. “Hands to Myself” – Selena Gomez You know how I just said a few songs ago that Selena Gomez is an empty vessel where pop music comes from? Well yeah, at least the production is a finished product on Same Old Love. This is not a finished product by any length of the imagination. It’s actually hilarious to be honest that I’m supposed to even find Selena sounds like she is having fun touching herself. I could honestly copy and paste these lyrics from a bunch of other songs from little girls trying to sound twice as old as they actually are and getting a more convincing sultry sex jam than this. “Pop Style” – Drake (featuring The Throne) Oh my god, again? Seriously, the amount of half assed Drake songs we got on the charts this year was frustrating as hell because I use to call myself a big fan. This would definitely have placed on there as Drake sounds beyond bored not rapping about anything new and Jay-Z sounds like he actually needs something to do because his part isn’t even worth mentioning. Kanye's part is surprisingly...interchangeable. This was the first time in awhile I got bored listening to a Kanye guest verse. SN: That Chaining Tatum is record scratching bad. Consider this my annual number eleven choice. “Middle” – DJ Snake (featuring Bipolar Sunshine) I honestly thought that DJ Snake was the first mainstream EDM pop artist I could fully get behind, but good lord did those expectations fall off by the wayside this year. This was the first DJ Snake song that could have been produced by anybody else and it wouldn’t have surprised me. I don’t know if the song is supposed to purposely sound unlistenable from the lifeless production to what had to be intentionally bad vocals, but I can’t stand a single minute of this. “White Iverson” – Post Malone I heard about the controversy regarding this song long before I actually took the chance to seek it out. Now that I have, let me just state for the record about whether this song is about cultural appropriation or not….I DON’T CARE. I don’t mind the basketball references…actually it’s the only thing probably keeping this from making the actual worst list because they are clever basketball references at that. But good lord does this Post Malone guy just sound like he’s drowning from Zzzquil overdose. He’s a massive bore who has no talent and nothing to recommend about him as a performer. “Sorry” – Justin Bieber For the record, this song is making both lists this year. Call it a copout, but I call it such an irritating song. The lyrics from this are just repulsive and Bieber’s smug attitude just really gets under your skin the more you hear his skin crawling nasally voice smother itself all over it…(TO BE CONTINUED) Well that was a mouthful. Are you ready guys? Let's do this. My number one: Spoiler So what is my number one choice from this god awful year? This answer was even a surprise to me as yes I’ve always hated this song, but worst hit song of one of the worst hit song years in 2016? I was not sure. I don’t think anyone is going to agree with my choice, but when it comes down to it, what I want in my music is passion of some sort. Passion is what pulls people in to anything whether it be music, movies, people; you name it, you can find some sort of passion applied towards it. One recurring thing you can find on my worst list this year is just a total lack of passion as so many of these songs are lacking in it. My number one pick did the unthinkable. It distanced itself from every ounce of emotion possible and is a limp and lifeless shell of a song. It’s an unfinished mess. It’s a rough draft of a hit song. And of course, it debuted at number one. 1. “PILLOWTALK” – ZAYN It’s a pretty big deal for your song about passionate sex to include, you know, passion. But this “song” is utterly lacking in any sort of it. It goes in one ear and out the other by the time it’s over. But here’s the thing. This song is not only just unsexy, I don’t even believe for a second Zayn has the charisma to justify what he’s even singing about. Paradise? War zone? Pillowtalk being your enemy and your ally? Well I can say this. It definitely sounds like an ex-One Direction member singing about sex. Right down to trying to remove any sort of passion and manipulate the target audience for this song while Zayn sits at home swimming in his millions of dollars Scrooge McDuck style. Because the more I’ve heard this, the more I realize that there is literally nothing to this. No tempo, no beginning/no ending, sloppy songwriting, no talent, and most importantly, no authentic emotion. I’m never going to give The Weeknd shit again about being too dark or utterly repulsive about sex. At least The Weeknd knows for a song about sex, you need to make it sound sexy to someone. Zayn sounds bored out of his fucking mind. You want to piss off your neighbors? DO IT! WHY DO YOU SOUND LIKE YOU WOULD RATHER WATCH PAINT DRY? Zayn freed himself out of a vacuous boy band lacking in personality to being a boring adult devoid of anything to recommend about him. Congratulations. You’re officially a bland talentless solo pop star. Maybe someday there will be something to recommend about Zayn as his music career continues to grow based off the years of goodwill One Direction fans are going to give him, but right now, he is releasing half assed blobs that barely passes as music. Screw this “song” and especially screw that video for trying to make it look like everything this “song” is not. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katniss Posted December 14, 2016 Share Posted December 14, 2016 Excited to read your picks but I'm waiting until I finish my list so I don't get influenced in some way. And this is basically my progress so far 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clappy Posted December 14, 2016 Author Share Posted December 14, 2016 11 minutes ago, Merry Swiftmas said: Excited to read your picks but I'm waiting until I finish my list so I don't get influenced in some way. And this is basically my progress so far Of course you aren't going to read it now. The list is in spoiler tags for a reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steel Sponge Posted December 14, 2016 Share Posted December 14, 2016 (edited) Very good list! Although, I have some disagreements on "Lost Boy," and to a lesser extent, "Pillowtalk" (I don't hate it, but tbh it has soured on me a bit since when I last said that I enjoyed it). Edited December 14, 2016 by Steel's Going for a Ride 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Young Nug Posted December 14, 2016 Share Posted December 14, 2016 1 hour ago, Clappy said: I know he insists he doesn’t have ghost writers, but with the amount of quantity that he keeps shoving out to the listening public, it’s impossible to say that there aren’t additional writers of some sort because Drake’s writing wasn’t always THESE levels of lazy. This is actually because he stopped using ghostwriters and started writing his shit himself again lmao i actually don't disagree with anything on this list except your number one isn't THAT bad but good job man 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clappy Posted December 14, 2016 Author Share Posted December 14, 2016 12 minutes ago, Bada Bing Nuggets said: This is actually because he stopped using ghostwriters and started writing his shit himself again lmao i actually don't disagree with anything on this list except your number one isn't THAT bad but good job man How does that not surprise me lmao. I believe your word for it. Thanks man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kylie Posted December 14, 2016 Share Posted December 14, 2016 you know a year is god awful when there's 9 songs worse than Me Too i find it hard to geliefe someone like p!nk released something as uninspired and useless as just like fire, the least fiery song in existence. a majorly interior "try" which was a majorly inferior "funhouse" which was a majorly inferior "don't let me get me" work from home is saved by a great beat that i liked too much to be wasted on a group like fifth harmony zayns solo was an embarrassing mess, agreed there 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wumbo Posted December 25, 2016 Share Posted December 25, 2016 Oh God, this year. This fucking year. What is there to say about 2016 that nobody has said yet? Somebody needs to just burn the record books of this year so we can start over before any of this shit happened. This was a horrible, rancid year, possibly one of the worst in my lifetime, both personally and globally. But how about the music? Well... not good. Whatever momentum we had in 2015, it was squashed like a bug when this year rolled around. The #1 song of this year is "Love Yourself". Yeah. You know what we had last year as our #1 song? UPTOWN FUNK! If that doesn't help to put into perspective the stark quality drop between last year and this year, I don't know what will. now, I won't act like for pop music, this year was completely irredeemable. Unlike 2014, I have a Top 10 that I'm reasonably happy with and it didn't have as much 2015 backwash as I thought it would. (Minor spoilers, though: I couldn't keep it all off.) But let's get to the one we've all been waiting for: The worst list. Good God, these songs are bad. You remember "Watch Me" from last year? Yeah, it charted again, but that's nowhere near the worst list this year. That's how bad we've gotten, folks. I had to leave Silentó off the worst list this year. Hell, I left Chris Brown off the worst list this year! Be afraid, ladies and gents. Be very fucking afraid. Oh well, let's not prolong the agony any longer. Let's go ahead and pick off the crusty scabs that are... Wumbo's Bottom 10 Songs of 2016 Spoiler I'm going to be incredibly negative about this year for ten entries, so let me start off with a smidgen of positivity: I think 2016 finally killed off bro-country. True, there's still remnants of it lurking around the charts, but for the most part 2016 steered clear of frat douches with beat up trucks and beer and girls and whatever. If country music starts to veer more toward Tim McGraw, I won't be