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Old Man Jenkins
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Posts posted by Old Man Jenkins
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Spoiler
It’s 4/20, you know what that means! The Nautical World of Sportz? proudly presents, SpongeBrawl Championship Wrestling: LEVELED UP!!
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On 4/8/2023 at 9:22 AM, SpongeOddFan said:
oh
anyways thoughts on Roman beats Cody at Mania?
I thought it was a perfectly good match until the finish. I like Roman’s work as champ as much as the next guy, but it really should’ve been Cody’s moment. If/when Cody finally get his moment in the sun, it’ll have already lost a lot of its oomph and impact for me since everything was so perfectly built up to go down in that moment AT Mania, when the most eyes are on WWE’s product (especially this year’s with the big sale going down simultaneously). To have it be anywhere else and any other time feels very secondary. I’m the sure the eventual win will get Cody where he needs to be, but they should’ve struck while the iron was white fucking hot. WWE sorely needs someone else on Roman’s level or beyond that, especially with Roman gradually inching more and more into the twilight of his in-ring career it seems. And I’m sure a happy Night 2 ending would’ve negated a lot of the negativity that went down the night after on the Raw After Mania. But maybe they do have a big plan for the long game in place and hopefully it’ll shut my ass up. I can understand where some people come from saying Cody should face more adversity before winning the big one, “hard times” and all that. We’ll just see how it plays out.
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Just now, SpongeOddFan said:
did this happen on RAW or Smackdown? i missed something
Nah, this is a New Japan show. Sanada finally beat his rival Kazuchika Okada to win their world heavyweight title.
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HE FINALLY FUCKING DID IT! Well earned, Sanada, well earned.
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“20 Minutes”, it’s a movie based on the 2018 false missile alert. A what-if scenario local indie flick in which the events played out as if the alert was legit and we actually did get hit. Let’s just say if Hawai’i had its own version of The Room, this may very well be it.
“The Super Mario Bros Movie”,
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Here’s my Mania 39 predictions. Probably won’t be able to watch either night live since I’m attending a convention all weekend, but it looks to be a couple of fun shows.
Night 1
John Cena defeats Austin Theory to win the Us Title, come on John bring that title with you while promoting Fast X.
Seth “Fuck” Rollins defeats Logan Paul, Logan’s good, real good, but Seth’s the best.
Trish Stratus, Lita and Becky Lynch defeats Damage CTRL to hopefully put Bayley and buddies out to pasture because their group has done nothing for me at all and it sucks that that’s the case.
Alpha Academy wins the Men’s Showcase Tag Team Fatal Four Way, this could really be Gable’s time to shine.
Rhea Ripley defeats Charlotte to win Smackdown Women’s Title, Rhea’s earned it after the year she’s had and being very instrumental to getting Judgement Day to where they’re at now post-Edge. She’s definitely shown more character growth over the year than what they’re trying to portray with Charlotte’s recent return.
KOmania and WrestleZaynia defeats The Usos to win the Smackdown Tag Titles, because why the FUCK not
Dominik Guerrero defeats Rey Mysterio, Rey will end up doing more for Dom in that ring than he ever, EEEEEEEVEEEERRRR, did as a dad.
Night 2
Cody Rhodes defeats Roman Reigns to win both belts, it’s not like Roman has to go out to promote a movie like Cena does.
Sheamus defeats Gunther and Drew to win the IC Title, as good as it would be seeing Gunther break Honky’s record, Sheamus deserves his Grand Slam with extra ham and a side of carrot cake more.
The Demon defeats Edge inside Hell in a Cell, the Demon shtick is old hat for me at this point, I just wanna see Finn enjoy the spoils of helping to get Judgement Day to work without Edge as leader.
Ronda Rousey and Shayna Baszler win the Women’s Showcase Tag Team Four Way, sure why not give it to the only legit tag team in this match.
Asuka defeats Bianca Belair to win the Raw Women’s Title, Bianca’s had a good run, time to finally reward Asuka for being one of the MVPs during the pandemic era.
Omos emphatically defeats Brock Lesnar in dominant fashion, like go full Khali and have him pin Brock with just the one foot on his chest. I wanna watch the whole world burn and see all the wrestling YouTubers lose their collective shit.
Oh, and Lashley for the Andre, I guess. With how the whole Bray/Howdy thing’s been going, this is probably the best case scenario for him.yikes, judging from that Night 2 and post-Mania Raw, looks like Vincent Price McMahon has reached his endgame. Looks like it’s back to the dump for WWE TV.
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Watching the Cadbury Bunny commercial
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Resident Evil 4 Remake
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Gonna take some time here to update some things, clean up my plate a bit, paint a clearer picture for what’s to come throughout the rest of the year.
- SpongeBrawl Leveled Up is my top priority at the moment. I’m really hoping to get that out sometime within the next month or two (but April is ultimately the goal). To hammer out some of the details a bit, it’s gonna be a recreation of the very first SpongeBrawl episode I wrote back in 2013, simulated entirely in WWE 2K22. Since it’s gonna be simulated, I won’t have any power over the match outcomes. Whichever computer player comes out on top is the winner, so the results may not be entirely the same as it was 10 years ago (or through some insane coincidence, it could all come out exactly like it did a decade ago).
On top of the matches that were originally featured on the 2013 premiere, there will also be a bonus Royal Rumble match that will feature every character in the episode (and a few surprises) competing for the coveted title of SpongeBrawl Champion. Because you can’t have a wrasslin’ show without a good ol’ fashioned battle royal. Plus it’d be a nice homage to the the thing that inspired me to go through with this idea in the first place, The Jerma Rumble series by Jerma985.
I intend for this to be a one and done thing, I don’t currently plan on continuing it from there, but if there’s an audience or demand for more once the anniversary’s all said and done, it’s possible that SpongeBrawl in this current form could become a recurring special event heading into the future. Otherwise, I’m perfectly fine with this show being one of my last love letters to wrestling on here.
- Key words: “ONE OF”. I may as well just announce it right here, right now, that Community Deathmatch will also be getting the WWE 2K treatment in celebration of its own 10th anniversary! Tbh, I was really on the fence about doing anything for its anniversary at first. Ever since I posted the finale back in 2020, I’ve been trying to distance myself from it because there’s quite a lot of things about it that I’ve come to be not so proud of. For a variety of different reasons. I’ve strongly considered deleting the whole thing entirely at different points these last few years. But I figured that would be too drastic.
So hopefully in doing this, I can give the ol’ Deathmatch Arena a more lighter send-off by remaking what could be considered Deathmatch’s brightest spot. This anniversary project will see the first ever Deathmatch between tvguy and Wumbo be put through the WWE 2K machine. The fighters will be the same, but the results could very well differ. This will more than likely be a summer drop.
- MegaloMania 1 will be seen to its conclusion! I promised those final two episodes months ago and I apologize for the wait. I hit a major wall over which route to go with the ending, but I think I have a plan in place now. Expect them to finally go up soon. As for any news regarding a possible MegaloMania 2, it’s not looking likely.
- I was planning to riff The Secret Box in the Die-In as a way to celebrate its 10th anniversary (this year is just the year of the 10’s for me, mang) coming up at the end of the year, but idk. Ever since these bracket code things [color=green][b]bold[/b][/color] stopped working, I kinda don’t know how to add color to the riffs on my current set up lol. We’ll just wait and see.
- Fumhouse will more than likely be on ice until the Halloween season. Feral Phobia had one final installment left, but I don’t think I’m gonna be moving forward with the Squidward Torture Porn idea, so posting it would be redundant at this point. Best to just throw Feral Phobia in the locker. It was fun to write while it lasted. I also think it’s safe to put Boating School Badass in the locker as well. Its shtick got old for me. And so that it doesn’t take up anymore space in the main spin-off section, I’m lockering up Wumpa Defender until further notice.
- I think it’s time I recognize that I’m firmly in the twilight of at least my writing time on here, if it’s not obvious enough from my many off periods these last couple years. I’m gonna have to make however much I have left count. Probably something more akin to Skodwarde. Recapture some of that god power magic. Might be some time before that spin-off actually happens, but I have an idea in mind.
- To wrap this update up, here’s a few sneak peeks at some of the character work that’s been done for SpongeBrawl Leveled Up
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On 3/11/2023 at 7:10 PM, kev said:
thots?
Sorry the late ass reply! I thought it was overall a great follow up to the previous one, stepping up in the brutality and character development (especially the character development, really made me care more when bad things start happening to the characters). One drawback would probably be the killer motivations. It turned out pretty basic and “been there, done that” when I felt there was lots of potential to take it a couple steps higher and add some more layers to it. And I felt the body count could’ve used a bit more meat, especially when they’re trying to put over this Ghostface as the most brutal one yet.
last watched Shazam: Fury of the Gods and John Wick Chapter 4. Fury of the Gods wasn’t as good as Shazam 1, but it’s still one of the better ones the DCEU has churned out. I can say I liked it more than Quantumania, which I thought was painfully mediocre. John Wick 4 was just…breathtaking.
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I noticed this month already marks a whopping 10 years since my first foray into the wacky world of writing wrasslin’, my first show being SpongeBrawl Championship Wrestling. Of course, it wouldn’t be long until the promotion shuttered its doors, but its foundation did give way for Community Deathmatch to be born not long after! And we all know how that went.
Almost a year later and completely riding off the high of Community Deathmatch, I rebooted and reorganized SpongeBrawl into two separate brands under a single umbrella; the spin-off oriented Nautical World of Wrestling promotion, which would go on to have a much healthier run of just over one year. And SBC Wrestling, its literature equivalent that was geared towards (and starring) the SBC membership of the time, which lasted only a little over four months.
I was snorting line after line like Tony Khan before TK was a person that I even knew existed. But long story short, three wrestling based shows became too much for this old man to handle so I eventually re-consolidated all my time and effort into Deathmatch once again. And again, we all know how that turned out.
So with ten years already in the rear view and in the eternal spirit of Arcade Anarchy II, I have decided to commemorate the original spin-off that set me on my path by hopefully at least somewhat remastering it within the realm of the video game sphere! That’s right, I went and bought a digital copy of WWE 2K22 when it was recently on sale, and I will be LEVELING UP the first ever episode of SpongeBrawl Championship Wrestling for modern SBC audiences in conjunction with “Shazam: Fury of the Gods”, out now exclusively in movie theaters!
So yeah, I’m new to these new fangled Double Double E games and their modern creation machines. There’s some characters, pretty much the main cast, that have already been made in-game by other people. I’ve tried out some of ‘em, though I’m leaning towards making them on my own to have a more authentic experience. You know, just make things harder and more time consuming for me lol. I wanna run the episode through the Universe Mode and simulate it entirely, but I never did play a Universe Mode once in my life so that should be fun.
There’s no timetable set so just expect it to drop randomly as soon as I finish. Depending on how the creation process goes with the characters, arena, universe mode etc. it might take a bit. But just so that I don’t leave y’all here with absolutely nothing, here’s a couple practice matches that I simulated yesterday using a Squidward that someone else made and a Squilliam that is entirely my own!
And here’s a special surprise inside to celebrate, a little early, another forthcoming 10th anniversarySpoilerAnd don’t forget to LEVEL UP your movie going experience by watching Shazam: Fury of the Gods, out now exclusively in theaters!
