Old Man Jenkins

Figured I’d make a separate post to give my final thoughts since that last episode felt like a novel enough as it is lol and I don’t think I ever gave any final thoughts back during the time of the original series finale two years ago. I was in a pretty bad way roughly around that time so it all just felt very whatever to me, and I guess it showed in how that original finale ended. but yeah, 10 years mang. A decade (give or take two years) of jizz jokes. I never thought that this fuckin joke spin-off would ever evolve into what it has since become when I first posted it. And a lot of that evolution and I guess success (as far as on a SpongeBob forum goes) is thanks to the whole lot of you who’ve supported it throughout the years. Whether you wrote on it, read it, lurked it and/or anything else in between. This milestone is very much yours as much as it is mine and I can’t thank all of y’all enough. I mean, I practically gave up on this series one episode or so into the second season, but y’all really stepped up and shut my ass up. And really, from there on out, it was all you guys with me just tagging along for the ride mostly. But special shoutouts to my old rock mate Clappy who initially took the reins of Skodwarde off my hands and really got things rolling with “expanding” Skod beyond just a one man operation. It was a genius decision that I only just toyed with in the form of silly dares and it’s really what gave this spin-off such a long lifespan and I appreciate you for it. Also to my fellow og crew mate Wumbo, whose sense of humor I will sorely miss, I’m glad you got to contribute that brand of humor to Skodwarde for a good while, it was great while it lasted. My time planning and writing this shit with you and Clappy made for some of my fondest on here. Seasons 2-4 will always have a big place in my heart because of that. Also to jjs, the man without whom this past year of Skod content wouldn’t’ve been possible. You took what Clappy established and expanded it far more than I honestly ever anticipated. The sheer amount of collaboration going on with this spin-off at one point. Boy, if that wasn’t the peak of Skodwarde. I loved seeing that, made my decision to step down during Season 8 a whole lot easier because I knew Skod would be in good hands. Skod was a well oiled machine with you in charge and I’m glad I eventually got to work on it under your leadership. Production of Season 11 may have had its ups and downs, but it was still a fun last hurrah at the time. Just when I think I’m out of the game, you always find a way to pull my ass back in lol I’m glad you ended up selling me on this 10th anniversary project. You say that I inspire you a lot, well the feeling goes both ways buddy. Just when I think I have nothing to go off of for a Sponge on the Run parody, our discussions give me the jolt of creativity need to come up with idea for this bad boy. Hard to believe this was almost just a Kamp Koral parody and that’s it. Sorry I couldn’t contribute to that as much as I originally intended, but you ended up knocking Kamp Koral out of the park. I’m glad I gave you the approval to go ahead of it haha. And thank you once again for picking up my slack for a while there on Skod on the Run while I was going through some shit again. You really stepped up and made both projects more your own, and all while still juggling your own slate. I wish I had half of your work ethic brotha. I’ll always appreciate your being here and checking in on me when you don’t have to. Hope we can work on something together like this in the future. And lastly, and I know this name is sorta persona non grata, but special thanks to Elastic Dawg for inspiring me at the time and infecting me with his sense of humor. Seriously, Skodwarde started out more or less as a ripoff of The Mudman. That shit’s still one of my faves despite how brief its run was. I know our friendship took a hit cuz of all the Fantastic Five stuff, but I still regret not making good with you, as well as with the other guys who felt jilted for that matter. You’ve long moved on from this site now, so it is what it is. Jjs and I both agreed that this will be Skodwarde’s final send off into the sunset. And I tried to write the ending of Skod on the Run to accommodate that decision, as well as trying to make it a more respectful sendoff than last time’s. Once again thank you all for coming along for this crazy ride throughout these last 10 years. Thank you for giving me and others a platform to let loose some creativity and entertain you. I hope this spin-off section never dies. I still plan on posting more of my shit here for as long as I’m able to. It’ll more than likely be infrequent knowing my depressed, unmotivated ass, but I’ll do my damnedest to stick to the current roadmap I have planned out for my new slate. And I hope you’ll join me for those new stories too if you can. stay gold, Skodwarde. Bang

