Old Man Jenkins

Goddamn man, talk about one last gut punch. Everyone was getting hyped for her 100th, articles and all that stuff about how she made it to the big triple digits and there was even gonna be a theatrical birthday celebration special I was planning on going to before Covid cases drastically increased here. Really fucking sucks to hear this, man. May she rest peacefully knowing all the years of joy and laughter she brought.

We need dat prequel where his dad never hugged him

What the hell?? I never signed off on any “spinoffs”, dude.

Blu-ray of the entire Grimgar anime series Funko pop of pikachu looking angry and on all fours Palamute amiibo What looks to be a locally-made shirt that probably doesn’t have the rights to use Luigi on its design WWE 2K Battlegrounds for the Switch Two new phone charging chords Wireless earbuds Two $50 gift cards for GameStop A holiday snack mix my friend makes every year, a gift basket of assorted local snacks and an Itadakibox full of green-colored Japanese snacks

dat One-Time SpongeBob Characters HOF induction has been a long ass time coming, mang I don’t know if the Die-In will open back up, but huge thanks to anyone who still voted for it, even with it being dead for damn near a year. And yes, my plan to dick ride Keanu Reeves to the moon has paid off

That was some good cowboy shit, pal

You’re with Paul now, TV.com

Straight Outta Nowhere: Scooby-Doo! Meets Courage the Cowardly Dog i couldn’t help but have the biggest smile on my face through the whole thing. I think they did a good job of meshing both series’ formulas together and it all in all felt like a really nice love letter to the Cartoon-Cartoon that I loved the most as a kid. Definitely needed this after the day I’ve had. And I’m glad we get to hear Muriel one more time. Rest In Peace, Thea White.