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I was on a Desperados III kick when I wrote this about two and a half years ago (FUCK). This was originally supposed to be the first part of a trilogy in somewhat of an homage to The Dollars Trilogy, but I gave up on that idea pretty fast. It was the first thing I wrote post-Deathmatch so it holds a special place in my arteries somewhere. This is 2020’s “A Deadeye for an Eye”
SpoilerAct 1: Frontier Justice
The sun rises over the sleepy town of Bikini Gulch, slowly illuminating the dreary jailhouse where Sheriff SpongeBuck SquarePants currently resides. He's awoken by the whistle of the morning train going clickety clack down the track alongside the border of town.
SpongeBuck: Hmm, morning already?
He gets out of his makeshift living quarters under the sheriff's desk. He then picks out his signature, family namesake square pants/shirt combo. A piece of his spongy body appears to be missing, but he simply hides it by slipping his clothes over it. He then carefully places his hat atop the center of his head. He removes the custom made badge that the townsfolk gifted to him from the desk's drawer and cuts blood as he applies it to his chest once again, judging from the other other bloody poke holes in his shirt. He grabs the keys to the nearby cell before making his way towards it. He jiggles them about the cell door in a joyful, yet obliviously condescending fashion.
SpongeBuck: Howdy do, prisoner, rise and shine!
SpongeBuck unlocks the cell, grabbing a worn and used spittoon from inside. SpongeBuck empties its contents out onto the floor, leaving wads of chewed up copepods sprawled out on the floor. Some cleaner fish arrive to clean the copepods out before spitting them back up into the spittoon. All that got left over was Dead Eye Plankton, who laid on the wooden floor in a fetal position.
SpongeBuck: It's back to repaying your debt to this here society!
Dead Eye: Oh, come on! It's not like I killed anyone!
SpongeBuck: Dead Eye, you outright murdered the last sheriff with the entire town able to corroborate that story.
Dead Eye: Damn! I should've at least thought that one out better.
SpongeBuck secures him with a ball and chain.
SpongeBuck: Now it's back to the floor mat with ya! Get along now, and maybe your little legs will carry you there in time for the lunch rush. Dahaha!
SpongeBuck grabs his bubble revolver and proceeds to lead Dead Eye out the office door, but they're greeted by the sight of the entire town already outside waiting for them.
SpongeBuck: Oh, wow! Well, top of the morning, citizens of Bikini Gulch! Don't any of you worry, the prisoner is currently in transport to the Krusty Kantina as we speak and he will arrive in ample time for all of you to get your sick kicks in! Rest assured!
Williams Krabs emerges to the front of the crowd.
William: As hearty as that may be, I'm afraid that won't be taking place today or tomorrow or even the day after that.
SpongeBuck: ...But, what about the next day?
William: Especially the next day, nor will it take place on any other anymore.
Dead Eye: Sheriff, not that I'm entirely against this, but what the hell are these yokels yammerin' on about?
SpongeBuck: Yeah, just what the hell ARE you yokels yammerin' on about?
Polene: Sheriff, the newly revitalized town of Bikini Gulch can only "rest assured" when it's finally been cleansed of a certain stank that has been stinking up the place for far too long.
SpongeBuck: But fellas, we already done tried everything to get Pecos to take a bath. Why, we even gone and passed a law ordering him to!
Pecos: *in the opposite jail cell* I REFUSE TO LET MY FREEDOMS BE INFRINGED ON! I'll rot in here all my life if I have to! And my body odor will only get worse with each passing day!
SpongeBuck: And it's already provin' to be ineffective, if I do say so myself...
William: Now that's a matter that shall be tended to another day, but today, we be talkin' about him, boyo!
William points over to Dead Eye.
Dead Eye: Watch where you're pointing that thing, boyo! I heard it's matin' season for your kind, don't wanna be sendin' out any mixed messages now.
Polene: We, as a people, have elected to exercise our Neptune given right to judge as need judging, jury as need jurying, and
William: Neptune forbid
Polene: Execute as need executing.
William: And the people of Bikini Gulch have decided that we're finally done with the games. It was fun while it lasted, but now that this town is finally firmly back on its feet, I do believe that it is high time that we send a message to any other outlaws out there looking to accost this town and its people for their own benefit!
Polene: We refuse to leave ourselves vulnerable ever again! And we'll get that message across by hanging that no gooder out for all to see!
SpongeBuck: What?! This is all a bit extreme, don't y'all think?
Kidd: We already got all our kicks in! Now it's time to put an exclamation point on that son of a bitch and close the book on this dark chapter of Bikini's history!
SpongeBuck: But Kidd, you too were an outlaw once, and then this town took you in when you were at your lowest; left for dead right at the entrance of town by your very own!
Kidd: Don't ever compare me with that piece of shit, sheriff! I know who I was and what I did, but who Kidd Rechid was and what Kidd Rechid did is nothin' compared to who Dead Eye Plankton was and what Dead Eye Plankton did! I may have ran with them Rechid boys, sure, but that was only out of necessity. Goddammit, I was only just their cook. I didn't go around killin' people, enslavin' an entire town. I made myself useful to this town and I earned my keep. He burned any chance he ever had of trust and goodwill ages ago, as far as we're all concerned.
SpongeBuck: But there's an official due process for these sorts of things now, imported straight from out east. Madtom, Former Deputy Pinky, surely you both would know!
Madtom: In my line of work, most, if not all, bounties I'd rustle in end up the very same; limp and grey to the bone at the end of a rope. It's the only due process I've ever known, and I don't think that's gonna be changin'. Not now, not for him.
Former Deputy Pinky: Now, speaking as the former deputy of this here town, I can at the very least corroborate that there is a due process of goin' about things that the east would like to see slowly implemented here, but the thing is, y'all; this may not be the east, but they ain't no better. The west is savage and brutal and a very long way's off from ever being tamed in the way that some would like. I know, I had to face off with some of the west's worst in my line of work. And I did my damnedest bringing law and order to this town alongside a great man that you all knew as well as I. A great man that Dead Eye Plankton, the worst yet that the west has to offer, took away from our undersea world. I don't know about y'all, but I personally can't stomach having to share the same town as the lowdown, dirty varmint who killed the man that made the ultimate sacrifice for all of us. A sacrifice that ultimately was in vain! With all due respect to you and everything you've accomplished in your short time here, Sheriff SquarePants, but I'm damn sure that the due process will very much be in agreement with us and would inevitably see to it that Dead Eye Plankton be wiped off the face of this here earth.
William: There is no place in the world fer someone as evil as him, let alone in Bikini Gulch. You were given that badge by the people to serve the people, Sheriff SquarePants. It's all part of the job, lad. You best get to doin' it right.
Kidd, Mad Tom and Former Deputy Pinky rips Dead Eye's chains out of SpongeBuck's clutch.
William: That's it, boys! Bring 'em to the haphazardly constructed makeshift gallows!
Dead Eye: Sheriff, you can't! You can't let them do this! This is a miscarriage of justice if I ever seen one!
The townspeople carry Dead Eye away to the poorly constructed gallows in the center of town.
Act 2: Ride or Die Idiot FriendSpongeBuck tries to get Dead Eye back into his custody, but members of the crowd cut him off at every turn. SpongeBuck races back to the jailhouse and unlocks the door to Pecos' cell.
Pecos: Finally learned to live with it, huh? I don't know what everyone else was goin' on about earlier, you seem to be the only dangum person in this town with their head screwed on right. And that includes me!
SpongeBuck: Now's not the time to be an idiot, Pecos! You have to help me bring some order to this town!
Pecos: Say no more, buddy! I will go out there and I will lay your life on the line!
SpongeBuck hands Pecos a second bubble revolver from the office's weapons cabinet.
SpongeBuck: Remember, we're just tryin' to calm things down real peaceful like. So intimidation is key in this scenario.
Pecos: Aye aye, sheriff! I'll make sure the first person I see gets the memo.
SpongeBuck swipes the weapon out of Pecos' hand.
SpongeBuck: On second thought, let's just mosey up on ol' Hopalong. It didn't look like he was apart of that mob.
Pecos: Either that or he wasn't given any lines.
They leave a trail of dust behind them as they hurry out of the sheriff's office. They run through the backs of the many buildings and small business that line up along the main strip of town, covertly navigating around the mob gathered all in the center. They sneak in through the back of the Krusty Kantina, where Hopalong is cleaning out the piano.
SpongeBuck: Hopalong! Boy, am I glad to see you in here and not out there!
Hopalong: And what brings the great Sheriff SquarePants into this dank establishment? Certainly not the service.
SpongeBuck: Hopalong, the town's gone and formed themselves a posse!
Hopalong: Huh. No wonder it's a lot emptier than what's usual for this time of day.
Pecos: And they're really lookin' to do ol' Dead Eye in!
Hopalong: Well can you blame them? He did ran roughshod over the entire town for Neptune knows how long.
SpongeBuck: But the way they're goin' bout things just ain't right. We never had no proper trial in front of no proper judge, and I'm plenty sure that it's gonna be far from a proper execution. You're one of the most reasonable people in this town. Alongside William and Polene, the people looked to you when things were at their worst here.
Dead Eye's screams from outside began being muffled as William has him tied up and gagged. Hopalong sighs.
Hopalong: What'll you have me do?
SpongeBuck hands him the second revolver.
SpongeBob: We need to retake control, as well as Dead Eye, with as little damage done as possible. Nobody needs to be gettin' hurt out there, neither us or them. Not even Dead Eye. Once we got Plankton secured in a holding cell, I'll send a message on over to the bigger city in hopes that we can get him transferred over thataway, so's the proper authority can deal with him all proper and whatnot.
Hopalong: SpongeBuck, YOU are the proper authority around these parts. YOU should be the one to finish dealing with this.
SpongeBuck: But I can't!
Hopalong: And why not?
SpongeBuck: I just can't! I didn't ask to be given the power to decide who lives and who dies! I only ever came here for the fry cook job! Everything was all fine and dandy back when everyone was havin' fun stompin' the lil fella into the dirt! That wasn't too bad, felt like punishment enough if you ask me! I was expectin' there'd just be more of that!
Hopalong: Alright, look, if you really want my help with this, you best give me your word that you'll get Pigsty Star here to take a bath.
Pecos: No deal!
Hopalong: And not only that, but you will abdicate your duties as sheriff of this town from this day going forward.
Pecos: But this town wouldn't be where it's at now without SpongeBuck on patrol. Bikini Gulch would still very damn well be Dead Eye Gulch!
Hopalong: I ain't gonna act like I know exactly what this town needs, but today finally confirms to me that it does deserve better in the sheriff department. Now, judging from all that commotion going on outside, I reckon you don't have much long to mull over my terms.
SpongeBuck retreats into his mind to think things over as Pecos goes to bat for him. Pecos boldly states his case to Hopalong as SpongeBuck slowly tunes out all background noise.
SpongeBuck: As sheriff of the Bikini Gulch township, Hopalong Tentacles, I give you my word and I accept your terms.
SpongeBuck removes his badge and hands it over to Hopalong.
Pecos: WHAT?!
SpongeBuck: Pecos, you quit bein' selfish and think about the gosh darn soul of your town for goddamn once in your gotdang life!
