Keeper of Spatula: Volume 1

**NegiSpongie** · November 18, 2011

Hey everyone! This is NegiSpongie, and I'm gonna try something new on here. I'm a fanfic writer on ff.net and I've been wanting to posts one of my works here for everyone to see. I thought about it and decided to try posting one of my most recent SpongeBob fics that's now a big hit on fanfiction.net. This is called "Keeper of the Spatula".

For those who don't know, it is a SpongeBob SquarePants take on the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Unlike what I did before, I am posting the story in volumes here since I didn't wanna clutter my topic with multiplie chapters. But don't worry, I won't be cluttering the Litature section with topics either since it'll only be three volumes to this story.

For those of you who already read this story, enjoy re-living the adventure, and for those who are reading for the first time, I hope you enjoy it.

**NegiSpongie** · November 18, 2011

Keeper of the Spatula: Volume 1

Chapter 1: Songs and Spatulas

One sunny day at the Krusty Krab, many customers were there at tables enjoying delicious krabby patties, while Squidward stood at the cash register, trying to ignore another one of SpongeBob's childish songs about his favorite food in the world that his job is to cook.

"OHHHHHH!" SpongeBob sang in a high note, and then switched to his normal singing voice, "K stands for kindness that enters the soul and mind, R stands for ravishing is your outside, A stands for awesome taste! BB stands for big and best, and Y stands for why disagree?"

SpongeBob then shouted in joy and tossed his spatula in the air, only for it to slip out of his hand and bounce off the floor with a clang and slide under the grill.

"Oops," SpongeBob peeped in worry. "Don't worry, Spatty. I'll get you back."

He kneeled down onto the floor and crawled around, desperately trying to get back his spatula to continue flipping patties. He bent down further peek under the grill to see his spatula lying under.

"Ah ha!" SpongeBob said with a smile as he reached his hand under the grill. But upon feeling around for his spatula, he unknowingly pushed a mysterious button under the grill.

"I got you now." He managed to reach his arm all the way under the grill and pull out his spatula. "I'm sorry about that. Gotta be careful with my finishing notes."

Suddenly he felt a rumble beneath him and got a panicked look. "Sea quake!" he shouted as he stood up in fright.

But right below him, part of the floor started to move beneath his feet instead of vibrate and a hole opened up like a compartment and he fell through. But instead of falling through a gaping hole, SpongeBob fell down a long flight of stairs that caused him to yelp in pain with each drop.

Once he hit the ground, SpongeBob sat up and held his head as he groaned in pain. "Ohhh…" but he soon shook it off and stared and his surroundings.

It looked like an underground cavern with a bunch of storage boxes stacked on the rocky grounds. SpongeBob walked around and stared in curiosity.

"Wow," he said in amazement. "I didn't know we had a cellar."

As he walked around, he soon spotted a small pond of water up ahead, and he ran excitedly to get a closer look.

"This is amazing." SpongeBob said as he bent down toward the pond. "Mr. Krabs never mentioned he had a wading pool."

Unable to resist he closed his eyes and hopped into the water with a splash. But when he opened his eyes, he saw the water only went up to his ankles, much to his disappointment.

"Hmm," SpongeBob thought as he stared down at the shallow water. "Not much of a pool to wade in."

But something soon caught his eyes as he spotted a sparkling item in the water. He bent down and reached his hand into the water and pulled out a shiny golden spatula. His eyes twinkle at the sight of it.

"I don't believe it." SpongeBob said in awe as he held the spatula in his hands. "An actual golden spatula that I'm holding in my hands; and it's in great shape." Then he put a finger to his chin. "I wonder…"

And with that, SpongeBob quickly dashed away with the newfound golden spatula in his hand and went back up the steps.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Upstairs, Squidward poked his head through the window and looked around for the fry cook.

"SpongeBob, where are you?" Squidward asked in an angry tone. "You're supposed to be frying those krabby patties."

And just like that, SpongeBob zipped back in front of the grill. "I'm right here, Squidward." He said with a smile as he held the golden spatula. "We both are."

"What is that?" Squidward asked.

"This is the new spatula I found." SpongeBob answered, showing him the gold spatula. "I call it Goldie. Wanna see me fry up some patties with it?"

"No thanks. I don't come here every day to watch you stand around, doing your job like an idiot. Just cook the orders already."

"You got it, Squidward." SpongeBob said with a wink, and then turned to the spatula. "Alright, Goldie, this is your big moment."

SpongeBob placed four raw krabby patties on the grill and they began to sizzle. After a while, he began to use his new spatula to flip the krabby patty over. But suddenly, the spatula glowed green when the patty was flipped over. What SpongeBob didn't expect was that the spatula suddenly moved on its own to turn the second patty over.

"Huh?" SpongeBob wondered as his arm was jerked around by the spatula he was holding as it flipped the third patty. "Goldie?"

He let go of the spatula, but instead of falling on the ground, the spatula just hovered there and flipped over the last krabby patty on its own.

SpongeBob looked spooked for a second. However, he soon smiled and looked amazed. "Wow, Goldie." He said to the working spatula as the sponge tossed over another raw krabby patty to it which landed safely on the spatula and it placed it on the grill. "I never would've imagined you could do this."

Once one krabby patty was cooked, SpongeBob held out a bun, and the spatula placed the patty on the bottom.

Then the kitchen door opened, and SpongeBob twirled out of it as Squidward stared. "Where's that krabby patty you were supposed to bring?" he asked the sponge.

"It's coming." SpongeBob singsongs with a smile.

To Squidward's surprise, the golden spatula hovers out of the kitchen, carrying a tray with a krabby patty and drink, and placing it on the customer's table.

"Nice job, Goldie." SpongeBob said as he pat the utensil. "See? Isn't he great, Squidward?"

Then SpongeBob suddenly began to sing a high note again while Squidward kept staring with his mouth agape, "As if this could not get anymore creepy."

SpongeBob: OHHHH! Me and my Goldie

We make a great team

Serving up patties

Just as it seems

The golden spatula flipped more krabby patties off the grill while SpongeBob caught them on plates, having them land perfectly on the buns.

SpongeBob: Me and my Goldie

We're doin' our part

Serving up patties

With all of our heart

SpongeBob and "Goldie" continue to serve all the krabby patties they made to the customers, who accept them happily and probably even enjoying SpongeBob's little show tune, completely ignoring the oddity of an animate spatula cooking and serving their food.

"And it just did." Squidward said with an annoyed look.

SpongeBob: It may seem abnormal

It may seem obscure

But with Goldie at my side and our love of work

We can keep ourselves going

That I am sure

SpongeBob soon began to dance around the restaurant while serving more and more krabby patties to the customers that were now piling in. He couldn't figure out why other than his joyful singing and the deliciousness of a krabby patty he usually made that came along with it.

From all the way at the Chum Bucket, Plankton was spying on the whole thing from a high-powered telescope, wondering the same thing.

…But as the customers chow down, they both soon figured out the reason why.

"These krabby patties are delicious." A female fish said after taking a bite of one.

"They're the best I've ever had." Another male fish added.

"Never have I eaten a krabby patty this delectable." A third male fish said.

After hearing all the compliments, SpongeBob looked at the golden spatula in his hand with a proud smile. "Did you hear that, Goldie? You are the best little fry cook ever! I think we'll celebrate with one more verse!"

SpongeBob: OHHHH! Me and my Goldie

We make a great team

Serving up patties

Just as it seems

From inside his office, Mr. Krabs looked up from his paperwork at his desk after hearing all the commotion from outside.

SpongeBob: Me and my Goldie

We're doin' our part

Serving up patties

With all of our heart

After SpongeBob's spectacular musical number (complete with a blast of confetti in the background for a finale), Mr. Krabs emerged from his office, surprised at the crowds of customers gathered in, eating dozens of krabby patties and paying lots of money.

"Wow, boy-o." Mr. Krabs said as he approached SpongeBob with a smile. "I can't believe you attracted all these payin' customers."

"Don't thank just me, Mr. Krabs." SpongeBob said as he held his new spatula. "Thank me…and Goldie."

"Yeah, Goldie, can't forget-" but at this, Mr. Krabs gasped when he noticed the golden spatula SpongeBob was holding.

Suddenly, a red warning light flashed and a loud siren rang out, startling all the customers. Mr. Krabs yelled at the top of his lungs, "Vacate the premises, everyone! This place is closed until further notice!" as he chased out the customers, he continued yelling, "Ya heard me! Out all of ya!"

Once the restaurant was empty, the Krusty Krab went into lockdown with steel walls covering the windows and doors.

An angry Mr. Krabs then walked over to Squidward and SpongeBob, who both had equally odd looks.

"Hmm…" SpongeBob muttered to the spatula. "Maybe we should've added an extra verse to the song."

**NegiSpongie** · November 19, 2011

[align=center]Keeper of the Spatula: Volume 1

Chapter 2: Artifact of Doom[/align]At the locked-down Krusty Krab, Mr. Krabs confronted both SpongeBob and Squidward as the sponge stood there confused with the golden spatula in his hand.

"Both of yas realize the dangers ya just inflicted, do ya?" Mr. Krabs asked with a deep glare at SpongeBob and Squidward.

"Mr. Krabs, whatever this nonsense is about, I'm just gonna let you know I had nothing to do with it." Squidward pointed out. "If you want answers, talk to SpongeBob."

"Well, as much as I would love to explain myself, I'm afraid I can't." SpongeBob happily pointed out. "Goldie and I were just doing what we love best."

He held out the spatula, and Mr. Krabs flinched and yelped in fright until he demanded, "Boy, you tell me right now exactly where you found that thing."

SpongeBob answered, "Down in the cellar."

"My secret underground room…" Mr. Krabs whispered to himself. "I was certain no one would ever find it."

"You have a secret underground room?" Squidward questioned.

"Of course I do." Mr. Krabs answered and pointed at the spatula. "Where else am I supposed to keep something as evil as that thing?"

"But Mr. Krabs, Goldie's not evil." SpongeBob said as he held out the spatula in his hands. "He's wonderful. He loves making krabby patties just as much as me. Not to mention, the patties he can make are delicious." He reached behind him and pulled out a krabby patty. "Here try one."

"No thank-" Squidward was saying until SpongeBob just stuffed the krabby patty in his mouth and was forced to swallow it whole. "Hey, not bad." He admitted with a small smile.

"See?" SpongeBob said to Mr. Krabs. "Anything that can make krabby patties that good can't possibly be evil."

Mr. Krabs suddenly snatched the spatula from SpongeBob. "Boys…allow me to shed a little light on the subject." Then he began heading into the kitchen. "Follow me."

Feeling confused, but not bothering to question, both SpongeBob and Squidward follow their boss into the kitchen. Mr. Krabs then turns on the grill and lays the spatula on the edge, holding it by the grip and allowing the metal to heat up.

After about a minute, Mr. Krabs hands the spatula to SpongeBob, who yelps in pain as he juggles the hot spatula in hands. He then grips the handle to see something about the spatula that wasn't there till now. On the metal handle of the golden spatula, a name was engraved in fancy curved letters, spelling out 'Hoagie Grindulas'.

"'Hoagie Grindulas'?" SpongeBob read out loud, and looked at his boss. "Who's Hoagie Grindulas?"

"Aye, that's what this is all about." Mr. Krabs answered. "A long time ago, when the Krusty Krab first opened its doors, there was its first fry cook, a young lad by the name of Hoagie Grindulas."

Mr. Krabs then walked down in into the secret underground room, and SpongeBob and Squidward glance at each other until Mr. Krabs came back up with a picture of a grinning shark with glasses and braces; wearing a yellow shirt, a cooking apron over it, a Krusty Krab hat and name tag; and was holding a silver spatula that had his name on it. On the bottom of the picture was text that said 'March' on it, indicating it was an old Employee of the Month photo.

"He doesn't look like someone who would carry around an evil spatula." Squidward pointed out.

"Yeah," SpongeBob agreed with a smile. "He looks like a terrific fry cook."

Mr. Krabs laughed and smiled. "He was, lad, he was. One of the best I ever had. That is until…that day."

Mr. Krabs became lost in the memory as he told the story of his first fry cook to his two employees. 'Hoagie Grindulas was a great guy; about your age, SpongeBob. From what I remember, the only thing he loved more than life itself was his job as a fry cook and cooking them krabby patties.'

As Hoagie stood at the grill, flipping krabby patties, he sang a song, "K is for kindness that enters the soul and mind, R is for ravishing is your outside,"

"Yeah, so Hoagie was a wonderful fry cook and about as loyal to the customers as anybody could get.' Mr. Krabs explained. 'And best of all…his krabby patties were delectable.'

When a female customer took a bite out of Hoagie's krabby patty, she got a huge smile and fell onto the floor in faint.

