President Squidward

[Intro]
Oh! Yeah! So much for first single on this one

[Verse 1]
Shady's the label, Aftermath is the stable
That the horses come out of—erra
Of course we're about to stir up
Some shit thick as Mrs. Buttersworth's syrup
It's the Mr. Picked-on-Christopher-Reeves-just-for-no-reason
Other than to—just to tease him
'Cause he was his biggest (*burp*) fan
He used to be Superman, now I'm pourin'
Liquor on the curb in his name for him
"Eminem, you wait 'til we meet up again, fucker
I'm kickin' your ass for everything you've ever said."
It goes one for the money, two for the fuckin' show
Ready, get set, let's go
Here comes the buckin' bronco
Stompin' and stampedin' up the damn street like them buffalo
Soldiers, I told ya I'm 'bout to blow, so look out below, Geronimo
Motherfuckers, it's dominoes, I'm on a roll
Around and around I go
When will I stop? I don't know
Tryin' to pick up where The Eminem Show left off
But I know anything's possible
Though I'm not gonna top what I sold
I'm at the top of my game, that shit is not gonna change
Long as I got Dr. Dre on my team I'll get away
With murder: I'm like O.J., he's like my Cochran today
We keep the Mark Fuhrman tapes
In a safe, locked 'em away (*slam*)
Better watch what you say
Just when you thought you were safe
Them fuckers got you on tape
You swear to God you was playin'
Whether or not you was little Joshua
Gosh, I wish I could've told you to not do the same
'Cause one day it could cost you your name

[Chorus]
And this was supposed to be my first single (*burp*)
But I just fucked that off so
Fuck it, let's all have fun, let's mingle (*burp*)
Slap a bitch and smack a ho
This was supposed to be my catchy little jingle (*fart*)
That you hear on your radio
But shit's about to hit the shingle (*fart*)
Oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-no, erra
Oh, ah, erra, oh, ah, erra
Oh, ah, erra, oh-oh-ah-ah
Oh, ah, erra, oh, ah, erra
Oh, ah, erra, poo-poo-ka-ka

[Verse 2]
Eri-Eri-Erick swallowed some generic sleeping pills
And woke up in bed next to his best friend Derrick, bare-naked
Jig-a-jig-ji-ji-Janean just turned 16 and used a fake ID
To sneak in V.I.P. to see R. Kelly
Hee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee to be so young and naïve
Oh what I wouldn't give to live so Kim and carefree
Paris and Nicky's parents must be so tickled, they cherish
Every picture with their kids with hickeys all over their necks
Hickory-dickory Dirk Diggler, look at me work wizardry
With these words – am I a jerk or just jerk chicken?
Or chiga-chigga-chig-chig-jer-chig-jer jerkin' your chain
Twenty-two jerks in a jerk circle, or is it a circle jerk?
Wait a minute, what am I sayin'? Allow me to run it back
And rewind it {blblblblblblblb} – wait, let me ask you again
Am I just jerkin' your chain? Am I berserk or insane?
Or am I just one of them damn amateurs workin' the dang
Cameras, filmin' one of them Paris Hilton homemade
Pornos, who keeps tiltin' the lens at an angle
Jigga-ji-just recently somebody just discovered
Britney and Justin videotapes of 'em fuckin'
When they was just Mouseketeers in the Mickey Mouse Club
And dusted 'em and went straight to The Source with 'em
'Cause they could've sworn someone said, "Ni—"
And then tried to erase and record over it
But if you listen close enough to it you can hear the
"Ga-hu" and then they come to
Find out it was Justin sayin', "I'm gon—nuh cum!"
And this was supposed to be...

[Chorus]
...my first single (*burp*)
But I just fucked that off so
Fuck it, let's all have fun, let's mingle (*burp*)
Slap a bitch and smack a ho
This was supposed to be my catchy little jingle (*fart*)
That you hear on your radio
But shit's about to hit the shingle (*fart*)
Oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-no, erra
Oh, ah, erra, oh, ah, erra
Oh, ah, erra, oh-oh-ah-ah
Oh, ah, erra, oh, ah, erra
Oh, ah, erra, poo-poo-ka-ka

[Verse 3]
Any opinions or somethin' you just wanna get off your chest
And address it about my lyrics I'd love to hear it
All you gotta do is pick up the phone and just dial up this number
It's 1-800-I'M-A-DICK-SUCKER-I'D-LOVE-TO-SUCK-A-DICK
And if someone picks up
You can talk all the shit you want about me
Just type in your number back and follow it by the pound key
And I'll be sure to get back as soon as there comes a day
That I fall out with Dre, wake up gay and make up with Ray (hey!)
So fuck a chicken, lick a chicken, suck a chicken, beat a chicken
Eat a chicken like it's a big cock, big-a-big-cock!
Or suck a dick, and lick a dick, and eat a dick, and stick a dick in your mouth
I'm done, you can fuck off, fuck-a-fuck-off!

[Chorus]
And this was supposed to be my first single (*burp*)
But I just fucked that off so
Fuck it, let's all have fun, let's mingle (*burp*)
Slap a bitch and smack a ho
This was supposed to be my catchy little jingle (*fart*)
That you hear on your radio
But shit's about to hit the shingle (*fart*)
Oh, oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-no, erra
Oh, ah, erra, oh, ah, erra
Oh, ah, erra, oh-oh-ah-ah
Oh, ah, erra, oh, ah, erra
Oh, ah, erra, poo-poo-ka-ka (*burp*)