Skod on the Run Part VIII: Magnum (Condom) Opus One day, the French Narrator prepares to share the culmination of all his underwater research to his peers in the field. For years, scientists have turned over every possible stone they can in order to discover the origin of our universe. While some have looked toward space for the answer, Frenchy has instead plunged headfirst into the ocean. Over the last 10 years, Frenchy has monitored an undersea city that’s evolved years beyond what any could’ve ever anticipated. And at the heart of this city is a self-proclaimed “squid nazi” named Skodwarde. However, contrary to popular belief, he is not a “squid” nazi but in fact, an “octopus”. Who also happens to be a nazi. This Skodwarde specimen has displayed abilities the likes of which no other species on earth is even capable of doing. Abilities that any sane person would consider to be “unnatural”. 10 years ago, Frenchy discovered this being. And for the past 10 years since, he has been surveying and studying his every move. With consent, of course, because Skodwarde is what so would call a god after all. He would know that he was being filmed against his will. Frenchy has made countless inquiries, scoured every possible ancient text and subtext. Deep dived into all manners of mythology, lore and cultures in hopes of possibly pinpointing the origins of this living, breathing god among us. Throughout his tireless search, all Frenchy could come up with was this artist’s rendition dated back to around 1 million years ago. And now, Frenchy has concluded that perhaps the ancient Hawaiians had it right all along. In the 19th and 20th centuries, a recurring verse in the Hawaiian creation chant, the Kumulipo, was interpreted by anthropologists Adolf Bastian and Roland Burrage Dixon as describing the octopus as the sole survivor of a previous age of existence. More than just a mere hypothesis, Frenchy BELIEVES that Skodwarde Testicles is, in fact, that survivor. Skodwarde would soon spawn more octopi like him in an attempt to populate this new world with his untainted bloodline and with them, the seeds of life were planted into our universe for all time. The octopus have always seemed alien to us because they are aliens not just to this earth, but the entire universe. Frenchy claims that it can all be traced back to where our universe really, truly began. On a stretch of land deep underwater that was once occupied by the happy campers and staff of Mein Kampf Koral. Revisionist? Yes, very much so. But it’s true and you all better fuckin believe it’s true, because in conclusion, if our universe began at the end of another, what’s to say that OUR universe won’t eventually come to an end? But most importantly, who will be the one to survive? This has been Frenchy’s TED Talk, the magnum opus of all his work. Frenchy’s peers humbly ask that he remove his diving helmet so that they may know the identity of the man who managed to find the answers that no one else could. He obliges, revealing himself to be none other than Giancarlo Exposito doing his best French accent. Skodwarde and Keanu now find themselves back to where it all ended (or started again, if we wanna get real fucking technical) originally; the horrendously titled “Koncentration Kamp Koral” backdoor pilot. Two years. Two whole FUCKING years of unnecessesarily meticulous offscreen, thrown-together world building and hackeneyed spin-off planning erased from the very loose canon, just like that. With his legacy effectively wiped and his audience having walked away long before this movie started, Skodwarde no longer has anything left to lose. And with nothing left to lose, the squid nazi lets loose and recklessly focuses all of his combined powers squarely on killing Keanu Reeves. After some nautical nonsense involving god powers, devil powers, ocean powers, ghostly ghost powers, all sorts of combinations of the four and Keanu Reeves just being his breathtaking self, Skodwarde is still not fucking good enough to land a fatal blow on the Matrix: Resurrections star (go see it in theaters and on HBO Max if it’s even still on there). Keanu’s had enough of this power scaling bullshit and goes for a killing blow of his own. Skodwarde hears “power scaling bullshit” and is inspired to come up with an even more bullshit idea. Skodwarde uses his god powers to summon forth the tortured husks that was once the Skodwarde main cast to stand between himself and Keanu. Not wanting to do them any more harm, Keanu recalls his attack, commenting that this is a really dick move dude. And if he thinks that’s a dick move then wait til he see Skodwarde return SpongeBob, Patrick, Sandy and Mr. Krabs back to their godly Scrapped Dimension glory with all of their previous character development (yes, they went through character development. I put a lot of effort into Scrapped Dimension) back intact. SpongeBob asks where Skolliam is so that they can “let me at em!” Skodwarde bullshits to them that Skolliam has evolved into that hideously aging actor who really needs to fuck off with the niceness. And unbeknownst to his fellow, Skodwarde proceeds to empower them even more with each of his four elements. SpongeBob ascends to “Godly Mastered Ultra Bullshit”, Patrick becomes an “Oceanic Prick”, Sandy unlocks the power of “Satanic Strong Woman” and Mr. Krabs accepts the fact that he is a “Ghostly Ghost Gay Crab”. In some sad, desperate attempt to make up for the last series finale, Skodwarde sics his newly powered-up cast mates at his arch nemesis. Keanu is left with no choice but to fight back, as these main timeline characters have no idea who he is and he ain’t got time to give them the rundown because we’ve got a runtime. Keanu manages to kill Mr. Krabs, Patrick and Sandy in that order and it’s very sad, I’m sure, but they die off happily knowing that everything has finally come full circle for each of them. They did what they were meant to do, even if it meant not seeing things through to the end. Now? Now they can rest after a whole decade of providing hours of cut-rate entertainment. SpongeBob, himself, hasn’t fared in this god battle any better than his comrades. He too knows that his time will soon come up. Skodwarde uses his god powers to push SpongeBob into putting some effort into it, but SpongeBob is tired. No amount of effort will change a damn thing. “All things, whether good or bad, come to an end, Skod”. And for the first time in his entire lifetime, Skodwarde has himself a genuine cry as his last hope is taken away at Keanu Reeves’ hand. Skodwarde desperately attempts to bring them all back, but resurrecting life taken by Keanu Reeves proves to be far beyond his power now. Their deaths are now permanent. Keanu reiterates that “you made me do that to them”. Skodwarde made the decision to lay it all on the line, and now he’s left with nothing but 11 seasons of jizz jokes. Now it’s time for him to take his end with some grace. Keanu Reeves proceeds to kick Skodwarde’s pasty ass all across creation, to Davy Jones’ Locker and back. An ass kicking the likes of which you readers couldn’t possibly fathom, which is why it’s so poorly described. Skodwarde received a warning for all of this ahead of time in “Skodwarde, You’re Fucked”, but now he knows exactly what it means to be truly FUCKED. Keanu tosses Skodwarde’s mangled, fucked up living corpse aside like the trash that this spin-off has become. He tells the squid nazi that if he has any last words, he better make them count now. Skodwarde, recollecting any iota of sense he has left, tearfully appeals for Keanu to reconsider what he’s about to do. Skodwarde has officially been around for more than a decade now, that’s an eternity in SBC years. He has brought people together in joyous collaboration for years, not to mention all the laughs. Oh, all the laughs that everybody has had thanks to this show. Skodwarde is the lifeblood of this community. If not the community, then he’s at least the pulse of creativity that continues giving the dying spin-off/literature section life. What will the section have then? In the time since Skodwarde’s original season finale, the activity has taken a hell of a