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Sweat
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Posts posted by Sweat
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Also, remember to smash that mothafuckin' FOLLOW button so you don't miss out on the last 3 episodes. They will be a doozy.
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@Kotarou
@OWM @DarknessDG @sbl Thanks to these people for helping write this episode.
Episode 7:
Squidward Chat! With your host, Squidward Tentacles!
: Welcome back to the show, dear audience! During the last installation of Squidward Chat, the void paralyzed both me and SpongeBob for days and we had to go to the hospital!
: I still can't see in my left eye, Squidward. Dahahahahaha!
: Yes, after that incident, we decided to move Patrick far, far away. Hopefully, we won't need him for the time being.
: Now onto the news! As you can see, some interesting new folk have invaded OUR TOWN MERCILE- ahem these polite visitors came from the void before we managed to get rid of it. Some of them, as a matter of fact, claim to be part of some alternate universe "Bikini Bottom National Socialist Party." Whatever that means, right? They are now dominating the political landscape of Bikini Bottom and have been pushing policies such as creating a giant ocean empire and getting rid of the squids. Now, while I am a squid and am therefore terrified, I am certainly interested in hearing what these new visitors to Bikini Bottom have to say.
: Squidward, why does that well-dressed guest look so much like me?
: Please welcome our very special guest, Smithsonian Von Schwammkopf!
: Yeah yeah. Guden Morgen! Assholes
: Wow, thanks for the warm introduction, Smith. How have you been enjoying your time in Bikini Bottom so far?
: Well there’s no waste here or spills or nuclear wars... is it weird to say I’m actually home sick? That could be the chemical withdraw talking though.
: Oh, believe me. I understand. Say, would you like to elaborate on your party's stance on squids?
: Holy FUCK why are you so obsessed? You wanna know what I think of squids? What I think of every goddamn sea creature in any void or universe? I could give a SHIT less what happens. Unless it’s to my divorce-strained kids, love you both.
: How am I so sure you're telling the truth?
: Would he have unwillingly brought his colorful best friend if he was lyyyying! Haha! Bring me home, live music band!
: Shut up, Frank.
: AAAAAAAAAAH! Is that Patrick or another one of the Natural Socialists!?
: Hiya other dimension Smith!
: That’s just my dipshit coworker Frank. We met in college. Hey wait a minute how the fuck did you get in here anyway?
: Some wild college parties eh Smith? Haha. I got here through your heart 
And the back door to this studio was unlocked.
: Alright, I demand an explanation or I am kicking you both out!
: Uh uh, I blame my Jewish cousin’s parents for getting me Circumcised one day when I came over and now I don’t know how to answer big questions! sobs
: Have anything to say for yourself, Smith?
: So are you freakin’ telling me you all have NO wars or fascism whatsoever in this little fru fru world of yours?
: I mean... not anymore. SpongeBob, get the bat again. Also, my lawnmower.
: Anyway, what the fuck were we talking about, squids?
: Oh, we were just killing time before Sp- I mean, we were discussing your experiences in Bikini Bottom so far!
: Well I think it’s a beautiful city full of rich cultures and diversity! Or I don’t know, I just drank whatever was on your desk just now, bald jewish Squid.
: Alright Squidward, I got the bat and the lawnmower, what do I do with the la-
: HURRY UP SPONGEBOB, TOSS ME THE BAT!
: toss
: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOI- thud
: Holy fuck Smith put the gun down we’re off working hours.
: Alright Squid, I got it started.
: Aim it towards that clone Patrick or whatever the heck he is!
: Sure Squid, but I don't know wh- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
Bikini Bottom Public Access has decided the next sequence would be too graphic for our viewers. Apologies for the inconvenience.
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Episode 6:
Squidward Chat! With your host, Squidward Tentacles!
: Welcome back, viewers! For those who missed the previous installation of Squidward Chat, SpongeBob and I got sent into an existential crisis with our guest. All I hope for is for that to not happen again, but then again, anything is too much to ask with this show.
: You said it, Squid!
