4EverGreen

Okay, "Total Cartoon Legends" is now officially up and running! As usual, I'll write my episodes whenever I can, and update whenever possible. I hope you'll enjoy reading this season as much as I do writing it! Enough said, true believers!

All right! I'm ready to begin Season 4B, "Total Cartoon Legends"! Hopefully, this website will remain relevant and functioning long enough for me to do a season 5 (which I will name later). In any case, I plan to make this season as good as I possibly can! As usual, I hope you'll enjoy reading this as much as I did writing this! / The episode opens up in the middle of a large studio room, not seen since the mid 1990's! Sniz says: "Welcome to the mid-season premiere of Total Cartoon Legends! You may remember at the end of Total Cartoon Island Strikes Back, after Bubble Bass won and I flew everyone except Fondue to an exclusive party in Malibu, California, Gordon Quid called the cops on my brother Fondue, and rattled off the laundry list of crimes he had committed during that season! So, while General Barracuda and I have to wait for Fondue to finish his mandatory court-ordered community service, we got a brand new co-host, in the form of Toltec/Mayan/Aztec Temple guardian, Olmec! The face of the temple comes to life, and Olmec says: "Greetings, Sniz. It is good to be functional again." Sniz says: "Truth be told, the studio WANTED to get Kirk Fogg back here, but he was TOO expensive, so they brought me back instead! In addition to filming on the actual lot of Universal Studios in Hollywood, California, there will be a unique twist this season! Mainly, for the first time ever, we will have FOUR teams! And not only will they have to compete against each other, sometimes they will have to cooperate WITH each other, in order to prevent one of their own, from taking the brand new Mine Cart of Shame as elimination! There will be no shortage of surprises this time around, so it's time to get to finding out what they will be, on Total Cartoon Legends! / During the show intro, while Smash Mouth's "All Star" plays, the action that happens during the song, is that Sniz walks out of his trailer, breathing in fresh California air. He first walks to Bubble Bass cuddling with Blonda and their new, purple fish baby, only for all THREE of them to make their finger and their thumb into a shape of an "L" on their foreheads. The action zooms to the Temple Moat, where Private and Kowalski are swimming, only to be quickly fished out by Kitty Katswell, who is disappointed by what she has fished out, and promptly discards them with a mighty swish into the air. They land on Tigress, who throws them to the side, and she sees Aang running, and she immediately starts running after him, initiating a race. The action shifts to the Steps Of Knowledge, where Judy Funny climbs up the steps, only to be greeted by a smiling Zarbon, who is flustered when Wally and Darwin swing in and land on him. Otto laughs at the situation, only to be met with a disapproving look by Haggis McHaggis. The action shifts into the Temple, where Squidward gets grabbed by a Temple Guard, while Spongebob finds a Pendant of Life. The action shifts to the cafeteria, where General Barracuda is SURPRISED that Dog, Heffer Wolfe, Buhdeuce, Monster Krumholtz, Taotie, Gonard, and Po, can't get ENOUGH of what he's cooking! The action shifts to Bulma looking at a camera monitor looking at that action, looking completely BORED by it, so she INTENTIONALLY pushes a button, and the camera SWITCHES to a gigantic explosion! It switches to Verminious J. Snaptrap in the middle of the explosion, Dudley Puppy and Chameleon rushing into wave hi. Snaptraps pulls out a blaster, only for Chameleon to transform into an even BIGGER one, and allows Dudley to grab him as the blaster, and chase Snaptrap away! While they're chasing Snaptrap away, Super Chum can be seen flying overhead, and decides to follow their action. As they leave the screen, a green limo pulls up, revealing Harvey Beaks and Fee inside. A line-up of various other contestants in their official team uniforms are seen; namely, Sandy, Stimpy, Gerald, Pearl, Zim, Marlene, Larry, Sway-Sway, Keswick, Kaput, Johnny Krill, Jenny Wakeman, and Yakety Yak, all ready to race the moat, while Sniz and Olmec watch on. The action shifts to the Performance Review Studio, where Treeflower decides to kiss Norbert, only for Daggett to fall in-between them on the couch. The camera pans out to reveal the entire competing cast surrounding them, and the show title "Total Cartoon Legends" Created by Jason Cantu, as the show intro ends. / Smash Mouth sings: "Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me. I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed. She was looking kind of dumb with her finger and her thumb in the shape of an L on her forehead. Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming. Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running. Didn't make sense not to live for fun, your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb. So much to do, so much to see. So what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go, you'll never shine if you don't glow. Hey, now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid. And all that glitters is gold. Only shooting stars break the mold. It's a cool place and they say it gets colder, you're bundled up now, wait 'til you get older. But the meteor men beg to differ, judging by the hole in the satellite picture. The ice we skate is getting pretty thin. The water's getting warm so you might as well swim. My world's on fire. How about yours? That's the way I like it and I'll never get bored. Hey, now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid! And all that glitters is gold. Only shooting stars break the mold. (Instrumental Break) Hey, now, you're an all-star, get your game on, go play! Hey, now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid! And all that glitters is gold! Only shooting stars. Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas. I need to get myself away from this place. I said yep, what a concept. I could use a little fuel myself and we could all use a little change. Well, the years start coming and they don't stop coming! Fed to the rules and I hit the ground running! Didn't make sense not to live for fun, your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb. So much to do, so much to see, so what's wrong with taking the back streets? You'll never know if you don't go. (GO!) You'll never shine if you don't glow. Hey, now, you're an all star, get your game on, go play. Hey, now, you're a rock star, get the show on, get paid! And all that glitters is gold! Only shooting stars break the mold. And all that glitters is gold! Only shooting stars break the mold!" / And the epic song ends! / "The Legend Of The Promethius Torch!" / Sniz says: "Okay, it's time to reveal our contestants this season! With only TWO exceptions, all of them will be returning contestants from a previous season and/or seasons! Let's welcome our first contestant, Daggett Beaver! Daggett runs in, and he says: "Wow! I can't believe you introduced me FIRST! This has never HAPPENED to me before! Usually, I'm not introduced anything until late or LAST! This might be the trend of something new and great!" General Barracuda says: "For YOUR sake, let's hope so!" Daggett looks incensed, but he shakes his head, and says: "Thanks to coaching from my older brother Norbert, I know you only SAID that to get under my skin, but it's NOT going to work THIS season!" General Barracuda says: "Can't blame a guy for trying!" Sniz says: "Technically, he COULD! But let's not get into that, now! Our next contestant is returning athlete, Otto Rocket!" Otto skateboards in, looking cool and unconcerned. General Barracuda says: "Listen to me VERY carefully, Otto! I don't want you doing ANYTHING dangerous, deadly, dumb, disastrous, drastic, or dreary in your misguided attempts to try to impress your fans!" Otto says: "Come ON! Who do you think I am?! Rhetorical question, by the way! I'm not going to do anything immoral or illegal! I'm a MARRIED man, now! Suzie would metaphorically KILL me if I did anything that would upset her!" General Barracuda says: "Well, now I know who wears the pants in YOUR family!" Otto face-palms himself, and he says: "That is SO out-dated and SO sexist, it doesn't even warrant a PROPER response from yours truly!" General Barracuda says: "Hey, I'm a big, scary army guy! I don't think anybody's going to send any complaints to yours TRULY!" Sniz says: "Well, let's not test THAT theory! Our next contestants are, Sandy Cheeks, and Stimpy J. Cat!" Sandy Cheeks walks in normally, but Stimpy TRIES to walk in all spy-like, failing because he fails to account for his body frame and the lack of objects that could realistically HIDE his body frame! Sandy says: "Stimpy, what are you up to?" Stimpy says: "Not so loud! I'm trying to be incognito! I DON'T want my EX boyfriend/ husband Ren to know that I'm here!" Sniz says: "That won't be necessary! REN'S jail doesn't GET our channel!" General Barracuda says: "To specify, they get cable, but they only get one channel, The Oprah Winfrey Network!" Stimpy says: "Why is THAT a bad thing?! A lot of people LIKE Oprah Winfrey!" General Barracuda says: "Has anybody YOU know who WORKED on ANY Nickelodeon Show EVER appeared on one of HER shows?" Stimpy says: "Not that I know of!" General Barracuda says: "She doesn't like US!" Sniz says: "Your words, not mine! Our next contestant is, Aang the Avatar!" Aang uses his air-bending powers to blow his way in! Sniz says: "It's good to see you again, Aang! I can't WAIT to see what crazy, RAGE filled antics you'll provide us with THIS time!" Aang says: "How many times do I have to REPEAT this?! That was mostly MESOGOG'S doing! I was freaking HIJACKED in my own body! Besides, I'm not BITTER about that live-action movie anymore, and I'm NOT going to irrationally freak out! I'm ABOVE all that, now!" General Barracuda says: "We thought you MIGHT say that, which is why we brought a little insurance in the terms of our next contestants, Tigress and Po!" Tigress leaps in with her USUAL tiger grace, while Po is panting, struggling to catch up! Tigress taunts: "Hey, BARBIE GIRL, EMBARRASSINGLY dance to any STUPID pop hits lately?! Spend MULTIPLE MILLIONS of dollars on a live-action movie project that critically TANKED?! FAIL to get the BETTER of the Boom Vets even though they were all full of LOSERS unqualified to beat YOU in a race?! Fail to start a fire when a freaking WHALE who LIVES underwater managed to start it BETTER than you?! Hey, AvaTURD; DUH!!!!" Aang's emotions LITERALLY turn his face red, and he exclaims: "This...is...HAPPENING!!!!" He blasts fire-bending all over the place, prompting Wanda to fly in to quickly zap them before they can hit anything! Aang continues screaming: "HAPPENING!!!! HAPPENING!!!! HAPPENING!!!! HAPPENING!!!!" And Wanda dumps a bucket of cold water onto Aang, drenching him, and calming him down! Aang says: "This isn't OVER! I'll make you pay with one of your nine LIVES for this!" Po FINALLY catches up with Tigress, and Po pants, and says: "He has a point, Tigress! You KNOW one of your nine lives is going to go to HELL for this!" Tigress says: "Probably, BUT WORTH IT!!!!" (Confessional) Tigress is in a Tiki Room Confessional, and she says: "YES!!!! I'm the FIRST to use the brand new Confessional for this season! Now, WHY did I antagonize Aang like that? First, General Barracuda paid me $20 to rile up Aang in order to make him more INTERESTING this season! Secondly, I HAD to rile him up! HELLO! I already KNOW that SPONGEBOB is going to be a contestant this season, and unless I riled AANG up to be interesting, I would be STUCK competing against 43 LOSERS!!!! Because we ALL know that NOBODY has what it takes to be an actual threat to me; an angry Aang is the ONLY thing that comes even REMOTELY close to being an ACTUAL challenge! And no challenge equals no excitement for me! At least I'll be able to have some FUN for a FEW episodes, because everybody else is going to be a total NON issue for me, ESPECIALLY that USELESS Spongebob Squarepants!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "Barring anymore freak-outs, our next contestants are, Bubble Bass, and Blonda!" Bubble Bass walks in normally, while Blonda is shown carrying a brand new, purple fish baby! General Barracuda says: "Hold it! Blonda, what did YOUR contract say about bringing in a BABY?! You can't compete with a baby; they're too young and innocent!" Stimpy says: "Even I know that!" Blonda says: "Well, I figured you MIGHT make at least ONE exception, seeing as how THIS just happens to be YOUR grandchild! I call him Rube Goldfish!" Daggett says: "SAY, is that the SAME Rube Goldfish who sometimes randomly pops in and out of Spongebob Squarepants and The Patrick Star Show?" Bubble Bass says: "Possibly. I mean, he IS half-magic on Blonda's side of the family, so it's possible that he has harnessed his abilities in the future, and has come to the past. I don't know why, obviously, because I'm not there yet." General Barracuda says: "Well, if he's MY grandson, why doesn't he HAVE either MY last name or my son's last name?!" Blonda scoffs, and she says: "Like I'd let him KNOW that Bubble Bass was the ONLY guy who was willing to have a child WITH me, and that YOU'RE his Grandfather! No offense, Bubble Bass!" Bubble Bass is actually puzzled, and says: "None taken?" Blonda says: "And while I do appreciate the fact that Bubble Bass was able to win a season of this show, I don't want what basically amounts to a nudist, living around OUR son! Not until he's old enough and mature enough to decide for himself what he wants to be." General Barracuda shrugs, and he says: "Fair enough, but in any case, he can't be around on the set, there's too much going on." Stimpy says: "Don't worry about it, I already thought ahead, and I asked Phil Deville, Lil's brother, to babysit for us! That way, Blonda and Bubble Bass can compete without worry!" / The scene Gilligan Cuts to Phil in a hotel room, taking care of Rube, and Phil says: "It's a living!" / The scene cuts back to the studio, and Sniz says: "And now, because we wanted 44 contestants, we needed two NEW contestants to round out the roster! So, our first of new contestants, Spongebob Squarepants very own, Squidward Tentacles!" Squidward runs out and says: "Thank you! Thank you!" But all he HEARS are the sounds of crickets chirping! Squidward sarcastically says: "VERY funny! Let's all LAUGH at the octopus!" Sniz says: "And now, a paragon of perpetual youthful, idealistic energy, a bundle of unbridled enthusiasm, a fry-cook among legends, everyone's favorite cartoon personality, Spongebob Squarepants!" And Spongebob walks into THUNDEROUS applause! Spongebob blushes, and he says: "Oh, please! I'm SO unimportant!" Squidward says: "The NERVE! To step into MY applause! Trying to upstage me, as if THAT were humanly possible!" Spongebob DRAMATICALLY misses Squidward's point, and Spongebob asks: "How CAN it be humanly possible? NEITHER of us are humans!" Squidward angrily says: "YOU'RE DESPICABLE! I HATE YOU!!!!" Spongebob says: "Whenever you say, 'I hate you', I know it REALLY means 'I love you'!" Squidward says: "I...DOH!!!!" And Squidward REALIZES what Spongebob ALMOST made him do, and Squidward says: "Curse you muscle memory!" Sniz says: "And now, back by POPULAR demand from season three, the Anime superstars themselves, Zarbon and Bulma Briefs!" And they walk into thunderous applause! Aang says: "I think I must have MISSED something! Are THEY actual Nicktoons?!" Sandy says: "By that logic, are Judy Funny, Marlene Otter, Kaput, Taotie, Tigress, Gonard, Po, Wally, Kowalski, Private, and Yakety Yak actual Nicktoons?" Aang says: "I'm surprised that I can't actually refute that." Zarbon asks: "You're NOT going to try to pull any scams THIS season, are you Bulma?!" Bulma scoffs, and she says: "You underestimate me! There's no WAY I'm pulling a repeat of the LAST time I was here! I'm fully aware on how THAT turned out! Instead, I'm going to try to play as fair of a game as I can, and see how far I can get!" Zarbon humorously chuckles, and he says: "I'll believe THAT when I see it!" (Confessional) Bulma says: "What Zarbon doesn't realize, is that I'm officially married, and a mother now. And when you have a child, it really helps to put things in perspective. What you thought was absolutely important to you when you were younger, turns out to not really be so important to you when you have a one year old baby boy who is absolutely dependent on you! And...it's been tough ever since Goku sacrificed his life to stop Cell from destroying our planet. But I've got to do my best to raise a child! And when my son Trunks, is old enough, I'll have Vegeta train him to be a good hero WORTHY of protecting our planet!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "And now, the two youngest, but by no means the least competitive contestants this season, two childhood sweethearts, Harvey Beaks and Fee!" Harvey Beaks and Fee walk out to thunderous applause! Fee says: "You hear that, Harvey?! They LIKE us! They REALLY like us!" Harvey says: "It's hard NOT to like us Fee, I'd like to think that we're very likable!" Sniz says: "I certainly think so! And our next contestant, who has had her share of up's and down's, a beaver diva, Treeflower Fields!" Treeflower walks into scattered applause. Treeflower says: "Well, at least it's not as bad as SQUIDWARD'S reception!" Squidward asks: "Is that a dig against ME?!" Treeflower says: "Don't take it PERSONALLY! I was simply stating a simple fact! You can't hate me for stating the facts!" (Confessional) Squidward says: "I can think of a whole GROUP of people who could HATE her for stating the facts, but the network executives won't LET me mention them by name!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "And our next contestant, everyone's favorite dramatist and aspiring actress, give it up for Judy Funny!" Judy walks onto the stage, all melodramatically, while her theme music plays! Judy says: "Everyone's favorite actress walks onto the stage. Alone without her boyfriend, and without ANY of her fellow cast-mates! But, despite the ENORMOUS odds, this heroic heart-throb will SMITE all opposition to her crusade, and CRASH it down into the roaring waves! Adieu, adieu, parting is such sweet sorrow! End scene!" And while the audience applauds her, everyone else just looks at her weirdly! (Confessional) Treeflower says: "Lil Deville, I think it's safe to say that you've just been REPLACED in terms of winning the CRAZY award! Mostly, because you're NOT competing this season, but STILL!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "Okay...getting away from...whatever THAT was, our next contestants are LITERALLY birds of a feather, who fly together in a rocket van, give it up for Sway-Sway and Buhdeuce! And they jump into THUNDEROUS applause! Squidward says: "Oh, COME ON!!!! How can THEY get more applause than ME?!!!" Sway-Sway says: "Well, maybe if you weren't such a colossal HATE butt all the time, people would LIKE you more!" Buhdeuce says: "Yeah, you know what they say! You can attract MORE flies with HONEY than you can with vinegar!" Squidward says: "You can also attract more flies with HORSE POOP than you can with vinegar! What's your point?!" Sway-Sway's smile drops, and he says: "You know, we WERE willing to try to help you this season, but now you can just FORGET it!" Squidward says: "Oh, so now you're abandoning me, just like my mother and FATHER did?!" Buhdeuce says: "Don't blame us! It's YOUR lousy attitude that turned us OFF from you!" (Confessional) Squidward says: "Come ON! 'Lousy attitude', my four FEET! I'll have YOU know, that I know, that it's never MY fault if people don't like me! I DON'T have an ATTITUDE problem! People have a problem with MY attitude!" / Sway-Sway shakes his head, and he says: "Mark my words, that octopus is heading for trouble one of these days if he doesn't get his act together!" Buhdeuce pops in, and says: "I have NEVER met a guy, more in denial than HE is in, and THAT'S saying something!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "Anyways, our next contestant is MOSTLY here, due to the fact that he was UNFAIRLY eliminated the last time he was here; a vile villain and a LOATHESOME low-life, Verminious J. Snaptrap!" Snaptrap walks in, only to hear LOUD boos from the stage, and Snaptrap says: "Ah, 'BOO' yourselves! Like I'm TRYING to win a popularity contest! I'm certainly not going to ask for YOUR opinion! The only reason I'm EVEN here, is because Angelica Pickles can't compete, so I'm filling in for her!" Zarbon says: "Snaptrap, I know what you're thinking, and FORGET it! There's no WAY they are going to let YOU cheat on this season! And you're foolish to think that you can get away with it!" Snaptrap says: "Oh, I won't be cheating! But I wouldn't be surprised if some OTHER unlucky contestants find THEIR hands all grimy and dirty from any 'ACCIDENTS' that might happen this season!" Tigress instantly runs up to Snaptrap, and she threateningly says: "Listen up CLOSELY, you little PUNK, and listen WELL; you will not TOUCH any other contestant without MY say so! FURTHERMORE, don't get ANY funny ideas about TRYING to eliminate ME! I am GOING to be WINNING this season; and NOTHING, NOBODY CAN STOP ME!!!! So just STAY out of my way, ESPECIALLY, if you WANT to keep your tail!" And Snaptrap just gulps nervously! Treeflower says: "Okay, somebody SERIOUSLY didn't get hugged enough as a child! Uh...Stimpy, YOU hug her!" Stimpy says: "WHAT?! Why ME?!" Fee says: "Because WE don't want to get KILLED!" (Confessional) Fee says: "I know that Tigress isn't ALLOWED to kill us! And if she keeps her RATIONAL thought pattern in check, she won't even THINK about trying to kill us! That being said, if there's ANYTHING I've learned from watching re-runs of these episodes, is that evil contestants have a way of finding things that are SO much worse than DEATH!" / Snaptrap mutters, and he says: "Oh, why does some goody-goody good-doer like Tigress always have to ruin MY fun?!" / Harvey says: "I think that the reason Tigress likes to ruin Snaptrap's fun, is because he's a HATE SINK, and NOBODY likes a Hate Sink! And if he's GOING to be a Hate Sink, he's going to do it ALONE, and I mean ALONE!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "Speaking of 'Alone', our next contestant certainly likes to ACT alone; it's everyone's favorite saboteur, Kaput!" And Kaput zooms in on a jet-pack, but nobody applauds him! Bulma rolls her eyes, and sarcastically says: "Oh goody, it's General Mayhem with a side of CRAZY!" Kaput says: "I'd be more worried about YOU and Blonda, you BACKSTABBING excuses for TRAITORS! Both of you UNFAIRLY got me kicked OFF!" Blonda scoffs, and she says: "UNFAIRLY?! HEY! I'm NOT the one who SABOTAGED everyone's athletic event for Team Sniz Is Really, Really, Really, Cool! That was all YOUR doing!" Kaput says: "Maybe so. But bringing Emperor Mavro BACK from the dead! Threatening EVERYBODY with HIS wrath just because YOU couldn't win Total Cartoon Global Cruise? That WASN'T exactly noble, you know!" Blonda says: "Don't you EVER lecture me!" Kaput says: "Too late, I already did!" (Confessional) Bulma says: "Well, so much for trying to stay out of EVERYONE'S way THIS season! With Kaput on-board, that guy is going to DIRECTLY try to target ME and Blonda; and anyone else he thinks is responsible for HIS elimination! I don't exactly LIKE the idea, but it looks like I'll HAVE to make ANOTHER alliance this season. If not for my OWN safety, than for anyone ELSE I get partnered with!" / Blonda says: "Kaput is SO lucky that I'm NOT allowed to use magic as long as I'm a contestant! But magic or NO magic, he is NOT going to get the BETTER of me! He is going DOWN! Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but SOMEDAY! And than, for the REST of the season!