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4EverGreen Presents One Shot Stories


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All right! The training wheels are OFF!!!! :D I'm ready to release promotional information for my upcoming parody of "Aladdin," which MOSTLY features characters from Nickelodeon Nicktoon cartoon shows! This promotional information includes the main cast list, and the songs featured within my parody. When I have more time and energy, I'll release the story properly. /

Main Cast List:

Traveling Merchant/Genie: Po.                 Jafar: Zarbon.                    Iago: Dr. Bender.

Gazeem: Snaptrap.         Cave of Wonders: Goddard.       Aladdin/Prince Ali: Dudley Puppy.

Razoul: XJ8.                        Abu: Wally.                                         Prince Achmed: Mr. Blik.

The Sultan: Stimpy J. Cat.             Jasmine: Kitty Katswell.                 Rajah: Tigress.

Irate Shopkeeper: Cliff.                 Old Man: Dr. Gero (Zarbon in disguise).

The Magic Carpet: Chameleon.                  Loyal Guards: Bada and Bing.

Featured Songs:

“Arabian Night.”               “One Jump Ahead.”                        “One Jump Ahead Reprise.”

“Friend like Me.”              “Prince Ali.”                                        “A Whole New World.”

“Prince Ali Reprise.”                                                        “A Whole New World (End Theme).” /

And most importantly, here is what the parody is going to be called. /

TUFFladdin  Expect to see this story begin to play out SOMETIME next week, if we're lucky! Enough said, for now! ;)

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I have decided to cancel "Tuffladdin." But don't worry! I have thought of a MUCH better parody to take it's place! :D A parody of the 1968 animated movie, "Yellow Submarine!" Here is the information for it, so far! :cool:

Main Cast List:

The Blue Meanies: Plankton’s Army.       Chief Blue Meanie: Plankton.

Max: Clem.         Young Fred: Spongebob.              Lord Mayor: Mr. Krabs.

Ringo Starr: Rocko.          Policeman: Jenny.           John Lennon: Lettuce.

George Harrison: Norbert.           Paul McCartney: Captain Retro.                 Nowhere Man: Stimpy.

Featured Songs:

“Mellow Submarine.”    “Eleanor Rigby.”               “Love You to.”   “A Day in the Life”.

“Octopuses’ Garden”.   “When I’m 94”.                 “Only a Northern Song”.               “Nowhere Man”.

“Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds”.              “Think for Yourself”.

“Captain Retro’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”.          “A Little Help from My Friends”.

“All You Need Is Love”.                  “Baby, you’re a Rich Man”.          “Hey, Bulldog!”

“Something”.                     “Hello, Goodbye”.

Mellow Submarine /

I will provide you with the actual parody once I've got it written down! Enough said, for now! ;)

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I'm sorry for my LONG delay on this; here is my first section of my latest "One Shot Story." Enjoy! /

Main Cast List:

The Blue Meanies: Plankton’s Army. Chief Blue Meanie: Plankton.

Max: Clem. Young Fred: Spongebob. Lord Mayor: Mr. Krabs.

Ringo Starr: Rocko. Policeman: Jenny. John Lennon: Lettuce.

George Harrison: Norbert. Paul McCartney: Captain Retro. Nowhere Man: Stimpy.

Featured Songs:

“Mellow Submarine.” “Eleanor Rigby.” “Love You to.” “A Day in the Life”.

“Octopuses’ Garden”. “When I’m 94”. “Only a Northern Song”. “Nowhere Man”.

“Pinkie in the Sky with Diamonds”. “Think for Yourself”.

“Captain Retro’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”. “A Little Help from My Friends”.

“All You Need Is Love”. “Baby, you’re a Rich Man”. “Hey, Bulldog!”

“Something”. “Hello, Goodbye”.

Mellow Submarine


Narrator: “Once upon a time, or maybe twice, there was an Unearthly paradise called, Bikini Bottom. 40,000 leagues beneath the sea it lay. Or lie. I’m NOT quite sure.” And the scene opens up on a bunch of underwater sea creatures, enjoying the day, their own company, nice music, and life in general on this nice day. But on the mountain range just south of Bikini Bottom, a bunch of EVIL, Green plankton are gathering, wielding various weapons of MASS destruction, and many of them riding in big, muscular robots, in order to make themselves more threatening. The Chief Green Meanie says: “Bikini Bottom is a tickle upon the entire world. And that tickle, must be scratched! Right Clem?” A simple, green, buck-toothed fish, raises his fin, and says: “Yes, your greenness.” Plankton screams: “WHAT?!!! WE Meanies only take 'NO' for an answer! Is that CLEAR, Clem?!” Clem positively says: “No, your greenness!” Plankton says: “SPLENDID!!!! Are the weapons all primed?” Clem says: “No.” Plankton asks: “Is the Robotic Flying Chum Glove all set?” Clem says: “No.” Plankton asks: “Are the Snapping Turks ready?” Clem says: “No.” Plankton asks: “Are the Bonkers ready to bonk?” Clem says: “No.” Plankton asks: “Is the three-headed plankton dog ready to bite?!” Clem says: “No!” Plankton creepily says: “SPLENDID!!!! Today, Bikini Bottom goes MEANIE!!!! FIRE the anti-music bubble!!!!” And firing a GIGANTIC missile, it heads STRAIGHT for a musical band that's playing, and it transforms into a bubble that completely IMMOBILIZES them, cutting the sea creatures OFF from their MUSIC!!!! The sea creatures IMMEDIATELY realize that something is wrong, and they start RUNNING for their own safety, only to be quickly OVERWHELMED by Snapping Turks, the three-headed plankton dog, and the bonkers who immobilize the innocent sea creatures! Fortunately, a chipper young sea sponge, with a long history in underwater adventures and excursions, sees the mess, and immediately realizes that he needs to seek advice from someone with great knowledge, in order to tell him what to do! Young Spongebob says: “S.O.S.!!!! Emergency!!!! QUICKLY!!!! IMMEDIATELY!!!! 'H' is for Hurry; 'E' is for 'Ergent'; 'L' is for Love me; 'P' is for PLEASE; Please help!!!!”

Plankton SEES the running sponge, and he says: “Flying Glove; see that pesky, yellow creature? Crush IT; flatten it; SMASH it; eviscerate it! OBLITERATE it!!!!” And the Robotic Glove seeks out the yellow sponge, but Spongebob is MUCH too quick for the glove, and he QUICKLY hides behind a BUNCH of outdoor sea art, which mostly contains of positive messages such as “Yes, Peace” and “Love.” But the CRUEL Glove SMASHES the positive messages, graying them in the process, then POINTS to Spongebob as if to indicate that HE'S next! Spongebob nervously says: “Now, now, it's not polite to point!” And Spongebob jumps through a large sculpture of the word, “Know.” The Flying Glove tries to go through it as well; but it just SMASHES the 'K' and 'W', leaving a grayed “No.” And the Flying Glove is completely stuck within the sculpture! Plankton screams: “The GLOVE is losing it's touch! Come on, WEAPONS; do your WORST!!!!” And Plankton's Army starts shooting whatever they CAN at Spongebob, but Spongebob is fortunately too quick for the anti-music lasers. The same can't be said for the happy artwork and other innocent bystanders who get immobilized and grayed from getting hit by the lasers. Finally, Spongebob gets to a quartet who is playing classical music! Spongebob says: “Lord Mayor Krabs! It's a crisis! They're evil! They're mean! The Green Meanies are coming!” Lord Mayor Krabs says: “Not now, Spongebob! They WOULDN'T dare!” Spongebob says: “They WOULD! They ARE! What are we going to do?!” Lord Mayor Krabs says: “FINISH the quartet!” And Squidward suddenly gets ZAPPED! Spongebob says: “Trio, sir.” Lord Mayor Krabs questioningly asks: “Trio?” And Mrs. Puff suddenly gets ZAPPED! Spongebob says: “Duet, sir.” Lord Mayor Krabs questioningly asks: “Duet?” And Pearl suddenly gets ZAPPED! Spongebob says: “Solo!” Lord Mayor Krabs finally REALIZES the situation, and he cries: “The Green Meanies are coming!” And he runs with Spongebob to the top of a pyramid structure, where a mellow submarine is parked. Lord Mayor Krabs says: “Four score and seven bars ago; our fore-fathers...” Spongebob asks: “A quartet?” Lord Mayor Krabs continues: “And our fore-mothers...” Spongebob asks: “Another quartet?” Lord Mayor Krabs says: “They traveled here in this Mellow Submarine. You must go! Search far and wide if you must need to! Look for a musical quartet that can rally against this menace! Now go, and get help!” Spongebob asks: “But WHO should I get?! Where should I go?!” Lord Mayor Krabs says: “No time for trivialities, young Spongebob! GO! Get HELP!!!!” And Spongebob takes off in the Mellow Submarine, and just a few seconds later, the top of the building gets blown up by an EXPLOSION!!!! Lord Mayor Krabs plays his violin defiantly, until the bonkers drop a BUNCH of giant apples on top of him, rendering him gray and immobilized!

The movie title and opening credits are seen, as the Mellow Submarine passes through a montage of animated scenes from various Nicktoon series, while the Famous foursome sing their version of a great, hit song! / Rocko: “In the town where I was born, lived a man who sailed to sea. And he told us of his life, in the land of submarines. So we sailed into the sun, until we found the sea of green. And we lived beneath the waves, in our mellow submarine.” The Famous Four: “We all live in a mellow submarine. A mellow submarine, a mellow submarine. We all live in a mellow submarine. A mellow submarine, a mellow submarine.” Rocko: “And our friends are all on board. Many more of them live next door; and the band begins to play.” (Orchestral music) Famous Four: “We all live in a mellow submarine. A mellow submarine, a mellow submarine. We all live in a mellow submarine. A mellow submarine, a mellow submarine!” Lettuce: “Full speed ahead, Mr. Beaver, full speed ahead!” Norbert: “Full speed it is, then!” Captain Retro: “Cut the cable, drop the cable!” Lettuce: “Aye, aye, sir! Captain, captain!” Rocko and Captain Retro: “As we live a life of ease (A life of ease!) Everyone of us (Everyone of us) has all we need. (Has all we need!) Sky of blue (Sky of blue) and sea of green. (Sea of green!) In our mellow (In our mellow) submarine. (Submarine, ha, ha!)” Famous Four: “We all live in a mellow submarine. A mellow submarine, a mellow submarine. We all live in a mellow submarine. A mellow submarine, mellow submarine. We all live in a mellow submarine. A mellow submarine, a mellow submarine. We all live in a mellow submarine. A mellow submarine, a mellow submarine.” / And the epic song ends! /

Chapter One: “Eleanor Rigby.”

The scene opens up on the vast, urban city landscape of Burbank, California. It is a dreary, cloud-filled day. As the factories start working, and a slow city commute starts, slices of life are seen as the Famous Four sing a lament to a well-known woman. / The Famous Four: “Ah, look at all the lonely people. Ah, look at all the lonely people.” Captain: “Eleanor Rigby picks up the rice in the church where a wedding has been. Lives in a dream. Waits at the window, wearing the face that she keeps in a jar by the door. Who is it for? All the lonely people, where do they all come from? All the lonely people, where do they all belong? Father McKenzie writing the words of a sermon that no one will hear. No one comes near. Look at him working, darning his socks in the night when there's nobody there. What does he care? All the lonely people, where do they all come from? All the lonely people, where do they all belong?” Famous Four: “Ah, look at all the lonely people. Ah, look at all the lonely people.” Captain Retro: “Eleanor Rigby, died in the church and was buried along with her name; nobody came. Father McKenzie wiping the dirt from his hands as he walks from the grave; no one was saved.” Captain Retro and Lettuce: “All the lonely people. (Ah, look at all the lonely people). Where do they all come from? All the lonely people; (Ah, look at all the lonely people), where do they all belong?” / And the epic song ends as a single, solitary green balloon floats up into the sky and then pops! /

In a city cemetery, Rocko sighs, and says: “Woah, is me. Compared to MY life; Eleanor Rigby's life was filled with journeys, excitement, and adventures.” Rocko thinks: “I haven't done anywhere near HALF of the things she has done!” Rocko says: “I really would've thought the celebration of her life would've had a bigger turn-out.” Rocko thinks: “Just goes to show you that you need to spend time making friends as well as going places.” Rocko sighs, and says: “Nothing ever happens to me.” Rocko walks on a sidewalk, of an unusually empty street, but is KEENLY aware that there is something VERY close to where he is, as it happens to be a MELLOW Submarine! Rocko sees a police-woman trying to get a Scottish cat out of a tree, and Rocko decides to go to her. Jenny says: “Here kitty, kitty! Come down, Gordon Quid! Here kitty, kitty! Come down to...” And she sees Rocko, and Gordon jumps down on her head. Jenny puts Gordon down onto the ground, and he runs away. Jenny says: “Pardon me.” Rocko asks: “Excuse me, officer. Would you believe me if I said that I thought that I was being followed by a Mellow Submarine?” Jenny thinks about it, and she firmly says: “No, sir. No, I would not.” Rocko says: “I didn't think you would.” And Rocko walks away, but Jenny SEES the Mellow Submarine fly past, and she gets a SHOCKED expression, on her face! Rocko pants as he runs up a hill to the Nickelodeon Studios, and he says: “I knew it didn't make any sense, to think that I was being followed by a Mellow Submarine! It must have been one of those unidentified flying cupcakes! Or a figment of my imagination! But I don't HAVE an imagination!” And Rocko goes into the building, and the Mellow Submarine parks in front, just a few seconds later. Spongebob gets out, and he knocks on the door and rings the doorbell! Spongebob shouts: “Help! I NEED somebody! Help! Not just anybody! Help! You know I need someone! HELP!!!!” Rocko looks through a tiny eye-door in the door, and he says: “Be specific.” Spongebob says: “Explosions! Flying Glove! Three-headed dog! Snapping Turks! Army! GREEN Meanies! 'H' is for Hurry; 'E' is for 'Ergent'; 'L' is for Love me; 'P' is for PLEASE; Please help!!!!” Rocko opens the door, and he says: “Your story has touched my heart, mate. I'm Rocko Starr. Come inside, and I'll get me mates to help.” Spongebob goes inside, and he asks: “Are there four of you?” Rocko says: “Counting myself, there are a lot of Nicktoons here, but there are FOUR of us; who will be MORE than happy to help you out!”

As they walk through the many hallways of the Nickelodeon Studios, the two of them see the various antics and madcap jokes by many of the other Nicktoons. Spongebob asks: “Can't we just take ANY Nicktoons?” Rocko says: “If your situation is really as bad as you SAY it is; than you're going to need the help of me, and my mates in order to see YOU through!” Rocko and Spongebob come to a door, and Rocko says: “This is Door Number Nine. John Lettuce said he would be doing some 'Imagining' in here today.” Rocko and Spongebob go into the room, but all they can see is a bunch of scientific chemicals, and other assorted madcap machines cluttering up the room. Spongebob says: “It doesn't look like the man is in.” Rocko asks: “Say, there's a lever here! I wonder what would happen if I pulled it?” Spongebob says: “Well, I wouldn't pull it if I were you!” Rocko says: “I can't help it. I'm a born lever puller.” And Rocko pulls the lever, and it raises a slab, and a Frankenstein type monster comes to LIFE!!!! Instead of attacking, it picks up a scientific solution; smells the scent of sweet-smelling perfume and flowers, then is TRANSFORMED back into looking like a green penguin, wearing glasses and a mustache! He says: “Wow! That was the weirdest 'Imagine' session that I've ever done!” Rocko says: “I told you NOT to eat when you 'Imagine,' John Lettuce.” Lettuce asks: “Who is your friend?” Spongebob nervously says: “Explosions! Flying Glove! Three-headed dog! Snapping Turks! Army! GREEN Meanies!” Rocko asks: “What do you think?” Lettuce says: “I think we should help the poor guy out.” Spongebob says: “Oh, thank you EVER so much! This means a LOT to me!” They walk out of the door, unaware of all the CRAZY shenanigans that some other Nicktoons have been pulling while they were in the room, and the other Nicktoons run away. Lettuce asks: “By the way; do you happen to know what today is?” Rocko says: “It's 'Sitar' Day.” Lettuce says: “Than Norbert will be in here.” And they open up a tie-dyed door, and see a bunch of mystical lights, as they see a guru floating and playing a sitar to the tune of a mystical love song.

Chapter Two: “Love You to.”

Norbert: “Each day just goes so fast. I turn around, it's past. You don't get time to hang a sign on me. Love me while you can, before I'm a dead, old man. A lifetime is so short, a new one can't be bought, but what you've got, means such a lot to me. Make love all day long, make love singing songs.” / The three of them are so enchanted by the mystical room, they don't even NOTICE Norbert is now driving a Little Red Corvette in the hallway! Norbert asks: “What are you looking in THERE for, now?” Rocko says: “There's a situation that you need to listen to, Norbert Harrison!” Spongebob nervously says: “Explosions! Flying Glove! Three-headed dog! Snapping Turks! Army!” And the three of them simultaneously say: “GREEN Meanies!” Norbert chuckles, and he says: “You're getting worked up over a bunch of NOTHING, if you ask me!” And Norbert begins driving up and down the hallway. Rocko says: “Wait a minute! That's MY car, love!” Norbert asks: “How do you KNOW it's YOUR car, love?” Rocko says: “Well, it's red with white wheels!” And the car Norbert is driving suddenly turns into a PINK Cadillac with blue wheels! Rocko says: “I mean, pink with BLUE wheels!” And the car Norbert is driving suddenly turns into a yellow Mustang with BLACK wheels!” Rocko says: “I mean, YELLOW with black wheels!” And the car Norbert is driving changes AGAIN, into a GREEN Tesla with ORANGE wheels! Norbert says: “It's all in the mind!” And the three of them get into the car, and Norbert punches it, and they begin RIDING down fast through the many hallways of the Nickelodeon Studios, until they come across a row of doors with a varying amount of number '4's' on them. Rocko says: “He SAID he would be behind one of these doors!” Lettuce says: “We'll just have to look and see which one!” They open a door marked '40,' and they see a GIANT gorilla SMASHING through a window, and TRYING to grab Olga Patacki as she SCREAMS! Norbert asks: “Do you think we're interrupting something?” Lettuce says: “I think so.” And they close the door! They open another door marked '44', and are COMPLETELY baffled to see an AMTRAK train coming RIGHT towards them, but they CLOSE the door just in time, and the train DOESN'T bust through the door!

Chapter Three: “A Day in the Life”

Norbert says: “It's all in the mind.” Than the four of them open a door that's marked '4', and they seem to find what they are looking for!

Captain Retro: “Woke up, fell out of bed. Dragged a comb across my head. Found my way downstairs, and drank a cup. And looking up, I noticed I was late. Found my coat and grabbed my hat. Made the bus in seconds flat. Found my way upstairs and cracked a joke. Than somebody spoke, and I went into a dream.” / They close the door, and Lettuce says: “He looks good, don't he, do?” Rocko asks: “Don't he, do?” Norbert asks: “Don't he?” Spongebob, confused, asks: “Do?” And Captain Retro walks out, holding a bouquet of roses, and a LOUD cheer of excited shouts coming from behind him! Lettuce says: “THAT'S him, though!” Captain Retro asks: “What's the matter, fellows? Green Meanies?” Spongebob says: “Well then, it looks like I found our quartet! Now come with me, I need to let you know what you're up against!” Captain Retro says: “Well, I'm Captain Retro McCartney; and we usually do PAID gigs, but you seem like a friend in need, so we'll do this one pro bono. But feel free to tip us handsomely, if you want.” Spongebob says: “We'll be up against THOUSANDS of green plankton wearing robot suits!” Lettuce says: “Well I think...” Spongebob says: “A flying robotic Chum Glove with a mean streak.” Norbert says: “Well I think...” Spongebob says: Snapping Turks and bonkers!” Rocko says: “Well I think...” Spongebob says: “And one of the biggest, meanest bunch of music haters you could ever hope to COME across!” The Famous Four all simultaneously say: “I THINK...I've FORGOTTEN!!!!” And they all get into the Mellow Submarine. As the Mellow Submarine zooms past the many various sites of the busy Los Angeles metropolitan area, a loud violin sound is heard rising in a crescendo, and ending with a cymbal crash as the Mellow Submarine DIVES into the Pacific Ocean! Lettuce says: “Well then, what's our first order of business?” Spongebob says: “We begin by finding some Green Meanies! Than with the power of song and music, we send them BACK to where they came from!” Norbert says: “Well, suppose there ARE no Green Meanies around?” Spongebob sighs, and says: “Then, I guess we start by finding a button somewhere.” Captain Retro sees a pretty GREEN button, and he presses it! Calming, soothing music begins to play, as they begin to pass through a colorful coral reef area in the ocean, FILLED with a lot of octopuses! Captain Retro says: “This seems like the right tune and the right way to go, to me!”

Chapter Four: “Octopus's Garden”

Norbert sings: “I'd like to be under the sea, in an octopus's garden in the shade. He'd let us in, knows where we've been, in his octopus's garden in the shade. I'd ask my friends to come and see, an octopus's garden with me. I'd like to be under the sea, in an octopus's garden in the shade. We would be warm below the storm, in our little hideaway beneath the waves. Resting our head on the sea bed, in an octopus's garden near a cave. We would sing and dance around, because we know we can't be found. I'd like to be under the sea, in an octopus's garden in the shade. (Instrumental break) We would shout and swim about; the coral that lies beneath the ocean waves.” Captain Retro: “Lies beneath the ocean waves.” Norbert: “Oh, what joy for every girl and boy; knowing that they're happy, and they're safe.” Captain Retro: “Knowing that they're happy, and they're safe.” Norbert: “We would be so happy you and me; no one there to tell us what to do. I'd like to be under the sea, in an octopus's garden with you. In an octopus's garden with you; in an octopus's garden with you!” / And the epic song ends, as they see ONE octopus, pointing one of his tentacles to a watch! Rocko asks: “What time is it now?” Lettuce says: “It's time, FOR time!”

Chapter Five: “When I'm 94”

Suddenly, the Mellow Submarine STOPS progressing forward, and seems to start moving BACKWARDS; like it was CAUGHT by something STRONGER than itself! Captain Retro says: “Did you ever get the feeling, that things aren't as rosy as they look on the surface?” Norbert asks: “What do you mean?” Lettuce says: “It seems as though we seem to be having more TIME on our hands. The clock is moving backwards!” Spongebob says: “Maybe it's going on strike, and is demanding more hours in a day.” Captain Retro says: “I wouldn't blame it. After all, it must be awfully tired being time; there ARE only 24 hours in a day, seven days a week, you know.” Lettuce says: “You'd need EIGHT days a week just to do all the things you WANT to do!” And the Mellow Submarine begins moving counter-clockwise in a circular motion, as numbers (as if on a clock or watch), begin to rise, and then fall down! Rocko says: “Might I make an observation?” Norbert says: “Go ahead.” Rocko says: “I theorize, that we seem to be caught within a cosmic experiment, of Einstein's theory of Relativity. The more and more time seems to move backward, the younger and younger we keep feeling.” Norbert says: “That's your scientific explanation for Relativity?” Rocko starts speaking, but then he starts SHRINKING, as if he's AGING backwards! Rocko says: “Now, Norbert; just because I'm a drummer, doesn't mean that I'm...suddenly, I'm not quite FEELING like myself!” Captain Retro starts speaking, but then HE starts shrinking, as if HE'S aging backwards! Captain Retro says: “Suddenly, you're not HALF the man you USED to be!” Norbert starts speaking, and HE starts shrinking, as if he's aging BACKWARDS! Norbert says: “Everything around us is getting BIGGER!!!!” Lettuce, already shrunk, says: “It's not! It's just US getting smaller...” Rocko cries, and says: “I want my mom!” Lettuce says: “And YOUNGER!!!!” Spongebob hasn't been HIT as bad, and is STILL tall! Spongebob says: “No worries, folks! Young Spongebob will get us out of this mess, yet!” Norbert says: “Please do! I don't want to end up like Benjamin Button! That's not a very ATTRACTIVE thought in my mind, to share the fate of Brad Pitt!” Lettuce says: “There must be something on this Submarine that can get us out of this fix!” Rocko cries again, and says: “I want my mom!” Spongebob says: “Time could soon be running OUT for us, I'm afraid! If we don't find a way to reverse this soon, we could SOON disappear right out of our OWN existence!” Captain Retro asks: “What if we do something about the moving clock? Like simply STOP it, and move it FORWARDS again?!” Spongebob says: “Clever lad!” And as Captain Retro PULLS the clock BACK to moving clock-wise, the trick seems to WORK, as the years start to move FORWARDS again, and all of them age back to normal!

Norbert says: “That was a close one! Time is moving FORWARDS again!” Lettuce points out of the Submarine window, and sees ANOTHER Mellow Submarine filled with characters looking just LIKE the Famous Four, going BACKWARDS! Lettuce says: “Look! There's another Mellow Submarine filled with friendly folks, and they're waving!” Rocko says: “Then let us wave back!” Norbert says: “They seem like a friendly bunch of folks.” Captain Retro says: “Maybe we're ALL part of a vast Mellow Submarine fleet, each seeking to find our place within this crazy, mixed-up world of ours.” Lettuce says: “If I might make a theory of my own...” Spongebob says: “Go ahead.” Lettuce says: “I reckon that the Mellow Submarine we just saw, and that we just passed, was filled with nothing BUT...” Norbert says: “Ourselves!” Spongebob says: “Going BACKWARDS...” Rocko says: “In time!” Captain Retro says: “Wait a minute! I think I hear something!” And suddenly, all FIVE of them start graying, growing white hair and LONG white beards! Lettuce says: “Oh dear! Look at us!” Norbert says: “I can actually FEEL my beard growing!” Spongebob says: “Oh, my! We're all the same! We're all senile, OLD delinquents!” Rocko says: “We'd better do something!” And Captain Retro GETS an idea, and decides to FIX this problem with the power of SONG!!!! / Captain Retro: “When I get older losing my hair, many years from now; will you still be sending me a valentine, birthday greetings, bottle of wine? If I'd been out till a quarter to three, would you lock the door? Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm ninety-four?
You'll be older too. And if you say the word, I could stay with you. (All of the characters return to their normal age during this sequence) I could be handy, mending a fuse when your lights have gone. You can knit a sweater by the fireside; Sunday mornings, go for a ride. Doing the garden, digging the weeds; who could ask for more? Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm ninety-four? Every summer we can rent a cottage in the Isle of Wight, if it's not too dear. We shall scrimp and save. Grandchildren on your knee; Vera, Chuck and Dave. Send me a postcard, drop me a line, stating point of view. Indicate precisely what you mean to say; yours sincerely, wasting away. Give me your answer, fill in a form; mine forever more. Will you still need me, will you still feed me, when I'm ninety-four? Ho!” / And the epic song ends as the Mellow Submarine leaves the ocean area filled with clocks and watches. Norbert says: “If I might make an observation?” Lettuce says: “Go ahead.” Norbert says: “I reckon that the sea we just passed through, was nothing but the Sea of TIME!!!!” Captain Retro says: “Makes sense to me.”

