Wumbo's Somewhat Informed Opinions on Music

[Doctor Sex]

Wumbo review this

and 

[Wumbo]

There's actually one other Kid Rock rap song that I actually like:

 

 

Guilty pleasure for sure, but still.

 

And I absolutely love Miracles as a hilariously bad song.

[Elastic Dawg]

Yeah, some of his early rap rock stuff is genuinely pretty good (mostly stuff from "The Polyfuze Method"; "Back from the Dead" in particular) "Grit Sandwiches for Breakfast" is a stupid-funny guilty pleasure. 'specially "Yo-Dah-Lin in the Valley" and "Wax the Booty". Hell, even "Devil Without a Cause" has some killer tunes. After that it's just kinda...ehhh let's not go there.

[Sweat]

If you review both We Can't Stop and Ice Ice Baby, I'll give you 100 doubloons.

[Wumbo]

We Can't Stop has already been reviewed, and I did give Ice Ice Baby a rather harsh dissection in my worst songs of all time thread.

[Wumbo]

Holy Grail - Jay-Z ft. Justin Timberlake

 

Hey guys, Jay-Z's back with a new album!

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2YcIgow6TDk

 

Well, hands up. Who saw this coming?

 

 

Yeah, Jay-Z guested on JT's album, it was only a matter of time before JT would reciprocate. But unlike JT giving Jay-Z one verse, JT is actually given a verse, the hook and both bridges! Wow, sign me up for a guest recording on Jay-Z's album sometime.

 

This song rocks. Both artists perform to their full potential. In fact, I think this may be JT's most soulful performance to date Holy shit, it's beautiful. The lyrics are also very cleverly put together. I love the bridge with the Nirvana-inspired lyrics right after Jay-Z raps about Kurt Cobain. Brilliant, the entire song.

 

10/10

 

Tom Ford - Jay-Z

 

 

Yeah, did I mention Jay-Z has a new album? What happens to the Billboard charts occasionally is a big-profile artist releases a new album, and a whole bunch of songs from it appear on the charts, sometimes not for long. It happened with Taylor Swift's Red, Mumford & Sons' Babel, and it's happening with Jay-Z's Magna Carta... Holy Grail. Anyway, the song.

 

This one doesn't suit me as well as the previous one (haha, get it? Suit & Tie? No? I'll just stop then.) Jay-Z holding those syllables can get tiresome and grating at times, and I'm not as big a fan of the subject matter. Also, when did Jay-Z turn to Lil Wayne for rhyming advice?

 

Fuck hashtags and retweets n****

140 characters in these streets n****

Pardon my laughing y'all only flagging on beats n****

 

The kind of sad thing is, those lines are actually good... and the previous words rhyme! Why add anything to it?

 

It's an okay song. I don't hate it, but it's very low on the list of the Jay-Z songs I've heard.

 

6/10

 

Round Here - Counting Crows (oh, don't I wish)... actually, Florida Georgia Line

 

 

All right, so this song isn't too bad. But it does kind of smell of bland country garbage that doesn't really mean anything. Hey, rap country music's about alcohol! And partying! And girls!

 

If I had to choose between this country music and more serious, solemn country music, I'll go for the latter. Have you been wondering what my favourite country song is, for an example? Well, let's compare "Round Here" to this:

 

 

Granted, this song would probably never have been made had the whole Bush controversy with these girls not happened. For those who don't know, here's the story: Natalie Maines, the lead singer of the Dixie Chicks, paused a concert to remark, "Just so you know, we're ashamed that the president of the United States is from Texas." The comment was met with wild applause... at the time. Soon, angry letters, pulls from radio stations, even death threats spelled the Dixie Chicks' future. But would they apologize? Were they ready to back down? No! They made this song, pretty much slapping those in the face who had slapped them first.