The flashback stopped for a second as SpongeBob mulled over what he had just heard. He giggled and looked at the spatula. "Well, Hoagie's krabby patties are the tastiest I've ever eaten."

"So what does all that have to do with that 'evil spatula'?" Squidward asked, using air-quotes.

"I was getting to that." Mr. Krabs answered, looking annoyed. "Let me go on."

Back in the flashback, Mr. Krabs continued narrating, 'As good as Hoagie's patties were, he loved every one he made…And I mean every one.'

This was proven when Hoagie had accidentally burned a krabby patty, yet cuddled it close anyway. Then when a customer threw away his unfinished krabby patty, Hoagie suddenly zipped over to the trashcan and growled at the customer behind his back.

'Then after a while, the boy became a little too lovable of them. So much that he refused to even sell them to the customers.'

In the Krusty Krab, a crowd of customers was gathered at the cash register, shouting angrily while Hoagie locked himself in the kitchen, sitting next to the grill and hoarding a handful of krabby patties to himself.

"That's silly, Mr. Krabs." SpongeBob said. "Krabby patties are meant to be loved and given. The only part better than making them is seeing the look on the customer's face when they take that first bite."

"So what'd you do about him?" Squidward asked, looking more interested.

"Well, I wasn't makin' any money with the way he was actin'," Mr. Krabs explained. "So I fired him."

SpongeBob shrieked in shock while Squidward crossed his arms in disappointment, "And?" he asked.

"Well…" Mr. Krabs answered with a sort of uncomfortable look. "Something in him sort of…snapped. He never was the same after that."

"What did he do after that, Mr. Krabs?" SpongeBob asked anxiously. "Is he still in town? Is he okay?"

"No," Mr. Krabs simply answered. "He died."

"What?" Both SpongeBob and Squidward questioned in shock.

"Aye, lads." Mr. Krabs nodded grimly.

Mr. Krabs had a flashback that somehow showed Hoagie's spatula hit the floor with a clang presumably after he died. Once it rested on the ground, the spatula glowed green for a second and turned gold with his name disappearing off the handle.

"Not really sure how he died though." Mr. Krabs pointed out with a shrug. "But all I know is from that day on, his spirit now resides in that spatula, and whoever holds it will become possessed by the greed and obsession he felt until they are completely influenced."

"You know this?" Squidward asked with disbelief.

"Of course." Mr. Krabs replied with a shrug. "I know greed when I see it. It just comes naturally to me for some reason."

SpongeBob had an amazed expression as he looked at the spatula in his hands. But Squidward suddenly snatched it away.

"What a load of baloney." Squidward said in disbelief, waving the spatula around. "A spatula that can do a few magic tricks doesn't make it possessed. If you're really that superstitious, then why not get rid of the thing?"

"You can't, Mr. Squidward." Mr. Krabs said, looking nervous. "It'll just keep coming back."

Squidward just scoffed and turned away. "Just watch." He then marched to the back door and went outside.

Once he was alone outside, he began mumbling to himself. "Those idiots, believing a crazy fry cook is actually in a spatula." Then he held up the spatula and looked at it. "They never listen to what I have to say. They don't even appreciate me. I waste my life in that dump and do I ever get a word of-" but he suddenly stopped and glared at the utensil. "Wait a minute, why the barnacle am I telling you all this?"

Squidward then tossed the spatula in the garbage dump and walked back inside.

When he was back in the kitchen, Squidward crossed his arms and said, "There, no more cursed spatula, problem solved."

"Hey guys," Patrick greeted as he suddenly appeared. "Look what fell out of the sky when I was looking in the dumpster." He held up the treasure that was none other than the cursed golden spatula.

At this, Mr. Krabs screamed in horror as he jumped into SpongeBob's arms. SpongeBob screamed as well just for the heck of it while Squidward shouted, "Will you two shut up?" he snatched the spatula back. "We've just been approaching this the wrong way."

He took both ends of the spatula and attempted to break it in half. He grunted and struggled, but he was not able to even bend it.

"Uh…Squidward?" SpongeBob tried to say. "I don't think you should-"

But Squidward continued to struggle to break the spatula in half as his forehead sweat. But the spatula started to glow green in his hands, and a force was suddenly let out that blew Squidward away and the spatula fell to the ground with a clank.

"That what I've been telling you, Mr. Squidward." Mr. Krabs said as he picked up the spatula. "The only way to be rid of this thing for good is to throw it into the molten lava of the volcano in the Arctic Ocean."

Squidward groaned as he rubbed his head and joined back with the group. "So why haven't you done that before?"

"Well, I did." Mr. Krabs said uneasily. "You know that guy who delivers the buns to the Krusty Krab?"

"Carl?" SpongeBob guessed, thinking he knew who it was he was talking about.

"No, the one who delivers on Tuesday."

"Jack?" Squidward corrected.

"Yeah, him." Mr. Krabs said with a nod. "Well, me and his brother journeyed to the Arctic Ocean to destroy the spatuler. However…its power was just too much for us."

Another flashback goes into Mr. Krabs's past where he was standing near the edge of a hot volcano in the middle of a baron snow-covered wasteland.

"Now's our chance!" Mr. Krabs yelled to someone. "Throw it in and end its power!"

But an orange middle-aged fish behind him was not paying attention to him and was holding the golden spatula in his hands with a deranged look in his eyes. "No…" he said with a sinister voice. "With this, I can make all the delicious buns I want…and no one will take them from me!"

He laughed maniacally and left as Mr. Krabs stared helplessly.

Back in the present time, Mr. Krabs was explaining, "He was never the same after that. I think he's still in the nuthouse."

"That's terrible, Mr. Krabs." SpongeBob said, still looking stunned at everything he just heard. "I'm sure if Hoagie's spirit were free from this small imprisonment, he wouldn't harm anyone else with his misery." Then an idea lit in his eyes. "Wait, Mr. Krabs! What if we went to destroy the spatula?"

"What?" Mr. Krabs asked in shock.

"Us?" Squidward also asked, looking angry at the idea. "Travel all the way to the Arctic Ocean just to throw a piece of junk into a volcano? You wish."

"Oh please, Mr. Krabs!" SpongeBob begged as he got on his knees. "We found Hoagie's spatula. It's a sign that it's now our duty to finally put him to rest before he makes anyone else feel his sadness."

"Or we can just put it back where you found it and pretend we never saw the thing." Squidward pointed out.

However, they ignored Squidward's suggestions, and Mr. Krabs put an arm around SpongeBob. "You're absolutely right, lad. That thing has haunted me for far too long. Now is the chance for all of us to destroy that thing once and for all." Then he shouted out loud, "Alright, boys! Pack your bags! We're going on a perilous journey first thing tomorrow mornin'!"

"Whoo-hoo!" SpongeBob cheered with his fists in the air.

"Well, count me out." Squidward said, crossing his arms. "I'm not going half-way across the ocean for a stupid spatula."

"Sorry, Mr. Squidward," Mr. Krabs told him. "You either go or you're fired."

He walked away, leaving Squidward steaming with anger. SpongeBob turned to his best friend, Patrick, and asked, "So how about it, Pat? You wanna come with us on a dangerous adventure to throw a cursed spatula in a volcano?"

"Hmm…" Patrick thought for a second. "Will there be plenty of adventure food to eat?"

"You bet." SpongeBob then put his arm around Patrick and playfully punched him in the stomach. "We even have a spatula who can cook for us." He whispered in excitement.

Patrick then threw his arms up in the air. "Then I'm in!" he shouted excitedly.

The two friends cheered and ran off, presumably to prepare for the long journey tomorrow. But what no one noticed was that someone had heard their entire conversation.

From across the street at the Chum Bucket, a huge telescope was spying on the Krusty Krab. From inside, Plankton looked away from it and thought about everything he heard.

"A golden spatula, eh?" Plankton said to himself with a smile. "One that can cook krabby patties on its own; and krabby patties that tastes even better than the ones made by its own maker?" He then laughed evilly. "That spatula is as good as mine!"

"Plankton," Karen, his computer wife, said. "Why bother stealing some old spatula? Why not just go to the Krusty Krab and steal the formula while Krabs is away?"

"Don't you see, Karen?" Plankton explained. "With that spatula, I won't need to push myself to steal the secret formula. With that spatula's power, I can get my own even better krabby patties that can run Krabs out of business. Since he's on his way to destroy the thing anyway, it'll be secure in my hands."

"Unless you forget the fact that it's possessed by an insane fry cook that will curse whoever dares to lay a hand on it."

"Blah, blah, blah," Plankton just scoffed. "I don't believe in those silly curses. Besides, with my intellect and mastermind skills, I don't need to worry about some made up curse." Then he began to walk off. "See ya in a couple of weeks, honey!"

TJ · November 19, 2011

Awesome show Negi

**Wumbo** · November 19, 2011

Yeah, I'm loving this.

**Steel Sponge** · November 19, 2011

Or "good fanfic," as I can say. I remember reading a few of these chapters back when I was getting hooked on FF.net for a little while, but yeah, I have some catching up to do.

**NegiSpongie** · November 21, 2011

[align=center]Keeper of the Spatula: Volume 1

Chapter 3: Company Road Trip[/align]

The next morning, SpongeBob, Patrick, Mr. Krabs, and Squidward left to begin their journey to the Arctic Ocean to destroy the cursed spatula of Hoagie Grindulas in the volcano. They were now sailing across the sea on a small tugboat that was supposed to take them to the first spot on their journey.

Mr. Krabs was standing on the bow with a fancy walking stick in his right claw. Squidward was standing next to him, wearing a large knapsack.

"This is the boat you rented that's supposed to take us to where we're supposed to go to destroy the spatula?" Squidward asked in a disappointed tone.

"What?" Mr. Krabs asked with a shrug. "It was the cheapest one I could get."

From the top of the tugboat, a large pipe was releasing black smoke as it sailed from the water. Then Mr. Krabs got close to Squidward and whispered, "Besides, Mr. Squidward…with the four of us, getting to that volcano is snap."

"And letting SpongeBob carry the spatula is a good idea?" Squidward questioned.

While the tugboat continued to pollute the air with smoke from its pipe, SpongeBob and Patrick were standing at the stern of the boat. SpongeBob was still wearing his Krusty Krab hat as well as a small travel pack while Patrick wore a mini fridge on his back.

"Isn't this exciting, Patrick?" SpongeBob asked as he jumped up and down. "It's like a vacation, only with exhausted traveling."

"You said it, pal." Patrick replied with a smile. "I haven't been this far from home since last Tuesday."

"Wow, where'd you go?"

"The mailbox." Patrick simply replied as SpongeBob got an odd look.

"Land ho!" a voice called out as the boat pulled up to a dock next to spot of land that had a forest.

SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs got off the boat as the captain began to sail away.

"That's it?" Squidward asked with a frown. "You mean we're supposed to walk the rest of the way?"

"Of course." Mr. Krabs answered like it was nothing. "You know how much it would cost to take a boat all the way from Bikini Bottom to the Arctic Ocean? Besides, a little walking will do ya some good." then he turned to SpongeBob. "You still got the goods?"

SpongeBob immediately pulled out the golden spatula. "Right here, sir!"

"Good boy!" Mr. Krabs then looked at the map in his claws. "Now all we have to do is just take this path right into town."

They all look down to see they were right on top of the path that leads into the forest. SpongeBob cheered and began to walk ahead, "Arctic volcano, here we come!" but then Mr. Krabs grabbed his shoulder to stop him.

"Whoa, hold on a second there, lad." His boss was saying. "As navigator of this here journey, I'll be the one leading the way."

"Oh, how silly of me." SpongeBob said with a giggle. "Go right ahead, navigator."

Mr. Krabs went ahead while looking at the map, leaving SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward to follow behind. "Well, as I was saying, arctic volcano here we come!" SpongeBob shouted as he began walking.

As the group followed the path, they began to head deeper and deeper into the forest. Patrick sighed and said, "SpongeBob…I'm bored."

"Now that you mention it, I am too." SpongeBob said in the same tone. But then he perked up, "I know what we can do! How about a song?"

"A song? Really?" Patrick asked, also excited over the idea.

"Yeah! I know just the song to sing on long trips like this one." SpongeBob cleared his throat and began singing loudly, "Ninety-nine bottles of kelp juice on the wall, ninety-nine bottles of kelp juice…"

Squidward cringed in anger, highly irritated by having to listen to SpongeBob's singing. But the sponge, of course, didn't take the hint and just continued singing merrily, "You take one down, pass it around, ninety-eight bottles of kelp juice on the wall!"

He pointed at Patrick, and the starfish took off from where he had left off, "Ninety-eight bottles of kelp juice on the wall, ninety-eight bottles of kelp juice…"

Squidward repeatedly banged on the sides of his head, hoping to drown out their singing. "You take one down, pass it around…nine…fi…forty…"

SpongeBob helped him out by whispering, "Ninety-seven."

