Doogle. Posted November 19, 2010 Share Posted November 19, 2010 Not really a joke, but still: Do you reckon they called the Saw series "Saw" for this conversation: "Did you see Saw?" "Yes I saw Saw." "Did you see Saw 2?" "Yes I saw Saw 2 too." "Did you see Saw 3?" "No but I saw Saw 4." "What did you see Saw 4 before you saw Saw 3 for?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wumbo Posted November 19, 2010 Share Posted November 19, 2010 Thank goodness I'm not the only one. Btw can we just change that to the whole Palin family?Anyone named "Bristol" automatically deserves to be mocked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clappy Posted November 20, 2010 Share Posted November 20, 2010 So here is a dirty/sexist joke that one of my friends told me once. In no way am I sexist, but I couldn't help but laugh my ass off and thought you guys would too As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wumbo Posted November 20, 2010 Share Posted November 20, 2010 "Did you see Saw?" "Yes, I saw Saw, so I sowed seeds, see?" "I don't see why you sowed seeds to see Saw." "See, I sowed seeds so I could see Saw, because I can't see Saw without sowing seeds, so I sowed seeds. So?" "So I see. See that seesaw over there?" "I see. So?" "So, don't you see? We could see Saw on a seesaw!' "So? I saw Saw, see? So why would I see Saw on a seesaw?" "Sow seeds, then! I see you don't want to see Saw with me on a seesaw, so sow your seeds by the sea!" "The sea? You saw my seeds?" "Si, I saw your seeds, sowed by the sea, see?" "I see. So let's see the seeds I sowed by the sea again!" "Nah, I'll see your seeds later." "I see." ...Pokesponge started it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Doogle. Posted November 20, 2010 Share Posted November 20, 2010 "Did you see Saw?" "Yes, I saw Saw, so I sowed seeds, see?" "I don't see why you sowed seeds to see Saw." "See, I sowed seeds so I could see Saw, because I can't see Saw without sowing seeds, so I sowed seeds. So?" "So I see. See that seesaw over there?" "I see. So?" "So, don't you see? We could see Saw on a seesaw!' "So? I saw Saw, see? So why would I see Saw on a seesaw?" "Sow seeds, then! I see you don't want to see Saw with me on a seesaw, so sow your seeds by the sea!" "The sea? You saw my seeds?" "Si, I saw your seeds, sowed by the sea, see?" "I see. So let's see the seeds I sowed by the sea again!" "Nah, I'll see your seeds later." "I see." ...Pokesponge started it.YAY! A new one to learn off-by-heart. Thanks for posting this Wumbo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen Posted November 21, 2010 Author Share Posted November 21, 2010 So I'm at work yesterday and the mailclerk starts handing out letters from upper management. At this point, I'm thinking "Oh crap, how am I gonna tell my family I got laid off?" Fortunately, I'm only 29 years old. You'll understand when you read the letter. Due to the current financial situation caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement. This scheme will be known as RAPE (Retire Aged People Early). Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to management to be eligible for the SHAFT scheme (Special Help After Forced Termination). Persons who have been RAPED and SHAFTED will be reviewed under the SCREW programme (Scheme Covering Retired Early Workers). A person may be RAPED once, SHAFTED twice and SCREWED as many times as Management deems appropriate. Persons who have been RAPED can only get AIDS (Additional Income for Dependants & Spouse) or HERPES (Half Earnings for Retired Personnel Early Severance). Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management. Persons who are not RAPED and are staying on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible. Management has always prided itself on the amount of SHIT it gives employees. Should you feel that you do not receive enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Manager. They have been trained to give you all the SHIT you can get. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wumbo Posted November 21, 2010 Share Posted November 21, 2010 Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clappy Posted November 21, 2010 Share Posted November 21, 2010 Heard this joke in my first year living on campus On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules: "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you a fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: "How much for a season pass?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wumbo Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Sarah Palin. Yeah, I went there. OOH DAT SCATHING POLITICAL COMMENTARY DOE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OWM Posted April 9, 2015 Share Posted April 9, 2015 I'd resurrect this zombie, but I can't come up with anything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
terminoob Posted April 10, 2015 Share Posted April 10, 2015 A man walks into a bar and says, "Ow! That hurt!" Damn. I didn't realize I peaked so early in life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wumbo Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 "Did you see Saw?" "Yes, I saw Saw, so I sowed seeds, see?" "I don't see why you sowed seeds to see Saw." "See, I sowed seeds so I could see Saw, because I can't see Saw without sowing seeds, so I sowed seeds. So?" "So I see. See that seesaw over there?" "I see. So?" "So, don't you see? We could see Saw on a seesaw!' "So? I saw Saw, see? So why would I see Saw on a seesaw?" "Sow seeds, then! I see you don't want to see Saw with me on a seesaw, so sow your seeds by the sea!" "The sea? You saw my seeds?" "Si, I saw your seeds, sowed by the sea, see?" "I see. So let's see the seeds I sowed by the sea again!" "Nah, I'll see your seeds later." "I see." ...Pokesponge started it. Holy fuck what was I on 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ron Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 are you constipated because I want to fuck the shit out of you im so sorry. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
terminoob Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 are you constipated because I want to fuck the shit out of you im so sorry. I hope you need a lobotomy because I'm gonna fuck your brains out. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clappy Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 Ouch. My jokes are so bad that they are causing me physical pain just re-reading them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
terminoob Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 An infinite number of parallel universes and yo momma's ugly in all of 'em. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clappy Posted April 11, 2015 Share Posted April 11, 2015 An infinite number of parallel universes and yo momma's ugly in all of 'em.Yo momma's so ugly she's the reason why Sonic the Hedgehog runs. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asiaworld8 Posted April 14, 2015 Share Posted April 14, 2015 So here is a dirty/sexist joke that one of my friends told me once. In no way am I sexist, but I couldn't help but laugh my ass off and thought you guys would too As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!". why are you sexist 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Clappy Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 why are you sexist Because I'm not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
asiaworld8 Posted April 15, 2015 Share Posted April 15, 2015 Because I'm not. what 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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