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Everything posted by JCM

  1. A bunch of short films where random stuff happens. That's pretty much it. JCM Undergoes Shock Therapy While the Grim Reaper Plays Unfitting Music (We open with a shot of the SpongeBob Community School. A short, puffy-faced kid rides his scooter into a nearby tree. He jumps off right before the scooter explodes.) JCM: (annoyingly high-pitched voice) Well, here I am! I better catch up with my friends before school starts! (JCM runs into the school and sees Elastic Dog talking with Dragiiin123 and Metal Snake.) JCM: Hello, my hippity homeboys! How it be? Elastic Dog: (rolls eyes) Hi, JCM. I was just talking about this movie I just saw. You've probably heard of it. JCM: What's its name? Elastic Dog: Sex Zombies From the Devil's Womb (There is a long, extremely awkward silence.) JCM: No, I can't say I have heard of it. What is it about? Elastic Dog: Basically, Satan fucks this chick in Hell, and the sex is so wild that both of them get pregnant immediately. Dragiiin123: Yeah, so he and the bitch get an abortion, but the red guy's aborted babies rip themselves out of his stomach and rape and kill both of them. Metal Snake: Then the babies crawl out of Hell and start brutally raping every single person they encounter. It's fucking awesome. You should see it. JCM: (twitches) I'll...put it on my list. (JCM stumbles down the hall before finally passing out. He wakes up in the nurse's office.) Jelly: (reading a thermometer) Are you alright, JCM? JCM: Yeah, I'm just recovering from another traumatizing experience. Jelly: Do you want to talk to the guidance counselor about it? JCM: We have a guidance counselor? (JCM walks into the office of an old man with a long beard and shiny head. SpongeSebastian looks up and stares at JCM with deep interest.) SpongeSebastian: (slowly and quietly) hello there, jcm. do you want to talk about your feelings today? JCM: No offense, but you really seem like a pedophile right now. SpongeSebastian: (smiles) none taken. you'll find that I really encourage my visitors to just let it all out. JCM: Um, OK. I'm not completely comfortable with the atmosphere at this school. SpongeSebastian: what ever do you mean? JCM: Well, the other kids are saying inappropriate things without the intervention of the staff. SpongeSebastian: but don't you like the idea of an unrestricted environment? JCM: Not really. I was raised with values. SpongeSebastian: isn't the value of freedom the most important value of all? JCM: No. SpongeSebastian: one of the most important? JCM: No. SpongeSebastian: is it important at all? even a little bit? JCM: This is a school, sir. SpongeSebastian: don't get rash with me, or i'll beat your little butt. JCM: (crying) I just wanted someone to talk to! SpongeSebastian: no you didn't, you whiny bitch. you wanted someone to agree with you. JCM: But isn't that your job? SpongeSebastian: my job is to knock sense into dumbshits like you, because you're too fucking stupid to get a goddamn clue JCM: I don't like you! SpongeSebastian: get in line, motherfucker (JCM runs out of the office with tears pouring from his eyes. He trips on a "Wet Floor" sign and sees tvguy347 mopping right next to him.) JCM: Hey, you're the cool janitor! tvguy347: (Bill Cosby accent) That is me! Say, class is about to start. Why are you flip flopping around in the hallways with the puddin' pops and the sweaters and what not? JCM: I've been having a really bad day! tvguy347: (puts "Wet Floor" sign back into place) That is really sad, Theo, but if you knock that thingamajig over again, I will shove this here sploshin' device right up your anal area, what with the buttocks and the brown stuff and the whobob whatpants. JCM: I'm not really sure what you just said, and I'm not really sure if I want to be. (walks off) tvguy347: Salutations! I mean buh-bye! (coughs, then changes voice) Damn, that shit's rough. (The Grim Reaper appears and starts doing the Michigan J. Frog dance!) Grim Reaper: Hello, mah baby! Hello, mah honey! Hello, mah ragtime gal! (The End)
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