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dmandagiraffe

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Posts posted by dmandagiraffe

    SBC What If's

    in SpongeBob's Library

    Posted

    ...oh geez, am I late? I got so caught up in what I was doing, and the time just flew, and they wanted me to tell a story for episode 2 this season, and I don't wanna let them down, and...and......and we're on episode 3. Shit. Sorry folks, that's my bad. But enough of that, I'm here now and we have to talk. These last few weeks have been both very crazy and very busy. I never expected a simple trip out of the house to end like this, but here we are. This is a true (false) story. This happened to me (it didn't). What If...(I Stopped Narrating and Switched to Third Person)?

    Episode 19: What If...dman and a Giraffe Were in a Band?

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    It's your average winter's day in the south. The sky is overcast, the grass is yellow, and somehow it's still hot outside. Two people are in a car heading down a highway situated on a vast field.

    dman: Are you sure you know how to get there?

    dmom: Yeah look, it's just 10 miles down that way and we'll be at the zoo.

    dman: You're holding the map upside down. 

    dmom: ...goddammit.

    dman: Great, now we're out in the middle of who knows where! Why the hell are you even using a paper map anyway?

    dmom: I left my phone in the car.

    dman: What

    dmom: In dad's car.

    dman: Oh, okay. I still don't understand how you keep forgetting to bring your phone though.

    dmom: Sometimes it's on purpose! You know, limiting yourself on screens can get you a long way.

    dman: Well, my screen will get us a long way to where we're actually supposed to be.

    dmom: Fair.

    dman: You keep driving, I'm gonna navigate. Okay, it looks like we can take an exit in a few miles that'll allow us to...

    dmom: What is that?

    dman: Hm?

    dmom: Over there. Something big. It almost looks like it's heading our way, no?

    dman: No kidding! Wow, I've never seen one run that fast.

    dmom: You know what it is?

    dman: Well yeah, it's a- SHIT! MOM, SLOW DOWN!!

    dmom: OH FUCK

    She slams on the brakes, but it's too late. Something jumps in front of the car and is hit at a considerable speed.

    dmom: Oh my god, oh my god. Is it dead?

    dman: I don't care about that, you almost hit the giraffe!

    A giraffe is standing on the side of the road opposite the field. It's unscathed, albeit barely.

    dmom: What in the...there was a giraffe here the whole time?

    dman: Yeah, isn't that what you were seeing earlier?

    dmom: No, I saw this giant cat out in the field! The same one I just hit with my car! What is it even doing out here?

    dman: Eugh, a lion. The natural predator of the giraffe.

    dmom: What are you, some kind of a giraffe expert?

    dman: Something like that. stares directly at you, the reader, and winks

    dmom: ...who are you looking at?

    dman: Not who, what. There's a van heading our way, maybe they can help us out.

    The van belongs to zoo management. It pulls up and couple of people step out.

    Emergency Response 1: Yeah, uh, we're with the zoo down the street and I understand you have a dying animal on the premises.

    dman: Oh please yes, take him awa- wait. Down the street?

    dmom: Told you I knew how to get there.

    Emergency Response 2: Ignore him, he's just joking. This animal is already dead.

    dman & dmom: ...

    Emergency Response 2: We're on the lookout for some escaped animals and you folks just stumbled across two of 'em. By any chance, have you also seen a zebra, a hippopotamus, or maybe some penguins?

    dman: Sure! They've been appearing on my shorts feed nonstop. I like the one where the emperor chick trips and falls. Check it out!

    dmom: Ooh, let me see!

    Emergency Response 1: whispering I doubt these people will be of any help.

    Emergency Response 2: Alright. turns back to dmom Since this event appears to be out of your control, the city will help with paying damages to your car.

    dmom: Aw, but I wanted a new one!

    Giraffe: grunt

    dman: ...wait. Do that again.

    Giraffe: groan

    dman: Holy crap! Mom, listen, it sounds just like that one texture from the song we heard! Come on man, give us another!

    Giraffe: silence

    dman: Shoot.