"Oh! Ninety-seven bottles of kelp juice on the wall!"

SpongeBob began singing the next line, "Ninety-seven bottles of kelp juice on the wall, ninety-seven bottles of kelp juice! You take one down, pass it around, ninety-six bottles of kelp juice on the wall!"

"Ninety-six bottles of kelp juice on the wall, ninety-six bottles of kelp juice! You take one down, pass it around, ninety….twel…seventy-seven, no…"

(Thirty bottles of kelp juice later.)

Squidward's eyes looked ready to fall out of his sockets from all the listening he had to endure from SpongeBob and Patrick's singing the past hour as they continued down the long 'painful' path.

"Sixty-five bottles of kelp juice!" SpongeBob sang at the top of his lungs, "You take one down, pass it around, sixty-four bottles of kelp juice on the wall!" he pointed at Patrick for his signal.

Then the starfish took off from that part, "Sixty-four bottles of kelp juice on the wall, sixty-four bottles of kelp juice! You take one down, pass it around…Uh…Sixty…twenty-billion…Oh, this song is hard, why does it have to be backwards?"

SpongeBob put his arm around Patrick and happily replied, "It's okay, Patrick. We can sing something else. I know, how about the reverse version on the song!"

"Oh, okay." Patrick happily agreed with a nod. "That sounds easy."

"Then let's start over from one bottle of kelp juice on the wall!" SpongeBob cleared his throat and began singing, "One bottle of kelp juice on the wall, one bottle of kelp juice, you pick one up, put it up high-"

"NOOO!" Squidward yelled over them as he panted heavily, looking rather steamed. "We are not starting from one, we are not starting from zero, we are not gonna start from ninety-nine!"

While Squidward stopped for a moment to catch his breath, Patrick merely asked, "Can we start from fifty?"

Squidward got even angrier and shouted, "MR. KRABS!"

Just then, Mr. Krabs stopped and removed his earphones that were connected to a walkman he was listening to. He turned around and asked, "Did you say something, Squidward?"

Squidward, SpongeBob, and Patrick rushed over to him, and the octopus asked, "Mr. Krabs, how long until we at least reach civilization?"

"You need patience, Mr. Squidward." Mr. Krabs proudly answered as he held the map. "Arctic Ocean ain't exactly next door."

SpongeBob looked ahead of the road and noticed something. "Hey look. There's a fork in the road."

"Where?" Patrick asked as he looked on the ground. "Keep away from it, it's mine! I saw it first!"

The other two saw SpongeBob was right, and look to see two paths that led in different directions.

"Well, Christopher Crustacean," Squidward started saying to Mr. Krabs in a sarcastic tone. "Which way are we supposed to go now?"

"Uh, let's see here." Mr. Krabs looked back at the map and said, "Well…I suppose we just have to, um…"

But Squidward swiftly snatched the map away and looked at it himself. He was surprised by what he saw. "Mr. Krabs! This map is totally out of date!"

"How is that?" Mr. Krabs asked with a shrug. "I had for about forty years. The world hasn't changed in that long."

"You idiot!" Squidward yelled. "Don't you realize what you've done?"

"Hey, that's no way to speak to your commanding officer!"

SpongeBob quickly got between them. "You shouldn't be fighting like this. We can just stop and ask someone for directions."

"Ask who? The trees?" Squidward asked with a glare. "In case you haven't noticed, we're stuck in the middle of nowhere, far from any civilization."

"Well, how about that guy?" Patrick asked, pointing off to the right.

The others follow his finger and see an eerie black-cloaked figure on a green seahorse, standing on top of an equally eerie large hill. From the look of his appearance, they could tell that he didn't look friendly enough to help them.

Mr. Krabs tried as hard as he could to hide his nervousness. "Well, that's perfect. We can just ask him which direction to go."

"I don't know, Mr. Krabs." SpongeBob said in an unsure tone as he shook his head. "He doesn't look too friendly."

"I agree." Squidward also said, nervously. "Let's just head the other way and forget we ever saw him."

Then Mr. Krabs started sweating. "Don't be such a snail, Squidward. Just go over and ask him."

However, Patrick was the one who decided to make the move. "HEY MISTER!" he called over to the figure. "WE'RE LOST! CAN YOU SHOW US THE WAY OUTTA HERE?"

After hearing him, the cloaked figure turned his head toward them, and from their view of him, he appeared to have piercing red eyes from under his hood.

The four yelp in fright and shiver in terror. "Who do you think he is?" SpongeBob asked in fright.

"Oh no," Mr. Krabs gasped. "He must be one of those personal belongin' thieves I hear about on the news all the time. He's gonna wanna steal that spatula."

"A guy dressed like that and you're worried about the spatula?" Squidward asked, equally scared.

The figure pulled on the reigns of the seahorse, and it whinnied loudly into the sky before galloping down the hill toward their direction. The four scream at the top of their lungs before Mr. Krabs yelled, "RUN!"

They both head down the left path and run as fast as they can with the cloaked figure following them on his seahorse. As the four ran through the forest, they all split up with SpongeBob going in one direction, Patrick going in another, and Squidward and Mr. Krabs running one way.

SpongeBob climbed over tree roots and panted in exhaustion as he hid behind a tree and saw the cloaked figure ride past him.

Mr. Krabs and Squidward stopped to catch their breath once they were sure they had lost the cloaked figure. "I think we lost him, Squidward." Mr. Krabs said as he panted.

"Yeah…" Squidward also said in the same way. "And luckily we lost SpongeBob and Patrick too."

"Wait a minute…" Mr. Krabs suddenly remembered. "SpongeBob has the spatula! Where is he?"

"How should I know?" Squidward replied bitterly. "Watching SpongeBob wasn't my first priority when being chased by a lunatic."

"Hey guys." Patrick greeted as he walked over. "I don't wanna alarm you, but…I don't think that guy chasing us is gonna tell us where to go."

"Patrick," Mr. Krabs said in a desperate tone. "Have you seen SpongeBob anywhere?"

"No, I thought he ran away with you."

Meanwhile, SpongeBob was still running around, trying to find his way back to the others. "Oh, tartar sauce, where are they?" he asked until he momentarily stopped running.

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the golden spatula. "I wonder why he would want something like this."

But then he felt a puff of warm air on the back of his neck, and he turned around and saw it was the green seahorse with the cloaked figure on it. SpongeBob screamed in horror and ran away just as the figure took a swipe at him.

SpongeBob pocketed the spatula and kept running until he slipped down a small hill under a large tree. He sat up and noticed he had landed right on top of Squidward, Mr. Krabs, and Patrick.

"Guys!" SpongeBob cried happily. "I found you!"

"Great, you found us, NOW GET OFF!" Squidward yelled.

SpongeBob quickly obeyed, and once everyone was up, they heard the winey of the seahorse coming closer to them. "He's coming this way." SpongeBob franticly noticed.

"What'll we do?" Patrick asked in fright.

Up on the hill, the cloaked figure jumped off his seahorse and walked over to the edge of the hill. He stood by the tree and looked around, not realizing that Patrick, SpongeBob, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs were all huddled together, hiding under the tree roots beneath the hill.

The four shivered in fright as the figure crouched down by the edge of the hill, looking around for them. During which, SpongeBob grabbed Patrick's hand for comfort.

The figure seemed to sniff around also as if he smelled something, unknowingly approaching closer to the four beneath. SpongeBob quietly reached into his pocket and pulled out the golden spatula. It shook in his hand as it began to glow. This seemed to almost catch the attention of the figure, but Squidward quickly placed his tentacle over it and stopped SpongeBob from activating it.

Afterwards, the cloaked figure stood up and walked back to his seahorse, getting on it and riding away. Once he was long gone, SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs came out of their hiding spot.

"Oh, Neptune…that was close." SpongeBob said as he shivered in fright.

"Uh huh," Patrick also said as he held SpongeBob. "I've never been so scared in all my life."

"Well, this is just great." Squidward said with an angry frown. "Now we got a homicidal maniac on our tails. What are we supposed to do?"

Mr. Krabs walked back along the path and smiled. "Hey, now I remember. This old path leads to a town a couple miles from here."

"Really?" SpongeBob asked with an excited smile.

"Of course." Mr. Krabs held out the map. "See? It's right here."

"That map is forty-years-old." Squidward pointed out. "How do we know the town is still there?"

"Would you rather stay here with a black cloak-wearin' maniac runnin' around?"

He, SpongeBob, and Patrick began to walk down the path, leaving Squidward to stand there until he growled in frustration and eventually followed them.

**NegiSpongie** · November 25, 2011

[align=center]Keeper of the Spatula: Volume 1

Chapter 4: Pit Stop[/align]Later that same day, night had already fallen, and even storm clouds had rolled in and were now pouring rain. Unfortunately for the group of SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs, they were caught in it and walking down a muddy path.

Squidward was holding his travel pack over his head to shield himself from the rain. "I can't believe that knowing I would be traveling hundreds of miles to a freezing wasteland; I forgot to bring an umbrella."

"Ah, don't be such a whiner, Squidward." Mr. Krabs said with a calm smile. "A little rain is good for the traveling types. You just have to have a thicker outdoor exterior like me." He looked up and shouted, "Keep at it, lad!"

He was actually holding SpongeBob by his legs, and he has stretched out his body over Mr. Krabs to shield him from the rain at his own request. "You got it, Mr. Krabs!" SpongeBob replied happily, not minding the job at all.

"It doesn't help that we've been walking for six hours with no sign of civilization." Squidward complained as he glanced behind him to see Patrick just walking with his mouth wide open and his tongue hanging out that caught raindrops on it.

Soon, Mr. Krabs stopped when he spotted something up ahead. "Hey, look at that."

The others followed his gaze as SpongeBob shaped himself back to normal and hopped on the ground. Up ahead was a small town through a wooden gate.

"Finally…" Squidward said with a relieved smile. "Civilization!" He then wasted no time in running ahead excitedly as he laughed, "WHOO-HOO!"

"I never knew Squidward loved sight-seeing so much." SpongeBob said to Mr. Krabs and Patrick.

Soon, the four walked through a door with a bell ringing as soon as they opened it, and they see it looks like a pub with a round counter in the middle and a bartender standing behind it with a round set of shelves containing a bunch of drinks. The room was full of tough-looking and dirty, sleazy men conversing with each other at tables and booths.

"Now this looks like a nice place to relax for a bit- and as I remember, it's not too expensive either." Mr. Krabs pointed out with a smile.

"Right…" Squidward sarcastically mumbled as he rolled his eyes. "This place makes Bikini Bottom look like Atlantis."

"But let me warn you boys right now." Mr. Krabs suddenly said in a serious tone. "Don't go mentionin' the you-know-what. There are certainly a lot of sneaky thieves who'd love to get their hands on something that valuable, so zip your mouths shut." Then his mood suddenly changed to cheerful. "Well, I'm gonna go get meself a drink."

When Mr. Krabs walked off, Squidward shouted after him, "Don't forget an up-to-date map too!"

"I'm gonna go buy some dinner." Patrick eagerly pointed out.

"Oh, sounds great." SpongeBob replied. "Bring me back something."

"You got it, pal." Patrick said with a wink as he walked off.

"I'm gonna go find somewhere to sit till we get out of this dump." Squidward said in a dour tone as he walked off.

"Sounds great too, I'll join you." SpongeBob said with a smile as he followed.

Squidward took a seat at a booth in the corner of the bar, and SpongeBob took a seat across from him. Squidward laid his elbow on the table and rested his head in his palm, looking bored while SpongeBob just sat there with the same giddy smile.

"Isn't this great so far, Squidward?" SpongeBob asked happily. "To think we're getting closer to the volcano."

"Great?" Squidward questioned in anger. "This is a nightmare! I'm stuck with you idiots just to throw a spatula into a pit of lava; and in case you haven't realized yet, we're nowhere near the Arctic Ocean!"

"Shhh!" SpongeBob loudly whispered. "We're not supposed to mention the item out loud, remember?"

"Whatever." Squidward mumbled as he lay back in his previous position. "Everybody's too boozed in here to even pay attention to other people's conversations anyway."

SpongeBob sighed and started running his fingernail against the wooden table. "But you know what, Squidward?" He said in a somewhat depressed tone. "I know we're doing the right thing for Hoagie Grindulas by freeing his soul from his container, but I'm kinda gonna miss him after this. He makes such great krabby patties, and he loves them just like me. If we could work together at the Krusty Krab, we can make the most delicious patties for everyone in Bikini Bottom to eat."

Squidward tried as hard as he could to block out SpongeBob's rambling, but then he glanced up at him and noticed his face looked more lost in la-la land than it usually did.

"I know he was greedy, but he was just thinking of the krabby patties. Plus holding the spatula in my hands makes me feel like he's right here with me." As SpongeBob explained this, he was actually holding Hoagie's golden spatula in his right hand that was hidden under the table, and seemed to be absent-mindedly tapping it on his lap. "Just seeing that metal touch the patty as it sizzles on the grill just makes my heart melt."

