SBC Rising

[Old Man Jenkins]

Case 1-3: An Odd Mr Dr Professor/Scoop 5-1: Ham In A Bind

Jenk, Brad and company enter and are greeted to a metal gate that blocks them from the rest of the entrance plaza. Bad uses his admin technical know-how to hack into the system control on the side and successfully raises the gate for them.

Jenk: Something tells me you've done this before, outside of typical staff protocol.

Bad: That's just racist, man.

Jenk: I didn't mean it like that!

CNFernie: Gee Jenk, how did you mean it?

Jenk: The adults are talking, CNFernie, play with your rubber ducky.

CNFernie: Mmm rubber ducky!

They come across a gated off book store called "Whatcha Reading/Writing?" They approach the store with caution activating another cutscene. We next see Bad at the gated entrance to the store, speaking to Mr Dr Professor who is safely behind the gates. Jenk and the others stand by from a distance, spectating.

Bad: Sir, if you could just kindly come with us, we can wrap this whole thing up.

hilaryfan80: And end the game already? Never!

Bad: Just open the gate, it's for your own protection.

hilaryfan80: I am not opening any gate, thank you very much! I am staying here with my codes to run maintenance! Thank you and goodbye!

hilaryfan80 slams the door in Bad's face and limps deeper into the book store.

Bad: Mr Dr...Mr Dr Profesor, sir! Mr Dr Professor Patrick?

hilaryfan80: Goodbye!

Bad approaches the others, disappointed.

Jenk: Well, what happened? You can't just suspend his account?

Bad: He turned down my offer to protect him! Said he is not going anywhere because it'll end the story.

Jenk: Can't have that happen so soon.

Bad thinks things over for a bit.

Bad: Chassie has a direct line to ACP. The first thing we need to do is call for back up.

The cutscene ends and Bad is nowhere to be scene, having dug out on his own.

Jenk: Oh, don't mind me, I'll just save all these lost survivors by myself. Asshat.

CDCBert: Looks like it's just you, us and the floor boards again, Jenk.

CDCBert said with a smirk.

Jenk: Eeeek. The sooner you're back in the Control Panel Room, the sooner I have more of a chance of surviving this thing. So come on, men, lets go-

???: Help! HEEEELP!

CNFernie: Gee CDCBert, that sounded like cries for help.

Jenk: Perhaps I can make up for some lost PP. Stick close!

They follow the screams to a nearby store called "Travis' In The Closet". The store is swarming with Spambots, all crowding around the back storage area.

CNFernie: I'm scared, CDCBert. What should we do?

CDCBert: I have no idea. Looks like it's time for another Good Noodle Dance!

They start having seizures again as Jenk cuts straight to the chase and gun the Spambots down until his second shotgun emptied. Jenk then picks a chair from the side and proceeds to bash in whatever Spambots that were left, clearing a way to the storage room. He opens it to find the place covered in boxes.

Jenk: Is anyone here?

???: Oh thank Neptune! Help me, help me!

Jenk: Aight, lemme just-

CDCBert: I got it!

CDCBert and CNFernie finish spazzing out and approach the room.

CDCBert: We'll clear the room of these boxes to help out this man in need!

CNFernie: Gee CDCBert, you always come up with the best ideas.

Jenk grunts in anger before assisting them with taking out the boxes between them and the survivor. As they get closer, the name on the bar of the man becomes clear as it says "Justin Ham". They finally reach him after about 20 minutes of box breaking.

Justin: Whoo diddly-oo! What a relief to finally get out! I owe you one! I got lost during my last visit to SBC and found myself in here. The boxes all came down on me and I've been trapped since out of all the gosh darn things unholy.

Jenk: Justin Ham? Aren't you Clappy's real life friend from Forumotion?

Justin: Just Ham, please, but you're right diddly-ight! The one and only!

Jenk: Wow, so this is where you've been all this time.

Justin: Yeah, unbelievable is not it. Anyway, I better get outta here and meet The Clapmeister. I might've overstayed my welcome just a tad bit.

Jenk: Just a tad.

Justin runs out of the room and into the main store.

Jenk: Yeah, I wouldn't do that if I were-

Justin: What in the name of holy ham is going on out here?!

Jenk: Yeeeaah, we kind of have a spambot problem at the moment.

Justin: So much for going home and seeing Clap diddly-py.

Jenk: Yeeeeaaah, about him...come back to the Control Panel with us. It's a good place to relax and shit.

Justin: Your lead, sir!

JUSTIN HAM HAS JOINED

PP EARNED! LEVEL UP ^^! INVENTORY INCREASED! HEALTH INCREASED!

Jenk: Follow me!

Jenk leads them through the Entrance Plaza and straight to the e trance of Paradise Plaza, where the entrance to the Control Panel is located. However, the metal gate separating the two plazas is down and denies them a quick and safe entry.

Jenk: Dammit Bad! You could've at least raised this one!

CNFernie: Gee Jenk, what do you suppose we do now?

Jenk: Looks like we have to take *gulps* the long way back.

Justin: Well isn't that just dan diddly-dy!

Jenk: Not gonna lie to anyone of you, but the way back from here is perilous, butt-pounding, I can't guarantee than any one of you is gonna make it back in one piece.

CDCBert: What about you?

Jenk: Well of course I will, I'm the goddamn hero!

Justin: Well come on guys, it's at least worth shot.

CDCBert: Are there any VCRs in this Control Panel.

Jenk: Why the hell not.

CDCBert: Then it's worth dying for.

CNFernie: Gee, if CDCBert is all in, then I'm all in as well.

Jenk: You're brave men. I'll make sure to mention your names in the foreword to the book I'll be writing once I'm goddamn famous. Aight, follow me!

The PM transceiver gets a notification. Jenk answers.

Jenk: Hyello?

JCMtis: Looks like you actually made it back to the Entrance Plaza, where-

Jenk: Is this really needed right now?

JCMtis: I saw what happened to that girl I told you to bring back, Jenkins. Can't say I'm quite pleased to hear that.

Jenk: CDCButt's fault, not mine.

JCMtis: You can be well assured that I'll always be keeping in touch, Jenkins. Always.

The transceiver goes dead. Jenk leads them back through the Entrance Plaza, where even more Spambots have suddenly appeared from nowhere. Jenk clears the way for his group to follow through and they make their way back out to the Bikini Plaza. Night has fallen on the community and the plaza seems to be teeming with more Spambots.

CNFernie: Gee Jenk, there seems to be more of these Spambots here than earlier.

CDCBert: Yeah, and we killed quite a few too.

Jenk: Don't worry boys, we got this. Easy!

The clock in the plaza strikes 7 PM and gongs out. The Spambots all begin to gyrate and spaz out at the sound of clocks all around the mall. Jenk looks at his watch to check the time.

Justin: Oh my stars and garters, I don't like the look of this not one bit.

The Spambots all stare up into to the night sky, their eyes now glowing, bloodshot red. They all shift their attention towards Jenk and his group.

Jenk: Well, shit.

Thinking fast, Jenk grabs a parasol from one of the dining tables and holds it out in front of him.

Jenk: Stick close behind, don't fall back and follow me.

Jenk suddenly charges at the hordes with the parasol outright with Justin and the others following close behind him as they plow their ways through the plaza. The parasol breaks on them as they stop in front of Steel's Hardware Store. Jenk discards the broken parasol and busts out his last shotty, blasting away on the Spambots.

Jenk: Hardware store! Now! Get weapons, I'll cover you!

Justin and the others run into the store and just stand there doing nothing.

Jenk: What are you doing?!

CDCBert: We can't grab them ourselves!

Jenk: Why the fuck not?!

CDCBert: It's just the way this game works!

Jenk: RAAAHHH!

Jenk dashes into the hardware store and grabs a sledgehammer for Justin, a shovel for CDCBert and a 2x4 for CNFernie. The Spambots closing in.

CNFernie: I'll stick with my rubber ducky, thank you.

Jenk: Suit yourself. Now are we all good?

CDCBert: There's a sickle over there that might be more my forte.

Jenk switches CDCBert's weapons.

Jenk: Anything else?

Justin: This hammer is kind of a doozy. I'll gladly take the shovel instead.

Jenk gives Justin the shovel and takes the sledgehammer for himself.

Jenk: Anymore griping?

Justin: No diddly-o!

CDCBert: I'm good.

CNFernie: If CDCBert is good, then I'm good, sir.

Jenk: Then lets do this- AAAHHH

Jenk is blindsided by a spambot. Justin goes to whack it off him but ends up hitting Jenk as well.

Jenk: Ow!

Justin: Sorry! Hehe, my bad.

CDCBert takes a swipe at a couple of Spambots at once with his sickle but ends up slicing Jenk a bit with it as well.

Jenk: Watch where you're swinging that!

CDCBert: I'm sorry!

CNFernie: Mmmm rubber ducky!

CNFernie throws his "rubber duck" out with much strength, but it completely misses all the targets and nails Jenk square in the face.

Jenk: Who's side are you on, mang?!

Jenk proceeds to bring the hammer down on about six Spambots before pointing towards the Galley Grub entrance.

Jenk: Over there!

They all head to the doors and enter the Galley Grub.

Jenk: Refuel. Or y'all can't feed your damn selves neither?

They all just stand and stare at Jenk.

Jenk: Goddammit.

After getting themselves a table and being hand fed some Krabby Patty meals. Jenk finally takes them to the door leading out to the Industrial Park.

Jenk: Alright, this here is gonna be our biggest stretch. The Industrial, no doubt filled with Spambots up the ass considering its content. Follow me, stick to the shadows all the way to Paradise Plaza and we'll be fine.

Justin: Sounds good diddly-ood!

Jenk: What he said.

They go through the doors and enter the park, inadvertently activating a cutscene. Jenks is seen strolling around the Indusstrial Park by himself when a two lights could be seen from the distance. It gets closer and brighter and the honking of a horn can be heard. A jeep comes into clear view as it approaches Jenk rapidly. Jenk catches wind of it and jumps back out of it's path.

???: Hehe!

A young male takes a swing at Jenk from the jeep with a baseball bat but our goddamn hero manages to duck it and fall to the ground in time. The jeep stops in front of him. The one holding the bat was America, the guy driving the jeep was Supergameman and in back, there was a mounted machine gun being operated by Sbnator.

America: HAHAHAHA!

Sbnator: You missed, loser!

Supergameman: Get your aim right, brother!

They continue laughing like madmen and joking with themselves until Supergameman catches sight of a couple, Maxwell and Sofia, off in the distance. Supergameman pats America's back and points out the couple to him.

Supergameman: Dude, check it out! Hahaha!

America: Ahahahalriiight! Looks like we found our next contestants!

Sbnator: BAAAALLIIIIN'!

America: Imma take that dude out and snatch his old lady!

Sbnator: Hahaha!

Supergameman speeds the jeep off towards the couple.

Supergameman: Here we go!

They quickly catch up to the couple, getting close enough for America to swing at Maxwell's head at full speed and force. Blood spurts out and Maxwell tumbles to the ground. As the trio speed off to the side, winding back around. Sofia goes to Maxwell's side in shock and tears.

Sofia: MAXWELL! No! No!

Jenk: Well, shit.

Jenk gets up, preparing for another fight.

[Old Man Jenkins]

Scoop 6-1: The Spammers

Jenk: Well, shit.

Jenks gets up and tries to reach Sofia, who is still at Maxwell's side.

MAXWELL SPONGE IS DEAD

The message appeared on the screen, it was too late for the poor bastard. The jeep is speeding it's way towards her again. Sofia noticed that the trio were heading her way and reluctantly made a run for it. The jeep ran over Maxwell's body as they got ever so closer behind her, looking to run her down.

Sofia: Help! Someone help me!

Jenk: It's goddamn hero time!

Jenk suddenly charges from out of nowhere and tackles Sofia to the side out of the jeep's path, causing the trio to end up crashing into a nearby tree.

Supergameman: Son of a bitch!

Sbnator turned and aimed the mounted machine gun towards Jenk and Sofia.

Jenk: How's about we save the formalities for later?

Sofia: The name's Sofia Teddie, btw.

Jenk grabbed hold of Sofia's hand, pulled her up and ran like hell as Sbnator opens fire on them.

Jenk: Honey, it gonna matter if you're gonna die!

Sbnator: Turn this shit around.

The jeep reversed back and gave chase. As they were running, Jenk was looking across the whole creation to see if he could find the group he was escorting earlier.

Jenk: Where the hell did those slapnuts go?!

The jeep was getting closer, gaining up on them.

America: Two for one, baby!

Sofia: Ummm, they're gaining on us awful fast-

A button showed up on screen telling them to dodge.

Jenk: DODGE!

America: 'Murcia! 'MURICAAA!

Jenk grabbed hold of Sofia and rolled to the right and out of harm's way as America's swing missed and the jeep went crashing into another tree. The trio were stunned from the crash and the bat fell out of America's hands. Jenk seized the opportunity, grabbing hold of the bat himself.

Jenk: Haha! Lets see you kill anyone without this, assholes!

Jenk proceeded to rub it in their faces by busting out some superfly bat daddy moves.

Jenk: Ahhhh yeah, yeah. You look like that? Look all you want, I'll be here for the next two days.

Sbnator came to and aimed his gun right at Jenk.

Sbnator: So are we, bitch.

Jenk: Well, shit.