Pecos: Selfish? You, of all people in this hick town, have the gall to call ME selfish? After I saved your life, brought you back home from the wilderness, motivated you to take a goddamn stand for everybody else?! You wouldn't be sitting pretty in that sheriff's office if it weren't for me! This town would still be under the boot of that tyrant if it weren't for me! You would've just been another statistic in a long list of people who were either killed viciously or worked into the grave by that bastard Dead Eye! The very same Dead Eye that you, for some Neptune forsaken reason, want to save! And then what, further endanger the town?! He could break out at any moment's notice! If he has people on the outside looking in, they would see to that all the more!
SpongeBuck: If he had any people, they certainly would've retaliated by now with all the stompin' goin' as of late!
Pecos: Or they could just be biding their time, waiting for the sheriff who got their man to slip up!
SpongeBuck: Well, then straight up killin' the damn varmint wouldn't exactly bode quite well for us if that were the case now, would it?!
Pecos: Well damned if you do, damned if you don't, I guess! At least that way, we'll ALL be back in the same boat. I may be an idiot, hell, I know I am, but a friend? Well, I'll just let you be the judge of that, lawman.
Pecos goes behind the counter and pours himself a glass of milk, on the rocks.
SpongeBuck: Pecos, you just need to-
Pecos: You just need to leave me to my drink, please! It seems like it's all I really got left.
SpongeBuck: Well let's giddy up then, Hopalong, at least someone in this establishment knows what it means to be a good sidekick. And idiot friend.
SpongeBuck and Hopalong leave Pecos to drown in his sorrows and filth.
Hopalong: ...Come again?
With them gone, Pecos grabs his glass and takes a seat at the piano. The idiot cracks his knuckles before taking a crack at playing "Pine Apple Rag" on it. He soon finds that one of the keys appear to be broken before continuing on with his set.
Act 3: The Hanging of that dirty no good Dead EyeSpongeBuck and Hopalong exit through the swinging doors of the Kantina, coming upon the crowd gathered around outside for the public execution of Dead Eye Plankton.
William: This has been, as you all know, a long time comin'. The Bikini Gulch Township has officially grown past this mad man. We finally know what it's like to be prosperous again after years of living in fear, of having the threat of death or worse hanging over our heads. After years of sleepless nights, after years of not feeling safe within our own home. Lindsey W. Plankton, the Minuscule Menace, former member of the outlaw gang they call the Golden Saddles. Guilty of murder, robbery, extortion, countless acts of atrocities against lawmen and the citizens they watch over. I say to you today, we will NOT tolerate these intimidation tactics any longer. For laying waste to this good town and the fine people in it, YOU WILL DIE. Personally speaking, I think a hanging is just too good for the likes of you. If I could have my way, I'd feed your sorry hide to a whale whole! But I can't even have that, because you made me lovely daughter cry herself sick, you merciless cur!
Dead Eye looks pretty proud of himself until the panic starts kicking in when Polene brings the noose over his head with glee. A shot is heard sounding off in the crowd, startling many of the spectators. SpongeBuck has his bubble pistol raised high overhead. Kidd, Mad Tom and Former Deputy Pinky each go for their own pistols, but Hopalong sends out another warning directed towards them. He holds them off from retaliating by keeping his pistol stationary at them, but they cautiously keep their fins hovering over their own holsters.
SpongeBuck: As the sheriff of your fine town, I order you all to cease, desist and disperse accordingly! William Krabs, unless you wanna share a cell with your old friend, Lindsey,
Dead Eye stares a hole through SpongeBuck.
SpongeBuck: I suggest that you cooperate and relinquish that dirty no good Plankton into my custody!
William: What do you think you're doin', sheriff? What you're doin' right now could be seen as an obstruction of justice!
SpongeBuck: Last I checked, Mr. Krabs, you made me the law of these here parts, yourself. So what YOU'RE doing right now qualifies more as an obstruction, the way's I see it.
William: Boy, you've done good for this town. A lot of good. More good in your first 20 minutes than any of us did in our entire collective time being here, I'm willin' to admit. We all stood down and did nothin', then we had to grovel and beg the first stranger foolish enough to step foot into our town in years to solve our problem for us. We owe you a great debt, SpongeBuck. And that comin' from me, says a mighty lot about the respect that I do have for ya. Allow us to finally do some good for this town! Afford us the chance to take back everything that he took from us! Give us the closure we need to finally do right by you.
SpongeBuck: Y'all can do right by me by not givin' into your pride! By not turnin' yourselves into some vigilante lynch mob with no better morals than that barnacle there! Y'all don't want that kind of stain on your souls. You can free yourself from that shadow of your past if you just let him go and hand him over.
Polene: To Davy Jones with him, William! He wouldn't work up the nerve to hurt us if we don't comply, he can't even work up the nerve to execute Dead Eye after everything he did! Just kill the lil bastard and lets finally be done with it!
SpongeBuck: If you do, then you will force my hand and I will take you in Dead Eye's place.
William: Tch. Truss 'em up!
SpongeBuck nervously fixes his sights on William.
SpongeBuck: Goddammit, Krabs! That's enough!
Krabs signals over to Polene.
SpongeBuck: Don't get any closer!
Polene, goes to secure the noose around Dead Eye's head. SpongeBuck pulls back the hammer on his bubble revolver.
SpongeBuck: I'm warnin' you!
SpongeBuck's mind proceeds to go all over the place, eventually taking him back to his final days on the SquarePants homestead. The main household on the property had been set ablaze and bubble shots echoed through the moonlit night. A slightly younger SpongeBuck found himself face to face with a few of his family's attackers. A couple of them were stringing up each arm of a mauve brittle star to the ends of five sea horses. SpongeBuck had a revolver pulled on them, holding the hostiles at gunpoint.
SpongeBuck: I'm a sponge!
SpongeBuck's hesitation allows one of the hostiles to get a shot in on him, piercing his side. SpongeBuck gets dropped to the ground, which is damp with blood. Paying no mind to the damage just inflicted upon him, SpongeBuck looked back up at the hostiles, who called for the seahorses to each make their move. But alas, the noose is far too big and loose for the minuscule menace.
SpongeBuck: ...Yes!
Dead Eye lets out a sigh of relief. He sways his head back and forth, causing the gag to loosen and fall from his mouth.
Dead Eye: Fools! Each and every goddamn one you! All truly deserving of one another!
SpongeBuck: Now back away from the prisoner real slow-like, ya hear.
William: You just do what you've gotta do, sheriff.
Hopalong: The only one who needs to back away is you.
Hopalong has his bubble revolver aimed right at the back of SpongeBuck's head. Hopalong brings the peoples' attention towards the badge on his chest, the very same one that the town had gifted to SpongeBuck. The very same one that SpongeBuck surrendered over to Hopalong just earlier.
Hopalong: As your newly appointed sheriff, I say that you are all well within your rights to deliver swift justice as you see fit.
SpongeBuck: Hopalong, you can't-
Hopalong pistol whips him, knocking the former sheriff down to the dirt.
Hopalong: Stand down, SquarePants! I told you that Bikini Gulch deserves better after all it's been through. I can't say for certain that I'm exactly what the doctorfish ordered, but I can at least grant the town this opportunity.
SpongeBuck: This isn't what I intended, Hopalong!
Pecos: This is *hic* exactly what you in*burp*tended, SpongeBuck!
Pecos drunkenly makes his was out of the Krusty Kantina, full of milk.
Pecos: I beared witness to the transfer of *hic*power myself! He, what you said, abcrunched the position over to ol' Hopalong *hic*here!
Polene: Well, that settles that then.
Hopalong: Today,
Hopalong pulls out a spool of piano wire out from his pocket.
Hopalong: he hangs.
The crowd erupts in applause as Hopalong passes the wire on from one spectator to the next, until the wire makes its way into the hands of Polene. She examines it closely.
Polene: This'll work real nice.
Polene fashions the piano wire into a mini noose and wraps it as tightly as she can around Dead Eye's scrawny neck.
Dead Eye: You can't do this! Aren't we supposed to be livin' in civilized times?!
Polene: Civilization went out the window the moment you stepped in, you little shit. I can't wait to see whatever life you got left in ya petter out behind that eye of yours. Then, and only then, will you truly live up to that name of yours.
Dead Eye: You'll regret this! I know people! Plenty of 'em! Enough to outnumber this entire town tenfold!
William: If you had those kinds of connections, surely they'd have act by now. You're more alone now than you ever were, Lindsey. It embarrasses me to think that we ever feared the likes of you.
Dead Eye: Come on, Krabs! You love money, don't ya?! I gots money! Lots of it! And it can all be yours! I've even tinkered with a lil somethin'-somethin' that can fatten pockets more than you could ever imagine! Hear me out! Please!
William: PULL IT.
Dead Eye: NO-
Polene pulls the lever, dropping the floor beneath Dead Eye and causing the piano wire to fasten tightly around his throat. Dead Eye gags and gasps for dear life as he dangles helpless high above the ground due to his size. His eye begins to bug out, damn mear popping out of its socket. Blood vessels in his eye begin to burst, slowly turning bright red and then a deeper shade of crimson. Pink foam exits his mouth as the piano wire cinches deeper into the skin of his neck, the red stuff starting to seep out from where the wire is digging in. Another pop goes off and the piano wire suddenly snaps, dropping Dead Eye down to the ground below, right before he would have lost consciousness. Smoke exits the barrel of SpongeBuck's revolver, having made quite the difficult shot from his uncomfortable position on the ground.
Hopalong kicks the revolver out of SpongeBuck's grasp and restrains him. William and Polene jump down from the gallows to inspect Dead Eye.
William: Grrr, the hangin' didn't kill him...
SpongeBuck appears pleased with himself, having just managed to spare Dead Eye from a cruel death.
William: But that fall sure did.
And just like that, SpongeBuck could feel his heart sinking in his chest.
William: A fall from that height must've been like a 30 story drop to him. Not exactly as ideal as I imagined, but nevertheless, the deed is done. As you were.
Polene: That son of a- bring him here! I'll make sure it goes down right this time!
William clamps Polene by her arm, holding her back.
Polene: Let me go! He took our moment away from us! He-
William: As you were, Mrs. Puff!
William pushes her back a few steps, taking a few moments to stave her off of SpongeBuck a bit longer. She eventually directs her anger back towards Dead Eye, stomping his corpse before covering it with a glob of spiteful spit.
The crowd finally disperses, allowing SpongeBuck to get a much better look at Dead Eye's dead body, mangled and laying in a pool of his own viscous fluid and Polene's spit. Hopalong picks an unresponsive SpongeBuck back up to his feet and escorts him to the jailhouse, where a cell awaits and surely with his name on it. Krabs takes a moment to reprimand Pecos for his disorderly conduct.
William: Get this goddamn bottom feeder out of here! It's only right that those two idiot friends share a cell together.
William, Kidd and Former Deputy Pinky are seen at the entrance of town, currently in the process of of suspending Dead Eye Plankton's body from the newly constructed town sign.
William: Careful, boys, easy does it. I don't think it'll still be in one piece after another fall like that last one.
Kidd and Pinky manage to keep it hanging without a hitch.
William: Good work, lads! This oughta send a clear message to any new arrivals that Bikini Gulch is a town to be reckoned with!
A tough-looking rough and tumbler crosses the train tracks and approaches the entrances, failing to even notice the microscopic dead body hanging over them.
William: Howdy, pard! This town sure doesn't seem like the kinda place to be causin' any trouble in, huh?
Rough and Tumbler: I sure hope it is.
