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Steel Reviews Animated Stuff and What Not

Steel Sponge

By Steel Sponge
in New Kelp City

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Steel Sponge

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Yeah...I don't know where the hell to start...sort of. In this thread, I basically review critically panned animated shows/movies....unless I want to stoop on a different level, like with OMJ suggesting all the Land Before Time movies.

Crappy Canadian Cartoon Month:

-Almost Naked Animals

-My Life Me

-Scaredy Squirrel

-Total Drama World Tour

-Kid vs. Kat

-Johnny Test

Future Reviews:

Digimon: The Movie

The Nine Lives of Fritz the Cat

Fire & Ice

Lord of the Rings (1978)

Unamed Top 10

The Adventures of the American Rabbit

TOP SECRET

The Black Cauldron

Tarzan & Jane

Unamed Top 10

In Search of the Titanic

Loonatics Unleashed

Edited by jjsthekid
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Also wouldn't mind seeing you review anything involving the Smurfs.

Pick one:

The Smurfs (2011)

The Smurfs (1981)

The Smurfs and the Magic Flute

Cartoon All Stars to the Rescue

Speculation for the live-action movie sequel

The comics

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You should review all the Land Before Time movies. That's a whole season in and of itself.

Cheese and QUACKERS! I have a long way to go on that one. Whilst I have planned on re-watching Land Before Time, I dunno if the other movies are available on Youtube or something. I don't have Netflix, as I said before. So yeah, I guess the purpose of reviewing only critically panned animated shows/movies wouldn't be so interesting. :P

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Well, folks. It's finally time for me to begin this review, and the first authentic review animated movie pick will be the tip of the iceburg of disasterous animated movies, especially for a somewhat knock-off from Italy known as "Titanic: The Legend Goes On."

Review 001: Titanic: The Legend Goes on

Type: Animated movie

Country origin: Italy

Rating:

Spoiler

5 Baby Littlefoots

Yes, it's that bad. With the success of the Titanic movie, based on a true story, there's this one guy from the country of Italy who would mix things up a bit and give out his own lighthearted version of the story of the Titanic, which highly misinterprets the true unforgettable story of the said ship's disaster very well. It was bad enough to even be the lowest rated film of all time through IMDB standards. That's right, Baby Geniuses 2 beat this movie IMDB-wise! Now, let's begin this review for possibly the lowest rated animated film, ever:

The first chapter of the film opens up to what's pretty much the near end to the film. The background music is pretty good...but what overshadows it is the fact it's during the sinking of the ship as we can hear dreadful voices from the poor souls the director could care less about and focus the story on the main people rowing on the boats! It's such a sad way to beginning the film, am I right? The main female lead, Angelica, opens up a flashback, which shows her with her blue locket, and the stepsisters...wait a minute! Since when did the true story of the Titanic turn into a Disney movie anyways? That's shouldn't be important right now. Another flaw is how unoriginal some points of the film are, with the highest degree being the knock-offs to the original wicked stepmother and the ugly stepsisters from Cinderella. Now we know that this movie is pretty much the Cinderella story, but with some twists. Focusing on the stepsisters other than the Lady Tremaine knock-off, you can already tell the acting is just awful as the animation. Now, the animation...yeah, it's nothing really that good, one problem I would have is that the shading is a little too dark.

Let's see what other characters we have to join on this journey on the Titanic, mainly focusing on the animal characters. We got a dog and cat, two obvious 101 Dalmatians knock-offs, A RAPPING DOG, a bird, a group of Mexican mice, and a group of An American Tail rejects. What else is there? An obvious Cruella de Vill knock-off, alongside her henchmen that probably share the same originality as Corynthia, the main male lead William, his Nanny, the Holmes-esque Sam, Molly: a singer, and everybody else I don't really care about. Let's move on to the next flaw I can point out: the pace. The movie itself shares a slow and fast motion button. The first half of the movie relies on the fast scene relay, so therefore, most scenes just seem rushed. It doesn't help how fast-paced the dialogue turns out.

Well, all those characters are aboard on the ship, and Angelica is missing her blue locket. Before we get into the important stuff, we see one of the stepsisters purposely shattering a piece of Chinese glass and the stepmother ordering Angelica to pick it up. Is that being cruel, or being downright ridiculous and lazy? Meh. And then we finally come down to the biggest low of the film. But first, we focus on the mice family, with the child one with a Yiddish accent. While this scene relies on rushed storytelling fast-paced dialogue, we should focus on the fact that the movie recycles bits of certain footage and uses them again! The biggest example of this flaw would be the dialogue with the child Italian/Mexican/French/Jewish/Amish/Galalunian mouse. While the scene with the mice is going on, the cat gets ahold of the child mouse until the schnauzer, out of nowhere, saves him from "being in someone else's digestion!" Aw fuck, here it comes folks!

