My Mortal Phoenix

[Metal Snake]

I've already decided that after I & P's hiatus, I'm going to take a break and start working on a lit that will be made for pure lulz. That's right, this October, I will do a parody of something truly horrifying. A spoof of one of the worst things ever written, My Immortal. Just the name makes people cringe. If you've never heard of this "fanfic" up until now, uhh... read the backstory in the link below.

http://ohinternet.com/My_Immortal

*gulps* If you are curious enough to read it, and might I add that you are a brave person if so, here's a link to it.

http://myimmortalrehost2.webs.com/chapters122.htm

Anyways, this is easily one of the worst things I've ever laid eyes on, and I'm pretty sure many other people have felt the same way about this abomination. I've been dying to do a parody of My Immortal for a while now, but I also wasn't sure for a while how I would make it work. So if you want to help me spoof this awful mess of a fic, please tell me, because I could use the help.

Plot

The story focuses on a teenage "goth" girl named Mary Doo, a Mary Sue with the intellect of a ditsy horse. One night, she gets so upset that she commits suicide, but is brought back to life by the power of a phoenix. Mary doesn't know that it was the phoenix's power that resurrected her, however, and believes that she is a demonic creature of the undead. That is where her adventure begins, on her quest to find out who she truly is, and see what is in the flames (lulz is the keyword here folks, just remember).

[Elastic Dawg]

Oh gawd, I love My Immortal. Count me in.

[Metal Snake]

Oh gawd, I love My Immortal. Count me in.

Welcome to the writing team. Any other volunteers?

[EuroTrip]

YES. YES. ME. IN. ONE WORD SENTENCES, EXCEPT THIS ONE.

[Metal Snake]

YES. YES. ME. IN. ONE WORD SENTENCES, EXCEPT THIS ONE.

Again, welcome to the team. Looks like I have a writing staff now.

[Metal Snake]

Time for the first episode. Please remember, this is JUST for lulz. This is NOT intended to be serious in any way whatsoever. Trust me.

Episode 1: The Rising Flames: Introduction of Ditzy Mary Doo

Hi, my name is Mary Demonic Wingz Doo. I have demon wings on my back (that's how I got my name), and I am epic wins (get it?). I am sixteen years old, and two years ago, my parents sent me to boarding school because I was probably too emo for them, the bastards. At school, there's a lot of posers who look at me strange for some reason, but they don't bother me because I just stick my tongue out at them. They're all just a bunch of idiots who think they're better than me just because they get good grades, while I cut most of my classes. Thankfully, the teachers don't really care about what I do because a lot of them probably have headaches, and the stores around here are almost always out of Nurofen. I may not pass school, but that's fine with me because who would want to go to a college with a bunch of posers anyway? Besides, I already have a job at Hot Topic writing lengthy advertisements for the clothes that they sell. It's a fun job, the only downside is that the employees there think that my wings are fake, which is so NOT true you motherfuckers!

In case you don't understand, I'll explain. You see, I am a Mary Sue (in case you couldn't tell), and something very strange happened to me a while back. Three months ago, I got very sad while I was in my bedroom watching depressing Tim Burton movies like "The Nightmare Before Christmas" and listening to gothic songs like "The Anthem" by Good Charlotte and "American Idiot" by Green Day, so I decided that I would commit suicide and die like a true goth. I cut my legs with a razor and I stuck a steak knife into my heart, but I didn't die. Instead, I saw a fire emerge in the air, and everything went black. When I woke up, I felt a strange pain in my back. I turned my head around and gasped when I saw two red wings on my back. I also saw a bird fly around my room and turn to a pile of ash on the floor. At first, I was astonished, but then I realized what had happened with my extensive knowledge of mythology. I knew that the Greek god of the underworld Hades had brought me back to life and transformed me into a demon, which I was very happy about. Anyways, now that I've introduced myself, it's time to move on to my everyday life!

One day, I was walking outside the school. It was overcast, and a nerdy poser named Twilight was looking at me strange with her best derp face. I stuck out my tongue and blew a raspberry at her. I soon regretted doing so though, because standing right next to her was.....Justin! Justin was a blonde-haired shy guy who I had been analyzing for a while. Despite the fact that he liked hanging out with posers like Twilight, I was interested in him because he looked so gothic and hot. He was so awesome that I had even given him an original nickname, Midnight, because of the dark complexion in his face (and it sounds a lot better than Twilight, don't you think?).

"Oh, hi Midnight." I said to him with a wide smile on my face.

Midnight didn't reply. He simply waved at me and walked away. I walked back to the school, excited that I had finally managed to say something to him.

End of Chapter One.

Original Draft

Thanks to Ex, the original draft for the pilot that was previously deleted by mistake has been recovered. There are some differences between the original version and the one I posted yesterday, and I've decided to put it here for your amusement.

Hi, my name is Mary Demonic Wingz Doo. I have demon wings on my back (that's how I got my name), and I am epic wins (get it?). In case you don't understand, I'll explain. You see, I am a Mary Sue. I am 16 years old, and I'm a hardcore punk goth demon. A few years ago, my parents sent me to a boarding school full of posers, probably because I was too emo for them, the bastards. Most of the people here are all a bunch of ridiculous dimwits who think they're so cool because they get good grades. They have a habit of giving me weird looks every time I walk by, but I just stick my tongue out at them most of the time. The teachers also think I'm very strange for whatever reason. I cut most of my classes, but they don't care what I do because they all have headaches, and the nearby stores are usually out of Nurofen. I also have a part-time job writing lengthy advertisements for my favorite gothic store, Hot Topic, which I enjoy very much, even though most of the workers there think my demon wings are fake.

In case you all are wondering how I got my demon wings, I'll give you an explanation. You see something very strange happened to me a while back. Last year, I got very sad while I was in my bedroom watching depressing Tim Burton movies like "The Nightmare Before Christmas" and listening to gothic songs like "The Anthem" by Good Charlotte and "American Idiot" by Green Day, so I decided that I would commit suicide and die like a true goth. I cut my legs with a razor and I stuck a steak knife into my heart. Suddenly, I saw a fire emerge in the air, and everything went black. When I woke up, I felt a strange pain in my back. I turned my head around and gasped when I saw two red wings on my back. I also saw a bird fly around my room and turn to a pile of ash on the floor. With my expert knowledge of mythology, I hypothesized that the Greek God Hades had taken pity on me, and brought me back to life as a demon. This thrilled me, as I realized that I really did have a purpose in life. Other than that, there's not much to say.

One day, it was overcast, and I was walking outside the school. A nerdy poser named Twilight was staring at my wings with her best derp face, but I just blew her a raspberry. I soon regretted doing this though, because standing next to her was......a raven-haired boy named Justin. He was a shy lad who didn't like to talk much, and I had taken interest in him before, because he was one of the few people who wasn't a complete poser by my standards. I had also given him an original nickname, Midnight, because it represented the dark complexion in his personality, and it sounds a lot better than Twilight, don't you think?

"Hi Midnight!" I said with a wide grin.

Midnight didn't respond. He and Twilight just walked away with confused looks on their faces. I walked away happily, glad that I had finally gotten a chance to speak with him.

End of Episode One.

[Metal Snake]

Episode 2: Down to the Sound: Enter the Cutting Rapper

DISCLAIMER: This fic is written for the lulz, and nothing but the lulz. It is NOT meant to be a model of a great (or even a decent) literature, nor is it meant to be taken seriously in any way.