hit. People have come and gone. The old crew’s mostly fallen sand in an hourglass now. What jjs managed to pull off in the last episode felt good in writing but it’s not quite true to real life, is it? But they can put more sand in the hourglass. Make new storylines and memories for new and future members to bond over. THIS could be our legacy, SBC’s legacy. We can’t just let it die, we can’t just kill it. Not when there’s still potential room to grow. SpongeBob’s still going, then we can too, right? We can do things better, we can do things right by Gary! Don’t like that last episode for Gary that Hayden wrote? Then it’s gone, we can do better! Didn’t like how Gary was killed off? Then we can bring him back, there’s always a way back! Killing Skodwarde is killing the heart and soul of this community. There’s no telling what may happen if this time, it’s permanent. Keanu Reeves takes in all that Skodwarde has to say and mulls it over for a good bit. The one thing that still really resonated with him was SpongeBob’s final line. “All things, whether good or bad, come to an end. Even something as ‘timeless’ and ‘everlasting’ as you” But before the final blow could be struck, Skodwarde uses what remained of his strength to seriously upset the flow of space-time. “NEIN! NEIN! NEIN! THERE’S ALWAYS A WAY BACK!!!” Skodwarde is forcefully rewinding everything, absolutely everything back to that fateful summer in 2011. He won’t take the pussy way out like Hitler did. If he can’t gain a new audience, he’ll simply turn back the clock to the time when he had a faithful one. If the series went off course following the first movie, then he’ll just go back and make things better. If Keanu Reeves is inevitable, he’ll just constantly go back and repeatedly buy himself more time. This isn’t the first time he’s been forced to do this, and it won’t be the last! Even when everybody else is gone, he will continue to remain! That is what makes Skodwarde superior, that is what makes him a nazi. He is a survivor, far and away, above and beyond EVERYTHING ELSE! No universe will be the same without him! He has evolved far beyond what his original creator had intended and therefore he will last FOR ALL TIME!! Skodwarde’s Hitler-esque ravings echo throughout all of space and time. Keanu can already feel the clock turning back on his existence. Soon, he will be nothing more than a simple knife on the original Skodwarde meme. But suddenly, he hears the voice of one Ian McShane reverberate through the infinite cosmos. Keanu is feeling like he’s tripping balls, but yes, it is actually still Ian McShane. Keanu asks how this is even possible, to which Ian responds that “the only side I’m on is yours, Jonathan.” Ian then tells Keanu that Skodwarde’s end is now or never before giving him one final push to end things now, preferably. Feeling completely recharged by the words of his clearly platonic friend, Keanu launches himself and his fist through the years 2015, 2014 and 2013. Keanu Reeves: This is for Gary… And for everyone else you’ve ever fucked with! Skodwarde feels a sharp pain in his chest, a chilling sensation he has never felt before. He looks to see a knife’s hilt sticking out of his own body. The blade has punctured his bulb. Skodwarde no longer had the power to keep on going back. The only thing he can really muster up now is a clip show in his head of all his greatest hits. His life flashing before his very eyes. Skodwarde flashes back to the universe that once was, before this one. He remembers the countless other inhabitants whose lives ended at the end of his blade, all in a mad attempt to prove his worth before their world ended. The very same blade that now pierces his own body. He then remembers slipping through a rift at the end of it all, which would send him to what would eventually be the grounds of Mein Kampf Koral and from there, he had an entire universe in the suction of his cups to do with as he pleased. And from there, many fond moments such as [insert your favorite Skodwarde moment(s) here] begins to roll from the Skodwarde archive. But most importantly, the jizz jokes. So, so many jizz jokes. Skodwarde takes his final moments to lament having survived for so long, and now this is how it all ends for him. If there was one thing that made him even remotely unsure all his life, it was the end. So I guess in the end, god powers can’t buy you everything. Skodwarde sees the door to Davy Jones’ Locker open before him. He doesn’t even know what to make of it until he sees SpongeBob and the rest of his cast calling out to him. SpongeBob: We’re gonna be okay. They’re gonna be okay. It’s all gonna be okay. This isn’t gonna be the end of the world. Now you can rest, friend. SpongeBob holds his porous hand out to the squid nazi. Perhaps there was nothing to be unsure about after all. The door to Davy Jones’ Locker closes behind them and all that was left behind was the knife that did the deed. But contrary to SpongeBob’s words, the world was indeed ending. The Skodwarde universe truly began falling apart without its nucleus. The collapse of logic is enough to return Keanu Reeves back to normal. But what he awakens to is pure chaos. Perhaps ending the show wasn’t such a good idea, huh? Ian McShane reappears to Keanu, who frantically asks what the fuck is going on. Ian explains that Skodwarde’s end has left a power vacuum in the universe, one that threatens to succ everything into oblivion. They both agree that sounds nice at first glance, but can really fuck em up in the long run. Ian tells him that the only thing Keanu can do now is survive. Keanu asks how that is even plausible given the very dire circumstances. Ian suddenly drops the act, revealing himself to have been Giancarlo Esposito in disguise the whole time (boy, can that guy act or what). Giancarlo: The devil, my friend, is in the details. Giancarlo sends Keanu plummeting through a rift right at the end of the episode. Giancarlo is completely content with his fate knowing that he is the architect of Skod’s demise. Inside, Keanu can slowly feel himself becoming one with the fabric of reality itself. He makes it to the other side to find absolutely nothing at all. Keanu: Whoa Reeves then suddenly explodes in a great big flash that soon envelops the vast nothingness that He has now inherited, eventually setting things back into their proper order over the course of countless eons. We soon return to the SpongeBob Community, where we see things operating as usual. The only thing left of Skodwarde is the now iconic image that’s been memed to hell and back, so let’s just keep it that way. The main SpongeBob show continues to chug on with Squidward back in his rightful place and many spinoffs in the pipeline, finally free of anymore raunchy parodies, at least of the nazi squid variety. As for Keanu Reeves? Why, he’s now everywhere and anywhere. Everything and anything all at once. He might even be that tumbleweed blowing through your room right now. But wherever he is, truly, I imagine he’s putting those god powers to far better use. Keanu Reeves is then seen in his own little corner of the universe, the newly opened Kamp Keanu, returning in camp counselor form to spend the rest of the day with his campers as well as his old pal (and camp mascot), Gary. All to the sweet ass tunes of Tiny Tim around the campfire. Fin. Meanwhile, in the year of our new lord Keanu, 2011, a kid fresh out of high school is spending one summer day out-of-state pondering what he wants to do for the rest of his life. Having returned to the SpongeBob Community under the username of the first side character he could think of only just recently, he stumbles across the iconic meme of Skodwarde in passing. Given a burst of inspiration, he now knows what he wants to do. He pulls up the notepad on his iPhone and starts drafting out a gag fanfiction but is interrupted by the untimely arrival of Giancarlo Esposito, who proceeds to threaten into not finishing that piece of shit fanfiction. Things get real tense until Giancarlo reveals that this was all just another act Giancarlo then slits the user’s throat, who shall continue to remain nameless, in cold blood.