Chapter Six: “Only a Northern Song”

The Mellow Submarine starts passing through a bunch of 3-D cubes, and Lettuce asks: “NOW where are we?” Spongebob answers: “The Sea of SCIENCE!” Rocko says: “Groovy, mate!” / During this sequence, images of the Famous Four are represented by tie-die pictures, while their voices appear to be reverberating through an oscillator. Norbert sings: “If you're listening to this song, you may think the chords are going wrong.” Captain Retro sings: “But they're not; he just wrote it like that.” Norbert sings: “When you're listening late at night, you may think the band, are not quite right.” Lettuce sings: “But they are, they just play it like that.” Norbert sings: “It doesn't really matter what chords I play, what words I say, or time of day it is; as it's only a Northern Song! (Instrumental break) It doesn't really matter what clothes I wear, or how I fare, or if my tail is brown; when it's only a Northern Song.” (The Famous Four fly out of a yellow cube, and they fly around in circles, and are PUZZLED to see a relatively UGLY chalk monster JOINING them!) Norbert sings: “If you think the harmony, is a little dark and out of key; you're correct, there's nobody there!” (Instrumental break; the Famous Four FLY back into the yellow cube, and the chalk monster flies in there, TO!) Norbert sings: “And I told you there's no one there!” / The epic song starts to fade out, but it gets cut OFF as the Mellow Submarine LEAVES the Sea of Science, and the Famous Four are PUZZLED to see a relatively UGLY chalk monster in the Mellow Submarine, WITH them! Captain Retro asks: “How did THIS creature get in here?!” Spongebob says: “I'm not SURE, lad!” Lettuce says: “He doesn't look quite right.” Norbert says: “In fact, he looks ugly!” Everyone EXCEPT Captain Retro says: “REALLY ugly!” Captain Retro says: “Somebody push a button!” Spongebob presses one, and it EJECTS the monster out of the Mellow Submarine, but the monster suddenly grows into a GIANT size, and it soon is JOINED by a VAST array of differently drawn chalk monsters, all of varying sizes and appearances, all looking none too happy to see an unfamiliar Submarine passing through THEIR territory! Lettuce asks: “Where are we now?” Spongebob says: “The Sea of Monsters! A particularly NASTY place! We must PASS through this place first; then it's onto the Sea of Holes, and into the Sea of Green; then we'll arrive at Bikini Bottom! Rocko says: “This place creeps me out! I need to turn on the lights!” And Rocko leans towards a RED button, and Spongebob says: “Not THAT button! That's the--!” But Rocko presses it, and he GETS ejected, and LANDS on a WILD Giraffe Chalk Monster, and it begins running AWAY!!!! Spongebob sighs and says: “The PANIC Button!” Rocko says: “HELP!!!! 'H' is for 'Hurry!' 'E' is for 'Ergent!' 'L' is for 'Love me!'” And Rocko is taken TOO far away to hear him shout anymore!

Lettuce sighs and says: “There goes Rocko!” Norbert says: “He's WAY out there!” Lettuce says: “He always WAS way out there!” Norbert asks: “What are we going to do without him?” Spongebob suggests: “Learn to play as a trio?” Captain Retro says: “No, let's save the poor bloke!”

The Mellow Submarine begins navigating through the dangerous Sea of Monsters. And while a good number of the Chalk Monsters are content to just leave the Mellow Submarine alone, a few of them are LESS than friendly towards the sea-faring craft! Norbert asks: “What is THAT huge thing?!” Spongebob says: “It looks like a black cat, with a VACUUM for a mouth!” Lettuce says: “It looks like it's pulling us in!” Captain Retro says: “I'll put it in reverse!” Spongebob says: “FULL double reverse, HURRY!!!!” And Captain Retro puts the Mellow Submarine into reverse gear at JUST the right time! Norbert says: “That was a close one!” But then they turn around, and see a giant pair of UGG Boot Monsters! Captain Retro says: “OOPS! Too much!” Spongebob adds: “Too soon!” And the UGG Boot Monsters start to TRY to start STOMPING on them! Lettuce says: “I think they're trying to STEP on us!” Captain Retro says: “Then let us step BACK!!!!” Captain Retro pushes a button with a BOOT picture on it! The Mellow Submarine grows a BIG, GREEN boot on the bottom! It stomps on ONE of the UGG Boot Monsters! The Monster jumps up in PAIN, only to LAND on the OTHER UGG Boot Monster, and they both go jumping off in pain! Than the Mellow Submarine SPOTS Rocko on the runaway Giraffe Chalk Monster! Rocko yells: “'P' is for 'PLEASE; please help!” Norbert says: “There goes Rocko again!” Spongebob says: “Come on now, lad! This is no time to strike out on a SOLO career!” Captain Retro says: “Exactly! Because broken up from each other, NONE of us are capable of making a STELLAR solo record; except for me and Norbert, because he's going to release All Things Must Pass and The Concert for Bangladesh; and I'm going to release Band On the Run!” Lettuce asks: “WHAT?!” Captain Retro says: “Don't worry about it; maybe you can 'IMAGINE' a huge, giant, hit song of your own!” Spongebob says: “I'm afraid we've got more PRESSING matters to worry about; there's a bunch of evil Chalk, Robot Monsters chasing after Rocko!!!!” And they see a whole ARMY of the Cluster, chasing after Rocko! Lettuce says: “We need something BIG to deal with this!” Norbert says: “Press a button! Any button!” And Captain Retro QUICKLY presses buttons, causing the Mellow Submarine to produce colorful streamers, fireworks, and pictures of Madonna, The Rolling Stones, and EVEN a banner that says: “Hanna-Barbera.” Captain Retro says: “WHOOPS! That was the wrong BUTTON!!!! THIS must be the right one!” And the Mellow Submarine makes a landing, and a CLONE army of Norbert, Lettuce, and Captain Retro go chasing after Rocko! After a quick fight with the Cluster OFF screen, they come rushing back with Rocko, and re-board the Mellow Submarine! Norbert asks: “How was your experience out there, Rocko?” Rocko says: “To put it bluntly, harrowing!”

Spongebob says: “Uh-oh! That vacuum cat is back again!” Norbert says: “We're CAT food!” And a giant cat that looks like Mr. Blik, SWALLOWS the Mellow Submarine! Inside the giant cat, Lettuce says: “We just lost our instruments! Now what do we do?” Captain Retro suggests: “Now would be a good time to write some new song ideas.” Norbert says: “If there's nothing better to do.” But the giant cat monster, SO hungry, actually EATS the entire background, leaving a white, BLANK nothingness! Than the giant cat monster SEES it's own tail, and tries to suck it up; ONLY to cause itself to DISAPPEAR, and the Mellow Submarine REAPPEARS unharmed, but quickly loses energy, and falls down to a ground (even if it APPEARS like NOTHING); and the Mellow Submarine comes to a stall! Rocko asks: “What happened?!” Spongebob opens the engine door, and a small, green engine pops out of it! Spongebob says: “It's the poor engine on the Mellow Submarine! It's puttered out!” Norbert says: “Let me have a go at it! I'm pretty good at fixing engines!” Norbert puts his left hand towards the engine, but it gets SHOCKED by an open hole in the engine, and Norbert JOLTS backwards in SHOCK!!!! Captain Retro asks: “What do you think, Norbert?” Norbert says: “I think I burnt my finger!” Lettuce asks: “Where ARE we, anyways?!” Spongebob says: “I don't know how to explain it, but it LITERALLY looks like we're in NOWHERE; we're surrounded by NOTHING!” Captain Retro says: “Statistically speaking, this CAN'T be nowhere; because EVERYWHERE is somewhere! Let us ask SOMEONE where we are!”

Chapter Seven: “Nowhere Man”

Norbert asks: “But who can we ask; when there is LITERALLY nothing AROUND?!” Rocko points out of one of the Submarine windows, to a red cat with a blue nose, and Rocko says: “What about THAT?! Just what do you call THAT?!” Lettuce says: “It must be one of the 'Nothings'.” Captain Retro says: “Well, at least that's SOMETHING!!!!” Norbert says: “Maybe he should have a look at the engine.” The Famous Four exit out of the Mellow Submarine, with Norbert holding the broken engine. The four of them are amused to hear this strange cat talking in poetic prose. The red cat says: “Analysis, dialysis, diagnosis; a problem, I think. I see four strangers coming towards me; I wonder if they speak.” Captain Retro says: “Excuse me sir, or, whatever you are. I don't mean to interrupt your train of thought; but we thought, that you might be able to help us. I'm Captain Retro; this is Lettuce, Norbert, and Rocko.” The red cat says: “A meeting, a greeting, an introduction, I say! Let me give you my cards, and we can get on our way!” The cat hands them each a card, EACH with a different name on them! Captain Retro reads: “Stimpy.” Lettuce says: “Jeremy.” Norbert asks: “Hillary?” Rocko reads: “PH.D.” but pronounces it: “FUD?!” Stimpy says: “A cat by any other name, would sound as sweet. A proper greeting just can't be beat!” Norbert says: “Well, our problem is our Submarine engine. We were wondering if you knew what was wrong with it.” Stimpy takes a look at it, and begins fiddling with it. Stimpy says: “Digesting, processing, and progressing; this engine seems quite messy!” Rocko asks: “Say again?” Stimpy says: “Your problem was simple; there was GUM in the works! I cleaned it out, with my clever smart forks!” Captain Retro tests the engine, and it begins running again! Captain Retro says: “I don't believe it! That cat did it!” Norbert says: “Not only that; he's making a rhyme, every time!” Lettuce says: “He's so smart; he doesn't even realize WHAT he is doing!” Stimpy says: “Ad loc, ad hoc, ad quid pro quo! So much time; so much to know!” Captain Retro says: “There must be SOME word for what he is!”

The Famous Four: “He's a real nowhere man, sitting in his nowhere land, making all his nowhere plans for nobody. Doesn't have a point of view, knows not where he's going to. Isn't he a bit like you and me? Nowhere Man, please listen; you don't know what you're missing. Nowhere Man, the world is at your command! (Instrumental break) He's as blind as he can be, just sees what he wants to see. Nowhere Man, can you see me at all?” (The Famous Four get into a giant rotating circle with Stimpy). The Famous Four: “Nowhere Man, don't worry. Take your time, don't hurry. Leave it all, till somebody else lends you a hand.” (The Famous Four get pulled OUT of the Nowhere Circle, leaving Stimpy sad and dejected, as his Nowhere Circle gets progressively smaller until it disappears completely!) The Famous Four: “Doesn't have a point of view, knows not where he's going to. Isn't he a bit like you and me? Nowhere Man, please listen; you don't know what you're missing. Nowhere Man, the world is at your command. He's a real Nowhere Man, sitting in his nowhere land; making all his nowhere plans for nobody. Making all his nowhere plans for nobody. Making all his nowhere plans for nobody!” / And the epic song ends as Stimpy starts crying. Norbert says: “Well, I think we spent enough time as it is, here. Let us get going.” Rocko asks: “But what about Stimpy?” Captain Retro says: “He's a fine guy, even if he lives in nowhere.” Lettuce says: “Besides, he seems to be content enough, going around in circles.” Rocko sighs, and says: “Well, I don't know; I think he should come with us.” Norbert asks: “What is it with Rocko?” Captain Retro says: “He feels sorry for Stimpy. I think we should take him; he might come in handy again.” Rocko asks: “Stimpy; would you come along with us?” Stimpy stops crying, and he asks: “You would take ME; a Nowhere Man or CAT, as the case might be?!” Rocko says: “Sure, if you WANT to come with us!” Stimpy says: “An expedition, an excursion! An exciting venture! Let us get to it; let's GO on adventure!” Lettuce says: “Here we go; down the hatch!” They enter the Mellow Submarine, and Stimpy says: “Down the hatch; a most peculiar phrase. Came up in the middle Victorian days.”

Chapter Eight: “Pinkie in the Sky with Diamonds”

Spongebob says: “Are we all buckled up and ready to go?! It's time for us to go to the Sea of Holes, and then get to the Sea of Green!” And the Mellow Submarine starts to take off again! It leaves Nowhere behind, and starts to enter a sea FILLED with pepper! But then the Mellow Submarine starts to steer erratically, heading towards the ground! Norbert asks: “NOW what's the problem?!” Stimpy says: “We must revise; revamp, renew! Ipsit-dixit! Just turn a screw!” The Mellow Submarine lands; and the Famous Four and Stimpy get out to investigate the problem. Stimpy points to the LOOSE left propeller, on the Mellow Submarine. He takes it off, and he puts some chewing gum in his mouth. After chewing for a while, he sticks the gum ONTO the propeller. Stimpy says: “A little gum I'll stick on you. A little turn, and you're good as NEW!!!!” Stimpy TURNS the propeller, but it works TOO well, and the Mellow Submarine takes OFF without Stimpy OR the Famous Four! Spongebob says: “NO!!!! The Submarine is stuck in DRIVE; I can't SWITCH it OFF! 'H' is for 'Hurry!' 'E' is for 'Ergent!' 'L' is for 'Love me!'” And the Mellow Submarine disappears out of sight! Rocko says: “'P' is for, 'Good-bye.'” Captain Retro says: “Well, this is a bit awkward, I must say!” Lettuce says: “You think?! We LOST the Mellow Submarine for good!” Norbert says: “Or for BAD!” Rocko says: “Or for worse!” Captain Retro says: “Go EASY on Stimpy, guys! I mean, he DID fix the engine AND the propeller for us! Besides, we KNOW where Spongebob is GOING! We'll just have to find our own way there and catch up with him!” And the five of them begin walking through a strawberry field. Norbert asks: “Where do you think THIS is?” Rocko says: “Off hand, I'd say it looks like we're in the head-lands of the foothills.” A soothing melody starts to be heard, and it makes Lettuce sigh in contentment. Captain Retro says: “Unusual weather among these parts; you don't hear wind like THIS every day!”

Lettuce: “Picture yourself in a boat on a river, with tangerine trees and marmalade skies. Somebody calls you, you answer quite slowly; a girl with kaleidoscope eyes! Cellophane flowers of yellow and green, towering over your head. Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes, and she's gone. Pinkie in the sky with diamonds! Pinkie in the sky with diamonds! Pinkie in the sky with diamonds! Ah! Follow her down to a bridge by a fountain, where rocking horse people eat marshmallow pies. Everyone smiles as you drift past the flowers, that grow so incredibly high! Newspaper taxis appear on the shore, waiting to take you away. Climb in the back with your head in the clouds, and you're gone! Pinkie in the sky with diamonds! Pinkie in the sky with diamonds! Pinkie in the sky with diamonds! Ah! Picture yourself on a train in a station, with Plasticine porters with looking-glass ties. Suddenly, someone is there at the turnstile; the girl with kaleidoscope eyes! Pinkie in the sky with diamonds! Pinkie in the sky with diamonds! Pinkie in the sky with diamonds! Ah! Pinkie in the sky with diamonds! Pinkie in the sky with diamonds! Pinkie in the sky with diamonds! Ah! Pinkie in the sky with diamonds! Pinkie in the sky with diamonds! Pinkie in the sky with diamonds.” (And the song fades out). / Lettuce coughs, and he says: “So sorry about that. Let us carry on.” Norbert says: “We should REALLY be looking for a sign, to tell us where we are!” And no sooner does he SAY that, then does a BUNCH of lawn-grown, trimmed plants, looking like ARROWS, pop out of the ground, pointing towards the west! Captain Retro says: “It seems like the Sea of Holes is located in THAT direction! Rocko says: “There is just SO much pepper on the ground!” Stimpy sneezes: “Ah-choo!” Lettuce sneezes: “Ah-choo!” Norbert sneezes: “Ah-choo!” Than the head-lands LITERALLY gear up and sneeze: “Ah-CHOO!!!!” And the gust BLOWS Stimpy and the Famous Four INTO a giant black hole! When they fall out of the hole, they find themselves swimming in a GIGANTIC sea of black holes, that APPEAR to go on forever! Lettuce says: “Well, now I've seen just about everything!” Norbert says: “What a most peculiar place.” Rocko says: “Wherever this peculiar place, is!” Captain Retro says: “Say, didn't Spongebob mention something about the Sea of Holes, before the Sea of Green?”

Chapter Nine: “Think for Yourself.”

Lettuce says: “You know what? I think you're right!” Norbert says: “You could spend a LIFETIME; fixing a hole, to keep your mind from wandering!” Captain Retro asks: “Stimpy, what do YOU think about this 'holy' situation?” Stimpy, STUCK in a hole, says: “There are simply NO holes in MY education!” Captain Retro says: “You mean you've never READ a 'Hole' book?” Rocko sighs and says: “Oh, boy!” Lettuce says: “Well, if this IS the Sea of Holes, than ONE of these Holes MUST lead us into the Sea of Green!” The Famous Four begin jumping in and out of holes, trying to find the right one. Norbert says: “The Sea of Holes, into the Sea of Green.” Stimpy is struggling, but BELOW him (which he can't see), there is an ADVANCE Green Meanie guard who SEES the struggling cat! Stimpy grunts and says: “Dialect, possibly; I think we're near the Sea of GREEN!!!!” And Stimpy gets PULLED through the hole! Rocko picks UP the hole, and TRIES to go through it, but is unable to! Rocko folds the hole up, puts it in his shirt pocket, and says: “I've got a HOLE in my pocket!” Lettuce says: “Say, just where did Stimpy go?!” Norbert says: “Maybe he ditched us!” Captain Retro says: “No way! He wouldn't do that to us!” Rocko says: “Guys! Guess what I found!” Captain Retro looks down, and asks: “What on Earth is with THIS green hole?!” Captain Retro STEPS on it, and the four of them begin to get PULLED through a portal, as disjointed voices sing: “Do what you want to do, and go where you're going to. Think for yourself cause I won't be there with you!” And when the sequence is over, the four of them SEE that they have ARRIVED in Bikini Bottom, but it looks all GRAYED, the structures BROKEN, and the people IMMOBILIZED and all grayed out! Lettuce asks: “THIS is Bikini Bottom? It doesn't look like anything that SPONGEBOB talked about!” Norbert says: “Maybe the local help is on vacation.” Captain Retro says: “More likely this is the work of the Green Meanies that Spongebob talked about.” Rocko looks up, and he says: “Speaking of, here comes Spongebob NOW!!!!” And in the sky, the Mellow Submarine comes zooming down, and lands on the remains of the pyramid shaped building. Spongebob comes out, and he says: “You guys have made it! That's good!” Lettuce says: “What's our next course of action?” Spongebob says: “We should find our Lord Mayor Krabs! He should know what to do!” Norbert says: “Well, why don't we grab a bite of something to eat, first?! I'm famished!” Rocko says: “These giant green apples should provide us with some nourishment.” Captain Retro looks, and says: “Hey! There's an EYE in THESE apples!” He removes the apples, and sees a sad, grayed crab! Spongebob says: “That's our Lord Mayor Krabs! He's been BONKED out!” Lettuce asks: “How do we bring him back around?” Spongebob says: “Give him a little snippet of a tune. It should bring him back again!”

The Famous Four sing: “Try thinking more if just for your own sake. The future still looks good, and you've got time to rectify all the things that you should.” / And Lord Mayor Krabs returns to his normal, red-looking crab color! Lord Mayor Krabs says: “The sweet sound of music! How I've MISSED it so! Well, I'll be! Look who you've brought!” Captain Retro says: “I get that a lot! Don't worry, I know that I'm the CUTE one!” Lord Mayor Krabs says: It's not that! You look just LIKE the ORIGINALS!” Lettuce says: “We ARE the Originals!” Lord Mayor Krabs says: “I mean that you look JUST like Sargent Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band! That gives me an idea! You can POSE as them, and rally the sea creatures to march AGAINST the Green Meanies! Use your instruments, and DRIVE the Green Meanies away!” Norbert says: “We can't.” Rocko says: “We lost our instruments in the Sea of Monsters.” Spongebob says: “We'll just have to get these guys some more instruments!” Lord Mayor Krabs says: “If you can GET to the instruments!” Captain Retro asks: “What do you mean by that?” Lord Mayor Krabs says: “The Chief Green Meanie has ordered the confiscation of EVERYTHING that can MAKE music! Not a single note has been played SINCE!” Lettuce asks: “They hate music THAT much?!” Lord Mayor Krabs says: “They simply SHRINK at the very sound!” Norbert says: “Then we MUST get some instruments as soon as possible!”

The Famous Four survey the landscape, and they see a bunch of Green Meanie soldiers marching around, looking for ANYONE trying to shake off the effects of being gray or immobilized! Rocko says: “Now would be a good time, to go incognito!” As they think of a good idea for a disguise, they see that the Bonkers are going around, dropping GREEN apples onto the heads of sea creatures, who are trying very hard to MOVE, or just ELIMINATING any source of color that random sea creatures have HAPPENED to find! Captain Retro fashions some gray, sea creature cut-outs, like standees, and he gives one to EACH of his fellow friends, and himself! Captain Retro says: “This should fool the Green Meanies into IGNORING us! We sneak to where the instruments are being held, and we sneak back to a place where our music can be easily heard by EVERYONE, ESPECIALLY the Green Meanies!” Lettuce says: “That definitely sounds like a good plan if I've ever heard of one!” Norbert says: “Our cardboard cut-outs are ready!” Rocko says: “Than let us cut out!” And the Famous Four take great care to sneak to a hilltop gazebo, where they see a BUNCH of Green Meanies strewn about! Captain Retro says: “I think the instruments MUST be hidden there! Security is TIGHT here!” Lettuce says: “We've got to get past them!” Norbert says: “But we need a DISTRACTION!” Rocko says: “Survey says; sing some MUSIC! Would you care to do the honors, Norbert?” Norbert says: “I've got THIS one!”

Norbert runs off into the distance, and sings: “I left you far behind, the ruins of the life that you have in mind. And though you still can't see, I know your mind's made up; you're gonna cause more misery.” Clem shouts: “Singer! After him!” And a bunch of green meanies go AFTER the source, but they can't FIND him, because Norbert is HIDING behind his cardboard cut-out! Lettuce says: “Well, that certainly took care of MOST of them!” Captain Retro says: “All that's left are a few sleepers, taking some Golden Slumbers.” Rocko says: “Norbert, you're truly amazing, mate!” Norbert says: “Call me a Traveling Wallaby...or, SOMETHING like that! The name could use a little work!” The Famous Four RUSH to the Gazebo, before the Green Meanie search party returns! They look through the confiscated stuff, and they find the costumes worn by Sargent Pepper's Lonely Heart's Club Band, AND the instruments they play! Captain Retro says: “These guys certainly know how to dress, don't they, though?” Lettuce asks: “Don't they, though?” Norbert asks: “Don't they?” Rocko, confused, asks: “Though?” Rocko puts his hand down, and it TOUCHES a bagpipe! Rocko asks: “What is THIS thing doing here?!” He tosses it out of the gazebo, only for the bagpipe to blow IRRITATING notes as it falls down the hill, and the Green Meanies on the hill STOMP on the bagpipe as HARD as they can, in order to MAKE the music stop! Captain Retro says: “Oh, dear! It looks like we're surrounded!” Lettuce says: “We won't be able to sneak away as long as THEY'RE awake!” Norbert says: “Agreed. We might as well hide out here for the night, and wait until morning to sneak away.” / I'll break here and stop for now. Enough said, for now! ;)

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I'm sorry for the lengthy delay! Here is the second, and final part of my latest "One Shot Story!" /

Mellow Submarine

Chapter Ten: “Captain Retro's Lonely Hearts Club Band/A Little Help from My Friends.”

The morning sun finally rises over Bikini Bottom, the Famous Four wake up first, and find that all the Green Meanies are still sleeping! Rocko says: “We're in luck! The Green Meanies are still only sleeping!” Captain Retro says: “Than let us take these instruments safely away, before they wake up again!” Lettuce says: “They seem strangely peaceful while they're only sleeping, like they are ALMOST nice, normal Nicktoons!” Norbert says: “Tip-toe, through the Meanies!” Captain Retro whispers: “Shhh!” But then, Rocko ACCIDENTALLY steps on the previously stomped bagpipe, and all Rocko can say is: “Oh, my!” Clem wakes up and says: “Thieves!” Captain Retro says: “Run for it!” And the Green Meanies begin to chase after and try to pursue the Famous Four, but they take the opportunity to hide near the trees where the Green Bonking Apples are being picked, and the chasing Green Meanies run RIGHT past them! Lettuce says: “That was a close one!” Norbert says: “It certainly was!” Than they hear the Bonkers have finished picking their apples, and are beginning to march off, as they are listening to Karen, give them orders! Captain Retro says: “I think we should take this unique opportunity to get closer to the citizens of Bikini Bottom, as well as incapacitate a few of these Bonkers. Wouldn't you agree?” Rocko says: “Seeing as the two of us are BOUND to work together for a LONG time, I'd say that we should!” Captain Retro says: “Than form a human tower on me, and I'll walk us all there!” And when all stacked together from bottom to top, Captain Retro, Norbert, Rocko, and Lettuce are as tall as a Bonker, and they each hold a green apple in their hand! They then get behind the Bonker line with Karen! Karen says: “Sound off! One and two, and three, and four! One and two, and three and four!” Lettuce says: “Five!” Karen asks: “FIVE?!” And Lettuce bonks one of the four bonkers, knocking the bonker unconscious.

Karen says: “Sound off! One and two, and three, and four! One and two, and three and...!” Lettuce says: “Three!” And he bonks another bonker unconscious! Karen asks: “Three?!” Lettuce says: “Two!” And Karen shrieks: “Two?!” And Lettuce bonks the LAST bonker unconscious! Karen asks: “Are you meanish? You don't LOOK meanish!” Captain Retro says: “Get off, she's onto us!” And they stop being in the tower formation, but as Lettuce throws the last apple up in the air, it ends up falling DOWN on Karen before she can chase them! The Famous Four finally find themselves in the center of Bikini Bottom, where a bunch of Bikini Bottom citizens are still bonked unconscious, and still all gray from being bonked! Norbert says: “We did it! There's not a single Meanie!” Rocko says: “Not even a teeny, weenie Meanie!” Lettuce says: “Then let us begin our song! A one, a two, a three, a four, a five, a six...!” Captain Retro says: “I thought we all agreed that we would all begin on a four!” Lettuce sighs, and says: “Very well! A one, a two, a three, a four!” / Loud instrumental music begins playing, which IMMEDIATELY brings COLOR back into the Bikini Bottom citizens, and life back into Bikini Bottom itself, and it also attracts the attention of the Green Meanies, who thankfully can't get anywhere NEAR the Famous Four, as they are playing a hit song! / Lettuce sings: “It was fifteen years ago today, Captain Retro learned how to play! We have been going in and out of style, but we're guaranteed to raise a smile! So may I introduce to you; the act you've known for all these years, Captain Retro's Lonely Hearts Club Band!” Captain Retro: “We're Captain Retro's Lonely Hearts Club Band, we hope you will enjoy the show. We're Captain Retro's Lonely Hearts Club Band, sit back and let the morning go. Captain Retro's lonely, Captain Retro's lonely, Captain Retro's Lonely Hearts Club Band!” Norbert: “It's wonderful to be here, it's certainly a thrill. You're such a lovely audience, we'd like to take you home with us; we'd love to take you home.” Captain Retro: “I don't really want to stop the show, but I thought that you might like to know; that a singer's going to sing a song, and he wants you all to sing along! So let me introduce to you, the one and only Rocko Starr, of Captain Retro's Lonely Hearts Club Band!” /

Captain Retro, Lettuce, and Norbert: “Rocko Starr!” Rocko: “What would you think if I sang out of tune, would you stand up and walk out on me? Lend me your ears, and I'll sing you a song, and I'll try not to sing out of key. Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends. Mm, I can fly with a little help from my friends. Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends. What do I do when my love is away?” Captain Retro: “Does it worry you to be alone?” Rocko: “How do I feel by the end of the day?” Captain Retro: “Are you sad, because you're on your own?” Rocko: “No; I get by with a little help from my friends. Mm, I'll fly with a little help from my friends. Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends.” Norbert and Lettuce: “Do you need anybody?” Rocko: “I need somebody to love.” Norbert and Lettuce: “Could it be anybody?” Rocko: “I want somebody to love.” Captain Retro: “Would you believe in a love at first sight?” Rocko: “Yes, I'm certain that it happens all the time.” Captain Retro: “What do you see when you turn out the light?” Rocko: “I can't tell you, but I know it's mine. Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends. Mm, I can fly with a little help from my friends. Oh I'm gonna try with a little help from my friends.” Norbert and Lettuce: “Do you need anybody?” Rocko: “I just need someone to love.” Norbert and Lettuce: “Could it be anybody?” Rocko: “I want somebody to love. Oh, I get by with a little help from my friends. Mm, gonna try with a little help from my friends. Oh, I can fly with a little help from my friends. Yes, I get by with a little help from my friends. With a little help from my friends!” / And the epic songs end as the Bikini Bottom citizens give them a thunderous applause! /

Chapter Eleven: “All You Need is Love.”