complaining at all. However, with the death of bro-country comes its very worst participants still straining for relevance. And here they are. 10. "H.O.L.Y." - Florida Georgia Line It's interesting. These guys have been a pain in my ass for a good four years now. And yet, with all their terrible, terrible music, the thing they had to do to end up on my list was release the most un-bro-country song I've ever heard from them. It's actually a pretty genuine love song. But see... they may have taken the 'bro" out of bro-country, but they took the "country" out of it too. Like, what the hell is this? Did they steal this beat from Alicia Keys? Whose idea was it for two of the goofiest douchebags in country to release a song as bland and boring as this? Like, okay, it's nice to see that the guys that wrote this... ...have matured somewhat. But couldn't they have just gone away when they did so? Not meld into every other boring pop song released this year? Oh, and if you're going to try for a more serious tone in your music, make sure you have some talent first, please. http://www.tubechop.com/watch/8721591 Beautiful. Sung with all the romantic tune of the Rich Texan. (Yeah, I know this joke isn't funny. You try and find a Rich Texan clip on the cheap.) Bottom line: it's always the very worst that refuse to go away. And this year, Florida Georgia Line proved it. Now please, for the love of God, cruise on outta here. Thanks. Spoiler God, I'm still not sure what to make of these guys. Do I love 'em? Do I hate 'em? Even at the end of by far their most successful year, it's hard to tell. But one thing's for sure: no matter how much I may jam out to their better, catchier songs, I have my limits. 9. "Heathens" - twenty one pilots In what I can only describe as prophetic, the mass reaction to the Suicide Squad film mirrored my reaction to the film's soundtrack, namely its big hits. Initial hype, then quick disintegration into disillusionment and disappointment. Except for "Purple Lamborghini", that shit still bangs. But everything else? Holy fuck, was I really this desperate for rock music this year that I liked this at one point? I think this all this song really did was confirm to me that Imagine Dragons are an absolutely garbage group. But we're not talking about 'em. We're talking about the indie breakthroughs of this year, twenty one pilots. And of all their hits this year, this one definitely feels as lowercase as their name. It's just dull and boring. It does nothing to hype me up for the band or the film. Say what you will about "Sucker for Pain", at least Dan Reynolds' heron screech grabs your attention, This plays out like a low drone. Really? This was the highest-charting hit from that movie's soundtrack? Heathens, indeed. This song is meant to be a cautionary message to old fans of this band to let in new ones. But with songs like these, it just makes me wonder how this band has any fans to begin with. Maybe we should take it a tad faster next time. At least it's not as painful as the movie! I think 2016 ended up killing Heath Ledger a second time. Next! Spoiler 8. "7 Years" - Lukas Graham I honestly don't even know what to say about this little pukestain. He looks like a lumpy pile of cookie dough and he got a smash hit this year. One of the most wretched I've ever heard. There had to have been better songs about getting older. Can't we just make "Landslide" popular again? That's a good song... *sigh* No, instead, 2016 gave us Lukas Graham, and I'm going to pretend that that's just the name of this guy in the front, and not the band, because he is 100% what's wrong with this song. Everything that's wrong with this song can be traced back to him. The overwrought, unlistenable vocals. The painfully cliché-ridden lyrics. But most of all, it's the smug superiority of it all that gets to me. http://www.tubechop.com/watch/8719229 I thought this part was just in the video. No, it's actually part of the recording. http://www.tubechop.com/watch/8719233 I can't even imagine what goes through someone's head to be that arrogant. You write a song about keeping it real and not giving in to fame and glory, and then like an idiot you slap somebody shouting your name at a concert smack dab in the middle of it. Why? What did you think that would add? What's the matter with you, Lukas Graham? More than that, though, the song just sounds off. I remember listening to it for the first time and wondering what the hell was going on. There's not really much of a chorus; the song just meanders from one moment to the next. Or at least it would, if Lukas didn't belt out each line like a yelping seal. I don't even know what else to say, this is just a waste of time. Let's check out what "the artist" had to say about the song: Regarding the band's prior failure to break into the international market Forchhammer stated, "It's like my father died at exactly the right moment – and I know that's something I shouldn't say, but I just did! If my dad hadn't died in 2012 I wouldn't have written our song Happy Home, which catapulted us into a Scandinavian success story. I wouldn't have written 7 Years, which got us signed to a publisher in America and ultimately signed to Warner Bros." ... "It's like my father died at exactly the right moment – and I know that's something I shouldn't say, but I just did!" ...can you, sir, follow your father into a swift death and rid us all of your sociopathic pug fugly face? Thanks, that would mean a lot. 7 years. 7 years won't be enough to rid me of this scumbag. Christ, Lukas Graham is like the graham cracker on a s'more that falls into the dirt before you get to eat it. End this. Spoiler I think it's safe to say that when it comes to modern hip hop, people don't generally care about the lyrics anymore. Yeah, there's lyricists still out there, I guess, but nowadays it seems like all you need is a catchy, bangin' beat to have a hip hop hit. And I get it, it's 2016. People kind of want to forget about issues and party. Nothing inherently wrong with that. That said, I'm still baffled as to where this train wreck of a song came from. 7. "Panda" - Desiigner It seems that the gods of hip hop picked Future of all people to be the reigning influence of the genre, best illustrated by this marble-mouthed little scrub, Desiigner. With two I's. Hey, it's the most interesting thing about him. Nothing about this song is interesting. I can never remember how it goes. Like many of the hits this year, everything just blends into everything else. I couldn't tell you a single lyric from this song right after hearing it. Of course, it doesn't help that Desiigner sounds like he just completed a marathon before hopping into the recording studio. http://www.tubechop.com/watch/8720276 Like, maybe this tone could have worked if it was a more panicked, darker-themed song, but... it's not. It's a standard brag rap that only manages to differentiate itself by how dismal it sounds. And unlike Future's big hit this year, that's not even the point. At least you could argue that Future's tried to craft himself a personality. This guy's just a sad ripoff of the style without understanding why it works half the time. ...2016 is the year for lowering standards, people. But even I have enough standards to reject this. This is some kind of flawed design if I've ever seen any. Pandas may be coming off the endangered species list, but let's go ahead and wish for the swift extinction of rappers who have no business being rappers. Okay? Sounds good. Spoiler If you took a rather shallow look at the pop charts this year, you might assume that the main problems lie in the newcomers of 2016. Certainly, so far in this list, that appears to be reigning true. But I would also argue that we can't place all the blame on our freshman class. Especially not when there's still longtime seniors that refuse to go away. See, we used to be able to tell Flo Rida to go home when the party was over. Now that he's got this, what are we supposed to do? 6. "My House" - Flo Rida Now Flo Rida's brought the party to his own house. There goes our only line of defense. Look, I don't even know what to say about this song. I actually don't think I've ever put a Flo Rida song on my Bottom 10, because what is there to say about Flo Rida? He just keeps releasing the same mush over and over. Well, apparently 2016 is the breaking point for me. Flo Rida officially needs to just. Go. AWAY. I've really tried with this song. I tried to just turn my brain off and jam out. But it's not even particularly fun. The production is pretty basic, the hook isn't particularly catchy, and when you don't have those, what are you left with? You're left with Flo Rida. Now, Flo Rida's never been the most gifted of artists, but he's usually had at least some kind of redeeming quality in his songs, or at least something to make you remember them. This? Absolutely nothing. It's one of the most generic, blandest party songs I've ever heard, fronted by a profoundly untalented frontman to make for one of the most insufferable songs of this year. Flo Rida. You're pushin' 40. Just stop, okay? Stop partying. Go get that colonoscopy you've been putting off. Maybe someone can extract all the shit that goes into your music. Spoiler You wouldn't know it from my paragraphs upon paragraphs, but this year is actually exceptionally hard to write for. All these songs at their core are just boring garbage, which are always the hardest songs to write about. But hey! It's my list, and I gotta stand by it. Anyways, here's another bore. 5. "We Don't Talk Anymore" - Charlie Puth ft. Selena Gomez So... does anyone else want to start talking about this song? I got nothin'. I have tried to stick up for Selena Gomez in the past... well, no I haven't... but I don't remember hating her as much as I do... well, maybe I did. You know what, Selena Gomez just sucks. Plain and simple. Why would anyone seek out Selena Gomez's music? It is some of the blandest shit I've ever come across. There is nothing that makes Selena Gomez special as an artist. But at least I understand why Selena Gomez is popular. Disney-itis just happened to strike