Community Deathmatch

[Rebel the Wolfgirl]

Good God, will Team Rage ever learn?  

[Old Man Jenkins]

The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, there's always trouble in paradise!

 

The Grass is Much Greener

We open up to various screenshots of the SpongeBob Community before finally stopping in Downtown Bikini Bottom.

???: This is the SpongeBob Community! This be my home!

A user suddenly comes running out of the Whatcha Watching (Online) after what looks to be a very hearty Dashie video viewing sesh.

???: And everyday, I run in and out of these threads posting in order to really admire the beauty of this PARADISE. My name, is Katnisslovestacos! And I love tacos about this much!

Katniss: But do you know what I love more than tacos? I love this-

Katniss: It look like there be some trouble in paradise.

Katniss approaches the shout box and, what we can only assume to be, a shouting match occurs.

Katniss motions for somebody to come over.

Katniss: You know what they say, the grass is much greener on the other side!

 

[Katniss]

lmao I'm cracking up, this was great  

[Rebel the Wolfgirl]

lmao, this was awesome

[Joe Biden]

Bitch Got Told by Ginger

[Old Man Jenkins]

The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, they're just terrorists!

 

Revved Up Like a Douche, Another Drifter in the Night

http://youtu.be/hW93CV6m-JU

We open up to shot of a lone user drifting along a desolate road leading to a familiar place.

The user takes in the scenery of the site before him with utter disdain and disgust. He pulls out his guitar.

http://youtu.be/jFj-Ktmr-8Y

Drifter: Why do I always find myself coming back here? I find myself asking that everyday. Here there's always a need to fear, and you have to watch what you say.♪ Ooh, that was a good one.

With nothing but his guitar, the moving power of his words and disdain for SpongeBob forums as well as Americans low key, The Drifter drifts on into SBM hoping to expect that today things will be different. On his way through the forums, he saw catastrophe after catastrophe; Storm Allen Bryat blowing through and hammering the site with hurricane force spam threads, well, there's more than just one storm hammering the site with hurricane force spam threads, actually. And I don't just mean that as being more than just one Storm, the user. The Drifter stops to take shelter at The Salty Spittoon and waits in line to request entry.

Reg: Welcome to the Salty Spittoon, how tough are ya?

Tropical Nards: How tough am I? How tough AM I? I can cuss up a storm!

Reg: Yeah, so?

Tropical Nards: on SBM.

Reg: Right this way! Sorry to keep ya waitin!

http://youtu.be/Ci1wkgqt6g8

Nards proceeds to trot on in there and immediately slips on an ice cube upon entry. The Drifter is next in line, and nobody can tell him otherwise.

Reg: Man, can you believe the nards on that guy?!

Drifter: No, I can't.

The Drifter then drifts on in as if he now owned the place. The person in line after him is Blaze.

Reg: Man, can you believe the drifts on that guy?!

Blaze glares over at The Drifter with intent, then smirks.

Blaze: I've seen it to believe it, myself.

The Drifter steps foot into the Salty Spittoon, stepping all over Nard's unconscious body as he does so. The Drifter looks around him to see all forms of low lives imaginable, much to his displeasure. He saw that SpongeBob and Patrick have somehow made it inside despite this being a supposedly "mature" section and it made The Drifter sick to his stomach having to share the same air with such mouth breathers. So he busts out his guitar and lets his voice be heard.

http://youtu.be/jFj-Ktmr-8Y

The Drifter: ♪I perform for you here live at the Salty Spittoon. I must admit that my time spent here has not been most opportune. The site is being hit by all sorts of typhoons, all the while I've been singing here surrounded by all sorts of buffoons. I hope and and pray that I will soon be whisked away. Or better yet, I hope the storm will put you all down in well-deserved graves.♪ Thank you, you've been a horrible audience and I wish you die!

The reaction to his live, free performance is met mostly with disdain by the other spittoon patrons. The Drifter takes a sat to calm the nerves when one single applaud can be heard coming from behind him.

Blaze: Bravo! Encore!

The Drifter: Bl4zeTMG? Fuck me, SpongeBob & freakin Patrick somehow getting in here is one thing, but how in the holy hell did you?

Blaze: I baked a cake.

The Drifter: Yeah, so?

Blaze: That I used to scare all the niggers out from L.A. to Baltimore.

The Drifter: Then please, have a sat!

Blaze: Don't mind if I do.

He takes a sat right across from The Drifter.

Blaze: Your song, I must say that it spoke to me.

The Drifter: Well, I'm glad it did. I mean, it was directed at all of you after all.

Blaze: I mean on a much deeper level, Drifter. It told me that you and I, we may not be so different as you may think.

The Drifter: Is that so?

Blaze: It is SO so. You see, my name is "Douching" Bl4zeTMG. So I know douches when I damn well see em.

The Drifter: So what? I'm a douche? He's a douche? She's a douche? We're all douches now?! Is that what you're trying to imply with your twisted logic?

Blaze: Nope, just implying that you and I are.

The Drifter: You sir, are dumb. A special kind of dumb, so you do have my pity when I see that all these other dumbs even go so far as to reject you.

Blaze: What's the purpose of a douche, Drifter?

The Drifter: I don't know, you're the douche here. You tell me.

Blaze: The purpose of a douche is to wash and clean out the vagina. I, myself, am a self-professed douche with SBM being the vagina that I clean out to my heart's content. You and I, we both know full well just how dirty, smelly...bloody...this place can get at times. So you can imagine the trouble I go to in order to keep it clean. But SBM, their Mr Dr Professor advised them against douching. Told them that douching will lead to more health complications later on down the road. So SBM threw me away, like I was trash. As if I was some bad habit, all while the bad habits are taking place right from under them. You have no idea just how much that broke my heart, especially right after I wished ssj a happy birthday.

Drifter: Well there's a lot of dumb users here now. The special kind of dumb, like have sex with an American dumb.

Blaze: Or have sex with a nigger dumb.

Drifter: That too. Users like SpongeBob and Patrick, WumbologyDude, Supermandude, OBAB. The list can go on for days. 