William: Of course it is!
Rough and Tumbler: Well, all right then. It looks a little too out in the open and vulnerable, is all. Just feels like any outlaw with a shred of notoriety can mosey on in at a moment's notice and completely take the place over solo without so much as a scuffle.
William: We were the ones that hanged that dirty, no good Dead Eye Plankton, don't ya know?!
Rough and Tumbler: Who??
The rough and tumbler just looks at them, genuinely puzzled, before continuing on his way.
Kidd & Former Deputy Pinky: ...
William: Just throw out that trash! It's startin' to give me a rash.
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Gens 5 and 6 will both always have special places in my heart being such huge parts of my childhood, but I feel I was too young to really take in the full scope of Gen 5 and I kinda squandered my Gen 6 years by not branching out of my comfort zone and missing out on a lot of cool shit (both for family financial reasons and me just being too much of a dumb to look past the likes of Crash, Spyro, Tekken, DBZ, Soul Calibur, Kingdom Hearts, Grand Theft Auto). Gen 7 was the first time my family was able to eventually get all three of the main consoles and the sheer backwards compatibility of those early models allowed me to make up for lost gen 5 (mainly just the PS1 library) and 6 time throughout each of the PS3, 360 and Wii’s lifetimes on top of everything coming out during that time like Dead Rising, Assassin’s Creed, Dead Space, Mass Effect, Dragon Age, BioShock, Batman Arkham, Infamous, Prototype, Dragon’s Dogma, Uncharted, The Last of Us etc I could go on. I was old enough to fully appreciate and take everything in that I could. Not to mention that this generation is also home to the DS and PSP, the two things that made my school days more bearable and a lot more fun (for better or worse) thanks to online play and the DS’ very generous Download Play option that blew the Gameboys out of the water. Having a full GTA experience on the go, in the palm of your hands, WITH multiplayer is enough to give any generation the dub in my book.
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Scream VI
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In celebration of its 10 Year (and two month) Anniversary, heavily inspired by Saints Row, here’s the prologue for the powerhouse ensemble: S(lums)BU! I’m rerunning it as it aired originally, so apologies in advance if it absolutely reeks of its time and era. This is about as far the anniversary celebration train will go for S(lums)BU, unfortunately. I don’t plan on doing some crazy ass anniversary project for it like I’ve done with a few of my other “legacy works”. With all that said, enjoy the trip.
SpoilerPrologue - Wandering
SpongeBob was awaken by his usual alarm one morning and went about his daily morning routine. He realizes that he is once again running late for work and that the starving breakfast crowd will be causing all sorts of ruckus once he arrives.
"Darn, late again," he muttered to himself. "The customers won't be so forgiving of me if I keep going on like this."
He runs to the bathroom to take a shower but the water has been shut off.
"Gary, did you forget to pay the water bill again," SpongeBob yelled at the top of his longs.
Gary simply replied, "Meow."
SpongeBob makes his way out of the bathroom, deciding on just skipping a shower for the fifth day in a row. "Gary the Snail, I don't care if you even have outstanding debts to King Neptune, himself, it was your turn to pay the bills last month!"
"Meow," Gary snidely remarked.
"Hey, my restaurant does, indeed, make money! Don't you go slandering the good Krusty Krab nam-," SpongeBob suddenly stops himself as if he had realized something. "Oh dear Neptune, I'm turning into Mr. Krabs."
"Meeeow."
"You remark like it's a bad thing. Mr. Krabs, Neptune bless his pickle, was one of Bikini Bottom's richest men back during the glory days."
"Mow."
"You'll see one day when I'm on the cover of fancy living digest."
SpongeBob digs through his hamper of old, worn out and dirty clothes and just slaps on whatever he finds before heading out back to his garage. SpongeBob went out of his way to finally obtain his license since simply walking around on the streets have proven to be very dangerous nowadays. Violence and chaos could break out anywhere at anytime and the severely crippled police force simply let's most of these occurrences run their course, hell, some even take bribes to turn the other cheek. Crime is at an all-time high in the city of what used to be Bikini Bottom. When the Good Noodles and Krusty Krushers divided amongst themselves, the anarchy quadrupled and the carnage started mounting up. The teams were on the rise as innocent civilians trembled and crumbled in their wake.
"I don't know where I'd be without you, Boaty," SpongeBob asked himself as he began to wax off his boat mobile, showing off the many holes, dings and other body scars that adorns it. "Well, another day, another nickel. Really. Story of my life."
SpongeBob got in and started up his vehicle before heading out down the street towards the Krusty Krab 2. His neighbor and best friend, Patrick Star, rose up from his rock to quickly put his garbage out before the shots started ringing out, but took the time to greet SpongeBob.
"Hey SpongeBob, you're going the wrong way," Patrick exclaimed, waving at SpongeBob.
SpongeBob waves back and brakes, "But Patrick, I always go to work this way."
"You should be heading back home, man. I heard on the news that some messed up crap is going down at the Commercial District," Patrick warned.
"I have to make a living somehow, Pat. I can't just stay at home fearing for my life all day."
"Why not? It's done me wonders."
"Face it, Pat, nowhere's safe if you think about it. Not even your own home. Just ask Squidward," SpongeBob reminded before pointing at Squidward's burned house.
"Poor Squidward. He got it real bad."
"He was lucky enough to get out with his life. But those Choppers did take away something important to him, though."
"What?" Patrick asked with a curious look on his face.
"His clarinet," SpongeBob replied.
"Damn. Well, good luck out there, you're gonna need it."
"It's gonna take more than luck out there, Pat. Much more," SpongeBob said with a sigh before pulling out down the road again as Patrick ducked and covered under his rock.
SpongeBob continue wandering the road, wondering whether how good or bad his day may be today. It seemed so long ago that yesterday was his best dayever considering he got to work, made some dough and made it back again relatively unscathed. But each day brings a new challenge one way or another, and today seemed to be no different. After driving down the road for about two minutes, he saw a couple of figures out in the distance. There were 3 of them, all adorned in blue clothing. No doubt about it, they were Jellyfish Hunters. SpongeBob considered turning back now, but the Hunters had already caught sight of him and waved him down. Turning back now, could prove to be futile. With no other choice, he kept moving forward before stopping his boat next to them.
"Is there a problem down the road, guys," SpongeBob nervously asked, his voice obviously cracking from the pressure.
One of the hunters went up to the driver's window and leaned against the door, it was The Crad. "Nah, there ain't much going on down there, really. But there's plenty of business to be had right here."
"What do you mean," SpongeBob gulped.
"I mean this is a toll. Your tail fin has to pay the price to stroll on by."
"How much?"
One of the other hunters, Chrdrenkmann, came up by the passenger's side. "500 doubloonies ShitBob. Or are we gonna have ourselves another disagreement like your neighbor friend?"
Sweat began to run down SpongeBob's face. "Of course not! I mean, it's pretty steep, but-"
The third hunter pushed The Crad aside and hit SpongeBob in the head with what looked to be a clarinet. "BUTT NOTING," SOF shouted out. "you pat, you leave. got it?"
"I'm sorry, I didn't quite-"
Before SpongeBob could finish his sentence, The Cradslammed the hood of his boat with his staff to get SpongeBob's attention before sticking it at the sponge's face. "What he meant to say is that you either pay leave, or you can just leave in a fucking body bag!"
"But I don't quite have 500 doubloons on me, at thistime, of course but if you give me time to go back and-"
SOF plopped some jelly on the hood of SpongeBob'sboat mobile and proceeded to snort it up using the clarinet before focusing back to SpongeBob. "youshoulder came peppered."
"A lesson must be learned," Chrd exclaimed.
"Perhaps we should cut off his hand," Crad inquired.
"no we did last tim bit grew back," SOF reminded him.
Chrd grabs SpongeBob by the collar and pulls him towards his staff. "Then how about the head? We can fillet it into the ground and show everyone we mean business!"
Before things could get anymore grim, a couple of throwing stars nail the side of SpongeBob's boat. Crad let's him go as he and the other hunters turn to see where the stars came from. Right as they turn around, more stars came shooting their way but SOF and Crad manage to block them all with some well calculated counter moves with their staffs. The Crad pulls his staff at the Karate Choppers who made an attempt at their lives.
"Who you?! you elastic?!" SOF furiously asked.
The Karate Choppers; Metal Snake, Sabre and CDCB carefully approached the Jellyfish Hunters with their throwing stars and swords out. "Not quite," Metal answered.
"What in the hell do you pussies think you're doing here? This here's our turf!" Crad shouted out with no sign of backing down.
CD smirked and shrugged Crad's hostilities off, "And? We do what whatever we want wherever we damn well please."
"that's wht yo think. K?" SOF declared before charging at CD with his staff.
Sabre intercepts him and blocks his attack with his sword before going on the counterattack. SOF and Sabre went at it as CD charged Crad while his guard was done, kicking him against SpongeBob's car.
"Never keep your eye off your enemies," CD lectured before getting knocked in the head by Chrd's staff, disorienting him.
"Just you and me, then," Metal told Crad before flying at him with a kick. Crad dodge rolled out of the way as the force of Metal Snake's kick knocks SpongeBob's boat mobile back a little.
CD regains his footing and engages Chrd in combat as Metal Snake and Crad slug it out. Sparks fly as their swords and staffs clashed with each other. SpongeBob attempts to reverse back but his vehicle is stuck on brake. A stray throwing star barely misses his head before getting stuck on his headrest.
"Mother of pearl," SpongeBob shouted as a hail of bullets began to rain down around the hunters and choppers.
A good distance away, a couple of Spy Buddies stood on rooftops armed with some high-powered sniper rifles. The shots take both the Jellyfishers and Karate Choppers by surprise.
"Quite a situation we have on our hands here, Mr. Shin," Elastic Dog remarked.
"Most unpleasant, Mr. Elastic. Like when Gangnam Style became a thing," Shin replied.
They continue shooting, taking down both Chrdrenkmann and Sabre in doing so, as well as popping one of SpongeBob's tires.
"What's the meaning of this," Metal shouted towards CD as he went to carry off an injured Sabre from the battlefield.
"pick em up. We split!" SOF ordered Crad, leaving him to retrieve the injured Chrdrenkmann.
SpongeBob managed to get his boat mobile to reverse and peels back home for his life. A purple van full of Goofy Goobers pulled up behind the derelict remains of the original Krusty Krab, looking on as the two Spy Buddies continue launching their attacking.
"We can take them, I'm sure," Maxwell says half-heartedly.
"We should just hold back, this time. You know, let those idiots kill each other and all that," PatBack suggested.
"This is why no one here takes us seriously. We barely ever get in on the action."
"Are you that eager to die, Max? Don't be a fool trying to be some sort of hero."
A third female Goober appeared, "That secret Asian man looks pretty cute :3"
"Get your hormones in check, She-Shin," PatBack says with disgust. "Live to fight another day. That's our motto. Say it with me now."
She-Shin reclines back into her seat, still checking Shin out, "I just love the way he handles that gun."
"That's just disgusting," PatBack remarked. He reverses the van and they drive off back to their own turf.
SpongeBob returns home, his boat even more damaged by today's events. He hastily backs it into the garage and slams the garage door down. He sighs to himself, disappointed at not even being able to make it to the restaurant.
"All in a day's work....Yeah, right."