her just right. Meanwhile, where the fuck did this Charlie Puth asshole come from? I have not liked a single one of Charlie Puth's songs. If Selena Gomez is a bad artist, then Charlie Puth is a reprehensible one. He's just this whiny, overwrought, in-over-his-head little pukestain that writes some of the worst lyrics this side of Neptune. "Let's Marvin Gaye and get it on." That lyric should be taken out back and shot. There's nothing really noteworthy in the lyrics here, but in part that may be the problem. This is a boring dentist office song with lackluster performances from lackluster artists. And the less heard from either of them in 2017, the better. Spoiler COME BACK, PUSSYCAT DOLLS! COME BAAAAA- 4. "Work from Home" - Fifth Harmony ft. Ty Dolla Sign Oh, I don't wanna talk about this group again. Isn't there another girl group I can bash on? Is Danity Kane still making hits? No, how silly of me. All right, fine... Fifth Harmony. I straight up don't get the point of this song. I guess it's all supposed to be played off as some coy joke, Y'know, all these puns on working and their relation to sex... I can't decide if these puns are too corny or not corny enough, but either way they're laaaame. You don't gotta go to work, work, work, work, work, work, work But you gotta put in work, work, work, work, work, work, work You don't gotta go to work, work, work, work, work, work, work Let my body do the work, work, work, work, work, work, work, work Okay, so if I'm taking this song literally... Fifth Harmony wants their man... I don't know, I guess they all share him, to quit his job so he can go home and have sex with them. That's... not something to build a song around, unless you're Weird Al or something. And who wouldn't want to quit their day job to have sex with that man? Mmmm. But it's not Weird Al on the track. It's Fifth Harmony and Ty Dolla Sign. Basically switching one personality-free rapper for another. Kid Ink. Ty Dolla Sign. I feel like I'm clicking random on the "create a rap name" generator when I see these names. Why should I care? Well, the fact is, I don't. And I'm sick of people caring about Fifth Harmony, because it means I have to care enough to write a blurb about them time and time again. This is just... stupid. Plain and simple. This song doesn't work, work, work, at all. Oh, and way to get beaten out by Rihanna for the title. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qp9psZmAM_Y Not exactly God's gift to music either, but a hell of a more interesting presence than Fifth freakin' Harmony. When the most interesting thing about your band is a conspiracy that your main girl quit because she wasn't getting high fived enough, you have a problem. Fifth Harmony is just out of sync for me. Spoiler I'm mad. I honestly don't get visibly upset at songs that often, but if you can see my face now, I'm actually raging just typing this. This. Is. Not. Music. Fuck this song, fuck everything to do with this song, it just. Plain. Sucks. *sigh* We're not even at Number 1 yet, are we? Oh well... goes to show how shit this year was. *sigh* "Pillowtalk" by Zayn. 3. "Pillowtalk" - Zayn You're in for a ride, people. Not only are these Top 3 songs the worst hit songs of the year, they're some of the most insufferable songs I've ever heard. We're treading into very, very dangerous territory here. So let's start off with this shitstain, which I really thought was going to be my #1. It wasn't, as you can see, but we'll get to that. For now, we'll focus on... god damn it, I don't even have anything to say. I'm listening to this right now and all that's popping into my mind is unbridled rage. I hate this song. This song torments my soul. I don't even know why. It's one of those rare songs that just pushes all of my unexplainable buttons. Like, what would you say about this? It's loud, it's annoying, yet somehow it's also boring mush. And sweet Christ, what are these lyrics? WHAT IS THIS SONG ABOUT? He talks about "paradise and war zone" in the chorus and never fucking explains it. It's just one hamfisted cliché after another. I don't even want to dignify this, I'm just mad. I'm angered. This is a shit song and it does not deserve to be a hit and if this was Joey Fatone singing it, then it wouldn't have made it off the cutting board. Fuck this song, and fuck the general public for putting it on the air, tormenting my ears every day at work. GOD. ...Two more to go. *sigh* Spoiler Oh my God. "Pillowtalk" really fucking annoys me. It's just... God, I can't even believe people wanted to listen to that. It's wretched. It's unholy. But as bad as it is... at least it wasn't written by... A "nice guy". Oh, Shawn Mendes. What have you done? 2. "Treat You Better" - Shawn Mendes If any song on the radio this year had the potential to piss me off more than "Pillowtalk", by god, it was this one. Now I've always hated Shawn Mendes, I'm not late to this party or anything. But as much as he pissed me off, I could not anticipate the colossal firestorm of bad that was this. Did we really need this? Was anyone clamoring for the latest "i would treat u right" sweet nothing coming from 2016's answer to Justin Bieber breeding with a diseased macaw? See, the thing I worry most about with this song isn't that girls will like it. It's that guys will like it. And soon, every neckbeard will take this as their cue to bother their latest supposed conquest about her current boyfriend, who clearly isn't treating her right, here, let me sweat Cheeto dust all over you. Christ. I mean, maybe it's an unfounded fear, but even on its own, this song sucks. Mainly because Shawn Mendes sucks. And this production sucks. We didn't need more Shawn Mendes in general in 2016. We certainly didn't need this. So thank you, Shawn Mendes, for pouring one out for the "nice guys" of the world. Hey, guys. You want a real pickup line? Say you can write songs better than Teddy Geiger can. It's probably true. And y'know, if you really wanna take a cue from Mendes, here's what I recommend: the ladies just love it when you sing your song like a parrot being given the electric chair. http://www.tubechop.com/watch/8721558 Music to my ears. Gag me. Fuck Shawn Mendes, man. Spoiler I'm... surprised by my #1 pick, to say the least. Honestly, I was sure it was either gonna be "Pillowtalk" (die) or "Treat You Better" (die harder). But as bad as those songs are... and they are bad... I found one that, as innocent and dare I say, sweet, it is, managed to piss me off even more than those two. Like, "Pillowtalk" and "Treat You Better" annoy the piss out of me. They really do. In any other year, they would probably be strong #1 contenders. But truth is, I'd rather be annoyed than have my soul crushed. And that's exactly what this following song did, and even in a crap year like 2016, I can't think of a better song to sit atop the crap heap. Telephone for you, Mr. Puth. Irrelevance is calling. Now answer it. Please. 1. "One Call Away" - Charlie Puth I... good fuck god, do I hate this man. Even more so than Shawn Mendes. Even more than Silentó. He, more than anything, represents to me what is wrong with music. Good, soulful music should not sound like this. I fucking hate this. There is something deep inside my soul that is able to take all my hatred for other artists and dump it right on Charlie Puth. Like, honestly, listen to this. Really? This is a song? How? What's interesting about it? What engages you? This is some of the blandest shit I've ever heard. And I know I've already said that about most of the list here, but honestly. This one's for real. I can't even call it dentist's office music. i don't know any self-respecting dentist's office that would play this... unless, I don't know, they're out of anesthesia. Even then, the Hippocratic oath is still a thing. I don't even know what to say here. Of all the Charlie Puth songs, this is by far the Puthiest. Got anything to say, pal? Superman got nothin' on me PFFFFFFFFT. I'm sorry, what? Superman got nothin' on me You... you're serious. You're taking this song... THIS SONG... and using it to compare yourself to Superman. Buddy... Superheroes are actually interesting. They do things. They inspire people. You're like... a piece of gum stuck to someone's shoe. No, that would imply someone liked it enough to chew it. Let's face it, Puth. the only thing you can compare yourself to is yourself. When it comes to sucking at music, nobody got anything on you. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to try and enjoy my Christmas. And Christ, what a terrible mess this year was for music. Good list coming soon, I promise. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kylie Posted December 25, 2016 Share Posted December 25, 2016 agree except ill still defend the beat to work from home til the day i die for being one of the best of the year and ultimately the best thing fifth harmony will ever do as a group, or at the very least the most listenable 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clappy Posted December 25, 2016 Author Share Posted December 25, 2016 Charlie Puth needs to be sent down to the pop music farm system. He's not ready for the major leagues yet. Great list as always mang. Didn't have room for all my worst list choices and didn't want to write myself into exhaustion for my dishonorable mentions above but My House and We Don't Talk Anymore were definitely in consideration if I had anything else to really say about either song that I didn't say about something else already. Good lord the bad songs straight up SUCKED. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clappy Posted December 25, 2016 Author Share Posted December 25, 2016 Merry Christmas SBC! My present on to you is wrapping up the music portion of my year end lists. Sorry this took over a week to write up, but enjoy and may all your Christmases be the most wonderful. As for this list? I’ll be honest. I was conflicted while writing my best hit song list this year. Not because of the slim pickings, but due to the amount of 2015 backwash that I honestly wanted to place on my best list this year because of said slim pickings. And while I can definitely say that I legitimately like every single song on my best list, this list is probably not going to hold up as well as time goes by. I mean it will definitely hold up much better than say 2014, which that best list was rather weak, but this is not going to be one of the better ones from this decade. That being said, the good songs REALLY stood out this year. Far better than they had any right too. That reason alone, I’ll say whole heartedly that 2016 as a whole is greater than 2014…not by much though. Let’s just hope 2017 is a better pop music year because this was the most bored I’ve been by a year in quite some time. WE ARE COUNTING DOWN! CLAPPY'S TOP 10 BEST HIT SONGS OF 2016 Spoiler Honorable Mentions: “Can’t Stop the Feeling” – Justin Timberlake This is fine enough. Definitely far from JT’s best and honestly one of the lamest songs all year. But in a year that was sorely missing positive upbeat music, this was absolutely a welcome presence. Generic Justin Timberlake is still good enough pop music for me in 2016. Now please release a new album sooner rather than later because I can't do this whole seven years between albums torture. “Oui” – Jeremih Yep. I’m just as surprised as you all are. Just goes to show that artists that I’ve ragged on in the past are capable of having good material in them somewhere. While everything in the song is good, it’s that clever wordplay about there’s no Oui without u and i that makes this song insanely catchy. I just wish I had more to say about it except that it's just one of the more sincere songs I've heard this year. “Broccoli” – D.R.A.M. (featuring Lil Yachty) I still stand by what I said about this song three months ago. This song would be so much better if it was just D.R.A.M. because his part is so much good. I absolutely love it and he just sounds so jovial to be living life and enjoying it. This is the sort of song you want to get high too because it sounds like a good time. But once again, all that good can only get you so far when a song includes one of the worst guest rap verses I’ve heard in quite some time from that heaping pile of anti-charisma Lil Yachty. His part is just unbearable and I can’t stand a single second of it. “Side to Side” – Ariana Grande (featuring Nicki Minaj) Ariana has finally found her sound after I complained so often in 2014 about sounding like she has no clue what sex is. This is sexy as hell with the Caribbean production and singing about how she is walking from side to side. I dig the hell out of Ariana’s part as a proud horndog. But what prevented this from making the best list? You can all point your fingers to Nicki’s god awful refrain rhyming bicycle and tricycle. Nicki’s had some really corny lines in the past, but this is way up there for some of the cringiest lines Nicki has ever done. The rest of her part is okay, but good lord that refrain has to be included twice. Why?! “Humble and Kind” – Tim McGraw Miles above the rest of the country music hits that charted on the year end list. Tim McGraw is definitely one of the best modern country legends we got still working today. While this is definitely not one of his all-time best songs, I actually appreciate the corny after school message sincerity behind it because of Tim’s conviction to stay as faithful to this song’s message as possible. And in such a dark depressing year in history, it’s always nice to have a positive minded song like this. “Antidote” – Travis Scott You can tell that Travis Scott and Kanye West have a lot in common just based off the production alone. Kanye knows (or at least used to see: TLOP) how to match production with lyrics great, hence why Kanye is still the star he is today. Travis Scott has clearly picked up on how to do the same because for a very dark song like this, you need to match that with an equally dark trap production. Which I can get behind since “partying is all he knows” so you should suffocate that atmosphere for what it’s worth to make it as dark as possible. Can’t wait to see where Travis Scott’s career goes more so than Desiigner’s to be honest. “On My Mind” – Ellie Goulding I somewhat hinted a year ago that this song would be one of the better ones of the 2016 year end list. And while I like Ed’s song a tad more, I find Ellie’s more interesting since it’s a direct response. She pretty much rubs off everything Ed was saying by pointing out that they were never in relationship and boosts such high levels of swagger by talking about how she doesn’t regret anything. Which side am I on? Who cares as long as we keep getting such interesting material from both Ed and Ellie about it. “Jumpman” – Drake & Future While I was mixed on What a Time to Be Alive in general, there is no denying that this was the best song off that album. This is honestly the most alive Drake has sounded all year with him just spitting great line after great line. Future is okay, although he definitely gets overshadowed by how much fire Drake spits. Best thing either artist did all year for sure. Credit to Metro Boomin for probably my favorite hip hop production of the year too. “Sorry” – Justin Bieber …BUT GOOD LORD IS THIS SONG FANTASTIC TO LISTEN TO. Skrillex saves this song from being completely irredeemable and making it an absolute ear worm. The moment I hear that tropical production, the song is inescapable. As awful as it is, I admit to liking this song a lot more than I have any right to. Enough to completely save myself from condemning it to the worst list. Also the most honorable of mentions to Lean On, Ex’s and Oh’s, and What Do You Mean, which once I post my full 100 rankings, you’ll see landed at 13, 12, and 11 respectfully. All of these got even better as the year rolled on that they rose on my 2016 rankings over 2015 respectfully. A sign of how weak 2016 was a year for good music? Sort of, but the latter two were still in the Top 10 in the early months of 2016 and were in higher year end positions in comparison to last year that they felt bigger this year too. So who am I to complain? Spoiler Ah yes, When We Were Young. A song reminiscing of a lover from your past and how you’ve grown apart. With on point Adele vocals as always and all the critical appraisal, this song is fine... …I don’t know, it just doesn’t seem to really have any sort of emotional attachment for me. Probably because Taylor Swift just did this same song last year and it was by far one of Taylor’s best songs. But instead let’s tackle the Adele song that nearly everyone declared the worst song on 25. 10. “Send My Love (To Your New Lover)” – Adele Yeah I’m not going to lie. This one took a while to grow on me. Something about the entire song just felt like a watered down version of Adele stripping her away of everything that made her interesting. Which sounds stupid in context because Adele is the biggest pop star on the planet, why would she need to change? Hell the song material itself isn’t as emotionally compelling as Adele usually goes for. By all means, this should be the one Adele song that I can finally say I thoroughly and completely dislike…but the more I heard it the more I realized: THIS IS THE MOST SARCASTIC ADELE SONG EVER How did this go over my head for so long? The lyrics, the tone in Adele’s voice, the fact that they stripped the production down to the bare minimum. My love for this just kept growing and growing to the point that I actually love this far more than everything else I’ve heard off 25 so far. I doubt this is going to lead to a new tone for future Adele songs because even I admit she’s at her best when she is belting about human emotions, but for a one off attempt at trying something different, I love it. Spoiler For as much backlash as she has received in 2016 from the mess that was the Calvin Harris breakup to the never ending feud with Kanye West, there is no denying that the charts missed Taylor Swift this year. I don’t care about her personal life. I just want her to keep making good interesting pop music in a landscape that sorely needs her star power. 9. “Wildest Dreams” – Taylor Swift As much as I go back and forth on whether I should include backwash songs on my best list two years in a row, I just couldn’t avoid it because leaving off this would be letting a little part of myself die inside knowing that it just isn’t a true BEST list. This is still a damn good pop song. Only Taylor Swift would know how to make going through guys like a serial dater sound attractive as hell. She accepts the fact that she can’t make them stay and flourishes in it. You know what? All the power to her. If it keeps giving her material to write great songs about, then why not? Spoiler Speaking of backwash, at least Wildest Dreams was still technically an actual hit in 2016. The only times I heard this next one was due to radio inertia cycling it in and out of rotation. Is that what it takes to make it to the following year’s year end list now? Oh well, I’ll take it since I still love it. WOO! 8. “Can’t Feel My Face” – The Weeknd Just like with the last choice, I’ve already covered this in full detail the previous year so I won’t have nearly as much to say about it, but while I’ve talked about my love for this previously, I don’t think I gave it enough credit due to growing a bit tired of it towards the end of last year. This song was just Titanic-sized huge and reminds me why I love 80s throwback tracks so much. Hell the one nitpick I use to have about it really doesn’t bother me anymore. It’s genius. It honestly opened me up more to The Weeknd than I was ever inclined to and I thank it for that. What else can I say, but I love it. Yeah I love it babe. Spoiler Speaking of things I said on last year’s list, I said something that still rings true to this day. While I do love Can’t Feel My Face, I love The Weeknd’s follow up even more. Honestly, I’m legitimately shocked this song wasn’t bigger. 