Later that night, I walked back to my room snickering like Pee-Wee Herman, like in that Tim Burton movie "Pee-Wee's Big Adventure". I went to sleep in my bed, still excited about finally talking to Midnight. I almost had an orgasm in my sleep as I fantasized in a wet dream about how he looked like a gothic version of that pemo Justin Bieber. If you don't know what a pemo is, it's a combination of the words "poser" and "emo", and it means a poser who's trying to be a cool emo. When I woke up, I got dressed in some tacky goffick clothes, and put on some makeup. It was Saturday, and I had the day off from school (for once). Half an hour later, I came out of my room, and saw someone coming down the hallway. It was.........my BF, MC Emo Cutter!

MC Emo Cutter was a brown-haired girl that I had befriended after her parents sent her to boarding school. She was a gothic rapper who loved listening to Ludacris' and Em n em's (Get it, cause I dig the candy) music. She loved writing songs based off of depressing music, and was trying to write a gothic version of the song "Move Bitch" by Ludacris, and a rap version of "The Chronicles of Life and Death" by Good Charlotte. Her biggest encouragement for doing this was white rapper Jon la Joie's single "WTF Collective", which gave her the idea that anyone could be a rapper if they wanted to be one, and also inspired her to call herself MC Emo Cutter.

"What up, my homie?" MC greeted me in a gangsta tone of voice.

"Nothing much." I replied.

"Yeah right," MC said, sharing her fifty cents with me (get it, cause she's a rapper?). "I saw you trying to steal first base with Justin yesterday."

"No, I wasn't," I responded defensively. "I barely even know the guy."

"Whateva," MC said. "Anyways, there's something that I think you'd like to know. Linkin' Park is having a concert in town at 6 o' clock tomorrow evening!"

"Oh my fucking Hades," I replied in shock. "They're one of my favorite bands!"

"I know," MC said with a smile on her face. "That's why I've prepared a rap about Linkin Park just for you!"

"Really?" I responded.

"Yeah," she said back. "It's Linkin Park, and they're really bad! The songs that they sing are really rad!"

"That was amazing!" I commented.

"Just remember, it wasn't the best rap ever made, it was just a tribute." she said, quoting Tenacious D. "Anyways, I'd go to the concert, but I don't have a lot of money on me, and I need time to practice my music. Why don't you go ask your boyfriend Midnight if he wants to come with you instead?"

"Oh you sly little whore," I said as I giggled, knowing she was just joking. She gave me a good idea though, so I decided to go to Midnight's room and ask him if he wanted to come with me to the concert. I knocked on the door, and he answered.

"Uh, hi Mary." Midnight said quietly as he opened the door.

"Hey, Midnight." I said happily.

"You can just call me Justin." he responded.

"Whatever," I said back. "Anyways, Linkin Park is performing in town tomorrow. Do you want come with me?"

"Sure, why not?" he replied shyly.

"Epic wingz!" I shouted. "Meet me outside the school at 5:00 p.m, I'll drive us there. You bring fifty dollars to cover for the entrance fee, and I'll bring the special entertainment just in case!"

"Um alright, but what do you mean by "entertainment"?" Midnight asked curiously.

"You'll see." I said excitedly as he closed the door, and I went back to my room.

End of Chapter Two.

[Metal Snake]

Episode 3: Breaking the Unusual Habit: Mary Doo's First Midnight

DISCLAIMER: This fic is written for the lulz, and nothing but the lulz. It is NOT meant to be a model of a great (or even a decent) literature, nor is it meant to be taken seriously in any way.

The next night was the night of the Linkin Park concert, and I was so excited that I cut one of my armpits with a razor. I watched some gothic TV shows like "House" and "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" while eating some chicken strips doused in Hawaiian punch instead of ketchup (I was pretending that it was demon blood, get it?). When I finished eating, I went into my closet and grabbed a metal box that was shaped like a heart, like in that song by Nirvana, "Heart Shaped Box". It was where I kept all of my drugs, such as speed, LSD, and crack. I remember when I was little, my parents told me to say no to drugs, but they were preps, so they can go smoke a joint. My favorite way to get high was to first take some LSD, and then take some speed mixed with Rainbow Nerds. I put the LSD, the speed, and the Rainbow Nerds in my bag (in case you couldn't tell, this was the special entertainment I told Midnight about earlier) and I also put my iPod in my pocket, just in case I got bored at the concert.

At 5:00 p.m, I was outside the school when Midnight came. We were going to drive to the concert in my Chevrolet, like in that song "Interior Crocodile Alligator" by Chip tha Ripper. The license plate said "LIK 269" on the back (get it, cause 269 ends with 69?).

"Hello Mary." Midnight said as he walked up to the car.

"Hi Midnight." I said back.

"My name is-forget it, call me whatever you want," he said wearily. "I brought the fifty dollars."

"Alright!" I exclaimed as we got into the car. "Don't worry, Midnight, I'll make this night worth your while."

"What do you mean by that?" he asked curiously.

"Open your mouth and shut your eyes, because you're going to get a big surprise." I said sweetly as I opened my bag.

"Alright..." Midnight replied as he did so. I grabbed the bottle of speed I kept in my bag, opened it up, and I poured fifteen tablets of it in Midnight's mouth. I figured that was the correct dosage because he was fifteen years old.

"Yabbaabbadadaaa...." Midnight muttered as the tablets slid down his throat. He started flapping his arms around, and his legs started jittering.

"Is it good?" I asked with interest. I could tell he liked it, because he answered my question by bobbing his head back and forth. I decided to take some drugs too before we left, so I took some LSD, and ate some speed mixed with Rainbow Nerds. As I did this, I didn't notice, but Midnight took off his seatbelt. He tried to get out of the car, but his hands were so jittery, that he couldn't even grip onto the handle. Suddenly, he bobbed his head again, smashed it against the door, and fell unconscious.

Anyways, as I got high, I started seeing things. The car began to float above the ground, and as I rolled down the windows to let the breeze roll in, a bunch of flickering lights started coming towards me. Then, all of a sudden, I was at the Linkin Park concert, where they were performing the song, "Breaking the Habit" in front of a crowd of people. I started dancing and moshing to myself to the music, when out of nowhere, a small figure that looked like a chicken walked up to me. He was wearing a black mask across his face, and I could tell he was a pemo because he was wearing a Hannah Montana T-shirt that was so large, it covered his feet. He started shouting "cock-a-doodle-doo", and began reciting the tune of the song "Never Say Never" by Justin Bieber. As the crowd turned to him in confusion, the chicken pulled off his mask. I gasped. It wasn't a chicken after all, it was...a dodo!

"Oh my Hades, NOOOOOOOOOO!!!" I cried as the dodo pulled out his Blackberry. "Linkin Park has been outlawed, and that preppy dodo is going to call the police! They're going to take my drugs away!"

Meanwhile, that poser Twilight was walking up to the car. It was 7:00 at night, and she had been trying to call Midnight on his phone for an hour.

"What the fuck are you guys doing?!" Twilight yelled as she peered through the open window and saw the drugs and Midnight's unconscious body.

"You'll never take my entertainment away, coppers!" I exclaimed as I grabbed the Nerds.

"Taste the rainbow, MOTHERFUCKA!" I shouted as I threw the box of Rainbow Nerds at that nerdy dork Twilight, and started the car.

I drove the car away from the school as fast as I could while the blasting the song "Fuck tha Police" by N.W.A. Once I thought I had escaped from the police, I turned the car around. But I didn't drive the car back to the school, instead I accidentally drove the car into.......A TREE!

