I listen and rank all 100 songs on AOL Radio's Top 100 Worst Songs EVAAR!

[Joe Biden]

Might as well advertise it here too.

Quote

ay so anyone remember tEMMIE's thread a while back?
 
https://www.sbmania.net/forums/topic/56988-a-test-in-sadism-im-listening-to-the-100-worst-singles-of-all-time-according-to-rateyourmusic-at-this-moment-in-time/
 
Well, I'm totally gonna rip off that thread myself and listen to EVERY song on AOL's Top 100 list of the songs they hate the most. Here's their list btw.
 
STARTING TOMORROW OR THE DAY AFTER THAT I DON'T KNOW

 

[Joe Biden]

So a few years back, I wanna say back in 2015, I was looking through the Horrible Music section on TV Tropes to find some hilaribad music when I came across AOL's infamous Top 100 Worst Songs list. Some of the choices I agreed with, some of them I disagreed with, and some I thought just didn't plain belong on there. A lot of the explanations on the songs were just riddled with errors too. We'll get to those now.

 

Without further ado, let's begin with our first set of songs.

 

100-91

Spoiler

#100: "My First Kiss" - 3OH!3 Feat. Kesha

Description: "We made last-minute room for this hip-hop duo's overly slick power-pop ode to sucking ... face."

And we start the list off with a song by irrelevant group 3OH!3 (god I hate that name) with Kesha featured on it. Now I really don't mind Kesha on this song but 3OH!3 are annoying enough to bring it down a notch. I don't really think that this is the worst collaboration they both did (ahem) but at the same time, it's a song by 3OH!3 (that name still pisses me off) so it's completely worthless.

Spoiler

#99: "This Is Why I'm Hot" - Mims

Description: "First off, he repeats 'This is why I'm hot' too much. Second, he repeats 'This is why I'm hot' too much."

This is more hilaribad than extremely terrible. This is more, this is more, this is more hilaribad than extremely terrible. It's funny how many times he says he's hot when in reality, he's a generic rapper whom people only know for one hit. Not exactly what I think when I think "hot".

Spoiler

#98: "Looking for Freedom" - David Hasselhoff

Description: "The great, shameless one testifies to the power of music -- horrible, horrible music -- to unite and uplift us all."

Actually, never mind. David Hasselhoff's music career is by far the most hilaribad thing I've ever seen on this list so far, and we're just 3 entries in! What the heck is he doing on this almost Village People-like track? After hearing this, I'm not surprised that David's musical career never took off. Well, that and the Pingu Dance.

Okay, now this is just degrading. This guy let two cartoon characters ride on his back in a movie, yet that's more dignified than his music career. Hoff, what's wrong with you?

Spoiler

#97: "The DOGGONE Girl is Mine" - Michael Jackson & Paul McCartney

Description: "Proof that combining the talents of two amazing singers doesn't always produce good results."

Oh god, might as well call this first set "The Battle of Who Makes the Most Hilaribad Song". Okay, this is probably more boring than anything and it sucks coming from two singers that made way better music. Talk at the end is pretty funny though, I guess. At the end of it though, I really don't care who the girl belongs to.

Spoiler

#96: "You're Beautiful" - James Blunt

Description: "One of the worst songs ever to best define cloying: 'To cause disgust by supplying too much of something originally pleasant.'"

Okay, now we exit out of the hilaribad territory for now with this song. It is..........quite white. It's quite boring too. Plus, I can easily confuse this with "Bad Day", the other white song that somehow became a hit in 2006 (as in #1 song of the year). I guess people in that year really liked white guys with acoustic guitars?

Spoiler

#95: "Mambo No. 5" - Lou Bega

Description: "Can you imagine how bad Nos. 1 through 4 must have been? Let's all band together and make sure there's never a No. 6!"

I can only imagine a lot of people disagreeing with me here.............but I really never liked this song at all. The annoying beat drills into my head too much and I hate how earworm-y it is despite how annoying I think it is. Really should've exchanged "Wild Wild West" with this song on my Bottom 10 of 1999.

Spoiler

#94: "America A O" - Aaron Carter

Description: "A harmless, morale-boosting ode to his beloved home country, or an insidious act of youth-targeted propaganda?"

Clearly a true patriotic song. If this doesn't become the new National Anthem, I will turn into a communist.

 

I mean, CAN YOU TELL how patriotic Aaron Carter sounds here? He really does love America. He loves it so much. He wears the red, white, and blue and drives America-made cars. He listens to John Mellencamp. He roots for Hulk Hogan and has a bald eagle for a pet, in which he names it "Ol' Liberty". Truly the real American.

 

Okay, for reals though, what is this? Why is Aaron Carter, of all people, making a song about America? I'm pretty sure this is going into the hilaribad section. And I'm pretty sure this song made me turn communist. All hail Stalin.

Spoiler

#93: "Jenny from the Block" - Jennifer Lopez

Description: "Yup, just your average girl, willing to risk a national TV gig over the size of her 'dressing-room compound.'"

Jennifer Lopez is definitely an...........interesting one to say the least. I don't think I'm into a lot of her music but this one's got an interesting beat, I guess. Not really a song I would go to bat for though.

Spoiler

#92: "Escape (The Pina Colada Song)" - Rupert Holmes

Description: "No two people like all the things listed in this song. In fact, very few of us like any of these things."

Oh god, this song. You don't even need me to tell you how bad and kitschy this song is. Everyone knows it just plain sucks. It's just some lame story about a guy so bored with his wife that he calls up a number regarding a lady who likes Pina Coladas and getting caught in the rain, yada yada. And at the end, it turns out the lady is his wife. Har dee fuckin' har. I can't even classify this as hilaribad because calling it that would be giving the song a compliment. It just plain sucks hard. Truly deserves to be higher. MUCH higher.

Spoiler

#91: "Here Comes the Hotstepper" - Ini Kamoze

Description: "Let's sing along! 'They call me Aaa-noyyyyying! (Word 'em up!)/I'm a one-hit wonder (thank...fully!).'"

Okay, at this point, I'm starting to wonder if this guy hates air or something. It's fun and bouncy enough to like, what is there to hate about it?

Next set coming soon.

[Joe Biden]

Welp, time for da next set.

 

90-81

Spoiler

#90: "Heartbeat" - Don Johnson

 

Description: "Fame must have messed with his head, because Ol' Crockett really thought he could pull this off."