 

Okay, so part of the reason I like this song so much is because of its story. But that's what makes it so much more interesting than the 20,000th song about beer, and girls, and blah blah blah. It has more of a point that way. "Round Here" could be replaced with many other country songs I've reviewed thus far and I might not be able to tell the difference. That's where I'm coming from. "Round Here" is delightful only in the sense that it's delightfully mediocre.

 

5/10

 

Crazy Kids - Ke$ha ft. will.i.am

 

Ke$ha... frustrates me.

 

 

The first part of this song is awesome! Ke$ha has talent, guys. Or at least a good Autotuner.

 

But then... she starts rapping, and my interest quickly wanes. Is it the lyrics? Well... sometimes?

 

Them boys, they want my coochie

 

TMI.

 

But guys, she has this too!

 

Chuckin' deuces 

Ya'll hatin's useless 

It's such a nuisance 

Ya'll chickens keep your two cents 

 

These are some pretty dope rhymes, if I may use my wannabe gangster term for the day. So... I guess it must be her voice when she raps. Yeah, that's probably it. She sounds so whiny to me when she raps, and it rubs me the wrong way.

 

But overall, my feelings toward Ke$ha have somewhat softened. I mean, this song has some good rhymes, and the singing's good. And... Oh, there's someone else on this song, isn't there?

 

Some Rosé, Chandon, drink 'til I see double 

She put boobs in my face and now I'm really seeing doubles 

 

Yeah, hello will.you.are.an.embarrassment.

 

Ugh, what is he doing here? This song could have done perfectly well without him. Lyrics like these confirm that will.i.am can be the main artist or the guest, and he still sucks major donkey balls.

 

Highs and lows, this song has. I'd like to score it higher, but will.i.am... you just really are awful, and Ke$ha needs to learn that there are so many other artists out there.

 

5.5/10

 

Hey Pretty Girl - Kip Moore

 

 

Okay, one song I really hate but never got around to saying I hate it: "Hey There Delilah" by Plain White T's.

 

 

Why? Because it's a boring, vapid, lukewarm song that goes nowhere in terms of melody. This song is a lot like that. It's... kind of sweet, but the melody barely goes anywhere, and it's just so boring as a result. Hell, I prefer vapid country music that's at least upbeat to this. This just makes me want to fall asleep. Bah. Enough of this.

 

4/10

[Sweat]

Review Superman Tonight (Bon Jovi)

[Clappy]

I absolutely loathe will.i.am's guest track on Crazy Kids. It makes the song so much worse. I mean the lines you mentioned are bad, but the fact that he mumbles two or three lines near the end are some of the most pathetic excuses for lyrics I've seen in years.

[Wumbo]

Don't Drop That Thun Thun! - The FiNATTiCZ (don't look at me, I don't get it either)

I... no words.

Oh, c'mon. You didn't think I'd give up this easily, did you?

Let's start things off here: What the hell is a thun thun thun? Does it mean "ass"? If so, why are these guys saying not to drop it? Isn't the subject of many a rap song to

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UDAaevTq51I? (Actually, is it just T-Pain?) Who understands those rap dudes anyway?

Moreover, why is it "thun thun thun" in the song but merely "thun thun" in the title?

I'll tell you why: Because this is the latest edition of One-Hit Wonder Rappers That Make You Wonder How They Got One Hit. Gone are the days of the Dougie. Goodbye to Cat Daddy (well,

). These guys are the new, hip thing!... for about, maybe a month if they're lucky.

Yeah, this song's absolutely ridiculous. But in the midst of everything... I kinda like it. It looks like we have a "so bad it's good" case on our hands, folks. Let's see Kate Upton dance to this.

7/10

Take Back the Night - Justin Timberlake

All right, so this song sparked a little controversy that I'll be only too happy to horn in on with my opinion.

Okay, so basically, the title of this song is also the name of an organization dedicated to ending sexual assault. Said organization has threatened legal action against Timberlake because of this.

