Cerebus the Aardvark

[Rebel the Wolfgirl]

Yep, this is the thread for my newest lit, which I'll be devoting most of my time to. Based on one of my favorite comic books, this will be my first mature lit (as well as my first attempt at writing pulp magazine-style stories). It's...

 

CEREBUS THE AARDVARK

This lit focuses on the episodic (and sometimes not-so episodic) adventures of a 3-foot tall misanthropic bipedal grey aardvark barbarian named Cerebus as he makes a living as a wandering mercenary in the world of Estarcion, a pastiche of sword-and-sorcery settings. Stay tuned for the character list, as well as the first episode, "Tower of the Necromancers!".

Edited September 5, 2016 by jjsthekid

[Rebel the Wolfgirl]

CHARACTER LIST

OUR "HERO":

Cerebus: The main protagonist, Cerebus is a three foot tall bipedal aardvark barbarian. Misanthropic, amoral, and caring only for booze and money, Cerebus wanders the world of Estarcion as a mercenary, ending up on various misadventures. 

 

 

CEREBUS' ALLIES AND SUPPORTING CAST

 

Lord Julius: The bureaucratic dictator of the city-state Palnu, Lord Julius is essentially a caricature of famed comedian Groucho Marx, right down to his mannerisms and wisecracks. 

 

 

Jaka: An exotic dancer, Jaka first encounters Cerebus in a tavern during his wanderings. While drugged, Cerebus falls in love with Jaka and makes it his goal for her to be his and his alone.

 

 

Elrod the Albino: Elrod is a parody of Elric of Melnibone and Foghorn Leghorn. Self-centered and arrogant, Elrod considers Cerebus to be an ally. The aardvark, however, does not return the sentiment. 

 

 

Red Sophia: A parody of Red Sonia, Red Sophia is a busty, chainmail-bikini wearing warrior with a lust to rival Casanova and a pervert. 

 

 

The Roach - A parody of various superheroes such as Batman, the Roach takes on various parody-based guises throughout the lit, much like in the source material.

Now that we've gotten the canon supporting cast out of the way, let's move onto the (few) OCs in the cast.

 

 

 

Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way - The main protagonist of the infamous fanfic My Immortal is here relegated to a supporting character, first appearing in "The Tower of the Necromancers!" as one of the many necromancers living in the labyrinthine tower of the title. When she first meets Cerebus, she is instantly fascinated by the small aardvark barbarian, as adventurers do not go near the tower for fear of being killed. After the events of the episode, she decides to wander the world in the hopes of staking her own claim in the necromancy business. 

 

Wolf - A female anthro wolf, Wolf is an exotic dancer much like Jaka, but rather than staying in one place for employment, she travels Estarcion in search of new opportunities for work. This provides her many encounters with Cerebus, often trying to act as his conscience and failing. 

 

Lettuce - My Club Penguin OC, already appearing in Power Rangers: Multiverse Force as a main protagonist appears in this lit as a pirate in search of adventure. When Cerebus travels to the Frozen North of Estarcion, he encounters 19-year old Lettuce, who instantly takes a liking to the aardvark and becomes a pirate after his first appearance.

That's all of our (permanent) characters, folks!

Edited September 4, 2016 by Renegade the Unicorn

[Dragonball Z]

Sounds very interesting. I haven't gotten around to reading all of the "Cerebus" graphic novels yet (they're somewhat hard to come by in the area where I live) but they're pretty interesting from what I KNOW about them. I'll probably read this series when I have the time.

[Rebel the Wolfgirl]

Hey, everyone! I decided to not make "The Tower of the Necromancers!" the first episode in this series, mainly because I want to gradually introduce Cerebus' supporting cast over time. And so, here's the real first episode...