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "Speaking of season, it's time to introduce our SECOND new contestant for this season! From the show of the same name, here is Yakety Yak!" And Yakety floats in ala "Mary Poppins" with an umbrella, and everyone loudly cheers him! Yakety says: "Thank you! It's so good to finally be here! I don't know WHY it took me so long to get here; maybe it's because my ARMS had to do all the flapping, and BOY, are they tired!" And everyone in the audience LAUGHS at that joke! Squidward says: "They laugh at THAT excuse for a joke?! That yak couldn't even call his DOG, and make it a BELIEVABLE performance!" Yakety says: "Come on! There's no need to be sour! If you want, I can teach you to be a GREAT comedian, the way I am! I'll even start you off with an EASY one! Knock-knock!" Squidward says: "Go away!" Yakety says: "Come on! You could at least PRETEND to be interested!" (Confessional) Yakety says: "I don't know WHAT that octopus' problem is! You would THINK that as miserable as HE claims to be, he'd be TRYING to get everyone he CAN to be friends with him! I'm curious to know, why is he SO against trying to make any friends?" / Squidward says: "You want to know WHY I'm against making friends? Here's a hint; he's about four feet tall, has no hair...that I KNOW of, and he's the most ANNOYING guy on the face of the planet?" (Camera briefly cuts) Squidward says: "No! It's NOT Coconut Fred from Coconut Fred's Fruit Salad Island! I'm talking about Spongebob Squarepants! That yellow NIMROD has the STUPID capacity for SOMEHOW making friends WHEREVER he goes! And ANYONE who meets Spongebob and becomes friends with him, AUTOMATICALLY make it impossible for ME to be friends with them, because I'm NOT going to catch SPONGEBOB'S STUPID!!!!" / Treeflower says: "I guess what that meme said IS true: You either DIE a Spongebob, or you live LONG enough to become a Squidward! I SURE hope I NEVER become a Squidward again! That was the WORST time of my LIFE!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "Our next contestants, are two of the four penguins from The Penguins Of Madagascar! Give it up for Kowalski and Private!" Kowalski and Private zoom into scattered applause! Private says: "That's strange! The applause for us seems a little lighter for us THIS season, compared to previous seasons!" General Barracuda says: "It's because the studio has BANNED overtly sexist people from attending this studio! That's PROBABLY the reason why!" Kowalski says: "Than why are YOU still here?" General Barracuda says: "Simple. I'm an ACTUAL General, with Diplomatic Immunity, so like MC Hammer once sang, you CAN'T touch this!" Daggett says: "I wouldn't want to anyway, and I've had to touch some pretty gross stuff on MY show!" (Confessional) Private says: "Kowalski, if there aren't as many people to support us, do you think we STILL have a chance to WIN this season?" Kowalski says: "I think we have MORE of a chance this season! I mean, do we really want SEXIST people to be OUR supporters? They're NOT our target audience anyways! And the reason we have MORE of a chance, is because we WANT it more!" Private says: "Do you really think that?" Kowalski says: "Well, we're going to have to actually compete to prove the theory, but I've always WANTED to do a field experiment, studio environment not withstanding." Private says: "Hooray for experiments!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "Speaking of experiments, our next contestant has experienced an experiment gone wrong, and NOW sounds like he has a different voice. But he's STILL determined to give it his all, so give it up for Taotie!" Taotie walks in to scattered applause, and Tigress scoffs, and she says: "Please! I know Taotie inside and out! He won't sound THAT different!" Taotie speaks with a voice that NOW sounds like it's Patrick Warburton's voice, and he says: "Hey, that's what YOU think! I built an experimental translation collar, so I could say pick-up lines in French. But during the course of the experiment, the electricity malfunctioned, causing a change in my larynx, and therefore my voice. Of course, I DO think this voice sounds a LOT better, and NOT on the verge of death! Besides, I have been THINKING more rationally since the experiment! I'll see if I can't win by playing more fairly this time around!" Tigress asks: "Know of any FAIRS where you can PLAY, though?" Taotie mock laughs, and says: "Ho ho, very funny. Ha ha, it IS to laugh!" (Confessional) Taotie says: "Even WITH this new voice, Tigress STILL doesn't take me seriously! It's a little insulting, if I'm being perfectly honest!" / Tigress says: "The day Taotie becomes an ACTUAL threat, is the day I take him seriously! And we all know THAT'S never going to happen, so I don't, and I won't!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "Speaking of serious, our next contestant is a seriously cool dude, who has come back, so he can write a BOOK on being cool; give it up for Gerald!" Gerald walks into thunderous applause, and he says: "And Rhonda, if you're watching this show, call me! I'm TOTALLY available!" Squidward asks: "And what makes YOU the expert on being cool?" Gerald says: "Easy! I've got a cool walk! I wear cool clothes! I've got a SMOOTH personality! And I can really KICK...well, you get the idea!" (Confessional) Squidward says: "PLEASE Neptune, let GERALD be on MY team! He's the FIRST contestant I've seen who I think I could ACTUALLY tolerate!" / Gerald says: "So far, the only plan I have is to NOT be on Aang's team THIS season! I was on one the LAST time I played here, and boy, did I regret it! If I can steer away from being around any CRAZY contestants, I think I'll be okay!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "Speaking of contestants, our next contestant is the oldest, except for Blonda, that we've EVER had! Why, he's been around for years and years and YEARS and--!" Aang shouts: "Get on with it!" Daggett shouts: "Get on with it!" Treeflower shouts: "Get on with it!" Otto shouts: "Get on with it!" Sandy shouts: "Get on with it!" Sniz asks: "Can't ANYBODY take a JOKE anymore?" Olmec shouts: "Get on with it!" Sniz rolls his eyes and says: "Fine! Haggis McHaggis!" Haggis walks in, carrying his shellaighlee, and Haggis says: "It's so GOOD to be back in Hollywood again! I can already taste the accolades!" Treeflower says: "If you DARE punch me again, I'll NEVER forgive you!" Haggis says: "That wasn't COMPLETELY my fault, I was TRICKED by Kaput!" Kaput scoffs, and he says: "They ALWAYS blame ME! 'My fists did what they wanted, blah, blah, blah, I'm old, blah, blah, blah, I'm a lying hypocrite'!" Haggis says: "At least I will ADMIT to actually MAKING a mistake, unlike YOU!" Taotie says: "Ooh, he's got you THERE, Kaput!" Kaput scoffs, and he says: "I would STILL hate to be HIM, though!" (Confessional) Kaput says: "To paraphrase a hit song that The Who once sang, I hope I DIE before I get THAT old!" / Haggis says: "In a weird way, it's actually astounding how MY age NEVER seems to get OLD as a JOKE to them! I'm not sure whether I should be flattered, or consider that insulting! I guess I'll split the difference and eat a haggis sandwich!" And Haggis proceeds to do just that! (End Confessional) Sniz says: "Our next contestant really NEEDS no introduction, but I'll give it to her anyways! A massive flirt, and a BIG help to us during Total Cartoon Island Strikes Back, give it up for Marlene Otter!" And as Marlene walks in, Janet Jackson's hit song "If" plays, and Marlene lip-syncs along to it! Janet sings: "Sittin' over here, starin' in your face with lust in my eyes, sure don't give a damn. And ya don't know that I've been dreamin' of ya in my fantasy. Never once you looked at me. Don't even realize that I'm wantin' you to fulfill my needs. Think what you want, let your mind free. Run free to a place no one dares to. How many nights I've laid in bed excited over you? I've closed my eyes and thought of us a hundred different ways. I've gotten there so many times. I wonder; how 'bout you? Day and night, night and day, all I've got to say is if I was your girl, oh, the things I'd do to you. I'd make you call out my name, I'd ask who it belongs to. If I was your woman, the things I'd do to you. But I'm not, so I can't, and I won't, but; if I was your girl. Allow me some time to play with your mind and you'll get there again and again. Close your eyes and imagine my body undressed; take your time, 'cause we've got all night, ooh. You on the rise as you're touchin' my thighs. And let me know what you like, if you like I'll go down, down, down, down, da, down, down. I'll hold you in my hand and maybe, you're smooth and shiny, feels so good against my lips, sugar. I want you so bad, I can taste your love right now, baby. Day and night, night and day, all I've got to say is, if I was your girl, oh, the things I'd do to you. I'd make you call out my name, I'd ask who it belongs to. If I was your woman, the things I'd do to you. But I'm not, so I can't, and I won't, but if I was your girl. If I was your girl, oh, the things I'd do to you. I'd make you call out my name, I'd ask who it belongs to. If I was your woman, the things I'd do to you. But I'm not, so I can't, and I won't, but; if I was your girl. (Instrumental Break) I've laid in bed excited over you; one hundred different ways. I've thought of many, many days and nights, nights and days, and all I want to say is if I was your girl, oh, the things I'd do to you. I'd make you call out my name, I'd ask who it belongs to. If I was your woman, the things I'd do to you. But I'm not, so I can't, and I won't, but if I was your girl. If I was your girl, oh, the things I'd do to you. I'd make you call out my name, I'd ask who it belongs to. If I was your woman, the things I'd do to you. But I'm not, so I can't, and I won't, but if I was your girl. If I was your girl, oh, the things I'd do to you! I'd make you call out my name, I'd ask who it belongs to! If I was your woman, the things I'd do to you! But I'm not!" / And the epic song and dance sequence ends as everyone applauds loudly! Squidward says: "HEY! How come SHE got to enter in with a BIG production number?!" Marlene says: "Because I paid the cover charge for Janet Jackson to allow that song to be used on this show! Not to mention, she gets sweet, SWEET royalties every time this episode will be played...at least until 2088 when the song enters into the public domain!" (Confessional) Squidward says: "Oh, she is GOOD! Really good! I really hope she's on MY team this season!" / Marlene rolls her eyes, and says: "I REALLY hope I'm NOT on Squidward's team this season! First of all, I have no idea how he will fare as a contestant! Secondly, I can't afford to play the 'Flirt Card' as a married woman anymore! That would be a double standard and an insult to Skipper! It won't be easy, but I'll simply have to rely on my skills and natural friendships if I want to at least make it to the Final Five! Only THAN, will I make plans for what happens after that!" (End Confessional) Sniz looks at his watch, and he says: "WOAH! I didn't realize we've spent THAT much time already! We really don't have time to introduce the rest separately, so, it's time for all the other contestants to come out! Pearl, Darwin, Zim, Larry, Dog, Kitty, Super Chum, Keswick, Heffer, Monster, Gonard, Wally, Dudley, Chameleon, Johnny Krill, and Jenny Wakeman!" Bubble Bass says: "Wally! You DID make the cut! I hope we get to be on the same team this season!" Wally says: "I sure hope so to! But even if we have to compete against each other, I don't want you to hold anything back! I expect you to compete with everything you've got!" Bubble Bass says: "Duly noted." Squidward asks: "Why are you friends with HIM?! You KNOW he's got to have CAUGHT some of Spongebob's STUPID!" Sandy says: "First of all, stupidity isn't a DISEASE, it can only be SPREAD like one!" Bubble Bass says: "And secondly, unlike you, I used to be a lot LIKE you! I used to judge others PURELY on their outer appearance and what I thought of them! The difference is, I grew up and grew OUT of it! When will YOU?!" (Confessional) Bubble Bass says: "Someone had to set the record straight for Squidward! And if I didn't, who would?!" / Squidward rhetorically asks: "ME?! NOT grown up?" Laughs crazily, than he seriously says: "I'll tell you who's NOT grown up! Blind, crazy, STUPID guys named Spongebob Squarepants!" / Sandy says: "You know, sometimes I wonder how Squidward managed to get THIS far in life with SO much hatred in his heart!" / Wally says: "I like how Bubble Bass doesn't judge me for my show, or even what I like. He respects me the way I am, and we like each other enough, that we can be friends despite having some differences! NOBODY should be totally alike in every SINGLE way! Can you imagine how BORING and DYSTOPIAN that would be?! Not at ALL an attractive thought in MY way of thinking!" (End Confessional) Pearl says: "Personally, I find it a little insulting that the rest of us were just all lumped together like that!" Darwin says: "Well, Sniz DOES have a schedule to keep, and he doesn't have all day to just talk about us." Kitty says: "It would be nice if SOMEBODY did!" Dudley says: "You know, Kitty, I could talk about you if you WANT me to!" Kitty says: "It's NOT the same thing!" Keswick asks: "How is it NOT the same thing?" (Confessional) Keswick says: "Even after all this time of working with Kitty, I STILL don't completely understand the way she thinks, and I'm not sure if I ever will!" (End Confessional) Zim says: "Give me a lousy introduction if you must! But mark my words; Zim will have his--!" Larry sarcastically says: "Yeah, yeah, yeah, we know! Eternal vengeance, you'll have your revenge, yadda, yadda, yadda. Could you give it a REST already?!" Zim says: "Vengeance NEVER sleeps!" Super Chum says: "It would be nice if YOU did, once in a while!" (Confessional) Zim asks: "How did Super Chum of ALL contestants, get to come back here?!" / Larry says: "Personally, I don't know how Super Chum got to come back here; but I'd certainly rather be on a team with HIM, than ZIM any day!" (End Confessional) Bulma asks: "Gonard, you're NOT going to try and ask me out on a date AGAIN, are you?!" Gonard says: "No! Of course not! I know you don't really like me in THAT way, anyways!" Bulma says: "Good! Than this will make the REST of our season together a whole lot easier!" (Confessional) Gonard says: "I couldn't go on a date with Bulma anyways. I am in a committed relationship with Lily now! We're mostly doing it for the ratings, but I think she's genuinely starting to warm up to me!" / Bulma says: "At least that's ONE less thing I have to worry about THIS season!" (End Confessional) Heffer says: "Hey! You forgot about ME and Monster!" Johnny Krill says: "So did pretty much the REST of the world if we're being perfectly honest!" Monster says: "Like YOU'RE one to talk! You've only appeared in the ONE episode of Spongebob Squarepants!" Johnny Krill says: "I had LEGITIMATE guest star status! I don't do Spongebob Squarepants for minimum wage, you know!" (Confessional) Heffer says: "Ooh, he's got us THERE!" / Johnny says: "Let's get one thing straight. I intend on playing this game the BEST that I can! And I DON'T intend on having Tigress push me around the way she did LAST season! If she tries to push me, I will push BACK! Let's see how SHE likes it when she has to deal with her OWN attitude being thrown right back her! I know it's not exactly nice, but it's PRECISELY what SHE deserves!" (End Confessional) Chameleon asks: "Dudley, do you think either of us have a chance to make it all the way to the Final Five this season?" Jenny says: "Statistically speaking, I don't think anyone has more of a chance than anyone else...except for Tigress!" Dudley says: "What are you saying?!" Jenny sighs, and she says: "I can't ignore the hard facts! Tigress hits HARD and Fast, she IS hard and fast, she acts on impulse, and she will TOTALLY destroy ANYTHING that gets in her way! You want MY advice? Stay as FAR out of Tigress' way as realistically possible! You'll live a LOT longer that way!" Chameleon says: "What about you? You're a ROBOT!" Jenny says: "Maybe so, but my mom is a genius MECHANIC, NOT a Miracle Worker!" (Confessional) Jenny says: "The one drawback about being a robot, is that I'm DESIGNED to exact specifications, and I'm not meant to exceed them! Tigress can PUSH past her limits, I can't! My best hope, is to HOPE that Tigress does something SO unbelievably heinous and CRAZY, that Sniz can't POSSIBLY ignore it, and eliminate her! Obviously, I don't WANT that to happen, but that's probably what it will take to actually eliminate her! I'm not even sure if everyone BESIDES Spongebob ganging up against Tigress can slow HER down!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "Okay, everyone has met everyone, we're all here together, so it's time to reveal how this season will work! With the exception of two of you, you are on this season because you're the best of the best! Representatives from season 1, season 2, season 3, and season 4A. And we're looking for one of you, just one, to be the best of the best! What will follow are challenges based around those found in Legends of The Hidden Temple, as well as some other surprises. Unlike past seasons, this time there will be FOUR teams involved! Our major reason for doing this, is because we hope that with this structure, ONE team won't CONSTANTLY win challenges and beat all the other teams on a regular basis! To further the odds of that happening, in some challenges, two teams will have to temporarily team up together, to face off against the other two teams, and the team structures during those match-ups will NOT remain constant! So, you're going to have to choose your strategies carefully! Because one challenge, you might be facing off against your enemies; but in the next challenge, you might have to work with them! Of course, there are some contestants who MIGHT not have your best interests at heart! That being said, we will NOT allow any cheating this season! THAT means you, Snaptrap and Kaput!" Snaptrap says: "Oh, SURE! Single US out, why don't you?!" Dog says: "It's hard NOT to! You have BOTH done a LOT of lousy things!" Tigress says: "It doesn't matter if THEY cheat; I'll still be WINNING this season!" Sniz says: "First of all, dial down your CRAZY about...a TRILLION notches! Secondly, you will be divided into FOUR teams, based on your predominate abilities in your previous season and your seasons! The athletic contestants will be on the Red Jaguars, the brainy contestants will be on the Green Monkeys, the evil contestants will be on the Silver Snakes, and EVERYONE else will be on the Blue Barracudas!" This causes Squidward to panic, and he says: "No, NO!!!! I beg of you! DON'T put ME on the same team as Spongebob Squarepants, don't you DO it! Spongebob KNOWS of all the times I've said I hated him in the past, and he will OBVIOUSLY work against me to eliminate me FIRST! I can't be eliminated first; I haven't ACCOMPLISHED anything yet! For the love of Neptune, PLEASE don't put Spongebob on the same team as me!" General Barracuda is HONESTLY surprised by this outburst, and he says: "WOAH! Calm DOWN!!!! We would NEVER subject you to THAT kind of cruel behavior, at least not this early! The team results are as follows: Aang and Daggett are on the Silver Snakes, Treeflower and Spongebob are on the Green Monkeys, Otto and Sandy are on the Red Jaguars, Stimpy is on the Green Monkeys, Judy and Gerald are on the Red Jaguars, Haggis is on the Silver Snakes, Pearl is on the Red Jaguars, Darwin and Wally are on the...well, Green Monkeys." Darwin says: "I am NOT a monkey, I am a chimpanzee!" General Barracuda says: "Call someone who CARES, like Jane Goodall!" Sniz says: "Anyways, Zim is on the Silver Snakes, Marlene and Dog are on the Green Monkeys, Larry is on the Red Jaguars, Kitty and Snaptrap are on the Silver Snakes, Sway-Sway and Harvey are on the Blue Barracudas, Super Chum and Keswick are on the Green Monkeys, Kaput is on the Silver Snakes, Heffer and Buhdeuce are on the Red Jaguars, Monster and Po are on the Green Monkeys, Blonda and Taotie are on the Silver Snakes, Tigress is on the Red Jaguars..." Tigress says: "YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" General Barracuda says: "He SAID Red JAGUARS, not red tigers!" Tigress says: "Doesn't matter, I'm STILL going to be WINNING this season!" Daggett says: "You know, constantly SAYING something doesn't mean that it IS true; it just makes people more turned OFF from you!" Treeflower says: "That's surprisingly SMART coming from YOU!" Daggett says: "I had to learn SOMETHING from listening to you and Norbert talk ALL the time!" Treeflower says: "Thank you!" Than she REALIZES the stealth insult that Daggett said, and she retorts: "I take offense to 'ALL the time'!" Daggett says: "Your words, not mine!" (Confessional) Treeflower says: "At least Daggett and I AREN'T on the same team this season!" / Daggett says: "I am SO glad that I'm NOT on the same team as Treeflower is THIS season! Although I do have to wonder how I wound up in the Silver Snakes! How am I considered villainous?! I mean, are they REALLY counting all the actions I did during the Performance Reviews of season two?! Because if they are, that's REALLY spooty of them!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "Anyways, Gonard, Dudley, and Zarbon are on the Blue Barracudas, Bulma and Kowalski are on the Silver Snakes, Chameleon and Fee are on the Blue Barracudas, Johnny and Jenny are on the Red Jaguars, Private, Bubble Bass, Yakety Yak, and Squidward, are on the Blue Barracudas!" Squidward says: "YES!!!! I'm not on the same team as SPONGEBOB!!!!" And Spongebob quivers, and says: "You're...glad, that you're NOT on the same TEAM as me?" Bubble Bass says: "Spongebob, I WOULD tell you that Squidward didn't MEAN that nasty panic attack he had at the thought of being on the same team as you...but that just wouldn't be true." Spongebob sniffles, and runs off crying: "WAAH!!!!!!!!!" Squidward says: "Cry, cry, cry; that weeping sound, it's DISGUSTING!!!! EVERY single TIME, I can't BELIEVE it! Every single STUPID--why did YOU have to say THAT anyways?!" Bubble Bass says: "Oh, NO! You DON'T get that! I told him the HONEST truth! You DON'T get to make ME the bad guy in this scenario! This is YOUR fault! If you had just been HONEST with him from the first TIME that you met him, this wouldn't BE happening!" Squidward says: "Well if Spongebob WASN'T so STUPID, he would realize how much I don't LIKE him!" Bubble Bass says: "Well, if Spongebob is SO stupid, than how come HE'S the one who is in the Green Monkeys, and NOT you?!" Squidward stammers, and he says: "Because I...because you...listen to me, YOU! You're not PINNING this on ME! Because if YOU think that I...that you...I hate you SO much right now!" Bubble Bass says: "Like Spongebob said, whenever you say 'I hate you', it means 'I love you'!" Squidward says: "I--DOH!!!! NUTS!!!!" (Confessional) Squidward says: "I hate it when they do that." / Bubble Bass says: "Don't get me wrong; I would LOVE it if Squidward could get his act together and BE part of our team! But when it comes right down to it, he's going to have to pull his own weight. I won't slow myself down just to cover for any of HIS mistakes! If he wants to make it to the Final Five, he's going to HAVE to straighten up!" / Spongebob is still sniffling, and he says: "I still can't BELIEVE Squidward didn't want to be on the same team as me! After all these YEARS of working together at the Krusty Krab, I THOUGHT he would've changed! But no matter how hard I try, he just won't accept MY friendship! Why doesn't he WANT to be FRIENDS with me?! Everybody LIKES me!" / Bubble Bass shakes his head and says: "You know, I don't think even I have the heart to tell him that it's practically IMPOSSIBLE to have a 100% adoration rating, but I don't know if his heart could take that news. He's bound to find out the HARD way, sooner or later. And when he does, I don't think it's going to be pretty." (End Confessional) / (Commercial Break) / I'll break here, and stop for now. Enough said, for now!