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Since it’s Arcade Anarchy II and video games have had a huge of influence over a lot of my writing, I’ll be rolling out some reruns of the “Greatest Hits Collection” for the remainder of the event!
SpoilerGhost of Krustshima
Prologue: The Takeover
SpongeBob is seen pedaling atop his unicycle, navigating the wide open streets of Bikini Bottom in the dark of the night.“Gotta be ready! Gotta be ready! Gotta be ready!” he repeats to himself over and over in a panic.
He pedals as fast as his skinny legs could, causing them to tear completely off from overexertion. He crawls back to the unicycle and stands it back up, steadily using it to balance his legless self back onto the seat.
“Darn! I knew I should’ve figured out a way to fit a leg day or two in the regimen. Why do all the plush compatible weight machines have to focus strictly on the upper body? I mean, really?! If they could invent Anchor Arms, then they should’ve invented Anchor Legs while they were at it. No matter!”
He spontaneously grows back the legs he just lost.
“I’ll just have to regrow them as many times as needed!”
And with that, SpongeBob pushes himself to continue on his way. He tries to gather his thoughts along the way.
Why? What does Mr. Krab want us to meet up for at this time of night? He can’t possibly be considering going back to 24 hours, could he? That experiment failed miserably by the end of it the first time. And who else besides Patrick would even want a Krabby Patty at 3 AM anyway? I sure hope those teenagers aren’t stalking him for jobs again. If that continues to be the case, we’d have to take a more direct approach in dealing with them this time around. C-Could this be another test for me and Squidward to prove our worth as potential Employee of the Month? Come to think of it, Squidward’s house was lacking that spark of life in the eye that is his bedroom window. So he must’ve already gotten a head start on me, the bastard! Ooh, if he somehow manages to break my streak, I’ll be left looking like a steamed vegetable! Only dumber! I can’t let it end like this!
SpongeBob furiously rolls up to the front doors of the establishment, pouncing off his unicycle to propel himself through the double glass doors. The unicyle collapses to the pavement as his hand makes contact with the doors.
“Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs! I came as soon as I saw your name on the caller ID!” SpongeBob belts out.
“Mr. SquarePants,” greeted his boss, Mr. Krabs. “Your timin’ be a little off considering Mr. Squidward already beat you here, but I’ll just jot that down to the abrupt wake up call.”
“Mr. Krabs, if this is about the Employee of the Month award, let me just say that Squidward doesn’t always wash his hands after using the bathroom!” SpongeBob squeals.
“He what- NO. This isn’t the time for all of that! I’m afraid we have a far more dire situation on our hands, lad.”
“What could it possibly be, sir?”
Mr. Krabs hands SpongeBob his telescope, “Take a look fer yerself.”
SpongeBob takes the telescope out of his claw and peers into it.
“Aye. The Chum Bucket, boy.”
SpongeBob turns the telescope to face the Chum Bucket, all the way across the street. He sees bulldozers, wrecking balls and all sorts of other construction vehicles all posted up outside Plankton’s establishment. And it soon becomes apparent to SpongeBob that they’re actually laying siege to the place.
“Sir, you gathered us all here to celebrate this moment that’s been a long time coming?”
“I ain’t THAT cruel, boyo. Me and Plankton may not have always seen eye to eye, but past all that bad blood and animosity, he still is a dear childhood friend of mine. And he doesn’t deserve this. This business, the restaurant business, that tore our friendship apart now seems poised to threaten not only our livelihoods, but our very lives. It’s the goddamn Blandy Empire, lad. They’re here to take down and take over any remaining holdouts.”
“But you dealt with them. You told them that you declined their offer, right? Did both parties not part ways amicably?”
“That word has no meanin’ in the business world that Blandy hails from. He’ll tell you exactly what you’d wanna hear to your face before killin’ you in your sleep! That Blandy is brutal, relentless and with the sway he has to get away with *tugboat horn* like this, I dare to say even”
“Unstoppable!” Squidward interrupts. “Mr. Krabs, that fleet of Blandy’s isn’t just for show! It’s only a matter of time before The Chum Bucket falls!
“Sir, The Chum Bucket’s not that far away from us,” SpongeBob brings up with a hint of terror to his voice.
“And Plankton boasts quite the arsenal, himself, and he’s STILL on the verge of losing! Just what are we supposed to do?!” Squidward wonders aloud.
“Plankton may be better armed,” Krabs admits. “but he doesn’t have a crew to make full use of it. We have weapons. We have a crew. We have a chance, a fighting chance. We just have to take that chance. The future of The Krusty Krab is at stake!”
The Krusty Krew that’s present suits up in their work uniforms and take up arms, each wielding a spatula that’s been forged with fry cooking and combat in mind.
We were but a crew taking on an army. Fighting to slow the invasion. Today, I die for my workplace. I die, for our customers.
“There must be hundreds of them.” SpongeBob ponders to himself as he surveys the fleet that’s attacking the Chum Bucket.
“Thousand, I hear.” A fellow co-worker chimes in. “It’s funny.”
“What makes you say that?” SpongeBob asks.
“Oh no, it’s just, all these years of working at the same place and I don’t believe we’ve ever been acquainted. I mean, I have heard of you thanks to your face being plastered all over the wall as a constant reminder of my inferiority.”
“I always assumed someone is usually working in my place on days that I’m not. I suppose you’re one of those people.”
“Indeed, I must be.” SpongeBob’s co-worker concurs. “Shame that we had to meet under such unfortunate circumstances rather than on, say, a company picnic or something.”
“Hm. That would’ve been nice! Perhaps we can have one when this is all over.”
“You don’t think we’re really getting out of this thing alive, do you?” SpongeBob’s co-worker asks, perplexed.
“We have to. How else is The Krusty Krab gonna rebound from such a cataclysmic battle?”
“Krabs really got you worked to death, huh?
“I believe it’s moreso having at least some shred of company loyalty, in my opinion! Maybe your face would be “plastered on the wall” at least once in your life if you had that same kind of conviction.” SpongeBob says, slightly offended.
“I’m just saying, I think you’ve built up enough seniority to amount to more than just a simple yes man.”
“Dahahahaha! And you aren’t? I mean, you’re here ready to lay your life on the line all the same.”
“I’m only here to collect that sweet overtime if, by some chance, I do come out of this in one piece.”
“Well, I can’t exactly argue with you there, uhhh,” SpongeBob leans in closer to read the name on his co-worker’s name tag. “Paul!”
“With all that said, it is really an honor for me to finally work by your side, Mr. SquarePants.” Paul says, bowing his head.
“The pleasure is all mine!” SpongeBob bows his own head in return.
SpongeBob leaves Paul’s side to report to Mr. Krabs, feeling a bit more empowered by his co-worker’s words.
“Excuse me, Mr. Krabs.”
“SpongeBoy me Bob! Just who I wanted to see.”
“Sir, are you entirely sure that all of this is really necessary?”
“All of this? What we’re doing right now? Of course, it is. You’re not having any objections now, of all times, are you??”
“No, of course not. I just wanted to see if you’re not getting cold feet!”
“Boy, this is my operation. Why would I have doubts about me own operation?”
“Well, now I know you don’t!”
“Well, I’m glad we could get that all squared then. Now that you’re done acting like a barnacle head, how’s about we assemble the front line?”
“Aye aye, sir!”
SpongeBob and Mr. Krabs assemble the Krusty Krab front line, made up of all the crew members and team members Krabs currently has under his employ. With SpongeBob on Squidward at both his sides, Krabs stares down Blandy Empire as the Chum Bucket gets completely overwhelmed. Krabs sheds a tear for his fallen rival.
“Aye. We will face death and defend our home. But most importantly,” Krabs takes a bottle out from under his armor, containing the Krabby Patty secret formula. “This. Me secret formuler. Blandy must never get his hands on this, at all costs. Tradition. Courage. Honor. They are what makes us. We are warriors of the Krabby Patty. We are
The Krusty Krab ”
“
Come spend your money HERE! ” his employees all chant in unison.
The Blandy Empire finishes their destruction of the Chum Bucket, immediately setting their sights across the street.
“Mr. Squidward, go and ask to speak with their manager, arr.”
“Years of working this dead end job has prepared me for this very moment.” Squidward assures his boss.
Squidward makes his way across the street and approaches the Blandy horde without fear. When he gets there, he find himself surrounded by the construction workers that Blandy has contracted.
“Hello, I would like to speak with the manager of you peons!”
The grunts stand down, making way for their manager, a much smaller green fish in a dress shirt, tie and glasses. Beneath his warm, bubbly demeanor, Squidward could tell that this guy’s definitely killed people in his spare time.
“Hello, I’m Carl! And I’ll soon be the manager of this future fine establishment!”
“Not you!” Squidward says in disdain. “The one who ranks above you, the one they call Blandy!”
“Oh, I’m not sure if he would like that. Mr. Blandy is a very busy man as you can probably tell. Why, he’s working out the details to acquire this property as we speak!”
“I don’t give a sea urchins’ *seal bark*! It’s in his best interest right now to come out and hammer things out with us, because we here at the Krusty Krab have got some grievances to air with him!”
“It’s all right, Carl, I got out of my meeting much earlier than expected.” a voice coldly echoes out of the flames of the Chum Bucket. A pale green fish emerges, dressed in suit and with a mug in hand. He’s flanked by other similarly dressed business fish.
Squidward walks past Carl, brushing off him with disrespect. “I am Squidward Q. Tentacles; Head Cashier of the Krusty Krab, clarinet virtuoso and son of a father who hugged and loved me very much”
“Say no more, Mr. Tentacles.” Blandy interrupts. “I believe this moment makes for a golden opportunity.”
“For what, dare I ask?”
Blandy throws the contents of his mug all over Squidward. Carl hands him a match, which Blandy ignites to set Squidward on fire.
“To test out our new security system.” Blandy remarks.
Squidward screams in agony and flames engulf his entire body. This display of sheer brutality catches the rest of the Krusty Krew completely off guard. SpongeBob’s eyes wells up with tears for his fallen comrade.
“Krusty Krab! Do you surrender?!” Blandy bellows out into the dark, illuminated by the burning body of their fellow Krew member.
“Cowards without honor deserve no mercy,” Krabs seethes. “NO MERCY!”
And with those words, the Krusty Krew spurs into action in retaliation. Condiment sentries placed on top of the restaurant’s roof rain down on the Blandy horde. The delivery drivers are the first to engage Blandy’s forces directly, but they’re easily taken out of action by the might of Blandy’s bulldozers. The crew members on foot such as SpongeBob and Krabs charge onto the battlefield and engage Blandy’s Human Resources department and construction crew in bloody combat.
“Blandy has retreated!” Krabs yells. “We can’t let him escape our clutches!”
The condiment sentries help to keep the bulldozers at bay while everyone else fights on the ground. Heavy losses are taken on both sides as SpongeBob cuts through as many enemies as he can. He loses sight of Mr. Krabs in the chaos of battle, but he’s aware that his boss can handle himself. SpongeBob and his team of 10 crew members are gradually cut down to him and 4 others.
“We have already lost so many!” Paul laments.
“We must keep pushing, Paul!” SpongeBob encourages. “Even if it costs us our lives! Just as Mr. Krabs commanded!”
SpongeBob finds himself overwhelmed with no one available to assist him until Mr. Krabs shows up again, handling multiple enemies all by himself, even cutting down some with his bare claws.
