Clappy Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 Plot: What if that shoe never fell? What if Squidward just accepted the fact that he is one handsome son of a bitch? Tune in for these adventures...coming soon to a spin-off section near you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cha Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 I will be here to see more! Love this idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 #thekrustykiller2 Just kidding. Can't wait! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Jenkins Posted July 3, 2012 Share Posted July 3, 2012 Great Scott, I'm already liking the sound of this. I await in anticipation Clap-sama! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Jenkins Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 Since his ClappinessssssssssssssssSSSSSsssss commanded that I do this. Without further ado, my guest written pilot for Handsome Squidward! In a sea where everyone has caught the Ugly, one squid, no...one man, a BIIIIG, strong man stands up to clean up the World's indecencies one less fortunate at a time. Pilot: I was ugly, then I took a door to the Face One morning, Handsome Squidward got up from bed sexily and opened up the curtains of his bedroom window to see an adoring audience of both guys and gals. The manly fish wet their whistles while the girly fishes pull hair and claw their ever so closer to climb up up to Handsome Squidward's window. Handsome Squidward: People, less physically fortunate people, please! There is enough handsomeness here to go around. Handsome Squidward proceeds to strike some five second poses, no doubt popping a lot of boners and cherries out there doing so. Handsome Squidward consults the closest thing he has to family, his reflection in the mirror, on whether or not he is the handsomest squid in all the undersea floor. Handsome Squidward: Oh, reflection of me which I see, am I as handsome as can be. Reflection of Perfection: Damn right, baby. You're gonna milk it til you turn it into cheese. Handsome Squidward throws on his one-piece leotard without feeling the need to put on any makeup like any normal less physically fortunate people would do because shit, he's handsome. Right as he makes a step out the door, he is mobbed by his many suitors. They all tackle him and get into a huge pile-up just to get themselves piece of that piece of muscle man. They tear apart Handsome Squidward's one-piece as the camera pans out to show Handsome Squidward, still clothed and posing on the side completely unscathed due to just how damn handsome he is. He leaves the ugly people to do their daily thing, which is fighting over him, as Spongebob exits his pineapple home to be Handsome Squidward's LeFou. Spongebob: How was your beauty sleep, Squidward? Handsome Squidward: Bob that's Sponge, you know damn well just how damn handsome I am. Please address me accordingly. Spongebob: I'm so sorry, Handsome Squidward! Please find it in the fat free arteries that leads to your healthy heart to forgive me! Handsome Squidward: Oh, perish the thought. What's on today's agenda? Spongebob: Well, you have work. Handsome Squidward: I don't work for people, people work for me. Spongebob: Darn right, we should! Handsome Squidward: Look down, now look at me, look down, now back to me! Where are we? Spongebob: The Krusty Krab! Handsome Squidward: Now as sexual as this may not sound, I don't do work. I mean, shyeah, I like to work it like no one's business throughout all hours of the day, but fast food is just not sexy. Spongebob: Can't argue there. Mr. Krab: Spongebob! What the barnacle do ye think yer doin' boy?! Ye be burnin' daylight! Huh, Handsome Squidward?! *begins sweating* For what pleasure do I hold this honor of having ye at me restaurant? Handsome Squidward: I do work here, Eugene. Mr. Krabs: Speaking of which, me daughter Pearl's prom is coming up. Handsome Squidward is getting an all-expense paid vacation. Spongebob, I want ye to escort her as her date! Spongebob: Why me, sir? Handsome Squidward: She's as big as a whale, so not sexy. Mr. Krabs: Exactly! And I don't want no boys getting their claws all over her. Handsome Squidward: Mr. Krabs, think of your daughter, now think about me. Look at what's in my hand. Mr. Krabs: What the barnacle is that? Handsome Squidward: Your daughter's virginity, I have taken it. Mr. Krabs: Aye, that's a load off me mind! Handsome Squidward: Your sweat is now diamonds! Krabs look down at all his perspiration and nearly cums at the marvelous sight that is all around him. Mr. Krabs: Mother of Pearl! Handsome Squidward: I believe my work here is done. Come along LeSponge. I'm feeling...needy. Spongebob: Coming Handsome Squidward! Handsome Squidward: All that work sure does work up a thirst. Fetch me something to run up and down my throatle. Spongebob: One cool, glass of lemonade chardonnay, your handsomeness. Handsome Squidward: This lemon has THREE seeds in it. That's an odd number! I can't possibly consume anything odd numbered. Spongebob: I'm terribly sor- Handsome Squidward: How many seeds do you see, yellow man? Spongebob: Two? Handsome Squidward: Just one of the many ways I'd prefer it. *sips* Spongebob: Oh my gosh! Handsome Squidward, look out there in the distance! That construction worker is about to fall off that scaffolding! Construction Fish: Oh no! I'm about to fall off this scaffolding! Handsome Squidward: That sounds awful- Spongebob: I know! Handsome Squidward: -ly kinky. The construction fish loses his grip and begins to take plunge about 20 stories high. Spongebob: Oh, I can't watch! Handsome Squidward: CONSTRUCTION FISH HAND CATCH! And the construction fish landed safely into Handsome Squidward's arms despite him being 500 feet away from the construction fish's landing point. Construction Fish: Dear Neptune, thank you Mr.