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The Silly Adventures of Patrick Star

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Patrick Protests the Bubble Bowl

(Patrick storms into the BFL commissioner's office.)

Patrick: What's the big idea?

Commissioner: Hey, aren't you that idiot who screwed up the national anthem?

Patrick: Yes, I am, and you're the idiot who lied to us about Marine 5 performing Sweet Victory!

Commissioner: Squidward showed up, didn't he?

Patrick: That wasn't even Squidward! It was a cruddy knock-off of him!

(A Flash-animated version of Squidward in his conductor uniform is moving around stiffly in the corner of the office.)

Patrick: I'm sorry I have to do this, but you've given me no choice. I'm boycotting the next Bubble Bowl!

Commissioner: Oh, no! One of our 100 million viewers won't be tuning in next year! Whatever will I do?

Patrick: You'll do Sweet Victory right next year, with me on the drums and Sandy not on the trombone, because seeing her with a trombone still gives me nightmares!

Commissioner: I was being sarcastic! Get out of my office!

Patrick: You'll regret it! You'll all regret it!

Commissioner: I doubt it. We own a day of the week. We're untouchable.

(The commissioner's shellphone start to ring.)

Commissioner: (opens shellphone) Hello?

Caller: Hi, I represent the BFL owners, and we wanted to let you know that due to declining ratings, we've decided to fire you.

Patrick: I win!

Commissioner: Correction: The owners are untouchable. I'm dispensable.

Patrick: Wanna boycott the next Bubble Bowl with me?

Commissioner: Sure. I wasn't planning on watching it, anyway.

Patrick: Yeah! Victory is sweet!

Commissioner: I see what you did there.

Patrick: I did something?

(What a twist!)

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Patrick Gets His Own Planet

(Patrick is in a rocket ship and notices a note above a big red button.)

Patrick: "Patrick, do not push this button. S.C." S.C.? Who's that? I'm not listening to him!

(Patrick pushes the button, and the rocket ship flies out of the water and into space.)

Narrator: Whales like cheese, sharks like monkeys! Planet Patrick's oh, so funky!

Patrick: Who are you? What's Planet Patrick?

Chorus: (singing) Patrick!

Patrick: How do all these people know my name?

Narrator: Surfboards rock! Dogs hate catsies, you are watching Planet Patsies!

Patrick: What's a dog? What's a catsy? What the heck's a Planet Pats-

(Suddenly, the ship crashes onto a distant planet, and a green alien crawls out from under it a few minutes later with bruises all over his body.)

Alien: Ow, my scapula...and everything else.

Patrick: Who are you?

Alien: I'm Dobby. You must be the latest idiot sent here by a dying cable network to have wacky adventures on our planet.

Patrick: Sounds about right. Hey, I remember you! I poked you with a stick a bunch in that dream I had where I was a snowman!

Dobby: I can already tell that this will be a very, very unenjoyable experience for me.

(Patrick pokes Dobby with a stick he found.)

Patrick: Poke. (giggles) Poke. I like this!

Dobby: Can someone call a doctor?

Patrick: I'm a doctor!

(Patrick throws away the stick and puts on a pair of rubber gloves.)

Patrick: This is going to hurt you a lot more than it will hurt me.

Dobby: Never mind. I'll live with my internal bleeding.

(What a twist!)

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On 2/13/2019 at 3:05 PM, Samuel L. Jackson said:

Patrick Gets His Own Planet

(Patrick is in a rocket ship and notices a note above a big red button.)

Patrick: "Patrick, do not push this button. S.C." S.C.? Who's that? I'm not listening to him!

(Patrick pushes the button, and the rocket ship flies out of the water and into space.)

Narrator: Whales like cheese, sharks like monkeys! Planet Patrick's oh, so funky!

Patrick: Who are you? What's Planet Patrick?

Chorus: (singing) Patrick!

Patrick: How do all these people know my name?

Narrator: Surfboards rock! Dogs hate catsies, you are watching Planet Patsies!

Patrick: What's a dog? What's a catsy? What the heck's a Planet Pats-

(Suddenly, the ship crashes onto a distant planet, and a green alien crawls out from under it a few minutes later with bruises all over his body.)

Alien: Ow, my scapula...and everything else.

Patrick: Who are you?

Alien: I'm Dobby. You must be the latest idiot sent here by a dying cable network to have wacky adventures on our planet.

Patrick: Sounds about right. Hey, I remember you! I poked you with a stick a bunch in that dream I had where I was a snowman!

Dobby: I can already tell that this will be a very, very unenjoyable experience for me.

(Patrick pokes Dobby with a stick he found.)

Patrick: Poke. (giggles) Poke. I like this!

Dobby: Can someone call a doctor?

Patrick: I'm a doctor!

(Patrick throws away the stick and puts on a pair of rubber gloves.)

Patrick: This is going to hurt you a lot more than it will hurt me.

Dobby: Never mind. I'll live with my internal bleeding.

(What a twist!)

Di-Did JCM predicted today's announcement? Holy crap, Lois!

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A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...


(We begin on the water planet from the end of The Farce Awakens, years before General Sandra and Squidroid reach it. Pat Starwalker is wandering around one of the planet's islands late at night. He finds a cave with smoke coming out of it, and he walks into the cave, shivering.)

Pat: Hello?

(Pat walks deeper into the cave and finds a short green alien warming his hands by a fire.)

Pat: W-who are you?

ūĚĄĆ: I am the Jedi Master Coda. Waiting a long time for you, I have been.

Pat: Why? What's so special about me?

ūĚĄĆ: Destined to save the galaxy from unspeakable evil, you are.

Pat: Talking like this must be fun, it...must...be!

ūĚĄĆ: Make fun of how I speak, you shouldn't. Or knock you into the next solar system, I will!

Pat: Oops! Sorry.

ūĚĄĆ: Of the essence, time is. Learn to use the Force, you must.

Pat: The Force? How do I learn to do that?

ūĚĄĆ: First clear you mind, you should. A problem with that, you should not have.

Pat: Okay. I'll try.

ūĚĄĆ: No! Do, or do not. There is no try. Understand this, can you?

Pat: I'll try to.

ūĚĄĆ: (sighs) A lot to learn, you still have.

Part I
(We're in the present day. Pat Starwalker follows General Sandra and Squidroid into their spaceship.)

Pat: So, how have you been the last 30 years, princess?

Sandra: I'm not a princess anymore. I'm now a respected war general.

Pat: That sounds a lot harder than being a princess!

Sandra: Yes, but this is the path I've chosen. My parents made me a princess. I became a general through my own hard work.

Pat: Where did you learn to fly a ship?

Sandra: All generals know how to fly ships.

Pat: You didn't answer my question.

Sandra: (sighs) SpongeSolo taught me.

Pat: Ooh! Are you and SpongeSolo, like, a thing now?

(Sandra steers the ship left to avoid an asteroid.)

Sandra: Something like that.

Pat: Where's Obi-Wan? I could kill for a Krabby Packet right now!

Sandra: Uh...

(Sandra looks at Squidroid, who beeps unhappily.)

Squidroid: Obi-Wan Krabnobi died several years ago.

Pat: What? Who's running the Kelestial Krab now, then?

Squidroid: A group of investors led by Mickey Mouse, the richest creature in the galaxy, purchased the Kelestial Krab from Obi-Wan before his untimely passing.

Pat: (pauses) Take me there.

Sandra: But don't you want to see our friends first?

Pat: Not on an empty stomach.

Sandra: There are lots of fast food places in the galaxy.

Pat: I want a Krabby Packet!

Sandra: (sighs) Fine. But make it quick.

(Sandra puts her ship into hyperdrive, and one obligatory wipe transition later, they're on Pat's home planet, walking towards the Kelestial Krab.)

Pat: Have you ever had a Krabby Packet, princess?

Sandra: No, and I'm not a princess.

Pat: Oh right, I forgot! How about you, Squidroid?

Squidroid: I'm a robot.

Pat: Uh-huh!

Squidroid: Robots don't eat.

Pat: Uh-huh!

Squidroid: Just grab your blasted Krabby Packet!

(Pat runs into the Kelestial Krab, which looks almost exactly like how he remembers it, outside of some modern upgrades to the architecture and the fact that a droid is selling food behind the counter instead of the restaurant's late owner.)

Pat: One Krabby Packet, my good sir!

Droid: That will be one credit.

(Pat gives the droid a credit, and the droid gives Pat a Krabby Packet. Pat spits the Krabby Packet out immediately after eating it.)

Pat: This isn't a Krabby Packet! This is just a cheap imitation!

Droid: Alert! Unsatisfied customer! Must destroy! Must destroy!

(Red lights start flashing, and the droid's arms turn into laser guns.)

Pat: Uh-oh!

(Sandra notices the red lights coming out of the Kelestial Krab's windows, and she rushes to the door, but it's locked.)

Sandra: Pat? Are you okay?

(Pat doesn't respond, so Sandra backs away from the door before kicking it down. She finds Pat sitting at the counter with the droid's head in his hands.)

Pat: Man, I'm never eating here again!

Sandra: (laughs) Come on, Pat. Let's meet SpongeSolo.

(Pat follows Sandra out of the restaurant with the droid's head.)

Pat: At least I got a souvenir out of it!

(Sandra, Pat, and Squidroid fly to the jungle planet SpongeSolo is on and land beside the Resisty base. As they leave the ship, SpongeSolo, Garebacca, Finn, and Rei all greet them.)

Pat: Who are the new guys?

Rei: I'm a girl!

Pat: You sure don't look like one!

(Rei takes out a lightsaber and points it at Pat.)

Sandra: Come on, Rei. We didn't go to all that trouble to bring Pat back just for you to kill him.

Rei: Why bring Pat back? What's so important about him?

Sandra: He's our friend!

Rei: Friends don't abandon other friends.

Pat: She's got a point there, Sandra.

Sandra: What did you want us to do, leave him to rot on that island?

Pat: She's got a point there, too, Rei.

Rei: I have nothing to do with this. I'm just a scavenger.

Sandra: No, Rei. You're so much more.

Rei: What else am I?

Sandra: You're a hero.

(Sandra walks into the Resisty base, and everyone follows her.)

Sandra: Even though we've taken down Ren, he was little more than an apprentice to the true Big Bad, somebody looking to bring back the Galactic Chumpire.

Rei: But the Galactic Chumpire died with Darth Planktor. Who could become powerful enough to bring it back so soon after it collapsed?

Sandra: I...don't know that yet. He's managed to keep his identity hidden, but we've intercepted some of his communications, and we've seen enough to be relatively certain he plans to bring back the Chumpire with a devastating weapon more powerful than any we have seen before. We need all hands on deck to stop him.

Rei: So let me get this straight: you want us to help you fight some villian you don't know planning to bring back the Galactic Chumpire with a weapon that might not even exist?

Sandra: Well, when you put it like that...

Rei: Fly me back home, SpongeSolo.