9/10 In "Kooky Kooks", there WAS going to be a scene where it showed Spongebob deciding to chase after and TRY to eat Mrs. Puff after she had eaten him, but it was cut for SOMEHOW being too mean-spirited.

In movie theaters, I have seen "The Lost City", and "The Duke". Both were good movies in their own way. Enough said, true believers!

Say what you will about "American Dad", at least THEY tend to be more consistent in terms of writing, ideals, and characterization! Enough said, true believers!

For anyone who still reads ("Remember when people USED to read? Pepperridge Farm Remembers."), the final two episodes of "Total Cartoon Island Strikes Back" have now been finished, and are ready for potential reviewing! I'll try to come up with the official roster of "Total Cartoon Legends" as soon as I possibly can, and I will report back once it is officially ready! / Edit: As promised, it's time to reveal the official roster for "Total Cartoon Legends", in order of the original order where they were first eliminated and/or won. There will be no surprise new contestants joining mid-season, so there will be no need to update this roster. This roster will also reveal which one of FOUR teams, they will be a part of. / 1. Aang, Silver Snakes. 2. Daggett Beaver, Silver Snakes. 3. Treeflower Fields, Green Monkeys. 4. Spongebob Squarepants, Green Monkeys. 5. Otto Rocket, Red Jaguars. 6. Sandy Cheeks, Red Jaguars. 7. Stimpy J. Cat, Green Monkeys. 8. Judy Funny, Red Jaguars. 9. Gerald, Red Jagaurs. 10. Haggis McHaggis, Silver Snakes. 11. Pearl Krabs Barracuda, Red Jaguars. 12. Darwin, Green Monkeys. 13. Invader Zim, Silver Snakes. 14. Marlene Otter, Green Monkeys. 15. Larry The Lobster, Red Jaguars. 16. Dog, Green Monkeys. 17. Kitty Katswell, Silver Snakes. 18. Verminious J. Snaptrap, Silver Snakes. 19. Sway-Sway, Blue Barracudas. 20. Harvey Beaks, Blue Barracudas. 21. Super Chum, Green Monkeys. 22. Keswick, Green Monkeys. 23. Kaput, Silver Snakes. 24. Heffer Wolfe, Red Jaguars. 25. Buhdeuce, Red Jaguars. 26. Monster Krumholtz, Green Monkeys. 27. Blonda, Silver Snakes. 28. Taotie, Silver Snakes. 29. Tigress, Red Jaguars. 30. Gonard, Blue Barracudas. 31. Po, Green Monkeys. 32. Wally, Green Monkeys. 33. Dudley Puppy, Blue Barracudas. 34. Zarbon, Blue Barracudas. 35. Bulma Briefs, Silver Snakes. 36. Chameleon, Blue Barracudas. 37. Fee, Blue Barracudas. 38. Johnny Krill, Red Jaguars. 39. Kowalski, Silver Snakes. 40. Jenny Wakeman, Red Jaguars. 41. Private, Blue Barracudas. 42. Bubble Bass, Blue Barracudas. 43. Brand New Contestant Yakety Yak, Blue Barracudas! 44. Brand New Contestant Squidward Tentacles, Blue Barracudas. / I'll be sure to write the first episode of "Total Cartoon Legends" as soon as possible! Enough said, true believers!

I don't know why someone thought it would be a good idea to show someone's (Bubble Bass') inside of his body! It WASN'T funny when it happened to Plankton and Spongebob in "Plankton's Regular", and it certainly wasn't funny here! At least Bubble Bass SOMEHOW recovered before the end of the episode. I actually thought the pickles call-back was kind of funny, and it's nice that Sandy was able to cure Spongebob, and the two brats who CAUSED the hiccup mess in the first place got their "Laser Guided Karma" comeuppance! But I just don't feel like this was one of the better written episodes this season. I'd give it a 6.5 out of 10 at best. Enough said, true believers!

