Nosferatu!

You may not have noticed, but I am 100% ma-male.

Palmer brand candy is jank, how the hell does one even ruin candy? Nice going, bub...  

STOP SHOUTIN', I'M NAPPIN'

Melt Katie can do a spot on impression of Filburt and it gives me life

*obligatory "Christmas is Mine" status update*

... and I'm back. Blame it on the holiday spirit.  Merry Christmas Eve, everyone!

almost ate a cookie with nuts in it... dodged a bullet right there  

I think my internet is fixed now... hopefully.  

Going to a Christmas party tonight. I'll be sure to get an embarrassing snapshot of SpongeBob for you guys.

My job contract has been extended -- again. Hooray!  

THERE IS NO CAROL IN H.R.

Time to go see Krampus.  

Hot from the oven and full of lovin'.

Oh, the pain! I can't feel my arms and legs, I think they're broken!

Wait 'til I finish my ice cream!

Manahnt...?

O come, all ye fearful, cower as I CRUSH YOU!

this kitchen's not the same without you

holographic CWASONT again

KAREN, DO SOMETHING

DOES IT REALLY MAKE ME LOOK LIKE A MAAAN

WOO SHELL CITY

brb dying from stomach cramps

I'M DAVID HASSELHOFF 

What a cold-hearted single cell I am.