As Squidward stared at SpongeBob's dreamy expression, he raised an eyebrow and asked, "Uh…SpongeBob? Are you feeling alright?"

SpongeBob then shook his head and snapped back to normal. "Of course I am, Squidward. I just got a little spacey for a second, ha ah ah ah ah!"

"Of course," Squidward groaned as he went back to ignoring the sponge.

"SpongeBob?" The two heard Patrick's voice say, and they turn to see him sitting at the front counter, talking to a bunch of thug-looking fish. "Yeah, he's my best friend. He has a golden spatula he's taking to throw into a volcano."

"Gold?" the crowd all asked as they stared toward SpongeBob.

Then the mob of thugs started advancing toward SpongeBob's table with their hands held out intent on taking the valuable item he has. Squidward quickly left his seat while SpongeBob stood up on his seat with the spatula held in his hand.

"Get him!" One of the fish says as they all gain up on SpongeBob as the sponge quickly hops on the table before they can grab him.

When the fish try and grab him again, SpongeBob jumps away in the air and swings on a chandelier hanging from the ceiling; but unfortunately, his fingers slip off and he falls down onto the hardwood floor.

SpongeBob groaned as he rubbed his head, but quickly noticed he was no longer holding the spatula. He looked up and saw the spatula still twirling in the air from when he lost grip of it. The thugs notice this and stare in awe as the spatula fell toward the ground and SpongeBob quickly caught it in his hand.

But once he did, the golden spatula glows an eerie green and suddenly all the food the glass bottles full of liquid explode with glass flying everywhere. Then all the food in the building started to fly across the room and hit various people.

Outside, a green seahorse entered the town and stopped just when it entered through the gate. Riding the seahorse was none other than the figure in the black cloak that pursued SpongeBob and his friends earlier in the afternoon.

He looked ahead to see flashing green lights coming from the pub near the end of the town; and he sat there silently as he stared at the strange phenomenon.

Back in the bar, SpongeBob was hiding under a table to avoid being splattered with the flying food. Patrick joined him under the table as well.

"Was it something I said?" Patrick asked with a confused look.

"No, Patrick, it wasn't your fault." SpongeBob said in a comforting tone as he held his friend's shoulder.

"Are you kidding?" Squidward asked angrily as he crouched under the table as well. "It was totally his fault. Why did you have to blab to everyone about the spatula?"

"I didn't tell them anything important." Patrick retorted. "I specifically left out the part that it was cursed."

"What are we gonna do?" SpongeBob wondered, seeing no possible way to sneak past the panicking crowd.

"We have to find Mr. Krabs and get out of here as soon as possible." Squidward answered, and then began crawling away. "Let's go."

SpongeBob and Patrick followed him as the three crawled their way out beneath the flying food and the panicking crowd. Mr. Krabs then walked in and asked with a smile, "What'd I miss?"

"Run!" Squidward yelled as he pushed Mr. Krabs out of the bar with SpongeBob and Patrick.

Once they were safely outside the chaotic bar, they noticed it had stopped raining in the dark eerie town. "Man, that was close." SpongeBob said as he looked back.

"You know this place has gone really downhill since I was here last." Mr. Krabs noticed.

"Yeah, how very unfortunate." Squidward quickly responded in a sarcastic tone. "Now did you get a map?"

"Course I did, Squidward." Mr. Krabs answered with a grin as he pulled it out. "Now all we gotta do is figure out which way leads to the woods."

"We can always try asking that guy again." Patrick suggested as he pointed in one direction.

Everybody followed his gaze to see it was the figure in the black cloak on his seahorse, staring at them. Seeing him, they all screamed in horror.

"It's him again!" SpongeBob screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Run, boys, run!" Mr. Krabs yelled as they all obey and run as fast as they can while the figure's seahorse whinnied and followed.

As they run, the figure's seahorse was quickly catching up to them. SpongeBob looked around and spotted a barrel up ahead. He quickly ran over to it and knocked it down, kicking it toward the seahorse. This caused him to stop, allowing the four to escape as he stood there and watched them run toward the woods outside of town.

Up on a hill above the town, SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs were standing at the entrance of the forest, catching their breath after running all the way from town to escape their pursuer.

"That was close…again." SpongeBob said as he stretched his back.

"I don't know how much more of this I can take." Squidward said in an exhausted tone. "Are we even on the right trail anymore?"

"Here's a sign." Patrick said as he stood in front of a wooden sign sticking out of the ground, and began to read the large red print 'Muerto Woods', "Moo…err…too…Woods."

Mr. Krabs looked at his map and smiled, "We are on the right path!" he cheered, jumping up and down. "We just have to pass these here woods and we'll be gettin' closer."

"Just as long as there aren't any more dangers up ahead." Squidward added with a groan.

"There's something else written here too." Patrick pointed out, and then struggled to read the extra print at the bottom of the sign, "War…neeee…"

SpongeBob walked over and stood next to him as he looked at the sign. "Here, let me help you out there, bud." He ran his finger across the print and read out loud, "It says, 'Warning: Woods inhabited by Black Toxicity Jellyfish. Please use caution when approaching.'"

He then stopped after reading this and turned to Patrick with a stunned look as his body shook, "Patrick…do you know what this means?"

Patrick got the same expression and shook also as he replied, "You're not saying…"

Then they both hopped into the air with large smiles on their faces. "We found it!" they shouted in joy.

"Found what?" Squidward asked.

"The rare Black Toxicity Jellyfish." SpongeBob explained to Squidward and Mr. Krabs, "This is one of the only few places you can find them."

"Only few experienced jellyfishers have been able to see them with their own eyes." Patrick explained also.

"Why do they even call that…thing you called it before?" Mr. Krabs asked, looking curious.

"Because unlike our normal jellyfish, Black Toxicities are known to be extremely dangerous," SpongeBob continued explaining, "Its stingers are very poisonous. Even one little sting can be fatal. If you are stung, you'll only have twenty minutes to live before…" he ran a finger across his neck as he made a hissing sound through his teeth.

Squidward and Mr. Krabs looked disturbed by this explanation while SpongeBob finished his gesture. But then the sponge smile and pointed to a book Patrick was holding up that had a small picture of a black jellyfish with red spots. "We need one for our bingo book." SpongeBob pointed out.

"Well, aside from Nerd History from Professor Doofinstein, let's just keep going so we can get through these woods already." Squidward suggested as he began walking into the woods.

"Great idea, Squidward." Mr. Krabs quickly agreed as he followed. "I'll be leading the way of course."

SpongeBob and Patrick followed from behind, looking really eager as they entered the woods. "You think we'll see the Black Toxicity, SpongeBob?" Patrick asked his best friend.

"I sure hope so." SpongeBob replied in an excited tone. "You remembered to bring your camera, right?"

"I sure did."

"Great! It'll be the best stop on our adventure."

**NegiSpongie** · November 29, 2011

[align=center]Keeper of the Spatula: Volume 1

Chapter 5: Campfire Funnies[/align]Out on the nighttime ocean, a ship was sailing through the dark waters with a familiar one-eyed single-cell organism standing at the bow.

"I feel like king of the world." Plankton said with an excited smile. "Or at least I will once I get that golden spatula. Soon, I will have even better krabby patties than Krabs could ever produce."

Then he gave an evil chuckle. "Ooh, I haven't felt this excited since the day I started going after that secret formula." Then he got a confused look. "In fact, I feel more rushed to get that spatula more than I thought. I wonder why."

He growled angrily. "That settles it! Next stop, I'm getting off this slow-moving crate and finding those idiots on foot." Then he smirked and rubbed his hands together. "You better watch out, Krabs. That precious spatula will be all mine."

Meanwhile, in the Muerto Woods, Mr. Krabs and his employees (including Patrick) had walked through the woods for hours and eventually decided to rest for the night. They made camp on a small stone cliff-side, free from any wildlife they didn't want to encounter in the forest.

Everything was dark and blurry at first until the camera zoomed in on Squidward sitting on a rock in front of a campfire, roasting a weenie on the flames with a bored expression. At the lower right corner was the word "Rec" in red. Then Patrick's voice shouted, "Hey, Squidward! I can see you!"

Squidward noticed the camera pointed at his face and he frowned angrily. "Get that thing out of my face, Patrick!"

The camera quickly shifted away from Squidward and stopped on Mr. Krabs who was snuggling his cash register. "You didn't like being stuffed in that cramped travelin' bag, did ya, Cashie?" Mr. Krabs said to the cash register in a babyish voice.

The camera then zoomed in on him as Mr. Krabs continued to converse with the cash register, "Well, I couldn't just leave ya back at the Krusty Krab with no company and no one to protect your money, could I?" then he looked up and noticed the camera focused on him. His eyes widen and he hoards the cash register. "Hey, hey, hey!" he shouted. "There's a law about videotaping someone's private conversations!"

Then he shifts the camera away and turns it right onto SpongeBob who was sitting on the log next to Patrick, blowing the fire off of a weenie on a stick he was holding.

"Hi, SpongeBob." Patrick greeted as the sponge noticed the camcorder pointing him.

SpongeBob shrieked and tossed the weenie away until he blushed and started acting shy. "Oh, Patrick…if I had known I'd be videotaped, I would've freshened up a bit."

"SpongeBob!" Patrick said in a disappointed tone. "You have to say something to the video camera or this whole trip will be a total bust!"

"Ooh, a video log. Okay, just give me a minute." SpongeBob looked away from the camera and coughed in his fist to clear his throat. Then he inhaled through his nose and took a deep breath before acknowledging the camera again. "Good evening. My name is SpongeBob SquarePants. And I am here with my best friend and camera man, Patrick Star."

Patrick turned the camera upward and gave a close-up smile and chuckle into the camera lens. Then turned it back to SpongeBob, "And here also is our good friend, Squidward Tentacles." The camera pointed back at Squidward, who tried his best to ignore them.

"And the man behind the journey, Mr. Krabs." The camera went over to Krabs, who quickly stopped cuddling his cash register and gave the camera a nervous giggle.

Then the camera pointed back to SpongeBob, who happily continued to narrate, "Here we are after Day 1 of our perilous journey to the Arctic Ocean. We are still days away from our goal to throw this lovely golden spatula into the hot volcano." He took out his golden spatula to show it off. "That's because inside this spatula is the trapped soul of a deceased fellow fry cook, Hoagie Grindulas. Say hi to the folks back home, Hoagie." He giddily waved the spatula to the camera. "He's supposed to be evil. But I think he's a misunderstood fry cook, who makes delicious krabby patties- and I mean delicious."

"SpongeBob!" Patrick interrupted angrily as he lowered the camera. "You need to put more feeling into it."

SpongeBob wasn't sure what he did wrong, but he lightheartedly attempted to change the subject. "Well, how about I film you this time? After all, we need shots of the camera man too."

"Oh, okay." Patrick happily agreed and handed SpongeBob the camcorder. "How do I look?"

SpongeBob looked through the camcorder and gave him a thumb-up and answered with a smile, "Like a million clamshells."

Patrick chuckled and said, "All right! I always remember what to say."

SpongeBob continued to film Patrick. "Say hi to the people, Patrick- and don't forget to give me a big smile."

But suddenly, Patrick got a nervous look and started to sweat, "Uh…uh…uh…" he stammered. "I forgot my line!" he yelled in panic.

"How about putting that thing away." Squidward dourly suggested. "In case you're too stupid to remember, we aren't on some pleasure cruise. As much as I wish we were."

SpongeBob lowered the camera from his eye and responded, "Well, what do you think we should do, Squidward. Sing campfire songs? Tell ghost stories?"

"Oh! Oh! Oh!" Patrick shouted, waving his hand in the air. "I got a story to tell!"

"Really, Patrick?" SpongeBob asked with a smile. "Let's hear it."

"Okay," Patrick nodded and began to tell his scary story. "Once upon a time…there was a scary ghost. He was so scary that whenever someone looked at him, they died."

SpongeBob shrieked in fright, but Squidward just rolled his eyes. But Patrick just continued with his story, "No one knew how to defeat him, so the ghost flew into town and scared everyone to death. The End."

"Ohhhh…that really was a scary ghost story." SpongeBob said with a scared look.

"It was scary, alright." Squidward said dully, not even looking frightened.

"And kinda sad." SpongeBob added, now looking depressed.

"Well, duh, of course it was." Patrick said, looking offended. "If it had a happy ending, then it wouldn't be a ghost story."

"Well, if you're lookin' for a yarn to spin, I got one." Mr. Krabs yearningly intervened.

"No thanks, Mr. Krabs." Patrick said, shaking his head. "I'm not really the knitting-type."

Mr. Krabs had an annoyed look and said, "Let me rephrase that. I got a scary story to tell."