CITY OF THE DEAD

    Our tale begins, as most tend to do, in a small and dimly lit tavern in the city-state of Ulfham; more specifically the slum district. The tavern itself, a one story building of timber construction run by a female ex-assassin named Aneldas, was located on a street lined with the rubble of a collapsed building. Moreover, this particular tavern (with the ever-ironic name of The Lucky Bear) had the standard reputation for an establishment of its quality: a place where all sorts of ill folk tended to gather, such as necromancers, cultists, and most notably, mercenaries looking for jobs. The interior of the tavern was much like most: a bar, some tables where a few patrons were playing poker or talking, and a cellar where some cots had been laid out for guests (as Aneldas couldn't afford proper rooms). All was at peace in the Lucky Bear this evening, until suddenly, a rather unusual patron kicked in the door: a small, bipedal, grey aardvark clad in nothing aside from a torn brown cape with several medallions (four in total, Aneldas observed), a sword hoisted onto his back and somehow without a holster to keep it in. The aardvark, named Cerebus, walked up to the bar itself and took a seat. Aneldas was taken aback, but not too shocked: after all, aardvarks were uncommon in Estarcion but not to the point where they were an unusual sight. 

    "What would you like?" Aneldas, a pale female elf dressed in a rather revealing tunic, asked the aardvark, her voice smooth and seductive. Her voice seemed to have little effect on the stout barbarian in front of her, who simply snorted. 

"Cerebus is wondering if you have any mead." Cerebus responded, his voice gruff and sounding uncannily like George C. Scott. The aardvark looked over the admittedly small menu, deciding that he'd at least order a meal as well.

 
"Plenty." Aneldas said, turning to the casks behind her and pouring Cerebus a mug of mead, which she slammed down in front of him. Cerebus took the mug, sniffed at it for a minute or two, then proceeded to take an entire swig. Aneldas' jaw dropped open. The mead that she brewed was of poor quality, and had a reputation in the slum for being terrible, but this aardvark, it seemed, was taking it like it was nothing. After what seemed like an eternity (but was in reality only a few seconds), Cerebus slammed the mug down with a THUD, his neutral expression not changing. 

"Poor quality." Cerebus concluded. "Cerebus would also like a bowl of rabbit stew." 

"Right away." Aneldas replied, hastily serving a stew to the aardvark, who slowly spooned it to his mouth, sloshed it around for several seconds, then swallowed. 

"Good." Cerebus said, then proceeded to eat the rest ravenously, only to scream for more stew and mead. After several rounds of this, Anelas was ready to toss the aardvark out. But she had a better idea. There were rumors of an ancient necropolis deep underneath the city, said to be ruled over by a lich referred to as the King of the Dead. She made a deal with Cerebus: if he could venture down into the fabled city of the dead, slay its King, and prove its existence, she'd provide him with all the mead he wanted. Cerebus, intrigued by the prospect of near-unlimited alcohol, agreed. The small earth-pig left the Lucky Bear, eager to begin his quest. Aneldas grinned, her plan succeeding.

"Idiot earth-pig." she laughed. "The City of the Dead is but a rumor. All he'll find is the creatures of the underground, who'll feed on his flesh." 

    Meanwhile, Cerebus had begun to search out one of the entrances to the City, his search currently fruitless...or was it? The aardvark took notice of a large stone slab nearby, and walked over to it. Upon closer inspection, the slab was not a slab at all, but rather a door. With all of his might, Cerebus opened the heavy door, which led to a smooth stone staircase. Readying his sword, Cerebus began his descent into the depths of the earth, his only light being the torches that lined the pathway's walls. Down, down, down he went, into a chamber made entirely out of slate. The walls of the room were smooth, adorned with pictures and strange symbols from a long-lost civilization. 

    In the center of it all was a circle with various symbols on it, arranged much like a zodiac. Further down were various entrances and halls, all leading to one destination: the City of the Dead. His quest now offically begun, Cerebus began to explore the necropolis, heading to the first door on the left. He was immediately confronted with a puzzle, one where tiles on the floor, arranged much like a chessboard, had pressure plates underneath them. On the other side were several statues, all made of obsidian: a king, a queen, two knights, two rooks, two bishops, and eight pawns. "Oh..." Cerebus muttered, understanding the puzzle's concept. "It's some kind of a chess game." 

