SBC Files

[Elastic Dawg]

*logo by yours truly*

SUMMARY: Bill Kurtis investigates some of the most perplexing cases that have occurred in SBC.

[Elastic Dawg]

(NOTE: READ THIS IN BILL KURTIS'S VOICE. IT MAKES THE EXPERIENCE A LOT FUNNER.)

[Elastic Dawg]

1. Whaleblubber: Portrait of A Troll

Many SBC locals have heard the story of Whaleblubber. An infamous troll with a fetish for poop and urge to start flame wars. But more importantly, who is he? Is he a sadistic madman with a sick obsession with feces? Or is he a brilliant satirist who has studied the internet troll to the point of being able to perfect the image? This case from the archives of SBC will let you be the judge.

Whaleblubber first registered TVTomes.com (the site that was to become TV.com, which would spawn many later SBC members) under the name Im_A_Shark on June 1st, 2005. Once he joined, he began spamming. Not much later, on June 16th, 2005, TVTomes became TV.com and thus, Whaleblubber rejoined. After he was banned for spamming about poop, he reregistered under a number of different aliases, including (but not limited too): Mopsocket45, Friedpoop12, and Poopinbutt86. After his eventual banning, he continued this tradition on other sites he frequented, such as Metro's Baseball, TheBaseballPage, BaseballFever, and Spongebuddy Mania. Eventually, he returned to TV.com on May 26th, 2007 under the name Whalemuscles89. He continued this process for a long, long time, even returning to BaseballFever under the name SupCompleteNerds, and making a fake account on TV.com for a fake Mexican woman who despised Sandy Cheeks. Eventually, he returned to TV.com yet again in February of 2009, but not making much harm. In July 2010, he returned again getting innocent members banned and spamming about his love for dung. Around August 2010, he disappeared from TV.com and last updated his controversial WikiSpaces page on November 5th, 2010. Is it possible that after 5 years, he suddenly drops his ego and ceases trolling? We may never know, unless he returns. Yet another question remains unanswered. Is Whaleblubber a man who'll do anything for laughs, or is he truly, the self-centered troll he appears to be?

[4EverGreen]

To paraphrase a quote from the animated movie "Surf's Up" in relation to Whaleblubber: "I think he's a dirty trash can full of poop."

[Metal Snake]

Good job, Santa Dog.

[Elastic Dawg]

2. Nathanjr94: Child or Criminal?

User Nathanjr94 is widely known throughout TV.com (the site that spawned SBC) as a Malcom In the Middle roleplayer and Garfield fanatic. He has also achieved notoriety for his occasionally irritating behaviour, as well as calling Spongebob a vampire cheese and claiming to be 16. (most believe he is between 10-13). He claims to have a syndrome known as Aspergers which is rumored to lead to criminal actions.

The people who believe he is a criminal point out his unusually nice behavior, which brings us to a similar case.

In 1975, an 18 year old boy named Michael Brown shot and killed Richard Sullivan while robbing his house with a friend. He was originally sentenced to death, but his sentence was brought down to a life in prison instead. 9 years later, while in a minimum security prison, he escaped with his lover and another inmate, who was later caught. After settling down, Michael and his wife opened a video store, and became town favorites. However, after his wife was diagnosed with congestive heart failure and wanted to see her family again. So, in 1999, Michael brought her back to her family, and turned himself in. Could Nathan have went to juvie thus-

That's called overkill, ladies and gentlemen.

For SBC Files, i'm Bill Kurtis.