SpongeSolo: You got it! Hi, Pat.

Pat: Hi, SpongeSolo. Hi, Garebacca.

Garebacca: Merowrowrow.

Finn: So, uh, when will I get something to do?

Sandra: You totally will! Sometime! Probably!

(SpongeSolo flies the Millenium Fruit to Pat's home planet with Garebacca, Pat, and Rei as passengers.)

Pat: You're from here, too?

Rei: Yeah. What about it?

Pat: I think we got off on the wrong foot. Hi, my name's Pat!

(Pat extends a hand, but Rei doesn't shake it. As they leave the Millenium Fruit, they're surrounded by stormtroopers.)

Rei: W-what's going on?

(Rei hears a familiar laugh in the distance, and her eyes widen as Mickey Mouse walks into the circle of stormtroopers.)

Mickey: Ha ha! I caught you slicing my droid's head off, pink boy, and now I want it back!

Pat: No way! Finders keepers!

Mickey: Do you not see the army of stormtroopers around you? I will recover my intellectual property! Ha ha!

SpongeSolo: Just give him the head, Pat, so we can go home!

Pat: I can't give him the head! I...left it on Sandra's ship.

(SpongeSolo puts his head in his hands.)

Mickey: Looks like we'll be going on an adventure, then! Ha ha! And to make sure you aren't jerking me around, I'll take all four of you onto my ship as prisoners!

Rei: What? I have nothing to do with this!

Mickey: Since I found you with that thief, that automatically makes you an accomplice under intergalactic law. Ha ha! If I don't get that droid head back, I'll make sure you all spend the rest of your lives in space jail!

(The stormtroopers guide Pat, Rei, SpongeSolo, and Garebacca into a ship shaped like Mickey's head. Only a few of the stormtroopers stay with the four as Mickey blasts off, while the rest of them surround the Millenium Fruit, guns pointed outward.)

Mickey: So tell me, where is this other ship at?

Pat: I don't know! The galaxy is big!

Rei: (points) It's that way.

Mickey: Ha ha! You're lucky you have that girl with you!

SpongeSolo: When do I get my ship back?

Mickey: As soon as I've recovered my property. If I don't find it where you're taking me, I'll send the order to have your ship destroyed and the scrap metal sold to cover the cost of that droid your friend destroyed. Ha ha!

Pat: It's that droid's fault for trying to kill me!

Mickey: You weren't satisfied, and our work droids are programmed to kill unsatisfied customers to protect our reputation. Ha ha! Try being satisfied next time.

Rei: That's a cruddy way to run a business!'

Mickey: Spoken like someone who has never run a business of her own. Ha ha!

Pat: Why did you have to ruin the Kelestial Krab, anyway?

Mickey: It's not ruined! It's more profitable than ever! Ha ha! Yeah, the food's a bit worse, but not worse enough that people will stop buying it, at least not unless loudmouths like you draw attention to it. Where do I go from here?

SpongeSolo: Turn right.

(Rei looks at SpongeSolo with uncertainty, but SpongeSolo nods.)

Mickey: Is he correct, girl? Should I go right?

Rei: Yeah.

Mickey: All right then! Ha ha!

(A few hours later, Mickey lands the ship on an ice planet.)

Mickey: Brr! It's cold! I should have brought my jacket! Ha ha! Okay, where's the other ship at?

(The four prisoners look at the stormtroopers pointing laser guns at them and then look at Mickey.)

Mickey: Where's...the other...ship?

(Pat and Rei take out their lightsabers and dispose of the stormtroopers behind them easily.)

Mickey: Oh, so this was a trap! I'm sure the stormtroopers back home would love to hear about that! Ha ha!

(Mickey takes out a phone, and SpongeSolo shoots it out of his hand with a laser gun.)

Mickey: (raises hands) Okay, you got me.

(SpongeSolo, Pat, and Rei slowly approach Mickey, who then sprints to his phone, being pulled back by...something right before he can reach it.)

Mickey: W-what is this?

(Pat, whose eyes are closed and who is pointing at Mickey with open palms, raises his hands, causing Mickey to rise off the ground.)

Mickey: Stop that! I...I'm afraid of heights!

Rei: (astonished) I thought this was the stuff of fairy tales.

SpongeSolo: You know how to use the Force, Pat?

Pat: Oh, yeah! Did I not mention it?

(As Mickey floats in the air, SpongeSolo grabs his phone and destroys it.)

SpongeSolo: You're good to go, Pat.

(Pat opens his eyes and lowers his hands, and Mickey falls gracefully to the ground.)

Mickey: (terrified) You...you'll pay for this! Ha ha!

(SpongeSolo and Garebacca carry Mickey onto the ship behind Pat and Rei. SpongeSolo flies the ship back to Pat's home planet, and Mickey walks off the ship and nervously approaches the stormtroopers surrounding the Millenium Fruit, looking back once to find SpongeSolo with a laser gun pointed at him and Pat with an open palm point at him.)

Mickey: Hey, guys! I got what I wanted, so uh, let's get off this planet! Ha ha!

Stormtrooper: You still want us to tear this ship apart?

Mickey: N-no! Just come back! Mouse's orders! Ha ha!

(After the former prisoners leave the ship, Mickey gets back into his ship with the stormtroopers. The ship flies off, and another wipe transition sends us to Mickey's home planet, Pluto. Mickey is in his office on the top floor of his company headquarters when a massive alien walks in.)

Mickey: Good to see you again.

(The alien turns around to reveal Darth Planktor, now in a suit that resembles Darth Vader's, strapped to his back.)

Darth Planktor: (breathing heavily) And it's good...to see you.

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Patrick Wins An Award

(Patrick is sleeping under his rock when the sound of a mailman knocking on it wakes him up.)

Patrick: Huh? Who is it?

Mailman: Delivery for Patrick Star!

(Patrick opens his rock and signs for the package the mailman gives him. After the mailman leaves, Patrick opens the package and finds the Golden Community Award he just won.)

Patrick: Oh my gosh! I got an award! (turns to rock) Look, rock! I got an award!

(Patrick runs to Jellyfish Fields.)

Patrick: Look, jellyfish! I got an award!

(The jellyfish start to sting Patrick, so he jumps out of the water and runs by a mansion owned by a familiar name.)

Patrick: Look, television's Steve Harvey, I got an award!

Steve Harvey: (looks at the award) I'm sorry...there's been a mistake.

(Patrick looks more carefully at the award and notices the same thing Harvey noticed.)

Patrick: Best Comedy...Squidward Chat?

YA5m3Dl.png?1: What a twist!

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Patrick Gets Quarantined

(Patrick walks into Spongebob's house and immediately hears a high pitched squeal.)

SpongeBob: Patrick! What are you doing in here? Don't you know we're under quarantine?

Patrick: What's a coor...eee...uh...

SpongeBob: A quarantine is where you stay inside and don't interact with anyone so you don't spread that virus that's been going around.

Patrick: But won't you get lonely?

SpongeBob: No! I have Chip, Penny, and Brand New Napkin to keep me company!

Patrick: What happened to Used Napkin?

SpongeBob: I had to throw him away because he wasn't sanitary. We're all making sacrifices for the sake of public health, Patrick, and now you have to!

Patrick: How?

SpongeBob: By getting out!

(Patrick leaves Spongebob's house sadly and goes to Squidward's house next.)

Patrick: (knocks) Squidward, can I come in?

Squidward: No.

Patrick: Because of the quarantine?

Squidward: No, because I hate you.

(Patrick goes back into his rock with his head down.)

Patrick: What am I supposed to do for the rest of this quarantine?

(Patrick falls asleep, and he wakes up to the sound of knocking.)

SpongeBob: Patrick, I have great news! The quarantine's over!

Patrick: Already? I've only been asleep for a minute.

SpongeBob: It wasn't a minute, Patrick.

Patrick: Then how long was it?

SpongeBob: Seven months.

Patrick: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

(aaaat a twist!)

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Patrick Star Wars Episode III: The Rise of Starwalker

Part 2: The Dead Speak! or smth

(The Millennium Fruit lands on the jungle planet the Resisty base is on. Pat Starwalker, SpongeSolo, and Garebacca walk out it and head towards the base.)

Pat: Wait, why are we here again?

SpongeSolo: Because Darth Planktor is alive and up to something sinister!

Pat: What? Darth Planktor is alive? How did you find that out?

SpongeSolo: Everybody knows, Pat. It was revealed in the latest season of Dorknite.

Pat: I don't play that!

SpongeSolo: Then you're the only person in the galaxy who doesn't. Now, come on!

(As the three of them reach the base, Sandra, Rei, and Finn run out to greet them.)

Sandra: SpongeSolo! I'm so glad you're here!

SpongeSolo: What's the plan for Darth Planktor?

Sandra: I had our best people study the video Planktor sent, and they're certain it came from Pluto, the planet Mickey Mouse lives on.

SpongeSolo: Space barnacles! Imagine what Darth Planktor could do with that kind of money!

Sandra: We aren't about to wait to find out. We're taking the fight to him now.

Finn: Does that mean I'll finally get to do something?

Sandra: Who are you again?

(Finn grumbles as he joins the soldiers going into Resisty spacecraft.)

Sandra: It's almost time. Will y'all be joining us on this mission?

SpongeSolo: Well, you know, I'm getting up there in age, and this does sound pretty dangerous...

(After the soldiers empty the base, Squidroid comes out.)

Squidroid: That's the last of them!

Sandra: Now or never.

SpongeSolo: You know what? Yeah, let's do it!

Pat: Do I get a say in this?

Garebacca: Merowrowrow.

Pat: No, you're a sissy!

(Garebacca growls.)

Pat: I-I was just kidding. (laughs nervously) You know I was just kidding, don't you, buddy?

Squidroid: Must we bring that uncivilized beast with us?

(Garebacca roars and rips off one of Squidroid's arms.)

Squidroid: Aww...that was my favorite arm.

Sandra: Save the fighting for when we get to Pluto!

Squidroid: Alright, you heard her. Give me my arm back.

(Garebacca shakes his head and goes into the Millennium Fruit with Squidroid's arm.)

Sandra: We'll get you a new arm. Let's go!

Rei: Am I coming with you?

Sandra: No, make sure the geezers are okay.

SpongeSolo: Hey, I heard that!

Pat: So did I! (whispers) What's a geezer?

(SpongeSolo, Pat, and Rei go into the Millennium Fruit as Sandra and Squidroid join their soldiers on one of the spacecraft.)

SpongeSolo: Ready for one more ride?

Pat: Guess I don't have much of a choice, do I?

Rei: You'll be fine! You have the Force.

Pat: (sighs) But so does Planktor.

(The Millennium Fruit follows the Resisty ships to Pluto. When the first ship lands, a droid greets the first soldiers who walk out of it.)

Droid: Welcome to Mickey's World, the happiest place in the galaxy!

Soldier: Where's Mickey?