Sbnator proceeded to tear Jenk up full of holes at point blank range, taking off two health blocks. Jenk escapes with the bat in hand, grabs hold Sofia's hand and makes another run for it.

Jenk: I really should've capitalized better on that.

Sofia: You think!

The jeep goes on the move again, speeding towards Jenk and Sofia. Jenk looks around desperately for his survivor posse.

Sofia: Is something the matter?

Jenk: Oh you know, just lost touch with some survivors I was escorting. No biggie.

Sofia: Sounds very comfortin-

Jenk: DODGE!

Jenk throws Sofia to the left as he dodge rolls to the right and out of the path of the jeep. Supergameman manages to swerve around the tree they were about to hit.

Supergameman: Haha! You ain't gettin me with that again, old man- SHIT!

The jeep crashed into a nearby picnic canopy. With the trio stunned again, Jenk quickly made his over and proceeded to spam the shit out of America with the baseball bat before hammer throwing his body out of the vehicle.

PYSCHOPATH DEFEATED! PP EARNED!

Sbnator noticed this and readied his gun.

Sbnator: I, AKU, am gonna unleash an unspeakable evil on your candy ass!

Sbnator goes to shoot.

Justin: Boy how diddly-dy! We finally found you, Jenk Man!

Justin, CDCBert and CNFernie approach the battle from whatever corner they were spawned back in.

Jenk: no, No, NO! WHY NOW?!

CDCBert: And look, you found more people to bring back with us! And they have a vehicle, I call shotgun!

Sbnator: Well lookie what we have here, more contestants.

Justin: Ooh are we in the Games section? It's been a while since I've play diddly-ayed some forum games!

CDCBert: Is this SpongeBob Jeopardy? Then sign me up!

Jenk: This ain't a damn game, fools! Well, this is all based off a game, but- NOW ISN'T THE TIME!

Supergameman: You kill one of OUR own, we kill one of YOURS.

Supergameman gets the jeep back into gear and rams Jenk off to the side as Sbnator aimed his gun at Justin, CDCBert and CNFernie.

Sbnator: But why just stop at one?

CNFernie: Gee CDCBert, this game of SpongeBob Jeopardy sure is getting pretty heavier than usual.

CDCBert: I'll take getting shot up for 500, Jjs!

Sbnator: Imma tip y'all over and pour your entrails all around this here park!

Justin: Well that doesn't sound dan did-

Sbnator opens fire on them, injuring Justin and CNFernie but the bullets bounce off CDCBert due to the underwire on his bra.

CDCBert: I told you wearing this battle ready armor was one of my best ideas!

Jenk gets up and points over to the Paradise Plaza entrance a couple yards away.

Jenk: New game! Whoever actually reaches that door there gets to live! NOW GO!

Justin: It feels so invigora diddly-ting to be back into the groove of things again!

Supergameman: Scootaloo, motherfuckAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAZ

Jenk bats away at Sbnator to keep him and Supergameman distracted as the three make their way on over to the entrance. Supergameman tries swerving to get Jenk out of their vehicle, but he hangs on. Sbnator finally knocks him down by swinging the gun into his ribs. Jenk flies out out of the jeep and lands hard on the ground. Sofia races to him and helps him up to his feet.

Sofia: Those guys are dorks.

Jenk: Yes, but they're my dorks.

He grabs hold of her hand and they race off again.

Jenk: Listen, just follow my lead and you're gonna be fine. Imma take these fuckers out before they hurt anyone else.

Sofia: I sure hope you know what you're doing.

Jenk: Honey, how do you think I've survived this long?

The jeep rides up on their asses again, this time Sbnator taking pot shots at them now that America and his bat are gone.

Sofia: Aaahhh!

Jenk: DODGE!

Jenk grabs Sofia and they jump off towards the right, causing the jeep to crash into a light post, causing the jeep's engine to blow out in smoke. Jenk works his way behind the stalled vehicle, jumps up and grabs Sbnator by the neck, struggling to choke him out.

Sbnator: You..haven't seen..the last of me...Samuraiiii-

Jenk proceeds to break Sbnator's neck before taking off the mounted machine gun and aims it over at Supergameman.

PSYCHOPATH DEFEATED! PP EARNED!

Supergameman: Hehe, what- Whatchu gonna do, pug? P-plug me full of holes?!

Jenk: That was the original idea, yes.

Supergameman: We'll be back...hehehe, you'll see!

Jenk: What? Go from being just a spammer to a full-blown spambot?

Jenk fills Supergameman full of holes until he laid motionless in the vehicle.

PSYCHOPATH DEFEATED! PP EARNED!

Jenk: I'm real fucking terrified.

Sofia approaches Jenk.

Sofia: That was just reckless.

Jenk: Being reckless is my forte, Sgt. Frog.

Sofia wipes some tears away from her eyes.

Sofia: Well, you know...thanks, for saving me.

Jenk: I'm sure Maxwell was a good man, hell, he liked Arthur. That's more than reason enough for me to have saved him if given the chance.

Sofia just looked down at where Maxwell's body was still laying.

Jenk: So Sofia, huh? The name's Jenk, Jenk Wets. Remember it, because everyone else will in three days. I was on my way, escorting those dorks to safety at the mall's control panel. The same offer applies to you.

Sofia couldn't take her eyes off Maxwell.

Jenk: Come on, it's not safe out here, as evidenced enough by those asshats. I'm sure you two were trying to find some place safe and this is about as safe as you're gonna get. It has food, water, and well shit, atmosphere. You name it.

Sofia: Alright...I'll go.

SOFIA TEDDIE HAS JOINED

Jenk proceeded to escort Sofia to the Paradise Plaza doors, but not before snapping a few pics of the damaged jeep and the bodies of Supergameman, Sbnator and Maxwell for extra Prestige Points. At the doors, Justin, CDCBert and CNFernie were struggling with a group of Spambots. Justin and CECBert your holding their own for the most part while CNFernie had just about a quarter health left.

Jenk: What, you guys just couldn't go on inside yourselves?!

They just stand there and stare before being attacked again.

Jenk: Goddammit.

Using the machine gun he took from the spammers, Jenk guns down all the surrounding Spambots to clear the door way.

Jenk: Now then, shall we?

They all just stand stare at him again.

Jenk: After me, I suppose.

Jenk leads them inside the Paradise Plaza, this was the last stretch before reaching all the way home. The plaza was filled with more Spambots than before.

Jenk: Alright, we just head down this plaza and to the warehouse door. We're going all in. Sofia, I think it'd be better if you take this.

Jenk tries to hand her the baseball bag but she grabs his hand instead.

Jenk: No, not me me. The bat, take the bat.

But she grabs his hand again.

Jenk: The bat. No, THE bat. The BAT. Take THE BAT. Quit holding my fucking hand and take the fucking bat!

Sofia: No way!

Jenk: RAAAAHHH!

Being left with no choice but to hold her hand, Jenk is forced to discard the machine gun as Sofia just smirks.

Jenk: Alright, just plow on through. You all have weapons, know how to use them! Lets go!

Jenk leads Sofia on and push their way through the crowd of Spambots as Justin, CDCBert and CNFernie trail behind, fighting their own way through. Jenk keeps Sofia close and tackles through a few more Spambots before reaching the warehouse door on the other side.

Jenk: Stay here. I need to help any stragglers.

Justin miraculously makes it out alive next.

Justin: I can't be diddly-lieve I made it!

Jenk: You and me both.

Jenk looks back to see that CNFernie is next to push on through.

Jenk: That's surprisin-

CDCBert: JEEENK!

CNFernie: Gee, that sounded an awful lot like CDCBert.

Jenk and Sofia: Who the hell else could it be?

CDCBert was fighting for his life in the large group, Spambots spamming and overwhelming him.

Jenk: Well, shit!

CNFernie: Don't worry CDCBert, I'm coming back for ya!

Jenk: CNFernie, don't be a goddamn hero!

CNFernie charges into the horde, brandishing his "rubber ducky".

Jenk: Dammit! You two wait here.

Jenk follows suit, bat in hand. They beat their way through the spamming hordes and reach CDCBert, who's health is down halfway.

CNFernie: Have no fear, CDCBert, my rubber ducky is here!

CNFernie proceeds to defend his friend, knocking the Spambots away from him with his "rubber ducky". Jenk reaches them and bats away, grabbing hold CDCBert and leading him through the crowd, himself.

Jenk: that bra ain't helping you much now is it?

CDCBert: Well...at-at least it's...under...wire...

Jenk is caught from behind by a bot and they're both getting spammed up the ass as more join in.

CNFernie: Mmmm, rubber ducky!

CNFernie knocks the Spambots off them and keeps them all occupied, hammering away like Ren Hoek with his sex object. This gives Jenk the opportunity to bring CDCBert to safety as CNFernie quickly gets overwhelmed in spam.

CDCBert: Wh-Where's CNFernie?

He turns back to see his friend grappling and fighting for dear life in the horde, his health almost down to zero.

CDCBert: CNFernie!

CNFernie: Gee...CDCBert, don't-don't worry about me! S-save your...selves!

The Spambots spam, bite and claw their way into CNFernie, taking I'm down to the ground as his health depletes and his name disappears.

Jenk: It's too late for him now, we gotta move!

CNFERNIE MOUSE IS SPAMMED

CDCBert: NOOOOOOOOO!!!

Jenk presses the button to enter the warehouse dragging CDCBert and leading the others inside, activating another cutscene. Jenk ventures deeper inside the warehouse, alone. The warehouse has also been overrun by Spambots since he was last there. He takes out his bat to bash them all in but a bug came swing by his face.

Jenk: DAAH! SPIDERS!

Jenk swings his bat at it like a mad man, finally swatting it to the ground.

Jenk: SPIIIIIDERS!

He proceeded to bash it in with his bat, grunting and shouting "SPIDERS" with each swing, effectively killing it.

Jenk: I fuckin hate spiders!

However, it seemed as if killing the strange-looking spider had a peculiar effect on the surrounding Spambots. They start shaking uncontrollably before having their heads explode spontaneously.

Jenk: Hmm, interesting.

Jenk muses before smashing one of the boxes and grabbing a squash to eat for himself.

Jenk: Coast is clear!

Sofia, Justin and CDCBert approach him from the hallway.

Justin: What in the name of all good things ham, happened here?

Jenk: Spiders happened.

CDCBert was still shake end by what transpired but continued to follow the group.

Jenk: Elevator should be through here.

Jenk leads them through the warehouse and to the elevator, where a lone spambot stood in front.

Jenk: Alright, on my mark-

Sofia: DIE ZOMBIE!

Sofia shouted out before bashing it's head in with a nearby barrel. A spider jumps from it's body and onto the elevator buttons.

Jenk: Nice work, Officer Nancy.

Jenk presses the button to call down the elevator, but notices the spider.

Jenk: DAAH SPIDER!

The elevator opens to a whole group of Spambots waiting inside, taking Jenk and everyone else even more off-guard.

Jenk: SPIIIDER!

Jenk smashes the spider against the wall with his bat, once again taking all the Spambots in the elevator out spontaneously. He surveys the scene.

Jenk, Sofia, Justin and CDCBert: Hmmm, interesting.

They enter the elevator and take it up to the rooftop, listening to the smooth sounds of Kelpy G while riding up.

Once on the rooftop, Jenk points out the vent leading into the control panel.

Jenk: Over there!

He helps everyone up onto the platform and leads the way inside the vent, finally reaching the mall control panel and overall sanctuary.

Justin: I can't thank diddly-ank you enough for all your help! Say, where's Clappy at?

CDCBert: Well, we made it. I only wish we all did...now where did you say those VCRs were?

Sofia: Maxwell would be glad to know that I finally reached safety. I wish I only had the chance to tell him the truth...

JCMtis walks up to Jenk.

JCMtis: You may have done a number on that girl in the jewelry store, but this Sofia girl...mmm mmm. I'll have a field day soothing her with the sound of my voice. I sure do like them when they need a shoulder to lean on.

Jenk: Have a blast.

JCM proceeds to show the survivors the rooms they'll be staying in.

Jenk: Horndog.

Chassie approaches our goddamn hero.

Chassie: You did good, pulling through the clutch and saving those survivors.

Jenk: ...But not all of us exactly made it.

Chassie: You're only one man, Jenk Wets. You did what you could and I can tell you're bound to do even greater things for this Community, pard.

Chassie tips her ten gallon hat towards Jenk before heading back to her post at the monitors.

Ruffling started to come from the vents. Jenk stood guard by it, preparing to attack if necessary, but it only turns out to be Bad with a box full of food and much-needed supplies.

Jenk: Oh, so you ditched us to go run some errands?

Bad: You had other users with you. If there's gonna be more than just us here, I figured I may as well pack up on enough to feed all the anchovies.

Jenk: Good thinking, I suppose.

Jenk looks through the box and takes out a can of Diet Dr. Kelp, but Bad swipes it out of his hand and pops it open for himself.

Bad: Haha, Spambots man. I can't believe it. I know we had some minors trouble with spammers before, but this...this is just a force of nature.

Jenk: I would think you're used to sights like this by now.

Bad: Never seen anything quite like this in all my little less than two years here. Chassie tried contacting ACP earlier, but couldn't reach out to anybody.

Jenk: So what the hell does that mean?

Bad: We could be on our own from here on out.

Jenk: and the Mr Dr Professor?

Bad: Well, just leave that one to me.