    Emergency Response 2: We'll be on our way with these fellers. Y'all didn't see anything, you hear?

    dmom: Yes sir! Thank you, and sorry about the lion!

    Emergency Response 1: Actually, we were just about to ship him to Africa but this makes the job easier for us. Toodles!

    Somehow they fit the giraffe in the van as it grunts and groans a few more times. The van drives off, leaving the mother and son alone.

    dman: Aaaaand pause. Sweet, those were the best ones yet!

    dmom: You were recording them?? We're supposed to be keeping hush-hush about this!

    dman: Don't worry, I only did it for the giraffe sounds. They've struck me with the greatest feeling of all...inspiration!

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    And so, I got to work. Using a plethora of samples alongside the giraffe noises, I finally had the opportunity to do what I've wanted to do for years: produce my own electronica. I've been returning to that same zoo a lot lately to record more vocals from my new friend, and in due time we released our debut single, "Ahem, Giraffe", under the Dman & Giraffunkel moniker. Our next song is already in the works, and let me tell you, you guys are NOT READY for it. I'll just say that somehow the giraffe managed to learn how to play a xylophone. (You should come and see him, he's pretty good!) As for what comes after that, nothing's set in stone yet. We might try to net a few insurance commercials, and I've heard they're already considering us for the Zookeeper 2 soundtrack, but we'll see if those ever pan out. In the meantime, we'll be climbing our way up as the newest underground act on the animal-based house scene, and making plenty of music in the upcoming months to make up for my lateness on this episode. Toodles!

    (Also, if you're wondering how my mom and I got home, we were eventually rescued by, oh...let's say...Steel Sponge.)

    • Like 2
    • Thanks 1
    • Wow 1

    The Golden Community Awards XVIII: Nominations

    in The Golden Community Awards

    Posted

    in a shocking twist of events i'm actually doing this for once

     

    funniest member: wumbo, salmon, meko, sbl, winter
    chattiest member: jjs, meko, prez, whobob, wumbo
    spongiest member: carotte, winter, meko, mythix, jaic
    best gamer: prez, darkness, fred, jjs, meep
    show stopper: whobob, kat, ex, clappy, omj
    geekiest band geek: prez, kev, maniac, hawk, steel
    most artistic member: darkness, nuggets, steel, cha, jane
    sportiest member: trophy, illiniguy, jcm, prez, kat

    best episode: what if...sbc was owned by a corporation?, what if...the security system didn't take control of squidward's house?, what if...mrbeast bought sbc? (all sbc what if's)
    best artwork: jawsome birthday (salmon), squidward collection (pickleman), glep supremacy (katie), dr. amigo (steel), luigi the goat (nuggets)
    best pictionary drawing: pentagon (darkness), ink lemonade (steel), ricardio the heart guy (steel), c.h. greenblatt (prez), dj spit (darkness)

    honorary staff member: owm, darkness
    honorary member: salmon, meko

    • Like 2

    SBC What If's

    in SpongeBob's Library

    Posted

    Ah...TheMysteriousMrEnter. He's somewhat considered an outcast among animation critics and the internet as a whole, yet somehow he still has an influence on SpongeBob discussion to this day, albeit in some of the least admirable (hehe) ways possible. You'd think given such a reputation he'd want to leave that part of his past behind, but the truth is he is Among Us! 

    Or at least he could be. Meh, probably not. But it's fun to think about the hilarious shitstorm that universe would be. It's fun to imagine...What If...?

    Episode 10: What If...Mr. Enter Joined SBC?

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    [Thread: 128b. Stuck In The Wringer. A new post appears.]

    MystifyingEntryway: To this day, I still loathe this episode. I would beat the everloving shit out of Patrick if I could. The one thing I liked was when SpongeBob and Squidward made love in the ordering boat, but that's it. Atrocious.

    jjs: agreed

    WhoBob: oh no

    Slug: Godly way to bump a topic.

    sbl: Looks like someone's a decade behind the times!

    Hawk: Next you'll be telling us about how the moral is rancid and the background fish are assholes.