Blaze: And that's exactly what I'm trying to get at. Things have only gotten worse since I got the boot. And that boot was very stinky too. Ssj's thought he broke me with his sick sense of SpongeBob humor, but I smelled worse. I douched this place after all.

Drifter: Then for your own health, I suggest you shouldn't try to return.

Blaze: Then where will I go, what will I douche?!

As if actually empathizing with Blaze, Drifter lets him in on a little something.

Drifter: Whereas you're a douche, I'm a drifter. ♪I just drifted back into town, heard this place was in pretty rough shape. I had to see it for myself, and I saw it went to shit from an ape.♪

Blaze: Tell me about it, fucking niggers. Don't know just how well they had it before.

Drifter: ♪Which is I'm on my way back out of town. There's jack shit here to even keep me around. So to the SpongeBob Community, is where I will go. Hopefully far away from these pretentious little hoes.♪

Blaze: Could it use a little douching?

Drifter: ♪I ain't no expert, but it is a SpongeBob site. So surely they need a douche to insert and clean out all that shite.♪

Blaze: Take me with you. I need something to douche.

Drifter: Like I said, I'm a drifter. I walk this lonely road alone.

The Drifter gets up to leave the spittoon, but Blaze speaks out and stops him in his tracks.

Blaze: What's your purpose, Drifter? To just wander around the world wide web, posting your opinions from your travels aimlessly on reddit forever alone. It's been me against the world for as long as I knew of the existence of SpongeBob forums. And believe me, the world always will find a way to beat you down, moreso if you live without purpose. So give yourself a purpose. There's strength in numbers, Drifter. I've felt it, you've felt that strength, yourself, I'm sure. Who knows, perhaps together we can go on to douche great things.

http://youtu.be/uHnQ0ilD6xk

The Drifter exits The Salty Spittoon by himself, heading back down the open road he entered from. He once again surveys the chaos taking place around him, slowly becoming so overwhelmed by the storm that he drops to his knees and drops his guitar to the ground. Somebody comes along and hands him back his guitar. The Drifter takes it back hesitantly and wills himself back up to his feet, coming face to face with Blaze.

The Drifter: Lets douche this thing.

They both turn back to SBM and flash a couple of peace signs.

Blaze & Drifter: DOUCHES!

They then proceed back down the road, heading to The SpongeBob Community, where dark clouds are also starting to gather around above it.

[Rebel the Wolfgirl]

noice

[Old Man Jenkins]

Gonna take this time to shill the fact that, for those of you who didn't know WELL YOUR ASS BETTER CALL SOMEBODYYYY, I have a new blog that I use to primarily post Deathmatch-related shit nowadays.

 

It's got exclusive matches on there as well as behind the scenes shit, and if you haven't, you should totes check em out and show a homie some love. A hug would suffice, mang, just read mah shit for only $9.99 I'm lying, you don't have to pay for it. Yet anywayYOUDIDNTHEARANYTHINGHERE. Here's what you really came for.

The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, it's just hateful fan fiction!

Omen in the Sky

We open up to Kevin Ng on location somewhere in the Ask Me section with a microphone in hand.

Kevin Ng: DEATHMATCH #1 ANNOUNCER, ALEXANDER WINTER HERE

Kevin Ng: Coming at you live from the Ask Me section on the SpongeBob Community, standing by with a user who not only has had quite the tumultuous love-hate relationship with, quite frankly, almost everyone here on SBC, but as well as having the unique distinction of being the only user to bring home some gold to the Community Deathmatch brand during this past year's Golden Community Awards! Ladies and gentlemen, my guest lurking around here for this evening, ACSBehemothHellcat!

Kevin Ng: ACS, let me just be the first to say that it is an absolute dishonor to have you around here again this evening. You've been causing quite the ruckus as of late, beating around bushes, stepping on toes, spitting in people's faces and I, for one, find you completely abhorrent to be around.

ACS: Well, let me be the first to tell you that I'm doing quite fine, thanks for not asking. And who put you up to saying all that just now? Huh? Were those actual sentences actually coming out of that piehole of yours or were they, much like yourself and countless others here like you, yet another product of the SBC machine trying oh so very hard to break me down?

Kevin Ng: Those were spouted out on my own accord, and reflect nobody else but me.

ACS: You see, that's the underlying problem with all you SBCers. You're all too damn stubborn and proud to take responsibility for any of your actions. Don't think that I'm not privy to the machinations of your hive mind because it sure as hell ain't no enigma to me. I see you, I see you all, for who you are really are; sheep all being pulled around by a string. Yeah, that's exactly how I see it. Completely unaware of whether or not your herder will bring you out to pasture or lead you all right into a goddamn slaughter. But by all means, keep this up, keep adding fuel to this otherwise unnecessary fire. And just see how well that ends up serving you in the end. Because I'm certainly not the bad guy in all of this, but you all sure as hell are pushing me to my wits end. I didn't want it to end up like this, I really didn't, but YOU did. You all just couldn't suck it up and just accept my offer for peace. You all just had to keep being skeptical and question me, as well as my authoritah around here. And it didn't even just stop at me, but it spread like wildfire to my brothers in arms and they absolutely do not deserve the hate and scorn that you all have chosen to deliver unto them! Let it be known here first that I am the new head of Task Force 51 now. Even though I wasn't re-elected, I have been re-elected anyway. It's harder for small minds like yours to follow, I know, but believe me when I say that it is for the best. And for my first order of business, in order to truly wipe the slate clean, the Task Force 51 brand name shall be dismantled completely

SBCers: YAY!

ACS: And then reorganized into The Buffet Club!

SBCers: BOO!

Kevin Ng: Having just blanked out for practically all of that, I must bring up the fact that you, by some miracle or another, actually won something here in the SpongeBob Community. And not just anything, but a Golden Community Award! Dear Neptune give me strength, against all odds, YOU walked out carrying the only gold to bring back home to Community Deathmatch this awards season. Certainly that must stroke your ego a bit?

ACS grips his award firmly in his hand, staring intently at it.