Bad looks down at the can of soda and hands it over to Jenk.

Bad: Here, this one's on me. You've more than earned it.

Jenk: Gee, thanks.

The cutscene ends with Jenk downing the soda. Bad is leaning against the wall, deep in thought. Jenk approaches him.

Bad: Pfft, Spambots. I've got things covered here, Jenk. Don't you have a story to cover?

Taking that as an implication, Jenk heads back down the vents to venture through the mall once more.

[Old Man Jenkins]

Scoop 7-1: Let's Make a Deal

Our goddamn hero makes his way back out onto the rooftops and to the elevator, fighting off another spambot horde that's spawned in it before taking it back down to the warehouse, navigating his way through and re-entering the Paradise Plaza. His Pm transceiver receives another notification.

Jenk: What is it?

JCMtis: The Spooky Scary Skeletons ride machine in the Wonderland Plaza looks like it is out of control. Maybe there's somebody out there.

Jenk: Well knowing my track record with fucking nutbars and goddamn liabilities, that may just be a hunch on your part.

JCMtis: You wanna check it out? Heard it was 2spooky.

Jenk: Why the hell not. Not like I'm doing anything important or anything like getting to the bottom of this thing.

JCMtis: You're doing Neptune's work, Jenk Wets. You poor, unfortunate fool.

Jenk: What was that-

JCMtis cuts him off.

Jenk: Neptune forbid I cut him off, but when it's me on the other hand-

Jenk catches sight of something that really catches his eye in front of him. A group of Spambots are crowding around the middle of the ground floor of the plaza. Jenk uses his Hawaiian muscle to pick up an entire bench and uses it to ram the Spambots away, clearing the way to get him through safely, but a fresh, lone body laid in the swarm.

Jenk: Oh dear Neptune.

The body was the account of CNFernie. Jenk approaches and kneels next to it.

Jenk: You did good, Loyal Customer. Rest in paradis-

CNFernie suddenly lunged at him, making inhuman growls and snarls. His eyes were glowing a bloodshot red like the Spambots.

Jenk: GODDAMMIT WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?!

CNFernie began spamming right in his face, making it difficult for Jenk to grapple with him.

Jenk: CNFernie! CNFernie, stop it's me, Jenk, JENK WETS! I TOLD YOU YOU TO REMEMBER IT! CUZ IN THREE DAYS, EVERYONE WILL-

CNFernie spams a bite at Jenk, taking him down to the ground. Jenk thought fast and saw CNFernie's "rubber ducky" laying on the ground next to them. Jenk firmly grasps it in his hand before lodging it right into CNFernie's mouth before kicking him off. Jenk kips back up to his feet and brandishes his bat.

Jenk: Don't make me do this CNFernie!

But the feral user lunged back out at him, leaving Jenk no choice but to bat CNFernie away square in the head, sending him flying into the nearby indoor pond. Jenk wipes the blood and spam off himself.

Jenk: Damn poor bastard.

The lights and the music in the plaza suddenly went off. Jenk squinted at his watch, seeing that the time was 9 PM.

Jenk: Must be normal closing hours.

He looked around at his pitch black surroundings, seeing nothing but shuffling silhouettes and their glowing red eyes.

Jenk: Well, shit. This isn't just your average everyday darkness. This is...advanced darkness. Good thing I have my flesh light!

Jenk took a look at his inventory, which he apparently kept up his ass, and notices that its not there. He also notices that he's down two shotguns and one sniper rifle.

Jenk: Need to gear myself up some more. I wonder where the sex shops are around here?

He continued making his way through the plaza, avoiding any other Spambots along the way, before heading back into the Industrial Park. He covertly works his way around the spambot hordes, killing a few along the way before entering the North Plaza again to find a sex shop, but makes time to take a detour at the gun shop too. Once again clearing himself a path to the the shop, he opens it to find that somebody else has already made himself home there and has set up shop.

???: Welcome! Welcome! Welcome to your favorite WHumbolo's Main Check-In!

The name over the man behind the counter's head said Martin.

Jenk stepped further into the store with caution.

Martin: Why, if it's guns you need then it's guns I have, kind sir! From handguns to shotguns to sniper rifles! As you can probs obvs tell, hahaha! And with your first purchase, you even get a free complimentary review by your favorite WHumbolo! And with a little bartering, I may even let you advertise in my signature and build you a shelter from the spambot hordes, eh what!

Jenk took his shotgun out from his inventory and aims it at Martin, prompting Martin to scramble for a sniper rifle of his own.

Martin: Whoa whoa WHOOAAHH! Easy there, Eastwood! Th-There's no nee-ee-ee-eed to re-re-resort to-to-to such primal, animalistic...p-primitive methods ooooof going about things.

Jenk: First things first, who the hell are you, guy? Second, what's to stop me from just plugging your ass right now like I did to this store's previous owner? Third, what makes you think that YOU are my favorite whumbolo? And fourth, why in Neptune's name do you put an "h" in there?! It makes no fucking sense at all!

Martin: Why, I'm Martin Cek, good sir! The one and only!

Jenk: Soon to be none and lonely.

Martin: I-I'm just trying to make an honest living, my uh good sir!

Jenk: At a time like this, when people are struggling and suffering enough as it is, needing these weapons to even survive and maintain their livings?

Martin: Well, now that you put it like that-

Jenk shoots up at the ceiling, startling Martin and prompting him to aim his rifle at Jenk. Jenk makes his way closer.

Martin: Back, b-b-b-back I say!

Jenk: Please, you're obvi shivering in your timbers. You're dealing with a report moderator who's covered flame wars, ya know. So now's just bout the time you ask yourself one thing and one thing only, my good sir. "Do I feel lucky?" Well do ya, *cocks gun* punk?

Martin drops the rifle and begins making a deal for his life.

Martin: How's a bout a free glass of water, on me!

Jenk gets in closer.

Martin: A dozen free glasses of water! I'll even throw some ice in there!

Jenk shoots at display case next to Martin.

Martin: How's about we become business partners?!

Jenk: Name the split.

Martin: Why, 50-50 of course!

Jenk cocks his gun.

Martin: 60-40?!

Jenk shoots up at the ceiling above Martin, causing some of the paneling to fall on Martin's head.

Martin: 80-20?!

Jenk: I'm assuming I get the 80?

Martin: Why of course, my good man! No more, no less-

Jenk: Make it 85-15.

Martin: Yes, yes! An even better deal, might I add!

Jenk: Nah, Imma just gonna kill ya.

Martin: But I have guns!

Jenk: Which I can kindly take once I'm through with you.

Martin: Better guns! Guns that makes the one you have now look like mere childish play things! Guns only I have access to!

Jenk: ...Go on.

Martin quickly goes into the back and takes out a box full of Magnums and riot shotguns.

Jenk: These aren't half bad.

Martin: And for you, my good sir, a special discoun-

Jenk shoots at Martin's leg, taking off some of his health.

Martin: FREE OF CHARGE!

Jenk: Now that is what I like to hear. You seem like you have your uses, so I'll let you operate here.

Martin: Thank you, you won't regret it-

Jenk: 85-15?

Martin: 85-15, here you loud and clear, Jenk Man!

Jenk proceeds to arm himself with a magnum and two riot shotguns before leaving Martin to his shop. He sets the GPS on his watch to take him over to Out of Control in Wonderland Plaza. The guide arrow leads him right, through more perils along the North Plaza before finally coming across the SpongeBlade shop. Having only enough room in his inventory for one more thing, Jenk opts to take the Crushing Katana.

Jenk: Yeeeaaah, now I can really go all Michonne up in this bitch.

Jenk leaves the store and catches sight of Clap Mart right across from it. The store seemed empty from the looks of things. He looks to go on inside but find that the doors are locked.

Jenk: Vintage Clap.

He catches a quick glimpse of a figure moving around inside.

Jenk: Meh, probably nothin.

He assures himself before heading through the entrance of the Wonderland Plaza, a maaaagical place with maaaagical charms. Wonderland, Wonderland, Woooooonderlaaaaaand. He heads up to the second floor, where the Spooky Scary Skeletons ride is located. He walks up to the ride's arcade panel, activating another cutscene.

Jenk: *rubbing his hands together* This ain't 2spooky, lightweights.

Suddenly, the sound of chainsaws rattling ruined this moment for him.

???: LOLOLOLOLOL!

Jenk turns around to see a clown with skull makeup juggling mini chainsaws towards him before abruptly stopping. It was forum clown, Adam Dragiiintyre.

Adam: STAY AWAY FROM THERE GRAMPS!

Jenk stood back, knowing that there's no telling what a forum clown might do in such a confined space.

Adam: Everyone used to laugh at me...lolol. I was a walking punch line heheha, BUT NOT ANYMOOOOOR...when the walking skeletons came, everyone got SPAMMED!

Adam begins crying a bit to himself, gradually progressing into mad laughter as he proceeds to juggle his chainsaws again.

Adam: THAT'S WHY I DECIDED TO GIVE ALL THE HAPPY USERS A LIFT ON THIS FUN RIIIDE!

Jenk takes a glance at one of passing ride cars, noticing a dirty, white girl covered in blood sitting in it before it speeds off into the distance.

Adam: THE RIDE NEVER ENDS, GRAMPS. if the ride stoooops, then the skeletons cum back and that won't be ANY FUN AT ALL!

Jenk takes another step back but almost loses his footing, saving himself from falling on the ride's tracks and being hit as Adam gets closer to him, still juggling the chainsaws.

Adam: LOOOOLOLOL HAHA!

[Sauce Mama]

CLOWNS NOO!

[Ron]

CLOWNS NOO!

 

Sauce, I fucking love your sig,

[Old Man Jenkins]

Scoop 7-2: Out of Controll

Our goddamn hero is now face to face with Adam Dragiiintyre on opposite sides of the ride platform. Jenk pulls out a riot shotgun and attempts to fill Adam full of holes. Adams only laughs as he uses his chainsaws to block each of Jenk's shots.

Jenk: Well this game sure has a lot of logic coming out of it's ass-

Adam suddenly rolls forward and jumps from his platform to Jenk's platform, slicing into the freelance moderator with both of his chainsaws and knocking off three full blocks of health.

Jenk: Well shit.

Adam extends both his chainsaws out and begins spinning towards Jenk.

Jenk: Ah shit.

Jenk makes a run for it as Dragiiintyre spins ever so closer.

Jenk: AH SHIT, SHIT, SHIT, SHIT- AAAHHH!

Adam slices into Jenk again, sending him discombobulating in the air, over the railing of the second floor and crashing back down to the first floor near the Krabby Land playground. The attack took off two more blocks of health. Jenk picks himself up, dusts himself off Nd looks to start this all over again.

Jenk: One more trolling like that and I'm fucking finished. At least there's some distance between us now.

Adam suddenly leaps over from the second floor, look to swipe Jenk on the landing.

Jenk: FUUUUUUUU-

Jenk dodge rolls out of the way, pulls out the riot shot gun once more and unloads on Dragiiintyre four more time but doesn't make a dent into his his health since he blocked it all with his chainsaws.

Jenk: This is some real bullshit, mang.

Adam takes a knife out and throws it at Jenk, hitting him in the chest.

Jenk: GAAAHHH! You think you can outdo me in Walking Community? I'll show you, you'll see!

He pulls the knife out and throws it at Adam with authority, but it falls just short in front of of the clown.

Jenk: Fuck my throwing distance.

Adam blows up a balloon and throws it over to Jenk, bouncing towards him.

Adam: IT'S FREE BALLOON DAY!

Jenk: Ya gotta be kidding be. Easy peasy-

He takes a swing at the balloon, causing it to pop and scatter a weird sort of gas that blinds him.

Jenk: Why didn't I see that coming?!

Adam: You won't see this coming, neither! Hahaha!

Blinded, Jenk is unable to see Adam coming towards him and slashes away on the unknowing freelance moderator again. Being screwed up the ass here, Jenk makes a run for it, slowly shaking off the blindness as he goes as Adam rolls and hops his way to follow him. Jenk jumps the railing to the playground and takes refuge there, trying to look for something to replenish his health with.

Jenk: Gumball machine!

He approaches a stray Gumball machine only to find out that he can only use it as a weapon.

Jenk: Why?! What good is a Gumball machine if you can't eat fucking gum balls?!

Adam hops on over the railing and right into the playground now, charging towards Jenk with his chainsaw.

Jenk: AW JEEZ!

This causes Jenk to knock the Gumball machine over out of fright and scattering hundreds of the colored gum balls on the floor. They roll under Adam's feet as he came running and knocks him flat on his ass.

Jenk: Talk about luck- EVERYTHING ALL GOING ACCORDING TO PLAN.

He pulls a katana out of his ass and slashes away at Adam, taking off a good half of his health before Dragiintyre blocks a katana shot with his chainsaws, breaking Jenk's katana and rendering it useless.

Jenk: How the fuck does that even work! What the hell are those things made out of!

Adam takes another swing, but Jenk grows wary of his battle strategy and dodge rolls out of the way.

Jenk: Ha! Missed!

Adam throws three knives, which all don't miss. Jenk makes another run for it, desperately seeking food and/or drink to replenish his very low health. He comes across a few pears all bundled in a corner of the playground. He nets them up and begins to chow down.

Jenk: Thank Neptune for random pears.

Jenk tries to down one down by Dragiiintyre interrupts his meal with a knife throw.