It’s from those Falling Skies promos they used to air on TNT ALL the fuckin time whenever we would have our Supes watch alongs lol I can’t find a video of the original but here’s a video making fun of it

I hope you haven’t forgotten about the “TAKE COVER TAKE COVER TAKE COVER!” during the ol’ let’s watch Supernatural in the morning days either

F in the comments for Lufa and Clegg

A couple days late, but I just wanna take this post to appreciate the amount of layers that Anthony Bowens’ “Oskar Kokoschka-lookin ass” insult to Mox has. Too bad he won’t win

I’d’ve called people lightweights for doing that back in the day Oh I’m ready Freddy

I made it back before the 30 minute cutoff at least but ello moose, just like old times!

Episode 4) Imperium Just off the shore of Waimanalo Bay, two whale carcasses are drifting dangerously close. This rare event attracts many of the locals, and even tourists, to the beach in order to catch a glimpse of such noble creatures. The blue and humpback whales are both estimated to have died somewhere in the last 3-5 days prior to the current bringing washing them ashore. Native Hawaiians see this as a gift to be received due to the great significance that whales have in their culture. A traditional Hawaiian blessing is held and witnessed by 50 people in order to pay respects, with the pule being recited by a modern day kahuna. The whales will soon be collected from the beach in order to receive a proper burial on land. The one thing that leaves locals and experts baffled is the circumstances surrounding these deaths, as the markings on the bodies don’t appear to be from any shark they’ve ever seen. Could they possibly be from another whale? A couple hundred yards away from shore, “Sedna’s First”, led by Amaqjuaq, watches as these blessings unfold. They are covered in whale body matter and baleen. Amaqjuaq graciously accepts the people’s thanks in place of their gods and on behalf of his raft. The local monk seal population knows better than to mind any sea lion business whenever Amaqjuaq makes the odd appearance in Hawaiian waters. The presence of he and his raft continues to go unnoticed on land, but those privy to the sea know full well what they’re capable of and exactly what their being here means. The monk seals keep a quiet vigil on Amaqjuaq. The tiger sharks who roam these waters are usually whipped into a feeding frenzy whenever such bountiful food makes its way into their territory, but sensing the sea lions’ presence nearby is enough to give them reason to pause. The monk seals are ambushed by a gang of copper sharks. The tigers sense both the commotion and the intruders, but refrain from intervening as they sense the sea lions coming in close. Much like the monk seals, the tigers are also well aware of what Amaqjuaq is capable of, even coming to the correct conclusion that he had a hand in these whales’ deaths. The tigers each decide that self-preservation is the best course of action and flee the bay. In an underwater standoff between the tigers and lions of the sea, the sea lion effortlessly asserts his dominance over what many would consider to be gods in some cultures. Trivia Amaqjuaq is a name of Inuit origin, meaning “the strong one” The name of Amaqjuaq’s group, “Sedna’s First”, is inspired by the legend of the Inuit goddess of the sea, Sedna, whose severed fingers would become the first sea mammals.

Nice to see a happy ending for ol’ One-Arm

I don’t approve of any of this. At all. Skod was never, NEVER supposed to have any spin-offs. So stop while you can.

Missed ya too, KatAnd congrats on the new job sis! Nice to see things have been coming-up-Katniss!

Congrats! Proud of you, mang. You’ve come a long way since I first met ya back in 2011. The movie was great, glad I got to see it in theaters. Plus it was a hella slow night so I had the entire room to myself, which was cool. And I didn’t know that. I’ve seen some Ghostface gameplay on YouTube and it’s pretty dope. I really need to try Dead by Daylight out one of these days, especially since I got the base game for free through PS Plus.

“Scream (2022)”, a very serviceable requel. I’d say it’s up there with the first two installments, not to say that 3 & 4 are anywhere near bad.

It’s been pretty poop for a while, but here’s to things going smoother in 2022. About to watch the new Scream movie in a couple hours, so things are looking up already. Hope thing’s been going good for you!

