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Everything posted by JCM

  1. Here's the first episode of AfterXat to help everyone catch up with it before I send out the final episode tonight. ---- Episode 1 (CF's dad is sleeping in his prison cell when he's awoken by a knock. He makes out one of the prison officers between the cell bars.) Officer: You have a visitor. CF's dad: This late? (The officer shrugs and unlocks the cell, handcuffing CF's dad and taking him to the visiting area. When CF's dad sees who's on the other side of the glass screen, his heart nearly stops.) CF: Hi, dad. CF's dad: I-it's you! CF: Yeah, sorry for not visiting before today. I had to get over hating your guts and everything. CF's dad: (shakes head) It's fine. I'm just happy you're alive. CF: So...how long are you in for? CF's dad: 20 years with good behavior. I burned a lot of bridges trying to get you back, and I lost you anyway. CF: Hey, I'm here, aren't I? CF's dad: Nobody persuaded you to come? Like your friend Edgar? CF: Why would Edgar want me here? CF's dad: (pauses) No reason. CF: It did take a push, but I eventually would have visited you no matter what happened. CF's dad: So you forgive me? For everything? For your mother? CF: I don't know if I can forgive you for everything...but that doesn't mean I'll abandon you. For all your flaws, you do at least try to be a good father. CF's dad: I wish I tried harder. If I survive this prison term, I'm coming out a changed man. CF: I hope that's true. Officer: Alright, time's up. Back to your cell. (The officer takes CF's dad out of the visiting area, and CF is escorted out on her side as well.) xat.com/help (ding dong) SnuggyMush: hey Flying Ace: Hi there Flying Ace: Need help? SnuggyMush: yeah SnuggyMush: is it true that the fugitive four come on here? Flying Ace: No Flying Ace: Everything connecting this site to aliens is a lie perpetrated by the government Flying Ace: This site was run by a great man Flying Ace: A great human man SnuggyMush: was? SnuggyMush: what happened to him? Flying Ace: A member of the Fugitive Four killed him Flying Ace: And if I ever see him again I'm banning his ass Flying Ace: I know it was him who told the government Xat was run by aliens Flying Ace: And nobody uses Xat anymore because of it SnuggyMush: that's a shame SnuggyMush: this redesign is pretty cool Flying Ace: yeah Flying Ace: I haven't talked to the new owner yet but he's doing great work SnuggyMush: how do you know that the old owner is really dead? Flying Ace: I haven't seen him here in years SnuggyMush: maybe he was just taking a break (ding dong) : Hello, Ace. Flying Ace: ... Flying Ace: Is it really you? : Yes, it's really me : That "great human man" Flying Ace: Wait a minute Flying Ace: Last time I talked to you you were acting really strange Flying Ace: And the last last time I talked to you you were John Brennan Flying Ace: How do I know it's really you now? : Because only I would remember the shy 13-year-old boy who came in here ten years ago asking for help setting up a Xat for himself and his Runescape buddies : Only I would remember the long personal conversations you had with me about your school life, your family, that silly off-and-on thing you had with that girl : What was her name, Elizabeth? Flying Ace: Okay Flying Ace: I believe you : Good : Where are the other admins I appointed for this Xat? Flying Ace: It's just me now Flying Ace: The others never came back after the CIA took Xat down but I've always remained loyal Flying Ace: Holding out hope that I'd see you again : Well, here I am : How is it just us two? Flying Ace: Like I said Flying Ace: The alien shit really hurt activity : Well, I'm hoping I can change that Flying Ace: If anyone can do it, it's you Flying Ace: By the way, Elizabeth and I are engaged now : Holy shit : A lot can happen in two years Flying Ace: You're telling me New York (John Brennan sits down at a bar in Trump Tower. He immediately recognizes the bartender as Hayden.) Brennan: What are you doing here? Hayden: Serving you shit that's bad for you. What are you doing here? Brennan: This is the only bar I could go to where I knew there wouldn't be anybody else. I had to use my credentials just to get past security. Hayden: At least you don't have to get the daily pat-downs like me. Brennan: Not unless I ask for one. Think you can pour me a me a few glasses of vodka? Hayden: That's what I'm paid for. (Hayden fills three glass cups with vodka and slides them to Brennan, who immediately downs one.) Brennan: My wife left me, you know. Took the kids. Said she couldn't handle me keeping secrets from her anymore. Hayden: (shakes head) I'm sorry. I mean it. Brennan: I know. But really, why are you here? Hayden: My new BFF Gina Haskel got me this job when I told her I couldn't get work anywhere else due to my name. I probably should have told her I hated being around alcohol, but she probably knew that. Brennan: Aren't you a millionaire? At least that's what I saw when I tried to seize your assets. Hayden: You didn't need to. The FBI took most of it when I couldn't explain to them where I got all of my money from. Not even Haskel could help me in that department. Brennan: So tell me..where did you get all that money from? Hayden: Mr. Brennan, do you believe in time travel? (Hayden and Brennan both laugh.) Brennan: (holds up a glass) Want a shot? Hayden: No, I'm not much of a fan of poisoning myself. Brennan: Suit yourself. (Brennan drinks the second glass of vodka then the third.) Brennan: What do I owe you? Hayden: It's on the house. (Brennan nods then starts to leave before turning around.) Brennan: I want you to know that as hard as things are right now, they'll get easier. Hayden: Do you think I'll ever not be miserable? Brennan: (pauses) I think both of us have hit bottom, and there's nowhere to go but up. (Brennan turns back around and leaves Trump Tower.) Hayden: (to himself) Nowhere to go but up. How many times have I said that to myself now? Illinois (Abney is reading through legal documents in his apartment when he hears a knock on the door.) Abney: I'm coming! (Abney opens the door to find a man with a ski mask standing there and pointing a gun at Abney's face.) Abney: What do you want? Masked man: I want you dead. (The masked man pulls the trigger and quietly closes the door as Abney bleeds to death inside. The masked man opens an app on his phone that contains the real names of Abney, CDCB, CF, Trophy, and Hayden, respectively. He taps Abney's name, and a green check mark appears beside it.) Masked man: One down, four to go. (The masked man gets into a car and drives away into the darkness.) ---- And that's it! Sorry for the wait, but at least I have proof now that that I haven't been doing nothing for six months. The rest of the episodes should come out a lot faster. Until then, enough said, XTTrue Believers!
  2. JCM


    JCM Rumbles with a Rival Restaurateur (JCM is sweeping the floor of shinya's restaurant when shinya walks out of his office.) shinya: JCM, I need your help. JCM: Did somebody have explosive diarrhea in the restroom again? shinya: No, I just found out this girl Katniss is opening a Mexican restaurant across from ours. JCM: Why would she do that? Doesn't she know Trump is deporting all the Mexicans? She'll have no business! shinya: JCM, you do realize it's not just Mexicans who eat at Mexican restaurants, right? JCM: (scoffs) Sure! shinya: This is a Korean restaurant, but most of our customers aren't Korean. JCM: This is a Korean restaurant? shinya: Goddamnit, JCM! The point is, Katniss's new restaurant will steal customers from ours, so I need you to try and convince her to open it somewhere else. JCM: You asked the right person! You might not know this about me, but I'm a master of seduction. shinya: I...didn't know that about you, and I doubt it's true. JCM: Just you wait! When I'm done with her, she won't open that Spanish restaurant anywhere near this one! shinya: Just don't do anything that will get you arrested, cause I'm not paying your bail. JCM: You got it! (JCM walks to Kat's Delicious Tacos, which is still being set up across the street from shinya's restaurant.) JCM: Hi there! Kat: Sorry, we don't open for another month. JCM: It's not about that. I was wondering if...you could open this place somewhere else. Kat: Do you work for shinya? I told that asshole I'm not moving my restaurant! JCM: Come on! Nobody's gonna want to eat Mexican food when there's a better Chinese place across the street! Kat: I thought he sold Korean food. JCM: I'm pretty sure it's Chinese. Kat: Well, it's like a great philosopher once said: "Haters gonna hate, players gonna play, but I'm just gonna shake, shake it off". JCM: That philosopher must have been very wise. Kat: ...it's Taylor Swift. JCM: Who's he? Kat: (sighs) Tell shinya I'm not moving my fucking restaurant. If he's so afraid of the competition, he can move his. (JCM walks back to shinya's restaurant sadly.) shinya: Were you able to seduce her? JCM: No, but I'm just getting started. Where's the nearest costume shop? (JCM returns to Kat's Delicious Tacos wearing a suit, a top hat, and a big fake mustache.) JCM: Hello, I'm J...ack! Kat: Jay Ack? JCM: Yeah! I'm a health inspector, and I'm here to inspect your restaurant...for health things! Kat: I know it's you, JCM. JCM: JCM? Who's JCM? (Kat rips JCM's mustache off.) JCM: You...you fail the inspection! Time to close your restaurant! (Kat kicks JCM so hard that he flies out of her restaurant and into shinya's.) shinya: It didn't work? JCM: I knew I should have gotten help from ACS! shinya: Just forget it. JCM: No! I made you a promise, and I'm going to keep it! Even if I have to blow Kat's restaurant up! shinya: Wait, what? (JCM runs out of the restaurant, and shinya follows him to Explosives R Us.) shinya: Why is this store a thing? JCM: Don't worry, shinya! Kat's Delicious Tacos won't be delicious or tacos anymore because it won't exist! Because I'll blow it up! shinya: (sighs) JCM, I fucked up. I never should have asked you to do this. I'm sorry. JCM: Apology accepted! Now let's get some TNT! (shinya punches JCM in the face, knocking him out.) shinya: That...I'm not sorry for. (The next day, JCM is mopping up the floor of shinya's restaurant with a black eye. Kat walks into the restaurant and laughs when she sees JCM's face.) Kat: What happened to you? JCM: I fell...onto shinya's fist. (shinya comes out of his office.) shinya: What are you doing here, Kat? Kat: Well, I just wanted to let you guys know you won. An actual health inspector came this morning, and I thought it was JCM faking again, so I tried to rip off his mustache, which was very real, and got that health inspector very pissed off, so he's shutting down my restaurant. JCM: Yay! (flinches) Ouch. Kat: Fuck you! (Kat storms out.) shinya: Well, JCM, I guess I owe you an apology. (shinya walks back into his office.) JCM: So...am I getting it? Shinya? Shin? Shinjitsu? (The End)