Yet another example of "actors with singing careers that failed" but at least I'm more familiar with David Hasselhoff. I never even heard of Don Johnson nor did I watch Miami Vice so I have little to no connection with this guy. Did people actually buy this guy's singing career? Because I sure don't. Next!

Spoiler

#89: "Cherry Pie" - Warrant

 

Description: "A lot of people missed this song's subtle commentary on outdated gender roles. Well, that's because there weren't any."

Warrant isn't really one of my favorite groups and I consider this to be the poor man's "Pour Some Sugar on Me", but I do consider this to be one of my guilty pleasures despite how a bit cheesy it is. The rest of their stuff though, doesn't really "warrant" any more attention from me. Eh? Eh? Yeah, that was a bad joke, I know.

Spoiler

#88: "Thong Song" - Sisqo

 

Description: "Don't wanna show you ours, even less interested in seeing yours. Also, what does 'dumps like a truck' mean?"

Not really a song I would call bad but I do think songs about undergarments make me feel a bit uncomfortable. That's pretty much all I have to say.

Spoiler

#87: "The Fast Food Song" - Fast Food Rockers

 

Description: "We'd like to see Morgan Spurlock spend 30 days listening to nothing but this song. He'd never survive."

.......y'know, England, I do want to thank you for bringing us some of your beloved acts like The Beatles, The Stones, Bowie, hell, even The Spice Girls! But it's novelty shit like this that prevent me from taking you guys completely seriously. (Well, that and making Crazy Frog the 3rd most popular song of 2005.)

Spoiler

#86: "Cotton Eye Joe" - Rednex

 

Description: "The worst song the New York Yankees could have picked for their seventh-inning stretch music. No wonder they're nicknamed the 'evil empire.'"

Oh yeah, speaking of novelty. This is a song performed by a Swedish Eurodance act who named themselves after and dress like rednecks. I'm pretty sure that says enough about how wrong this is. Not completely bad but you know, Rednex.

Spoiler

#85: "Girl You Know It's True" - Milli Vanilli

 

Description: "Turns out absolutely nothing about this was true. Which sets up the question 'Couldn't they have bought a better lie?'"

http://ytcropper.com/cropped/Rd5a36ed73944b6

Spoiler

#84: "Popozao" - Kevin Federline

 

Description: "Thankfully, we rejected this crap outright. OK, we broke a man's spirit, but the alternative was much worse."

I recall two years ago when I made a (thankfully defunct) thread where I review songs people ask me to. One of the categories was "Kevin Federline-tier", AKA songs that completely suck and have little to no redeeming factor to them.

 

Kevin Federline's music is the main reason why that category exists. At least Britney Spears made some good music. I can't even name one particular Kevin Federline song I liked. Also, what does "popozao" even mean?

Spoiler

#83: "Feelings" - Morris Albert

 

Description: "The whiny, caterwauling vocals on this chorus must be heard once (never twice!) to be believed."

Okay, every time I hear this song, I just think of that Pepsi commercial with MC Hammer singing it after his Pepsi was replaced with Coca-Cola. Kinda wish that would influence my opinion on this dull, dull song but it doesn't.

Spoiler

#82: "Some Girls (Dance With Women)" - JC Chasez

 

Description: "Singing in monotone falsetto on one of the worst songs to explain why girls grind each other at clubs will likely not win you any of them."

Yeah, I can see why Justin Timberlake was the breakout star and this guy wasn't. JC just doesn't really have much of the star power that Timberlake does and this song more than proves it.

Spoiler

#81: "Get Ready for This" - 2 Unlimited

 

Description: "We were fully ready for this. Now, we're ready for it to stay as far away from our sporting events as possible."

Honestly, disliking this is like disliking "Everybody Dance Now". It's one of the better jock jams out there.

 

[Joe Biden]

You knows the drill.
 

80-71

Spoiler

#80: "My Humps" - The Black Eyed Peas

 

Description: "Girls, if you're gonna sing about your special parts, try to make the song as pretty as the subject, huh?"

I can't tell which version is worse: the original or the Rooms-to-Go parody. Both suck in their own way pretty much.

Spoiler

Minor pre-amble time: I really used to hate this song. Like, I really hated it so much. Every time I heard it, I just start internally screaming and die a little inside. Few years later and it still pops up like a tumor every now and then. A dirty, filthy, little annoying tumor. And much like a tumor, I would like for it to go the fuck away.

#79: "The Hampsterdance Song" - a sped up Robin Hood sample

 

Description: "This annoying-on-purpose, chipmunks-on-speed bit of nonsense was the grandfather of today's 'Rickroll.'"

Really, I thought in a few years, I would be able to grow at least a bit of tolerance for it but as of today, I can confirm that I DO NOT have tolerance for this annoying, novelty, piece of dog-shit song. I always think that this song is mocking me. What did I do? What did I ever do to you to make you create this?

And for the record, this song is way worse than the Rickrolls, because at least that song doesn't have Alvin singing Robin Hood songs. Straight up, if you tricked me by using this song, I will punch you. Honestly, I think I may have to watch Robin Hood to get this monstrosity out of my head. Now back to pretending this song doesn't exist.

Spoiler

#78: "Tie a Yellow Ribbon 'Round the Ole Oak Tree" - Tony Orlando and Dawn

 

Description: "We love brave American soldiers. So much so, we think they deserve much better than this upon their return."

First of all, I need to point a little something out about this song. It's not really much about an American soldier, it's about someone who was taken prisoner at a confederate POW camp in Georgia returning home. Actually fact-check before you put this on your list.

 

That being said, this song deserves to be on the list, much higher even. It's kitsch without the charm and seeing this as the #1 song of 1973 makes it even worse. I mean, come on, it was the SEVENTIES. And there are a lot of songs that year that would've been more deserving than this one. Inexcusable.

Spoiler

#77: "Butterfly" - Crazy Town

 

Description: "Think you like this? Sure you don't really like the song where it came from better? Without all the yapping?"

No and yes. Honestly don't have much to say about this really. Really, Crazy Town just sounds like a bunch of Incubus wannabes.

Spoiler

#76: "Electric Boogie" - Marcia Griffiths

 

Description: "If it's really electric, can we throw this song, and everybody involved in its creation, into some water?"

Wow, this is so early '90s, it hurts. Not like that's ever a bad thing. At the same though, it's pretty stupid, but fun stupid so I can give it a pass.

Spoiler

#75: "Break My Stride" - Matthew Wilder

 

Description: "Thankfully, something did break his stride. (Well, sorta.. truthfully, he's a very successful producer now.)"