: Before we get to our extra-special guest, I have a huge piece of news that I'm sure every Bikini Bottomite needs to know... Bikini Bottom is getting a spin-off!
: Wait, it is?
: It sure is! Thanks to my connections with those in the know,
: zzz
: the mayor of Bikini Bottom has approved plans to make a spin-off of the entire city as a means to deal with our overpopulation problem. While some have spoken against this move, the mayor thinks the residents are clamoring for it. On the screen, you're about to see a plan for what the Bikini Bottom spin-off will hopefully look like.
: Oh my gosh Squidward, that's terrible!
: Again, it sure is! Don't shoot the messenger.
: I love it!
: AAAAAAAH!! Squidward, who just said that!?
: I think you're just hearing things again, SpongeBob.
: It's okay Squidward, I've acknowledged that I'm completely losing my mind!
: rimshot
: Either way, let's get to our special guest! For this episode, we let Patrick choose the next guest, and I'd like to say he made a good choice. Didn't you Patrick?
: zzz
: Everyone put your flippers together for the void!
: So, gaping void, how did you and Patrick first know each other?
: ̛̘̮͎̮̞̋̂͛͊̈̈̅̚ͅG̘̣͎̦͗͂̌̾͂ͫ̚͝k̞͒̄͗̇̒r̥̼͉̰̖̦͔̔͐ͣ̽̀ͦ͂͛̚͟͡ṏ̼̻́ͥ̊ͫ̕̕͟ì̬͚͍͔͔̬̩̗̮ͪ̋̈͟g̨̙̜̙̠̱̎̾̅͐̍͗̈́͞r̶̺͕̻͓ͩ̂̆͊͂ͣͩk̩̫͕̩̘̭͌̔ͤ͒̐͐̍͜j̸̤͎ͩ͗͐̉̓͑̂̃ͧ̀͞g͉̰̮̖͍͂̆̿̀͂̒͌͆́̀r̶̦͖̣̳̻̹ͬ̾́̚͝ō̧̝ͨ͒̒̇̎̊̚ḯ̳ͭ̍̿͘͠ͅg̸͎̮̱̹͓̳̩̹͛͂͘͠r̨̨̝͉͋ͫ̉̈̈͒̆k̶̶̗͓͇̫̪͓͎͎ͥͬ̄́ͥ̚ḻ͚͓̦ͣ̋̇ͦ͑ͬ́̚g͚̮͈̖͐ͦͪ͟͠j̼̣͈̻͖̯͕͔̏ͧ͛͊̇̓̋͂r̢̯̦͓͕̗̼͕ͪ͋̃ͣ͗̓̕l̻̩̝̲͂ģ͙̜̄́ṣ͕̘̣̯ͦ̐͌͂f̢̟̑͡͠f̧͚͖͕̖͈ͮ͗͋ͧͥ̕r͖̥̗ͫ͑ͩ͋̄̓ͭh̴̩̜̗̦̤̫̘ͧͪͬ̽͗ͯ̾̓ͅw̉̊̈҉̫̬̫̬̘ͅf̴̧̖͍̲͉̺̎̿̑ͭ̈r̴̲ͨͫ͞g̗ͯ̈̒ͦ̓͊̉́h̶̡̬͕̮̱̖͖̦̙̽ͪ͘r̷̷̖̯͎͍͈̙̅̅ͣ̏w͛̀͟ͅj̴̡̛̯̠̭̮͓̤ͥ̐͌̓ǩ̸̡͎̜̬̇̏ͬͥ̒͌̌́͡g̫̹̥̙͖͇͙̮̓͑͗ͯͦ͡͡͠l̛̰̭̭̮͕̩͈͓̄̂̆͒́̕r̻͎̙̭͍̥̭̣̹͋̋̽͛̊͛k̶̢̦̳ͮͤ̒̌ͣ̂͋ o͍͒͆̒̋̅̉̆̍p̍͋҉̞̦g̢̘̺̦͎̘̯͗͝l̶̳̳͙̥̠̲̺ͪ̋ͭͬ̏ͤ̕͠ṙ̰̹͎͙̲̩̍́̉̂̎̓̚͘w̵͈͇̲̬̳̰̓̚̕; ̸̭͇͒G̵̥̳͈̯͓̰̊̃̊͒̀͘k͂̒̿҉̫̟̭̻r̸͎̫̙͒͂͐ͥͭ̆ͤ̅͜o̵͚͚̙͐ͭ̈́̽ͣ̈̇ͫi̵̷̡̤̫̺̎̑̆͂̆͛̈̏g̀̄̿̂͋̓͏͖̘̣̗̘̰͘ͅr̷̤̹̘̱̫̖̣̓̂ͩͩ̽̂̅̾ḵ̴̝̰͚͔ͬ̊j͚̖̼̬̽̇̈̂͘͠g̴̨̙̟̙̹̈́̍͞r͔͓͔̣̩͚̽͋ͯ̉̉͌o͚̟̲̘̺̺͈͉̊͂ͮ̓ͧ̐i̧͇̘͈̯̟̞̟ͪͥg̴̨̻͍̯͍̋̔ͧ̓r̡̯̪͎̝͚̹͓̠̿ͩ̀͟ķ͙̦̈̀̉ͪ͌͒ͫ̀͜͢l̟͗ͧ͂̓ͯͨg͚̬̝̟̱̯͛̑̇́̆̇j̗̝̆ͤ͌͠ͅr̰͓͙͓̘͑̈́͆̉͋͜l̡̥̠̥͇͐̾ͪ͠ǵ̠̮̰̹ͨ̌̚͝ͅs̴̜͇̪ͤ͊̂̋͋̎͆f̢͈̝̪̘̲̫ͯͬ̈