Yeah, I'm sorry: Why would you call an organization like this "Take Back the Night"? Are you trying to instigate lawsuits? Because "Take back the night" has nothing to do with sexual assault, and is a phrase used by quite a few people. Don't get me wrong, I'm for what this organization's objective is. But this is just stupid. However, I think the underlying motive behind this controversy is to draw more attention to the organization. I mean, have you heard of it until today? Nah, didn't think so. If so, then I guess it's a clever, if possibly negative way to draw attention? Whatever.

So, the song. As per the usual with Timberlake, flair and class is brought to this track. I love how he actually calls out the horn before it plays. With another artist, I might find it annoying. But JT pulls it off with such style in this song that you can't help but love it. I prefer "Mirrors" to this, but JT strikes gold again (this time with a pinch of controversy) and I want more.

8.5/10

See You Again - Carrie Underwood

Are females just generally better than males at this genre of music?

With the exception of T-Swifties, I can't really think of a female country artist I dislike, despite my general distaste for the genre. Lady Antebellum's kind of boring, but that's about it. I love The Band Perry, Shania Twain, and probably most prominently Carrie Underwood.

I mean, Christ. The girl keeps doing everything right. I haven't heard a song from her that I dislike (other than maybe "Jesus Take the Wheel", but then again it did give us this

). This new one here might actually be her best yet. Actually, I see this as what "Jesus Take The Wheel" should have been: a hopeful yet sorrowful ballad without the overtly religious overtones. Not that there's anything wrong with expressing your faith in songs, but "Jesus Take the Wheel"s title alone suggests too much of a boring, easy-listening Christian pop tune to me. So unlike making the same mistake

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vNoKguSdy4Y. Carrie Underwood actually makes up for them! I knew there was a reason I loved her. Well, that and the fact that she's stunning.

10/10

Tapout - Rich Gang ft. Lil Wayne, Birdman, Future, Mack Maine, Nicki Minaj

Where.

Do I.

Begin.

Well, I suppose this is a good place: It's actually been a while since I've come across a truly terrible rap song. I was actually starting to get worried that I may never come across a pile of shit rap song again. But my loyal usual suspects have come back to make this... song.

Okay, you know who's actually the worst on this track? Future.

Yeah, remember this guy? Well, he's back to mangling whatever he possibly can in the time he's given. And they give him the chorus, so you get to hear his voice that's so awful even Autotune can't fix it... over and over and over again. Seriously, he sounds like he's half asleep. I wish he stayed fully asleep for this track and they left him out.

But he's not the only one here to mangle this track. There's Lil Wayne with his perpetual revelation that the same word twice does, in fact, rhyme:

If you hating, you just need some pussy.
She fucked up when she gave me some pussy.



There's Birdman, following suit:

Crib made her tap out,
Sauna made her tap out,
Jet made her tap out,

Also, does "tap out" just mean "sleep"? Is he dating/fucking a narcoleptic?

There's Mack Maine, who seems to me like the kid brother that tags along with the older brother's group of friends and always whines about wanting to be included, so they gave him some random solo in the track to shut him up.

I got the fuck you if you love me on some n**** shit.

I think it's trying to communicate.

And then there's Nicki Minaj, who, considering what she had to follow, actually doesn't do that badly. At least she tries to compensate for rhyming the same thing with the same thing by rhyming the words before it as well:

Million dollar pussy might pounce on that ass
Throw them hundreds 'til I lose counts on that ass
Max out all of them accounts on that ass
Million dollar checks don't bounce on that ass

And there's no "Roman" voice to be found, which makes me moderately happy. So, I guess she's spared the chopping block... for now. But this song has so many elements of bad to it that I can't overlook it. I'm not really one to overlook badness anyway, so here you are guys: A well-deserved

3/10 (thank Nicki Minaj and the occasional clever Lil Wayne lyric for even scoring this high)

Summertime Sadness - Lana Del Rey

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nVjsGKrE6E8

I don't think I've exactly subtly hinted that I'm a huge Lana Del Rey fan. And I'm so glad to see her experiencing chart success! She's just so different that I wouldn't even care if it was good; it's something new. But it is good. Damn, is it good.