As promised, it's time for the CANON ending for this half season finale! And don't worry, folks, there are PLENTY of enough changes from the non-canon ending to warrant a read-through of this ending! / The camera opens up in the camera monitor room, only to show Marlene instead of Sniz, Fondue, or General Barracuda. Marlene says: "All right! I get to be the one doing the show introduction this time! Over this first half of season four, you have witnessed twelve contestants; Bessie Higgenbottom, Brittany Miller, Rico, Katarra, Theodore Seville, Danny Fenton, Fee, Johnny Krill, Tigress, Kowalski, Po, and Jenny Wakeman, lose to the combined intelectual minds of Bubble Bass and Private! Despite being called 'The Brains' and 'The Other Brains', these two contestants have played vastly different games! Bubble Bass has focused on crafting strategies, plans, and an alliance to help him get to where he is, while Private has focused on the social aspect of this game, trying to be friendly with everyone, and keeping a charming personality while doing it. These two different strategies have brought the two of them to the Final Two, but only ONE of them can walk away with the $1.4 Million Grand Prize! It's time to find out who will emerge the winner, in the half-season finale, for Total Cartoon Island Strikes Back! I can't WAIT to see how it unfolds!" / "Brains Vs. The Other Brains: The Intellectual Showdown!" / The camera opens up to show Sniz, in the middle of a giant arena, filled with a lot of audience members, but most NOTABLY, the previously eliminated contestants from this season (except Tigress), and Spongebob, Patrick, and Squidward. Sniz says: "Well, we needed to wait X amount of time for this to happen, but at long last, it's going to happen! The Final Two is going to come down to Bubble Bass and Private, Brains Vs. The Other Brains! But before our contestants come out here, we've asked them to make one final Confessional, to reveal their thought process, on how they expect the final challenge to play out! (Confessional) Bubble Bass says: "If anyone asked me if I expected to make it to the Final Two based only on my wits and LITERALLY nothing else, I would've told them they were CRAZY! But somehow, even with just BUBBLES, I managed to make it past twelve other contestants! I mean, I know a LITTLE bit of luck had to be involved, but it certainly couldn't have been ALL luck! Unless you're Orlando Bloom, NOBODY'S luck is THAT good! But, I've made it THIS far! Now it's time to see if I can go ALL the way! My only concern is the social aspect of the game. Private definitely has it over me in the popularity department! How HE managed to be born with an ACTUAL British accent, I'll probably never know! But in any other department, I probably have the edge over him! Still, it pays to expect the unexpected, so I'm not holding my breath; even though I'm a fish and have gills!" / Private says: "Initially, I thought I was here to support Rico and Kowalski in their quest to win a season of this game. But when Rico got taken out so early, I knew I had to step up to the plate! And not just for me, but for Kowalski's sake! And despite so many odds being against me, I exceeded the expectations that twelve other contestants had of me, and made it to the Final Two! There's no doubt that when it comes to the social aspect of this game, I've got it in the bag! But, seeing the way this season has been so far, I seriously doubt it's going to come down to the social aspect! And Bubble Bass, in spite of not starting with much in terms of physical prowess, actually HAS stepped up to the plate and proven more capable of holding his own in challenges! So, I'm going to have to play with everything I have in this final challenge! It's my best chance of proving that I have what it takes to be a REAL penguin commando!" (End Confessional) The two contestants step out onto the arena, from opposite sides, to thunderous applause! Sniz says: "Welcome to the battle of the BRAINY bulge! The thriller at cerebellum! The meeting of the minds! The throwdown at think town! Did I miss anything?" Wanda says: "No, I think you got them all!" Sniz says: "Bubble Bass, Private, I just want you both to know that I had high expectations. And even though its the TWO of you who are here, I STILL expect the BEST from the both of you, even if ONE of you has an unexplainable accent!" Private asks: "What is THAT supposed to mean?!" Bubble Bass, in a mock British accent says: "What is THAT supposed to mean?! Seriously, that's what you SOUND like! Do you even listen to yourself when you TALK?!" Kowalski rolls his eyes, and says: "Heaven knows SKIPPER doesn't! I can't TELL you how many times Skipper managed to Leeroy Jenkins up a WHOLE mission just to prove some stupid point!" Marlene says: "THANK YOU! Someone ELSE gets it!" Spongebob asks: "What in the WORLD is a Leeroy Jenkins?" Squidward says: "You know all those times you failed a Boating Exam with Mrs. Puff? It's pretty much THAT!" Spongebob says: "Oh! Now I know the proper term for THAT!" Squidward says: "Yeah! Remind me of WHY I agreed to come with you two?" Patrick says: "Because you'll be getting paid double-triple overtime COMPARED to what you normally get for a day's work at the Krusty Krab? I remember what I got paid during the times that I've worked there!" Squidward perks up, and says: "Oh, yes! Sweet restitution! All right, I'm in!" Sniz says: "Anyways, the two of you have used the various aspects of your mental strength, to outplay the twelve other contestants, including Tigress, WHEREVER she currently is, who have gathered here, to see you battle against each other! And now, the ball is in THEIR court! It's time for YOU to describe to them, why YOU should be the one to win this half of a season?!" Bubble Bass says: "Oh, I'll go FIRST!" Private shrugs, and says: "That's okay, I can wait." (Confessional) Bubble Bass says: "I HAD to go first! Hello! If I let Private talk first, he would probably say something SO charming, I wouldn't be able to top it! At least this way, the other contestants will get to know what I actually think!" / Private says: "Sure, I'm a bit miffed that Bubble Bass wanted to go first, but I've been told that a LITTLE bit of courtesy can go a long way. It usually does for me! Marlene says that besides her, I'm the most courteous animal in the entire New York City Zoo!" (End Confessional) Bubble Bass says: "Distinguished contestants, and Tigress, if you're listening, I just want to let you know that when I was playing this game, I honestly never thought that I would be the one standing here. I mean, with so many odds stacked up against me, my weight, my initial behavior, my lack of physical skills, and having a hard time saying 'Please' at first, it certainly seemed not in the cards for me to wind up here. However, if I hadn't have established an alliance with Johnny Krill and Tigress, I never would've learned the value of friendship. And while I do intend on being as honest as possible, I don't see as how that has to affect my ability to be nice. Spongebob, Patrick, and Squidward, I know that we might have had, differences in the past. But I just want you to know that anything I have done, I only did it because the writers of Spongebob Squarepants demanded that I do. It was nothing personal against any of you. And should you support me in becoming the winner, I will be a graceful one, and treat you all to a wonderful party in Malibu, California, where Blonda currently lives in her house!" And even though it's not unanimous, there is quite a bit of cheering, even from some of the eliminated contestants! Fee says: "I've never BEEN to a party in Malibu, California before! It's BOUND to be a fun one!" Sniz says: "Very well. Private, what do you have to say?" Private says: "Well, first of all, I just want you to know that I have never beared ANY ill will towards any of you; not even Tigress! I just wanted to play to the best of my ability, and be as friendly as possible while doing it. Any moves I made, I made them because I felt like they were the right moves for me, and it was nothing personal against any of you! I just want you to know that if you decide to choose ME to be your winner, I will make sure that all of you will be invited to a party at the New York City Zoo!" And even though there's more cheering, it is STILL not unamious! Kowalski says: "Private! You didn't say you'd be a graceful winner!" Private says: "I wasn't expecting Bubble Bass to give a GOOD speech! That threw me OFF!" (Confessional) Private writes on a notepad and he says: "Note to self; never underestimate ANYBODY'S ability to give a good speech! Not even Bubble Bass!" / Kowalski says: "Somehow, I KNOW that Skipper influenced this!" Rico questioningly asks: "Bleh?" Kowalski replies: "Why?! Because...pick a random reason why! He's THAT crazy!" (End Confessional) Bessie Higgenbottom says: "Oh, yeah! My great, great--." (THUD!!!!) And a giant ice ball suddenly crushes her! Katarra, unconvincingly says: "Oops! I tried to make a snow cone, and I ACCIDENTALLY made the ice too big and hard, and it FELL on Bessie!" Johnny says: "Girl, lying is REALLY not your thing! Your not GOOD at it! You'd NEVER make it trying to write Get Well Cards for people who are really sick, you're too honest!" Katarra nods, and says: "Probably." (Confessional) Katarra says: "I REALLY hope Aang agrees to come back for the NEXT half of this season. Because I honestly don't see how I could POSSIBLY hope to have a chance, against contestants who might lie and deceive me, especially when I don't really HAVE the ability to do the same thing to them!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "All right. You've heard from the both of them! So it's time to show your support! Will it be green for Bubble Bass, or black for Private?!" Brittany Miller, Theodore Seville, Rico, Kowalski, Po, and Jenny Wakeman, all show their support for Private; while a weary Bessie Higgenbottom, Katarra, Danny Fenton, Fee, and Johnny Krill, all show their support for Bubble Bass! Danny says: "Katarra, I'm surprised that YOU'RE supporting Bubble Bass." Katarra says: "I'm supporting him because of his SHEER honesty, and surprising potential! It's surprised even ME, and that's a rare feet!" (Confessional) Katarra says: "The real test for Bubble Bass' potential will be in the NEXT half-season! Anyone can potentially WIN a season of a game show! The real test of their potential will be to see how long they can last in a subsequent season, when everyone KNOWS exactly what they're capable of! Even though I won't be competing, I can't WAIT to see what Bubble Bass can do!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "Well, Private, you have six supporters, that means...you have SIX minutes!" Private asks: "Six minutes for what?" Sniz says: "To prepare for the FINAL challenge! You didn't THINK that it would come down to simple support did you?" Private says: "But I thought you said the ball was in their court!" Sniz says: "It was, to see how much TIME you would get to prepare for the final challenge! I mean, HELLO! Obviously, we're NOT going to do a finale like season two again! That would make it WAY too boring to watch, and no good for us in terms of ratings! And Bubble Bass, since you have five supporters, that means you have five minutes!" Bubble Bass asks: "And what exactly are we preparing for? Spongebob better NOT have to climb into my MOUTH again, people will get the wrong impression about me!" Sniz says: "Don't worry! It will be NOTHING like that! For the ultimate battle between the minds, we're going to have an ACTUAL battle, and we're going to see whose intellect is superior! Or, maybe who is luckier! Take your pick! Anyways, in our electronic storage, we have LOADS of assorted electronic doo-dads and gizmos, all confiscated from various failed schemes by Plankton and Snaptrap, for you to peruse. Using the time you have been alotted, you will have to quickly choose which devices you think, will most help you win a technological battle between the two of you!" Private says: "You mean we have to BUILD something?" Sniz says: "You catch on fast, my feathered friend! Once you've grabbed your stuff, you will build something with the stuff you managed to grab. When it is finished, you will both come out here, and your machines will fight! You can even fight IN the machines for all I care, just so long as we have a fight! And don't worry, if you are injured, Wanda is LEGALLY required to heal all of your injuries!" Squidward asks: "Hey! Why can't I have that on any of the shows that I'M a part of?" Patrick asks: "Would you rather our shows be CANCELLED like The Fairly Oddparents and YOU be out of an ACTUAL job?" (Confessional) Squidward steams, and he says: "I HATE it when DUMB WAD has a point!" / Patrick says: "I've learned quite a bit from watching Squidina work on my show. She works really hard, and has to know a lot to keep things running. While I won't pretend that I know everything that she does, I think I owe it to her to at LEAST pay attention, and hopefully, I'll remember the things that she tries to teach me!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "Since Private has the most supporters, he will go first, and have six minutes. Bubble Bass, you may go, once our automated timer hits the five minute mark! And GO!!!!" / And during the six minutes, the edited single version of Jefferson Starship's hit song "Miracles", plays during Private's and Bubble Bass' collecting, than building montage. / Marty Balin sings: "If only you believe like I believe, baby (If only you believe like I believe), we'd get by. If only you believe in miracles, baby (If only you believe in miracles), so would I. If only you believe like I believe, baby (If only you believe like I believe), we'd get by. If only you believe in miracles, baby (If only you believe in miracles), so would I. I might have to move heaven and earth, to prove it to you, baby (Baby). So we're makin' love and you feel the power. And I feel the power, then there's really nothing we can't do. (You know we could, you know we could). If we wanted to, baby, (You know we could, you know we could), we could exist on the stars. It'd be so easy. Now, baby. All we gotta do (Baby, baby, baby, oh, baby). Is get a little faith in you (Baby, baby). Oh, I've been so many places, I've seen some things (Yes, I have). I know love is the answer (Yes, it is). Keeps holding this world together, yeah. Ain't nothing better. Ain't nothing better (Nothing's better). And all the answers to our prayers. Nothing ever breaks up the heart (Love's a game now). Only tears give you away (Ain't it a shame now?) Then you're right where I found ya (Oh, baby). With my arms around ya (Oh, baby). O-o-o-o-o-o-oh, baby. Baby, baby. Love is a magic word, ooh, yeah (Baby). Few ever find in a lifetime. But from that very first look in your eyes, I knew you and I had but one heart (Baby). That was so easy (Baby). So easy (Oh, baby). Oh, if only you believe like I believe, baby (If only you believe like I believe), We'd get by. If only you believe in miracles, baby (If only you believe in miracles), so would I. If only you believe like I believe, baby (If only you believe like I believe), we'd get by. If only you believe in miracles, baby (If only you believe in miracles), so would I. I can hear windmills and rainbows whenever you're talkin' to me (Never say never). I feel like swirling and dancin' whenever you're walking with me. (Whenever you're walking with me). You make me wanna sing (I love you so). Yeah (I love you so). Baby (I love you so). Baby (I love you so). Baby (I love you so). Baby (Oh). Oh, yeah (Oh, yeah). All right (All right). Every time you come by, let me try (Come on by). Pretty please with sugar on it. That's how I like it, ooh. I can't even believe it with you. It's like having every dream I ever wanted come true (Dream of a lifetime). I picked up your vibes, you know, it opened my eyes (Dream of a lifetime). But I'm still dreamin', yeah (Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, oh). And you're right where I found ya (Oh, baby). With my arms around ya (Oh, baby). Oh, if only you believe like I believe, baby (If only you believe like I believe), we'd get by. If only you believe in miracles, baby (If only you believe in miracles), so would I. If only you believe like I believe, baby (If only you believe like I believe), we'd get by. If only you believe in miracles, baby (If only you believe in miracles), So would I. So would I. So would I. Oh, if only you believe like I believe, baby (If only you believe like I believe), we'd get by. If only you believe in miracles, baby (If only you believe in miracles). So would I. If only you believe like I believe, baby (If only you believe like I believe), we'd get by. If only you believe in miracles, baby (If only you believe in miracles), So would I." / And the song fades out as the montage ends. / Sniz says: "Okay! The collecting and the building is over! It's time to reveal what our two geniuses have managed to build!" Private steps out first; only, he is now WEARING a metallic exo-skin over his entire body, painted black and white, to make him look like a stronger, more metallic version of himself! Brittany asks: "Is that a--?!" Po quickly interrupts: "NO! It's Metal Bird! Can't get sued with Metal Bird!" Jenny says: "Maybe it's a good thing I DIDN'T get into the Final Two after all! Not sure if I could've competed with THAT!" Theodore asks: "Where are his blasters though?" Private says: "I only HAD six minutes! If I had ANOTHER minute, I could've grabbed some!" Sniz says: "Still impressive! Now it's time to see what Bubble Bass has built!" Bubble Bass comes out, wearing a robotic walker that looks like a LARGER, silver, built with BLASTERS, more impressive version of the machine that Ripley wore in the finale of "Aliens"! Fee says: "That is the SECOND coolest machine that I have ever seen! Off hand, I can't think of where I saw the FIRST coolest machine I have ever seen, but I know that it was somewhere!" Bubble Bass says: "I HAD five minutes to work with! I decided to grab the blasters FIRST, so I could have a RANGE advantage over Private!" Fee THINKS about it, and she says: "That, is a pretty good strategy." (Confessional) Fee says: "Don't get me wrong. I'm not going to PRETEND that I had a chance of winning THIS season! I CLEARLY underestimated Bubble Bass! I won't make THAT mistake in the NEXT half of this season! I'll get to be IN it with my friend, Harvey Beaks! WHOO WHOO! I am SO excited for that!