    And with that, the puzzle began. Cerebus began to move from tile to tile, narrowly avoiding traps that impeded his progress. As he did, he noticed that the statues almost seemed to be...alive, somehow. Upon completion of the puzzle, the aardvark's suspicions were confirmed: the statues were indeed alive, and wanted to fight Cerebus as the last part of the puzzle. Cerebus obliged, and so, a brawl began. The pawns were the easiest to defeat. The others, especially the king and queen, were not so. A horse-headed knight came charging at Cerebus, whinnying as it did. 

    Cerebus likewise charged at the knight, his blade pointed directly at it. The sword cracked through the knight's glass-like body, and they only spread further...and further...until...KRAAAACK! The knight fell apart, its body shattering into miniscule pieces. "Hm." Cerebus snorted. "It seems that these creatures aren't so tough after all." Grinning, the aardvark turned his blade onto the other living chest pieces. In no time at all, they were destroyed as well. When that was done, Cerebus moved onto the next room...

    ...But not before encountering a zombie first. The cadaver's skin was a translucent grey, its figure gaunt and eyes sunken and terrible. It lacked most of its teeth; whatever teeth it had were jagged, yellow shards, nestled between its black and rotted gums. The thing shambled towards Cerebus, intending to make the earth-pig its next meal. Cerebus would not let that happen, however. He readied his sword, and when the zombie was close, Cerebus threw his sword into the zombie's chest and watched as the blade pierced the corpse's heart, killing it. Deciding to loot the body, Cerebus found that the zombie had little on it. Mostly gold and rusted weapons. 

    Moving onto the next room, Cerebus found it...mostly bare, with only a sleeping psuedodragon in the center, and several treasure chests. Cerebus snuck up to the psuedodragon, and quietly slit its throat, the scarlet liquid lining the blade. With that done, Cerebus began to raid the treasure chests; he found all sorts of gems and gold, quickly emptying the chests. The aardvark planned to use his newly-gotten loot to spend on mead and wenches after his adventure. Finding nothing of interest in the room, Cerebus moved on. The next room held nothing of importance...aside from a large gelatinous cube, its clear blue body holding the skeletons of past adventurers within. Squilch, went the cube as it mindlessly trudged along the room, absorbing whatever it could. Cerebus grinned. "Easy." he muttered underneath his breath, dashing into the room. 

    Cerebus stared at the translucent square creature before him. It measured 10 feet on all sides, making the gelatinous cube 40 feet in total (and from Cerebus', or anyone else's, perspective, a giant). Despite its intimidating size, however, the cube was still a mindless ooze and therefore susceptible to an easy death. As such, Cerebus quickly grabbed a nearby torch and with deadly accuracy, threw it into the cube. The torch was easily absorbed into the cube's body, which was set alight from within. Though it would provide an easy death for the cube, the fire would be alight for quite a while. Cerebus quickly moved into the next room. 

    And the next room...

    And the next room...

    And the...well, you get the idea.

    And so, on and on, Cerebus explored the necropolis, battling monsters, avoiding traps, and looting whatever treasures he found. Until he eventually came to a door. Not just any door, however. This particular door, carved out of ebony wood and inscribed with eldritch runes that had the ability to drive anyone mad when translated, led to the lair of the King of the Dead. Slowly...sloooowly opening the door, Cerebus peeked into the dim room. From what he could see, the room (carved from a combination of silver and slade) was dimly lit by dying candlelight, with various shelves of unholy magic paraphernalia lining the walls. In the center was an obsidian cauldron lined with silver, with a hideous lich, rotted and gaunt wearing a cloak as black as the darkness from which it came, observing the otherworldly and dangerous magics eminating from within: the King of the Dead. 