Sorry for the wait! Skod on the Run Part IV: SQodwarde We return to see Skodwarde 420 passing the dutchie on the left hand side in his home of Dimension 420. However, he soon realizes that there’s no one in the house to pass it to, so just who did he pass the dutchie to? He turns almost an exact copy of himself, an exact copy who he imagines looks hot in his unmentionables. Thinking this is just a bad trip, Skodwarde 420 laughs it off. He loses his ability to laugh when the copy uses his god powers to forcibly remove Skodwarde 420’s laugh box and then proceeds to shove it up his own ass. The copy’s god power appears to increase upon insertion as Skod 420 slowly dies on the floor. 420 asks just who this exact copy is, to which the exact copy responds “I’m you, but better.” Dimension 420 is then completely wiped off the face of the multiverse. Elsewhere in the Skodwarde Multiverse, Keanu Reeves, Painty and Steven Ogg arrive at their desired destination; a somewhat old western town located somewhere on the outskirts of the entire multiverse, seemingly untouched by Skodwarde’s influence. Steven tells them that the group they’re looking for is based in a saloon right over there. Painty sheds a painted tear, knowing he’s finally accomplished the mission that he and Patchy worked so long and so hard to accomplish, just like his painted dick right now. Keanu Reeves is still rather wary though and keeps his guard up. They enter the nearby saloon to find that is occupied by the likes of *carefully reads down the list of the Truth or Square cast on the SB Wiki* Ricky Gervais, Rosario Dawson, Eddie Deezen, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog, the Taco Bell Chihuahua, Johnny Depp, Cap’n Crunch, LeBron James, Tina Fey, Tina Turner, Will Ferrell, Craig Ferguson, Popeye, The Guy on the Penny, Queen Elizabeth II, P!nk, P!nk’s band, Bruce Willis and Gwyneth Paltrow. But the name the jumps out Keanu Reeves the most is Ian McShane, who jumps out and scares Keanu with some surprise buttsex, saying that was to get Keanu back for their last encounter. Keanu is shocked, thinking he had put a phallic object firmly up Ian’s ass, and that he was Fred Phelps! McShane explains that was simply just a cover identity necessary to perform some triple agenting. Fred Phelps was just a role he had to play in order to get closer to Skodwarde, the one that Keanu is after. But with Skod Wick’s demise personally at Skodwarde’s hand, he had to abandon the character or else raise suspicion. Keanu can’t help but go “whoa” as he struggles to take all of this information in. Steven Ogg pushes by Keanu and leans in to kiss Ian, making very little effort to hide his obvious jealousy. Ian introduces Steven Ogg as his latest lover in a vain attempt to make Keanu Reeves jealous. Painty cuts the sexual tension by asking Ian if he’s the one in charge here, but Ian claims that he is not. Suddenly, the man in charge makes his demonic presence known, and it is none other than Danny Trejo! BECAUSE HE’S IN EVERY MOVIE!!! Danny Trejo demands to know who these outsiders are. Painty introduces himself as the intro guy, the one who’s been blowing the whistle on Skodwarde’s grand illusion since the very beginning. Painty introduces Keanu Reeves as the newest president of the Skodwarde Hate Club. Keanu flashes the presidential ID card he received from Patchy as proof. Danny Trejo destroys the card with his rather satanic pew pew eye lazors and sends Keanu flying over the bar of the saloon. We have a bar fight on our hands boys, so buckle those belts tight. After some nautical nonsense involving celebrity guest stars, a pencil, and the swift removal of life with said pencil, Keanu Reeves dispatches all of the celebrity guests with relative ease. All that leaves now is Danny Trejo, who welcomes the worthy challenge. Before they can engage in mortal combat, they’re broken up by Snoop Dogg, who is raging because the noise they’re all making seriously fucked his game up during his Twitch stream. He demands to know what fuck y’all doin here, to which Painty replies “to Be The Elite”. Snoop says that they don’t just let anyone join The Elite, but Painty reminds them all that Snoop whores himself out at every opportunity he gets. Snoop can’t argue with that, so he agrees to let Painty and Keanu Reeves join their ranks. However, they must prove their worth to the group by taking out a huge problem before they letting them in on the secrets of their secret society. And seeing how well Keanu handled himself just now, he might just be the man to get the job done. Steven Ogg voices his doubts about Keanu, admitting that he himself wasn’t even able to take out “The President”. Ian McShane, however, vouches for Keanu, saying that he’s a man that is capable of taking out just about anyone, maybe even God himself. Snoop Dogg is too high to listen to this bullshit and just tells them to get the fuck on. Steven Ogg, however, opts to stay behind to spoil Ian while Keanu’s gone, but Keanu once again doesn’t take the bait. Danny Trejo decides to tag along in Steven’s place, wanting to keep close tabs on this Keanu Reeves character. Taking off in their Space-Time Machine, Painty takes the time to go over their mission specs. He’s shocked to see who their target is, being none other than Donald Trump in the spray tanned flesh. Danny Trejo tells them how Trump was once a member of The Elite, having previously been sent to acquire the rights to Skodwarde in hopes of gaining control over the squid nazi god. However, Trump went mad with power and eventually cut The Elite off entirely. In the main continuity, the Skod Crew was able to win the rights back, but with the multiverse now in play, a separate spun-off universe has emerged in which the Skod Crew failed and Trump has since used his connection to Skodwarde to become the President For Life of that universe. Essentially becoming a Far Cry villain. Trump has also rallied up a group of his own to foil The Elite at every chance he gets, a group that has come to be known as QAnon. Trump and the QAnon followers all take their orders directly from a mysterious figure known only as “Q”. The Elite have reason to believe that this “Q” character could very well be that universe’s version of Skodwarde, so they want to be able to take out three birds with one stone. That one stone being Keanu