“I need ye with me, lad.” Krabs tells his star fry cook as he helps him back up to his feet. SpongeBob is deeply touched by Krabs’ faith in him. SpongeBob returns the sentiment by loyally following his boss back into battle.
A second Blandy fleet approaches the battle from the back, which takes a while to get noticed by the Krew members handling the sentries. They frantically struggle to quickly redirect a couple of the condiment sentries so that they can cover both fronts, but it takes up more time than they can afford. The fleet manages to penetrate the back walls of the restaurant, taking some of the restaurant down along with the sentries.
SpongeBob and company regroup with their leader right as Blandy reinforcements come for them now. SpongeBob and Krabs eventually manage to take out the remaining reinforcements as a duo. SpongeBob looks around the carnage, slowly coming to a grim realization.
“...We’re all that’s left…”
“There is only one path for us, Mr. SquarePants,” Krabs says, trying to get SpongeBob to refocus on the task at hand. “Find the head of the snake and cut it off. Then the body will flounder.”
“I’ll fight beside you ‘til the end, sir.”
“I know.”
The two navigate the battlefield, reaching closer and closer to the burning remains of the Chum Bucket. Karen can be heard screaming as Plankton’s Lab barks at the invaders inside. Both screams and barks come to an abrupt end as the sound of machinery breaking echoes through the halls. They enter the restaurant with caution.
“There. The leader.” Krabs whispers to his head fry cook, pointing out Blandy’s location in the charred remains of Plankton’s laboratory, swarming with Human Resources.
“Salvage what you can from this heap.” Carl commands on Blandy’s behalf. “Surely there’s something we can get some use out of.”
“I’m ready, captain.” SpongeBob reassures his boss.
“Aye lad, we end this. Together.”
The two pick their spots before making their final charge. Before they can reach their intended target, however, they are interrupted by the untimely detonation of some explosives fashioned out of chum.
“Oh, those will most definitely do.” Carl can faintly be heard saying in the smoke. “No wonder this place went belly up rather easily, it was practically a bomb factory! It’s a wonder how it was even able to meet health standards. Anywho, can’t let you go around using these bad boys.”
SpongeBob awakens in a daze, the first thing he sees is Carl about to take a crab mallet to Mr. Krabs’ right claw as Human Resources hold down the Krusty Krab boss. Krabs isn’t going down without a fight, and seeing this wills SpongeBob back to his one foot.
“Mr. Krabs…”
SpongeBob slowly goes to collect his discarded spatula that was blown out of his grasp during the blast. He feels a sudden sharp pain in his back as he reaches out to grab its hilt with the only hand he has. He feels another sharp pain and the another before finally collapsing back down to the floor. Arrows fashioned out of plastic utensils stick out of his porous skin. He fights off unconsciousness, holding his arm out desperately for his spatula, but it’s just too out of reach and he doesn’t have the energy to exert himself even more or to regrow his limbs. SpongeBob doesn’t even have energy to speak. All he could do is let out tears knowing that he let the Krusty Krab down, but most importantly, he let the Krabby Patty down. The shadows over SpongeBob’s face shows Carl’s bringing the mallet down.
Blandy and his fellow businessmen approach the beaten and battered Krabs, but not before grabbing hold of SpongeBob’s spatula and chop off part of the young fry cook’s head with it.
“NOOOOOOO!!!” Krabs cries out.
Blandy motions for Carl and his boys to raise their adversary up from the ground. Krabs’ right claw is cracked and significantly flattened. Fury wells in the old man crab’s eyes as Blandy stops in front of him, bowing his head to Krabs.
“I am Norman, son of Howard, grandson of Oswald. As you can see, our family has been in business for quite some time.” Norman kneels, bringing himself down to Krabs’ level. He places a hand on Krabs’ shoulder. “Brother, you are a warrior. You are what I would consider to be a true boss, in every sense of the term. You fought your whole life for this, [b]gave[/b] your whole life for this business. You have won battles that lesser men called ‘unwinnable’, yes?”
Krabs refuses to even look Blandy in the eye.
Blandy takes out SpongeBob’s spatula and holds it out in front of him, “but while you were all sharpening your skills on the skillet and counting whatever money you’d consider to be profit, do you want to know how I prepared for today? I learned.”
Somebody hands Norman a copy of the Krusty Krab Training Video. Krabs looks up to see Paul standing idly behind Norman.
“I know your language, your traditions, which employees to tame, and, which to burn. So I will ask you once again, Krusty Krab, do you surrender?”
Krabs merely sticks out his chin while remaining silent. Norman rises back up, letting out an annoyed sigh. Blandy takes a moment to admire SpongeBob’s spatula again. He makes final use of it to take one mighty slash at the Krusty’s leader.
A couple hours pass. The Blandy Empire has already moved on to their next conquest. Despite the relative calm of the gruesome scene, screams of death and anguish can still be heard echoing throughout the battle. Ghostly wails bellow out as the sound of swords clashing ring through.
A thick green fogs begins to envelope the scenery. Spectral laughter can be heard howling in the dead of night. Norman Blandy had stuck SpongeBob’s spatula into the ground right in front of the fry cook’s prone body. The laughter comes closer and closer. A large shadow falls over SpongeBob’s body. His remaining hand suddenly clenches into a fist.
“NO. My pickle… is not yours to take, yet…” He manages to mutter out.
The source of the large shadow places their grey flippers on the sea sponge.
Maybe someday the Ghost of Krustshima will rise again. Maybe.
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I’ve been steadily getting into The Cosmic Shake. Aside from that, I recovered my old PS2 from storage recently so I’ve finally been getting the chance to play this copy of Godzilla: Save the Earth that I bought from Book-Off like 3-4 years ago. I really missed the boat on these Pipeworks Godzilla games when I was a kid.
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I was gonna pick Pink Gold Peach to go along with my username color, but I think I’ll use this opportunity to rep Monster Hunter instead by going with Brachydios.
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Winnie-the-Pooh: Blood and Honey
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I actually went and made a best movies of 2022 list for this “podcast”/not-a-podcast that I do with a few friends on weekends over Facebook Messenger. I originally had multiple lists done up for different genres of movies, but I’ll spare y’all the drivel since my friends seemed to think it was a bit much lol
1) Everything Everywhere All at Once (Very good, very emotional. Great action, great laughs, great performances. A huge W for Asian-American cinema. This is the very tippy top for me)
2) Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (watch this shit y’all, I want this to succeed in the face of Avatar 2. Every major character felt like a big deal with their own compelling thing going. It didn’t have to go this hard, but it did, and it was all the more better for it. Dreamworks takes the cake this year. Here’s to more great content from them. I still very much need to watch The Bad Guys tho)
3) Bullet Train (fun movie all around, made even better when watching this on the biggest screen with the best crowd possible. A movie like this is what the movie theater experience is tailor made for.)
4) Marcel the Shell with Shoes On (legit made me cry in the theater. A movie that hit me harder on a personal level than I ever thought it would.)
5) X/Pearl (Mia Goth deserves awards for the performances she turned in for these, Pearl most especially. These movies really broaden the horizons of what horror can be capable of when in very imaginative hands)
6) Barbarian (Another strong ass movie for the horror genre, in a stacked year that’s considered one of the genre’s best)
7) Jujutsu Kaisen: The Movie (I was on a real Jujutsu Kaisen kick earlier this year)
8 ) Bodies Bodies Bodies (One of the funniest movies this year for me)
9) The Batman (Real strong yet still slow at times start for Matt Reeves’ take. Love the emphasis on the actual detective side of the character. Hopefully more pieces of the Batman character will be put into place as Battinson continues on for however long we have ‘em)
10) The Northman (I was all there for the craziness and the twists and turns that this movie takes)
11) Belle (Very good, very emotional. A huge reminder that I still need to watch Summer Wars)
12) Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (MCU’s strongest outing this year. Maybe a lil too long, maybe some stuff could’ve been shaved off. Faced really tough competition from the movies above it on this list)
13) The Menu (I never felt more vindicated being that one person who always orders the burger and never finishing their food)
14) Nope (A nice mix of sci-fi, western and existential horror. I place it right in the middle, behind Get Out but ahead of Us. Can’t wait to see what Jordan Peele cooks up next)
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Good, I don’t have to hear the words “Wumpa League” again for the rest of my goddamn godforsaken life. Based on what I’ve read, and on the vibe I get from this trailer, it’s reminding me a lot of Pokémon Unite. And I swore off Pokémon Unite after about a month or two
I’ll more than likely check this out to support my favorite orange boi, but I expect the same thing to happen if this is indeed like Pokemon Unite.
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I remember using this map as a reference when making S(lums)BU back in the day lol So much to go off of.
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Was originally gonna make this my entry for Scary Story Contest, but I ended up going with something more one-shotty. Was on the fence whether I’d actually post this or not, but hey, it’s Halloween, everyone’s entitled to one good scare. And November is already gonna mark a whopping 10 years since my first SpongeBob w/zombies attempt, The Walking Sponge, why not sorta celebrate that shit? Unfortunately for my old hyphenated pals @Cosmic-Loop and @Patrick-Man!, The Walking Sponge will never see a conclusion, but this one has a better chance to! This will be my main focus once MegaloMania is officially in the books.
Plot: Plankton has been unusually more inactive these last couple of months, and seeing this as a sort of calm before the storm, Mr. Krabs decides to reinstate the Spy Buddy division in order to carry out some corporate espionage on his behalf. Agent SquarePants has been sent out into the field alone and hasn’t been heard from in days, until a distress call reaches the office of Mr. Krabs…from inside The Chum Bucket. Agent SquarePants is only able to relay the atrocities he’s witnessed in a few short words before the line goes dead. Mr. Krabs ultimately decides to mount a rescue mission, not wanting to lose his prized moneymaker to whatever Plankton has cooking. When the water around The Chum Bucket and it’s surrounding property is ominously bathed in red, Krabs decides to arm himself in preparation for whoever, or whatever, awaits him.
Episode 1: Live Bait
A lone boat mobile speeds down a lonely stretch of road as the sun starts to set in the distance. The usually flowery skies appear far more red and much less flowery than usual. It appears as though the vehicle has entered an ever thickening fog. The boatmobile takes a hard left turn and immediately stops in the courtyard fronting The Chum Bucket. Krabs notes that it seems Plankton’s done a little remodeling.
Krabs exits the vehicle and brandishes an experimental gun created and patented by Sandy herself: the Irukandji Edge. Harnessing the fierce heart-stopping power of the irukandji jellyfish, even just a graze from one of its bullets will have the target begging for death.
Agent Squidward insists on staying with the vehicle and reading the latest issue of Interpretive Dance Monthly, promising that he might spring into action at the first or second sign of trouble or something. So Krabs heads out into the red mist alone. He comes across numerous hideously malformed creatures roaming the courtyard, trashing all the outdoor seating. These hostiles quickly turn their attention to Krabs and lay siege to him. Krabs thinks fast and shoots one, but it appears impervious to the agonizing sting of the irkandji! Krabs let’s loose with more bullets, eventually gunning the creature down into fleshy bits. He reloads with the nearly limitless supply that Sandy lent him and blows the rest of the creatures to little bite sized pieces.