Droid: Mickey Mouse is an extremely busy rodent, but if you want, I can schedule an appointment with him.

(Suddenly, the planet starts to shake, and the ground behind the droid sinks. Mickey's ship rises out of it, and the soldiers point their laser guns at it as more Resisty ships land behind them. Mickey comes out of his ship with his hands raised.)

Mickey: To what do I owe the honor? Ha ha!

Soldier: We've got intel that you're harboring a dangerous criminal on this planet.

Mickey: That's a serious accusation! Ha ha! Do you happen to have any proof to back it up?

(Sandra comes out of her ship, and the soldiers let her pass.)

Sandra: That video Darth Planktor sent everybody was filmed on this planet. He is on this planet, and we believe you're working with him.

Mickey: The thing about belief is...it's not the same as evidence. If you don't have any proof to bring me, I must ask you to leave. Ha ha!

Sandra: We'll do no such thing!

Mickey: Then I'm sure the Galactic Police would love to hear about you threatening the richest mouse in the galaxy with an army that I don't believe is registered with them. Tell me, is that belief correct, Princess...oh, I'm sorry...General Sandra?

(Sandra clenches her fists then turns around.)

Sandra: Alright, fall back. There's nothing to find here.

(As the Millennium Fruit lands, the Resisty ships start flying off the planet.)

Pat: Did we win already?

Rei: No...they're retreating.

(They watch as Mickey walks back towards his ship. As he does so, he takes out his phone.)

Mickey: Now's the time. Send the fleet.

(Hundreds of ships with Chumpire insignia fly over Mickey seconds after he gives the order. When Sandra notices the ships, she immediately grabs her walkie-talkie.)

Sandra: Go into hyperspace! Now!

(All of the Resisty ships travel into hyperspace, but the opposing ships are right behind them.)

Sandra: Oh, no.

(As they reach the jungle planet, the opposing ships start shooting at them. Some of the Resisty ships return fire, but most of them are easily destroyed. The ship Sandra is on is able to avoid most of the blasts and gets clear of the fighting as it prepares to go into hyperspace again.)

Squidroid: General...do you see what I see?

(Sandra turns in the direction Squidroid is looking and sees a replica of the Death Bucket, ten times larger than the original, join the opposing ships.)

Squidroid: I have a bad feeling about this.

(The Death Bucket fires a laser at the jungle planet that blows it up.)

Squidroid: That's probably why.

(As Sandra's ship goes into hyperspace, she and the rest of the ship's passengers reflect on the destruction of the rest of the Resisty and their base. A wipe transition takes us back to Pluto, where SpongeSolo is hiding the Millennium Fruit under leaves and sticks he got from the forest. When he feels its suitably hidden, he goes back into the ship.)

Pat: What do we do now?

SpongeSolo: Live out the rest of our days in the Fruit, maybe? I've got a bunch of Krabby Packets in the back.

Pat: Say no more!

(Pat runs to the back the ship as Rei approaches SpongeSolo.)

Rei: Are we really going to spend the rest of our lives hiding from Darth Planktor?

SpongeSolo: You saw those ships. The Resisty is toast.

Rei: But we're here, and we can still stop him! I may just be a scavenger, but you, Pat, and Sandra have been fighting the Chumpire and those looking to bring back the Chumpire for over 30 years now! You can't give up on that now! We can't give up on it now! 

SpongeSolo: Sure, we can! Isn't that right, Pat?

(Pat is lying in the back of the ship with an extended belly and several empty Krabby Packets around him.)

Pat: Hey, SpongeSolo, you know where the rest of the Krabby Packets are?

SpongeSolo: (furious) Those were all the Krabby Packets!

Pat: Oh...I think we're out.

Garebacca: Merowrowrow.

SpongeSolo: (sighs) You win, Rei. Whatever Darth Planktor will do to us should be quicker than starving to death.

(As the ships with Chumpire insignia return, Pat, Rei, and SpongeSolo follow them on foot. Suddenly, they hear loud beeping from where SpongeSolo hid the Millennium Fruit.)


(They hear laser blasts, and the Millennium Fruit explodes.)

SpongeSolo: No! I left Garebacca in there to keep him safe! (crying) What have I done?

Rei: We'll avenge him. Don't you worry, SpongeSolo. We'll avenge him.

(They reach the headquarters of Mickey's company, and they watch as ships land in front of the building and Mickey motions them inside one by one. After all of the ships are accounted for, Mickey meets Darth Planktor on the top floor of the company headquarters.)

Mickey: It's done. Ha ha! The Resisty has been defeated.

Darth Planktor: No...some of them are still alive...on this planet.

Mickey: That's impossible! Ha ha! I watched all the Resisty ships leave!

Darth Planktor: You missed...one.

Mickey: Listen, I've given you as much as money as you wanted to carry out your plan! Ha ha! We have our fleet, we have our Death Bucket, so we should start conquering other planets now!

Darth Planktor: No! Not until...the Resisty...has been snuffed out!

Mickey: How do even know there are still Resisty fighters on my planet? Ha ha!

(A stormtrooper knocks on the door.)

Stormtrooper: Boss, there's something you need to see.

Mickey: Come in!

(The stormtrooper walks in with a handcuffed Garebacca beside him.)

Garebacca: Merowrowrow.

(Mickey's eyes widen.)

Mickey: Grab the other stormtroopers and search Pluto for any more enemy combatants! Ha ha! We win this war today!

(SpongeSolo, Pat, and Rei watch as stormtroopers storm out of the company headquarters.)

SpongeSolo: Do you think they know we're here?

Rei: Probably.

Stormtrooper: I heard something in the bushes!

(Three stormtroopers go into the bushes, and they come back out seconds later.)

Stormtrooper: Nevermind, it was just the wind.

(That night, Mickey is about to fall asleep in his office when he hears a knock on his door.)

Mickey: Come in! Ha ha! This better be good.

Stormtrooper: I'm just here to inform you we were unable to find the people you were looking for.

Mickey: You finished the search that quickly?

Stormtrooper: Yes. We stormtroopers are known for our efficiency, after all.

Mickey: (nods) Thanks for letting me know. Report to the bottom floor for your next assignment.

Stormtrooper: Next...assignment?

Mickey: Yeah, did you think you were just going to stand around and do nothing all night? Go to the bottom floor with the other stormtroopers and someone will be there to tell you what to do.

Stormtrooper: Yes, sir.

(The stormtrooper leaves the office and takes off his helmet to reveal SpongeSolo underneath. Two other stormtroopers are waiting for him.)

Stormtrooper: (with Rey's voice) Did he buy it?

Stormtrooper: (with Pat's voice) This thing's itchy!

SpongeSolo: Shh! We can't let them find out who we really are!

(SpongeSolo puts his helmet back on and heads to the elevator with the others.)

Pat: Where are we going?

SpongeSolo: The bottom floor. If we're lucky, one of Mickey's ships is down there and we can use it to escape.

(Our heroes take the elevator to the bottom floor, and they find a row of prison cells down there.)

Pat: Man. Who's getting locked up?

Garebacca: Merowrowrow.

(SpongeSolo runs to Garebacca's cell, and Pat and Rei follow him.)

Pat: I can't believe it! They cloned Garebacca!

Rei: I don't think he ever died, Pat.

Pat: Wow!

SpongeSolo: So you're saying I went through all of that emotional devastation for nothing?

Darth Planktor: No! Think of all the friends we made along the way!

(They turn around to find Darth Planktor standing in front of them.)

SpongeSolo: Hi...boss!

Darth Planktor: Don't bother. I know who all of you are.

Rei: We're your loyal stormtroopers!

(Darth Planktor raises an arm, and Rei's helmet flies off.)

Darth Planktor: Hello, scavenger.

(Darth Planktor raises his other arm, and SpongeSolo's helmet flies off.)

Darth Planktor: SpongeSolo.

(Darth Planktor raises an eyebrow, and Pat's helmet flies off.)

Darth Planktor: And who can forget the legendary Pat Starwalker?

Rei: Whatever you're planning to do, Darth Planktor, we won't let you!

Darth Planktor: And how exactly do you plan to stop me? To stop us? You're on our home turf!

(Darth Planktor holds out an open palm, and Rei flies to the opposite wall.)

SpongeSolo: Rei!

(SpongeSolo takes a lightsaber out from inside his stormtrooper outfit, and Darth Planktor flicks his head to make the lightsaber fly out of SpongeSolo's hands.)

Darth Planktor: (laughs) Could it get any easier?

(Pat takes out his own lightsaber and charges at Darth Planktor with it. He stops right as it touches Darth Planktor's chest, and he's unable to move any further.)

Darth Planktor: I sense the Force within you, but it's weak, disorganized. Not a challenge at all!

(Darth Planktor motions to a cell, and Pat flies to the cell, hitting it hard.)

Pat: (dazed) Where's the leak, ma'am?

(Darth Planktor then turns to Garebacca's cell.)

Darth Planktor: I kept you alive because I thought I may have to use you as a hostage. Unfortunately for you, my competition turned out to be much weaker than expected.

(Darth Planktor points a hand at Garebacca, who starts to choke. SpongeSolo recovers his lightsaber and runs towards Darth Planktor, but the villain simply raises his other hand to make SpongeSolo fly into the ceiling, knocking him out. Just as Darth Planktor is about to kill Garebacca, he feels something pulling at him, and he releases Garebacca from his grip. He looks at Pat, who is still dazed, and then he looks at Rei, who is pointing an open palm at Darth Planktor out of desperation.)

Darth Planktor: So, you're not just a scavenger after all!

(Rei lowers her hand as Darth Planktor uses the Force to fly towards her.)

Darth Planktor: Of course, you were never just a scavenger. You could never have been, considering who your parents are.

Rei: What are you talking about? My parents were nobodies.

Darth Planktor: And do you think Darth Planktor is my actual name? No, my real name is Sheldon...Nobody!

(Rei gasps.)

Darth Planktor: Come with me, daughter, and we'll rule this galaxy as its king...and as its princess!

Rei: Never!

Darth Planktor: Then you'll suffer the same fate as all else who oppose me!

(Rei flies towards the wall again.)

Darth Planktor: Now that the rest of the Resisty is good as dead, it's time to set my plan in motion!

(After Darth Planktor leaves, Pat begins to hear Obi-Wan Krabnobi's voice in his head.)

Obi-Wan Krabnobi: Use the Force, Pat. Use the Force.

Pat: W-what? Huh?

Obi-Wan Krabnobi: Use the Force, you idiot!

(Pat nods then gets off the ground as his lightsaber flies into his hand. He wakes Rei and SpongeSolo then frees Garebacca before heading to the elevator.)

SpongeSolo: Where are we going?

Pat: To Mickey's ships.

Rei: You know where they are now?

Pat: I know where everything is!

(SpongeSolo, Pat, Rei, and Garebacca take the elevator to the main floor. Pat finds a secret hatch near the elevator that opens a garage containing the spacecraft with the Chumpire insignia. Before they can go into one of the spacecraft, they hear the garage door slam shut, and they turn around to find Mickey Mouse standing in front of it.)