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "All right, contestants! You built, so it's time to battle! Ladies, and gentlemen, get ready, for--!" Tigress interrupts: "Why did that STUPID Cosmo LOCK the DOOR?!!!" Master Coelaceanth responds: "If Cosmo IS stupid, do you think he would've LOCKED the door?!" Kowalski's already white feathered face, SOMEHOW manages to BLANCHE even more with fear! Kowalski says: "Don't tell me they managed to make it all the way HERE?!" Jenny says: "Robots aren't PROGRAMMED for fear, and even I'M feeling nervous right now!" Gordon asks: "Well, since you're NOT getting in, can I leave now?" Tigress says: "Oh, we are SO getting in! I did NOT come this far just to give up NOW!" Master Coelaceanth asks: "Oh, and just HOW do you propose we GET in anyways?!" Tigress says: "Well, throwing a fish is like throwing a sword, and throwing your sword always works!" Master Coelaceanth yells: "THAT'S your plan?!" Tigress says: "Maybe you didn't HEAR me! I SAID...THROWING...YOUR...SWORD...ALWAYS... WORKS!!!!" Master Coelaceanth yells as suddenly appears plummeting from over the arena walls, and into the center of the building, followed by Gordon STILL in his truck, which lands on TOP of the undead Master Coelaceanth, and than Tigress suddenly leaps OVER the walls, and she lands on top of the truck! Tigress says: "See what I did THERE?! I just threw a SWORD...FISH!" Master Coelaceanth mutters: "Get this...!" Tigress says: "Watch your mouth! Or I WON'T help you!" Master Coelaceanth, muffled yells: "Get this MISERABLE excuse for a truck OFF!" Tigress coyly says: "Say the magic word!" Master Coelaceanth, muffled, yells: "Like, RIGHT FREAKING NOW!!!!" Tigress says: "No, the OTHER magic word!" Master Coelaceanth asks: "You're ENJOYING this, aren't you?" Tigress smiles, and says: "Only a LOT!" Master Coelacenath groans, and struggling, says: "Puh...lee...aze!" Bubble Bass says: "Hard to believe that I used to sound like that when saying 'Please'!" Tigress says: "Okay...now say PRETTY please with sugar, sprinkles, and a cherry on top!!!!" Master Coelaceanth LITERALLY shoots out FLAMES from around his body, melting the front half of the truck, quickly FORCING Gordon to get out! And Master Coelaceanth yells: "I'll KILL YOU!!!!" Tigress scoffs, and says: "PUH-LEESE!!!! Do you expect ME to believe THAT?! YOU can't even get RID of one lowly sea sponge!" Master Coelaceanth says: "A problem I mean to rectify IMMEDIATELY!" Sniz says: "HEY! We were about to do a challenge here! Save your vendetta for somewhere else!" Tigress says: "PUH-LEESE!!!! This STOPPED being about Master Coelaceanth's need for revenge like...ages ago!" Master Coelaceanth yells: "WHAT?!!!" Tigress says: "Oh, SURE! You COULD have been useful! I mean, hello! I don't string along guys like you unless I plan on getting good MILEAGE out of it! If you were REALLY evil, you would've outright REFUSED to say Please to me! But, since you did, you're clearly not UP to the job I thought you were! From now on, I'm on my own!" Master Coelaceanth asks: "Wait! You mean to tell me that whole point of that Please ordeal was a secret test of character?" Tigress says: "Well, DUH!!!! And you failed MISERABLY! Just like every other man who's NOT Po has done in MY life!" Po says: "YES!!!! I'm Tigress' number one man in HER life! Although, that doesn't really feel appropriate to celebrate right now for some reason." Johnny rolls his eyes, and he sarcastically says: "NO! Really, do you think?!" (Confessional) Johnny says: "That woman is a terrible, triple-decker, toadstool saurkraut sandwich, with arsenic sauce! I SO hope I don't get put on HER team again next season!" (End Confessional) Tigress says: "Anyways, are you REALLY trying to pull that whole, 'I'm undead and I won't rest until I get revenge against some weak sea sponge who can't even lift a stick with TWO marshmallows on it' thing?!" Spongebob nervously asks: "Who told you THAT?!" Tigress coyly says: "You just TOLD me, you LITERAL block-head!" (Confessional) Spongebob fumes, and he says: "Oh, I HATE it when somebody pulls THAT routine on me!" / Tigress says: "I've known Spongebob's strength from the very start! He's about as much of a threat to me, as an army of balloons is to a porcupine colony! I just want to watch him squirm, while I thrash the FLOOR with Master Coelaceanth! Besides, it will be a good warm-up for the SECOND half of the season! First, I utterly humiliate the undead guy, THAN I'll utterly humiliate Spongebob, but not before I instill a good sense of FEAR into that Sponge! Revenge shouldn't be a quick, forgettable affair. It should be savored, like every victory that I will inevitably WIN in the next half-season!" (End Confessional) Bubble Bass says: "Not that I don't doubt your capabilities, but, this is supposed to be OUR battle! Let us FIGHT it!" Tigress says: "Well, if we were REALLY being fair about things, Sniz would let ME fight the both of you, if you're not COWARDS!!!!" Bubble Bass says: "Come on! THINK about it! What in the world would THAT prove?! Sure, you could fight us, we would lose, but would that REALLY make you happy! I've tried going down the whole vendetta route before, Tigress. It DOESN'T work! Just look at Master Coelaceanth!" Tigress says: "Hey! I'm DIFFERENT! I'm capable of doing ANYTHING I put my MIND to, and I KNOW that I can beat you in ANYTHING!!!!" Katarra says: "Except BRAINS!!!!" Tigress yells: "WHAT?!!!" Master Coelaceanth says: "An OPENING!!!!" He tries to produce lightning, but it fizzles out! Master Coelaceanth: "WHAT?! What the hey?!" He keeps TRYING to produce lightning, but NOTHING comes out! Master Coelaceanth screams: "Why isn't my lightning WORKING?!" Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Poof climb into the arena wall, and they're puffing and totally out of breath. Anti-Cosmo wheezes, and says: "We...finally, got away from that chatty parrot and that dumb dog! Remind me we should NEVER associate with dogs or birds if we can avoid them EVER again!" Anti-Poof says: "You said it!" Master Coelaceanth says: "It's about TIME you showed up! Look what your botched spell did to me!" Anti-Cosmo says: "For your information, I DIDN'T botch it! Wanda interrupted my spell by cutting off the access to my power before I could complete it! If I had known that this was going to happen, of COURSE I wouldn't have cast it and left you in this incomplete state!" Master Coelaceanth says: "Well, you're here now, so cast a spell and bring me back to life again!" Anti-Poof chuckles nervously, and he says: "Uh, funny you should mention that. You see, Wanda, kind of shut off the access point for our powers. We can't restore you even though we really, REALLY want to!" Master Coelaceanth yells: "WHAT?!" Anti-Poof says: "And, your powers were ALWAYS connected to the magical source of OUR powers! When you erupted in flames to melt that truck, you used the very last little residual of magic inside of you that was left in your body. You are out of power. It's over." Master Coelaceanth rhetorically says: "Over? OVER?!!!" He bounds with a great leap towards Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Poof, and Master Coelaceanth says: "NOTHING is over as long as my body is capable of moving! If I can't use my magic, I'll simply have to kill Spongebob with nothing but brute FORCE!!!!" Spongebob says: "Come on! Why do you want to kill ME?! I'm a nice guy!" Squidward asks: "Do you want the LONG story or the short version?" Spongebob says: "Oh, you mean he hates me the same reason YOU seem to hate me for no good reason? Completely belittling me and blaming me for every single thing that goes wrong with YOUR life even when it can't POSSIBLY be MY fault? Hating me for ONLY trying to be friendly with you? Liking you because I actually think you ARE a great Clarinet Player and artist even when very FEW others do? Have I left any OTHER reasons out?" Squidward is stunned, and unable to say a word. Spongebob says: "Yes, Squidward. I know and remember EVERY single occasion that you have SAID that you don't like me, and I'm starting to think that you're not just saying that, because you'd rather be doing something else, like pursue a relationship with Squilivia!" Squidward says: "I haven't seen her in ages! It HAS to be something to do with you!" Bubble Bass says: "Oh, PLEASE! Why don't you just accept the fact that Squilivia was SO far out of your league, that YOU mating with her would've been basically inter-species breeding, and get ON with your sad, pathetic life?!" Wally asks: "Isn't that the pot calling the kettle black or something?" Bubble Bass says: "Blonda's case is DIFFERENT! She morphed into the same species of fish as ME, so I don't think it counts!" Master Coelaceanth says: "It doesn't matter WHY I hate you, I just DO! So, come on down and FIGHT me if you want to taste your cold DEATH!" Tigress moves in front of him, and he says: "You're not harming ANYBODY!" Master Coelaceanth asks: "You'd DARE fight ME?!" Tigress says: "Fight you? No, I'm going to DESTROY you!" Master Coelaceanth says: "You THINK you can destroy me?!" Tigress says: "I don't think it, I KNOW it!" Master Coelaceanth says: "Well, if I'm something that can be stopped, than JUST try to stop me!" Tigress and Master Coelaceanth begin sparring at each other, and Private says: "Woah! Those two are WAY out of my league! I'd NEVER be able to fight Tigress like that!" Marlene says: "Well, SOMEBODY has to stop this! Tigress is PHYSICALLY stronger than Master Coelaceanth, but because he's STILL undead, he can't FEEL pain, so he won't ever need to stop, whereas Tigress' strength will eventually wear out!" Bubble Bass says: "I have an idea! Gordon Quid!" Gordon says: "What do you want?!" Bubble Bass says: "What exactly have you been hauling in your truck?!" Gordon says: "See? SOMEONE cares what I've been hauling!" Tigress says: "Not helping!" Gordon says: "Well, I do have something that MIGHT help, but you might not like it though!" Bubble Bass says: "I'm starting to get a little nervous. What exactly do you have?" Gordon Quid says: "Well, what I have been hauling in my truck, is a whole bunch of deep fry FISH oil!" Johnny Krill nervously yells: "FISH oil?!" Squidward yells: "Fish oil?!" Bubble Bass yells: "Fish oil?!" Spongebob yells: "Fish oil?!" Master Coelaceanth yells: "Fish oil?!" Patrick yells: "Fish Oil?!" Spongebob and Squidward look at him strangely. Patrick says: "WHAT?! No one is THAT stupid!" (Confessional) Squidward says: "In some weird way, I'm beginning to think that Patrick might be right about ONE thing! The mechanations of his inner mind ARE an enigma!" (End Confessional) Bubble Bass looks at his father, and General Barracuda says: "It's your call, son. Just remember what I taught you; follow through." Bubble Bass sighs, and says: "It's the only way to stop him. Gordon, fill my firing mechanisms up with that stuff!" Gordon asks: "You WANT to help Tigress?!" Bubble Bass says: "I'm planning for the next half-season! Tigress will owe me a FAVOR, then! I give her a favor now, for a favor later!" Master Coelaceanth says: "You think I'm just going to LET you DOUSE me with that stuff?!" Private says: "No, but I CAN help hold you BACK!" And Private uses his metal arm extenders, to keep Master Coelaceanth in place! Master Coelaceanth yells: "No! Let me go! Let me go!" Private says: "After the way you threatened Spongebob? You're out of your mind!" Master Coelaceanth says: "Bubble Bass, you can't fire that thing! What will that MAKE you?! It would make you absolutely no DIFFERENT from me! You'd be no different than you're FATHER at his worst!" Bubble Bass says: "You're wrong! I only want to STOP you! You're interested in destroying the whole ocean! I can't ALLOW that!" Master Coelaceanth says: "You fool! If you douse ME, what's to stop THEM from dousing the REST of your kind?! You're seafood to them! They will HUNT you! They will EAT you! They'll destroy EVERYTHING that you cherish until there is nothing LEFT of Bikini Bottom! Is THAT what you WANT?!!!" Bubble Bass says: "YOU fool! That's NOT going to happen even if YOU are alive, so it doesn't even MATTER! Sorry, Master Coelaceanth, but it's hook, line, and SINKER!!!!" And Bubble Bass FIRES the hot deep fry oil onto Master Coelaceanth, turning him from an undead corpse into a gigantic fish fry! Tigress says: "A fish fry! How poetic! I've always WANTED to sink my teeth into a fresh FISH meal!!!!" Even without a functional mouth, Master Coelaceanth SOMEHOW manages to scream: "No, no, NO!!!!" And the camera turns to face Patrick as loud chomping is heard off-screen from his vantage point. Patrick says: "See? Unlike SOME shows, we have the decency to turn the camera AWAY from footage like that, even if he WAS evil!" Bubble Bass says: "Well, it looks like Master Coelaceanth's story has been wrapped up, with absolutely NO loose ends to tie up!" Than Tigress' eyes briefly glow GLOWING red, and a sinister voice lowly says: "Mwa, ha, ha, ha!" Bubble Bass says: "Than again, maybe not. But we'll deal with it during the NEXT half season IF it becomes a problem and NOT before!" Sniz says: "That's great and all, but, we STILL have a challenge to finish, and you've WASTED enough time as it is! We need to find out who are winner is! And NO more fish oil!" Bubble Bass says: "Fair enough! It's time to see how strong YOUR suit really is, Private!" Private says: "What are you saying?" Bubble Bass says: "Meet me head on I want to see how well you REALLY made your suit!" Private says: "All right, then! Just remember, YOU asked for it!" And as Private shoots like a rocket towards Bubble Bass, Bubble Bass says: "Bubble up!" And Bubble Bass quickly puts up a gigantic bubble, but the resulting collision STILL breaks both of their mechanical creations apart, and the two of them are weary, wobbling on their last legs! General Barracuda says: "Come on, son! Stay up!" Kowalski says: "Don't fall down now, Private!" Sniz says: "Well, looks like it might come down to luck after all Could one move mean ALL the difference in the world?!" And in a split second difference, Private falls down first, and Bubble Bass falls RIGHT on top of him! Private says: "Bubble Bass, get your BUTT out of my FACE!!!!" Bubble Bass says: "I can't move! Deal with it!" Wally says: "Bubble Bass has pinned Private! You have to start the countdown!" Marlene says: "Right! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10! It's over! It's all over! Bubble Bass has won Total Cartoon Island Strikes Back!" General Barracuda rushes to Bubble Bass' side, and gets him out of the wrecked metal! General Barracuda says: "Son, this has been the best season I have ever been part of. I find a son, and I lose an enemy. You did your old man proud, today." Bubble Bass says: "Well, somebody had to stop Master Coelaceanth. And if I didn't, who would?" Master Coelaceanth says: "Well, I've been saving something special for such a special occasion. Why don't I buy dinner with all the pearls I've been kepping in the lake?" Bubble Bass says: "PEARLS?! Those were YOUR pearls?!" General Barracuda says: "You know about them? How?" Bubble Bass says: "I found them in the very first episode of the competition! I didn't know they were yours! If I did, I never would've taken them!" General Barracuda says: "Well, those pearls WERE my retirement nest egg...but, you DO have a family of your own that you will soon have to think of. And I've kind of grown to like working here anyways. I'd say the money is yours for taking care of Master Coelaceanth! You've more than earned it!" Bubble Bass says: "Well, the money isn't just for me. I've learned a lot from everyone who came here. With $24 million, it's not exactly EASY to come up with a 14 way split. I know! I'll use $21 million to split evenly between us fourteen contestants, so we'll each get $1.5 million, and the rest I can use as a nest egg to support Blonda and my son!" General Barracuda says: "Sounds like a plan to me!" Kowalski comes to Private, and he asks: "Are you all right?" Private says: "I'm fine. I can't believe I forgot that Bubble Bass could make bubbles! It was just, the heat of the fight, and the fact completely slipped my mind!" Kowalski says: "Well, I guess we all make mistakes sometimes, but at the very least, you can always choose to learn from them. And if it's any consolation, both Marlene and I will be around to support you in the next half-season." Private says: "Thank you, Kowalski. That means a lot to me." Bubble Bass says: "No need to worry! I have decided to split the prize money evenly! An even $100,000 split between all fourteen contestants, EVEN Tigress!" Tigress says: "It was never about the money for me, just for the title! I might have lost the title THIS time! But just wait for the NEXT half of the season, and, watch out everyone!" Sniz says: "I'll fly everyone to Bubble Bass' party at Malibu, California on my PRIVATE LEAR Jet! Fondue, I'll let YOU close off the season!" Fondue excitedly says: "Really?! I'd be glad to!" Sniz, Spongebob, Patrick, Squidward, General Barracuda, Wally, Marlene, and all the contestants get on the plane. And as it leaves over the horizon, Fondue says: "And that has been Total Cartoon Island Strikes Back! We'll be going into production pretty soon for the second half of Season Four, so when we come back, we will find out who will be participating, in Total Cartoon Legends!" Than police sirens wail, and Police Officers Bob and Nancy jump out of their police cars, and Gordon says: "That's the guy! That's who's responsible for MY suffering!" Police Officer Nancy says: "Fondue Brokowski, you are under arrest!" Fondue asks: "On what charges?!" Police Officer Nancy pulls out a list, and she says: "Hiring scab labor during a union strike, utilizing dangerous black magic known to cause effects such as baldness, temporary gigantic growth, involuntary invisibility, involuntary age regression, reanimating a dead, dangerous pyschopath and the like; turning a blind eye to Anti-Cosmo's blatant cheating in regards to Tigress, letting General Barracuda help Bubble Bass have an unfair advantage in a challenge, sending contestants into a dark cave without proper cave safety equipment, utilizing LIVE cannon ammunition on a pirate ship, allowing contestants to steal and than later use a death ray laser...thingy, reckless endangerment of a contestant's life in regards to Private, allowing Bubble Bass and Po to run around naked without a proper permit, allowing four super dangerous villains to invade and distrupt a challenge simultaneously, not checking Jenny Wakeman for dangerous weaponry BEFORE she entered the competition, wrecking a dance studio and violating the terms of a deposit, allowing Tigress and Master Coelaceanth to take Gordon Quid hostage, and reckless usage of deep fry fish oil in the presence of aquatic sea creatures! And let's not forget, you decided to take ALL the responsibility of ANYTHING that happened this season, Fondue!" Fondue gulps nervously, and he suddenly realizes that Sniz HAD a point after all at the beginning of the season, and all Fondue can say is: "Oh, boy! I am in SO much trouble when Sniz finds out about this." Anti-Cosmo says: "I'm not poofing anything!" Anti-Poof says: "And why is that?!" They both sing: "Cause we're on STRIKE!!!!" / And the episode ends! / Episode Notes: Canon ending where Bubble Bass wins. Featured music in this episode, The Beatles "Hey Jude" (in the alternate version), the "We're On Strike Reprise" from "Rocko's Modern Life" in the canon version, and an edited version of Jefferson Starship's "Miracles" in the canon version. Master Coelaceanth's threat is stopped due to the fact that Tigress LITERALLY makes a meal out of him, but due to the fact that menacing laughter comes out from Tigress after she has eaten him, this might not be the LAST of Master Coelaceanth's threat to the contestants. It is revealed to Squidward that Spongebob HAS been remembering all the previous times Squidward has blamed him for something, even if it was for something that couldn't POSSIBLY be his fault! Fondue Brokowski gets arrested for all the illegal actions that has been performed in this episode. / Personal Notes: Don't get me wrong, this was actually challenging for me, trying to write the same episode, but different enough, so that you would be interested in seeing the alternative ending. I'm kind of glad I didn't attempt this sooner, I might not have been able to pull it off this well. Anyways, I'll be coming up with the roster of contestants for the second half of season four when I am able. I just want to let you know that this has actually been fun for me. I hope it was fun for you two. Enough said, true believers!