I swear, the production for this song sounds like something that would play in Hell. And it's fronted by a quite annoying and irritated singer. I will give him credit for producing No Doubt's Tragic Kingdom along with a few other successful albums. His singing career though? Naaaah.

Spoiler

#74: "Do They Know It's Christmas?" - Band Aid

 

Description: "This song proves once and for all that the road to musical hell is paved with the best of intentions."

Well, it's a charity single. Of course it's bad. Unlike "We Are the World" though, this one has more B-list singers than superstars. And it doesn't really have a balls-out, hilarious re-make that has an out-of-nowhere rap breakdown nor Wyclef Jean screaming like a banshee. I wonder what the 2014 version sounds like?

Oh yeah, it sounds like crap. And not entertaining crap like "25 for Haiti" is. I support the cause but I do not support songs like these.

Spoiler

#73: "Tootsee Roll" - 69 Boyz

 

Description: "Not only does their band name include '69,' and a 'Z' in place of an 'S,' but also the song compares women to food."

hahahahahaha 69 boyz because 69 also means sex oh the hilarity

Besides the terrible band name, this song is pretty much crap. I can give "Whoomp" a guilty pleasure pass (oh wait I don't think we're not there yet) but even I can't bring myself to like this song.

Spoiler

#72: "(Can't Live Without Your) Love and Affection" - Nelson

 

Description: "They could have spent more time rehearsing or writing good songs, but, hey, that hair's not gonna comb itself!"

Hair metal is one genre that should've died at the end of the '80s instead (though I don't mind Guns N Roses sticking around). Otherwise, we'd be getting terrible hair metal wannabes like Nelson.

Spoiler

#71: "Puttin' on the Ritz" - Taco

 

Description: "If this is how this guy pays tribute to his hero Irving Berlin, I'd hate to see how he treats his enemies."

Yeah, because this song needed to be remade with '80s synths. Not a huge fan of this song but the guy can tap-dance, I'll give him that.

 

[Joe Biden]

70-61

Spoiler

#70: "The Lady in Red" - Chris de Burgh

 

Description: "Unlike most guys, he remembers what his wife wore when they met. So? At least those fellas don't write crap songs."

Okay, this is quite boring. And the singer sounds stupid. Erm.

Spoiler

#69: "Liquid Dreams" - O-Town

 

Description: "We had a contest as to who could listen to this the most times? The winner lasted 38 seconds. Oh, and he's deaf."

I legit have never even heard of these guys until now and when Wumbo covered 2001 in his thread.

 

I question their existence in the boy band universe or something. Really, I'd rather be listening to Backstreet Boys or 'N Sync or even New Kids on the Block than listen to another hit from this group.

Spoiler

#68: "Hold My Hand" - Hootie & the Blowfish

 

Description: "C'mon, it's not their fault we overindulged on this one. If you eat too much cake, don't blame the baker."

That description makes no sense. Neither does this song being on the list. I can only assume that this guy hates feel-good songs like this one or any of their other hits for that matter. Do you hate being happy? This guy probably hates being happy or is yet another one of those "classic rock and grunge are the only good genres in the world" kind of people.

Spoiler

#67: "Rumors" - Lindsay Lohan

 

Description: "With all the stories buzzing around her now, this song can almost be seen as prophetic. Oh, wait ... pa-thetic."

This song is pretty damn hilarious when you take into hindsight the kind of shit Lohan did about three or five years after this song.

 

That's all I, uh, have to say because there's nothing good I can say about this song. It's crap.

Spoiler

#66: "How Bizarre" - OMC

 

Description: "There's lots of weird things in this wild world of ours. This song being on this list? Not bizarre in the least."

Well sir, I find your weird criticisms for songs that aren't really that bad bizarre. I think that you're just jealous because you don't own a Chevy 69 like the guy in the video clearly does.

Spoiler

#65: "Whoomp! (There It Is)" - Tag Team

 

Description: "From our 1993 journal: 'It's clear this is just the start for Tag Team. Also, handheld computing is here!'"

Whoomp, here is where this song placed on the Worst Songs countdown. Like I said in the "Tootsee Roll" entry, I find this to be one of my guilty pleasure songs. It definitely has a much better flow than the 69 Boyz song but at the same time, I do understand why some people would find it annoying. Also, "Tootsee Roll" is definitely worse than this and should be higher but that's my personal preference.

Spoiler

#64: "Breakfast at Tiffany's" - Deep Blue Something

 

Description: "...and they went on to live together in love for many long decades, all based on that one overrated movie..."

I'd probably be hating this more if the singer didn't sell it with that catchy as fuck chorus. "Oh, we can't find something we both like. Our relationship is off the rocks." Then when the chorus comes, he's like "Oh wait, we have Breakfast at Tiffany's! I remember us sort of liking that movie! We're perfect for each other!" It's pretty darn stupid, but at least it's catchy. And it's much of a better story than, say, "The Pina Colada Song".

Spoiler

#63: "Seasons in the Sun" - Terry Jacks

 

Description: "New T-shirt slogan: 'He had joy, he had fun, he had seasons in the sun, and all we got was this lousy song.'"

CNN called this the 5th worst song of all time. Honestly, it's not hard to agree with that statement. This song is multiple amounts of suck. Also, how do you make these lyrics from a song whose original title means "The Dying Man"? Leave that song alone, you hippie.

Spoiler

#62: "Supermodel (You Better Work)" - RuPaul

 

Description: "Go ahead, laugh. The joke's all on us poor, uptight suckers with just one type of clothes in our closets."

.............I honestly have no words about this song. I guess it's not that bad but it's definitely not my type of music either. Now give me either a bad or good song I can talk about, for fuck's sake.

Spoiler

#61: "Walk the Dinosaur" - Was (Not Was)

 

Description: "Look out! Meteor! Boom! Boom! Aka-lacka-lacka-boom! This song is knocked into extinction. Our ears are saved!"

Okay, much better. I honestly can not bring any vitriol that this guy clearly gives this song. It's definitely stupid. It's definitely ridiculous. It's weird how they go from walking the dinosaur from killing the dinosaur. But fuck, do I love it regardless of its usage in live action Mario and Flintstones. Also, no song that indirectly influences "Uptown Funk" is a bad song at all.

 

[Joe Biden]

can't think of an introduction

60-51

Spoiler

#60: "Make 'Em Say Uhh" - Master P

 

Description: "Why does Master P sound so constipated in this song? Someone please get him some laxatives..."

UHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I definitely don't think this is the worst of his songs as I do think the other performers on this track are at least competent, but it's still a Master P song so my expectations for this song were low to begin with. Still give it hilarity points though because that sound he keeps making throughout this song and most of his other songs makes me laugh. It's like his own Wilhelm scream.

 

.....fuck, I hope that's not a compliment. Master P still sucks.

Spoiler

#59: "From a Distance" - Bette Midler

 

Description: "'God is watching us, from a distance,' huh? Yeah, he's no dummy -- less chance of hearing this from up there."

I know I covered this when I put it on my worst list for 1991 but I may as well repeat my point here too. This song is complete bullshit. When God isn't watching us, bad things happen, but when He is, good things happen? I cannot comprehend how that sounds uplifting to people and it certainly doesn't sound uplifting to me.

Spoiler

#58: "American Life" - Madonna

 

Description: "Madonna tries to get serious by pairing her stiffest beat ever with a high-school-level political rant."

oh god madonna

what are you doing

why is the beat in this song terrible

If this isn't a prime example of "'80s artists who should've never been relevant in the 2000s", I don't know what is. Even Aaron Carter's song sounds more patriotic than this does. That is not a compliment.

Spoiler

#57: "Boom, Boom (Let's Go Back to My Room)" - Paul Lekakis

 

Description: "Doesn't the same idea just sound so much better in French? 'Voulez-vous coucher avec moi (ce soir)?'"

Normally, a song with this title sounds like it could be hilarious. I was expecting hilaribad to come out of this song but all it sounds like is a poor man's "You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)". Damn song can't even keep my attention for 6 minutes. Next.

Spoiler

#56: "Love Will Keep Us Together" - Captain & Tenille

 

Description: "Thirty-five years on, love has kept them together. The rest of us can stand united by our mutual dislike of this song."

I was expecting "Muskrat Love" to be on this list. That song is downright unlistenable. Then again, Captain & Tenille is unlistenable in general. Go join Tony Orlando and Rupert Holmes in the kitsch ship you clearly captain.

Spoiler

#55: "It Wasn't Me" - Shaggy

 

Description: "So bad it further corrupted lawyers. Meet the Shaggy Defense: Lying in the face of overwhelming evidence."

I, uh, don't get it. You hate this song because it influenced people like R. Kelly use it for excuses to plead innocent?

 

Well, R. Kelly is a human scumbag. Still, fuck you, this song is great.

Spoiler

#54: "Disco Duck" - Rick Dees

 

Description: "Six million people bought this piece of duck droppings in 1976. Not one of them would admit to doing so today."

Wish I could find the video that Todd used in his 1976 video but damn it if this isn't just as good.

 

I'm honestly so mesmerized and amazed at how people in 1976 bought this as a legitimate pop song. This song does not belong on the charts, yet this song makes me laugh on so many levels.

 

TRY YOUR LUCK

DON'T BE A CLUCK

 

Especially that part. "Disco Duck" is just too clucking hilarious to hate on.

Spoiler

#53: "Summer Girls" - LFO

 

Description: "Stream-of-consciousness writing might be better off left to slightly deeper thinkers."

And yet we come across another bizarro song on this list. Can't really hate on this song since I think it's completely stupid-fun. I can't think of what the heck these guys are talking about, this song makes no sense at all, but I appreciate it somehow.

Spoiler

#52: "The Ketchup Song" - Las Ketchup

 

Description: "How could such an inoffensive condiment inspire a song that unfolds in so many different, annoying ways?"

First, a song about fast food and now this. How do songs like this even exist?

 

It's a little less annoying than "The Fast Food Song" is, but I still can't help but think that it's the lovechild between that song and "Macarena".

 

http://www.ukchartsplus.co.uk/ChartsPlusYE2002.pdf

Oh yeah, I also feel the need to point out that this was #8 of 2002 in the UK. You Brits sure do like ketchup with your fast food, don't you?

Spoiler

#51: "You Light Up My Life" - Debby Boone

 

Description: "Your grandparents probably love this and consider it a hip new record. Don't judge them too harshly, OK?"

As I mentioned in the music video list I did a while back, I was originally going to look at 1978. Since I'm not doing that, I might as well unleash my hatred (or rather annoyance) on this song here.

 

This was the #3 song of 1978. It was #1 for 10 WEEKS in 1977. Somehow it's one spot over one of the most iconic songs of 1978 and the '70s. I never heard of this song before or hear anyone who lived in the '70s or anything '70s related mention this song at all! Why is it the third popular song of that year? Did everyone in that year just catch Debby Boone-mania or something? Whatever Gregory Abbott is to the '80s, Debby Boone is to the '70s. 

okay i'm tired

[Joe Biden]

Hey all. Apologies for not updating earlier. As you can see, I was celebrating the holidays and was too focused on family to update this here list. I also had to work a long shift earlier today and didn't get around to doing this. But now, here I am, about to type through 10 more songs again.

 

.......but first before we start, I should mention that we've reached the halfway point of this project. Which means I'm gonna be categorizing most of the songs into 6 following categories.

 

Why Is This On the List

Spoiler

• Walk the Dinosaur
• It Wasn't Me
• Hold My Hand
• Here Comes the Hotstepper
• How Bizarre
• Get Ready for This

The Guilty Pleasures

Spoiler

• Disco Duck
• Breakfast at Tiffany's
• Summer Girls
• Whoomp! (There It Is)
• Cherry Pie

hahahahaha

Spoiler

• This Is Why I'm Hot
• America A O
• Looking for Freedom
• Heartbeat
• The Girl is Mine
• Disco Duck
• Make Em Say Uhh
• The Fast Food Song
• The Ketchup Song
• any song dedicated to food
• Girl You Know It's True

Quite Boring

Spoiler

• The Lady in Red
• Puttin' on the Ritz
• (Can't Live Without Your) Love and Affection
• From a Distance
• Feelings
• You Light Up My Life
• Seasons in the Sun
• Do They Know It's Christmas?
• You're Beautiful

Pretty Damn Bad

Spoiler

• Mambo No. 5
• Escape (The Pina Colada Song)
• Love Will Keep Us Together
• Tie a Yellow Ribbon 'Round the Ole Oak Tree
• My Humps
• Butterfly
• Break My Stride

OH GOD WHAT IS THIS

Spoiler

• Tootsee Roll
• Rumors
• American Life
• The Hampsterdance Song
• Popozao

 

Okay, now that that's over with, time to get a move on!