"Wow, really?" SpongeBob asked excitedly.

"Aye, aye. This one is about where we be headed: The Arctic Ocean."

"NO! NO!" Patrick yelled in horror. "Not the Arctic Ocean! Anything but the Arctic Ocean!"

"Shh, shh, shh." SpongeBob shushed gently as he placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. "It's okay, Patrick. It'll help when we get to the Arctic Ocean, so we'll know what to expect."

Patrick eventually calmed down and gave a nod and barely audible, "Okay."

Mr. Krabs then began to tell his tale, "From here to the Arctic Ocean. The dangers are nowhere near as devastating as the ones there."

"Dangers?" Squidward questioned, raising an eyebrow until SpongeBob and Patrick loudly shush him.

Mr. Krabs continued, "The Arctic Ocean is a treacherous wasteland; nothing but wind full of the ice and snow that cover ground you step in. But once you cross that frozen tundra, you find all the cold disappear as you approach the wretched volcano. The first step on the top is like walking straight into Davey Jones's Locker. Its mouth unleashing smoke and its belly full of hot magma and fire. Once something goes in…it never comes out…uncooked."

As Squidward stared in awe, and SpongeBob and Patrick clutching each other in fear; Mr. Krabs suddenly stood up and grinned, "And that's why we are throwing that cursed spatula into the mouth, argh, argh, argh, argh, argh!" he laughed.

SpongeBob and Patrick glance at each other and reluctantly laugh along too.

Mr. Krabs then grabbed his cash register and announced, "Well, you all better get some shut eye. We get up first thing in the mornin' to continue on."

"If only I was a morning person." Squidward said as he stood up and walked over to his resting spot.

As Patrick stood up with a yawn, SpongeBob walked over to his travel pack, and lay down while secretly looking at the spatula in his hands, looking a bit unsure.

"If only we didn't have to throw you into a volcano, Hoagie." He quietly said to the spatula. "But if it'll free your soul, it's for the best." He kissed the spatula goodnight and went to sleep with a smile on his face.

Sauce Mama · November 29, 2011

Oh my gosh! I remember reading this on fanfiction.net! I love this story.

**NegiSpongie** · December 1, 2011

[align=center]Keeper of the Spatula: Volume 1

Chapter 6: Sting of Death[/align]A couple hours later, everyone was fast asleep around the campfire. Mr. Krabs resting on the ground with his cash register in his arms as drool leaked from his mouth, Patrick was snoring loudly with his head resting on a large rock, and Squidward was laying on his travel pack while curled up in a fetal position with a purple sleep blinder over his eyes.

But soon the cephalopod was interrupted by someone poking his head. "Squidward…" a small quiet voice whispered.

Squidward's face scrunched up in his sleep as he groaned, but he proceeded to sleep soundly until the yellow hand began to poke his nose this time to wake him up.

It was SpongeBob as he whispered a bit louder, "Squidward…"

Squidward groaned again as he reluctantly responded, "…What is it, SpongeBob?" though it was unsure if he were awake or not due to the blinder covering his eyes

"Squidward?" SpongeBob whispered quietly in his ear, "Do you know where the bathroom is?"

"Ugh…what?" Squidward groaned again with an annoyed tone as he pulled up his blinder to show his sleeping face.

"I have to go to the bathroom." SpongeBob whispered again in his ear.

"SpongeBob…" Squidward responded annoyed as he kept his eyes shut in order to sleep. "We're in the middle of the woods, far away from any sign of civilization. There is no bathroom."

SpongeBob blinked a few times in confusion, and then whispered back, "But I really have to go."

Squidward yawned and lowered his blinder before moving onto his side and responding, "Just go in a bush…far away from here as possible."

SpongeBob seemed confused by the idea, but ultimately just shrugged and smiled as he replied, "Okay."

Then he walked away, leaving Squidward to return to his beauty sleep.

SpongeBob walked through the dark woods, looking for a good place to do his business. He soon stopped in front a large bush next to a couple of trees. "Okay…how is this done again?"

As SpongeBob racked his brain for all the movies and shows he's seen with campers and hikers who didn't have a porta potty nearby, he failed to notice something moving in the bushes behind him.

"Oh yeah," he said, snapping his fingers with a smile.

When he stood directly in front of the bush and unzipped his fly, he turned his head around to see the bushes behind him rustling. He pulled his zipper back up and turned around to see what it was.

"Umm…" he said nervously. "This place is kinda taken, so maybe you should…"

But then a loud buzzing sound was heard behind it, and the bushes spread apart as something floated through them. SpongeBob's eyes widen to see a large jellyfish (twice the size of a regular jellyfish) that was black with red spots on top.

"I don't believe it." SpongeBob whispered in awe. "It's Black Toxicity!"

As the jellyfish floated there in front of him, SpongeBob attempted to approach it. "Hello, majestic, foreign jellyfish of the wild." He greeted with a smile. "My name is SpongeBob. Would you like to meet my friend, Patrick, so we can get a picture of you for our bingo book?"

But as the jellyfish floated there, buzzing, it finally acknowledged SpongeBob, and lifted up its stinger. This causes SpongeBob to get a panicked look on his face.

"No, wait, Great One! I just-" but before he could try and explain, the jellyfish unleashes a zap from its stinger, and SpongeBob ducks just in time to avoid.

The jellyfish then let out another blast with its stinger which SpongeBob tried to avoid. "Stop! Don't-" he pleaded with the jellyfish, but it kept attempting to sting him.

With no other option, SpongeBob began to run away as fast as he can through the bushes and trees. But this did not stop the jellyfish from chasing after him.

Back at the campsite, SpongeBob's voice was heard from the woods, "RUN! RUN AWAY!"

This caused everyone to wake up, feeling groggily as they sat up.

"Lemme guess…" Squidward groaned angrily as he took off his sleep blinder. "Poison Ivy?"

Then SpongeBob ran from the woods with a panicked look on his face. "Quick, we gotta get out of here! There's a-" but before he could finish, the jellyfish emerged from the forest with the tips of its stingers lighting up.

Squidward and Mr. Krabs both scream, but Patrick just stared at the jellyfish. "Wow…" he said in awe. "The Black Toxicity. SpongeBob, do you have the book?"

However, SpongeBob just ran away as the jellyfish chased after him. Patrick just stood there and watched as he shouted, "Don't worry! I'll get the camera!"

Mr. Krabs picked up the cash register as he attempted to run somewhere safe in the campsite to avoid the jellyfish. Squidward screamed in horror as the jellyfish began to chase after him.

"Nice work, idiot!" Squidward yelled at SpongeBob as the both ran from the jellyfish. "You brought it right to us!"

"Well, where else was I supposed to go?" SpongeBob asked as he ran.

"As far away from here would've been nice!"

While they were all running around, screaming as the jellyfish chased them, Patrick searched his knapsack until he found his camera. "Found it!" Patrick announced with a smile.

When the jellyfish attempted to sting SpongeBob, the sponge quickly dodge rolled out of the way with the stinger hitting the ground.

But then he heard Squidward scream, and he turned to see Squidward cornered by the edge of the cliff with the jellyfish's stingers sparking. SpongeBob gasped and quickly rushed in-between the jellyfish and Squidward.

"No!" SpongeBob yelled as he shielded Squidward. "I won't let you!"

Patrick aimed his camera at SpongeBob, Squidward, and the jellyfish. He looked through the peephole and prepared to take a snapshot, completely oblivious to the danger he was looking at.

"Can you get a little closer, SpongeBob?" Patrick instructed as he tried to hold the camera straight.

The jellyfish held up its stinger while SpongeBob took out his golden spatula to defend himself. As he held up his spatula, it oddly started to vibrate in his hand, causing his arm to shake.

"Hoagie…" SpongeBob asked nervously. "What's going on? We have to help our friends."

Then it started to glow green, causing SpongeBob's arm to jerk to the right, away from the jellyfish. Patrick still held his camera and said, "Okay, smile…"

However, with SpongeBob momentarily distracted by the spatula's odd behavior, the jellyfish immediately stung SpongeBob in the chest, causing him to scream in pain. A flash of light was seen too from Patrick's camera after he took a photograph. "I got it!" he proudly shouted.

SpongeBob held the wound on his chest as he and Squidward both shivered in terror as the jellyfish drew close to them, attempting to sting them both this time.

But then a red claw pulled out a piece of wood from the campfire and Mr. Krabs held it up as he shouted, "Argh! Get back, you monster! Back I say!"

He ran after the jellyfish while swinging the torch at it, chasing it away from SpongeBob and Squidward, and using the flames to force it to fly back into the woods, leaving them alone at last.

Mr. Krabs chuckled as he tossed the torch away. "Well, that was easy. You boys are lucky to have me around. Thanks to me…Cashie is safe from harm."

"SpongeBob!" Patrick's voice cried out.

Mr. Krabs's smile dropped as he turned around and saw SpongeBob had fallen to the ground with Patrick and Squidward surrounding him in concern. "Uh oh." He muttered as he walked over to them.

SpongeBob was lying on the ground, gasping for breath with a pained look on his face as he held his chest. "What's going on?" Mr. Krabs asked SpongeBob. "What's happening to you, lad?"

"Mr. Krabs…can't feel…arms…legs…eyeballs…" SpongeBob stammered, panting rapidly as his body started to sweat and cringe.

"He got stung by that jellyfish." Squidward explained to his boss.

"But that jellyfish was poisonous!" Mr. Krabs remembered in panic. "That means he's only got about twenty minutes left to live."

"Quick!" Squidward shouted in franticly. "We gotta take him to a hospital!"

"We'd never get back through these woods before we're outta time." Mr. Krabs pointed out.

SpongeBob started screech in agony and sob as the poison of Black Toxicity Jellyfish continued to take its effect. Patrick pats his suffering friend's head. "Hang in there, buddy. We'll think of something before your twenty minutes are up."

Suddenly, there was a bright light from in the forest that blew the campfire out. "Mornin' already?" Mr. Krabs thought.

But from in the white light, a figure was seen coming into view. When the three's eyes adjusted to the light, they saw it was a mermaid with long blonde hair, green eyes, a blue tail and blue bra, riding a chariot being pulled by a seahorse.

Once he saw this, Patrick stood up and walked over to her with a blank look on his face. Squidward stared in confusion as he sat next to SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs. "What's…going on here?" the octopus asked.

As Patrick stood in front of the mermaid, she crossed her arms and spoke in a language neither Squidward nor Mr. Krabs could understand. "Ha shor zu? Kweh shor zu naga ret?" (Who are you? What are you doing here?)

"Isn't that Mernish?" Squidward recognized. "Some ancient forgotten language made up by mermaids a long time ago?"

"Well, I have no clue what she's telling us." Mr. Krabs pointed out.

Then to their surprise, Patrick responded in the same language, "Na mam Patrick Star. Ke and Ka capanas hall Bikini Bottom." (I am Patrick Star. Me and my friends come from Bikini Bottom.)

"Patrick?" the mermaid repeated until she smiled. "Na phean nata sefrew zu. Na mam Clarice." (I almost did not recognize you. I am Clarice.)

Squidward and Mr. Krabs stared at this agape. "I ain't the only one seein' this, right?" Mr. Krabs asked with his jaw hanging out.

"Kweh brog zu evry zeh otta ret hall Bikini Bottom?" (What brings you all the way out here from Bikini Bottom?) Clarice asked.

"Us arred ret aggo a hazarad addove go zeh, duuuun…brrold seean togen pyrtin. But…" (We come here on a perilous journey to the, uhhh…cold ocean with volcano. However…) Patrick pointed to the moaning and groaning SpongeBob on the ground. "Ka capanas, SpongeBob, enufgas zeh boanad frot zeh Black Toxicity." (My friend, SpongeBob, suffers the sting of the Black Toxicity.)

Clarice went over to a teary-eyed SpongeBob, and saw that the poison had puffed up some of his body. Mostly his cheeks were swollen, making it impossible for him to speak clearly (or possibly breathe correctly), so all he could do was moan at the sight of the mermaid above him.

"Zeh tonoxit frot zeh jellyfish hazarad him benif." (The poison of the jellyfish endangers his life.) Clarice explained as she stroked the sponge's forehead. "Him shudtov teb brotof go inative hetilave conatinin." (He must be taken to immediate medical attention.)

"Kweh cana frot conatinin do SpongeBob desirt hall hetilave?" (What kind of attention does SpongeBob want from Medical?) Patrick asked with a confused look.

Clarice picked up SpongeBob and carried him over to her chariot. "Na shal brit him go ka dwellsa top remeldic. Sha na rapshid, na mat arrto prevana ito goo tarate." (I will take him to my home for treatment. If I hurry, I can make it before it's too late.)

When Clarice went into her chariot and placed SpongeBob inside, she grabbed the reigns and was about to take off.