Meanwhile, in a thicket still filled with thorny plants and other bushes, Plankton and Clem are relaxing and enjoying a PERFECTLY miserable (but good to them), day! Plankton says: “The hills are alive!” And Clem sings: “With the sound of music!” Plankton screams: “WHAT?!!! What have I SAID about USING that WORD?!!!” Clem answers: “To not to?” Plankton asks: “So WHY did you USE it?!” Clem answers: “Because there IS music; just LISTEN!!!!” Plankton listens with his antennae, and he shudders! Plankton angrily says: “Psychedelic and popular music! It's just the WORST kind of music I can POSSIBLY imagine!” Clem asks: “What about Justin Bieber?! Plankton seriously says: “Okay; SECOND worst kind of music I can possibly imagine! We must FLATTEN it, SMASH it, STOP it!!!! Flying Chum Glove!!!!” And the Flying Chum Glove flies in, and lovingly approaches Plankton! Plankton asks: “Hear on yonder; that joyous, flamboyant, frivolous music going on over there? I want you to fly OVER to it, and when you do; CRASH it!!!! BASH it!!!! CRUSH it!!!! ELIMINATE it!!!!” And the Flying Glove begins to fly over to the Famous Four! The Bikini Bottom citizens begin to worryingly whisper: “Glove? Glove? Glove? Glove?” Lettuce opens his mouth, but instead of actually SAYING something; he produces a solid, psychedelic word that says: “Glove!” Norbert says: “He's got the right idea, I should think!” Captain Retro opens his mouth, but instead of actually saying something; he produces a solid, psychedelic word that says: “Glove!” Captain Retro grabs the word, and ERASES the “G”, from the word, and makes it “Love!” Captain Retro says: “It's all in the mind!” / A rousing fan-fare is played, and everyone begins singing the word “Love,” which creates MORE solid “Love” words, that the Flying Glove keeps FLYING into! /

The Famous Four and chorus: “Love, love, love. Love, love, love. Love, love, love.” Lettuce: “There's nothing you can do that can't be done. Nothing you can sing that can't be sung. Nothing you can say, but you can learn how to play the game. It's easy. Nothing you can make that can't be made. No one you can save, that can't be saved. Nothing you can do, but you can learn how to be you in time. It's easy!” Captain Retro and chorus: “All you need is love! All you need is love! All you need is love, love! Love is all you need!” The Famous Four and chorus: “Love, love, love. Love, love, love. Love, love, love.” Captain Retro and chorus: “All you need is love! All you need is love! All you need is love, love! Love is all you need!” Lettuce: “Nothing you can know that isn't known. Nothing you can see that isn't shown. Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be; it's easy!” Captain Retro and chorus: “All you need is love! All you need is love! All you need is love, love! Love is all you need!” Captain Retro: “All you need is love!” Lettuce: “All together, now!” The Famous Four: “All you need is love!” Lettuce: “Everybody!” The Famous Four and chorus: “All you need is love, love! Love is all you need!” / The Flying Chum Glove has finally had enough, and it retreats while the chorus repeats, “Love is all you need.” Norbert says: “There goes the glove!” Rocko says: “Kind of a nice glove!” Lettuce says: “Lovely glove!” Captain Retro: “Let's descend!” Lettuce says: “Right behind you!” Rocko says: “Wait for me!” Norbert descends slowly and says: “It's all in the mind!” And Bikini Bottom musically and magically, restores itself to its original state.

Captain Retro and chorus: “Love is all you need! Love is all you need! Love is all you need! Love is all you need! Love is all you need! Love is all you need! Love is all you need Love is all you need! Love is all you need! Love is all you need! Love is all you need! Love is all you need! Love is all you need! Love is all you need! Yee-hai! Love is all you need! Love is all you need! Love is all you need! Yesterday. Love is all you need! Love is all you need! Love is all you need! Love is all you need! Love is all you need! Love is all you need! Love is all you need! Oh, yeah! Love is all you need! She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah! Love is all you need! She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah! Love is all you need!” / And the epic song ends as the Famous Four begin marching with the Bikini Bottom citizens to drive off the Green Meanies, but then they stop, and Norbert says: “Hey, look over there! That looks very interesting!”

Chapter Twelve: “Baby, You're a Rich Man!”

The Famous Four travel to the ruined band-stand, where the Anti-Music bubble, is STILL holding strong, and is STILL holding the ACTUAL Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, prisoner! The Famous Four are even MORE surprised to see that the Band actually looks very much LIKE them, with only a few differences! Captain Retro says: “This is amazing!” Rocko says: “They have an uncanny similarity to us!” Lettuce says: “If I might propose a theory...” Norbert says: “Always with the theories!” Lettuce says: “I propose that these blokes ARE us, in what is a series of multiple, unusual, unique, parallel dimensions; that are separate, but still connected to us in a chemical, genetic way. And as we travel within them and without them, together and apart; we all collectively gather knowledge with each other, and over time, learn how to achieve a higher state of consciousness...what are you trying to do?” Captain Retro says: “We're trying to break this Bubble!” Lettuce asks: “So what's the problem?” Norbert says: “We can't break it; it's Nickelodeon proof!” Captain Retro says: “Nothing is Nickelodeon proof!” Rocko gets an epiphany, and says: “Wait! I've got a HOLE in my pocket!” And he pulls out the hole in his pocket that he had stored away earlier, and puts it OVER the Anti-Music bubble! And it works as the Anti-Music bubble begins to dissipate, and they hear the song that Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band was playing, before they were frozen! Norbert says: “Rocko, you're an absolute genius!” / Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band: “Baby, you're a rich man; baby, you're a rich man; baby, you're a rich man, too! You keep all your money in a big brown bag inside a zoo, what a thing to do! Baby, you're a rich man! Baby, you're a rich man; baby, you're a rich man, too! Baby, you're a rich man; baby, you're a rich man; baby, baby, you're a rich man too!” / And the epic song finishes playing! / Sergeant Pepper and his Band get out of their costumes, and they find that they are even DRESSED similarly to the Famous Four! Rocko turns to his Mirror Image, and Rocko asks: “So, what do you think about when you're not thinking about your band?” Mirror Rocko says: “Oh, I think about Photographs, how some things Don't Come Easy, and how I might want to form an All Starr band someday.” Norbert turns to his Mirror Image, and Norbert says: “I've been told that we are splitting images of each other.” Mirror Norbert says: “Darn right, we are!” Lettuce turns to his Mirror Image, and Lettuce says: “I've been told that I'm the Alter-Ego man of my group!” Mirror Lettuce says: “Than contrary-wise, by process of elimination, I must be the REAL Ego Man; Goo-goo, g'joob!” Captain Retro says: “I'm glad that we've managed to save our mirror images! We, are now a TRUE band of brothers!” Mirror Captain Retro says: “And as brothers, we must support each other in battles such as this situation demands!”

Chapter Thirteen: “Hey, Bulldog!”

Rocko asks: “So, what are we going to do?” Norbert says: “Well, whatever we do, we can't waste time! We've got to make a move before the Green Meanies can prepare a counter-attack, and try to catch us off guard!” Lettuce says: “So let us catch them off guard, before THEY catch us off guard!” Captain Retro says: “I suggest we start by messing with that Three-headed Plankton Dog! It would be very handy to get him to stop messing around with everything!” Mirror Captain Retro says: “Good idea, other me!” The Famous Four, and Sergeant Pepper and his band begin looking around for the Three-headed Plankton Dog, and it doesn't take too long before the Three-headed Plankton Dog begins snooping around to find them! The eight of them find what appears to be a Magical Piano, and Captain Retro says: “This instrument here gives me a clever idea!” They hide inside the Magical Piano, and when the Three-headed Plankton Dog begins sniffing around; Lettuce cranks the Magical Piano, and it begins playing by itself! / Captain Retro: “Sheepdog, standing in the rain. Bullfrog, doing it again! Some kind of happiness is measured out in miles. What makes you think you're something special when you smile? Child-like; no one understands. Jack knife, in your sweaty hands. Some kind of innocence is measured out in years; you don't know what it's like to listen to your fears!” Lettuce: “You can talk to me. You can talk to me. You can talk to me, if you're lonely, you can talk to me!” (As the song plays, the Famous Four and Sergeant Pepper and his band take turns messing with the Three-Headed Plankton Dog, confusing it!)

Captain Retro: “Yeah, hey, oh! Ho, ho! Yeah! Ho, ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho! Big man, walking in the park. Wigwam, frightened of the dark. Some kind of solitude is measured out in you. You think you know me, but you haven't got a clue.” Lettuce: “You can talk to me. You can talk to me. You can talk to me, if you're lonely, you can talk to me!” Norbert: “Hey!” Rocko: “Wahoo, woof! Woof!” Both Captain Retros: “Hey bulldog!” Both Lettuces: “Hey bulldog!” Both Norberts: “Hey bulldog!” Both Rockos: “Hey bulldog!” Lettuce: “Hey man, what's that noise?” Three-Headed Plankton Dog: “Woof!” Norbert: “What did you say? Just say it!” Three-Headed Plankton Dog: “Woof!” Rocko: “Do you know anymore?” Three-Headed Plankton Dog: “Ahwoo!” Captain Retro: “Woah, ha ha ha! You've got it, that's great! That's right! That's it, man, whoo! Give it to me, man, hurry! Ah, ho! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!” And the Three-Headed Plankton Dog runs INTO the Magical Piano in all the confusion, and gets rendered incapacitated! Captain Retro: “Quiet boy, quiet!” The Famous Four: “Hey, bulldog! Hey, bulldog!” / And the epic song ends as Sergeant Pepper and his band run off, and the Famous Four run off, except for Captain Retro, who notices something very FAMILIAR, hidden in the thorny bushes!

Chapter Fourteen: “Something”.

Captain Retro investigates, and he sees STIMPY! Alive and well, but currently hanging upside-down from a rope, that is tied to a tree! Captain Retro asks: “Stimpy! Can it be you?!” Stimpy says: “CAN it be me?! I'm not really sure; I think you'd best inquire the guards, for when they captured me, they took all of my cards!” Captain Retro says: “Hold still and be quiet! I'll get you loose!” Captain Retro frees Stimpy, and Captain Retro says: “I'd better take one of the bonking apples with us, just to be on the safe side!” And Captain Retro and Stimpy begin to sneak to safety, but they run into Karen! Karen asks: “And where do you think YOU'RE going?!” Captain Retro says: “Quickly Stimpy, read one of your lines!” Stimpy pulls out his book, and he recites: “Quickly, accurately, swift upper-cut! Left now, right now, hit it in the gut!” Karen merely laughs at Stimpy, but her eyes are closed while she laughs, so she doesn't see Captain Retro THROW his apple at her, and BONKS her right in the gut! Meanwhile, all the rest of the Green Meanies with the exception of Plankton and Clem, have decided that they have had ENOUGH of the musical treatment, and begin running BACK to the Mountain Range south of Bikini Bottom! Plankton asks: “Where do you think YOU'RE going?! You're not going AWOL!!!! Once MORE unto the breach! You're all advancing the WRONG way! RETREAT backwards!!!! Oh, my horse! My HORSE! My KINGDOM for a HORSE!!!!” And Plankton actually begins crying, and Stimpy begins to approach him. Stimpy says: “What an unusual feature. A poor, pathetic, crying, green creature! With his Robot Arms, Plankton GRABS Stimpy, and Plankton says: “I think I'll turn you into a CAT burger!”

Stimpy defiantly says: “I don't care WHAT you think!” Plankton angrily says: “Oh, you DON'T; HUH?! We will just SEE about THAT!!!!” Stimpy nervously says: “In truth, it seems that you're quite annoyed! Some reference material, before I'm destroyed!” Stimpy pulls out his book, and he recites: “Where in gardens most often grows; arise, a-rizz, arouse, a ROSE!!!!” And a ROSE appears where Plankton should HAVE a nose, and Stimpy replies: “A rosy NOSE?!” Plankton shrieks: “Speak your LAST piece!” But Stimpy mis-hears, and Stimpy says: “Peace! Yes, PEACE!!!! No more doom and gloom! Just stop being dour! Turn off what is sour; and BLOOM!!!!” And carnation flowers begin appearing all OVER Plankton's robot body! Stimpy says: “Bloom! Bloom! Bloom! BLOOM!!!!” Plankton screams: “TARNATION! Carnations!!!!” And Plankton and Clem finally run back to the Mountain Range south of Bikini Bottom! Rocko says: “When I first met Stimpy, that 'Nobody;' I always KNEW, he would be a SOMEBODY!!!!” On their own Mountain Range, Clem asks: “What's up, your mean...I mean, your new-ness?” Plankton sobs, and he says: “It's no longer a mean world, Clem! Where could we possibly go?!” Clem suggests: “North Korea?” Lettuce shouts: “Hey, you up there! Wish to change your ways and join us?!” Plankton asks: “What do you think, Clem?” Clem nods his head, and says: “No, your new-ness!” Plankton shrieks: “WHAT?!!!” Clem corrects himself, and says: “I mean; YES, your new-ness!” Stimpy says: “Yes; a quite positive phrase, it opens all locks, and will brighten his days!” Plankton says: “You know, I've never told anybody this, but my cousin IS the Jolly Green Giant!” / And the Mellow Submarine, driven by Spongebob, comes in with four new arrivals; Pinkie Pie; Katie, the Girl from Ipanema; Treeflower, and Reggie Rocket, and they join their respective boyfriends; Lettuce, Captain Retro, Norbert, and Rocko, as a great, epic song begins being played by the Famous Four! /

Norbert sings: “Something in the way she moves, attracts me like no other lover. Something in the way, she woos me.” Captain Retro sings: “I don't want to leave her now. You know I believe, and how!” Norbert sings: “Somewhere in her smile, she knows, that I don't need no other lover. Something in her style that shows me.” Lettuce sings: “Don't want to leave her now. You know I believe, and how!” Norbert and Captain Retro sing: “You're asking me, will my love grow? I don't know, I don't know! You stick around now, it may show! But I don't know, I don't know!” Norbert sings: “Something in the way, she knows; and all I have to do is think of her! Something in the things she shows me!” Rocko sings: “Don't want to leave her now. You know I believe, and how!” / And the epic song ends! /

Epilogue: “Hello, Goodbye”.

The Famous Four are back at the Nickelodeon Studios, and they are all hanging out together! Captain Retro says: “Well, that was quite the adventure we had in Bikini Bottom, wasn't it! We even brought back, some neat souvenirs!” Norbert says: “I've got a replica of the engine, from the Mellow Submarine!” Captain Retro produces a flashing, green, solid word, that says: “Love.” Captain Retro says: “And I've got a little, LOVE!” Rocko pulls out a large, green hole, and he says: “And I've got a hole in my pocket!” Captain Retro asks: “A hole?!” Rocko says: “Well, HALF a hole, anyways! I gave the rest to Stimpy!” Norbert asks: “What can he do with half a hole?” Captain Retro excitedly says: “I can fix it, to keep his mind from wandering!” Then the three of them notice Lettuce looking somewhere through a spyglass! Norbert asks: “What are you looking at, Lettuce?” Lettuce says: “Bad news, guys! Newer and MEANER Green Meanies have been sighted within the vicinity of this web-site! There's only one way to go out, fellows; SINGING!” Lettuce says: “One!” Norbert says: “Two!” Rocko says: “Three!” Captain Retro says: “Four!” /

The Famous Four sing: “You say yes, I say no; you say stop; and I say go, go, go, go, go! Oh, no! You say goodbye, and I say hello! Hello, hello! I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello! Hello, hello! I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello! I say high, you say low; you say why, and I say I don't know! Oh, no! You say goodbye, and I say hello!” Lettuce and Captain Retro sing: “Hello, goodbye, hello. / Hello, hello! I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello! / Hello, goodbye, hello. / Hello, hello! I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello!” Captain Retro sings: “Why, why, why, why, why, why, do you say goodbye, goodbye!” Lettuce sings: “Oh, no!” The Famous Four sing: “You say goodbye, and I say hello! Hello, hello! I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello! Hello, hello! I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello!” Lettuce and Norbert sing: “You say yes. / I say yes. / I say no. / But I may mean, no.” Rocko and Captain Retro sing: “You say stop. / I can stay, but I think it's time to go! Oh! Oh, no!” The Famous Four sing: “You say goodbye, and I say hello! Hello, hello! I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello! Hello, hello! I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello! Hello, hello! I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello; hello! Hela, hey, helloa! Hela, hey, helloa, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha! Hela, hey, helloa, whoo! Hela, hey, helloa, hela! Hela, hey, helloa, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha! Hela, hey, helloa, whoo! Hela, hey, helloa, cha, cha, cha, cha, cha!” / And the epic song ends! /

Personal Notes: I think that the reason why I decided on making this the second one shot story that I did, was that the movie this "One Shot Story" was based on; means a lot to me, being a big fan of both The Beatles, and of Nickelodeon Cartoons in general! Of course, getting to include the alter egos of both Renegade, and myself in this story was only an added bonus for me! Hopefully, it doesn't take me so long to write my next "One Shot Story"; I plan on making a parody of "Grease", next! Starring Nickelodeon Cartoon characters, titled "Mousse", and set in the High School Senior Year of 1987/1988! /

That's my "One Shot Story" idea for today! :D Enough said, true believers! ;)

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I have decided to ret-con a special I had initially wanted to be a part of the old "Squid" series that used to run on this website, but I have decided to instead, make it the third official episode of this series, to show that this series hasn't been cancelled, and is STILL relevant! I know it's still kind of a ways away from Christmas, but I hope you enjoy it anyways! /

A Very Special Squid Christmas Carol!

The camera opens up within a rustic winter lodge, where there is lots of snow outside, and more falling at a slow, but steady, rate. Inside the rustic cottage. A familiar talking dog who can sing, is just punishing the finishing touches on a bunch of gingerbread man, and has just finished pouring himself a glass of warm apple cider! The dog turns around, and says: “Hi! I'm Captain Retro! You may remember me for my starring role in The Curse of Blue Harbor; or for my supporting, but very important role in Hello, Stranger! This is a VERY Special Christmas episode, featuring not just myself, but more importantly, starring Squidward, along with a bunch of other familiar faces from underneath the sea! Now, this story has been told often before, and it will LIKELY be told even MORE; but we like to think that we're bringing a unique spin on a tale, by telling it in a way that it hasn't been told before! We took Charles Dickens' immortal book A Christmas Carol; and he can't complain about it, because he lived in the 19th century, BEFORE there was such a thing as copyright laws, so this book falls into public domain, and CAN be used by ANYONE! Anyways, we took that book, and actually updated it for the purposes of producing our own play version of A Christmas Carol, so the settings would make more sense for today's discerning viewer. I hope you will enjoy our rendition, of a timeless Christmas story!” /

The opening title shows, and the opening cast credits are shown!

Squidward as Ebenezer Scrooge. Spongebob as Bob Crachit. Patrick as Fred Scrooge. Police Officers Bob and Nancy as the Homeless Donations Collectors. Eugene Krabs as Jacob Marley. Captain Retro as the Narrator, and the Ghost of Christmas Past. Pearl as Fanny. Squilivia as Isabelle. Greg Shell as Fezziwig, Elderly Party-Goer, and Rotten Scrooge Benefactor #1. Ray Sting, Peterpus, Eeleen Rogers, Daphne, and Helga as Past Party-Goers, Present Party-Goers, and Future Book Buyers. Dr. Gil Gilliam as himself. Cuddle E. Hugs as the Ghost of Christmas Present. Girly Teengirl as Mrs. Crachit. Stanley as Morty Crachit. Sandy Cheeks as 'Tiny' Timantha Crachit. Mindy as Mindy Scrooge, Fred's Wife. Plankton as Arrogance, and Rotten Scrooge Benefactor #2. Karen as Want, and Rotten Scrooge Benefactor #3. Carl Blandy as Rotten Scrooge Appraiser. Billy as Christmas Kid.

Captain Retro narrates, and says: “Jacob Marley was dead to begin with. Now, this might seem like an unusual way to start off a tale, but it is a very IMPORTANT detail to remember! For without the knowledge of this fact, none of what follows in this tale will make any sort of sense without this knowledge! But this tale does not center around Jacob Marley, it centers around his partner. The still living, as of Christmas 2017, Ebenezer Scrooge. A relatively well-reasoned man, who considers himself first and foremost, a logical man. He's also a bit of a tightwad, a cheapskate, and generally does not participate in any activities that can be considered 'fun', or 'enjoyable'. But Ebenezer's entire attitude and outlook on life is about to change, based on what can be described as nothing less, but a genuine miracle, of the Christmas variety!”

Squidward is standing outside his “Loans and Accounting Office of Scrooge and Marley”, with Squidward apparently being TOO cheap, (and really, too apathetic to care about the whole situation); it is Christmas Eve, which is evident from all the Christmas Wreathes, Holly, Mistletoe, Christmas Lights, and snow falling onto the ground. Squidward chuckles, and he says: “Jacob Marley, no matter how often I come here, I have to admire what you did for me! You died seven years ago today, due to a tragic skiing accident! And in your will, you decided to give ME, this entire business establishment! You also left me enough money to pay for your tombstone! Wanted it to be FANCY! Like I was REALLY going to pay for that! I wonder if my top employee has arrived here yet! He may be ANNOYING, but at LEAST he sticks around for the holiday season, which is more than I can say for all my OTHER employees!”

Squidward enters the somewhat swank and fancy office, and sure enough, Spongebob is inside, and he's ADJUSTING the thermostat! Squidward says: “CRACHIT!!!! What have I TOLD you about adjusting the thermostat on a busy BUSINESS day?! If you just worked HARDER and FASTER, you wouldn't even FEEL cold!” Spongebob says: “Come on, Scrooge! It's Christmas Eve! This is the time of year when everyone should feel friendly and caring towards each other!” Squidward says: “Christmas?! Bah, humbug! I'll tell you what Christmas is! It's just another work day! And anyone else who says differently ought to be stuffed, baked, and BOILED in his own pudding! Besides, I let you adjust the thermostat LAST week! That was MY Christmas gift to you! You should be thankful for that! Now, get on that computer, and go over the records of all the people who still own MONEY to us! We've got to keep an eye on our bottom line!”

Spongebob goes to his computer, and he says: “Speaking of Christmas, it IS a federal holiday! So can't I have the day off like everyone else?!” Squidward gets annoyed, and he says: “And I suppose you'll be wanting your pay for THAT day, to?!” Spongebob blushes, and he says: “Well, it would be nice!” Squidward thinks about it, and he says: “Oh, VERY well! But I expect you to work TWICE as hard the following day in order to make up for it!” Spongebob exuberantly jumps up, and he says: “Thank you, sir! You've made my holidays SO merry!” Squidward says: “Indeed, I have! And DON'T call ME, MARY!!!!”

The door opens up, and the automatic voice announcement says: “Money!” Squidward joyfully says: “Ah!!!! A customer!!!! Watch an old PRO reel THIS one in!!!!” Squidward rushes towards the front door, but it's just a sea star holding a Christmas Wreath; and Squidward sourly says: “Oh! It's just YOU!!!!” Patrick asks: “Is that any way to speak to YOUR Nephew?! A guy who shares the same similar genes and D.N.A., that YOU do?!” Squidward gets irritated, and he says: “Fred, I wish I never BOUGHT you that BRAIN Coral to go on TOP of your head four Christmas' ago! Ever since then, you've become even MORE annoying; if that's even possible!” Patrick says: “I just came by to spread the Christmas cheer, and ask you if you might want to come to my party tomorrow! It's a BIG party, and all your old FRIENDS will be there! I've even GOT a rocking D.J.! He's called Captain Retro, he will only be playing the GOOD Christmas music! The kind that's not repetitious and annoying!” Squidward groans, and he asks: “Why do you ALWAYS try to put me UP to this?! For the past eighteen years; you have ALWAYS asked me; 'Do you WANT to come to my Christmas Party this year?!' And every single year, my answer is always a big, fat, 'NO!!!!'” Patrick says: “I was hoping that you might change your mind this year! I've got Christmas Pudding, Eggnog, Apple Pies, Roast turkey, glazed ham, mashed potatoes and gravy, yams, stuffing, and a bunch of other good stuff, to! You've just GOT to come!”

Squidward asks: “And what's in it for ME if I attend this event?!” Patrick says: “The chance to get to know ME better! The chance for me to get to know YOU better! I'm the only family you've got! I would think you would be GRATEFUL to have me in your life!” Squidward says: “I'm THANKFUL that I only have to deal with YOU on Christmas, and NO other day!” Patrick asks: “So, should I take that as a 'Maybe'? Can I at LEAST leave this Christmas Wreath with you?” Squidward says: “You can leave it for Bob Crachit; but NOT me!” Patrick hands the wreath to Spongebob, and Patrick says: “Here you go, Bob Crachit, my good friend!” Spongebob says: “Merry Christmas, Fred! I hope you have a good party! I'd attend it if I had anything GOOD to wear!” Patrick scoffs and he says: “We don't have any dress code! You could come, if you WANTED to!” Spongebob thinks about it, and he says: “Maybe, if I can manage it!” Patrick says: “I hope to see you there! Have a merry Christmas!” And Patrick exits out of the door! And Squidward yells: “And DON'T call ME, MARY!!!!” Spongebob says: “That Fred Scrooge! Always SO full of kindness!” Squidward says: “Aye! He always HAS been a little bit odd!”

