Cha Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 Oh my god the Gaston song part... That's it I'm done OMJ. You have once again made me one happy user. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
E.V.I.L. Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 OMJ you are so wonderful I swear. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sauce Mama Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 I had to hold back from cracking up in class while reading this. Once again, a job very well done, Jenks! 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
So Sejima Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 *Stands nearby waiting to get picked to not die but help 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aya♥ Posted October 31, 2013 Share Posted October 31, 2013 Team Rage = Shield is the icing on the fuckin cake 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aya♥ Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 OMJ: Dear Neptune, I wanna hold her in my arms again. in your wet dreams Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Jenkins Posted November 1, 2013 Author Share Posted November 1, 2013 Episode 10: The Grudge Part 2 Jjs: For those of you just tuning in- OMJ: Scrubs. Jjs: You just missed a monumental clash of two of the Community's mightiest titans! Jelly and Aya both gave it their complete all, but when the queefs finally settled, Jelly was the last user standing! OMJ: On one leg! Jjs: But the bloodshed didn't just end there, folks! Jelly's victory celebration- OMJ: As well as her life. Jjs: Was cut drastically short as Team Rage arrived on the scene and absolutely murdered her majesty in a brutally one-sided 3-on-1 assault! OMJ: They must've been angry that the jelly cookies were a lie, Jjs. Jjs: Would not put that past them, Jenk Man. Would not put that past them at all. OMJ: I'm receiving word that our Deathmatch correspondent, CF, is backstage looking to get a word from Team Rage! Jjs: There goes my fucking night. The camera switches backstage, where CF is seen approaching the members of Team Rage, who appear as if they're leaving the building. CF: Team Rage, Team Rage if I can kindly ask for some time to get a word from you all on what just transpired in the Deathmatch Arena- ACS: ... CF: ACS, er...the ACS in the front, if you don't mind, our death fans at home surely want to- Team Rage show themselves out through the back door, CF refusing to follow them any further. Jjs: They sure look to be in a hurry to get the hell outta here, Jenks. OMJ: Is the McRib back, Jjs? That could possibly explain why. ???: Forget those doughboys and and interview somebody who isn't a Big Mac away from a heart attack. CF turns around to find herself face-to-face with a hulking user. CF: And who might you be, sir? ???: I am the Community's reckoning. I am the one who will kill each and every single one of you. I can't be stopped and I WILL NOT be stopped. This Community is my jungle, I am its Alpha Male. You all think I'm some laughingstock, but you're all just feeding me all the same. When it's feeding time, you'll know. You will know. CF: Well, good luck with that- The user knocks CF's mic out of her hand, causing it roll a few feet away. ???: Pick it up. CF goes to pick it up with a smile on her face, but the user runs up and swipes it before she can grab it and throws it into a nearby bathroom. ???: Go get it. CF shrugs it off and enters the bathroom to retrieve her mic but she is pushed from behind right as she picks it up and gets tackled against the wall by the same user. She smiles awkwardly as the user slowly inhales and exhales in front of her face. ???: PATBACK RULES He slowly backs up and dusts off her shoulder before popping the collar of her dress shirt up, taking his hands off of her. CF quickly and awkwardly makes her exit as the camera just fades out on PatBack's face. OMJ: ...Well that was just disturbing. Jjs: You wanna know what's really disturbing, Jenkins? OMJ: I think I have an idea. Jjs: CF. OMJ: Well ya sure got me there, Jjs. Jjs: Well folks, it appears as though we're all out of time! So from all of us at Community Deathmatch; Good Fight, Goodnigh- ???: EXCUSE ME! OMJ: Dafuq is going on here?! Jjs: Where in Neptune's name did that screeching, unbearable sound of two old people dry fucking each other come from? ???: EXCUUUUSE MEEE! CF comes out to the entrance ramp from the backstage area with her mic in hand. Jjs: Who the hell does that CUNT think she is interrupting MY signing off catchphrase?! I am the voice of Community Deathmatch, Jenkins, and this is just blatant disrespect to me and my work! CF: I am pleased to inform you all that this episode is faaaarrr