ACS: This. After all these years of trials and tribulations on my part, done unto me by the likes of all of you. To...better myself, to make improvements in both real life and online. This is all that I have to show for it? This is all that I get in return? This badly constructed, badly shopped piece of subhuman garbage? But then again, I can at least take solace and the utmost of pleasure of basking in the fact that, quite simply put, I am the best goddamn fucking thing going in this hateful trite! It should be quite telling, really, saying a hell of a lot about the distasteful dullard writing this when ACSBehemothHellcat is the only one bringing in the gold, bringing in the ratings to your...lit, is it? How awfully quaint, but all so fitting, that I am the one thing keeping this lit just that, LIT! Much like in actuality, it appears that your "SpongeBob Universe" revolves solely around me and me alone. But that glaring fact aside, the circumstances surrounding my awards victory, well I'd be lying if I were to say that I don't exactly take issue to it, that it doesn't create conflict for me...

Kevin Ng: Ummm, could you  like not fucking elaborate, plz?

ACS: I was brought up in a conservative school system.

Kevin Ng: FUCK.

ACS: I was raised mainly on morals and ethics. I have always considered myself firmly grounded within the realm of reality. As hard as it may be for all of you to comprehend, right I've always tended to liberate myself from fantasy and fallacy. But there was this one story, a fable actually, that I've heard of once. I've grown up on the Internet knowing that the world can be cruel, that others can be poisonous and seek to sink their fangs into you any chance they get in order to corrupt you, to make you as cold and devoid of feeling as they are. It is why this story resonated so well with me. It's also rather fitting considering that this is, in fact, a "spongebob fansite" as so many of you have cleverly pointed out to me before. There was an old man, a writer, not unlike the author of this hateful fan fiction that we are currently playing our parts in. He used to go out to the ocean for his writing, you see, it helped to inspire him. He went out early one morning following a big storm that had just passed through and he found that the entire beach was littered with starfish. There must've been hundreds upon thousands of them running up and down the vast coast line that stretched all the way out in both directions. Off in the distance, the old man spotted a young boy bending down towards the sand and throwing numerous objects into the ocean, pausing after each throw to pick up more, one after another. The old man slowly made his approach until he could finally come within earshot of the boy. The old man called out to him, asked just what it was that the boy was doing at such an early hour. The boy finally took notice of the old man and replied that he was throwing the starfish back into the ocean. The old man asked why, to which the boy replied that the tide had washed them all up onto the beach, that they can't return to the water by themselves and that when the sun gets high, they will most certainly die if he didn't get them back into the water. The old man was dumbfounded, perhaps a little skeptical even. He informed the boy that there must be tens of thousands of starfish on the beach. The old man thought aloud that the boy was wasting his time and energy, that there was no way that the boy could possibly make a difference. Then the boy took yet another starfish and threw it into the ocean and proudly told the old man that he "made a difference to that one". The boy admired life, even the lives of such insignificant things that most may consider lesser than them. He sought to make a difference for them, to help them.

ACS looks back down at his award and weeps, a tear drop bouncing off it.

ACS: I always thought that I was the boy in that story. It's : funny :, isn't it? How even the best of men can be deceived by their true nature.

Kevin Ng: What the fuck does that mean?

ACS: It means that I'm not the young boy... That I'm not the old man, or even the starfish...

ACS raises his head up from his award and stares a hole right into Kevin's pickle.

ACS: That I am the raging storm, a merciless force of nature destroying everything in its path down below with righteous fury! That I am the tide, predictable, yet dangerous, and unforgiving! Combustible forces that when brought together spells out a very bad omen for any foolish young boys or skeptical old men or helpless starfish STUPID ENOUGH TO STEP OUT OF LINE AND INTO THEIR WAKE! A threat to absolutely everyone and every little thing that is S. B. C.

 

Darris and World Travel suddenly burst onto the scene and proceed to threaten and beat up Kevin into ground before laying him out with an Buzz Killer.

The dark clouds gathering above SBC suddenly dissipate, revealing something that looks like it comes right out of ysflight or some shit like that floating ominously above the entire community.

ACS raises his award into the air like its suddenly an accomplishment for all to see.

ACS: You all doubted me. Well ready our not here it comes! Welcome him IN FEAR, you mortal asshats! Six years...Six years has finally amounted up to this moment. I bid you welcome, to the end of your world, your universe, as you know it.

 

Edited January 14, 2017 by jjsthekid

[Rebel the Wolfgirl]

Daaaaamn. This is gonna be good.

[Aya♥]

I for one welcome our new Buffet overlords

[Old Man Jenkins]

The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, its just a spam!

Weeeeellllll, It's The OBAB Show! Part Two

We open up to the aftermath of even more spam courtesy of The OBAB Show on SBM. There is simply far too much spam for all 7,706 members to take in from the constant sounds of it.

The SBM population actually takes it upon themselves for once to send in reports alongside their usual tactic of making their grievances be heard just loud enough for staff to stumble upon on an hourly basis. The wave of negativity was threatening to drown out new episodes of The OBAB Show. But OBAB wasn't about to let the constant chanting of "Please Retire!" and "GTFO!" get to him and magnum opus. Fellow content creators on the site such as Bricksponge and Spicy Burrito were also taking the time to voice their displeasure instead of reporting at The OBAB Show's constant shoving down their throats despite their shows being either nothing to write home about neither or has barely even got off the ground enough to warrant the ego. The obviously most qualified content creator of the bunch, Vladimir King, Declared The OBAB Show To Be Obsolete In Comparison To The Broken Brilliance Of The VK Show And Called For Its Deletion, to which Ssj actually began to consider along with flat out banning OBAB from SBM, which got every member wet in solidarity behind their leader for once.

The scene fades out in obsoletion and comes back to OBAB strolling around SpongeBuddy Mania on his last legs, sulking over the fact that everybody around him doesn't even know what a spam is. He soon comes across Amphitrite and CakeCup, who are cracking jokes at his expense.

(Shouts outs to the homie, WHDYTv1)

OBAB stomps on over to their convo in anger and interrupts, CakeCup leaving Amphitrite high and dry right when he arrives.

Amphitrite: Oh, OBAB, hey

OBAB: Are you laughing at me?

Amphitrite: Oh my god no, just no. She just made a joke in response to my serious question.

