Squidzilla: Football-playing King in Space of the Monsters

[Old Man Jenkins]

Plot: The life and times of a mediocre beast that is out of place and out of time.

 

Episode 1: Incredible!

 

Months have passed since the horrific events of Sponge Out of Water. The undersea world of Bikini Bottom was still working its way back to relative normalcy following the fast food apocalypse that nearly damned all its populace. However, nothing might be able to save them from total destruction this time.

 

Sandy and her colleague, Frenchy, are seen out on the field in the Jellyfish Fields, providing aid and shelter to a peaceful tribe of salmon who got run out of their homes during the fast food apocalypse. Frenchy thanks Sandy for going through the trouble of helping him. Sandy says it’s all she can really do now after going “full nutbar” in the heat of the apocalypse. She’s not proud of some of the things she did and decisions she made when the weight of the town was on her shoulders. Perhaps helping Frenchy with his efforts here and now, could provide some reprieve for at least some of her past guilt.

 

The village shalmon thanked them for their generosity and hospitality when a sudden rumbling could be heard not far from their location. A group was of salmon villagers are seen taking up improvised arms, looking to be protecting their territory from someone or something. The shalmon asks one of them what’s the meaning for the sudden hostility, to which the villager responds, “the stories were true! Sabrestra is here!” Sandy inquires about just what is a “Sabrestra”. Frenchy informs her that Sabrestra is something of a local legend among salmon tribes. Their descriptions of it indicate that it could be based on the sabre-toothed salmon of the late Miocene period. But they were thought to have gone extinct during the early Pilocene. He tells her they might just have a breakthrough on their hands and insists they intervene before the salmon do something drastic.

 

Sandy and Frenchy head the villagers off out in the fields. The shalmon does his best to calm his people down, assuring them that Sandy and Frenchy will take care of it. Frenchy charges onto the wide, open field, leaving Sandy behind as she assists the shalmon in holding his people back. Frenchy stops dead in his tracks, a large shadow slowly looms over him, blocking out immediate sunlight. The villagers cower in fear as the salmonoid figure stares off in their direction. The shalmon couldn’t believe that tales of Sabrestra’s existence were true. Sandy was in shock and awe at what she saw before her. She hadn’t felt anything like this since coming face-to-face with an Alaskan Bull Worm. All Frenchy could do was stay perfectly still so as not to alarm the mighty creature. One of the villagers throws caution to the wind by throwing their pitchfork directly at the creature like a spear. The pitchfork bounced right off the creature’s seemingly tough exterior, yet it still caught onto some of its “skin”, which tore away at it like fabric as it descended down to the ground. Frenchy and Sandy both surmised that the creature was wearing clothing of some sort. A disguise perhaps?

 

However, this act of violence was enough to send “Sabrestra” into a rage. It completely bypasses Frenchy without a thought, making a beeline right toward the crowd of armed villagers. The villagers ready their torches and pitchforks as it makes its monstrous approach. The shalmon begs for everyone to retreat. Sandy slides under the creature’s legs and latches onto its tail, hoping to distract it long enough for the villagers to escape, but they instead take this as an opportunity to lay siege to “Sabrestra” while it’s distracted. Their torches and pitchforks burn and pierce the monster, but their efforts still didn’t seem to do any real damage to it. Its “skin”, however, did tear and burn away, revealing its true form.

 

Frenchy: …Squidasaurus Rex…

 

Sandy: Everybody run! It’s going to attack!

 

Staring the severity of their situation right in the eye, the villagers finally decide to flee. But Squidasaurus Rex quickly chases them all down and picks them apart one by one. With Sandy still hanging, needlessly wrestling for control of its tail, Squidasaurus Rex slams its tail onto some of the villagers with Sandy still on board, but the force of the ground pound was enough to finally shake her off. This freed it up to pick some of the villagers out of the scattering crowd with its mighty jaws while mindlessly stomping on many others.

 

Sandy comes to, finding herself squished onto the bodies of dead salmon. She scurries out of the ditch created from the impact of the creature’s tail onto the ground and frantically pulls out her lasso, hoping to somehow subdue the annoyed beast. Villagers are being squished, torn to shreds by razor sharp teeth and flung around like helpless ragdolls without care. Squidasaurus Rex shifts its attention back to Frenchy, who is completely frozen in fear. It marches towards him, looking to crush the brilliant marine biologist under its feet, but the shalmon arrives to push Frenchy out of the way just enough to avoid disaster, but still finds himself crushed to death in Frenchy’s stead. Squidasaurus Rex lunges in to grasp French in its maw, but its head is suddenly yanked back by Sandy, who manages to lasso one of its fangs. She struggles to reel the creature in, giving Squidasaurus Rex the opportunity to swat her away with a powerful tail whip, powerful enough to take the lassoed fang out with her. She’s sent flying into the village area, with the fang following right after, piercing one of the shelters she helped build.