    Cerebus was not the brightest bulb in the box (no one told him this to his snout, for fear of getting sliced with the barbarian's sword), but he knew that a lich should not be messed with, even if it was a weak one. Therefore, he opted to sneak into the King's lair, kill him, and bring his head back to the Lucky Bear. This would be far more complicated than the aardvark first imagined, as the King sensed his presence. Turning away from his cauldron, the lich opened his mouth to speak, his voice like cold, dead air:

"Ah, Cerebus. I have been expecting you."

"You have?" Cerebus replied, readying his sword. 

"Yes..." the King stated. "Now, prepare to die!" 

    Cerebus quickly dodged as the King sent a large glowing fireball his way. The wall that the earth-pig had been behind now had a large burn mark splotched onto it. Cursing under his breath, the lich sent another fireball towards Cerebus' way, only for the aardvark to deflect it back at him. The king let out a frightened squeal as he was burned by his own magic. Seizing the opportunity to search for the phylactery containing the King's soul,  Cerebus began to do so, all the while fighting the lich's undead minions. Slicing and dicing through zombie after zombie, Cerebus continued to look. The King kept sending fireballs, some of which killed his own servants.

    Cerebus' search for the phylactery was made much more difficult with the King shooting fireballs at him and the zombies attacking. Eventually, he found a book: the Enchiridion of the Necromantic Arts. Despite the name, the book was a rather standard tome, inked in blood on human skin paper and bound with dark charms into two steel plates engraved with runes. Grabbing the book with one hand and steadying himself with the other, Cerebus aimed the book at the cauldron, which he could clearly see from his vantage point on the bookshelf. With a loud yell, Cerebus tossed the book into the cauldron, where it exploded from being overloaded with eldritch magic. The King of the Dead was set aflame, his eyes, nose hole, and mouth all spewing green sickly cosmic fire in his last few moments of unlife. Then, with a loud BOOM accompanied by the screams of 10000 souls, the King exploded, his form now nothing, banished to some infernal prison plane of existence. The zombies, now empty withered husks without life, fell and turned to dust, their mortal souls now at peace. 

    Cerebus hopped from the bookshelf and picked up the only piece left of the lich's form: his black cloak. "This will be proof enough for that foolish elf whore." he muttered. The return journey from the City to the Lucky Bear was not as eventful. Aneldas was surprised to say the least when Cerebus returned to her tavern. 

"B-but I thought..." the elf stammered.

"That the City of the Dead didn't exist?" Cerebus remarked, a smirk of victory on his face. "Here is the proof you wanted: the King of the Dead's only remaining piece from undeath." He threw the cloak onto the bar, much to the shock of Aneldas and her patrons. With a sigh, Aneldas began filling a mug with mead, now having to hold up her end of the bargain. 

 

Some time later...

Cerebus, now completely wasted, rode out of town on the minature horse he came in, off to his next adventure. 

 

NOTES:

First appearance: Cerebus

Also, I wish to apologize for two things: This first installment not living up to the series' intended rating, as well as not expanding on Cerebus' dungeon crawl through the necropolis. I felt kinda burned out after writing the first three encounters, and took a short break. This is also why this first episode came out three days after I initially made the thread rather than my intended 1-2. Now, about the first installment not living up to the "Mature" rating, I intend to have this series get a more "pulp magazine" kind of feel as I write it, with lots of (far gorier) action scenes and (badly written) sexual encounters. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this first episode.

[crushingmayhem]

Pretty cool story, has a lot of potential.

[Guest hilaryfan80]

What a badass.  I will probably keep up.

[Rebel the Wolfgirl]

7 minutes ago, Mr. Dr. Professor Patrick said:

What a badass.  I will probably keep up.

Cerebus may be an amoral schmuck, but he is badass.

[Metal Snake]

On 9/5/2016 at 3:56 PM, Renegade the Unicorn said:

I wish to apologize for this first installment not living up to the series' intended rating.

No worries, this is indeed good, even if it's not as graphic as the violent pornography I'm writing right now.