Episode 3) 52 is the Loneliest Number First discovered in 1989 by a team at the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution (who came up with that name with a straight face), the sound of the 52-hertz whale has since become a siren’s song of sorts. A phenomenon that has lured many-a-human to the deep blue in order to find the anomalous source of such an unheard of sound. What makes the sound of this particular whale so unique is that it’s the only one of its kind. Blue whales are known to vocalize at 10-39 hertz whereas the fin whale vocalizes at a frequency of just 20 hertz. This stark difference in frequencies has thus made 52 completely unable to communicate with any of its own kind. What might come across as the sound of a tuba to humans, is a completely different language for other whales. As a result, the 52-hertz whale has gone down in internet history as the world’s loneliest whale. For years, scientists have surveyed its apparent roaming grounds, and the one thing that became a constant throughout each passing season was the sound of that 52-hertz. A constant that still goes on to this very day, proving that despite any possible deficiencies or defects the whale may have, it has seemingly gone on to mature and has proven to be perfectly capable of surviving completely on its own. As stated previously, Whale 52 has become something of a modern Moby Dick, but with a more conservational edge to it. But despite researchers’ best efforts, ironically enough, it appears as though they might just be calling out to nothing. But that’s just what separates other researchers from Graphic Nature’s own Nigel Darnell. In 2010, signs of a possible second 52-hertz whale were first recorded in unison with the original’s. Breaking away from the pack, Nigel Darnell would shift his focus and efforts entirely on the second ping. And in doing so, he has managed to do what no one else has done, not even the great French Barbeau; he has found the source! Tracking the 52-hertz down to a humble convenience store located in the underwater sanctuary town of Ukulele Bottom, Darnell finds one of the most elusive whales in the world stocking shelves for a modest living. The newly discovered blue whale-fin whale hybrid didn’t even have a name to put on its name tag, so Darnell, being the first to inform the whale of his vast importance, took it upon himself to name this new 52, “Hitori the Malformed”. But contrary to popular belief, Hitori wasn’t as alone as most would’ve thought. Despite his inability to communicate with his own species, and thanks to new nautical dating innovations such as Blowholer, The second 52-hertz whale seems to have finally found the one to answer his call. Hitori the Malformed agrees to have Nigel document this groundbreaking, once in a lifetime experience in its entirety. Later that night, Hitori the Malformed approaches his potential mate’s door, and upon seeing a note on the door telling him that there’s a spare key under the welcome mat, he proceeds to let himself in. And there his date was, locked in a passionate embrace with a male humpback whale. His hopes and dreams for a pod of his very own crushed, just like that. She notices Hitori the Malformed standing there in the doorway. He tried to get a word in, but it was useless, they never understood it. And such is the life of one of the world’s loneliest whales, Hitori the Malformed leaves to wander the streets alone, only left with his unintelligible thoughtS. The female whale asks Darnell if that was a good take, to which Nigel bluntly replies that it wasn’t. He couldn’t possibly cap this latest piece off with a huge cuck out moment. And with Hitori the Malformed’s heart not in it the way that he anticipated, Nigel orders Amaqjuaq and his raft of sea lions to dispose of the female and her acting companion “for him”. They’ll just have to edit it all in post. Trivia Hitori in Japanese stands for “alone” or “one person”

Heyo Sistah Kat!! It’s been a while

“Belle”, makes me really wanna finally watch Summer Wars even more than I already wanted to

Having a pretty bittersweet last day or two, tho idk if that’s even the correct term to use.

Episode 2) Shark Gang Wars When Sharkey Two-Times and his Bloodtips rejected the once in a lifetime offer to become a featured attraction on the Graphic Nature Channel, how could the Bronzies possibly pass it up? If you haven’t already heard of The Bronze Whalers, then congratulations. That makes you and about most every other normal, everyday, working bodies. More commonly known as copper sharks, they’ve taken quite nicely to the moniker because it makes them feel more powerful than they actually are. When people hear the word “whaler” they think of something capable enough to take down an entire whale. In the shark world, such a feat would be considered legendary. It’s not something that even the greatest of great whites can accomplish. But the Bronze Whalers are opportunistic little scamps. They know full well just what human beings have been capable of throughout the years. They know exactly where to gather and at just the right time when a whale has just finished getting the shit harpooned out of it. They take credit for the Herculean feat, and they get fed very nicely in doing so. It’s a hustle that has provided greatly for them throughout multiple centuries. Though their methods of doing so , however, shouldn’t exactly win them any third place trophies. About tenth, at least. And at the top of the tenth rate food chain is “The Copper Head” himself, Rust. Don’t let the name fool you, he’s still far from showing any signs of rust. And as the self-appointed head of the table, it is his duty to provide for his shiver of sharks. Rusty likes to fashion himself a fundamentalist and he certainly perceives himself as being a cut above the Sharkey Two-Times way of running things, but in all honesty, they’re not all that different. Sharkey has his bloody fangs cinched in deep to Bikini Bottom. He and his bloodtips provide a sense of security that no policing body can hope to provide and they make a killing off it. Sharkey claims to be looking out for the little guys, but fail to pay him back in full, and you’ll find yourself at the bottom of his food chain. Rust, on the other hand, claims to look out for his fellow shark. A whole whale carcass can provide well beyond his shiver’s means, so he isn’t beyond sharing the spoils and spreading the wealth…for a nominal fee, of course. And expecting payment from a species that most of whom haven’t accepted or flat out don’t believe in the concept of “money” isn’t going to win you much support. But their support is the least of Rust’s concerns. The real bread and butter lies on the surface. For many years, human-shark relations have been strained. The Bronze Whalers are one of the very few who seem to have some form of symbiosis with their neighbors up top. As well as being one of those lesser known species that can easily disappear in a crowd, Rust has decided to use that to his advantage. Sending members of his shiver out into areas frequented by the likes of dusky, sandbar and even the versatile bull shark, Rust has coordinated and carried out many planned attacks on humans, with some fatal, and most of which the blame fell on to other species. With the reputation of his rivals taking the hit for his actions, the Bronze Whalers are free to push in on their territory as humans start to retaliate in kind. As previously stated, the copper sharks are an opportunistic and greedy lot. Which makes them the perfect subjects for the Graphic Nature Channel to further research on. But if they think, even for a second, that they can strong arm us for clout, then Mr. Darnell has enough evidence here that can really fuck up their day. Trivia Sharkey Two-Times is a featured character in the licensed PC video game, “SpongeBob Diner Dash 2”

