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If you're a beta reader, cum see how [dolphin noise] I wrote this fanfic

abisert

By abisert
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abisert

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So, this is a Animal Crossing fanfic. It's about a boy named Dylan who moves into the town of Whitdale, where he spends his middle school days with anthropomorphic animals. So far, I only wrote a prologue and four chapters. Back in December, I shared this with SBM. A SBM member, ooooooofy, fixed some stuff like grammer and verb agreement. I do wanna see if there are general story problems? (Mary-Sue, chapters too short, writing certain scenes)

Prologue

Spoiler
My name is Dylan Murphy.I am a eleven year old who is starting middle school.Before the school year started,I moved into this town called Whitdale.The cool thing about this town is that it's filled with talking animals.I wanted to talk to one,I had to un-pack my stuff,so there was no time.

Right now,I'm sitting at my kitchen table finishing up my cereal.Then,my nine year old brother Alex comes into the kitchen,who is in the fourth grade.

"Hi Dylan!!" he said

"Whatever you're gonna ask me,it better not be about middle school tips.You don't need that until next year"

"Not about that.I'm asking where my backpack is."

I pointed to the counter behind me,which was where his backpack was.He put on his backpack,said goodbye to me,and ran to the door to go on his bus.Luckily for me,my school is only three blocks away.
Before I went outside,I looked at my picture,which had me and my mom.My mom died in a car accident when I was in second grade.She would had been so proud of me.I put it away,and went out the door to go to school.
-------------------------

 

ooooooofy's version of Prologue

Spoiler
My name is Dylan Murphy. I am an eleven-year-old who is starting middle school. Before the school year started, I moved to a town called Whitdale. The cool thing about this town is that it's filled with talking animals. I wanted to talk to one, but I had to unpack my stuff first so there was no time.

 

It was the first day of school, and I was sitting at my kitchen table finishing up my cereal. My nine-year-old brother Alex, who is in the fourth grade, comes into the kitchen.

"Hi Dylan," he said.

"Whatever you're gonna ask me, it better not be about middle school tips.You don't need those until next year."

"Not about that. I'm asking where my backpack is."

I pointed to the counter behind me, which was where his backpack was. He put on his backpack, said goodbye to me, and ran to the door to get onto his bus. Luckily for me, my school is only three blocks away.

Before I went outside, I looked at my picture, which showed me and my mom. My mom died in a car accident when I was in the second grade. She would had been so proud of me now. I put the picture away, and went out the door to go to school.

 

Chapter 1

Spoiler
I got to the school after five minutes of walking. Unfortunately,the bell rang seconds after I got inside. I fast-walked until I got to my homeroom, Room 15.I peeked into the window, and I saw a blue cat walking towards the door.

The blue cat opened the door and gave me a smile.

He looked into his clipboard. "Hi, you must be...Dylan?"

"Yeah"

He had a surprised face."I can't believe you are a human"

"My name is Mr. Rover.I'm your homeroom teacher for this year."

"So...am I late?"

"Not really. Students are usually late when the bell for first period rings."

"Great"

"Why not go inside and meet your classmates?"

"Sure"

I went inside, and of course, they were animals. They gazed at me like I was instantly famous.I guess I was the first human to attend this school.

There were nametags on each desk.Their names were Chief, O'Hare, Eloise, Caroline, Bluebear, Canberra, Jeremiah, and Zucker. There was a empty seat between Jeremiah and Zucker, so I sat there.

"Hi. My name's Zucker"

"My name is Dylan"

"And I'm Jeremiah!" the blue frog said

"Why not after school,we can get the latest issue of Chilin' Magazine" Sucker said

Jeremiah spoke next. "I think we should catch bugs, or fish, or.."

I interrupted. "How about we go to my house and do homework?"

"Great Idea!!" They both said

The bell rang for first period and everybody was out the door.I tried to catch up, but Mr. Rover stopped me

"Excuse me, Dylan. What is your DOB?"

"May 13,2003"

"Great. You can go now."

I walked out of the room, knowing that this is going to be a great year for me.
---------------------------------

 

ooooooofy's version of Chapter 1

Spoiler
I got to school after five minutes of walking. Unfortunately, the bell rang seconds after I got inside. I fast-walked until I got to my homeroom, Room 15. I peeked into the window, and I saw a blue cat walking towards the door.

The blue cat opened the door and gave me a smile.

He looked into his clipboard. "Hi, you must be...Dylan?"

"Yeah."

He had a surprised face. "I can't believe you are a human!" 

"My name is Mr. Rover. I'm your homeroom teacher for this year."