50-41

Spoiler

#50: "I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) - The Proclaimers

 

Description: "We're halfway through our list! Doesn't it feel like your ears have walked through 500 miles of bad songs?"

okay if you placed this song purposely at 50 to give it a clever description, i will come to your house and kill you

Spoiler

#49: "The Bad Touch" - The Bloodhound Gang

 

Description: "OK, yes, very juvenile, but the 'let's do it like they do on the Discovery channel' line is pretty clever."

You just hate life, do ya? If you hate this song, you just hate fun.

Spoiler

#48: "(You're) Having My Baby" - Paul Anka

 

Description: "Way to make 'your' woman instantly regret deciding to embark on this wonderful adventure with you, buddy!"

No, I refuse to have your baby, Paul Anka. I am a male heterosexual. Also, I can't hear this song ever again without thinking of that Family Guy episode where Stewie gets pregnant. Make that another strike on this song.

Spoiler

#47: "C'mon N' Ride It (The Train)" - Quad City DJs

 

Description: "Sure, we'll ride this train. But only if you place every single copy of this record on the tracks first."

No, I refuse to ride the train, Quad City DJs. If every song of yours is like this then I refuse to ride on a train with you guys.

Spoiler

#46: "I Touch Myself" - The Divinyls

 

Description: "And the winner for the 'Too Much Information for Social Comfort in Modern Rock Songwriting' award goes to..."

Hey, I just heard you just got nominated for "Guy Who Takes Songs Too Seriously". Hell, I think you won that award too.

 

And you still have yet to give criticism about the songs on here you hate. They oughta give you an award for that. Or a slap in the face, either one works.

Spoiler

#45: "We Like to Party" - Vengaboys

 

Description: "If you live within a few hundred miles of a Six Flags adventure park, you've heard this 4,000 times."

Gotta be honest, I neither like nor hate this. Every time I think about it, I see a bald guy dancing in front of a bus.

Spoiler

#44: "Laffy Taffy" - D4L

 

Description: "How bad is this song? So bad that even the Chipmunks can't make it sound any worse. Go ahead, compare it."

Closing my eyes and imagining Alvin and the Chipmunks honestly makes the song more funnier. Otherwise, it's pretty terrible. Not incredibly horrible though, in comparison to the OTHER candy-related song on this list.

Spoiler

#43: "Everybody (Backstreet's Back)" - Backstreet Boys

 

Description: "You wrote a theme song about yourself? What are you, a fictional band from a Saturday morning cartoon show?"

I honestly find this song to be a bit silly. Not one of the best Backstreet Boys songs though.

Spoiler

#42: "We Didn't Start the Fire" - Billy Joel

 

Description: "To his credit, soon after this Billy admitted he'd run out of songs. Still, R.E.M. and Dylan pwned him here."

Okay, I can't see the examples the writer gave in this entry. As for the song? Can't really bring much hate to Billy Joel's music that much. This is definitely the least good of his songs but yet, even I find this song catchy. WHAT ELSE DO I HAVE TO SAY?!

Spoiler

#41: "Blue (Da Ba Dee)" - Eiffel 65

 

Description: "This entire song is like one big ringtone that never ... ever ... ends. Answer the phone! Answer the phone!"

This song though? Perfect example for an earworm. And not a bad one either! Maybe that's just the nostalgia factor kicking in but besides that, it's a pretty cool song. Why is it on here though?

 

[Joe Biden]

40-31

Spoiler

#40: "Sometimes When We Touch" - Dan Hill

 

Description: "There isn't enough room to run down the oversharing, self-mythologizing and total sissy-ness displayed here."

Much like "Light Up My Life", this would've been another bad song I would've covered had I did 1978. Mostly because it's dull and boring as shit. And you know, that doesn't fly in a year with Bee Gees, Meat Loaf, Foreigner, Boston, and Styx. Hell, even Barry Manilow had a song I liked from that year! 1978 was a fantastic year for music and too fantastic for a shit song like this one.

Spoiler

#39: "Physical" - Olivia Newton-John

 

Description: "An entire generation's leg-warmered, pastel spandex shame is laid bare in just under four minutes."

Oh hey, speaking of 1978. Hello, Olivia. I don't even mind the Grease songs from that year because she didn't sound as unbearable as this and the rest of her discography. That thumbnail makes me uncomfortable too.

Spoiler

#38: "I'd Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)" - Meat Loaf

 

Description: "Won't do what? Who's asking? Is this an opera? How many real songs are slammed together here, and why?"

Dude, literally fuck you! Who puts Meat Loaf songs (that aren't from the '80s) on their worst list? Either you're deaf or you just don't appreciate passion. This is like hating "Bohemian Rhapsody", a song I'm sure you like because "only classic rock is good music".

Spoiler

#37: "I Love Rock 'n' Roll" - Britney Spears

 

Description: "Doing her best to single-handedly set the women-in-rock movement back 20 years. (Joan Jett rules, BTW!)"

Being a not very good pop version of the original is the main problem of this song. At least it's better than what Hilary Duff did to "My Generation".

Spoiler

#36: "Party All the Time" - Eddie Murphy

 

Description: "If only Eddie Murphy knew an amazingly sharp, funny, music-loving comedian to help rip this 'song' apart..."

Usually Eddie Murphy's discography can range from hilariously amazing to hilariously bad but this song is neither of those two, which is a huge problem with this song. Not the worst, but definitely not worth another listen.

Spoiler

#35: "Tubthumping" - Chumbawumba

 

Description: "Please, let's all keep knocking them down. I don't care what they say, eventually they'll stay down for good."

Keep your shitty-ass opinions out of actually great songs, sir.

Spoiler

#34: "Jump" - Kris Kross

 

Description: "Don't blame the kids. Look behind the curtain for the true villains, songwriters Treach and Jermaine Dupri."

This entry is wiggety-wiggety-wack. Not to mention that you don't even explain your opinion. Why is it bad? Don't put it on your list if you can't explain.

Spoiler

#33: "Informer" - Snow

 

Description: "We're bringing in a ringer to take this one apart for us. Please welcome Jim Carrey, performing 'Imposter.'"

Meanwhile, I can understand seeing this song appear on here. I'd analyze it if I could even understand a lick of the song beyond "informer" and "a licky boom boom down", whatever that means. That and I'm too busy watching this SpongeBob deleted scene. You should check it out.

Heh.

Spoiler

#32: "The Loco-Motion" - Kylie Minogue

 

Description: "If this and 'C'mon N' Ride It' each leaves the train station at the same time, which gets to Sucktown first?"