 

[Rebel the Wolfgirl]

5 minutes ago, Metal Snake said:

No worries, this is indeed good, even if it's not as graphic as the violent pornography I'm writing right now.

 

You wanna guest write? I have an interesting idea. 

[Dragonball Z]

Cerebus has a voice like George C. Scott? Color me interested. Also, I can TOTALLY see this as a Netflix animated series like "Bojack Horseman"; it might be a little too hard core for normal television, but its still interesting. And on a personal note, what did you think of my last "Total Cartoon Global Cruise" episode? I put a lot of work into it, and it would be nice to hear your thoughts, if you have the time. I might consider coming up with an idea of having my BlackHawk character coming back through time, and having a rough encounter with Cerebus, when I have more time and patience. Keep up the good work.

[Rebel the Wolfgirl]

28 minutes ago, 4EverGreen said:

Cerebus has a voice like George C. Scott?

Yes. Dave Sim (the guy who created the source material) described Cerebus' voice as sounding like George C. Scott's.

[Dragonball Z]

I did not know that. But for example, if I was to describe BlackHawk's voice, it would be a cross between Paul Newman during the last 20 years of his career (from "The Color of Money," 1986 to "Cars," 2006) and Clint Eastwood.

[TJ]

Good first episode. Was able to be intriguing and introduce us to the protagonist properly. Cerebus seems pretty cool so far.

[Rebel the Wolfgirl]

bump

[Rebel the Wolfgirl]

Do not worry, this series will return soon!

[GreyKnight151]

Alright. Here's the long awaited second episode to Cerebus the Aardvark. Renegade and I wrote this together. Hope you guys enjoy it.

-----------

 

The Princess and the Barbarian

-------------
 

When last we left Cerebus, he had just left the city-state of Wulfham, having gotten his pay for killing the lich known to the locals as the King of the Dead. Now it was a few days after, and Cerebus was once again on his horse, heading towards another city. The aardvark fiercely sped into the city gates, the people surprised at this strange creature. With a “Whoa!”, Cerebus parked his horse in front of the tavern, entered, and sat at the bar, ordering some mead.

 

The bartender was a gruff old man with a rough chin, steel grey eyes to match his hair, and a fierce scowl. He gave Cerebus his mead, before going back to cleaning the bar. The tavern was quiet, with only Cerebus, a group of what appeared to be sellswords, and a small figure in a grey cloak inhabiting it at the moment. The group of mercenaries were exchanging increasingly grandiose stories about past jobs, while the cloaked figure sipped their drink, silently observing the room.

 

Cerebus continued drinking his mead, but noticed the mercenaries exchanging tales of past deeds. His ego getting the better of him, the tiny aardvark hopped off the stool on which he was sitting, and walked towards them. “If he might,” Cerebus began. “Cerebus of Sand Hills Creek would like to share his latest exploit.” At this the mercenaries began guffawing.

 

“You?!” one jeered. “What have you accomplished, small earth-pig?!”

 

“Oh, Cerebus has accomplished lots. Such as discovering the City of the Dead underneath Wulfham.”

 

“The City of the Dead?!” At this they continued to laugh. “That is nothing but a myth!”

 

“Oh, it is very much real.” Cerebus said. And with that, he told of his exploits. The mercenaries, by the end of his tale, were fully convinced, since no one could have given that much amount of detail.

 

The cloaked figure at the back of the room snorted, before raising their glass to the bartender, who promptly refilled it. The figure spoke, the voice revealing her to be a female, “Oh, I'm sorry, am I supposed to be impressed?”

 

At this Cerebus snarled. “WHO ARE YOU TO DOUBT CEREBUS’ STORY, WENCH?! REVEAL THYSELF!”

 

She walked over, flipping off her hood. Her amber colored eyes would instantly give away where she was from to anyone who was familiar with that region of the world. However, this meant nothing to the denizens of that bar. Her lips twisted into a smirk. “Who am I? I am Azula.”

 

“Never heard of you.” Cerebus said, drinking his mead.