Jenk: You fuckin asshole!

Dragiiintyre blows another balloon up and bounces it towards Jenk. Not feeling as if he could consume the pear before the balloon makes contact, Jenk makes another run for it in order to find a safe place to have a meal. He exits the playground and takes the ear out again, but catches sight of the balloon bouncing out of the playground, somehow locked onto him.

Jenk: What kind of fucking clown are you, mang.

Jenk continues running but gets intercepted by Adam, who leaps out from the playground.

Adam: LOLOLOLOLOL!

Caught in between a rock and a hard place, Jenk decides to take his chances with the balloon a dodge rolls out of the way right before it could make contact, causing it to bounce right into Adam, who gets blinded and begins coughing up a fit. Jenk takes note of this as he downs two pears, which replenishes his health all the way. He takes out his shotgun, but Adam has already recovered.

Jenk: Hmmm, interesting.

Before Jenk could make his next move, he receives another PM on the transceiver. Jenk answers it out of force of habit.

Jenk: Fuck. What is it?! Surely you can see I'm in the middle of some shit right now!

JCMtis: Jenk, I've got to tell you something. Something important-

Adam: HE'S TAKING A PM! GET EM!

The Spambots take note of this and begin lunging at our goddamn hero in numbers. He gets swarmed, interrupting the PM. He fights off the spamming hordes as Dragiiintyre spins and slashes his way through the group in order to get to him. Jenk rugby tackles through the horde and grabs a stray spambot, stopping Adam in his tracks before Hamma Throwing the spambot into the clown and knocking him down. He unloads two more shots before Adam bounces back up and slashes at him, but Jenk calculates it and catches Adam's arm before tossing him to the ground hard with a Judo Throw. He takes his katana out once again and slashes away, but Adam knocks him back by breathing fire out in him.

Jenk: I get it, cause he's Dragiiin and dragons, they claw, and they slash, and they breathe fire! Daahhhh, you know what I'm talkin bout-

Dragiiintyre throws more knives at Jenk, who manages to dodge them all.

Jenk: I've dissected your little strategy, booty boy. And I'm gonna use that knowledge to dissect you.

He pulls out his katana as he keeps receiving repeated PMs on the transceiver. Adam slashes at Jenk again but is on the receiving end of another Judo Throw. He extends his chainsaws again out and spins towards him, but Jenk outruns him long enough to ricochet himself off a wall bring Adam back down with a huge Disaster Kick to the forum clown's face. Jenk gets some distance in between them once more. Adam cackles before blowing up another balloon. Jenk anticipates this, pulls his riot shotgun back out and shoots the balloon before Adam had the chance to throw it, blinding him once more. With Adam wide open for an attack, Jenk unloads the rest of his shotgun on him, taking out the rest of his health and triggering another cutscene.

Jenk and Adam somehow find they way back in the Spooky Scary Skeletons ride as the forum clown looks to be all out of it.

Adam: Lololoool-lololoooo...

Dragiiintyre drops his still functional chainsaws onto the ground before dropping to his knees and falls right on top of them. The chainsaws both rip and tear through his ribs as blood gushes out from him.

Adam: LOLOLOLOLOL! LOLOLOLOLOL! YO, I BET YOU ONLY DID THIS JUST TO BE A GODDAMN HERO!

Jenk: Youre goddamn right that's right.

Adam continues loling as his voice pitch gradually gets deeper and deeper as the chainsaws slice clean through his body.

Adam LOLOLOLOLOL! LOLOLololol! lololol...lololololol...lol...

Adam finally falls silent as the key card for the Spooky Scary Skeletons ride slides out from his body in his pool of blood.

PSYCHOPATH DEFEATED! 20,000 PP EARNED!! THROWING DISTANCE INCREASED ^^

Jenk takes it, using it to finally end the ride once and for all as a kart comes rolling into the panel carrying the girl Jenk saw on the ride earlier. He helps her off the ride. The name over her head says Sauce Mama.

Sauce: Thanks! I was in some real trouble there.

Jenk: I could tell. Say, are those things real?

Sauce: I fucking hate clowns. They're just...gahhh! It's a good thing I managed to get in this ride before he got me. Are there any other survivors around?

Jenk: There sure diddly are! Everyone's in the control panel of the Staff Lounge. It's safe there. Now, back to the subject of those eyelashes.

Sauce: The staff lounge? I know a shortcut there!

Jenk: You what?

Sauce: There's a shortcut over to the staff lounge close to here, something only Loyal Customers like me know!

Jenk: I'll go ahead call your bullshit on that one.

Sauce: What? Why don't you believe me?

Jenk: They say a person's eyes tells that person's story. I can't even look into your eyes past all that glue and false eyelashes.

Sauce: They're not fake!

Jenk: Your mouth says "no no", but your eyes say "yes yes".

Sauce: Do you want to know the shortcut or not, ya dick?

Jenk: Alright, fine. I'll go ahead and entertain you, show me where this "shortcut" is.

Saucce: Follow MEEEEE!

Sauce erects a rainbow that leads out of the ride and takes them all they way to the entrance of the men's bathroom of the plaza.

Sauce: It's right in there!

Jenk: How do you know this "shortcut" is in there? What are you doing going through the guy's bathroom anyway?

Sauce: Because shaddup

Jenk: And another thing. Why don't you just use that magical, unicorn, rainbow road shit to just take us back to the staff lounge instead of just taking us a whole 10 feet away?

Sauce: Because Sauce Mama just doesn't work that way. Now are you going into the guys bathroom with me or not?

The transceiver receives yet another PM.

Jenk: Neptune damn it. Should I even?

Sauce: Dude, even.

Jenk takes out the transceiver to answer the PM.

[Sauce Mama]

That....was... great!

[Old Man Jenkins]

Scoop 8-1: Asian Tourists

Our goddamn hero answers the PM on his transceiver.

Jenk: Aloha.

JCMtis: Jenk, it looks like you've found your way into the Krabby Land Plaza, you can find all your entertainment needs there, if you know what I'm sayin-

Jenk: That's it? That's all you interrupted me during a battle of life and death earlier for?! And why is it all of a sudden "Krabby Land Plaza" now?

JCMtis: Seeing as how I'm one of the few authority figures here left, I thought it matched the SpongeBob theme just a bit more.

Jenk: Alright, listen here you you connivi-

JCMtis:You can find a Dr. Sex's Sex Toy shop there.

Jenk: Well now I'm suddenly able to look past that minor mishap.

JCMtis hangs up the PM.

Jenk: Okay, I love you, buh bye to you too ya prick.

Sauce: What was that all about?

Jenk: Some prick I've found myself working for all of a sudden. JCMitis or some shit. Now where's that sex shop?

Sauce: JCMtis? He's still alive?!

Jenk: Not for long if I have anything to say about, now why don't you survivors make yourself useful to me for once and help me find the sex shop.

They walk around the plaza evading and killing whatever zombie that gets in the way of the sex shop.

Sauce: Oh that JCM, he's such a card!

Jenk: Yeah, a regular practical joker. Now, focus! Sex shop-

Sauce: I get it! Cuz he's funny, and joker's a card-

Jenk: I don't give you enough credit, Sauce Mama. I really don't.

Sauce: EXTRA CREDEEEEEEEET!

Jenk: A BadBob reference, really? At a time like this?

Sauce: Well we are looking for the sex shop, right?

Jenk: ...You actually have a point there.

Sauce: You should really finish that up.

Jenk: Haha, not on your life, sprout. Could that be some foreshadowing, folks at home? We'll find out soon!

The transceiver is receiving another PM.

Spambot 1: He received another PM! Spam em!

Spambot 2: Whet their whistles!

Sauce: That doesn't sound fun.

Jenk: Where have you been all this time?

Sauce: On the roller coaster ride of my life.

Jenk: More like for your life. Run!

Jenk turns back and fires off his riot shotgun at a group a Spambots chasing them before leading Sauce back into the Spooky Scary Skeletons ride to answer his PM, but not before noticing Dragiiintyre's chainsaw on the ground.

Jenk: Oooh! I can be all Evil Dead up in this bitch now.

Sauce: Evil Wha?

Jenk: Watch a goddamn scary movie once in a while, like that Friday the 13th remake.

Sauce: *swoons*

Jenk: Hey, hey, hey! You can swoon all you want once we get to that sex shop *answers PM* Heyo?

JCMtis: I found a couple of survivors in the BOOKSTORE of the KRABBY LAND PLAZA. They appear to look like some sort of Asian. Japanese, Chinese, maybe Taiwanese?

Jenk: Was the caps lock necessary there?

JCMtis: You are old man Jenk Wets, after all.

Jenk: Mang, you're older than I am in this game!

JCMtis: Which apparently says a lot.

JCMtis hangs up.

Jenk: What's stopping me from trashing this thing?

Sauce: You need it to finish the game

Jenk: Yeah, right. Follow me!

Jenk and Sauce leave the Skeletons ride and head back out onto the second floor of Krabby Land.

Sauce: What was that all about?

Jenk: More survivors.

Sauce: Oh, survivors?! I hate survivors. >(

Jenk: Wut?

Sauce: Yeah, they just keep floating back up no matter how many times you flush. Don't you hate it when that happens?

Jenk: Well that sorta explains the whole "men's bathroom" thing. I hope. But anyway, not those survivors, I'm talking about actual users. Asians, to be exact. Tourists probs.

Sauce: Pretty big generalization ya have there.

Jenk: I'm from Hawaii, you see one, you've seen em all.

They continue walking around aimlessly and killing Spambots along the way.

Jenk: This is ridiculous. We can't even locate a damn sex shop, how are we supposed to find these Asians?!

Sauce: Why don't we ask the circle arrow.

Sauce points up at the infamous guide arrow at the top of the screen, which is pointing to their immediate left.

Jenk: I wouldn't trust that thing with my life! Trust me, I have.

Sauce looks to the left where the arrow is pointing and sees that they're standing right outside of Bookworm's bookstore that the Asians are in.

Sauce: Isn't bookworm an SBMer?

Jenk: It made sense, shaddup

They enter the bookstore to find two Asians in hiding even though they're still in plain sight. The bars over their names says Shinya Ketsuekiran and Kevin Nguyen.

Jenk: Ah yes, those are some rear ninja skirrs, my friends. Must make ancestors rear proud.

Sauce: *bows* konbanwa Shinya-san! Konbanwa Kevin-kun!

Kevin: Shinya! Shinya!

Shinya: What it do, baby boo!

Jenk: What are you doing?

Sauce: What?

Jenk: Don't bow to them! That's just racist, mang.

Shinya and Kevin: *bows to them in unison*

Sauce: What do you think they just said?

Jenk: The hell if I know, I'm only half Asian. If only Ayabela showed back up, she'd make sense of this nonsense.

Shinya: We were in a peculiar store full of items of the sexual variety before making our home here.

Kevin: Were heard you yelling about going there from here and we would be honored to bring you there in exchange for safe passage to much more greener pastures.

Jenk: Slow down! It's like you're speaking some sorta different language!

Sauce: Ooh! Lemme try!

Jenk: You? Given how white you are? Ha! Don't make me laugh.

Sauce: I invented my own universal language, interpretable in all other dialects.

Jenk: Yeah, I remember that I was the one who first brought it up, so you didn't invent-

Sauce: Hibellibo fribends! Myib nibame isib Sibauce Mibamiba! Doib yibou uniberstiband?

Jenk: "Hello friends! My name is Sauce Mama! Do you understand?"

Sauce: STAHP IT! Stahp it.

Jenk stops it, but Shinya and Kevin don't seem to have a fucking clue.

Jenk: Well done, Sauce Mama! Two people you've actually stumped with your Saucenese.

Sauce: I'm getting better than I thought I did.

Jenk: Now that you're done dishonoring their families, can I finally read this "Speaking Asian In A Matter Of Seconds For Haoles" book?

Sauce: Haoles! HAOLES!

Jenk: Hapa, ya bitch

Jenk equips the book in his hand from his inventory and simply looks at the cover as a message saying "Holding this book grants you the ability to speak Asian." shows up on the screen.

Jenk: I have the power.

Jenk approaches the Asians. They are wary of our goddamn hero and pulls a couple of calculus books on him.

Sauce: Watch out, Jenk Man! Asians and math can be a pretty lethal combination!

Jenk: Wait! I different! No one of them!

Shinya: Who are you?!

Jenk: I Jenk, Jenk Wets! Freelance moderator! Remember it! Because in couple days time, everyone will remember it indeed!

Shinya: Looks like this old man wants us to go with him. What do you think?

Kevin: What do I think? Rap music is black, but this man's heart seems blacker! I think we have no choice but to place our utmost trust in him!

Shinya: Think seriously first, Slutface. What kind of moderator would be moderating a situation such as this at a time like this?

Kevin: Well, what are we doing playing tourists at time like this, shin-boo?

Jenk: Fuckin told ya, Sauce!

Shinya: You bring up great point, Slutface. Very great point, indeed!

Kevin: You bring very great dishonor, shin-boo. Very great dishonor, indeed! I don't feel quite content about being the only Asian member here with you anymore!

A spambot enters the store unbeknownst to them all and lunges at the Asian tourists. Jenk intercepts it and takes the brunt of its spamming, getting tackled to the ground.

Jenk: Sauce! Do something!

Sauce bats her lashes at the spambot, which does little to nothing.

Jenk. RAAAAAAHHHHH!!