BxHNztg0X3s

You know bad this movie is going to be once you witness the ill-legendary RAPPING DOG! Because, you know...rap is totally reliant to use when it comes to the modern animated film industry. Oh yes, the song is really bad as well, especially when it keeps using "IT'S PARTY TIME!" Just be glad a dancing polka-dot zebra with a polka-dot circus afro singing to circus music is butch compared to the rapping dog in a movie about a sinking ship! Now that that is over, let's review the slapstick in the film. As you expected, it's nothing special, it's nothing funny, and probably uneeded too. That's another few points to deduct. Now it's time for the other one of many subplots, which focuses on Corynthia seeking the blue locket, as Kirk and Dirk are put to the test to snag it. But...it's NOTHING too important and NOTHING to special to pay attention to, so I pass on that.

Now we're focused on the other subplot with the rich boy William, which opposes to the poor girl trait from Angelica. If you've watched the James Cameron movie (unlike I have), it's switched around, so we originally have a rich girl and a poor boy. On subject to William, we we also the Nanny, who has been separated from her daughter years ago....SPOILER ALERT: Angelica. While we skip the subplot with the blue locket again, William and Angelica would then meet at first sight and begin to fall in love. Pretty fast, wouldn't it be? But that's not really on the subject on rushed scenes though. Right now, we're at the deck of the Titanic, so what happens there? A kid complains about her ball, we're introduced more to Molly, who apparently possesses Angelica's locket, and Angelica and William meet again and dance around the deck to Molly's music. I have to be honest here...I think the English music Molly sings is actually beautifully done, the other music in the movie totally bland, but not the piece of music I'm talking about.

So now we should be halfway toward the film as everybody would prepare for the reception as the Nanny tries to give a fancy design for Angelica. Meanwhile, the mice family are put to work to try and take back Angelica's locket. One problem during that scene is how there would actually be some context for them to talk, but they don't talk at all, during that moment. Oh, and let's not forget some more unfunny slapstick that happens between them and the stepsisters. Now we're at the scene with the blue locket, and Hector, the bird, retrieves it back...but of a sudden, without knowing his character very closely, he's all SHOULD I BRING IT BACK TO ITS RIGHTFUL OWNER? GOD NO, IT'S MINE, BITCH! But of course the locket is brought back to Angelica and Hector has a short aplogetic moment, so that's no problem.

So we're at the reception, as William desires to wait for Angelica and begins to have a flashback. So wait...Angelica is flashing back to the events of the Titanic to where William is flashing back to his moments with Angelica during Angelica's flashback- *head explodes* To be real specific, we're getting a flashback within a flashback, and it seems ridiculous and confusing at the same time. So Angelica drops by and the romantic moment begins. The animals would then celebrate with yet another pointless upbeat musical number. This time, with the Mexican mice.

Now we're finally at the scene where the Titanic would crash into the iceberg. While the disaster is happening, all the animals survive, the guys in-charge with the ship is throwing water around with buckets...which is totally pointless, we got a fireworks show, Molly decides to stay on the ship until her death, William is stuck in the Titanic while Angelica is put on the lifeboat with William's Nanny, and we got a horribly put-in dislpay of comedic relief with Corynthia, Dirk, and Kirk. Before the Titanic would come to its end, William breaks a window with a chair, saves a child and puts him on a lifeboat, and drowns...or does he? Back with Angelica, as obvious as the twist seemed to be, Angelica realizes that the Nanny turns out to be her lost mother, which can be heartwarming in a way. Angelica and the others then find William...who is actually Sam. After a while, they find William, who survived, totally wasting the opportunity of him being killed through having a rope stuck to one of his legs. Angelica and William are happy again and the movie is now over. Well, until...

"Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Where are you going? The movie isn't over yet! Don't you want to know what happened to everybody?" Well, we get to know what happened to the main characters of the film before it would officially end. Corynthia is arrested, Dirk and Kirk are proposed the the stepsisters, Angelica and William are happily married as Angelica is reunited with her mother, and they lived happily ever after, right? Happily ever after MY ASS! Titanic is based on a true story and the importance was the many people who lost their lives during that incident, and they totally fell asleep on that subject! But I understand, a lighthearted ending is good enough, but we're not really that dumb.

What do I think of this movie? Do I have to go through this? It's unoriginal, it tries to cope with Disney's style of storytelling, the animation is choppy, it reuses certain footage at times, some scenes are rushed, most dialogue is fast-paced, and it's misunderstood to the true story of the Titanic. As a request from OMJ, I'm going to rate thie movie with Baby LIttlefoots. How much do I give it? It's no brainer, I'm giving it 5. I'm also going to do another star system if I have a positive aspect with one movie/show, but that will be introduced later.

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My god, I've said a mouthful. Depending on how long Elastic will take to upload Fritz the Cat, that will be next, unless I'm subject to do something else, since Thursday will be each review's due time.

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