from over! I am here to announce that one more deathmatch shall take place tonight! OMJ: Lets see how much more bodies we can rack up before this season is wraps up! Jjs: *barfs* CF: But this isn't just any deathmatch, no siree. This is a deathmatch that, quite frankly, I requested, myself! My opponent for tonight will be- Jjs: HER? Competing in a deathmatch?! That's the most absurd thing I've ever hea- CF: JJSTHEKID!!! Jjs: OMJ: I can't believe what I'm witnessing right before my eyes, folks? Our deathmatch correspondent, CF, has just challenged by broadcast partner, Jjs, to match to the death! I never thought this day would ever come! Christmas has come early here at Community Deathmatch! Jjs: YOU fight to the death against ME? That's an absurd proposition! CF: No, YOU'RE AN ABSURD PROPOSITION, Jjs! OMJ: Months and episodes of built, pent-up tension is finally being all let out here tonight, and I LOVE IT! CF: I'm sorry Jjs, but the gloves are off and this is all something that must be aired out one way or another. Jjs: So you decide to set yourself up a death sentence. You're even more of an idiot than what I give you credit for, CF. What possibly makes you think that someone as insignificant as your poor damn self can last more than a minute with the goddamn voice of Community Deathmatch?! Enlighten me, please! CF: Jjs, for months, FOR MONTHS I have put up with your bullshrimp and I took it all in with a smile on my face for the sake of our past friendship! I took everything you've thrown at me. the verbal abuse, the physical abuse, everything! They say whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Well Jjs, I have come a long, long way, we both have. Jjs, you may feel as if you're above fighting someone like me, but I can tell you that that certainly says a lot about you, about us both. Maybe you're not strong enough to face your problems head-on! Jjs: Oh really, is that what you got circulating in that hollow dome of yours? Don't you dare try and flatter yourself, CF. It's just unbecoming of you- CF: Now what I wanna know, is what have I done that's gotten your feathers all ruffled? Jjs: Where do I even begin CF? Hmm, how about the fact that you're so goddamn nice, too nice. It's fucking abnormal! The crowd begins booing Jjs. CF: You're just out of line, Jjs! Jjs: You're booing me? ME? The voice of reason in this community, the voice of this very show you're watching right now?! Don't you dare try and make me come off as the bad guy here, you bitch! I'm the best damn admin in this entire Community, and there is absolutely nothing you can do to sully my good reputation. People may see you as kind person, hell, you've won countless awards for just that, about as much as I've won for best admin. But I see past the veil, CF. I can see you for what you really are, she-bitch. You think the ball is in your court, you can just waltz out here and simply call me out for a fight? Well you have another thing coming to you, because I refuse to play your petty little games. I don't play games in the Games section and I certainly don't plan on breaking that mold now. You are far beneath me, CF. So far beneath me that could brag about it. I would rather tear out my brain stem, carry it into the middle of the nearest four-way intersection, and skip rope with it, than step into a deathmatch ring with the likes of you. You're not worth the time, nor the space, nor the energy! You lose, good day sir! CF: Vintage Jjs. OMJ: Baha, Vintage! CF: Retreating with your dick between your legs when your shit hits the fan. It happened between us before once, it happened it with Robert Ryan Cory- Jjs: Now you just had to go and mention Robert Ryan Fucking Cory! You think I'm retreating?! CF: That's exactly what everyone here thinks Jjs: You have yourself a death wish, then BAH GAWD ALMIGHTY I will grant it and plant your kind ass in an unmarked and well-deserved grave, bitch! Jjs drops his microphone and undoes the cuffs on his suit jacket before taking it off as well as his tie as CF slowly makes her way to the ring. Jjs: Hold my stuff, Jenk Man, I'm about to lay off a crew member permanently. OMJ: Well there you have it, folks, this impromptu and somewhat unsanctioned deathmatch is indeed well under way as our deathmatch correspondent, CF, takes on one half of the Community Deathmatch broadcast team in a grudge match to end all grudges! Two users enter, one user leaves! One of these users will check out of the Krusty Towers of life and subsequently check themselves into the Krusty Towers of death! CF! JJS! Who will attain total victory- Jjs suddenly leaps off from the broadcast booth above and lands a huge elbow drop on CF below as she made her way