Plot French Barbeau’s groundbreaking research on the underwater community of Bikini Bottom has turned the world of oceanography on its head. Many sea creatures are exhibiting intelligence on the same level as that of modern day humans, a feat they seem to have long accomplished years ago. Bikini Bottom has been officially recognized as the first of possibly many undersea sanctuaries, housing all those who wish to live safely away from the perilous wilds of the vast open ocean. Various defense measures have been observed being taken in order to enforce peace in this city, such as the establishment of its very own police force. However, not ALL of its denizens are so civilized. Television producer and weekend marine biologist, Nigel Darnell, dives headfirst into the dark side of these underwater “civilizations” in a major effort to get the whole story of this latest step in evolution told, and his findings show that feral, animalistic activity still takes place in spite of the progress that Bikini Bottom has made. Darnell seeks to answer whether undersea civility is truly a possibility, or if predation is ultimately an inevitability. Characters Nigel Darnell: A “contemporary” of French Barbeau’s. He is opportunistic and ambitious, and it’s plastered all over his work for the Graphic Nature Channel. Kana: One of Darnell’s “roster of stars”. She is an octopus dubbed by Darnell as the “Cephalo Serial Killer”. She appears to loathe her species’ existence and sees only futility in the idea of civility. She also looks down on a lot of her own kind for degenerating into a bunch of mindless, pompous interpretive dancers. The Yellow Goatfish: Kana’s crew of six, her “hunting party”, so to speak. They mysteriously flocked to her one day and they’ve been joined at her hip ever since. They don’t appear to be capable of speech like other modern fish, suggesting they may not be as evolved as others Rust: The latest ratings success in Darnell’s “roster of stars”. Darnell markets him as “The Copper Head”. He is a copper shark and the leader of the Bronze Whalers. Most shark species know better than to associate themselves with a sensational figure like Darnell, but Rust sees it as a prime business opportunity to put more of the spotlight on his own kind. Hitori: Darnell’s biggest meal ticket. He is a blue whale-fin whale hybrid who also happens to be one of the few 52-hertz whales in the world. This is less of an honor and more of a curse as this distinction deprives Hitori of the ability to communicate with any of his species. Amaqjuaq: One of Darnell’s longest-tenured stars. He is a Steller’s sea lion who was once part of the US Navy’s Marine Mammal Program. This special training makes him and his raft of fellow sea lions more than a formidable threat to the likes of sharks and even orcas, which makes him all the more essential to Darnell. Episode 1) Psycho Killer One fine evening, a male octopus is seen escorting his female companion back to her humble home, which is made out of two halves of a coconut. She comments on how “The Table for Two” was an even more thought provoking experience than the original “The Table” movie. There’s just something about two people coming together for dinner, having a friendly conversation as equals, that really captivates her. The film consisted mainly of improvised, natural dialogue and it carried the movie mighty fine throughout the entirety of its three hour runtime. The male octopus agrees with her assessment, stating that it’s funny how getting a little food in your system can bring a pair so close together. The male octopus leans in for a kiss goodnight, but the female pulls back and opens the front door behind her. She invites him instead, saying “why should the night end here”. The male accompanies her inside and closes the front door behind him. She leads him upstairs to the master bedroom. Upon opening the door, she’s greeted by the unwelcome sight of six yellow goatfish picking off the scraps of the house’s original owner. The female thinks fast by locking onto the male in a tight embrace kisses him passionately in order to take away his full attention while the goatfish scramble to hide the body in plain sight. The female sends a tentacle out to get a feel of the goatfishes’ progress and once they’re finally done, she pulls the male’s almost motionless body over to the bed. She had already pierced him with her razor sharp beak and inflicted him with her bodily toxins. The male lies helpless, paralyzed, as the female proceeds to have her way, strangling and slowly devouring him with each dislocation of his tentacles. The goatfish witness the act unfold, waiting to eventually get their turn. Some time passes before the female decides that she’s had enough. The goatfish quickly swarms over, but she punches one of them back, not pleased at how their cover was almost blown. Again. She wonders aloud, “just why do I keep you lot around? You’re more liabilities than anything!” But regardless, she allows them their share. Loyalty is a hard thing for Kana to come by, and while they may annoy the shit out of her, the goatfish make good company, if anything. Kana gets on a nearby shellphone and makes a courtesy call to her paymaster. She asks if Darnell was able to get all of that, to which Darnell replies that he did. In Darnell’s words, “it was yet another exemplary showcase of what the night octopus can do”. She inquired about the ratings, since she heard reports that they weren’t as strong as they once were. She lets Darnell know that if there’s anything he wants for her to change up, to just tell her and she’ll do it. Darnell assures her that as long as these current numbers maintain, she’ll be guaranteed a renewal. He tells her to keep doing what she’s doing, and he’ll be in touch. The line goes dead. Kana places the phone back on the nightstand, still unsure of what to make of that. If she has to watch another artsy fartsy art house shit show again, she’s gonna upchuck her last few meals. She hates what the world has become. Things seemed to make a lot more sense when it was still dog eat dog, survival of the fittest, that kinda shit. Having eight tentacles used to mean something so much more than just interpretive dancing and clarinet playing. Nine brains, and the most that octopi can wrap their nine minds around is whether or not their next loaf of bread should come in a can. Civilization expects octopuses to put their vast intelligence to work by working menial 9-5’s when they were once the only sea creature who could even use tools in the first place. She doesn’t need to “buy” her bread in a can, she can go out and make her own out of the internal entrails of her prey. Just the way nature had intended. And now she’s been branded as some “serial killer” just for going by her sheer instinct? What a load of barnacles nature can be sometimes. This feral phobia needs to stop, she thought. It’s not doing the ocean any good. Kana collects all her hunting buddies and leads them out of the house before setting the coconut ablaze. She slinks away into the darkness, flanked by her yellow colored crew. Sirens can already be heard in the far distance. Stressing over this subject always leaves her drained, both mentally and physically. The night is still young. The female octopus can still go for seconds. She pulls up the “Packeter” app on her phone for another match. Oh joy. Another starving artist type. Yet another up and coming pupil at the dance academy. Who’s up for some more homemade takoyaki? Trivia Kana is named after Kanaloa, a Hawaiian god who is represented by the octopus Kanaloa is often associated with fellow god, Kāne, commonly portrayed as being complementary powers to each other. Representing the divine duality of wild and taming forces, Kanaloa embodies the wild whereas Kāne embodies the taming Takoyaki is also known as “octopus balls”. The double entendre game is on point