The front door opens, triggering the automatic voice saying: “Money!” Squidward says: “And PERSISTENT!!!!” But Squidward looks, and it's two police officers; one a man, and one a woman! Squidward blushes, and he says: “Sorry! I thought you were someone else! And how might I help two of my FINEST police officers on THIS fine day?!” Police Officer Bob says: “Today, we do not come to you as officers of the law. We're dedicating our holiday season off, to helping out the destitute and homeless in Bikini Bottom!” Squidward asks: “For the WHO?!!!” Police Officer Nancy says: “We're collecting for the poor!” Squidward asks: “Now WHY would you need to do that?! Are there no factories?! Are there no homeless shelters?! If they REALLY didn't want to BE poor, they WOULD WORK for a living, or get some REAL help, rather than get some poor SCHMUCKS like you to help THEM out!” Nancy says: “But many poor and homeless CAN'T work, and they DON'T want to go to those over-crowded shelters! Many would rather DIE!!!!”

Squidward says: Well, if they're GOING to die, than they'd BETTER do it FAST, and DECREASE the SURPLUS population!” Bob asks: “Can't we count on you for ONE donation?!” Squidward picks up Spongebob's wreath, stuffs it OVER Nancy, and he says: “SURE!!!! You can give THIS to the POOR; and be GONE!!!!” Squidward slams the DOOR on them, and Nancy says: “TOUCHY!!!!” Squidward sighs, and says: “Ah. What IS society coming to, Crachit; when you can't even make an honest day's LIVING, without some INSIPID collectors coming to you, asking for you to GIVE that money AWAY?!!!” Spongebob says: “I don't KNOW, Mr. Scrooge! I don't know!” /

It is later in the evening, and the clock strikes 6 P.M.! (GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG!) Squidward sighs, and says: “All right, Crachit! You're done for the day! Go home, and I'll finish up the rest of the records!” Spongebob joyfully says: “All right, sir! You're so generous!” Squidward says: “But be here ALL the earlier for the next business day!” Spongebob says: “Yes, sir! And a merry Christmas to YOU, sir!!!!” Spongebob shuts the door, and Squidward yells: “And DON'T call me, MARY!!!! Bah, humbug!!!” /

It is later in the night, and the clock strikes 9 P.M.! (GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG!) Squidward finally exits out of the building, his work finished for the day! But before he goes, he realizes the neon lighting for his neon light sign of “Loans and Accounting Office of Scrooge and Marley” is not fully lit, as “And Marley” is gray, so Squidward SLAPS on the sign, making “And Marley” light up. Squidward then gets in his average sized boat, and drives home, as the snow begins to fall more heavily. Squidward gets home, with the snow starting to get thick. He reaches into his shirt pocket, and takes out his keys! But while he's opening his front door; the image of his front door knocker CHANGERS into a GHOSTLY crab, and it wails: “SCROOGE!!!!!!!!!!”

Squidward is taken aback, and he asks himself: “Jacob MARLEY?!!! Why, that's IMPOSSIBLE!!!!” Squidward reaches for the knocker, but it HISSES, causing Squidward to HURRY straight inside! Squidward says: “I could have SWORN that...BAH!!!! Humbug!!!!” And Squidward starts to head upstairs to bed, but he hears the RATTLING of ghostly CHAINS behind him! Squidward asks: “Who's there?!” But he gets no answer! Squidward continues up the steps, and the ghostly voice says: “Ebenezer SCROOGE!!!!” Squidward gets MORE alarmed, and he asks: “Who SAID THAT?!!! Show yourself!!!!” And the shadow of a WITHERED, ghostly body, wearing band-aids, and COVERED in heavy chains and money safes, appears on the stairs and WAILS!!!! Squidward cries: “AHHH!!!!!” And he ZOOMS straight into his bedroom; QUICKLY locking TWELVE sets of locks on his bedroom door, and not even BOTHERING to put on his pajamas, heads straight into his bed, knocking his CLARINET onto the floor in all the confusion! Squidward shivers in fear, and the ghost says: “Ebenezer SCROOGE!!!!” Squidward yells: “Leave me ALONE!!!!” The ghostly crab (being intangible) walks RIGHT through the solid door, and says: “Ebenezer—WOAH!!!!” And the ghost TRIPS on the fallen clarinet, knocking a bunch of Squidward's VALUABLE artworks to the ground! The ghost says: “Got to watch out for that FIRST step!”

Squidward calms down, and he asks: “Who...or, WHAT, are you?!” The ghost says: “You don't remember me? It's only been seven YEARS! We had a business together for TWENTY years, and knew each other for four years BEFORE that! In life, I WAS your partner; Jacob Marley!” Squidward realizes that it IS his old business partner. His body has obviously decayed somewhat, being in the ground for seven years, but it IS him! Squidward says: “Now I recognize you! It was tough at first! You're usually surrounded by money!” The ghostly crab says: “Aye. I remember when I was once like you! So much younger; so full of hope, so full of life, so FULL of energy! I thought that MONEY would solve all my problems! But WOAH!!!! Was I wrong! Money can not buy you peace of mind when you HAVE no body, and NO way to spend it!!!! Look at all THESE heavy chains!!!!” Squidward says: “Why do you carry such things around?!” The ghostly Jacob Marley says: “This is the chain I forged in my own life! Little by little, bit by bit; these CHAINS represent all the callous misdeeds, all the times I was greedy, all the times I never gave to my fellow sea creatures! And, as PUNISHMENT for my avarice and money-grubbing ways; I'm FORCED to lug around ALL these chains, through ALL eternity, mourning and SUFFERING!!!! BUT; I have not come here to ask you to pity me! NO!!!! I have come here, to help you AVOID the fate that I am suffering!” Squidward asks: “What do you MEAN; Jacob Marley?!” The ghostly crab says: “You're forging the very same chain that I currently HAVE! Right now, your chain is almost as long as MINE!!!!”

Squidward yells: “NO!!!!” The ghostly crab says: “YES!!!! If you don't change your ways, you will be condemned to spend the afterlife as a ghost; drifting mournfully in limbo, SUFFERING, and be FORCED to watch the lives of others SUFFERING, being unable to HELP them in any way! That's what will happen to YOU; Ebenezer Scrooge!” Squidward nervously says: “But it CAN'T!!!! It couldn't!!!! PLEASE help me, Jacob!!!! I'll do whatever it takes!” The Ghostly crab says: “Tonight, you will be visited by THREE more spirits! They have MUCH to teach you, and it would be in your BEST interest to learn from them! Listen to them, do what they say! Or your chains will be LONGER than mine!” Squidward says: “Thank you, Jacob! You always DID have my best interests at heart!” The ghostly crab says: I have done all I could. If all goes well, this will ease my suffering, and help me pass on into a better life. Expect the first spirit at the stroke of 10 P.M.! Farewell, Scrooge! I shall haunt you no more!!!!” And the ghostly crab flies STRAIGHT through the solid window WITHOUT breaking it, being an intangible ghost! /

Squidward is in his pajamas, his dinner eaten, and is ready to go to bed! Squidward says: “I'm SO nervous! Three spirits?! What do they even LOOK like?! Are they going to hurt me?! I feel like I'm about to go sky-diving, and I didn't even CHECK to see if I packed a parachute! I wonder if OTHER people have HAD to have gone through a spiritual experience like THIS?!” (GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG!) And sure enough the room lights up, and a familiar Christmas song begins playing! George Michael sings: Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. But the very next day, you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special. Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. But the very next day, you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special.”

Squidward looks around, and he sees a very FESTIVE looking, and very Christmas decked version of Captain Retro, dressed up in a RETRO Christmas outfit from the 1980's! Captain Retro sighs, and says: “Nothing like George Michael and Wham to put you in the mood for Christmas, right? It's kind of harsher in hindsight, but George Michael actually DIED on Christmas in 2016. Not a GOOD year for celebrities, if you know what I mean!” Squidward asks: “And just WHO are you?!” Captain Retro chuckles, and he says: “Haven't you guessed?! I'm the Spirit of Christmas Past!” Squidward says: “Weird. I thought you'd be scarier!” Captain Retro sighs and says: “Everyone thinks that, especially when they're forced to confront the memories of things they've LONG since subdued, or chosen to ignore; but when it comes right down to it, when people remember their past, they find that the past; even the GRIMY parts of it, just seem to get brighter ALL the time, even as the future gets cloudier and darker!” Squidward asks: “You aren't going to HURT me, are you spirit?!” Captain Retro says: “I'm not allowed to! Nor, would I WANT to! I only want to help you! However, you might not LIKE all of what you're going to see, but you HAVE to see it anyways! I only felt it was FAIR to give you a fair warning!”

Squidward says: “Well, I know it is only your intent to educate me. Very well then, do, whatever it is you need to do.” Captain Retro says: “Hold tight to my paw! We're about to take a memory-based trip BACK into the past!” Squidward grabs Captain Retro's left hand, and before Squidward knows it, Captain Retro is running SO fast, he's actually TURNING back the clock, and REWINDING time before his very eyes! Squidward asks: “What is the MEANING of this?!” Captain Retro says: “88 Miles Per Hour, Squidward! That's how FAST you need to go, to go back in time! Or the bare minimum! Asks Doc Brown, he's the REAL expert! Hold it! We're here!”

And Captain Retro stops, and they're in New Kelp City, and they're already starting to set up the ball for the New Year of 1974! Squidward says: “I remember THIS place! This is my old home-town! And all of my old school friends! It's Christmas Eve of 1973!” And sure enough, a song that was released relatively recently, begins playing in the air! John Lennon and Yoko Ono sing: “So this is Xmas. And what have you done? Another year over, and a new one just begun! And so this is Xmas! I hope you have fun! The near and the dear one! The old and the young! A very Merry Xmas! And a happy New Year! Let's hope it's a good one, without any fear! And so this is Xmas, (war is over), for weak and for strong, (if you want it). For rich and the poor ones, (war is over). The world is so wrong (now). And so happy Xmas! (War is over) for black and for white, (if you want it)! For yellow and red ones, (war is over)! Let's stop all the fight (now). A very Merry Xmas! And a happy New Year! Let's hope it's a good one, without any fear!

And so this is Xmas, (war is over)! And what have we done? (
If you want it). Another year over, (war is over)! A new one just begun (now)! And so happy Xmas, (war is over)! We hope you have fun, (if you want it)! The near and the dear one, (war is over)! The old and the young (now)! A very Merry Xmas! And a happy New Year! Let's hope it's a good one, without any fear! War is over, if you want it! War is over, now! Happy Xmas!” /

The epic song ends, and Squidward says: “I remember this place well! Those happy memories of my youth always get me RIGHT in the heart!” Captain Retro says: “But not ALL of your youth was happy! Remember?” Squidward sighs, and says: “Aye. I remember THIS Christmas season well! I was five years old, and Dad had to go away on a business trip and had forgotten ALL about Christmas; forcing me to go to a private kindergarten, where I could learn the ways of life!” They go to a fancy, private school, where everything is shut down, save for one room, where a young Scrooge/Squidward is going over his studies. The young Squidward says: “A is for Atom Ant, B is for The Beatles, C is for Carols, D is for The Doors, E is for The Eagles, F is for Friends who do Stuff together, G is for Gingerbread Houses, H is for Holly, I is for...I really WISH my dad could be home for Christmas!” A teenaged girl whale comes in, and she says: “And your WISH has been granted!”

The young Squidward says: “Fannie! What are you doing here?!” Fannie says: “I just got a phone call from our dad! He says that the business trip has been CANCELLED! He's going to spend Christmas with us AFTER all! And he sounded SO nice, to! Much nicer than he HAS been! He says that he's given up drinking, and will quit his smoking habits! From now on, he's going to be a nicer, and kinder man, and he wants you home for Christmas, to!” The young Squidward says: “All right! What should we get him for Christmas, Fannie?!” Fannie says: “Oh, I have a few ideas...” And their voices trail off. Squidward says: “My older sister, Fannie. And NO; I DON'T know HOW an Octopus and a WHALE can be related!” Captain Retro says: “I wasn't even going to ask!” Squidward says: “She was so full of life and hope, you know! She later married, and gave birth to my nephew, Fred. After that, she got put on a bus.” Captain Retro asks: “You mean she...?” Squidward says: “NO!!!! She LITERALLY got put on a bus! Our father got her ENLISTENED into the army, she thought it would be a good LEARNING experience for her! But she got STUCK in the war quagmire that's been going ON for the past 16 years, and I haven't gotten to see OR hear from her, since!”

Captain Retro says: “Is that why you can't STAND to be around Fred?” Squidward sighs, and says: “If we're being brutally honest, yes. Because every time I look at him, I SEE her, and it just TEARS me up inside that she CAN'T be with me!” Captain Retro says: “I know. Being apart from your family, especially at Christmas, can be, and often IS, PAINFUL. BUT; you DO have a choice! You can either choose to try to suppress your pain and HIDE it, and let it DESTROY you from the inside out, or you can choose to LEARN from it, and deal with your pain in a more constructive matter!” Squidward asks: “And I want to choose the LATTER method, right?!” Captain Retro says: “You catch on fast, Scrooge! Come, let us LEAVE this Christmas behind, and go to a more pleasant Christmas Eve! We're going to the 1980's!!!!”

Squidward grabs Captain Retro's hand, and they zoom again! Forward, this time! And they zoom forward to the Christmas Eve of 1988! They're still in New Kelp City, but everything looks busier, and MORE flashy, as everyone is living the high life, and the fast life, of the 1980's! Squidward says: “GAH!!!! What GARISH fashions! I forgot how much of a FASHION disaster the 1980's truly WERE!” Captain Retro chuckles, and he says: “You were JUST as into the fashion trends back then as EVERYONE else! Take a look in this building, and see for yourself! Recognize anybody?!” And Squidward looks inside, and sure ENOUGH he sees a 20 year old VERSION of himself, sporting a George Michael haircut, and wearing a “Members Only” jacket! Captain Retro chuckles, and he says: “Nice hair and jacket, by the way!” Squidward says: “It was in STYLE, back then! Besides, we had NO idea George Michael was going to turn out to be GAY back then! They would've LAUGHED at you for even SUGGESTING the idea! Uh, they can't hear or see us, can they?!” Captain Retro says: “I'm only showing you the shadows of things that have already passed in your life, they cannot see or hear us. They are going on with their lives, unaware of what YOU'RE going to turn out to be!”

Squidward asks: “And what's WRONG with liking money?!” Captain Retro says: “Nothing; if you're Bill Gates and you use it for altruistic purposes! But since you're NOT, that's the problem! Besides, you didn't ALWAYS used to like money! You used to love something else! Recognize anyone else?!” Squidward looks, and he sees an elderly sea turtle, running a Party Store! Squidward says: “It's old Fezziwig! Alive and well, again! He was a good and generous boss, he was! I couldn't have worked for a kinder gentleman!” Captain Retro asks: “This 'small' party, impresses you THAT much?!” Squidward says: “Nothing that Fezziwig ever did, in spite of his outdated name, was EVER small! He gave from his heart, and he GAVE to all!”

Fezziwig goes to a young crab, and he says: “Jacob Marley! Stop WORKING! Put those forms away, and join the party! After all, it IS Christmas Eve! And what is a Party Store, without a little PARTY to celebrate Christmas Eve?!” The young adult Squidward says: “Step aside, and make way for some INTERPRETIVE dance!” And the young Squidward busts out his REALLY unique dance moves, that REALLY impress his old friends, such as Ray Sting, Peterpus, Eeleen Rogers, Daphne, and Helga! Captain Retro chuckles and he says: “Nice DANCE moves!” Squidward says: “It was POPULAR back then! I kind of WISH it still was! But I haven't danced like that ever since my ill-fated attempt of 1999, when everyone threw TOMATOES at me! I mean, COME on! If you're going to THROW something at me, the LEAST you can do is THROW something that isn't wasting FOOD!” Captain Retro says: “Your friends weren't the ONLY ones impressed with you! A beautiful young lady is about to enter the picture, if you KNOW what I mean!” Squidward is stunned, when he sees a BEAUTIFUL lady octopus, wearing a t-shirt that reads: “Italians do it better!” Squidward sighs, and says: “The love of my life! The lovely Isabelle!”

The young Squidward finishes dancing, and Isabelle goes up to him, and she asks: “Who are you? You must forgive me, but I just started working here last week, and I haven't gotten a chance to meet everyone yet. I'm Isabelle. I guess we're going to be work partners from now on!” The young Squidward blushes, and he says: “I guess we are! I'm Ebenezer Scrooge! Obviously, I didn't pick THAT first name! I would've gone with something cooler!” Isabelle looks up, and she romantically says: “You KNOW, we ARE standing under the mistletoe!” The young Squidward says: “Well, if you really WANT...” But he doesn't even FINISH, and Isabelle plants a BIG romantic kiss on his left cheek!!!! The young Squidward romantically says: “I think I'm in LOVE!!!!” And then a bunch of clattering is heard, as Fezziwig starts to break out HIS dance moves (albeit, clumsily, as he APPEARS to be TIPSY), and he proves it, by taking off his SHELL, waving it around, and screaming: “No DRESS CODE!!!!” And everyone cheers! The young Squidward says: “That's my...boss! He can't hold his liquor in very well!” Isabelle says: “I see what you mean! Let's ditch this party and have some OTHER fun!” The young Squidward says: “Lead the way! I want to know EVERYTHING about you, that you want to SHARE with me!”

And sure enough, Isabelle and the young Squidward run off, throwing snowballs at each other, ice skating, building snow mermaids, and making snow angels! They cap a Christmas evening by driving to a romantic look-out over New Kelp City, while a familiar Christmas tune plays. George Michael sings: “Once bitten, and twice shy, I keep my distance; but you still catch my eye. Tell me, baby, Do you recognize me?” Isabelle asks: “Isn't this a ROMANTIC tune?!” The young Squidward says: “It's certainly a good one. Listen, Isabelle; what do you want to do with your life?” Isabelle says: “I'd like to travel around the world and help those in need! There are so many places I want to see! There are so many of those I'd like to help!” The young Squidward says: “Well, I'd like to help you! Once I've saved enough money, Jacob Marley and I are going to start a business together! We'll make SO much money together, we can afford to GIVE a lot of our profits away! I'll help you in ANY way I can!” Isabelle says: “That sounds SO romantic! It means a lot to me!” The young Squidward sighs, and he says: “You know what would mean a lot to me? I mean, we've only KNOWN each other for a short time, but it feels like I've known you forever.” The young Squidward reaches into his glove compartment, and pulls out a LOVELY ring, with two dolphins surrounding a pristine, white pearl. The young Squidward says: “This belonged to my mother, my grandmother, and HER mother before her! It's been in my family for four generations! And it would mean a lot to me, for you to have this, if you'd be my wife!” Isabelle tears up, and she says: “Ebenezer, I don't know what to say!” The young Squidward says: “Say, yes!” Isabelle excitedly says: “Yes, YES! A thousand times, YES!! I know this is going to sound mushy, but you LIKE me! You REALLY like ME!!!!”

The young Squidward says: “We'll get married in Las Vegas! Big and fancy, or small and informal, whichever you prefer! Feel free to invite any guests you want! It would be more fun that way!” Isabelle says: “I'd like to invite Fezziwig! He's...funny!” The young Squidward says: “Aye. He can be MOST times!” /

The scene fades, and Squidward says: “Ah! I remember how MUCH we were in LOVE together!” Captain Retro says: “The key word there is, 'WERE', in love together! In ten years time, something ELSE will take the place of your love and affection for Isabelle!” And Captain Retro grabs Squidward, and they zoom forward again, to the Christmas Eve of 1998! They are standing outside the building of “Loans and Accounting Office of Scrooge and Marley”, only everything looks MORE brand new, and not as dilapidated! Captain Retro says: “Remember when I told you that you were going to see some things you were NOT going to like seeing? You're about to see one, driven by YOUR own poor choices and ABYSMAL set of priorities!”

Inside the building, Isabelle is sporting a “Rachel” haircut from friends, while the younger Squidward's haircut is starting to loose it's luster, looking more like Alec Baldwin than George Michael. The younger Squidward is busy working on his brand new computer, doing his daily business of settling loans and accounts! The younger Squidward says: “Let's see; I can terminate the account of Old Man Jenkins, who failed to pay in time for that 'Tickle Me Elmo,' BLASPHEMOUS device! I can also end the account of Mrs. Puff, who failed to pay for that FURBY, another USELESS gizmo! I think I'll keep the account of SQUILLIAM open; just to MAKE him keep paying for that N64!” Isabelle sighs and says: “Scrooge, we need to talk!” The younger Squidward says: “Make it quick! I have a LOT to think about!” Isabelle seriously says: “It's about the wedding ring you gave me ten years ago.” Squidward is taken aback, and he asks: “What about it?” Isabelle seriously says: “You need to take it back! I'm annulling the marriage! You're no longer the man I married all those years ago!” The younger Squidward asks: “What are you talking about?! I'm still physically the same guy! I'm just older! I've gotten wiser! Besides, have I ever HURT you in our relationship? Have I ever treated you badly, or said anything wrong to you?”

Isabelle sighs and says: “No. You still tell me the same, sweet nothings. But, you no longer MEAN any of the things you say! You used to be so nice and passionate to me! But a new idol has taken my place in your heart! You used to CARE about helping others! About making a difference! Now all you care about is enriching yourself!” The younger Squidward asks: “And what's WRONG with that?! Haven't I given you EVERYTHING a lady like you could ask for? Haven't you had a good life?!” Isabelle says: “You've given to ME, but not to others! That's what I want! I STILL want to help others! A fact that you have CHOSEN to ignore and belittle! I'm asking to be released from you!” The younger Squidward says: “Don't do THIS!!!! Have I ASKED for you to be released from me?! Have I ever TOLD you that you were no longer welcome in my house?!” Isabelle says: “In words, no. But if you MET the younger me, ten years ago, the younger me who HAD nothing; would you WANT from then, the way you DID back then?!” Squidward looks away almost longingly, and says nothing. Isabelle says: “Your silence, says it all.” Isabelle takes off her wedding ring and puts it on Squidward's table. Isabelle says: “Here's your wedding ring back! May YOU be HAPPY with the LIFE you've chosen!”

The actual Squidward says: “Isabelle, don't LEAVE!!!!” But Squidward's tentacles PASS right through Isabelle, and she WALKS right out the door! The scene fades, and Squidward cries: “NO!!!! That was TWICE that Isabelle LEFT my life! Why did he...I mean, I just SIT THERE?!!! WHY?!!!” Captain Retro says: “Why are you asking me, when YOU are the ONE who have actually LIVED this life?! You should know the answer better than ANYONE!” Squidward sighs, and he says: “Spirit, I can't BEAR to look upon these memories anymore! Take me home!” Captain Retro sighs, and he says: “Sorry, but there's still ONE more memory we must look back on! Hold on!” Squidward does so, and they zoom toward the Christmas Eve of 2010, seven years ago! They are in a hospital in Bikini Bottom, and the past Squidward rushes by, looking VERY much as he does right now! The present Squidward shivers in fear, and he says: “Don't tell me...” Captain Retro sighs, and he says: “I'm afraid I must. This is the Christmas where your partner, Jacob Marley died. He suffered his HORRIBLE skiing accident over TWELVE hours ago! He didn't take his cell phone, he didn't even OWN one! Called it a waste of money! If he had one, he could have called for help! But the paramedics took so long to reach him...well, you'll see for yourself.”

The younger Squidward gets to a purple fish doctor, and he says: “Dr. Gil Gilliam?!” The purple fish doctor sighs, and says: “Yes?” The younger Squidward says: “I'm looking for my business partner Jacob Marley! Where is he?” Dr. Gilliam says: “He's in the intensive care, but I should warn you, the diagnosis is not positive!” Squidward asks: “What do you mean?! He's going to make it! He's just GOT to make it!” Dr. Gilliam seriously says: “By our estimates, he was lying in a snow-bank, next to a snow-covered Christmas Tree for TWELVE hours, both of his legs were BROKEN, and he was BLEEDING profusely!” Squidward asks: “But you STOPPED the bleeding, right?!” Dr. Gilliam sighs, and says: “If he HAD a cell phone to call for help, we probably COULD have done something!” Squidward asks: “What do you MEAN; 'COULD have done something?!' You still can, right?!” Dr. Gilliam sighs, and says: “He lost so much blood, and he's losing more. He's bleeding internally, Squidward. There's nothing more we can DO for him. I'll let you go in, so you can say your good-byes.”

The younger Squidward enters the Intensive Care Unit. Jacob Marley is hooked up to a machine that's trying to pump more new blood into the heavily bandaged crab, but it is an exercise in futility! Jacob Marley opens his bruised eyes, and he says: “Scrooge? You, came for me!” The younger Squidward says: “I had to; I couldn't let you suffer alone!” Marley sighs and says: “I...should have never gone skiing! It's all my fault!” Scrooge says: “Don't say that! If that avalanche hadn't have happened, and you didn't get distracted and run into the tree, you WOULD have been fine!!!! Uh...that is, to say; what I really mean is...” Marley sighs and says: “You don't need to say it, I know it's only a matter of time, now. I; made out a last will and testament for you. In it, I'm granting MY entire share of the business, to you, Scrooge! You're the only man I can trust, to run our business in the right way! Help others, the way we always DREAMED of, instead of making money, for yourself! Don't be like I was! Don't...COUGH; COUGH!!!! WASTE...your life...the way...I...DID!!!!” The younger Squidward says: “Don't talk; you're only HURTING yourself!” Marley says: “I also left some money, to pay for a fancy tombstone for myself! Spare no expense! I want to be loved...when...I'm gone.” (GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG!) The younger Squidward seriously says: “Marley!” (GONG! GONG!) The younger Squidward says: “Please!” (GONG! GONG!) The younger Squidward says: “Don't leave me!” (GONG! GONG!) And Jacob Marley's eyes close, and he falls unconscious! (GONG! GONG!) And the heart-rate monitor goes; BEEP!!!! (GONG! GONG!) Dr. Gilliam sighs and he says: “Nurse Wretched, mark the time of passing. One Jacob Marley passed away this night; or early Christmas morning, 12 A.M., at the stroke of ten.” /

The scene fades, and both Captain Retro and Squidward are back in Squidward's house! Captain Retro says: “A fine friend that Jacob Marley HAD!!!! You couldn't even grant his wish, to give him a DECENT tombstone! You just found the CHEAPEST person you could find to bury him, and kept the rest of the money for yourself!” Squidward sighs, and says: “I don't know WHAT I was thinking! I can't tell you WHY I was so foolish! PLEASE, forgive me spirit! I was SUCH a fool!” Captain Retro says: “It's not me, you need to ask forgiveness for. You need to ask forgiveness for yourself. I've only showed you the shadows of what has already passed. Now, it's up to you, to learn from them. You're still 49 years old, you still have MANY opportunities to change your ways. I hope you will use your time wisely. I'll leave you with one last gift. This song to listen to, until the next Christmas Spirit gets here. I hope you enjoy it. I think you will.” And Captain Retro VANISHES out of sight leaving behind George Michael's singing voice!

George Michael sings: “Well, it's been a year, it doesn't surprise me. (Merry Christmas) I wrapped it up and sent it; with a note saying, 'I love you,' I meant it. Now I know what a fool I've been. But if you kissed me now, I know you'd fool me again. Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. But the very next day, you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special. Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. But the very next day, you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special. Oh, oh, baby. A crowded room, friends with tired eyes. I'm hiding from you, and your soul of ice. My god, I thought you were someone to rely on. Me? I guess I was a shoulder to cry on. A face on a lover with a fire in his heart. A man under cover, but you tore me apart, ooh-hoo. Now I've found a real love, you'll never fool me again. Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. But the very next day, you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special. Last Christmas, I gave you my heart. But the very next day, you gave it away. This year, to save me from tears, I'll give it to someone special. A face on a lover with a fire in his heart, (I gave you my heart). A man under cover, but you tore him apart. Maybe next year, I'll give it to someone. I'll give it to someone special. Special... Someone...” / And as the epic song ends, Squidward hears ENORMOUS thudding, as if someone HUGE was walking through his house! A jolly voice says: “Ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho, HO!!!! Merry Christmas!!!!”