to the ring. OMJ: Dear Neptune, Jjs is not even gonna wait for the deathmatch to officially commence, having landed a BIG TIME elbow drop from right up here in our broadcast booth! From the looks of things, folks, it looks as if that may have very well took about as much out of Jjs as it did CF, their bodies littering the ring floor from the impact! It doesn't look as if either of them will be getting up anytime soon. I suppose it's about a good a time as any to have ourselves a look at the tape for this matchup! jjsthekid Join Date: January 22, 2010 Star Rating: No Stars User Ranking: Fry Cook Legend Group: Managers Others: Wiki Admin Active Posts: 6273 ( per day) Doubloons: 282688 (#7) Profile Views: 147933 Member Title: What a story, Mark. Age: 16 years old Birthday: March 4, 1997 Gender: Male Location: Somewhere Favorite Episode: Pizza Delivery Favorite Character: Gary CF Join Date: October 12, 2009 Star Rating: No Stars User Ranking: Fancy Livin', Here We Come! Group: Customers Active Posts:6248 ( per day) Doubloons:: 128305 (#16) Profile Views: 21695 Member Title: Oh symmetry.. Age: 24 years old Birthday: March 6, 1989 Gender: Female Interests: Tv, music, art, etc. Location: Megakat City Favorite Episode: The Camping Episode Favorite Character: Patrick OMJ: One hailing from Somewhere, the other hailing from Megakat City! With no good noodle stars to either of their names apparently, both of our combatants here do have longevity by each of their sides! Jjs having join in January of 2010, CF senioring him by a mere three months, being one of the first users to join the Community itself. Where as Jjs is a certified Fry Cook Legend, CF still has a long way to go to reach that level of fancy living! Jjs, as we all known, is revered for his work as the Community's longest-reigning Managers, but CF is no stranger to that line of work having served as a Cashier from 2010 before being retired by her fellow staff members in 2011 in a move that some saw as quite controversial at the time! They are practically equals in the posting department, something I'm sure Jjs would hate to hear if he were here, but CF does eclipse Jjs in age by almost a whole decade, bringing with her her trademark maturity into this deathmatch! Jjs' favorite episode is Pizza Delivery whereas CF's more Season 3 with The Camping Episode, both excellent choices I must say so myself. Jjs' favorite character is Gary and CF's is Patrick, somewhat ironic if you take into account the storied history between both characters on the show. Oh the symmetry between these combatants here tonight. What a checkered story indeed, Mark! It's hard for me to choose a clear-cut winner here, folks, so don't be surprised if this may or may not have a dirty ending. Now lets head down TO THE ACTION with Referee Elastic Dog, who will be pulling double duty for no overtime! Jjs and CF stir around on the entrance ramp with Jjs managing to get to his feet first. He picks CF up before shoulder tackling her into the security barricade, laying some nasty looking shoulder blocks into her rib cage. OMJ: Is the first one up, quick to go on the offensive and quick to use his surroundings as props for his fighting strategy, nailing CF with some devastated shoulder blocks against the security wall! CF begins her counterattack by elbowing Jjs in the back with each shoulder block he hits. Elastic: Ahhh the hell with it, LETS JUST GET IT ON! OMJ: And with that, this climactic deathmatch is well and officially underway! CF manages to slow Jjs down with her elbows, using this opportunity to plant some knees into his ribs and face. She switches from elbow and knees repeatedly, having Jjs at her mercy before grabbing him by his head and throwing him face-first in the security wall. OMJ: CF turning the tide into her favor! CF repeatedly slams Jjs face into the security wall, bruising him up pretty good. OMJ: CF beating Jjs' head in without mercy! This is is a much different CF we're seeing tonight! Perhaps her rose has finally decided to bloom for the occasion. Jjs puts his hands out in front of him before his face gets slammed for an umpteenth time. Elbows back at CF's gut a few times before swinging his head back and butting her in the face. CF reels back, holding her face. Jjs goes right back in with a strong front kick to her face, knocking her right back into the opposite security wall. OMJ: There's quite a lot on the line for these two, neither of them look to be letting up! Jjs lays a few punching combos into CF's midsection before hammering away on her face. OMJ: All aboard the Rusty Train, folks! Jjs appears to be raping CF with punches in bunches! Jjs: Since you're about die, CF, I figure I may as well let