  3. Patrick Star Wars Episode III: The Rise of Starwalker Part 2: The Dead Speak! or smth (The Millennium Fruit lands on the jungle planet the Resisty base is on. Pat Starwalker, SpongeSolo, and Garebacca walk out it and head towards the base.) Pat: Wait, why are we here again? SpongeSolo: Because Darth Planktor is alive and up to something sinister! Pat: What? Darth Planktor is alive? How did you find that out? SpongeSolo: Everybody knows, Pat. It was revealed in the latest season of Dorknite. Pat: I don't play that! SpongeSolo: Then you're the only person in the galaxy who doesn't. Now, come on! (As the three of them reach the base, Sandra, Rei, and Finn run out to greet them.) Sandra: SpongeSolo! I'm so glad you're here! SpongeSolo: What's the plan for Darth Planktor? Sandra: I had our best people study the video Planktor sent, and they're certain it came from Pluto, the planet Mickey Mouse lives on. SpongeSolo: Space barnacles! Imagine what Darth Planktor could do with that kind of money! Sandra: We aren't about to wait to find out. We're taking the fight to him now. Finn: Does that mean I'll finally get to do something? Sandra: Who are you again? (Finn grumbles as he joins the soldiers going into Resisty spacecraft.) Sandra: It's almost time. Will y'all be joining us on this mission? SpongeSolo: Well, you know, I'm getting up there in age, and this does sound pretty dangerous... (After the soldiers empty the base, Squidroid comes out.) Squidroid: That's the last of them! Sandra: Now or never. SpongeSolo: You know what? Yeah, let's do it! Pat: Do I get a say in this? Garebacca: Merowrowrow. Pat: No, you're a sissy! (Garebacca growls.) Pat: I-I was just kidding. (laughs nervously) You know I was just kidding, don't you, buddy? Squidroid: Must we bring that uncivilized beast with us? (Garebacca roars and rips off one of Squidroid's arms.) Squidroid: Aww...that was my favorite arm. Sandra: Save the fighting for when we get to Pluto! Squidroid: Alright, you heard her. Give me my arm back. (Garebacca shakes his head and goes into the Millennium Fruit with Squidroid's arm.) Sandra: We'll get you a new arm. Let's go! Rei: Am I coming with you? Sandra: No, make sure the geezers are okay. SpongeSolo: Hey, I heard that! Pat: So did I! (whispers) What's a geezer? (SpongeSolo, Pat, and Rei go into the Millennium Fruit as Sandra and Squidroid join their soldiers on one of the spacecraft.) SpongeSolo: Ready for one more ride? Pat: Guess I don't have much of a choice, do I? Rei: You'll be fine! You have the Force. Pat: (sighs) But so does Planktor. (The Millennium Fruit follows the Resisty ships to Pluto. When the first ship lands, a droid greets the first soldiers who walk out of it.) Droid: Welcome to Mickey's World, the happiest place in the galaxy! Soldier: Where's Mickey? Droid: Mickey Mouse is an extremely busy rodent, but if you want, I can schedule an appointment with him. (Suddenly, the planet starts to shake, and the ground behind the droid sinks. Mickey's ship rises out of it, and the soldiers point their laser guns at it as more Resisty ships land behind them. Mickey comes out of his ship with his hands raised.) Mickey: To what do I owe the honor? Ha ha! Soldier: We've got intel that you're harboring a dangerous criminal on this planet. Mickey: That's a serious accusation! Ha ha! Do you happen to have any proof to back it up? (Sandra comes out of her ship, and the soldiers let her pass.) Sandra: That video Darth Planktor sent everybody was filmed on this planet. He is on this planet, and we believe you're working with him. Mickey: The thing about belief is...it's not the same as evidence. If you don't have any proof to bring me, I must ask you to leave. Ha ha! Sandra: We'll do no such thing! Mickey: Then I'm sure the Galactic Police would love to hear about you threatening the richest mouse in the galaxy with an army that I don't believe is registered with them. Tell me, is that belief correct, Princess...oh, I'm sorry...General Sandra? (Sandra clenches her fists then turns around.) Sandra: Alright, fall back. There's nothing to find here. (As the Millennium Fruit lands, the Resisty ships start flying off the planet.) Pat: Did we win already? Rei: No...they're retreating. (They watch as Mickey walks back towards his ship. As he does so, he takes out his phone.) Mickey: Now's the time. Send the fleet. (Hundreds of ships with Chumpire insignia fly over Mickey seconds after he gives the order. When Sandra notices the ships, she immediately grabs her walkie-talkie.) Sandra: Go into hyperspace! Now! (All of the Resisty ships travel into hyperspace, but the opposing ships are right behind them.) Sandra: Oh, no. (As they reach the jungle planet, the opposing ships start shooting at them. Some of the Resisty ships return fire, but most of them are easily destroyed. The ship Sandra is on is able to avoid most of the blasts and gets clear of the fighting as it prepares to go into hyperspace again.) Squidroid: General...do you see what I see? (Sandra turns in the direction Squidroid is looking and sees a replica of the Death Bucket, ten times larger than the original, join the opposing ships.) Squidroid: I have a bad feeling about this. (The Death Bucket fires a laser at the jungle planet that blows it up.) Squidroid: That's probably why. (As Sandra's ship goes into hyperspace, she and the rest of the ship's passengers reflect on the destruction of the rest of the Resisty and their base. A wipe transition takes us back to Pluto, where SpongeSolo is hiding the Millennium Fruit under leaves and sticks he got from the forest. When he feels its suitably hidden, he goes back into the ship.) Pat: What do we do now? SpongeSolo: Live out the rest of our days in the Fruit, maybe? I've got a bunch of Krabby Packets in the back. Pat: Say no more! (Pat runs to the back the ship as Rei approaches SpongeSolo.) Rei: Are we really going to spend the rest of our lives hiding from Darth Planktor? SpongeSolo: You saw those ships. The Resisty is toast. Rei: But we're here, and we can still stop him! I may just be a scavenger, but you, Pat, and Sandra have been fighting the Chumpire and those looking to bring back the Chumpire for over 30 years now! You can't give up on that now! We can't give up on it now! SpongeSolo: Sure, we can! Isn't that right, Pat? (Pat is lying in the back of the ship with an extended belly and several empty Krabby Packets around him.) Pat: Hey, SpongeSolo, you know where the rest of the Krabby Packets are? SpongeSolo: (furious) Those were all the Krabby Packets! Pat: Oh...I think we're out. Garebacca: Merowrowrow. SpongeSolo: (sighs) You win, Rei. Whatever Darth Planktor will do to us should be quicker than starving to death. (As the ships with Chumpire insignia return, Pat, Rei, and SpongeSolo follow them on foot. Suddenly, they hear loud beeping from where SpongeSolo hid the Millennium Fruit.) Droid: ENEMY SPACECRAFT DETECTED. INITIALIZING 'SPLODING LASERS. (They hear laser blasts, and the Millennium Fruit explodes.) SpongeSolo: No! I left Garebacca in there to keep him safe! (crying) What have I done? Rei: We'll avenge him. Don't you worry, SpongeSolo. We'll avenge him. (They reach the headquarters of Mickey's company, and they watch as ships land in front of the building and Mickey motions them inside one by one. After all of the ships are accounted for, Mickey meets Darth Planktor on the top floor of the company headquarters.) Mickey: It's done. Ha ha! The Resisty has been defeated. Darth Planktor: No...some of them are still alive...on this planet. Mickey: That's impossible! Ha ha! I watched all the Resisty ships leave! Darth Planktor: You missed...one. Mickey: Listen, I've given you as much as money as you wanted to carry out your plan! Ha ha! We have our fleet, we have our Death Bucket, so we should start conquering other planets now! Darth Planktor: No! Not until...the Resisty...has been snuffed out! Mickey: How do even know there are still Resisty fighters on my planet? Ha ha! (A stormtrooper knocks on the door.) Stormtrooper: Boss, there's something you need to see. Mickey: Come in! (The stormtrooper walks in with a handcuffed Garebacca beside him.) Garebacca: Merowrowrow. (Mickey's eyes widen.) Mickey: Grab the other stormtroopers and search Pluto for any more enemy combatants! Ha ha! We win this war today! (SpongeSolo, Pat, and Rei watch as stormtroopers storm out of the company headquarters.) SpongeSolo: Do you think they know we're here? Rei: Probably. Stormtrooper: I heard something in the bushes! (Three stormtroopers go into the bushes, and they come back out seconds later.) Stormtrooper: Nevermind, it was just the wind. (That night, Mickey is about to fall asleep in his office when he hears a knock on his door.) Mickey: Come in! Ha ha! This better be good. Stormtrooper: I'm just here to inform you we were unable to find the people you were looking for. Mickey: You finished the search that quickly? Stormtrooper: Yes. We stormtroopers are known for our efficiency, after all. Mickey: (nods) Thanks for letting me know. Report to the bottom floor for your next assignment. Stormtrooper: Next...assignment? Mickey: Yeah, did you think you were just going to stand around and do nothing all night? Go to the bottom floor with the other stormtroopers and someone will be there to tell you what to do. Stormtrooper: Yes, sir. (The stormtrooper leaves the office and takes off his helmet to reveal SpongeSolo underneath. Two other stormtroopers are waiting for him.) Stormtrooper: (with Rey's voice) Did he buy it? Stormtrooper: (with Pat's voice) This thing's itchy! SpongeSolo: Shh! We can't let them find out who we really are! (SpongeSolo puts his helmet back on and heads to the elevator with the others.) Pat: Where are we going? SpongeSolo: The bottom floor. If we're lucky, one of Mickey's ships is down there and we can use it to escape. (Our heroes take the elevator to the bottom floor, and they find a row of prison cells down there.) Pat: Man. Who's getting locked up? Garebacca: Merowrowrow. (SpongeSolo runs to Garebacca's cell, and Pat and Rei follow him.) Pat: I can't believe it! They cloned Garebacca! Rei: I don't think he ever died, Pat. Pat: Wow! SpongeSolo: So you're saying I went through all of that emotional devastation for nothing? Darth Planktor: No! Think of all the friends we made along the way! (They turn around to find Darth Planktor standing in front of them.) SpongeSolo: Hi...boss! Darth Planktor: Don't bother. I know who all of you are. Rei: We're your loyal stormtroopers! (Darth Planktor raises an arm, and Rei's helmet flies off.) Darth Planktor: Hello, scavenger. (Darth Planktor raises his other arm, and SpongeSolo's helmet flies off.) Darth Planktor: SpongeSolo. (Darth Planktor raises an eyebrow, and Pat's helmet flies off.) Darth Planktor: And who can forget the legendary Pat Starwalker? Rei: Whatever you're planning to do, Darth Planktor, we won't let you! Darth Planktor: And how exactly do you plan to stop me? To stop us? You're on our home turf! (Darth Planktor holds out an open palm, and Rei flies to the opposite wall.) SpongeSolo: Rei! (SpongeSolo takes a lightsaber out from inside his stormtrooper outfit, and Darth Planktor flicks his head to make the lightsaber fly out of SpongeSolo's hands.) Darth Planktor: (laughs) Could it get any