"So... am I late?"

"Not really. Students are usually late when the bell for first period rings."

"Great!"

"Why not go inside and meet your classmates?"

"Sure."

I went inside, and of course, they were animals. They gazed at me like I was instantly famous. I guess I was the first human to attend this school.

There were nametags on each desk. Their names were Chief, O'Hare, Eloise, Caroline, Bluebear, Canberra, Jeremiah, and Zucker. There was a empty seat between Jeremiah and Zucker, so I sat there.

"Hi. My name's Zucker."

"My name is Dylan."

"And I'm Jeremiah!" the blue frog said.

"Why not after school, we can get the latest issue of Chilin' Magazine?" Sucker said.

Jeremiah spoke next. "I think we should catch bugs, or fish, or..."

I interrupted. "How about we go to my house and do homework?"

"Great Idea!!" They both said.

The bell rang for first period and everybody was out the door. I tried to catch up, but Mr. Rover stopped me.

"Excuse me, Dylan. What is your DOB?"

"May 13, 2003."

"Great. You can go now."

I walked out of the room, knowing that this is going to be a great year for me.

 

Chapter 2

Spoiler
It was the second week of school, and I was doing fine. I got used to my locker combination, I get to eat human food at the cafeteria, and I made friends with my classmates. Through, I find Eloise a bit rude.

 

Me and Zucker were at our lockers putting our Math textbooks, and we were heading for gym . Then, I saw Rod running to his locker (His locker was next to Zucker's).He was quickly putting his books away. Of course there were his books, but there were also posters of famous sports stars. He even had a six-pack of deodorant. That just instantly revealed his personality

 

"Rod, what's with the rush?'" I said

 

"Yeah, Gym is not that far" Zucker added

 

"Gym is my favorite class. It's always better to be early than on time!"

 

"Isn't being early the same as being on time?" I said

 

"Of course!" Rod said

 

He slammed his locker hard, which made his locker door broke

 

"Oh No! I'm going to be late!"

 

I saw Principal Frillard at the corner, so I went to him and got him

 

"What's the problem, kiddos?" He said

 

"Well...um...My locker broke!"

 

"Yeah, I can get some people to fix that. Thank god it's only the door." he chuckled

 

"Umm...My locker!"

 

"Oh, sorry. So, you have to become locker buddies with someone or carry your books for the day. I'll fix you up a temporary locker tomorrow."

 

"You can be locker buddies with me if you want, Rod."

 

Rod let out a sigh. "Sure, I want to have free hands anyway."

 

I could see a worried face on Rod as he transferred his books to Zucker's

The next day at lunchtime, I visited Rod at his locker. Surprisingly, his locker was close to the gym. Lately, he has been early to homeroom.

 

"Rod, how are you early to class when your temp. locker is a bit far from class."

 

"I told my parents about it, and they wanted to drop me off early so I won't be late."

 

"So, do you know any of your locker neighbors?"

 

"Since I come early, nope."

 

I saw a cat with red stripes opening the locker next to Rod's and looked at us.

 

"Umm...Pretend you didn't see nothing."

 

I guessed he likes to steal from lockers. I looked at his shirt that said "Kabuki".

 

"We know who you are..Kabuki."

 

"How did you know?"

 

"Your shirt."

 

"Dang it, I thought there would be nobody here. Anyways, i'm outta here!"

Kabuki tried to run away, but luckily, I got up to him and got the item he stole, which was in his bag. I saw many items in there, so I had to dig for it while a teaher came to me.

 

"Aha! Your the locker stealer!" the teacher said

 

"I didn't do it. I was trying to stop that guy from stealing another locker."

 

"He's right. I saw the whole thing!"

 

"I was talking about Kabuki. I'm sending you to the principal's office this instant!"

 

"Stupid sixth graders" he muttered

Kabuki got in trouble by the principal, and he got suspended for a week. The day after, Rod was lucky to get his locker fixed. I think his hyperness with gym went down a bit. Hopefully, our future conversations won't be always about sports (and muscles too).

 

Chapter 3

Spoiler
Today was my test in Math class. I won' really don't fail in math. But, I always get the usual B- on my report card in Math.

 

When Mr Lyle (My math teacher) was handing out the tests, I saw something shocking. Jeremiah had a B on his test. He always got an A on every test.

 

I was lucky to hearJeremiah and Mr Lyle's conversation

 

" Really, Jeremiah? You always get a A. You even got that grade on that unexpected pop quiz on fractions!"

 

"I don't know, Mr Lyle. Maybe you can come up with a solution."