Jenk pushes and kicks the spambot off of him, knocking it to the side before getting up and smashing its head in with a Knee Drop.

Jenk: Come? No come? Decide quickly, assholes-san!

Shinya & Kevin: You have saved our lives, we are truly honored! *bows*

SHINYA KETSUEKIRAN HAS JOINED!

KEVIN NGUYEN HAS JOINED!

PP BONUS! +10,000 LEVEL UP! ^^

Jenk: You guys can speaky the engrish?

Sauce: It's as if we went through all of that rigmarole for nothing.

Jenk: Alright men-

Sauce: Ahem

Jenk: As I was saying if we're gonna make it all the way back to the Staff Lounge, we must do something that's practically never practiced here in the SpongeBob Community.

Kevin: What'll that be, oh Old One?

Jenk: We've gotta work together. Keep close together, watch eachother's back at all times, we've gotta learn to trust eachother goddammit! So Sauce, just come clean about those eyelashes already!

Sauce: They're still real to me, dammit!

Jenk: Asians, don't trust her. Keep your eyes slightly more open and stay skeptical of her at all times.

Sauce: Grrrr, holes! HOLES!

Shinya: You saved our lives, booty.

Kevin: We'll truly honor your commands.

Sauce: Why are you listening to him? I helped save you too!

Jenk: We need to get you all equipped, make sure you're ready for whatever spam that may come your way. Here Shin, you look like someone who can handle one of these.

Jenk hands over his katana to Shinya.

Shinya: Fucking typical.

Jenk: Here Kevin, you Asians can shoot right? A risk I'm just about willing to take here.

Jenk hands over a riot shotgun to Kevin.

Kevin: Got somebody to kill on Friday!

Sauce: What do I get? Huh, HUH?!

Jenk hands Sauce the Asian book.

Jenk: Here, learn a real fucking language.

A group of Spambots have gathered outside and breaking into the store. Jenk grabs two books about Entertainment and Squidward's Art Show. He looks at both their covers before stuffing them both up his ass, leveling up the small chainsaw he took from Dragiiintyre's corpse earlier.

Jenk: Groovy.

Kevin takes pot shots at the Spambots.

Jenk: Follow me!

Jenk leads the charge with his small chainsaw and carves into the Spambots. Shin joins in by slashing away with his katana, Kevin covers them with some suppressing fire and Sauce bats her eyelashes at the spamming horde.

[Sauce Mama]

I do what I do best at the end. Sit there lookin pretty, batting my eyelashes. Loved this one.

[Old Man Jenkins]

Scoop 8-2: Servin' Up Death

We are back to see our goddamn hero, having lost about 3/4 of his health, bursting through the doors of the Galley Grub food court, holding the door for his weakened survivor group to run through before slamming it shut. Sauce and Shin are down to half health as well while Kevin has a quarter of health left.

Jenk: Mang, we suck. I mean seriously, we fucking suck! After that pretty epic ending we had going for ourselves last time and then come back to this? I mean shit, Kevin has less health than Sauce and he has the fuckin gun for crying out loud!

Kevin: Rap music maybe black, but I'm about as yella as you can get behind a gun!

Shinya: Maybe if you didn't give me such a typical weapon that I know little to nothing about.

Jenk: What's so hard about using a katana? You just swing it!

Sauce: Why are you getting after us for? You have as much health as Kevin does at the moment.

Jenk: Because I had to go back and save your asses 3 times.

Sauce just walks away.

Jenk: 3 TIMES! And I still made it to the door before any of you!

Sauce: You totally backtracked from my shortcut by the way

Jenk: Because we were losing health the moment we stepped out of that bookstore and this is about the best place in this Neptune forsaken community to refill.

Jenk kills a few more waves of Spambots with his small chainsaw before heading behind the Kelp Shake counter where a blender is.

Jenk: I'm not gonna lie, but I can make one killer juice drink. Shit you would just die for!

Kevin: I hope you don't mean that literally, bitch.

Jenk: Not...entirely.

Survivors:

Jenk:

Jenk mixes milk and a whole pie in the blender.

Jenk: Before I go on, I've got some good news, bad news, and badder news.

Kevin: What's the good news, snotbrain?

Jenk: The good news is, these fill your health right up no matter what!

Shinya: The bad news?

Jenk: They can either make or break you, lets go with that.

Sauce: And the badder news?

Jenk: You all could have a very big increased chance of dying. Not saying it would happen, but it could very well happen.

A Jailbait mixed drink pops out of the blender.

Jenk: Oooohhh, who wants this very appetizing-looking pink drink? Sauce, you like pink don't ya?!

Sauce: More than life itself.

Kevin yanks it out of Jenk's hand.

Kevin: Give it here, crapmonger! I need it the most!

Kevin downs the entire drink.

Jenk throws some yogurt into the blender next and some mayonnaise.

Jenk: Throwing some condiments in for the Sauce Mama! I have a good feeling about this one.

He mixes them together and out comes the infamous Randomizer

Jenk: ...Here you are, sir, enjoy!

Sauce consumes the drink, causing her eyes to widen and cheeks to redden. She wiggles around like a noodle all hammajang.

Sauce: QUENCH YOUR THIR-IR-IR-IRST WITH THE RANDOMIZER IIIIT'S...THE QUENCHIEST! NOTHING'S QUENCHIER!

Jenk: Someone's inhaled too much of her own glue.

Shinya: What about this curious young, Asian youth?

Jenk mixes up a cabbage and orange juice.

Jenk: It's a damn shame there's no sushi in this game, but it'll at least give people something to look forward in the sequel. *wink wink fart fart*

A Moderizer drink pops out of the blender. He tosses it over to Shinya, who drinks it whole. Shin runs around the food court and shakes the ring ropes violently before throwing a two thumbs up then turning them down.

Shinya: THE SHINIMAL IS UNLEASHED!

Jenk: I'm liking this, I'm liking this a lot.

The transceiver receives another PM. Jenk answers it.

Jenk: Heyo, Chico.

JCMtis: I saw somebody in the North Plaza. He came flying out of The Clap Mart. They appeared to be in a panic. Something must be after the poor thing.

JCMtis hangs up.

Jenk: I try to break into there and get nada, while some random assclown waltzes right in and gets chased out. Maybe that was a good thing.

Jenk: Alright meng, we have ourselves another survivor out there! We're gonna sweep back through Krabby Land, waltz into the North, make or break this guy in, run for our lives through the dark of the industrial park, run for our lives some more through Paradise before hitting up our real paradise in the Staff Lounge. Who's with me?!

Kevin is fending off a group of Spambots who all wanna whet his whistle and his whistle alone.

Kevin: CRUD! CRUD! CRUUUUD!

Sauce does the worm on the counter top and Shinya tackles head-on into the group of Spambots swarming Kevin.

Shinya: GIMME SOMETHIN TO BEND!

Shinya nails picks one of the Spambots up and lays em out with a Shintisya Bomb.

Jenk: Something tells me I'm into something good. Old Men, assemble!

Sauce, Shinya, Kevin and the Spambots whetting his whistle line up in front of him.

Jenk: Now we're gonna do this agayn and we're gonna do this right! Ready your weapons!

Jenk pulls his small chainsaw back out, Sauce applies more mascara all over his face, Shinya cracks his knuckles and Kevin is still getting his whistle whet.

Jenk: Follow me! Attack Pattern: Alpha!

Jenk charges through the Krabby Land entrance, everybody and the spambots follow him in.

[Sauce Mama]

Servin' Up DEATH, I like it.

[Old Man Jenkins]

Scoop 9-2: Forever Alone in the North Plaza

We are back to see our goddamn hero and company fighting their way through Krabby Land Plaza. Jenk makes short work of of most Spambots with his small chainsaw, Sauce merely bats her eyelashes through the horde while teaching them Japanese, Shinya hulks up through waves of Spambots and Kevin just keeps attracting them with his fine ass.

Jenk: Keep going! This way!

Jenk runs ahead of them, leading the way and clearing up a good enough path for the bad AI of the survivors to run through, but of course the survivors can't even do that.

Kevin: *getting spammed left and right all while getting his whistle whet* CRUD! Help me snotbrains!

Jenk: Vintage Kevin, always getting yourself caught up in the middle of some major shit.

Jenk chops the spamming horde down around Kevin and escorts him to the others in a nearby Trophy's Trophies kiosk, which keeps the spammers bots away from them temporarily as Jenk maps out the rest of their route.

Jenk: Well, there's no question about it, team. We've gotta get to the North Plaza now or we're done for.

Kevin: Now?! Where the hell have you been trying to get us to this whole time?!

Jenk: Sex shop, but it appears that can't be an option, considering these fucks get hyped up more than 4EverGreen on smileys at night. Well, and the fact that you're all pretty turrble at following simple commands.

Shinya: You kidding! I feel like I can take on ten John Cenas and a Hulk Hogan right now!

Jenk: For all the good that's getting us! I mean, look at you all! All down to less than half already! I'm gonna clear these fuckers surrounding us then on my signal we'll head towards the North Plaza entrance over there.

Sauce: Okay!

Sauce skips out of the kiosk and through the Spambots in order to reach the North Plaza entrance.

Jenk: That wasn't a command! THAT WASN'T A COMMAND! Rahhhhhh, here it goes!

Jenk takes a shotgun out and blows away at the bots that surround Sauce and she makes it through safe. Jenk and the others follow her next. Jenk and Shin hold their own while Kevin gets himself spammed up the ass like crazy. Sauce makes it to entrance first and gives herself a nice broski handshake, followed by Jenk and Shin.

Shinya: Where's Kevin?

Jenk surveys their surroundings and spots Kevin in the middle of a huge gang bang.

Jenk: Over there!

Sauce goes to skip away in that direction, but Jenk grabs her by the hair and throws her into Shin's hulked out arms to hold her.

Jenk: That wasn't a command either, ya bitch Stay here! It looks like a job for a goddamn hero...

Jenk heads off to bail Kevin's sweet ass out, agayn.

Sauce: *twiddles eyelashes* So swole, is there a she-shin?

Shinya: yes actually, there is, baby boo.

Sauce: *sighs*

Jenk tackles into the group surrounding Kevin and they both get engulfed in the spam.

Sauce:

Shinya: He was...a token to old men everywhere, Uhhhh...he-

Sauce: What a brave old man! Going down in the line of duty like that! Why? Why?! WHYYYYYYHYHYHYHYYYY-

Jenk tackles out of the horde with Kevin draped over his shoulders.

Sauce: I mean, *feels Shin's biceps* hi

Jenk: Don't worry, I've got Kevin!

He leads them through the North Plaza entrance.

Jenk: Like a goddamn hero...

They make their way into the North Plaza, immediately getting sieged by Spambots since Kevin still has the jailbait in him.

Jenk: Vintage Kevin! Making things worst for everybody else. Lets move!

Jenk leads survivors through the dark, decrepit corridors of the plaza. Construction materials lie everywhere since this plaza was supposed to be unveiled with SBU, after all. Jenk follows the guide past the Clap Mart, which still looks pretty empty from the outside, until they reach an empty, unfinished store about four shops down the hall. Jenk busts the door in to find a lone man frightened out of his boots inside. The bar over his head said "Beach Bob".

Beach Bob: Ah! No! Please! Leave me alone! Well, on second thought, I really don't wanna be alone.

Sauce: Beach Bob? That's a funny name!

Shin: Can I stop carrying you now?

Sauce: Oh, hehe...sorry

Beach Bob: *sighs*

Jenk: Get inside!

Jenk stays out to combat the approaching Spambots.

Shinya: Shouldn't you put my brother in here?

Jenk: I would, but with no food to replenish his one health point left and the jailbait still in his system. He's gonna prove to be more of a liability than anything. Vintage Kevin.

Shinya: What are you saying?

Sauce: How much you wanna bet he's gonna kill em, stud

Beach Bob: On second thought, you guys seem to have your own priorities in need of checking-

Jenk: The staff lounge is just about big enough for only one Asian.

Sauce: But you're also Asian

Jenk: Exactly.

Shinya: Just what is that supposed to mean?

Jenk: Exactly what it's supposed to mean.

Jenk proceeds to lift Kevin overhead and gorilla presses him into the Spambots, who also proceed to tear Kevin a new one with spam, spamming him to pieces.

Kevin: Crud! Crud! Snotmunching slutfaces! CRUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-

KEVIN NGUYEN HAS BEEN SPAMMED

Shinya: KEVIIIIIIN!

The Spambots all crowd around Kevin's account, giving Jenk time to nonchalantly head inside and shut the door behind him.

Jenk: Ahhhh, the deed is done =)

Shinya: You just killed my brother!

Jenk: Well I don't see you defecting or anything!

Shinya: ...

Jenk: Exactly.

Sauce: Look, Beach Bum-

Beach: Beach Bob

Sauce: Had some food lying around here. Looks like we could've saved Kevin after all

Shinya:

Jenk: What? You like beef now?

Shinya: No, chicken!

Jenk and Shin go toe to toe.

Jenk: Well there's this place around here that I heard has the best Korean chicken in the community!

Shinya: Sounds mighty ono, we should hit it up on the way back!

Jenk: Maybe if we get time!

Shinya: Dine in or take out!

Jenk: Take out!

Shinya: Why?!

Jenk: Spambots, that's why!

Shinya: I never thought about that!

Jenk: Korean food does that to ya!