Krabs soon notices a stranger in a lab coat being attacked by these bloody things and appears to save them in the knick of time, but it’s soon revealed that the creatures have taken huge chunks out of the lab fish’s body. With every last breath he could muster, the lab fish reveals to Krabs that he’s an employee for the Chum Bucket and that they were working on their own “secret formula”, but the manager went crazy and “placed the entire staff on the menu”, turning all their experiments against them. This lab fish was the only one who managed to make it this far out, the rest are still trapped inside the establishment with the worst horrors imaginable. The lab fish hands Krabs a Chum Bucket company picnic photo, begging him to please save as many of his fellow co-workers as he can before the lab fish finally succumbs to his wounds.
Krabs picks his pockets for any loose change before continuing further into the property. After taking out more waves of monstrosities, he finally catches his first glimpse of Agent SquarePants, who is lying helpless on the ground with none of his limbs intact. Krabs goes up to check on him, but Agent SquarePants warns him that “they’re using them as boomerangs!” Krabs is suddenly blindsided by an oncoming object. The creatures are revealed to be throwing around SpongeBob’s disembodied arms and legs, having fashioned them into makeshift weapons. They throw more, but this time, Krabs manages to shoot them down in midair.
A dog-like creature bursts out from the Bucket and pounces down onto Krabs, biting at his shell in hopes of breaking through. The dog is driven off him after a couple more stray gunshots can be heard. Pieces of flesh fall on to Krabs’ face as the dog retreats back. Agent Squidward approaches with his own Irukandji Edge locked and loaded. The dog proceeds to speak, taking them off guard. With a voice eerily similar to Plankton’s, the dog mocks Agent Squidward, saying that his aim is as mediocre as his clarinet playing. The dog then grabs what’s left of SpongeBob with its mouth and sprints off. The fry cook can only scream as Krabs and Squidward frantically try to stop it in its tracks, however their shots are pretty much all evaded. Their shots continue to mostly miss even as the dog creature scales the walls of the Chum Bucket, eventually retreating into the opening of the Bucket up top with SpongeBob in tow.
Krabs quickly deduces what Plankton’s game is; to use SpongeBob as bait in order to lure him right into a slaughter. With a renewed fire lit under him, Agent Squidward opts to join Mr. Krabs as he pushes on to enter the house that Plankton built. They blast through more waves of malformed and approach the front doors leading into the restaurant. Krabs says a quick prayer for them both, not to Neptune, but to Davy Jones himself, praying that there will be enough room in his locker for Plankton and all his abominations. Krabs and Squidward kick the doors down and storm in, guns blazing
Featured Creatures
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“Plankton’s Regulars”: Basic enemies made out of chum that came from the dead meat of all the poor souls unfortunate enough to stop into Plankton’s establishment looking for a quick bite.
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“Chum Dog”: A hellhound-like creature molded from the chum of Plankton’s victims, but the basic design comes nowhere close to the doggos and puppers we know and love. Has been conditioned to follow Plankton’s orders right down to the letter. Would be a good boy if it weren’t the product of something so heinously evil.
Notes
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First appearances of Mr. Krabs, Agent Squidward, Agent SquarePants, Lab Fish 1 and “The Hound”
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Death(s): Lab Fish 1
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The Chum Bucket company picnic photograph showed that the Chum Bucket had at least 10 workers in its employ before the incident broke out
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Sandy is Krabs’ equipment supplier, much like her role was in the original Spy Buddies episode, except this time, he’s actually forking out money to loan them out from her, showing how serious this mission is for him
Trivia
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The “Irukandji Edge” name is a reference to the Samurai Edge, a firearm made famous in the video game series, Resident Evil.
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The story’s mainly inspired by the horror light gun shooter video game, The House of the Dead in general.
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Krabs’ prayer about there being enough room in Davy Jones’ Locker is a subtle nod to Dawn of the Dead’s tagline, “When there’s no more room in hell, the dead will walk the earth.
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The functionality of the Irukandji Edge is mostly inspired by the jellyfish gun that was used in the SpongeBob flash game, Zombie Breakout
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Episode 5: Swamp Bros
We open up to the Green Gills investigating the bloodbath that took place at the Palauan Marine Sanctuary. Shark on shark violence isn’t uncommon, but attacking the conservationists is especially alarming. The reef sharks who frequent the nearby waters take great care to avoid predation on humans, leading Roderick to believe that they either have a rogue reef shark on their hands, which is rare, or a complete outsider took it upon themselves to raid the place. The bite patterns definitely indicates that a shark had carried out the attack, but it’s too large to be that of a mere reef shark. The mangled state of the conservationists also seem to indicate that this wasn’t for just nourishment, the attack appears to have been carried out with prejudice and malicious intent. Their instincts tell them the attacker appears to be set on a course towards Indonesia. They quickly follow suit.
Following the untimely collapse of their illegal hot sauce business, croc brothers; Buford, Cletus and Luther have since discovered that there’s far more money to be made in the reptile hunting industry. They built up their reputations hunting down scores of problem pests in their native swamp and eventually, they successfully shopped a show about their new ventures to the Graphic Nature Channel, their main selling point being “We’re fighting fire with fire. What other hunting show could be better than crocodiles hunting other crocodiles?!” They’re already three seasons deep into their series and they just finished wrapping up a recent tour of Micronesia, applying their trade to hunt down problem sharks in the area and bringing back with them such souvenirs as shark teeth and fins. Currently, they’re back in the swamp preparing to hunt down a newer, bigger threat than anything else they’ve encountered.
Their target is Baya, bane of the swampland and devourer of both croc and men alike. Legends state that Baya has inhabited Indonesian swamps for centuries, while some even say, millenniums. Steadily replenishing food sources has forced Baya to take up cannibalism and add humans to its menu. The legend of Baya becomes more and more of a harsh reality to swamp denizens with each and every attack it cruelly carries out. The Swamp Bros have now taken it upon themselves to end its reign of terror for good.
The Swamp Bros set up a snap trap to snare the elusive beast. They originally intended to use spare body parts from previous crocs that they hunted as bait to lure the monster out of hiding, but with attacks on humans spiking to an all time high, they’ve opted to abduct some people from nearby villages as a more effective alternative. Their piercing screams gets the job done with Baya taking the bait hook, line and sinker. Blood fills the entrapment, signaling the Swamp Bros to spring into action. Buford pops some shots into the prone Baya with nine shotgun blasts, more than they ever had to fire at anything else. Cletus and Luther both wrestle the injured Baya with deadly ferocity, simultaneously rolling it into submission with spinning in opposite directions, even managing to rip a limb off in the process. They truss Baya up and take its carcass back to their home as a huge feast for their families.
The Bros’ wives prepare dinner, frying Baya’s enormous amputated leg and heating up a pot of fresh shark fin soup. Their children play along the docks that connect their shacks together. When the dinner bell starts to ring, the children don’t answer its call. Manny observes the crocs from a distance, chewing and then spitting out a pair of small shoes. Kepanilā appears from above, telling Manny that all sharks’ power comes from mana. Mana can only be gained through two means; acts of violence or sex, and since Manny doesn’t seem like he’s getting any action in bed anytime soon, violence appears to be his only option. The mana that Manny’s gained through his actions thus far should be enough to take on these new foes, but one of their targets does carry a weapon of man with them, which muddies the water a bit when it comes to Manny’s chances. Crocodiles, on the other hand, operate on a different level spiritually, but that doesn’t make them any less dangerous in their own right. Kepanilā advises that once he’s ready to engage, it’s imperative that Manny takes the shotgun out of play first. Once that’s done, it should all be mince meat from there.
Manny lets his instincts take over, diving into the shroud of the swamp water to mask his approach. The Swamp Bros, alarmed by the sudden disappearance of their kids, head out into the swamp to go looking for them, leaving their wives open to attack. Manny takes Cletus’s into the swamp and then Luther’s. Buford’s wife is the one preparing the shark fin soup. Manny smells his own family brewing in the pot. It’s their fins she must be using. They were the ones that did it. She leaves the pot to survey the swamp for herself, but this makes it all the more easier for Manny to attack from behind.
The Swamp Bros return by themselves, not being able to locate their children, and they come to find that their wives are now missing as well. They’re able to smell their blood in the water nearby. Cletus and Luther instantly recognize it all as their wives’. Buford catches a separate scent, leading him over to the pot, in which his wife’s severed head is being boiled. Buford grips his shotgun tight and hollers out to his brother, but Manny comes out from hiding behind the pot and knocks it over with a powerful tail whip, causing its heated contents to spill out onto Buford. Manny bites the arm carrying the gun and thrashes away, trying to at least rip it out of Bufords’s grip. Cletus and Luther rush over and wrestle Manny off of Buford, hold him down with their jaws long enough for Buford to get a shot out, blasting Manny back into the swamp water below.
Cletus, Luther and Buford submerge themselves into the swamp in pursuit, hollering that no one knows this swamp better than the Swamp Bros and vowing revenge for their fallen family members. They catch up to a bleeding Manny and brawl with him in the swampy depths. Buford whacks him in the nose with butt of his shotgun, disrupting Manny’s sense of balance greatly. Cletus clutches Manny’s right fin in his jaws and attempts a death roll, but Manny spins his body in the same direction, preventing it getting ripped off and driving Cletus head first onto the swamp floor. Manny gets a gnarly bite in on Cletus’ neck. Buford attempts to shoot him off his brother and gets another shot in. He reloads for a third time but Manny hears this and manages to move away, leaving Cletus to take the shot point blank in the snout. Blood pours out of Cletus’ head as floats up to the surface with his mouth open. Luther catches Manny’s entire body in his jaws and thrashes about recklessly, angered at losing yet another family member.
As this is all going on, Kepanilā approaches Baya, still hung up over on the dock. He knows that Baya still lives and implores him to walk it off already, stating that he’s “the mighty croc of Indonesian legend for my sake”. Baya’s eyes stirs open, recognizing Kepanilā upon first sight. Baya reminds the shark god that no sharks are allowed back in his waters, but Kepanilā reminds the legendary croc that the only reason that is the case is because he lent the croc a fin years ago against a common enemy. And now, Kepanilā is calling that favor in.
Luther holds Manny down for Buford to get one more blast in, but before Buford can proceed he’s chomped down from above by Baya, who whisks the Swamp Bro further down the swamp and leaving behind a blood trail. This catches Luther completely off guard, giving Manny the opportunity to break free from his death grip and putting Luther into one of his own. Manny and Baya both devour their victims whole. Manny hops back onto the dock and into the gaping maw of Baya. Baya thrashes Manny around and throws him into one of the Swamp Bros’ shacks. Baya states he’s held up his “end of the deal”, now the sharks are to leave his territory immediately. Kepanilā is looking to collect Manny and oblige when the Green Gills suddenly launch their attack.
Baya is infuriated at the sight of even more sharks encroaching on his territory and accuses Kepanilā of trying to take it all like “Sura before him”, but the shark god denies any association with the Green Gills. Baya leaves Kepanilā to deal with them and retreats deeper into the swamp. Kepanilā thinks fast and tail whips Manny into the swamp water and tells his protégée to flee while he distracts the Green Gills. Kepanilā raises his fins in surrender and gives himself up to them. Roderick recognizes Kepanilā, commenting that he’s been praying to see this “war criminal” be brought to justice in his lifetime. Roderick grabs hold of the shark god in his jaws and flips him over, inducing tonic immobility to make transporting him easier. An injured Manny witnesses this, powerless to do anything but swim away.