 

"My best guess is that you sit in the back row. You can move your seat to the front row to listen better."

 

"That's great. Getting good grades is a important priority in your school life right?

 

"That's right, Jeremiah. Now, where...? Wait, the front row is full. I should switch you with...Eloise. That girl can't learn!"

 

Great, now I have deal with Eloise.

We had a pop quiz based on the homework we had yesterday, and I saw that Jermiah did you know..well. Hopefully, he will be able to sit back with us. Me and Zucker talked to Jeremiah about it at lunch.

 

"So, how's the new seat?" I said

 

" I guess."

 

"Is it...interesting?" Zucker said, with his mouth full

 

"I already said it's great. By the way, there's a stain of ketchup on your shirt."

 

"Whoops. Be right back!" Zucker said as he hurried to the condiment stand

 

"Anyways, you gotta come back. Eloise is becoming a pain in the butt."

 

"So, you want me to fail right?"

 

"No way!"

 

"Don't worry, I can try something. I'm close with Lyle. I even know he works part-time at the Happy Home Academy after school."

My guess was that he was gonna do alot of extra credit projects to convince Mr Lyle that he can do good in the back, but he did something better.

 

I walked into Math class and I saw that people were sitting in my and Zucker's seat. I thought they sat in the front row, but then I realized Jeremiah got me and Zucker front-row seats.

 

"How did you do this?" I asked

 

"I told you. I'm close with him"

 

That's what I call smartness.

 

Chapter Four

Spoiler

Today, I woke up in a different way. Instead of my alarm clock beeping, somebody was shaking me and waking me up, and thatwas my brother Alex. My alarm clock said 7:55 A.M. That's five minutes before first period.

 

"Cmon, wake up Dylan! My bus comes in one minute!" my brother said

"Why didn't you wake me up?" I asked

 

"Your alarm clock was unplugged. I just got here, so don't blame me."

 

That must be why my father almost tripped in my room when he came in yesterday. Anyways, I got dressed and went to school. I had to run like a cheetah just in case. When I came in, Mr Lyle was just about to close the door when I stopped him.

 

"Am I late?"

 

"Do you have a slip from the main office?"

 

"No"

 

"Sorry, can't go back. You have detention"

 

I can't believe I got detention. It's one of the worst aspects of middle school. Trust me.

I went in the classroom and went into my seat. I could hear Eloise and her friends how I was starting to turn into a "bad boy".

 

"You have detention?" Jeremiah asked

 

"Sadly,yes"

 

"My parents would kill me if I had dentention."

 

"I'd rather sleep in the cold planet known as Mars " Zucker said

After school, I had to report to the detention room upstairs. And Mr Lyle was supervising. There were two rows in the room, but I decided to sit in the seat closet to the window. About two minutes later, other people came in. One was a tall bear with a No. 3 shirt. Another one was a blue cat with a BB shirt. The last onewas a bull with a No. 7 shirt. Maybe in a few weeks, these No. shirts will become popular.

 

The tall bear sat next to me and said "Hey. Are you Dylan?"

 

"Yes. How do you know about me?"

 

"I'm Grizzly, Kabuki is a friend of mine. He told me you were the snitch that got him suspended."

 

"I did not snitch. The teacher knew I was stopping him from stealing stuff from another locker."

 

"By the way, how are you here?"

 

"Getting to school late"

 

"I'm here because I was thought of being in a fight when I as actually trying to break it up. Oh yeah, my name is Stu" the bull said

 

"Excuse me, no talking in Detention please! Or somebody will be having me again tomorrow." Mr. Lyle said

 

I could had done homework, but I didn't had much. I just stared at the windows outside as the school buses were leaving.

 

Minutes later, Grizzly wen t up to Mr. Lyle and asked him to use the bathroom. All of a sudden, I had to go, so I went with him.

 

"Hey...you. I know your stalking me."

 

"I have to use the bathroom too"

 

Me and Grizzly got to the bathroom and quickly went to a stall. When I got outside, Grizzly saw me behind and tried to ran.

 

"Grizzly, wait!"

 

It was too late. Grizzly escaped. I just walked back to the room.

The day after that, I talked about my aventure in dentention at lunch. I think Zucker kinda dozed off until the part he heard about Grizzly escaping

 

"He actually escaped? That's so cool. Best story ever! 5 outta 5."

 

"First Kabuki. And now Grizzly. You met two bullies so quick and it's only your first year here."

 

"Just like how I made two friends this year!" Zucker said

 

"Yeah, I'm so lucky.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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