Hitting Rock Bottom

[70s]

Coming Soon

[70s]

S1E1 (1)- The One With TaylorÔÇÖs Cold Feet: ItÔÇÖs Rock Bottom. ItÔÇÖs populated. SpongeBob simply stumbled upon the wrong part of the town. ItÔÇÖs really a big city! Perhaps bigger than New Kelp City. In fact, itÔÇÖs probably much bigger. Bikini Bottomites have been mislead for years. There was an ancient rivalry between Rock Bottomites and Bikini Bottomites. It began in the 1400s after a war, and since then Bikini Bottomites werenÔÇÖt allowed to know there was life in Rock Bottom at all, because it would cause conflict. So what was Rock Bottom like?

Five friends were sitting in a coffee house, Java the Hut (Star Wars referencekinda). Java the Hut was their regular hangout. The friends names were Marshall, Ryan, Derek, Julie, and Caitlin. Marshall and Derek were old college roommates who had stayed friends. Derek and Ryan were roommates. Marshall and Caitlin were brother and sister, Marshall one year older. Caitlin and Julie were friends who had been living together, but Julie had recently moved out. Julie was kind of an oddball. She often performed at the coffee house with her original songs on her guitar. Caitlin was a professional chef. Marshall was a professor at Rock Bottom University, recently divorced. Ryan was an aspiring actor, currently failing, and usually in small theater productions. Derek had an office job that he was not fond of at all.

Marshall was upset about his recent divorce. It had just been finalized. Im divorced he said. Im twenty-four years old and Im divorced. Wow.

Its not like you could have stayed with her Derek said. She was a lesbian.

ÔÇ£Hot!ÔÇØ Ryan said.

ÔÇ£What Derek said,ÔÇØ Caitlin said. ÔÇ£You canÔÇÖt stay with a lesbian. And you should just annoy Mr. Horndog completely, since heÔÇÖs such a womanizing freak IÔÇÖm afraid to go into his apartment sometimes because IÔÇÖm afraid IÔÇÖll walk in on him and four naked women having some strange orgy.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£ThatÔÇÖs offensive on a million levels,ÔÇØ Ryan said. ÔÇ£IÔÇÖve been living with Derek for a year. ArenÔÇÖt you used to me yet?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Of course I am, Ryan,ÔÇØ Caitlin said. ÔÇ£IÔÇÖm allowed to make fun of people.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Yeah,ÔÇØ Julie said. ÔÇ£WeÔÇÖre all friends here.ÔÇØ

Getting back to me Marshall interjected.

ÔÇ£SomeoneÔÇÖs selfish,ÔÇØ Derek said.

Oh Marshall said, you. But really, I dont know how to not be married, you know? I wish I were married again.

Suddenly, a woman in a wet wedding dress (it was raining outside) walked into the coffee house. She was beautiful, and she was crying. Everyone was staring at her.

ÔÇ£And I wish I had a million dollars!ÔÇØ Derek kidded.

Ignoring DerekÔÇÖs comment, Caitlin went to the woman in the wedding dress. ÔÇ£Taylor?ÔÇØ she said. ÔÇ£Is that you?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Caitlin!ÔÇØ Taylor said. ÔÇ£Yes, itÔÇÖs me!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Taylor!ÔÇØ Caitlin said. ÔÇ£Guys, this is Taylor Townsend, another survivor of Neptune High School. So Taylor, what are you doing here?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£I just came here from my wedding--ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£--Figured that, yeah,ÔÇØ Derek said.

Caitlin shushed him. ÔÇ£Go on.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£I was marrying Giovanni,ÔÇØ Taylor said. ÔÇ£And right before I had to go out there to walk down the aisle, I started freaking out, thinking I had to spend the rest of my life with him. Then I realized he had a big head. Then I realized he looked EXACTLY like Mr. Potato Head! And I started to cry, and then I just didnÔÇÖt feel like I could possibly get married. I couldnÔÇÖt spend the rest of my life with him. So I climbed out the window, and I remembered that you were living here. And your apartment is right above here, so I figured you might be here. And of course I was right!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Yes,ÔÇØ Caitlin said, ÔÇ£you were right.ÔÇØ There was a silence. ÔÇ£So why wasnÔÇÖt I invited to your wedding, Taylor? We were best friends in high school. Practically inseparable.ÔÇØ

Taylor frowned. ÔÇ£Crap. I knew this would come up. Listen, I didnÔÇÖt think we were really talking anymore, so I didnÔÇÖt know if you would even want to come.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£I would have came,ÔÇØ Caitlin said. ÔÇ£You were an important part of my life, Taylor.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Aw,ÔÇØ Taylor said. ÔÇ£So could you show me where youÔÇÖre living? All my bags are in the cab and IÔÇÖd like to take them to my room.ÔÇØ