 

Villagers screamed and panicked, trying to evacuate what was left of the damaged shelter. Their noise draws Squidasaurus Rex closer to them. Sandy lies helpless on the ground as the monster makes its fast approach, blacking out as it begins to destroy the salmon village.

 

Episode 2: Unstoppable

 

Sandy finally comes to, barely making out two figures with their backs towards her. They seem to be pulling her away from the destruction strewn about around her.

 

Sandy: SpongeBob? P-Patrick?

 

SpongeBob and Patrick turn around in amazement, overjoyed and relieved that Sandy’s still with them. They hug her before pulling her back up to her feet, each of them offer her their shoulders for support before walking her off to the nearest medical tent. Frenchy is seen tending to a lot of the injured. Sandy looks around to see the beds filled to capacity and even longer lines of bodies laid out on the ground and covered up. Before Sandy can say anything, Frenchy tells her that it’s a miracle even this much survived. 

 

Sandy asks the whereabouts of Squidasaurus Rex, to which Frenchy responds despairingly that it appears to be making its way towards the city. Sandy insists on getting a message out to warn them, but Frenchy’s years of studying the town tells him that they won’t necessarily take this news well and authorities will fail to maintain control long enough to evacuate the entire city. Patrick suggests they can give them enough time to push the town somewhere else, but now isn’t the time for playful callbacks. Lives are at stake! Sandy asks what SpongeBob and Patrick are doing here. Frenchy would rather they explain for themselves.

 

SpongeBob reveals that after all that business with the fast food apocalypse, Burger Beard, the book and the time traveling, they unfortunately left one loose end unattended to; the presence of Squidasaurus Rex in the present time. Plankton went off grid after learning how to work as tyeam player and Bubbles was unreachable, so they had no choice but to take responsibility for Squidasaurus Rex themselves. Sandy asks why they didn’t come to her for help, surely she has a higher success rate than Plankton. However, SpongeBob and Patrick avoided getting her involved after she went all “nutbar” trying to solve the apocalypse. They tried integrating Squidasaurus into modern society by introducing him as their friend to everyone while disguised in a salmon suit. However, a few people thought it was a good idea to throw rocks at him upon first introduction, which caused Squidasaurus Rex to fly into an uncontrollable rage. They tried luring him out into Jellyfish Fields to let him get his anger out in the peace and serenity of the open fields, but they didn’t count on Sandy and Frenchy’s salmon shelter being in their path.

 

Sandy interprets this as all being their fault, but Frenchy tells them to pull together or risk getting pulled apart by the jaws of the beast. Frenchy owes it to the salmon people to put a stop to Squidasaurus Rex’s rampage, and Bikini Bottom has already faced imminent destruction once before, now they face certain doom if they don’t come up with one good plan. Sandy once again suggests alerting the proper authorities in order to warn Bikini Bottom that it must defend itself if they are to avoid widespread casualties. Frenchy again is hesitant getting them involved, much rather pooling together their own resources to reign Squidasaurus Rex in themselves. Frenchy admits he’s not necessarily an expert in Squidasaurus Rexes, but SpongeBob says that he knows someone who is. In the meantime, with Squidasaurus Rex trotting through their territory unchecked, their best bet for keeping him preoccupied for a while is the local jellyfish population. They are Bikini Bottom’s first line of defense.

 

Frenchy decides to leave the salmon village in Sandy’s care while he, SpongeBob and Patrick head back to Bikini Bottom to recruit Squidward Tentacles. Sandy objects at first, but soon relents knowing that she’s all the salmon have for right now.

 

Later, Frenchy, SpongeBob and Patrick are seen approaching Squidward’s doorstep and knock on his door. Can’t they see that Squidward is busy SPOILING himself?! SpongeBob immediately gets Squidward’s attention by revealing that Squidasaurus Rex is still on the board following Sponge Out of Water. Squidward remarks that

 

Squidward: I knew that wasn’t a salmon you introduced me to this morning!