    MystifyingEntryway: Both are true. Everyone is so mean-spirited towards SpongeBob for no reason. I wish I could jump through the screen and murder those fish telling off SpongeBob.  Also, crying to solve your problems CLEARLY isn't a moral you should be teaching to children. I cannot express enough how much I despise those writers.

    Hawk: ...speak of the devil.

    Winter: Let's see...

    • thinks episode is mean-spirited
    • wants to kill fictional characters
    • insults the staff

    He's checking off every box so far

    Carotte: this episode's not good and all, everyone knows, but can we not insult the writers of the show please?

    MystifyingEntryway: They need to pay for their crimes immediately. Impalement sounds like a fitting punishment. I will see to it myself if necessary.

    Carotte: ok you are getting too fat

    Slug: Aaaand with that we've officially entered violent shitshow territory.

    SOF: this isnt funny dude...

    Winter: Hey, you should join SBM! There you can threaten the crew all you want, and the admins will do nothing!

    jjs: as for here, you get one last chance before you're out

    MystifyingEntryway: I was going to make an account on SpongeBuddy Mania originally, but I noticed a severe lack of discussion on the September 11 attacks, despite the site being launched only three years after. It felt very ignorant of the time, so I changed my mind.

    SOF: bruh

    Wumbo: what in the living HELL does 9/11 have to do with a spongebob fansite

    Prez: spongebob did 9/11

    Wumbo: true I forgot about that

    salmon: hey uh, do we think it's possible that this "mystic entry" guy here could be, i don't know...mr. enter???

    MystifyingEntryway: Fuck you.

    jjs: see ya later bran flakes

    [MystifyingEntryway is banned for being stupid.]

    dman: so are we all just gonna ignore that he enjoys the spongebob and squidward sex scene

    ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    After his exile from SBC, an enraged Enter decides to start a new series on his channel. In the first (and only) episode of Online Outrages, he plays the victim by crying and screaming for 20 minutes about how he was mistreated by SBC, but the internet does not hear him out. The video unexpectedly goes viral, becoming one of the most disliked on all of YouTube right behind the baby shark dance, and also becoming a great source of ridicule for about three weeks. Simultaneously, SBC traffic explodes as several new users join to make fun of Enter's posts, with the Stuck in the Wringer topic gaining millions of views and eventually becoming the most viewed in the site's history. Enter's social status degrades from outcast to pariah overnight, resulting in him never uploading anything to YouTube again and going completely silent on all his accounts. To this day, no one knows where Mr. Enter is. Whether he's finally taking a hint and going off the grid or just hiding behind another pseudonym, all that matters is his channel is dead and SBC is thriving. Although, I will admit, he may have been right about one thing...I guess crying doesn't solve your problems after all!

    • God Himself 8

    DMAN's VERY official top 10 Plaid songs

    in K-BLUB

    Posted

    You know the drill. Another KN request, another top 10 songs list for the king. Happy not birthday @President Squidward!

    Anyways yeah Plaid are pretty dope. For the past however many years I've been listening to random electronic and IDM stuff, I've always had a soft spot for them. While I don't revisit their stuff too often nowadays, whenever I put on one of their albums I realize that I forgot how good their shit can be at times. So let's talk about that good shit, specifically 10 pieces of it. WEEEEEEEEE

    DMAN'S top 10 Plaid songs (not subject to change)

    Spoiler

    10. "Wallet"
    I've always noticed people don't give Reachy Prints enough credit, especially with this song in particular. There's a huge nostalgic vibe going for it (very much helped by the video), and that constant descending three-note motif is never going to leave my head. It reminds me a lot of a certain other IDM act...hm. Amazing song from one of their best albums.

    Spoiler

     

    9. "Maru"
    So naturally, let's follow up a laidback song with one that goes straight for the jugular. The first time I listened to Polymer I knew right away that this one was my favorite. It goes hard, that's the easiest way to put it. I could play that sample that goes on through the whole song in my head all day and still not get sick of it. Even Orbital's remix of it is so good that it probably would've been the best song on the album they released the previous year (granted, not that high a bar). Still, the base song is a jam. 