7. “In The Night” – The Weeknd But that was 2016 in a nutshell where the most inexplicable songs gained the most traction throughout the year. After “Can’t Feel My Face” was huge last summer into the early fall, it made logical sense to have this be one of The Weeknd’s next singles and be equally as big, yet somehow it not only failed to crack the Top 10, but collapsed out of the Top 20 almost as quickly as I proclaimed this to be The Weeknd’s best song. I just don’t get it because this song is fucking awesome. It’s the best Michael Jackson impersonation The Weeknd has ever done right down to the “Dirty Diana”-esque ode to predatory woman...only to find out that this woman is a victim of abuse and is doing everything to escape the violent pain. It’s damn great and you, the American listening public, would have rather listened to songs about pandas and Flo Rida’s house. For shame that you guys let The Weeknd’s best hit song not even crack the Top 10… Spoiler …oh wait, you guys did. Job well done America. 6. “Starboy” – The Weeknd (featuring Daft Punk) Yeah I wasn’t expecting to love this as much as I do right now. I mean this song has nearly everything I disliked about his darker stuff from Beauty Behind the Madness down to the rampant drug abuse and plowing through women left and right. Hell, if you actually look at the lyrical content, you can nitpick the fuck out of nearly everything. Yeah some of the lyrics are just pure sarcasm because if you actually think The Weeknd’s girl is cleaning his table with her face, then you are thinking WAY too much about it. I don’t think even The Weeknd knows what he means by that, but it’s provocative and it gets the people going… …and that’s why the lyrics don’t bother me at all. Because this is just a fantastic sounding song. Daft Punk absolutely knocked it out of the park here with one of the sleekest most polished songs I’ve ever heard from a pop song this year. Also working in its favor is The Weeknd himself. There is no denying that this is a song of colossal arrogance and The Weeknd is owning up to it. I can’t help it. I love it when popstars cut out the bullshit and just own up to the fact that you wish you could be as awesome as them. See Meghan Trainor? This is how you do it. If I were you, I would want to be The Weeknd too. Spoiler …yeah this has soured on me as the year goes on. The comparisons I made previously to Love Me Harder is not fair because Love Me Harder is far superior to this that it’s not even close. Sure that guitar work is awesome, but instead of sounding sexy and seductive, Ariana comes off more as bored and uninterested. What the hell....why is she trying to make the bunny ears a thing? I don’t know guys, I just like my Ariana songs to have a little more heat towards them. 5. “Into You” – Ariana Grande Can we all just agree that this was by far the best track on the new album because it seems like everyone on here kept wishing this single would end up much bigger than it actually did. This is also the second year where Ariana won me over with cooing more than belting, I don’t know why but it just works so much better for me. Probably because it just does it for me in terms of bringing me to my knees in terms of sexual seduction. My personal favorite part? A little less conversation and a little more touch my body Honestly one of my favorite pop lyrics of 2016. Not only for the references to Elvis Pressley and Mariah Carey, but cleverly using said references to apply towards this guy to stop with the conversing because Ariana is clearly ready for more than just that. And while Dangerous Woman's production a slow tedious bore, Into You actually has a ton of life and flavor towards it. This is how I want my Ariana Grande songs to sound dammit. Like actual pop music. She has too good of a voice to be wasting away on slow to mid-tempo dreck and shitty rehashes. I love you Ariana Grande. The pop princess contest is back in your favor. Marry me. Spoiler What was my musical highpoint of 2016? Beyoncé had the best album of the year. I hate to be another critic praising it to death, but I’ll be damned that it didn’t surprise the hell out of me. And that is coming from someone who is not afraid to admit to not being the biggest Beyoncé fan. Sure she has some songs that I like, but more often than not do I find her music vastly overrated, absolutely lazy, or just pure trash. Not this year. Every single song off of Lemonade was an 8 out of 10 or higher. I seriously wish All Night, Daddy Lessons, Don’t Hurt Yourself, or Freedom were hit songs because all four could have topped this list. But instead, the only song we got from Lemonade on the year end Hot 100 will do just fine. 4. “Sorry” - Beyoncé This wasn’t my least favorite song from Lemonade, but this was definitely not one of the ones I expected to stick around and become her biggest hit from it. I can see why since it’s the most mainstream accessible sound with the synths and the trap beats, also due to the lyrics about Jay-Z’s infidelity and the infamous “Becky with the good hair” line, but the song itself just doesn’t have as much bombast as everything else from Lemonade. That being said, this is still great. It still shows Beyoncé’s raw emotional power as she is righteously pissed throughout most of the song in all the best ways possible. Makes me want to stick my middle finger up and point it to the sky myself. But what takes this song to that level of greatness is not just telling your haters off, but how it humanizes Beyonce at the end as she mentions how depressed she is and how she is conflicted as to whether she and Blue Ivy should up and leave. That right there is what does it for me and makes me love it. While it’s far from the best off the album, it just goes to show how great the album itself truly is. Spoiler 2016: The Year of…The Chainsmokers? Yeah it comes as big of a shock to me as it is to you that the #Selfie douches had the largest combined amount of hits of the year. Who could have seen that one coming? Two hits in the top ten? As inescapable as both hits were this year, Don’t Let Me Down wore out its welcome as the months flew by and I still like Closer, but its problems became the more apparent the more I heard it. You aren’t going to be seeing either of them in my top ten is an understatement. 3. “Roses” – The Chainsmokers (featuring ROZES) The song you will be seeing is the one that erased these two off my list of “novelty acts”. This song just kept growing on me the more I heard it. It’s a complex story about two lovers and it’s a messy story at that. Does he love her? She obviously loves him. She can’t figure it out but she doesn’t want him to let her go and ROZES does a great job at conveying that. The emotional tone about this song just feels far more real to me than Closer did. But the real stars of this song are The Chainsmokers themselves. The production for this is just fantastic from beginning to end with blaring synths, crowd chants, looping ROZES voice over and over. They literally throw every single sound imaginable in there and not once does it irritate me. It’s a miracle because all those noises are noticeable on their own, but combining them together just makes it work. Honestly, this is a prime example of a pop song being too beautiful to even word properly. This wasn't my number one song, but this was definitely the one I listened to the most from the songs that charted. More mainstream EDM like this would be certainly welcomed by me. Spoiler Speaking of duos who were the biggest stars of the year, if 2016 was the year of The Chainsmokers, twenty one pilots weren’t that far behind them. While everyone honestly agreed that The Chainsmokers got better this year, the response for twenty one pilots was even more mixed. I could link everyone to the thread for them and you can all see it for yourselves, but it’s easy for me to see why they caught on. I may be mixed on twenty one pilots as artists still, but when they are good, they are great. I love the fact that they genre bend, I actually wouldn't mind more artists like this to be honest. Primarily because they are actually trying. Really really hard. And while you guys are all probably expecting this preamble to lead to me placing Ride on this list, you are all sorely mistaken. I still appreciate it for being a song about getting in your own head and thinking too much as someone who does go into his head too much, but good lord did everything else about the song wear thin on me as the year rolled on. So the one twenty one pilots song I said I loved didn’t make my best list, what did? 2. “Stressed Out” – twenty one pilots …yeah, heh heh. I feel like I need to apologize for this one. Especially after how mixed I was on this song for the longest time. I'm sorr…oh forget it. This is my Top 10 and I always tell myself to stay faithful to how I really feel about the songs I like and this is one I’ll proudly justify as one of my favorite hit songs of the past year. I absolutely 100% love this. It captures everything about the strains of growing up so perfectly that are all irrational fears would shrink, but guess what? They don’t. Your childhood fears grow into actual fears of insecurity about your finances, your well-being, and so much more. That you want to turn back to the days from your childhood with your mother telling you that everything will be okay. Honestly, everything about the tone of this song overshadows any sort of problems I use to have regarding tangents about Blurryface and the lame rehashing of Skee-Lo’s “I Wish”. Everything else, while messy and disjointed as hell, just forgives it for all that with actual flow from Tyler Joseph's rapping. Do you know how many actual rap songs had flow that good this year? Barely any. This song kept growing on me as the year went by and the ever presence of doubts that I have about my future, I always find myself thinking back to this song and that anthem of a chorus, which is inescapably catchy. Like it or not, this is a millennial anthem and there is no denying that. Spoiler I haven’t watched any best and worst of the year lists on YouTube yet, but I have a feeling this will be topping a lot of best lists this year. However, I didn’t expect it to top mine. I mean is this a sign of how much worse the year got as 2016 went along? No. Not at all. Hell, you guys saw it for yourselves. I found seven songs from this year that would were higher than my number six song of 2015. That is just further proof that 2016 was not as irredeemable for music as so many others made it out to be. No, what I didn’t expect from my number one was that it was from an artist who I’ve never been a real fan of. I mean hell, this guy was such an embarrassment of an artist, his SBC topic still only has two posts to this day. But if I can find one word to describe my opinions of him in 2016 it’s this: REDEMPTION. Thank god this wasn’t the version that got popular because this completely misses the fucking point. 