Mickey: That ship doesn't belong to you! Ha ha!

SpongeSolo: Don't make this more of a problem than it needs to be, mouse.

Mickey: You know as soon as you fly that thing, I can just have Darth Planktor crash it into a tree, right? Ha ha!

SpongeSolo: You seem to forget we have people with the Force, too, or does Pat need to remind you of that?

Mickey: No need! Ha ha! Every single one of those ships will need my approval to fly, anyway, and you won't get that approval unless you come with me and Darth Planktor to see how we intend to restore the Galactic Chumpire!

SpongeSolo: Right.

(SpongeSolo jumps into a ship and tries to turn it on, but it simply causes a red button to flash saying "ADMINISTRATOR APPROVAL NEEDED".)

SpongeSolo: (sighs) He is right.

Mickey: Now, come on! Ha ha! You're about to miss the show!

(Mickey and Darth Planktor leave the building with Pat, Rei, SpongeSolo, and Garebacca behind them. Suddenly, they're covered by a massive shadow, which shrinks as the Death Bucket gets closer to them.)

SpongeSolo: It can't be...

Mickey: Here it is! Every stupid reboot, remake, and sequel has led to this! The ultimate reboot! The ultimate remake! The ultimate sequel!

Rei: Wow, you're taking that analogy and running right with it, aren't you?

Darth Planktor: I'm glad you're all alive to see this, because it means you'll all be alive to witness your own failure.

Pat: We haven't failed yet!

(Pat runs towards the Death Bucket with open palms, then he feels himself rise off the ground before flying hard into the nearest tree.)

Darth Planktor: Anybody else?

(Rei, SpongeSolo, and Garebacca look down at their feet quietly.)

Darth Planktor: Face it! The Resisty is dead, and soon the four of you will be dead, too!

Rei: Are you sure the Resisty is dead?

(As the Death Bucket lands, they're covered by another, even bigger shadow.)

Darth Planktor: Huh?

(The shadow is revealed to be a fleet of spacecraft from all over the galaxy, led by the two Resisty ships that survived Pluto's attack on them, one containing General Sandra and the other containing Finn.)

Mickey: No! Ha ha!

SpongeSolo: Seems like people finally got sick of what you were selling them, mouse.

(The spacecraft fire lasers at the Death Bucket all at once, blowing it up and sending out a heat wave so massive that it singes everyone's hair, including most of Garebacca's fur.)

Garebacca: Merowrowrow!

SpongeSolo: It's okay, Garebacca! It'll grow back!

Mickey: Time to send out my own fleet! Ha ha!

(Mickey takes out his phone and dials several numbers on it.)

Mickey: Mighty Starships of Pluto, advance!

(All of Mickey's ships fly out of the building, and they get destroyed in seconds by the invading fleet.)

SpongeSolo: Hope you had insurance on those mighty starships.

Mickey: That's not funny! Ha ha!

(The invading fleet surrounds the company headquarters, and General Sandra approaches Mickey Mouse and Darth Planktor, who are now holding up their hands with defeated expressions on their faces.)

Sandra: By the power now vested in me by the Galactic Police, I put the both of you under arrest for conspiring to overthrow the New Republic.

Mickey: You'll hear from my lawyers! Ha ha!

Darth Planktor: You really think you can lock me up? You've got another thing coming!

(Darth Planktor raises his hands, and lightning shoots out, destroying most of the invading spacecraft and repelling anybody who comes close to him. Rei screams and rushes towards Darth Planktor with both of her hands raised, and after he hits her with lightning, she sends it back to him, destroying his new armor and leaving him naked on the ground.)

Darth Planktor: (gasping) Why...daughter...why?

Rei: I'm not your daughter.

(As Rei walks away, policemen handcuff Darth Planktor and Mickey and put them into one of their ships. Later that day, Rei is flying back to her planet with SpongeSolo, Pat, Finn, General Sandra, and Garebacca.)

SpongeSolo: We did it. We won.

General Sandra: Yeah. They certainly didn't make it easy.

Rei: Where do I go from here, though? I'm...I'm a...

General Sandra: You're a hero.

(The episode ends on an iris out.)

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Patrick Starts a Talk Show

Announcer: Welcome to The Patrick Star Show! Here's your host: Patrick Star!

(The crowd cheers as Patrick walks into the stage.)

Patrick: Thank you, thank you! We've got an amazing show for you tonight! Lincoln Loud is here!

(The crowd goes wild.)

Patrick: But first: a couple of jokes!

(The crowd goes wild.)

Patrick: I...haven't actually gotten to the jokes yet.

(The crowd goes wild.)

Patrick: Let me actually tell some jokes before you start laughing!

(The crowd goes wild.)

Patrick: That's it!

(Patrick takes out a flamethrower and burns the entire audience to a crisp.)

Patrick: Now that I can hear myself think...

(Patrick takes a piece of paper out of his pocket.)

Patrick: Knock knock!

(Lincoln Loud, star of the hit Nickelodeon series The Loud House, walks onto the stage.)

Lincoln: Who's there?

(Patrick fries Lincoln with his flamethrower.)

Patrick: Don't interrupt!

(As Lincoln turns to ashes, Patrick turns his paper around.)

Patrick: I forgot the punchline.

(What a twist!)

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(We begin in Patchy's house in Encino, California.)

Patchy: Hi, kids! It's me, Patchy the Pirate, president of the SpongeBob SquarePants fan club! I can't wait to show you all of the Mermaid Man figurines I've collected today!

(Patchy looks both ways.)

Patchy: Potty! What did you do with my Mermaid Man figurines!

(Potty flies onscreen.)

Potty: Squawk! I don't know what happened to your toys!

Patchy: They're not toys! They're action figures! And I told you to look over them!

Potty: You never do anything for me!

Patchy: Potty, I don't have time for this!

Potty: Squawk! I want to break up!

(Potty flies into Patchy's room then flies back out with a treasure chest.)

Potty: This is my half!

Patchy: Get your filthy talons off my booty! (to audience) Hey, that reminds me of the time SpongeBob and the gang stopped Thanos from wiping out half of all life in the universe! Want to hear the story?

Kids: No!

Patchy: Well, you're going to hear it, anyway! (muttering) Ungrateful brats.



(We are now in King Neptune's castle. Neptune is sitting on his throne with his squire standing beside him.)

King Neptune: Squire, I haven't had a prisoner presented to me all day. Don't tell me we're getting soft on crime.

Squire: I apologize, King Neptune. I'll have someone arrested right away.

(As the squire leaves the castle, he sees a spaceship land in front of him.)

Squire: Oh, Neptune. I've got to tell Neptune!

(The squire runs back to Neptune's throne.)

Neptune: Why haven't you brought me a prisoner?

Squire: A strange ship has landed in front of the castle!

Neptune: Did you see who was in it?

Squire: Well, no. I...

Neptune: (scoffs) What do I even not pay you for?

(Suddenly, the sounds of fish screaming fill the palace.)

Squire: That...that sounds like the guards!

(Neptune grabs his trident.)

Neptune: Whoever has breached my castle won't be coming out alive!

(Thanos walks into the room with an infinity gauntlet covering one hand and blood covering the other.)

Thanos: Won't I?

(Neptune blasts Thanos with his trident. Thanos easily avoids the blast and uses the power stone in his infinity gauntlet to weaken Neptune.)

Neptune: What...what have you done?

(Neptune drops the trident, no longer strong enough to hold it.)

Squire: You...you're not going to kill me, right?

Thanos: No, I've already killed half of the people here.

Squire: I'll take it!

(The squire leaves the palace.)

Neptune: Traitor!

(Thanos approaches Neptune.)

Neptune: What do you want?

Thanos: Your trident.

(Thanos picks up the trident Neptune dropped and snaps it in two, retrieving the space stone from it.)

Neptune: No!

(As Thanos adds the space stone to his gauntlet, a familiar face enters the room.)

Neptune: Mindy?

(Mindy, no longer wearing glasses or a bow and now wearing a black catsuit that starts at her neck and covers her tail, swims beside Thanos.)

Thanos: Oh, have you met my right-hand woman?

Mindy: I go by The Black Widow now, father.

Neptune: Why would you associate yourself with this...monster? Is this your idea of a teenage rebellion?

Mindy:  You may think this is suffering, father, but no. It is salvation. Because of the sacrifice your guards have made, the universal scales tip toward balance.

Neptune: My guards? Those were our guards. You...you've known them since childhood.

Thanos: As touching as this reunion is, we must get going.

Neptune: First you kill my guards, then you destroy my trident, and now I find out you've corrupted my daughter. You have no idea who you're dealing with!

(Neptune overcomes the power stone's weakening and runs towards Thanos from behind.)

Neptune: I am a GOD!

(Thanos turns around and punches Neptune, sending him across the room. Neptune lands so hard on his throne that he destroys the throne, injuring himself in the process.)

Thanos: Puny god.

(A week later, fish in black suits and sunglasses walk into Shady Shoals Rest Home.)

Receptionist: Who are you?

(One of the fish reveal a badge.)

Fish: We work for the Pacific Government. We're here to bring Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy back into our custody.

(Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy get into a black van with the fish.)

Barnacle Boy: Who are you two?

Fish: We work for a secret government agency that has been tracking your exploits for decades: S.H.E.L.L.

Mermaid Man: Shell? Like the gas station?

Fish: S.H.E.L.L. is short for the Strategic Headquarters for the Extermination of Lawless Lemons. We were created in the early 1940s as a response to all of the super-powered humans showing up underwater, some with noble goals like you two but others with more...nefarious goals.

Barnacle Boy: So, what do you want with us now?

Fish: Neptune, king of the Seven Seas, was attacked by an extraterrestrial being last week. He told us that this being, Thanos, is more powerful than any he had ever encountered before. He'll need a super squad to take him down, and that's why we're re-assembling the greatest super squad this world has ever known.

Barnacle Boy: The International Justice League of Super Acquaintances? No, we're much too old for that.

Fish: Don't worry. S.H.E.L.L. has a fix.

(Hours later, Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, and the S.H.E.L.L. agents walk into a government facility, where older versions of The Quickster, Elastic Waistband, Captain Magma, and Miss Appear are already waiting in the lobby.)

Captain Magma: Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! Late at usual!

Barnacle Boy: Captain Magma. Hotheaded as usual.

Mermaid Man: (nervous) Hi, Miss Appear.

Miss Appear: (chuckles) After everything we've been through, you can move past the formalities, Ernie.

Mermaid Man: We're still riding that invisible boatmobile you got us. Still runs great.

Miss Appear: (nods) That's good to hear.

(The superheroes hear the elevator ding, and a gold-colored man wearing a hairnet over his head walks out.)

Barnacle Boy: (gasps) Pi-Right?

The Quickster: I thought you died!

