The Secret Box

[So Sejima]

NO NOT GARY HE'S TOO CUTE AND HE'S FAMILY AS WELL I THOUGHT THEY HAD SOMETHING SPECIAL!

[Cha]

Nat Peterson: Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen what a day to hear latest news of the missing case of Princess Mindy. And I gotta admit, I'm a huge fan of the royal family. Seriously I'm just a fan. I was on my way to Snail Po Inc. and the door was open-

Perch Perkins: Hey what are you doing in here!

Nat Peterson: I don't know... I felt a disturbance...And I'm a fan of you Perch. Seriously I'm just a fan.

Perch Perkins: You're too kind....SECURITY!

But Nat bolts to the exit doors of the news station before they can grab him. Perch Perkins is left puzzled before changing his view back to the viewers at home with a smile.

Perch Perkins: Sorry about that folks. Five days have passed since the disappearance of Princess Mindy and boy have things been heated up. Rumor heard through between SWAT members in town earlier this morning was that Princess Mindy had potentially been in a openers store during Labor Day. What this store might be or if this is just a fake is completely unknown. In other news, Neptune and royal SWAT Chief Middleson were seen riding downtown Bikini Bottom at 8:50 this morning. Reasons for him doing so are unknown because he disappeared shortly in a puff of godly smoke. Us at channel six have been trying to get a word with Neptune, with little luck.

We go back 8:50 AM to what was happening. Neptune is riding through downtown Bikini Bottom in a golden chariot, pulled by the finest pretty little seahorses around. He is seen looking ever so regal and stoned face as ever. Middleson sat next to him with a pad of paper and his black SWAT uniform. Everybody including Perch were forced to stay on the sideways by guards as he made his way by. Perch shoved his way through the crowd to get to the front of the mesh.

Perch: Move it pals. I'm with Channel Six news!

He was right behind the back of a large semi green bodyguard that kept the crowd in line. He tried sticking his microphone over the his shoulder the guy as King Neptune was slowly coming his way.

Perch Perkins: Your majesty! Your majesty! If I may have a word with you!

Bodyguard: No press is allowed to talk to the king.

Perch Perkins: But what about freedom of the press?

Bodyguard: Or how about the freedom of these?

He pulls his filthy hands and just as he's about to reach for Perch's throat, he stops himself because he sees too many witnesses around him. He lets out a sigh before continuing.

Bodyguard: It's punks like you that my friend warned me about.

Perch Perkins: Hey buddy I'm apart of the Bikini Bottom Channel Six. I don't have to take this. By the laws in this town I'm allowed to talk to him as I please. Now if you don't mind. Neptune excuse me Neptune!

Neptune is actually looking his way and catches sight on Perch who's waving behind the large mass.

Perch Perkins: Channel Six News. If I could have a second of your time-

Neptune: Okay.

Perch Perkins: I can't believe it... If you could answer-

Neptune: Second up!

Perch Perkins: But your majest-

Neptune: Nope too late! Be gone peasant, I've been generous enough to you today.

Perch Perkins: Could you at least tell the public where you may be going?

But it was too late, Neptune and his chariot were gone in a puff of smoke. Before Perch was about to call it quits, a photo smacked into his face.

The picture was of an octopus with a sort of uniform hat on. Perch was about to throw the piece of garbage away when he noticed writing on back of the picture.

scene of crime 00001, Richard J. Middleson: Squidward Tentacles

Perch Perkins: Interesting...

As this is happening, there is another unknown figure in the background. He is staring down Perch while he's holding the piece of paper.

???: Interesting...

----

Plankton had spent the whole night creating a tracking device to locate the three missing persons. He had asked Krabs and Triton to stay over night in case Krabs was going to pull a fast one on him. Krabs and Triton were sleeping on two chairs in the lab while Plankton was working on the finishing touches.

Plankton: Walla! And now for a little wakey-uppy....

Plankton sets himself into the robot he creates during that night. He grabs a bucket from his supreme collection and scoops it up some water. He tosses it on Krabs and Triton as they laid sleeping. The cold water caused Krabs to jump and Triton to flinch blue fire from his godly hands.

Plankton: Oops. :3

Triton: What the hell man!

Krabs: What was that for?

Plankton: I just wanted you two to be awake to see the result of the last night.