Shinya: Along with fuckin with your stomach!

Jenk: Ain't that the truth!

Shinya: Hear hear! Take out it is, then!

Jenk: Well fuckin a!

Beach: I have no idea what I just witnessed.

Sauce: I have no idea what I'm witnessing a lot of the time. must be the glue.

Jenk: Alright, where were we? Oh yeah.

He approaches Beach Bob and slaps him.

Jenk: Take a good look at me man! Do I look like a spambot to you?

Beach: Well, I think that's already been established already! But, are you one of the good guys?

Jenk: Mehbeh

Shinya: He just threw my brother to the wolves, man, draw your own damn conclusion.

Jenk: I can take you to the Staff Lounge, it's a safe place. Safer than being holed up here at least.

Beach: I'd love to go, but I won't make it too far on this leg!

Jenk's eyes widened, not wanting another liability in the posse.

Jenk: Whats wrong with your leg?

Beach: I was in the MARKET, trying to find a girlfriend!

Sauce: H-

Beach: Don't ask.

Sauce:

Beach: When this crazy kid tried to sell me this fat Dora the Explorer! I mean, I want a girlfriend pretty badly, but not THAT badly. I told him "hell no" and that he should trash it and get locked up, but he just went insane! He said he was gonna punish me!

Sauce: What'd he do?

Beach: He kicked me in the shin and ran away!

Jenk: Well, Sh-

Shinya: Don't fucking even.

Jenk: Well the goddamn hero in me can't just leave you here, so I guess...well, I suppose I could...gah, well-

Sauce: Well what?

Jenk: I suppose I could support you.

Beach: Seriously? You'd do that for me? Thanks!

BEACH BOB HAS JOINED

Jenk: But you only get one.

Shinya: Good luck, guy. Better hope he doesn't throw you to the spammers too.

Beach: You wouldn't do that, would you?

Jenk: Haha, see how well you know me!

[Old Man Jenkins]

Scoop 9-3: Final Servin'

We are back to see our goddamn hero still stranded in the North Plaza with his group of survivors.

Jenk: Now that this piece of deadweight has been firmly secured, how's about we finally head back to dat Staff Lounge, huh?

Shinya: It wouldn't be all of us.

Jenk: Ahhh, you can cry me a river about it with the other crybabies once I drop you all off.

Beach: Others? As in...girls, right? GIRL girls?

Jenk: Hell, we have one with us right now mang.

Beach: I noticed

Sauce: Hehe :|

Jenk: Well now that we've all been properly introduced for the most part, lets head on through the rest of the North, make it through the Industrial Park an-

Sauce: What about my shortcut?

Jenk: What about your "shortcut"?

Sauce: We could take it right back to Paradise, and we'd only have to make it back to Krabby Land in order to get there

Jenk: And we should believe your hearsay...why exactly?

Sauce: Because we're friends!

Jenk: Friends? That's just grand.

Sauce: Friends til the end!

Jenk: Even grander!

Shinya: Ya know, it wouldn't hurt to at least check it out.

Jenk: Yeah, you're right. What else have ya got left to lose?

Shinya: fuck you!

Jenk: Well, Beach Bum-

Beach: Beach Bob

Jenk: As I was saying looks like you're our deciding vote. You gonna side with the pathological liar or-

Shinya: A pathological psychopath.

Jenk: Hey now, I've seen worst psychopaths out there. Believe you and me- Y'all are lucky to have me come your way.

Sauce: I think I would've took my chances with the forum clown.

Beach: Well, to chime myself back in before I zone out for another good couple of months, I go wherever this pretty, young thang goes.

Sauce: Thanks! I guess.. :|

Jenk: Well, it looks like it's settled then! Don't say I didn't warn ya.

Jenk offers Beach his shoulder, but Beach declines after having ogled Sauce some more.

Beach: Whoa whoa whoa! I think not.

Jenk: You were just whining about your leg.

Beach: Tis but a flesh wound! I can pull my own weight, thank you very much.

Jenk: You sure? I'm actually offering you some actual help here, which is a very rare occurrence. These guys can vouch.

Beach: I'm good, I'm good! Dont do this to me in front of the Aucesay

Jenk: So you're cherry?

Beach: Very cherry! Like cherry pie!

Sauce: Oooh! Does anybody else want pie? Cuz I want pie.

Beach: I'll give you some pie, alright

Jenk: You need no help whatsoever?

Beach: I'm like a cobra, like a barefoot jackrabbit on a hot greasy griddle in the middle of August!

Jenk: Quite the differing comparisons there, I'm sure you'll do just fine. Alright, follow me!

Jenk takes his small chainsaw back out of his ass, busts open the door and charges out first, carving and slicing away at the surrounding Spambots out in the hall that are still spamming Kevin's account. He clears a path for his survivors to get through.

Jenk: Over here!

Sauce runs out of the room, followed by Shinya. Right as Shin passes by, Jenk gets grabbed from behind by a spambot the rises from the ground.

Jenk: AAAHHH! Vintage Kevin! Vintage Keviiiin!

Shinya stops and turns back to Jenk, who gets tackled to the ground by Kevin. Kevin tries spamming into him and Jenk calls out to Shinya for assistance.

Shinya: I'd like to help but my AI's shit.

Shinya continues running down the hall.

Jenk: SHIN? SHIIIIIIIN!

Jenk button mashes like crazy before finally mustering the strength to push Kevin up off him. He takes his small chainsaw and decapitates Kevin with it, putting the user-turned-spambot out of his misery. Having lost two whole health blocks from the assault, Jenk wobbles his way through the hall, slicing away at whichever spambot that got in his way. He makes it to the end of the hall, where Sauce and Shinya waited for him.

Shinya: Oh look, he survived.

Jenk: Goddamn right, I did!

Shinya: No hard feelings, right?

Jenk: You'll be having hard feelings of pain cuz that stunt gets you a nice kick to the face!

Jenk jump kicks Shinya, nailing him right in the face and knocking some health off him.

Shinya: Hey stop that!

Jenk: You gonna do something about it, pug?

Considering Shinya had officially joined Jenk's group, he wasn't allowed to strike back at Jenk.

Jenk: That's what I thought.

Jenk takes a few more cheap shots at Shinya, who just tells him to stop it.

Sauce: I hate to interrupt such a touching moment, but where's Beach Bum?

Jenk: Well, shit. Stay over here. It looks like it's time for a goddamn hero.

Jenk scales construction panels than line up against the walls of the plaza and simply runs along them in order to make it back to Beach Bob as Spambots attempt to spam him from below but to no avail. Jenk hops off the scaffolding and reaches the room they were previously in, Beach Bob having just limped his way out the door.

Jenk: What the fuck is this?

Beach: I told you, I got this!

Jenk: Yeah, you sure got this out the door just now.

Beach: Dont worry, I'll get there faster than a barefoot jackrab-

Jenk: Yeah, yeah, yeah, the rabbit! Just hold on, ya bum!

Jenk drapes Beach's arm over his shoulder and helps him balance on his feet before heading off, doing most of the walking for him. They approach of a crowd of Spambots.

Beach: Oh god! Oh god, we're gonna die!

Jenk: What do you mean "we"?

They get ever so closer to the mob.

Jenk: oh god, I'm gonna die.

They tackle into the crowd and push their way through pretty effortlessly. The Spambots try spamming them, but can't quite seem to do it.

Beach: Ah! Is it over?

He looks around to see them just plowing through hallway like its nothing.

Beach: We're alive? We're alive! Bah gawd almighty we are still alive! *hugs Jenk*

Jenk: Sauce is over there, Casanova, so if you wanna still somehow impress her, I'd suggest you get less clingy.

Beach: Hehe, my bad.

Sauce: You made it!

Jenk: As per usual. And you guys dare doubt my goddamn hero abilities.

Sauce: I'm sorry I ever doubted you

Jenk: Why thank you, Sauce. Still wont make me sorry about doubting the legitimacy of your eyelashes tho.

Sauce :

Jenk: Aight, just a couple hundred more feet to go and we're golden with that "shortcut". Right, Sauce?

Sauce: Scouts honor.

Jenk: Cross your heart?

Sauce: Hope to die.

Jenk: Hehe, die. Aight lets do this

They head through the entranceway connecting the North Plaza to Krabby Land Plaza.

Jenk: Just follow me and you'll be fine

Shinya: That's what you told me and my brother.

Jenk: This again? Really?

Jenk and Beach Bob leads the charge as Shinya and Sauce follow behind and fight off any spambot that gets too close for comfort. Jenk and Beach Bob reach the bathroom first and they turn back to see Shinya and Sauce still caught up in the spamming crowd.

Jenk: Goddammit!

Beach: You gotta save them!

Jenk: After I drop this load.

Jenk drops Beach Bob off in the bathroom and saves the game by taking a shit. He runs back out to assist the others. He saws through the spammers and frees Shinya from the spamming clutches.

Jenk: There, I saved your yella ass. Will that finally get you off my half yella ass?

Shinya: you can't see me.

Shinya heads towards the bathroom. Jenk focuses his attention on getting Sauce safe. He saws through some more Spambots, but she seems to be completely surrounded.

Sauce: AAAHHH! Jenk Man! Help!!!

Jenk: Im comin Saucy! Ah fuck this.

Jenk proceeds to saw through the hordes like crazy, throwing caution to the wind and makes his way over to Sauce and frees her from the spammer's grasps. More start converging around them, so Jenk continues swinging away like a mad man Jenkins.

Sauce: Thanks Jenk- AAAHHH!!

Jenk accidentally hits her with his chainsaw and takes out the rest of her health.

MADDIE SAUCE IS DEAD

Sauce's body falls to the ground and the Asian book falls out of her hand. She lays motionless as Jenk surveys the situation.

Jenk: U Maddie?

[Sauce Mama]

*sigh* Son of a bitch...

[Old Man Jenkins]

Report 9-4: No Love Lost

We are back to see our goddamn hero re-enter the men's bathroom, where Shinya and Beach Bob are waiting for him.

Shinya: What the fuck happened back there?!

Jenk: Whatever do you mean-

Beach: Sauce died! We saw it in big, bold , red letters!

Jenk: Oh, you saw that too huh? Well, in my defense, she did crossed her heart and hoped to die when it came to this whole shortcut thing. Seeing as how she died, which goes to show just how reliable she really was and we are probs better off without her moving forward.

Beach: I think I'm gonna be (love)sick, yo

Jenk: Oh come on now-

Beach Bob heads into one of the stalls and locks the door, crying making barf sounds.

Jenk: If you dare defect on me, I'll sure as hell won't just leave you for the spammers!

Shinya: You're really on a roll, aren't you baby boo?

Jenk: What is it now, Shinya?

Shinya: First my brother and now Sauce. You must really be feeling like a goddamn hero now.

Jenk: I always feel like a goddamn hero.

Shinya: So now what, oh hero?

Jenk: Well I don't know, do you see a shortcut? Because I sure as shit *saws a spambot that came waltzing in the bathroom* don't see one.

Beach Bob begins whistling a tune in the stall.

Jenk: Now if you ask me agayn, I think we should just take our chances heading through to the Galley Grub from here, stock up on some supplies and shit there, cut all the way through the Industrial Park to Paradise and hopefully it'll be cruise kine from there.

Shinya: Yeah, we can only hope.

Beach: YOU KNOW I CAAAANT SMIIIILE WITHOOOUUUT YOOOUUU! I can't smile without you!

Jenk: Hey mang, in case you've already forgotten, I actually saved both yours and your brothers asses when we first met up here so cut me some damn slack.

Beach: I can't laugh! And I can't sing-

Jenk: You're singing right now!

Shinya: I'll cut something from ya, alright.

Jenk: Go ahead, pug! I dare ya, I DOUBLE DARE ya mothaclucka! Cut me some damn slack right now!

Shinya: You're so damn lucky I can't.

Jenk punches Shin around some more.

Jenk: That's what I thought

Shinya: Hey! Stop it!

Jenk: Now then, shall we?

Jenk kicks open the stall door that Beach Bob was behind. He was slumped against the toilet in tears.

Beach: You came along! Just like a song! And brightened my day! Who would've believe that you were part of a dream and now it all seems light years awayyyy!

Jenk: Alright ya bum.

Jenk offers a shoulder and picks him up to his feet.

Jenk: You can cry and act all hysterical once we get to the Staff Lounge like all the others.

Shinya: There are others? Color me surprised.

Jenk: I'm gonna color you red real soon, then that'll make you orange.

Shinya: Oh great, another confused Asian youth joke.

Beach: ORANGE WAS HER FAVORITE COLOR, YO!!

Another spambot suddenly pooped out of the opposite stall and grabbed Jenk from behind.

Jenk: AAAHHH!!

He struggles to get a grip on it before judo throwing it into the bathroom mirror, cracking it and taking off the spambot's arm. The spambot still stirs, but Jenk shoves it's disembodied arm into its mouth, seemingly killing it.

Jenk: EAT THAT!

Shinya: Ooohhh, nice one.

Jenk: Thanks for the help

Shinya: Shitty A.I., remember?

Jenk picks Beach back up from the ground.

Jenk: Now then, if we're all done being a buncha bitches, follow me!

Jenk leads the charge to the outside with Beach in tow as Shin follows not too far behind, slashing away at any spambot that gets in their path. Inside the bathroom, the mirror finally gives way to reveal a secret tunnel (SECRET TUNNEL, SECRET TUNNEL). They make it all the way to the other side of Krabby Land Plaza when suddenly

???: HE-HEEEEELP!