[Wumbo]

This is some pretty funny shit. Keep it up!

[Metal Snake]

This is some pretty funny shit. Keep it up!

Thanks. Also, even though I gave a warning about its awfulness, you may understand some of the *chuckles* "jokes" better if you've read My Immortal.

[Wumbo]

Thanks. Also, even though I gave a warning about its awfulness, you may understand some of the *chuckles* jokes better if you've read My Immortal.

I haven't read it, but I still find the lit funny. House being a gothic show made me lol in particular.

[Metal Snake]

I haven't read it, but I still find the lit funny. House being a gothic show made me lol in particular.

Heh heh. Don't worry, there will definitely be more silly "gothic-related" gags like that in future installments.

[The Lion King]

Well, this is a lot more readable than My Immortal, and I thank you for that. The humor's great, too, better than some of the more seriously written comedies I've read.

[Metal Snake]

Well, this is a lot more readable than My Immortal, and I thank you for that. The humor's great, too, better than some of the more seriously written comedies I've read.

Thank you. I had actually originally intended for this lit to be a series of short reenactments of the chapters from MI with a few minor differences made for the lulz. As I started writing it though, I started taking more interest into making the chapters longer and more detailed. Still, from the beginning, I wanted to focus the humor on being silly and nonsensical, while satiring My Immortal at the same time.

[Metal Snake]

Episode 4: Score with Silence: Mary's Passion of Midnight

DISCLAIMER: This fanfic is written for the lulz. Nothing in this lit is meant to be taken seriously, nor is it meant to be a model of a good fic.

I tried to slam on the brakes, but it was too late. The car collided with the tree, and there was a fiery explosion, like something you'd see in that gothic movie "Die Hard" (get it? It's gothic because it has the word "die" in the title, and I like death). All of a sudden, everything went black, and I started to fear that Midnight and I were dead, which I wouldn't be happy about. But just then, I woke up and the car was perfectly intact. I gasped. It was like something out of that emo Stephen Spielburg movie, "Poltergeist"! I searched around for my drugs, but I couldn't find them anywhere. I looked out of the car window, and in the distance, I saw Midnight walking down the dirt path. He was dressed in nothing but his boxers and his shirt. I gasped when I saw that he had demon wings coming out of his back!

"Midnight, what the fuck are you doing?!" I asked angrily as I got out of the car and slammed the door.

He stopped dead in his tracks (no, he didn't die if that's what you're thinking, even though death is awethum).

"What the hell happened to you?" I asked impatiently.

Just then he turned, and faced me. I looked in his eyes, and gasped again (I tend to temporarily lose my breath every time I see something that's amazing, in case you couldn't tell) when I saw that his eyes revealed so much pain and misery. I suddenly grew very happy (I'm a goth, so negative emotions make me have an orgasm), so I jumped on him, and started kissing him all over. I suddenly realized that after everything I had been through tonight with him that we were meant for each other. I felt very horny, so I took off his boxers, and I took off my clothes. I put his ding-a-ling in my Black Velvet Underground, and we started doing it for the first time. Midnight didn't say anything the whole time we did it though. It made me feel like I was having sex with a dead body, but that's cool, because I adore death in case you haven't figured that out yet.

"Oh Midnight..." I flirtily said sexily. Having sex was so arousing, that even the sound of my own voice was getting me head. It was everything my other punk goth BF, "Dark D'emonic Slit" said it would be like. She had told me that she already had sex with her boyfriend before, while blasting the song "You're Going to Go Far, Kid" by the Offspring (get it?) the entire time. However, my arousing sex time with Midnight was about to end, when someone came walking down the path.

"What the hell are you doing, you motherfuckers?!" shouted the person.

I gasped sexily. It was...the principal, Dumb Billy Dork!

End of Episode Four.

[Metal Snake]

Episode 5: Love and Poetry: Silence, You Snoopy Bard!

DISCLAIMER: This fic is written for the lulz, and is not meant to be taken seriously in any way.

In case you don't understand what's going on right now, Dumb Billy Dork's real name is Bill Dore, I just called him that because I thought he was dumb. Also, the only reason he swore at us was because he had a headache, and he was mad because he was too stupid to realize that we weren't doing anything wrong. You may think I'm a slut, but I'm really not, we were just making poetry. Anyways, Dumb Billy Dork made us put our clothes back on. We started walking back to the school, while I kept trying to convince him that we weren't breaking major school rules or doing anything wrong, but he was too stubborn to listen.

"You snoopy dogs!" he yelled at us furiously.

At that point, I stop talking. He was just too immature to appreciate what we were doing as a beautiful thing. Midnight didn't seem to care though, he didn't speak a word the whole time. He was as silent and emotionless as Arnold Schwarzenegger in that gothicly romantic movie "The Terminator" (it's gothic because the thrill of death is romantic). Anyways, when we came back to the school, Dumb Billy Dork took us to his office where his supervisors Professor Sniper and Professor McGoonyucall were waiting.

"Were they carrying drugs like we were told?" Professor Sniper asked.

"Worse," Dumb Billy Dork replied, "they were having sex and making inappropriate poetry near the school grounds!"

"What?!" Professor McGoonyucall exclaimed. "That is a direct violation of the most important rule of making poems in this school! How could you do such a thing, you thick dumbbells?!"

"It isn't inappropriate!" I responded in defense. "We were just expressing ourselves through creative poetry!"

"Shut up, you spoony bard!" Professor Sniper shouted. "Why the hell would you want to express yourself that way?!"

"BECAUSE I LOVE HIM!" I bellowed, knowing that the only way to get out of this situation was to confess my unrelenting love for Midnight. It appeared to have worked, for the teachers didn't respond with animosity.

"Drat, we've been foiled by the power of love!" McGoonyucall whispered into Sniper's ear. "What should we do?"

"For now, you can go to your rooms," said Sniper. "Mr. Dore, we can not argue when love is present in the debate. Let's just let this go."

".....Fine," Dumb Billy Dork reluctantly agreed. "You may leave now, lecherous poets, for this conversation is over."

With that, we left the office. As Midnight walked back to his room, I started to get worried about him, so I decided to say something.

"Midnight, are you okay?" I asked with concern as he turned around and faced me.

"Yes." he said in a robotic voice. His face was pale and still emotionless, like in that song "Emotionless" by Good Charlotte.

"I'm sorry about everything that happened tonight." I said remorsefully. "I wonder who told Dumb Billy about the drugs though, and why I was never able to find them, even though we survived that accident."

"Mary...," Midnight replied. "I don't think it was that we survived. When the explosion woke me up, I saw a fiery bird fly towards me. I couldn't believe it, but it looked like a...phoenix."

"Really?" I said as I gasped (I am an expert at multitasking, in case you couldn't tell).

"Mary, I forgive you, do not worry," Midnight assured. "I think I need to remain close to you."

I gasped again. Midnight was now in love with me!

"YES!" I shouted triumphantly, as I rushed back to my room. I was now more close to Midnight than ever, especially now that he looked just like L Lawliet from that gothic manga "Death Note", disregarding the blonde hair and everything. And as I went to sleep that night, I dreamed about the awesome poetry I would write and share with Midnight and my friends the next day.

But little did I know that that was only the beginning of the many insane things I would experience in my gothic life...

End of Episode Five.

[Metal Snake]

Special Episode: The Melancholy of Bronies: Mary's Magical Misinterpretation

DISCLAIMER: This is a "special episode" that does not have a place in the show's canon (not that My Immortal ever had continuity, but you get the idea). Like the rest of the episodes of the series though, it is for lulz, and is not meant to be taken seriously.