This entire ordeal has taught Manny that he can’t continue down this path alone. His enemies aren’t just growing in size and power, but in numbers as well. He’s gonna need help and he knows where to get it, but they won’t be excited to see him.
Notes
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It’s revealed that Baya and Kepanilā have a history dating back to the Great Shark War.
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It’s revealed that The Swamp Bros are indeed the ones who finned Manny’s family and left them for dead.
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It’s shown that sharks and crocodiles have an ancient rivalry that’s been going on for hundreds of millions of years.
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Sergeant Roderick claims to know what Kepanilā really is, suggesting even more history between the shark god and the original founder of the Green Gills.
Trivia
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The character of Baya is inspired by a story from Indonesian folklore that details the mighty crocodile’s bitter feud with the equally mighty shark, Sura. They would constantly fight over food and superiority, culminating in a legendary battle that resulted in Baya driving Sura away from the land. The real life Indonesian city of Surabaya would go on to be named after both of them. It’s implied in this episode that Kepanilā had assisted Baya in securing this major victory.
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Buford, Cletus and Luther previously appeared in the SpongeBob SquarePants episodes Swamp Mates and One Trick Sponge.
Might be busy with other Halloween plans tomorrow. So I might not get everything I had planned up by then. Hopefully I’ll get at least the sixth episode up tomorrow with the other two to follow in the coming days.
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SpongeBrawl: Brawl to the End!
in SpongeBob's Library
Posted
Moments ago on SpongeBrawl Championship Wrestling: Leveled Up…
Perch Perkins: Ladies and gentlemen, this is Perch Perkins reporting LIVE from the majestic Shazam! Colosseum, where we are just fresh off the heels of a huge comeback show for the SpongeBrawl brand! It was a night of action-packed highs, lows and everything else in-between! I would just like to some time here this evening before the start of our post-show media scrum to get a few words from some of the night’s unfortunate losers. Standing by with me right now is none other than The Shrimp! How are you feeling right now after suffering such a total loss, Shrimp?
Shrimp: What do you think I’m feeling, Perch? I completely lost in an absolutely decisive fashion, man. There’s no ifs, ands or buts about it. I went out there tonight to fight not just for me, but for my entire species. For years, I have had to deal with the humiliation that that cheapskate inflicted on me. I can’t go anywhere without at least one person quoting that god forsaken line to me right as I leave the door. And it hasn’t just happened to me. Gathered data indicates that this is a regular occurrence for every 4 out of 10 shrimps. Do you understand the harmful truth and the severity of those numbers? Every 4 out of 10. That’s just insane, it’s madness! Me and shrimp brothers and shrimp sisters shouldn’t be made to subject ourselves to this blatant systematic abuse of the shrimpy. I put not only my reputation on the line here tonight, but also the money that I was gonna use to give back to the shrimp community. Money that I was pressed into wagering because it was the only way Krabs would accept the damn rematch! I lost everything here this evening. How am I supposed to go back home and look my fellow shrimps in the eye knowing that I couldn’t do what needed to be done for the good of our kind? Now Krabs holds all the money and there’s no telling what he might do with it. That scares me, Perch, it really does. It makes me sick just thinking about the things he’ll do with that money in that bed of his, money that could’ve done a whole world of good for a whole lot of people.
Perch Perkins: Ok, get lost, shrimp.
An offended and dejected Shrimp storms out of the colosseum, but not before being approached by the Jumbo Shrimp on his way out the door.
Perch Perkins: Please welcome my next guest at this time. He is very monobrowed and equally as well-endowed. Ladies and gentlemen, he is Squilliam Fancyson III, SF3!
Squilliam: I take the time out of my evening to bless you with my presence and all you could muster up for me was that insult? Let a professional show you how it’s done, Percy. Now, I personally wouldn’t consider any of the social disease ridden corner walkers in attendance here to be my definition of “ladies” and I certainly wouldn’t consider all of the neckbeard incel current monkey slappers of America to be remotely close to real men, but for the sake of convenience, let’s just say “ladies and gentlemen”, I want all you pissants and peons to somehow coordinate your fat, poor statured selves into one huge circlejerk and please join Percy here in a collective jizz as I, the highly monobrowed and utmost well endowed, Squilliam Fancy-fucking-son 3rd, through the sheer kindness of my heart, allows each and every one of you air breathers a brief moment to breathe the same water as me. Now that, Percy, is how it’s fucking done!
Perch Perkins: I hope you can find it in your heart of hearts to forgive me, Mr. Fancyson.
Squilliam: Actually, that’s Professor Fancyson and not at all likely to happen, but do continue. I have places to go and pictures of my total package to plaster all over everyone’s social feeds with the hashtag #BetterThanYours.
Perch Perkins: Squilliam, I really do hate having to remind you of this but my hands are tied here, you just suffered your third straight loss in a row to your old rival Squidward Tentacles. What do you have to say about this absolute outrage?
Squilliam: An outrage?? Wow! Well, maybe it’s an outrage to you stupid marks at home having yourselves some nice quality alone time with your left hands, watching reruns of Band Geeks for the umpteenth time so far this year. But am I this so-called “outraged”? Me, no, of course not. And it’s absolutely ridiculous to even suggest otherwise. I have never nor will I ever sweat over Squidward Testicles. If anything, he sweats over me and who can blame him. His mom sweated over me as soon as I graduated at the top of the top of the top of the top of our high school class and I graduated at the top of her ass later that very same night! His father outright refuses to hug the guy because, aside from the fact that Squiddy has a permanent limp dick for a nose, laying down next to that abortion of a son of his in that maternity ward was me and he just couldn’t bear the cold hard truth that any hope for a prosperous Testicles lineage died with a fucking whimper that day. So outrage? Maybe if you’re a person who can’t hold a conversation with the opposite for ten whole seconds. Me? Maybe I’m a bit surprised, yeah. I mean, I did go into this match with about 40% of my total fucks given. I figured his pathetic ass couldn’t even handle that much, and could you blame me?
Perch Perkins: Of course not.
Squilliam: But the biggest point I wanna make here is that I couldn’t even be bothered to at least half ass it. And do you wanna get the exclusive, right here right now, as to why?
Perch Perkins: I-
Squilliam: Of course you do, you’re hanging on to my balls by the grit of your teeth just like everybody else here! It’s because Squiddy simply isn’t worth any substantial amount of effort. Like I said earlier, he has a permanent limp dick for a nose, I’m the son his father wishes was the product of his semen. Life’s hard enough as it is for him, why go out of my way to make it that much harder? Maybe if this match was for the NWowW Global Championship like it was originally supposed to 8 years ago, I would’ve put an extra 15% into it maybe, but it wasn’t for the title. And you wanna know the god’s honest truth why it wasn’t for that title? Because Squiddy somehow, some way winning that belt tanked the company into the fucking ground. He’s the reason why the Nautical World of Wrestling ceased to be and practically had to change its name just to get his filth and taint off of their reputation. And knowing Squiddy, he’ll probably start up some stupid storyline saying that he’s the “real champion” and Patrick is just a pretender to his throne or some convoluted shit like that because if his ego were its own person, it would have glass bones and paper skin. If he really was better than me, then he would’ve gotten my shoulders down for a 5 count. And do you know why he can’t get my shoulders down for a 5 count?
Perch Perkins: Because in WWE 2K22, pin counts don’t go up that high?
Squilliam, Exactly! So Squiddy will never, ever be better than me. So enjoy riding whatever high you’re on now, Squiddy, like your relationship with Squilvia, it’ll only last a couple minutes. Top Guy, out!
Squilliam pulls out of Squidward’s mom and leaves her begging for more.
Perch Perkins: We don’t have time to dwell on that now. Please welcome my next guest, Gary thee Snail. Gary, you had a lot riding on your match here earlier this evening, and needless to say, I think you shitted the bed so bad that your owner now has no choice than to replace you. Gary, please, your thoughts?
Gary thinks long and hard about what he wants to put out there into the world.
Gary: …Meow.
Perch Perkins: I see. And later on during the SpongeBrawl Rumble, it appeared as if you and your owner, SpongeBob, would unite for one more time but it seemed you ultimately decided to put any previous loyalty you had behind you and attacked SpongeBob personally. What could’ve brought on such a change in attitude there? You were always such a good boy, a good snail!
Gary: Meow.
Perch Perkins: Well I think that just about explains everything. You are dismissed, Mr. Thee Snail.
Gary slithers off, but not before taking a #2 at Perch’s feet.
Perch Perkins: No, bad Gary! Bad! Did your previous owner not train you in proper interview etiquette?! Oh the smell! How can I possibly conduct any more interviews under these conditions?! Speaking of a steaming of shit. Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you, Plankton!
Plankton: How dare you compare me, Sheldon J. Plankton, to this steaming pile of shit! I went to college!
Perch Perkins: Yeah, you and most people here. Look, just say whatever cryptic bullshit you have to say and let’s move on.
Plankton: Most of you protozoan fecal matter think that just because I lost to Krabs’ questionable offspring, that means it’s all downhill for ol’ Plankton, but you all just wait til later tonight during the scrum. There’s a bigger picture here and it dwarfs even that whale by a lot!
Perch Perkins: What could you possibly have up to your sleeve after Plan Z? There are no more letters in the alphabet after that!
Plankton: Then prepare to witness history because I’m about to drop a brand spankin’ letter on you mortal fools!
Plankton leaves Perch to mull that one over.
Perch Perkins: They’ll give anyone a degree these days. Anyone except for my next guests! You know ‘em, you love ‘em, they’re Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! B-Boy, Rock Steady, like what the hell happened out there? You lost to a couple of virgins in your first match back in like 8 years or whenever the hell NWoW was. You’re bonafide superheroes with practically dominion over all sea creatures. How could possibly mess up that badly?
Barnacle Boy: Well I-
Mermaid Man: I think Mr. Fancyson was on to something earlier about people who have permanent limp dicks for noses. It just wasn’t the lad’s night. What more could be said. I thought I trained him better than this, but it seems as if I was wrong. Very, very wrong. But rest assured, citizens, Barnacle Boy and I will work out the kinks in the meantime! To the character creation suite, AWAAAAYYYY!!!
Mermaid Man points to the air and shuffles haphazardly in the direction of my PS5. Barnacle Boy struggles to keep up.
Barnacle Boy: Wait! What kind of kinks do you have for my nose?!
Perch Perkins: Well that was certainly in bad taste. But do you, the folks at home, know what modern day spin-off offers you the highest in highbrow entertainment today? My next guest is the star of “MegaloMania”, Manny Mangrove! Manny, baby, how’s the wife and kids doing?
Manny: Hey, that’s my family you’re talking about!
Manny lunges over and bites Perch’s microphone hand clean off.
Perch Perkins: My arm!
Officers John and Nancy run over and make themselves useful for once by clubbing the rogue shark with their batons and dragging him away offscreen.
Perch Perkins: You lost like a bitch to a move that wasn’t even a finisher!!! Oh dear Neptune! How was he even able to eat with that pile of shit stinking up the place?! But you know who else lost like a bitch? My next guest, Sandy Cheeks! Well hoooowwwwwdyyy-
Sandy immediately grabs Perch and locks his already injured arm in the Arm Cruncher!
Sandy; I’M THE STRONGEST CRITTER IN BIKINI BOTTOM! ME!! I AM! I AM! I AM! I’M-