Squidward looks, and he SEES his entire HOUSE has been decked with Christmas festivities! Mistletoe, holly, bright Christmas lights, a HUGE Christmas tree with LOTS of presents underneath it, and a GIANT banquet table filled with LOTS of food of the Christmas variety, and even SEVEREAL foods from Hanukkah and Kwanzaa! But the most UNUSUAL sight is THAT of a GIANT, furry hamster, wearing Christmas holly leaves as a crown, wooden sandals, and A GIANT green robe around his body! The giant hamster says: “Come, Squidward! Come closer! This is Christmas! The time to EMBRACE your fellow men, AND women, in warmth and Christmas cheer! Or whatever holiday you celebrate at the end of the year!” Squidward says: “GIANT!!!! You're going to EAT me!” The Giant Hamster says: “No, I WON'T!!!! That's in the PAST!!!! I've REFORMED now! Besides, my friend, Captain Retro, the Spirit of Christmas Past told me, that FISH are FRIENDS, NOT food! I, Cuddle E. Hugs, the E. now stands for ENORMOUS, am now serving as the Spirit of Christmas Present, now!”

Squidward says: “You're as large as life itself!” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “And why shouldn't I be?! The present is all around us, and it's a GIFT!!!! That's why it's called a Christmas PRESENT!!!! But enough about puns! I want to show you all this merriment and warmth! And all the wonderful things you could be having on Christmas Day! I've even got some vegetarian, or soy and tofu based options, if you happen to have special dietary needs!” Squidward looks at the table, and he longingly says: “Apple pies! Roast turkeys! Glazed hams!” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “And don't forget the mashed potatoes! They have pismachioes! I mean, smishnachioes! I mean mishingidilinga...with gravy!!!!” Squidward asks: “But where did all this food come from?” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “From the HEART!!!! From INSIDE the SOUL!!!! This food is a physical representation, of the food of generosity, which you have LONG denied your fellow men and women!” Squidward asks: “GENEROSITY?!!! Nobody has ever shown ME any generosity!” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “Not in the past eighteen years, you mean! And that's because you don't give them any REASON to! And yet; in spite of ALL that, there are still SOME out there, who are willing to share their generosity with others! Even some, who have GIVEN what they have, TO you! Ebenezer Scrooge!” Squidward scoffs, and he says: “If you can find ONE out there, I'll GLADLY give your warm, furry body a hug!”

Cuddle E. Hugs says: “Than I better start looking forward to collecting, because I'm about to get some hugs, soon! Grab onto my robe! We will be invisible, and inaudible to everyone else, as we look upon this upcoming Christmas day present!” (GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG! GONG!!!!) And as Squidward grabs onto the robe of Cuddle E. Hugs, Squidward's house disappears, and they find themselves outside of a PINEAPPLE house in Bikini Bottom! And it is a bright, sunny Christmas day, shining on the snow that has fallen in the ocean! Squidward asks: “A PINEAPPLE house?! What does a pineapple, under the sea, have to do with ME?!” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “This may come as a SURPRISE to you, but not every single thing underneath the ocean REVOLVES around YOU; Ebenezer Scrooge! The man that lives in here, may WORK for you; but his heart belongs to EVERYONE!!!! This is the house of your over-worked, and under-paid employee; Bob Crachit!” Squidward says: “I'm not a SLAVE DRIVER!!!! I pair him his FAIR share of wages, just like EVERYONE else!!!!” Cuddle E. Hugs scoffs and says: “PLEASE!!!! The only time YOU increase his wages, is when Congress RAISES the Minimum Wage limit, FORCING you to give him more money!” Squidward says: “Well, I don't want to break the LAW, do I?!” Cuddle E. Hugs ignores him, and the Spirit says: “And yet, in spite of all the NONSENSE that Crachit has to put up with, he only has love and warmth for everyone else! Most notably, his own FAMILY!!!!”

Spongebob says: “Merry Christmas, my loving family! It's time to come downstairs, and enjoy all the wonderful things we have to eat!” A female sponge comes down, and she says: “Coming, my husband!” Squidward looks, and he asks: “Am I seeing double?! When did Bob Crachit CLONE himself?!”

Cuddle E. Hugs says: “That's No CLONE!!!! That's his WIFE!!!! Girly Crachit!” Squidward says: “He NEVER told me he had a WIFE!!!!” Cuddle E. Hugs asks: “Oh, REALLY?!!!” / Bob Crachit says: “I just married my wife! / Oh, my wife just gave birth to a BEAUTIFUL baby boy! / My wife and I just decided to ADOPT a lovely girl, so my son can have a baby sister!” / Cuddle E. Hugs asks: “Need to see any MORE flash-backs?!” Squidward says: “So I THOUGHT he was MAKING the WHOLE thing up; so SUE me! But, where ARE his children?!” A teenaged, male sponge, comes down, and he says: “I'm here! Can we have LUNCH now?!” Spongebob says: “No, Morty! Not until your younger sister, Tiny Timantha gets here!” A young, female squirrel, wearing an under-water air suit, comes hobbling down the stairs with two crutches and a broken left leg. The girl says: “I'm coming, father! I'm coming!” Squidward asks: “Who IS that young girl?! I mean, the boy seems fine, but what about the GIRL?!” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “That's Bob Crachit's adopted daughter, Tiny Timantha!” Squidward asks: “Has she ALWAYS been like this?!” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “No, skiing accident!” Squidward nervously asks: “Skiing accident?!”

Cuddle E. Hugs says: “Don't worry! She HAD a cell phone, so SHE got lucky! All she suffered was a broken leg! She's still healing from it, though!” Girly Crachit says: “For today, you may eat all you wish. And know that each bite is our gift from us, to you.” And she presents the dinner, which, while nice, isn't much. There's a little bit of corn, mashed potatoes, and a small turkey, but no butter or gravy, and they only have milk, not eggnog. Squidward asks: “Is THAT all they HAVE for Christmas?! Surely, they can afford MORE than that!” Cuddle E. Hugs incredulously asks: “And what do YOU care if they are POOR?!” And Cuddle E. Hugs PLAYS a scene that takes on a MUCH darker, and more ominous meaning to Squidward, as Squidward asks: “Are there no factories?! Are there no homeless shelters?! If they REALLY didn't want to BE poor, they WOULD WORK for a living, or get some REAL help, rather than get some poor SCHMUCKS like you to help THEM out!” Squidward looks in scorn, and he says: “Now THAT was a DIRTY trick!!!! You took something I said EARLIER, and you PLAYED it COMPLETELY out of CONTEXT!!!!” Cuddle E. Hugs asks: “Was it REALLY out of context, though?! You never THINK, you never CONSIDER the FEELINGS of those that you SAY such HURTFUL things, to!!!! And what has Bob Crachit ever DONE to YOU to warrant such disdain and HATE?! All he has ever DONE, is to be NICE and HELPFUL to you, which you RARELY, if EVER, have ever MANAGED to show BACK to him!” Squidward sighs and he says: “Okay. I'll look at my budget, and see what I can do about raising his rate of employment pay. But it will have to wait until he actually comes BACK to work!”

Cuddle E. Hugs says: “That's no GOOD, Ebenezer Scrooge!” Squidward asks: “What else do you want?” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “All I want for you is to open up your EYES, and LOOK at them WITHOUT contempt or LACK of empathy! No family should have to SETTLE for so little at Christmas! And yet, in SPITE of this hardship, they're still making the BEST out of a BAD situation, unlike YOU; Ebenezer Scrooge!” Squidward asks: “What's THAT supposed to mean?!” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “Just watch! You'll get the idea!” Inside the pineapple house, Tiny Timantha says: “Isn't all this food wonderful?!” Spongebob says: “Indeed! I propose a toast! Let's drink some warm apple cider, for our health, and the health of our benefactor, Ebenezer Scrooge!” Girly scoffs and says: “The health of Ebenezer Scrooge, indeed! That cheap TIGHTWAD, working you LONG hours, with such MENIAL, degrading tasks, caring NOTHING for the TOLL it takes on YOUR body or OUR peace of mind! I'll drink, but only for YOUR sake, and NOT his! Here's to Scrooge indeed! May he live long and prosper, even if he DOESN'T deserve it!” Squidward blushes, and he says: “I...take it, that I'm not a popular man within this house-hold!” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “That's the understatement of the day! I would say 'year,' but with TRUMP around; I clearly can no longer safely SAY, 'year'!”

Squidward asks: “Are you SURE there's nothing wrong, with Tiny Timantha?” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “Physically, no. But there IS a lot wrong with her MENTALLY!!!! And her adopted family doesn't exactly HAVE the money to get her a PROPER psychiatric evaluation, you CHEAPSKATE, even though you can MORE than afford it!” Squidward asks: “Can you tell me; what will happen to Tiny Timantha?” Cuddle E. Hugs closes his eyes, and he says: “If these shadows of the future remain unaltered, I see an empty chair where Tiny Timantha once sat, crutches without an owner, and Tiny Timantha herself, LOCKED up in some DISGUSTING sanatorium! But what do YOU CARE if Timantha DIES?! She'll just decrease the surplus population!”

Squidward asks: “How did YOU know that I SAID THAT?!” Cuddle E. Hugs coyly says: “Because you just TOLD me, DUMMY!!!!” Squidward face-palms himself, and says: “Oh, yeah.” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “Grab onto me. We're going to be going to a MUCH happier place of festivities!” Squidward asks: “Can I hug you NOW?!” Cuddle E. Hugs smiles, and he says: “Go ahead! But in the chest, where it won't be CREEPY! Hug your little heart out! Everybody does!” Squidward does so, and he says: “Wow! Your fur really IS warm and wonderful!” Cuddle E. Hugs smiles, and he says: “I know!” And they whisk themselves away, to a really BIG rock, camped RIGHT outside of the Shell Shack! Squidward asks: “Now, where are we?!” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “We're at the party that your nephew Fred planned for you to go to. He wanted you to show off your dance moves! He thinks they're about to come BACK in style! He also got a familiar D.J., to play at this party!”

In the Shell Shack, Captain Retro says: “All right! I'm your Retro rocking D.J., Captain Retro! For KEBF and KZSR, 97.3 and 107.9, the ROCK!!!! Let's give it up for Fred and Mindy Scrooge, for setting up this joyous occasion!” And a bunch of party-goers, including Ray Sting, Peterpus, Eeleen Rogers, Daphne, Helga, and even Greg Shell, are there! Squidward says: “They're all my old friends! They came to this party! They still THINK about me?!” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “Of course they have! Just because YOU have forgotten about them; doesn't mean that they've FORGOTTEN about you!” Squidward says: “I haven't forgotten about them! I still send Christmas cards! And I send my nephew, Fred, a different Christmas present each YEAR; whether I think he will use it wisely or NOT! I mean, even greedy pinch-pennies have STANDARDS!!!!” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “Well, at least YOU do!” Squidward asks: “But who's Mindy Scrooge?” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “She is Fred Scrooge's wife!” And Squidward stares at a LOVELY young mermaid, who is swimming around Patrick! Mindy says: “You've out-done yourself THIS year, Fred! It's a pity that Ebenezer decided to be a no-show AGAIN, this year!” Fred sighs, and says: “I know! I thought; this might even be the year, where we got Fanny and ISABELLE to come to our party this year! That would've been a NICE surprise for Ebenezer!” Mindy asks: “Why do you even BOTHER?! Ebenezer is NOT going to come to any of OUR parties! Ebenezer NEVER does!”

And Squidward looks DOWN in shame and embarrassment! Fred says: “It's his loss, more than mine! I mean, I don't even think that he honestly realizes what he's missing out on! I mean, we've got treats, refreshments, a D.J., and everything else that we need! We've EVEN got a Christmas QUEEN!!!!” Mindy blushes, and she says: “I'm glad that you think of ME as a queen!” Fred says: “Well, you're certainly MY queen, and you always WILL be!” Captain Retro says: “Time for LIMBO dance!!!!” Fred says: “Now THIS should be fun!” /

And Hall & Oates' version of “Jingle Bell Rock” begins playing! Daryl Hall sings: “Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock. Jingle bells swing and jingle bells ring. Snowing and blowing up bushels of fun. Now the jingle hop has begun! Jingle bell, jingle bell, jingle bell rock. Jingle bells chime in jingle bell time. Dancing and prancing, in Jingle Bell Square, in the frosty air. What a bright time, it's the right time, to rock the night away! Jingle bell time, is a swell time, to go gliding in a one-horse sleigh! Giddy-up, jingle horse, pick up your feet! Jingle around the clock! Mix and a-mingle in the jingling beat! That's the jingle bell rock! What a bright time, it's the right time, to rock the night away! Jingle bell time, is a swell time, to go gliding in a one-horse sleigh! Giddy-up, jingle horse, pick up your feet! Jingle around the clock! Mix and a-mingle in the jingling beat! That's the jingle bell, that's the jingle bell, that's the jingle bell rock!” / And as the epic song ends, Ray Sting and Peterpus are urging Greg Shell to try the limbo! Ray sting says: “Come on! How low can you go?!” Peterpus says: “Can't you still do it?!” Greg Shell says: “Let me limber up first, and...!” Greg Shell slips OUT of his shell, and he SLIDES under the INSANELY low limbo bar, but doesn't KNOCK it loose, and Greg says: “YEAH!!!! I STILL got it, BABY!!!!” Daphne says: “I'll say!” / Squidward says: “They sure look like they're having fun in there.”

Cuddle E. Hugs sighs, and says: “Indeed, they are.” Squidward says: “Spirit, is there something wrong?” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “My time grows short. I am the SPIRIT of Christmas Present. But; no Christmas...” Squidward concludes: “No YOU?!!!” Cuddle E. Hugs says: “Before I go, I should WARN you about the UNWANTED children of MEN, and WOMEN; Arrogance, and Want!!!!” And from a dark alleyway, emerge two VICIOUS creatures! A plankton CHAINED to a chain leash, and a voluptuous computer decked out in make-up!

Arrogance asks: “Are there no factories?! Are there no homeless shelters?!” Want says: “If they're GOING to die, than they'd BETTER do it FAST, and DECREASE the SURPLUS population!” Than in a flash, they vanish from sight, and so does Cuddle E. Hugs!!!! Squidward asks: “SPIRIT!!!! Where did you go?!!! Please!!!! Don't LEAVE me!!!! Tell me what happens to Tiny Timantha!!!!” And an ominous voice says: “I can tell you what happens to Tiny Timantha!!!!” And Squidward looks behind him, and sure enough, decked in full on WAR regalia, is the green-colored, mohawk sporting, leather jacket wearing vision of GENERAL BARRACUDA!!!! Squidward, gets REALLY scared, and he says: “Don't tell me! You're the Spirit of Christmas Future, aren't you?!” General Barracuda says: “Give the greedy skin-flint a PRIZE!!!! A one-class ticket to PAIN AND PUNISHMENT if you don't STRAIGHTEN up!!!! Want to know what ELSE you can WIN?!!!” Squidward says: “NO!!!! Spirit, just know that I respect and FEAR you more than the OTHER two spirits PUT together! I know you have things that you want to show me! I'm not going to like them, but I know that it's only for the benefit of helping me, right?!”

General Barracuda scoffs and says: “Like I'm DOING this to help YOU out! I'm only looking to get PAID for putting up with this whole idea! But I told my agent; 'There is no way Mr. T is going to AGREE to do THIS thing unless I actually get some SPEAKING lines!' Because if Mr. T is going to do some DUMB thing, the LEAST they can do is give me some LINES, so I can actually EARN my money! You don't GET Mr. T, unless you give him something important to say!!!! I mean...I lost my train of thought and went off on a tangent there! Anyways, I'll show you a future Christmas! Whether you will still be around to ENJOY it; that remains to be seen!”

And General Barracuda whisks the both of them to FIVE years in the future, to Christmas Day 2022!!!! Squidward sees Police Officers Bob and Nancy, on their daily patrol! Nancy says: “So, that stingy old fool actually DIED, didn't he?! I thought he would NEVER die!” Bob says: “I agree! He always thought HE'D be the one to get the last laugh, but we're the ones who are laughing now; aren't we?!” Nancy says: “Have arrangements for his funeral been made yet? I wouldn't think HE would be the kind who would leave behind a will to anyone; he only cared about himself!” Bob says: “Oh, I'm sure there will be a BUNCH of men and women coming out of the wood-work to claim THEIR piece of the pie soon enough! It IS what happened to the musician Prince after HE died, you know?!” Nancy says: “I suppose we SHOULD attend his funeral!” Bob says: “We will, but only if they serve those DELICIOUS finger sandwiches! I just LOVE those finger sandwiches!”

Squidward asks: “Spirit, who is this man that these two officers of the law, speak VERY lowly of?! I mean, the plight of THIS man, sounds an awful LOT like my own! I mean, that IS the direction my life seems to be heading as of late!” General Barracuda says: “I didn't take you here for you to be EVALUATED!!!! I took you here to be EDUCATED!!!! And if you DON'T get educated, you are a FOOL!!!! And I PITY the fool, who don't get himself EDUCATED when he has a CHANCE to! Come, we've got OTHERS to see!!!!” And Squidward and General Barracuda find themselves in a shady auction/appraisal office, headed by none other than Carl Blandy! He hears the door-bell ringing; and he pushes the intercom button, and he announces: “I'm ready for the next customers. Come on in!” And an elderly sea turtle, a VICIOUS Plankton, and a mobile, motorized computer, come into the room, carrying a BUNCH of valuable stuff! Carl Blandy gets INTERESTED, and he says: “And what have YOU brought me today?!” The elderly sea turtle says: “We scored BIG today!!!! With that rotten man DEAD, we have FINALLY earned what WE deserve!!!!” The computer says: “He may not have paid us WELL in his LIFE, but he is SURE paying WELL for us NOW, in his DEATH!!!!” Carl Blandy gets EXCITED, and he says: “Don't keep me in SUSPENSE!!!! Show me!!!!” The sea turtle says: “I'll start!!!! I took all his gold and RUBIES!!!!” And he opens up his sea shell, and ALL the riches come spilling out, and his SHELL slips off! He quickly puts his shell back on, and he says: “How embarrassing!!!!” The Plankton holds up a tiny (but to HIM, a HUGE emerald ring, with the initials, “E.S.” carved into it), and he says: “I stole his very PRECIOUS monogrammed emerald ring!” The computer reaches into a compartment on her body, and she says: “I stole ALL his fancy silk, linen, and sea bear fur CURTAINS that were hanging from his WINDOWS!!!!” Carl Blandy asked: “Right where he was LAYING?!!! You STOLE the curtains of a DEAD man?!” The computer says: “Why not?! He's not going to need them where HE is going!”

And to Squidward's UTTER surprise, the four of them begin singing “We're Despicable” from “Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol!” Carl Blandy sings: “We're despicable!” Plankton sings: “We make ourselves, plain sickable!” Greg Shell sings: “Berate ourselves, hate ourselves, viciously!” Karen sings: “Still none of us, wishes HE would change! We're slick and shifty birds!” Carl sings: “With fingers quick!” Plankton sings: “As fifty birds!” / Squidward says: “He just RHYMED 'birds', with 'birds'!” General Barracuda mockingly says: “He just rhymed 'birds', with 'birds'. Like YOU could write a CATCHIER song!” / Karen sings: “While stealing your purse or your ticky-tock!” Greg sings: “Just for a kick we knock, you FLAT!!!!” And he pounds Plankton! And the four of them sing: “La! La! La-la-la-la-la-la! La-la-la-la-la-la-la! La-la-la-la-la-la-la! We're just blankety blank-blank, no GOOD!” Carl sings: “We're not tea party blokes!” Plankton sings: “No chitty-chat, or artichokes!” Karen sings: “We're twice as blood-thirsty as cannibals! And wilder than animals, are we!” Carl sings: “We're reprehensible!” Plankton sings: “We'll steal your pen, and pencible!” / Squidward asks: “Is THAT even a WORD?!” General Barracuda sings: “SHUT UP!!!! This is the GOOD part!” / Greg sings: “Then sneer at you, leer at you, naughtily! And really, we ought to be, in JAIL!!!!” And the four of them sing: “La! La! La-la-la-la-la-la! La-la-la-la-la-la-la! La-la-la-la-la-la-la! We're just blankety blank-blank, all BAD!!!!” And all FOUR of them laugh in wickedness!!!! /

Squidward says: “That was AWFUL!!!!” General Barracuda says: “Says YOU!!!! I thought it was pretty CATCHY!!!!” Squidward says: “Such VILE behavior! Is there NO ONE who feels any EMPATHY, in connection to this dead man?” General Barracuda says: “Oh, there's some all right! But you're NOT going to like it!” And they are whisked away, this time to a TV show, where a BUNCH of Squidward's old friends, including Ray Sting, Peterpus, Eeleen Rogers, Daphne, and Helga, are CLAMORING for a bunch of new books on sale, ominously titled: “Why I Did It,” by Timantha Crachit; and they keep pushing each other to get at the book! Peterpus says: “This is the hottest book ever! Give me a copy!!!!” Ray Sting asks: “Have you read about the SCANDAL?! It's all over the airwaves!” Eeleen says: “Let me have a look!” Helga says: “Not before ME!!!! I want it, FIRST!!!!” Captain Retro candidly says: “And this scene has been repeated all through-out the ocean, as Timantha Crachit, the daughter of one Bob Crachit, took it upon herself to single-handidly end, and KILL the life of one Master Coelaceanth! She says she did it, because Master Coelaceanth broke into her house to steal ALL of their valuables, and do UNSPEAKABLE things to HER and her adopted mother, RAMMING her crutches SEVERAL times through the fishes' throat, and through the stomach, not stopping until he was absolutely DEAD! Now, she's in jail, waiting trial, so we were unable to get a word with her. However, we have been able to get a word with her adopted father; Mr. Bob Crachit! Mr. Crachit, how does it make you feel to be near the center of all this controversy?” Spongebob says: “Unsettling.” Captain Retro asks: “Any other feelings?”

Spongebob says: “I'm just glad my OLD boss isn't able to see this. He'd probably MOCK me ruthlessly!” Captain Retro says: “Girly, and Morty Crachit, do you have anything to add?” But they both shake their heads, no. Captain Retro says: “I've got their close friends, Fred and Mindy Scrooge. They've recently suffered a loss, themselves. Care to say anything positive to help these folks out during these troubling times?” Patrick says: “Well, someone in my family, very close to me, was ALWAYS suspicious that someone vile and villainous would make off with his most VALUABLE treasures! For his last Christmas gift to me, he gave me and Mindy MOST of his most valuable treasures! We'll share them with you, and anything else we can do to help, just let us know.” Spongebob sighs, and he says: “I will, Fred. WE will!” / Squidward moans, and says: “Oh, NO!!!! Not Timantha Crachit!!!!” / And General Barracuda takes Squidward to inside a desolate looking sanatorium, where Timantha is wrapped up in a straight-jacket, and FORCED to eat meals with only her mouth, as her meals are fed to her through a tiny slot in her cell door, and pushed directly to her! Squidward mournfully says: “Oh, NO!!!! Spirit! I didn't want THIS to happen! Does it HAVE to happen?! Are you showing me the shadows of things that WILL be?!!! Or only what MIGHT be?! Tell me I can CHANGE this!!!!” General Barracuda says: “Patience! I've got one last THING I need to SHOW you!!!!” /

General Barracuda whisks them away again, to the inside of a grave-yard! Squidward asks: “You took me HERE?!!! You're about to show me the grave-site of the man that NOBODY cares for, aren't you?!” General Barracuda chuckles, and he says: “You know it!”

Squidward says: “Spirit! You and the others have shown me that men and women can CHANGE through-out their lives! I think what you've been trying to tell me, is that I can make a change for the better! I promise you, I CAN change! I WILL CHANGE!!!! I WILL be the boss that Bob Crachit DESERVES!!!! I will be the UNCLE that my nephew deserves! I will find Isabelle and APOLOGIZE for my arrogant ways! I will GIVE to those less fortunate than myself, and hold CHRISTMAS near and dear to me, not just on Christmas, but EVERY DAY!!!! Just tell me, I can CHANGE this AWFUL future!!!!” General Barracuda says: “I can TELL you all that! BUT; don't you want to know where YOU are, this Christmas?!!!” Squidward ominously asks: “WHERE?!!!” And General Barracuda shines a FLASHLIGHT, on a plain grave stone that reads “Ebenezer Scrooge, March 4, 1968-December 24th, 2022!” General Barracuda maliciously says: “Right HERE, EBENEZER!!!! The RICHEST man in the CEMETARY!!!! MWA, HA, HA, HA!!!!” And General Barracuda KNOCKS Squidward RIGHT into the open grave-site, but Squidward grabs onto the edge! And he looks on in horror, as his COFFIN opens, and SPEWS forth the FLAMES of HADES!!!! Squidward says: “NO!!!! NO, SPIRIT!!!! You can't DO THIS!!!! PLEASE!!!! Spirit!!!! HELP ME!!!!”

General Barracuda looks in disdain, than he PAINFULLY grabs Squidward's tentacles, and General Barracuda ominously says: “Long LIVE EBENEZER SCROOGE!!!!” And General Barracuda THROWS Squidward towards the open coffin as Squidward screams: “NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” General Barracuda says: “YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Squidward screams: “AHHH!!!!!!!!!!” / (THUD!!!!!!!!!!) And before Squidward knows it, he's BACK in his own house, but all the festivities that Cuddle E. Hugs has set up (minus the food, which has all been eaten) is STILL set up! Squidward says: “It was all REAL!!!! It all REALLY happened! I'm back in my own house! I wonder...”

Squidward runs to his bedroom window, opens it, and sees a green fish kid playing in his yard! Squidward says: “You down there!” Billy says: “I wasn't playing in your yard! I was just looking for SNOWBALLS!!!!” Squidward asks: “Don't worry about it! What day is today?!” Billy is puzzled, and he says: “Are you daft?! It's Christmas Day, of course!” Squidward jumps up and says: “YAHOO!!!!! I haven't MISSED it!!!! The Spirits have decided to give me another chance!!!! They did it all in ONE night! And why not?! They can do anything!!!! Boy; don't you go anywhere! Let me get dressed, and I'll be right down!!!!” And moving with a speed that he hasn't done in years, Squidward gets motivated and moving in a matter of only minutes, and comes downstairs to meet Billy. Squidward says: “By the way, what's your name?” The kid says: “I'm Billy.” Squidward says: “Well, Billy; I want you to take $500, run to the nearest store, and buy Bob Crachit and his family the BIGGEST turkey they have, and get them a bunch of nice toys, clothes, and things for his family! They live in the pineapple, under the sea! Tell Bob Crachit I want to see him at Fred and Mindy's Christmas party! You can keep the change for yourself! And don't even THINK about keeping the money for yourself! I'll be heading to his house later, to make SURE you did it!” Billy says: “I will sir, and a Merry Christmas to you, sir!” Billy runs off, and Squidward says: “Now, I've got to find those Police Officers!”