Honestly, every time I hear Kylie Minogue sing, I feel the need to take an aspirin. It's just too cheery and cheesy, I can't stand it.

Spoiler

#31: "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm" - Crash Test Dummies

 

Description: "Not only bad but amazingly monotone and depressing. Absolutely the last song to play for your sad friends."

That title alone should be enough to tell you how much the song sucks. Or the chorus. Or everything with this song. Really hope that the Crash Test Dummies made better songs than this. Otherwise, fuck off. MMMM MMMM MMMM MMMM. Typing the same letter key 16 times does not make a promising song title.

 

[Joe Biden]

30-21

Spoiler

#30: "Pretty Fly (For a White Guy)" - The Offspring

 

Description: "What we learn here is that you can be the joke teller, and still, somehow, be the butt of the same joke."

I really don't mind any Offspring songs at all (though there's something about Dexter Holland's voice I don't like). This song, along with "Original Prankster" and "Coming for You" are my favorites from them.

Spoiler

Well, I knew this guy was gonna make an appearance on this list at one point. Well, here he is. Fuckin' Crazy Frog.

#29: "Axel F" - Crazy Frog

 

Description: "Without a doubt, the best remake of the 'Beverly Hills Cop' theme song by an animated frog, ever."

I should remind you all that the Brits made this song the 3rd most popular song of 2005. They treated this novelty shit as a credible Billboard artist for reasons I just can't comprehend. It's just some weirdo spouting random gibberish into a microphone! People in England bought this! Why?

I'm not even against animated or fictional groups. I like the Gorillaz. And they really deserved more attention on the pop charts outside "Feel Good Inc.". My issue with fictional bands really stem from the fact that a lot of them are kitschy and annoying. The Archies, The Chipmunks, and especially Crazy Frog. They are artists that should stay in their own world and nowhere else. I do find it a little better than "The Hampsterdance Song" but it's still Crazy Frog, which means it's still terrible.

And I would also like to say this. AT LEAST it's better than Kidz Bop doing Crazy Frog doing Axel F.

And at least THEY didn't get any recognition on the pop charts, I hope.

Spoiler

#28: "Livin' la Vida Loca" - Ricky Martin

 

Description: "The No. 1 reason cruise ship bartenders and DJs quit their jobs. Also the last song you want to hear when hungover."

If you recall from my Best of 1999 list, this song was on here. I think me putting that song on there explains my opinion on this fun. It's fun, it's energetic, it's not that bad.

Spoiler

#27: "Wild Wild West" - Will Smith

 

Description: "Look, make your dumb 'robots in the Wild West' film, get millions, God bless. Just leave Stevie Wonder alone!"

Oh boy, we're really getting into the 1999 callbacks now, aren't we? Now like I said in the "Mambo No. 5" entry earlier, I've softened up on this song. It's one of the okay songs of that year now and if I went back in time to when I was making those lists, I would've happily traded this song with "Mambo", which still gets on my nerves more I think about it.

Spoiler

#26: "Afternoon Delight" - Starlight Vocal Band

 

Description: "If this guy can sing this cheesy song, and still somehow get some in the middle of the workday, we bow to him."

Do I even have to get into detail as into why this sucks? I'm pretty sure it's shared opinion that this song is awful, kitschy garbage. Seriously, even The Simpsons think it's terrible! And you know your song is terrible when The Simpsons criticize it.

Billboard called this the 20th sexiest song of all time which is just............insulting. There must have been much sexier songs than this one. It is the opposite of sexy. And it is not very delightful no matter what time of day it is.

Spoiler

#25: "I'll Be There for You (Theme from "Friends")" - The Rembrandts

 

Description: "The most dangerous song on this list. Like a panther, it can strike anywhere that reruns of 'Friends' roam free."

Really? The fucking Friends theme? I admit that I have not seen a lick of Friends, but I do fondly remember the awesome theme and still love it today. And if you dislike this song, well, I pretty sure you're dead inside.

Spoiler

#24: "Hangin' Tough" - New Kids on the Block

 

Description: "As badass as they are here, remember when they went all street and became NKOTB? Even tougher!!"

Oh my god, now this belongs in the hilaribad section. Mostly because the thought of New Kids getting street cred with this song is hilarious and pathetic. I don't even hate New Kids on the Block, by the way. I just heard better from them.

Spoiler

#23: "Nookie" - Limp Bizkit

 

Description: "He did it for the nookie, huh? We hope he got it, 'cause he's clearly going home without artist respect today."

Man, this song is unbearable. Most of Limp Bizkit's songs are unbearable and I'll tell you why. Fred Durst is a terrible human being, is why.

 

I did it all for the nookie (what)

The nookie (what)

So you can take that cookie

And stick it up your (yeah)

Stick it up your (yeah)

Stick it up your (yeah)

Stick it up your

 

What the fucking shit does "Stick it up your yeah" mean? What "cookie" is involved?

 

And the thing is, just maybe if Durst wasn't the frontman of this group and this song along with his others never existed, then maybe, just maybe, they'd be a more competent nu-metal band than they are right now. In conclusion, Fred Durst can take his cookie and stick it up his yeah.

Spoiler

#22: "We Built This City" - Starship

 

Description: "You say you can't undo a legacy? Well, here's Grace Slick, singer of 'White Rabbit' proving you way wrong."

In general, this song isn't the worst song ever. In terms of the '80s and Jefferson's whole discography, it's completely bad and the worst. Go back to "Somebody to Love" or go away.

Spoiler

Hey, what do you say we end today's entries with an actual good song?

#21: "One Week" - Barenaked Ladies

 

Description: "Smug: 'Exhibiting or feeling great or offensive satisfaction with oneself or one's overly clever lyrics.'"

Okay, go to Hell. Not only are you slandering one of the best songs of the '90s, your reasoning is not even a reasoning! You just decided to look up a word in Urban Dictionary! Just........why. This song belongs far away from this list and far away from the Top 20.

We're nearing the end.....

[Steel Sponge]

I'm a little late to say this, but how can anyone put "Get Ready for This" on a worst list, even when this exists?:

 

[4EverGreen]

Maybe it's just the fact that I was actually BORN in 1985 talking, but there is no WAY that "We Built This City" by Starship (written by Bernie Taupin) should be on or anywhere NEAR a WORST list! At least it's not #1, so that's saying SOMETHING! No idea whether it is good or not, though.