So I guess weve established shes living with me Caitlin said.

~~~

That night, the guys were in Ryan and DerekÔÇÖs apartment, drinking some beers.

So, that Taylor girl was cute Derek said.

Yeah Marshall said.

ÔÇ£That was a weird yeah,ÔÇØ Ryan said.

ÔÇ£Slow guy is right,ÔÇØ Derek said. ÔÇ£She was your sisterÔÇÖs best friend, so you knew her. What happened with the two of you in high school?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Absolutely nothing happened,ÔÇØ Marshall said, defending himself, feeling scorned. ÔÇ£Absolutely nothing at all happened, just drop it right now.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£YouÔÇÖre being too defensive for us to believe that,ÔÇØ Derek said.

ÔÇ£Yeah!ÔÇØ Ryan said. ÔÇ£What are the happenings of you and Taylor Townsend?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£The happenings?ÔÇØ Derek asked. ÔÇ£DonÔÇÖt try to sound smart. It couldnÔÇÖt suit you less. It makes you sound even more dumb.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Thanks,ÔÇØ Ryan said.

ÔÇ£No problem,ÔÇØ Derek replied.

Okay so I had a crush on Taylor in high school, Marshall said.

Derek and Ryan said, Aaawww sarcastically in unison.

ÔÇ£Shut up,ÔÇØ Marshall said. ÔÇ£ThatÔÇÖs all it was. Just a crush.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£And did you ever tell Taylor about this ÔÇÿjust a crush?ÔÇÖÔÇØ Derek asked.

ÔÇ£No,ÔÇØ Marshall said. ÔÇ£Why does that matter?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£It matters because youÔÇÖre a big baby!ÔÇØ Ryan said.

ÔÇ£Aw, thank you,ÔÇØ Marshall said.

ÔÇ£Why do we keep thanking each other?ÔÇØ Ryan asked.

I wish I knew Derek said.

ÔÇ£Yeah,ÔÇØ Marshall said.

ÔÇ£LetÔÇÖs watch TV and forget about Marshall having yet to grow a pair,ÔÇØ Derek said.

ÔÇ£Hear, hear!ÔÇØ Ryan said, and raised his bottle of beer.

~~~

The next day, everyone but Taylor was in Java the Hut. Julie was performing one of her original songs.

Ooh

Ooh

Laa

I lost the lyrics to this song

Do re mi

IÔÇÿm a vegetarian

Yay!ÔÇØ

Everyone clapped awkwardly while Julie smiled and got off the stage to enjoy some coffee with her friends. About fifteen minutes later Taylor walked in with a bag that said ÔÇ£Abercrombie and FishÔÇØ on it.

ÔÇ£WhatÔÇÖs that, Taylor?ÔÇØ Caitlin asked mockingly.

ÔÇ£Daddy cut me off,ÔÇØ Taylor said.

Well that explains it Derek said in his signature sarcastic tone.

ÔÇ£These are my new shoes that signify that I donÔÇÖt need him or his money,ÔÇØ Taylor said.

ÔÇ£So what did you use to pay for the shoes, Richie Rich?ÔÇØ Derek asked.

ÔÇ£First of all, Richie Rich was a boy,ÔÇØ Taylor said, ÔÇ£and second, my credit card.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£And who pays for that credit card?ÔÇØ Julie asked.

Daddy, Taylor said.

All five of them gave her looks.

ÔÇ£DonÔÇÖt judge me!ÔÇØ Taylor said.

ÔÇ£WeÔÇÖre gonna judge you!ÔÇØ Caitlin said. ÔÇ£Come on, weÔÇÖre going to the apartment.ÔÇØ

The six of them went upstairs to Caitlin and TaylorÔÇÖs apartment.

ÔÇ£Card,ÔÇØ Caitlin said.

ÔÇ£Why?ÔÇØ Taylor asked.

ÔÇ£YouÔÇÖre going to be introduced to the real world,ÔÇØ Caitlin said. ÔÇ£You need to get a job like the rest of us and stop relying on your father and all of his money.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£IÔÇÖm not ready to be on my own!ÔÇØ Taylor said.

ÔÇ£YouÔÇÖre twenty-three,ÔÇØ Julie said. ÔÇ£IsnÔÇÖt it kinda time? I was on my own when I was thirteen after my mother killed herself. And my dad walked out on us, my step-dad was in jail, so I lived on the street. ThatÔÇÖs why IÔÇÖm so wise and tough.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Oh, you poor girl!ÔÇØ Taylor said.

ÔÇ£Meh, IÔÇÖm fine,ÔÇØ Julie said.

ÔÇ£Alright, Taylor. ItÔÇÖs time,ÔÇØ Caitlin said. ÔÇ£Hand it over.ÔÇØ

You mean them Taylor said, and handed Caitlin several credit cards.

Caitlin cut each of them with scissors, and Taylor winced as each was destroyed. The other five smiled at her pain.

ÔÇ£Wow. The real worldÔÇÖs gonna suck, isnÔÇÖt it?ÔÇØ Taylor asked.

Yep Marshall said, staring at her, no one noticing. Im gonna love - I mean, youre gonna love it.

---

I want reviews. Thank youz.

[70s]

Wow. Over 100 views already!

I have a feeling this show's a hit.

[Ron]

Nice man!

[dragiiin123]

Do not want.

[70s]

Now it's surpassed 200 views. AMAZING!!

[dragiiin123]

NOW IT'S SURPASSED 201 VIEWS! HOT DAMN!

[Wumbo]

Spoiler

Spoiler

Do not want.

?

This is a good spin-off so far.

[Ron]

Yeah, it is.

But I've been surprised on how popular the show got. It's gotten mixed reviews.

[70s]

Spoiler

Spoiler

Yeah, it is.

But I've been surprised on how popular the show got. It's gotten mixed reviews.

Actually, it hasn't gotten any. *hint*

[Ron]

Not reviews, reviews. But people have said what they want about it.

Seek the Review Forum *hint*

[70s]

Time for a new episode of the hit show.

S1E2 (2)- The One With the Eraser on the Ground: I dont know, Caitlin said, I always thought that kissing was the best part of the night kind of like a drum roll or something.

ÔÇ£Yeah, I totally know what you mean,ÔÇØ Taylor said.

ÔÇ£Oh, I agree!ÔÇØ Julie said.

No, no, no! Ryan said. The best part of the evening is well, you know!

ÔÇ£Well of course YOU say that!ÔÇØ Taylor said.

ÔÇ£What do you mean?ÔÇØ Ryan asked.

ÔÇ£You know what she means,ÔÇØ Caitlin said.