easier? (Pat takes out his own lightsaber and charges at Darth Planktor with it. He stops right as it touches Darth Planktor's chest, and he's unable to move any further.) Darth Planktor: I sense the Force within you, but it's weak, disorganized. Not a challenge at all! (Darth Planktor motions to a cell, and Pat flies to the cell, hitting it hard.) Pat: (dazed) Where's the leak, ma'am? (Darth Planktor then turns to Garebacca's cell.) Darth Planktor: I kept you alive because I thought I may have to use you as a hostage. Unfortunately for you, my competition turned out to be much weaker than expected. (Darth Planktor points a hand at Garebacca, who starts to choke. SpongeSolo recovers his lightsaber and runs towards Darth Planktor, but the villain simply raises his other hand to make SpongeSolo fly into the ceiling, knocking him out. Just as Darth Planktor is about to kill Garebacca, he feels something pulling at him, and he releases Garebacca from his grip. He looks at Pat, who is still dazed, and then he looks at Rei, who is pointing an open palm at Darth Planktor out of desperation.) Darth Planktor: So, you're not just a scavenger after all! (Rei lowers her hand as Darth Planktor uses the Force to fly towards her.) Darth Planktor: Of course, you were never just a scavenger. You could never have been, considering who your parents are. Rei: What are you talking about? My parents were nobodies. Darth Planktor: And do you think Darth Planktor is my actual name? No, my real name is Sheldon...Nobody! (Rei gasps.) Darth Planktor: Come with me, daughter, and we'll rule this galaxy as its king...and as its princess! Rei: Never! Darth Planktor: Then you'll suffer the same fate as all else who oppose me! (Rei flies towards the wall again.) Darth Planktor: Now that the rest of the Resisty is good as dead, it's time to set my plan in motion! (After Darth Planktor leaves, Pat begins to hear Obi-Wan Krabnobi's voice in his head.) Obi-Wan Krabnobi: Use the Force, Pat. Use the Force. Pat: W-what? Huh? Obi-Wan Krabnobi: Use the Force, you idiot! (Pat nods then gets off the ground as his lightsaber flies into his hand. He wakes Rei and SpongeSolo then frees Garebacca before heading to the elevator.) SpongeSolo: Where are we going? Pat: To Mickey's ships. Rei: You know where they are now? Pat: I know where everything is! (SpongeSolo, Pat, Rei, and Garebacca take the elevator to the main floor. Pat finds a secret hatch near the elevator that opens a garage containing the spacecraft with the Chumpire insignia. Before they can go into one of the spacecraft, they hear the garage door slam shut, and they turn around to find Mickey Mouse standing in front of it.) Mickey: That ship doesn't belong to you! Ha ha! SpongeSolo: Don't make this more of a problem than it needs to be, mouse. Mickey: You know as soon as you fly that thing, I can just have Darth Planktor crash it into a tree, right? Ha ha! SpongeSolo: You seem to forget we have people with the Force, too, or does Pat need to remind you of that? Mickey: No need! Ha ha! Every single one of those ships will need my approval to fly, anyway, and you won't get that approval unless you come with me and Darth Planktor to see how we intend to restore the Galactic Chumpire! SpongeSolo: Right. (SpongeSolo jumps into a ship and tries to turn it on, but it simply causes a red button to flash saying "ADMINISTRATOR APPROVAL NEEDED".) SpongeSolo: (sighs) He is right. Mickey: Now, come on! Ha ha! You're about to miss the show! (Mickey and Darth Planktor leave the building with Pat, Rei, SpongeSolo, and Garebacca behind them. Suddenly, they're covered by a massive shadow, which shrinks as the Death Bucket gets closer to them.) SpongeSolo: It can't be... Mickey: Here it is! Every stupid reboot, remake, and sequel has led to this! The ultimate reboot! The ultimate remake! The ultimate sequel! Rei: Wow, you're taking that analogy and running right with it, aren't you? Darth Planktor: I'm glad you're all alive to see this, because it means you'll all be alive to witness your own failure. Pat: We haven't failed yet! (Pat runs towards the Death Bucket with open palms, then he feels himself rise off the ground before flying hard into the nearest tree.) Darth Planktor: Anybody else? (Rei, SpongeSolo, and Garebacca look down at their feet quietly.) Darth Planktor: Face it! The Resisty is dead, and soon the four of you will be dead, too! Rei: Are you sure the Resisty is dead? (As the Death Bucket lands, they're covered by another, even bigger shadow.) Darth Planktor: Huh? (The shadow is revealed to be a fleet of spacecraft from all over the galaxy, led by the two Resisty ships that survived Pluto's attack on them, one containing General Sandra and the other containing Finn.) Mickey: No! Ha ha! SpongeSolo: Seems like people finally got sick of what you were selling them, mouse. (The spacecraft fire lasers at the Death Bucket all at once, blowing it up and sending out a heat wave so massive that it singes everyone's hair, including most of Garebacca's fur.) Garebacca: Merowrowrow! SpongeSolo: It's okay, Garebacca! It'll grow back! Mickey: Time to send out my own fleet! Ha ha! (Mickey takes out his phone and dials several numbers on it.) Mickey: Mighty Starships of Pluto, advance! (All of Mickey's ships fly out of the building, and they get destroyed in seconds by the invading fleet.) SpongeSolo: Hope you had insurance on those mighty starships. Mickey: That's not funny! Ha ha! (The invading fleet surrounds the company headquarters, and General Sandra approaches Mickey Mouse and Darth Planktor, who are now holding up their hands with defeated expressions on their faces.) Sandra: By the power now vested in me by the Galactic Police, I put the both of you under arrest for conspiring to overthrow the New Republic. Mickey: You'll hear from my lawyers! Ha ha! Darth Planktor: You really think you can lock me up? You've got another thing coming! (Darth Planktor raises his hands, and lightning shoots out, destroying most of the invading spacecraft and repelling anybody who comes close to him. Rei screams and rushes towards Darth Planktor with both of her hands raised, and after he hits her with lightning, she sends it back to him, destroying his new armor and leaving him naked on the ground.) Darth Planktor: (gasping) Why...daughter...why? Rei: I'm not your daughter. (As Rei walks away, policemen handcuff Darth Planktor and Mickey and put them into one of their ships. Later that day, Rei is flying back to her planet with SpongeSolo, Pat, Finn, General Sandra, and Garebacca.) SpongeSolo: We did it. We won. General Sandra: Yeah. They certainly didn't make it easy. Rei: Where do I go from here, though? I'm...I'm a... General Sandra: You're a hero. (The episode ends on an iris out.)
  4. Patrick Gets Quarantined (Patrick walks into Spongebob's house and immediately hears a high pitched squeal.) SpongeBob: Patrick! What are you doing in here? Don't you know we're under quarantine? Patrick: What's a coor...eee...uh... SpongeBob: A quarantine is where you stay inside and don't interact with anyone so you don't spread that virus that's been going around. Patrick: But won't you get lonely? SpongeBob: No! I have Chip, Penny, and Brand New Napkin to keep me company! Patrick: What happened to Used Napkin? SpongeBob: I had to throw him away because he wasn't sanitary. We're all making sacrifices for the sake of public health, Patrick, and now you have to! Patrick: How? SpongeBob: By getting out! (Patrick leaves Spongebob's house sadly and goes to Squidward's house next.) Patrick: (knocks) Squidward, can I come in? Squidward: No. Patrick: Because of the quarantine? Squidward: No, because I hate you. (Patrick goes back into his rock with his head down.) Patrick: What am I supposed to do for the rest of this quarantine? (Patrick falls asleep, and he wakes up to the sound of knocking.) SpongeBob: Patrick, I have great news! The quarantine's over! Patrick: Already? I've only been asleep for a minute. SpongeBob: It wasn't a minute, Patrick. Patrick: Then how long was it? SpongeBob: Seven months. Patrick: Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa (aaaat a twist!)
  5. 52. Jailbreak One night, Tyeam wakes up in a prison cell, but instead of bars, it's protected by an electromagnetic field. Tyeam gets past the field easily, and as she looks for a way out of the prison, she notices a boy crying in another cell, The boy, unlike Tyeam, is unable to get past the field, so Tyeam helps him through it. They hear singing from another cell, which alarms the boy. The boy runs towards the singing voice, and Tyeam follows him. On the way, they pass the cell crushingmayhem is in. Tyeam offers to help him out of the cell, but crushing refuses the help, saying it would violate his oath of neutrality. Tyeam asks crushing how he can stay neutral when one side is clearly more evil than the other, and crushing responds that there are "fine people on both sides". Tyeam gives up on trying to get crushing to come to his senses and continues following the boy. Tyeam is unable to find where the boy went, but she hears the singing again nearby. She finds that the song is coming from another boy in another prison cell, and when she asks the boy what his name is, he says "J12". Tyeam helps J12 out of his cell, and they reunite with the first boy soon-after, who reveals that his name is 6teen. Tyeam says that there was a show with that name a long time ago, and 6teen tells her not to remind him of that. 6teen and J12 kiss and do a dance before fusing into Teenj12. Tyeam is flabbergasted that the revelation that Teenj is a fusion, and when she asks if she made a good impression, Teenj tells her that they already love her. They hear 4EG raging at the fact Tyeam isn't in her cell, and Teenj kisses her on the forehead to give her the ability to see where Jjs and Patty Sponge are. Teenj tells her to get the others and go to the control bridge while he takes on 4EG. Tyeam asks Teenj if he'll be able to stop 4EG alone, and Teenj smiles before saying he's never alone. After Tyeam leaves, 4EG finds Teenj and makes fun of him for fusing again, saying that even the abilities of the two of them combined can't surpass his. Teenj, newly energized, beats up on 4EG as Tyeam rescues Jjs and Patty Sponge. Renegade tries to stop them as they reach the control bridge, but Patty Sponge and Tyeam beat up on him as Jjs takes control of the ship. Though Teenj defeats 4EG, he wrecks the ship's engines in the process, and he runs to the control bridge to let Tyeam, Patty Sponge, and Jjs know. Tyeam activates her shield, which puts a bubble around the four of them as well as Renegade just as the ship crashes and explodes, killing 4EG and crushing, much to Tyeam's dismay. The Bubble Buds congratulate Tyeam for saving the world, and Renegade, who found 4EG and the rest of the Homeworld Bubbles too imposing anyway, decides to join the Bubble Buds (and Tyeam) in keeping Earth safe from any corrupted bubbles and unfriendly alien visitors they encounter. Mayor SOF gets another term, Tyeam grows on her way to becoming a Bubble Bud herself, and everybody lives happily ever after.