Pi-Right Ponderer: Officially, I am dead. Unofficially, I've been working for S.H.E.L.L. this whole time.

Elastic Waistband: You haven't aged a bit.

Pi-Right Ponderer: Oh, I have aged! But I was able to bring myself back to my physical prime using an invention I completed just last month, and based on recent events, the timing couldn't have been better!

(The superheroes join Pi-Right Ponderer on an elevator.)

Pi-Right Ponderer: Brace yourselves. This will be a bumpy ride.

(The elevator quickly drops to the bottom floor, disturbing the older people on the elevator.)

Captain Magma: What are you trying to do, kill us?

The Quickster: I haven't gone that fast in over 30 years!

Pi-Right Ponderer: Sorry about that, but it will all be worth it soon.

(Pi-Right Ponderer leads the heroes to a large machine.)

Pi-Right Ponderer: Here it is, my De-Aging Booth! You just walk inside it, and after I enter a few commands, it will restore your body to its peak condition!

Barnacle Boy: So, I get to be a hunk again? Out of the way!

(Barnacle Boy runs into the machine, and after Pi-Right Ponderer pushes some button on it, steam comes out, and the door opens up to reveal a younger-looking Barnacle Boy inside of it.)

Barnacle Boy: My back...my knees...they aren't sore anymore! (flexes) I feel like a million bucks!

(The rest of the superheroes go into the machine, and all of them come out looking younger.)

Elastic Waistband: Alright, where's this Thanos fellow? I can't wait to kick his butt!

Pi-Right Ponderer: Unfortunately, the seven of us might not be enough. With the power stone, Thanos was already the most powerful creature on the planet. With the space stone...we'll need more heroes.

Miss Appear: Where are we supposed to find more heroes on such short notice?

Pi-Right Ponderer: Your adventures have inspired many over the last several decades. I believe I've found a way to get in touch with them.

(The next morning, SpongeBob bangs on Patrick's rock. The rock opens with Patrick stuck to it, and he yawns.)

Patrick: What's going on?

SpongeBob: Did you read the latest Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy newsletter?

Patrick: You know I can't read!

SpongeBob: Sorry, I forgot. Anyway, the IJLSA just sent out a call for heroes! Apparently, something big is threatening Earth, and they'll need all the help they can get to stop it!

Patrick: What does that have to do with me?

SpongeBob: I think it's time to bring Patrick-Man out of retirement!

Patrick: Who's Patrick-Man?

SpongeBob: You know, your superhero identity!

(SpongeBob reveals an empty ice cream cone.)

SpongeBob: He had this as a hat!

Patrick: Oh...Patrick-Man! I still don't remember. Was that season 9a or 9b?

SpongeBob: (sighs) Maybe Sandy can help.

(SpongeBob and Patrick walk into Sandy's treedome.)

Sandy: Howdy!

SpongeBob: Hi, Sandy. 

Sandy: What brings y'all here?

SpongeBob: I wanted to see if you had something that could help Patrick jog his memory about Patrick-Man.

Sandy: Patrick-Man?

SpongeBob: That's what Patrick called himself when he turned into a superhero.

(SpongeBob gives Sandy the ice cream cone.)

SpongeBob: He wore this on his head.

Sandy: Sounds like Patrick.

SpongeBob: We need Patrick-Man back, because there's something really evil out there, and Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy can't defeat it alone!

Sandy: Y'all don't worry yourselves none! I'll be back in a jiff!


(SpongeBob and Patrick are now asleep in the middle of the treedome. Sandy comes out of her tree with a metal cone.)

Sandy: It's done!

(SpongeBob and Patrick wake up, startled.)

Sandy: Just put this on your buddy's head, and you'll have your superhero!

(Sandy gives SpongeBob the metal cone, and he puts it on Patrick's head.)

SpongeBob: Do you remember now?

Patrick: Yes. I remember...everything. And that's not all I can do!

(Suddenly, the cone expands to cover Patrick's entire body with metal.)

SpongeBob: Wow, you're like an iron man!

(Suddenly, a pair of Disney lawyers appear.)

Patrick: I'll stick with Patrick-Man.

(The Disney lawyers disappear.)

Patrick: Look at what else I can do!

(The bottom of Patrick's feet turn into rockets, and he flies around the treedome.)

SpongeBob: How is he doing this?

Sandy: The helmet I made for Patrick takes advantage of the parts of his brain he isn't using. There's even more of it than I thought!

(Patrick lands beside SpongeBob, and his suit contracts back into a helmet.)

Patrick: I'm ready to save the word!

(SpongeBob and Patrick leave the treedome.)

SpongeBob: Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy said to meet them at the Bikini Bottom Convention Hall. That's where all the heroes will be.

Patrick: You coming with?

SpongeBob: I wish, but I've got to go to work.

Patrick: I'll tell you how it goes!

(After SpongeBob and Patrick go their separate ways, Patrick sees a building on fire. Fish hurry out of the building, but one woman stops.)

Woman: Oh, no! I left Harry in there!

(A worm sticks its head out of a window and pants.)

Woman: Somebody help!

Patrick: She could really use a superhero. (pauses) Wait! I'm a superhero!

(Just as Patrick is about to spring into action, he notices a giant urchin crawling into the room the woman is in. A few seconds later, the urchin, which is actually a boy dressed as an urchin, jumps out of the building with the worm.)

Woman: Thank you so much!

Boy: No problem!

(The boy gives the woman her worm, and she pets it.)

Woman: Say...aren't you a little too young to be rescuing animals from burning buildings?

 Boy: Yes. Yes I am.

Woman: What do I call you?

Boy: Call me...Urchin Man!

Patrick: Urchin Man?

(As Urchin Man walks off, Patrick follows him.)

Patrick: Hey, are you a superhero?

Urchin Man: I guess you could call me that.

Patrick: That's great! Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy just sent out a call for superheroes! We're all meeting at the Bikini Bottom Convention Hall!

Urchin Man: (checks watch) I have class in five minutes...but I guess I can skip if it's really important.

Patrick: It is! We're fighting something horrible! Like, a wedgie you can't get rid of no matter how hard you pull it down horrible!

Urchin Man: (laughs) Hey, what's your superpower?

Patrick: I can show you!

(Patrick's helmet expands to cover his body in metal again.)

Patrick: Hop on!

Urchin Man: Hop on what?

Patrick: On me, silly!

(Urchin Man climbs onto Patrick's back, and Patrick generates rockets under his feet again, shooting himself and Urchin Man into the sky.)

Urchin Man: Wow!

Patrick: To the Convention Hall!

(Patrick flies to the Bikini Bottom Convention Hall with Urchin Man on his back. When they walk inside, they find dozens of other fish dressed like superheroes around them.)

Urchin Man: I didn't know there were this many of us.

Patrick: Look! It's the IJLSA!

(Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, The Quickster, Elastic Waistband, Captain Magma, Miss Appear, and Pi-Right Ponderer walk onto the stage.)

Urchin Man: They look just like they do in the show. How is that possible? The show is over 50 years old now.

Patrick: They must use really good skin cream.

Pi-Right Ponderer: Thanks to all of you for coming here today! I'm sure you have many questions, but for now, I would like to focus on what we're going up against.

(A poster of Thanos unravels behind the heroes on the stage.)

Pi-Right Ponderer: Thanos, known by many as the Mad Titan, is a genocidal warlord from another planet who is currently on a quest to collect ancient artifacts known as Infinity Stones. It is said that when all six Infinity Stones that exist are collected, you will have the power to do anything you want throughout all of time and space.

(Another poster showing the Infinity Stones unravels behind the heroes.)

Pi-Right Ponderer: I believe that once he has all of the Infinity Stones, he will use their power to destroy half of all life in the universe!

(Everybody in the crowd gasps.)

Pi-Right Ponderer: The reality stone and soul stone are on different planets, but the time stone is in my possession, and the mind stone has been entrusted to a close ally. Thanos will be back, and we'll all need to be prepared to fight him. Many of you won't survive...

Fish 1: Wait, what was that?

Fish 2: Nobody said anything about dying!

Fish 3: I just wanted Mermaid Man's autograph.

Pi-Right Ponderer: Just wait a minute!

(The fish in the crowd start loudly complaining.)

Pi-Right Ponderer: If you aren't ready to lose your life for this mission, you can get out right now!

(All of the costumed fish except Urchin Man and Patrick leave the building.)

Pi-Right Ponderer: Well...that didn't go as I expected.

Mermaid Man: Who are you two?

Urchin Man: I...I'm Urchin Man.

Patrick: And I'm Patrick-Man!

Mermaid Man: Welcome to the IJLSA, Urchin Man and Patrick-Man!

(On the planet of Vormir, Thanos and Mindy walk of out of their spaceship.)

Thanos: The soul stone is here. I feel it.

Mindy: Did you have to kill all of those creatures to get the reality stone from Knowhere? They weren't putting up a lot of resistance, and that talking racoon was actually pretty cute.

Thanos: Remember what we're here for.

(Thanos takes a knife out and balances it on his finger.)

Thanos: Perfectly balanced. As all things should be.

Mindy: That magic trick was a lot more impressive when you didn't have a reality-altering stone on your knuckles.

Thanos: (laughs) This will all be over soon. And we will rule the universe as its saviors.

(Thanos and Mindy approach Man Ray at the top of a mountain.)

Man Ray: (to the audience) Yeah, I'm dead. Get over it.

Thanos: Who are you?

Man Ray: My name is Man Ray. In one final, desperate attempt to take over the seas, I tried to ambush King Neptune's castle, just like you did. However, I wasn't successful. Neptune killed me with his trident, and instead of sending me to the Great Beyond, the space stone sent me here to be the guardian of what I believe you're looking for: the soul stone.

Thanos: How do I get it?

Man Ray: The soul stone isn't something you just "get". It requires a soul. The soul of the person you love most. Once that person is sacrificed, you shall have the stone.

(Thanos thinks about what Man Ray said for a long time. He then turns to Mindy.)

Mindy: Well, it looks like we'll have to find some other way to balance the universe! Bye, creep with the weird mask!

(Mindy starts to walk away, but Thanos grabs her.)

Thanos: I'm sorry, Mindy, but I've come too far to abandon my quest now.

Mindy: But...you said we were going to rule the universe together.

Thanos: And I believed we would, but it seems...that can no longer happen.

(Thanos picks Mindy up.)

Mindy: No! Please don't do this! There must be another way!

Thanos: (crying) There isn't.

(Thanos throws Mindy off the mountain, and a few seconds later, the soul stone appears in his hand.)

Man Ray: I am...free.

(Man Ray floats into the Great Beyond as Thanos adds the space stone to his gauntlet.)

Thanos: Only two more to go, and I know exactly where they are.

(Back in Bikini Bottom, SpongeBob is cooking patties in the Krusty Krab when he feels the ground shake.)

SpongeBob: What's happening?