Reeves. Trejo admits that he also has been unable to take Trump out despite all the hellfire currently flowing through him, putting over Trump’s threat even more. They finally arrive in the “Sold Out” universe, where Donald Trump succeeds in securing the rights to Skodwarde all the way back in Season 4. They’re immediately greeted with anti-Elite sentiment, included some especially sharp barbs pointed directly at Tom Hanks for some reason. Danny Trejo reiterates to Keanu and Painty that these people have it all wrong about his group. The Elite definitely do not traffic and kill children in order to gain dark, satanic powers by having orgies in their spilled blood. Danny Trejo then proceeds to wipe out all the surrounding QAnon followers with his devil powers. This act of Satan is enough to attract the attention of none other than President For Life, Donald Trump, who sends alt-right versions of the defeated Skod Crew over as his secret service in order to pick the three up for a presidential banquet in their dishonor. Ushered all the way to the Whiter House, they are welcomed with closed, tiny fists by the President For Life. Trump says that Q told him to throw this banquet for them, hoping that doing so will help Q come to a business arrangement with The Elite so that they can all finally put this bad children blood behind them. Oops. That one slipped. Danny Trejo wants to cut through the bullshit and get straight to the part where they assassinate his orange ass. Danny Trejo rains hellfire on Trump with some more of his devilish eye lazors, but Trump comes out of it completely unscathed. Q wishes that it didn’t have to come to this. Trump uses the power invested in him by Skod Almighty to smite Danny Trejo where he stood, snidely calling him a textbook example of a “bad hombre”. Seeing Trump’s skodly power in action for himself, this is pretty much the closest Keanu has ever been to the squid nazi. Not wanting to blow this chance at testing Skod’s power for himself, Keanu immediately blows it by slipping and knocking himself out on the ground. When Keanu Reeves comes to, he finds himself strapped in an ambulance of some sort. He asks what happened and Painty informs him that Trump used his god powers to make Keanu slip on an ice cube. They’re currently being transported to a place known only as “Weenie Parler Jr’s”- oh wait, that got shut down. Make that “Super Weenie Parler Jr’s” instead, for immediate “revisionist re-education”. Donald Trump says that Q sees potential in Keanu Reeves as a soldier for his cause. Keanu bluntly refuses to follow the squid nazi who killed his beloved pet, Gary. The Donald laughs at the insinuation that Skodwarde is the method behind his madness. Donald confirms that holding the rights to Skodwarde does indeed give him access to the vast god power that comes with it, but Skod’s certainly in no position to be pulling the strings in this universe. The President is aware of Keanu Reeves’ vendetta against Skodwarde, and he claims that he can get Keanu closer to the Skod he’s after more than The Elite ever could. All Keanu has to do is pledge his life and loyalty to Q’s gospel. Keanu firmly stands his ground and refuses The President’s offer. Not one to take “No” for an answer, Donald Trump uses his god powers to convince Reeves otherwise, but his god powers now seemingly have no affect on him. Keanu wills himself to break free from his bonds takes the fight back to Trump. Their scuffle causes their armored transport to crash and burn. Keanu continues beating Trump out of the rubble. Before he can strike the final blow, a voice suddenly calls out to him, telling him to stop. Keanu realizes that the voice belongs to none other than Q. Painty, having placed his full trust in The Elite, can’t hear Q and thus he thinks Keanu Reeves is just going batshit crazy. QAnon followers, am I right? Q finally shows himself to Keanu, revealing that he is in fact...Q from Season 2 of “SBC Parallel Universe”!?! Q reveals that when the Skodwarde Multiverse was spawned, it opened the door for endless possibilities, including a possible crossover with jjsthekid’s “SBC Parallel Universe”. I mean, Skodwarde crossed over with Storm Racers that one time, so ya never know. And SBC*holds nose*PU already has a tailor-made plot to tie it in seamlessly. I mean, “Parallel Universe”. Anyway, Q still feels butthurt by how his character arc wrapped up in SBC*holds nose*PU, having had his contributions to the story completely glossed over by pro-SBC propaganda. This revisionist history somehow motivated him to oppose the SBC establishment and let his truth be heard. And somehow that miraculously snowballed into the wider QAnon Movement we all know and loathe after he effortlessly recruited the president and his followers to his cause by whispering sweet nothings into their ears. Q thought having god on his side would be enough to have his truth heard, but what he really needed all along was man power, the mana, provided only by the great Hawaiian actor Keanu Reeves. Yeah, this miniseries is getting weird, man. Q repeats Trump’s offer for an alliance that would be mutually beneficial but Keanu Reeves simply shoots Q square in the head, saying that he doesn’t even know who Q is supposed to even be even after all that exposition. Trump comes to and sees what Keanu has done to his meal ticket. The President musters all the god power in his being to strike Keanu Reeves down, but is ultimately stopped thanks to the timely arrival of the Skodwarde copy from the beginning of the episode. This Skodwarde forcefully strips Trump of his Skodwarde rights and finishes him off with an Ultima, the hallmark of all true Skodwardes. This Skodwarde assimilates the rights into his being, seemingly becoming even stronger than he just was. He gains a robe and fully formed monobrow with this latest Dragon Ball-styled god power boost. Painty: Skolliam?! Arrr! But Keanu can only see a mere Skodwarde in his sights so he empties his entire clip on him, to little to no affect. “Skolliam” only stares at Reeves, looking very sure about what he’s about to do next. “Skolliam” uses his god powers to send yet another universe into oblivion and dips. Much too far away from their Space-Time Machine, Keanu Reeves and Painty can only brace themselves for the worst as the “Sold Out” universe is taken out of continuity.