- HANDSOME! <3 The construction fish begins twirling his finger around Handsome Squidward's broad chest hair. Handsome Squidward: Don't thank me, thank how physically less fortunate you are. The construction fish skips off happily after spending two minutes in Handsome Squidward's arms. Spongebob: That was a good thing you did. Handsome Squidward: I simply did what I think every other devilishly handsome men would do in that situation. Spongebob: But no other man measures up to you. Handsome Squidward: Exactly. Spongebob: I get it, because you're handsome. Handsome Squidward: And accepting that as fact is only half the battle. *wink* I'll turn this over to our Clapmaster now... 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clappy Posted August 31, 2012 Author Share Posted August 31, 2012 Yes, yes, by god yes. This more than pleased your former overlord. Excellent work BrOMJ. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cha Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 I think I've died and gone to handsome heaven. Spectacular job on the pilot OMJ. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wumbo Posted August 31, 2012 Share Posted August 31, 2012 Dear God, that was bloody hilarious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clappy Posted September 12, 2012 Author Share Posted September 12, 2012 A little late, but here is my first episode of Handsome Squidward 2. I Came Another morning, another round of making everyone else’s privates wet….with perspiration. Handsome Squidward opens his windows as his adoring fans are clamoring for more. One guy in particular wanted Handsome Squidward to do some sexy interpretive dancing. Thus, Handsome Squidward gave the world this: Hp4-PqjpLMk More boners and cherries were popped as Handsome Squidward just raped the 80s. Handsome Squidward proceeds to leave his Easter Island Head as his LeFou SpongeBob escorts him through the crazed fanboys and girls who once again tear off his clothes, but makes it out completely unscathed due to his extreme handsomeness. SpongeBob: My handsomeness, I have some unfortunate news. Handsome Squidward: What is it oh Bob of Sponge? SpongeBob (crying): We haven’t had a customer since Monday. Handsome Squidward: That’s because Monday was the last day I worked. The people don’t want to eat fast food. They want to eat me. SpongeBob: Oh well that makes a lot more sense. Handsome Squidward: No one wants to eat at a place that’s krusty, watch this. Handsome Squidward proceeds to strike a five second posse as the Krusty Krab is now named the Handsome Squid. Thanks to this, the Handsome Squid now has a line that is 46,853 people in length. Mr. Krabs: HOLY SHRIMP! The Krusty Krab has never been this busy. SpongeBob, Handsome Squidward, to ye battle stations. Handsome Squidward: Not anymore Eugene, the people are here for me. Mr. Krabs: What in the blue blazes are ya talkin’ about me handsome boy? Handsome Squidward: Look what’s in my hand. Mr. Krabs: It better not be my daughter’s virginity again. Handsome Squidward: Not this time Eugene. It’s the rights to the Handsome Squid. I own it. Mr. Krabs: KING NEPTUNES TROUSERS! Handsome Squidward: No hard feelings though Eugene? (*gives him handsome look*) Mr. Krabs: Not at all Mr. Handsome since I got my diamonds I can sell for millions. Handsome Squidward: Now what do the 46,853 of you really want? To eat greasy food or to just eat me up? The people then proceed to line up and give themselves to Handsome Squidward as he touches them to cure their 46,853 cases of ugly. But suddenly, they hear a loud “Y’ALL” for help as Handsome Squidward and his LeFou run off to Sandy’s treedome Handsome Squidward: What seems to the problem land squirrel? Sandy: Oh your handsomeness, I can’t seem to locate the missing part to my science-y gizmo that will not satisfy my fan base regardless of what the name of the piece is because they prefer me being athletic compared to being a superior intellect… Handsome Squidward: Say no more land squirrel, I got your missing piece right here. PELVIC THRUST! He pulls off his wang as it fits the whole in the machinery and makes Sandy’s gizmo start working instantly. Sandy: What in tarnations?? It’s working! Handsome Squidward: You see? All anyone ever needs is some Vitamin D. *winks* Sandy: Thank you your handsomeness, but don’t you need that to make love to your dedicated following? Handsome Squidward: Oh land squirrel, I have learned through the powers of handsomeness that I can pleasure others by just simply touching them…watch. Handsome Squidward touches his LeFeu as SpongeBob giggles then nearly cums as everyone laughes as the camera zooms out and fades to black….but we then head to the home of Mr. Krabs. Mr Krabs: So Handsome Squidward thinks diamonds and taking my daughter’s virginity resolves all bad blood, eh? Well I won’t let him get away with taking me restaurant. Every hero needs an enemy and this handsome hero has got himself an arch nemesis. Two people can play the SpongeBob Meme game. But to make myself better than his handsomeness, I need to be more than dashing. I need to be more diabolical. More startling. More……MOAR AR! AR-AR-AR-AR-AR-AR! 