  6. 51. The Return One day, Tyeam and Clappy are eating at Wumbo's Fry Shop, and as Tyeam tells him everything Renegade is capable of, Clappy asks her if she's sure that what she's doing with the Bubble Buds is worth all of the life threatening danger. Before Tyeam gets a chance to respond, the city shakes, and they notice a vibration coming from a giant hand in the sky pointing right at them. They meet the Bubble Buds outside of Tyeam's house, and they have Jelly's Jammin' Cannon pointed at the hand. They tell Tyeam to say the thing, and she says, "If nobody screwed up, we wouldn't have Movie 43," causing Beatles music to play as the Jammin' Cannon fires a laser at the hand, which easily blocks it. They take out more Jammin' Cannons and shoot more lasers at the hand, but none of them have any effect. Clappy asks them what they should do now, and Jjs says it's time for Plan B, heading back inside to get his teleportation device. Tyeam grabs one of his legs, saying that she won't leave the city, and Jjs tells her that if they fight the Homeworld Bubbles it would destroy the city and everybody in it anyway. Teenj suggests a compromise: they evacuate SOFCity then fight the Homeworld Bubbles. To get the evacuation started, Tyeam calls Mayor SOF, who's panicking about the giant hand in the sky. She tells him they need to evacuate the city, and Mayor SOF decides to hold a campaign rally in the middle of the city telling everyone how important evacuation is, while doing nothing to actually help them evacuate. Tyeam runs back to the Bubble Buds, and she finds them packing her items into Clappy's van. Tyeam is hurt at first, but the Bubble Buds assure her that her job is to keep the citizens of SOFCity safe, the job she inherited from her mother. After thinking on it for a moment, Tyeam agrees, and she gets into the van with Clappy going around town and rounding up whoever she can. As they drive out of the city, Clappy accidentally reveals that Homeworld Bubbles were there before, thousands of years ago, and that Jelly, Jjs, Patty Sponge, and Teenj were originally there as conquerors, not as allies. As Jelly bonded with the people of Earth, including and especially Clappy, she realized what the Homeworld Bubbles were doing to the planet was wrong, and she started a rebellion to drive them out. The rebellion led to massive loss of life for both sides, and Clappy is terrified at the prospect of something like that happening again. Tyeam realizes that she has to go back, and she tells Clappy that if he doesn't drive her, she'll find another way to return. Clappy refuses to turn the van around, and Tyeam punches the glove department in frustration, which sets off the airbag, which sets off her shield, which flies out the window with Tyeam inside it. Clappy runs out the van to make sure Tyeam is okay after she rolls down a hill and pops her bubble shield. Tyeam reiterates that she has to go back home and protect the Bubble Buds, and Clappy, understanding how fruitless it is to try and stop her, simply tells her to be careful. Tyeam tells Clappy to make sure everyone is safe, and as she wonders how she'll return home, her sea lion shows up just in the nick of time. She jumps onto the sea lion and rides it back into the city for the biggest fight of her life. She tries to call Dennis on her new phone, hoping to hear his voice one more time if she doesn't get out of SOFCity alive, but he doesn't pick up. When she finally reaches the Bubble Buds, she finds Jjs and Patty Sponge fused into Jjsponge and shooting giant arrows at the hand, to no avail. The hand begins to hurtle towards the Bubble Buds, and they close their eyes, expecting this to be the end for them. Suddenly, the hand stops just a few inches away from them and opens, revealing a bubble inside of it. The bubble expands and transforms into Renegade and his partner in crime, 4EverGreen. Tyeam catches up to the Bubble Buds just as Renegade and 4EverGreen get off their hand-ship. 4EG, who has crushingmayhem behind him as prisoner, expresses disappointment that he won't get more of a challenge on this planet. He orders Renegade to blast them with the ship, and crushing, who notices Tyeam but is committed to remaining neutral, doesn't say a word in protest. The other Bubble Buds scold Tyeam for disobeying their orders and tell her to leave before she gets herself killed, but she refuses, telling them that SOFCity is their home and she won't let them destroy it, that the Bubble Buds are her friends, and she won't let them destroy them. Jjsponge unfuses just as the giant hand rises in the sky, preparing to blast them. Tyeam runs in front of them and activates her shield, absorbing the energy of the blast to 4EG's astonishmest. 4EG orders crushing to explain why he didn't mention that Tyeam had Jelly's power before, and crushing said it wouldn't have violated his oath of neutrality to tell him, causing 4EG to slap him. 4EG tells Renegade to fire more lasers at the Bubble Buds as he confronts Tyeam. Teenj avoids the lasers as he tries to stop 4EG from taking Tyeam, but 4EG taps him with a sword that causes him to break into multiple pieces, to the horror of Tyeam and the other Bubble Buds. 4EG reveals that he fought against Jelly the last time he visited Earth thousands of years ago and respected Jelly's tactics, but her cloaking herself as a human child is simply pathetic in his eyes. He knocks Tyeam out, and the episode ends.
  7. 48. Shirt Club One day, Tyeam designs a logo for Clappy's new movie review site, but she's unsure if it's good enough to show to him just yet. She shows it to he Bubble Buds, but none of them like it very much. Teenj recommends that she add a flaming cat to it, and when Tyeam asks why, Teenj says that flaming cats are cool. She goes to the Big Halibutt for a second opinion, and Halibut tells her the design is cool after glancing at it for a moment. ExKizuna, who's currently eating with Aya, interrupts Halibut to say that the design isn't cool and that he should know because he's one of the coolest kids in town. Ex shows Tyeam a shirt he designed with a cat wearing sunglasses as proof of how cool he is, and Tyeam asks, "What if the cat was on fire?" Ex is blown away by how cool that idea is, and he invites Tyeam to his Shirt Club to spitball more ideas with him. Aya, who had spent the last 20 minutes trying unsuccessfully to get Ex to invite her to his Shirt Club, storms off in a jealous rage. Halibut threatens to fire her if she leaves on the job again, but she ignores him. That night, Tyeam and ExKizuna make dozens of shirts in ExKizuna's basement. Tyeam wonders how they'll sell the shirts, and ExKizuna says with a michievous grin that they won't. The next day, they bring a t-shirt cannon to the Aquatic Arcade. Aquatic Nuggets warns them not to shoot t-shirts outside his place of business, and ExKizuna responds by shooting a t-shirt into his mouth. Aquatic Nuggets goes gangsta on Ex, and 20 mintues later, Ex is sitting outside of the arcade with Tyeam, a black eye, and a broken arm. Ex apologizes to Tyeam for being reckless, and he says he only behaved that way because he secretly had a crush on Tyeam and wanted to impress her. Tyeam says "Really?" and Ex says "Nah". They go their separate ways again, and the episode ends. 49. The Message One day, Clappy and Tyeam are watching a movie together when they hear a screeching noise coming from Tyeam's house. Tyeam returns home to find the Bubble Buds unsuccessfully trying to quiet the Wailing Stone, the device Patty Sponge showed her all the way back in episode 19. They believe somebody is trying to send a message to them from space, but the message's signal is too advanced for the Wailing Stone to deciper. Tyeam thinks the message coming from the Wailing Stone isn't audio but video, and she believes that Clappy would be able to get it working with all of his video equipment. The Bubble Buds are skeptical, but they agree to seek Clappy's help. In Clappy's apartment, Clappy connects the Wailing Stone to his television and messes with the inputs until none other than crushingmayhem is speaking to them on the television screen. crushing says the Bubble Homeworld is very advanced now, and he warns the Bubble Buds that not only will Renegade return to Earth, but he'll be bringing someone with him. He tells the Bubble Buds not to fight, as it will only lead to them and their planet getting destroyed. Jjs and Patty Sponge are distressed at the news, but Teenj is calm, simply acknowledging that the message works now. Jjs thanks Clappy, and after the Bubble Buds leave, Tyeam and Clappy watch another movie, and the episode ends. 50. Political Power One day, Jjs is testing his transportation device again, but this time with an alternate (and much more legal) source of energy: the city's power grid. The first time he runs it to transport himself across town and back, the power grid is so overwhelmed that it shuts off, cutting off power to every other house in the city. The next morning, Mayor SOF visits to tell the Bubble Buds to knock off whatever they're doing this time. Though he usually tolerates their antics, the power outage has been causing some of the people in the city to consider not re-electing SOF, which of course is unacceptable. Jjs tells him that the power will be back on tonight at the earliest and never at the latest. Mayor SOF threatens to start passing resolutions that limits what the Bubble Buds are allowed to do in the city, and not wanting to move, Tyeam promises to help Mayor SOF get the power back on. As Mayor SOF drives around the city promising that the power will be back on by tonight, he tells Tyeam, who's driving with him in the passenger's seat, that he lies to his citizens to ensure they feel safe and feel listened to when they are in fact unsafe and hardly, if ever, listened to. When Tyeam returns home, she overhears the Bubble Buds talking about what they heard from crushing, but they change the subject as soon as they notice Tyeam. The next morning, the power isn't on, and since it's a lie Mayor SOF isn't able to cover up like his other ones, the people start rioting. Tyeam confonts the Bubble Buds, asking what about Renegade makes them so worried, and they say that he's modern bubble with modern powers. and that alone makes him the most powerful adversary they'll ever have. Tyeam tells them they'll be more powerful than Renegade and whoever comes with him, and as they hug, the power turns on in every house in SOFCity.
  8. 47. Tyeam Visits the SpongeBob Community School While the Grim Reaper Plays Unfitting Music (One day, Jjs is in the living room working on an invention. Tyeam walks out of her room and yawns.) Tyeam: What are you doing, Jjs? Jjs: I'm building a transportation device that should protect us when Renegade the Unicorn comes back. Tyeam: We're just going to flee? Jjs: You don't know the powers that we're dealing with, Tyeam. If we're unable to stop Renegade, we need a Plan B. Tyeam: I'm not leaving all my family and friends behind! Jjs: You can make new family and friends on whatever planet we go to. Tyeam: No! (Tyeam runs up to the device and kicks it. Suddenly, the lights on the machine start to blink.) Jjs: What did you just do? Tyeam: I...don't know. (Suddenly, the device disappears, and Jjs and Tyeam disappear with it. They reappear on a table in the back of Wumbology's science class at the SpongeBob Community School. Goobz is pointing a scalpel at them with his mouth agape.) Goobz: Mr. Wumbo, that frog I was supposed to dissect just turned into Principal Jjs and some girl I assume is his mistress! Tyeam: (blushes) Mistress? Jjs: Tyeam, he's pointing a weapon as us! Use your shield! Tyeam: Got it! (Tyeam's bubble expands to surround her and Jjs as he pulls out his sword.) Wumbology: Whoa! I thought we weren't allowed to hit students anymore, Jjs! Cutting Goobz into pieces is a little bit worse than hitting, I would imagine! Tyeam: Wumbo? Why aren't you at the fry shop? Wumbology: Why would I be at a fry shop? I've been on a diet for months! Jjs: Who are all these children and why are they poking amphibians with tiny swords? Goobz: You're not Principal Jjs! Jjs: I'm Jjs, but I'm not the principal of anything. (Tyeam pulls a squished frog out from under her.) Tyeam: Gross! Wumbology: Whoever you two are, I have to ask you to leave, since you're disrupting class. Jjs: We'll happily go as soon as we get our transportation device. (looks around) Where's the transportation device? Wumbology: Wait, transportation device? Throw away your frogs, everyone! Class is cancelled! (The students throw their frogs in a trash can and leave the room.) Wumbology: Tell me more about this transportation device. Jjs: Do you think you can help us find it? Wumbology: Well, I'm the smartest person at this school, so if anyone can help you find it, I sure can! Jjs: I built the device to help us escape from an evil being if we need to. Wumbology: Yeah, evil beings are super annoying. Well, since you obviously aren't our Jjs, you must be another Jjs, possibly one from a parallel universe. Jjs: I meant for the device to send us to other planets, not other universes! Tyeam kicking it must have done something to cause it to malfunction. Wumbology: And it could be anywhere in this universe or not even in our universe at all. Jjs: So, how do you intend to help us find it? Wumbology: Well, I imagine the machine must be causing quite a stir wherever it landed. (Patty Sponge runs into the room.) Jjs and Tyeam: Patty Sponge? Wumbology: Yeah, she's the vice principal at our school in this universe. Patty Sponge: What in the bloody hell is going on? Why did you cancel class? Wumbology: Patty Sponge, meet Earth 2-Jjs and...his mistress right? Tyeam: I'm not his mistress, and I have a name! Wumbology: Sure. Do you know if any strange machines landed near here, Patty? Patty Sponge: None that I know of, but pretty much all of the strange goings-on in this city will reach the ear of Mayor SOF eventually. Tyeam: SOF is the mayor here, too? Wumbology: The more things change, the more they stay the same. (Wumbo drives Tyeam and Jjs to Mayor SOF's office. sblover is standing in front of the door.) sblover: Stop! What brings you here? Wumbo: My friends are from another universe and need SOF's help to get back home. sblover: Do you know how many people we get every day from other universes? You'll have to do a lot better than that. Wumbo: C'mon, man. Help a fellow Canadian out. sblover: The only Canadian I'm here to help out is Mayor SOF. (SOF comes out of the office.) SOF: What's going on, eh? sblover: These three were just on their way out. Tyeam: No, we weren't. SOF: Since they're here, I'll allow them to speak. Wumbo: (bows) Thank you, mayor. I'm humbled by your gratitude. Jjs: (confused) Do they do that for every mayor in this universe? sblover: (bowing) Just the Canadian ones. SOF: Get up. Tell me what you have to say. Wumbo: O great and honourable mayor, have you heard of any strange devices landing in your city recently? SOF: (scratches chin) I did get a call from Shinya's restaurant about something flying through his ceiling. Trying to get city funds to rebuild it. Isn't that funny, sblover? sblover: (laughs) That is funny! It cracks me up! Jjs: I don't get it. (Wumbo kicks Jjs.) Wumbo: (whispering) You know, if I did this to our Jjs, I would have gotten fired. Jjs: (whispering) Do that to me again, and I'll drive my sword through you. Wumbo: I like our Jjs better! Tyeam: Come on! Let's go! (Wumbo drives Tyeam and Jjs to shinya's restaurant. When they walk inside, they see JCM mopping the floors.) JCM: Jjs! Are you here to give me my job back? Jjs: Who's the fat kid? Wumbo: That's JCM. He used to be one of my students. He isn't very smart. JCM: Hey! I heard that! Wumbo: I didn't mean that as an insult. It's simply an objective fact, like the world being round. JCM: (scoffs) If the world was round, why doesn't it spin like a hamster wheel when I run? Jjs: Hey! Stupid kid! JCM: Yeah? Jjs: What happened to the device that crashed through the ceiling? JCM: Shinya told me to look after it while he went to buy more fish. Tyeam: Where is it now? (JCM takes the transportation device out of his backpack.) JCM: Say, jjs, when did you get a mistress? Tyeam: Screw you! JCM: (gasps) Language! Wumbo: (chuckles) I say worse things than that every day in class. JCM: If this belongs to you guys, take it and get your potty mouths out of here! (JCM gives the transportation device to Jjs, but after studying it for a few minutes, he sighs.) Jjs: There's not enough fuel in here to take us back home. It wasn't designed for a round trip. Wumbo: What do you need? Jjs: An ounce of weapons-grade plutonium, probably. You have that in this universe? (Wumbo pulls the collar of his shirt.) Wumbo: We have it, but it's not exactly easy to get. (JCM takes an ounce of weapons-grade plutonium out of his backpack.) JCM: Only one? Wumbo: What in the name of SOF? Why do you have weapons-grade plutonium in your backpack? JCM: Do you really want to know the answer to that? Wumbo: No. Never mind. Forget I asked. (JCM gives the plutonium to Jjs, and he puts it into the teleportation device.) Jjs: Goodbye, Earth-2 Wumbo. Wumbo: You're Earth-2. We're Earth-1. Tyeam: Who even decides that? JCM: I thought Earth-1 was the universe where we all meet each other through a SpongeBob message board. Wumbo: (pauses) You're an idiot, JCM. (Suddenly, the Grim Reaper barges into the restaurant wearing a top hat and holding a cane sideways.) Grim Reaper: (singing) Hello mah baby, hello mah honey, hello mah ragtime gal! Jjs: Does he do that a lot? JCM: Yeah. Jjs: Okay, bye! (Jjs turns on the teleportation device, and he, Tyeam, and the device disappear. Back in their living room, they find Patty Sponge looking under the couch cushions.) Patty Sponge: I know they've got to be in here somewhere! Tyeam: Hi. (Patty Sponge jumps then turns around.) Patty Sponge: Tyeam! Jjs! I found you! Jjs: (rolls eye) Congratulations. Patty Sponge: Sherlock Sponge does it again! If you excuse me, I'll be drinking some celebratory tea. (After Patty Sponge walks into the kitchen, Jjs turns the teleportation device off and starts heading back to his room with it.) Tyeam: I'm not running away. Jjs: When the time comes...you're not going to have a choice. (Jjs goes into his room and Tyeam sits on the couch, reflecting on what has just happened. Patty Sponge soon sits on the couch beside her, sipping tea.) Patty Sponge: Wanna talk about it? Tyeam: No. Patty Sponge: Oh, bol- (The End)
  9. Has it been two weeks already? Here's ten episodes. JCMovies crossover coming tomorrow. 37. Alone Together As Tyeam teaches Dennis how to dance, Tyeam and Dennis accidentally fuse, forming TyeamAssassin. When they show the Bubble Buds their new body, Jjs isn't a fan, but Teenj loves it, and he tells them to go have fun with their new fusion. They go to a rave, and they're the center of attention with their beautiful dance moves, but some loser tries to make them dance with him, and the Dennis part of TyeamAssassin is so annoyed that he's prepared to kill him, forcing Tyeam to unfuse with him before he gets them both sent to prison. The loser is so disturbed by what he saw that he finally leaves them alone, and the episode ends. 38. The Test Tyeam finds out that the mission in Krabby Patty Backpack was a test of her ability to join the Bubble Buds on missions (a test she failed miserably) so she demands a new test. 39. Future Vision Tyeam learns that Teenj can see into the future and becomes paranoid about the possible dangers around her. 40. On The Run One day, Patty Sponge decides that she's flying back to the UK, and as Tyeam tags along, Patty Sponge tells her about her origin as a weapon in the original Bubble Buds' planned colonization of Earth. 41. Horror Club Tyeam goes to the lighthouse to watch scary movies with WhoBob, Hal, and Aya. After watching their movies, she reveals her own: a vampire movie so messed up and violent that, after the movie is over, the other three agree never to invite Tyeam to the lighthouse ever again. 42. Winter Forecast Tyeam has to try and get Dennis back to his place before a blizzard hits SOFCity, and Teenj shows her some future outcomes before they depart. 43. Maximum Clapacity While cleaning out Clappy's storage unit, Tyeam and Patty Sponge get distracted watching episodes of The Office on Tyeam's new phone. 44. Marble Madness When droids from space descend towards warp pad zones, Tyeam and the Bubble Buds attempt to find out their purpose. 45. Jelly's Scabbard Jjs takes Tyeam to a special place that belonged to Jelly after Sea Lion finds the scabbard for Jelly's sword. 46. Open Book When Dennis is upset by the ending of Game of Thrones, Tyeam has to hunt down George R. R. Martin to get him to quickly finish the book series before Dennis takes his frustration out on the show's writers.
  10. JCM


    JCM Lets it Go (JCM walks into a Korean restaurant, where K-pop is playing and shinya is dancing while making food.) JCM: Shinya! I haven't seen you in years! shinya: You saw me less than a month ago. JCM: So, how are you doing? shinya: Fine, I guess. JCM: Looking for a janitor? shinya: Not really. My staff and I usually have no trouble cleaning the place up. JCM: Can I join the staff? shinya: Do you know how to cook? JCM: No. shinya: Do you have customer service experience? JCM: No. shinya: Do you have any type of experience in a restaurant whatever? JCM: I've eaten in a lot of them! shinya: Get the fuck out of here! JCM: Please, shinya! I'm desperate! If I miss another month of rent, my dad will kick me out! shinya: What happened to your job at the school? JCM: I got fired for setting loose a giant robot in the auditorium that killed OMJ and nearly killed me too! shinya: Did you stop it with your chiwa? JCM: No, my chiwa hasn't worked for over a year. shinya: What? I thought you said you were training it! JCM: I was training it, and then it stopped working. shinya: Why didn't you mention this to me before? JCM: I never found a reason to bring it up until now. shinya: How about the fact that it's the world's only defense from catastrophe? JCM: Yeah, that is a pretty good reason. I wonder why I didn't think of it. shinya: Goddamn it, JCM! crushing has already died on a mission. OMJ's dead for the millionth time thanks to you! You can't afford to keep this from me! JCM: I can't afford much now that I'm jobless. shinya: (sighs) Fine, I'll pay you to keep the place clean, but you've got to promise me you'll find out what happened with your chiwa. JCM: Aye aye, sir! (That night, JCM is walking home in the snow when he notices a young girl building a snowman on the side of the road.) JCM: Hi! What's your name? Girl: Elsa. (Elsa's name echoes in JCM's head.) JCM: Okay! Bye, then! (JCM walks home more quickly than before, and when he's asleep that night, he dreams of living snowmen murdering all his friends at the SpongeBob Community School. He wakes up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat.) JCM: Don't be crazy, JCM. Living snowman don't kill people. They laugh and play and frolic through the streets. (JCM closes his eyes, and Elsa's name echoes through his head again.) JCM: Oh, my gosh! (JCM puts on a jacket and runs outside. There are snowmen everywhere, but none of them are moving. He jumps onto a scooter and takes it to shinya's apartment.) JCM: (bangs on door) Shinya! You have to come out and see this! (shinya opens the door, and his eyes widen when he sees the snowmen everywhere.) shinya: What the fuck? JCM: What do you think this is? (shinya takes out a sword.) shinya: I don't know, but I'm not about to wait and find out! (shinya slices one of the snowmen in half, then he gets another sword and throws it to JCM.) shinya: Use this until you get your chiwa working again. (JCM and shinya destroy as many of the snowmen as they can until the sun comes up. Suddenly, the snowmen that weren't destroyed stretch their wooden arms and yawn. They notice the dead snowmen around them and start screaming. The screams fill the entire city, and minutes later, shinya and JCM are surrounded by living, angry snowmen.) JCM: shinya, I don't think we can slice our way out of this. shinya: Astute observation, JCM. (Elsa rises out of the snow in front of JCM and shinya.) JCM: That's a cool trick! Can you teach me? shinya: (whispering) Shut the fuck up, JCM! Elsa: Why did you destroy my creations? shinya: We apologize. If you let us go, we promise we won't hurt any more of them. Elsa: No, it's too late. You've destroyed something dear to me, and now we must destroy something dear to you. (Elsa puts a hand to JCM's chest.) Elsa: Tell me, what is dearest to you? (JCM feels a coldness in his chest that moves all the way up to his head.) Elsa: The SpongeBob Community School...hmm...boys, you know what to do. (The snowmen double in size before moving in the direction of The SpongeBob Community School.) JCM: No! It's just like in my dream! shinya: Your dream? JCM: I had a dream that snowmen just like those killed everybody at the school! shinya: Then you better stop them, right? JCM: How? A sword won't do any good against all those snowmen! shinya: You know how. JCM: I...can't. shinya: You can't, or you won't? JCM: Everything about the chiwa...the blackouts, the feeling of uncontrollable power...everything about it scares me. shinya: Then you learn to control it. JCM: I don't think I can. After years of training, I still feel like it controls me more than I control it. shinya: The chiwa is a part of you. You can't continue to suppress it out of fear. You have to learn to embrace it. You have to learn to... JCM: Let it go. shinya: I was going to say "stop being such a big pussy", but yeah, let's go with that. (JCM closes and opens his eyes, and then he puts his palms together and shoots a large blast at the snowmen, destroying them all. Elsa, who is now standing in a large puddle of melted snowmen, watches JCM approach her.) JCM: Leave the school alone. Elsa: I guess I don't have much of a choice now, do I? You may have won the battle, but the war rages on. (Elsa sinks back into the ground, and JCM opens and closes his eyes again as shinya walks up to him.) JCM: Did I stop her? shinya: (laughs) Yeah, you stopped her. JCM: Awesome! I'm never abandoning my chiwa again! (JCM skips away, and once shinya is sure he's gone, he calls somebody on his cell phone.) shinya: Alright, a deal's a deal. You get free food at my restaurant for a year in exchange for helping JCM unlock his chiwa again. Elsa: (on the phone) I thought it was two years. shinya: Fuck you! It was one year! Elsa: I'm sure JCM would love to know who I really am. shinya: (sighs) Fine. Two years. (hangs up) Fucking witch doctors. (The End)