Haven’t watched it yet, but you can’t go wrong with a Hanna-Barbera smorgasbord by the lad C.H. Greenblatt

Enough to make a goddamn grown man cry. This is why I love professional wrestling.

Something stupid that I thought I’d do for fun to commemorate one of my more obscure, trash spin-offs from ten years ago, BadBob CoolPants. If you have no idea what the hell that is, then Neptune bless your virgin eyes! Although something different this time around, this commemorative series will instead be done in the classic Skodwarde format. Because flashbacks of the original series’ dialogue ? Plot: Immediately following the events of “The Bully”, SpongeBob reluctantly finds himself sitting pretty at the top of the boating school food chain. And with this new reputation comes opportunities to make new friends, as well as enemies. Follow him on a journey of adult angst, love, violence, and ultimately, self purpose. Will there be vampires, werewolves and witches? Ya never know. But the only thing I do know for sure is that we’ve got a badass over here. Episode 1: Badass vs Fatass Picking up right from where the show leaves off in the season three episode, “The Bully”, fueled by repressed resentment and contempt for her all-time worst student, as well as losing out on a big, ol’ pot of money in the faculty lounge for going all in on Flats, Mrs. Puff declares her fierce intent to kick SpongeBob’s butt in front of the entire class. However, the results aren’t that different from Flats’ as she is forced to spend the rest of the school day wailing away at SpongeBob’s pores, all completely for naught. This also carries on well beyond school hours, being forced to go with SpongeBob to work and even staying over at his house across multiple nights, all in her futile attempt at retribution. The fight eventually concludes that very next school week, when the stress and overexertion causes her increasingly inflated body to explode upon her fist’s final impact with SpongeBob’s, who honestly forgot she was still there up ‘til this point. The class cheers SpongeBob on for his nonchalance as he officially goes 2-0 after doing what no else has done; beat up the teacher. Mrs. Puff is taken into intensive care, where she gets arrested upon arrival for battery, and since it’s already been established over at that precinct that SpongeBob is her responsibility, she therefore takes the rap for his assault on Flats as well. SpongeBob is sent home early that day, a god of boating school. Word of his feats makes its rounds all throughout the social hierarchy. SpongeBob’s boating school life will never be the same again. At least until he finally graduates. But that’ll never happen.