Here we are, ladies and gentlemen, the moment you've all been waiting for, it's time for the half season finale, for this show, with a TWIST! For the first time ever, there are TWO endings! You'll first see the non-canon ending to this season, than you'll see the canon ending to this season! So strap yourselves in for an exciting ride! / The camera opens up in the camera monitor room, only to show Marlene instead of Sniz, Fondue, or General Barracuda. Marlene says: "Hmmm, I guess I'M the one doing the show introduction this time! Over this first half of season four, you have witnessed twelve contestants; Bessie Higgenbottom, Brittany Miller, Rico, Katarra, Theodore Seville, Danny Fenton, Fee, Johnny Krill, Tigress, Kowalski, Po, and Jenny Wakeman, lose to the combined intelectual minds of Bubble Bass and Private! Despite being called 'The Brains' and 'The Other Brains', these two contestants have played vastly different games! Bubble Bass has focused on crafting strategies, plans, and an alliance to help him get to where he is, while Private has focused on the social aspect of this game, trying to be friendly with everyone, and keeping a charming personality while doing it. These two different strategies have brought the two of them to the Final Two, but only ONE of them can walk away with the $1.4 Million Grand Prize! It's time to find out who will emerge the winner, in the half-season finale, for Total Cartoon Island Strikes Back! I can't WAIT to see how it unfolds!" / "Brains Vs. The Other Brains: The Intellectual Showdown!" / The camera opens up to show Sniz, in the middle of a giant arena, filled with a lot of audience members, but most NOTABLY, the previously eliminated contestants from this season (except Tigress), and Spongebob, Patrick, and Squidward. Sniz says: "Well, we neede to wait X amount of time for this to happen, but at long last, it's going to happen! The Final Two is going to come down to Bubble Bass and Private, Brains Vs. The Other Brains! But before our contestants come out here, we've asked them to make one final Confessional, to reveal their thought process, on how they expect the final challenge to play out! (Confessional) Bubble Bass says: "If anyone asked me if I expected to make it to the Final Two based only on my wits and LITERALLY nothing else, I would've told them they were CRAZY! But somehow, even with just BUBBLES, I managed to make it past twelve other contestants! I mean, I know a LITTLE bit of luck had to be involved, but it certainly couldn't have been ALL luck! Unless you're Orlando Bloom, NOBODY'S luck is THAT good! But, I've made it THIS far! Now it's time to see if I can go ALL the way! My only concern is the social aspect of the game. Private definitely has it over me in the popularity department! How HE managed to be born with an ACTUAL British accent, I'll probably never know! But in any other department, I probably have the edge over him! Still, it pays to expect the unexpected, so I'm not holding my breath; even though I'm a fish and have gills!" / Private says: "Initially, I thought I was here to support Rico and Kowalski in their quest to win a season of this game. But when Rico got taken out so early, I knew I had to step up to the plate! And not just for me, but for Kowalski's sake! And despite so many odds being against me, I exceeded the expectations that twelve other contestants had of me, and made it to the Final Two! There's no doubt that when it comes to the social aspect of this game, I've got it in the bag! But, seeing the way this season has been so far, I seriously doubt it's going to come down to the social aspect! And Bubble Bass, in spite of not starting with much in terms of physical prowess, actually HAS stepped up to the plate and proven more capable of holding his own in challenges! So, I'm going to have to play with everything I have in this final challenge! It's my best chance of proving that I have what it takes to be a REAL penguin commando!" (End Confessional) The two contestants step out onto the arena, from opposite sides, to thunderous applause! Sniz says: "Welcome to the battle of the BRAINY bulge! The thriller at cerebellum! The meeting of the minds! The throwdown at think town! Did I miss anything?" Wanda says: "No, I think you got them all!" Sniz says: "Private, Bubble Bass, you know out of all the contestants that came here, I NEVER would've expected EITHER of you to make it to the Final Two! BUT, seeing as how you're both here, we'll simply have to make the best of things!" Bubble Bass asks: "What is THAT supposed to mean?!" Private mockingly imitates Bubble Bass and says: "What is THAT supposed to mean?! Seriously, that's what you SOUND like! Do you even listen to yourself when you TALK?!" Squidward says: "I do! He's one of the FEW around Bikini Bottom who ACTUALLY makes SENSE to me!" Patrick says: "I can make sense!" Squidward says: "Yeah, NONSENSE! Remind me WHY I agreed to come with you two?" Spongebob says: "Because you'll be getting paid double-triple overtime COMPARED to what you normally get for a day's work at the Krusty Krab?" Squidward perks up, and says: "Oh, yes! Sweet restitution! I'm in!" Sniz says: "Anyways, the two of you have used the various aspects of your mental strength, to outplay the twelve other contestants, including Tigress, WHEREVER she currently is, who have gathered here, to see you battle against each other! And now, the ball is in THEIR court! It's time for YOU to describe to them, why YOU should be the one to win this half of a season?!" Private raises his flipper, and he says: "Ooh, can I go first?!" Bubble Bass shrugs, and says: "Eh, knock yourself out." (Confessional) Bubble Bass says: "I've been told that a LITTLE bit of courtesy can go a long way. Where to? I'm not exactly sure. I don't think I've gotten there yet." (End Confessional) Private says: "Distinguished contestants, and Tigress, if you're listening, I just want to let you know that when I was playing this game, I never beared ANY ill will towards any of you; not even Tigress! I just wanted to play to the best of my ability, and be as friendly as possible while doing it. Any moves I made, I made them because I felt like they were the right moves for me, and it was nothing personal against any of you! I just want you to know that if you decide to choose ME to be your winner, I will be a GRACEFUL winner, and I will invite ALL of you to a party at the New York City Zoo!" And everyone loudly cheers at Private's announcement! Kowalski says: "You gotta hand it to Private! He certainly knows how to CLOSE a deal!" Rico nods in agreement and says: "Bleh!" Bessie Higgenbottom says: "Oh, yeah! My great, great--." (THUD!!!!) And a giant ice ball suddenly crushes her! Katarra, unconvincingly says: "Oops! I tried to make a snow cone, and I ACCIDENTALLY made the ice too big and hard, and it FELL on Bessie!" Johnny says: "Girl, lying is REALLY not your thing! Your not GOOD at it! You'd NEVER make it trying to write Get Well Cards for people who are really sick, you're too honest!" Katarra nods, and says: "Probably." (Confessional) Katarra says: "I REALLY hope Aang agrees to come back for the NEXT half of this season. Because I honestly don't see how I could POSSIBLY hope to have a chance, against contestants who might lie and deceive me, especially when I don't really HAVE the ability to do the same thing to them!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "All right. Bubble Bass, what do you have to say?" Bubble Bass asks: "Are you kidding me? I can't TOP what Private just said! Besides, lying would go against EVERYTHING I've been trying to work towards this season! So, I guess I'll just say what everyone would expect me to say!" And Bubble Bass steps up to the microphone and loudly belches: "BURP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Theodore says: "That is the SECOND loudest belch I have ever heard! Off hand, I can't remember where I heard the FIRST loudest, but I KNOW that it was somewhere!" Sniz says: "Well, the candidates have made their words! So contestants, show your support! Will it be green for Bubble Bass, or black for Private?!" A weary Bessie Higgenbottom, Brittany Miller, Theodore Seville, Rico, Kowalski, Po, and Jenny Wakeman, all show their support for Private. Katarra, Danny Fenton, Fee, and Johnny Krill, all show their support for Bubble Bass! Danny says: "Katarra, I'm surprised that YOU'RE supporting Bubble Bass." Katarra says: "I'm supporting him because of his SHEER honesty." Sniz says: "Well, Private, you have seven supporters, that means...you have SEVEN minutes!" Private asks: "Seven minutes for what?" Sniz says: "To prepare for the FINAL challenge! You didn't THINK that it would come down to simple support did you?" Private says: "But I thought you said the ball was in their court!" Sniz says: "It was, to see how much TIME you would get to prepare for the final challenge! I mean, HELLO! Obviously, we're NOT going to do a finale like season two again! That would make it WAY too boring to watch, and no good for us in terms of ratings! And Bubble Bass, since you have four supporters, that means you have four minutes!" Bubble Bass asks: "And what are we preparing for; dare I ask?" Sniz says: "For the ultimate battle between the minds, we're going to have an ACTUAL battle, and we're going to see whose intellect is superior! Or, maybe who is luckier! Take your pick! Anyways, in our electronic storage, we have LOADS of assorted electronic doo-dads and gizmos, all confiscated from various failed schemes by Plankton and Snaptrap, for you to peruse. Using the time you have been alotted, you will have to quickly choose which devices you think, will most help you win a technological battle between the two of you!" Private says: "You mean we have to BUILD something?" Sniz says: "You catch on fast, my feathered friend! Once you've grabbed your stuff, you will build something with the stuff you managed to grab. When it is finished, you will both come out here, and your machines will fight! You can even fight IN the machines for all I care, just so long as we have a fight! And don't worry, if you are injured, Wanda is LEGALLY required to heal all of your injuries!" Squidward asks: "Hey! Why can't I have that on any of the shows that I'M a part of?" Patrick asks: "Would you rather our shows be CANCELLED like The Fairly Oddparents and YOU be out of an ACTUAL job?" (Confessional) Squidward steams, and he says: "I HATE it when DUMB WAD has a point!" / Patrick says: "I've learned quite a bit from watching Squidina work on my show. She works really hard, and has to know a lot to keep things running. While I won't pretend that I know everything that she does, I think I owe it to her to at LEAST pay attention, and hopefully, I'll remember the things that she tries to teach me!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "Since Private has the most supporters, he will go first, and have seven minutes. Bubble Bass, you may go, once our automated timer hits the four minute mark! And GO!!!!" / And during the seven minutes, the ENTIRETY of The Beatles hit song "Hey Jude", plays during Private's and Bubble Bass' collecting, than building montage. / Paul McCartney sings: "Hey, Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better. Remember to let her into your heart, then you can start to make it better. Hey, Jude, don't be afraid. You were made to go out and get her. The minute you let her under your skin, then you begin to make it better. And anytime you feel the pain; Hey, Jude, refrain. Don't carry the world upon your shoulders. For well you know that it's a fool, who plays it cool, by making his world a little colder. Nah, nah nah, nah nah, nah nah, nah nah. Hey, Jude, don't let me down. You have found her, now go and get her. Remember to let her into your heart, then you can start to make it better. So let it out and let it in. Hey, Jude, begin. You're waiting for someone to perform with. And don't you know that it's just you! Hey, Jude, you'll do. The movement you need is on your shoulder. Nah, nah nah, nah nah, nah nah, nah nah! Yeah! Hey, Jude, don't make it bad. Take a sad song and make it better. Remember to let her under your skin, then you'll begin to make it better; better, better, better, better,better... oh! Yeah, yeah, yeah! Nah, nah nah, nah nah, nah, nah, nah nah, Hey, Jude! Nah, nah nah, nah nah, nah, nah, nah nah, Hey, Jude! Nah, nah nah, nah nah, nah, nah, nah nah, Hey, Jude! Jude, Jude, Jude, Jude! Nah, nah nah, nah nah, nah, nah, nah nah, Hey, Jude! Yeah, yeah, yeah! Nah, nah nah, nah nah, nah, nah, nah nah, Hey, Jude! Nah, nah nah, nah nah, nah, nah, nah nah, Hey, Jude! (don't make it bad, Jude) Nah, nah nah, nah nah, nah, nah, nah nah, Hey, Jude! (Take a sad song and make it better!) Nah, nah nah, nah nah, nah, nah, nah nah, Hey, Jude! (Oh, Jude!) Nah, nah nah, nah nah, nah, nah, nah nah, Hey, Jude! (Jude, hey, Jude, whoa!) Nah, nah nah, nah nah, nah, nah, nah nah, Hey, Jude! Nah, nah nah, nah nah, nah, nah, nah nah, Hey, Jude! (Ooh!) Nah, nah nah, nah nah, nah, nah, nah nah, Hey, Jude! Nah, nah nah, nah nah, nah, nah, nah nah, Hey, Jude! Nah, nah nah, nah nah, nah, nah, nah nah, Hey, Jude! Nah, nah nah, nah nah, nah, nah, nah nah, Hey, Jude! Nah, nah nah, nah nah, nah, nah, nah nah, Hey, Jude!" / And the song fades out as the montage ends. / Sniz says: "Okay! The collecting and the building is over! It's time to reveal what our two geniuses have managed to build!" Private steps out first; only, he is now WEARING a metallic exo-skin over his entire body, painted black and white, to make him look like a stronger, more metallic version of himself! Brittany asks: "Is that a--?!" Po quickly interrupts: "NO! It's Metal Bird! Can't get sued with Metal Bird!" Jenny says: "Maybe it's a good thing I DIDN'T get into the Final Two after all! Not sure if I could've competed with THAT!" Sniz says: "Very impressive! Now it's time to see what Bubble Bass has built!" Bubble Bass comes out, wearing a robotic walker that looks like a silver version of the machine that Ripley wore in the finale of "Aliens"! Fee asks: "Is that the BEST machine that you could build?!" Bubble Bass says: "Hey! I only HAD four minutes to collect my stuff! This is the best that I could do with what little I was able to grab!" Fee THINKS about it, and she says: "Eh, fair enough." (Confessional) Fee says: "Don't get me wrong. Since I'm not in the Final Two, it really doesn't make much difference to me who wins or LOSES! I'm already planning my strategy for the NEXT half of this season! I'll get to be IN it with my friend, Harvey Beaks! WHOO WHOO! I am SO excited for that!" (End Confessional) Sniz says: "All right, contestants! You built, so it's time to battle! Ladies, and gentlemen, get ready, for--!" Tigress interrupts: "Why did that STUPID Cosmo LOCK the DOOR?!!!" Master Coelaceanth responds: "If Cosmo IS stupid, do you think he would've LOCKED the door?!" Kowalski's already white feathered face, SOMEHOW manages to BLANCHE even more with fear! Kowalski says: "Don't tell me they managed to make it all the way HERE!" Gordon asks: "Well, since you're NOT getting in, can I leave now?" Tigress says: "Oh, we are SO getting in!" Master Coelaceanth asks: "Oh, and just HOW do you propose to do THAT?!" Tigress says: "Well, throwing a fish is like throwing a sword, and throwing your sword always works!" Master Coelaceanth yells: "THAT'S your plan?!" Tigress says: "Maybe you didn't HEAR me! I SAID...THROWING...YOUR...SWORD...ALWAYS... WORKS!!!!" Master Coelaceanth yells as he suddenly appears plummeting from over the arena walls, and into the center of the building, followed by Gordon STILL in his truck, which lands on TOP of the undead Master Coelaceanth, and than Tigress suddenly leaps OVER the walls, and she lands on top of the truck! Tigress says: "See what I did THERE?! I just threw a SWORD...FISH!" Master Coelaceanth mutters: "Get this...!" Tigress says: "Watch your mouth! Or I WON'T help you!" Master Coelaceanth, muffled yells: "Get this MISERABLE excuse for a truck OFF!" Tigress coyly says: "Say the magic word!" Master Coelaceanth, muffled, yells: "Like, RIGHT FREAKING NOW!!!!" Tigress says: "No, the OTHER magic word!" Master Coelaceanth asks: "You're ENJOYING this, aren't you?" Tigress smiles, and says: "Only a LOT!" Master Coelacenath groans, and struggling, says: "Puh...lee...aze!" Tigress says: "Okay...now say PRETTY please with sugar, sprinkles, and a cherry on top!!!!" Master Coelaceanth LITERALLY shoots out FLAMES from around his body, melting the front half of the truck, quickly FORCING Gordon to get out! And Master Coelaceanth yells: "I'll KILL YOU!!!!" Tigress scoffs, and says: "PUH-LEESE!!!! Do you expect ME to believe THAT?! YOU can't even get RID of one lowly sea sponge!" Master Coelaceanth says: "A problem I mean to rectify IMMEDIATELY!" Sniz says: "HEY! We were about to do a challenge here! Save your vendetta for somewhere else!" Tigress says: "PUH-LEESE!!!! This STOPPED being about Master Coelaceanth's need for revenge like...ages ago!" Master Coelaceanth yells: "WHAT?!!!" Tigress says: "Oh, SURE! You COULD have been useful! I mean, hello! I don't string along guys like you unless I plan on getting good MILEAGE out of it! If you were REALLY evil, you would've outright REFUSED to say Please to me! But, since you did, you're clearly not UP to the job I thought you were! From now on, I'm on my own!" Master Coelaceanth asks: "Wait! You mean to tell me that whole point of that Please ordeal was a secret test of character?" Tigress says: "Well, DUH!!!! And you failed MISERABLY! Just like every other man who's NOT Po has done in MY life!" Po says: "YES!!!! I'm Tigress' number one man in HER life! Although, that doesn't really feel appropriate to celebrate right now for some reason." Tigress says: "Besides, are you REALLY trying to pull that whole, 'I'm undead and I won't rest until I get revenge against some weak sea sponge who can't even lift a stick with TWO marshmallows on it' thing?!" Spongebob nervously asks: "Who told you THAT?!" Tigress coyly says: "You just TOLD me, you LITERAL block-head!" (Confessional) Spongebob fumes, and he says: "Oh, I HATE it when somebody pulls THAT routine on me!" / Tigress says: "I've known Spongebob's strength from the very start! He's about as much of a threat to me, as an army of balloons is to a porcupine colony! I just want to watch him squirm, while I thrash the FLOOR with Master Coelaceanth! Besides, it will be a good warm-up for the SECOND half of the season! First, I utterly humiliate the undead guy, THAN I'll utterly humiliate Spongebob, but not before I instill a good sense of FEAR into that Sponge!" (End Confessional) Private says: "Um, not that I think that you can't do it, but, this is supposed to be OUR battle! Let us FIGHT it!" Tigress says: "Well, if we were REALLY being fair about things, Sniz would let ME fight the both of you, if you're not COWARDS!!!!" Private and Bubble Bass freeze in place and don't say a word! Tigress says: "That's what I THOUGHT! You WON'T interfere because you KNOW I would beat you in ANYTHING!!!!" Katarra says: "Except BRAINS!!!!" Tigress yells: "WHAT?!!!" Master Coelaceanth says: "An OPENING!!!!" He tries to produce lightning, but it fizzles out! Master Coelaceanth: "WHAT?! What the hey?!" He keeps TRYING to produce lightning, but NOTHING comes out! Master Coelaceanth screams: "Why isn't my lightning WORKING?!" Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Poof climb into the arena wall, and they're puffing and totally out of breath. Anti-Cosmo wheezes, and says: "We...finally, got away from that chatty parrot and that dumb dog! Remind me we should NEVER associate with dogs or birds if we can avoid them EVER again!" Anti-Poof says: "You said it!" Master Coelaceanth says: "It's about TIME you showed up! Look what your botched spell did to me!" Anti-Cosmo says: "For your information, I DIDN'T botch it! Wanda interrupted my spell by cutting off the access to my power before I could complete it! If I had known that was going to happen, of COURSE I wouldn't have cast it and left you in this incomplete state!" Master Coelaceanth says: "Well, you're here now, so cast a spell and bring me back to life again!" Anti-Poof chuckles nervously, and he says: "Uh, funny you should mention that. You see, Wanda, kind of shut off the access point for our powers. We can't restore you even though we really, REALLY want to!" Master Coelaceanth yells: "WHAT?!" Anti-Poof says: "And, your powers were ALWAYS connected to the magical source of OUR powers! When you erupted in flames to melt that truck, you used the very last little residual of magic inside of you that was left in your body. Your out of power. It's over." Master Coelaceanth rhetorically says: "Over? OVER?!!!" He bounds with a great leap towards Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Poof, and Master Coelaceanth says: "NOTHING is over as long as my body is capable of moving! If I can't use my magic, I'll simply have to kill Spongebob with nothing but brute FORCE!!!!" Spongebob says: "Come on! Why do you want to kill ME?! I'm a nice guy!" Squidward asks: "Do you want the LONG story or the short version?" Spongebob THINKS about it, and he says: "Uh, the SHORT version?" Squidward says: "Even if he DIDN'T hate you for all the reasons that he probably SHOULD hate you, he's a VILLAIN! He doesn't need a reason to hate, he's just THAT sadistic!" Master Coelaceanth says: "So, come on down and FIGHT me if you want to taste your DEATH!" Tigress moves in front of him, and he says: "You're not harming ANYBODY!" Master Coelaceanth asks: "You'd DARE fight ME?!" Tigress says: "Fight you? No, I'm going to DESTROY you!" Master Coelaceanth says: "You THINK you can destroy me?!" Tigress says: "I don't think it, I KNOW it!" Master Coelaceanth says: "Well, if I'm something that can be stopped, than JUST try to stop me!" Tigress and Master Coelaceanth begin sparring at each other, and Bubble Bass says: "Wow! I have NEVER felt so sidelined and ignored before. Now I know how Sandy felt during the majority of seasons six through eight of Spongebob Squarepants!" Marlene says: "Well, SOMEBODY has to stop this! Tigress is PHYSICALLY stronger than Master Coelaceanth, but because he's STILL undead, he can't FEEL pain, so he won't ever need to stop, whereas Tigress' strength will eventually wear out!" Private says: "I've got an idea! Gordon Quid!" Gordon says: "What do you want?!" Private says: "What exactly have you been hauling in your truck?!" Gordon says: "See? SOMEONE cares what I've been hauling!" Tigress says: "Not helping!" Gordon says: "Well, as it just so happens, I have been hauling, a whole bunch of deep fry FISH oil!" Johnny Krill nervously yells: "FISH oil?!" Squidward yells: "Fish oil?!" Bubble Bass yells: "Fish oil?!" Spongebob yells: "Fish oil?!" Master Coelaceanth yells: "Fish oil?!" Patrick yells: "Fish Oil?!" Spongebob and Squidward look at him strangely. Patrick says: "WHAT?! No one is THAT stupid!" (Confessional) Squidward says: "In some weird way, I'm beginning to think that Patrick might be right about ONE thing! The mechanations of his inner mind ARE an enigma!" (End Confessional) Private says: "Gordon, fill my firing mechanisms up with that stuff!" Gordon asks: "You WANT to help Tigress?!" Private says: "I got to! I wouldn't be a GOOD penguin spy otherwise!" Master Coelaceanth says: "You think I'm just going to LET you DOUSE me with that stuff?!" Bubble Bass says: "No, but I CAN help hold you BACK!" And Bubble Bass uses his metal pinchers, to keep Master Coelaceanth in place! Master Coelaceanth yells: "No! Let me go! Let me go!" Bubble Bass says: "After the way you threatened Spongebob? You're out of your mind!" Master Coelaceanth says: "You fool! If they douse ME, what's to stop them from dousing the REST of you?! You're seafood to them! They will HUNT you! They will EAT you! They'll destroy EVERYTHING that you cherish until there is nothing LEFT of Bikini Bottom! Is THAT what you WANT?!!!" Bubble Bass says: "YOU'RE the fool! That's NOT going to happen even if YOU are alive, so it doesn't even MATTER!" Private says: "I've got it! Sorry, Master Coelaceanth, but it's hook, line, and SINKER!!!!" And Private FIRES the hot deep fry oil onto Master Coelaceanth, turning him from an undead corpse into a gigantic fish fry! Tigress says: "A fish fry! How poetic! I've always WANTED to sink my teeth into a fresh FISH meal!!!!" Even without a functional mouth, Master Coelaceanth SOMEHOW manages to scream: "No, no, NO!!!!" And the camera turns to face Patrick as loud chomping is heard off-screen from his vantage point. Patrick says: "See? Unlike SOME shows, we have the decency to turn the camera AWAY from footage like that, even if he WAS evil!" Bubble Bass says: "Well, it looks like Master Coelaceanth's story has been wrapped up, with absolutely NO loose ends to tie up!" Than Tigress' eyes briefly glow GLOWING red, and a sinister voice lowly says: "Mwa, ha, ha, ha!" Bubble Bass says: "Than again, maybe not. But we'll deal with it during the NEXT half season IF it becomes a problem and NOT before!" Sniz says: "That's great and all, but, we STILL have a challenge to finish, and you've WASTED enough time as it is! We need to find out who are winner is! And NO more fish oil!" Private says: "Fair enough! It's time to see how strong this suit really is!" Bubble Bass says: "You're going to take me head on?" Private says: "Literally!!!!" And Private shoots like a rocket towards Bubble Bass, and the resulting collision BREAKS both of their mechanical creations apart, and the two of them are weary, wobbling on their last legs! General Barracuda says: "Come on, son! Stay up!" Kowalski says: "Don't fall down now, Private!" Sniz says: "Well, looks like it might come down to luck after all!" And in a split second difference, Bubble Bass falls down first, and Private falls RIGHT on top of him! Marlene says: "Private has pinned Bubble Bass! It's time to start the countdown! 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10! It's over! It's all over! Private has won Total Cartoon Island Strikes Back!" Kowalski rushes to Private's side, and gets him out of the wrecked metal! Kowalski says: "You did it! You did it! I knew you would! I just KNEW you would!" Private says: "Well, I don't think if I could've done it, if I hadn't have learned from you." General Barracuda comes to Bubble Bass' side, and gets him out of the wreckage. General Barracuda says: "Son..." Bubble Bass sighs, and says: "I suppose you probably hate me for failing to live up to your high expectations." General Barracuda says: "Come on! You made it to the Final Two! That's far better than I ever expected you to do! Come on, I'll buy you a dinner with the pearls I've been keeping in the lake!" Bubble Bass says: "PEARLS?!!! Those were YOUR pearls?!" General Barracuda says: "You KNOW about them?!" Bubble Bass says: "I found them in the very FIRST episode of this competition! I didn't KNOW they were yours! If I did, I never would've taken them!" General Barracuda says: "Well, they're MY retirement NEST egg...which, I'll bequeath to someday should I kick the bucket!" Bubble Bass says: "Eh, I waited THIS long to be rich! I can wait a little longer!" Private says: "No need to worry! I have decided to split the prize money evenly! An even $100,000 split between all fourteen contestants, EVEN Tigress!" Tigress says: "It was never about the money for me, just for the title! I might have lost the title THIS time! But just wait for the NEXT half of the season, and, watch out everyone!" Sniz says: "I'll fly everyone to Private's party at the New York City Zoo on my PRIVATE LEAR Jet! Fondue, I'll let YOU close off the season!" Fondue excitedly says: "Really?! I'd be glad to!" Sniz, Spongebob, Patrick, Squidward, General Barracuda, Wally, Marlene, and all the contestants get on the plane. And as it leaves over the horizon, Fondue says: "And that has been Total Cartoon Island Strikes Back! We'll be going into production pretty soon for the second half of Season Four, so when we come back, we will find out who will be participating, in Total Cartoon Legends!" Than police sirens wail, and Police Officers Bob and Nancy jump out of their police cars, and Gordon says: "That's the guy! That's who's responsible for MY suffering!" Police Officer Nancy says: "Fondue Brokowski, you are under arrest!" Fondue asks: "On what charges?!" Police Officer Nancy pulls out a list, and she says: "Hiring scab labor during a union strike, utilizing dangerous black magic known to cause effects such as baldness, temporary gigantic growth, involuntary invisibility, and the like; turning a blind eye to Anti-Cosmo's blatant cheating in regards to Tigress, letting General Barracuda help Bubble Bass have an unfair advantage in a challenge, sending contestants into a dark cave without proper cave safety equipment, utilizing LIVE cannon ammunition on a pirate ship, allowing contestants to steal and than later use a death ray laser...thingy, reckless endangerment of a contestant's life in regards to Private, allowing Bubble Bass and Po to run around naked without a proper permit, allowing four super dangerous villains to invade and distrupt a challenge simultaneously, not checking Jenny Wakeman for dangerous weaponry BEFORE she entered the competition, wrecking a dance studio and violating the terms of a deposit, and wreckless usage of deep fry fish oil in the presence of aquatic sea creatures! And let's not forget, you decided to take ALL the responsibility of ANYTHING that happened this season, Fondue!" Fondue gulps nervously, and he suddenly realizes that Sniz HAD a point after all at the beginning of the season, and all Fondue can say is: "Oh, boy! I am in SO much trouble when Sniz finds out about this." / Episode Notes: Alternate ending where Private wins. (If you're STILL reading Hayden, you can stop now. This will be the ONLY time a contestant from "The Penguins Of Madagascar" EVER wins a Final Two, really!) All other notes will be revealed when the cannon ending of this episode is written. / Personal Notes: Back when I was writing season three, I had hoped to be able to do my own version of "Run, Lola Run", by writing three different endings for the three different finalists, and thus give the fans the choice of who they wanted to see win. Unfortunately, Stephen Hillenburg dying made me realize that it would be totally inappropriate of me, to NOT honor his legacy, by not technically having Patrick win, and give Reggie Rocket the title. But now, that enough time has passed, I feel like I can write down an alternate ending, and fans can choose this to be the actual ending if they so desire. For everyone else, the real finale still waits! Enough said, true believers!