Well the way I see it is this Derek said. Kissing is like the opening act at a concert. I like it, but Im waiting for The Fray.

ÔÇ£How long has it been since youÔÇÖve gotten The Fray?ÔÇØ Caitlin asked.

ÔÇ£How long has it been since youÔÇÿve gotten the opening act?ÔÇØ Derek asked, and took a victory sip from his coffee.

(ÔÇ£With a Little Help From My Friends (theme song) plays --

)

Marshall was teaching his class at Rock Bottom University, when his ex-wife Henrietta walked into the classroom. She simply stood there until the class ended. When all of the students were out of the classroom, Marshall simply stared at her.

Um its been a while, he said.

Yeah Henrietta said. I have something to tell you, Marshall.

ÔÇ£Alright,ÔÇØ Marshall said. ÔÇ£But if itÔÇÖs okay with you, I just need to erase the board. You can talk while I am. I swear, IÔÇÖll listen.ÔÇØ

I believe you Henrietta said. You always were good at multitasking.

Marshall started to erase the board.

ÔÇ£IÔÇÖm pregnant,ÔÇØ she said.

Then he dropped the eraser.

What what what WHAT? he said.

ÔÇ£One ÔÇÿwhatÔÇÖ would have sufficedÔǪÔÇØ Henrietta said.

ÔÇ£How are you pregnant?ÔÇØ Marshall asked.

ÔÇ£Well Marshall, when people are married they usually have sex,ÔÇØ Henrietta said.

Well yeah Marshall said, starting to realize that he had asked a rather stupid question.

ÔÇ£And when people have sex, babies tend to be made,ÔÇØ Henrietta said.

ÔÇ£I understand that part,ÔÇØ Marshall said. ÔÇ£But why did this have to happen to us? IsnÔÇÖt our life dysfunctional enough without a pregnancy?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£It wouldnÔÇÖt be a that70sguy92 spin-off without a pregnancy,ÔÇØ Henrietta said.

ÔÇ£What?ÔÇØ Marshall asked.

I didnt say anything Henrietta said. But yes, I know that this is hard to cope with, but it is what it is, and since youre the father, I figured I had to tell you. I owe you that much after all that Ive put you through in the past few months.

ÔÇ£ItÔÇÖs okay, Henrietta,ÔÇØ Marshall said.

And I am sorry with the way I ended things Henrietta said. I really am. You deserve much, much better than that.

ÔÇ£Who said itÔÇÖs over?ÔÇØ Marshall said, with a longing gaze to Henrietta. He did have a crush on Taylor, but his attraction to his ex-wife was undeniable. They had so much history together, and the two of them together simply seemed right.

ÔÇ£Marshall, our relationship - as wonderful as it was - is over,ÔÇØ Henrietta said. ÔÇ£IÔÇÖm gay. I have a girlfriend, and weÔÇÖre living together.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£But youÔÇÖre having my baby,ÔÇØ Marshall said. ÔÇ£IÔÇÖm pretty sure it isnÔÇÖt LindaÔÇÖs baby!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Yes, but I love Linda,ÔÇØ Henrietta said. ÔÇ£And I donÔÇÖt want to put either of us through a loveless relationship. Neither of us deserve that. And you donÔÇÖt want that. You donÔÇÖt want me, Marshall.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£How could I not want you?ÔÇØ Marshall asked.

ÔÇ£It simply wouldnÔÇÖt be right,ÔÇØ Henrietta said.

Thats why I love you Marshall said. Youre so intelligent, and sweet, and caring.

Henrietta sighed. ÔÇ£I really do love you too, Marshall. Just not in that way anymore.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£I love you in that way though,ÔÇØ Marshall said.

ÔÇ£IÔÇÖm not going to repeat the same thing over and over,ÔÇØ Henrietta said, starting to lose her patience. ÔÇ£WhatÔÇÖs done is done, and itÔÇÖs really as simple as that. I just figured IÔÇÖll let you know, and IÔÇÖll keep you posted on anything that happens.ÔÇØ

Marshall slowly inhaled, then exhaled. Okay, he said.

Then Henrietta left the classroom. But not before Marshall said, ÔÇ£I love you, Henrietta.ÔÇØ