Prologue

One day, I had to talk to my teacher after English class. She wasn't happy with me at all, for she was one of the few teachers in the school who actually got mad at me for the things I did.

"You hopeless hippy!" she shouted. "You are failing English!"

"Yeah right!" I exclaimed sarcastically. I knew my English teacher was angry at me because she was a prep, not because she had a headache. If she was a goth, she wouldn't have cared, because goths don't care about anything.

"Mary, you're failing because your writing skills are implausible!" she yelled as she pulled out some papers. "These past few essays that you've written have been virtually unreadable!"

"Stop flaming my work!" I protested. "Have you even read the papers?!"

"Of course, and they're so awful that they gave me a headache!" she shouted. "Not only is the subject matter you chose unsuitable, but the spelling is so bad that it looks like you didn't proofread at all! For example, in this paper about "How Preps are Paltry Compared to Goffik People", you spelled paltry as "poultry" in every part of the paper except for in the title sentence. Paltry is a word that means "of inferior quality", and poultry is a word that refers to dead bird flesh. How did you mix up two words that refer to two completely different terms?!"

"I do not know what the hail you are talking about!" I replied defensively. "My spilling is finis!"

"Then can you explain to me why you spelled Edgar Allen Poe's name as "Edgarm Stalin Poet" in your interpretation of "The Raven", or "The Ravine" as you called it?" she argued. "And why you interpreted the story as an omen for death on all preps and posers to come?!"

"Whatever!" I responded. "I thought it made the story better!"

"No it did not!" she exclaimed. "You don't just need good spelling and grammar to write an interpretation of someone's work Mary, you also need to interpret the author's true message properly! If you want to compensate for these poorly written essays and pass my classes, you're going to have to do a remedial assignment."

"Wait, why do I care about passing your class?" I questioned. "I don't need to get into college, it's full of preps who are obsessed with poser music, like Rebecca Black."

"Listen, you airheaded hipster!" she yelled at me in a condescending tone. "Your parents are the ones who sent you here! If they find out that you've been writing this drivel and not caring about your studies, I think they would have an appropriate punishment prepared for you when you dropped out and got sent home!"

"Well excuuuuussse me, princess!" I roared ferociously, knowing that an appropriate punishment would probably mean being tied to a chair and being forced to watch preppy movies like "Happy Feet" and listen to Avril Lavigne.

"Alright, what do I have to do for the exercise?" I asked curiously.

"You have to write an accurate interpretation of another person's work in the next three days," she explained. "That means proper spelling, and an essay that actually EXPRESSES the theme it was intended to express. Now get moving!"

"Fine, whatever." I agreed reluctantly as I walked out of the classroom. I was depressed because I had wanted to practice some depressing emo activities today, but instead I had to write a constructive essay!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was walking to my room when I saw Midnight in the hall. I decided that I may as well ask him for advice.

"Hi Enoby, are you okay?" Midnight asked me.

"No I'm not," I replied rudely, qouting that song "I'm Not Okay (I Promise)" by My Chemical Romance because I was frustrated. "I need some advice, what do you think?"

"What's wrong?" Midnight asked with concern.

"Well," I replied angrily, "I had to see my fucking English teacher after class and the fucking preppy princess told me that I have to write a fucking interpretation of some preppy fuck shit for a fucking remedial assignment that I don't want to fucking do, but if I don't fucking do it, then I'll have to be sent back to fucking home where I'll have to listen to fucking Avril Lavigne! FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!!"

"Watch your mouth!" shouted a voice from behind. It was.....Twilight!

"What are you doing here, Twilight?" I asked curiously. "I was having a constructive conversation with my friend in case you couldn't tell!"

"I was walking down the hall when I overheard that you had to do a written interpretation for a remedial assignment," Twilight replied. "It turns out that I have a similar project to do in my class as well."

"You have to do a remedial assignment too?" I asked in a cheekily gothic voice. "What, did you skip math or something?"

"No, my project has nothing to do with numbers," she said half-heartedly. "I had already decided to do an interpretation on a TV show, and I'd be willing to help you if you promise to stop swearing like that in the halls."

"But what do you know about writing, Twilight?" I asked in a doubtful voice, not eager in accepting help from her. "You're just a little prep student."

"I may be a prep student..." Twilight replied. "...but I am also a prep student with high marks in her studies!"

"Whatever, I'll accept your help," I reluctantly complied. "What TV show are you writing about for your paper?"

"My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic," she said with a sigh. "It's a good show, I promise you, and I've wanted to do an essay on it for quite a while."

I was skeptical to believe her, because that show sounded very 80's.

"Hey Midnight, have you seen that show before?" I asked him, hoping he would provide an honest answer.

"Yes." he said with a sigh.

"Is it gothic?" I asked.

"Uh...yeah." he said nervously.

"Alright, I believe you then, Twilight," I said, knowing Midnight was just being shy. "I'll write an interpretation on that show!"

"Okay..." Twilight responded with confusion. "But shouldn't you watch it first so that you understand it well? The other reason I'm writing a paper on it is because I understand the show well."

"Exactly," I said. "All you have to do is tell me what you know about the show, and I'll write my report based on that material."

"If you say so." she replied.

"Epic wingz!" I shouted. From the information Twilight gave me, I would finally be able to write a good gothic interpretation of the theme of this show.

End of Prologue.

Be prepared for "The Melancholy" very soon.

[Metal Snake]

Special Episode: The Melancholy of Bronies: Mary's Magical Misinterpretation

The Melancholic Misinterpretation (First Part)

The Bard's note: The misinterpretation starts. I am a bard, who has been assigned the task of presenting music to play along with this special to match its horrifying and mentally painful effect. Here is some music I found for the opening. I hope you think it matches the atmosphere. Bach's Tocatta and Fugue in D Minor begins playing.

"Dear Princess Teacher,

I hope you'll excuse me, but this paper is going to be great. It talks about a show called "My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic" that deals with Mary Sues and really serious issues, so it's not my fault if the characters are too emo for you. If you flame, then you are a prep, so don't forget about that. Speaking of characters, let's focus mainly on them, since some of them are the 12 MS's (Mary Sue's) who cause all the serious issues in the show. First on the mic (geddit, it's a reference to my BF, MC Emo Cutter's favorite song) is...

...the main MS character, Twilight Spockle! Spockle is an alien from the preppy planet Twilight in outer space. When she was a baby, her parents, the only gothic people on planet Twilight, didn't want to live anymore, so they committed suicide by slitting their vital organs. Before they died, they sent Spockle to a gothically magical place on earth called Celestia to give her a chance at happiness. There, she was adopted by a gothic German woman named Ze Korean, who taught her "ze magiks". Still, feeling insecure and depressed about not having parents or an identity, she became an emo.

She's also highly obsessively compulsive about taking care of business (emo activities, in case you couldn't tell) sometimes to the point where she vomits up blood if she doesn't get them done right. She is voiced by William Shatner, and looks just like Death the Kid from Soul Eater. The next MS is (see, I used a transition there)...

...her best friend, Applecrack! It turns out that Applecrack was a crack dealer who had lived with a family that farmed weed. Her parents commited suicide by taking an overdose of LSD, and her brother Big Macintosh (voiced by Ashleigh Ball) had to raise her. It turned out that he was actually the owner of the most successful computer and technology company in the town, a position he achieved using his "eeyup"-man skills. The technological shock and the death of her parents had impacted her life so much that she became gothic, and got addicted to cigarettes, martinis (geddit?), sake, and speed. She is voiced by Peter New, and looks just like Kitsune from Love Hina. The next MS is...