[Joe Biden]

20-11

Spoiler

#20: "What's Up" - 4 Non Blondes

 

Description: "The sonic equivalent of those 'hang in there' posters with the cat on a tree limb, except much screechier."

nothing much what's up with you

Does this count much as a guilty pleasure of mine? I know Todd hates it and so does Wikipedia. And if "What's Up" is just one of those songs that are just suddenly hated now by everyone in the universe......then I guess I do find it to be one of my guilty pleasures. I have it in my Spotify library and I'd be a hypocrite if I despised the song as much as the world does.

(Also, I can't stop snickering at that face in the thumbnail.)

Spoiler

#19: "Gettin' Jiggy wit It" - Will Smith

 

Description: "Honestly, how many times do we have to hear this phrase in the middle of a bad sitcom's corny sex joke?"

Honestly, I don't think I can harbor any more hate to Will Smith's music. If anything, he's much one of the better rappers of the late '90s. Also, I never want to hate on The Fresh Prince.

Spoiler

#18: "Achy Breaky Heart" - Billy Ray Cyrus

 

Description: "Attention, all units! Country music has been kidnapped. Suspect last seen with a rat-tail and driving a Chevy with 'Truck Balls.' Also wanted for child endangerment."

Well, uh, this is another song everyone seems to hate. Don't think I'll be breaking anyone else (except Billy Ray Cyrus)'s achy breaky hearts when I say I agree.

 

Then again, he's Billy Ray Cyrus so who cares about him. We all care about her daughter shaking her ass at the VMAs and licking sledgehammers.

Spoiler

#17: "MMMBop" - Hanson

 

Description: "The Dust Brothers produced amazing albums by Beck and the Beastie Boys, which almost makes up for this."

Oh god, not Hanson. If this song isn't inane enough for you to not like them, what else is there? I was able to give LFO a pass because it felt like they were never taking themselves seriously with their song, and I can appreciate that. What I don't appreciate are songs that go "mm bop a doopa dop bop" in the chorus sung by three boys that would be passable as girls as well. Not helping the fact that one of them has a girl name as well!

 

Maybe I'm being a bit of a grumpus who likes a little bit of dignity in the songs I listen to, but this song is inane, and not in a funny way either. It's just...........irritating. Sorry.

Spoiler

#16: "Hollaback Girl" - Gwen Stefani

 

Description: "Often, Gwen puts a twist on a musical idea and nails it. This? Reminds us what we hated about high school."

I like Gwen Stefani just fine, but I'm sorry, this is just not one of my favorites from her. Not completely horrible though so I can't really put it on the shitlist. Just stuck in the middle somewhere.

Spoiler

#15: "Rico Suave" - Gerardo

 

Description: "Aka 'The Latino Situation.' We did some math: Gerardo can't be his father. But it would make sense, right?"

I wouldn't go as to far as to call him that. I would just say that he's The Latino Vanilla Ice. Both are equally terrible, by the way, and don't have any shred of talent.

 

RICOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

SUAVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Spoiler

#14: "Convoy" - C.W. McCall

 

Description: "How dumb was all that '10-4, good buddy' stuff? OMG, LOL! We would never do something that stupid! LMFAO..."

Like "Disco Duck", this was another novelty song that the people in 1976 somehow ate up. Unlike "Disco Duck", it doesn't have any qualities that would even make it a guilty pleasure.

 

Maybe if I was a trucker, I would be able to understand it and give it a pass, but I'm not, and this song is stupid.

Spoiler

#13: "With Arms Wide Open" - Creed

 

Description: "If only we could list this twice. Pompous: 'Characterized by excessive self-esteem or exaggerated dignity.'"

I really expected Nickelback, as hated as they are, to make an appearance somewhere on this list but they never did. Instead, we got the Christian Nickelback. Hooray, I guess.

 

I'll be honest, I don't even mind Creed at all. I think they're more hilarious but I really can't bring a lot of hate to them. This song though? Unbearable. Which is sad because the song has a nice concept to it and would have probably sounded much better if it wasn't belched out from Scott Stapp's mouth. If I could, I would just put both Chad Kroeger's and Scott Stapp's voices against each other in a contest to see who can make my ears bleed the fastest.

Spoiler

#12: "Wannabe" - Spice Girls

 

Description: "You know what we want? What we really, really want? A time machine, a map of England, five muzzles and glue."

The Spice Girls might not be my favorite kind of music, but I do think this song is alright and doesn't really belong on this list.

 

also spice girls is a million times better than fifth harmony there i said it

Spoiler

#11: "My Heart Will Go On" - Celine Dion

 

Description: "New rule! From now on, the Canadian warbler, and not the captain, has to go down with this ship. Sound good?"

Much like The Spice Girls, Celine Dion's music really doesn't do much for me. But it's THE GODDAMN TITANIC THEME! And when it's during one of the movie's very emotional scenes, well...............that doesn't mean I can't be a sap for this song, right?

So it looks like we're nearing the end

So glad you could join us, my friends

Even though I don't know how to rhyme

The final 10 songs are gonna be posted next time

[Joe Biden]

Now that the year is coming to a close, I thought it might be fitting that the thread ends along with it. So let's end this year and this thread with a bang. 

10-1

Spoiler

#10: "Macarena" - Los Del Rio

 

Description: "First: Place your arm straight out in front of you at shoulder height, palm facing down. Then: Punch the DJ."

Not sure which version he's talking about here, but the remix one got more popular so I guess he's talking about that one. Both equally suck though.

ANYWAYS, 1996 was a rather decent year for music. However, even with it's rights, there were still plenty of wrongs with that year too, like making this the #1 song. It's not even a remotely great dance craze either. Is it even a dance craze at all? I don't know. I don't know how to do it and furthermore, I don't give a shit about it. Maybe if they taught us from the lyrics?

Like, here's what the lyrics mean in English:

Give your body some joy, Macarena 

'cause your body is for giving joy and good things to it

So I have to give my body joy? How do I do that? HOW IS THIS A DANCE CRAZE? HOW IS IT #1 OF 1996?!

If I had to choose between the two, I guess I would choose the Bayside Boys mix because at least it has more energy than the original does. The original? I don't think you need to hear from me because Wumbo and Clappy said more than I did about that song. I really think moving on to the next song would give my body joy and good things to it. Whatever that means.

Spoiler

#9: "Ebony and Ivory" - Paul McCartney and Stevie Wonder

 

Description: "Done much better by Joe Piscopo and Eddie Murphy. Everybody: 'You are blind as a bat and I have sight...'"

You know I'm not against racial equality nor am I against songs for racial equality, but boy, does this song bloooooow. And much like "Girl is Mine", it features two iconic musicians that have done way better stuff than this. Actually, let's talk about another song that deals with the same issue.

