My 5,000th Post- Beyond Metal Snake's Explanations

[Metal Snake]

My 5,000th post...200 likes...why am I not in the mood for a happy celebration? My seventeenth birthday is coming up tomorrow...but I'm not really excited. In fact, I'm worried that being seventeen is going to be just as bad as being sixteen was for me. I feel bad because I feel like I basically wasted all of last year being a miserable wreck, even though I didn't show it in real life or on the internet. I don't know why I've been depressed at all, people all over have suffered way worse than I have. Maybe it's just the way I've grown up that's making me feel weird about becoming an adult. I think it's time for me to explain a few more things about me.

 

1. When I was six years old...I spent a lot of my life grounded. Surprisingly, the reason I got grounded most of the time wasn't because I did poorly in my homeschooling. Both my siblings and I would get spanked and grounded all the time because we were no good at Tae Kwon Do, this form of martial arts my parents had us do because some kids hit my older brother with towels or something and he didn't fight back.

 

2. The reason my parents are divorced is because when I was eight, my mom had an affair with the master of our martial arts dojo. My parents had always fought with each other...and the scary thing is that it wasn't until a year and a half after this happened that my mom finally confessed to my dad, but not to me or my siblings. We were none the wiser for quite a while as they fought even more aggressively for another year and a half before they finally got a divorce.

 

3. The reason I wanted to commit suicide when I was twelve is because at that time, I wanted to kill my mother. When she started working, she would yell all the time when she got home from work, and it slowly built up resentment in me. I don't even remember what made me get over all that...

 

4. You're not going to believe this, but there was also not one, but two times I wanted to kill myself during my first college semester. The first time was when I couldn't handle the stress of having to finish my 12th grade homework and go to college classes simultaneously, and I started choking myself with a plastic bag in rage. The second time was on the day I realized I screwed up my chance of passing my accounting class, had a nervous breakdown when I got home because in addition to that, my dad kept expressing his disappointment in me for not reading the Bible enough or something, and by the time I got home, I wanted to literally throw myself down the stairs or off the roof.

 

5. My little brother...is not my full brother. My mom had a child with the master of my martial arts dojo. It really hurt when my mom said he was her way of getting out of her relationship with my dad. It also really hurt when my dad said that it was an abomination that my mom ever had kids...

 

It is times like this where I wonder if I should even exist. Don't get me wrong, back in mid-2009-early 2012, this stuff did bother me, but not enough to make me feel depressed. I don't understand. I'm a messed up kid...and I'm not. I feel like a circle in a square box. I'm a strange, lonely, soul and I don't know what to do. That is why I'm having a melancholic celebration rather than a happy one. If this made any of you guys feel depressed, I'm really sorry.

 

[Cha]

Awww Metal Snake I never knew anything about this. I can see how certain events like this can cause you to loose interest in life. My parents got divorced when I was 8 years old to and my mother was also apart of a side relationship. Of course I didn't know that until this year while you have known it most of your life. I'm sorry for all the pain in your life but it's good that you let it out. But please don't try to commit suicide again. When life gets too rough you just need to take a step back and see what you can do to de-stress. Even if it involes taking one less class for your health's sake. I remember I wanted to cut off my hand at eleven due to life troubles and it was a stupid thing that I almost did. Please don't get that low again. You know any of us are always a PM away and if you want we could have daily conservations together. I'm just sorry I barely ever talk to you in general, it's my mistake really. And your father has to right to call your sibling that. He's your half brother no matter what.

[Metal Snake]

Awww Metal Snake I never knew anything about this. I can see how certain events like this can cause you to loose interest in life. My parents got divorced when I was 8 years old to and my mother was also apart of a side relationship. Of course I didn't know that until this year while you have known it most of your life. I'm sorry for all the pain in your life but it's good that you let it out. But please don't try to commit suicide again. When life gets too rough you just need to take a step back and see what you can do to de-stress. Even if it involes taking one less class for your health's sake. I remember I wanted to cut off my hand at eleven due to life troubles and it was a stupid thing that I almost did. Please don't get that low again. You know any of us are always a PM away and if you want we could have daily conservations together. I'm just sorry I barely ever talk to you in general, it's my mistake really. And your father has to right to call your sibling that. He's your half brother no matter what.

 

Thanks for the nice words, but on this statement...he was actually talking about me and my other siblings too when he said that. I love my little brother and I feel really sorry for him, because when he grows up and finds out about his origin...

[Clappy]

Hey Metal Snake. I'm so sorry to read all this. I had no idea and like Cha said, I am always a PM away. I appreciate the time you take to read up on all my stuff whenever I updated my sharing time and the least I could do is try to help cheer you up.

Cha really worded this absolutely perfectly, that's the only reason why this isn't longer. You got a friend in me Metal Snake. I hope you know that.

[Wumbo]

Yeah, Cha basically said it all. Chat me up if you ever need to, bud.

[crushingmayhem]

I have problems with my family also. My dad's messed up to a point where I can't stand him, not only did he run my life after we moved to a new house back in 2004, he sometimes treats me like I'm his slave. He can try to apologize for these things but deep down I don't forgive him. There are times where I feel like I hate everything and I go out of control but I try to do anything that I can think of to free me from that anger. I've suffered a lot because of it and I even tried setting the house on fire once but I've learned how to control my anger. You shouldn't try to commit suicide since that won't solve your problems in the long run; rather, that only sets you back. But try doing something you like and forget about everything that is around you and move on. That way most of your problems would be solved, of course life isn't easy but it isn't perfect either.

[box]

Well, there goes some mini tears from my eyeballs. It's quite heartbreaking, for real, and Cha basically did word it well here. You always have friends down at SBC, and college at 16? Pretty darn impressive.

[Jellatine]

Wow, Metal Snake...this just broke my heart....but I thank you for trusting us with this obscure part of your life, it's good to let it all out before it bottles up and make you do something stupid. But if you ever feel like ending your life, just stop, think and take a breather. Talk to us about it all. These things happen to toughen you up and prepare yourself for life, I know what I'm talking about. I've been through so many hard times, still am, but I try to take it all as a learning experience, and always put my good face up front. You are a great guy, and don't let your parents's words and actions bring you down. Like everyone else has said, you have a friend in us *hugs*

[TJ]

Wow...I can't believe I didn't see this thread until now. I'm so sorry about all of that. I can relate to the part about your parents breaking up, as mines recently did this year in February.  It is hard and makes you stress out a lot when there's drama between your parents or if they split up. I've been learning to accept the changes and deal with it.  Overall, do not think about taking your life, because you only get one and people would seriously miss you, like your friends here on SBC .