...Rare Jared Way! Rare Jared Way was a gothic fashion designer who made clothes for stores in the magical town of Luna. Jared also used to have a gothic boyfriend known as B'loody Mary Blue. He commited suicide when Rare accidentally gave him a preppy polo T-shirt for him to wear. He was so traumatized that he commited suicide by choking himself to death by smothering his face with the shirt in a suicidal manner (see, I used alliteration there). She felt so guilty and depressed about the incident that she became emo again, began breaking into other people's houses (mostly Applejack's) to steal their clothes, and converted to fascism.

She is very sexy, masculine, has multiple personalities, and is bipolar, especially about what she wants to wear. She is voiced by Masako Nozawa, and looks just like Launch from Dragon Inert Ball (haha, I didn't make a cheap pun about her balls). The next MS is...

...Pimpy Pie! It turns out that Pimpy Pie was a very successful and hardcore pimp, who had made a living in the Velvet Underground world (geddit?) of prostitution. It turns out that her parents were pedophiliac perverts, and that her father had sexually harassed her. When she was a teenager, they committed suicide by contracting AIDS by having unprotected sex. She ended up on the streets (Celestia doesn't have financial programs for the needy because society basically sucks) but because she had a hot pink body, she became a stripper and made enough cash to get a place to live. She got so depressed over the ordeal though, that she became a gothic smooth criminal, and converted to neuroticism.

She began to flirt with her ludder sexily, and then began to have sex with them flirtily. She has a big, crazy, Pinkie brain and everything, and liked to eat cupcakes when she put the moves on her subjects using her Pimpy-sense. She is voiced by Amy Lee, and she looks just like The Joker from Batman. The next MS is...

...Shy Sluttersly! It turns out that Shy was actually a sly prostitute who worked for Pinkie Pie! DUMB! DUMB! DUMB! When Shy was a nine year old girl, both of her parents died in a car crash when their car swerved off a cloud in the sky, and she was forced to eat bird food to survive. She had to spend four years in a jail cell though, because people thought she was insane, and Equestria locked her up because her fragile mind and hereditary diabetes (geddit, cause she is so sweet?) were dangerous to society. When she got out of the slammer, she went back to Cloudsdate. However, she had to move to a secret hideout in Celestia, because something terrible happened a year after she came back..........Rainbow Dash and her homies Dumb Sweetie Bell and Shoops fired their rainbooms at her, and gang-rapped her (that meant they made her listen to horrible rap music, no offense MC Emo Cutter) as part of a morbid joke!

*record scratch* *music ends*

The Bard's note:........I think it's time for a change of music. I hope this will do fine. Mad World (Gary Jules version) starts playing.

Anyways, later in the story, she tried to back in time using a time machine produced by Macintosh, but she failed miserably, and ended up becoming a prostitute for Pinkie in the future. She was so depressed and traumatized over all of these events of her life that she became gothic, and converted to Buddhism (because she wished that she was dead, and could be reincarnated). She is voiced by Crispin Freeman, and she looks just like Mikuru Asahina from Haruhi Suzumiya. The next and final main MS is...*drumroll* *dramatic silence*

...Rambo Crash! Believe it or not, that guy mentioned in the previous paragraph was not Rainbow Dash, that was Ditsy Doo, and she wanted to get revenge on Fluttershy for being crazy. Anyways, Rambo Crash is the most badass dude that you will ever meet in your life. She is actually a spy from another nation, and she came to Celestia to find important information on the place. To make the job even easier, she had ESP, so she could read Equestria's mind and figure out what she needed to know. In more interesting news, it turns out that Rambo Crash's father was a police officer. He committed suicide by tripping and falling out of a window like a boss, but Rambo did not let it get to her. She was able to retain her manliness despite having no fatherly figure, and she became gothic just because she felt like doing it, not because of a tragic event.

She was notorious for crashing parties, and being the one who gets things on in the house before the party even started. She believes that she is the greatest thing to have ever existed (which is true in case you couldn't tell), and will one day be even greater than the gods themselves. She is the most manly guy on the show, even surpassing Rarity in that category. She is voiced by Sylvester Stallone, and she looks just like Black Star from Soul Eater. Now, it's time for the minor characters. The first ones on the mic are...

...The Beauty Mark Crusades! The Beauty Mark Crusades were a group of posers, that consisted of three members, Apple Floss, Spoonaloon, and Dumb Belle. They all used to be emo, especially Apple Floss, after her grandmother Granny Sith committed suicide by breaking her hips while trying to be gothic, just like Darth Vader in the Star Wars movies. She is Applejack's sister, and I probably should've mentioned this in her section, but I just didn't feel like it, so please don't mark me down.

Anyways, it turns out that Apple Floss and their friends had tried to drown out their misery with iPods, Facebook, and emo music like My Chemical Romance and The Killers, but it didn't work. She and her friends had been brainwashed by Nabisco to try to get tattoes all over their bodies NASCAR-style, but they soon realized that they were wasting their lives away. They started to overcome their depression when they started to think that life actually had meaning other than being all saddy-waddy, and they started to become ambitious in their quest to discover the beauties of life which there aren't any, you stupid freaking posers (see, is that swearing?)! They eventually got so happy that they became preps, and converted to Christianity (the national religion of Celestia). They are all voiced by the same voice actor, Billy West, and they all look exactly like that poser goddess Haruhi Suzumiya. The next ones are...

...Celestia's rulers, Princess Equestria and Princess Canterlot! Equestria and Canterlot were the supreme overlords of the world, which they had ruled it for the past twenty years with an iron fist of steel. It turns out that the both of them were Japanese assassins. They committed homicide by assassinating the previous rulers of Equestria and Canterlot, which went very smoothly once they had gotten them stoned, and decided to take Equestria and Canterlot for themselves. The names of the two ninjas used to be Celestia and Luna respectively, but they had to switch their names around with the countries they had conquered because they needed to possess the names of the places they had founded (now it should make sense to you).

Anyways, for reasons I can't explain, they got so corrupt that they turned gothic, and converted to Communism. They began putting anyone who looked like they were questioning their power in the slammer, like the Great and Powerful Trekkie, who was jailed under the charge of treason for being too great and powerful. Equestria is also secretly trying to find a reason to capture Twilight Sparkle and keep her contained for knowing about "ze magiks". For the time being though, she is sending her death notes every week to warn her that she will one day find a reason. The two princesses always talk in silence using telepathy, just like with Rainbow Dash's ESP. Their inter-monologue is voiced over by Andrea Libman, and they both look just like the very lands that they rule over."

*record scratch* *music ends*

The Bard's Note: ..........................Alright, we now know what Mary thinks what the subject matter and characters of MLP: FIM are like, but first, let's recap this. Twilight Sparkle is an emo alien mage whose best friend is a drug dealer. Her other gothic Mary Sue allies include a sexy and manly female gothic clothes designer, a deranged pimp who's obssessed with baked goods and has a prostitute who was imprisoned as a child just for eating pet food and having diabetes, discovered the power of time travel courtesy of Big Macintosh and got assaulted by a gang that consisted of a horse with questionable intelligence and her homies, which happen to be the pegasus jocks.