Now this is "Black or White" by Michael Jackson. The difference between this song and "Ebony and Ivory" is that this one is actually interesting, and the other one is completely boring. It is a bad use of two dynamite performers and yet another example that Paul McCartney is past his prime and should've stopped before the '80s arrived. It just proves that you can have a bad song, it don't matter if you're black or white.

Spoiler

#8: "I'm Too Sexy" - Right Said Fred

 

Description: "Next time the Brits try to knock our culture, just ask them where these guys had four Top 30 singles in one year."

Right!

I mean, it's not LMFAO singing about being sexy so anything that's not that is fine with me.

Spoiler

#7: "I Am Woman" - Helen Reddy

 

Description: "I'm with you, doll. Yes, I'm listening, now take my coat and hat, and what's for dinner? Why are you leaving?"

"Hahahahahahahaha, sexism is so hilarious! Women are objects! LOL, aren't I a clever fuck?"

Tasteless joke aside, a lot of Helen Reddy's songs are pretty quite lame. This is one of them. Okay, maybe it's probably the most interesting thing she released but only because an empowerment song. Still though, pretty lame.

Spoiler

#6: "U Can't Touch This" - MC Hammer

 

Description: "Poor, poor Rick James. If someone did this to your wonderful work of music, you might choose crack, too."

Probably the "best" song he did and it's simply okay. Thank your stars you have that Rick James sample, otherwise this'd be lower than okay.

 

Actually, never mind, his rendition of "Feelings" from the Pepsi commercial I posted earlier is the best.

Spoiler

#5: "Barbie Girl" - Aqua

 

Description: "Paris Hilton was 16 years old when this came out. We're not blaming Aqua Girls entirely. We're just saying..."

Yet another song where my opinion is based off of my mood. Not too good, not too annoying.

Spoiler

#4: "She Bangs" - Ricky Martin

 

Description: "Imagine you hate broccoli but had to sing a song about it every night. Then this guy sings it, too. Sad, right?"

Um, okay.

This is Top 4 worthy?

I have legit heard worse music than this. Not saying it's good but why focus your anger on it?

I will tell you this though. It's no "She Bangs the Drums".

Spoiler

#3: "Ice Ice Baby" - Vanilla Ice

 

Description: "Only thing good about this song is that it samples 'Under Pressure.' Of course, Iceman here didn't offer any songwriting credits until after it became a hit."

Can't disagree with that logic. Really, any of Vanilla Ice's songs are terrible so why is it worth criticism? Go, white boy, go away.

Spoiler

#2: "Who Let the Dogs Out?" - Baha Men

 

Description: "We try to forgive, but admit to daydreaming about supergluing an iPod with this on it to Michael Vick's head."

One time in elementary, I heard my gym teacher playing this song over the speakers. Years later, I learned from Todd's One Hit Wonderland on these guys that this song was about sex.

.........lol.

I can't believe that my gym teacher unintentionally taught me about sex. Anyway, it's a terrible song that everyone knows sucks. Woof, indeed.

ONE. MORE. SONG.

Spoiler

So what could possibly be #1 on a list made in September of 2010? Believe it or not, it's not "Baby", which everyone hates. Except me right now because this is 2017 (almost 2018). So if not that, then what?

 

Well, it's a guy from another 2010 punchline/punching bag. Guess what it is?

 

#1: "(It's Time to) Beat Dat Beat" - DJ Pauly D

 

Description: "'Being a guido's a way of life. I don't represent all Italians, I represent myself. I started this whole GTO s--- (Gym, Tan, Laundry). You have to stay fresh to dance.' Yours truly, DJ Pauly D. 'Nuff said."

Can't disagree with this guy and this song being #1. I really think that Kevin Federline is worse but if there was ever a douchebag who can easily face him in a Douche Off or something, Pauly D would probably fit that description. All I know is that I'm done with all this. Will update this post with rankings sometime in 2018. Until then, Happy New Year and Rest in Piss 2017.

Final Thoughts and Rankings:

Why Is This On the List

Spoiler

 

• I Would Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)
• I'll Be There for You #25
• One Week
• Walk the Dinosaur
• It Wasn't Me
• The Bad Touch
• I'm Gonna Be (500 Miles) #50
• Hold My Hand
• U Can't Touch This
• Here Comes the Hotstepper
• How Bizarre
• Get Ready for This
• Will Smith #27 and #19
• Pretty Fly (For a White Guy) #30
• Livin' la Vida Loca #28
• My Heart Will Go On
• Wannabe
• Tubthumping #35
• Jump #34

 

The Guilty Pleasures

Spoiler

• Disco Duck
• Breakfast at Tiffany's
• Summer Girls
• Whoomp! (There It Is)
• Cherry Pie
• What's Up

hahahahaha

Spoiler

 

• This Is Why I'm Hot
• America A O
• Looking for Freedom
• Heartbeat
• The Girl is Mine
• Disco Duck
• Make Em Say Uhh
• The Fast Food Song
• The Ketchup Song
• any song dedicated to food
• Girl You Know It's True
• Hangin' Tough #24
• With Arms Wide Open #13

 

Quite Boring

Spoiler

 

• The Lady in Red
• Puttin' on the Ritz
• (Can't Live Without Your) Love and Affection
• From a Distance
• Feelings
• You Light Up My Life
• Seasons in the Sun
• Do They Know It's Christmas?
• You're Beautiful
• I Am Woman
• Ebony and Ivory
• Sometimes When We Touch
• Mmm, Mmm, Mmm, Mmm #31

 

Pretty Damn Bad

Spoiler

 

• With Arms Wide Open (belongs in this category too because Stapp's voice sucks) #13
• Mambo No. 5
• We Built This City #22
• Escape (The Pina Colada Song)
• Who Let the Dogs Out #2
• Love Will Keep Us Together
• Tie a Yellow Ribbon 'Round the Ole Oak Tree
• C'mon Ride the Train
• My Humps
• Butterfly
• Break My Stride
• Convoy #14
• (You're) Having My Baby (what's with the parentheses by the way?)
• Rico Suave
• Nookie #23

 

OH GOD WHAT IS THIS

Spoiler

 

• Macarena (whichever version)
• The Loco-Motion #32
• Tootsee Roll
• Rumors
• Afternoon Delight #26
• MMMBop
• American Life
• Axel F (The Frog Song apparently fuck you Kidz Bop) #29
• The Hampsterdance Song
• Popozao
•