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The Silly Adventures of Patrick Star


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The newest season of The Silly Adventures of Patrick Star is here!

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Patrick Writes A Book

(Patrick sits on his bed, bored out of his mind.)

Patrick: I am bored out of my mind.

(SpongeBob enters.)

SpongeBob: Hallo, Patrick!

Patrick: Hallo, SpongeBob! I'm bored out of my mind. Do you know what I should do to make myself unbored?

SpongeBob: Why don't you write a book?

Patrick: That's a great idea! And I already know what it's going to be about, too.

(Patrick takes out a pen, takes out a paper, and begins his work.)

SpongeBob: It's looking good, Patrick!

Patrick: Thanks, SpongeBob. I'll make sure you get the first copy. And...it's done!

(Patrick holds up a paper with unintelligible scribbles.)

Patrick: Oh, right. I'm illiterate.

(What a twist!)

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Patrick Falls In Love With A Mermaid

(Patrick and SpongeBob are on a Sea France tour bus.)

Tour Guide: And here we are! Maris, the city of love!

Patrick: (sighs) Yeah, love.

SpongeBob: You still upset about the whole lamp thing, buddy?

Patrick: We had something. I know we did.

(Suddenly, Patrick sees a mermaid outside the window.)

Patrick: OH MY NEPTUNE I'M IN LOVE AGAIN

SpongeBob: Patrick, don't do anything...

(Patrick jumps out the window.)

SpongeBob: ...hasty.

Patrick: Hello, girl of my dreams!

Mermaid Man: I'm not a girl. I just happen to be very fashionable.

(What a twist!)

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Patrick Visits His Grandparents

(Patrick is trotting down the street.)

Patrick: (singing) Visiting my grandparents, visiting my grandparents! Wait, what am I doing? Oh, right. Visiting my grandparents!

(Patrick stops at a retirement home and walks in.)

Patrick: Hello, receptionist. Can I see Mr. and Mrs. SquarePants?

Receptionist: I'm sorry, but they're no longer with us.

Patrick: (tears well up in his eyes) You mean...

Receptionist: Yeah. They moved to a new retirement home because some idiot kept visiting them and calling them his grandparents.

Patrick: What? Once I find that idiot, he's going down!

(SpongeBob walks in.)

SpongeBob: Hey, receptionist. I just came to pick up my grandparents' stuff.

Patrick: You traitor!

(What a twist!)

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Patrick Saves The World

The World: Man, it sure does get lonely in a vacuum.

(The world picks up a star and throws it in his mouth.)

The World: Man, that's dry!

(As the world starts to choke, Patrick flies out of it in a spaceship.)

Patrick: I hope Sandy doesn't mind that I took her flying boat without permission.

The World: Help, help! I don't have life insurance!

Patrick: Hi, world. You look beat. Do you want this water bottle I brought with me?

The World: Yes, yes!

(Patrick throws the water bottle into space, and the world grabs it and throws it in his mouth.)

The World: Man, that hit the spot. Thanks, man.

Patrick: No problem. I just have one question, though. Why is everything so pink?

The World: Because you're in a dream, of course!

(What a twist!)

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Patrick Destroys The World

(Patrick wakes up in his bed.)

Patrick: That was quite a strange dream.

(The world is lying next to him on the bed.)

The World: I know, right?

Patrick: AAAAAH! SPIDER!

(Patrick picks up his bed and smashes the world with it.)

The World: Ow! What the barnacles?

Patrick: IT STILL TALKS!

(Patrick smashes the world with the bed again.)

The World: I'm a talking globe, for Neptune's sake! Haven't you seen one of us before?

(Patrick smashes the world with the bed again.)

The World: I'll take that as a no.

(Yeah, yeah. What a twist.)

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Patrick Goes to the Doctor

(Dr. Forrest is in his office, checking Patrick's heartbeat with a stethoscope.)

Dr. Forrest: Nothing irregular there. Can you open your mouth?

(Patrick opens his mouth.)

Dr. Forrest: Ugh! Have you been eating fried oyster skins?

Patrick: Yes. (sees a bowl) Ooh, marshmallows! Can I try one?

Dr. Forrest: Those aren't marshmallows. They're cotton balls.