Surprise, surprise, I tempted fate (again), in regards to trying to finish this episode. But I'm going to power through this second and final part of "Dancing Machine", and get to work on brainstorming the finale! I hope you like reading this, as much as I did writing it! / After the commercials end, we focus on Marlene, who is in the dance studio with Private! Marlene says: "Welcome back to Total Cartoon Island Strikes Back! The ONLY cartoon show where it feels like as a season takes as LONG to finish as season 12 for Spongebob Squarepants!" Fondue rolls his eyes and sarcastically says: "Wow. Way to REALLY set up the self-depreciation there." Marlene says: "Well, if I DON'T do it, heaven knows someone ELSE probably would, and it probably wouldn't be pretty!" Fondue THINKS about it and says: "Fair enough." Marlene says: "I'm here to see how Private is getting ready for the dancing challenge! Private, what 'Steps', are you taking towards preparing for this challenge?" Private says: "Oh, I see what you did there! Anyways, I thought it would be good research by looking at various old dancing movies like Singing In The Rain, Grease, In The Heights, and both versions of West Side Story!" Marlene looks puzzled, and asks: "Wait! Are we allowed to NAME drop those movies?" Sniz says: "Since both he and we aren't planning on making any money off of them, than yes, he can." Marlene says: "Good! Than I don't have to prepare for a lawsuit! Heaven knows HOW we haven't had to face ANOTHER one since that AANG incident two seasons back!" Sniz says: "You said it!" Marlene says: "Anyways, getting back on track, do you think this research has helped make you a better dancer?" Private says: "Of course! But don't you think you ought to check in on the other contestants and see how THEY'RE doing?" Marlene asks: "You mean JENNY?! Well, I could, but...I don't feel like doing it!" General Barracuda says: "Wow! And I thought I was the master of not even bothering with an excuse!" Marlene says: "Can you blame me? All she does, revolves around LITERALLY downloading a dance program into her database." Private says: "You mean she FIGURATIVELY..." Marlene yells: "She LITERALLY downloads a dance program into her database! Why would I make that up?!" Private THINKS about it, and says: "I...totally don't have a response for that." Sniz says: "Don't worry about it, nobody ever does." Private asks: "And what about Bubble Bass?" General Barracuda says: "Oh, I already checked THAT out! My son was dancing along to a Paula Abdul music video!" Private asks: "Which one?" General Barracuda says: "Don't worry, we've already filmed it!" / And General Barracuda turns on an HDTV, and previously recorded footage of Bubble Bass dancing along to Paula Abdul's music video "Cold Hearted" is shown. Paula Abdul sings: "He's a cold-hearted snake, look into his eyes. He's been tellin' lies. He's a lover boy at play. He don't play by rules. Girl, don't play the fool now. You're the one givin' up the love, anytime he needs it. But you turn your back and then he's off and runnin' with the crowd. You're the one to sacrifice, anything to please him. Do you really think he thinks about you when he's out? He's a cold-hearted snake! Look into his eyes, he's been tellin' lies. He's a lover boy at play, he don't play by rules. Girl, don't play the fool now. It was only late last night, he was out there sneakin'. Then he called you up to check that you were waiting by the phone. All the world's a candy store; he's been trick or treatin'. When it comes to true love, girl; with him, there's no one home. He's a cold-hearted snake! Look into his eyes. He's been tellin' lies. He's a lover boy at play. He don't play by rules. Girl, don't play the fool now. (Musical Break) You could find somebody better, girl. He could only make you cry. You deserve somebody better, girl. Let me tell you, he's as cold as ice. He's cold as ice. He's cold as ice. Stay away from him, girl! Cold-hearted, Cold-hearted snake! Cold-hearted, Cold-hearted snake! He's a cold-hearted snake! Look into his eyes! He's been tellin' lies! He's a lover boy at play, he don't play by rules! Girl, don't play the fool! Look into his eyes! He's been tellin' lies! He don't play by rules! Girl, don't play the fool! He's a cold-hearted snake! Look into his eyes! He's been tellin' lies! He's a lover boy at play, he don't play by rules! Girl, don't play the fool! He's a cold-hearted snake, look into his eyes! He's been tellin' lies! He's a lover boy at play!" And the epic music video and dance footage ends. / Private says: "Wow! Bubble Bass really HAS been practicing! I guess that means I better bring my A game...even though so far, all I've seen THIS season is everyone else giving their B game!" Fondue says: "Look on the bright side; on the off chance you don't win THIS half of a season, you're sure to see everyone else bring their A game for the next half of the season!" Private says: "Right! What I really want to know is, what are Tigress and Master Coelaceanth doing right now? It's been quite a while since anybody has heard from them!" Sniz hears chattering in his ear-piece, and he says: "Hold everything! Cosmo just got a lock on them! They've been traveling eastbound towards this location, and they're currently at a gas station in...Madison, Wisconsin?! What are they doing in Madison, Wisconsin?!" General Barracuda says: "Well, if I WERE Tigress, and I'm SO glad I'm NOT, it would be getting a much needed attitude adjustment!" Sniz says: "Cosmo says he can patch us in through his camera feed! Let's watch and see!" / They switch the HDTV to Cosmo's live feed. Out of Gordon's commandeered big red truck, Tigress steps out, smells the air, and says: "I LOVE the smell of gasoline in the morning! It smells like VICTORY...AND REVENGE!!!!" From the back of the truck, Master Coelaceanth growls: "How come YOU get to walk around in the open while I SUFFOCATE in the back like a common ANIMAL?!" Tigress says: "Hey! It's not MY fault you're currently an undead walking corpse! If you wanted to NOT attract attention, you wouldn't have gotten yourself KILLED!" Master Coelaceanth says: "It's hard to NOT get killed when someone takes a FREAKING battle axe to your neck! The only GOOD things about being undead, is that I can't feel ANY pain in my neck, and I don't need to go to the bathroom, or eat or sleep like YOU two do!" Tigress says: "Hey! Even if I DIDN'T need to do those things, we'd STILL need to put gas in this truck! Besides, we'll get to the island soon enough! Just follow MY orders, and everything will work out perfectly!" Master Coelaceanth yells: "YOUR orders?! I'm the one who's getting REVENGE against Spongebob, and don't you DARE forget it!" Tigress asks: "Well, why should YOU get revenge?! Why do YOU even hate Spongebob in the FIRST place?! At least SQUIDWARD has valid reasons!" Master Coelaceanth says: "Well, for starters, he humiliated ALL of my men INCLUDING General Barracuda, turned HIM against me, THWARTED Trakeena's, Mesogog's, and Master Shen's attempts to DESTROY him! And let's not forget, he has the MOST annoying laugh in the HISTORY of EVER!!!! I can't wait to GRAB that sponge and BREAK him into pieces!" Tigress rolls her eyes, and says: "DON'T give me your pathetic CRAP!!!! If ANYBODY deserves to get THEIR revenge, it's GOING to be ME! And you BETTER remember that, or SO help me, I'll cut you into FISH Sticks and feed you to the dogs; INCLUDING Captain Retro! Pretty hard to get revenge if you're digested, and good luck coming back from THAT!" Master Coelaceanth groans, and he says: "Fine! You can HAVE your little revenge! It really doesn't make a difference to me WHO breaks Spongebob, just so long as he's broken!" Tigress smirks, and she says: "I knew you'd see it MY way!" Gordon says: "Um, not to interrupt what I'm sure is an ENGAGING conversation, but, you two have taken MY vehicle over a THOUSAND miles off course! You're putting a MAJOR cramp in my job with my truck company!" Tigress says: "Oh, I'm sorry! I think you're mistaking ME for someone who actually CARES about whatever STUPID product you're delivering! Which, unless they're 80 TON barbells for me to lift, than SPOILER ALERT, NO ONE CARES!!!! Now, you can either pointlessly try to pick a fight with me and end up as a PINCUSHION should I ever decide to take up sewing! Or, you can cooperate with me and receive a very valuable autograph of me worth $10 million on any memorabilia of me of your choice!" Master Coelaceanth asks: "Do you REALLY think your autograph is worth $10 million?" Tigress says: "I'm sure SOMEBODY thinks it's worth $10 million!" Cosmo forgets himself, and he says: "I sure do! Will you please autograph my shirt?!" Tigress looks at him, and she sputters: "What the FREAK is THAT?! A CAMERA?!!!" She runs for Cosmo and punches his LIGHTS out, than she grabs the camera, and she says: "Word of advice, FONDUE! You send ANYBODY else AFTER us; and they're going to WISH they were DEAD!!!!" (POW!!!!) / And the footage cuts to static, and Sniz says: "That's it, we've lost the feed!" Fondue says: "No way we can risk doing a stunt like THAT again!" Sniz says: "And besides, we've got more important things to think about! It's time for the dance challenge!" / The footage changes to the dance studio, now decked out in official competition settings, with a built in audience to view the dance challenge. Marlene says: "Gentlemen and robot built like a teenage woman, you are here because out of 14 contestants, you have SOMEHOW managed to be the best of the best this season! BOY, did I really blow it by not being a contestant THIS season! Anyways, the point is, that only ONE of you can win this challenge! Just one! We will judge your dance skills on an official zero to ten scale, with ten being the best. Sway-Sway and Buhdeuce will be helping me out in that regard!" Bubble Bass asks: "And what makes THEM qualified to be dancing judges?" Sway-Sway says: "Simple; we DANCE!" Buhdeuce says: "And we are SO good at it!" Bubble Bass says: "Dancing? Yes. Good? THAT'S...HIGHLY debatable!" Buhdeuce rolls his eyes, and says: "EVERYONE'S a critic!" Sway-Sway says: "You said it!" Marlene says: "Anyways, your order has randomly selected. Private, you will be going first. Are you ready?" Private says: "As ready as I'll ever be! This one's for YOU, Marlene!" (Confessional) Marlene says: "Someone remind me, WHY did I marry LEEROY JENKINS, AKA, Skipper, AGAIN?! I had my pick of literally ANY man who I could give the time of day to LAST season, and I chose LEEROY JENKINS?! If it weren't for that ANNOYINGLY cute dance of his...well, I guess even I can't make the RIGHT choice ALL the time!" (End Confessional) Private says: "The dance I'm doing is the Hustle! Accompanied by music from...well, The Hustle!" General Barracuda says: "Boy, does THIS song take me back!" / Sure enough, General Barracuda plays the song "The Hustle", as performed by Van McCoy & The Soul City Symphony, and Private dances along accordingly! Van McCoy sings: "Do it! Do it! Do it! Do the Hustle! Do the Hustle! (Instrumental Break) Do the Hustle! Do the Hustle! (Instrumental Break) Do the Hustle! Do it! Do the Hustle! Do the Hustle! (Instrumental Break) Do the Hustle! Do the Hustle! (Instrumental Break) Do the Hustle! Do the Hustle!" And the song and the dance routine ends. / Sniz, Fondue, and General Barracuda all applaud loudly. Sniz says: "Well, I certainly liked that routine, but it's the opinion of the JUDGES that count! Judges, what say you?" Sway-Sway says: "Personally, I prefer to schwimmy and sway. Oh, why did they need to underline THAT word in the subtitles?! 'Schwimmy' is a perfectly cromulent word! Anyways, I'd give him a 7 out of 10." Marlene says: "I like your outfit! I personally would've preferred more of an ACTUAL song, but I'll take what I can get! I'll give him a 9 out of 10!" Buhdeuce says: "Your moves were sick, dope, phat, slick, and fly!" Sway-Sway says: "Come on! How come none of HIS words got underlined in the subtitles?!" Buhdeuce says: "In other words, your moves were COOL! He gets a 9 out of 10!" Sniz says: "So, Private sets the bar high with 25 out of 30; let's see if Bubble Bass can top that!" Bubble Bass says: "I'd feel a LOT better doing this if YOU were doing the judging, DAD!" General Barracuda says: "Well, you know I can't! That's a form of nepotism! Besides, just remember what I taught you; keep your eyes on the prize, and ALWAYS follow through!" Bubble Bass says: "Follow through! I haven't been given NEARLY enough opportunities so far, but I think I can apply that!" (Confessional) Bubble Bass says: "I've been told that my appearances on any and all Spongebob related media revolve around supply and demand. IF the fans demand to see episodes that include ME in them, THAN the studio will supply them! Hopefully, all this positive development by yours truly, will result in more demand! And whatever they demand of me, I will deliver! It's all about giving the fans what they want!" (End Confessional) Bubble Bass says: "My move will be the Electric Slide, and I will be dancing to Michael Jackson's Billie Jean!" Jenny says: "What?! But you were watching Paula Abdul earlier!" Bubble Bass says: "Hello! Do you think I would DO a dance based on something you've already seen? Of course not! That would give you time to ANALYZE it and perform it better than me! Just TRY to analyze THESE moves in real time! We'll see how good of a processor you've REALLY got!" / General Barracuda plays a CD, and Bubble Bass BLOWS everyone's mind by NAILING Michael Jackson's dance routine from "Billie Jean," with only a LITTLE help from his bubbles! Michael Jackson sings: "Well, she was more like a beauty queen, from a movie scene. I said, Don't mind, but what do you mean I am the one who will dance on the floor in the round? She said I am the one who will dance on the floor in the round. She told me her name was Billie Jean, as she caused a scene. Then every head turned with eyes that dreamed of being the one who will dance on the floor in the round. People always told me, Be careful of what you do. And don't go around breaking young girls' hearts. And mother always told me, Be careful of who you love. And be careful of what you do, cause the lie becomes the truth. But Billie Jean is not my lover. She's just a girl who claims that I am the one. But the kid is not my son. She says I am the one. But the kid is not my son. Hee-hee-hee. For forty days and for forty nights, law was on her side. But who can stand when she's in demand, with her schemes and plans? Cause we danced on the floor in the round. So take my strong advice. Just remember to always think twice. (Do think twice, do think twice.) She told, My baby, we'd danced 'til three. Then she looked at me. Then showed a photo of a baby crying; said his eyes looked like mine, oh, no! Do a dance on the floor in the round, babe! People always told me, Be careful of what you do. And don't go around breaking young girls' hearts. (Don't break no heart.) But she came and stood right by me, and just the smell of sweet perfume. This happened much too soon, and she called me to her room. But Billie Jean is not my lover. She's just a girl who claims that I am the one. But the kid is not my son! (No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.) Billie Jean is not my lover. She's just a girl who claims that I am the one. But the kid is not my son. She says I am the one. But the kid is not my son. Chee-hee-hee! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo! (Musical Break) She says I am the one, but the kid is not my son. No, no, no. Billie Jean is not my lover. She's just a girl who claims that I am the one. But the kid is not my son. (No, no, no, no, no, no, no.) She says I am the one But the kid is not my son; no, no, no. She says I am the one. You know what you did! She says he is my son. Stop breaking my heart, babe! She says I am the one. But Billie Jean is not my lover. Billie Jean is not my lover. Billie Jean is not my lover. She is the one. Billie Jean is not my lover. She is the one. Don't call me Billie Jean. Billie Jean is not my lover. She is the one. She stumbled onto the scene. Billie Jean is not my lover. Billie Jean is not my lover." And the dance routine and the song ends! / Loud applause erupts from all OVER the room! Sway-Sway says: "Wow! It's been a long time since I've been FLOORED but...I've been FLOORED! 10 out of 10!" Marlene says: "A little bit of a risky choice, for reasons that I can't explain, but I personally liked it! I'll give it a 9 out of 10!" Budeuce says: "Bro, remind ME to invite HIM to our NEXT dance party! He gets a 10 out of 10; WORD!!!!" Sniz says: "And Bubble Bass has unexpectedly bumped the score to beat to be 29 out of 30! Jenny, you'll have to get a perfect 30 JUST to beat Bubble Bass' score!" Jenny says: "Don't worry about me, I've got the PERFECT dance routine! It is called, The Robot!" General Barracuda looks around, but nobody ELSE says anything, so he says: "You know, I'd say something snarky about the OBVIOUSNESS of the joke, but I think it speaks for itself!" Jenny says: "Bird boys, play the Jackson Five's Dancing Machine." Sway-Sway says: "Well, all right, we'll do it. But don't call us bird boys! I have a girlfriend!" Jenny says: "Fair enough!" / Sway-Sway changes the CD to be The Jackson Five's "Dancing Machine," where Jenny dances much like...well, a robot. The Jackson Five sing: "Dancing, dancing, dancing, she's a dancing machine! Ah, babe! Move it, baby! Automatic Systematic, full of color self contained. Tuned and channeled to your vibes. Captivating Stimulating, she's such a sexy lady. Filled with space age design. She's moving, she's grooving, dancing until the music stop now. Yeah. Rythmetic acrobatic, she's a dynamite attraction. At the drop of a coin she comes alive. Yeah. She knows what she's doing, she's super bad now. She's geared to blow your mind." At this point, to enhance her performance, Jenny turns on her lasers, but because she has her eyes closed while she's dancing, she doesn't see that she's turned her lasers all the way up to ELEVEN, and ends up causing real damage to the studio!) The Jackson Five continue singing: "Dancing, dancing, dancing, she's a dancing machine. Ah, babe. Do it, baby! Dancing, dancing, dancing, she's a dancing machine. Ah, babe. Move it baby. She's a dance, dance, dance, dance, dancing machine. Watch her get down, watch her get down. As she do, do, do her thing, right on the scene. She's a dance, dance, dance, dance, dancing machine. Watch her get down, watch her get down. As she do, do, do her thing, right on the scene. Come on, babe. Come on, babe. Babe! Babe! Shake it, baby! Shake it, babe! Babe! Babe! Babe! I like it! I love you! She's a dance, dance, dance, dance, dancing machine! Watch her get down, watch her get down! As she do, do, do her thing, right on the scene!" / But Jenny stops dancing when Sway-Sway turns OFF the CD player! She opens her eyes and asks: "Hey! Why did you kill the music?! I was just about to go into my big finish!" Fondue says: "If it were up to me, you would BE finished! You WRECKED the dance studio! My beautiful dance studio! Do you KNOW how much it COST us to rent this studio?! $17,000 in American dollars! That's money that COULD'VE gone towards curing AIDS, or Alzheimers! Or...what's that thing Gilbert Gottfried died from?!" Bubble Bass says: "Muscular Dystrophy." Fondue says: "Yeah, that! What do the JUDGES have to say about this?" Sway-Sway says: "Look, I'm not going to pretend we DON'T have to do things like dodge lasers and stuff back on Pondgea, because we do. But we did NOT sign up for this! Negative ten out of ten, bro!" Marlene says: "Normally, lasers make everything better, not worse! But, there IS always the exception to the rule! Zero out of ten!" Buhdeuce says: "You're SO lucky one of your lasers didn't hit my rump! My lady fans would be DEVASTATED if anything happened to MY rear!" Marlene says: "And by 'Lady fans', he means his mom and POSSIBLY Jelly, Jenny Quackles, and Ketta." Sniz says: "Ignore her!" Buhdeuce says: "Noted! Moving on, I'd give her a negative ten out of ten!" Sniz says: "And with a NEGATIVE 20 out of a positive 30, Jenny totally TANKS the competition!" Jenny groans, and says: "Oh, man! I KNEW I shouldn't have gotten that Spinal Tap upgrade!" Sniz says: "Bubble Bass unexpectedly wins immunity, for the final time in this half of this season! Normally, we'd have an elimination ceremony, but since there are only TWO contestants who can POSSIBLY be eliminated, that means by default, Jenny and Private, your votes for the other contestant would cancel each other out. Therefore, Bubble Bass gets the deciding vote." Private sighs in defeat, and he says: "I understand. I had a good run this season." Bubble Bass says: "Actually, I'm voting off Jenny!" Private says: "What?! But why? She's been a much better competitor than me this season!" Bubble Bass says: "Exactly! Do you know what my chances would be if I faced HER in the Final Two?! Practically non-existent! Whereas against you, I'd actually HAVE a decent chance to win! Besides, I made a promise to you, and I'm going to keep it!" Jenny says: "So that's it? You're just going to vote me off without a second thought?" Bubble Bass says: "Look, I have a very valid reason for voting you off. At least I'm being HONEST about it unlike the way SOME contestants might have lied to you." Jenny says: "At least for THAT much! At least I actually made it to the Final Three! It's not every robot who can say they held their own in a game show challenge!" Sniz says: "And with that, it's time to send the final contestant, to the Slingshot of Shame!" / The camera switches to outside, where Private and Bubble Bass already have their marshmallows, and are eating them accordingly. Jenny says: "You expect me to get in THAT thing?! You're kidding!" Sniz says: "Sometimes, I do. But NEVER about something that's mandatory like THAT! Besides, you're a robot who can FLY! You can slow DOWN your descent!" Jenny groans, and she says: "Fine! I'll do it!" And she gets into the Slingshot of Shame! Sniz says: "Anyways, you know how I hate long good-byes." Jenny says: "No, you don't!" Sniz says: "Ordinarily, I don't! But, we've got a Final Two to prepare so, see you later, alligator!" (SPROING!) Jenny says: "1954, Bill Haley and the Comets!" And she sails out of sight! Sniz says: "And then there two! Somehow, against all odds, the Final Two this season, are Bubble Bass and Private! What kind of a Final Two can we expect?!" Bubble Bass says: "Oh, I'M the brains! He's the...other brains!" Private says: "Seriously?!" Bubble Bass says: "Well, it's the best I could think of on such short notice!" Wally says: "Personally, I think it's cool! I'm so GLAD you made it to the Final Two, Bubble Bass!" Bubble Bass says: "Thank you for your vote of confidence, Wally!" Sniz says: "And there you have it! The Final Two this season is Brains Vs. the...other brains. And the world is a POORER place for it! Anyways, see how we wind up this half of season four! Will it be Bubble Bass?! Or Private?! Stay tuned for the half-season finale, next time on Total Cartoon Island Strikes Back! Your support will be greatly welcomed!" / Episode Notes: With Jenny Wakeman's elimination, all the contestants representing "My Life As A Teenage Robot" which was just her, have now been eliminated. Featured songs in this episode were "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" by Whitney Houston, "Cold Hearted" by Paula Abdul, "The Hustle by Van McCoy and the Soul City Symphony, "Billie Jean" by Michael Jackson, and "Dancing Machine" by The Jackson Five. Eliminated Contestants: 14. Bessie Higgenbottom ("The Mighty B!"); 13. Rico ("The Penguins Of Madagascar"); 12. Katarra ("Avatar: The Last Airbender"); 11. Theodore Seville ("Alvinnn!!! And The Chipmunks"); 10. Danny Fenton ("Danny Phantom"); 9. Fee ("Harvey Beaks"); 8. Brittany Miller ("Alvinnn!!! And The Chipmunks"); 7. Johnny Krill ("Spongebob Squarepants"); 6. Tigress ("Kung Fu Panda: Legends of Awesomeness"); 5. Kowalski ("The Penguins Of Madagascar"); 4. Po ("Kung Fu Panda: Legends Of Awesomeness"); 3. Jenny Wakeman ("My Life As A Teenage Robot"). Final Two: Bubble Bass "The Brains", and Private "The Other Brains". / Personal Notes: I think a major reason why it's taken me so long to finish this half of a season, is that as usual, I've taken criticisms of my work too personally. But, I have been working on trying to control and tame my Ego. Honestly, if it weren't for my Ego, most of the problems in season three probably could've been avoided. Of course, if I hadn't have made THOSE mistakes, I might not have learned from them and become a better writer for it. Anyways, I hope that learning how to not take criticisms personally, will help me write a finale people can be proud of! I don't plan to disappoint, so I'll see you when I see you! Enough said, true believers!