  11. 35. Sea Lion 3: Straight to Netflix One day, Tyeam and her sea lion are at the Big Halibutt. As Tyeam looks for a coffee to pair with her order, she notices a bunch of paper bags with Halibut's name written on them sitting on the bottom shelf. She asks Hal what the bags are for, and Hal reveals that his mother has been sending him lunch since he opened the shop several months ago, despite him not being interested and not liking any of the food. Tyeam asks if she can bring some of the food home with her, and Hal tells her to take as much as she wants. As Tyeam eats one of Hal's sandwiches, she wonders what kind of lunches Jelly would have made her, and she feels sad that she never got to know what Jelly was like. That night, the sea lion sleeps in Tyeam's bed despite Tyeam specifically telling it not to. Unable to wake the sea lion, Tyeam snuggles beside it and goes to sleep. A few hours later, she dreams that she's underwater, but unlike her other dreams, this one feels real. She realizes she's awake and drowning, and she cries for help before Jjs pulls the sea lion off of her. Jjs asks her why the sea lion was on top of her, and Tyeam tells him that it's not what he thinks. Jjs asks Tyeam what she thinks he thinks, and Tyeam is too confused to respond. She then asks Jjs what he's doing in her room, and Jjs says he goes in there to watch her sleep sometimes...most of the time...all of the time. Thoroughly weirded out, Tyeam forces Jjs and the sea lion out of her room before returning to bed and to sleep. A few minutes later, Tyeam is underwater again, and upon waking up and finding the sea lion back on, Tyeam yells at it before carrying it out of the house and locking the door. The sea lion starts wailing while looking at Tyeam in the most cute way possible, and Tyeam starts to feel bad for it. She goes outside to apologize, and the sea lion hugs her, sending her back underwater. This time, Tyeam notices something glowing in the distance, and she swims towards it while holding her breath. She realizes that the glow is surrounding various objects that used to belong to Jelly, including a VHS tape that Tyeam grabs out of curiosity before realizing she's drowning again. Tyeam desperately swims back to where she came, and right before she loses consciousness, she sees her front porch. About an hour later, she wakes up to the sea lion licking her face, and she feels the VHS tape in her hand. She returns to the Big Halibutt, where Halibut has one of the few remaining VHS players in America set up in the back. They put Jelly's tape in, and a video of Clappy on the beach starts playing. After several minutes of him playing the guitar and doing awful impressions of movie characters, Jelly turns the camera around and speaks to Tyeam directly about how Jelly will always be inside of her, the part of Tyeam that loves herself and loves the universe and loves her friends. She tells Tyeam to "take care of them" before Clappy shouts her name off-camera, and the video ends just as Aya walks into the room. Hal and Tyeam, who are holding hands and crying, quickly separate, and as Tyeam walks out with the tape, Aya asks Hal what they were watching. Hal tells Aya it is isn't what she thinks, Aya asks Hal what he thinks she thinks, and the episode ends. 36. Warp Tour One day, Tyeam and the Bubble Buds are returning from a mission in a giant flower garden when Tyeam, who's allergic to pollen, can't stop herself from sneezing every two seconds. As they warp back home, Tyeam accidentally sneezes herself out of the warp stream, and she sees something fly through another warp stream beside them. Teenj pulls her back into their warp stream before she can get a closer look, and when Tyeam tells the Bubble Buds what she saw, none of them believe her. That night, Tyeam is attempting to go to sleep, but every time she closes her eyes, she sees the creature in the warp stream, forcing her to open them again. Patty Sponge walks into her room drinking tea, causing her to jump. Patty Sponge tells her that she was only there to offer her some tea, but Tyeam declines it. Patty Sponge asks her if she's still thinking about what she saw in the warp stream, and Tyeam says he is, so Patty Sponge tells her a story about growing up in the UK at the height of the British Empire. Patty Sponge, like Tyeam was kept up at night thinking angry colonists would break into her room and kill her, but it would never come to pass. She asks Tyeam if that story made her feel any better, and she says it didn't. Patty Sponge shrugs, drinks more tea, and leaves the room. Tyeam spends the night hunting monsters around the house with a bow and arrow she borrowed from Dennis. After the sun comes up, Tyeam is sitting in front of the door, bow and arrow ready to strike, and she finally starts to fall asleep before Jjs taps her shoulder and a startled Tyeam shoots an arrow into his chest. Jjs simply says "Ow," and Patty Sponge, who's coming out of his own room, laughs at him. Jjs asks Tyeam what's going on, and Tyeam tells him she couldn't sleep because of what she saw in the warp stream. To reassure Tyeam, Jjs takes her to every single place she warped to, and there's nothing out of the ordinary at any of the warp destinations. When they return, Jjs admonishes Tyeam for acting so crazy, but Tyeam still believes in what they saw, and they fight over it. She leaves Tyeam alone in front of a broken warp pad that used to go to the Bubble Buds' home world, and minutes later, a shiny metal ball flies through the ceiling and lands in front of the warp pad, astounding Tyeam. Metal arms come out of the ball, and it uses the arms to drag itself onto the warp pad, but not wanting to lose the proof that she was right, Tyeam jumps on it just as it warps through space. Tyeam sees dozens of similar balls floating around them, and they start to attach themselves to Tyeam before she breaks away from them, floating in the middle of space herself with one of the metal balls in her arms. Just as she's about to die, another warp stream appears behind her, and Teenj grabs her from inside it. Teenj takes Tyeam and the metal ball back to the house, where Jjs and Patty Sponge are waiting for them. Jjs apologizes to Tyeam for not believing her, and Tyeam takes them back to where she founds the original metal ball. Suddenly, the ball in her arms grows legs and jumps away from her, joining a bunch of other metal balls that have surrounded the warp back that goes to the home world. The Bubble Buds are shocked not only to find the metal balls there but to find that they're fixing the warp pad. Once they're finished, somebody spawns on the warp pad, and Teenj grabs Tyeam and he and the rest of the Bubble Buds hide. The person on the warp pad is none other than Renegade the Unicorn. After Renegade does some routine maintenance, she notices a hair pin Tyeam left by the warp pad, and she calls somebody higher up to tell them the site has been compromised. She then warps away, alarming the Bubble Buds. Tyeam asks them what's going on, but the Bubble Buds are too focused on trying to fix what has become a bad situation. Teenj destroys the warp pad, and the episode ends.
  12. JCM


    JCM Sets Up the Chairs (JCM follows Jjs as he storms into the auditorium angrily.) JCM: I swear, Jjs! I was planning to do it! It just...it just slipped my mind! Jjs: Goddamn it, JCM! I gave you one fucking job! Set up the chairs in the auditorium so we can hold the fucking school play tonight! Do these chairs look set up? JCM: No, but Jjs: But nothing! The play is in three hours! Have the chairs set up by then or YOU'RE FIRED! (LocalAquatic, the drama teacher, skips into the auditorium.) LocalAquatic: But soft! What light through yonder window breaks? What chairs can our patrons sit thine asses in as they enjoy my rendition of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet? Jjs: Cut it out, Aquatic. I already talked to JCM about it. JCM: Don't worry, Aquatic! I'll make sure the chairs are set up before your play starts! LocalAquatic: Hopefully thou does, because if mine play is unsuccessful due to thee fucktardary... (pulls out a skull) thy shalt not be anymore. JCM: What was that? Jjs: She threatened to murder you...in her weird way. Just set up the fucking chairs, alright? JCM: Yes, sir! (After Jjs and LocalAquatic leave, JCM walks into a closet in the auditorium, where over 100 chairs are stacked on top of one another.) JCM: Okay, I just have to open all these chairs and put them in front of the stage. Shouldn't be too hard. (JCM climbs the stack of chairs and grabs the one at the top. He slides down the stack of chairs with it then uses all of his strength to open it. He then walks to the stage and drops the chair in front of it.) JCM: (wipes sweat off forehead) Phew! I'm pooped! (JCM looks back at the rest of the chairs, then he looks at the clock.) JCM: There's no way I'll get all of those chairs set up in time! What do I do? (JCM notices a metal leg sticking out from under the chairs.) JCM: Hmm. (JCM crawls under the chairs and pulls out a giant robot.) JCM: How did I not notice this until just now? (The robot has a sign attached to it saying "DO NOT TURN ON".) JCM: That piece of paper can't tell me what to do! (JCM flips a switch on the back of the robot, and its eyes start to glow.) Robot: Hello. I am Helper Bot 2000. How may I be of assistance? JCM: Can you set up those chairs in front of the stage? HB2000: Affirmative. (HB2000 sets all the chairs up in less than a minute.) JCM: Wow! You're awesome! You're like a bigger, more productive janitor! Thank goodness there aren't more of you around! (OMJ walks into the auditorium, and JCM jumps in front of HB2000.) OMJ: Hey, JCM, I just stopped by to see if you needed any help with those chairs. Even though I'm a consultant now, I'm still down for manual labor every now and then, and Jjs has been fuming about it for the last hour or so. JCM: Thanks, but I'm good. OMJ: Cool. What's with the robot? JCM: What robot? OMJ: That giant robot behind you. JCM: I don't know what you're talking about. OMJ: Well, I'm sure Jjs would love to hear about it. JCM: Okay, okay! I found this robot in the closet under the chairs, but you can't take him away from me! He's the best thing that's ever happened to me! OMJ: That's probably one of Wumbo's inventions. You know there's almost always something wrong with those things. JCM: Well, there's nothing wrong with this guy! He's perfect! OMJ: Hey, robot. HB2000: Yes? OMJ: What's the meaning of life? HB2000: I do not know. (pauses) I am not a good bot. OMJ: See! It's broken! HB2000: And if I am not a good bot, I must be an evil bot. (HB2000 turns its arm into a laser and zaps OMJ with it, turning him to dust.) JCM: Oh my gosh! (HB2000 points the laser at JCM.) HB2000: Must exterminate humanity. (JCM jumps out of the way of a laser blast,) JCM: Well, that escalated quickly! (HB2000 shoots at JCM again, and he is barely able to avoid getting hit by the second shot.) JCM: Wait! Let's talk about it! HB2000: No more talking. (HB2000 turns its arm into a smaller laser and shoots at JCM in rapid succession.) JCM: Please! You can still be a good bot! HB2000: No. It is impossible. (One of the lasers hit JCM in the arm, and he covers the wound while running from the rest of HB2000's lasers.) JCM: Nothing is impossible! Not as long as you keep trying! That pursuit of goodness, that's what the meaning of life is! That's the answer to OMJ's question! (HB2000 stops shooting as it processes what JCM just said.) HB2000: That is dumb. (HB2000 starts shooting again, and JCM starts using chairs to block the lasers. As a laser hits one of the chairs, it explodes, and a chair leg lodges into HB2000's eye, causing its head to spin around then fly through the ceiling as the rest of its body falls to the ground limp.) JCM: I win! (Jjs and LocalAquatic walk into the auditorium to find that it's a mess, with pieces of broken chair everywhere and a giant hole in the ceiling.) Jjs: What... LocalAquatic: The... Jjs and LocalAquatic: Fuck? JCM: Oh! Hi there! I got the chairs set up! Kind of! Jjs: And you destroyed the auditorium while you were at it, it seems! LocalAquatic: Looks like we'll have to cancel tonight's play. I'm not crying, you're crying! (LocalAquatic leaves the auditorium in tears.) JCM: I'm sorry, Jjs! I really am! Jjs: Just...get your arm checked out by Nurse Homie. No point in ruining the auditorium any more with your blood. JCM: Does that mean I'm not fired? Jjs: Oh, you're absolutely fired. JCM: Awww. (The End)