Goodbye, Marshall she said wistfully.

~~~

Later that day, the six friends were in Java the Hut.

ÔÇ£Man, I really need a job,ÔÇØ Taylor said.

ÔÇ£YouÔÇÖve been saying that for a really long time,ÔÇØ Julie said. ÔÇ£Why not go and ask Frederick for a job? HeÔÇÖs the manager here.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£ThatÔÇÖs actually a good idea, Ju,ÔÇØ Taylor said. She went up to Frederick. ÔÇ£Hello. IÔÇÖm interested in a job here.ÔÇØ She smiled.

Frederick was blown away by her intense beauty. He was in love with this woman. ÔÇ£Sure,ÔÇØ he said. ÔÇ£You start tomorrow.ÔÇØ

I dont need an interview? Taylor asked.

No, no Frederick said. I have a good Waitress Radar, and I have a feeling youll be an excellent addition to our staff of highly-trained professionals.

One of the waitresses spilled coffee on a customerÔÇÖs lap.

ÔÇ£Thanks!ÔÇØ Taylor said, then walked away and sat back on the couch with Julie and Marshall.

ÔÇ£I got the job!ÔÇØ she said.

ÔÇ£Already?ÔÇØ Caitlin asked.

Yep, Taylor said. Of course, itll just be a temporary thing. I really want a job in fashion or something interesting like that, not waitress-ing.

ÔÇ£Nice word,ÔÇØ Derek said.

ÔÇ£Thank you,ÔÇØ Taylor replied.

Kids, kids, Marshall said. I know that Taylors new word is very important to you, but I have huge news. In fact, bigger than huge, its huge-ungous!

ÔÇ£Why do we care about your new word?ÔÇØ Taylor asked.

ÔÇ£Shush,ÔÇØ Marshall said.

ÔÇ£What is it, Marshall?ÔÇØ Caitlin asked.

ÔÇ£Henrietta is pregnant!ÔÇØ he exclaimed.

ÔÇ£Is it yours, or is it LindaÔÇÖs?ÔÇØ Ryan asked.

ÔÇ£Does it hurt to be that stupid?ÔÇØ Derek asked.

[70s]

You guys probably already know this, but I feel like I should add it.

Reviews appreciated.

[70s]

Over 400 views!

Thank you, readers.

You guests must be enjoying it, too or something. This is insane.

More coming when we get higher!!

[70s]

I'll attempt to post The One With the Imported Kelp tonight.

[70s]

FESTIVAL EPISODE

S1E3 (3)- The One With the Imported Kelp: Taylor went to give her friends their coffees.

Caitlin, your mocha she said, and gave Caitlin her mocha.

ÔÇ£Obrigado,ÔÇØ Caitlin said.

Julie, a cappuccino for you Taylor said, and handed it to her.

ÔÇ£Gracias!ÔÇØ Julie said.

And a boring old black coffee for Marshall Taylor teased, and gave Marshall his coffee.

ÔÇ£Merci,ÔÇØ Marshall said.

ÔÇ£HereÔÇÖs your iced coffee, Ryan.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Grazie,ÔÇØ said Ryan.

ÔÇ£And a latt?® for Derek,ÔÇØ Taylor said, and handed it to him with a smile.

I dont know another languages word for thank you, so thank you, he said.

Taylor smiled. ÔÇ£So how did I do?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Great!ÔÇØ her five friends said encouragingly.

ÔÇ£Awesome!ÔÇØ she said, and walked away.

While she had her back turned, the gang switched so they had the correct coffees.

(ÔÇ£With a Little Help From My Friends (theme) plays --

)

Ryan walked into Caitlin and TaylorÔÇÖs apartment. ÔÇ£Hey guys! Guess what!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£What?ÔÇØ Julie asked.

ÔÇ£My grandma sent me a bunch of kelp!ÔÇØ he said.

ÔÇ£Yay?ÔÇØ Caitlin said sarcastically.

ÔÇ£ItÔÇÖs not normal kelp,ÔÇØ Ryan said, and rolled his eyes as if that were some big statement. ÔÇ£ItÔÇÖs IMPORTED kelp!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Oh,ÔÇØ Julie said. ÔÇ£WhereÔÇÖs it imported from?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Frock Bottom,ÔÇØ Ryan said excitedly. (Frock is a real word. Seriously. Look it up.)

ÔÇ£ThatÔÇÖs like 30 miles away from Rock Bottom,ÔÇØ Derek said.

If that Marshall interjected.

ÔÇ£Not exactly imported,ÔÇØ Derek said.

ÔÇ£If itÔÇÖs not from Rock Bottom, itÔÇÖs imported!ÔÇØ Ryan insisted.

Fine Derek said. Cant argue with that.

ÔÇ£So will anyone try it?ÔÇØ Ryan asked.

ÔÇ£Well IÔÇÖm a vegetarian,ÔÇØ Julie said, ÔÇ£so I love kelp.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Awesome!ÔÇØ Ryan said, and handed her some of the kelp.

ÔÇ£OH MY GOD!ÔÇØ she said.

ÔÇ£What?ÔÇØ Derek said.

ÔÇ£Does it taste horrible?ÔÇØ Caitlin asked.

ÔÇ£ItÔÇÖs like an orgasm in my mouth!ÔÇØ Julie explained.

So does that mean good? Derek asked.

ÔÇ£Of course!ÔÇØ Julie said. ÔÇ£More please!ÔÇØ She took some more from Ryan.

Now I want some Caitlin said.

ÔÇ£Get your own, damn it!ÔÇØ Julie said. ÔÇ£Back off!ÔÇØ

Wow Caitlin said. That just make me want some of the kelp even more! Can I please have some? Please!

ÔÇ£Of course you can,ÔÇØ Ryan said, and gave her some.

Caitlin tasted it, and smiled. ÔÇ£This is the best thing IÔÇÖve EVER tasted. And IÔÇÖm a professional chef!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Wow!ÔÇØ Marshall said. ÔÇ£Give me some!ÔÇØ

Ô£DonÔÇÖt forget about me!ÔÇØ Derek said, and the two of them feasted on the kelp. ÔÇ£I have nothing witty to say about this. ItÔÇÖs justÔǪ delicious!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£He has nothing witty to say?ÔÇØ Ryan said. ÔÇ£I havenÔÇÖt even tried it yet, but if itÔÇÖs that good, I definitely want some, too!ÔÇØ

Ryan took some of the kelp. The five of them feasted on kelp.

~~~

While her five friends were stuffing their faces with imported kelp, Taylor was having a not-so-fun time at Java the Hut waitress-ing. She wasnt doing a great job, and she was totally stressed. She simply wasnt used to working.

ÔÇ£HereÔÇÖs your coffee, sir,ÔÇØ she said as she was walking toward a patron. But then, she suddenly tripped on the leg of the couch that led to his table, and spilled hot coffee on his lap.

ÔÇ£What the hell was that for?ÔÇØ the man asked angrily.

Ç£IÔÇÖm so sorry!ÔÇØ Taylor said. ÔÇ£IÔÇÖm a new employee!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£OBVIOUSLY!ÔÇØ the man yelled.