They set their sight on the fine and large machinery Plankton was sitting inside of.

Krabs: Wow that's some robot alright.

Triton: So how will it help us?

Plankton: Oh this isn't the invention that will help you. That other one only took an hour to make.

Krabs: You mean we spent the whole night here on what you could have done in an hour?

Triton: Why didn't you just make that first instead of playing shits and giggles with your robot man?

Plankton: HEY! Who's the fine inventor here? Do you want your stinkin' invention or not?

Krabs: Yes..

Plankton: Alright then.

Plankton jumps out of the robot and goes over to his desk to grab something. He comes back to them holding something. It's a small rectangular box with a screen and two buttons. He tosses it to Krabs.

Plankton: Here, go crazy.

Mr. Krabs: THAT'S it? That little thing going to help us find me employees?

Plankton: That's just step one of my very elaborate and college educated plan.

He pulls out a bull print that shows a very simple picture of the device and an arrow pointing towards the red button on it.

Plankton: You see, all you need to do is get a DNA sample like hair or skin from either one of your employees and press this red button. You set the DNA inside and this baby will hopefully track where your employes are.

Triton: And that's it?

Plankton: Eyup.

Krabs: But me employes don't have hair or any trace of skin around. How am I suppose to track them?

Plankton: Hey I did my part, that's not my problem.

Triton: Wait boss dude, I still have that octopus guy's hat with me. Maybe there's something on it.

Triton hands over the KK cap to Plankton's stubby hands. Plankton pulls out a magnifying glass and tries to find any substance inside.

Plankton: Well even I don't see anything.

Krabs: Here give me that, two eyes are better than one.

He grabs Plankton's magnifying glass and sees just the blank interior inside.

Krabs: Nothin'.

Triton: Now what do we do?

Plankton: It doesn't have to be just hair or skin. It could be salvia, sweat, toe nail clippings...

Triton: Why don't we check out the sponge and squid dudes' houses again? They might have something like toe nail clippings around or somethin'.

Krabs: I guess that's not a bad idea. Come on let's go Triton.

They exist towards the doors when Plankton jumps on Krabs nose.

Plankton: Wait a second butter boy, where's my Krabby Patty you promised?

Krabs: Oh that? I said I would give it to you after we found me employees.

Plankton: You told me after I helped you, you would give it. Now hand me my Patty.

Krabs: I said no such thing. And if you want it so badly, then why don't you just help us further to make it quicker?

Plankton: FINE I WILL! Just let me get a couple things then before I go.

Plankton grudges around his laboratory speaking under his breath. Krabs and Triton are waiting outside as Plankton throws some papers around in anger. His computer wife notices all this before speaking some sense into her husband.

Karen: So you're just going to go on with them?

Plankton: What am I suppose to do? Lying or not Krabs said he would give me a Patty if I found them.

Karen: You and I both know he won't.

Plankton falls face forward to the ground.

Plankton: Don't you think I know that?

Karen: Then why go through with it?

Plankton: I don't know my computer wife, at this point I've given up getting the formula. It's just impossible.

Karen: Well I guess that solves that.

Plankton: Huh?

Karen: I guess you're finally giving up.

Plankton: Yes, I am.... Unless.. I pull some strings of my own into their tracking plan.

Karen: Really? How will you do that?

Plankton: Well you see I'll get Krabs to befr-

Krabs from outside: Plankton! Let's go.

Plankton: I'll tell you later. Save some holographic meatloaf for me later dear!

They made their way in Triton's car through the houses, pick locking them once again. Squidward's was always very neat and clean, to the point where they couldn't find any source of DNA. Patrick's home was just full of sand unaware of the secret entrance, so they didn't find anything there. So they went to SpongeBob's pineapple again.

Krabs: Maybe the lad's pet snail can be of more assistance.

Triton: I'll be damned if we can get closer to this case finally.

They enter the home, and find it to be the same normal place as they left.

Krabs: Hey snail, snail?

The three of them split up to locate Gary. Plankton goes over near the living room bathroom and is some what shocked to find something on the floor. He gets the attention of Triton and Krabs.

Plankton: Uhh?

On the floor, it's written "murder" in snail litter. There could also be seen some blood mixed in between the litter now.

Krabs: What the?

Triton: Well now we know they may not be missing.

Plankton: You mean?

