Halibut's Sexy Music Reviews

[Sweat]

Well, I'm changing how this topic will be done.

Instead, I will be reviewing 5 songs every week [or whenever I feel like it]

Let's start with 5 songs right NOW!

will.i.am feat. Britney Spears - Scream & Shout

This is purely the time to be completely honest with myself: I used to love this song. It was catchy and awesome. Then, I started looking at the downsides. will.i.am's lyrics are completely unoriginal. Britney is just some stupid filler. The techno beats are just plain stale. The music video doesn't make sense AT ALL. Then again, neither does the song. I wanna scream & shout and let it all out? Wow. I never knew the club you're going to is the bathroom. That or a freaking insane asylum.

I still find this song to sound kind of different. For that, I have a cubic centimeter of respect for the song. Otherwise, will.i.am, just stop making music. Please.

39/100

Maroon 5 - Daylight

It's official. This is probably the most hated band ever right next to Nickelback. Adam Levine really is the biggest smartass douchebag in music. He is one that NOBODY liked or likes. He is obviously some idiot who loves to show off that he loves to fuck girls, because that's what he does in every single one of Maroon 5's music videos. Have you ever noticed that nobody cares about the other members? It's true. What's the drummer's name? Oh, I don't care.

Let's go to the song. I can't do an analysis of the song because it is WAY too boring. It is excessively sleepy. Why is this overplayed, anyways? Payphone was just as overplayed but at least Payphone meant something [well, sort of.]

What about that music video with all of these people from different cultures playing their native instruments? Did you hear any of those instruments in the song? Nope. Adam was just desperate to show that he has some decency even though he doesn't have decency at all.

24/100

Bruno Mars - Locked Out of Heaven

Bruno Mars is not shitty for once? This will definitely be interesting. Bruno Mars has gotten really good when he introduced his album Unorthodox Jukebox. He is kind of a moron, though. It don't think he completely understands what love is. He can pretend all he wants, but he really doesn't.

To the song, though. This really is a good song. The album says it all, this song is REALLY unorthodox. And the music video. That video can make seizures. The song sounds like something if Bruno lived in the sixties. This song is overly upbeat if you think about it a bit. Too happy. Usually, the times you get that from Bruno, he sucks at it.

^Like that.

I don't have much to say about the song.

But it's a good song.

87/100

Calvin Harris feat. Florence Welsh - Sweet Nothing

I think I found the biggest cliche of music in the '10s. Collabs of techno producers and beautiful singers. This song isn't an exception at all. Calvin Harris is a more boring techno producer, though. Florence, though. Amazing. If only her band was more relevant. Either way, I love her. An amazing singer and a boring techno dude? Wow, that was a surprise [sarcasm.] Really, the song is so awesome. It's one of those un-analyzable songs, though. Instead, I will be talking about the credit troubles.

Why the fuck do the producers get all the credit? All they did was create the beats. So what? Yes, they contribute, but they are in the spotlight stealing it from the amazing singers that deserve it. Florence is not featured in the song. She IS the main person. Screw Calvin. Mrs. Welsh deserves credit. The song is still great, though. I have to admit.

74/100

The Lumineers - Ho Hey

Time to ask a very important question- why is this a Top 10 hit? Wait, let me see. Oh, yeah, it's this guy's fault:

Okay, then.

Seriously, ever since 2011, suddenly, Indie rock is shoving the charts up their own ass. Personally, this is the new 2004-2005 to me. Just awesome. This is the 3rd alternative rock movement of the century. The first was the grunge. The second was in the early 2000s punk. The last one is this chill stuff. It's orgasmic to the ears.

Once again, unanalyzable song. It is extremely hippie groovey. And I love it. It's hard to say that. I don't know, this peaked at #3 and I am confused as hell. But pleased.

81/100