Some people aren't really fans of Del Rey's voice. But even if she may not technically be the best of singers, who cares? There's so much over-the-top emotion put into her songs, and I lap up every single drop of it. Maybe I'm just an enormous sap for crying at songs in the first place, but this is the first song in a long while that's nearly brought me to tears. It's so beautiful. Hell, don't take my word for it. Listen.

10/10

Bonus: Superman Tonight - Bon Jovi

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y9k-k8609go

In my "Because We Can" review, I think I mentioned Bon Jovi moving from hair metal to more soft rock. And I don't hate the change, necessarily. But now Bon Jovi's songs have a tendency to sound too similar. Take a song like http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n0slRE1-g1Q. Verses with little instrumentation, gradually getting more and more instruments, BUILDUPBUILDUPBUILDUP lackluster chorus. And I notice the following of this formula with a lot of Bon Jovi's recent psuedo-hits (couldn't really name any more specifics, as they all kind of blur together in my memory).

"Superman Tonight" stays true to this formula, except the chorus actually warrants buildup, at least more so than other recent Bon Jovi songs. It's a nice little love song, nothing much more to it, IMO. Which kind of brings me to a question: Why this song, Halibut? Is it because of my recent Bon Jovi review? Are you just a big fan of it? If you are, that's cool, but I find the song to be just kind of there, and would genuinely like to know why you chose this song for me to review.

Overall, good, not great, recent Bon Jovi song.

7.5/10

[Wumbo]

Oh, and sorry for missing your requests Dr. Sex. I'll get to them next week.

[Wumbo]

Looks like it's all "B" songs from Billboard this week.

 

Best Song Ever - One Direction (we'll see about this)

 

 

Oh man, this is 6 minutes and 13 seconds. Wish me luck...

 

My God, I never thought I'd say this on a One Direction video, but GET TO THE SONG.

 

...so, after 2 minutes and 30 seconds of absolutely nothing of importance, we get the song, which also holds absolutely nothing of importance. Tuneless babbling, meaningless lyrics. Far from being the "best song ever". To be fair though, they're not necessarily saying that this is the best song ever. They're saying that they danced all night to the "best song ever". What is it? I don't know, they never tell us. I don't think anyone would be jumping at the idea to get One Direction to promote their song, especially with this vapid wasteland of a song. It's not horrible, but it doesn't make me care about any of them or the song itself. In some ways, that can be a worse crime.

 

4/10

 

Baby I - Ariana Grande

 

 

I'm gonna be honest, I don't know why she decided to use this to open the song:

 

 

But I like the song well enough. Ariana Grande, as I've said before, has an amazing voice. However, at some points in the song, I find her delivery to be a little too over-the-top and phony. Mariah Carey, by contrast, knows how to go over-the-top but still sound believable. This track, at some parts, sounds almost too polished to be passionate. I prefer "The Way" to this on all accounts of musical quality, but this is good. Just not hat great, or the best I've heard from Grande.

 

7.5/10

 

Beneath Your Beautiful - Labrinth ft. Emeli Sande

 

 

My first exposure to this song, to be perfectly honest, was on America's Got Talent last week. (Speaking of AGT, I can't believe that tone-deaf hillbilly Marty Brown made it through, but that's another story.) And then I heard this, the studio version. I'm a fan of guy/girl duets. I think they turn out really sweetly at least most of the time (as long as will.i.am isn't

). This one provides no exception. I especially like the harmonies in the second chorus. Both performers have great, soulful voices to back up the lyrics. Best of the "B" songs this week, without a doubt.

 

9/10

 

Gin and Juice - The Gourds

 

 

Hey, Florida Georgia Line and Nelly: This is how you mix country and rap correctly.

 

This might be one of the greatest things I've ever heard. Period. I could have never envisioned this, but I sure am glad it exists. It's bizarre, but in a weird way, it totally works. The banjo solos after the second chorus. The twangy tone while singing about your homie Dr. Dre. It all works.