ÔÇ£Hey!ÔÇØ Taylor said. ÔÇ£IÔÇÖll apologize for spilling coffee on your oh-so-precious little lap, but you lose that damn temper right now or IÔÇÖll get a steaming fresh brew of coffee and spill it all over you. All over! So you can just back your arrogant ass off right now before I make you extremely sorry for ever coming to Java the Hut in the first place.ÔÇØ

Wow the man said. I think Java the Hut just permanently lost a loyal customer. He immediately got up with his coffee-stained pants and left.

ÔÇ£How loyal are you if you leave?!ÔÇØ Taylor asked angrily. ÔÇ£Good riddance!ÔÇØ

~~~

The five friends had been enjoying the kelp for a while. Julie reached her hand in the bag, then gaped. She screamed, ÔÇ£Noooooo!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£What?ÔÇØ Caitlin asked. ÔÇ£For the love of God, what is it?!ÔÇØ

Theres no more kelp, Julie said.

Oh Marshall said, and began to hyperventilate.

ÔÇ£You - You must be kidding,ÔÇØ Derek said. ÔÇ£I was planning on having sex with that kelp and marrying it. Why must it be gone?ÔÇØ

Scarcity Marshall said. Its such a bitch.

ÔÇ£Damn you, scarcity!ÔÇØ Julie said. ÔÇ£Damn you to Hell!ÔÇØ

I think I have some regular kelp in the fridge, Caitlin said. Come on, lets look. Im sure it will be just as delicious.

ÔÇ£Sure!ÔÇØ Marshall said, sounding chipper, and the five of them went over to the fridge.

ÔÇ£See, there it is!ÔÇØ Caitlin said, and grabbed the kelp. She handed Julie, Marshall, Ryan, and Derek some. All five of them took a bite at the same time.

ÔÇ£It tastes like feet,ÔÇØ Ryan said.

I cant eat that Marshall said.

ÔÇ£ThatÔÇÖs just bad,ÔÇØ Derek said. ÔÇ£And I have nothing witty to say about THAT.ÔÇØ

Thats the worst thing Ive ever tasted Caitlin said. And Im a professional chef. Ive tasted a lot of crappy food before. Thats by far the crappiest!

ÔÇ£Damn you, horrible kelp!ÔÇØ Julie yelled. ÔÇ£Damn you to Hell!ÔÇØ

~~~

Frederick called Taylor over to the counter.

ÔÇ£Yes, Frederick?ÔÇØ she asked.

ÔÇ£I donÔÇÖt think you understand what customer you forced away,ÔÇØ Frederick said, sounding just a bit worried. This concerned Taylor.

ÔÇ£Who was it?ÔÇØ she asked.

ÔÇ£That was Alejandro Fishdale,ÔÇØ Frederick said. ÔÇ£HeÔÇÖs a wealthy customer whoÔÇÖs here about five times a day to order his very expensive cup of coffee, and is constantly recommending Java the Hut to his friends. Now what do you think heÔÇÖll say? That the waitress there is a bitch - not that youÔÇÖre a bitch at all - so they shouldnÔÇÖt go there? No. That canÔÇÖt happen.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£So what do I need to do?ÔÇØ Taylor asked.

ÔÇ£HereÔÇÖs AlejandroÔÇÖs address,ÔÇØ Frederick said. ÔÇ£YouÔÇÖre gonna need to go there and apologize to him. Maybe even become his friend. Do whatever you can to bring the good name back to Java the Hut.ÔÇØ

But I hate that guy Taylor said.

ÔÇ£Just do it for your job,ÔÇØ Frederick said.

ÔÇ£What?ÔÇØ Taylor asked. ÔÇ£You mean if I donÔÇÖt do it youÔÇÖll fire me?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£HELL no!ÔÇØ Frederick said. ÔÇ£Er-- I mean, weÔÇÖll have to see. It could go either way. YouÔÇÖre just going to need to do what I ask of you.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Well, okay,ÔÇØ Taylor said. ÔÇ£Is it okay if I wait a few weeks? IÔÇÖd kinda like to get settled into this new job before taking bullets for it, yÔÇÖknow? If itÔÇÖs a good job IÔÇÖll do anything for it, if itÔÇÖs not IÔÇÖll chuck it out the window and find one thatÔÇÖs much better than it.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Take all the time you need,ÔÇØ Frederick said.

ÔÇ£Aw, thanks!ÔÇØ Taylor said.

Any time Frederick said.

The five other friends then walked in.

ÔÇ£Hey Frederick!ÔÇØ Ryan said.

ÔÇ£Yes?ÔÇØ Frederick asked.

ÔÇ£Do you guys serve that special kelp from Frock Bottom?ÔÇØ Ryan asked.

ÔÇ£No, IÔÇÖm sorry,ÔÇØ Frederick said.

ÔÇ£Damn you, Frederick!ÔÇØ Julie said. ÔÇ£Damn you to Hell!ÔÇØ

---

Reviews appreciated.

In my opinion, that's the best episode so far.

[Ron]

Spoiler

Spoiler

FESTIVAL EPISODE

S1E3 (3)- The One With the Imported Kelp: Taylor went to give her friends their coffees.

Ô£Caitlin, your mochaÔǪÔÇØ she said, and gave Caitlin her mocha.

ÔÇ£Obrigado,ÔÇØ Caitlin said.

Julie, a cappuccino for you Taylor said, and handed it to her.

ÔÇ£Gracias!ÔÇØ Julie said.

And a boring old black coffee for Marshall Taylor teased, and gave Marshall his coffee.

ÔÇ£Merci,ÔÇØ Marshall said.

ÔÇ£HereÔÇÖs your iced coffee, Ryan.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Grazie,ÔÇØ said Ryan.