"Hey! Wait a minute!" Mr. Krabs shouted as he ran over to her. "How are the rest of us supposed to get to wherever it is you're going?"

Clarice just turned her head toward them with a smile and answered, "I'll send my people to come and get you as soon as I can."

Mr. Krabs and Squidward both widen their eyes in shock while Clarice gave the reigns a flick and rode off into the forest.

Patrick smiled and waved as he said in Mernish, "Seyacana!" (Bye bye!) with a chuckle while Squidward and Mr. Krabs stood behind him, staring dumbfounded.

In the woods, Clarice rode the chariot at fast speed with SpongeBob sitting next to her as he suffered from the poison. His swollen eyelids were hanging halfway with his entire body puffing up also as he gave a quiet moan, unable to cry anymore.

As Clarice drove her chariot through the forest, she turned her head and noticed the black-cloaked figure was now following her on his seahorse. She gasped and gave her reigns another flick for her seahorse to go faster.

But the figure continued to pursue them, riding just as fast as she was to catch up. The cloaked figure managed to ride right next to her and extend his hand toward SpongeBob, but the sponge just sat there in the chariot while his body was still swelling up, making it harder to keep his eyes open.

This made Clarice growl angrily and she pulled her reigns hard to the right, making her chariot push him away from them, causing the cloaked figure to fall behind on his seahorse.

Clarice continued to drive through the forest until she approached a river. She flicked the reigns harder and shouted as her seahorse crossed the river and pulled the chariot to the other side. SpongeBob gave a tiny quiet moan as his body began to turn bright pink from the swelling.

She stopped the chariot and looked behind her to see the cloaked figure approach the river and spot them on the other side. Clarice got off of her chariot and approached the river.

"If you want the boy, you will have to come and get him!" she shouted challengingly.

The cloaked figure pulled his reigns, causing the seahorse to whinny loudly and attempt to cross the river. But as soon as he made it halfway through, Clarice began to sing a really high note and make the water in the river shake violently. The figure stopped his seahorse, and turned toward the beginning of the river to see a huge wave of water coming toward him. His eyes widen under his hood and the water splashed over him, presumably washing him away.

Clarice stopped singing and grinned in satisfaction. But then she turned around and gasped to see SpongeBob fall out of the chariot and land on the ground with his entire body now pink and swollen with his eyelids about to shut.

She rushed over and placed her hands on him. "No, SpongeBob! Don't go!" she pleaded loudly. "Please hang in there!"

But suddenly, a green fin with a black sleeve emerged from the river, and Clarice gasped in shock to see the cloaked figure climb out of the river. He stumbled onto land with his cloak soaking wet.

"No…" he hissed loudly until he placed his hands on his hood and removed it to reveal he was a green middle-aged fish. "My favorite coat is ruined!" he yelled in an annoyed voice.

"What is this?" Clarice asked as she stared in confusion.

"I'm Ranger Dave Gilligan." The fish said, showing her a gold forest ranger badge from out of his cloak. "I spent all day yesterday trying to catch that guy and his little traveling party."

Clarice crossed her arms in disbelief. "Explain yourself." She demanded.

"All I had been trying to do was warn them about these woods where the Black Toxicity Jellyfish reside." Ranger Dave explained. "It's Mating Season which makes them very aggressive and all the more dangerous to approach. But did they listen? No! All they did was act like maniacs and run away. I mean what did they think I was gonna do? And one of them smells terribly which didn't help my cold." He sniffled and then coughed before he spoke in a raspy voice again, "And that water didn't help my laryngitis get better."

"Okay, okay." Clarice interrupted him. "Right now I just need a way to help SpongeBob. I still have to get him to my home for medical attention."

Ranger Dave coughed again before he reached into his pocket and pulled out a plastic bottle. "Here," he said, "Rub some of this ointment on the kid's body. It'll bring down some of the swelling and keep him alive for a bit longer until he gets the proper treatment."

Clarice took the bottle of ointment, and Ranger Dave began to walk away as he added, "If I were you, I'd put it on ASAP. By the looks of it, he only has less than two minutes left to live." He reached into the river and pulled out his seahorse, which looked just fine, and he got on and rode off.

Clarice turned her attention back to SpongeBob, who looked just like his life was about to end as his swollen eyelids were about to shut.

"Hold on, SpongeBob." Clarice said as she squeezed some ointment onto her hand and rubbed it over SpongeBob's swollen body. "It'll all be okay."

As she rubbed some more ointment over him, SpongeBob stared off into the bright early morning sky above the woodland trees until his vision grew dark and his pink puffy eyelids close softly.

**NegiSpongie** · December 5, 2011

[align=center]Keeper of the Spatula: Volume 1

Chapter 7: Gifts and Wisdom[/align]A bright light suddenly appeared into view. Once it became clear, the light was actually daylight coming in from the window behind the curtains. A pair of blue eyes which belonged to SpongeBob blinked a few times before adjusting to the light. He held his head and looked around to see he was in a small beautiful well-kept room he had never seen before.

SpongeBob then sat up and noticed he was lying in a comfortable bed with soft white sheets, and then noticed he was wearing only his underwear and his body was no longer swollen or pink, but he had a small bandage on his chest from where he got stung.

"Top 'o the mornin', SpongeBob." Mr. Krabs greeted as he walked to SpongeBob's bedside. "Glad to see you're finally awake."

"Hi, Mr. Krabs." SpongeBob greeted with a weak smile as he held his head. "Where are we?"

"So you don't remember, eh?" Mr. Krabs noticed with a smile. "Well, I'm not surprised after nearly being poisoned to death by a toxic jellyfish. You had us all worried about you, lad. But don't worry. You're in Mertopia and you're safe now."

"Mertopia?" SpongeBob questioned until he smiled. "Oh, that's right. I think it's all starting to come back to me now." But then he got a confused look again. "Who was it that brought me here again?"

"Her name's Clarice." Mr. Krabs answered. "She's the head mermaid of this place. Lucky for us, she ain't charging us a room bill and hospital fee."

As he listened, SpongeBob's eyes widen in shock and he asked, "The spatula! What happened to it after I passed out?"

"Take it easy, lad." Mr. Krabs calmly said as he laid SpongeBob back into bed. "It's right there on the nightstand. Once you get your strength back, we'll continue on the journey. But for now, just try and relax. Nurses said that it'll take a while for you to get back to your old self after surviving that poison. But just take a little nap while you're here, okay?" He began to leave the room, but before exiting, he looked back at SpongeBob, "Once you wake up, get dressed and we'll meet you outside."

"Okay," SpongeBob replied with a smile as he lay back down. "Thanks, Mr. Krabs."

It wasn't long till SpongeBob fell right back to sleep and continued to rest after waking up from a horrifying experience he thought he wouldn't live to tell about. Two hours later, he woke up and got dressed in his square pants, shoes, uniform hat, and pocketed the golden spatula.

He then went outside and gasped in amazement at the structure of Mertopia city he could see from the second floor outside hallway he was standing on. The sun shining down on the city made it look like gold, and the lake below sparkled among the grass and flowers.

As SpongeBob admired the scenery with his sparkling eyes, he turned and saw Patrick and Squidward standing up ahead and the two noticed him.

SpongeBob grew a big smile on his face by just seeing his two best friends, and Patrick grew the same expression.

"PATRICK…" SpongeBob shouted in happiness as he started running toward them with his arms held out in what would most likely be slow-motion.

"SPONGEBOB…" Patrick shouted in the same manner as he started 'slowly' running toward his best friend.

Soon the two reached each other and embraced warmly as they laughed blissfully with Patrick twirling SpongeBob around in his arms. Squidward just rolled his eyes at this…but of course, the sponge would never forget about him.

He broke away from Patrick and held out his arms as he slow-mowed his way to the octopus in sheer happiness, "SQUIDWARD…"

"NOOOO…" Squidward shouted as he tried to back away, but the sponge quickly wrapped his arms around him and hugged him tightly while Squidward just stood there with no other option.

When SpongeBob finally eased off, he stood there contently next to his two friends. "Oh guys…you don't know how happy I am to see you're okay." He said with a warm smile.

"We could say the same thing." Patrick said as he put an arm around him. "We thought you were a goner."

"And I suppose if it hadn't been for you, I probably would've been the one suffering from poisoned bloating." Squidward admitted to SpongeBob. "So I can't believe I'm saying this, but SpongeBob…I owe you big time."

SpongeBob laughed and gave Squidward a light friendly punch. "Don't worry about it, Squidward. I'm sure you'd do the same for me."

A couple minutes later, SpongeBob, Patrick, and Squidward were walking around the courtyard, doing a little sight-seeing.

"I don't think I've ever heard of Mertopia before." SpongeBob mentioned to his friends.

"I wouldn't expect that." Squidward replied cynically. "This is a sacred place where only mermaids live, and where Mernish is the prime language."

"Ooh, fancy."

"Here's the picture I took of you with the Black Toxicity Jellyfish." Patrick explained as he showed SpongeBob the photo he had taken the other day. "See?"

SpongeBob stared at the photo of him screaming in pain as the large black jellyfish stung him in the chest with its poisonous stingers. "Wow…" SpongeBob said in amazement. "I LOOK GREAT! Wait'll the guys at Jelly-Con see this!"

"Well, there you boys are." The mermaid, Clarice, said as she approached the three. "I am relieved to see you are feeling better, SpongeBob."

"I should be the one thanking you, Clarice." SpongeBob said with a warm smile. "If it hadn't been for you, I wouldn't be here right now."

"Think nothing of it, SpongeBob." Clarice said with a warm smile as she held his face and kissed him on the head while the sponge giggled sweetly with a blush. "I am glad to help any friend of Patrick's."

But then Squidward asked, "By the way, how do you even know this pink idiot anyway?"

"Why, we're pen-pals." Clarice answered excitedly.

"What?" SpongeBob and Squidward asked in surprise- with Squidward being the most shocked of the two.

"That's right, fellas." Patrick said as he suddenly pulled a black pen out of his pocket. "I get one of these from her about once every month."

Clarice was holding a black pen also as she smiled gleefully. "And he sends the most wonderful pens with red ink. And he has even sent ones that write in different colored gel. I can show them to you later."

Patrick laughed his usual dim-witted laugh, and then turned to Squidward and SpongeBob, who were both equally baffled by the unusual explanation of his and Clarice's long-distance friendship.

"Yeah. You should get pen-pals yourselves." He suggested. "They're a lot of fun."

Then Clarice spoke to Patrick in Mernish again, "Conata go zeh nartonen ten a morica."

Neither SpongeBob nor Squidward could understand and the two glance at each other in confusion. But Patrick simply replied back in the same language, "Oki, na shal vew zu dar."

After this, Clarice left and Patrick turned to the two and said, "Clarice said that she wants to meet us in the garden in an hour. We have to let Mr. Krabs know too."

"Wow, Patrick," SpongeBob said in an amazed tone. "You never told me you can speak Mernish."

"Nah," Patrick said as he shook his head. "I only speak English…and French."

To this, Squidward and SpongeBob get even more confused looks than before.

An hour later after meeting up with Mr. Krabs and informing him of the meeting with the mermaids, they went to the beautiful garden filled with many different colored undersea flowers and a lovely fountain. Clarice and her fellow mermaid residents joined them, but also with them was an elderly mermaid with white hair tied in a bun, closed eyes, a cross expression, and wearing a white tunic.

"This is my grandmother." Clarice introduced as she pointed to the elderly mermaid. "And our city's elder."

"Well, nice to meet you, Granny Elder." SpongeBob said with a cheerful tone and wave.

"She does speak good 'ol fashion English, right?" Mr. Krabs asked nervously. "You know, so we can all understand perfectly clear?"

"You there!" the elder shouted in a haggish tone as she pointed at SpongeBob. "Little yellow creature!"

SpongeBob yelped in fright and pointed to himself. "Who? Me?"

"You have an evil object in your possession."

SpongeBob tried to smile as he replied, "If you're talking about the golden spatula with Hoagie's spirit inside, I wouldn't say he's-"

But he was interrupted when the elder shouted, "Release the object!" she pointed to a garden table standing on a grassy spot a couple feet to their right. "Over there."

Without hesitation, SpongeBob reluctantly walked over to the table and pulled the spatula out of his pocket, placing it on the table. He then walked back to the group with a sad look on his face.

But Mr. Krabs complained, "Now wait second here. We need that spatula with us."

"Specnosa!" The elder shouted in Mernish as she held her hand up.

"She wants you to be silent." Patrick translated.

"Don't need to be fluent in the language to understand that." Mr. Krabs said bitterly.

"My granddaughter tells me that you four are journeying to the frozen tundra of the Arctic to dispose of that cursed object in the volcano."

SpongeBob was the first to speak up, "Yes, Ma'am. We have come all the way from Bikini Bottom to free fellow fry cook, Hoagie Grindulas, from his imprisonment in the spatula. We have come so far and wish to continue this journey until the very end."