 

10/10

 

Straight Outta Compton (redneck version)

 

 

But this one doesn't work for me at all. I think it's because N.W.A. was a more politically charged group, lyrics embedded with issues towards black people. Hearing this coming from a redneck just sounds... wrong. Especially when he uses the hard "r" sound on the end of... that first word making up N.W.A. Gin and Juice was less of a politically charged and serious song, and that's why the twangy country cover worked for me there. But this doesn't. It just comes off as awkward to me, like this guy doesn't even know what he's singing about. "Crazy motherfucker named Ice Cube" coming from him was mildly amusing, but it goes downhill from there.

 

2/10

[Sabre]

What's going to annoy me about that new One Direction song is the fact that the intro sounds EXACTLY like "Baba O'Reily" by The Who...

 

 

Now everytime I hear it on the radio I'm going to expect the brilliant vocals of Roger Daultry and end up with those guys.

[Wumbo]

Wake Me Up! - Avicii

 

 

So I went into this expecting a dance song, and it turns out I was only half right. This is more of a dance/folk medley. And to be honest... it didn't really work for me.

 

The lyrics are... okay? Pretty standard fare for an "inspirational journey"-type song. But what really throws it off for me is the guy's voice. He sounds like a mumbly Marcus Mumford. Now, Marcus Mumford doesn't exactly have the greatest voice, but I at least feel great energy coming from the band in their songs. This sounds like it attempted to give me energy... but kept falling short every time. It's not too bad of a song, but it is rather bland.

 

5/10

 

Royals - Lorde

 

 

Well... I do like the lyrics here, rejecting the life of luxury and fame. But it's so blandly presented I almost forget how good the lyrics are. The girl has a great voice, but the songs sounds so one-note to me. Sometimes this works, especially the part where she lists off all the typical song lyrics. But it only works in some parts. Other parts, it just makes the song sound monotonous. I would have liked to hear a little more enthusiasm and variety in at least the chorus. But it didn't really come for me.

 

6.5/10

 

Redneck Crazy - Tyler Farr

 

 

With a title like this, how could I possibly refuse?

 

This... was not what I was expecting at all. It's like somebody decided to make a male counterpart to "Before He Cheats". But I'm not sure the mood is well evoked. The tune, ignoring the lyrics, sounds like he's sad, not angry. Could use a little more "oomph!", so to speak. But hey, it's not your ordinary country song. Makes me think that country artists should get angry more often. Just... actually get angry next time. I'll give it points for being different, but the tune sends a muddled message.

 

6.5/10

 

Little Bit of Everything - Keith Urban

 

 

Man, what's with the snorefest of songs this week? This is so far the worst of the bunch.

 

I want a cool chick that'll cook for me

But'll dance on the bar in her tan bare feet

And do what I want when I want and she'll do it with me

 

That's right, ladies! Get with Keith Urban, and he'll take you back to the wonderful gender expectations of the 1950's! Am I the only one who finds the last lyric in particular really off-putting, even a little rapey?

 

Sad to say, this is the only lyric worth noting. Everything else is just blah blah blah I live the simple country life with simple country dreams. What a failure of a song.

 

2/10

 

Gas Pedal - Sage the Gemini ft. IamSu

 

 

Well... this isn't boring. Is it bizarre beyond belief? Absolutely.

 

Fee-Fi fo-fum large me in yo throat

 

What is the significance of "Fee-fi-fo-fum"? Because his large me is... gigantic? Yeah, I guess that's it. Moving on.

 

And you mad cause I spoon, but I don't give a fork

Silverware a n**** out if he actin' a poor spork

 

Knife me.

 

This whole song just has a really creepy, uncomfortable vibe to it. Especially that chorus. GAAS PED-ALL, GAAS PED-ALL. Am I in the mind a hit-and-run killer right now? The creepy vibe might have worked, if it wasn't riddled with typical rap lyrics. Buut... I'm almost tempted to give it a higher grade then everything else because at least it was interesting. Almost. Not really.