All of them bear a strange resemblance to human-like characters from Japanese fiction despite being cartoon horses. The antagonists (or at least I think they're supposed to be the villains), the "posers" who create the Ying-Yang balance between preps and emos are a group of kids who were under the control of the company that made Oreos and look like Haruhi Suzumiya, as in the antihero of the book series of the same name who is described as a "poser goddess".

The plot of the story apparently involves a spy from another part of the planet (who is voiced by Sylvester Stallone and has a similar personality to Black Star, yes really), who is an esper trying to gather information on the land of Equestria (known as Celestia here) for her country. At the same time, Princess Celestia (called Equestria here), who is probably even more tyrannical than her incarnation Trollestia (a character commonly seen in MLP: FIM fanfiction and fan-made comic strips) ever was, is a former samurai who runs her country on Marxist principles and is trying to rid her land of anyone who has even a remote chance of gaining the power to take over the throne, including Twilight Sparkle (HER OWN PRODIGY), whom she sends letters to every week warning of her of the impending consequences of being a powerful mage.

She and her sister also apparently have ESP, and they had to name themselves after the lands that they founded (which isn't possible, because we were JUST TOLD that another ruler had preceded them) which they themselves also somehow LOOK LIKE. You got that? Good, because I think it's time to change the music again. This should go well with the situation. I'm Not Sick But I'm Not Well starts playing.

Well, I wish this is where we could end things, but unfortunately, that's not the case. Yes, Mary's misinterpretation isn't over. There's still a few more characters left for her to destroy, and be prepared, because these are the WORST ones of all. I honestly feel that I'll have to interrupt the story one more time to change the music to one last song. One thing that you may be wondering is what does any of this nonsense have to do with the premise of MLP: FIM? Well, I'll tell you. Absolutely nothing.

End of Part Two (yes, this is apparently a three part special now).

Get ready for the final chapter of the Melancholy, and feel free to leave feelings of hatred, disgust, and sorrow below.

[Metal Snake]

Special Episode: The Melancholic Misinterpretation (Second Part) & Epilogue

The Melancholic Misinterpretation (Second Part)

The Bard's Note: It's time to wrap up this misinterpreted mess. The MS's Mary has presented in this paper have gotten progressively more out of character with each one. And now, it's time for the main event. Behold, the absolute worst MLP: FIM characterizations of all time.

"The next MS is...

...Disco RD! It turns out that Disco RD is actually Rainbow Dash's disco crazed cousin. He had used to be gothic, but his father committed suicide by having a heart attack when he realized that life was nothing but a non-stop disco, like in that song "Violent Pornography" by System of a Down. Because Disco RD really liked death at the time, he grew a passion for disco music, and devoted his life to bringing the 70s back to Pony Hill. Being a relative of Rainbow Dash, he had mind powers, and was able to trick people into loving disco through the use of Oreo cookies combined with drugs from Applejack's store, "Applecrack and the Jack Dealers" (which I also should've mentioned in Applejack's section earlier, but I forgot, so just pretend that I did). He was planning to take over Equestria through interpretative dance, and the words that he had most commonly spoken to Celestia were, "All of your ally mind are belong to me" (see Teacher, I proofreaded the phrase, and none of the words are spelled wrong. I also proofreaded this entire essay, so it's not my fault if any of the words are spelled incorrectly. I deserve points for that). He was voiced by Tim Curry, and he looks just like Kira from Death Note. The next and final MS is... *extended drum-roll* *extended dramatic silence*.....................................................

...Spike, the baby DraconEquestria (that's a cross between a draconequus, a dragon, the land of Equestria, and everything, in case you didn't know). It turns out that Spike's parents had abandoned him shortly after he was born. They committed suicide in an indescribably suicidal manner soon afterwards because they felt bad for deserting him. He was adopted by Twilight Sparkle, and was raised by her for the first few years of his life. However, he eventually became an emo because he became depressed when Twilight started treating him like a horse, and he goes three ways, like that song "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen. However, the burden of life soon became too much for him to bear, especially after a terrible incident had occured. *another extended drum-roll* *more dramatic silence*...............Celestia had Twilight and Spike participate in a phone sex orgy with her and Luna (I'm calling them by their original names to avoid confusion, okay?) in order to get the juice (geddit?) out of Twilight!

*record scratch* *music ends*

The Bard's note: *Low trumpet sound* Wha...Wha...Whaaaaattttt..... So many things wrong.........I think it's time to change the music one last time, ironically to a song previously mentioned not too long ago. This should probably match your current feelings, because nothing really matters anymore. Bohemian Rhapsody begins playing.

Spike was so upset over what had happened that he decided to commit suicide. He learned that the only way to kill a DraconEquestria was with his tail (which was also a gun that could shoot bullets) or with Rainbow Dash's manly stallone, because no other weapon could pierce or penetrate his scaly skin. He decided that the first option would be less painful, so he shot himself in the chest with his tail gun forty-two times, and he died. But then, he came back as a ghost because he had forgotten to write Twilight's memoirs, which had made her very disappointed in him. He is voiced by Cathy Weseluck and..... *final drum-roll and dramatic silence* he looks just like Kyon from Haruhi Suzumiya (because Spike + Discord= Kyon. Just put that there because I thought that would help with my math grades).

The Bard's Note: *facepalm*

And that takes care of all the Mary Sue's.

The Bard's Note: Don't rejoice yet folks, it's not over, I'm afraid.

The moral of the entire show, as displayed by the character's actions, is that society basically sucks (see, is that a gothic view of something?)! If you want to see it for yourself, I'll let you know that it airs on Youtube and a channel called The Pub. Watch with caution though, for it's a violent pornography that shows the world for what it really is, a non-stop disco. That's about it, so have fu- Oh wait, (I interuppted myself while I was writing) there was one more character I forgot to talk about, and her name is...

...Derpy Hoops! Derpy Hoops is probably the most manly character on the show (excluding Rainbow Dash, because no one could possibly be manlier than her). She has a very similar appearance to Ditsy Doo, only more gothic. When she was a teenager, her parents committed suicide by accidentally dropping a piano on their heads, and she was forced to find work. She got a career as a basketball player for The Wonderfaults (unlike Ditsy's homie, Touched Down, who was a football player), and she also had a part-time job as a mailman. She had hair that was so long on the front that it went into her eyes, which was good, because it went very well with her cross-eyed look. She is voiced by Tom Kenny, and she looks just like a cross between Goku, Megaman, Phoenix Wright, Twilight Spockle, Twilight Sparkle, Applecrack, Applejack, Rare Jared Way, Rarity, Pimpy Pie, Pinkie Pie, Shy Sluttersly, Fluttershy, Rambo Crash, Rainbow Dash, The Beauty Mark Crusades, The Cutie Mark Crusaders, Equestria, Celestia, Canterlot, Luna, Ze Korean, Zecora, Big Macintosh, Granny Sith, Granny Smith, B'loody Mary Blue, Blueblood, Trekkie, Trixie, the pegasus jocks, Ditsy Doo, Disco RD, Discord, Spike, the SOS Brigade from Haruhi Suzumiya (except for Haruhi because she's a poser), and (of course) Kyon, all thrown together into a paper bag.

Alright, I'm stepping off the microphone now. Special thanks to all of my homies, and vive la revolucion! Hope you enjoyed this immaculately recorded interpretation, and have a great emo day! Epic pegasus wings!

The End

*music stops playing*

The Bard's Note: NOW, you can sing your heart out to the heavens. The melancholic misinterpretation may be over, but in case you're curious of what happened to the person who wrote that once she was finished, I'll show you.