Triton: Dudes, we might have a murder(s) on our hands.

Plankton: And if they got the snail than...

Triton: Don't be ridiculous. No way in frickin' hell anyone would touch my sister.

Triton turns away and rubs a tear from his eye before anyone can see him.

------

Bodyguard Malcolm Kenny went off duty from guarding Neptune earlier that day and decided to meet up with a friend.

He had been through a lot in the past decade. Before his occupation as one of the royal bodyguards he was a sea famous criminal and litter. Malcolm's crimes often included beating up whoever told on him for doing something bad. One of the most terrible moments in his criminal life was when he was trying to beat up a weasel that ratted him to the cops. Usually the job is over quickly and he moves on. He had to go undercover to mince this guy up, but only to go insane from the kid's personality. Malcolm actually put himself in a six year prison stay just to get away from the guy. And that time really made him think his life through. But he payed his dets to society and change his ways, never again will he litter or hurt anyone, that is with recent mental help from his good former prison buddy who he was about to visit.

Malcolm knocked on the rock before it opened and he was let inside. Him and his friend sat down on sand future.

Patrick: Hey Mac, what are you in for?

Malcolm: Patrick you know by now I like to be called by my full name.

Patrick: Fine Malcolm. Uh, what brings you here this time?

Malcolm: Well I've been having those visions again.

Patrick: About spiders? It's okay because I have them all the time. *shudders*

Malcolm: No, the ones where I'm choking innocent people and squeezing their heads. I just can't...stop them lately.

Patrick: I don't find any problems with visions of choking or squeezing heads.

Malcolm: I'm serious Pat, it almost happened at work today with some news reporter. It's getting to the point where I can't even strangle-I mean crush windpipes, I mean

Patrick: Protect Neptune?

Malcolm: Yeah that's the word. Thanks pal.

Patrick: Don't mention it Strangler, I mean bodyguard Malcolm.

Malcolm: Oh goodness you had to bring up that name again...

Patrick: What's wrong with that name? I liked it when we were in prison playing parcheesi every night.

Malcolm: What exactly were you in for again?

Patrick: I was the Strangler.

Malcolm: Right... Well I really don't know how to stop these visions and my actions.

Patrick: Soup always cheers me up when I'm upset, I actually made some last night..

Patrick gets up and goes to his kitchen to make a bowl from his stew pot. He hands it over to Malcolm who takes a spoonful and is delightfully surprised at the taste.

Malcolm: Wow, this is some really great soup.

Patrick: Thank you, I spent all night making it. Dohehehehe.

Malcolm: What kind was it?

Patrick: Uh cherry maybe, raspberry, blueberry?

Malcolm: Excuse me?

Patrick: You know the usual tomato soup.

Malcolm: Ah, well thanks a lot. This bowl really make me feel better. I guess all I need was something to calm my nerves down.

Patrick: No problem buddy.

Malcolm: Enough about me, how have you been?

Patrick: Oh just busy with some friends of mine and a girl.

Malcolm: A girl? Woah ho ho, you have been busy. How did it go with her?

Patrick: Let's just say we had quite the night together.

Malcolm: Well aren't you an animal.

Patrick: I'm a giraffe!

As Malcolm takes another spoonful, he looses his grip on the bowl and it pours all over his shirt.

Malcolm: Agh gosh, sorry Patrick.

Patrick: It's ok.

Malcolm: Hey could I use your bathroom to clean myself up?

Patrick: ....my bathroom? Uh..maybe but..

Malcolm: Thanks.

But it was too late, Malcolm had already reached downstairs and was about to open the door. Patrick ran after Malcolm and caught him before he entered.

Patrick: WAIT!

Malcolm: What?

Patrick: You don't want to go in there.

Malcolm: Why not? You said I could use it.

Patrick started to sweat and rub his hand behind his neck.

Patrick: Yeah but I forgot the uh city cut off my water Malcolm.

Malcolm: Oh that's fine, I can just use the mirror to see and a towel to whip it off then.

Patrick: but uh there's no mirrors or towels in there.

Malcolm: Patrick, I've been over to your house many times and I've seen a mirror there before.

Patrick: I got the mirror removed though and-

Malcolm: Man... I can tell your sweating like crazy. What's wrong with you?

Patrick: NOTHING! Nothing. Nothing at all.