Patrick: Cotton balls? I LOVE cotton balls!

(Patrick empties the bowl of cotton balls into his mouth.)

Dr. Forrest: I think something just died inside of me.

Patrick: That sounds terrible! Do you want I should get a doctor?

Dr. Forrest: They don't pay me enough for this.

(What a twist!)

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Patrick Lifts Weights With Larry

(Patrick walks into a fitness center.)

Patrick: Hi there. Is this Pizza Castle?

Larry: No, this is Larry's Workout Room.

Patrick: Darn you, Pineapple Maps!

(Patrick throws his mePhone into a nearby trash can.)

Patrick: Hey, red guy, is there anyplace close where I can get a pizza?

Larry: You should be eating less pizza and lifting more weights.

(Larry taps at Patrick's gut, causing it to shake.)

Patrick: (laughs) That tickles.

Larry: (gives Patrick a barbell) Try this out for size.

(Patrick curls the barbell around his stomach.)

Patrick: It fits perfectly!

(What a twist!)

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Patrick Breaks Fred's Leg

(Fred struggles into the Krusty Krab with a cast on his leg and crutches under his arms. A few yards away, Patrick is eating a Krabby Patty, and a pickle slips out of his burger and lands on the floor.)

Fred: Rev up those fryers, 'cause I am sure hungry for one...

(Fred slides on the pickle, and he falls to the ground.)

Fred: My leg! And most of my internal skeleton!

Patrick: Oh no! Somebody's hurt!

(Patrick swallows his Krabby Patty whole, gets on the floor beside Fred, and starts giving him mouth-to-mouth resuscitation.)

Fred: (muffled) I don't have trouble breathing! This isn't really necessary!

Patrick: (muffled) I can't hear you! I'm too busy trying to save your life!

(When Patrick finally comes off Fred, Fred attempts to get back up, but he slides on the pickle again.)

Patrick: Ooh, a pickle!

(Patrick grabs the pickle, but it slips out of his hand. As Fred crawls towards the counter, the pickle lands on his good foot. Patrick gets closer to Fred, then he chomps down on the pickle, foot and everything.)

Fred: Augh! My other leg!

(What a (fairly predictable) twist!)

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Patrick Mourns the Death of His Lamp

(A garbage man knocks on Patrick's rock, and Patrick pulls himself out from under it.)

Patrick: The open-and-close function on my rock is broken. This is a sad day for Patrick Star. (pauses) Oh hi, garbage man! What did you want me for?

Garbage man: I just wanted to know if this belonged to you.

(The garbage man holds out the pieces of a lamp.)

Patrick: (gags) Oh my Neptune! What happened?

Garbage man: Somebody left this thing out on the road, where it was apparently run over several times.

(The garbage man drops the pieces of the lamp into Patrick's hands.)

Patrick: This is all my fault! I should have never left you out on the street!

Garbage man: Yeah, why would you do something like that?

Patrick: We had a domestic argument.

Garbage man: I now regret asking. See ya!

(The garbage man hops into his truck and drives away. One of the lamp's pieces jumps out of Patrick's hands and attempts to follow the truck.)

Lamp piece: No! Take me with you!

(What a twist!)

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Patrick Holds a Funeral in Squidward's Backyard

(Patrick is burying the remains of his lamp in Squidward's backyard when SpongeBob enters the scene.)

SpongeBob: I came as soon as I heard. I'm so sorry, Pat.

Patrick: Thanks, buddy. We had our differences, but I'd never wish this on anybody.

(Squidward runs into his backyard with smoke coming out of his ears.)

Squidward: WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOING IN MY BACKYARD?

Patrick: There's no need to yell.

Squidward: GET...OUT!

Patrick: Wow, that pause alone could get you an Emmy for Best Supporting Actor.

Squidward: Once again, get out! And stop breaking the fourth wall!

SpongeBob: Weren't we just holding a funeral or something?

Squidward: Really? Who died?

Patrick: My lamp.

Squidward: That's not the strangest thing I heard come out of your mouth.

(A shard of the lamp pops out from underground.)

Lamp piece: I could hardly breathe in there!

(Squidward screams then faints.)