???: Some help would be very much appreciated.

Jenk looks around to see where those shrilly screams were coming. He looks up at nearby SpongeBob statue to see two users hanging by a thread from the statues two buck teeth. Spambots surround and swarm beneath them. The bars over their heads said "Mandy Aggie" and "Billy Redsox"

Beach: Some people say happiness takes so very long to fiiiind- A GIRL?!

Jenk & Shin: How the fuck did they get up there? Huh? JINX YOU OWE ME A DIET DR. SEX! Darn. Mary had a little lamb, who's ass was stank as-

Mandy: Guys, is this completely necessary?!

Beach: Yeah guys!

Jenk: Alright Shin, make like PSY and be a gentleman and get those two down.

Shinya: Would love to baby boo, but my A.I. just doesn't work that way.

Jenk: No wonder why your ask threads never last. Alright, now it's time for a goddamn hero so stand back, and watch this drive.

Jenk heads over to the nearest Trophy Sports store and takes out a golf club and some balls. He swings the ball to knock Mandy down but it cracks her in the skull and she plummets down into the spamming horde which causes her health to almost instantly deplete.

MANDY AGGIE HAS BEEN SPAMMED!

Beach & Redsox: MANDYYYYYY- huh? JINX YOU OWE ME A DIET DR. SEX!

Shinya: You're just shreking it tonight, aren't ya?

Jenk: I'm already ogre your Shrek puns...darn it.

Beach: OOOOOHHHHH MANDY! WELL YOU CAME AND YOU GAVE WITHOUT TAKING! BUT JENK SENT YOU AWAY! OOOOOHHHHH MANDY!

Jenk: Second time's the charm.

Jenk takes a swing again but misses and takes out a couple of Spambots. He continues taking swings until all the Spambots are down, but Redsox is still up.

Jenk: That always happens, whenever you can get a perfect shot the first time, you just can't seem to replicate it.

Suddenly, Mandy appears out of the pile of spammed corpses, grabs the golf club and throws it at Redsox, knocking him down to the floor.

Jenk: What the-? How the? Who-?

Mandy: By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes.

Jenk: ...You srs, girlfriend?

MANDY AGGIE HAS JOINED!

BILLY REDSOX HAS JOINED!

Jenk: Well, alright then. Coolio. Welcome to the group. I guess.

Shinya: So, you like the Red Sox huh?

Redsox: Most indubidubidubibly!

Shinya: Gay.

Beach: That is pretty gay, and I love girls sooo

Redsox: ...Well those Red Sox sure do make me happy!

Jenk: We better get going to the Staff Lounge, so- hey where you going?!

Mandy: I follow no one.

Jenk: Fuckin A.I. In this game in a nutshell. Lets move!

Jenk carries Beach Bob again and they all head into the Galley Grub food court.

Jenk: Alright, we should probs stock- will you stop heading off on your own?!

Mandy: No.

Mandy exits out to the Industrial Park as Redsox follows her.

Jenk: Where the hell do you think you're going?

Redsox: Wherever Mandy goes, I go!

He replies before skipping off after her.

Jenk: And just where do you think you're limping off to?

Beach: Wherever she goes, I go <3

Shinya follows suit.

Jenk: Shin? SHIN?!

Shinya: Fuck you mang.

Jenk: Goshdangit!

Jenk follows after them. Once out in the Industrial Park, two faint lights appear to be coming towards them.

Redsox: Guys, I can see the lights. Lets head towards it!

Redsox races towards the lights as the lights get closer, enough for Jenk to recognize them as the headlights from a familiar jeep.

Jenk: Well, shit.

It was the same jeep being commandeered by Supergameman, Sbnator and Murica, having just respawned in the park. Jenk rushes and pulls Redsox out of the path of the jeep right as Murica took a swing at him with his baseball bat. How ironic would that have been?

Sbnator: You missed again, loser! Haha!

Supergameman: Keep workin on gettin yo aim right, brotha!

Murica: Hey hey hey yo yo! Look who's round-a dos!

Supergameman: Lets kill that old fut and snag his old lady!

Sbnator: Chee!

Beach: On the contrary, yo, she's MY old lady.

Jenk: How the fuck are these pricks still alive?

Supergameman: Nothin dies in the Industrial Park, baby!

Jenk: Then why even bother killing us?

Murica: It's just too damn fun!

Supergameman puts the jeep and drive and races towards them as Sbnator readies his mounted machine gun.

Sbnator: Here we go!

Jenk: This way!

Jenk grabs Beach Bob and leads the others away to safety as Sbnator shoots at them with his machine gun. Shinya and Redsox run and follow closely behind Jenk and Beach Bob while Mandy just slowly paces her way in their direction. They find some refuge behind a few trees.

Jenk: Alright, you all need to stay here. Beach Bob and I will deal with these fucks.

Beach: Why me?!

Jenk: Because with you on my shoulder we can do anything that we want to do, as it has been proven before. I also dealt with these fucks before while escorting other users, who ALL made out of it alive. Taking notes there, Shin?

Shinya: How amazeballs.

Jenk: Alright, so that's the plan then-

Mandy casually catches up to them.

Mandy: I have secured ourselves a mode of transport to safely traverse the park in.

Jenk: Wait, wut?

Mandy: Observe.

She points to the now empty jeep.

Jenk: What the-? Who the-? HOW?

Mandy has already taken a seat in the jeep.

Mandy: I'm not driving us to Paradise myself.

Redsox: Wow Mandy, you sure know how to get us out of all sorts of pickles!

Redsox takes a seat next to her but Beach Bob limps over and beats him to it, leaving Redsox to sit behind the turret.

Beach: Wow, what a woman.

Shinya: Looks like you're calling shotgun.

Jenk: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! I don't think so.

Shinya: And why the fuck not?

Jenk: I just don't think I'll feel any safer with you behind the wheel.

Shinya: Why? Because I'm Asian?

Jenk: Mehbeh

Shinya: Look who's talkin.

Jenk: Hapa! Big difference. I'm sure Sauce would've vouched for me on that.

Beach: Sauce But she ain't got nothin on you, Mandy!

He puts his arm around Mandy in the backseat, but she just grabs his arm and puts it back on his lap.

Jenk: You know, I'm getting real tired of your shit, Shin. I mean, all this time and I still never got any Asian booty outta you!

Shinya: Well I'm getting real tired of your shit, old man.

Jenk: Oh yeah, whatcha gonna do about it shing shong? Impale yourself with your own sword.

Shinya: I'll impale through something, alright.

Jenk begins knocking Shin around with a flurry of punches.

Jenk: You ain't got shit, you ain't gonna do nothin!

SHINYA KETSUEKIRAN HAS DEFECTED!

Jenk: Wut? What's with the purple?

Shin slashes at Jenk with his katana, taking out a block of health.

Jenk: Y-YOU HIT ME?

Shinya: You have dishonored my family. You killed my brother. Prepare to die.

Jenk: Now wait just a minu-

Shin slashes at him again, taking off half a block of health.

Jenk: You wanna go? *takes out small chainsaw* Letsa go!

Shinya: Go where?!

Jenk: To the mall!

Shinya: We're already at the mall!

Jenk: That's just cherry!

They circle each other in the middle of the Industrial Park as the other users look on and more Spambots begin spamming their way towards them. Jenk and Shin finally cross blades, sparks flying.

[So Sejima]

Yay for my sports store

[Sauce Mama]

DAT BARRY MANILOW xD

[Old Man Jenkins]

Report 9-5:

We are back to see our goddamn hero squaring off with Shinya in the middle of the Industrial Park. They cross blades, Shinya's katana connecting with Jenk's small chainsaw. Sparks fly all around as their weapons connect with each other.

Jenk: Mang, my katana broke when I fought Dragiiintyre and his chainsaws. Fuckin rigged, rigged as I say!

Shin manages to push through and lands a stiff kick to Jenk's ribs before giving him a ice roundhouse kick to the face, taking off four more blocks of health.

Shinya: Korosu!

Jenk: Well shit!

Shinya came charging towards him again with his katana out reached. Jenk manages to block it with his katana again and holds him off, but Shin's blade pushes ever so closer. Jenk thought fast and landed a nice Hawaiian Superman Punch to Shin's gut and catches the confused Asian youth by surprise.

Jenk: Lets see how well you hold your Kimchi after that!

Jenk then grabs Shin by the arm and tosses him to the ground hard with a Judo Throw. Shin starts to get back up but Jenk charges, grabs him by the back of his head, and face plants him back into the ground with a vicious Bulldog, all of which barely took Shin's down a quarter. Jenk scurries into the jeep with the other survivors and hops in the driver's seat.

Jenk: Hold on to your underwear! WHOAHOHOHOHOH!

With the survivors firmly holding onto their undergarments, Jenk peels out in he jeep, running down Shinya as he makes his escape over to the Paradise Plaza. Jenk runs over countless Spambots along the way and comes across a large group of them surrounding the entrance into Paradise.

Jenk: You've gotta be kiddin me.

Jenk simply crashes into all of them before leaving the vehicle alongside his survivor group. He looks behind them to see if Shinya is following, but sees no one.

Jenk: Phew. Good, good, very goo-

Just then, Shin suddenly hops over the jeep saying something Asian and drop kicks Jenk in the face, sending him back crashing into the glass doors. He takes another slash at Jenk, but Jenk manages to kick him away in time and takes a slice out of Shin with his chainsaw and knocking him to the ground. Jenk cracks his neck before grabbing Shin by the legs and proceeds to Cesaro Swing him around, confusing the already confused Asian youth even more with each rotation. Jenk finally lets go and sends Shin flying into a group of Spambots, who all begin to swarm him.

Jenk: Follow me, follow me, follow me!

Jenk hastily led him usergroup into the plaza as Shin fights the Spambots off with his sword.

Shinya: If you think this is over, baby boo, well think agay- *gets spammed and taken down to the ground by the swarm*

Once inside, Jenk peeks back outside, relieved to see that Shinya won't be much of a problem anymore. He breathes heavily as his survivors just look on at him.

Jenk: W-Well now that that torrent of terror is over, h-how's about we...we get to safety, ah? This way! God, I need something to eat.

Jenk turns back towards the plaza to see all the Spambots on the ground floor already dealt with Mandy standing in the middle of the carnage.

Jenk: How the-? Who the-? Wha-

Mandy: Can we just get a move on now?

Jenk: Yeah, whatever.

Jenk perches Beach Bob back around his shoulder.

Beach Bob: Do you think she's that quick in bed?

Mandy leads them to the warehouse door and takes them inside, where even more Spambots are lurking. Mandy looked to be making her move.

Jenk: Whoa there, Johnny Football! I got dis.

Mandy: I don't do team ups.

Jenk: Well, what the hell do you call all this?

Jenk brandishes his chainsaw again and chops down two zombies and looks back to see that Mandy has already dispatched the other five.

Mandy: How's it like to be second best, Mant'i?

Jenk: You know, I'm sure nobody would be pissed of as Shin if I were to just kill you here and now.

Redsox pushes Jenk into a bunch of boxes and grabs him by the collar of his tank top.

Redsox: If you even touch so much as a hair on her head, I'LL GIVE YOU A GREAT, BIG POKE IN THE EYE- DAAH, SPIDER!

A spider from one of the spambot corpses had made its out and begins terrorizing Billy, who grabs a baseball bat.

Jenk: Hold on!

Jenk takes a random jar out of his ass and manages to capture the lil dickens.

Jenk: This would be perfect for my colle-

Billy then sent Jenk flying into a stack of boxes with a home run hit from his baseball bat.

Redsox: I'll smash you good, you stupid bug! SPIIIIDER! SPIDER! SPIDERS! SPIDER!

Jenk: Billy! It's me! *homered* Jenk! *homered* Wets! *homered* Remember it cuz! *homered* Everybody will! *homered* In a few days! *homered twice*

Jenk finally put the spider back up his ass, stopping Billy's onslaught.

Redsox: That'll teach that dumb ole stupid spider!

With his health down two more blocks now. Jenk hastily leads them all to the the elevator that heads up to the rooftops. He calls for the elevator to come down and as soon as the doors opened, a horde of them were holed up inside and looked to swarm our goddamn hero and his usergroup.

Beach Bob: Holy shit! WE'RE ALL GONNA DIE! *hops onto Mandy's shoulders and smirks*

Redsox: *readies baseball bat* We got dis!

Jenk goes to take out his chainsaw, but accidentally takes the spider back out instead.

Redsox: DAAH! SPIDER!

Billy winds up to swing at Jenk again, so Jenk just throws the jar to the ground before anymore harm can be done to him. The jar breaks, killing the spider, and causes all the Spambots heads to assplode before any of their whistles could be whetted.

Jenk: Well that worked out better than I hope- *is homered by Billy* AAHH!

Jenk leads them all into the elevator and before pressing the button to head on up. Puts his arm around Mandy in order to support himself.

Beach: Looks like we get to live to see another day. But how's about you and I change "live" to..."love". Hurhurr, you know, I don't have any exes living in Texas. Wanna be the first?

The elevator door closes and takes them up to the rooftop. The elevator opens up and we see out goddamn hero, Billy and the walls and ceiling covered in blood as Mandy casually walks out unscathed with Beach Bob nowhere in sight.