Malcolm: What's your problem?

Patrick: Nothing...

Malcolm: Well if nothing is wrong, I'm just going to enter in then and get this hot mess off of me...

Patrick's face grows dark as his friend ignores him once again. He finally realizes there's nothing left to do but make him pay for his consequences. Patrick holds the side of the door from closing, causing Malcolm to stare at him.

Patrick: Well I guess I can help you get that off of your shirt.

Malcolm: I don't need help really-

Patrick: Oh, it's no problem at all... buddy.

Patrick: Step inside...

Malcolm: Close the door..?

Patrick closes the door behind them without turning the light on. He stands face to face with Malcolm in the dark for a few quiet seconds.

Patrick: Just you, me and the floorboards.

Malcolm: Aren't you going to turn on the light?

Patrick: Oh yea, my mistake.

Patrick still standing face to face with him lifts his arm up and flips on a switch on the wall. Doing so he doesn't take his eyes off of Malcolm the entire time. Malcolm in return gives him a strange look.

Malcolm: Thanks...

The bathroom looks very clean and neat, the most organized Malcolm has seen it since he's come over. Malcolm goes over to the mirror and looks for a towel. Patrick pulls out one from inside a cabinet and gives it to him.

Patrick: Here let me help you with that...

Malcolm: No uh that's fine Patrick I got it.

Malcolm rubs the towel over the wet soaked area his shirt. Doing so it picks up the wetness, but leaves another red residue in it's place. He doesn't notice it until he glances in his reflection. He lifts up his edges if shirt with his two hands.

Malcolm: What the hell...?

He shockingly looks at the towel and back at Patrick.

Malcolm: Oh nice, prank Patrick. You're trying to make me spooked. I gotta say, even that got me a little for a second. Where did you get this fake blood? Palace of Pranks or the Phooney baloney emporium?

Patrick: Neither.

Malcolm: Heh heh, but seriously dude where?

Patrick slyly walks towards Malcolm.

Patrick: Did you know starfishes and snails can be related to each other?

Malcolm: What?

Patrick: Yeah, and my buddy SpongeBob. He owns one and it heard they like to play pirates a lot.

Patrick gets even closer and stops near the shower curtain.

Malcolm: What are saying Patrick?

Patrick: You know, they like to pretend bathtubs are treasure chests and soap bars are doubloons....

Patrick opens up the shower curtain, grabs something and closes it swiftly within a blink. He slowly walks again towards Malc who is idle next to the mirror. Malc watches Patrick in the reflection.

Patrick: I think it would be fun if we played too. Here are your doubloons, don't drop them!

Patrick tries to hit Malc in the head with two soap bars behind him, but Malc sees this and grabs Patrick's arms behind him. Malc turns around, still squeezing hard onto Patrick.

Malcolm: What were you trying to do to me?!

Patrick: You didn't listen to me Malcolm.

Malcolm: What are you talking about?

Patrick: I told you not to come in here...

Patrick kicks Malcolm in the head with his feet. Causing Malcolm to to fall back, grab the shower curtain and thump hard into the wall. While doing so, he bumps into Patrick's night stand and causes his radio to turn on. Malc now looks in the bathtub, which is filled with blood and the bodies of a mermaid and an empty snail shell.

Malcolm: This isn't happening...

Patrick: You're not going to tattle on me are you Tattletale Strangler?

"Ain't That A Kick In The Head" by Dean Martin starts to play.

Song: How lucky can one guy be?

Patrick's shadow overlaps Malcolm feeble positioned.

Malcolm: Patrick I don't know what's going on, but I'm not fighting you! I made an oath to never fight again.

Patrick ignored this and him hard twice in the gut.

Song: I kissed her

Before Patrick can strike for a third time, Malc kick one of Patrick's legs down, causing him to fall.

Song: and she kissed me

Malc manages to get up and bolts towards the bathroom door in a slight pant. As he grabs the knob of the door, Patrick throws one of the soap bars he was still clinging to at Malc's back. Malc falls down once again and Patrick springs towards him, he pounds him once more on the head.

Song: Like a fella once said, "ain't that a kick to the head"?

Patrick: To make things more interesting...

Patrick throws one of the soap bars he's still holding at a light bulb in the bathroom. The soap bar crashes the light, causing glass to fall on Malc down below, cutting his skin and it fills with glass.