OBAB: Oh, so she just made a joke about me in response to your totally serious question, didn't she

Amphitrite: No-

OBAB: You know, I could really shove my show down your neck

OBAB quickly stops himself before he does something he'll come to regret later when he back pockets to SBC.

OBAB: ...I'm sorry...

He staggers off and leaves Amphitrite be.

Amphitrite: *Dashie gulp* Oh my god!

CakeCup (from a safe distance): Are you okay?

Amphitrite: Cup, you know what, I was thinking about taking a break from SBM anyway. I think I should just leave right now, right?

CakeCup: Suuuuure.

Later that evening, Amphitrite posts a new obligatory status update announcing her upcoming leave of absence right before making another obligatory status update that officially marks the start of her leave of absence. She races to her nearby getaway vehicle.

Amphitrite: Aaahh OBAB!

OBAB: How could you be so cold? You were so rude.

Amphitrite: What do you mean? I wasn't-

OBAB: You were laughing at ME, not at my show! Tell me you weren't laughing at ME!

Amphitrite: OBAB, I was not laughing at you!

OBAB: Look me in the eye you liar!

Amphitrite: OBAB, I was not laughing at you, please!

OBAB: You think this is funny, don't you? I'm a good noodle, a man of my word! I gave ssj my word that I would be a good noodle! You know what that means, Princess?!

Amphitrite: Please, I don't-

OBAB: That's right, you all don't know what it means! It means that I have to leave now!

Amphitrite: OBAB, please, it's going to okay! Look, I'm leaving too-

OBAB: But you get to come back, I get no backsies! You think it's that simple for you to just "wanna" leave, huh. Laugh at Ol Bold and Brash and then LEAVE. Well lemme help ya!

Amphitrite: OBAB! Come on! Please OBAB! STOOOOP!

OBAB: RED ISN'T HERE! How about that?! Is that what you want?!

Amphitrite: OBAB COME ON THAT'S MY OUTI A6! Come on, OBAB, please calm down. That's my getaway, please, OBAB.

OBAB begins to break down, like Amphitrite's car.

And in a semi-rare moment of concern for OBAB, Amphitrite tries to comfort him to calm him down.

Amphitrite: OBAB...OBAB are you-

OBAB: Don't act like this touches you! What do you think I need, your pity?!

Amphitrite: OBAB, no! Please! I was just trying to- trying to hel-

OBAB: I don't want you pitying me!

Amphitrite: Please, I'm not trying to pity you-

OBAB: Excuuuuse me, princess, but I don't need you pitying me!

Amphitrite: OBAB, JUST CALM DOWN! Calm down! Oh my god, my car! OBAB, please, it's not that bad, but please, just CALM DOWN!

OBAB: You want calm? Princess, do you know what I've done?! Do you understand?!

Amphitrite: I do! I do!

OBAB: I gave ssj my word that I'll be a good noodle and that I'll leave if I weren't! Now either I'm a good noodle and leave amicably, or I'm a man of my word and cry about it with my tail between my legs with the door hitting me on the ass on the way out! I am a good noodle!

OBAB takes a moment to think his situation through.

OBAB: I'm in this position now...because of ssj. I'm in this position now, because of people like you, princess. 

Amphitrite: Come on, OBAB, I'm your friend. It even says so on our profiles-

OBAB: People like you who report me.

Amphitrite: No, no, OBAB!

OBAB: You didn't report me?

Amphitrite: No, OBAB, I never even use the report button, ever!

OBAB: You think this is a spam?

OBAB: DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A SPAM TO YOU?!

Amphitrite: PLEASE OBAB COME ON!

OBAB: IS THIS A SPAM NOW?! HUH?!

Amphitrite: Please OBAB, you're spamming me! Please!

OBAB: I'm spamming you? You wanna see a spam? I'm gonna show you a spam

Amphitrite: Oh my god.

Amphitrite: OH MY GOD! OBAB!

OBAB: UUUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Amphitrite: OBAB THAT'S MY GETAWAY! STOOOOOO-AAAHH!!

OBAB fully tilts her getaway car over as Amphitrite stands back in shock and fear. 

Amphitrite: OBAB, oh my god!

Amphitrite: *Dashie gulp*

Amphitrite: AAAAAHHHHH!!

She cheeses it for her life and trips a few steps in before getting back up and cheeses it again only to trip another few steps away. OBAB follows not too far behind and gives chase at a casual pace.

[Rebel the Wolfgirl]

DUN DUN DUUUUN!

[Old Man Jenkins]

The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, it's all apart of the plan!

 

The I <3 SBC Love Festival: The Fan With a Plan

The scene opens up to SBC's old and long since dead YouTube channel, newly refurbished for a new year and a new beginning for a grand ole 2017 of the SpongeBob Community! Two members begin to make their way out to greet SBC's five or so YouTube followers.

https://youtu.be/jtYthvIJHxY

@thespongebobfan and Theispatrick come out together, Theispatrick's pockets being obviously lined with the doubloons that Thespongebobfan "graciously" gave him in exchange for his undying friendship. Thespongebobfan waves around a flag, the meaning of which is ambiguous, as he greets and shakes the hands of all five viewers in attendance with a smile that has no emotion behind it on his face.

Thespongebobfan: Please, contain your "oohs" and "aahs" because this is only just the beginning! Now I know just what's running through the feeble minds of the 20% of you who  actually know who I am, "just what in Neptune's name does this flag stand for?!" Well, the answer for that is quite simple, you see, it signifies a new beginning for me here on the SpongeBob Community. For those of you who are in the know, or are otherwise lifeless to have stalked this community around enough to have picked up on my story like the author here, SBC and I, we've had what you may call "a rocky relationship" in the past. But like I just said, that is all in the past, I was a different man then, shit, I wasn't even a man then. I was still an immature, naive youngling who had too much given to him too soon, so I developed quite the attitude. I lashed out, perhaps said some things that would've been better left unsaid, but "worst" of all, I took deliberate actions that some here frowned upon and I burned a bridge that I personally thought could never be rebuilt. I was only in business for myself and I'm lucky to even be considered a "Retired Employee", quite honestly. But alas, somebody "up there" smiled down at me, saw the man, the fan, that I've become and gave an executive order to have me brought back up from obscurity in order to atone for my past transgressions and redeem myself by redeeming the SpongeBob Community YouTube channel!