ÔÇ£And a latt?® for Derek,ÔÇØ Taylor said, and handed it to him with a smile.

I dont know another languages word for thank you, so thank you, he said.

Taylor smiled. ÔÇ£So how did I do?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Great!ÔÇØ her five friends said encouragingly.

ÔÇ£Awesome!ÔÇØ she said, and walked away.

While she had her back turned, the gang switched so they had the correct coffees.

(ÔÇ£With a Little Help From My Friends (theme) plays --

)

Ryan walked into Caitlin and TaylorÔÇÖs apartment. ÔÇ£Hey guys! Guess what!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£What?ÔÇØ Julie asked.

ÔÇ£My grandma sent me a bunch of kelp!ÔÇØ he said.

ÔÇ£Yay?ÔÇØ Caitlin said sarcastically.

ÔÇ£ItÔÇÖs not normal kelp,ÔÇØ Ryan said, and rolled his eyes as if that were some big statement. ÔÇ£ItÔÇÖs IMPORTED kelp!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Oh,ÔÇØ Julie said. ÔÇ£WhereÔÇÖs it imported from?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Frock Bottom,ÔÇØ Ryan said excitedly. (Frock is a real word. Seriously. Look it up.)

ÔÇ£ThatÔÇÖs like 30 miles away from Rock Bottom,ÔÇØ Derek said.

If that Marshall interjected.

ÔÇ£Not exactly imported,ÔÇØ Derek said.

ÔÇ£If itÔÇÖs not from Rock Bottom, itÔÇÖs imported!ÔÇØ Ryan insisted.

Fine Derek said. Cant argue with that.

ÔÇ£So will anyone try it?ÔÇØ Ryan asked.

ÔÇ£Well IÔÇÖm a vegetarian,ÔÇØ Julie said, ÔÇ£so I love kelp.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Awesome!ÔÇØ Ryan said, and handed her some of the kelp.

ÔÇ£OH MY GOD!ÔÇØ she said.

ÔÇ£What?ÔÇØ Derek said.

ÔÇ£Does it taste horrible?ÔÇØ Caitlin asked.

ÔÇ£ItÔÇÖs like an orgasm in my mouth!ÔÇØ Julie explained.

So does that mean good? Derek asked.

ÔÇ£Of course!ÔÇØ Julie said. ÔÇ£More please!ÔÇØ She took some more from Ryan.

Now I want some Caitlin said.

ÔÇ£Get your own, damn it!ÔÇØ Julie said. ÔÇ£Back off!ÔÇØ

Wow Caitlin said. That just make me want some of the kelp even more! Can I please have some? Please!

ÔÇ£Of course you can,ÔÇØ Ryan said, and gave her some.

Caitlin tasted it, and smiled. ÔÇ£This is the best thing IÔÇÖve EVER tasted. And IÔÇÖm a professional chef!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Wow!ÔÇØ Marshall said. ÔÇ£Give me some!ÔÇØ

Dont forget about me! Derek said, and the two of them feasted on the kelp. I have nothing witty to say about this. Its just delicious!

ÔÇ£He has nothing witty to say?ÔÇØ Ryan said. ÔÇ£I havenÔÇÖt even tried it yet, but if itÔÇÖs that good, I definitely want some, too!ÔÇØ

Ryan took some of the kelp. The five of them feasted on kelp.

~~~

While her five friends were stuffing their faces with imported kelp, Taylor was having a not-so-fun time at Java the Hut waitress-ing. She wasnt doing a great job, and she was totally stressed. She simply wasnt used to working.

ÔÇ£HereÔÇÖs your coffee, sir,ÔÇØ she said as she was walking toward a patron. But then, she suddenly tripped on the leg of the couch that led to his table, and spilled hot coffee on his lap.

ÔÇ£What the hell was that for?ÔÇØ the man asked angrily.

ÔÇ£IÔÇÖm so sorry!ÔÇØ Taylor said. ÔÇ£IÔÇÖm a new employee!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£OBVIOUSLY!ÔÇØ the man yelled.

ÔÇ£Hey!ÔÇØ Taylor said. ÔÇ£IÔÇÖll apologize for spilling coffee on your oh-so-precious little lap, but you lose that damn temper right now or IÔÇll get a steaming fresh brew of coffee and spill it all over you. All over! So you can just back your arrogant ass off right now before I make you extremely sorry for ever coming to Java the Hut in the first place.ÔÇØ

Wow the man said. I think Java the Hut just permanently lost a loyal customer. He immediately got up with his coffee-stained pants and left.

ÔÇ£How loyal are you if you leave?!ÔÇØ Taylor asked angrily. ÔÇ£Good riddance!ÔÇØ

~~~

The five friends had been enjoying the kelp for a while. Julie reached her hand in the bag, then gaped. She screamed, ÔÇ£Noooooo!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£What?ÔÇØ Caitlin asked. ÔÇ£For the love of God, what is it?!ÔÇØ

Theres no more kelp, Julie said.

Oh Marshall said, and began to hyperventilate.

ÔÇ£You - You must be kidding,ÔÇØ Derek said. ÔÇ£I was planning on having sex with that kelp and marrying it. Why must it be gone?ÔÇØ

Scarcity Marshall said. Its such a bitch.

ÔÇ£Damn you, scarcity!ÔÇØ Julie said. ÔÇ£Damn you to Hell!ÔÇØ

I think I have some regular kelp in the fridge, Caitlin said. Come on, lets look. Im sure it will be just as delicious.

ÔÇ£Sure!ÔÇØ Marshall said, sounding chipper, and the five of them went over to the fridge.

ÔÇ£See, there it is!ÔÇØ Caitlin said, and grabbed the kelp. She handed Julie, Marshall, Ryan, and Derek some. All five of them took a bite at the same time.