2016 was a depressing year for pop music and this was the saddest song of them all. 1. “I Took a Pill in Ibiza (SeeB Remix)” – Mike Posner God bless you SeeB. For a song about how you blew your shot and faded into obscurity, you need your song to sound depressing as all hell and that is what SeeB did with this and made it all the more possible to feel Mike Posner’s pain. But I’m not going to give SeeB all the credit because Mike Posner deserves most of it for his fantastic songwriting skills that I clearly did not know he had in him. Hell, he makes owning a sports car, going through women, and owning hundreds of shoes sound like pure torture. The fact that he took drugs in a foreign country to show Avicii he was cool, after Avicii’s career blew up after it initially flopped, is one of the saddest groundworks I’ve ever heard a song admit. All he knows are sad songs now? It’s true. His previously biggest hit was a song that made him sound like the biggest loser on the planet: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqWq_48LxWQ Yeah sure he had a technical second hit that was generic as all hell, but the song that killed his career is the saddest song of them all: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SWfUp70XMLI Once I throw on this Bow Chicka Wow Wow...no wonder he went on to write for Justin Bieber and Maroon 5. I’m glad Mike Posner took that pill and that he feels ten years older now because this cautionary tale of post-fame is honestly one of the best written songs of this past decade. The fact that this is officially Mike Posner’s biggest hit is ironic, yet beautiful. This deserves all of the praise and even if we never hear from Mike Posner again, his tale will never be forgotten. And that's my best list. Christ was this a tough one to write this year. Let's hope for better in 2017. The eventual year end Hot 100 ranking by yours truly will probably come tomorrow, but as of now, I'll gladly give my thoughts on any other songs you all have any requests for. Until then, I wish you all once again a Happy Holidays. 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wumbo Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 Guys... I don't wanna do this. Seriously, it's like a bad dystopian novel this year. I feel so drained and so lifeless that I find it really difficult to talk about the songs I loved from this year. But... to be fair, the pop charts were not as bad as they could have been. I know I unleashed a lot of anger with my worst list, but honestly? I don't think my best list is half bad. Considering the doom and gloom that 2016 thrust upon us again and again, I think I got a pretty solid Top 10 list out of the mix. It's just... oh, God, the agony never seems to stop. It's starting to feel like death is an invitation rather than a threat. Can we please get better in 2017? This year was flat out not working from beginning to end. I lost some people very near and dear to my heart this year. One was my grandmother after a long battle with Alzheimer's disease. The other was a friend by suicide. So more than the onslaught of celebrity deaths this year, especially in music, this year hit me in the gut pretty personally too. But if we want to put this year behind us, we must do just that by carrying on and doing our thang. I think this has been my best year for writing these lists so far, and I intend to keep getting better. So, onward. We will not let the onslaught of despair kick us down for good! WE WILL STAND UP AND KEEP FIGHTING! Even if that fighting entails showing a Top 10 list on a SpongeBob website. Score one for the little guys, I guess. All right, here we go! It's... Wumbo's Top 10 Songs of 2016 Spoiler It's a 2015 song. 10. "Wildest Dreams" - Taylor Swift Look, I'm really sorry guys. It had to be done. If I'm gonna keep an honest list, and 2016's year-end is gonna give me this, then I have to include it. Plain and simple. I'm a stickler. Actually, wasn't this higher on my 2015 list? Yeah, I put it at #8. Does this mean the top songs from 2016 were actually better than 2015? Weeeellll... overall, no. But they are a lot better than I expected them to be. Oh, what, you wanted me to talk about this song again? ...why? Come on, let's get to the 2016 hits. Moving right along. Sorry to waste your time. Next! Spoiler 9. "Ex's and Oh's" - Elle King God damn it. This is gonna be harder to write about than the worst list, isn't it. Weeell, at least I haven't officially covered this song yet. Which begs the question: where was this song on my 2015 list? Where's my credibility, damn it?! Calm down, calm down. In a year, a lot can change. And in this particular year, the rock scene was dull and drab, with snorefests like X Ambassadors releasing "hits" this year. So you start to appreciate songs like this a lot more. Kind of reminds me of something like White Stripes or Metric. Pumps you up and gets ya goin'. And if it took 2016 for me to fully appreciate this song, then I guess I can thank the year for that. "Ex's and Oh's" is a masterful song with an edge, something that is honestly missing from a lot of music these days. We need Elle King here to whip all these other artists into shape. If not, we sic Rob Schneider on 'em. A fate worse than death. Spoiler Calm down, calm down. I'm not putting "The Hills" on my list again. Christ, I am all over the place this year compared to the last, aren't I? Like I said, a lot can change in a year. And in 2016, where many of the songs this year were boring and lifeless, The Weeknd unfortunately fit into that crowd a lot more than I hoped he would. As such, I had to bid goodbye to "The Hills". I still kinda like it, but it definitely wore out its welcome when I saw it return again in 2016's list. Now this song, on the other hand, was a fucking breath of fresh air to come back to. 8. "In the Night" - The Weeknd See, The Weeknd can make great music! He just needs to put a little oomph into his step and he's good. I admit I may have overhyped this song at the beginning of the year, and maybe The Weeknd in general, but rest assured when all's said and done, this song is still pretty damn awesome. That buildup to the bombastic chorus is fantastic. This is what a good, provocative pop song should sound like. This is The Weeknd at his best, and he's already still pretty good when he's not at his best, I'd argue. If we're really using The Weeknd to replace Michael Jackson, this is pretty clearly his "Dirty Diana". And hey, great MJ song! So it's great to hear The Weeknd do his take on it, even making it a little darker than the original with his usual M.O. In it, the girl is portrayed as the victim, creating more of a sympathetic angle. Honestly, it's kind of a sweet song. Well, about as sweet as you can expect from a guy who makes money off a 50 Shades of Grey song. But yeah. No problems here. If The Weeknd is able to make more songs like this, I'm more than happy to keep him around. Isn't the weekend everyone's favourite time anyway? Spoiler 2016 honestly, for the most part, felt to me like a year where trying was optional. Not that everything was bad, but the majority of the year felt half-assed to me, somehow. So it was especially great this year to hear great artists put their full potential into a work of art, even when they really have nothing to prove. Enter Queen Bey. Beyoncé's Lemonade album basically stole the show this year, almost embarrassingly so. And it makes sense. This album was a statement from an artist who's already made so many, and it felt fresh. Even though Beyoncé could coast this year, she chose not to. I've been ambivalent about Beyoncé over the years, but she won me over big time this year. If all her songs charted on the year-end, I'd have trouble keeping any of them off. But there was only one, so here it is. 7. "Sorry" - Beyoncé Rewind to the start of 2016, where Jay-Z and Beyoncé, one of music's most famous power couples, were sent into turmoil amongst cheating scandals. That's a running theme in Lemonade, perhaps shown nowhere more obviously and famously than this song. When the Internet wasn't blowing up over the election, they were absolutely losing their minds over this song. "Becky with the good hair" has basically become part of the American lexicon. Such is the power of Beyoncé. Like I said, Lemonade is an album of many statements. And "Sorry" is a song of many statements. Beyoncé expresses anger, hurt, and even vulnerability, which is rare to see from the Queen. It's a song that should really be my #1 of the year. Buuut I admit I'm a bit of a bore, and this song is a little too out there for me to fully embrace it. I definitely respect it more than I like it, although I do like it a lot. And even though Beyoncé didn't win my list, as far as I'm concerned, she still won 2016. Slay. Spoiler So, after all that praise, we have to get the best of the best to top Beyoncé this year, right? No third-rate artists from here on out! Who's up next? R...really? 