Thankfully, he doesn't have to look too hard, as Police Officers Bob and Nancy, are dressed as one of Santa's helpers, and an elf, respectively! Squidward says: “There you are, Merry Christmas!” Nancy asks: “Merry Christmas?! I thought you were, 'Bah, humbug'!!!!” Squidward says: “That was the OLD me! But I've recently had an epiphany, due to something fantastic that I don't have time to explain to you right now! Maybe some other time, but I wanted to give you something to help the homeless! $1,000 to help!” And he puts the money in Nancy's hat! Nancy tries to say: “I say; that's really...” Squidward says: “Not enough?! Try $2,000!!!!” And he puts the money in Bob's pants, which fall DOWN, revealing his polka-dot underwear! Bob says: “No! Really! It's...” Squidward says: “Still not enough?! You drive a HARD bargain!!!! Here's $4,000; and not a penny more!!!!” Nancy says: “This is SO generous of you!” Squidward says: “And it's only the beginning! I'll be helping out a lot more!” Nancy says: “We look forward to it, and a Merry Christmas to you, sir!!!!” /

Later, Squidward goes to visit Bob Crachit's house, and sure enough, the family has a JUMBO-sized turkey, fancy new clothes, and the latest toys and electronic devices! Squidward says: “That little kid actually did it! I'm proud of him! I've got a little gift of my own. I'll put it through the mail-slot!” Squidward does so, and Girly Crachit says: “Bob! Someone slipped something into our door!” Spongebob says: “So they did! It's a note! It says: 'Bob Crachit; dress in your fancy new clothes, and please meet me at Fred and Mindy's party, and bring your family. I want to get to know my most trusted employee more personally. I have something special for you and your family as well. Signed, Ebenezer Scrooge'!” Morty asks: “Scrooge wants to meet you? That doesn't sound like him.” Spongebob says: “I think we should go. I mean, it's not every day you get a personal invitation from your boss! We can always play with our new gifts, later! But Christmas comes but ONCE a year!” Squidward says: “And that's MY cue to get dressed for the party! I only hope I have something APPROPRIATE left in my closet!” /

At Fred and Mindy's Party, Captain Retro says: “All right! I'm your Retro rocking D.J., Captain Retro! For KEBF and KZSR, 97.3 and 107.9, the ROCK!!!! Let's give it up for Fred and Mindy Scrooge, for setting up this joyous occasion!” And a bunch of party-goers, including Ray Sting, Peterpus, Eeleen Rogers, Daphne, Helga, and even Greg Shell, are there! Mindy says: “You've out-done yourself THIS year, Fred! It's a pity that Ebenezer decided to be a no-show AGAIN, this year!” Fred sighs, and says: “I know! I thought; this might even be the year, where we got Fanny and ISABELLE to come to our party this year! That would've been a NICE surprise for...” (RATTLE!!!!) And Squidward walks in, wearing a VERY faded “Members Only” Jacket, and sporting a very faded, but still classy-looking, Alec Baldwin haircut. Fred says: “Ebenezer Scrooge?” Squidward says: “That's me. It's been too long, but it's me!” Mindy asks: “This is your uncle?” Squidward says: “I haven't been much of an uncle to him so far, but I've just BEEN through something kind of big, that's kind of hard to explain. But long story short, I'd like to be the Uncle that my nephew Fred, deserves! That is, if he WANTS me to, that is!” Patrick says: “Ebenezer; of COURSE I do!!!!” And Scrooge turns around, and sees Bob Crachit's family! Squidward says: “Bob Crachit!”

Spongebob says: “Ebenezer Scrooge!” Squidward sighs, and he says: “Bob; I've been a REAL jerk to you; not listening to you all those times you talked about your family!” Spongebob says: “No! You were just busy!” Squidward says: “No; I WAS a jerk! But I don't want to BE a jerk anymore! I want to treat you with the respect that you DESERVE to have! And so, as soon as I am able to, I'm changing the NAME of my business! Now it will read, 'Loans and Accounting Office of Scrooge and Crachit!' You'll get paid the wages you deserve, and I'll even pay whatever it takes, to get your adopted daughter the psychiatric help she needs! So what do you say? Want to make it an OFFICIAL partnership?!” Spongebob is stunned and asks: “What did you say, Mr. Scrooge?!” Squidward sighs, and says: “All, right! The business will be renamed, 'Loans and Accounting Office of Crachit and Scrooge'!” Spongebob says: “Thank you, Mr. Scrooge! What should I do now, Mr. Scrooge?” Squidward says: “Run and fine the finest psychiatrist! He or she is waiting for you!” Spongebob says: “I can't feel my legs, Mr. Scrooge!” Squidward says: “Don't worry, I'll fix it! My friends, get Spongebob to find the finest psychiatrist in the ocean on the double!!!!” Ray Sting, Peterpus, Eeleen Rogers, Daphne, Helga, and Greg Shell carry Spongebob, and Spongebob says: “Dreams DO come true!!!!”

A female whale walks in and asks: “What was THAT all a...bout?” Squidward stares, and he says: “Fannie?” The woman asks: “Ebenezer? Is that REALLY you?!” Squidward says: “We're both older, and a little worse for the wear, but it's me!” Pearl says: “The war is over! The fighting is FINALLY over! I will now be home for THIS Christmas, and ALL others!” Squidward says: “I would like that!” Another female says: “Sounds kind of fun.” And Isabelle, also looking older, but still STUNNING for middle-age, walks in. Squidward says: “Isabelle, you came!” Isabelle says: “I've been hearing rumors from the police officers, and some little kid, that some middle-aged man has been spreading his wealth to other needy men and women in this town! Would you happen to know anything about it?” Squidward says: “Actually, that man is me!” Isabelle says: “And who's that young man, with the mermaid wife?” Squidward says: “He's my nephew!” Isabelle asks: “Is he anything LIKE you?!” Squidward says: “He's more like the man I USED to be, and I HOPE to become again! I know our first marriage wasn't all I cracked up to be, and I know there's nothing I can SAY to prove to you that I've changed! SO; instead I'm going to SHOW you that I've changed, by all the good deeds I'm going to do for now on! We'll make it so that Christmas isn't the ONLY time of year to spread wealth and good-cheer, but an attitude you should have, on every day of the year! I'd like to give our relationship another chance. That is, if YOU want to give it another chance!” Isabelle says: “I've been waiting 19 years, to hear you ask that to me.” And she gives him a small, little kiss on the right cheek. Squidward says: “Nobody kisses me, the way you do!” /

Captain Retro is back in his warm cabin, and he narrates: “Ebenezer Scrooge was GOOD to his word, and so much more! Bob Crachit became a WELL-RESPECTED man in his community, under the guidance of Scrooge, and a man, who was once reviled and filled with disdain, became a bright beacon of hope not just to his friends, but to everyone who knew him. Timantha got the psychiatric help she needed! And for Morty and Timantha, Ebenezer Scrooge became not just a good boss to Bob Crachit; he became like a second father, giving them gifts every Christmas, and helping others in need.” Sandy Cheeks, still carrying her clutches, jumps into view, as Captain Retro narrates: “And it was probably summed up best by Tiny Timantha; when she said...”

Sandy Cheeks THROWS AWAY her Clutches, does THREE triple back somersaults, lands on her feet, and says: “God bless us EVERYONE!!!!” And the entire cast comes out to take a bow, as loud applause is heard, and the curtain drops on the joyous play! /

Episode Notes: Adaptation of “A Christmas Carol”, originally written by Charles Dickens, and adapted by 4EverGreen to fit a more contemporary, more modern setting. Special Guest Stars include Jeff Garlin, reprising his role as Cuddle E. Hugs, and Mr. T, portraying General Barracuda! Featured songs in this special, include “Last Christmas; Happy Xmas (War is Over)”, Hall & Oates' version of “Jingle Bell Rock;” and “We're Despicable” originally from “Mr. Magoo's Christmas Carol.” Out of all the characters, Greg Shell is the ONLY character to play a major role as THREE different characters during the scenarios of Christmas Past, Present, and Future! The major changes to this story, is that Fannie does not DIE in this story, Tiny Timantha does NOT die in the BAD Future (though her fate STILL isn't that pleasant), and Scrooge and Isabelle get a “Maybe Ever After” at the end of this story.

Personal Notes: I really wanted this to be a Christmas Special for “Squid,” and that it would become cannon. Perhaps it WILL be cannon, someday. Just not THIS Christmas! But still, I wanted to throw my hat in the ring, and give you my version of “A Christmas Carol”. It probably doesn't do the original justice, what with the compressed time-frame, and everything. But I think it's good enough for what it is. I hope you enjoy reading it, as much as I did writing it! Enough said! ;)

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Since my latest Halloween story didn't win the "Scary Story Contest" (as USUAL!) :rolleyes: I have decided to make it into another episode of my "One Shot Stories". I hope you enjoy it! /

A mysterious voice says: "Submitted for your approval; there is a place underwater, where the normal rules of logic and coherency do not apply. While this is normal for the standards of these sea creatures, there are some events that go beyond what even THEY can comprehend and accept. When this happens, perceptions are shattered, viewpoints are altered, and beliefs are challenged, as to what is, and what isn't real. This is a zone not defined by geography, but a zone defined by mind, superstitious beliefs, curses, magic, and mundane made awesome. This is a place simply referred to as: The Tidal Zone." /

"The Sea Monkey Hypothesis" . The Mysterious voice says: "We open up on an ordinary day, in the busy, busting town of Bikini Bottom. Home to many interesting sea creatures with various character traits and quirks. But our story today, focuses on one character known as Spongebob Squarepants. A plucky, lovable, if somewhat annoying to SOME sea creatures, guy, who is an all loving character to children, pets, and a certain squirrel by the name of Sandy. So naturally, when Spongebob sees an ad that tugs at his heartstrings, he HAS to react to it." The ad plays Sarah Maclachlan's "Adia" over a montage of tiny sea monkeys (who resemble ACTUAL monkeys), looking really sad, abused, and neglected! A beautiful fish, RESEMBLING Sarah Maclachlan (and VOICED by her), says: "Hi, I'm Sarah Maclachlan, and this is a stereotypical song recorded by me, to guilt-trip you into feeling for these tiny creatures. These creatures, through no fault of their own, have been abused, mistreated, neglected, or just not been walked in three days. But there IS hope! For just the low, LOW price of $19.99 (quickly) plus $8.99 shipping and handling (normally) YOU can provide a safe, happy, loving, nourishing home for these sea monkeys!" Spongebob asks: "Who, ME?!" Sarah Maclachlan says: "Yes, you! Just dial our toll-free number; 555-5555, to find out how YOU can provide a home to 4,444 sea monkeys!" Spongebob asks: "Wait a minute. Isn't that the EXACT same phone number for every single OTHER ad and/or place of residence and/or business that I know of in this town?" Sarah Maclachlan says: "Just make the call. It's the only phone number we are ALLOWED to say, where we WON'T get sued!" Spongebob picks up the phone, and says: "Makes sense to me!" /

The scene cuts to Spongebob getting a knock on the door, and Norton says: "Package for Spongebob!" Spongebob opens the door and says: "That was FAST! It felt like only FIVE seconds passed!" Norton says: "Really? Felt more like FIVE hours to me! Which is STILL kind of fast for a delivery of this nature if you THINK about it!" Spongebob hands over the money and says: "Here's the $19.99, plus $8.99 for shipping and handling!" Norton says: "Thank you. Now be careful that you don't--." But Spongebob SLAMS the door in Norton's face! Norton just shakes his head and sighs: "They NEVER listen to the warning!" Spongebob says: "Gary, my latest contribution for the betterment of Bikini Bottom has arrived!" Gary inquisitively asks: "Meow?" Spongebob says: "Yes, it HAS, Gary! Sea Monkeys! All 4,444 of them!" And Spongebob holds up an aquarium FILLED with water, but it looks like there's nothing in it! Gary angrily says: "Meow, meow, MEOW!!!!" Spongebob asks: "What do you MEAN, 'I got ripped OFF?!' The Sea Monkeys ARE in there, they are just TOO tiny to be seen by the untrained eye! Luckily, I have a magnifying glass so we can observe for ourselves!" And Spongebob pulls out a magnifying glass, and looks into the aquarium. Sure enough, he SEES a bunch of tiny sea monkeys in the aquarium, acting like ACTUAL monkeys, by hanging around in the coral trees, scratching themselves, and eating THEIR equivalent of bananas. Gary groans, and says: "Meow." Spongebob says: "I KNOW it doesn't LOOK like they're THAT exciting, but I'm sure that once you get to know them, they're quite fun!" Gary shakes his head, and says: "Meow, meow, meow!" Spongebob says: "What do you MEAN by, 'Every time I take in a pet OTHER than you, it always ENDS in disaster?!' That's NOT true, is it?!"

Gary says: "Meow! Meow, meow!" Spongebob groans, and says: "Fine! There was that time I found a wild seahorse that ate some of Mr. Krab's money, and the time I tried to take care of a wild sea bunny, and ESPECIALLY that time with the Nudibranch, which I have PROFUSELY apologized to you over a MILLION times for, but I'm a MUCH better pet owner for having gone through those experiences! I'm not going to make THOSE same mistakes again!" Than the door slams open, and Patrick says: "Hey, Spongebob!" Spongebob says: "Oh, hi Patrick!" Patrick asks: "Want to see the latest Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy movie?! It's playing downtown at The Reef, for PG-13 audiences ONLY!" Spongebob says: "I've already seen that movie THREE times already! Besides, whoever Mr. Lawrence is, he can't replace the ACTUAL Mermaid Man! At least, not in MY books! And besides that, I've got 4,444 sea monkeys to take care of!" Patrick asks: "Monkeys?! Well, where ARE the monkeys?!" Spongebob says: "They're inside this little aquarium, but you need this magnifying glass to see them though." Patrick says: "Cool! Let me see!" Patrick peers through the magnifying glass, and sees a bunch of monkeys going behind a bush. The camera pans BACK to Patrick's face, and he makes a CLEARLY grossed-out face, saying: "EWWW!!!!" Spongebob asks: "What?! What did you see?!" Patrick says: "Trust me. You do NOT want to know! TAKE my WORD for it! Let's just say whoever RAISED these sea monkeys, did NOT teach them the proper manner for going to use the restroom. Honestly, it's almost as gross as the time Bubble Bass said he would PAY me two nickels to make lemonade out of Squidward's ink AND make ice cream out of a toilet!" Spongebob asks: "THAT'S why you did those things?!"

Patrick says: "Spongebob, I don't do something BLATANTLY out of character for ME, unless I get the PROPER incentive to do so! EVERYBODY has standards, you know! In any case, what's so great about watching a bunch of sea monkeys?! They're small, they're tiny, they're petite, they're miniature, and furthermore, they're the opposite of BIG!" Spongebob says: "Patrick, those words ALL mean the exact same thing!" Patrick says: "All right, here's a different reason, and I speak from PERSONAL experience, they're DUMB!!!! There's no movie theaters, no arcade centers, no restaurants, no plumbing, no...architecture!" Spongebob says: "First of all, I'm SURPRISED that you even KNOW what the word 'architecture' MEANS!" Patrick says: "I surprise myself sometimes." Spongebob says: "Secondly, what were YOU expecting?! They're just SEA monkeys! Living the simple life is all they KNOW!" Patrick says: "Well, it's STILL boring! I wish we could SOMEHOW make them scientifically smarter! I wish we could just SOMEHOW find out what they are thinking, just to know what they're like!" Spongebob says: "Than why don't we just use Sandy's 'Make Sea Monkeys Scientifically Smarter-o-macrifier' thingy that she built last Tuesday?" Patrick is drinking some Pepsi, and he SPIT takes it onto Spongebob, who absorbs it, BEING a sponge! Patrick gasps and says: "What a BRILLIANT idea! You absorb information like you're...part SPONGE or something!" Gary sarcastically says: "Meow." Spongebob rolls his eyes, and says: "It's EASIER just to play along with him." /

The scene changes to the inside of the Tree Dome, where Spongebob and Patrick are wearing water helmets, and Sandy is dressed up like a scientist. Sandy says: "I sure am glad you fellas came over to ask ME my personal opinion on the whole matter! It's mighty mature of you!" Spongebob says: "Well, I didn't want to jump to conclusions or anything; not like the time I ASSUMED everyone in Bikini Bottom was aliens, or that time that I accidentally warped ourselves into the Doodle Dimension!" Sandy says: "Well personally, I've been looking for an excuse to try out an experiment like this! It would make for a PERFECT candidate for the best Scientific Study of the YEAR award! It might even win me the Nobel Prize!" Patrick asks: "What's a 'No BELL' prize?!" Spongebob says: "It's pronounced 'NOBLE', and it's kind of like the award YOU won for doing absolutely nothing LONGER than anyone else, only fancier! You could probably WIN one if you EVER decided to read a bunch of BOOKS again!" Patrick says: "Only when I'm outside! Learned MY lesson the last time!" Sandy says: "Trust me, this scientific experiment should prove to be VERY interesting! Why, I'm sure with the THREE of us working together, we'll make scientific history!" Patrick nervously says: "Uh, I wasn't told there was going to be any WORK involved!" Sandy says: "Don't sweat it! I mean, it's no big deal! All you have to do, is to use this special monitor that I've installed over the sea monkeys, in order to monitor their progress. I want to see what happens, when knowledge is introduced into a wild sea creatures! That way, we can finally find out once and for all, if it is KNOWLEDGE that causes critters to become dangerous, or is it the misuse of knowledge that makes all the difference?" Spongebob asks: "You mean there's risk involved?"

Sandy says: "Sure. Practically everything revolving around science involves SOME risk, but what fun WOULD science be without the risk?! Well, I guess it would TECHNICALLY still be science, but it would feel like SOMETHING is missing. Something that feels...risky!" Spongebob asks: "So, what kind of risk are we talking about?" Sandy says: "Well, I had the foresight to install a Danger-o-meter on my monitor. It will monitor the intelligence and the behavior of the sea monkeys, to see if they're capable of BEING a danger to US and the world at large!" Patrick asks: "What happens IF they become THAT smart?!" Sandy HONESTLY looks stumped, and she says: "I don't know, but THAT will never happen!" Sandy goes to her computer pushes some buttons, than goes to the BIG, red, start-up button, and she says: "Okay, THIS probably won't explode!" Spongebob shouts: "Wait, the WHAT?!!!" And Sandy PUSHES the Big Red Button, causing a BIG ray gun, to shoot a BURST of electricity into the sea monkeys aquarium, infusing them with the genetic code for intelligence and wisdom! When the ray gun is done firing, Sandy says: "It's a success! The sea monkeys LIVE! Let's see the results!" And when they peer at the monitor, they are amazed when one of the formerly WILD Sea Monkeys runs over to a burning branch, picks it up, and to the tune of "Also Sprach Zathrusa", holds it up triumphantly, runs back to his fellow sea monkeys, puts it on a circle of firewood, creating THEIR very first fire! Sandy says: "AMAZING! They've only been intelligent for fifteen seconds, and they've ALREADY discovered how to use FIRE! Usually, you have to pay EXTRA for that!" Patrick says: "Cool! What happens next?!" Sandy says: "Unfortunately, these kinds of experiments take TIME to fully determine what's going to happen."

Patrick asks: "So, how much time are we talking about?" Sandy says: "I don't know. Maybe, NINETEEN years, at the most!" Patrick is once AGAIN drinking Pepsi, and spit takes it onto Spongebob, who absorbs it again! Spongebob says: "AGAIN with the spit-take?!" Patrick doesn't even answer him, and Patrick asks: "NINETEEN years?! I'm not spending nineteen years living in a tree dome! It's no PLACE for a sea star!" Sandy groans, and says: "Fine. I only need ONE other person helping me out with this experiment anyways!" Spongebob waves his hand excitedly, and says: "Ooh, ooh! Can I be your one other person?! We can be MARRIED!" Patrick asks: "Aren't you ALREADY married?" Sandy says: "Are you talking about that play we did?" Patrick asks: "That was a play?" Spongebob says: "The minister said he didn't KNOW it was a play!" Sandy says: "We REALLY need to get some kind of clarity on that matter!" Patrick says: "Well, in any case, I'm out of here! Spongebob, when you're ready to do something fun, you know where to find me." Spongebob says: "But spending time with Sandy IS fun!" Patrick looks dumb-struck, and he says: "It's STARTING!!!! You THINK you KNOW a guy!" And he walks out of the tree dome! Sandy says: "Don't listen to THAT sour sea star! He's just acting petty and jealous! You'll have PLENTY of time to spend with him once the experiment is over! After all, nineteen YEARS isn't forever!" Spongebob says: "Exactly! It's the same amount of time a couple of animated, popular, sometimes controversial, sometimes cancelled shows have been on the air. Maybe even LONGER! In any case, I always like spending time with you, Sandy!" Sandy says: "I do to, Spongebob!" She yawns, and she says: "Well, it's getting pretty late. Why don't we hang up our Tesla coils for the night and call it a day?"

Spongebob says: "Sounds good to me, Sandy! We can have a sleepover! Only with more science! I've always wanted to HAVE a SCIENCE sleepover!" Sandy says: "You mean to tell me you've never HAD a science sleepover before? How do you even know if it's something that you've always wanted?" Spongebob says: "Well, I don't KNOW that I want it or not, but I won't know until I've HAD one, will I?!" Sandy looks speechless, and she says: "Well, I can't argue with you THERE! I guess even a broken clock is right at least TWICE a day, unless it's on military time, in which case it's only right once!" / The scene shifts to night time, Sandy is sleeping in her bed, while Spongebob is sleeping on a mattress outside in a swimming pool. At least, Spongebob sleeps until his stomach growls, and he wakes up. Spongebob asks: "How can I be hungry at a time like this, when Sandy is counting on me to be super-focused on her scientific experiment? I'll just go inside and check her fridge. I'll just write an I.O.U., in case I take anything." Spongebob puts on his water helmet, walks to the tree, than pauses to check the monitor of the aquarium containing the sea monkeys. Spongebob says: "I wonder how my little friends are doing? I'm sure Sandy would WANT me to check on them, to make sure that they're all right." Spongebob looks at the monitor, and sees a bunch of sea monkeys living in caves, wearing lion FISH skins, and it looks like they have chalk and chewed up berries for art materials, but they're just sitting around, not having any appropriate art inspirations! Spongebob says: "Oh, man! The sea monkeys are all BORED! I don't want my little friends to be bored! But if I can't see THEM without the monitor, how can they possibly hope to see ME?!"

Than Spongebob perks up and he says: "Of course! My magnifying glass! If it can make SMALL objects appear LARGER, maybe it can allow SMALL objects to see LARGE objects! I mean, it's worth a shot!" Spongebob tiptoes to the aquarium, and GENTLY puts the magnifying glass pointing outwards from the tank. Spongebob says: "Now, to provide some suitable artistic images for my tiny friends to be inspired by! Spongebob grabs his bubble wand, and blows images of manatees, sea lions, seals, and sea horses, AND himself! Spongebob says: "And with my super-duty, super-strong, super-tough, super-durable bubble soap, guaranteed to last ten times LONGER than ordinary bubble soap or DOUBLE your money back, they'll see my artwork AND know of the artist who CREATED them! I can't WAIT to see what they create!" And Spongebob rushes off into the tree for something to eat, unaware that the sea monkeys have FOUND the magnifying sea glass, and are SEEING the bubble creations from THEIR perspective... / The scene shifts to morning, as dawn breaks across the ocean, as well as the aquarium. Spongebob wakes up, puts on his water helmet, than a clam crows like a rooster, and Spongebob sees the crowing be LOUD enough to cause the bubbles to BURST! Spongebob says: "Oh, MAN! Now the sea monkeys will never see the--." Sandy says: "Spongebob! What's with the I.O.U. Note on my fridge?" Spongebob says: "Well, it was late last night and I was hungry and--." Sandy shouts: "And what in TARNATION have the sea monkeys been up to?!" Spongebob asks: "What do you mean?!" Sandy shouts: "Just take a look, on the monitor!"

Spongebob rushes over to the monitor, and he sees a bunch of cave paintings, that are drawn to RESEMBLE the bubbles he had blown! Spongebob says: "Ah, the sea monkeys DID see the bubbles I blew for them after all! That's good!" Sandy says: "Not THAT, silly! I mean, THIS!!!!" And Sandy SWITCHES the monitor view, to show a HUGE to the sea monkeys (but only knee height to Spongebob), PYRAMID, complete with a sphinx shaped like Spongebob, and a bunch of statues carved in Spongebob's image! Sandy says: "This is simply ASTOUNDING! How the HECK did this happen?!" Spongebob says: "Well, the sea monkeys were bored, so I thought I'd provide them some artistic inspiration. But, I never taught them HOW to make pyramids, or sphinxes shaped like me, or for them to carve statues in my image!" Sandy says: "How would they even KNOW what you LOOK like?! From their perspective, you should be too far AWAY to see properly!" Spongebob nervously says: "I, MAY have put a magnifying glass inside their aquarium, so they can see us, the way WE can see them! Is, there a problem with that?!" Sandy says: "Spongebob, you've given them THEIR equivalent of a TELESCOPE! You introduced a piece of technology that they SHOULDN'T have for...however long THEIR equivalent of thousands of years ends up being!" Spongebob says: "Is that a BAD thing?!" Sandy says: "Well, I'm not sure WHAT it means! All that I can conclude is that BECAUSE you provided the sea monkeys with art, they SEEM to have come to revere you as some kind of...GOD." Spongebob says: "But I can't be a GOD!!!! Remember that one time Neptune tried to make me a Fry Cook of the Gods?! That didn't pan out, remember?" Sandy says: "I'm not ASKING you to be a God!"

Spongebob asks: "But if they're treating me like a God, doesn't that give me some sort of supernatural responsibilities?" Sandy says: "Spongebob, for the sake of the scientific experiment, I forbid you from interfering in their evolutionary endeavors any further! Besides, the LAST thing you want is for those innocent sea creatures to think that they can depend on you like you're some sort of GOD! Trust me, you do NOT want that kind of attention! Nothing good can come of THAT, mark my words! It's all too easy to jump off the slippery slope of morality by doing that!" Spongebob says: "But I never INTENDED to jump off the slippery slope, nor do I WANT to do that! All I'm SAYING is, since I CAUSED this to happen, don't I bare some sort of obligation to make sure nothing BAD happens to them!" Sandy scoffs, and says: "Oh, PLEASE! What could POSSIBLY, happen?!" Spongebob asks: "WHAT could happen?!" Patrick yells: "GIANT SEA SPIDER!!!!" Spongebob POINTS at the ANGRY, giant red sea spider running towards Patrick AND the Tree Dome, and Spongebob says: "THAT could HAPPEN! And to THINK, usually it's Squidward, Plankton, or Mr. Krabs who TEMPTS fate in one of THESE scenarios!" Patrick rushes inside the tree dome, and quickly puts on a water helmet! Spongebob asks: "Patrick, what did you do THIS time?!" Patrick says: "I'm SORRY, Spongebob! Just make him stop!" Sandy says: "Don't worry! We're protected by the space-age technology of this ultra-duty plastic! NOTHING can get inside THIS Tree Dome!" And the giant red sea spider ANGRILY slams one of his strong legs into the Tree Dome, and creates a sickening CRACK in the Tree Dome, producing a serious leak! Sandy gulps, and says: "Well, ALMOST nothing!" Spongebob asks: "TWICE with the tempting fate?!"

