JCM Posted May 24, 2015 Share Posted May 24, 2015 In honor of SOF 5, here's a new lit based on a suggestion on the Xat. Episode 1 CNF: welp American Dad's last episode on FOX is on CNF: lmfao the continuation of the Golden Turd arc jjs: holy crap jjs: they finally continued it? jjs: (don't have it on atm) CNF: yup jjs: wow, the last episode i remember ever seeing it in was 2006 CNF: ikr jjs: although i think i recall it in that rapture episode too jjs: but it wasn't advanced much CNF: so AD premieres on TBS October 20th at 9pm ET jjs: gtg CNF: see ya CNF: im out Trophy: well it looks like xat traveled back in time again Trophy: this is becoming a daily occurrence Hayden: wait trophy I have an idea Trophy: yeah? Hayden: we've seen xat time travel enough that we're able to predict when it'll happen now Trophy: so? Hayden: so we should use it to our advantage Hayden: look up lottery numbers from september 21, 2014 and buy tickets with those numbers the next time xat takes us back in time Trophy: that's actually a really great idea Hayden: I came up with it Hayden: of course it's a great idea (ding dong) JCM: man, xat refreshed again JCM: what were you guys talking about? Hayden: nothing Trophy: nothing at all JCM: okay Hayden: let's take this to pc (the next day) CNF: welp American Dad's last episode on FOX is on Hayden: IT WORKED CNF: lmfao the continuation of the Golden Turd arc Hayden: i'm at the store buying the powerball tickets as we speak Hayden: what about you? Trophy: buying mega millions tickets jjs: holy crap jjs: they finally continued it? jjs: (don't have it on atm) Trophy: I hope this works CNF: yup jjs: wow, the last episode i remember ever seeing it in was 2006 CNF: ikr Hayden: bought my lottery tickets Hayden: troph? jjs: although i think i recall it in that rapture episode too jjs: but it wasn't advanced much Trophy: in the process of buying mine Hayden: well you better hurry it up CNF: so AD premieres on TBS October 20th at 9pm ET jjs: gtg CNF: see ya Hayden: shit we're out of time CNF: im out Trophy: okay done Trophy: whoa Trophy: hayden look at your bank account Hayden: WE'RE RICH Trophy: I can't believe it worked Trophy: this is insane Hayden: well believe it Hayden: I can't believe I didn't think of this before (ding dong) WookieDumplings: Hello, boys. Trophy: Hello...Mr. Burns? WookieDumplings: Why are these default names so stupid? Trophy: that's xat for you Hayden: who are you, noob? WookieDumplings: Who I am doesn't matter. What matters is what I want from you. Trophy: what you want from us? WookieDumplings: I found it interesting that you two purchased several winning tickets to the major lotteries at the same time. It took me many months, but I've finally managed to track you two here to this...SpongeBob chat. So tell me. What's your secret? Hayden: our secret is that we're very confident WookieDumplings: Bullshit. Trophy: do you think we're time travelers or something? WookieDumplings: Maybe. If you did travel in time, I could make it worth your while to tell me how. I could make investments, bets, and the like that would make a lot more money than those silly lotteries, and you'd receive a cut. Trophy: (pm) I don't know. Should we trust him? Hayden: (pm) nah Trophy: sorry Trophy: but we're gonna pass WookieDumplings: I was afraid you'd say that. Unfortunately for you two, your frequent visits to this chatroom isn't the only thing I know about you. Trophy: what does that mean? WookieDumplings: I sincerely hope you change your minds. Hayden: don't worry Hayden: we won't Trophy: what the fu Hayden: trophy? Hayden: what's going on? Hayden: trophy? WookieDumplings: Right on time. Hayden: what did you do to him? WookieDumplings: I'll be back tomorrow. Hayden: trophy? Hayden: trophy? Hayden: ... 9 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JCM Posted May 27, 2015 Author Share Posted May 27, 2015 Episode 2 (ding dong) Hayden: trophy? Hayden: you're back! Trophy: yeah, no thanks to that guy Hayden: what happened? Trophy: someone sent a swat team to my house Trophy: I think we know who it is Hayden: holy shit Hayden: is this a powerful businessperson or a 12 year old on twitch? Hayden: swatting, really? Trophy: hayden, this is getting scary Trophy: he knows where I live Hayden: yeah, I get it Hayden: I think we'll both need to move until we figure out how to deal with him Trophy: I don't know Trophy: leave my family? Trophy: leave my home? Hayden: it's not permanent Hayden: and it's way better than the alternative (ding dong) JCM: another xat reset Trophy: yup JCM: okay, what are you two up to? Hayden: you've caught us Hayden: we're talking about our prostitution ring JCM: very funny Trophy: (pm) I think we should tell him Trophy: (pm) we need all the help we can get Hayden: (pm) the fewer people who know about this, the better Hayden: (pm) besides, he'll probably get pissy that we didn't include him (ding dong) JCM has made SnugglyBoo a member JCM: who you SnugglyBoo: A friend of Hay's and Troph's. Trophy: (pm) shit, he's not supposed to be here until tomorrow SnugglyBoo: I'm just stopping by to see how Trophy liked his present Trophy: I loved it Trophy: you're the king of gift-giving SnugglyBoo: Thank you. SnugglyBoo: Man, these default names suck. Hayden: at least your avatars fit you JCM: is there something i'm missing? JCM: who's lex luthor? Hayden: superman's arch nemesis JCM: you know what i mean Trophy: like he said Trophy: he's a friend of ours SnugglyBoo: Oh, and Hayden. your present will be coming soon. Hayden: NO JCM: ? Hayden: that's Hayden: unnecessary SnugglyBoo: No, I insist. It's only fair. Hayden: (pm) I'm getting the hell out of here right now Hayden: (pm) whether you want to follow suit is up to you Trophy: (pm) fine JCM: so luthor JCM: how do you know hayden and trophy? SnugglyBoo: We have a history together. SnugglyBoo: Isn't that right? Trophy: that's correct Hayden: (pm) okay, i booked my flight Hayden: (pm) tell me somebody just joined and I didn't see them Trophy: (pm) no Trophy: (pm) why? Hayden: (pm) I heard a doorbell Trophy: (pm) that wasn't xat Hayden: (pm) maybe it's a relative Hayden: (pm) a neighbor Trophy: (pm) yeah, probably Trophy: (pm) doesn't hurt to check Hayden: (pm) it's a package Hayden: (pm) should i open it? Trophy: (pm) i would not recommend that JCM: you three have been relatively quiet SnugglyBoo: Sorry, I was taking a call. SnugglyBoo: Do you like your present, Hayden? Hayden: I haven't opened it Hayden: nor do I plan to SnugglyBoo: Huh? SnugglyBoo: But it was made special for you. Hayden: I don't care Hayden: you can tell whoever left this package here to take it back JCM: it's not like you to turn down a prize, hay Hayden: then maybe you don't know me as well as you think you do JCM: where did he go? (ding dong) Hayden: mobile xat, bitches Trophy: (pm) where are you? Hayden: (pm) I'm on the way to the bus stop Hayden: (pm) like I'd stay there so he could keep screwing with me Trophy: (pm) what did you do with the package? Hayden: (pm) I just left it there Hayden: (pm) I'm sure he'll take it back la Hayden: (pm) oh shit Trophy: (pm) what happened? Hayden: (pm) the package Hayden: (pm) just exploded Hayden: (pm) my house Hayden: (pm) is gone JCM: sooo JCM: has anyone watched any good shows lately? 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cha Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 if i'm ever in this can I have the Hello Kitty icon, ily Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JCM Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 Episode 3 Hayden: YOU DICK Hayden: YOU BLEW UP MY HOUSE JCM: wha? Hayden: Trophy, I've changed my mind Hayden: I want the world to know how much of an asshole this guy is! SnugglyBoo: If you must. Hayden: Earlier today, we were minding our own business when Mr. Burns or Mr. Luthor or whoever he is came all up in our dojo and started grilling us asking us if we were time travelers or something, which is insane, but we played along, hoping he'd go away. However, it turns out he knows where we live, and he ju Hayden: DAMMIT XAT WHY YOU CUT ME OFF Hayden: And he just got Trophy's house raided by a swat team and my house blown the hell up! JCM: is this true? SnugglyBoo: Guilty as charged. JCM: why didn't you guys tell me about this earlier? Trophy: because he's a psycho! Trophy: time travel? really? SnugglyBoo: If you didn't get those lottery winnings through time travel, explain how you got them. Hayden: the same way everyone else gets them Hayden: luck JCM: wait, why didn't you two mention winning the lottery before? Hayden: we did, but you're always so behind Hayden: you probably didn't notice JCM: yet you neglected to tell me that's the reason luthor stalked you in the first place? Hayden: whose side are you on? Trophy: all that matters is that we're not time travelers Trophy: got it, whoever you are? SnugglyBoo: I don't believe you. SnugglyBoo: Also, if you prefer to call me by a name, just call me Chief. Hayden: go back to your tribal lands, chief SnugglyBoo: I have to give it to you, fish boy. Hayden: it's a magikarp! SnugglyBoo: I did not expect you to be alive right now. SnugglyBoo: You're quite the survivor. Hayden: yeah Hayden: no thanks to you SnugglyBoo: Don't take what I'm doing personally. SnugglyBoo: I only need one of you alive to get the answers I need. Trophy: you aren't getting them Trophy: because they don't exist Hayden: and even if they did exist, we wouldn't tell you shit! Hayden: you may know where we live now, but you won't for long SnugglyBoo: Why? Because of that flight you booked to the Hamptons? Hayden: ... SnugglyBoo: I have eyes and ears everywhere. Hayden: if that were true, then you'd know that I only booked that flight to distract you, chief boo SnugglyBoo: What? Hayden: I never had any intentions of going to the hamptons, even though I heard it's lovely this time of year Hayden: I'm currently on a bus to somewhere you'll never find me SnugglyBoo: That's a shame, then. SnugglyBoo: Now I'll have to kill your friend instead. JCM: you're not killing anybody JCM: I'm still not entirely sure what's going on, but death threats are a no-no here SnugglyBoo: I apologize. Trophy: anyway, you'll have just as much trouble killing me as you'll have killing hay Trophy: I left just as soon as I heard about what you did to his house Trophy: and judging by what you've just said, I couldn't have done it at a better time SnugglyBoo: You and the fish may think you're so smart, but we've tracked you down once and we can do it again. Trophy: it's a magikarp Hayden: it's a magikarp Trophy: jinx SnugglyBoo: When I find you two, I'll make you both wish you were dead, and after I get all the information I need, I will happily grant those wishes. JCM has kicked SnugglyBoo JCM: can't say i didn't warn him Hayden: what a sore loser Trophy: so much for this not being permanent Trophy: if I return home, it won't be long before I'm a corpse Hayden: at least you have a home to return to Hayden: wait Hayden: why aren't you on mobile xat like me? Trophy: because Trophy: i haven't actually left yet Trophy: i just said i did so chief wouldn't send a drone here or something Hayden: how do you know he won't anyway? Hayden: he obviously has no respect for property rights Hayden: you have to get out of there Trophy: I know Trophy: I will Trophy: I just have to pack some stuff up, say goodbye to my folks, call the school Hayden: call the school? Hayden: you're not going to a funeral! Hayden: you're fleeing from a madman! Trophy: okay Trophy: I'll just leave a note, then Trophy: man, this is harder than I thought Hayden: just remember that if you don't do this, you'll play right into chief's hands JCM: are you guys sure that time traveling stuff he said was bs? Hayden: of course it is Hayden: you don't actually believe him, do you? JCM: no JCM: of course not (the next day) jjs: gtg CNF: see ya CNF: im out SOF: BOO @xat time travel JCM: yeah JCM: boo JCM: SOF, have you seen Hayden or Trophy around? SOF: no SOF: why? JCM: because they have some serious explaining to do JCM: 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JCM Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 Episode 4 (ding dong) JCM: Trophy! JCM: there you are! Trophy: hi jcm JCM: something weird happened today, and i think it's connected to what's going on with you and hayden Trophy: something weird? what? JCM: i just made a post on sbc, and i noticed its timestamp was from september 21 of last year JCM: i thought it was a glitch, but then i came to this tab and saw that xat "time traveled" back to, surprise surprise, september 21 of last year Trophy: you were right Trophy: it was a glitch JCM: no, no JCM: i think xat took me back in time JCM: and i think you know more than you're letting on Trophy: jcm, you're starting to sound as crazy as that chief guy JCM: and I'm starting to think that chief guy isn't crazy JCM: how exactly did you two manage to win the lottery? Trophy: like hay said, it was luck JCM: yeah right JCM: i know you two used xat's time travel to win the lottery, and i'm really miffed you didn't tell me Trophy: why don't you go back in time and get some winning lottery tickets for yourself if you're so sure JCM: and end up in the same boat as you? JCM: no thank you Trophy: hey, we lost chief JCM: but he's going to find you again JCM: you should just tell him the truth (ding dong) Aquatic Nuggets: wassup? Trophy: AN! Trophy: you couldn't have come at a better time JCM: this discussion isn't over, troph Aquatic Nuggets: did i interrupt some juicy drama? (ding dong) Aquatic Nuggets: cha Unlimitedcha: nugs Aquatic Nuggets: shit is going down between jcm and trophy Aquatic Nuggets: you came just in time to watch with me Unlimitedcha: cool! Trophy: nothing Trophy: nothing's going down JCM (pm): should i tell them or should you? Trophy (pm): come on man Trophy (pm): do we need to bring more people into this? (ding dong) Hayden: full house Aquatic Nuggets: fresh prince of bel-air Trophy: Hayden, he knows Hayden: who? nuggets? Trophy: no Trophy: jcm knows JCM: and jcm's mad Hayden: oh no Hayden: jcm's mad Hayden: what will become of the world now? JCM: Nuggets, Cha, SOF JCM: when xat time travels, it really time travels JCM: and trophy and hayden have been keeping this from us SOF: what? Unlimitedcha: no wai! Aquatic Nuggets: that's not cool Trophy: I guess our secret's out, then Hayden: rip our secret Hayden: two days ago-now Trophy: none of you can tell chief, though Unlimitedcha: who? Hayden: the big bad guy who wants to use our secret to take over the world or something JCM: why can't you just tell him? JCM: at least he'll stop attacking you Hayden: no, he'll probably kill us as soon as we give him the secret Hayden: he already tried that with us once Hayden: there's nothing stopping him from doing it again SOF: wait he tried to kill you? Trophy: yeah, and he'll probably try to kill you all too once he finds out you know the secret Aquatic Nuggets: i heard nothing SOF: me neither Unlimitedcha: secret? what secret? Trophy: aand they're gone Hayden: great job putting their lives at risk jcm JCM: chief wouldn't target them JCM: i doubt he could even find them JCM: if you hadn't bought those lottery tickets i doubt he would have found you Trophy: are you sure about that? JCM: of course i am JCM: hold on i just got an email from someone Hayden: how exciting JCM: that's strange JCM: it doesn't have a subject line JCM: wtf Trophy: what's it say? JCM: "Tell me everything you know about the men who call themselves Trophy and Hayden" JCM: "If you don't" JCM: "We'll come for you" Trophy: he's bluffing JCM: he sent this to my school email JCM: i don't use this email on sbc or anywhere online JCM: he knows where i live Trophy: are you going to tell him our secret? Hayden: jcm, don't JCM: i'll get back to you later JCM: i need some time to think 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JCM Posted June 6, 2015 Author Share Posted June 6, 2015 Episode 5 Trophy: jcm hasn't said anything for almost an hour Hayden: maybe he went to sleep Hayden: betraying his friends must have been exhausting Trophy: we don't know that he betrayed us tho Hayden: of course he did Hayden: he blabbed to cha, sof, and nuggets without getting threatened Hayden: he was probably eager to tell chief everything he knew Trophy: we just have to stay optimistic Hayden: optimistic schmoptimistic Hayden: i can't wait until he comes back so i can give him a piece of my mind JCM: back Trophy: wb Hayden: weebee Hayden: we were just talking about you JCM: i saw JCM: if you want to know why i was gone so long, i took a short nap before deciding what i'd do Hayden: knew it JCM: and i responded to chief Trophy: what did you tell him? JCM: i told him the truth JCM: trophy and hayden are two dudes i talk to on a spongebob chat JCM: and nothing else Trophy: really? JCM: yeah JCM: i still don't agree with keeping xat's time travel capabilities a secret JCM: but you guys are the ones who originally discovered it so i'll respect your wishes for now Hayden: how big of you Trophy: we really appreciate what you're doing man JCM: you better, cause i'm now on chief's hit list JCM: i'll have to move away JCM: change my name To change your name or picture click on this: JCM JCM: NO SHUT UP XAT Trophy: if you need someplace to hide from chief, i can hook you up (ding dong) Hayden: speak of the devil Chief: I figure out how to change my stupid name, and I get a stupid avatar. Trophy: what do you have against cookie monster? Hayden: yeah cm's a baller JCM: listen, chief, i told you everything i know Chief: No, you didn't, but it doesn't matter now. JCM: It doesn't? Chief: No. Chief: Do you really think you were the only person we emailed today? Chief: We connected Hayden and Trophy to a SpongeBob forum and sent emails to every active member of the forum. Trophy: oh shit Chief: I even told them to look up your school email, JCM, because I'm particularly interested in you. JCM: me? JCM: why? Chief: You seem like a man of honor. JCM: i'll be whatever you want me to be if you don't blow up my house Chief: That won't be necessary. Chief: I already have the information I need. Chief: Somebody else told me. Hayden: really? Hayden: then enlighten us Hayden: how are we time traveling? Chief: You do it through this thing we're on, this chat site. Trophy: xat? Chief: Yeah. Chief: I'm not sure of the details, but it apparently goes back in time once a day. Hayden: that's ridiculous! Chief: I don't think it is. Chief: I had men do full sweeps of your homes, looking for DeLoreans and police boxes, when the answer was in front of me this whole time. Chief: I feel like such a fool. Hayden: you are a fool Hayden: and you're wrong Chief: Then I'm sure you won't mind if I stay here for the next 24 hours. Hayden: of course we don't Hayden: right trophy? Trophy: uhh Hayden: right jcm? JCM: as long as you follow the rules Hayden: that's the