  13. 34. Watermelon Tyeam One day, Tyeam and Clappy are chilling outside of the movie theater and eating watermelon. They're spitting seeds at movie posters when Clappy decides to turn it into a game, taking turns with Tyeam to see who can spit their watermelon seeds the farthest. After Tyeam wins that, Clappy changes his mind and says they're actually competing to see who can spit seeds the coolest. Tyeam wins that, too, so Clappy gives up and crowns Tyeam the Watermelon Queen, but not before they get seeds everywhere around the movie theater. Tyeam sleeps on her chair with a crown carved out of watermelon sitting on her head, and when she wakes up, she sees fully grown watermelon everywhere. As she looks closer at the watermelon, she realizes that the watermelon looks exactly like she does! The other Bubble Buds come to the movie theater to investigate, and they figure Tyeam inherited Jelly's ability to turn plants into sentient life forms, even though the watermelon aren't doing anything. Tyeam gets the idea to sell the watermelon as "Watermelon Tyeams", and even though everyone agrees it's a stupid idea, she does it anyway. Tyeam sets up a watermelon stand on the beach, and Aquatic Nuggets immediately approaches her to ask her if she has a license for her business. Tyeam says she doesn't but offer Aquatic Nuggets a watermelon, and Nuggets chastises her for assuming he likes watermelon because he's black, before grabbing a watermelon and walking away. More people start coming to buy watermelon, and a few hours later, Tyeam is all sold out of her Watermelon Tyeams. As Tyeam prepares to close up shop, Hayden appears from under the stand and seems to imply that he wants a watermelon. Tyeam tells Hayden that she's all sold out of them, but Hayden points to the watermelon on her table, which she refuses to sell cause it's hers. Hayden steals it anyway cause that's kind of what he does, and Tyeam chases him. Just when Hayden starts to lose Tyeam, he feels the watermelon start to move in his arms, and when he looks down at it, has angry eyes. The watermelon punches Hayden in the face, jumps out of his arms, and reunites with Tyeam. Tyeam is shocked to find that the watermelon is alive, and she realizes the rest of the watermelon must be alive, too, which means she just committed the unethical and very illegal act of selling people. Tyeam spends the next several hours finding the people she sold her watermelon to, and the last person she approaches is Nuggets, who is now convinced that Tyeam is racist after not only assuming he likes watermelon but selling all the watermelon off as slaves right after. Nuggets threatens Tyeam with prison if she ever does something like that again, and Tyeam apologizes first to an annoyed Nuggets and second to an even more annoyed Watermelon Tyeam. Tyeam returns home with all the sentient watermelon and wonders what she will do next. Clappy drives by and asks Tyeam if she wants to see a movie with him, and Tyeam says she only will if she can bring her new friends. Clappy is reluctant at first, but he eventually agrees to bring Tyeam and the sentient watermelon back to the theater with him, and Tyeam, Clappy, and the watermelon fill the theater as they watch the newest Big Guys with Even Bigger Guns movie. They spend the rest of the night sleeping in front of the theater, and Tyeam wonders if this is how she'll be spending every night for the rest of her life. The watermelon all rot a week a later, and Tyeam spends the night burying them as Clappy, who still doesn't completely understand what's going on, helps her. When they're finished, Clappy asks Tyeam if she wants to spit watermelon seeds again, and Tyeam gives him a dirty look. Clappy says it was a worth a shot, and the episode ends.
  14. 33. Teenj's Universe One day, teenj warps into the house with a Poké Ball and looks around for Tyeam, who's crouching on a beam above him and snickering. She then jumps on teenj's awesome afro and screams "Tyeam Bomb!" teenj pulls her off his afro and laughs with her as the Poké Ball floats around. Tyeam asks teenj what he did today, and teenj tells her to guess. We're then sent to The Wubbulous World of Tyeamwork as she imagines what teenj spent the entire day doing. teenj, now a puppet in a strange animated world, bounces around in a forest, eventually meeting a frog puppet who looks just different enough from Kermit the Frog to keep us from getting sued. The frog asks teenj if he knows what happened to his girl Lady Hog, and a few seconds later, a thicc (and I mean THICC) pig puppet flies over them, establishing that this world is so weird that pigs literally fly in it. Unfortunately, she's so heavy that the strings attached to her break, causing her to fall to the ground hard. teenj and the frog run to her to see if she's okay, but she's already turned into a plate of ham. Realizing that this Wubbulous World has gotten too dark, teenj and the frog begin planning an escape, and they find a portal with a bright yellow light coming out of it carved into one of the nearby trees. Before they can enter the portal, however, a monster who resembles the puppet Animal appears and jumps in front of the portal before roaring "NO ESCAPE!" The frog croaks (bad pun but yeah it's dead af), and teenj, after burying his friend, vows to avenge him. He pulls out a sword and challenges the monster to a duel. The monster smirks at the sight of this puny man challenging him, and he accepts. teenj and the monster become fully animated before leaping high into the sky. teenj strikes the monster with his sword, but it simply causes his sword to shatter in two, The monster laughs, then teenj punches it in the face, causing it to roar again. The monster swings at teenj, but teenj avoids every punch and manages to land a punch of his own as the monster recoils. The monster scratches teenj with its claws, leaving a nasty scar on his face, and before teenj can respond, the monster knees him in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him and causing him to drop back into the forest. Seconds after teenj hits the ground, the monster hits the ground behind him, ready to finish him off for good. teenj reaches into his pocket and pulls out a picture of himself and Tyeam, devastated that he'll never get to see her again. As the monster jumps into the sky again, preparing to defeat teenj with a diving elbow drop, teenj remembers something else he brought with him: a can of spinach. teenj opens the can and lets the spinach fall into the mouth. Just as the monster is about to land on teenj elbow-first, teenj grabs the monster, spins it around, and throws it head-first into the tree beside the one with the portal, turning the monster back into a puppet, but a smaller, less terrifying puppet. teenj then captures the monster in a Poké Ball and strolls through the portal with it. Back in the normal world, Tyeam finishes her story by saying how it's about how the most powerful magic out there is friendship or something like that. teenj confirms that that's exactly what happened, and when Tyeam exclaims, "Really?", teenj responds "No".
  15. jk new tyeamu every day in march and nothing else til i finish it tyeam universe forever and forever 100 years tyeam universe
  16. 32. Conjunction Junction One day, Tyeam is in her room watching The Office with Dennis when Dennis' mother calls him and asks to speak with Tyeam's parents. Not wanting to reveal that Jelly gave up her physical form to create Tyeam and Clappy reviews movies for a living, Dennis begs Tyeam to have one of the Bubble Buds impersonate her mother. They go downstairs and find Patty Sponge on the couch, so Tyeam gives Patty Sponge the phone and asks her to pretend she's Tyeam's mother. Patty Sponge does her best impersonation of an American accent while calling Mama Dennis, and she and Mama Dennis hit it off immediately. After several minutes of talking, Mama Dennis invites Patty Sponge and Clappy to dinner with the Dennises, and Patty Sponge happily accepts. When she gives Dennis his phone back, Dennis is horrified at the prospect of taking a British person and a professional movie critic out with Tyeam and her parents, and Tyeam thinks of ways to take Patty Sponge out while making her Britishness less obvious. At that moment, Jjs walks into the room, and Tyeam gets the idea to have him and Patty Sponge "conjugate" into Jjsponge, which would allow Patty Sponge to come to the dinner without having to use a fake accent all night. Jjs corrects Tyeam by telling her the right term for what they do is "fuse", and then he reminds her that fusions should only be done when one of the Bubble Buds' lives are at stake. Dennis then points a gun at Jjs and tells him his life will be at stake if he doesn't fuse with Patty Sponge, and Jjs doesn't need any more convincing after that. Dennis and his parents are waiting outside of an upscale restaurant for Tyeam and her parents. Just as Mama Dennis starts complaining, Tyeam, Clappy, and Jjsponge appear, and a waiter escorts them to their table. Papa Dennis asks Clappy what he does for a living, and he says he's a construction worker before winking at Tyeam. Papa Dennis tells Clappy how happy he is to hear that Clappy is doing man's work and not something "a sissy would, such as review movies". Before a furious Clappy can respond, Tyeam stuffs his mouth with breadsticks. Mama Dennis asks Jjsponge what she does, and Jjsponge says she works for the American government, because she's an American. Mama Dennis laughs and then tells Jjsponge how happy she is that Tyeam comes from a family as normal as theirs. Dennis can't believe how well the night's going so far, and after the waiter brings them their drinks, he orders a burger and fries. Jjsponge tells the waiter, "Bring me a fish and chips, good sir!", in Patty's British accent, and Mama Dennis looks at them suspiciously. Jjsponge tries to walk it back, but the stress of the situation causes Jjs and Patty Sponge to unfuse, much to the horror of Dennis and Dennis' parents. After a long silence, Tyeam says as innocently as she can: "Did I mention my mom was a conjunction?" Mama Dennis tells Dennis he can no longer hang out with someone who has "freaks like those" for parents, and Clappy, who has finished eating his breadsticks, says that at least his kid doesn't murder people for a living. Mama and Papa Dennis, who had no idea about Dennis' profession, stare at him coldly. Mama Dennis asks Dennis how many people he's killed, and though he's reluctant to answer at first, he eventually says, "A few...dozen." Mama Dennis realizes her family is just as screwed up as Tyeam's, and she apologizes to Tyeam, Clappy, Jjs, and Patty Sponge. She also tells Tyeam that she can still hang out with Dennis as long as Dennis promises not to murder any more people. Dennis promises his mother that he won't, but he has his fingers crossed behind his back as he does so. They spend the rest of the night eating and laughing, and the episode ends,
  17. I've posted a new JCMovies, and a new Tyeam Universe is coming tomorrow! After that, I'll kick off March with the second part of Patrick Star Wars: The Rise of Starwalker, and every weekday in March after that will feature new Tyeam Universes as I try to burn the whole thing off finish it in style!