 

“Never heard of her?” one mercenary, who was vaguely familiar with the region where Azula hailed from, whispered. “She is Princess of Huo Zhe, otherwise known as the Fire Nation.”

 

“That does not matter to Cerebus. And besides, if she were a princess, she’d be captured by some kind of beast, awaiting a knight to save her.”

 

Azula snorted again, looking at the mercenary who had spoken. “You seem reasonably intelligent, considering you know the name of the Fire Nation in the old tongue. Not many outside of the Four Nations do.”

 

“Four Nations?” Cerebus asked.

 

“Four Nations of Eastern Estarcion. They are mystical people, privy to the most ancient of arts.” said the intelligent mercenary.

 

“Cerebus is distrustful of magic. It’s an evil art.” the aardvark replied.

 

“You misjudge. This art is the bending of the elements, only known to that particular region. Said to be the first art ever discovered in this world.”

 

Azula walked over to an unlit candle. She snapped her fingers, and blue flame appeared on the tips of two of them, which she used to light the candle. She put the flames on her fingers out with another snap, before speaking, “Where do you think magic comes from? It descends from bending. And you call it evil? Fire can provide warmth and life...or it can kill you. Water can sustain a man or drown him. Earth can be a stable path or a crushing landslide. Air can be deprived just as easily as food or water. Actually, that's not a good example, considering all but one of the air benders are dead.”

 

“Dead?” Cerebus questioned.

 

“Yes. Over a hundred or so years ago, the War of Four Nations began. I grew up in Eastern Estarcion, but escaped to here to avoid the turmoil it was going through. It ended fairly recently.” said the other mercenary.

 

Azula nodded, before explaining how it had started, what happened during it, and how it ended. She also explained the Avatar Cycle to Cerebus, and sounded gleeful when describing her part in the Fall of Ba Sing Se, and how she nearly killed the Avatar.

 

“By Tarim, you are insane.” Cerebus said, his scowl turning into a smirk. “You. Cerebus likes you.”

 

“But,” said a larger and stronger mercenary. “Why are you not at home, where you belong? Why stay in a tavern like this?”

 

Azula stared him down. “You. I know you. Were you not the captain of the ship I was in command of? The very same captain whom I told not to worry about the tides, who had already made up their mind about killing you, but rather me, who was mulling it over?”

 

At this, the large mercenary began to bow not out of respect, but fear. “By the Spirits, I am so sorry, my Princess. I thought I had left that life behind.”

 

Azula said, sounding more amused than anything else, “Rise. In case you haven't noticed, I'm not exactly ruling anything right now. My title is more of a formality than anything else at the moment.”

 

The large mercenary rose, and sat back down. Cerebus looked inquisitively at Azula. “Do explain what you mean by ‘at the moment’.” he said, getting a refill of his mead.

 

Azula said, her left fist clenching, “I intend to take the throne for myself.”

 

This received several looks of shock from everyone. “You’re insane!” they all said. The more intelligent mercenary silenced his comrades, then cleared his throat.

 

“With all due respect, what you are considering is practically suicide. How do you plan to accomplish this?!”

 

One of the others muttered, “I don't see why you're all this fascinated by a fuckin’ kid….”

 

“A kid?” the ex-Fire Nation captain said. “You underestimate her, buddy. She was the mastermind behind the downfall of Ba Sing Se, one of the most powerful city-states in the world.”

 

“While impressive,” said Cerebus. “She is nothing but a child. She does not have the experience in mercenary work we all have combined.”

 

Azula began to laugh. It started off quietly, but soon grew into a guffaw. She threw her head back and howled with amused giggling for a solid minute. This caused almost all of the mercenaries, aside from Cerebus, to back into a wall frightfully. “Do tell us.” Cerebus said. “How will you accomplish this so-called invasion?”

 

Azula said after she calmed down, “Oh, by accumulating wealth, hiring an army, and launching an assault on the Fire Nation.”