(credit to Local for this movie’s snazzy banner!) June 10 officially marks Skodwarde’s 10th anniversary here on SBC, and jjs and I have decided to celebrate it with our own fucked up take on the recent movie, Sponge on the Run! (About two years is a long enough time to break our promise about how there’d be no more after the original series finale, yeah?) Jjs and I have both been hard at work for about half a year or so crafting a good enough story to really send our favorite squid nazi out the right way. We hope readers of the original series, and maybe even some newbies, will join us for Skodwarde’s end! And be sure to keep a look out for all the cuh-razy foreshadowing going on, as we look to meticulously hammer home the fact that this spin-off is getting a spin-off! Just because Skodwarde’s meeting his end, doesn’t mean we can’t stop milking the vast universe he leaves behind! It’s free real estate, pal! And Puff Mama’s got bills to pay, so you know her ass will settle for anything! Part 1 of this 10-part miniseries total immersion event will be posted just in time for The Spin-Off Festival 2021 by the one and only, jjsthekid! And remember! He’s watching. (Couldn’t afford to make my own version, and I just have no musical talent whatsoever, so just listen to this and replace every “Band” with “Skod”)

Wanted to do something sorta special for my 10th anniversary on here, and since one of my faves Crash Bandicoot is also celebrating 25 years in 2021, I figured why not come up wih a way to celebrate both? And (feeling sorta inspired by my recent riffing of Break A Leg) since my very first work was made in the tv.com style, I decided I'll post this with a similar style in mind. I know that probably sounds disappointing, but that style just feels a bit more reasonable for me right now for a variety of reasons. I've been sitting on this particular idea for a couple years, even posted about it in the Writers Lounge last year, so it's better to get it out of my system in some fashion. I'll post a more official update on my writing slate going forward in a future Announcements thread post. Plot: Deep in the Pacific, on an uncharted archipelago, multi-million dollar conglomerate, Cortex Power, has set up base as a means of conducting "revolutionary research that will make strides in bettering the world". However, something far more sinister lies underneath the facade. Endemic animals are being forcefully wrangled from their natural habitats, invasive species are being smuggled onto the island in loads, toxic waste is being outputted into the ocean, people are going missing, sacred sites are being razed and the indigenous tribes seem to have turned a blind eye to it all. At the heart of all this is the fortress of iron, Cortex Castle, where Cortex Power's founder hazardously pushes the boundaries between science and nature. But something has managed to fly the coop and compromise his operations. Now, the good doctor will go to insane lengths to seek or destroy the crown jewel of all his achievements. And his crown jewel is willing to go even farther to put an end to his terror. A reimagining of the original 1996 video game, inspired by Android Kikaida. Characters (to be updated as the story goes along) Team Bandicoot Crash Bandicoot: Once highly regarded by Cortex as his greatest creation and pegged to be the future general of his army, this orange marsupial has somehow managed to defy his creator, even after a trip into the Cortex Vortex. With the lives of all those he cares about at stake, he must become a one-mutant army and liberate the Wumpa Archipelago one island at a time. Tawna Bandicoot: Another genetically enhanced bandicoot, who is Crash's mate from their old lives together as regular critters. She possesses the same abilities as Crash, but appears to be more blessed up there. In the head, being gifted with intelligence that allows her to match wits with her captors. When Crash proves to be his most disappointing failure yet, Cortex deems her to be the next general of his Cortex Commandos. Nekky Kyosha: A world renowned wildlife biologist and mother to Aiko and Ota. She was initially brought on board Cortex Power as a "consultant", though unbeknownst to her at the time, she was actually helping Cortex to scout out suitable species to serve as potential commandos in his army. Being an admirer of Neo Cortex for years, she was heartbroken at the deceit and horrified at the true nature of his experiments. She attempted to escape the island in order to alert the proper authorities, however, Cortex was already a couple