The elder approached SpongeBob and stared down at him with her cross expression. "You are certain of this?"

"Oh yes," SpongeBob answered with a cheerful nod and smile. "As much as it hurts me to do it, I have to. Hoagie is not really as evil as everyone seems to think. He's still a wonderful fry cook, who's just suffering from his mistake, and I can't let that go on." Then he locked his hands together and pleaded, "So please let us go on. I promised Hoagie we would do this, and I always try to keep my promises."

Mr. Krabs, Squidward, and Patrick anxiously watched after SpongeBob made his little speech. The elder just stared down at him before replying, "Clearly you are blinded by your naivety."

SpongeBob just nodded blissfully and answered, "Oh, well, thank you! It has to be one of my strong points."

"I know that tool is cursed because it just reeks of paranormal activity and evil." The elder explained as she looked at the shining spatula sitting on the table. "But…if you insist, then please allow us to help you prepare for your journey."

At this, SpongeBob, Patrick, Mr. Krabs, and Squidward all smiled and laughed in joy.

Later on, the mermaids all gave the group their travel bags and many new supplies for their journey. They were all now wearing small green cloaks that were supposed to keep them warm. SpongeBob twirled around in his to show it off.

"Wow, not only do they look good, but they're comfortable too." SpongeBob said, snuggling up in his cloak.

"Well, I guess they will have to do." Squidward said, after putting on his small cloak.

Mr. Krabs was shining his cash register with a piece of white cloth. "This polishin' oil really does work wonders for you, Cashie."

"Thanks for all the food, Clarice." Patrick said with his small fridge on his back.

"My pleasure." Clarice replied with a giggle.

The elder then picked up the spatula from the table and gave it back to SpongeBob. "Remember, child, don't let the evil in this tool consume you." She told him. "Always remember where your true loyalties lie and don't let the evil fill your heart with false vanity and voracity."

SpongeBob then remember Mr. Krabs telling him of the spatulas power to curse those who hold it for too long with greed and obsession over what they hold dear. But SpongeBob simply replied, "Those are big V words. But don't you worry, Ma'am. Hoagie and I share the same love of krabby patties. He would never take that from me and twist it in ways unimaginable. But thanks for your concern."

The elder then spat in frustration and turned away. "That's all I have to give you. From here, go to the high mountains and cross the Middle Caves to the other side of the land."

"In that case, thanks for everything, ladies." Mr. Krabs said with a wave and smile. "We'll head there right now."

When the four were about to leave, Clarice shouted, "Not so fast!" they stopped and turned back to the mermaid. "I must warn you first of the danger you head for in those mountain caves. Inside lives a horrible beast known as Kobra."

"Kobra?" SpongeBob and Patrick both questioned in shock.

"Kobra?" Mr. Krabs questioned also, but didn't seem as shocked as his employees. "You're really warning us about him?"

"A long agile body, sharp pointed fangs, and a long slippery tongue." Clarice described. "When you go into the cave, please be sure to avoid contact with him at all cost."

"Yeesh," SpongeBob said, looking nervous by this. "Sounds dangerous."

"We'll keep that in mind." Mr. Krabs replied, not looking in the least a bit startled. "Let's get going, boys." Then he began to walk away with the others following him. The crab then muttered to himself, "Obviously, they've never actually been through the caves."

"Bye!" SpongeBob waved to the mermaids with a smile.

The mermaids all giggled as they waved goodbye to their guests as they leave to continue their journey.

Patrick turned back to Clarice and waved as he said in Mernish, "Na shal denifto go giddie zu zeh opotiman pen imeditoo na arrito dwellsa hall ka addove- alto noco na maatus zeh spaltinoo." (I'll be sure to send you the finest pen once I get home from my adventure- and after I use the bathroom.)

"Na antinito go gevining many hal zu." (I look forward to receiving more from you.) Clarice said also with a grateful smile and wave.

As they left, SpongeBob watched everything and commented to Squidward, "Patrick really knows how to speak French, doesn't he?"

Squidward frowned dully as he added, "Naivety really is one of your strong points."

**NegiSpongie** · December 10, 2011

[align=center]Keeper of the Spatula: Volume 1

Chapter 8: Why'd It Have to Be Snakeheads?[/align]After leaving Mertopia, SpongeBob, Patrick, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs journeyed their way to the mountains to cross Middle Caves. It was early afternoon, but the sky had darkened for some reason as they traveled up the path that led into the mountain caves.

SpongeBob kept asking what the horrible beast called "Kobra" could be like; whether he'd only eat one of them or choose to eat all of them at once. Patrick didn't like to talk about it, especially when Squidward brought up the idea of it just eating SpongeBob and Patrick due to all the "barnacles in their brains". Seeing this, SpongeBob decided to quickly change the subject for Patrick's sake.

"Do you know what one of the mermaids told me?" SpongeBob asked in a cheerful tone. "That when we're crossing the caves, all we have to do is think about what makes us happy, and then we won't be afraid."

"Well, thanks for that helpful advice." Squidward sarcastically said with a frown.

"No problem, Squidward." SpongeBob said as he skipped at a slow pace. "I'm sure it'll help."

As the group pressed on, they followed a dry stony path that led up the mountain. They stop at the entrance of the cave and glance inside to see it was dark and almost impossible to see.

"Mr. Squidward, you have a flashlight somewhere on you?" Mr. Krabs asked as he held out his claw.

Squidward opened his travel pack and dug around inside until he pulled out a small flashlight. He handed it to his boss, and Mr. Krabs turned it on before walking inside. "Well, we ain't just gonna stand around out here." He said, confidently walking in.

The three follow him into the dark cave as he lit the way with the flashlight. SpongeBob inched closer to Mr. Krabs and asked nervously, "Mr. Krabs…did you really not see anything named Kobra the last time you were here?"

"Of course not, lad." Mr. Krabs answered with a smile. "Those mermaids don't know what they're talking about. Truthfully, I did see something in here years ago. But it was a little creature the size of a piece of coral. You ain't afraid of something that small, are ya, boy-o?"

SpongeBob thought about this and answered, "Well…I guess not."

"Good boy, now stop this scardy-snail nonsense and let's keep going."

"Aye aye, sir!" SpongeBob said with a salute, and then went behind to walk next to Patrick. "Did you hear that, Patrick? Kobra's just a tiny little thing who can't possibly eat us."

"But I'm still scared." Patrick said as he shivered in fright. "What about the other horrible creatures in here?"

"Hmm, you do have a point." SpongeBob said as he thought to himself, but quickly got an idea. "Okay, just think of all the things that make you happy, and then you won't be afraid."

Patrick nodded. "Okay."

He held his hand on his chin and attempted to do the impossible: think. After a while, he clenched his teeth and held his eyes shut as he tried to think of one thing that could keep him from wetting himself as he walked through the cave. With all the thinking he was doing, he would probably blow a gasket soon.

Finally, he shouted, "SpongeBob, all this thinking is too hard! Can you think of all the things that make me happy?"

"I'll be glad to." SpongeBob gladly accepted as started to ponder about his best friend, "How about krabby patties? I always see you happy when eating those."

"Oh yeah, that's true." Patrick nodded, seeing SpongeBob was right. "Anything else?"

"Hmm…how about jellyfishing? That makes anyone happy."

"All right!"

"Oh! And Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy. You're always happy when we watch them."

While SpongeBob and Patrick were cheering themselves up, Squidward watched them from behind as he followed and began to think to himself, 'Life without SpongeBob and Patrick. That would make me happy.' He then smiled as he became lost in the thought.

"Ahoy!" Mr. Krabs hollered throughout the cave, catching their attention. "We've reached the center."

They see Mr. Krabs was right when they saw large wide space held up by columns that looked almost like a tomb. With their eyes already adjusted to the darkness, it was pretty clear to see without a flashlight.

"This place looks very ancient." SpongeBob pointed out as he went inside.

"It sure does." Mr. Krabs agreed as he looked around. "I once thought that if this place were any closer to the Krusty Krab, I can make a quick buck sharing my discovery with my customers." Then he took out his cash register and cuddled it close. "After all, Cashie needs to eat too. And money is just the diet she needs."

Squidward wandered around the cave and ran his tentacle across a pillar. He looked at his tentacle to see the dirt and dust that had collected on it. "I don't see why anyone would wanna come here on their free time."

SpongeBob was leaned down against a rock that seemed to have an inscription etched into it. Patrick noticed him and walked over. "Whatcha looking at, SpongeBob?"

"There's something written here." SpongeBob answered as Squidward and Mr. Krabs walked over. "It says, 'Dear Traveler: Like you, I once journeyed through this cave on a quest of my own. For your own safety, I suggest you turn back and never return for the beast that dwells in this cave will certainly devour you like it did to me. Signed: TJ R. Rolkien.'"

"What does that mean?" Patrick asked, looking confused.

SpongeBob answered uneasily, "It means that there's a possibility that this cave really is dangerous." Then he got a look of horror. "What if it was Kobra?"

"Just one little problem." Squidward pointed out. "If that guy really died when he came into this cave, how was he able to write all that?"

"Yeah, that's right, Squidward." Mr. Krabs said with a nod. "There is no danger in this here cave, and there's certainly no-"

But then they suddenly heard a growl echo through the walls of the caves. SpongeBob and Patrick yelp in fright and huddle close to Squidward, but he was too surprised by the noise to even care.

"Let's just think of everything that makes us happy." SpongeBob mentioned as he shivered in fright and tried to keep a smile on his face.

"You boys are being a bunch of pansies." Mr. Krabs teased, not even looking scared. "I told you. Kobra is only ten inches high. He couldn't hurt a-"

But then, the growling grew louder and the wall of the cave comes crumbling down with a giant snakehead fish slithering on the ground, hissing at them with its long tongue.

The four scream in horror at the sight of it, and afterwards, Mr. Krabs chuckles nervously. "Well…I guess Kobra's grown a bit since the last time I was here."

The giant snakehead, Kobra, then give a loud hiss at the group, causing them to scream again and split apart as they run in different directions while Kobra slithers around the room to catch them.

While Mr. Krabs was running, he trips on a small rock and loses his grip on his cash register and it bounces around the cave with a loud clank. "Cashie!" he cries out as he runs after it with his claws held out in front of him.

SpongeBob hid behind a boulder with his knees to his chest as he closes his eyes and attempts to follow the mermaids' advice and make his situation more pleasant by thinking of all the things that make him happy.

"Blowing bubbles…jellyfish…krabby patties…Gary…kay-rah-tay…" SpongeBob recited with fear in his voice as he held his eyes tightly shut.

But then, his eyes widen as a pair of large fangs to bite the boulder into pieces and reveal SpongeBob's hiding place. "NOT DYING!" the sponge screamed loudly in front of the fish.

When Kobra was about to bite SpongeBob, a pebble hit the fish's head, momentarily getting its attention. The hurler was Patrick, who stood behind it.

"Hey Kobra." Patrick shouted with a taunt. "Don't even try to eat my best friend!"

But the snakehead hissed and slithered after Patrick while the starfish ran away. "Don't try to eat me either!" he shouted with a cry.

Squidward hid behind a pillar and panted heavily as he tried to avoid contact with the snakehead. But then he looked see Patrick standing right next to him, realizing he was the one Kobra was chasing. Because of this, Kobra knocked the pillar down with a swing of his tail and the two ran away screaming, trying to avoid the falling debris.

"Oh no," SpongeBob gasped as he watched everything. "I gotta do something before they're snakehead food."

He reached into his pocket and pulled out the golden spatula as he ran toward the snakehead.

"Hey Kobra!" SpongeBob shouted as he stood behind the snakehead, catching his attention. "Come slither over and get a bite out of this!"

Kobra did just this as he hissed and quickly grabbed a hold of the spatula with his fangs while SpongeBob still held onto the other end.

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!" SpongeBob yelled as Kobra swung him back and forth from his spatula.

Soon Kobra let go of it and flung SpongeBob into the stone wall with a splat. The sponge groaned from the impact and his eyes bobble in his head from all the swinging.

Mr. Krabs ran over to him after finally retrieving his cash register. "Lad, you okay?"

SpongeBob shook his head back to normal and stood up. "I'm alright, Mr. Krabs. What are we gonna do? We can't defeat Kobra."

"We don't have to, lad." Mr. Krabs said as he placed a claw on his shoulder. "I spotted the tunnel that leads to the exit. If it's anything like it was years ago, it'll get us to safety."

SpongeBob smiled weakly and replied, "You're the best, Mr. Krabs."

Mr. Krabs got an odd look by this simple reply. "Uh…okay."

Meanwhile, Kobra had Squidward and Patrick in his coils as it hissed at them with his large fangs sticking out at them. Patrick giggled and said, "He's giving us a hug, Squidward. I guess he won't eat us after all."