The fact that writers are still SOMEHOW able to write NEW Boating School episodes after 23 years and more than 12 seasons is astounding in of itself. Of course, Mrs. Puff had to blow her own plan, by NOT doing her job in at least WATCHING Spongebob take his boating exam, and FORGETTING that her walkie-talkie was STILL turned on when watching TV! Even PATRICK didn't forget THAT! Still, it is interesting to know that Mrs. Puff has wrestling skills and put them to good use. One mild nitpick, the potato got PEELED than turned into MASHED potatoes and covered with GRAVY, yet when Mrs. Puff goes to jail, the potato appears there INTACT, STILL with Mrs. Puff's hair! But, since this IS Danny Giovanni's FIRST episode on the show, I guess I can give him a beginner's pass. All in all, I'd give it an 8.8 out of 10. Enough said, true believers!

In retrospect, what probably would've made the episode "Bill And Peter's Bogus Journey" more relevant (and in some ways, more progressive in a roundabout way), is if they instead did the episode revolving around Charlie Sheen. Trust me, if I explain why, it would RUIN the joke! That's what Google is for! I wonder where and when we'll see "Seashell Seashore Party"? THAT will be a hard one to sit through! Enough said!

Happy Birthday Karate Sponge and anyone else having a birthday! Enjoy this fun Birthday GIF!

I can't think of anything to add, WhoBibbles pretty much said everything I would've said. A 10 out of 10! Enough said, true believers!

Well, if ANYONE wanted to find the answer as to how LONG a SINGLE season of an animated show can last, we now have an answer. It's THREE years (if a virus like the Corona Virus gets involved). Personally, I'm not sure what anyone was thinking giving the green light to this episode, even BEFORE the Corona Virus came around. There were only four highlights of this episode, Plankton getting BURNED to a crisp for escaping the Krusty Krab quarantine, Spongebob and Patrick having more fun in the freezer than in the Krusty Krab proper, Squidward CONVINCING Spongebob to stop Mr. Krabs, on the basis that Spongebob would NEVER be able to cook Krabby Patties again if Mr. Krabs wasn't contained, and the entire quarantined Krusty Krab getting DROPPED onto the Chum Bucket (because it's a place where NOBODY goes to)! However, I don't feel like these highlights make up for the issues that...pardon the expression...PLAGUE this episode. This episode wasn't exactly in good taste even BEFORE the Corona Virus came around, and it certainly doesn't seem in good taste now. As it is, I'd give this episode a D- at best! A 6.0 out of 10. Enough said, true believers!

"There Will Be Mr. Eugene Krabs" ("There Will Be Grease").

I listened to Jefferson Starship play LIVE two nights ago, and I listened to Alice Cooper play LIVE last night! I DARE anyone to try to top THAT!!!!

It's nice to see Pearl finally get some representation on "The Patrick Star Show". She seems slightly taller than she was during her brief cameo in "Squidina's Little Helper", but maybe that means that this show is actually ACKNOWLEDGING the passage of time, as opposed to mostly completely ignoring it. I love how when Grandpat and Mr. Krabs each told each other stories of their past, and the other one managed to poke holes in their stories! Also, who KNEW Pearl could actually sing like that?! Well, technically, I guessed it, but now we have proof! All in all, a pretty good first story for Pearl on this show, I'd give it a 9.6 out of 10. Enough said, true believers!

While this episode segment feels like a remarkable improvement over the episode segment that aired prior to this one, I feel as though this episode segment could've been better if it was slightly longer. I feel as though there were at least a couple of scenes missing. For instance, how did Patrick and Squidina get a giant animatronic robot ape in the first place?! Also, how did Grandpat suddenly become the sun?! (I know the last one is partially a "Teletubbies" joke/reference, but still...). In addition, there are also parodies of "Mister Roger's Neighborhood; Lamb-Chop's Play-along;" and "Blue's Clues." Also, we learn that Ouchie can actually speak! Whether this will be a consistent thing or used only as rule of funny, remains to be seen. Overall, I'd give this episode a 9.0 out of 10, mostly because of the two scenes that had a lack of backstory to them. Enough said, true believers!

It's the food, chocolate bunnies, chocolate eggs, jelly beans, and all that other good stuff!

Bringing Man Ray onto this show was a good idea. Trying to turn him into some kind of Thanos rip-off? Unoriginal and uninspired. In the first place, if Man Ray HAS indeed been capable of such acts of destruction all this time, he wouldn't NEED to waste his time on Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. Second, if the cops KNEW that he had that kind of technology at his disposal, there's no WAY they'd just release him on good behavior; he clearly CAN'T be trusted if he even BUILT that kind of technology in the first place! Finally, I'm not even SURE how the universe GOT restarted, let alone how the cops even remembered or KNEW that Man Ray's invention had been used in the FIRST place! It's no WONDER this episode was released on April Fool's Day, because otherwise, I'd see no justification for this episode even existing in the first place! I'd give it a D- at best! A 6.0 out of 10. Enough said!

Have to admit, that IS a pretty good artwork of Plankton!

Time to dunk just one more time!

Because it's not enough to do a basketball dunk, you got to do a basketball dunk while jumping BACKWARDS!

Happy Birthday Steel Sponge, and anybody else having a birthday! Happy Birthday Cake!