you in on a little secret...I got you demoted. Jjs goes back on the attack, but CF manages to calculate one of Jjs' punches and blocks, catching him off guard. She uses this opening to headbutt him square in his injured face. OMJ: CF springing back to life and pulling herself through the clutch in light of recent revelations! You have to admire her kind heart and determination! CF: YOU MOTHERFUCKER! CF then charges at Jjs with a running knee right to his face, knocking him right off his feet. OMJ: KNEES 2 FACES! CF picks Jjs up to toss him into the ring, but he surprises her by spring back to consciousness and throwing her face first into the steel steps that lead into the ring. He slams her into them face-first three more times before turning her around and gouging into her eyes with his thumbs. He grabs both her eyeballs out of their sockets and pulls them out far enough to let go and send them whipping back into her head. Jjs then proceeds to crush CF's head in against the steps with some strong punches and elbows and one strong curb stomp before tossing her into the ring, himself. Jjs: You should've apologized, CF! You should've just sucked up your pride and apologize! OMJ: My broadcast partner showing absolutely no remorse towards CF as per usual! Jjs digs under the ring for something and pulls out a deadly object. OMJ: Oh dear Neptune below! Jjs has gotten himself a barbwired baseball bat from under the ring! He is gonna show no mercy whatsoever! Jjs enters the ring and takes the barbwire bat to CF's face, raking her flesh open at the seams. OMJ: Jjs is gonna make it rain red tonight, and he sure as hell intends on putting CF out...of her misery! Jjs pulls the bat back on CF's head, causing her even more pain as her screams can be heard. Jjs: Reap what you sow, you two-faced bitch! CF: The bell...tolls for you...Jjs! CF suddenly grabs Jjs arm and head, surprising him with a beautiful overhead judo throw, breaking his death grip over her. Jjs bounce hard against the ring mat as CF gets a tight hold over the barb wire bat. OMJ: CF once again literally pulls through in the clutch, taking possession of the very same weapon Jjs intended to finish her off with! CF sizes Jjs up as he gets back up to his feet, visibly shocked at how much of a fight CF is putting up against him. He turns around to a heavy swing to the gut, nearly splitting him open. Jjs hunches over, CF taking this opportunity to swing the bat down on his back. OMJ: The tide is once again in CF's favor as she brings my broadcast partner down to his knees! Jjs: CF...CF pleease, you-you're better than this- CF simply batters Jjs upside the face. Jjs: C..F, I-I'm sorry- CF batters him up two more times. Jjs: I SHOULDN'T HAVE DONE OR SAID THE THINGS I DI- CF proceeds to batter him up repeatedly with the utmost authority. Blood, teeth, and eyeball splatter and fly out as CF beats Jjs to within an inch of his life. OMJ: I never thought I'd ever see the day when Jjs would be begging for mercy and CF would not be showing any at all! Jjs puts his hands in front of him for dear life, praying and begging to CF with any strength he could muster. Jjs: P-P...leeeea..se... CF raises the bat over her head for one final blow. OMJ: This-this-this-this could be all, folks! CF is interrupted as this hits the sound system.http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=tilSEX-7Oxk OMJ: What in Neptune's name?! The large, imposing figure is then seen at the top of the entrance ramp with his back towards the ring. He slowly turns around with his head looking down at the ground. He then slowly raises his head up, shaking with adrenaline. PatBack: WAKE UP! OMJ: Why hello there, people! His name is PAT...BACK! The sold-out crowd in attendance boos PatBack on sight as he marches his way down to the ring. OMJ: What in all the undersea floor does he intend on doing here tonight?! Haven't we seen enough deaths for one season?! CF just looks on with a confused smile over face as Jjs just slumps down, relieved that he ain't dead yet. PatBack marches up into the ring a d simply stares down stares down Elastic before shifting his attention towards CF. OMJ: As if staring a a gaping hole into the very soul of CF, PatBack seems to be asserting himself, his position in the ring. The crowd continues to boo at this delay in the deathmatch. PatBack: Feed. Me. More. OMJ: Feed me bore is probably what he should be saying. PatBack: Feed Me More! CF remains hesitant to do anything, the booing getting louder. PatBack: FEED ME MORE! FEED ME MORE! FEED ME MORE! FEED ME MORE! FEED ME MORE! FEED ME MORE! FEED ME MOR- PatBack suddenly lunges himself at CF and violently takes her down to the mat with a powerful