BEACH BOB IS DEAD!

Jenk: What the fuck just happened, mang? What in the name of fuck just happened, MANG?!

Redsox: Oh, that's just how Mandy usually gets when someone takes Texas' name in vain! Douhee!

Jenk: Hehe, good one Billy. *high fives*

Jenk just leads them to the air vent and to the sanctuary of the staff lounge to get it over with already.

Redsox: Wow, this place sure is BIG!

Mandy: This place is no Texas A&M, but it'll do.

Redsox: Hey! Any of you guys wanna build a fort out of couch cushions!?

CDCBert: *holds up couch cushion*

Justham: We'd be de-diddly-lighted!

Redsox: Goodbye Jenk Man! *offers handshake*

Jenk: *shakes Billy's hand* Goodbye Billy!

Mandy: I don't do goodbyes.

ESCORT COMPLETE! 40,000 PP EARNED! LEVEL UP! ^^ INVENTORY INCREASED! HEALTH INCREASED! THROWING DISTANCE INCREASED!

JCMtis: Exemplary job, Jenks. And here I was, betting that you wouldn't get any of them out of there alive and active. You owe me $2.30, sir.

Jenk approaches Bad Nuggets and Chassie who were both overlooking the security monitors.

Bad: We saw the whole thing go down on the monitors. I'd give you a solid D+ for that search and rescue report.

Jenk: Thanks, I try my best.

Chassie: You should get some rest. You've been running around all night.

Jenk: Or it was just my insomnia kicking in.

Chassie: Hmm, I know the feeling.

Jenk walks to the main lounge lobby and rests on a nearby couch, the cushions for which were now missing. He looks at his watch to see that it's about 5 minutes til 6:00 AM. He finally closes his eyes to get some shut eye.

Chassie: Jenk, could you come in here please.

Jenk: AAAAAAAWWWWWWWHHHHHHGGG!

Jenk storms back inside and slams the door. Chassie points at one of the security monitors, showing a totally unrecognizable Hispanic male dragging Mr Dr Professor Patrick out of his book store in the Entrance Plaza.

Jenk: That can't be good. What am I watching anyway?

Chassie: Before this whole thing started, someone contacted the mr dr professor and told him to come to this mall.

Jenk: Jacked the line, didja? So was this the contact? This guy here? They've got something to do with the Spambots don't they?

Bad comes onto the scene.

Bad: They're the reason we came here. And if he gets away with Mr Dr Professor Patrick, none of our questions will get answered.

Bad loads up his gun and leaves the staff lounge.

Jenk: Well, shit.

[Old Man Jenkins]

Case 2-2: Rescue the Mr Dr Professor

The scene opens up to our goddamn hero fighting his way through the warehouse, into the Guest's Paradise Plaza and a straight left turn into the now unlocked entrance to the Krabby Kronicle Entrance Plaza, activating a cutscene. Jenk cautiously walks into the seemingly empty scene, clutching tightly to his ipad.

Jenk: Feels good to finally move this story alon-

Bad Nuggets charges at Jenk from behind and pushes Wets down behind a pillar as gunshot echoes throughout the plaza, barely missing Jenk's head. Bad pulls his gun out and takes cover behind the pillar with him.

Bad: Don't getting into my zone out here! Someone's shooting from the floor above.

Jenk: Someone, huh? I should've known she was behind all this, it's always the articulate ones!

Bad: Not that Somone! I meant "someone" someone!

Jenk: You mean Someone's Friend? I should've known she was behind all this, it's always the quiet friends of the articulate ones!

Bad: No!

So-Totally-Not-Crushing is shown on the second floor, operating a high-powered sniper rifle, taking pot shots at them.

Crushing: Promedio.

So-Totally-Not-Crushing embraces his necklace and kisses it before firing more shots. Jenk tries to use the camera on his ipad in order to get a somewhat clearer view of where So-Totally-Not-Crushing has himself posted at. He instead manages to catch sight of Mr Dr Professor Patrick tied up by the torso and hanging in the middle of the plaza down the hall. As Jenk peers more and more out from his covering, a lone spambot staggers over towards him.

Jenk: Hey, it's the Mr Dr Profess-

The spambot gets shot behind, splattering blood over him. He he plops back down behind the pillar.

Jenk: Jesus Christ alive! Goddamn I lucky!

Bad: It's a miracle you even made it to the second day.

Jenk: I know! Hey, did you not see that spambot coming?

Bad: Hey, if we don't do something, the Mr Dr Professor is gonna end up spambait. I'm going in. You just worry about staying alive. Ya feeling me?

Jenk goes to feel Bad's face.

Bad: Don't feel me!

Bad heads upstairs to engage So-Totally-Not-Crushing.

Jenk: Yeah right, I have to worry about staying alive as if everyone else in this damn game are so damn competen-

Jenk gets shot.

Jenk: Jesus Christ alive!

Jenk heads up the stairs too, looking to take all the glory while Bad and So-Totally-Not-Crushing take shots at each other. Jenk pulls out his combat shotgun as he traverses the second floor, working his way behind So-Totally-Not-Crushing.

Jenk: Now I sneak up behind this lil fucker, unseen, and then take him by surprise.

Crushing throws a grenade back. It lands near Jenk.

Jenk: ...Crap.

It explodes, sending Jenk contorting into the air. Crush manages to lay some lead into Jenk midair with his rifle before Jenk crashes back down to the second floor, losing two blocks of health in the ordeal. Jenk kips back up to his feet and works his way back to So-Totally-Not-Crushing again, but is met with similar results. He repeats the cycle two more times before finally brandishing his small chainsaw.

Jenk: Fuck this.

Jenk zig zags his way towards So-Totally-Not-Crushing, dodging each of his shots before swiping at him twice with his chainsaw, taking all his health down right away.

Jenk: Fuckin' OP! Easy peasy!

So-Totally-Not-Crushing reels back in pain, tossing his rifle over the railing for some reason before attempting to make yet another escape.

Bad: Dont you dare get out of my zone!

Bad gives chase and shoots at him. So-Totally-Not-Crushing pulls out a pistol of his own and shoots at Bad as well, both men managing to injure the other. Bad pierces So-Totally-Not-Crushing in the shoulder, while the bad guy clips Bad right in his leg. Bad face plants on the floor as So-Totally-Not-Crushing jumps over the railing himself now and disappearing out of sight. Jenk comes running in a bit too late with his own pistol brandished out.

Jenk: You would think that fall would kill him.

Bad: I'm fine! Thanks for asking.

Jenk tries helping Bad up to his feet a bit too late.

Bad: I'll be fine. Just take care of the Mr Dr Professor. Go!

Jenk: Okay, okay! I'm on it.

The scene transitions out and back in as Jenk carries a rescued hilaryfan80 on his back and throws him on the floor back-first.

Jenk: Don't ask how I did it. He's unconscious, but alive. What about you, you staying alive there?

Bad struggles up to his feet, holding onto the railing.

Bad: Oh hardy fuckin har. I'm fine, but I'm in no condition to carry him. Can you get him back to the staff lounge?

Jenk: lol nope.

The scene switches to Bad entering the staff lounge carrying Mr Dr Professor Patrick on his back, collapsing to the floor right as he enters.

Chassie: Bad! Oh my god!

Jenk follows him in not too far behind.

Jenk: Don't ask how we got back.

The scene fades out and back in again, opening up to a shot of Jenk now sitting at Bad's bedside while Chassie tends to hilaryfan80.

Chassie: The sedative's taking effect, the mr dr professor will not be waking up anytime soon.

Jenk: Why do you even have sedatives on you anyway?

Chassie: Because shut up

Chassie also takes a seat next to Bad, feeling his head and fondling him a bit.

Chassie: I managed to stop the bleeding...but he's running a fever. He needs medicine.

Jenk gets up from his seat.

Jenk: A fever...

He walks over to the door and heads out.

Jenk: Well good luck with that.

[Old Man Jenkins]

Report 10-1: The Siblings

The scene opens up to our goddamn hero making his back into the Guest's Paradise Plaza he receives another PM on his transceiver.

Jenk: Wets here.

JCMtis: I've spotted two people holed up in one of the graphics stores in Krabby Land Plaza. Halibut's old gif shop looks like, judging from all the unsold moving imagery. A guy and a girl...they're looking to get animated, alright. Wink. Looks like something's wrong though.

Jenk: Don't worry, I'll pick up a condom for them on my way over there.

JCMtis: You're doing God's work, Jenk Wets.

JCMtis signs off the line.

Jenk: More like your work, you shitbird.

Jenk takes out his small chainsaw and slices and dices through any and all spambot hordes that in his way. He exits Guest's Paradise and re-enters the Industrial Park, once again running and gunning away from the once again revived Supergameman, Sbnator and Murica, losing about three blocks of health in the process. He enters the Galley Grub Food Court to refuel his health.

Jenk: Ahhh, Steelhorse Radish! The gnarliest stuff in the Community.

Jenk downs the whole jar, replenishing those three health blocks back and then some, but ends up throwing the radish back up through his throathole.

Jenk: ACK! This stuff is for pack rats!

Jenk squints and sees the disclaimer on the jar, which says that it is indeed made for pack rats.

Jenk: Well, that explains the amount of old work Steel surrounds himself with but never lets go.

Jenk continues his way into Krabby Land Plaza, still hurling up a Z-Storm. He hobbles and fights his way to Halibut's Gif Shop, still no sign of the Dr. Sex Shop to be seen, where he comes across a young man and woman holed up in the back corner of the shop. The young man was bandaged up all hammajang around the torso, as if he had suffer some sort injury to his abdominal area. The bars above their heads said Teenj and Deswim.

Deswim: We need some help over here! Someone's hurt!

Jenk: Someone got hurt? Who did that to her?! Lemme at em! I'll give em the good ole 1-2 Buckle My Shoe!

Deswim: It's Teenj! Please...you gotta help him!

Jenk: Darnit, you guys did it already. Because I went through the trouble of getting these condoms on the way over here just for you-

Deswim: He got shot!

Jenk: A misfire, huh? Sounds fucking killer.

Deswim: As in an actual gunshot! And we're brother and sister, btw!

Jenk: Oh wow! You two are actually two different people.

Deswim: He was trying to protect me. I did what I could for him. I really tried! But I've never dressed a shit slinging wound like this before...it was no spambot that did this. Someone else did.

Jenk: Neptune damn that Someone and her autistic-

Deswim: Artistic.

Jenk: Artistic ways! What did I say?

Deswim: Autistic.

Jenk: Well, everybody here used to pull that card out their ass for their problems before. But, perhaps if you actually stuck around long enough, people probs wouldn't have thought you were Teenj so religiously.

Deswim: How are you helping right now?

Jenk: AND you would've known what to do in a situation like this. Better?

Deswim: I guess so...

Jenk: Now let me have a word for him.

Jenk kneels down next to Teenj, who's slumped against a wall, in order to get a word in with him.

Jenk: So, it turns out you're not just another one of those split personality freaks like ACS, huh? At least now you know you can get banned with a clear conscience. May Neptune be with you in your most finest hour.

Jenk gets back up to his feet.

Jenk: Alright Dessie, Letsa go.

Deswim: Are you kidding me right now?!

Jenk: Uhhhh, in the name of Bob Duncan, Reptar Jesus and the Holy Shrimp. Amen! Now lets go, Dessie.

Teenj: Who...who are you?

Jenk: Why, the name's Jenk, Jenk Wets, freelance moderator. Now remember it, cuz everybody else in about two pisces moons. Well, if you're still alive by then of course.

Teenj: Just don't take my picture k? I don't want anyone to finally see me like this.

Jenk quickly tries to cancel his upload of Teenj's pic on to imgur but it uploads anyway.

Teenj: I can't feel anything below the waist, man.

Jenk: Hohoho, you feisty lil ragamuffins, you-

Deswim: We're siblings!

Jenk: You got it, dude. But tell it to me straight...is that really your sister?

Teenj: Yes! Now can we finally put that chapter behind us?!

Jenk: Calm down and listen to me k? First of all, I'm no Dr. Sex. Hell, I'm not even a Dr Dalton. There's not much I can do for his wounds. Secondly, it doesn't take a doctor to see just how badly he is hurt, we might have to leave him.

Deswim: No! Don't say that! Don't! Tween... Teenj is still alive to me dammit!

Teenj: Hehe...looks like you got Des all all worked up... She will not listen to reason when she is like that... You'll have to drag her out of here... I... want her to get out of this alive.

Jenk: Simple enough. But what'll you do?

Teenj: ...Let me borrow a GUN..I want...a chance at revenge.

Jenk: Whoa there, Charles Bronson. Don't be so flippin dramatic. You can barely walk on your own two feet, let alone operate a lethal weapon. So come on, Dessie, letsa go.

Deswim: No! I won't leave Teenj! If I'm gonna die, I'm dying with him!

Jenk: Won't...OR CAN'T?

Teenj: As a Retired Employee and a paraplegic, I am not above mustering the sheer willpower to put my size 13s up your narrow ass

Jenk: How's about I just help you back to the staff lounge, huh? Free of charge.

Deswim: Really?

Jenk: I suddenly have this urge not to leave anyone behind. And it's the only way I can gt you both to come with. So please, allow me?

Teenj: Let's do it!

Deswim: Oh thank you! Thank you so much!

TEEN J HAS JOINED

DESWIM J HAS JOINED