And the giant red sea spider continues to RAM his strong legs into the Tree Dome, causing MORE cracks and leaks! Sandy gulps and says: "Not good!" She puts on her air helmet and space suit, and yells: "EVERYBODY abandon TREE DOME!!!!" They immediately do so, only for the Tree Dome to completely BREAK and fall apart once they exit! Sandy yells: "MY TREE DOME!!!! SEA SPIDER!!!! I hope you have INSURANCE, BUSTER!!!! NOBODY messes with the Tree Dome of a Texas SQUIRREL!!!! (Jumps off-screen for battle discretion shot) Hi-YAH!!!! KI-YAH!!! WASABI!!!! TAKE THAT!!!!" And Sandy walks back on-screen, slaps her hands together, and she says: "Next time you'll THINK before picking on someone SMALLER than yourselves! My POOR Tree Dome! It will take WEEKS to repair!" Spongebob says: "Forget about the Tree Dome! What about the sea monkeys?!" Sandy says: "Fortunately, it seems our monitor was undamaged by the attack! Maybe the sea monkeys survived somehow!" Patrick says: "Spongebob, if I EVER get the INSANE idea to listen to another one of Bubble Bass' CRAZY plans to make two nickels off of him, PLEASE hit me hard in the head!" Spongebob starts to raise his hand, and Patrick says: "Not NOW!!!! Any FUTURE occasions!" Sandy gulps, and she says: "Spongebob, we're looking at a total LOSS here!" Spongebob says: "What do you MEAN?! Total loss!" Sandy says: "You do NOT want to see the devastation that happened! Take my WORD for it! All their technology, their buildings, and all the sea monkeys are GONE! All 4,444 sea monkeys!" Spongebob just looks despondent, and he says: "Poor sea monkeys! All I wanted was to give them a chance to know knowledge. Now, we'll never know WHAT they were capable of."

Sandy sighs, and she says: "Well, maybe it's better this way. There's no telling WHAT might have happened if the sea monkeys survived long enough to imprint Patrick or ME as one of their Gods! THAT could have ended up TRAGICALLY for them! AND for us!" Patrick nervously says: "Spongebob, I just had a REALLY scary thought! If the sea monkeys could think of someone as big as YOU could be a God compared to THEM, what's to stop something bigger than US, acting like GODS compared to us?!" Sandy is drinking some Pepsi, and spit-takes it on Spongebob, who absorbs it! Spongebob asks: "Why does everyone keep spit-taking on me?!" Patrick says: "Because it's funny!" Spongebob says: "No, it's NOT! It's just STUPID! It's almost as DUMB as that time I spent almost an entire DAY naked because I gave away everything I own to purchase that Le Spatula 3000!" Sandy says: "Well, I spit-take because I find Patrick's entire proposal PREPOSTEROUS! I mean, SURELY WE would be smart enough to realize, that there WERE something bigger than ourselves, WATCHING us all the time! Right! RIGHT?!" Spongebob says: "Sandy, don't go tempting FATE again...!" / 

And the action ZOOMS out to live-action versions of Tom Kenny, Bill F., and Carolyn Lawrence, holding up clay-models of Spongebob, Patrick, and Sandy! Carolyn says: "Okay, Spongebob, I won't go tempting fate on YOU anymore!" Tom says: "Oh, Sandy, you are SO romantic! Kiss me, my sweet! Kiss me!" Carolyn says: "Okay!" But instead of Tom and Carolyn kissing each other, the clay models of Spongebob and Sandy kiss each other! Carolyn says: "That was more fun than roping runaway boars on the Fourth of July in El Paso, Texas!" Bill F. says: "This is the WEIRDEST Halloween idea we've EVER come up with for Spongebob Squarepants!" / The screen switches to a swirling circle of black and white, and pans to feature Gary, who suddenly starts SPEAKING in the voice of the mysterious Narrator! Gary says: "What you have just witnessed was a particular scenario of weirdness and mystery that neither Spongebob or his friends could ever hope to comprehend. They have learned that the price for playing God is not something that should be taken lightly, and that they should always think about the consequences of their actions. Will they EVER become aware that they are the subjects of a highly successful animated show themselves? Watched, adored, and sometimes critiqued by millions of viewers and/or critics? Perhaps, perhaps not. But as The Beatles once sang, Tomorrow Never Knows. And maybe Spongebob and his friends will never know, that they have just experienced a journey in, The Tidal Zone!" /

Episode Notes: This special is a parody of a segment by "The Simpsons" called "The Genesis Tub", which in itself was a parody of an older segment featured on "The Twilight Zone!" Sarah Maclachlan guest stars as a fish version of herself, while Tom Kenny, Bill F., and Carolyn Lawrence all appear in real life footage, as well as voicing their respective characters. The song "Adia" is heard in this episode. Continuity references in this episode include "My Little Sea Horse; Bunny Hunt; A Pal for Gary; Appointment TV; Ink Lemonade; Krusty Cops; The Algae's Always Greener; Sandy's Rocket; Doodle Dimension; Big Pink Loser; Library Cards; Spongebob B.C.; Truth or Square; Not Normal; Neptune's Spatula; Feral Friends;" and "All That Glitters". Tropes utilized in this special include, "555; Other Darrin" -- in Universe in regards to Mermaid Man; "Take My Word for it" -- twice; "Out of Character Alert/OOC is Serious Business ; Department of Redundancy Department; Hidden Depths; Contrived Coincidence; Character Development; It's Pronounced 'Tro PAY'; Continuity Nod/Call-Back; For the Science!; Fauxshadowing; Medium Awareness/Leaning on the Fourth Wall; Strawman Has a Point; A God I Am Not; Jumping Off the Slippery Slope; Tempting Fate; Berserk Button; Battle Discretion Shot; Mind-Screw; Rule of Three" -- to both spit-takes, and tempting fate; "Self-Depreciation; Lampshade Hanging; Troperiffic"; and "The Narrator Was the Cat All Along".

Personal Notes: To date, I think this might actually be the FIRST episode in a LONG time that I have written that I am intending to put SPECIFICALLY within the continuity of "Spongebob Squarepants" itself, something I have not done since my early TV.com days, BEFORE I even wrote "Spongebob and Friends". When trying to come up with an idea for this Halloween Special, I had to think to myself; what could I do that was recognizable, yet distinct enough on it's own to stand up to any other story ideas? And than the idea came to me, to take a familiar episode of "The Twilight Zone" (which more people might recognize as being a segment of the "Treehouse of Horror" on "The Simpsons"), and adapt it to "Spongebob Squarepants" standards. Naturally, since "Spongebob Squarepants" is "Lighter and Softer" compared to "The Simpsons" and "The Twilight Zone", I decided to turn the conflict from being about "A God Am I"; to being "A God I Am Not". Also, Patrick WAS somewhat responsible for the ruination of the science project, just not directly. And he WAS sorry about it, making for "Character Development" for HIM as well! And I also wanted to do a great big twist ending that NO one would see coming, by showing the LIVE-action actors playing with the toys of the characters they VOICE, and the narration being voiced by GARY! I hope you enjoyed reading this Halloween special as much as I did writing it! Enough said, true believers! ;)

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Sorry for taking SO long to update this, I've got another one shot story that I'm finally ready to give you. It's perfect for a cold winter day (or warm), it's even "Spongebob Squarepants" related! /

"A Very, Cuddle E. Winter" It's winter, in Bikini Bottom, and it is unusually cold within the tropical, underwater environment! The aquatic sea life is having to bundle up for the cold snap that is breezing through like a frigid gale, throughout their town! Even Spongebob Squarepants is feeling the chill, in his pineapple home with Gary! Spongebob says: "Wow! Today is unusually FREEZING today! I can't IMAGINE how you can stand temperature's like THIS, Gary!" Gary says: "Meow?" Spongebob says: "Well, all I'm saying is, if the weather is bothering ME, I can only ASSUME that it must be WORSE for you, being closer to the ground, and everything! Oh, it's time's like these that I wish that big hamster, Cuddle E. Hugs was back, than HE would be able to keep me warm!" Than, a big glowing ball of BRIGHT, yellow light fills the room and Gary worriedly says: "MEOW?!" Spongebob says: "No, I don't know what it is, but I'm going to be ready for it!" Spongebob quickly puts on his karate gloves and helmet, only to be slightly surprised when the ball of light forms into who ELSE, but Cuddle E. Hugs! Cuddle E. says: "Wow! I can't BELIEVE that experiment worked?!" Spongebob asks: "Cuddle E.? What are YOU doing back here?!" Gary angrily says: "Meow!" Spongebob says: "Gary has a point! You tried to EAT a bunch of us, the LAST time you showed up!" Cuddle E. Groans, and says: "I know, I feel REALLY terrible about that! That's why I decided to INVENT something in order to come back here! I want to make up for my past transgressions! I want to be a servant for hire; a go-fer, if you catch my drift!" Spongebob says: "I thought you were a hamster, not a gopher!" Cuddle E. says: "I can see metaphors STILL aren't your strong suit! Still, if there's anything you want me to do, I will do it! I'm here ALL winter long! So, there's plenty of opportunities for me to help!" Spongebob thinks about it, and says: "I don't know. Gary, do YOU need anything?" Gary thinks about it, and says: "Meow." Spongebob says: "Gary says, if you can FIND him a scratching post that LOOKS like Squidward, but isn't ACTUALLY Squidward, that would be a start!" Cuddle E. Excitedly says: "I'll go to Tentacle Acres, where they have plenty!" Spongebob says: "And Gary wants you to be--." ZIP! ZIP! Cuddle E. Instantly comes back as Spongebob finishes saying: "Quick. Nice Scratching Post." And Spongebob looks at a giant, ornate marble statue of an octopus that looks like Squidward! Cuddle E. Says: "Isn't it?! I can't BELIEVE that no one was using it!" The scene cuts to a Library in Tentacle Acres, CLEARLY missing a support statue, and collapses in on itself, due to missing it! The scene cuts back to the pineapple, and Spongebob says: "That's pretty impressive! Can you do something about the weather?" Cuddle E. says: "Well, no. But I CAN do something to help make you WARMER! Take some of my fur! I don't mind!" Spongebob says: "But won't YOU get cold?" Cuddle E. Says: "Don't worry about it! It will grow RIGHT back!" Spongebob reaches for the chest area, cuts out an area of fur, that equals to a big fur coat, and a nice, warm hat, a warm scarf, and warm gloves; and surely enough, Cuddle E.'s fur grows right back! Spongebob says: "That is COOL! This could be the start of a BEAUTIFUL friendship, for REAL, this time!" /

A Time-Montage passes, that shows Cuddle E. shopping with Spongebob for groceries, reaching objects that Spongebob can't normally reach, having a snowball fight with him, giving him a nice back massage, reading him a bed-time story, opening a jar of mayonnaise, and even cos-playing with him at a Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy Convention, with Spongebob dressed as Mermaid Man, and Cuddle E. dressed as the evil Man Ray! / After the time-montage, Spongebob is laughing at a joke that Cuddle E. has just told him, and Spongebob says: "Gee, Cuddle E. That sure was a FUNNY one!" Cuddle E. says: "Yeah! Even I'M surprised that I ate ALL those donuts!" Spongebob says: "You know, it's nice that you've been helping ME for the past few weeks, but, what about all the OTHER fish in Bikini Bottom who could use the help of someone like you?" Cuddle E. says: "Look, Spongebob, I appreciate YOU giving ME another chance, but I'm not sure everyone else would be as understanding as you! After all, getting eaten temporarily isn't something that you JUST forget!" Spongebob says: "Don't worry about it, Cuddle E. If there's one thing I'm good at, it's personal relationships with others!" / The scene cuts to outside of Spongebob's house, where there is a bunch of snow on the ground. A bunch of aquatic sea-life, has gathered around a make-shift stage, complete with a large, purple curtain! Spongebob says: "Ladies and gentlemen, I appreciate you all coming here on such a chilly day, but I assure you, this announcement will change your LIVES forever!"  Squidward shouts: "SPONGEBOB IS LEAVING! SPONGEBOB IS LEAVING!" Spongebob asks: "What are you TALKING about?! I'm NOT leaving!" And Squidward immediately sits down, while Sandy rolls her eyes, and sarcastically says: "HOW disappointing!" Spongebob says: "No, I'm here to announce, that I have the greatest answer, to ANY trouble that you might have! I present to you, Mr. Cuddle E. Hugs!" And Spongebob opens the curtain, revealing the giant hamster! Mr. Krabs asks: "Hey! Who said YOU could come back here?!" Larry says: "I certainly didn't invite him!" Pearl says: "Spongebob Squarepants, what did YOU do, THIS time?!" Cuddle E. says: "Spongebob didn't do ANYTHING! I'm here of my OWN accord! I wanted to spend a winter, atoning for my PREVIOUS mistakes, and make amends. If there's ANYTHING you WANT me to do, as LONG as it's legal and G-rated, I'll do it!" Spongebob says: "And I'll even provide insurance money, so that either way, you'll be a happy customer!" Mr. Krabs thinks about it, and says: "Prove it, then! $25, IF you can move Plankton's Chum Bucket, out of MY sight!" Cuddle E. says: "Consider it done!" Cuddle E. runs over to the Chum Bucket, and with IMMENSE strength LIFTS the Bucket, RIGHT off of its foundation! Plankton says: "Hey! Wait a minute! What's HAPPENING?!" Plankton rushes outside, and SEES what Cuddle E. is doing, and Plankton shouts: "What's THIS?! CURSE YOU, Cuddle E. Hugs!!!!" And Cuddle E. tosses the Chum Bucket CLEAR off over the horizon, and Plankton says: "Ouch!" Mrs. Puff says: "Wow! I want to pay you to be Spongebob's NEW Driving Instructor!" Squidward asks: "Can I pay you to be my bodyguard?" Larry says: "I want you to be my new gym member!" Bubble Bass says: "I'll pay you to be my NEW Exercise partner!" Spongebob says: "Stop, STOP!!!! Everyone, you're missing the POINT here! Cuddle E. isn't just some tool you can use to do WHATEVER you want! He's a hamster, with FEELINGS! And using him with such disregard, is completely DEMEANING to him! Wouldn't YOU feel terrible, if someone did something to you like that?!" But just then, a loud ALARM rings, and Spongebob asks: "What was THAT; Cuddle E.?!" Cuddle E. says: "I'm afraid my time is up. Winter is almost over, so I must go back to my old home?!" Spongebob asks: "Really?! But we were having so much FUN, this time!" Cuddle E. says: "I might come again NEXT winter! Maybe then, everyone ELSE will be as kind and considerate as YOU are!" Sandy gives Squidward a look, and she says: "Called it!" A big yellow light, surrounds Cuddle E., and he says: "Until next time!" And Cuddle E. Disappears! Patrick asks: "Is it just me, or did it suddenly get a lot less WARM around here?!" Bubble Bass says: "I think we ALL learned a lesson here. I can't THINK of what it is right now, but I know it must be something!" Spongebob says: "I'm just glad that we'll probably get to see Cuddle E. again, someday! He is SO nice and warm, in a totally appropriate way of course!" Mr. Krabs says: "Still, I can't help but get the feeling that we're FORGETTING something!" /

The scene cuts to a real-life hamster cage, where the CHUM Bucket has been thrown to! Plankton says: "What are we DOING in a smelly, stinky, hamster cage?!" The real-life Cuddle E. pops back into the cage, and he says: "I was WONDERING where you went to! Would you like to be my new friend? I'm VERY nice and warm, in an appropriate way of course." Plankton yells: "KAREN!!!!" / The End! / I hope you enjoyed reading that story, as much as I did writing it! Enough said, true believers!

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Okay, it's time to start revealing the preliminary information for my next project, "My Gym Partner's A Monkey, The Movie!"! This will contain the (hypothetical) voice casting for the characters within the movie project, as well as a list of songs that I plan to have within the movie!


Nika Futterman: Adam Lyon, Miss Chameleon. Tom Kenny: Jake Spidermonkey, Marvin Hammy. Rick Gomez: Windsor T. Gorilla, Slips Python. Grey Delisle-Griffin: Lupe Toucan, Ingrid Giraffe, Mrs. Warthog, Nurse Gazelle. Maurice LaMarche: Principal Pixiefrog, Mr. Mandrill, Mr. Hornbill. Phil LaMarr: Virgil "Bull" Sharkowski, Phinnius Porpoise, Endugu Elephant, Nestor Parrot. Cree Summer: Kerry Anderson, LaTanya Hippo, Mrs. Tusk, Eddie Panther. Chris Edgerly: Superintendent Wolverine. John DiMaggio: Coach Cheetah. General Schwarz: Rob Schneider. Dr. Maniac: Ted Levine.


"School's Out For Summer", Alice Cooper. "Wouldn't It Be Nice?" The Beach Boys. "How Will I Know?" Whitney Houston. "Africa", Toto. "Run Through The Jungle", Creedence Clearwater Revival. "Congo", Genesis. "Missionary Man", The Eurythmics. "Undercover Of The Night", The Rolling Stones. "Welcome To My Nightmare", Alice Cooper. "Shock The Monkey", Peter Gabriel. "Behind Blue Eyes", The Who. "God Only Knows", The Beach Boys. "Peace Train", Cat Stevens. "Crazy Train", Ozzy Osbourne. "Sledgehammer", Peter Gabriel. "I Need A Man", The Eurythmics. End Credits; "I Hate Myself For Loving You", Joan Jett And The Blackhearts. "I Can't Go For That (No Can Do)", Hall And Oates. "I Love Rock & Roll", Joan Jett And The BlackHearts. "You Make My Dreams Come True", Hall And Oates. /

That's the preliminary information! So the next time I come on here, I'll start my movie project in earnest! Enough said for now, true believers!

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Since my scary story submission didn't win scariest story (again), I shall instead turn it into one of my "One Shot Stories". This is a non-canon, "Spongebob Squarepants", Halloween special! Enjoy! /

The Sound Of Silence

The scene opens up on the scenery of Bikini Bottom. However, it's not Frenchie who does the narrating, it's Squidward! Squidward narrates: "Welcome to Bikini Bottom. Here, you can find an assortment of some of the most unique sea creatures to live underwater. But by FAR, the most talented, and HANDSOME of them all, is me, Squidward Tentacles! I currently work at the Krusty Krab, at the Cash Register. It is a fairly uncomplicated job, which allows me much time, to paint my art, and play my clarinet. However, there is ONE factor, that continually HAUNTS me, and TAUNTS me, with INCESSANT torture!" The picture cuts to Spongebob Squarepants behind the grill, and we hear him laugh through SQUIDWARD'S point of view, as Spongebob demonically laughs: "Ha ha, ha ha, HA!!!!"
Squidward continues narrating: "Day after day, Spongebob will continually find some new way of annoying me, and distracting me, and whether it's willfully or ignorantly, he continually conspires to find new ways to bring misery and woe to my life. And despite my...SUPERIOR talent, Spongebob has somehow gotten Employee of the Month, FAR more times than I ever have! And if that wasn't bad enough, he will often bring his idiot friend Patrick, to partake in trying to chip away at my insanity. Well, the torment will end today, because one way or another, I will make Spongebob SILENT, forever!"

The scene cuts into The Krusty Krab, which seems like another typical day of serving food to Krusty Krab customers, where Spongebob is finishing telling another one of his jokes. Spongebob says: "...And that's when I realized, that it wasn't some gum that I had, it was a $500 dollar bill! Ha ha, ha ha, ha ha, ha ha--!" But this causes Squidward's blood to boil, steam LITERALLY comes out of EARS that form, just so steam CAN come out of ears, and he screams as loud as he possibly can: "AHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY, MUST, YOU, ALWAYS, MAKE, THAT, STUPID LAUGH?!!!!!!!!!! I HATE IT!!!! HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE IT!!!!!!! YOU ARE THE MOST UNFUNNY CREATURE IT HAS EVER BEEN MY DISPLEASURE TO HAVE TO WORK WITH, AND LIVE NEXT TO!!!!" And Squidward pants heavily, as sweat starts pouring down his face! Spongebob says: "WOAH!!!! Squidward, what is WRONG with YOU?!!! You don't look well at all!" Squidward says: "I should say I'm not well, having to listen to YOU talk!!!! Hearing YOU every day, eats away at every FIBER OF MY BEING!!!! If I have to hear one more STUPID joke of yours, I SWEAR to Neptune, I will find the nearest Power Dril, plug it into the closest outlet of the nearest Power Station, and LITERALLY drill holes into EVERY creature that I find annoying!" Spongebob says: "You MEAN, 'Figuratively'..." Squidward yells: "NO!!!! I will LITERALLY go to the nearest tool shop, find every single DANGEROUS tool I can get my tentacles on, sort them in order from least dangerous to MOST dangerous, strap YOU and Patrick to an operating table, test them all out on you without ANY Anesthesia or Ibuprofin, until I find one that you BOTH hate the most, and use them on you over and Over, and OVER again, until I FINALLY get tired, and dump your bodies into Rock Bottom, and leave you for DEAD!!!!" Spongebob says: "That's...quite specific for a 'Hypothetical' situation. You seem tense, is there anything I can do to make you feel better?"

And Frenchie narrates, and he says: "And then, Squidward got an idea. An AWFUL idea! He got a WONDERFULLY, HORRIBLE, AWFUL idea!" And Squidward's face contorts into the SAME, devious, EVIL smile, once worn by The Grinch! Squidward says: "I would like nothing better, than to NEVER have to hear YOUR voice again, for the REST of my life!" Spongebob gasps, and he says: "Squidward, you DON'T mean that?!" Squidward says: "What's the matter? SCARED you can't DO it?! I'll BET you, your prized Balsa Wood Carving of ME, that you CAN'T keep your mouth SHUT around me, for the rest of YOUR, or MY, LIFE! Whichever comes first!" Spongebob sighs, and says: "Fine. If that's the way you really want it, than fine! I'm shutting myself off! Once I finish this sentence, when I'm around you, you will NEVER hear me say ANOTHER word EVER again!" And Spongebob walks back to his grill! Squidward laughs nasally, and he says: "THIS, I've GOT to SEE! No WAIT!!!! THIS I've GOT TO HEAR!!!!!!!!!"

Of course, it doesn't take long for Squidward to start ABUSING his new sense of superiority over Spongebob, as Squidward DELIBERATELY plays a TV ad, for a contest revolving around Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! Perch Perkins says: "Loyal Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy fans, this is your chance! We have found, from the vaults, a LIMITED mint condition First Issue Comic of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy, signed by the heroes themselves!" And the front cover is an homage to Superman's "Action Comics" #1 Cover! Perch Perkins continues: "All you have to do, to be a TRUE fan to win this, is to be the FIRST one to call in, and answer the following question correctly! When DID, the first issue of the Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy come out?!" Squidward chuckles, grabs Bubble Bass, and Squidward coyly says: "Oh, SPONGEBOB, guess who KNOWS the ANSWER?!" And Squidward points at Bubble Bass!

Squidward says: "Of course, YOU probably know the answer TO, don't you? All you have to do to answer it, is just give up your wood carving to me!" But although Spongebob trembles, he doesn't even make a MOTION to the wall phone in the Kitchen, and Squidward says: "Do it, Bubble Bass!" And Bubble Bass dials his Shell Phone, and Perch Perkins says: "Caller #1, you are on line! What is your name?!" Bubble Bass says: "Bubble Bass, of course!" Perch Perkins says: "Very good! Bubble Bass, what is the answer to the question?!" Bubble Bass says: "January 1944, obviously!" Perch Perkins says: "You're correct, absolutely correct! You're the NUMBER ONE fan of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! I sure do PITY anyone who DIDN't call in BEFORE you! Where do you live?!" Bubble Bass says: "1999 Burbank Avenue, Bikini Bottom, in the Pacific Ocean!" Perch Perkins says: "Very good! We'll mail the issue to you right away! Thanks for playing!" Bubble Bass says: "You're welcome!" And Bubble Bass hangs up his shell phone! Squidward says: "Too BAD, Spongebob! Looks like YOU'RE no longer the #1 fan of Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy! AH, HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!!!!" And Spongebob just breaks into silent tears, and lets them roll down his face.

A little bit later, Squidward rings the bell to place an order, and he says: "Oh, Spongebob, I need an order for a Triple Krabby Surpreme on Wheat Buns, with Extra Cheese, and Sea Pickle! And burn it to a crisp, okay?" Spongebob does as he is told, and hands the order to Squidward! Squidward says: "Well, what do you know? A Triple Krabby Surpreme, just for ME! But WAIT!!!! I just remembered that I'm on a DIET!!!! I can't POSSIBLY eat THIS, it will RUIN my figure! I guess I'll just have to put it through a SHREDDER, unless YOU know of ANYONE, who could possibly LOVE this meal!!!!" And Spongebob's eyes look on in horror! Squidward says: "You KNOW what you can do to STOP me; just give up your wood carving to me, and I'll give you the Triple Krabby Surpreme!" And Spongebob actually throws his HANDS over his mouth to ENSURE he can't say anything, and shakes his head for good measure! Squidward says: "Going once, going twice; SOLD TO THE SHREDDER!!!!" And he puts the order through a Shredder, GRINDING the meal into pieces before Spongebob's very eyes! Squidward says: "I'm SURE that what of been a good meal. Too bad that NOBODY ENJOYS IT!!!! HA, HA, HA, HA, HA!!!!" And Spongebob runs out of the Krusty Krab, runs as far, far, FAR away as he can, to the lair of the Yeti Krab, and when he's sure Squidward can't POSSIBLY hear him even if he WANTED to, Spongebob breaks up and screams: "WAHH-HAHH! AHHH!!!!" And the Yeti Krab just shakes his head, not at Spongebob, but at Squidward's callous behavior!

As the business day comes to a close, Squidward congratulates himself on a job well done! Squidward says: "Well, Squidward, you've really outdone yourself THIS time! Six hours, and not a SINGLE WORD from Spongebob! I should've thought of this idea YEARS ago!" And Squidward puts on a set of headphones, that plays Queen's "We Are The Champions", and begins walking home! Spongebob finally makes it back to Bikini Bottom, but as he does, he sees a LARGE boat truck coming towards Squidward! But Squidward can't HEAR it coming, because his headphones are DROWNING out the noise! Spongebob opens his mouth, but QUICKLY shuts it, because of his PROMISE to Squidward! He quickly runs into the Novelty Shop, BUYS a LOUD Toy Horn, runs BACK outside, and squeezes it LOUDLY! This catches Squidward's attention! Squidward turns to Spongebob, and Squidward says: "Well, Spongebob, ready to surrender?" Spongebob tries to motion to the boat truck, but Squidward isn't getting it! Squidward says: "Are we playing Charades?" Spongebob nods, and he makes a bunch of fast movements, which Squidward SOMEHOW understands! Squidward says: "Watch...out...for...the...truck?" He turns, and sees the truck just as it hits him!