 

At the words accumulating wealth, Cerebus became interested. “Where do you plan to get this army?”

 

“There are an incredible number of swordsmen-for-hire that can be found inhabiting taverns, pubs and the like. Add to that any Fire Nation soldiers that can be convinced to join our cause….”

 

“Are you suggesting we become a mercenary company?” the lead merc questioned. “‘Cause if you are, we wanna get a share of the gold you’ll be collecting.”

 

“Cerebus is willing to join.” the aardvark interjected. “As long as there is booze to drink.”

 

Azula pulled a gold ring, inlaid with diamond, out of her cloak, flicking it to the mercenary leader. “Consider that your first payment. It's worth more than any payment you've ever received.”

 

“Deal.” said the lead. “But how’re you gonna pay these poor sods?”

 

“If I may suggest,” said the bartender. “There is a cave some miles east of here. It is said to be the lair of a mighty dragon, with hordes and hordes of gold, jewels, and such aplenty.”

 

Azula inclined her head, flicking another ring towards the bartender in thanks. She then said, “I don't have any more of those, so what say we go kill a dragon?”

 

“Cerebus will volunteer to accompany you, as protection.” the aardvark said.

 

“We won’t go until we get paid.” the ex-captain said.

 

“Your loss.” said Cerebus.

 

Azula shrugged. “Yes. It is no trouble. I'll just burn your houses down.”

 

At this, all the other mercenaries arose, swords at the ready. “WAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGHHHHHH!” they proclaimed, having heard the term in Orc territory.

 

Azula merely grinned. With that they headed off towards what was to be most certain doom.

 

Some hours later, they had arrived at the mouth of the dragon’s cave, the only thing greeting them being darkness.

 

Azula said pleasantly, “Well, this should be fun.”

 

“Indeed it should.” Cerebus said, pulling out his sword. “Azula, follow Cerebus. The rest, stay close behind.” With that, the earth-pig went into the cave. “Dragons are incredibly dangerous.”

 

“Like we don’t know that.” one merc bragged.

 

“In the East,” the intelligent one spoke. “Dragons are extinct.”

 

Azula said matter-of-factly, “Firebenders killed them all.”

 

“Astounding.” Cerebus muttered with sarcasm. When they got close, they found a large dragon, with an armor of gold, and an almost humanoid face, sleeping soundly on its hoard. “By Tarim…there’s so much gold!” With that, Cerebus gleefully jumped into the freest part of the pile and began swimming in it.

 

“Don’t!” said the ex-captain. “I know who this belongs to: the mighty firedrake Sludge.”

 

Azula then called, “Drem yol lok, sahrot dovah! Zu'u los Azula, mon do yolos. (Greetings, mighty dragon! I am Azula, daughter of the flame.)”

 

Sludge stirred, and answered drowsily, “Drem yol lok wah hi ol pruzah, Azula. Fos drun hi kotin dii deylok? (Greetings to you as well, Azula. Now, what brings you into my domain?)”

 

She answered, “Zu'u lost bo wah tinvaak voth hi, kul do yol. Hin Jeruv zeyliik nid lingrahiik lahney. (I have come to speak with you, son of fire. Your Eastern brethren no longer live.)”

 

Sludge pondered this for a moment. His Eastern brethren...gone? It did not matter to him, he decided. “Tinvaak wah zey? Do fos? (Speak to me? About what?)”

 

“Zu'u lost sent fah hi, sahrot gein. (I have a deal for you, mighty one.).”

 

“Sent? Zu’u los kusahraal, mun. Dreh fun. (A deal? I am interested, human. Do tell.)”

 

“Zu'u sukah wah kron junaar. Wah dreh daar, Zu'u praag yuld wah ahmil rahzun. Waan hi vos zey rahnd wah hin umriid feyal, Zu'u fen biis hi zek hundred tiid avok. (I intend to conquer a kingdom. To do this, I need money to hire soldiers. If you allow me access to your treasure horde, I will pay you back a hundred times over.)”