́́̇ͤ̑ͅf͍̱͓̳̥͙ͭͦ͌̒̎͌r̡̝͓̰͇͖̻͓͇̎͂͗ͭ̾̎ͩ̿͊h̴̲̤͚̠͔͖̣ͣ̇̓ͣw̛̬̠̬̥̭̹̳͖̺ͧ̉ͮ̓͠f̷̨̟̣͂ͦͨ̓ͣ̉͟r̴̗͎͙̙͓̀̀͗g̣̠̙̱̭̲̜͛͊͗̎ͫ́͊͌h̤͇̦̬̞̩͗̄̒̅ͪͥͪ͡͠r̩̝̯ͥ̒͝w̜̞̰̩̰͙̺ͧ͡ĵ̞͖̺̙̉͐k͗̾̋̋ͭ́͏̭̳͍̫̠g̖͖͉͍͎̦̬̍̋͑̄͝ͅl̶̰̩̀́̐͑ͭ̕ṟ̨̛̞́̅ͤ͛̅ͨ̂k̸͓̳̝̭̝̅̽̈́̈̑ͅo̵̧̻̳̥͇̥ͭ̓ͬͨ̕ͅp̉̀͗̚ ̰̩͇̱̞͕̲́̚͡G̢͓̖̬̣͆ͫͪ̈ͭ̄̑́l͂̂҉̸͔͍͇̖̬̳̫̭r̪̘ͧ̽̐ͣ̓ͧ͜w̘͖͉̟͕̣̾́̓ͣ͒ͧ̎ͨ͘͘ͅ; ̸̭̤̙̫͖͔͌ͧ̓͡G̟̜̰̩̭ͤͭ̏̀̀̀ͅk̞̤͉̤͗ͧ̓̄͐ͭ͟ȑ̢̨̯̜̱͂̿͂ͬoͭ͂́̌̾͆̒͒҉̷͔̞i̵͎͍͚̘͕͙͖̦͆̉ͭ͟g̷͈̖̀̆̇ͬ̏ͤ͞r̷̷̤͐̓ͅk̸̘̲͙̺ͭ͐͢j̡̥̰̮̎͆ͦ͐̂́̚͟͞g̢̱̮̦̘̹͈̘̺ͯ̃ͭ̉ͣ͆͊ͯr̷̙̟̣̮͓̼̞̜͖̊̏o̵ͩ͊ͨ͒͑̏҉̥̥̮͙i̷̤̗͎̠͚̎̅̓̓̉ͤ̐̀g̡̺̣̫ͬ͆ͨ͒͐̀ͧ͞r̵̡͚̅̓ͯ͂̑ͤͮ͝k̼̤̫̫͉̣͔̃͒͂ͥ̓̾̾ͣl͚̖͕͇̬ͬͭ̓̽̔́g̼͎̥̝̈ͨ͂ͥ͑͌͗j͋̂̚҉̶͙͚̱͇̝̰͚̭͠ř̝̖̥̖̗̮͔̀͢l̵͔̤̲̣͈͓͂̓̈́ͥ͂g̨̮͓̪̾͌̎ͩ̄ͯͥ̊͢s̊̇͐̇̑̔͏̠̱͈͉̩f̶̻̲̟̐̈́̇ͧf̹ͨ̑̀̾̾ͬ͜ȑ̢̔͑͏̮͖͇̳h̡̛̲̫͔̩̱̝͕͛̓̉̓̃̿̓̚w̛͚͂̎̂ͧͭf̛͎̿̅̚r̸̤͖̅ͭ̎͘ǵ̝̱̈́̍͐͗ͧ͊ͭh̶̴͖̯̥͙͓̭̆ͪ̋ͩ͟ͅr͚̞̟ͪͩ̈̍̀͢w̸̶͖̼͈̱̠͔͈ͯ͆ͥͧ͂̃̈ͥ́͢j̗̠͚͈̰͙̖͓͔̈́́͗ͪ͋ͬ̄̌̚̕͞k̊̒̊̽͂̃͏̣̩g̼̦̹͈̣̰̿̃́͢͠l̮̫̲̣͇̮̩̃͐̎ͅȑ̴͖̼̱̟͍͈ͣ̌̂̀̿̿̌̚͟k̨̯̱̥͒ͥ̇o̰͕̞̳̬ͬ̃p͌ ̸͖̖̳̟͛͐̃ͯ̇͐ͥ͟G̵̛͈̞͕̦̗͌ͦ̀̈ͭ̄̑̈l͈̫̲̯͎ͤͩ͒͜͢r̙̗̪̹ͯ̒͋ͪ̒w̶̭̞̥̭͚̖͍̗̮̍͒͋̚͢; gkroigrkj҉grȯigrklgjrlgsffrhwfrghrwj҉kglr kopglrw; gkroigrk҉jgrǫigrklgjrlgsffrhwfrgh҉rwjkgl҉ȑko