SpongeBob gasped in fright at his two best friends about to be eaten. But then he looked up and noticed some stalactites on the ceiling. He looked at the spatula in his hand and with a mighty heave, tossed it into the air. The spatula hit the ceiling right above Kobra with a clank and fell back in SpongeBob's hand.

All seemed still at first until the stalactites began to vibrate and crack from the ceiling until he fell off and hit Kobra on the head, making him dizzy and release his grip on Patrick and Squidward.

Once the octopus and starfish were safe on the ground, Mr. Krabs yelled to them, "Come on, boys! This way!"

The two quickly followed Mr. Krabs and SpongeBob down a tunnel that led out of the mountain cave. When they reach the end of the tunnel, the group stopped just in time before falling down a long round hole in the middle of the walkway that let out a red hue color illuminating the cave. The look down to see some smoke rising from below, indicating that there might be molten rock at the very bottom.

"Well, this is just great." Squidward said as he stared below.

"What do we do now?" SpongeBob asked.

But before they could ponder this, they heard a loud hiss from the tunnel behind them, and realize that Kobra is coming right their way in pursuit.

"We gotta jump across!" Mr. Krabs shouted to them. "It's the only way!"

After hearing another dangerous hissing from the tunnel, SpongeBob decided to be the first to make the dangerous jump, and closed his eyes as he leapt across the pit. He caught hold of the edge on the other side and climbed up safely.

Squidward was the second to the jump across safely, and Patrick hopped across next as he fell flat on his face on the ground with SpongeBob helping him up. Mr. Krabs looked behind him to see Kobra had finally caught up to him and spotted Mr. Krabs still on his side of the ledge. The crab looked down to see the ground cracking beneath him, leaving him only seconds to make it across or fall to the death below.

"Come on, Mr. Krabs!" SpongeBob called out to him.

"We're coming, lads!" Mr. Krabs shouted back as he tossed his cash register over the hole with it unfortunately smacking SpongeBob in the face. He then leapt across the pit with Squidward pulling him up the ledge to safety.

As Kobra walked over to the ledge, the ground beneath him crumbled to pieces, causing him to fall down the pit as the four watched Kobra disappear down below to the red inferno presumably down there.

Patrick took this moment to laugh his usual dense laugh. "We sure showed him."

"Yeah," SpongeBob replied with a chuckle. "We sure did."

Mr. Krabs sighed as he took his cash register from SpongeBob. "The important thing is we made it out alive and there were no casualties."

But then a long snake tongue shot out from the pit and wrapped itself around the cash register as Mr. Krabs's eyes widen to see it pulled out of his arms and dragged down the pit.

"CASHIE!" Mr. Krabs yelled out as he ran toward the pit and without a second thought, jumped down.

They all gasped in shock as they saw Mr. Krabs plummet down the hole after the falling cash register with a yell.

SpongeBob ran toward the edge, extending his arms as tears flew out of his eyes as he cried out, "MR. KRABS!" Squidward quickly ran over and grabbed his right arm to keep him from dropping in as he hung over the ledge.

"Let's get out of here!" Squidward yelled as his face strained from holding onto SpongeBob while the cave floor shook.

Down below as Mr. Krabs fell down the hole, he glared in determination and held out his walking staff as he approached the falling Kobra.

"Hand over the register, Kobra!" Mr. Krabs demanded as he fell closer to him.

But the snakehead just hissed through his long fangs, and Mr. Krabs responded by whacking Kobra with his staff repeatedly on his head. Kobra tried to use his tail to knock away Mr. Krabs, but the crab used his staff to deflect the swing.

Mr. Krabs growled and shot himself forward and punched Kobra right in the face, somehow knocking one of his fangs out. While Kobra was dizzy, Mr. Krabs grabbed him by his neck with both of his claws and made the snakehead regurgitate the cash register which he then caught in his arms, letting Kobra fall further below.

"I did it!" Mr. Krabs shouted happily as he held his cash register and continued falling down the long hole. "I got ya back, Cashie!"

He then laughed manically for some reason while Kobra hit the bottom and released a bunch of hot steam and bubbles which Mr. Krabs landed into, not even acknowledging it as he laughed and laughed with his cash register in his arms.

Meanwhile, outside the mountain, SpongeBob, Squidward, and Patrick tumbled down out of the cave as they witnessed the whole mountain caves crumble to pieces with no sign of Mr. Krabs ever coming out.

SpongeBob then stood up on his feet with an upset and teary-eyed look which he tried to hold back, but then cried out at the top of his lungs, "NOOOOO!"

**NegiSpongie** · December 17, 2011

[align=center]Keeper of the Spatula: Volume 1

Chapter 9: Stand By Me[/align]Later that afternoon, SpongeBob, Squidward, and Patrick were sitting in a forest after escaping the Middle Caves in the mountain that was home to the dangerous snakehead, Kobra. However, one of their group members did not make it out with them and went down with the cave and monster.

SpongeBob was sitting in the dirt with a depressed look on his face from losing his boss. "Poor Mr. Krabs…" he said with a sob as tears ran down his cheeks. "I never wanted this to happen!"

Squidward was leaning against a tree, moping at the events as well. "Yeah…me neither. He dragged us out here and then left us. How did it ever come to this?"

Patrick walked over to the weeping SpongeBob and asked, "So SpongeBob, do you know when Mr. Krabs is coming back so we can know where to go next?"

"Oh, don't you understand, Patrick?" SpongeBob asked with a cry. "He's gone forever out of our lives! A brave man like him suffered the fate of being crushed underneath tons of rubble and a vicious Kobra!"

He began sobbing again as Patrick offered the end of his cloak to him which SpongeBob proceeded to blow his nose on.

"So Mr. Krabs isn't coming back?" Patrick asked clueless.

Squidward then sighed and began to walk away. "Well, it's been a real nice experience with all of you, so let's start our journey home."

"Squidward, wait." SpongeBob called, stopping Squidward from going further. "We can't quit now. We have to keep journeying until we reach the Arctic Ocean. We still have to toss Hoagie's spatula in the volcano."

"Are you crazy?" Squidward asked in an angered tone. "After everything that's just happened, you still wanna keep going to a frozen wasteland just to toss a piece of junk into a volcano?"

"Of course I do." SpongeBob said with a determined look as he took the gold spatula out of his pocket. "I promised Hoagie and I'm keeping it. And I sure am not gonna let Mr. Krabs down either. That's not what he would've wanted."

"Oh, gimme a break." Squidward said as he walked over to SpongeBob and pointed to him as he continued on, "If you wanna risk your life going to some frozen wasteland to throw a piece of junk into a volcano, then be my guest. I'm heading back for home, so give me the map."

"I can't do that, Squidward." SpongeBob replied sadly as he crossed his arms.

"And why not?" Squidward angrily asked. "Because Mr. Krabs would've wanted you to have it so you can continue the journey in his honor?"

"No," SpongeBob replied as he looked down sadly. "Because Mr. Krabs was the one who had the map."

Squidward suddenly got a dumbstruck look as SpongeBob turned around and began marching forward with the spatula in his hand. "Well, then." He spoke in determination as he pressed forward. "I'm going to finish this journey…even if I have to do it myself."

"SpongeBob, wait!" Patrick called as he rushed over to his best friend before the sponge could leave. "What about me? What do I do?"

"You should go home too, pal." SpongeBob reluctantly responded as he placed a hand on Patrick's shoulder. "I wouldn't wanna lose you forever too."

"But what about you?" Patrick asked, looking like he was about to cry.

He stopped for a moment and looked down at the spatula in hands. "I'm sorry, Pat." SpongeBob replied, looking sad as well. "But I have to keep going. I have to finish this journey to the Arctic Ocean. Not just for Hoagie…but for Mr. Krabs as well."

He then pocketed the spatula and ran through the woods as he waved back and shouted, "Goodbye, friends!" leaving Patrick and Squidward behind as they stared blankly at the sponge running off.

When SpongeBob reached the edge of the forest, he stopped when he spotted a large lake ahead of him. He pondered to himself about what he would do to get across. Then he moved his eyes to see a rowboat conveniently sitting on the shore.

SpongeBob then began pushing it into the water, using all the strength he had to move it from the shore. Once it was all the way into the water, he hopped into the boat and began using the oar inside to row across the lake.

When SpongeBob had rowed himself almost toward the middle of the lake, he heard a familiar voice shout, "SpongeBob!"

He turned his head back to the shore to see Patrick jumping up and down to get his attention while Squidward stood behind him, not doing anything.

"Patrick? Squidward?" SpongeBob questioned until he shouted back to them, "What are you guys doing?"

"We're coming with you!" Patrick continued to shout back to him. "We're gonna help you destroy the spatula!"

SpongeBob didn't look happy by this statement, and he got a sad look again as he replied, "But Patrick, I told you to go home with Squidward! It's too dangerous and I don't wanna lose you!"

"But SpongeBob, we're best friends!" Patrick shouted as he ran into the lake. "Wherever you go, I wanna go too!" once he got deeper into the water, he began to flail his arms. "Best friends are supposed to stick together no matter what!"

SpongeBob began to gasp in shock at seeing Patrick flailing in the water since he obviously couldn't swim. "Patrick!" he cried out in worry.

But Patrick continued waving his arms around as he struggled to stay afloat. "Help! Help! I'm drowning! I can't swim!"

"Patrick…" Squidward said as he simply walked through the lake with the water only coming up to his knees. He looked at the starfish with an annoyed frown and said, "Stop swimming."

When Squidward continued walking through the water, Patrick stopped flailing around and stood up, now realizing he was still in the shallow part of the lake. "Oh yeah." He said upon realizing this.

Squidward then climbed into SpongeBob's boat along with Patrick, nearly tipping the boat over with his weight.

"Oh, Patrick…" SpongeBob said as he sniffled, close to tears as he smiled. "Thank you for always being there for me- even with the danger coming closer."

He hugged Patrick as the starfish smiled. "Anytime, good buddy." He replied as he hugged him back. "'Danger' is my middle name."

"It is?" SpongeBob asked as he let go.

"Nah," Patrick answered, still smiling. "I think it's 'Richard'…or maybe 'Daryl'…'Mary'?"

SpongeBob then turned to Squidward with a happy smile. "And thank you, Squidward." He hugged him as well as he cried tears of joy. "I knew you would always be there for me."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Squidward irritably replied as he pried SpongeBob off. "The only reason I'm going is because I figured since you both dragged me all this way, I might as well finish what I started." Then he crossed his arms and frowned. "Though, I don't see how we're gonna do that without a map to show us which way to go."

"Don't worry, Squidward." SpongeBob assured with a smile. "We'll find a way."

Then as if things couldn't get any worse, while Patrick continued to run down a list of names, SpongeBob started to sing again as he swung the oar around.

SpongeBob: OHHHH! Me, Pat, and Squidward

We're going along

Down the long trail

Though we might be wrong

Me, Pat, and Squidward

We're all a great team

With Hoagie's spatula-

But Squidward covered his mouth to stop him from finishing. "Please don't even think of doing anymore singing." He warned the sponge.

As they continued to float down the lake with SpongeBob merrily rowing the boat as he hummed the song to himself, Patrick began to hold his stomach as a nauseated look appeared on his face. "Ughhh…I don't think I feel so good."

"I'm sorry, Patrick." SpongeBob said in concern. "I didn't even think you got seasick."

Squidward crossed his arms and told the starfish. "Well, don't even think of blowing chunks while you're in this boat."

"I don't think it's chunks, Squidward." Patrick replied as he swayed back and forth in the boat, looking even sicker. "I think it might be the kelp jerky I had for lunch."

When Patrick covered his mouth, signifying that he was about to vomit, Squidward quickly backed away to the other end of the boat with SpongeBob. Then the two franticly begged the sick starfish to hold his lunch in until they reached land. But when it looked like Patrick wouldn't comply, the sponge and cephalopod quickly grabbed the oars and rapidly paddled their way through the lake.

Once they reached their destination, SpongeBob and Squidward got off the boat and started panting in exhaustion as they heard a loud burp from behind them.

They turn to see Patrick get out of the boat, looking much better. "It was just gas…who knew?" he said with a smile and shrug.

Patrick began walking forward onto the trail while Squidward growled and steamed with anger until SpongeBob attempted to calm him down. "Relax, Squiddy." He said with a cheerful smile as he waved his hand. "The important thing is we're now all happy and healthy."

He took out the golden spatula and waved it around as he skipped forward. "Hoagie's ready, so let's go!"

With no other choice now, Squidward reluctantly followed along on their continuing journey to the Arctic Ocean.

**NegiSpongie** · December 17, 2011

And that's the end of Volume 1. I hope you enjoyed the first section of Keeper of the Spatula. I'll be posting the second volume soon. Tell me what you think of the story.

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Keeper of Spatula: Volume 1

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