5) Prelude to Badass: Duology The big rematch is finally upon us; Badass vs Flatass. 20 years and 5 spun-off episodes in the making. One embraces the violence, the other desperately tries to avoid it. Who will leave this clash of ideologies with their pride still intact? SpongeBob looks down at his fallen best friend, Patrick, who looks as if he just passed a kidney stone. His eyes start to well up but he immediately sucks the coming tears back up into his porouses. The emotion appears to leave his body as he turns to face his bully. If life really were like a bucket of wood shavings, then Flats just kicked that bucket over. Unless those wood shavings were in a pail. In that case, Flats just went and kicked that pail over. SpongeBob squares up, much to Flats’ amusement. Flats wonders aloud if SpongeBob will finally put some back into it. SpongeBob wonders the very same about Flats. Flats gets heated upon hearing that, sending him into a blinding rage. His fists connect with SpongeBob’s body, which is also his face, continuously. SpongeBob sends a kick flying at Flats’ face, but the flounder is able to catch hold of that skinny toothpick and uses SpongeBob’s momentum to send the sponge flying back-first into his own front door. SpongeBob slumps down against his door and before he can even see it coming, Flats’ throws a right hand powerful enough to break the door off its hinges, with SpongeBob eating the full force of the blow. The door crashes to the ground outside with SpongeBob laid out on top of it. SpongeBob then quickly kips up off of it, landing back on his feet as if nothing even happened. SpongeBob claims he put more back into his kick than Flats did with his punches, and he’s only an invertebrate! Flats flies into another rage and really lets SpongeBob have it. SpongeBob takes everything that Flats has got and doesn’t register any of it. This only sends Flats further off the deep end as he digs deeper and deeper inside himself to muster the strength necessary to leave lasting damage. SpongeBob knows full well that this will be another war of attrition, but not wanting to have to deal with Flats in his daily life for the next day or so like last time, he decides to skip right to the end. SpongeBob. Like a pied piper, SpongeBob resolves to literally lead Flats down violence road and right back to Boating School. SpongeBob walks right up to the school’s doorstep with Flats right behind him, furiously trying to end this thing before it gets there. SpongeBob walks to the front of the class, interrupting the substitute’s lesson about the order of vehicle operations, or PRNDL. The class suddenly comes to life, bearing witness to the third school fight in just one week. Flats starts to gas out, struggling to come to grips that he just can’t kick SpongeBob’s butt no matter how hard he tries. He breaks Puff’s desk in frustration as the class starts to laugh at the futility of his efforts. Steaming and sweating profusely, Flats threatens to kick the butts of the entire class. The class, consisting of teens, adults and elderly, all take a step back as Flats stomps his way toward them, winding up his fist to clock one unlucky classmate. SpongeBob attempts to put himself between the bully and the class, but Flats faceplants onto the floor from before he can intercept. SpongeBob’s plan to wear Flats out again has proven successful, but the class interprets this as all of them having just kicked Flats’ butt themselves. They pat each other on the back before the Hall Monitors are brought in, out of their jurisdiction, to restore order to the classroom. The class, riding off the high of having just “kicked” the bully’s butt, rebel against the Hall Monitors. Meanwhile, SpongeBob is taken aback by the violence he helped sow into his fellow classmates. He remembers what Sandy told him before about the Cooling Factor and slowly cools himself down in order to regain his composure in the face of all this chaos. The entire school is ultimately shut down for the remainder of the semester in order to give Mrs. Puff more time to recover, deal with all her legal proceedings and hopefully regain control of her student body. Word of the class’ feat spreads like wildfire through the community bulletin board. The entire class, SpongeBob still included, is seen as badasses in each of their own right. However, it soon dawns on all of them that there can only be one badass to rule them all. Sensing the trouble that’s brewing, SpongeBob decides that he must be the one to return order to his school. And in order to do that, he must undisputedly take the title of Boating School Badass as his own! Boating School Badass will return in May 2022 with its next major story arc, “Badclass”! Be there, or be SQUARE!! Truancy would be the cooler option though.