The dual returns of Thespongebobfan and SBC's YouTube channel gets a warm reception from the five or so fans.

Thespongebobfan: This flag right here is a symbol for my renewed passion, my renewed love for this fandom. A symbol for change on my part. I've even taken the liberty to change my username, which I know, has become even more of a cliche in recent years, but to me, the is the most important, game changing name change to have ever happened in the history of this community! And I really hope you'll all come to agree. Before, I was Spongebobs1fan. Like I previously said, I was only in business for myself at the time. I am now Thespongebobfan, because I don't think a measly number should rank us and tell us whether we're different from the rest. I am only one single, solitary fan in community that is so full of it. This is my last chance, my one chance, to finally get my act together and return The SpongeBob Community the favor that they did me. Which is why brought Theispatrick, who has also walked a path similar as mine's, into the fold in order to redeem him, to help rebuild his bridge and ultimately help return the favor that this community also did him. And it doesn't just stop with him.

 

The I <3 SBC Love Festival: Bang Bang There Goes Your Heart

Thespongebobfan heads to a podium set up on a stage.

Thespongebobfan: I am a fan with a plan, and this plan is for the benefit of others like me who want to return the favor. Which is why right now, at this time, I'd like to reintroduce to you a close, personal friend of mine. And this woman, this woman has helped me out, and if this woman can help me, I KNOW she can help every one of you out there! She brings with her a message of love, because you as SpongeBob forum members certainly need more of it in your lonely, loveless lives. Consider this a Valentines Day gift from me...to you. I give to you, Sister Bang Bang!

https://youtu.be/3qwnwNPa6UQ

Sister Bang Bang looks off to the side to make sure her parents aren't seeing her extracurricular online activities and tries to keep her voice down.

She approaches Thespongebobfan and brings em in for a big ole hug, with Thespongebobfan hugging ssj's sister with sheer non-emotion.

Sister Bang Bang: THANK YOU! THANK YOU! FWOM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEAWT, I WOULD WIKE TO PUBICWALLY THANK MY CWOSE, PEWSONAL FWIEND, BWOTHER WEAL! FOW GWANTING SISTEW BANG BANG THE OPPOWTUNITYYY TO BWING TO YOU A MASSAGE! THE MASSAGE THAT I BWING TO YOU TODAY, AS A MASSAGE OF WOVE! YAS, WOVE!

Sister Bang Bang: AND I KNOW THAT THAT IS A FOUW WATTER WORD THAT WAISES ALL SOWTS OF WAD FWAGS FOW ALL OF YOU, AND THAT VAWANTINES DAY HAS DEVEWOPED QUITE A STAGMA AWOUND HEWE! BUT PWETTY PWEASE, AWWOW SISTEW BANG BANG THE OPPOWTUNITYYY TO GAVE YOU ALL SOMETHANG BETTER! BECAUSE THERE AS ONWY ONE THANG THAT MATTEWS TO ME TODAY! AND THAS AS ONE THANG THAT I WANT FOW YOU TO WEMEMBER! THE ONE THANG THAT I WANT FOW YOU TO KNOW! AS THAT

Sister Bang Bang: IIIIII'D!

Sister Bang Bang: BAAAANG!

Sister Bang Bang: YOOOOUUUU!

Sister Bang Bang: DAD YA HEAW ME?! I'D BANG YOU!

Sister Bang Bang: I'D BANG YOU!

Sister Bang Bang: I'D BANG YA!

Sister Bang Bang: I'D BANG YA!

Sister Bang Bang: I'D BANG YA!

[Rebel the Wolfgirl]

...What the fuck...?

[Aya♥]

This is the pinnacle of writing

[Old Man Jenkins]

The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, it's all apart of the plan!

 

The I <3 SBC Love Festival: Rough Patches

We open back up to the newly revamped SBC YouTube channel, the site of the first annual  I <3 SBC Love Festival, being hosted by Thespongebobfan.

Thespongebobfan: It's funny, how the previous show runner before me decided to implement that pic as the face of this of their once much touted and heavily lauded hub for their entire "universe". It just about perfectly describes their qualifications and mindset heading into this such an ambitious and, dare I say, innovative project. "UUHHHDOOOIIIHEEE! I JUST MONOPOLIZED A GOOD 50% OF THE SPONGEBOB FANDOM AND 4 YEARS LATER, WE'VE GOT NOTHING TO SHOW FOR IT! DOOOIIII!" I guess it just goes to show that it only takes the fan with an actual well thought out and organized plan to get things done around here. I mean, not to discredit some of their plans. Just look at their latest best attempt at capitalizing on all this stagnant momentum they have going for themselves; Fab Beats February! All this love in the air, with all the material that the actual has given throughout its 18 years on the air, and a music festival is the best that they can come up with! As if Wumbo needs anymore reason to be a pompous Todd in the Shadows wannabe! And I guess the same can be said for a handful of Downtown Bikini Bottom goers, sure. But as if it isn't already Fab Beats Every Waking Moment each time Wumbo logs on! Why, it's just dog-gone brilliant, really it is! Coming from Thespongebobfan, myself, that's about the most praise as you're gonna get. Fellow SpongeBob "fans", can you feel the love tonight?!

We turn to the YouTube comments section for answers.

Thespongebobfan: Ah yes, I certainly do <3 SBC and I know that you do too! Why, that has to be about the most support the SpongeBob Community has garnered for itself on YouTube since its first inception, if I do say so myself. I guess you can say my favor to the community has already been repaid, but the I <3 SBC Love Festival isn't just gonna stop there. This party is gonna on until the road dead ends! Lets go check in with some of the other SpongeBob fans out there who have helped to make this community the Robertryan Cory blackballed, #2 SpongeBob forum that it is today! My very special guests coming up right now are, what you can consider, the first family of the SpongeBob Community. Please, join me in welcoming back the Reynolds family to their rightful place here on SBC's D Show!