spirit! Chief: Don't worry. Chief: I won't be threatening any of you anymore. Chief: I won't need to. Trophy: what does that mean? Chief: It just means that time traveling will make disposing of pests a lot easier. Trophy: I think that's a threat Trophy: JCM, kick him! Chief: I was just starting to like you again, JCM. Chief: I'd hate for you to be considered one of those pests. JCM: i should really be going back to sleep Trophy: JCM! Trophy: he's gone Hayden: pussy Chief: Looks like it's just the three of us again. Trophy: yeah Trophy: looks like 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JCM Posted June 9, 2015 Author Share Posted June 9, 2015 Episode 6 (ding dong) jjs: who's chief Trophy: jjs! Trophy: I haven't seen your present self in days! jjs: ookay jjs: do either of you know who chief is? Hayden: nope Trophy: never heard of him jjs: you there, chief? jjs has kicked Chief jjs: I guess not Trophy: (pm) why hasn't chief come back yet? Trophy: (pm) he can't spy on xat for 24 hours without being on xat Hayden: (pm) maybe he never planned to spy on xat for that long in the first place Trophy: (pm) huh? Hayden: (pm) think about it Hayden: (pm) he knows the exact moment we bought those lottery tickets Hayden: (pm) he could just wait until then to stop by Trophy: (pm) then why did he say he'd be here for 24 hours? Hayden: (pm) he wanted to scare us Hayden: (pm) probably just left his computer running to make it seem like he was here while he was really gone Trophy: (pm) that's pretty demented Hayden: (pm) but it worked Hayden: (pm) I've been so distracted by him I haven't been able to focus on coming up with a plan Trophy: (pm) you'll be able to focus now, though, right? Hayden: (pm) of course Hayden: (pm) I've got nothing Trophy: (pm) maybe we should just figure out a way to shut off the time travel before chief uses it Hayden: (pm) shut off the time travel? Hayden: (pm) we don't even know how the time travel works Hayden: (pm) we just know it's there Trophy: (pm) then we find the person who coded in the time travel Hayden: (pm) who? Hayden: (pm) the creator of xat? Hayden: (pm) nobody knows who he is Trophy: (pm) what do we know about him? Hayden: (pm) he's some rich british guy Hayden: (pm) visits the help xat randomly Trophy: (pm) then let's start there xat.com/help (ding dong) Trophy: is the owner here? Flying Ace: We have several owners. Trophy: I mean the owner owner Flying Ace: Oh. Flying Ace: No, he's not here. Flying Ace: Why? Hayden: we need to talk to him about something xat-related Flying Ace: You can talk to us. Flying Ace: This is the help xat, after all. Flying Ace: I'm sure there's someone here who can answer your question. Trophy: No, this is something only the owner can know about. Flying Ace: Hmm. Flying Ace: Well, the owner isn't here a lot, but you're free to stay and wait for him. Hayden: free to? Hayden: I didn't know I needed permission Flying Ace: You know what I mean. Trophy: thank you for the help Flying Ace: No problem. Flying Ace: Your fish friend looks like a bit of a troublemaker, though. Hayden: it's a magikarp Flying Ace: You might want to keep him under control while speaking to the owner. Hayden: I can read everything you're saying, you know Flying Ace: I know. Hayden: do you want to fight bitch Hayden: I could drop you Trophy: nobody dropping anyone Flying Ace: On second thought, Magiprick not free to stay here. Hayden: magiprick Hayden: that's clever Flying Ace has banned Hayden forever Trophy: how did you do that? Trophy: you're a guest Flying Ace: I'm actually an owner in stealth mode. Flying Ace: Lets me weed out the bad eggs. Flying Ace: Guess my cover's blown now, though. Trophy: that's cool, but you could you unban my friend? Trophy: he's actually nice when you get to know him Flying Ace: I'm sure he is. Flying Ace: I'm still not unbanning him. has un-banned Hayden Hayden: yeah boi : Oh, Ace. : Have you no mercy? Flying Ace: Oh, shit, Flying Ace: It's the owner. 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JCM Posted June 12, 2015 Author Share Posted June 12, 2015 Episode 7 : Hello, Trophy and Hayden : What brings you to the help xat? Hayden: we need help obvi Trophy: is there somewhere we can speak in private? : Say no more. : Now it's just us three. Trophy: where did everyone else go? : Let's just say they're in another dimension. Hayden: I'm glad to be rid of flying ass at least : Please excuse my friend. : He goes a bit mad with power sometimes. Hayden: understatement of the century Trophy: alrighty then Trophy: back to the matter at hand Trophy: we came to the help xat looking for you : Looking for me? : I'm flattered. Hayden: don't be Hayden: you've caused nothing but headaches for us Hayden: even though it's been pretty fun being a millionaire : How have I caused you headaches? Trophy: does xat time travel ring a bell? : No. Hayden: cut the crap Hayden: we know xat can travel back in time, and we know you're behind it: ... : I see. : And what do you expect me to pay for your silence? Trophy: we're not here to bribe you Hayden: well Trophy: hayden Hayden: okay Hayden: we're not here to bribe you Trophy: we want you to shut it off : If I could shut it off, I would have done so already : You think it hasn't been just as much of a headache for me? Trophy: aren't you the one who coded it? : No. : God no. : Xat is controlled by forces more powerful than any of us. Trophy: huh? : You notice that little blue planet in the logo? : That's the home planet of the people who built this website. Hayden: aliens? really? Hayden: you have to try better than that Trophy: hayden, I think he's telling the truth : It's okay. : I've been their human proxy for years and I still have trouble believing it. Trophy: why would aliens want to run a site like xat? : Isn't it obvious? : They get to monitor human conversations and thus learn more about our culture. Hayden: this is insane Hayden: more insane than the time travel Hayden: more insane than everything Trophy: speaking of the time travel Trophy: why did the aliens include it? : They never told me. : They also never told me why they included the dimension hopping mechanism, though it's proven useful. Hayden: wait, we're really in another dimension? : Yep. Trophy: why are you telling us all this? : Because it feels nice having other people in on the secret, among other things. : You know, you two are the first to figure out Xat's time traveling capabilities. : I know this because the aliens told me. Trophy: the aliens know about us? : Indeed. : They're the ones who told me to come here and speak to you. Hayden: so this was all planned? Hayden: these revelations? Hayden: everything? : Yes. : I played dumb at first to test you. : The folks up there say they have big plans for you two. Hayden: big plans Hayden: wonderful Trophy: what kind of big plans are you talking about? : That I don't know. : We'll just have to wait and see. Hayden: we don't have much time to wait and see considering chief will be coming after us tomorrow : Chief? : I wasn't told about a Chief. : Nevertheless, I'm sure my friends will take care of them. Trophy: how can we know that? : You're valuable to them. : They won't let anything or anyone hurt you. : Trust me. Hayden: trust you? Hayden: you started out this discussion lying to us : And I apologize. : But the true owners of this website work in mysterious ways. : And I know better than to question them. Hayden: if there even is a "them" Trophy: hayden Trophy: look outside Hayden: holy shit Hayden: my house is floating in the middle of a white void : Yes, this a good dimension to go to when you need some time alone. Hayden: okay Hayden: I believe you Hayden: can we go back now? : Done. Flying Ace: Where were you guys? Hayden: just talking Hayden: me and the owner are best buddies now Flying Ace: That's... Flying Ace: Delightful. Trophy: we should get going now : See you both soon! : Very soon. xat.com/sbcommunity (ding dong) Hayden: jesus Hayden: aliens jjs: what about aliens? Trophy: it's his favorite movie Trophy: gotta love that james cameron Trophy: (pm) you need to be more careful Hayden: (pm) I'm sorry if I'm still trying to process all this Hayden: (pm) this is a lot Trophy: (pm) well, they have a chance tomorrow to put their money where their mouths are (the next day) Chief: Finally. Chief: In just a few minutes, I'll be able to cement my place in history. Hayden: I can assure you, you're wasting your time. Trophy: yeah, just leave Trophy: before you humiliate yourself Chief: It's amusing to see how desperate you are. Chief: I'll miss you. Chief: I really will. Hayden: the feeling's not mutual Chief: OH GOD Trophy: what Chief: ASDFGHJKKKK Hayden: did chief just experience his first orgasm Chief: Chief is no more. Trophy: then who's speaking? Chief: You know who is speaking. CNF: welp American Dad's last episode on FOX is on Chief: You'll hear from us again. CNF: lmfao the continuation of the Golden Turd arc Trophy: the aliens just killed chief jjs: holy crap Hayden: old jjs said it best 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JCM Posted June 13, 2015 Author Share Posted June 13, 2015 In honor of XTT's spin-off contest win, I've created a logo for it. Check it out! 