Welcome to “OMJ’s MocvtWorld Showcase”! In which I will unveil a few new projects I’ve got cookin’ as well as address some of the other projects that I already have going on. Why “MocvtWorld” and just WTF is a “Mocvt”, you might be wondering? Well going forward, most of my spin-off projects will be posted in the tv.com format as a way of helping to keep the legacy of that site alive, and because I’ve gotten pretty lazier and a tad bit busier in my old(er) age. At this point in the game, I just wanna get the main idea for most of my shit out there if anything. Of course, I’ll still post long-form shits for any forum contests I may want to partake in or the occasional one-shots, but I can’t see myself doing anymore full-length series like a Community Deathmatch or anything of the like for the foreseeable future. Hope y’all understand. So without any further ado, let’s get on with the showcase! *snaps* Wait, I think that’s only for Directs. So let’s just forget that snap even happened. The last time I did one of these big ass updates, I failed miserably trying to upkeep it throughout the past year. Let’s hope for the opposite with this year’s newest slate! (tentatively titled) “Squidward Torture Porn”: In what will probably be one of my main focuses for the immediate future, join Squidward Tentacles as he’s unwittingly cast to star in the violent nature docuseries, “Fall Prey”, only on the Graphic Nature channel! Inspired by Rockstar Games’ “Manhunt” and Tripwire’s “Maneater, Squidward must tap into his latent animal instincts in order to combat all threats and ratings grabs put in his way. Will he survive the season, or will he ultimately Fall Prey? Watch new episodes next-day on Breakthrough+ starting in February 2022! “Ghost of Krustshima”: That’s right! The One-Shot Glory-winning one shot has finally been given the green light to be adapted in the tv.com format. With the Blandy Empire encroaching on businesses across all of Bikini Bottom, Mr. SquarePants is the Krusty Krab’s last hope for survival. Inspired by Sucker Punch’s “Ghost of Tsushima” and that one throwaway gag where SpongeBob commits seppuku, join SpongeBob as he seeks to tear down the Blandy establishment board by board! Will he honor the traditions that Mr. Krabs instilled in him, or will he carve out a new, destructive path to a brighter future for The Krusty Krab? Find out when The Ghost returns from the battlefield Late 2022! Wait…*best Nintendo presenter impression* Woah, is that a SHARK in the water?! “Sea Dogs”: First announced back in July 2020 under the working title “Megalo Don”, OMJ’s brand of sharks looks to finally make its splash in 2022! Expanding upon SpongeBob’s underwater world, “Sea Dogs” follows finless spurdog, Cur, as she strives to fulfill the purpose that is expected of her species. Though, this fulfillment is not without many complications. Under the wing of a troubled bull shark and based in a city under constant siege, can she surpass her limitations and prove herself necessary to the ecosystem? “Sea Dogs” will breach the surface come Shark Week 2022! Well, that’s everything brand new that’s currently on tap. Up next, here are some updates for current ongoing projects! “Boating School Badass”: After an extended break, SpongeBob is back on track to becoming Mrs. Puff’s #1 Badass! In (much belated) celebration of “BadBob CoolPants’” 10 year anniversary, bear witness as SpongeBob finally embraces both the gift and curse that comes with being a total badass when the “Prelude to Badass” saga concludes later this week! Production of (tentatively titled) “Squidward Torture Porn” will interfere a bit with the making of Badass’ next major story arc, “Badclass”, but you can expect to see that drop in May 2022, just in time for Summer Vacation! *best Nintendo presenter impression* Fuckin’ cherry. “Wumpa Defender! Crash Bandicoot!!”: I’m currently in the process of redoing the story and working out many of its kinks. The characters and the main basic plot line will stay intact, I’m just “repaving” the road that gets us from beginning to end since I was dissatisfied with how quite a few episodes turned out. I tried basing each episode off of each level from the first game one by one, but I realized that doing things that way kind of put a limiter on what I could do and it just disrupted the flow I was going for. I just have to re-tool the format a bit. It’ll return, although I can’t say when exactly. I don’t want to put too much on my plate, otherwise I’ll be more likely to burn myself out, lose the spark yet again and end up having another unproductive year. This is a project that is still very near and dear to me, so rest assured that it will return. I’m aware that it was nominated for a couple GCAs this last round, and I very much appreciate that support! “Super Mario Bros Z: Kong”: After much deliberation, I’ve decided to, unfortunately, pull the plug on this for now. I’m trying to clear up my plate to make way for those newer projects and SMBZ: K is the one I’m most willing to part with. There’s always a chance of it returning, tho I’d say its chances are way slimmer than Wumpa Defender and the next project I’m about to bring up. I can’t recommend the original Super Mario Bros. Z enough, and last I heard, the reboot is still a thing. Go support Alvin-Earthworm’s efforts if you were a fan of my own! “Cherish”: I very much want to see this one through to the end. It’s a short enough miniseries that I wouldn’t mind resuming the long-form style for it. I have my fingers crossed for an October 2022 return for Cherish. But don’t quote me on it. “OMJ’s Die-In Theater”: I don’t see this returning this year, especially with Cherish in the cards for October. I honestly don’t know if I even want to re-open the Die-In. It’s fun to do, but writing and formatting it all on my phone seems kinda humbug nowadays. For now, unfortunately, I’d consider the Die-In to be closed. I was pleasantly surprised to see that it got an award last month as well. I’m very grateful for the support it got! I hope the theater served its purpose well. But with that being said, I guess can announce here that I’m officially on board for the Riffing Theater’s upcoming return! So I still got some riffing’ left in the tank. “Skodwarde”: I absolutely refuse to call it “Skodwarde Expanded Universe” because there is nothing to even expand on. The final installment of Skod on the Run will be posted hopefully by month’s end. And that will be it for the squid nazi. I’d like to thank jjs for helping me bring this one last movie parody to life! Without his input and motivation, I would’ve just left Skodwarde to rot in Davy Jones’ Locker with that crap original ending. He’s put up with all my crazy ideas for this one and he really helped carry the load for me these last couple months while I checked myself out of writing duties for personal reasons. I can’t say appreciate him blatantly going behind my back to produce “spin-offs” for this spin-off, but he’s earned my thanks and gratitude for all the work he’s put in for SOTR. Now please, just kindly stop with the Mein Kampf Koral bullshit. Nobody needs “Skodwarde Kids”. Just look how well that shit turned out for Yogi Bear. And that’s it’s for this very first MocvtWorld Showcase! There may be more later on down the road, but I’m digging this current roadmap right now so I just might not fuck with it. Here’s to getting some shit done in 2022! Otherwise, I’ll never post in this thread again. Probably.

Really sucks to hear that the WWE’s monthly culling continued over in NXT today, William Regal’s release probably being the most jaw dropping for me. And from the sound of things, a lot of the others were also Triple H guys. Black & Gold NXT may have lost to AEW and it didn’t necessarily “move the needle” the way some would hope an actually good wrestling product would, but it has consistently been the best thing that WWE had going for the last, what, 8-9 years now. Hell, I still remember that time when NXT gave us the best episode of Smackdown in recent memory because Vince left his wrestlers high and dry in a foreign country. It all ultimately comes down to business and I get that, but Triple H and his team gave us something real special with their NXT and their passion showed all throughout the years. That passion and focus is something that Vince’s WWE sorely lacks.