steps ahead. Aiko Kyosha: A young woman who is being held captive by Cortex, used as leverage to force their mother into cooperation. She helped care for the animals before they would be subjected to the Evolvo-Ray. She bonded with the marsupials the most. Ota Kyosha: Aiko's younger brother who is also being held captive by Cortex. He was tasked with working in the assembly line while in captivity, having some firsthand experience in constructing Cortex's many mechanized menaces, even receiving some crash courses from the madman himself. The N. Circle Dr. Neo Cortex: A former member of a traveling circus family who has since gone on to become a scientist of universal renown. Founding Cortex Power on the pillars of worldwide betterment, he has amassed himself a huge fortune with his many contributions not just to the field of science, but to the world. But underneath all his perceived good intentions and good will, lies a terrible darkness that seeks to control the entire world by any means necessary. He specializes in mechanics and machinery, capable of crafting androids that blend into the crowd almost seamlessly, but he has since dabbled in experimenting with live subjects, augmenting their physical and mental capabilities in ways that defies nature itself. He is the inventor of the Evolvo-Ray and Cortex Vortex, both instrumental in creating his commandos, but the Cortex Vortex proves detrimental to their overall mental development. Dr. Nitrus Brio: Cortex's right hand man who perfected the design of Cortex's Evolvo-Ray, modifying it to the point where use of the Cortex Vortex would be rendered null if Cortex wasn't so stubborn about its "effectiveness". Brio grew up a child prodigy, born and raised by parents who were prodigies themselves. This all went to his head while growing up, viewing his so-called "peers" as being well beneath him. He would carry this air of arrogance with him for years until encountering his future superior, Neo Cortex, in high school. Meeting Cortex and constantly being bested by him humbled Brio to the point of subservience. And the subservience would soon go to unhealthy extremes, leading Brio to implant screws into his own skull, twisting them tighter each time he failed his superior, even when he had nothing to do with said failures. Years of being Cortex's whipping boy has led to him losing his sense of self. Dr. Noxious Plant: A well-studied botanist who recently defected from the circle to pursue her own ambitions. She was also the only member to have been a trusted colleague of both Cortex and Brio dating back years, even before the official founding of Cortex Power. She experiments tirelessly with both endemic and invasive plant life. The fruits of her labor can be seen all across the island chain, coming in many dangerous forms. She despises the fact that Neo chose Brio's animal-based research over her plant-based findings. Now, she's out in the wilderness attempting to establish her own army with which she'll use to stomp out Cortex Dr. Naivan Digenous: An expert on indigenous people's and their customs, brought into the fold in order to personally deal with the natives of N. Sanity Island. Like Dr. Kyosha, he is more or less being held against his will to do Cortex's bidding. While his efforts have quelled the native response to Cortex's invasion of their islands, he now has to deal with a dark rising movement that proves to further endanger his own well being. Dr. Nathan Dever: An archaeologist and adventurer who was brought under the Cortex Power umbrella with the purpose of unearthing natural raw power sources that Cortex can use to fuel his evil endeavors. He's not fully in league with Cortex, but the doctor does pay well for his services and the always looming presence of Cortex's Commandos is enough to keep his priorities in check. He is, however, a close family friend of the Kyosha's. Dr. Naught Abel: A psychologist, and youngest member of the circle, who is tasked with evaluating the mental states of the Cortex Commandos as they're released back into the field to serve their new master. He attempted to alert the proper authorities to Cortex Power's activities, though that attempt got shut down real quick by Brio. After being subjected to excruciating experiments as punishment for his actions, Abel is left being a fractured shell of his former self. He now merely enables the mutants to follow through with their primal desires and dark thoughts rather than actually improving them. Chairwoman Nixon Dustrial: Chairwoman of Cortex Power's board of directors. She helps oversee