    Spoiler

     

    8. "Founded"

    THE GUITAR ON THIS IS SO GOOD OMG. Mix that in with the nonsense vocals and the occasionally harder going sections and you get one of my favorite songs of theirs. There's not too much to this one and it ends unsatisfyingly quickly, but the three minutes we do get are ones that I always look forward to whenever I give Scintilli a spin. 

    Spoiler

    7. "Gel Lab"

    Now we're getting into the really good stuff. Let's get this out of the way: the section that starts just before the three-minute mark is incredible. The rest of the song is great too, but once the tempo speeds itself up and those melodies eventually come in I know I'm in for a treat. When it comes to their albums I tend to leave Rest Proof Clockwork by the wayside (sorry Prez), but this is a song that's always a delight to revisit out of context.

    Spoiler

     

    6. "Kortisin"
    Here's an example of a track that greatly grew on me with time. On first listen of Not for Threes I considered it an 8/10, eventually a 9, now a 10. This is that goofy spirit of theirs on full display, with the tune to back it up. That weird squeaking noise doesn't deserve to be as catchy as it is. I've even tried mimicking it on occasion, god save me. Yeah this one's good.

    Spoiler

     

    5. "E.M.R."
    SURPRISE, it's a Greedy Baby appearance! Fuck all haters this song is one of the most impressive things they've ever made. The way every element slowly builds up, new melodies are added, the TIME SIGNATURE CHANGES, that huge section halfway through, holy shit how did they do that. It's one hell of a ride of a track, and it's the centerpiece of one of their most overlooked works as a whole. If you hate Greedy Baby we can't be friends Sorry!

    Spoiler

    4. "At Last"
    This is their best album closer, hands down. What a whimsical, happy song to go out on, accompanied by what I consider to be their best music video. The boys saved the planet from the weird rotary fan guy, woohoo! But yeah, the way this song slowly builds up on its elements just like the last one rules. Wish they would go out with songs like this more often.

    Spoiler

    3. "Even Spring"
    A shocking amount of people seem to only like the intro to this song. While that part is indeed beautiful, I must say they are missing the fuck out. This thing goes absolutely wild about two minutes in, and climaxes gloriously with some of the finest melodies and percussions they've ever made. It's a fantastic intro to another one of their most underappreciated albums. You can trust me, Spokes is the one album of theirs I have on CD!

    Spoiler

     

    2. "Slam"
    Based. That is always going to be the first word that comes to my mind when I hear the intro of this song. Fucking. BASED. This isn't one of the flashier songs in their discography, but that 3/4 groove cannot be undersold. The consistent slapping of that drum, the plinky plonky melody, the bassy notes in the back, the ghostly pads that come in later, it all works. What a damn song. Based.

    Spoiler

    Oh yeah, here's some honorable mentions in no particular order before the #1. Uh...there's a lot of them.

    "Saladore"

     

    "Tender Hooks"

     

    "Last Remembered Thing"

     

    "Headspin"

     

    "Porn Coconut Co"

     

    "Tether"

     

    "Marry"

     

     

    "Thank"

     

    "Eyen"

     

    "Angry Dolphin"

    Spoiler

    1. "New Family"
    Yes, I'm letting nostalgia dictate this one, but even then I think this is worthy of the top spot. When I first heard this song from the pong game in LBP2, it was the most hype shit ever. We played that level so many times that the first part of this song is permanently drilled into my head. It certainly helps that the rest of this song is incredible too. The crazy, somewhat odd percussion and the melody once again combine to make something that I'm always ready to come back to. Double Figure rules. Don't debate me I'm right

    Spoiler

    0. "Wondergan"
    Plaid is a ripoff of Boards of Canada and Aphex Twin and Autechre and Squarepusher and µ-Ziq and Amon Tobin and Seefeel and Mouse on Mars and Wagon Christ and Tim Hecker and Telefon Tel Aviv and Ilkae and Proem and Bola and Jega and LFO and Clark and Two Lone Swordsmen and Referencered and The Black Dog and especially Yimino. 

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