6. "I Took a Pill in Ibiza" - Mike Posner Okay, so... Beyoncé, one of the most prolific and respected artists of the past 15 years or so, got beaten out by... this guy? Well, I can't front. I absolutely love "Ibiza". Maybe it just came out in the right year. A song taking down the culture of typical pop life through a depressing club song is probably exactly what we needed in 2016. I know I kept on coming back to this song when I essentially needed a depressant. And honestly, strange as it may seem, Mike Posner may be the perfect person to deliver it. He's a perfect example of someone who was screwed over by the pop universe and lived to tell the tale. I mean he probably still has more money than I'll ever see in my life, but still. In a sense of being a hitmaker, his story is a pretty sad one. Like, pathetic sad. He really works to de-glamorize the pop industry and cut straight through the bullshit with his experiences. Jay Z and Justin Timberlake's song "Holy Grail" never worked because it was too hard to feel sorry for either of these guys. Well... maybe Jay Z has a little more leverage for sympathy after Lemonade. But still, I feel infinitely more sorry for Mike Posner than I do him. And yeah, technically the chart this year didn't say "SeeB remix", so in all honesty I may be cheating. It's why I couldn't put "Summertime Sadness" on my Top 10 in 2013. But you know what? I'm calling it here. No one heard this awful folk pop version. Everyone was listening to the remix. Which is miles better anyway. So there. God damn it, Posner. You can't even do your own songs right! Boo! I guess it's fitting that in 2016, one of the saddest songs ends up being one of the best. Mike Posner: A sad, sad man for a sad, sad year. Spoiler We meet again, twenty one pilots. Like I said, I was so divided on this band throughout the year. I couldn't decide whether they were the saviours of 2016, or the main reason why it sucked. But at the end of the day, I think I'm more inclined to give 'em a pass. They at least seem to put effort into their music, unlike a lot of the shit I heard this year. Sure, some of their pretentiousness can grate on me, but honestly, when they hit, they hit hard. 5. "Stressed Out" - twenty one pilots If there was one song this year to just represent my feelings about this band on the whole, it was this one. Namely, hopelessly divided. I'm pretty sure I started out hating this song, and this band in general. "Blurryface". Who do you think you are, The Who? This band seriously thinks they have the chops to do a concept album? Give me a break. But... as the year rolled on, I found myself growing more and more attached to this song. Probably because it honestly does feel real. It's a raw and honest song about nostalgia in your early adult years. Because hell, life was way easier as a kid and why can't we just go back and I don't wanna go to college anymore and WAAAAAAAAAH *sigh* Sorry, sorry. As I said, it resonates. And for the record, it's got a pretty good beat backing it up. That chorus seriously smashes. I can't help but bob my head to it every time the beat kicks in. So yeah. this band, and definitely this song, took a while to grow on me, but I'm glad they finally did. Can't say I ever went into these guys' songs with optimism, but that's just sort of the weird year 2016 was. The good stuff came from the most unexpected places for me. i mean, c'mon, I wasn't expecting to like a Mike Posner song this year. I think I'm allowed this one too. "Stressed Out" is ironically a pretty good chill-out song that almost makes me forget about being stressed. Almost. I'm still grounded on earth here. But yeah, good song. Spoiler God, fucking hell, 2016 was a weird year. Talk about your musical surprises. Yes, 2016 was the year The Chainsmokers became actual legit artists. Whether they were any good is another question, but at least they were releasing stuff that could be judged properly. They had three hits on the year-end this year, and despite their uptick in quality, I still only had room for one. But hey, considering they were the "Selfie" guys two years back, I'd say that's a pretty big accomplishment in itself. Anyway, here's my pick. 4. "Roses" - The Chainsmokers ft. Rozes I honestly don't think The Chainsmokers are gonna sound this good ever again, so we really have to appreciate it while it lasts. And believe me, when it comes to this song, I appreciate every second of it. If you had told me that the guys who made "Selfie", one of the stupidest songs I've ever heard in my life, could also make a song like this, I might have laughed in your face. I expected Mike Posner to make a decent song before these guys. Okay, no I didn't, but you get the picture. And this song is more than decent. Only the highest praise for my top 10! No, but seriously, I absolutely love this. This is possibly the most romantic song of the year. It's got such a dreamlike quality. Admittedly, I do think that most of it is carried by the singer. Rozes. She basically hits every note that this song was meant to hit, and I definitely don't think it would have sounded as good with a Halsey on the track. Sorry, girl. Like I said though, it's a miracle this song works at all, mostly because of the history of The Chainsmokers. I guess everybody has to kick the habit eventually. In The Chainsmokers' case, that habit was making bad music, but I'm definitely grateful they kicked it. Spoiler 2016 was a good year to get sick of artists. I was sick of Drake (again), I was sick of Rihanna (again), and I was also sick of Justin Bieber. While Bieber's balls dropped a while back and now at least he doesn't sound pre-pubescent, he's still got major charm flaws with his music. Near everything he's put out this year, whether I liked it or not, has always sounded distant and restrained, and I just don't think it makes for technically good music, or at least not music that has any staying power. Now, there was one song this year that I think broke that description. And this is the first time I'm putting a fucking BIEBER song on my Best List, so... let's just say it's time to air some remorse. 3. "Sorry" - Justin Bieber I was SHOCKED when this song wasn't #1 on the year-end this year, but "Love Yourself" was. It's not even about which song deserved it, though this one did. It's just that this song was EVERYWHERE. And speaking as someone who was in a prime position to get jaded of pop music overplay this year, it's a miracle that this song didn't grate on me. I still don't think much of why I love this song has to do with Bieber, for the record. I mean, his vocals are probably some of the best they've ever been, but good god, some of these lyrics. I'm not just tryin' to get you back on me 'Cause I'm missin' more than just your body "Oh no, officer! I was definitely not at the murder scene between the hours of 12 and 2. Where was I? Uh... uh..." But I still put this song pretty damn high on my list, so there must be some reason. And there is: That production is amazing. It's such a chill song and makes me forget about the problems with it. As I've said before, the best songs don't necessarily have to have the least flaws, but they do have to make up for them in some way. And "Sorry" definitely does. Heh. It's almost like the beat is apologizing for the lyrics. I appreciate this song's meta-humour! So, to all of you who are upset that I put a Justin Bieber song on a best list and are liable to never trust me again, I just have one thing to say: It's my list. Suck it up. Next! Spoiler I couldn't keep it off. I just... I couldn't. 2. "Can't Feel My Face" - The Weeknd I don't see why you wouldn't expect it to, to be honest. I put "Ex's and Oh's" and "Wildest Dreams" on my list; it only stands to reason that this would make the list, too. Not about to leave a song off just because it charted in 2015 as well. If it was on the year-end chart, it counts, damn it! Look, I realize this list may be a tad disappointing for y'all with all the repeats, so here's a quick honourable mentions list before I get into this one: "Closer" - The Chainsmokers ft. Halsey "Roses" will probably forever be my top Chainsmokers song, but damn if this one doesn't do its job too. I actually think Halsey fits on this song where she wouldn't fit on "Roses". Honestly, good job this year Chainsmokers. Don't screw your newfound good karma up. "Hymn for the Weekend" - Coldplay Yeah, in spite of myself, I actually liked Coldplay's output this year! Whatever they're trying to do this year is more interesting than anything they've done in the past five years, so I'll take it. Whatever it is. "On My Mind" - Ellie Goulding *More* 2015 backwash. And I didn't even like this song when it first came out. But again, a year can change you. And amidst all the dirgey music we got this year, I really appreciate this catchy-ass beat and Ellie Goulding's voice. "Middle" - DJ Snake ft. Bipolar Sunshine DJ Snake's proven himself to be a bit of a one-trick pony these past few years, but I do think that he's attempting to sound at least slightly different here. and like I said, in 2016, I appreciate any sort of risk-taking in music. "This is What You Came For" - Calvin Harris ft. Rihanna Definitely a slow grow for me. What can I say? Calvin Harris finally got me. It's a great club song. Okay, enough of that. So, The Weeknd! I'm a little worried about The Weeknd, to be honest. Has he peaked with this song? I mean, "In the Night" was pretty damn great, but it didn't match up to the near-perfect quality of this song. This is the kind of pop song that makes me love pop music. Sleek, cool, a bit of an edge to it, and of course, catchy as all hell. I haven't been able to get this song out of my head since the first time I heard it, and I'm sure you all haven't either. I can't think of much more to say that I haven't already said. Just an amazing pop song that I'm sure will stick with me for years to come. Spoiler Now, much like my #1 pick for worst of the year, my #1 best pick surprised me. I mulled over it and wondered if anything else would be more deserving, but ultimately this one stuck out to me as the best. I'll admit right now that it's no "Uptown Funk", but then again, few things are. I just know that during this horrible, rancid year for music and for everything else, this one song always managed to put a smile on my face every time I heard it. So of course, I had to make it my #1. 1. "Dog Police" - Dog Police Haha no, no, I'm kidding. Here's the real #1. And everything I said still applies. 