Epilogue

I was so happy that I had finally finished typing it at my desk. I squealed in a gothic tone as the papers were being printed out, and I was so excited that I just had to show it to my sexy friend Midnight before I turned it in. I came to his room and he agreed to read it. I had him sit down in a chair (there's no way he'd be able to take the epicness of my report standing up) and once he was finished with it.....he dropped the paper in shock and proceeded to lift his hands up in the air and shout.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" he yelled, as the chair started to tilt over to the left. "Aaaah-AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!"

I was flattered. He had fallen off his chair, collapsed on the floor, and had done his best L Lawliet impression just for me!

"I've finally outdone myself!" I shouted with joy.

"Please...listen...to me...Mary..." said Midnight, who was breathing heavily. "Go to Wikipedia...look up My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, and write this interpretation...for your sake and Twilight's..."

"Twilight-That's it!" I said excitedly as I ran to my desk. "I know what to do now!"

"Thank you Mary..." Midnight said before he lost consciousness.

"I'll write a paper for Twilight too to thank her!" I exclaimed as I went to Wikipedia and looked up MLP: FIM. "She may be a poser, but if Midnight thinks I should do something for her, then I'll do it."

I read the information on Wikipedia, and then I gasped. MLP: FIM was a cartoon that was animated in Flash, it had been airing on TV for a year (despite being really 80s) and was created by a woman named Lauren Faust! Also, my emo interpretation of the show was slightly different from the information in the article. Then, all of a sudden, I had another idea!

"I know what to write for Twilight." I said bursting with inspiration. "I'll write her an interpretation that is based entirely on the show! It'll be inferior to my paper because it won't take any liberties, which I did when they were necessary, and I'll get a better grade than her too!"

The next day...

I had given Twilight the paper I had written for her, and she read it over. She was skeptical about the idea of taking credit for it at first because I had written it for her (her modesty was very fitting, because no one could write a better paper). I insisted on her doing so though, and she did, because she agreed that the paper I wrote for her was pretty good (she should see my other one, don't you think?). I gave my teacher the gothic interpretation that I had written for myself, and once she was done reading it, she wrote something on the paper and then fainted. When I looked at the paper, my suspicions were confirmed as to why she fainted. I grabbed the essay and ran out of the class excitedly. Later that day, I spoke to Twilight, who was very happy.

"Mary, I got an A on this paper that you wrote," she said in disbelief. "You conveyed the characters and the message of the series surprisingly well. Maybe I've been wrong about you. I'm glad I told you about the show and tried to help you out."

"Thanks Twilight," I replied humbly. "But you haven't seen anything until you've seen my interpretation. I got a grade even better than an A. I got an AAAAGGGHHHH!!! That means I got an A that had capital letters and exclamation points added to it to describe how much more awesome it was than an A!"

"What?!" Twilight replied in confusion. "Let me see that."

She grabbed the paper and scanned through it. Afterwards, she got down on the floor, put her left arm around her face, and started crying.

"Glad you liked it!" I shouted in response, knowing that she was just trying to get over the shock of how good it was. My depressing life was now happy for the time being, especailly now that I had interpreted a TV show in the best way I knew.

End of Special.

The Bard's Note: Well, that's what happened in the author's very strange universe after she was finished with her interpretation. As for me, I've been receiving letters containing comments from a group of fans of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic asking me to present a song expressing how they feel about the author and this mentally detrimental insanity that she wrote. The song they said that they felt like requesting was a particular hit single by Cee Lo Green, but they decided an MLP:FIM related song would be more appropriate in describing what this author has done trying to be the wannabe Haruhi Suzumiya that she is. So before I leave to go home and inflict excruciating pain on myself for presenting you this chaotic mess, I may as well play this song for you. I hope you like it. "Discord" a fan-made MLP: FIM song by OdysseyEurobeat begins playing.

That is all for now, so goodbye everyone.

Credits

Special Thanks to:

The writer(s?) of My Immortal, the infamous Harry Potter fanfic.

Hasbro, Lauren Faust and the writing team of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

The MLP: FIM fanbase, if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't have even heard of this show, let alone have written something like this based on it.

Internet memes, such as Shoops and the intro cutscene from Zero Wing.

Wikipedia, the site where I confirmed some of the information in this episode on.

Youtube, the site where I got the music featured in this episode from.

The melancholic bard, for presenting the music in this episode.

The creators of every work referenced in this episode.

And of course, the readers. If you have any feelings that you wish to express on this nonsensical and insane mess of chaos that I wrote for the lulz, feel free to express them, either through comments or reviews. Thank you for reading.

The true end of the special.

Anyway the wind blows...

[Metal Snake]

Special Episode: The Melancholic Misinterpretation (Second Part) & Epilogue

The Melancholic Misinterpretation (Continued)

The Bard's Note: It's time to wrap up this misinterpreted mess. The MS's Mary has presented in this paper have gotten progressively more out of character with each one. And now, it's time for the main event. Behold, the absolute worst MLP: FIM characterizations of all time.

"The next MS is...

...Disco RD! It turns out that Disco RD is actually Rainbow Dash's disco crazed cousin. He had used to be gothic, but his father committed suicide by having a heart attack when he realized that life was nothing but a non-stop disco, like in that song "Violent Pornography" by System of a Down. Because Disco RD really liked death at the time, he grew a passion for disco music, and devoted his life to bringing the 70s back to Pony Hill. Being a relative of Rainbow Dash, he had mind powers, and was able to trick people into loving disco through the use of Oreo cookies combined with drugs from Applejack's store, "Applecrack and the Jack Dealers" (which I also should've mentioned in Applejack's section earlier, but I forgot, so just pretend that I did). He was planning to take over Equestria through interpretative dance, and the words that he had most commonly spoken to Celestia were, "All of your ally mind are belong to me" (see Teacher, I proofreaded the phrase, and none of the words are spelled wrong. I also proofreaded this entire essay, so it's not my fault if any of the words are spelled incorrectly. I deserve points for that). He was voiced by Tim Curry, and he looks just like Kira from Death Note. The next and final MS is... *extended drum-roll* *extended dramatic silence*.....................................................

...Spike, the baby DraconEquestria (that's a cross between a draconequus, a dragon, the land of Equestria, and everything, in case you didn't know). It turns out that Spike's parents had abandoned him shortly after he was born. They committed suicide in an indescribably suicidal manner soon afterwards because they felt bad for deserting him. He was adopted by Twilight Sparkle, and was raised by her for the first few years of his life. However, he eventually became an emo because he became depressed when Twilight started treating him like a horse, and he goes three ways, like that song "Bohemian Rhapsody" by Queen. However, the burden of life soon became too much for him to bear, especially after a terrible incident had occured. *another extended drum-roll* *more dramatic silence*...............Celestia had Twilight and Spike participate in a phone sex orgy with her and Luna (I'm calling them by their original names to avoid confusion, okay?) in order to get the juice (geddit?) out of Twilight!

*record scratch* *music ends*

The Bard's note: *Low trumpet sound* Wha...Wha...Whaaaaattttt..... So many things wrong.........I think it's time to change the music one last time, ironically to a song previously mentioned not too long ago. This should probably match your current feelings, because nothing really matters anymore. Bohemian Rhapsody begins playing.