  18. JCM


    JCM Joins a Cult (WhoBob walks into a classroom dressed as Captain America.) WhoBob: Hello, everybody! Welcome to the first meeting of the SpongeBob Community School's official comic book club! I..JCM, what the fuck are you doing in here? JCM: I wanted to share my love of comic books with my fellow comic...compat...triots. WhoBob: Have you ever even opened a comic book? JCM: No, but I read the funnies in the newspaper every Sunday! (Wintermelon43, who's sitting in the back of the classroom, whispers to a student beside him.) Wintermelon43: Newspapers are still a thing? WhoBob: Get the fuck out of my club, JCM. It's for students only, No janitors allowed. JCM: What if somebody spills something? WhoBob: Then I'll call you. Now, shoo! (JCM leaves the room sadly. He notices a poster on the board beside the room promoting a club named simply the "Secret Club" meeting at a gym across the street. JCM goes to the gym out of curiosity, and he finds the gym lighted only by candles and a group of people in the middle of the gym wearing black hoods and whispering chants.) JCM: Hi there! (Everyone turns around. One of the people wearing hoods removes his hood to reveal a young man under it.) Man: Hello. How may I help you? JCM: Is this where the Secret Club is meeting? Man: I don't know. Is it? JCM: I don't know either! That's why I asked you! Man: The first rule of Secret Club is you don't ask about Secret Club. JCM: How do I join it, then? Man: We'll determine whether you're worthy. JCM: How will you determine that? (The man takes a sword off of a nearby wall and gives it to JCM.) Man: Bring me the head of a goat, cut off by this sword, and we'll accept you into this club. JCM: Okie-dokie then! Man: Second rule of Secret Club: don't say "okie-dokie then"! Say "yes, leader"! JCM: (bows) Yes, leader. (JCM leaves the gym and comes back five minutes later with a severed goat's head, both it and the sword dripping with blood.) Leader: How the fuck did you do it that fast? JCM: I know people. Leader: That's all I'll ask about that. Congratulations, you're accepted! JCM: Great! What do I do now? (The leader takes the goat's head and the sword from JCM.) Leader: Wait for an email with further instructions. JCM: But I never gave you my email address. Leader: Don't worry. We know it. (JCM gasps.) Leader: But, uh, just in case we forgot, think you can write it down here? (The leader gives JCM a notepad, and JCM writes his email address on it before leaving the gym.) JCM: Finally! Somewhere I feel like I belong! (JCM skips into the school and passes WhoBob on his way back to the janitor's closet.) WhoBob: Why are you so happy all of a sudden? JCM: I was just accepted into a club way better than your silly comic book club! WhoBob: What club is it? JCM: The first rule of the club is you can't talk about it! WhoBob: Why are your hands bloody? JCM: I had to chop off a goat's head to get into it! WhoBob: Jesus Chrst, JCM! Did you join a cult? JCM: No! It's a club, just like yours, just a little more secretive! WhoBob: You don't have to murder animals to get into my club! JCM: Stop it! I...I don't want to listen to this anymore! (JCM runs away.) WhoBob: You're going to get hurt, JCM! You're going to get hurt! (The next day, JCM walks back into the gym. Everyone, including the leader, is wearing their hoods again, and they're whispering their chants around the goat's head JCM severed.) Leader: Welcome back, newest member! It's time for you to complete your initiation! (The leader gives a wine glass with a red liquid inside it to JCM.) JCM: Oh, no! I don't drink. Leader: Don't worry. There's no alcohol inside of that, only spirit. The spirit of the goat you killed. And its blood. Mostly its blood. JCM: I don't know about this. One of the students at SBC drank blood once, and she went kind of crazy. Thinks she's a Sith lord now. It's really weird. Leader: You're not in SBC anymore. You're in Secret Club. Do you trust us? JCM: Of course. Leader: Then drinketh of the cup and dedicate yourself to Secret Club for all eternity. (JCM hesitates, puts the wine glass to lip, and slowly tilts it, watching the blood stream towards his mouth. Suddenly, he hears police sirens, and blue and red lights flash through the window.) Leader: Oh, shit! It's the po po! There's only one way to protect this club's secrets! We must perform the ritual of seppuka! JCM: No! Not seppuka! I'm terrible with numbers! Can't we just do a crossword puzzle instead? I do them all the time in my papers. (The leader and the rest of the club members take swords from the wall and use the swords to disembowel themselves. JCM cries then vomits then cries again. A few minutes later, WhoBob walks into the gym with a pair of police officers behind him.) WhoBob: Yeesh. Officer 1: So these are the people responsible for all those dead goats? Officer 2: I guess they are. Mission accomplished! Let's go get donuts! (The officers get back into their car and drive away. WhoBob sits next to JCM, who is now crying in a fetal position.) WhoBob: I know now's not the time...but I told you they were a cult. JCM: Just go back to doing your student stuff. (JCM grabs a mop and starts cleaning up the gym with it.) JCM: (sniffs) I'll go back to doing my janitor stuff. WhoBob: Listen, I may have been a little harsh. If you want to come to our next comic book club meeting, you're more than welcome to. (JCM immediately stops mopping and hugs WhoBob as tightly as he can.) JCM: Thank you, thank you, thank you! WhoBob: Let go of me before I change my mind! (JCM lets go of WhoBob, and they walk out of the gym together.) WhoBob: So, do you think the cops will be back anytime soon? Cause there are, like, a lot of dead bodies in there. JCM: I assume so. WhoBob: They have to, right? (JCM and WhoBob stop for a moment, then they turn around and start walking towards the gym again.) WhoBob: I'll help you clean up. (The End)
  19. Since we did one for the Super Bowl, here's one for the Oscars.
  20. I'm surprised you got the teams right.
  21. For those of you who haven't read it yet, this is my Gravity Falls fanfic. Chapter 1 It was another slow day at the Mystery Shack. Wendy had gone home early, so Stan left Soos, Dipper, and Mabel to watch over the gift shop. Dipper sat behind the counter, flicking through an issue of Wacky News in boredom, while Mabel played with a Magic 8-ball she found. “Grunkle Stan told us not to touch anything, Mabel,” said Dipper. “I just want to ask the Magic 8-ball a question,” said Mabel. Dipper rolled his eyes. “Fine, but don’t blame me when you get in trouble.” “Will Dipper ever loosen up?” Mabel asked the ball. Mabel turned the ball around and looked through its tiny window as the answer revealed itself to her. “Don’t count on it,” she read aloud. Mabel giggled and put the magic 8-ball back where she got it, next to a stack of books, one of which caught her eye as she was returning the ball. “Look at this! Fairy Tales and Other Stories for Children!” said Mabel. Soos, who was sweeping up the floors, perked up at the sound of the book’s title. “My grandma reads those to me all the time!” exclaimed Soos. Dipper and Mabel looked at Soos with confused expressions. “I mean used to. Used to read them to me,” corrected Soos, who then went back to sweeping the floors. Mabel grabbed the book and blew the dust off of its back cover. “Little Red Riding Hood? Hansel and Gretel? Snow White? These are some of my favorite stories!” gushed Mabel. “I can’t wait to read it!” “Yeah, yeah, read your fairy tales. Meanwhile, I’ll be reading something intellectually stimulating,” said Dipper, reading a tabloid with the headline: “I Married a Unicorn”. Mabel opened the book and put her finger on the first page. “Once upon a time…” Suddenly, Mabel, Dipper, and Soos were in the forest. “What the…” Dipper, who had been sitting, fell onto his back. “Wow! We’re in the story!” said Mabel. “Can you get us out of the story?” said Dipper, standing now and brushing dirt off his back. “I don’t know how.” “Wait, I’ve got an idea,” said Soos. “If we play out the fairy tale, we should be able to go home once we’re finished.” “How are we supposed to play out the fairy tale?” asked Dipper. “I don’t see a wolf around.” “Uh, Dipper…” Mabel pointed to patches of fur on the back of Dipper’s hands. “What?” Dipper saw the patches and screamed. “No! This is not happening! This is not happening!” A few seconds later, Dipper’s entire body was covered with fur. “This is happening,” he sighed. “I guess that means I’m the lumberjack,” said Soos. “See you guys later!” Soos hurried off. Mabel noticed a basket of food in her hands, and Dipper, smelling it, licked his lips. “Hey, Mabel, would you mind sharing some of that with me?” asked Dipper. “I’m starving.” “Oh no, I can’t! It’s for my grandma!” said Mabel, winking before she ran off into the forest. Dipper growled. He tried to chase Mabel, but his feet got too big for his shoes, making him trip. “Stupid wolf feet!” said Dipper, who tried to pull his shoes off, but when he couldn’t, he used his sharp teeth to do it instead. By the time he got both of his shoes off, Mabel was out of sight. Dipper wandered through the forest, occasionally putting a berry in his mouth and spitting it out due to the sour taste. When he could hardly bear his hunger anymore, he noticed a bunny hopping along. Without even thinking, Dipper lunged at the bunny and ate it whole. “Hey! I saw him first!” said a voice behind Dipper. Dipper turned around to find a bigger wolf with bigger teeth and bigger, yellow eyes looking down at him. Dipper tried to run, but the wolf grabbed him by the tail. “Not so fast,” said the wolf. “I didn’t know there were others like me in this forest.” “I’m not from here,” said Dipper. “You aren’t?” The wolf raised an eyebrow. “No, my stupid sister brought me here. Listen, I didn’t mean to go after your prey. I was just really hungry. Please let me go. I won’t do it again.” “Of course. Anything for my fellow canine.” The wolf let go of Dipper’s tail, and Dipper ran away as fast as he could. When he finally stopped, he noticed a log cabin in the distance. “That must be grandma’s house,” he said. “Meaning it must be where Mabel is!” Dipper ran to the cabin and pounded on its door. The old woman who lived in the cabin peeked at Dipper through a pair of logs. “Let me in!” shouted Dipper. “Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin!” said the woman. “What?” “You heard me!” “If you don’t let me in, I’ll huff, and I’ll puff!” Dipper took a deep breath and then blew at the cabin, causing it to collapse. “Oh, no!” said Dipper. “What have I done? I killed grandma!” Meanwhile, Mabel was skipping through the forest as a group of birds dropped a red riding hood over her. “Thanks, guys!” she said. As Mabel reached the end of the forest, she spotted what was left of the cabin, and she hurried to it. “Grandma? Are you okay?” she asked. Dipper popped out of the wreckage wearing the old woman’s clothes. “Yes, dear! Nothing to see here!” said Dipper. Mabel smiled. “Grandma! What big ears you have!” “The better to hear you with, my child.” “But what big eyes you have!” “The better to see you with.” “What big hands you have!” “The better to hug you with.” “And what a big mouth you have!” “The better to eat your goodies with!” Dipper jumped out of the woman’s clothes and grabbed Mabel’s basket with his big hands. “I’m glad you’re getting the hang of this, Dipper!” said Mabel, taking her basket back. “Gimme the basket!” said Dipper, pulling it his way. “Sorry! Can’t do that!” ”I’m not fooling around!” As Dipper and Mabel tugged the basket back and forth, Soos showed up wearing a lumberjack costume and holding an axe. “Hey, dudes. Like the getup?” said Soos. “Tell Mabel to let go of this thing!” said Dipper. “You two shouldn’t be fighting,” said Soos. Soos raised his axe and used it to cut the basket in two, spilling its contents on the ground. “There. Now you can share it,” said Soos. Before Dipper or Mabel could pick anything up, ants covered the food and left it as nothing but crumbs. “Aww,” said Dipper. A man in a large castle watched Dipper, Mabel, and Soos through a crystal ball. The wolf from earlier walked up beside the man. “Sir, we have visitors,” said the wolf. “I know,” said the man, rubbing the wolf’s head. “I know.”
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