1. "Ride" - twenty one pilots So... final verdict. Yeah, I like this band. Maybe it's just the year in comparison, but twenty one pilots seemed to be one of the only acts who wanted to have any fun with their music this year. In comparison to other years, this song probably wouldn't be as upbeat. But in 2016? Yeah, I sure as hell needed this song. Okay, full disclosure: I might like this song so much because it was the entry music of Kevin Pillar this year. Love them Jays. But hey, "Don't Mind" was the entry music to Tulowitzki and I still hated that song. So there's gotta be more to it. I guess whatever you want to call twenty one pilots, you have to admit they're ambitious. To not do so would be a disservice to this band. And I gotta give it up for "Ride", a song I never got tired of in spite of myself, and my pick for my favourite hit of the year. Now I've been thinkin' too much about this year... help me. Full list: Spoiler 1. "Ride" - twenty one pilots 2. "Can't Feel My Face" - The Weeknd 3. "Sorry" - Justin Bieber 4. "Roses" - The Chainsmokers ft. Rozes 5. "Stressed Out" - twenty one pilots 6. "I Took a Pill in Ibiza" - Mike Posner 7. "Sorry" - Beyoncé 8. "In the Night" - The Weeknd 9. "Ex's and Oh's" - Elle King 10. "Wildest Dreams" - Taylor Swift 11. "Closer" - The Chainsmokers ft. Halsey 12. "Hymn for the Weekend" - Coldplay 13. "On My Mind" - Ellie Goulding 14. "Middle" - DJ Snake ft. Bipolar Sunshine 15. "This Is What You Came For" - Calvin Harris ft. Rihanna 16. "Into You" - Ariana Grande 17. "When We Were Young" - Adele 18. "Lean On" - Major Lazer and DJ Snake ft. MØ 19. "All the Way Up" - Fat Joe, Remy Ma and Jay Z ft. French Montana and Infrared 20. "I Know What You Did Last Summer" - Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello 21. "Hello" - Adele 22. "Let Me Love You" - DJ Snake ft. Justin Bieber 23. "Starboy" - The Weeknd ft. Daft Punk 24. "Can't Stop the Feeling!" - Justin Timberlake 25. "Broccoli" - D.R.A.M. ft. Lil Yachty 26. "Cake by the Ocean" - DNCE 27. "Hide Away" - Daya 28. "Me Too" - Meghan Trainor 29. "Exchange" - Bryson Tiller 30. "The Hills" - The Weeknd 31. "Send My Love (To Your New Lover)" - Adele 32. "What Do You Mean?" - Justin Bieber 33. "Adventure of a Lifetime" - Coldplay 34. "Humble and Kind" - Tim McGraw 35. "Pop Style" - Drake ft. The Throne 36. "Jumpman" - Drake and Future 37. "Gold" - Kiiara 38. "Cheap Thrills" - Sia ft. Sean Paul 39. "Side to Side" - Ariana Grande ft. Nicki Minaj 40. "Oui" - Jeremih 41. "Needed Me" - Rihanna 42. "No Limit" - Usher ft. Young Thug 43. "Dangerous Woman" - Ariana Grande 44. "Say It" - Tory Lanez 45. "Hands to Myself" - Selena Gomez 46. "Antidote" - Travis Scott 47. "Never Be Like You" - Flume ft. Kai 48. "Close" - Nick Jonas ft. Tove Lo 49. "Perfect" - One Direction 50. "Tiimmy Turner" - Desiigner 51. "Die a Happy Man" - Thomas Rhett 52. "679" - Fetty Wap ft. Remy Boyz 53. "Don't" - Bryson Tiller 54. "Same Old Love" - Selena Gomez 55. "No" - Meghan Trainor 56. "Me, Myself & I" - G-Eazy and Bebe Rexha 57. "Hotline Bling" - Drake 58. "Low Life" - Future ft. The Weeknd 59. "Don't Let Me Down" - The Chainsmokers ft. Daya 60. "Back to Sleep" - Chris Brown 61. "Watch Me" - Silentó 62. "Sit Still, Look Pretty" - Daya 63. "Lost Boy" - Ruth B 64. "White Iverson" - Post Malone 65. "Too Good" - Drake ft. Rihanna 66. "Starving" - Hailee Steinfeld and Grey ft. Zedd 67. "All In My Head (Flex)" - Fifth Harmony ft. Fetty Wap 68. "See You Again" - Wiz Khalifa ft. Charlie Puth 69. "For Free" - DJ Khaled ft. Drake 70. "Really Really" - Kevin Gates 71. "Wicked" - Future 72. "Cut It" - O.T. Genasis ft. Young Dolph 73. "Never Forget You" - Zara Larsson and MNEK 74. "2 Phones" - Kevin Gates 75. "I Hate U, I Love U" - Nash ft. Olivia O'Brien 76. "Here" - Alessia Cara 77. "Cold Water" - Major Lazer ft. Justin Bieber and MØ 78. "Luv" - Tory Lanez 79. "Just Like Fire" - Pink 80. "Let It Go" - James Bay 81. "Unsteady" - X Ambassadors 82. "Like I'm Gonna Lose You" - Meghan Trainor ft. John Legend 83. "One Dance" - Drake ft. WizKid and Kyla 84. "Down in the DM" - Yo Gotti ft. Nicki Minaj 85. "Sucker for Pain" - Lil Wayne, Wiz Khalifa, and Imagine Dragons with Logic and Ty Dolla Sign ft. X Ambassadors 86. "Controlla" - Drake 87. "Stitches" - Shawn Mendes 88. "Work" - Rihanna ft. Drake 89. "Love Yourself" - Justin Bieber 90. "Don't Mind" - Kent Jones 91. "H.O.L.Y." - Florida Georgia Line 92. "Heathens" - twenty one pilots 93. "7 Years" - Lukas Graham 94. "Panda" - Desiigner 95. "My House" - Flo Rida 96. "We Don't Talk Anymore" - Charlie Puth ft. Selena Gomez 97. "Work from Home" - Fifth Harmony ft. Ty Dolla Sign 98. "Pillowtalk" - Zayn 99. "Treat You Better" - Shawn Mendes 100. "One Call Away" - Charlie Puth 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joe Biden Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 You mean Dog Police wasn't #1? I keed, I keed. Anyways, great list. I thought that Starboy was gonna be your #1 but I have no problems with your #1 choice either. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wumbo Posted December 29, 2016 Share Posted December 29, 2016 42 minutes ago, Shego Claus said: You mean Dog Police wasn't #1? I keed, I keed. Anyways, great list. I thought that Starboy was gonna be your #1 but I have no problems with your #1 choice either. "Starboy", especially for a Daft Punk song, was incredibly underwhelming to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clappy Posted December 30, 2016 Author Share Posted December 30, 2016 Long overdue. Been having some personal matters to deal with the past few days. Anyway, without further delay...before the year is even over, which is a nice change of pace, my full rankings for the 2016 year end Hot 100. Enjoy. Spoiler 1. "I Took a Pill in Ibiza" - Mike Posner 2."Stressed Out" - twenty one pilots 3. "Roses" - The Chainsmokers (featuring ROZES) 4. "Sorry" - Beyonce 5. "Into You" - Ariana Grande 6. "Starboy" - The Weeknd (featuring Daft Punk) 7. "In the Night" - The Weeknd 8. "Can't Feel My Face" - The Weeknd 9. "Wildest Dreams" - Taylor Swift 10. "Send My Love (To Your New Lover)" - Adele 11. "What Do You Mean" - Justin Bieber 12. "Exs and Ohs" - Elle King 13. "Lean On" - Major Lazer (featuring DJ Snake and M0) 14. "Antidote" - Travis Scott 15. "Oui" - Jeremih 16. "Jumpman" - Drake & Future 17. "On My Mind" - Ellie Goulding 18. "Broccoli" - D.R.A.M. (featuring Lil Yachty) 19. "Humble and Kind" - Tim McGraw 20. "Can't Stop the Feeling" - Justin Timberlake 21. "Sorry" - Justin Bieber 22. "Side to Side" - Ariana Grande (featuring Nicki Minaj) 23. "Perfect" - One Direction 24. "Hymn for the Weekend" - Coldplay 25. "Closer" - The Chainsmokers (featuring Halsey) 26. "Here" - Alessia Cara 27. "When We Were Young" - Adele 28. "Ride" - twenty one pilots 29. "Close" - Nick Jonas (featuring Tove Lo) 30. "Hotline Bling" - Drake 31. "No Limit" - Usher (featuring Young Thug) 32. "Cheap Thrills" - Sia (featuring Sean Paul) 33. "Never Forget You" - Zara Larson (featuring MNEK) 34, "Cold Water" - Major Lazer (featuring Justin Bieber and M0) 35. "Hello" - Adele 36. "Say It" - Tory Lanez 37. "Panda" - Desiigner 38. "Love Yourself" - Justin Bieber 39. "Exchange" - Bryson Tiller 40. "All The Way Up" - Fat Joe (featuring Remy Ma and French Montana) 41. "Don't Let Me Down" - The Chainsmokers (featuring Daya) 42. "Low Life" - Future (featuring The Weeknd) 43. "Heathens" - twenty one pilots 44. "See You Again" - Wiz Khalifa (featuring Charlie Puth) 45. "679" - Fetty Wap (featuring Remy Boyz) 46. "Dangerous Woman" - Ariana Grande 47. "Sucker For Pain" - Lil Wayne, Wiz Khalifa, and Imagine Dragons (featuring Ty Dolla Sign, Logic, and allegedly X Ambassadors) 48. "NO" - Meghan Trainor 49. "Tiimmy Turner" - Desiigner 50. "Never Be Like You" - Flume (featuring Kai) 51. "Luv" - Tory Lanez 52. "The Hills" - The Weeknd 53. "Let It Go" - James Bay 54. "Cake By the Ocean" - DNCE 55. "Controlla" - Drake 56. "2 Phones" - Kevin Gates 57. "Cut It" - OT Genesis (featuring Young Dolph) 58. "I Know What You Did Last Summer" - Shawn Mendes (featuring Camilla Cabello) 59. "All In My Head (Flex)" - Fifth Harmony 60. "Down in the DM" - Yo Gotti (featuring Nicki Minaj) 61. "Don't" - Bryson Tiller 62. "Too Good" - Drake (featuring Rihanna) 63. "My House" - Flo Rida 64. "We Don't Talk Anymore" - Charlie Puth (featuring Selena Gomez) 65. "Like I'm Gonna Lose You" - Meghan Trainor (featuring John Legend) 66. "Let Me Love You" - DJ Snake (featuring Justin Bieber) 67. "This is What You Came For" - Calvin Harris (featuring Rihanna) 68. "7 Years" - Lukas Graham 69. "Work" - Rihanna (featuring Drake) 70. "Same Old Love" - Selena Gomez 71. "Adventure of a Lifetime" - Coldplay 72. "One Dance" - Drake (featuring Kyla & WizKid) 73. "Me Myself & I" - G-Eazy (featuring Bebe Rexha) 74. "Die a Happy Man" - Thomas Rhett 75. "Needed Me" - Rihanna 76. "Stitches" - Shawn Mendes 77. "For Free" - DJ Khaled (featuring Drake) 78. "Sit Still, Look Pretty" - Daya 79. "Watch Me" - Silento 80. "Hands to Myself" - Selena Gomez 81. "Gold" - Kiaara 82. "Back to Sleep" - Chris Brown 83. "Work From Home" - Fifth Harmony 84. "White Iverson" - Post Malone 85. "Middle" - DJ Snake (featuring Bipolar Sunshine) 86. "One Call Away" - Charlie Puth 87. "Don't Mind" - Kent Jones 88. "Wicked" - Future 89. "Starving" - Hailee Steinfeld & Grey (featuring Zedd) 90. "Pop Style" - Drake (featuring The Throne) 91. "Me Too" - Meghan Trainor 92. "H.O.L.Y." - Florida Georgia Line 93. "Really Really" - Kevin Gates 94. "Lost Boy" - Ruth B 95. "i hate u i love u" - gnash (featuring Olivia O'Brien) 96. "Just Like Fire" - Pink 97. "Unsteady" - X Ambassadors 98. "Hide Away" - Daya 99. "Treat You Better" - Shawn Mendes 100. "PILLOWTALK" - Zayn 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WhoBibbles Posted December 30, 2016 Share Posted December 30, 2016 ok lads. I'm almost done with my best tv list. It's most likely coming out tomorrow. I hope you'll love it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted December 31, 2016 Share Posted December 31, 2016 So...I've officially seen all 2016 movies I needed to see (aka, every wide release and then some). I'll more than likely post my rankings here, which I'm working on right now. Should be up on SBM too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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