(SpongeBob runs out of the Krusty Krab to find Squidward and Mr. Krabs looking up with their mouths agape. SpongeBob sees Plankton, now so massive that his antennae touch the sky, looking down at them.)

Plankton: This is your last chance, Krabs! Give me the Krabby Patty secret formula or I'll crush you under my feet!

Mr. Krabs: Never!

Plankton: Okay! Don't say I didn't warn you!

SpongeBob: Plankton, don't!

(As Plankton raises a leg, he sees a spaceship crash in the distance.)

Plankton: No...it can't be happening so soon.

Mr. Krabs: What's happening?

(Thanos appears in front of the Chum Bucket.)

Squidward: Where did he come from?

Plankton: Stop, Thanos! I know what you're here for!

Thanos: Ah, Plankton. You're...bigger than I remember.

Plankton: That's thanks to my newest invention! And if you do put a hand on my computer wife, I'll crush you like I'm about to crush my enemy!

Thanos: I'll risk it.

(Plankton runs towards Thanos, and Thanos raises a hand, causing Plankton to stop, slip, and fall backwards. Mr. Krabs, Squidward, and SpongeBob get out of the way as Plankton lands, leaving a large dent in the middle of the street.)

Plankton: I have to call Pi-Right.

(Plankton returns to his smaller form and takes out his cell phone.)

SpongeBob: Wait, Pi-Right? You know Pi-Right Ponderer?

Plankton: Yeah, he was a professor at the college I went to. We did some research together. As thanks, he gave me this thing called a mind stone, and I used it to create Karen.

(Plankton runs to the Chum Bucket with the cell phone to his ear.)

Plankton: Pi-RIght! Thanos is about to get the stone from Karen! No, it's too late to send help. Just make sure you protect yours no matter what!

(Plankton enters the Chum Bucket to find Thanos holding Karen by her stand.)

Thanos: Oh, hi! You're just in time to see the fireworks!

Plankton: Don't!

Karen: Plankton, I love y-

(Thanos smashes Karen's monitor and pulls out the mind stone before throwing her to the side.)

Plankton: You're not going to win.

(Thanos adds the mind stone to his gauntlet.)

Thanos: I know what it's like to lose somebody you love. Soon, many more people will know that feeling.

(Thanos disappears.)

Plankton: He isn't going to win.

(Plankton stares at what remains of Karen.)

Plankton: He can't.

(In front of the Bikini Bottom Convention Hall, Patrick and Urchin-Man are eating nachos as the rest of the IJLSA are by their boatmobiles talking.)

Captain Magma: What do we do? If Thanos already has five infinity stones, there's no way we stop him!

Elastic Waistband: We may need...him.

Captain Magma: No! There's no way! It's out of the question!

The Quickster: Let's face it, Cap. A guy who shoots lava out of his head won't be enough. Not for this coming battle.

Captain Magma: I...I can't control him.

Miss Appear: What do you think, Pi-Right?

Pi-Right Ponderer: (sighs) We'll see. But for now, we have one more reinforcement coming.

(King Neptune pulls up in his chariot.)

King Neptune: What is this? Where's my army?

Mermaid Man: We have two more over there.

(Mermaid Man points to Patrick and Urchin-Man, who wave with cheese-covered hands.)

Neptune: We're going to die.

(Thanos appears beside Patrick.)

Patrick: How's it going, magic purple man? Want a nacho?

Urchin Man: Mr. Star, I think that's the evil dude trying to kill everyone!

Patrick: Really? (to Thanos) No nacho for you!

(Neptune jumps out of his chariot.)

Neptune: Where is my daughter, Thanos?

Thanos: She died. I had to sacrifice her for the soul stone.

(Neptune covers his face and grabs his chariot to keep his balance as he sobs at the news.)

Thanos: If it matters to you at all, I did love her.

(Pi-Right Ponderer turns to Captain Magma.)

Pi-Right Ponderer: Okay. Do it. Bring him out.

Captain Magma: You sure?

Pi-Right Ponderer: I'll find some way to explain it to S.H.E.L.L.

(Captain Magma closes his eyes, and then he transforms into a huge, fiery monster.)

Urchin Man: What is that thing?

Patrick: I've never seen that in the show before!

Barnacle Boy: It's...Krakatoa.

(Krakatoa runs to Thanos, roaring and shooting magma everywhere. Thanos raises a hand, which causes Krakatoa to stop for a moment and shake his head before charging at Thanos again.)

Thanos: What?

(Krakatoa punches Thanos with all his might. Patrick and Urchin-Man get out of the way as Thanos flies into the convention hall.)

Pi-Right Ponderer: Now! Focus on nothing else but retrieving the infinity gauntlet!

(The Quickster speeds into the hole Thanos left in the convention hall, finding Thanos on the ground unconscious.)

The Quickster: Bingo.

(The Quickster tries to pull the infinity gauntlet off Thanos' hand.)

The Quickster: It's on pretty tight! I'll need help!

(Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy swim into the convention hall, while Elastic Waistband stretches himself inside. They help The Quickster pull at the infinity gauntlet, and it finally starts to move.)

Elastic Waistband: We're making headway!

(Thanos wakes up, and he immediately tightens the infinity gauntlet to his hand again and sends Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, The Quickster, and Elastic Waistband flying out of the convention hall.)

Thanos: I tried to do this diplomatically...

(Thanos climbs out of the convention hall, and he grabs Patrick by his neck.)

Urchin Man: No! Leave Mr. Star alone!

(Urchin Man jumps onto Thanos' face, and Thanos pulls him off and throws him into a pole. Urchin Man uses his sticky fingers to latch into the pole.)

Urchin Man: Please! Stop! You'll kill him.

Thanos: That's the plan. Unless Pi-Right Ponderer removes that mental cloud he's formed over the time stone, his newest friend will die, and I'll kill everybody else in the IJLSA until I get what I want.

Pi-Right Ponderer: (sighs) Stop.

(Pi-Right Ponderer opens a hand to reveal the time stone inside of it.)

Pi-Right Ponderer: Here it is. The final piece to your puzzle. Now let the starfish go.

(Thanos drops Patrick and takes the time stone from Pi-Right Ponderer.)

Mermaid Man: What have you done?

(Pi-Right Ponderer walks to Patrick and helps him up.)

Pi-Right Ponderer: We're in the Endgame now.

(Krakatoa runs to Thanos again, but Thanos easily avoids him as he adds the time stone to his gauntlet. The Quickster runs at him now, and Thanos uses the time stone to slow him down.)

The Quickster: How...fast...do...you...think...this...will...go?

Thanos: (snaps fingers) Just like that.

(The Quickster's speed returns to normal, and he turns to dust before he reaches Thanos.)

Miss Appear: The Quickster!

(Miss Appear disappears. Urchin Man is with Patrick again, and he drops to his knees.)

Urchin Man: Mr. Star? I don't feel so good...

Patrick: It's probably those convention hall nachos. They wreak havoc on your insides.

(Urchin Man vomits.)

Patrick: Better?

Urchin Man: Better.

(Urchin Man fades to dust.)

Patrick: I don't remember nachos doing that!

(People disappear all around Bikini Bottom. In the Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs comes out of the office just as half his customers turn to dust.)

Mr. Krabs: Me money!

(Squidward turns to dust.)

Mr. Krabs: Me cashier!

(Thanos is now inside of the Soul Stone. Mindy, who now looks like Mindy in The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie again, swims up to him.)

Mindy: Did you do it?

Thanos: Yes.

Mindy: What did it cost?

Thanos: Hundreds of thousands of dollars of royalties.

(The Disney lawyers are back now and laughing as they hold fistfuls of cash.)

Thanos: Vultures.

(To Be Concluded)

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Patrick Sings a Silly Song

Narrator: And now it's time for Silly Songs with Patrick, the part of the show where Patrick comes out and sings a silly song. So without further ado, Silly Songs with Patrick.

(Patrick is wearing a cowboy hat and sitting on a fake horse in front of a Wild West-themed backdrop.)

Patrick: The Water Buffalo Song!

(Music plays.)

Patrick: (singing) 

Everybody got a water buffalo.

Yours was fast, but mine was slow.

Oh where'd we get them, I don't know,

but everybody got a water buffal-

(Squidward runs on stage.)

Squidward: Stop it! Stop! Stop right this instant! What do you think you're doing!?! You can't say everyone got a water buffalo when everyone does NOT have a water buffalo! We're going to get nasty letters saying, "Where's my water buffalo?" "Why don't I have a water buffalo?" And are you prepared to deal with that? I don't think so! Just stop being so silly!

(Squidward storms off.)

Patrick: What's his deal?

(A water buffalo swims up beside Patrick.)

Water Buffalo: Beats me.

(What a twist!)

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(We begin at S.H.E.L.L. headquarters, hours before Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy arrive and a day before their fight with Thanos. Pi-Right Ponderer is sitting at a supercomputer with a S.H.E.L.L. agent.)

Pi-Right Ponderer: I've just run 14 million simulations of our coming battle with Thanos.

Agent: In how many of them do you win?

Pi-Right Ponderer: One.

Agent: Million?

(Pi-Right Ponderer shakes his head.)

Agent: Thousand?

(Pi-Right Ponderer shakes his head again.)

Agent: Hundred?

Pi-Right Ponderer: (sighs) This is going to be a lot harder than I thought.



(Patrick is with the IJLSA outside of the Bikini Bottom Convention Hall. Urchin Man has just turned to dust in front of him, while The Quickster and Miss Appear have also vanished.)

Mermaid Man: Quickster! Miss Appear!

(Barnacle Boy grabs Mermaid Man's shoulder before he turns to dust.)

Mermaid Man: Tim! No!

Pi-Right Ponderer: Mermaid Man, don't panic! Focus on

(Pi-Right Ponderer turns to dust before he can finish his sentence.)

Mermaid Man: Focus on what?

(Mermaid Man sees Thanos meditating.)

Mermaid Man: (growls) Thanos!

(Mermaid Man charges towards Thanos, but before he can reach the Mad Titan, Thanos gets hit by an invisible force, knocking him a mile away.)

Mermaid Man: What?

(Miss Appear reappears inside of her invisible boatmobile.)

Mermaid Man: Miss Appear! You're alive!

Miss Appear: I thought we were done with formalities.

Mermaid Man: Sorry, Jane.

(Elastic Waistband joins Mermaid Man and Miss Appear.)

Elastic Waistband: So are the others...gone?

Mermaid Man: (sighs) Looks that way.

(Neptune, who has been crying his his chariot this entire time, turns around.)

Neptune: Where is he?

Miss Appear: Thanos? (points) He's over there.

(Neptune pulls a sword out of his chariot.)

Neptune: I'll be quick.

Mermaid Man: Neptune, wait! There may still be time to reverse the snap!

Neptune: I don't care! I've already lost the only person who matters to me.

(Krakatoa, who has been watching the events unfold, roars.)

Mermaid Man: Oh, great. Now he's lost his temper.