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JCM Posted June 20, 2015 Author Share Posted June 20, 2015 Episode 8 (ding dong) JCM: trophy? JCM: hayden? JCM: were you able to stop chief? Hayden: yeah Hayden: no thanks to you JCM: i'll admit JCM: it was douchey for me to leave the way i did, but i'm not good in these types of situations Trophy: it's okay Trophy: chief won't be a problem anymore JCM: how do you know that? Trophy: he's dead JCM: you killed him? Hayden: of course we didn't kill him JCM: then how do you know he's dead? Trophy: we just do Hayden: and we wouldn't have had to do anything if you didn't snitch on us in the first place JCM: well, it doesn't matter anymore JCM: chief is dead, so we're all safe JCM: right? Trophy: right Hayden: (pm) did you just get an email from admin@xat.com? Trophy: (pm) yeah, i did Trophy: (pm) he wants us to meet him here tonight at 9:00 Trophy: (pm) what if there's still people on? Hayden: (pm) i have a feeling we won't have to worry about that (9:00) JCM has made a member JCM: not again JCM has kicked Trophy: wait! JCM: that's strange JCM: he's still here Trophy: and now you aren't Hayden: jcm? : Welcome to the other dimension! Trophy: what did you want us for? : The aliens have a task for you two. Hayden: they couldn't tell us themselves? : They're very busy. : And like I said, I'm their human proxy. Trophy: they certainly weren't too busy to kill chief : They took care of your Chief problem? : I said they would. Hayden: so you were right, mystery man Hayden: whoop dee doo Trophy: what do the aliens want us for? : They want to use you to test out new features. : Become their guinea pigs, if you will. Hayden: guinea pigs? Hayden: we're our own men! Hayden: isn't that right, trophy? Trophy: ehhh Trophy: testing out features doesn't sound too bad Trophy: and i'd rather not end up like chief Hayden: you're a coward Hayden: but you're a smart coward Hayden: i'm in, too : Lovely. : The first feature you need to test out is the /nuke feature. Trophy: what does that do? : It logs everybody else off the chat. : Typing /nuke is all you need to do to get it to work. Trophy: that sounds relatively harmless Hayden: it sounds fun Hayden: I could get used to this guinea pig thing if this is all I need to do : I'll send you back right now to test it, Hayden: that's all? Hayden: no bloodletting ceremony to get things started? : Not unless you want one. Trophy: we don't Trophy: take us back, please JCM: take you back where? Trophy: shit JCM: where were you guys? Hayden: nowhere JCM: you're lying Trophy: no we aren't JCM: doesn't matter JCM: don't care JCM: i know better by now than to get involved in your hijinks Hayden: hey, the /nuke works! (ding dong) Trophy: you're lucky you were able to type it before I did (ding dong) JCM: what just happened? Hayden: probably a glitch Trophy: it happened to us, too JCM: what the heck JCM: i just got a cnn alert on my phone Hayden: nerd JCM: kim jong un went crazy JCM: sent a bunch of nuclear bombs to california JCM: they're saying it could start world war iii Trophy: you can't be serious Hayden: shit, trophy Hayden: he's not kidding Trophy: what? Hayden: it happened right after our mass departure Trophy: coincidence? Hayden: I think not JCM: of course it's a coincidence JCM: because that would mean you two have something to do with this very real mess with very serious implications JCM: and that would mean i'd have to get involved despite just promising myself i wouldn't get involved anymore Trophy: then don't Trophy: this is our mess Trophy: we'll clean it up JCM: breaking news JCM: united states wipes north korea off the map JCM: china says it'll retaliate Trophy: this has gotten too big for us to clean up Trophy: hasn't it? Hayden: I should have known they were trolling us JCM: i know i'll regret asking this JCM: but who is they? Hayden: JCM Hayden: Do you believe in aliens? JCM: i knew i'd regret asking 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JCM Posted June 27, 2015 Author Share Posted June 27, 2015 Episode 9 JCM has made a member JCM: ugh JCM has kicked Trophy: everybody's gone again Hayden: could you please stop whisking us to other dimensions without our consent? : You two were about to make a serious mistake. Hayden: a serious mistake? Hayden: like lying to us? Hayden: again? : I didn't want to, but they said they said it was the only way of knowing. Trophy: the only way of knowing what? : Which one of you are to succeed me as their human proxy. Trophy: succeed you? Trophy: you're quitting? : Yes. : I no longer have it in me to do this work. Hayden: and you think one of us does? : You specifically, Hayden. : They chose you to replace me. Hayden: the hell? : There was conflict at first, because while it was your idea to make use of Xat's time traveling abilities, it was Trophy's idea to come to the help xat and talk to us. : /nuke resolved the conflict. : They're very smart creatures, but they believe in fate, and they believe it's your fate to follow me. Trophy: all he did was type /nuke a few seconds before I did Hayden: and if I knew what it would do, I wouldn't have typed it at all : /nuke was more devastating than anything the aliens had me do. : It must indicate the time is getting near. Trophy: the time for what? : For them to invade. Hayden: if they want to enslave the human race or whatever, they aren't doing it with my help Hayden: they can find another human proxy : But they chose you. : And you already know too much. : The alternative to being their human proxy is being dead. Hayden: where does that leave you? Trophy: hayden : It's okay. : They told me that because I stayed loyal to them for so long, they'll kill me peacefully in my sleep. : I doubt they'd be as kind to you. Trophy: what about me? Trophy: I know everything Hayden knows. : They didn't tell me what they'd do about you. Hayden: yeah right Hayden: just like they didn't tell you what they planned to do with the time travel Hayden: or what they planned to do with us : I'm sorry. : There was only so much I was allowed to tell you. Hayden: well, you tell them that the only way they're getting me is if they let trophy live : It's never wise to make demands of them. Hayden: I don't care Hayden: troph has been in this with me from the start Hayden: it's both of us or neither of us Trophy: thanks Hayden: don't mention it : I'll see what I can do. : But I wouldn't be surprised if the aliens were reading this right now. : Goodbye. Trophy: you're taking us back? : Yes. : And this is probably the last you'll be seeing of me. JCM: trophy? JCM: hayden? JCM: where have you guys been? Trophy: you wouldn't believe us if we told you JCM: i doubt it, especially after everything that's already happened JCM: anyway, i was reading up on the nuclear situation when i noticed an article about sam ballmer, the ceo of ballmart, being found dismembered in a river Trophy: so? JCM: here are some fun facts about him JCM: he had a close relationship with the lottery directors in every state JCM: and his employees referred to him simply as "chief" Hayden: holy shit Trophy: I can't say he didn't deserve it, but wow JCM: so you guys know nothing about this? Hayden: do you really think we're sick enough to cut up his body and throw it in the river? JCM: not you JCM: but maybe somebody you know JCM: what were you saying about aliens? Hayden: you know what? Hayden: never mind Hayden: you said you don't want to get involved, so we won't get you involved JCM: is that right? Trophy: yeah, it is JCM: fine JCM: but i'm watching you Hayden: lovely Hayden: that never gets old 8 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JCM Posted July 4, 2015 Author Share Posted July 4, 2015 Episode 10 (ding dong) Hayden: CHA Hayden: YOU'RE ALIVE Unlimitedcha: hello to you too JCM: not all of california is dead, hay JCM: north korea's attack only killed about one million people Trophy: only? JCM: in a state of 40 million, it could have been much, much higher Unlimitedcha: yeah, i'm thankful the bombs didn't hit anywhere close to me Trophy: shit what about sauce Unlimitedcha: sauce just replied to her ask thread Unlimitedcha: she's fine Trophy: dylan? (ding dong) Hayden: DYLAN Hayden: YOU'RE ALIVE Aquatic Nuggets: I'm not Dylan Hayden: it was worth a shot Aquatic Nuggets: tvguy just responded to me on skype, though, so I know he's okay Hayden: sweet Hayden: I didn't kill anyone I know Aquatic Nuggets: what's this about you killing people Hayden: NOTHING Trophy: we're all just shaken up about these attacks JCM: and unless china was bluffing, we can probably expect more Unlimitedcha: I just wish we would have world peace already Unlimitedcha: so people wouldn't needlessly die Hayden: maybe it's closer than you think Unlimitedcha: I hope so Hayden: (pm) maybe this alien invasion won't be so bad Hayden: (pm) at least it'll give these countries something to focus on killing other than each other Trophy: (pm) how do you think they'll use you once the invasion starts? Hayden: (pm) I don't know Hayden: (pm) the previous guy chose a real good time to quit Aquatic Nuggets: so, are any of you watching toonami Hayden: no Hayden: toonami sucks Aquatic Nuggets: why are your opinions so bad hay Hayden: hayters gonna hayte (ding dong) Chief: Hello. JCM: chief? Trophy: what? Aquatic Nuggets: I already told you what I know, man Trophy: nugs, you're the one who tattled? Aquatic Nuggets: yeah Aquatic Nuggets: I enjoy living Unlimitedcha: I told him, too Unlimitedcha: Sorry, guys Hayden: that explains why he was so confident JCM: but he is also dead JCM: that's not chief Chief: Correct. Chief: Now bye. Trophy: what the Chief: Don't worry. Chief: They're only logged off until I