 

4/10

[Sweat]

I really like Royals, so I don't get what's wrong with the song.

[Wumbo]

I don't have anything wrong with it, but it doesn't really speak to me at all. Sometimes these songs take a while for me to like them though, so we'll see.

 

Hold On, We're Going Home - Drake ft. Majid Jordan

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pLf81mr3t88

 

Wow, I can actually dig this. It sounds like a throwback to "Find Your Love", one of Drake's http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xyv4Bjja8yc.The team up with Majid Jordan, who I'm assuming is the DJ, knocks it out of the park. The only quibble is that the lyrics get repetitive at parts. But it's a step in the right direction, at least. Drake should definitely be doing more songs like this.

 

8/10

 

Night Train - Jason Aldean

 

 

Meanwhile, country music fails to impress me again. Look, it's not bad music. But it's music like this that makes me think that it's not Taylor Swift's fault that all she sings about are her exes. I mean, yes, other genres are guilty of multitudes of songs about the opposite sex as well. But I think each genre has a certain feeling about the opposite sex. While rap music usually deals with booties and such, country music is usually "let's run off together and sit under the starry sky"-type lyrics. And as rap music's subjects regarding women get tedious, so too do these songs. It's just the same thing over and over. Meh.

 

5.5/10

 

Crooked Smile - J. Cole ft. TLC

 

 

This song totally rocks. We need more rappers like J. Cole on the charts. The inclusion of TLC in this song just makes it that much better. It's great lyrically as well. We have plenty of songs about men's different expectations of women; it's about time someone came along like 2Pac did in the 90's and make a rap song like this. The similarities are astounding, actually: two verses about women, and one about race. More throwbacks to the 90's should happen, to keep things interesting on the charts.

 

10/10

 

It Goes Like This - Thomas Rhett

 

 

I actually kind of like this song, even though it still has pretty generic lyrics. And I think I've finally figured out why I liked Kenny Chesney's "Come Over" so much last year, and it's the same reason as why I like this: Country music needs more of a "heartbreak" tone.

 

I absolutely cannot get behind happy, poppy country tunes that are supposed to be love songs. It doesn't work. It'd be like if "Crooked Smile" talked about bitches' booties or some shit. It doesn't evoke the right emotion for me, and it leaves me thinking the song as vapid and disposable. This song, however, does have a kind of "heartbreak" tone that I can dig. And that's why it works for me; I can feel and believe the emotion. Boy, I'm just an enigma wrapped in a riddle, aren't I?

 

9/10

 

All Over the Road - Easton Corbin

 

 

This is one goofy song, and the goofiness of it is kind of what makes it work. If it wasn't ridiculous, I would probably pass it off as just another disposable country song. But the guy is actually stopped by a cop because he couldn't concentrate on his driving because his girl wouldn't leave him alone. That is hilarious. I wonder if it would be even funnier if he had gotten into an accident. I also wonder, on a periodical basis, if something is deeply wrong with me. Probably, yes. But until I see a shrink, this song is a-okay by me.

 

8/10

[Doctor Sex]

Have you ever thought of doin album reviews

[Wumbo]

I've done a couple of them, but by request. There's a Roman Reloaded review earlier in this thread, and a review of Taylor Swift's Red in The Industrial Park.

[Doctor Sex]

Review this 

[Wumbo]

Haha oh man, I remember when I was in love with this song. Sure, I'll get to it tomorrow.

[Wumbo]

Blurred Lines is still number 1 I swear to God.

 

Roar - Katy Perry

 

 

So, two pop princesses are back on the charts. One of them is Katy Perry, with this new single, "Roar". I've always been a fan of Katy Perry, and I do like this song a lot. It may be generic pop-sounding in both musical composition and lyrics, but to be honest, Katy Perry isn't one I would really expect to rock the boat with these kinds of things (yes, her first song was about how she kissed a girl, but that's about it). And I'm perfectly fine with that. We have plenty of new artists rocking the boat and redefining pop music; perhaps Katy Perry is just what we need for a little brain candy: music that doesn't really stimulate the brain, but it fun to listen to anyway.