 

and demands to know its whereabouts at once. They get Squidward up to speed on everything and conclude by telling him that as of now, Squidasaurus Rex is still navigating Jellyfish Fields enroute to Bikini Bottom. Squidward suggests calling the number for the Navy, but Frenchy reiterates his disdain for playful callbacks as well as his intent to refrain getting them involved. What they need is Squidward’s knowledge of his ancestor to come up with an effective way to neutralize his threat non-lethally, for the good of marine science. Squidward says that if they thought octopi such as himself are insufferable now, then imagine how they were back in prehistoric times. What’s considered insufferable now was nigh unstoppable back then. The octopus are at the top of the hierarchy nowadays just as they were then. If they want to stop Squidasaurus Rex, they’re gonna have to kill it. And to kill it, they’re gonna need the big guns. Now.

 

Squidward gets on the phone and calls the Navy on speed dial, but Frenchy wrestles it out of his hand and hangs it up. While Frenchy and Squidward are busy debating the ethics of their character motivations, SpongeBob and Patrick sneak off to try and stop the monster themselves. They head to SpongeBob’s kitchen to assemble a secret concoction that’s sure to soothe the savage beast in a way that’s to Frenchy’s liking.

 

Meanwhile, back in town, it's just another day in Bikini Bottom when the limp body of Cnidaria Regina, a Queen jellyfish, is suddenly flung onto a busy city street. The citizens are all stopped in their tracks as they turn to look where the dead jelly came from; the southwest. Cue dat classic score. Squidasaurus Rex proudly displays the battle scars he received from the many jellyfish stings he endured on his way there. He slowly marches his way into the center of town crushing and knocking away all vehicles in his path. He soon finds said path impeded, however, by a familiar duo. It’d be in bad taste to use Mermaid Man & Barnacle Boy, so it’s just SpongeBob and Patrick!

 

They try appealing to the monster by presenting to it what looked to be a frozen dairy treat! Squidasaurus Rex inspects the dessert before downing it in one gulp. Squidasaurus takes a deep breath. It appears the offering has soothed its rage some. Rex then ferociously exhales, causing a continuous stream of bright green smoke to come barreling out of his mouth. The beam is powerful enough to disintegrate anything it touches, even if it just whiffs it. Buildings are leveled, people are implied to be burned alive to a crisp, others could barely take even being exposed to the toxic fumes. The mouth beam reaches its final destination: The Chum Bucket. The Chum Bucket explodes upon impact, leaving nothing but a noxious mushroom cloud in its wake.

 

Meanwhile, back at Squidward’s, his argument with Frenchy is interrupted by the timely shockwaves created from the impact of Squidasaurus’ rancid breath. A breaking news bulletin pops up on Squidward’s tv screen. Perch Perkins is reporting LIVE from the heart of Bikini Bottom, where a large, grating creature has just finished reducing the city and its inhabitants to rubble and ash! He reports that attempts to appease the creature in a non-lethal fashion have backfired horribly on the town! And they’re paying for it! They are ALL paying for it! Dear Neptune, what did we do to deserve this!? Wasn’t the Krabby Patty Apocalypse enough?! WASN’T IT?!!!? It then cuts to a Realistic Fish Head reporting on the ever increasing number of casualties, estimated to be in the thousands at this rate. With the greatest casualty of all no doubt being the bowling alley. 

 

Fish Head recaps the Navy’s utter failure to neutralize the threat. Describing how everything at their disposal proved ineffective against the prehistoric titan. Not even the device with spiked rollers that was specifically designed by the Navy’s top scientists to mangle Squidward proved fruitful in its use. He then gives it away to the Bikini Bottom’s Men Choir, who have since composed a “prayer for peace” in the form of a song. They get about a minute and a half in before they, too, are suddenly vaporized by the rancid breath for not letting Squidasaurus Rex join their ranks.

 

This news break is soul-crushing for Frenchy. He danced around the problem at hand for his own purposes and now an entire city has suffered the consequences for his continued inaction. Squidward is just shocked by the fact that the Navy had such a device specifically designed to harm him. He decides “to hell with Bikini Bottom” now as Frenchy resolves that he must now find a way to slay the creature. Their respective character developments put them at odds once again, now on opposite sides of the argument.

[Old Man Jenkins]

Episode 3: Titan of Terror!