Patrick: Life! Death! Life! Death!

Patrick does the same thing with his other soap bar at the other light bulb. Glass once again falls over Malc. Now it is completely dark in the room from this.

Patrick: Life! Death! Life! Death!

Song: The room was completely dark.

Malc picks himself up in the darkness, rubs off some of the aching glass on his bleeding arms. He reached for the knob again, but this time he actually gets it open. He scrambles to his feet and runs out. He makes sure to close the door on his way out. Malc goes up from the basement and grabs the bowl he once ate from, because he knows there's someone behind him.

Patrick: dohehehehe

Malcolm: Patrick, you don't want to mess with me. I may not fight anymore but I can defend myself.

Patrick grabs his waist but Malc picks up Patrick with his once strangling hands and lifts him up.

Song: I hugged her and she hugged me.

Patrick grabs a pair of cleats from his pocket and puts them on.

Patrick: Hehe I got these when I went over to SpongeBob's yesterday. Too bad I don't know how to tie them.

Malc picks Patrick up higher, squeezing him even more. Patrick bites one of his hands.

Song: Like a sailor said quote, "ain't that a hole in a boat"?

And it causes to Malc to drop Patrick's cleats.. into his eye sockets. Patrick is delighted.

Malc: GET YOUR FEET OUT OF MY EYE SOCKETS!

He spins around and tries to shake Pat out.

Song: My head keeps spinnin'

Patrick laughs and smiles.

Song: I got to sleep and keep grinnin'

If this is just the beginin'

My life is going to be beautiful

He hits Patrick against the wall and Pat flies out. Malc's eyes are burning red and his arm is still bleeding from the glass. He rubs his eyes as Patrick hits him with his cleated shoes on the head.

Song: I sunshine enough to spread

It's just like that fella said

Tell me quick

Ain't that a kick to the head?

Patrick: Now you're going to get yours, Tattletale!

Patrick does it again.

Patrick: Let's party some more!

Song: Like that fella said, "ain't that a kick to the head?"

Malc is wheezing as he grabs Patrick's throat from the floor Malc's on. Malcolm goes for his signature TattleTale Strangler strangle.

Song: Like the sailor said quote, "ain't that a hole in the boat"?

Malcolm: I may have strangled a couple of people in my day. But I have NEVER strangled the life out of them like you have.... Maybe I should take my turn now and try the opposite of what I usually do.

Malc squeezes Patrick even tighter as he turns blue. Patrick's eyes go buggy and his lungs make squeaky noises.

Malcolm: Not that opposite! Let me show you how to do it... the wrong way.

Song: My head keeps spinnin'

Patrick closes his eyes from the pain.

Song: I got to sleep

Malc starts to smile a bit, he is reminded on how it felt to be the TattleTale Strangler. How good it felt for once letting his anger out.

Song: and keep grinnin'

If this is just the beginnin'

My life is going to be beautiful

Patrick: waiit Mac don't..

Song: She keeps telling me we'll be wed She's picked out a king sized bed

Malcolm: I told you never to call me that!

Patrick: Malcolm...

Malcolm: And it's not Malcolm either. ITS THE TATTLETALE STRANGLER! HA HA HA!

Song: I couldn't feel any better

He starts to look at Patrick who seems to be on his final leg of life. A sudden flash back of all the memories he had in prison rush before his eyes.

Song: Or I'll be sick

He let's Patrick go, falling and who gasps for water.

Malcolm: I can't... I can't take a life like you did... You may be a sick bastard... You may have killed the daughter of my boss, Neptune himself. But I am not a killer like you.

Malcolm goes over to knock Patrick out so he can take him to the royal SWAT. He is cautious as he makes his way towards the serial killer.

Patrick: Alright you got me... BUT YOU DON'T HAVE MY TWO COCONUTS! DA HA HA!

Patrick knocks him out with his two coconuts over his head.

Patrick: But since you kept my life buddy... I'll keep yours. I have different plans for you.

Song: Tell me quick

Oh ain't that a kick?

Tell me quick

Ain't that a kick to the head

[Sauce Mama]

Oh my gosh, this has to be my favorite one! Great job, Cha! xD

[Cha]

This spinny is going to be on hiatus until I get my Disneyland lit sorted out.