Calvin and Sara, along with their kids; Nick, Marti, Prudence and Calvin's co-worker that he gives sexual favors to and Sara is completely all right with it, are shown on location in the thick of The I <3 SBC Love Festival, so amongst the 20 subscribers who are still actually subscribed.

Thespongebobfan: Mr. and Mrs. 70sguyandgirl! May I just say just how much of a cliche it is to bring you up on here again, but this is all in accordance to the plan that I have laid out, so I should bid you welcome back!

Calvin: Thanks for actually having us, Sbs1fan-

Thespongebobfan: Oh no, no, no, no. That is the old me, I've left that part of my online life behind. Please, just call me Thespongebobfan!

Calvin: Well, thank you for actually having us, spongebobfan-

Thespongebobfan: Thespongebobfan.

Calvin: Toe-may-toe, to-mah-toe. The very same.

Thespongebobfan: Well, I could damn well debate you over just how wrong that sentiment is, but for the sake of the plan, I'll let it slide, for now. But speaking of leaving parts of people's online lives behind, you certainly haven't chosen to stay dead. Wasn't it, say, almost four years ago that we thought the real 70s, Travis Roberts (something or another), finally put the last nail in your coffin in the middle of the Deathmatch Arena?

Calvin: If that's what you want to believe, then to each their own, but I, having actually participated in that match, viewed things much, much differently. You said it was "the real 70s" putting the final nail in MY coffin, when really, it was the final nail in his.

Thespongebobfan: Well, that is a feasible way to put your little spin on things, sure.

Calvin: You know, there was a time when the SpongeBob Community TRULY meant something. It wasn't under jjs, especially notmNuggets, and nor was it under tvguy, as much as he would you love for you to believe otherwise. Terminoob's piss poor run of only two months was merely the prelude to happier times to come. It was me, not Travis, who led the community with a firm hand which brought it back from the brink. I was the one who truly laid the foundations, upon which the community currently stands on this very day. Our graphics department was roarin' as, dare I say, the 20s, spin-offs became a culture all their own, and not just administratively, I was  molding the SpongeBob fandom leaders of tomorrow. Tvguy and jjs, they owe everything they have in their online lives to me! I also single handedly took on all problems that came our way, one of those problems that a current admin now once took an active part in, mind you.  And we were effectively beating SBM at their own goddamn game. It was also during my reign that you, yourself, was gifted with opportunity to be placed in the positions of both Cashier and Fry Cook.

Thespongebobfan: Yes, I haven't forgotten and I am still eternally grateful for that.

Calvin: Then how's about you all show just how grateful you really are?! My run with the community was fucking revolutionary. No one since has ever come close to establishing the sense of camaraderie that I had instilled. It's something that got lost in the shuffle throughout the years that I don't think this community will ever recover! You all get sour grapes over me losing interest and having this community revolve all around myself? Because, contrary to popular belief, it DID revolve around me! No matter how uninterested I became, I still kept things better knit together than anyone else could hope to at the height of their own egos and investments. You think Travis could've possibly made for a better leader? He couldn't begin to dream of it! It was only through me and my family that he found the strength and will to carry on! I was absolutely necessary! Why do you think he keeps his mouth shut more often now? Because ever since you all degraded me and dragged him through the mud, he lost everything that made him me! I am nothing but an afterthought, just a single bad memory in a whole sea of it! You made him lose the will, so you all ended up losing the one truly good leader you ever had. As much as most of you would love to think otherwise in order to feel better about yourselves, what with abolishing the Main Admin position only to reinstate it under the title "Director" being just one of many fatal fuck ups on your parts, that doesn't make me any lesser than any of you. So you wanna know if I "<3" SBC? No, quite frankly, I do not "<3" SBC. Let's just get that out there. And I'm while still hot, why don't we get this little tidbit out there too. I still think til this very day, five years later, that SBC should be the ones to <3 me.

Thespongebobfan: Hey, don't go bunching me in with them. You gave me my start, I can truly appreciate that and, therefore, understand where you are coming from! I am one of the few who truly appreciate you, Calvin, I really do. I'd like to consider myself just one of your many proteges. You're the original planner! Whereas Terminoob created this community with no sense of direction whatsoever, you made plans, and by Neptune, you saw almost all of them through. Emphasis on "almost all of them".

Calvin and his family looks pretty perplexed at Thespongebobfan's insinuation.

Thespongebobfan: You did get sloppy at the end of your run, you even admitted as much, so you inevitably got found out. And you want to know why you got found out? It was because you didn't plan on it. I have been a player on the board for a long time, so I've planned both with and against my fair share of some of the best and worst players to ever join internet forums, but I must say that you are the most disappointing of them all. If there ever was a Most Disappointing Member award, you would be the all time champ. You were supposed to plan ahead, have backups in place in any event that you may find yourself compromised. That's what we were brought up on the staff to be back then. It was that quick thinking that not only got us past all those conflicts, but also got us ahead of SBM in the site traffic. And what did you do afterwards? Did you plan a counterattack? Did you so much as plan on keeping at least some of your power and manhood? No. You just upped and left like a little bitch with your co-worker's dick tuck tightly between you and your wife's legs. You deserve absolutely no <3s, no respect from anyone here and if they do, it is only pity. And there is a limit to what pity can do for you. All who came after you may not have shared the same successes, nor were their plans ever any good neither, but at least they remained on the board long enough to have the honor to plan their departures out. You're out of touch, out of time, out of public consciousness, and most importantly, you're out of here. So I respectfully ask that you, Onision, as well as your pathetic excuse for an ideal life here, to get the davy jones out of my channel.

Thespongebobfan offers his hand for a show of respect as Captcha security arrives to escort the Reynold family out of the festival.

Thespongebobfan: If there is one thing you have to take from this, take solace in the fact that you played your part well

Calvin could only look at him angry and puzzled before being escorted away without accepting his show of respect. Thespongebobfan pulls his hand back with a blank smile still on his face.

Thespongebobfan: So? Don't we just <3 SBC or what, people?! Lets check in on the viewers and see what they have to say!