"Spike was so upset over what had happened that he decided to commit suicide. He learned that the only way to kill a DraconEquestria was with his tail (which was also a gun that could shoot bullets) or with Rainbow Dash's manly stallone, because no other weapon could pierce or penetrate his scaly skin. He decided that the first option would be less painful, so he shot himself in the chest with his tail gun forty-two times, and he died. But then, he came back as a ghost because he had forgotten to write Twilight's memoirs, which had made her very disappointed in him. He is voiced by Cathy Weseluck and..... *final drum-roll and dramatic silence* he looks just like Kyon from Haruhi Suzumiya (because Spike + Discord= Kyon. Just put that there because I thought that would help with my math grades)."

The Bard's Note: *facepalm*

And that takes care of all the Mary Sue's.

The Bard's Note: Don't rejoice yet folks, it's not over, I'm afraid.

"The moral of the entire show, as displayed by the character's actions, is that society basically sucks (see, is that a gothic view of something?)! If you want to see it for yourself, I'll let you know that it airs on Youtube and a channel called The Pub. Watch with caution though, for it's a violent pornography that shows the world for what it really is, a non-stop disco. That's about it, so have fu- Oh wait, (I interuppted myself while I was writing) there was one more character I forgot to talk about, and her name is...

...Derpy Hoops! Derpy Hoops is probably the most manly character on the show (excluding Rainbow Dash, because no one could possibly be manlier than her). She has a very similar appearance to Ditsy Doo, only more gothic. When she was a teenager, her parents committed suicide by accidentally dropping a piano on their heads, and she was forced to find work. She got a career as a basketball player for The Wonderfaults (unlike Ditsy's homie, Touched Down, who was a football player), and she also had a part-time job as a mailman. She had hair that was so long on the front that it went into her eyes, which was good, because it went very well with her cross-eyed look. She is voiced by Tom Kenny, and she looks just like a cross between Goku, Megaman, Phoenix Wright, Twilight Spockle, Twilight Sparkle, Applecrack, Applejack, Rare Jared Way, Rarity, Pimpy Pie, Pinkie Pie, Shy Sluttersly, Fluttershy, Rambo Crash, Rainbow Dash, The Beauty Mark Crusades, The Cutie Mark Crusaders, Equestria, Celestia, Canterlot, Luna, Ze Korean, Zecora, Big Macintosh, Granny Sith, Granny Smith, B'loody Mary Blue, Blueblood, Trekkie, Trixie, the pegasus jocks, Ditsy Doo, Disco RD, Discord, Spike, the SOS Brigade from Haruhi Suzumiya (except for Haruhi because she's a poser), and (of course) Kyon, all thrown together into a paper bag.

Alright, I'm stepping off the microphone now. Special thanks to all of my homies, and vive la revolucion! Hope you enjoyed this immaculately recorded interpretation, and have a great emo day! Epic pegasus wings!"

The End

*music stops playing*

The Bard's Note: NOW, you can sing your heart out to the heavens. The melancholic misinterpretation may be over, but in case you're curious of what happened to the person who wrote that once she was finished, I'll show you.

Epilogue

I was so happy that I had finally finished typing it at my desk. I squealed in a gothic tone as the papers were being printed out, and I was so excited that I just had to show it to my sexy friend Midnight before I turned it in. I came to his room and he agreed to read it. I had him sit down in a chair (there's no way he'd be able to take the epicness of my report standing up) and once he was finished with it.....he dropped the paper in shock and proceeded to lift his hands up in the air and shout.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" he yelled, as the chair started to tilt over to the left. "Aaaah-AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!"

I was flattered. He had fallen off his chair, collapsed on the floor, and had done his best L Lawliet impression just for me!

"I've finally outdone myself!" I shouted with joy.

"Please...listen...to me...Mary..." said Midnight, who was breathing heavily. "Go to Wikipedia...look up My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, and write this interpretation...for your sake and Twilight's..."

"Twilight-That's it!" I said excitedly as I ran to my desk. "I know what to do now!"

"Thank you Mary..." Midnight said before he lost consciousness.

"I'll write a paper for Twilight too to thank her!" I exclaimed as I went to Wikipedia and looked up MLP: FIM. "She may be a poser, but if Midnight thinks I should do something for her, then I'll do it."

I read the information on Wikipedia, and then I gasped. MLP: FIM was a cartoon that was animated in Flash, it had been airing on TV for a year (despite being really 80s) and was created by a woman named Lauren Faust! Also, my emo interpretation of the show was slightly different from the information in the article. Then, all of a sudden, I had another idea!

"I know what to write for Twilight." I said bursting with inspiration. "I'll write her an interpretation that is based entirely on the show! It'll be inferior to my paper because it won't take any liberties, which I did when they were necessary, and I'll get a better grade than her too!"

The next day...

I had given Twilight the paper I had written for her, and she read it over. She was skeptical about the idea of taking credit for it at first because I had written it for her (her modesty was very fitting, because no one could write a better paper). I insisted on her doing so though, and she did, because she agreed that the paper I wrote for her was pretty good (she should see my other one, don't you think?). I gave my teacher the gothic interpretation that I had written for myself, and once she was done reading it, she wrote something on the paper and then fainted. When I looked at the paper, my suspicions were confirmed as to why she fainted. I grabbed the essay and ran out of the class excitedly. Later that day, I spoke to Twilight, who was very happy.

"Mary, I got an A on this paper that you wrote," she said in disbelief. "You conveyed the characters and the message of the series surprisingly well. Maybe I've been wrong about you. I'm glad I told you about the show and tried to help you out."

"Thanks Twilight," I replied humbly. "But you haven't seen anything until you've seen my interpretation. I got a grade even better than an A. I got an AAAAGGGHHHH!!! That means I got an A that had capital letters and exclamation points added to it to describe how much more awesome it was than an A!"

"What?!" Twilight replied in confusion. "Let me see that."

She grabbed the paper and scanned through it. Afterwards, she got down on the floor, put her left arm around her face, and started crying.

"Glad you liked it!" I shouted in response, knowing that she was just trying to get over the shock of how good it was. My depressing life was now happy for the time being, especailly now that I had interpreted a TV show in the best way I knew.

End of Special.

The Bard's Note: Well, that's what happened in the author's very strange universe after she was finished with her interpretation. As for me, I've been receiving letters containing comments from a group of fans of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic asking me to present a song expressing how they feel about the author and this mentally detrimental insanity that she wrote. The song they said that they felt like requesting was a particular hit single by Cee Lo Green, but they decided an MLP:FIM related song would be more appropriate in describing what this author has done trying to be the wannabe Haruhi Suzumiya that she is. So before I leave to go home and inflict excruciating pain on myself for presenting you this chaotic mess, I may as well play this song for you. I hope you like it. "Discord" a fan-made MLP: FIM song by OdysseyEurobeat begins playing.

That is all for now, so goodbye everyone.

Credits

Special Thanks to:

The writer(s?) of My Immortal, the infamous Harry Potter fanfic.

Hasbro, Lauren Faust and the writing team of My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic.

The MLP: FIM fanbase, if it wasn't for them, I wouldn't have even heard of this show, let alone have written something like this based on it.

Internet memes, such as Shoops and the intro cutscene from Zero Wing.

Wikipedia, the site where I confirmed some of the information in this episode on.

Youtube, the site where I got the music featured in this episode from.

The melancholic bard, for presenting the music in this episode.

The creators of every work referenced in this episode.

And of course, the readers. If you have any feelings that you wish to express on this nonsensical and insane mess of chaos that I wrote for the lulz, feel free to express them, either through comments or reviews. Thank you for reading.

The True End of the Melancholic Special.

Anyway the wind blows...