We open up to Squidward personally surveying the destruction that was left in Squidasaurus’ wake. Any body that’s been salvaged from the rubble of the once bustling city has been laid out on the main road, filling it up all the way down. Cries for help and expressions of grief fill the air along with the bad stench of SpongeBob’s special Sunday sundae. Squidward walks along the corpse road, eventually coming across a daughter crying over what appeared to be her mother’s body.

 

Squidward: (deep in thought) The pain…the suffering… You languish in anguish because, like me, you too realize the hard truth of the complete lunacy you now find yourself surrounded by. What did these idiots do to you, mighty ancestor? You’ve shown, you’ve PROVEN here today that despite still being stuck in your primitive ways, you are still the more evolved! You retaliate, not because of fear or uncertainty. I’d hardly say that this was even the result of you wreaking a violent vengeance on those who dared transgress you, of all beings in existence. These primitive simples failed you, didn’t they, my ancestor?? They failed to meet up to your high expectations. They fell far short of your standards. They disappointed you in ways they couldn’t even begin to fathom. They are the ones that cower in fear. They fear what they do not understand and they could never hope to understand because they can't even begin to understand me! But whereas I have long since been conditioned to resign myself to my cruel fate, you still have the power and fortitude to do something about it. 

 

Squid’s monologue sees him tracing his ancestor’s steps, taking himself directly to Squidasaurus Rex’s current location; the Kelp Forest, where Squidasaurus Rex is seen shooting a plane out of the sky with his rancid breath. The plane is forced to drop its load. A nice outdoor picnic conveniently drops right in their laps, giving the two distant relatives a meal to talk and bond over. Their quality time is soon interrupted by a rather untimely and unwelcome arrival.

 

???: Hello? Anyone there? Hello!? Hello!

 

A kelp forest ranger cuts through the kelp with his machete and is immediately stopped in his tracks by the beast that stood before him.

 

Kill Forest Ranger: Magic Conch, should I save this guy.

 

Magic Conch Shell: No.

 

Squidward: Very astute of you, Magic Conch, to know that I am not the one in need of saving. 

 

Squidasaurus starts to make his slow approach. The kelp forest ranger firmly grasps the handle of his machete, willing to fight back if he absolutely needs to.

 

Squidward: Let’s educate them on why ALL the dinosaurs feared the Squidasaurus Rex

 

Squidasaurus takes in a deep breath and exhales another powerful, noxious stream of sundae rancid breath onto the forest.

 

Meanwhile, back in Frenchy’s research sub, Frenchy has invited Sandy, SpongeBob and Patrick over to demonstrate a possible solution to their dilemma. While Frenchy may not be an expert on Squidasaurus Rex, he has spent years studying its descendants, the octopus. And through his time studying a particularly stuck-up gated community of octopi, he discovered their high intolerance to fried oyster skins. And since they all descended from Squidasaurus Rex’s lineage, he has reason to believe that intolerance is a trait passed down to them from the big kahuna himself. From there, he unveils to them the fruit of his labor; the Fried Oyster Destroyer.

 

By harnessing the raw power of fried oyster skins and weaponizing it, Frenchy originally intended for this superweapon to be used in the event that Tentacle Acres decided to form their own Reich. But given the current circumstances, deploying it now would also be greatly advised. Sandy is skeptical that Frenchy could craft such a weapon and requests to see it in action for herself, which is why Frenchy asked her to bring one of her experimental lab Squidwards along to test the power of his device.

 

They place the mutant Squidward clone in an enclosed tank specially designed to contain the power of the prototype Fried Oyster Destroyer that’s set to go off. The lab Squidward attacks the destroyer capsule and holds it in its tentacles right as it detonates. SpongeBob and Patrick scream and cry like babies, seeking Sandy’s arms for comfort from what they just witnessed. Frenchy reminds her that that was only just the prototype. The finished model he has since perfected will be more than enough to take a being of Squidasaurus Rex’s stature down in one fell swoop. No problem. No problem at all, except for the fact that the finished model must be activated manually. Meaning at least one of them won’t make it out of this story arc alive.

 

Sandy volunteers herself to be the one to go, feeling it’s the redemption she needs after failing Bikini Bottom not just once but twice. She admits that she made a very bad call once before by choosing to sacrifice the life of another for the good of the many. It’s only right that she gives her own life now to save everyone. Frenchy was low key hoping they'd choose Patrick, but she’s now convinced him otherwise. Sandy will definitely be the one to go! They calculate that Squidasaurus Rex’s path will bring him back to Bikini Bottom in three days' time, giving them ample time to prepare.