(Krakatoa runs towards Thanos.)

Neptune: Wait! I wanted to kill him!

(Neptune follows Krakatoa, and Thanos, who was knocked unconscious by the fall, wakes up just as they reach him and disappear.)

Neptune: Huh? Where did he go?

(Krakatoa roars again before rampaging through the city, kicking all of the now-driverless boatmobiles sitting on the street into nearby buildings.)

Elastic Waistband: S.H.E.L.L. won't be happy about this. Whatever's left of S.H.E.L.L., anyway.

Mermaid Man: We have more pressing matters, like finding Thanos.

(Patrick runs up to Mermaid Man.)

Patrick: Mermaid Man! My friend had a really bad allergic reaction to the nachos, and now he's gone!

Mermaid Man: It wasn't the nachos, boy. It was Thanos.

Patrick: Nachos, tacos, burritos, Thanos! What will they think up next?

(A limo appears, and a fish wearing a black suit and sunglasses walks out.)

Fish: I know how to find Thanos.

Miss Appear: Who are you?

Fish: I'm Agent Phil Carpson. I work for S.H.E.L.L. (looks around) Where's Pi-Right?

Mermaid Man: He didn't survive the snap.

Phil: (sighs) Very well. Come on.

Elastic Waistband: What about Captain Magma?

Phil: You gonna try to tame that...thing down? He'll come when he's ready.

(Mermaid Man, Miss Appear, Elastic Waistband and Patrick join Phil in in the limo, which he carefully drives around stopped boatmobiles on the way to S.H.E.L.L. headquarters.)

Phil: Pi-Right knew he had a very good chance of losing the time stone, so he put a tracking device inside of it.

(Phil takes the others into the building and brings them to a massive supercomputer, even bigger than the one in the prologue. He presses a button, and a map of the known universe appears on the supercomputer's monitor.)

Phil: According to this, Thanos is...back on his homeworld of Titan.

(Neptune breaks into the room.)

Neptune: How dare you leave your king to go off on another one of your adventures!

Mermaid Man: Well, I'm sure you'll be happy to hear this: we found Thanos.

(Neptune smiles.)

Phil: Unfortunately, the chaos with everybody disappearing and Krakatoa destroying the city will make it hard for us to clear a spaceship for our use anytime soon.

Neptune: Don't worry about that! If I want a spaceship, your government shall give me a spaceship!

(Mermaid Man, Miss Appear, Elastic Waistband, Patrick, and Phil are sitting in the waiting room of a federal building as Neptune speaks to a receptionist.)

Neptune: That's Neptune: N-E-P-T-U-N-E. I demand to speak with the people in charge of our space program at once!

Receptionist: Are you okay with waiting a day or two, Mr. Neptune? Half of the program's leadership disappeared today, so we're still figuring out who's in charge of what.

Neptune: I'm in charge of everything, and I want a spaceship now!

Receptionist: I'm sorry, sir, but you will have to wait.

Neptune: Blast this government bureaucracy!

(Neptune returns to the others in the waiting room.

Neptune: There's nothing I can do.


(Everybody walks back into the waiting room, and Neptune charges to the receptionist with his sword raised.)

Neptune: You will give me my spaceship, or you shall die!

Receptionist: (sweating) Congratulations. We've just cleared the spaceship for your use.

(Neptune puts the sword back into its sheath.)

Neptune: Thank you.

(Mermaid Man, Miss Appear, Elastic Waistband, and Neptune squeeze into a spaceship while Patrick and Phil watch.)

Patrick: Why can't I come with?

Neptune: The last time you had a spaceship, you crashed it on the moon!

Patrick: (chuckles) Oh, yeah.

Elastic Waistband: Next stop: Titan!

(Neptune flies the spaceship to the planet of Titan. He and the others find Thanos meditating in the center of a crater and approach him slowly.)

Thanos: Titan was like most planets. Too many mouths, and not enough to go around. And when we faced extinction, I offered a solution.

Miss Appear: Genocide.

Thanos: But at random, dispassionate, fair to rich and poor alike. They called me a madman. And what I predicted came to pass.

(Thanos motions at the barren, desolate wasteland all around him.)

Elastic Waistband: (rolls eyes) Congratulations. You're a prophet.

Thanos: I'm a survivor.

Mermaid Man: Who murdered trillions!

Neptune: Enough!

(Neptune pulls out his sword and points it at Thanos' neck.)

Neptune: Tell me what you did with the infinity stones, and perhaps I'll give you mercy.

Thanos: No, you won't. And besides, I've destroyed the stones.

Mermaid Man, Elastic Waistband, and Miss Appear: WHAT?

Thanos: The universe required correction. After that, the stones served no purpose, beyond temptation.

Elastic Waistband: W-we'll find some way to stop this. I know we will.

Thanos: The work is done. It always will be. I am... inevitable.

(Neptune uses his sword to cut Thanos' head off.)

Neptune: And now you're dead.

(Neptune wipes his hands and heads back to the spaceship.)

Neptune: Nothing else to do here! Come on!

Miss Appear: But...how are we going to reverse the snap?

Neptune: Not my problem. I came here to kill Thanos, and I have done that. The rest of your mortal problems you can figure out amongst yourselves.

(Back on Earth, Patrick walks into the Krusty Krab. He finds SpongeBob sitting in the order station.)

SpongeBob: Patrick! You're alive!

Patrick: I am! At least, last time I checked, anyway. (scratches chin) What happened to the guy who used to sit there?

SpongeBob: Squidward? (look downs) He disappeared, along with half of Bikini Bottom. At least Mr. Krabs is still here, and until he can find someone to replace Squidward, I'll be our cashier-slash-fry cook!

Patrick: Ooh, does it come with a raise?

SpongeBob: (laughs for a long time) Good one, Patrick.

(Plankton runs into the Krusty Krab.)

Plankton: Hey, idiot!

Patrick: Yeah, what's up?

Plankton: What happened to all of those superheroes you were just with?

Patrick: I think they're on another planet. Why?

Plankton: I've figured out how to reverse the snap!

Patrick: You have? This sounds like a job for...er...um...

SpongeBob: Patrick-Man?

Patrick: Patrick-Man!

(Patrick runs into the restroom then runs back out minutes later with his underwear now over his shorts, a pair of kitchen gloves over his hands, and a metal cone over his head.)

Plankton: Huh?

Patrick: Let's go, little guy!

(The cone on Patrick's head expands to cover his body in metal, and he picks up Plankton before flying to S.H.E.L.L. headquarters. Mermaid Man, Elastic Waistband, and Miss Appear are standing outside with Phil Carpson as Patrick lands in front of them.)

Plankton: I think I'm going to be sick.

Phil: What did you bring him here for?

Plankton: Nice to meet you too, mister.

Phil: We've been monitoring your communications. We know about your plans for world domination.

Patrick: Plankton, is this true? (crying) I feel betrayed!

Plankton: Clam up, starfish. Until we bring everyone back, my plans for world domination are on hold.

Phil: (rolls eyes) What a saint.

Plankton: Now, if Thanos was able to eliminate half of all life with the infinity stones, we should be able to reverse that if we collect the infinity stones and fashion a gauntlet to use them in.

Elastic Waistband: But how are we supposed to collect them? Thanos destroyed them all.

Plankton: I wasn't planning on trying to take them from Thanos in the present, anyway. We need to go back in time and retrieve every infinity stone when they get found. Then, we come back here and use them to reverse the snap.

Phil: That's the dumbest thing I ever heard, and I've spent hours listening to Patrick!

Patrick: Hey, I take defense to that!

Phil: Besides, where are we supposed to find a time machine?

Mermaid Man: Uh...did Pi-Right not mention that he built a time machine back in the 80s that he left for me and Barnacle Boy for safekeeping?

Phil: (turning red) No, he didn't mention that.

Plankton: It's settled, then! There are six of us, so we should be able to split up and get the stones back as quickly as possible!

Phil: Actually, I've done some research on the Soul Stone, and while I don't know a lot about it, I do know it's on the planet Vormir, and two people are required in order to extract it.

Plankton: (scratches chin) Who else can we bring with us?

(Captain Magma appears.)

Captain Magma: What's up, guys?

Elastic Waistband: Magma! Are...are you okay?

Captain Magma: Yeah, I just lost my temper there for a bit.

Miss Appear: So...are we doing this?

Phil: I still think this is a dumb idea, but I can't think of any better.

Plankton: Great! I'll get the mind stone. Elastic guy, you get the space stone. Fire guy...

Captain Magma: (growls) Captain Magma.

Plankton: ...Captain Magma, you get the power stone. Phil, you get the time stone. Mermaid Man and Miss Appear, help Patrick get the Reality Stone before getting the soul stone together.

Patrick: Why do I need help?

Plankton: Because, my friend, you are an idiot.

Patrick: (nods) True, true.

(Plankton takes out a large notepad and begins to write.)

Plankton: For each stone, we'll go further and further back in time. Once you've found your stone, go to one of these benchmarks in the future, where the person ahead of you should be waiting. Make sure you're in the exact time and place I write down so we know where and when to find you, and, I hope this goes without saying, but make sure you don't die.

Patrick: Aye aye, sir!

Captain Magma: Who made the tiny dude leader of this thing?

Plankton: Well, this was my idea, so I should have some say in how it goes.

Phil: Fine, but if it backfires, it's on you.

Plankton: Don't worry. It won't.

(Mermaid Man, Miss Appear, Elastic Waistband, and Captain Magma get into an invisible boatmobile while Phil, Plankton, and Patrick get into Phil's black van. They drive to a warehouse, and when they walk inside it, they see Mermaid Man's time machine in the back.)

Plankton: Remember, you can't meet yourself in the past or change history because yadda yadda paradoxes and yadda yadda alternate timelines. You've heard this before.

Patrick: I haven't!

Plankton: Let's go.

(Plankton jumps onto the time machine and presses buttons on it. Seconds later, the warehouse falls in front of the Chum Bucket in 1999.)

Plankton: This is the day I used the mind stone to create Karen. I've left the coordinates here. Once you've gotten the rest of the stones, bring the time machine back.

(Plankton leaves, and everybody else uses the time machine to travel to different points in time until it's just Mermaid Man, Miss Appear, and Patrick in the warehouse.)

Patrick: It's cold! Where are we?

Miss Appear: We're on Knowhere.

Patrick: (laughs) We have to be somewhere! (whispers to Mermaid Man) And I thought I was the dumb one.

Miss Appear: No, it's...nevermind. Let's get this stone.

(The three of them walk to a containment facility for the Reality Stone. Before they're able to go inside, two aliens wearing police uniforms block them.)

Mermaid Man: Who are you two?

Alien 1: We're the Guardians of the Reality Stone! And who are you?

Mermaid Man: We're...uh...the guardians of the galaxy!

Alien 2: Really? Can we see your badges?

Mermaid Man: We left them in our spaceship.

Alien 1: We can wait.