ÔÇ£It tastes like feet,ÔÇØ Ryan said.

I cant eat that Marshall said.

ÔÇ£ThatÔÇÖs just bad,ÔÇØ Derek said. ÔÇ£And I have nothing witty to say about THAT.ÔÇØ

Thats the worst thing Ive ever tasted Caitlin said. And Im a professional chef. Ive tasted a lot of crappy food before. Thats by far the crappiest!

ÔÇ£Damn you, horrible kelp!ÔÇØ Julie yelled. ÔÇ£Damn you to Hell!ÔÇØ

~~~

Frederick called Taylor over to the counter.

ÔÇ£Yes, Frederick?ÔÇØ she asked.

ÔÇ£I donÔÇÖt think you understand what customer you forced away,ÔÇØ Frederick said, sounding just a bit worried. This concerned Taylor.

ÔÇ£Who was it?ÔÇØ she asked.

ÔÇ£That was Alejandro Fishdale,ÔÇØ Frederick said. ÔÇ£HeÔÇÖs a wealthy customer whoÔÇÖs here about five times a day to order his very expensive cup of coffee, and is constantly recommending Java the Hut to his friends. Now what do you think heÔÇÖll say? That the waitress there is a bitch - not that youÔÇÖre a bitch at all - so they shouldnÔÇÖt go there? No. That canÔÇÖt happen.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£So what do I need to do?ÔÇØ Taylor asked.

ÔÇ£HereÔÇÖs AlejandroÔÇÖs address,ÔÇØ Frederick said. ÔÇ£YouÔÇÖre gonna need to go there and apologize to him. Maybe even become his friend. Do whatever you can to bring the good name back to Java the Hut.ÔÇØ

But I hate that guy Taylor said.

ÔÇ£Just do it for your job,ÔÇØ Frederick said.

ÔÇ£What?ÔÇØ Taylor asked. ÔÇ£You mean if I donÔÇÖt do it youÔÇÖll fire me?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£HELL no!ÔÇØ Frederick said. ÔÇ£Er-- I mean, weÔÇÖll have to see. It could go either way. YouÔÇÖre just going to need to do what I ask of you.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Well, okay,ÔÇØ Taylor said. ÔÇ£Is it okay if I wait a few weeks? IÔÇÖd kinda like to get settled into this new job before taking bullets for it, yÔÇÖknow? If itÔÇÖs a good job IÔÇÖll do anything for it, if itÔÇÖs not IÔÇÖll chuck it out the window and find one thatÔÇÖs much better than it.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Take all the time you need,ÔÇØ Frederick said.

ÔÇ£Aw, thanks!ÔÇØ Taylor said.

Any time Frederick said.

The five other friends then walked in.

ÔÇ£Hey Frederick!ÔÇØ Ryan said.

ÔÇ£Yes?ÔÇØ Frederick asked.

ÔÇ£Do you guys serve that special kelp from Frock Bottom?ÔÇØ Ryan asked.

ÔÇ£No, IÔÇÖm sorry,ÔÇØ Frederick said.

ÔÇ£Damn you, Frederick!ÔÇØ Julie said. ÔÇ£Damn you to Hell!ÔÇØ

---

Reviews appreciated.

In my opinion, that's the best episode so far.

I COMPLETELY agree...

I laughed out loud every time Julie damned something/someone to hell...and with the ending sentence...GENIUS!! i loved every piece of it.

[70s]

Bump, just because a new episode is coming soon.

[Ron]

I was invited to guest write so here ya go:

S1E4 (4)- Episode 4: The One with a VIP Pass

A dense fog covered Rock Bottom, keeping drivers off the roads. Caitlin and Taylor sat in there apartment, Taylor on the computer and Caitlin watching TV.

ÔÇ£Okay, Foogle says that the roads will be open by noon,ÔÇØ Taylor said.

ÔÇ£ThatÔÇÖs great, now shush. I wanna see if James breaks up with Veronica,ÔÇØ replied Caitlin, absorbed in her FishVoÔÇÖd program.

Hmm, sighed Taylor. The phone suddenly rang and she rushed to answer it. Hello? YeahyeahOH MY GOD! She screamed and threw the phone down.

ÔÇ£What, what?!ÔÇØ Caitlin yelled, frightened.

ÔÇ£Derek got VIP passed to Fish IdolÔÇÖs finale! He said we have to leave ASAP!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£What?! But the roads are closed!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£ItÔÇÖs called breaking the rules! Come on! Pack!ÔÇØ Both girls rushed around the apartment packing their belongings to get to Fishywood.

~~~

ÔÇ£Okay, ready?ÔÇØ Julie, Ryan, and Derek had met up and were waiting outside Caitlin and TaylorÔÇÖs door. All at once, they barged down the door as Taylor pulled it open. They all crashed down onto the carpet.

ÔÇ£Ever heard of a knock?ÔÇØ Caitlin said, walking up.

ÔÇ£We knocked like five freakin times!ÔÇØ Julie cried.

ÔÇ£Whatever, letÔÇÖs go,ÔÇØ said Taylor.

ÔÇ£Why so eager?ÔÇØ Derek asked, smiling.

ÔÇ£ItÔÇÖs Fishywood!ÔÇØ she exclaimed. ÔÇ£I have always been destined to go there.ÔÇØ

Waitwheres Marshall? Caitlin asked, examining the group.

ÔÇ£YOU PRICK!ÔÇØ Julie screamed, turning on Derek. ÔÇ£Did you play the prank I told you not to play?ÔÇØ

Uh, said Derek.

ÔÇ£Dammit,ÔÇØ said Julie. ÔÇ£Come on.ÔÇØ

They followed Julie to MarshallÔÇÖs apartment and saw Marshall asleep in his bed.