finish. Chief: Which won't be long, since I have many other arrangements. Trophy: who are you? Chief: I'm the leader. Trophy: the leader of the aliens? Chief: You're the aliens to us, but sure, let's go with that. Hayden: what do you want? Chief: Christopher told us that you refused to become our new proxy unless we let your friend live. Trophy: who's christopher? Chief: You probably know him as the owner. Chief: A British man, though he uses American grammar for some reason. Hayden: well, christopher is right Hayden: trophy's staying if you want me to do anything with you Chief: Very well. Chief: Anything else? Hayden: how did you get kim jong un to send those nukes to california? Hayden: can you manipulate reality, too? Chief: No. Chief: It wasn't hard hacking into North Korea's nuclear facilities and connecting them to our website. Chief: We were planning to launch those weapons tonight anyway, but /nuke gave us the perfect opportunity to do so and test you at the same time. Hayden: why did you go to the trouble of hacking north korea just so you can use them to bomb us? Chief: So we could start a war, of course. Chief: We plan to invade soon and would like the countries to be as unstable and as unprepared for us as possible. Hayden: soon? Hayden: like how soon? Chief: I'm sure you'd love to know. Chief: You don't seem to know, however, that we can read your private messages. Trophy: shit Chief: And while it's possible that the countries would unite against us, seeing us as their common enemy, they won't have the resources to fight us after the war goes on long enough. Hayden: how do you know there will even be a war? Chief: There will be a war. Chief: Trust me. Chief: And be glad I'm letting you and your friend survive to see it play out. Hayden: don't get too generous Hayden: we might get complacent Chief: This is why I like you. Chief: You've got spunk. Chief: As much as I like Christopher, he got boring in the later years. Trophy: hayden's a lot of things, but he's never boring Chief: You're lucky to have a friend like him. Chief: See you both later! (ding dong) JCM: why couldn't i log in for so long? JCM: and where's chief? Hayden: he's dead Hayden: like you said JCM: but he was just here! Trophy: no, he wasn't (ding dong) JCM: nugs, you saw chief, right? Aquatic Nuggets: yeah (ding dong) JCM: how about you, cha? Unlimitedcha: how about me what? JCM: did you see chief? Unlimitedcha: yeah JCM: I knew it! Trophy: ever heard of a shared hallucination? JCM: this is ridiculous Hayden: don't you mean ridonculous Hayden: #ridonculousrace2015 JCM: stop going off topic! Trophy: there's not a topic to discuss Trophy: you saw something we didn't JCM: but JCM: but JCM: whatever Hayden: seriously though Hayden: watch ridonculous race man Hayden: and watch world tour while you're at it JCM: I'm going to bed JCM: if any trolls come, nuggets can deal with them Aquatic Nuggets: you bet son 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JCM Posted July 11, 2015 Author Share Posted July 11, 2015 Episode 11 Hayden: ugh Hayden: why isn't anyone talking Unlimitedcha: there's nothing to talk about (ding dong) Hayden: SOF! Hayden: just the shot in the arm this chat needs SOF: wat? Hayden: never mind Hayden: I'll think of something else to get my mind off current events (ding dong) Aquatic Nuggets: CNF! Aquatic Nuggets: just in time for toonami CNF: shit I almost forgot about that Aquatic Nuggets: at least someone here wants to watch it with me Aquatic Nuggets: hayden (ding dong) Trophy: man this place is getting packed Hayden: jjs Hayden: you're on uncharacteristically late jjs: it's only 10:30 Hayden: oh Hayden: it's 11:30 where I live jjs: I thought you lived in the same timezone as me Hayden: well Hayden: I'm on vacation jjs: where at? Hayden: doesn't matter Trophy: (pm) now that I think about it, I don't know where you went to flee from chief, either Trophy: (pm) I took a train to canada Hayden: (pm) I'd rather the aliens not know where I am Trophy: (pm) since they didn't have trouble finding chief, I doubt they'd have trouble finding you Hayden: (pm) still Hayden: (pm) better safe than sorry Trophy: (pm) whatever jjs: are you guys hearing about this possible war between the us and china Hayden: it'll never happen Hayden: it can't jjs: I don't know jjs: obama and xi jinping are already meeting, and it's not going well (ding dong) Hayden: yay more people 정강이: this entire world is going crazy Trophy: shin? 정강이: kim jong un bombing america was stupid, but america doing the same to north korea was even stupider 정강이: i've lived in california, but i've also lived in south korea, and there are people there who have relatives, friends in the north 정강이: killing 25 million people for the actions of one man is the very definition of disproportionate retribution jjs: not to mention the war it started Hayden: possible war Hayden: improbable war Hayden: america and china aren't crazy 정강이: yes they are 정강이: and a war is pretty much a given at this point 정강이: with china's economy down and the threats of rebellion they can't afford to look weak after the us attacks an ally Hayden: a war would just end with both countries getting destroyed Hayden: it wouldn't be logical 정강이: logic hasn't factored into any of the decisions made this night jjs: uh oh jjs: it's official jjs: china has declared war on us Hayden: damn it Hayden: DAMN IT Unlimitedcha: are they sending more bombs our way? jjs: not to california jjs: they are sending planes to hawaii, though Trophy: I guess it's official, then SOF: where did hay go? Trophy: oh, hay is gone Trophy: that's weird Hayden: hello? : hello, hay Hayden: the owner? : technically, yes Hayden: what do you mean technically? : i'm you : from the future Hayden: whaaat? 7 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JCM Posted July 18, 2015 Author Share Posted July 18, 2015 Episode 12 : I know you have a lot of questions : I'll try my best to answer what I can Hayden: where are we? : an alternate dimension : the aliens taught me, or us, how to do it : it's pretty cool Hayden: how do I know you're me? Hayden: not one of the aliens in disguise? : that's a reasonable suspicion : sadly, there's no way to prove I'm not an alien : I just want you to hear me out Hayden: since you're holding me hostage in this dimension I guess I don't have a choice : I'm not holding you hostage : whenever you want to leave, just say so Hayden: so Hayden: there, I said it Hayden: now can I leave? : just as sarcastic as always : I miss that side of me Hayden: what do you mean? Hayden: did I lose it? : I lost a lot these past couple of months : six months, to be exact : I'm from six months into the future Hayden: six months? Hayden: when does the alien invasion happen? : one week from today : there won't be much left for them to invade, though Hayden: how bad does the war get? : 1 billion will be dead by the time the aliens come Hayden: shit Hayden: is there a way to stop it? : no : that's not why I'm here Hayden: why are you here? : to warn you : don't cross the aliens : I tried to rebel against them once the war started heating up, and they killed trophy as punishment Hayden: what the hell? Hayden: I hope I quit after they did that : I'm still alive, so I obviously didn't Hayden: how did I become such a pussy so fast? : until you're actually staring death in the face, you don't know how you'll respond : getting trophy killed is the thing I've done outside of /nuke that I regret the most : and while I'm in this time period, I might as well try to change it Hayden: how did you get to this time period, anyway? : I was on one of the xats, and it just happened : it was on one of the small ones : one nobody uses Hayden: what's the name of it? : TheChemistsLab Hayden: shit that's sg's xat : sg? : damn it : now I remember Hayden: even if you're not an alien, they have to be behind this Hayden: it's too much of a coincidence : you're probably right : that would explain why they sent to TheChemistsLab at that exact moment to confirm the sale Hayden: the sale? Hayden: who bought it? : I don't know : I traveled back in time before I got to meet the buyer : though maybe there wasn't a buyer and the aliens made up the sale to get me here Hayden: why would they want to? Hayden: you're obviously wrapped around their fingers enough that they don't need you to make current me submissive : maybe they want trophy to live : they could have killed him anytime before now and killed you if you refused to be their human proxy : it'd be inconvenient, but they'd be able to find another one Hayden: I'm probably better with trophy alive than I am with him dead Hayden: after all, look at you Hayden: you're nothing like me anymore : I will admit I've lost my spunk since trophy died Hayden: the alien leader said my spunk was the thing he liked most about me Hayden: I'm not sure why he'd go to the trouble of sending you back in time just to make sure I didn't lose it, though : six months and I still have no idea how the aliens work Hayden: do you even know if they're reading this right now? : they aren't : I made sure to take us to this dimension quietly : the aliens don't switch dimensions unless I give them some sort of cue Hayden: but they'd notice if I was gone : this isn't the same dimension christopher usually took you to : the aliens haven't learned about this one yet Hayden: that explains why the outside still looks the same : that's just an illusion Hayden: since the aliens don't