(Mermaid Man leaves nervously with Miss Appear and Patrick right behind him. Several minutes after the aliens return to their post, the door to the containment facility quietly opens, and the reality stone floats out without the aliens noticing. Once the reality stone reaches the warehouse, Miss Appear, who had been holding the stone this entire time, makes herself visible.)

Mermaid Man: One down, one to go.

(Miss Appear reads the coordinates on the notepad Plankton left and pushes the buttons for them on the time machine. Seconds later, they're on Vormir.)

Mermaid Man: Stay here, Patrick.

Patrick: You don't have to tell me twice!

(Patrick falls asleep. Mermaid Man and Miss Appear leave the warehouse and trek to the top of a mountain. There, they're greeted by Man Ray.)

Man Ray: Hello, old friend!

Mermaid Man: W-what are you doing here?

Man Ray: I'm here to tell you what you need to do to get the Soul Stone. That's what you're here for, isn't it?

(Mermaid Man and Miss Appear look at each other, then Mermaid Man nods.)

Man Ray: In order to get the stone, you must sacrifice the soul of the one you love most. A soul for a soul. Once you've done that, the stone is yours.

(Mermaid Man and Miss Appear look at each other again, this time with pained expressions on their face.)

Mermaid Man: Jane, I love you, but you're not the one I love most.

(Mermaid Man turns to Man Ray.)

Mermaid Man: It's you, Jack. It was always you. All those years we spent fighting each other were simply meant to hide our love from a world that wasn't ready to accept it yet. I knew it, but did you?

Man Ray: I...I don't remember...I...

(Mermaid Man takes off Man Ray's mask to reveal a human underneath, a human who is now crying.)

Mermaid Man: Goodbye, Jack.

(Mermaid Man pushes Man Ray off the mountain, and the soul stone appears in his hand seconds later.)

Miss Appear: So...so it's true.

Mermaid Man: You can believe what you want to believe, Jane.

(They stand in silence for a moment.)

Mermaid Man: Let's go back.

(Mermaid Man and Miss Appear walk back to the warehouse, where Patrick is still asleep. They use time machine to pick up Phil, then Captain Magma, then Elastic Waistband, and finally Plankton, who all got their infinity stones in time for the others to pick them up. Once they're in the present, they leave the infinity stones in the warehouse as they walk out.)

Phil: We had engineers at S.H.E.L.L. build a gauntlet after we first heard about the stones, but I don't think anybody there will be strong enough to contain the energy from those stones. Just holding onto the time stone for as long as I did nearly crippled me. I can't imagine what six of them will do.

Elastic Waistband: We need somebody with a high tolerance to nuclear energy.

Mermaid Man: (sighs) I have an idea, but I don't think you all will like it.

(Later that day, they bring the Atomic Flounder, who looks like his younger self again, to the warehouse.)

Atomic Flounder: I wish I knew about that De-Aging Booth before! I feel amazing!

Phil: Just don't try anything funny.

Atomic Flounder: Don't worry. I have grandkids I lost because of Thanos. I would love nothing more than to undo the havoc he has wrought.

(Phil gives the Atomic Flounder an infinity gauntlet, and he slides an arm into it before going into the warehouse and adding each of the stones to the gauntlet. He closes his eyes, snaps his fingers, and screams as the energy from the stones pulsate throughout his body. When Mermaid Man, Miss Appear, and Elastic Waistband walk into the warehouse, he's on his knees.)

Atomic Flounder: D-did it work?

Mermaid Man: I guess there's only one way to find out.

(Everyone drives to the Bikini Bottom Convention Hall. Once they get there, they find Pi-Right Ponderer, the Quickster, Barnacle Boy, and Urchin Man alive again.)

Captain Magma: We did it! We really brought them back!

(Suddenly, a fleet of spaceships appear over Bikini Bottom.)

Pi-Right Ponderer: This isn't over yet.

(One of the spaceships fly to the convention hall, and Thanos walks out.)

Thanos: It's time to finish this once and for all.

Elastic Waistband: How are you here? We saw your head get chopped off!

Thanos: Yeah, but...I got better.

(The Atomic Flounder shoots an atomic blast at Thanos from his mouth, but Thanos easily avoids it.)

Thanos: You could not live with your own failure. And where did that bring you? Back to me.

Miss Appear: Actually, you kind of came to us.

Thanos: Be quiet! I'm in the middle of one of my famous monologues! You know what, forget it! I'm taking that gauntlet, and then I'll use it to destroy the universe, and then I'll remake the universe into a better one.

(Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, The Quickster, Elastic Waistband, Miss Appear, Captain Magma, and Urchin Man get in between Thanos and Atomic Flounder.)

Mermaid Man: If you want the gauntlet, you'll have to go through us to get it.

(Thanos speaks into a communicator on his wrist.)

Thanos: Now.

(Aliens descend from the rest of the spaceships on ropes. The Atomic Flounder breaks some of the ropes with his atomic breath, and Captain Magma does the same by shooting lava from his head.)

Captain Magma: There's too many of them!

(Pi-Right Ponderer holds out a hand, and Bikini Bottomites start to manifest around them, including SpongeBob, Sandy, and the fish who left the meeting he set up at the convention hall.)

Pi-Right Ponderer: I know the thought of dying scares many of you, but if we don't eliminate this threat, it will kill not just us but everyone we've ever known.

(The fish, some of them still dressed like superheroes due to getting snapped before they could change, talk among themselves.)

Sandy: Well, I don't know about you guys, but I'm ready to kick some alien butt!

(As an alien lands, Sandy punches it.)

Sandy: Hi-ya!

(The rest of the fish swarm the other aliens as they land, and they start to fight as Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, The Quickster, Elastic Waistband, and Captain Magma charge at Thanos. Miss Appear stays with Atomic Flounder and uses her powers to put a veil over him that renders him invisible.)

Miss Appear: Protect the gauntlet at all costs.

Atomic Flounder: You got it.

(SpongeBob runs up to Patrick and Urchin Man, who are drinking soda.)

SpongeBob: Why aren't you two fighting with the others?

Urchin Man: I'm still thirsty from the nachos.

Patrick: And I'm thirsty from him being thirsty.

(SpongeBob sighs. Captain Magma is the first of the superheroes to reach Thanos.)

Captain Magma: I may not be that monster anymore, but I can still pack a punch!

(Captain Magma throws his fist at Thanos, but Thanos grabs the fist, picks Captain Magma up, and uses him to shoot lava at the other superheroes. The Quickster easily avoids the lava blasts and grabs Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, and Elastic Waistband to get them away from Thanos.)

Barnacle Boy: Where's Miss Appear at?

Mermaid Man: Keeping Atomic Flounder safe.

Barnacle Boy: (nods) And why is Atomic Flounder with us, again?

Mermaid Man: Trust me, we'll be able to answer all of your questions after we stop Thanos.

(Miss Appear disappears right before Thanos is able to shoot her with lava. Thanos squints and notices footprints in the sand heading towards Phil's van. Thanos follows the footprints to the van, and Phil appears from behind it with a gun.)

Thanos: Don't waste your bullets.

(Phil shoots Thanos, and Thanos ignores the gunshots as he slams the owner of the footprints into the van several times. Thanos feels someone kick him from behind, and he picks the invisible kicker up and squeezes until it's revealed to be Miss Appear.)

Miss Appear: (weakly) Stop.

Thanos: It's way too late for that, dear.

(Miss Appear goes unconscious, and Thanos feels an atomic blast hit him in the back seconds later. He turns around to find the Atomic Flounder, now visible again, staring back at him.)

Atomic Flounder: I won't let you get this gauntlet.

Thanos: I'm not giving you a choice.

(As the Atomic Flounder and Thanos fight, Captain Magma catches up to Mermaid Man, Barnacle Boy, The Quickster, and Elastic Waistband, and they all run towards Thanos. At the same time, the Bikini Bottomites manage to overpower the aliens, and they retreat back into their spaceships. The Bikini Bottomites cheer, and when they notice Thanos struggling with the Atomic Flounder, they run towards him. Patrick, still by the invisible boatmobile with Urchin Man and SpongeBob, watches all of the events unfold, and with his cup of soda now empty, he throws it to the ground and steps on it.)

Patrick: I'm tired of doing nothing! Stay here, SpongeBob! Live to tell our stories!

SpongeBob: You can tell them yourselves!

(The cone on Patrick's head expands to cover his body in metal again. He grabs Urchin Man and flies towards Thanos just as he wrestles the infinity gauntlet from the Atomic Flounder's arm. Thanos slides the gauntlet onto his arm and punches Patrick just as he gets there, causing the metal suit to retract again as Patrick falls to the ground. Phil shoots at Thanos again, and Thanos raises him into the sky with a gesture before sending him a mile away. The Quickster reaches him, and he easily avoids the Quickster's rapid punches before picking him up and throwing him into the rest of the heroes further out, sending them all into the ground. The Atomic Flounder uses what's left of his energy to shoot one last atomic blast from his mouth, but it does nothing to Thanos. Urchin Man grabs the Atomic Flounder and crawls under the van with him before Thanos can retaliate. Pi-Right Ponderer, who is now at the front of the group of Bikini Bottomites marching towards Thanos, stops them.)

Pi-Right Ponderer: Wait. With that gauntlet, he is too powerful even for all of us to take on.

Sandy: So, what do y'all reckon we do now?

Pi-Right Ponderer: Hope for a miracle.

(Before Thanos can raise the arm he's wearing the gauntlet on, Patrick, who no longer has the metal cone on his head, jumps on his arm, forcing Thanos to shake him off.)

Thanos: It's like I told those heroes of your before. I am...inevitable.

(Thanos snaps his fingers, but nothing happens. He then looks down to see that Patrick now has the metal cone on his arm, with all of the infinity stones attached to it.)

Patrick: And I am...Patrick-Man!

(Patrick snaps his fingers, and Thanos disappears. Patrick then passes out just as SpongeBob reaches him.)

SpongeBob: Patrick!

(SpongeBob shakes Patrick, but he doesn't move. The metal cone slides off Patrick's arm, which has now been burnt to a crisp.)

SpongeBob: Patrick, you did it! You saved the world! (starts to cry) You saved us all.

(Urchin Man climbs back out from under the van with the Atomic Flounder.)

Urchin Man: Mr. Star?

(SpongeBob shakes his head. Pi-Right Ponderer and the Bikini Bottomites approach the scene, and the heroes, who regain consciousness shortly after, do the same. Later that week, they're all standing around a large rock in the middle of a cemetery with Patrick's name etched onto it.)

SpongeBob: He was more than a hero. He was a friend. My friend. Let us never forget the sacrifice he made for us.

(SpongeBob returns to Mr. Krabs and Sandy in the crowd, and later that night, after everybody leaves, the large rock moves, and Patrick climbs out from under it.)

Patrick: Man, I just had the craziest dream! (looks both ways) Wait, where am I?

(What a twist!)

  • God Himself 2
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