 

The next day, however, that time was heavily cut short. Like Disney cutting the Moana tv series down to slap together a hasty Moana 2. Guided back vicariously by his descendant, Squidasaurus Rex makes a sudden reappearance at Goo Lagoon, attacking everyone who thought it was a good idea to go to the beach after a disaster just rocked their town. Larry the Lobster and his fellow lifeguards worked to evacuate as many beach goers as they could. They buy the Squidasaurus Rex task force time, challenging the prehistoric terror to an impromptu beach-off before Squidward puts an end to that by getting Squidasaurus Rex to attack their self-esteem by calling them fat. With the lifeguards naturalized, the Squidasaur is given free reign to rampage all the way back into town, however, the task force arrives just in the nick of time to intercept his path.

 

Patrick gets the rest of the team to hold, wanting at least one more chance to appeal to the monster’s good nature. Patrick reminds Squidasaurus Rex of how he was the one who originally took the creature into his home and took care of him after he was forcefully taken from his original time. Squidward, his so-called descendant, didn’t bother to do anything of that. He just ran away like a little bitch and and dumped him off in order to be someone else’s problem, but Squidasaurus Rex was never a “problem” for Patrick. Patrick tended to his needs, they became like family. And families don’t use each other as a means to an end. Squidward only wants to be a part of Squidasaurus’ life now because he recognizes that he can use his power to do terrible, awful things to those he deem to be “inferior”. He wants to use Rex because he doesn’t have the gall to do anything about it for himself. Patrick tells Squidasaurus Rex that he has an opportunity right now to prove that he can truly be greater than the rest of them. And he can only prove it by kicking Squidward to the curb.

 

Squidward orders his ancestor to squish his fat ass and be done with it, but Squidasaurus Rex takes some of what Patrick said to heart, ultimately deciding to turn on his descendant by knocking him off with his tail and then blowing Squidward away, midair, with his rancid breath! Patrick is relieved at his adopted pet’s decision, but as I previously said, Squidasaurus Rex only took some of what Patrick said to heart. Squidasaurus Rex is truly greater than all, and the word “all” applies to a lot more people than just Squidward. Squidasaurus Rex belches out another powerful beam of rancid breath, right in Patrick’s direction. Patrick’s been able to withstand the sundae in the past, but even this might be too much for him to handle. He’s completely enveloped in green fumes.

 

Sandy and Frenchy are helpless as their friend succumbs to dat hot breath. Or did he? The fumes quickly start to dissipate as SpongeBob absorbs the blast into his porous body., almost becoming too much for him to bear. SpongeBob then relieves the pressure by unleashing a barrage of rancid shots from his holes. The shots all connect with Squidasaurus Rex, causing him to fall back into the goo from the ferocity of SpongeBob’s all-out attack. Sandy and Frenchy take this time to prep the perfected Fried Oyster Destroyer. They take a boat used for oyster fishing out to meet Squidasaurus Rex in the goo.

 

Squidasaurus Rex unleashes another rancid breath beam, to which SpongeBob counters with a beam of his own. This creates a beam struggle between the two straight outta DBZ. However, SpongeBob’s body runs empty and eventually runs out of sundae juice, leading to Squidasaurus Rex winning the struggle. The force of the beam sends SpongeBob flying away into one of the guard towers. Sandy goes to grab the destroyer but finds that it’s already. Frenchy is still in the boat with her, so who could’ve taken it?

 

Squidasaurus Rex is suddenly pulled under the goo, the weight of Patrick’s body dragging the beast into the dark depths below. Squidasaurus Rex fires off its rancid breath frantically, just barely missing Sandy and Frenchy’s vessel. Patrick manually activates the Fried Oyster Destroyer once they hit the bottom of the lagoon. Patrick reminds Squidasaurus Rex that family sticks by you to the very end. Sandy and Frenchy see a bright light radiate in the goo below them. The Fried Oyster Destroyer has been detonated. Squidasaurus Rex is quickly reduced to nothing but bones that scatter and break away in the goo.

 

Sandy laments as Frenchy poses the possibility of another “Squidzilla” appearing if they’re not careful from here on out.

 

Trivia

• The titles for these past three episodes are inspired by the tagline for the original Godzilla film released in 1954 (which this arc itself is a parody of); “Incredible, Unstoppable Titan of Terror!”

• this is the context for Lab Squidward https://spongebob.fandom.com/wiki/Lab_Squidward

 

Squidzilla will Raid Again