know what we're talking about Hayden: why are they invading us? : their planet has become uninhabitable : earth is the closest planet to theirs that's fit for human life Hayden: why are they starting wars and shit? Hayden: can't they just drop in, say they come in peace, and try to work out an arrangement? : they tried sending representatives to the united states, but the cia seized them, tortured them, and told them that if any more aliens came, they'd be droned out of the sky before they had a chance to land : to put it mildly, the aliens didn't like that : so they threw the world into chaos, invaded it, and replaced all the world leaders with members of their species Hayden: don't we fight back? : some of us do, but most of us are too scared, and honestly, they're better leaders than what we had before, anyway : they lock up dissenters and everything, but the people who accept them retain most of the freedoms they had before and even their culture : the time the aliens spent running xat must have made them more sympathetic to humans than they would be otherwise Hayden: so that's it? Hayden: the aliens win? : they were always going to win : don't pretend like you didn't know that Hayden: but there has to be some way to stop them Hayden: I can time travel back to before I bought those lottery tickets with Trophy Hayden: I can change everything : you can, but would it be for the better? : I don't even know if what I'm doing is right Hayden: you don't know if warning me not to get trophy killed is right? : I hope it is : but there's also the possibility that I'm creating an even worse future : could you have predicted all that stuff with chief the first time you time traveled? Hayden: of course not : minus what happened to trophy, things go relatively well for us from here : being a human proxy comes a lot of perks : I don't want to jinx anything Hayden: you won't Hayden: I'll try to be more careful with the aliens. Hayden: I won't be the reason Trophy dies : good : this lasted longer than I expected : I wonder when I'll go ba Trophy: hayden? Trophy: hayden? Hayden: trophy Hayden: you have no idea how happy I am to see you Trophy: where were you? Hayden: just spending some time with myself Hayden: now Hayden: let's watch the end of the world Trophy: umm Trophy: okay 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JCM Posted July 26, 2015 Author Share Posted July 26, 2015 Episode 13 (7/19/15) Aquatic Nuggets: that dbz kai was amazing CNF: I know 정강이: how are watching toonami when the world is falling apart before our very eyes? Aquatic Nuggets: I don't like this new serious shin Hayden: maybe watching good television will distract us from this shit that's going on Hayden: too bad orphan black ended a month ago Trophy: (pm) hay, what's going on? Trophy: (pm) you were on the verge of collapse before you left, and now you're completely chill Hayden: (pm) I'm beginning to understand that this invasion is out of our hands Hayden: (pm) and if I stir up trouble, people will just end up getting hurt Trophy: (pm) that's surprisingly level headed of you Hayden: (pm) I have my moments Hayden: (pm) but once I'm officially the owner, the world better watch out Hayden: (pm) or whatever's left of the world, anyway Trophy: (pm) this is getting depressing Hayden: (pm) things will get better Trophy: (pm) how do you know? Hayden: (pm) I just do Unlimitedcha: OMJ just texted me back Unlimitedcha: they're starting to evacuate hawaii now that it's under control of china Trophy: any countermeasures planned? Unlimitedcha: obama's weighing his options 정강이: that doesn't sound good Trophy: well I should probably be getting to sleep Hayden: is it your bedtime already? Trophy: it's after midnight Trophy: just because i'm not at home doesn't mean i want to become a sleep deprived zombie Hayden: don't knock it till you've tried it Aquatic Nuggets: i'll probably have to turn in soon as well CNF: but kill la kill Aquatic Nuggets: after kill la kill of course (7/20/15) JCM: not a lot of activity today JCM: wasn't a lot of activity yesterday, either Trophy: at least you have me to talk to JCM: what happened to hayden? JCM: I can usually expect him to be here, at least Trophy: I don't know Trophy: I haven't seen him since I logged out saturday night (ding dong) JCM: who you : it's a mystery : jk it's hayden JCM: hayden? JCM: what's with the new freaky avatar? : I own xat now JCM: what? : yeah, the previous owner retired and decided I'd replace him JCM: how did you get in touch with the previous owner? : we're friends from high school JCM: I don't believe any of this (ding dong) JCM: did you just log me out? : still don't believe me? JCM: alright alright i believe you JCM: I have more important things to worry about anyway JCM: like that huge battle happening in china Trophy: any idea who's winning? JCM: can't say JCM: didn't think i'd be reading about a sino american war in my lifetime : well look on the bright side : at least nobody's gotten nuked yet JCM: yet Trophy: I've got an idea Trophy: how about we play a game of jeopardy to pass the time? JCM: that's a great idea! JCM: i'll host Trophy: but it was my idea JCM: but i'm the mod : but i'm the owner JCM: fine JCM: let's take turns asking questions JCM: trophy goes first since it was his idea i guess Trophy: sweet Trophy: name one of the active starting pitchers for the philadelphia phillies : what the hell JCM: what is lebron james? Trophy: wrong wrong Trophy: I would have taken either Cole Hamels, Adam Morgan, Aaron Nola, or Jerome Williams JCM: well joke's on you because i don't know who any of those people are : my turn : name the 720th pokemon JCM: what? JCM: there are that many? Trophy: what is hoopa : trophy got it JCM: whatever JCM: now it's my turn JCM: this is the name of the alien character in looney tunes Trophy: what is marvin the martian : what is marvin the martian JCM: trophy got it first : what : I was totally first JCM: he was first on my screen : I call bullshit JCM: I don't know how jjs does this every week JCM: speaking of aliens JCM: do you have any alien-related updates to give me? : no Trophy: no : I was first that time, wasn't I? JCM: yes JCM: yes you were (7/24/15) JCM: man, xat's been dead all week JCM: and there haven't been any sign of hayden since monday Trophy: he's been busy with a lot of xat owner stuff Trophy: I miss him Trophy: he's a lot less boring to talk to than you are JCM: I resent that JCM: hey there's a lot of people on music JCM: wanna come? Trophy: nah i'll just sc Trophy: maybe someone will show up there JCM: alright thesbcommunity.com/music There's 7 participants. JCM has joined! Users online: JCM, Fred, Halibut, Wumbo, Clappy, Bubblerock, katnisslovestacos Wumbo: JCM Wumbo: nice to see ya Clappy is now playing: R.E.M. - It's The End Of The World Wumbo: ooh Wumbo: rem Wumbo: great band JCM: this song isn't as fun to listen to now that it might actually be the end of the world katnisslovestacos: things will get better katnisslovestacos: after all, we can't go on killing ourselves forever JCM: yeah, because there's only so much of ourselves to kill Hayden has joined! There's 9 participants. JCM: hayden? JCM: you never come on here Hayden: yeah, but no one was on xat Hayden: and a change of scenery would probably do me good, anyway JCM: is anything wrong? Hayden: no Hayden: everything's just peachy Bubblerock is now playing: INTERIOR CROCODILE ALLIGATOR (10 hours) Song was skipped! Bubblerock: worth a shot Hayden: seen trophy? JCM: he was just on xat with me, but now I think he's on spongecraft SpongeCraft Trophy: damn it Trophy: griefers LizardSquard4ever: eat tnt bitch Trophy: wait Trophy: lizard squad? Trophy: the famous hacking group? LizardSquardPwns: that's us Trophy: why are you attacking minecraft servers? LizardSquard4ever: to be honest LizardSquard4ever: we've kind of out of ideas Trophy: what if I had an idea that would put you all back on the map? LizardSquardPwns: ... LizardSquardPwns: we're listening (7/25/15) xat.com/sbcommunity JCM: oh no JCM: russia just announced it'll be allies with china Trophy: I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner JCM: more americans have already died than in the iraq and afghanistan wars put together JCM: if this continues much longer they'll have to institute a draft Trophy: good thing I'm not 18 yet JCM: lucky (ding dong) Trophy: hey hay : hey hay? : is that all I get after my one week absence? Trophy: it wasn't even a week JCM: this can't be right JCM: there are reports of a giant spacecraft flying towards earth JCM: it's nothing we have ever seen before Trophy: are you sure it's not one of those tabloid websites? JCM: it's cnn JCM: and the guardian JCM: and everything else Trophy: holy shit Trophy: this is real Trophy: brb JCM: the air force has begun shooting missiles at the aircraft, but they're doing nothing JCM: other countries are beginning to join in on the effort, but there seems to be some sort of force field around it : I guess there's no use keeping it from you any longer : those aliens : are my bosses JCM: what? : they're too busy right to monitor this conversation, so you're probably not going to die : xat has been run by aliens all along : and I'm their human proxy JCM: why would you intentionally work for aliens? : it's either that or die myself JCM: that explains why you mentioned aliens before JCM: are they responsible for this war we're currently in? : yes : they hacked into north korea's