the day-to-day operations on Industrial Island in Cortex's stead and is seen as fourth-in-command of the entire organization. She's practically the only member of the N. Circle who loves her position and the power it grants her. She tends to be over ambitious, which causes much of her undoing. She much rather prefers the use of machines over mutants, which has made her an unpopular figure amongst Cortex's commandos. Cortex Commandos (Mammal Branch) Ripper Roo: The product of Cortex's first foray into genetic engineering, and a miserably failed one at that. Once a simple kangaroo, a trip into Brio's improved version of the Evolvo-Ray seemed to be all the modifying that he needed, but a trial session under the untested Cortex Vortex not only undid a lot of the mental augmentation, it unraveled it even further. Roo came out from the Vortex an unstable mess of psychopathy and insanity. Deemed far too dangerous to be kept alive, Cortex attempted to have his first mutant terminated, but every possible execution attempt served to only fuel Ripper's madness. Cortex had no choice but to lock him away in a secluded location on Wumpa Island, where he has remained in isolation ever since. Koala Kong: Brought into being not long after Ripper Roo, Cortex evolved him with raw power in mind but he also made sure to keep his sanity levels in check, or else he'd have something even worse than Ripper Roo on his hands. In order to help balance out his state of mind, Cortex added a marathon of the Rocky movies into the Cortex Vortex for Kong's mental consumption. What came out was a hulking behemoth with a slur, who lived by the motto of "it's not about how hard you can hit, it's about how hard you can get hit and get back up". A minor improvement from Ripper Roo, but not enough to feel confident about in Cortex's eyes. He's been stationed on Wumpa Island, tasked with overseeing Cortex Power's excavations of sacred site in hopes of discovering new power sources for his master. Pinstripe Potoroo: One of Cortex's more recent products of the Evolvo-Ray and Cortex Vortex, Pinstripe was Cortex's first attempt at evolving a mammal in quite some time, having previously shifted his attention towards reptiles. Cortex wanted an ideal soldier who can do the necessary dirty work that needed being done, while also having a defined sense of loyalty that was always severely lacking in the reptile subjects. All that Neo could find that fit the bill was mafia movies, so he subjected the potoroo to hours of those. What came out was a pinstripe suit-wearing, slicked back hair sporting, tommy gun toting wise guy who quickly became a made man in Cortex Power. Known as "The Cleaner" to most in the organization, Pinstripe made a name for himself by working tirelessly to enforce Cortex's rule in any way he could, including tying up any loose ends. Be it the natives, the reptiles or any other failed experiments and perceived threats to Cortex, Pinstripe has put many out to pasture with the help of his Potoroo Mob. His contributions to the organization has even earned him a promotion, becoming the new CEO of Cortex Power after helping to "fire" the old one. The island's energy division has flourished under his leadership, all while still keeping a firm hand on the mammal branch of Cortex's commandos. News of Crash being groomed to be THE general that Cortex always wanted hit Pinstripe hard, but he nevertheless works towards making his boss' dreams of world conquest a reality. "(Pilot) General Disturbance: Prelude to N. Sanity" In a last ditch effort to save herself and her family, Dr. Nekky Kyosha attempts to throw a monkey wrench into her boss' design by exposing Cortex's latest candidate for general of his commandos, Bandicoot 1.0 aka Crash, to a special force of life energy known only as mojo. Before she can do the same to his female mate, Bandicoot 1.5 aka Tawna, a couple of Lab Assistants arrive to collect them for their official "enlistment ceremony". Nekky's daughter, Aiko, has her doubts about relying on mere superstition, but her mother is confident that their efforts to smuggle the mojo into Cortex Castle will pay off when the unstable power of the Cortex Vortex more than meets its match. Dr. Neo Cortex's right hand man, Dr. Nitrus Brio, expresses his concerns about the Vortex's penchant for producing failures, but Neo remains stubbornly adamant about the potential of his machine and orders for Crash to undergo it at once. Cortex has the Vortex tuned with the Star Wars trilogy in mind. He desires a Darth Vader to his Emperor Palpatine, a general who can