 

8/10

 

Applause - Lady Gaga

 

 

Pop princess #2, or maybe pop queen would be a better sentiment. I mentioned that I liked this song in the thread for it, and my feelings for it haven't changed yet. It just feels like such a departure from anything Lady Gaga has done. It's like a middle ground, actually, between her

and her more http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Abk1jAONjw. It's a song that keeps me interested, and with Gaga behind the wheel, I'm not too surprised with that. Gaga edges out a victory over Perry here just for being her weird, charming, wonderful self

 

9/10

 

That's My Kind of Night - Luke Bryan

 

 

I do like the music here. It has a lot of energy and is really bouncy and fun. But what brings this song down is its incredibly generic and/or cheesy country lyrics.

 

All them other boys wanna wind you up and take you downtown

But you look like the kind that likes to take it way out

 

Well, obviously! She just has to be a country girl, otherwise none of this would work. 

 

I got that real good feel good stuff

Up under the seat of my big black jacked up truck

Rollin' on 35s

Pretty girl by my side

 

You got that sun tan skirt and boots

Waiting on you to look my way and scoot

Your little hot self over here

Girl hand me another beer, yeah!

 

Just look at these first two verses. Sums up everything country, don't it?

 

Yeah, I can't get behind this. Even though the music is jammin', the lyrics just make me shake my head. Way to ruin a perfectly good thing, Luke.

 

5/10

 

Still Into You - Paramore

 

 

I don't really know how to feel about this. I mean, when I think of Paramore, I think of angry, brooding tunes like "Ignorance" or "Decode". This is just... too poppy for Paramore. This is like an Avril Lavigne tune, for God's sake.

 

I won't lie: I do kind of hold different artists to different standards. And Paramore is just not an artist I expect to be releasing tunes like this. It's a good enough song, I guess. But not good enough for Paramore.

 

7.5/10

 

Brave - Sara Bareilles

 

 

Every year needs a catchy, empowering song by s female artist with everyday people dancing in the video. 2012 had Stronger. And now we have this. And it's okay, I guess. Nothing really stands out for me. The voice, the lyrics, the music. It's all very "whatever", probably because there have been so many songs like this before. Still a good song, but I'm starting to become numb to the "be yourself and be happy and dance around" formula for the song and video.

 

7.5/10

 

Bonus: I Need a Doctor - Dr. Dre ft. Eminem and Skylar Grey

 

 

Skylar Grey is pretty much the only thing I like about this track. Eminem's seriously laughable here. He's ACCENTUATING his LYRICS like he's ANGRY but I don't REALLY know WHAT he's SUPPOSED to be ANGRY about.

 

all I know is you came to me when I was at my lowest

you picked me up, breathed new life in me

I owe my life to you

 

And I'M SO ANGRY ABOUT IT! Actually, he sounds less angry and more constipated.

 

And the less said about Dr. Dre on this, the better. This is by far his worst set of lyrics. You know, for someone who used a gay slur in this song, he sure sounds homo-erotic here.

 

now that I need them, I don't see none of them

all I see is Slim

fuck all you fair-weather friends

all I need is him

 

Like, this is actually adorable, and I don't think it's supposed to be.

 

you gon' see us in our lab jackets and ask us where the fuck we been?

 

Your... lab jackets?

 

You can kiss my indecisive ass crack

 

This is the lyric where I decided to stop taking Dr. Dre seriously. Your "indecisive ass crack"? Maybe they are constipated.

 

This is such an unintentionally goofy song, and it's both the best and worst thing at the same time. They both sound angry, but I have no idea why Eminem does and Dr. Dre waters down his anger with lyrics like "indecisive ass cr-" I'm sorry I can't.

 

4/10