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cha Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 Oooh tensions are sure rising now. I love how you put Sandy in this one. Can't wait to see moar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JCM Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 Handsome Rainbow Dash approves of this series. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Macseed Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 MOAR. Will we get Morbid Patrick or Spengbab next? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Jenkins Posted September 12, 2012 Share Posted September 12, 2012 A crossover with Skodwarde is inevitable. Great follow-up, Clap-sama! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClassicNickelodeon Fan 1 Posted September 13, 2012 Share Posted September 13, 2012 Wow, this series is awesome! Great work Claps! Eager to see more episodes! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
box Posted September 30, 2012 Share Posted September 30, 2012 Lovin' it so far. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clappy Posted November 29, 2012 Author Share Posted November 29, 2012 Episode 2.5 Don't Put Your Handsomeness in the Corner Months went by as there were many boners deflated and cherries in tact. Bikini Bottom citizens remained ugly, MOAR Krabs wanted MOAR of a storyline, LeFeu SpongeBob wanted to have purpose again. What was going on you may ask? The Shaman of Sexy was on hiatus. He just kept falling....and fallling...and falling...without a purpose on endless loop. However, as soon as this reached Page 4 of the Spin-off & Lit section, this spin-off went unnoticed long enough that the fourth wall was broken. Handsome Squidward stopped falling gracefully as he jumped the shark and went into Clappy's subconscious. "What do you think you are doing?" Handsome Squidward asked. "I've put more of a focus on reviewing bad movies and writing Skodwarde episodes that have gone unnoticed" Clappy responded. "Do you realize that the spin-off section needs a dose of Vitamin D? Here follow me." Handsome Squidward led Clappy to the Spin-off & Lit section as he realized what has become of the section without the Guru of Greatness. "Take a look around you oh great creator. The Jellyfish are rising, spin-offs are becoming hand drawn, people are making hidden symbolism about their lotus flowers. Oh and everything is getting rebooted. Even shitty troll fics. You say you want to help the spin-off section get revolutionized. You can't revolutionize the arts sitting in front of your television endlessly mocking how bad a certain movie is. You need to get off your ass and start writing again." Handsome Squidward preached. "I will, I will, I'll get around to writing a new episode later this week" Clappy replied. "You said that two weeks ago and what did you do? You did nothing. You have a fanbase that adores me and my handsome adventures. Yet you are having them salivate at the mouths for more, but you aren't providing. So quit dicking around and revitalize me. Don't put baby in a corner." "Dirty Dancing? Oh I've...had...the time of my life..." "Do you realize how psychotic you are looking having a self conversation with a figment of your imagination?" "Yeah, this feels like a cheap ploy to promote this show's return more than anything else." "There is no way to cheap people....out of appreciating my handsomeness." Suddenly, Clappy woke up. His heart grew three sizes at that moment as he realized what he must do. He put away his review of Richie Rich that he was planning on writing for a last minute review before he watched bad Christmas movies for December. He opened his word processor and started composing an actual new episode of Handsome Squidward. But first, he had to make his fanbase realize that this episode was coming back. So he pulled a move that the film series Jackass once pulled. He made a half episode to promote that a new episode of Handsome Squidward was in the works. Thus, he let his fanbase know...that their handsomeness was back. 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cha Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 My sweaty hands eagerly await for his handsomeness. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Macseed Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 Yay I missed this spin-off! And Handsome Squidward referenced me... that is awesomer than awesomer than awesome. *Faints* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ClassicNickelodeon Fan 1 Posted November 29, 2012 Share Posted November 29, 2012 DA HANDSOME HATH RETURNED. *Faints* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Jenkins Posted December 2, 2012 Share Posted December 2, 2012 Reading through all this and Rob Conway's "Look At Me" comes to my mind. It was just composed for Handsome Squidward. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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