enforce his rule with scary precision. However, the Vortex suddenly rejects Bandicoot 1.0 and melts down completely due to kickback from the latent mojo that Nekky had Crash absorb into his body. The resulting explosion of mojo and electricity is enough to not only free Crash from his bonds, but also to free the other failed test subjects from their cages. With his laboratory compromised, Cortex orders Brio and his Lab Assistants to capture Crash and the other escapees. However, Brio manages to disappear by smashing two beakers full of unknown chemicals onto the ground below him. The Lab Assistants find themselves overwhelmed by Crash and the lab rats. One of the lab rats, going by the name of Chithila, takes charge of his fellow rats and rallies them against Crash in a deluded attempt to prove to Cortex that he's the general he's been searching for day and night. Cortex pays close attention to the fight that's about to break out between his creations, one of them being his crown jewel. The chaos that's been brought upon by Crash serves as a good enough distraction for Nekky and Aiko to stage their escape from Cortex Castle. They navigate the castle in search of Ota, eventually finding him in the castle's generator room. He explains that he's there trying to restore power so that he can reactivate the experimental teleporter he's been helping Cortex to develop. Seeing that as a somewhat more viable option than their original escape plan, Nekky and Aiko assist him in fixing the generator, but they're interrupted by Brio, who offers them an even easier escape route by letting them use his chemicals. Back in the lab, Crash puts up a valiant effort against the lab rats, taking a wave down singlehandedly, but the effects of the mojo and Cortex Vortex colliding within him begins to take a toll on both his mind and body. Tawna arrives to help even the odds, taking out another wave of rats herself. Tawna's intervention gives Crash the opportunity to confront Chithila personally. Their brawl leads to them both sending each other crashing out of the castle's window and plunging down into the darkness of night below. Tawna takes out the last of the rats right as Brio pops back into the lab with the Kyosha family in tow. He sells them out to Cortex, revealing that Nekky was the one behind Bandicoot 1.0's failure. A disappointed Cortex, still reeling from the apparent loss of prized bandicoot, orders for the Kyoshas to be locked away in the castle's dungeon until he's ready to deal with the situation. Reinforcements finally arrive in the form of better equipped Lab Assistants, but with the lab rats already neutralized, Cortex commands them to subdue Tawna instead; now settling on the female bandicoot to become his new general in Crash's stead. She fights them off for an admirable amount of time before eventually succumbing to their large numbers and debilitating weaponry. Night eventually gives way to day, and Crash soon awakens that morning to find himself washed up on a beach. He stares out into the horizon, seeing the vague silhouette of Cortex Castle off in the distance on Industrial Island amidst all the air pollution surrounding it. He has some ways to go before even stepping foot back there again. An assortment of enlarged crabs begin to emerge from the sand and surround Crash. The road back begins here. Notes & Trivia - Character/Faction debuts: Crash, Tawna, Nekky, Aiko, Ota, Cortex, Brio, Chithila, Lab Assistants, Lab Rats, Crabs - The events of this pilot is a reimagining of the intro cutscene of Crash Bandicoot 1 - It's revealed that the Kyosha kids gave many of the animal subjects their names, including Crash and Tawna. Aiko gave Crash his name due to her mother's intention of having him crash the Cortex Vortex with the mojo she infused him with. - The concept of mojo used here is adapted from the "Titans" series of Crash games. Nekky was able to extract the mojo for Crash from a sacred idol, which were also collectible items in those games. - The idol was smuggled into the castle by being hidden inside of a wooden crate containing Wumpa Fruit, a staple of the Crash series as a whole. - The lab rats were based on the Ratnicians, common enemies who also originated in the Titans series of games. - Chithila and the other lab rats are of the lesser bandicoot rat species which, despite the name, are not related to true bandicoots as they are not marsupials. This creative decision was made to further push Chithila's inferiority complex.

The J in OMJ can stand for a variety of things. And I can't find me old thread with search.