nukes and sent them to us JCM: and you're fine with that? : no : but I've learned to deal JCM: wait JCM: the force field just went down JCM: the missiles are hitting! : what? JCM: we've prepared a nuclear barrage JCM: the spacecraft is trying to retreat, but it's too late! JCM: we got it! : the aliens : are dead? JCM: unless they survived getting hit by 50 nuclear weapons, probably (ding dong) JCM: wb trophy Trophy: it worked Trophy: I can't believe it worked : what worked? Trophy: I got lizard squad to hack into xat's servers, and it turns out they control the alien's spacecraft, including the force field Trophy: they were just able to figure out a way to shut it off JCM: how were you able to get in touch with lizard squad? Trophy: they were griefing spongecraft JCM: ... JCM: I'm out : so it's over? : it's finally over? Trophy: yeah Trophy: who knew all it would take are a bunch of asshole hackers? : even though the aliens were shit, I'll miss being xat owner Trophy: who says you have to stop? Trophy: we own xat now Trophy: not as human proxies, but as the real owners (ding dong) Hayden: well, if that's the case, I'd rather do it without that stupid avatar Trophy: you'd rather do it as a fish? Trophy: it's a magikarp Hayden: it's a magikarp Trophy: jinx Hayden: I don't know what I'd do without ya, troph Hayden: actually, I do know, and it would suck Hayden: thanks for not dying Trophy: you're Trophy: welcome? Hayden: does the time traveling still work? Hayden: it's about that time CNF: welp American Dad's last episode on FOX is on Trophy: yep, it still works CNF: lmfao the continuation of the Golden Turd arc Trophy: let's stay as far away from it as possible Hayden: I'm good with that 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
So Sejima Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 That phils reference, JCM you make me proud. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hayden Posted July 26, 2015 Share Posted July 26, 2015 (edited) That was the most beautiful story ever written. Drown this man in Spinnies. Edited May 30, 2016 by jjsthekid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JCM Posted June 15, 2016 Author Share Posted June 15, 2016 Episode 14 (7/25/15) : so it's over? : it's finally over? Trophy: yeah Trophy: who knew all it would take are a bunch of asshole hackers? : even though the aliens were shit, I'll miss being xat owner Trophy: who says you have to stop? Trophy: we own xat now Trophy: not as human proxies, but as the real owners (ding dong) Hayden: well, if that's the case, I'd rather do it without that stupid avatar Trophy: you'd rather do it as a fish? Trophy: it's a magikarp Hayden: it's a magikarp Trophy: jinx Hayden: I don't know what I'd do without ya, troph (8/25/15) jjs: back SOF: wb Fred: weebee JCM: warner brothers jjs: did you guys hear about china signing that treaty with america Fred: yeah Fred: just a month ago they were going to blow each other to smithereens Fred: now they're like best friends JCM: it's one good thing to come out of last month's alien invasion JCM: all these different countries have something to fight besides each other JCM: i heard israel and pakistan are entering peace talks JCM: iran has acknowledged the holocaust happened JCM: russia's still crazy but you can't fix em all Fred: do you think more aliens will come? JCM: i doubt it JCM: i think we've made it pretty clear we're not welcoming of visitors (ding dong) jjs: hey hayden Hayden: heyjs JCM: haven't seen you here in a while Hayden: yeah, i needed a break from xat after recent events Hayden: how's trophy? JCM: doing fine JCM: i wish he took a break too cause he's been killing me in camp sbc JCM: same with fred Fred: sorry not sorry Hayden: well now you have someone else to kill you in camp sbc Hayden: when's the next event, jay? JCM: please don't tell him jjs: there is an sbc music party on the 28th JCM: aww you told him Hayden: I'll be there JCM: can't wait SOF: did you guys hear about searches for "move to canada" due to trump polls? JCM: people shouldn't worry JCM: there is absolutely no way trump will be president JCM: there's no way he'll be the republican nominee, either, despite the polls jjs: are you sure about that? JCM: heck yeah JCM: if trump is the nominee i'll ban myself (ding dong) JCM has made a member JCM has kicked (ding dong) JCM: huh? JCM: who reset xat? has banned JCM forever has banned jjs forever has banned SOF forever Hayden has un-banned SOF : Stop. : We need to talk alone. has banned SOF forever has banned Fred forever Hayden: who are you? : I'm the leader. Hayden: The leader of what? : The leader of the aliens. Hayden: but Hayden: you died Hayden: you all died : Did you ever wonder how Xat continued to stay up even after our spacecraft was demolished? Hayden: not really : It's because Xat's server isn't in the spacecraft. : It's inside of me. : That's why I'm able to talk to you right now. Hayden: how are you alive though? : The spacecraft you saw getting attacked by your armies had mini-spacecraft equipped for each of our soldiers just in case. : Unfortunately, there were already military planes waiting to shoot us down by the time we got away in them. : I was lucky only my engines were shot and I was able to crash land in a jungle in the middle of what you call South America. : The rest of my army was not as lucky. Hayden: I'm sorry about that, but what do you want me to do about it? : I want you to suffer. : I know you and your friend took down my force field, and we've lost this war because of it! Hayden: how do you know it wasn't just due to a power outage? : Do you think this is a joke? : When I contacted my home planet asking for someone to take me back, they told me I dishonored my people and that I wasn't allowed back! : How could I have lost to the likes of you? Hayden: maybe you underestimated us : Indeed I did. : But now I've lost my home, my army, everything I've ever worked for. : I have nothing left to live for but revenge. : And I'm about to get it right now. Hayden: what are you talking about? : I'm at your friend Trophy's house. : It took me a month to get here from the jungle, but it's worth it. Hayden: please Hayden: trophy had nothing to do with it Hayden: kill me instead : No, I want you to suffer like I've suffered. : Then, if I'm feeling merciful, I'll come for you. thesbcommunity.com/forums HaydenStarted conversation: One minute ago Trophy HaydenReplied: Just now Trophy, goddamnit, where are you? Pennsylvania (Trophy is at home watching a Marlins-Pirates game.) Trophy: Come on, Polanco. Don't strike out again. TV Announcer: And he strikes out again! Trophy: I hate you, Polanco. (Trophy hears the doorbell. He opens the door to find a creature pointing an strange-looking weapon at him.) Trophy: Wha- (Trophy jumps back as a bullet flies through the creature's head, and the creature falls to the ground, dead. A man in a black suit appears, picks up the creature, and throws it in his trunk. While he's doing that, Trophy notices a blood-soaked computer chip where the creature once lay. Trophy picks up the computer chip and puts it in his pocket. The man in the black suit reappears and puts a hand on Trophy's shoulder.) Man: Think you'll be up for answering some questions back at the CIA? Trophy: The...CIA? Man: Yeah. That thing I just killed: it's an alien. And I want to know why it was so intent on killing you. (Trophy gulps.) 6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JCM Posted June 17, 2016 Author Share Posted June 17, 2016 Episode 15 Maryland (Trophy is in the passenger seat of the CIA agent's van as he drives it down the interstate.) CIA agent: When do you start school? (Trophy says nothing.) CIA agent: (chuckles) Alright, alright. Treat the guy who saved you life like that. Trophy: How did you know the alien would be at my house, anyway? CIA agent: We've been following it for weeks now. Day after the invasion, it carjacked a guy in Venezuela. We found out where the car was, and we've had different agents behind it since. I was just the latest one. Trophy: Why didn't you kill that thing before, then? CIA agent: Because we wanted to know where it was headed, and it turns out it was headed right to you. Trophy: You were willing to let people die just to know where it was going? CIA agent: We're the Central Intelligence Agency. Our job is to gather intelligence. And there was added pressure behind us to do that when we looked into that alien's spaceship and turned up nothing. Trophy: What do you think you'll get from me? CIA agent: We'll find out. (Trophy feels the computer chip in his pocket.) Trophy: I, uh, have to use the restroom. CIA agent: Can't you wait until we get there? Trophy: No, I can't. I would have taken a bathroom break before I left, but I was a little preoccupied, having nearly gotten shot by an alien and all that. CIA agent: All right, all right. We'll stop at the nearest gas station. (A minute later, the CIA agent and Trophy walk into a convenience store, then Trophy hurries into a restroom, looks for an empty stall, and goes into it. He pulls the computer chip out of his pocket and notices a tiny button on the edge of it. He presses the button, and a hologram containing his and Hayden's faces, real names, and addresses appears.) Trophy: Whoa! (Suddenly, the CIA agent kicks down the bathroom stall door.) Trophy: (turns off the hologram) Can't I have some privacy? CIA agent: What the heck was that? Trophy: Nothing! CIA agent: Bullshit! I saw that hologram! (snatches the computer chip from Trophy) Hiding alien technology from a government official is enough to get you charged with obstruction of justice! Don't you ever do something like that again! Trophy: Fine. Whatever. CIA agent: From now on, I'm keeping a much closer eye on you. xat.com/sbcommunity Hayden has made JCM an owner JCM: what happened? JCM: i couldn't see anything while i was banned Fred: me neither Fred: why weren't you affected, hayden? Hayden: xat owner Hayden: resets don't affect me JCM: oh yeah JCM: that is a thing jjs: did the person who reset the xat tell you why he did it? Hayden: sigh Hayden: it wasn't a person Hayden: it was an alien JCM: what? JCM: i thought the aliens were dead Fred: does this mean there's more? Hayden: there's not more Hayden: there was one that survived Hayden: and he killed trophy and he'll probably kill me too jjs: wtf jjs: why is an alien hacking xat and killing sbc members? Hayden: the alien didn't hack xat Hayden: xat was created by aliens Hayden: that's how i became xat owner Hayden: i'm their human proxy Hayden: or was, when there was more than one of them jjs: who else knew this? Hayden: just trophy Hayden: oh and jcm JCM: wat JCM: okay i kind of did jjs: hayden jjs: you need to call the police if you think aliens are coming to kill you Hayden: I tried that already Hayden: they told me everyone's been calling them about aliens since the invasion and there's nothing they can do jjs: have you thought about moving somewhere else? Hayden: aliens are really good at finding people Hayden: I doubt moving would do me any good Fred: do you really think trophy's dead? Hayden: he hasn't responded to my pms on sbc yet Fred: maybe he's just afk Hayden: maybe Hayden: but it's not a chance i'm willing to take jjs: where'd he go JCM: off to do something crazy i'm sure jjs: while we wait for him how about you tell me why you've been keeping stuff from me JCM: right on it Fred: aand he's gone jjs: I expected it Virginia (Trophy and the CIA agent walk into a room in CIA headquarters where Director John Brennan is waiting for them.) Brennan: (looks at Trophy) Seriously? We're kidnapping children now? That'll be great for PR! CIA agent: I didn't kidnap him! He volunteered to come with me, right? Trophy: (rolls eyes) Right. Brennan: Either way, we're sending him back. CIA agent: But the alien went all the way to this boy's house just to kill him! Brennan: How do you know it wasn't there to kill his mom or dad, not knowing his son would be at the door? CIA agent: I found him trying to hide this from me! (The CIA agent takes the computer chip out of his pocket and presses the button on its edge. The hologram with Trophy and Hayden's information pops up.) Brennan: (scratches chin) Okay. Take him to the interrogation room. CIA agent: Sweet! Brennan: But you aren't going to interrogate him. I'm bringing in...the experts. Trophy: The experts? CIA agent: (laughs) Those guys are going to wear you down! (An hour later, Trophy is sitting in a dark room alone. Suddenly, the lights, turn on, and a male and female agent walk in.) Male agent: Hello, Trophy. Trophy: How...how do you know that name? That wasn't in the hologram. Male agent: I know a lot of things about you. And Hayden. Trophy: Who are you? Male agent: My real name isn't important. You can just call me...CDCB. Trophy: (breathing heavily) CDCB? CDCB: And this lovely lady next to me is CF. (Trophy faints.) CDCB: Hmm. Probably shouldn't have started with that. 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JCM Posted June 22, 2016 Author Share Posted June 22, 2016 (edited) Episode 16 Virginia (Trophy is wrapped in a blanket and drinking tea. CDCB and CF walk into the room.) CDCB: I hope you're okay. Didn't mean to unsettle you that much. Trophy: Who are you two, really? CDCB: I'm CD, and this is CF. CF: (waves) Hi. CDCB: I started working here two years ago. My parents are in the CIA, so they put in a good word for me. CF: I had already been working a couple of years when he came on. I was tasked with showing him around, and we quickly became great friends. It wasn't long before we found out we were both on SBC. CDCB: How about you, Troph? What brings you to the CIA? Trophy: Don't you already know? CDCB: They told me some things, mainly that you hid this... (pulls out computer chip) ...from one of our agents. Trophy: Sorry if I wasn't in the mood for sharing at the time. CF: You know, you shouldn't be afraid to work with us. We want the same thing you do: to keep the planet safe from alien invaders. Trophy: I'm pretty sure I just watched the last alien die. CF: Yes, but there could be more of them coming. (Trophy raises an eyebrow.) CDCB: After we thwarted the invasion, we intercepted an alien message from the ship that crashed in the Amazon. CF: That's how we were able to find that spaceship as quickly as we did. CDCB: We weren't able to translate the message, though, so we don't know if there was a call for reinforcements and they're on their way here right now. CF: That's why we need to know as much as we can about those aliens. CDCB: So are you going to help or not? Trophy: I'll help...but how do I know you're really CDCB? CDCB: Knock knock. Trophy: Who's there? CDCB: Art. Trophy: Art who? CDCB: Art you glad I didn't say orange? (CDCB bursts out laughing while CF and Trophy shake their heads.) Trophy: Okay, I believe you. What do you want to know? xat.com/sbcommunity (ding dong) JCM: hayden JCM: you're back Hayden: I am jjs: where did you go? Hayden: I went to get protection JCM: weird time to buy condoms Hayden: not that type of protection Hayden: guns Hayden: lots of em JCM: guns? JCM: even if the alien does come how do you know it won't have bulletproof skin? Hayden: that's a chance I'll have to take JCM: are you sure about this? Hayden: what other choice do I have? Hayden: that alien will probably be here to kill me and I've come too far to die now JCM: just be careful Hayden: you know me JCM: that's why i'm telling you to be careful (ding dong) jjs: hey cha Unlimitedcha: hey guys Unlimitedcha: wanna see my new drawing of kiyoko? JCM: whats a kiyoko Hayden: shit Hayden: somebody's knocking on the door Unlimitedcha: did i interrupt something intense? Hayden: just a lil Hayden: brb Hayden: hopefully JCM: hayden JCM: goddangit hayden JCM: why do you have to say something cryptic every time you leave Virginia (CDCB is in John Brennan's office.) Brennan: So Lizard Squad was griefing his Minecraft server? CDCB: Not his Minecraft server. SBC's. Brennan: The hell is an SBC? CDCB: It's a SpongeBob forum. Brennan: So there's a SpongeBob chatroom and a SpongeBob forum? Jesus Christ. The only person I know who watches that show is my little girl. CDCB: It's getting really good again, sir. Brennan: Sure it is. I'm sending someone after that Hayden character, and we'll see if their stories match. CDCB: Ooh, can I do it? Brennan: Why? You hate going out in the field. CDCB: I think I'll really like it this time. Brennan: All right. Whatever. Just make sure you get him here as soon as possible. (CDCB nods and leaves the office. Brennan takes the computer chip out of his pocket and presses the button that makes the hologram appear. He touches the hologram and swipes right, bringing up Xat's control panel.) Brennan: Well, well, well. This is something I haven't seen before. New York (Hayden is standing in front of his door with a gun in both hands and one more strapped to his back. He puts an eye into the peephole and finds CDCB standing outside.) Hayden: It can't be. (Hayden puts one of his guns on a counter behind him and carefully opens the door, letting CDCB walk in. Hayden points a gun at him.) CDCB: What are you doing? Hayden: There's no way you're CDCB. This is some sort of alien mind trick, isn't it? CDCB: If I were an alien, you'd be dead right now. Hayden: (lowers gun) That is true, but why are you here? CDCB: I work for the CIA. I need you to come down and answer some questions. Hayden: Why didn't you mention working for the CIA all the years I've known you? CDCB: I've only been working there for two years, and it's not exactly something I can talk about freely. There's already hundreds of terrorists out there who want me dead right now, and here I am, talking to you in one of the densest cities in the country. Hayden: Well, you're wasting your time, because I'm not going. (Hayden grabs his other gun and starts to walk away.) CDCB: We have Trophy. Hayden: (stops) You do? CDCB: And he told us everything. Hayden: Then you'll understand why I'm not eager to relive it. CDCB: Well, I'm afraid you don't have a choice. (CDCB grabs the gun on Hayden's back and pulls it off. Hayden turns around, and CDCB kicks both of his remaining guns out of his hands and points the one he stole at Hayden's face.) Hayden: Damn it. CDCB: You're coming back to the CIA with me, and you're going to tell us everything you know. Hayden: You so sure about that? CDCB: They don't call us "the experts" for nothing. (Hayden walks out of the door with CDCB right behind him, gun pointed at Hayden's head.) xat.com/help (ding dong) Flying Ace: Owner, you're back! : I'm not the owner. : I'm John Brennan, director of the CIA. : And I'm shutting this website down. Flying Ace: ... Flying Ace: I liked you better when you were gone. Edited June 23, 2016 by jjsthekid 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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