The scene cuts to the inside of a court room, Squidward is MOSTLY fine, just bandaged around his head and left arm tentacle! The familiar judge has gathered a jury, the driver of the sea truck, and Spongebob Squarepants into the courtroom! The judge says: "Squidward Tentacles, you are charged with obstructing a roadway, walking into oncoming traffic, and refusing to yield to the right of way! How do you plea for yourself?" Squidward says: "Not guilty, sir!" The Judge says: "A likely story! And I don't suppose you have ANYONE who can back UP your story!" But Squidward immediately lights up, and he says: "Of course I do! Spongebob! HE can tell you that I'm not guilty!" But Spongebob's face just looks on in sadness, and he slowly shakes his head, not willing to BREAK his promise! Squidward says: "Come ON, Spongebob, SAY something!" Spongebob gets an idea! Spongebob grabs a cup of tea, and he motions to the Judge! The Judge says: "Are you trying to tell me something?" Spongebob quietly drinks the tea, and the Judge says: "Tea? Oh! GUILTY!!!! Take Squidward away! Lock him up for 50 years, and throw away the keys!" And Police Officers Bob and Nancy come to take him AWAY!!!! Squidward yells: "NO!!!! I'm innocent! I'm INNOCENT!!!! Spongebob, PLEASE!!!!" /

A title card, and Frenchie says: "50 years later." / A Prison Warden unlocks the door, showing a now elderly, bearded, wrinkled Squidward, seeing the face of an older, bearded, wrinkled Spongebob. The Warden says: "All right, Squidward, your bail is here." Squidward says: "Spongebob, you came for me; I knew you would!" But Spongebob STILL won't say anything! Squidward says: "Come ON, Spongebob! Enough already! Please, just TALK to me!" But Spongebob just looks away! Squidward says: "All right! The deal's off, the deal's off! Now, just TALK and say something already!" And in a croaking voice, Spongebob says: "Oh, Squidward, you don't know how LONG I've waited to hear that! You see, what I was TRYING to tell the Judge all those years ago, was that you were NOT Guilty! Squidward is NOT guilty!" And the judge, ALSO older, and rolling around in a wheelchair, HAPPENS to pass by, and hear that, and he says: "Of course! How could I have BEEN so dense?! Don't answer that!" / The scene cuts to back to the Krusty Krab, where PEARL is now running it, of course, she's now middle-aged, but STILL looks pretty stunning! Pearl says: "Well Squidward, it's about TIME you got back from your BREAK! Where were you off to? On a hot date or something?! Ha, ha, ha! I crack myself up! Anyways, you've got a lot of customers to get to, so get started!" Spongebob says: "You know, I've got a LOT to catch you up on! The day after you were put in jail, I was talking to Patrick, and Patrick said..." Squidward turns to the camera, and he says: "You know, there's a lesson to be learned here. Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it!"

The End!

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All right, you've waited long enough for this, it's time for my most adventurous project yet! First, the details of the cast, and the songs that you will hear in this movie. Due to the size of the movie, the story will be broken up into DVD/Blu-Ray Scenes for both your, and my convenince, and enjoyment. /  Cast:

Nika Futterman: Adam Lyon, Miss Chameleon. Tom Kenny: Jake Spidermonkey, Marvin Hammy. Rick Gomez: Windsor T. Gorilla, Slips Python. Grey Delisle-Griffin: Lupe Toucan, Ingrid Giraffe, Mrs. Warthog, Nurse Gazelle. Maurice LaMarche: Principal Pixiefrog, Mr. Mandrill, Mr. Hornbill. Phil LaMarr: Virgil "Bull" Sharkowski, Phinnius Porpoise, Endugu Elephant, Nestor Parrot. Cree Summer: Kerry Anderson, LaTanya Hippo, Mrs. Tusk, Eddie Panther. Chris Edgerly: Superintendent Wolverine. John DiMaggio: Coach Cheetah. General Schwarz: Rob Schneider. Dr. Maniac: Ted Levine.

Songs: "School's Out For Summer", Alice Cooper. "Wouldn't It Be Nice?" The Beach Boys. "How Will I Know?" Whitney Houston. "Africa", Toto. "Run Through The Jungle", Creedence Clearwater Revival. "Congo", Genesis. "Missionary Man", The Eurythmics. "Undercover Of The Night", The Rolling Stones. "Welcome To My Nightmare", Alice Cooper. "Shock The Monkey", Peter Gabriel. "Behind Blue Eyes", The Who. "God Only Knows", The Beach Boys. "Peace Train", Cat Stevens. "Crazy Train", Ozzy Osbourne. "Sledgehammer", Peter Gabriel. "I Need A Man", The Eurythmics. End Credits; "I Hate Myself For Loving You", Joan Jett And The Blackhearts. "I Can't Go For That (No Can Do)", Hall And Oates. "I Love Rock & Roll", Joan Jett And The BlackHearts. "You Make My Dreams Come True", Hall And Oates. /
Now, with that out of the way, it's time for the main event. Enjoy! /

(DVD/Blu-Ray Scene 1: "Prologue, Opening Credits")
(Cold Open) The camera opens up on a beautiful, sunny, summer day. Words appear on the screen, they say: "Glendale, California, June 24, 2008". The camera pans over the city, and settles on a typical human house, where a not so typical human boy lives. A relatively short, red-haired boy, named Adam Lyon. Adam wakes up from bed, and as he gets himself ready for the day, he narrates via voice-over: "My name is Adam Lyon. If my last name didn't tip you off, I don't exactly live a normal life. Or rather, I USED to, until a bizarre, bureaucratic error, switched me from a normal, human middle school, to an animal middle school, apparently, just BECAUSE of my last name. Still, I can't say that the experience hasn't been enlightening, because, thanks to my last year at Charles Darwin Middle School, I have learned things about myself, and animals, that I never would have learned otherwise. For instance, I have found that I have more courage, strength, and intelligence, than I would've EVER given myself credit for! Not to mention patience; lots, and LOTS of patience! Some of the animals are quirky, but quite a few are quite friendly, once you get to know them." The camera pans to a photo of Jake Spidermonkey, and Adam narrates: "Even if SOME, and by 'Some', I mean, 'Jake Spidermonkey', have SOME traits that I could LIVE without! And yet, in spite of all the hardships I have endured the past year, I not only SOMEHOW managed to thrive DESPITE only being a human, I still have the relationship of a girl." And the camera pans to a picture of Kerry Anderson. Adam narrates: "She's a pretty awesome girl. Loves music, and singing. She could probably go professional one of these days. She was pretty stoked when she found out that I had been accepted among the animals of Charles Darwin Middle School, not just as an honorary animal, but as an apprentice Zookeeper, responsible for their health and safety. Yes, my future was definitely looking brighter."

The camera pans away from Glendale, California, to a remote area within the Congo Jungle, in Africa. Adam continues narrating: "Little did I know at that moment, that there would soon be events that would transpire, that would completely change my life again, forever!" The camera pans into a dark, sinister looking cave, which opens up to reveal a world of technology and machinery, unmatched anywhere else in the world of 2008! In the cave, is a tall, anthropomorphic turtle, who is very distinguished, due to wearing a General's Uniform, and a FIVE Star General's Uniform at THAT! He has a nametag on him, which is revealed to read, "General Schwarz". The General is busy, reluctantly working on a bunch of metallic robots, that are designed to look like Anthropomorphic turtles! A giant, computer monitor turns on behind him, and the image of a middle-aged man, with long, flowing hair, and a scientist's outfit, appears in the monitor. In a commanding voice, he says: "General SCHWARZ!!!!" The General drops his wrench, and he nervously says: "Yes, Dr. Maniac?" The Doctor asks: "How are the plans coming along?" General Schwarz answers: "They're really...monstrous?" Dr. Maniac says: "I DO expect for you to have these robots complete, in time for the INVASION, before this upcoming 4th of July! Of course, you DO know the penalty of what will happen to you if you...fail." General Schwarz nervously stammers, and he says: "I--." Than boldy, he shouts: "I DON'T CARE!!!!" And he trips the Fire Sprinkler alarm, short-circuiting all the equipment, and RUSTING most of the robots in the room! General Schwarz says: "You can DO what you WANT to me! I REFUSE to be a part of this...EVIL, INSANE SCHEME!!!!" Dr. Maniac looks unconcerned by the response, and he says: "Oh, must we do this the HARD way? I HAD hoped to avoid bringing this up, BUT, I've already taken the liberty, of having your FAMILY, delivered into MY clutches!"

General Schwarz asks: "My wife and two kids?!" Dr. Maniac chuckles, and he says: "Yes!" And with a mock, sympathetic voice, Dr. Maniac says: "I would spend MANY an unfortunate night IF...SOMETHING unfortunate were to HAPPEN to them!" And Dr. Maniac holds up a miniature, custom-made figurine of a happy-looking General Schwarz, his wife, and two sons, up for display! General Scwarz says: "NO! You WOULDN'T!" And without a moment's hesitation, in Dr. Maniac's laboratory, Dr. Maniac THROWS the figurine into a furnace without a second thought, and smiles SADISTICALLY as the flames begin to melt the figurine into a gelatinous mess! Dr. Maniac screams: "FIX THE ROBOTS, GENERAL SCHWARZ!!!!" And General Schwarz slumps in defeat, picks up a can of oil, and begins oiling the robots. Dr. Maniac calmly says: "Oh, and one more thing, should ANYBODY, or ANYTHING, come poking their noses AROUND this place, you will DISPOSE of them, lest my plans be spoiled. After all, I would 'HATE', to punish YOUR family for YOUR failure! And under NO circumstances, will you tell ANYONE that I ordered this invasion, or, that you're WORKING for me! I DON'T want the Earth to know of my GLORIOUS return, until the right moment presents itself! As far as anyone else is to know, you are WORKING on your own! You got that?!" General Schwarz sighs, and says: "Yes, sir." Dr. Maniac says: "Good. You'll get your family back from my secret cryogenic prison, safe and sound, ONCE you have fulfilled YOUR end of the bargain! They won't age a day in that prison! Of course, they can't move or speak either, but that's the price to pay for eternal youth! It won't be long before the ENTIRE world, LEARNS of the DRASTIC consequences, of WHAT happens, when they MOCK my superior genius! I shall GET my revenge, and make all those FOOLS, pay for BANISHING me from the scientific community! Prepare yourself, Earth, because SCHOOL'S OUT FOR SUMMER!!!! MWA, HA, HA, HA!!!!" /

The camera cuts to the title screen introduction, and the opening credits, Alice Cooper's "School's Out For Summer", plays during the opening credits! /
My Gym Partner's A Monkey, The Movie!
"Well, we got no choice. All the girls and boys making all that noise, 'cause they found new toys. Well, we can't salute ya, can't find a flag. If that don't suit ya, that's a drag! School's out for summer! School's out forever! School's been blown to pieces! No more pencils, No more books, No more teacher's dirty looks! Well we got no class, and we got no principles. And we got no innocence, we can't even think of a word that rhymes! School's out for summer! School's out forever! My school's been blown to pieces! No more pencils, No more books, No more teacher's dirty looks! Out for summer, Out till fall, We might not go back at all! School's out forever! School's out for summer! School's out with fever! School's out completely!" (The sound of children yelling as a school bell rings, and the opening credits end)! /

(DVD/Blu-Ray Scene 2: "The Phone Call / The Walk")
The camera opens up back up again on Adam Lyon, he's getting himself some breakfast, when he notices a note on the fridge. It reads: "Dear Adam, We had to go to work early today. Keep your cell phone on you if you need to call for an emergency, and we've got your meals prepared for you today. Signed, your parents." Adam sighs, and says: "My parents are ALWAYS busy! It would be NICE if they didn't HAVE to work once in a while!" Than Adam's cell phone rings. Adam says: "Maybe that's THEM right now!" Adam reaches into his pocket, takes out his cell phone, and he says: "Hello, mom, dad?" Principal Pixiefrog talks onto the phone, and asks: "What are you TALKING about; I'm NOT your dad!" Adam says: "Sorry! Reflex!" Principal Pixiefrog says: "Anyways, I'm glad I caught you! Something just came up at Charles Darwin Middle School, we need you to come by!" Adam asks: "Have they FINALLY fixed that bureaucratic error?!" Principal Pixiefrog seriously says: "If it was THAT, I would have LED with that, wouldn't I?" Adam says: "I was JUST asking! Is it SERIOUS?" Principal Pixiefrog says: "Probably not TOO serious, but you should come anyways. I already told all the zoo animals, they're already on their way. You're not DOING anything, are you?" Adam says: "Well, I WAS planning on playing my Nintendo Wii--." And Principal Pixiefrog loudly laughs! Adam seriously says: "Don't laugh. I didn't NAME the console THAT, it's the actual NAME of the console!" Principal Pixiefrog asks: "Than why have it?" Adam says: "Because I like the GAMES that come out for it, obviously! But, since you need me, I'll bring my Nintendo DS instead, just in case I get bored!" Principal Pixiefrog says: "All right, then; we'll see you by 9 A.M., all right?" Adam looks at the clock, and it says "7:30 A.M." Adam says: "I'll be there!" Principal Pixiefrog seriously asks: "You're not going to FORGET or blow it OFF, are you?!" Adam seriously says: "I NEVER do THAT, you're thinking of JAKE!!!!" Jake suddenly shouts over the phone: "Oh, COME ON!!!! How many times has THAT actually happened!" Adam and Principal Pixiefrog simultaneously say: "54!" Principal Pixiefrog says: "INCLUDING that Big Field Trip, AND the time you wished for an Animal School Musical!" Jake says: "54; REALLY?! I thought it was LESS!" Adam rolls his eyes, and says: "So did everyone else noteworthy that I can think of, NOT naming names; no offense, Jake."

Jake sighs and says: "No, fair enough. But I'll SURELY see you at the Middle School at 9 A.M., right?" Adam says: "Of course you will, and DON'T call ME 'Shirley'!" Jake groans, and he says: "I HATE IT when he gets me with that joke!" Principal Pixiefrog asks: "Can you blame him, though? You can't beat a well-timed pun!" Adam says: "And sad to say, it feels like the FUNNIEST joke I've heard, or rather, said, in the past year!" Jake says: "You mean the funniest joke you've said in the past year so FAR!" Adam says: "Oh, NOW you know what 'Semantics', mean?!" Jake said: "I've done some research! I want to sound SOMEWHAT intelligent when we have conversations!" Adam says: "I should BE so lucky!" Principal Pixiefrog: "Could you BOTH wrap it up? Me and Jake BOTH have to get ready!" Adam and Jake simultaneously say: "Sorry, Principal Pixiefrog!" Jake says: "Good-bye, Adam!" Adam says: "Good-bye Jake!" Adam finishes up his breakfast, than goes out of his house, towards the Middle School! While he's walking there, who should he accidentally bump INTO but Kerry?! They both say: "OOF!!!!" Adam says: "Oh, I'm so SORRY Kerry! I walk to Charles Darwin Middle School so often, my brain goes on automatic pilot sometimes!" Kerry says: "No, it's probably MY fault! I wasn't really paying attention to where I was going!" Adam says: "Really? That doesn't sound like you." Kerry says: "Well, ever since I broke the news of YOU becoming an honorary animal, and are currently on the fast-track to become a Zoo-Keeper, all of MY class-mates have become JEALOUS of you!" Adam asks: "Jealous, of ME?! Why?!"

Kerry says: "Think about it! Out of all of us, you're the first kid among us who's actually MADE something of himself! Usually, you have to wait until a ten year reunion to be able to BRAG about THAT!" Adam chuckles, and he says: "I guess I kind of HAVE made something of myself, in spite of ALL the difficulties!" Kerry says: "Come ON, Adam! Surely life at that Animal Middle School isn't THAT tough!" Adam says: "You have NO idea, you have NO idea on all the hardships that occurred over there! Going to that school, has LITERALLY filled up the past four SEASONS...of my life!" And a nearby street drummer CONVENIENTLY plays a rimshot! Kerry says: "Well, MAYBE it is hard, but you got to admit, it's WAY more interesting than the school I have to go to!" Adam says: "Interesting? Well that's ONE way to put it, but I wouldn't reccomend it, if you want to keep your sanity intact!" Kerry says: "Well, my parents DO say that my mind is the thing they like MOST about me, along with my WONDERFUL sense of humor!" Adam says: "I like your mind to, just for the record!" Kerry says: "You know, we ARE relatively alone! This would be the perfect opportunity for us to KISS! We haven't done that in AGES!" Adam says: "I would love to, but, I've got to get to Charles Darwin Middle School. Prinicpal Pixiefrog has something important he wants to tell the students and faculty there." Kerry asks: "Well, how about I accompany you? I mean, I WAS going to go to the Arcade, but going with YOU, will probably be more interesting!" Adam asks: "There's STILL arcades around?" Kerry says: "We live in Glendale, California, a suburb of Los Angeles! You can find practically ANYTHING within a 50 mile radius!" Adam says: "Good point!" And they walk towards Charles Darwin Middle School. Kerry says: "You know, these years of our lives are fine and all, but I really can't WAIT until we're grown up!"

Adam asks: "What's the sudden interest?" Kerry says: "Come on! We're just KIDS! And as long as we're kids, our relationship can't evolve BEYOND holding hands, hugging, and our almost non-existant kissing history!" Adam says: "You DO make a valid point, THERE! I WOULD like to be stronger, and BIGGER...than I currently am! Most middle-school kids MY age aren't this short!" Kerry says: "I hear that!" Adam sighs, and says: "Wouldn't it be NICE, IF we were older!" And as if on cue, The Beach Boys song: "Wouldn't It Be Nice" plays, as they walk towards Charles Darwin Middle School, and an "Imagine Spot" happens, where they imagine themselves four years older, as real teenagers, and the kinds of activities they would do together. / Brian Wilson sings: "Wouldn't it be nice if we were older? Then, we wouldn't have to wait so long. And wouldn't it be nice to live together, in the kind of world where we belong? You know it's gonna make it that much better, when we can say goodnight and stay together. Wouldn't it be nice if we could wake up, in the morning when the day is new, and after having spent the day together, hold each other close the whole night through. Happy times together we've been spending. I wish that every kiss was neverending. Wouldn't it be nice? Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true. Baby, then there wouldn't be a single thing we couldn't do. We could be married (we could be married). And then we'd be happy (and then we'd be happy). Wouldn't it be nice? You know it seems the more we talk about it, it only makes it worse to live without it. But lets talk about it. Wouldn't it be nice?" / And the song trails off as they both reach Charles Darwin Middle School, and all the other animal students and faculty have already arrived, except for Coach Gills and Assistant Coach Ferret! Adam says: "That's funny, where our Coach Gills, and Assistant Coach Ferret?" Windsor T. Gorilla says: "Maybe the mysterious absence of their failure to show up, is an explanation as to why WE are here at this moment in time." Kerry asks: "Uh, does HE always talk like that?" Adam says: "You get used to it. Besides, he's actually one of the BETTER animals that I like to hang around with, no offense, Jake!" Jake thinks about it, and says: "Fair enough." Slips says: "All right, enough talking! It's time for the main event!" /

I'll break here and stop for now. Enough said, for now!

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Sorry to interrupt my movie in progress, but I have a story that I have already fully written, that's ready for viewing! It's my award winning, December 2020 short story idea! I hope you like it! /

"The Tidal Zone Presents: The Living Holiday Lights" / Cuddle E. Hugs walks on screen, and says: "Submitted for your approval, the Christmas holiday is a time of joyful gatherings, Eggnog, Mistletoe, and the occasional chill that you get from snowfall, and needing to warm up with some chestnuts roasting on an open fire. Occasionally however, something unusual happens from time to time, and things don't go the way they are usually planned. Take for instance, one Miss Sandy Cheeks, who prides herself on being able to come up with solutions to problems that nobody else has ever thought of. What Sandy doesn't realize, is that her latest solution to a problem, is about to take her on a one way trip, through the Tidal Zone". Sandy is wearing her lab coat and science goggles, and is busy wrenching and bolting her latest scientific project! Until at last, she wipes off the sweat that has accumulated on her face, and she shares: "Eureka! At last, I've done it!!!!" And lightning inexplicably flashes overhead from out of nowhere! She rushes to the Krusty Krab, busts in, and exclaims: "Folks, you'll NEVER believe what I just did!" Fred Rechid asks: "Found a way to keep me from breaking MY LEG?!!!" Bubble Bass asks: "Discovered a way to make it so we NEVER have to go number two again?" Squidward asks: "Discovered a way to KEEP Spongebob out of my LIFE forever?!" Sandy answers: "In that order; Not yet, Still working on it, and not on your life! I have discovered a way that will solve everyone's holiday lighting problems forever! As everyone knows, what is the number one problem, for holiday light owners? Burnt out light-bulbs! And finding the exact light-bulb that has burnt out, is ALWAYS such a hassle! But, I have figured out a way, that will alleviate everyone's problems forever! I call them, Living Holiday Lights!" And she opens up a box, and unveils seven glow-worms, colored Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, White, and Purple respectively! Sandy says: "Utilizing the latest in gene-splicing and reverse engineering, I have created these glow worms, so that they can blink on and off at controlled interviews, to make for an impressive display! And the best part is, you will never NEED to change them yourselves, they will know WHEN it's time for them, to need to be recharged! When they start to run low on energy, they can come back into your house, get fed and rested, and when they're fully recharged, come back out and continue blinking again! They get a place to live, and YOU'LL never need to change your holiday lights again! Everybody wins!" Everyone in the Krusty Krab claps their hands, fins, flippers, or claws, and Spongebob says: "That's Sandy for you! She NEVER fails to come up with a solution to a problem!" Squidward, unconvinced says: "I give it eleven minutes before SOMETHING comes to mess things up!"

A Card appears, and the French Narrator says: "Five seconds later..." / Plankton bursts in, and he says: "Well, what do we have here?" Mr. Krabs says: "Plankton! What are YOU doing here, so unwelcome in MY restaurant?!" Plankton says: "Relax, Mr. Krabs. I'm not here to steal your Krabby Patty formula, yet! I have come to share a little proposition with Miss Sandy Cheeks!" Sandy asks: "You want to have a proposition with me? We've only really ever interacted THREE times total, INCLUDING this time!" Plankton says: "Relax! It's no big deal! I want to buy these little...glow-worm thingies, and I'll pay you handsomely, so you can buy a little trip to the French Riviera! Or...wherever it is that Texan squirrels like to vacation!" Bubble Bass says: "That sounds like a WORSE idea than the time Spongebob and Patrick tried to get a tan, in order to get into Craig Mammalton's beach party!" Craig says: "I just want to say, for the record, I did NOT force them to get those tans! They didn't even have to GO to my party! And I certainly didn't force anyone to STAY at my party; they could've left ANYTIME they wanted! I even apologized after Spongebob and Patrick got hurt, and took them to Sandy's, so she could heal them!" Sandy says: "Thank you for making a significant contribution again, and Bubble Bass is right! As far as YOU'RE concerned, Plankton, these Glow Worms are NOT for sale!" Plankton asks: "Is she serious? I really don't KNOW Sandy!" Spongebob says: "Well, Plankton, she seems..." Plankton grabs out a checkbook, and begins writing down words and numbers, and he says: "Oh, SURELY, she must be joking!" Sandy seriously says: "No, I MEAN it! You're NOT getting one! Not a single ONE! And that is FINAL!!!!" And Mr. Krabs nods his head in agreement! Plankton angrily says: "You HORRIBLE woman! Specifically, just YOU! Fine!" He tears up the check, and says: "KEEP those stupid glow worms for whatever I care! Do what you like with them; DROWN them, if that's even POSSIBLE!!!! I WARN you, Sandy, we're THROUGH! I'm THROUGH with ALL of you! I'll get EVEN! Just you WAIT!!!! You'll be SORRY, you FOOLS! You...YOU IDIOTS!!!!" (SLAM! CRASH!) And Plankton slams the door with such force, he breaks the WINDOW of the front door! Patrick says: "What a terrible, triple-decker, toadstool, saurkraut sandwich, with arsenic sauce!" Pearl says: "I would STILL worry about him though!" Bubble Bass asks: "I wonder what plan Plankton is going to come up with, that will fail like it ALWAYS does?!" From far away, Karen's voice is heard, and says: "Initiating new attack maneuver, commencing electronic, mechanical assimilation!" And the Chum Bucket turns on a mechanical magnet, that draws in machines and other metallic, electronic objects, from all over Bikini Bottom, and draws them to Karen! She electronically connects herself to all the devices, and creates a fifty foot VERSION of herself! Bubble Bass says: "It's an attack of a fifty foot electronic woman! And I can say that phrase by name, since I'm not planning on making any money off of that phrase!" Plankton says: "So, Karen, do you want to take what is RIGHTFULLY ours, and grab that STINKING Krabby Patty Secret Formula?!" Mr. Krabs says: "I KNEW IT!!!! Your plans ALWAYS revolve around getting that!" Plankton says: "And they always WILL!!!!" Sandy says: "Not on your life, Plankton! The OBVIOUS solution to this problem, is to unveil my GIANT ROBOT!!!!" Bubble Bass says: "A giant ROBOT?! You would THINK we could be a little more creative than THAT! Besides, isn't that like a Deus Ex Machina?" Sandy asks: "Do you want me to save the day or not?!"

Squidward says: "I'm beyond caring either way." Sandy says: "I just need four more operators, due to the complexity of my machine!" Spongebob says: "I'll go! Uh...you don't need a driver's license for this, do you?" Sandy says: "Fortunately, no!" Pearl says: "I'll go! Dad says that I look good in pink!" Patrick says: "Can I help?" Sandy THINKS about it, and says: "Sure! Better to keep an eye on you, where I can at least MOSTLY control the situation!" Bubble Bass says: "And I'll go to! You need at least ONE pilot who's genre savvy about this whole thing!" Sandy says: "Than, SUIT UP!!!!" And a sound-a-like to "Go, Go, Power Rangers", plays in the background! Fred says: "I like the REAL version of this song, BETTER!" Than Sandy's robot ACCIDENTALLY knocks the Krusty Krab sign onto Fred's foot, and he cries: "MY LEG!!!!" The fish creatures, all suited up, jump into the robot, and begin operating the machine, THANKS to there being a guide called "Operating a Giant Robot For Dummies" Book being in their cock-pits! Plankton says: "So, you think you can stop me? We'll see about that! Karen, Laser eyes!" Karen fires lasers at the Giant Robot, but the Robot flashes robotic bracelets, and deflects everyone of them, and Bubble Bass says: "Wonder Woman!" Sandy says: "Speaking of, time to hog tie this sucker, with some rope tricks I learned in Salinas, California!" And she throws a rope around Karen, and it starts ZAPPING her of my electricity! Karen says: "NO!!!! My bond is WEAKENING! I can't keep a hold of these electronic machines MUCH...!!!!" (CRASH!!!!) And Karen and Plankton are comically hanging in mid-air, as Karen weakly finishes: "Longer". Plankton says: "Yep! Gravity works!" And they fall down dozens of feet, and Plankton says: "CURSE YOU SANDY CHEEKS! (CRASH!) OUCH!" Bubble Bass says: "Well, that was fun. But what did this REALLY have to do with Christmas anyways?" Patrick asks: "Does it really matter? You had fun, didn't you?" Bubble Bass says: "Well, yes, I did!" Cuddle E. Hugs walks back on-screen and says: "There you have it. A madman, driven to want something that he couldn't have, tried to take it by force, only to be stopped by something beyond his control. Such is the mysteriousness of life. Sandy and her friends, have just completed their journey, through the Tidal Zone." Rube walks on-screen and says: "Amazing!" /

The End! / Hope you enjoyed that story! Enough said, true believers!

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