The SBC (Two Days After The) Holiday Special

[Young Nug]

The SBC (Two Days After The) Holiday Special

'Twas... Uh. Two days after Christmas. And all through the site

Not a creature was stirring. Not even a... sprite.

Not even a fairy, on this uneventful day,

Was posting, for no one had one thing to say.

The posts just weren't coming. The members were sad.

All except one, you see, for Hayden was glad.

Hayden hated the holidays. He hated them deep.

He hated the lights, and the snow, white like sheep.

He hated the singing, the laughs, and the love

So he removed himself from it. He lived high above.

From high atop his perch, he watched over SBC

To make sure that the whole site was devoid of glee.

He made sure every member was without a friend

He made sure Terminoob was miserable in 2010!

He made sure never to tell, when someone was bluffing

He's why 70s almost drove his car into a river or something!

Ever since he joined, Hayden's always been bitter

Maybe it's because he's not as good-looking as Krysten Ritter?

Regardless the reason, Hayden was just foul.

He stayed up all night, and he screeched like an owl.

He kept everyone up, and everyone got mad

So everyone crashed Jjs' bachelor pad.

"You must make him stop!" All the members declared.

Jjs shook his head. "I'm not gonna go there.

Hayden's gonna be Hayden, so we've gotta deal."

"NO!" They all cried. "This is simply surreal!

Every year, here at Christmas he makes our smiles drop

And 2015's the year that you're gonna make him stop!

Take Nuggets! Take Clappy! Take Dylan! Take Kat!"

"You know what?" OMJ said. "Take my baseball bat.

You take it up there, don't you dare give him a pass.

I want you to take this bat here, and shove it up his

Spoiler

              rectal cavity."

Jjs sighed, and went and woke Nugs.

He woke up in a flash, and was grumpy, and on drugs.

"What do you want?" Nugs said, irritated.

"We've gotta get Hayden. And stop- no debating.

I know you're coked out on that holiday snow

But it's up to the sad cave of Hayden's we go

We've gotta go get him to stop being a Scrooge

And maybe, we could just save SBC too."

Grumbling, Nugs stood, and then took his scarf

And walked out the door, away from the warmth of the hearth

And he and Jjs began the long walk

Up the mountain. As they trekked, the two started to talk

But after a while, they arrived - They were finally there.

Hayden rose from his cave, and gave the two a glare.

"What the heck do you want?" That mean Hayden snapped

At the two. Then Nuggets scoffed. "Don't give me that crap.

You're a mean old miser, and dude, it's not cool.

You always ruin the holidays, and the breaks after school

You've made us all mad at least three thousand times!

You're like the Grinch, Scrooge and Satan, rolled up and combined!

Stop being trash! It makes us hope you rot."

And Jjs looked at Hayden, and gave a curt nod.

Hayden looked at Jjs, then Nuggets, then J

Then back to Nuggets. Then, he looked away.

"The holidays are awful." He said. Nuggets just scoffed.

"There are tons of people who have it way worse off."

"BAH HUMBUG!" Hayden shouted. "That's not what I mean!

You just wouldn't get it. Things aren't what they seem.

I'm not mean to be mean. I'm not rude to be rude.

I don't have an endless supply of smart-assed attitude.

Every year, I look around, and everyone is content.

Whether it's Sauce being happy, or Nuggets being 'lit'.

But I am unhappy. And why? I don't know.

Maybe because no one appreciates me, the seeds that I've sown.

I've been here forever, and no one is my friend

No, they all attack me, it seems. To no end.

The holidays are painful. They make me want to cry.

Everyone can be happy. . . So... Why can't I?"

It was quiet, for a minute. Nuggets looked at his feet.

Jjs was just still, for a minute. He felt quite downbeat.

He then looked at Hayden, then took a deep breath.

"There's a reason you don't feel like all the rest.

You do it to yourself. You've cut yourself off, from the family, and fun

You're not one of many, you're simply just one.

You're not hostile or mean, or even a fink

You're just a little misguided, I think.

You don't have to hate us, or wish for our end

I think that all you really need... Is a friend."

Hayden looked up. Jjs held out his hand,

And right then, something strange came over the land.

The snow became warm, the site seemed to smile

And everyone seemed to be calm, for a while.

From high, high above, Hayden, Jjs and Nugs looked

Upon the world as it simmered, as it froze, as it cooked

The snuff film that Elastic and Dr. Sex watched

Turned happy, as the murder that was attempted, was botched.

And Tyeam's drawing of crows, that picked at a man

Became rainbows that smiled, and rained on the land.

The review Clappy wrote, once scathingly vulgar, and mean

Became a nice review, both glowing, and clean.

There in Shin's strip club, the no-longer sad ladies began to twerk

And Shin leaned back in his chair, satisfied, with a

And Nuggets' bedroom, dark and hard to see

Became super lit, for all fam to see.

Hayden gasped. "This is what happens, when I'm nice and show love?

When I don't have to stay all up here, high above?"

Jjs smiled, patted him on the back.

"Yeah, this is what happens when you pick up the slack."

Hayden smiled. He breathed in, and looked over the site

And he smiled, and laughed a laugh filled with delight.

And you know, I was there, and so with confidence, I say

Hayden's heart didn't shrink anymore sizes that day.

Hayden looked out at the forum... But then, that boy said

"Happy Holidays to all, and to all .... A big meh."

Hayden shrugged, went back to his cave, where he'd go smoke some pot.

Nuggets turned to Jjs and smiled. "Well, it was worth a shot."

-Happy holidays yeah

[illiniguy34]

It is beautiful.

[Hayden]

10/10 for the rhyming.

8/10 for the overall attempted message.

0/10 for any out of character bits like the closure.

7/10 for amount of SBCers successfully incorporated into the framework.

9/10 for Hayden inspired concept and creativity.

Giving you a 34/50 for a grade of 68/100.

..........................................................................................

A poem so quick, a poem so sharp, is a poem on which I still must harp.

I'd love nothing more than to embrace family plus fun, and truth be told SBC is well-knit and well run.

A creation of which I am not at the head of the pack, is still a community where I am giving plenty back.

Only a loner, never a stoner, Quiet and maybe aloof, not my intention to throw sense out the window and raise up the roof.

But there's one activity for which I never quit drawing anticipation. That jolly and cursed act of attentive observation.

I see potential in those around me squandered away, and in my introverted little world I rarely get out my full say.

So sometimes I vent and sometimes I wreck, a constant struggle to keep my online life in check.

I am not bitter, I'm still here to smile. Can't help but wonder why statements on the internet would twist pants or cause rile.

So thank you for this special, I can see it was partially more than just a half ass, I look forward on XAT to our next class of sass.

Though for now I must finish up this review, I've probably got trolling elsewhere around the globe still left to deliver to.

Your score up above translates to just under a C, but wait just a moment your finished work was two days tar-dy.

So here's a twist Mr. Tenders Undersea, my final verdict is that your adjusted product falls BELOW the bar of meh-dioc-rity. 

 

 

 

 

[Young Nug]

7 hours ago, Hayden said:

0/10 for any out of character bits like the closure.

what

[JCM]

Needs more JCM.

[Hayden]

2 hours ago, Aquatic Nuggets said:

what

I'm anti-pot.

 

 

 

[Ron]

19 minutes ago, Hayden said:

Loved this.