 

“Hmmmm…” Sludge replied, scratching his chin in thought. “Fod Zu'u fund ni normally ofan vok tol fos genun dii status ol Jun Neben faal Strunmah, hi kuyiz buruk skunvar.” Then, in the common tongue, he said, “I accept.”

 

Azula bowed her head and said, “Thank you, powerful drake.”

 

Cerebus, however, let out an enraged scream. “NO!”

 

“...No?” Sludge asked. “What do you mean, ‘no’?”

 

“Cerebus means no.” the aardvark said. “He has come all this way to kill a dragon, and by Tarim, he will.”

 

At this, Sludge gave a confident smirk.

 

Azula said to Cerebus, her tone calm, but laced with rage, “If you attack him, Cerebus, by the Spirits, I'll kill you myself.”

 

“Why?” Cerebus taunted. “He is but a beast, bred to capture you.”

 

“Zu'u dreh ni bo fah mun miil. Zu'u honestly egnah company do punah dovah, uv mun punmak. (I do not go for human women. I honestly prefer the company of female dragons, or human males.)” At this, Cerebus gave a confused stare.

 

Azula blinked.

 

“Fos? nis dovah kos neyliinvas? (What? Can't a dragon be bisexual?)” Sludge asked.

 

“...” Cerebus said nothing. “Perhaps Cerebus might not kill you after all.”

 

“Mun. .. punmak? Krosis, Zu'u dreh ni mindoraan. Druv dreh hi egnah mun punmak? Druv ni dovah punmak? (Human...males? Sorry, I do not understand. Why do you prefer human males? Why not dragon males?)”

 

“Zu'u nis saag fah reistig. Nuz mun punmak lost vokrantok. Zu'u oblaan muldeytorax niist penises vau fod Zu'u unt ahrk sun niin. (I cannot say for certain. But human males have a disadvantage. I end up biting their penises off when I try and blow them.)”

 

“TOO MUCH INFORMATION!” Cerebus said. “CAN CEREBUS KILL YOU NOW!?”

 

“Bo amvit ahrk unt. I'll ofan hi krif grozein. (Go ahead and try. I'll give you a fighting chance.)”

 

Azula said simply, “Mey. (Fool.)”

 

She then fired lightning from her fingertips into the dragon’s open mouth, beginning to fry him alive from the inside out. She didn't stop until Sludge had collapsed, twitching, smoke pouring from his maw.

 

“D-did you just kill him?” Cerebus asked, his voice filled with rage now.

 

“Yes. I never have been very good at honoring deals. It saves me the trouble of having to pay him back.”

 

“Oh well.” a merc said. “At least he’s dead now.”

 

“True.” said Cerebus. “You’ve proven you are no mere child, and despite how angry he is, Cerebus commends you for that.”

 

Azula smirked. “Good. I hope none of you are foolish enough to attempt to fight with honor. Anyone who does will likely get themselves killed.”

 

“Well, what are we waiting for?! Let’s gather this gold!” At Cerebus’ proclamation, the other mercs cheered, and began gathering as much as they could.

 

Azula went outside, checking the saddle on her horse. This had gone much better than she had expected it to.

 

That evening, with their brains swimming in alcohol, save for Azula, who refrained from drinking, the company bought several horses and rode out of town, swaying back and forth as they drunkenly rode to their next destination.

-------------

Thus begins a very long arc that will encompass the first three seasons. I hope you guys enjoyed reading this as much as we did writing it.

Edited May 10, 2017 by GreyKnight151
Adjustments

[Rebel the Wolfgirl]

This series LIIIIVES!

[GreyKnight151]

Getting drunk doesn't seem like it would be Azula's thing. I edited the last sentence.

[Dragonball Z]

Azula and the Fire-benders?!!! Did NOT see that coming!!!! Although they kind of DO fit within the same realm, can't wait to see where this ends up going!

[GreyKnight151]

I'll tell you this: it's going to be an interesting ride.