Lamp piece: What a twist!

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Patrick Solves a Rubix Cube

(Stephen Squawking, the smartest pelican in all of Bikini Atoll, is hopelessly stumped on a Rubix Cube.)

Stephen Squawking: Why, oh why, can't I figure out this puzzle! Squawking, you are such a dummy! Dummy Squawking, that's what you should change your name to!

Patrick: Hey, did you see a ball around here?

Stephen Squawking: Where did you come from?

Patrick: (points) Down there. I kicked my ball too high, and I came up here to retrieve it.

Stephen Squawking: Ooh, I know where your ball is! But first, you'll need to solve this.

(Stephen Squawking gives Patrick the Rubix Cube.)

Patrick: That's easy!

(Patrick solves the Rubix Cube in seconds.)

Stephen Squawking: Yes! Now I can show this off to all my pelican friends!

Patrick: Will you tell me where my ball is now?

Stephen Squawking: No, I'm going to eat you.

(What a twist!)

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Patrick Takes the Name of Texas in Vain

(Patrick is playing the harmonica in Stephen Squawking's stomach.)

Patrick: (singing) Nobody knows the trouble I've seen... (blows into the harmonica) ...nobody knows but Neptune.

(Outside of Stephen Squawking's stomach, Stephen Squawking is reading a book about thermodynamics. Sandy Cheeks walks into his cabin.)

Stephen Squawking: Hello, Sandy.

Sandy: Howdy, Mr. Squawking!

Patrick: (from inside Stephen Squawking's stomach) Hi, Sandy!

Sandy: What was that?

Stephen Squawking: Oh, just the wind.

Sandy: Stephen, have you been eating my friends again?

Stephen Squawking: (lowers head) Yes.

(Sandy punches Stephen Squawking in the gut, causing him to cough out Patrick.)

Patrick: I win!

Sandy: (rolls eyes) You're welcome. Say, since I was heading off to Texas from here, anyway, would you like to come with me?

Patrick: Who gives a darn about dumb ol' Texas?

Sandy: Stephen, I've changed my mind. You can eat him now.

(What a twist!)

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Patrick Buys a Hat

(Patrick goes into a hat store and walks up to the person at the counter.)

Patrick: Hello? I'd like to buy a hat.

Person at the counter: That's why most people come here. What kind of hat do you want?

Patrick: A hat...a hat like...that one! (points)

Person at the counter: (turns around) That's a piece of cheese.

Patrick: Do you want my money or not?

Person at the counter: Fine. Hand it over.

(Patrick gives the person at the counter a dollar bill.)

Person at the counter: "Wacky Bucks"?

Patrick: Yeah, it's what Mr. Krabs pays SpongeBob. It took me forever to talk him into giving it to me.

Person at the counter: You're not very bright, are you?

Patrick: Nuh-uh!

Person at the counter: Well, since the cheese is beginning to stink up the place, I'll give it to you for free.

Patrick: Yay!

(The person at the counter gives Patrick the piece of cheese, and he puts it on his head.)

Patrick: Thank you very much, sir! (leaves)

Person at the counter: Wait, why was there a piece of cheese there?

(Steve Urkel's face appears where the cheese once was.)

Steve Urkel: Did I do that?

(What a twist!)

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Patrick Forgets How to Eat Again

(SpongeBob is watching a sea anemone dance on his television.)

Patrick: (breaks down the door) SpongeBob! I need your help!

(SpongeBob quickly changes the channel to PBS.)

Patrick: I didn't know you liked the Teletubbies.

SpongeBob: I don't. What do you need help with?

Patrick: I forgot how to eat again!

SpongeBob: Yes! I mean...let me get the funnel for you, bud.

(SpongeBob takes a funnel out from behind him and shoves it down Patrick's throat.)

SpongeBob: I LOVE the funnel.

Patrick: (muffled) I feel like you're getting a little too much enjoyment out of this.

SpongeBob: Sorry, can't hear you!

Patrick: (muffled) I changed my mind! I'm not that hungry any more!

SpongeBob: Really?

Patrick: (pauses) Okay, I am hungry. But be gentle this time!

(SpongeBob is already grinding food in the kitchen.)