Sohes just asleep, said Taylor.

ÔÇ£No heÔÇÖs not. Derek snuck sleeping pills into his depression medication,ÔÇØ said Julie.

ÔÇ£Derek!ÔÇØ Taylor said.

ÔÇ£Wake him up,ÔÇØ said Julie. ÔÇ£We have to go.ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£Hey, IÔÇÖm the one that got us the passes,ÇØ shouted Derek.

~~~

A few moments later, the group snuck into a car and were speeding down the road.

Okayso far, so good, said Ryan.

Suddenly, a police siren sounded in the distance.

All six friends perked up at the noise.

ÔÇ£Is it a cop?ÔÇØ Julie asked, who was driving.

ÔÇ£IÔÇÖll check,ÔÇØ said Marshall peeking over.

ÔÇ£Is it?ÔÇØ

No, its an ice cream truckoh wait.yeah, its a police car.

ÔÇ£Oh shit,ÔÇØ Julie said and slammed the pedal down.

[

starts to play]

The car zoomed down the road.

ÔÇ£Julie! You canÔÇÖt outrun the-why is it wet on my seat?ÔÇØ Taylor asked.

ÔÇ£I peed,ÔÇØ said Marshall.

ÔÇ£You peed in my car?ÔÇØ Julie yelled.

ÔÇ£Eww!ÔÇØ Ryan screeched.

ÔÇ£YouÔÇÖll get my iPads wet!ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£TheyÔÇÖre ÔÇÿpadsÔÇÖ not ÔÇÿiPadsÔÇÖ,ÔÇØ said Caitlin.

Everyone screamed as the car suddenly swerved off the street.

ÔÇ£AHHHHHHH!ÔÇØ pierced the air as the car crashed through a store.

ÔÇ£Everyone outta the car! We gotta hide!ÔÇØ Julie said, out of breath. Just as the cops swerved into the store, all five hid in different spots.

ÔÇ£Julie,ÔÇØ Ryan said.

ÔÇ£Yeah?ÔÇØ

ÔÇ£YouÔÇÖre a bitch.ÔÇØ

[Wumbo]

S1E5 (5)- Episode 5- The One With The Toy Robot

Ryan was playing with a toy robot in his apartment. He was trying to make it knock over a bunch of soup cans.

"C'mon... c'mon..." The robot successfully knocked over the soup cans.

"OH YES! OH SWEET MOTHER OF PEARL, I'M THE CHAMPION!" At that moment Derek walked in. "MVP! THAT IS ME!"

"What the hell are you doing?!" Derek demanded.

"Oh, hi, Derek." Ryan patted his toy robot lovingly. "Me and Robie (pronounced ROW-bee) were just conquering some soup cans." He pointed over, indicating the fallen soup cans.

"Uh-huh..." Derek said, unsure. "So, where did 'Robie' exactly come from?"

"I bought him at the Sand Dollar Store. Isn't he awesome?!"

Derek nodded slowly, then backed out and slammed the door.

Ryan looked down at his toy and whispered loudly to it. "I think you intimidated him."

(ÔÇ£With a Little Help From My Friends (theme song) plays --

)

Marshall, Derek, Caitlin, and Julie were hanging out at Java the Hut.

They waited until Taylor's back was turned to switch their drinks around.

"She'll learn with some practice," Caitlin said hopefully.

"Practice makes perfect," Julie agreed.

"Yeah, that's what Marshall always said about his sex life," Derek wisecracked.

Marshall, eager to change the subject, asked Derek, "Where's Ryan today?"

"He said he couldn't come. He had 'other plans'."

Cut to Ryan playing with his toy robot. "All right buddy, go for the cans! Go for the cans!" (There's stacked soup cans on the edge of the table.)

Cut back to Java the Hut. Julie said, "Well, I'm sure whatever he's doing is more important than this."

Taylor rushed back.

"Table 23?" She said in a panic.

The four friends pointed and said in unison, "That way."

"Thanks," Taylor said gratefully. She rushed over to Table 23.

---

Derek opened the door of his apartment to find Ryan still playing with that toy. "Aw, fuck..." he said to himself.

"Look, Ryan..." he began. Ryan turned his head towards Derek and started listening. "You're a grown man... sort of." Ryan appeared to be insulted. "Hey, wh-"

Derek cut him off. "Anyway, you've gotta stop playing with that toy. Get outside. Meet your friends." He held his nose. "Take a bath."

Ryan held up his robot. "He's soap-resistant," he said innocently.

Derek said, "All right, this has gone too far!" He started to run around the couch Ryan was sitting on, trying to take the robot. "Gimme the robot!"

Ryan jumped up with his robot. "No!"

"Gimme the robot!" Derek then started to run after Ryan.

"No!"

"Give it!"

"No!"

"You're an intelligent life form!"

"No!... Wait, what?"

---

Derek came back to Java the Hut, where his friends Julie, Marshall, and Caitlin were sitting.

He pulled out a broken robot from behind his back. "I got it," he said.

"Got what? A new hobby for collecting garbage?" Caitlin said bewilderedly.

"No! I got the stupid robot," Derek said.

"What stupid robot?" Julie asked.

"The one Ryan wouldn't stop playing with," Derek said.

"Wouldn't stop playing with it? That's just like the time I was over at your place, and Ryan and I rented Sea Anemones Gone Wild, and then..."

"ALL RIGHT! THAT'S ENOUGH!" said just about everyone within hearing range.

Marshall stopped and took a sip of his drink. He made a face, exasperatedly put it down and asked, "Okay, who's got my mocha latte?"

"Right here," Caitlin said.

The three switched their drinks.

----

Hope I did ya proud, 70s.