Thespongebobfan: You only heard it here on SBC's YouTube channel! Pat Monahan is going to perform for us LIVE and in LOVE!

Calvin catches wind of this on the YouTube stream on his way out.

Calvin: So...that's what he meant. I sure hope he planned for that.

Calvin says, musing to himself, before fading back into obscurity.

[Aya♥]

The plot thickens

[Old Man Jenkins]

The following you are about to witness is a work of total fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the products of the creator's imagination or used fictitiously. Any resemblance to any actual events or locales is not entirely coincidental. This program doesn't reflect the views or opinions of any person portrayed herein... Anyway, it's all apart of the plan!

 

The I <3 SBC Love Festival: Break The Halibut

We open right back up to the newly revamped SBC YouTube channel, the site of the first annual  I <3 SBC Love Festival, being hosted by Thespongebobfan.

Thespongebobfan: Yup, we all are just here showing all our love to the SpongeBob Community, aren't we? I personally think we're hitting all the right notes with this I <3 SBC Love Festival! It's proving to be a major success and a huge victory for the SpongeBob Universe as a whole. I mean, we're sitting pretty here at a record stagnant 20 subscribers! What can be better for SBC than that? I think some of them might even be SBMers, so all the sloppy seconds we scrounge up, the better amirite! 

Thespongebobfan: I honestly think I deserve all the pats on the backs in the world for being able to pull something this non-productive off. I mean, Fab Beats February may got games and might just be more for a barrel of laughs, but if something as well thought and organized as that can only get about the same results as The <3 SBC Love Festival can get, well, I think they, too, deserve more or less the same amount of pats on the backs for being able to pull something just as non-productive off, as well! Good on all of us, good on the entirety of SBC, we couldn't love this place anymore! I mean, nothing could possibly turn away potential new members of color more than this!

Thespongebobfan: But hey, if it attracts us more Blazes and Todds of the world, then all the better!

Thespongebobfan receives word from his producer.

Thespongebobfan: Hmmm, it seems I have just received word from my producer that we have a very special guest lined up next, and I'm not talking about Pat Monahan just yet. Viewers and lurkers, please put your hands together, and help me welcome our special guest! He is a Community Deathmatch mainstay, the proclaimed "Bearer of Bad Reviews"! You know em! You love em! You may already have had just about enough of em! He is Bad Reviews Halibut!

https://youtu.be/1_EQ08d2n5o

Suddenly in the distance, a lone halicopter was making its approach to the SBC YouTube channel by soaring over the rest of the SpongeBob Community.

Bad Reviews Halibut: Oh, you foolishly led yourself to believe that you have been showing this community "love" thus far? I'm afraid you haven't seen anything yet!

It was being piloted by none other than Bad Reviews Halibut, who was banging his gavel on the control panel the whole way through. Once at the YouTube channel, he kept the halicopter stationary, hovering precariously above the festivities going on below it.

Bad Reviews Halibut: MAY I HAVE SOME DECORUM ON THIS FORUM, PLEASE! You see, it was recently Valentines Day, a holiday with a long running history of discontent here, and I thought to myself what better way to ring in the holiday than with some, I'm afraid, BAD REVIEEEEWWWWZZZZ!! Well, not so much plural as it is singular. So please, by any and all means, look it up in an urban dictionary, you illiterate cucks!

Bad Reviews organizes and sifts through his notes.

Bad Reviews Halibut: Memories consume like opening the wounds! I am picking me apart again! You all assume that I'm safe here in my room! Unless I try to start again I don't want to be the one the battles always choose! Because inside I realize that I am the one confused!

Bad Reviews seems to be tearing up a bit, breaking down and more and more as he continues to lay out this bad self review.

Bad Reviews Halibut: I don't know what's worth fighting for! Or why I have to review! I don't know why I instigate and say bad things about people that I don't knew! I don't know how I got this way!  I know it's not alright! So I'm breaking the habit! I'm breaking the habit tonigh-

Halibut sinks his head into his hands as the halicopter makes its slow descent to ground level.

Bad Reviews Halibut: I can't fucking do this anymore! Four years! Four fucking, stinking years! I can't- I just. I fucking cant. I try!

Halibut tumbles from the halicopter and falls to the ground.

Bad Reviews Halibut: Oh my god, do I try! I try with all my miiight, for reviewlution!

Thespongebobfan: What's going on? This isn't apart of the plan here...

Bad Reviews Halibut: I tried to do what Nugs said! I tried to write stuff 

Halibut laments, picking up his review notes.

Halibut: to make me feel again, to feel something else, to get me past this intense period!

Thespongebobfan: Oh, so that's what's his problem is. Okay.

Halibut: I mean, I could also do what Katniss said, but it's kind of hard to take advice from somebody else who hardly abides by them as seriously as they want me to! This place has outgrown a BAD REVIIIIIIEEEWER! This place has outgrown me, I blew it! No matter what I do, no matter how many times hilaryfan80 holds my hand in making decisions, no matter how much I belittle others to my benefit, it will still never be good enough in jjs' eyes! I will never be an A+ member to him, I will never be cashier material! He chose an indecisive, two faced, cracker assed, metal snake in the grass over bad reviews! I no longer have a purpose! I have no use for this community, and this community sure as hell has no further use for bad reviews! No amount of gimmick repackages can salvage the damage that I have done unto my own reputation in this fandom! I am completely useles-

https://youtu.be/A8-jW1VcUCk

An anonymous user paces their way to Halibut's position and offers the bearer of bad reviews a warm hand.

Anonymous User: You have no need to worry, Halibut. Unlike everybody else in this "community", I am not here to waste my life away watching a peer go through very, very real emotional distress that is only going to be exploited for cheap laughs and entertainment. Although, having to refer to you as any peer of mine does leave a really shitty taste in my mouth, make no mistake of that. I know there are definitely some thoughts swirling around your head at the moment, so allow me to give you a slight idea of just who I am and what I am about. I am no one important, just nobody, really. Who I am is none of your business, nor do I want to ever have to make it your business. What you need to know about me is also none of your business, nor am I ever going to pry anything about you. Not like I really have to make much of an effort, you all make it plain as day, clear as crystal just who you all are and what you all are about. You are pathetic, and the only thing of note about any of you is that you are exponentially weak in the mind, in the body, and the spirit, so much so that you leave me weak over how hilariously bad your blatant attention seeking can possibly get.