SpongeBob: Sorry, can't hear you!

(What a twist!)

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Patrick Cleans Up SpongeBob's Shelf

(Patrick breaks down SpongeBob's door again.)

SpongeBob: Darn, I just got that thing fixed.

Patrick: SpongeBob, I'm bored. Can you tell me how to get unbored?

SpongeBob: Maybe you could write a book.

Patrick: I already tried that.

SpongeBob: Maybe you could clean up my bookshelf.

Patrick: That sounds fun!

(Patrick takes out a duster and starts dusting SpongeBob's bookshelf. One of the books fall out.)

Patrick: "How to Make Your Best Friend Forget How to Eat"?

SpongeBob: Oh, how did that get there?

(SpongeBob grabs the book and puts it under his couch.)

SpongeBob: You read the craziest things sometimes, don't you, Gary?

Gary: Hmm...no.

(What a twist!)

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Patrick Sings the Blues

 

(Patrick walks onto the stage of the second annual Squidward Tentacles Talent Show.)

Squidward: Our next act is here straight from my nightmares. Give it up for Patrick Star!

(The audience cheers.)

Patrick: Thank you, thank you. And I'd like to thank Squidward for giving me this fantabulous opportunity.

Squidward: I'm sure I won't regret it. (disappears behind the curtain)

Patrick: (clears throat) Alright, here goes! (singing) Dah-nah-nah-nah-nah! My name is Patrick! Dah-nah-nah-nah-nah! I like...rocks! Dah-nah-nah-nah-nah! I wrote these lyrics! Dah-nah-nah-nah-nah! I still like rocks! Dah-nah-nah-nah-nah!

(Before Patrick can continue, an audience member throws a tomato at him.)

Audience member: Boo! You stink!

(The rest of the audience start pelting Patrick with tomatoes. Patrick licks the tomatoes off his face and smiles.)

Patrick: Wow! They're showering me with fruits of gratitude! (licks off more tomatoes) They really like the blues!

(What a twist!)
 

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Patrick Gets a New Job

 

(Patrick walks into the Krusty Krab.)

Patrick: Hey SpongeBob, can I get a job here?

SpongeBob: Oh, that's not up to me. That's up to Mr. Krabs.

Patrick: Who?

SpongeBob: The red sweaty guy I work for.

Patrick: Oh, right!

(Patrick goes into Mr. Krabs' office.)

Patrick: Hey, red sweaty guy, can I get a job here?

Mr. Krabs: Do you have a resume?

Patrick: No.

Mr. Krabs: Do you have a high school diploma?

Patrick: No.

Mr. Krabs: Do you even have a birth certificate?

Patrick: Birth cirwhatferwhat?

Mr. Krabs: Get out. There's no way in Davy Jones' Locker I'm hiring you.

Patrick: I work cheap.

Mr. Krabs: Welcome aboard!

(What a twist!)

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Patrick Loses His Tooth

 

(Patrick wakes up at 3 AM and eats a Krabby Patty.)

Patrick: That's strange. There's a funny feeling in my mouth.

(Patrick tooth falls out and rolls under his pillow.)

Patrick: (shrugs) Oh well.

(Patrick falls asleep, and the tooth fairy appears over him.)

Tooth Fairy: Welp, time to do my job.

(The tooth fairy reaches under Patrick's pillow and pulls out the tooth.)

Tooth Fairy: (kisses tooth) You're gonna net me a lot on the black market.

Patrick: AAH! SPIDER!

Tooth Fairy: Wha?

(Patrick picks up his bed and crushes the tooth fairy with it repeatedly. When he's finished, the tooth fairy is a clump on the ground, and the tooth he was holding is in pieces.)

Tooth Fairy: (takes out a cell phone) Mom? I need you to scrape me off the floor again.

(Tinker Bell appears and uses a scraper to remove the tooth fairy from the ground.)

Tooth Fairy: "Become a tooth fairy," you said! "It'll make us both millions," you said!

Tinker Bell: Oh, shut up.

(Tinker Bell and the tooth fairy both disappear, and the resulting fairy dust goes into Patrick's nose.)

Patrick: Aah-choo! Wait a minute. When did I have a nose?

(What a twist!)

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