clothesline. OMJ: OHOHOH MY! PatBack almost took CF's fucking head off with that thunderous clothesline out of fucking nowhere! PatBack picks up the barb wire bat and raises it before breaking it smack-dab in half against his knee. He tosses the two halves out of the ring, picks CF up by the head with one hand before jamming his other hand down her throat. OMJ: Oh dear merciful Neptune, I can't watch! PatBack digs around inside her for a bit before violently pulling out her skull and spinal column with relative ease, causing half her body to slump down in his grip. OMJ: OH MY! OH MY, MY, MY! He just ripped her brain stem clean out of her body! Why won't he just skip rope with it than continue living with himself now goddamn it! PatBack: FINISH IT! PatBack proceeds to impale CF's spine through her slump body before power slamming it down emphatically in front of Elastic. Elastic hesitantly checks in on both the combatants and makes his decision. Elastic: WINNER, JJSTHEKID! Elastic quickly throws Jjs' arm up for a split second before being chased out of the ring by PatBack, who marches around the ring dominantly. OMJ: Damn you, PatBack! Damn you all to hell, you son of a bitch! PatBack: FEED ME MORE! FEED ME MORE! FEED ME MORE! FEED ME MORE! OMJ: And on that bloody note, death fans, we here at Community Deathmatch would like to thank you for sticking by us all the way through our first season! We certainly wouldn't have gotten this far without each and everyone of you! So about maybe five of ya. Until next season (whenever the hell that'll be knowing myself), this is Old Man Jenkins wishing you a Good Fight, Good Night! PatBack: PATBACK RUUUUUUULESSSS! 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aya♥ Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 This is literally the only time I cheered when Ryba- i mean Patback entered. The shower scene made me throw up my water btw 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
So Sejima Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 jjs winning? But he pretty was almost dead so isn't the winner Patback? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Jenkins Posted November 1, 2013 Author Share Posted November 1, 2013 jjs winning? But he pretty was almost dead so isn't the winner Patback? Jjs was still very much alive, just beaten to within an inch of his life. And PatBack wasn't an official part of the deathmatch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
So Sejima Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 Jjs was still very much alive, just beaten to within an inch of his life. *touches and kills him * Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cha Posted November 1, 2013 Share Posted November 1, 2013 CF vs jjs? "It's what we wanted all along"! *wipes tear and pounds chest* Thank you for the ride so far OMJ. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
So Sejima Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 WAIT, WHOS THE NEW CORROSPONDER PERSON OR THE PERSON WHO DOES WHATEVER CF DID Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Jenkins Posted November 2, 2013 Author Share Posted November 2, 2013 WAIT, WHOS THE NEW CORROSPONDER PERSON OR THE PERSON WHO DOES WHATEVER CF DIDAll this and more will be answered... SpoilerIN SEASON 2!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
So Sejima Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 All this and more will be answered... SpoilerIN SEASON 2!!! which premieres when and who is killing each other in it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sauce Mama Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 CF doing almost everything with a smile on her face? That's my fucking job! Bahaha, what a great first season, Jenks. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
So Sejima Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 CF doing almost everything with a smile on her face? That's my fucking job! Bahaha, what a great first season, Jenks. Yeah right... BRING IT ON, when he revives you if he ever does Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kev Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!!!! WAIT, THAT MEANS...IM NOT DEAD! 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Man Jenkins Posted November 2, 2013 Author Share Posted November 2, 2013 THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!!!! WAIT, THAT MEANS...IM NOT DEAD! But you died during the Scootalo/Shin match Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
So Sejima Posted November 2, 2013 Share Posted November 2, 2013 so who am I killing in s2? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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