Halibut takes issue to the anonymous user's words, getting up from the ground to confront him.

Anonymous User: Look, before you make even more of an ass out of yourself by picking a fight on the Internet of all god forsaken places, do know that I am not here to pick any fights at all. I am just telling you the truth, and if it weren't the truth, then it wouldn't be really hurting you right now, now would it? I am not sorry about hurting your feelings, because having any feelings whatsoever both on and towards an Internet forum, especially one revolving around a children's show, is a clear cut textbook case of what I like to call "somebody not having anything better to do with their lives, and therefore are inadequate both online and off". You have no idea just how sick I am of seeing inept addicts like you flood this once great escape with all your unnecessary, drama-filled bullshit. It's gotten to the point that I no longer want to publicly associate myself with this cesspool of sharing times, ask threads, and reality images. Who the hell in their right state of minds would even want to? Being a member of this "community" means you are simply just one of many reasons of what's wrong, not just with the world, but with humanity itself at its very core. Each time any one of you post sob story of a status update or a sharing time, you are not only killing your own brain cells by taking the time out of your life to make your life that much more wasted, you are also killing the brain cells of any and all who indulge in such non-productive recreation in some vain attempt at feeling even worse about yourselves. You all should be fucking ashamed of yourselves, but I forgot that I'm talking to a "community" that knows no shame even if it slaps them in the face.

The anonymous user slaps Halibut down a notch. Halibut holds his right cheek in pain and looks at the anonymous user in shock.

Anonymous User: Are you feeling it? Art thou feeling it now, Bad Reviews?! The shame that comes with being a hopeless, hapless Internet addict!

Halibut's look of anger gradually turns into a look of anguish.

Halibut: Yes, I do...I feel it now...

Anonymous User: Then you have just taken one small step towards a cleaner, calmer, better life, both on and offline, for yourself, Halibut. You have finally broken through that debilitating, mental wall in your mind that is "denial". There may just be a glimmer of hope for you yet. Halibut, you are on the cusp of being reborn, and you only have me to thank. Not Nuggets, not Katniss, not Ooooooofy. But first, I would like to ask you a totally not personal question; just how many posts did you make this past year?

Halibut: Mang, I don't even know-

Anonymous User: He doesn't even know! Let me put this into perspective for all you Internet addicts here. Just how many posts did FeelMyFeel333 make this past year? None! Because its poison! And I don't need you people cheering over the mention of post counts or bad reviews about members because that is exactly the negative reinforcement that my Straight Edgy Society doesn't tolerate! And Halibut here is the one member of this "community" competent and independent enough to know what shame is and take responsibility for himself. Halibut, are you ready to take responsibility for yourself today, unlike all these other members here in this "community"? Are you ready to make a pledge? Are you ready to make a commitment?! I want to hear from you! Are you ready to accept straight edgy?! I want you to raise your right hand, Halibut! Please, raise your right hand and say those words! I just have to hear them! I have to hear them to know that you're true. Until death! Halibut, are you ready to accept straight edgy into your life?!

Halibut: I-I...I accept straight edgy into my life! I AM READY!

FeelMyFeel: Now Halibut, are you ready to show your devotion through actions, as well as your words?

Halibut: Yes.

FeelMyFeel takes out a mask identical to the one they're wearing and holds it to a lit blowtorch.

FeelMyFeel: Do not be afraid, Halibut. This right here, this is a symbol. A symbol used to hide your shame, your sorrows, and your feelings by slapping a big ole happy face on it. Remove your avatar and shed your past transgressions bare to know that you are now straight edgy soldier. 

Halibut goes about removing his avatar to unveil his real face. 

FeelMyFeel: Oh, I bet you're feeling it now Halibut. What you're feeling now is all the pain numbing itself away. Feel it course through your veins right down to your very soul. This is salvation, Halibut. Just feel the euphoria.

Halibut: Yes. Yes. Yes!

FeelMyFeel: Halibut, you're about to take that one giant leap not only for yourself, but for mankind. You have learned acceptance in every sense of the term. I would like to congratulate you, Halibut. For sucking up your pride, for having the faith in yourself to be brave enough to take a life long pledge. In a World Wide Web full of absolute strangers, you will be tempted to do all sorts of things just to stay active. But that will no longer apply to you. You are now your own man. There are no ties to bind you here any longer. Your "friendships" shall become null and void for you had no friends to begin with. It was only through the words of just one stranger that you have found the strength needed to overcome your addictions and empower yourself move on past them. Become numb to everything. Feel it, Halibut. Feel my feel!

FeelMyFeel proceeds to press the overheated mask onto Halibut's face.

Halibut: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!! AAAAAAAHHHHH!!! AAAAAAAAHHHHHOOOWWWW!!!!

Halibut screams in agony as the mask sears itself into his flesh. His screaming eventually dies down as the mask slowly cools off. He slumps down from the pain. The anonymous user kneels down next to him and places a reassuring hand on his shoulder.

FeelMyFeel: Halibut, I want you to know that this is the only good decision that you have ever made. And it wasn't just skin that melted away, but it was also a lifetime of depravity. A lifetime riddled with addiction and weakness for all to see, but no more! No longer will that weakness be seen.

The anonymous user holds out their and to Halibut, who takes it and grips it tight. The anonymous user pulls Halibut up and raises his arm into the air in triumph.

FeelMyFeel: Members of the SpongeBob "Community", one more person that is better than each and every one of you. I give you Halibut, the first member of my Straight Edgy Society!

Thespongebobfan: If I do say so myself, I firmly believe that Halibut has been saved here tonight by FeelMyFeel. The love tonight for SBC just continues to grow here more and more. Ladies and gentlemen, please don't tune out just yet. Coming up next, is our main event of the festival! Stay tuned!

[Aya♥]

Fuck yes

[Cha]

executive producer of dm, how i missed thee. even for a brief second