pglrw; ̲̼͇̫́͆̄͑ͬ̾ͮ͊G̬͚͔̒̃ͮ̏̚ͅk̫̠͂ͦ̋͞r̯̲͍̟̬̘̮ͦ͊̽̽̀̋ͦ̚oͧ̈́͏̷̜͕͈̖͇͜ī̶̢̩̗̻̪̙ͩ̓̀͑ͣ́ġ͚̳̞̪̖͕͐̍́r̠̤͓͕̠̘͌ͯ̐k̠̻̮ͣ̔j̡̻́͞g̙͕̯ͯ̏̍ͩ̂́̿rͩ̎̔̔̕҉̩̱̖̭͍̝̖̱o̧̼͔̱͍̙͍͕ͤͤ̏ͤ͜͝i̍̊̒̓̌͊ͧ͏̵̞͔̖͡ͅǵ̙̺͔̲̖̃̎ͮ̏̐̅̇̀ͅr̘͓̻͕̯ͤ͛̎̋ͤ̑͝k͚̟̣̗̘͈̩̱̓̂ͅl̠̹̗͚͈̘̜̹̃̃̓̉͗͊̏̀͞ḡ̸͒ͧ͌̄͂̃҉̮̭͔̯j̴̖̫̮̣̑͗͌ͯ͂̾̀ŗ̶͎͓͓͓̩̻͔ͤ͊͐̈́ͨ̀l̸̶̼͔͇̙̩̓̌̿g̖̜̅̎̾̏s̸̨͍͖̹̻̍̅͂̾͗f̧̬̮̯̫̿͊f͎͙̜̝͚͖͉̥͌ͫͫͥ̏͘r̼̜̠̝͂͊ͮ͒͆͗h͇̟̼̘̟̬̤̫ͦ͂w͎̝̩͉̔̽ͯ̋ͨͬ̂͋͡͡f̶͔̯̰͈̘̮̫͚͓ͤ͊̌̆̏̓̈͢r̤̼̼̟̲̿ͯͩ̅͗̀g̢̞̜̊̐̌͗̆ͯ͗̚h̶̷̩͍̹͓̳͍̼̜̀̍ͮͧ̌͒̎ͪr͚̟̮̱͖̱͗́͋͐ͭͮ̔̚ͅw̡̰̘͇̰͉̱̄̏̌͗̓ͯ̚̕͝j͛̓̈̎͛ͦ̕͜҉̘̮̘̗͈ķ̞̗͕̮͈̇ͨ̄͋͐͐̕ġ̔̂̓̕͏̩̹̖̥̹̱͉l̴ͪ͑͂̃́ͅṙ̬̩͉͈̼̓̔̔̈́̃̀ͥk̴̘͇͕͐́͜ ͙̠͕͈͙̰O̠̐̈́͟p̴̼͎̫͙̝̮͆͆̒͆͗͞ͅg̨̳̰̘̫̑ͬ̉̂̐́l̵ͧ͂͆̾̓҉̸͈͉̠̱r̴̝̤̣̓ͧͤwͬ́҉̨̭̳͎͈̫͚͈ͅ; ̷̧͙͇̪̠͖̐ͣG̸̴̦̟̤͚͉͊ͮ͆͐̊̓̓͊͡k̮͉͎͔͎̟̫̿̌̄̅r̙̙̠ͤͤͥ̇ͪͅo͎̰̞̓̆i͉̩̯̬͊ͣg̤̼͖̝͈͖̅̐ͨ̅͊̅r̢̠͙͓̞̿ͭ̌k̨͍̘̮̥̝͎̇̏̾̈́̀̚j̬̮̙̹̗̪͎̄̾ͪ̕ͅg̿̒̔͏̢͍̝̟̥̤̞̯͠r̶̲͎̟̗ͮ̏ͭo̵͔̠̅͛́i̛̲̘̮ͦ̀͞ͅg̡̤͇̲ͧ̑ͭͫ̏͘r̗̝̯͇ͣ̾̚͢ǩ̢̹̰͕̥̦͙͛̑̑͌̆̒́l̷͚͈̣̟̳̗̓̽ͬ̇͆͋̊̽͞ğ̸͂̇ͦ̀ͣ͐ͭ҉̯̩͍ĵ̙͇̦͚̌ͨͨ͌ͫ͋̔͠r̵̥͎̼̣̜̮͚̽ͤͣl̮̫̮̲̣̀̄̄̒̓ͧ̓̆̈́ğ̢̛͉̙̭̬̥͉s͛͐͛͒̈́̂ͧ͗̀͜҉̘̻̘͢f̎̏ͬ̑̽̃ͧ͏͏̲̥̟f̠͉͚͐ͬr̳̲͍̹̞̅̌ͯ̑̃ͭ͒͆͜h̷̭̤͙̪̯ͧ̇̿ͨͧ̏̆̀͐̀͟w͉̱͍͕͇̜͒̂fͫͦ̋҉̗̞͕̀r̦̗̭̠̾͋͘͞g̼̭ͣ͗̏ͭ̕͟h̖̏̔̓̈́͟͞r̛̖̣ͭͬ̆͑ͨͬ̐ͩ̚wͬͦ͂̔͒̚҉̤̺͖̥̜̹̭̮͘j̞̲̭̫̉͂̍ͧ̌̄͗ͯk̛̭̻̜̲̟̤͇̘̒ͧ́g̸͔͔͙̱͎̏̉l͂̇̅̉͏͔͍͍̳̘̻͍͈r̴͓̪̹̘̞̖͉͛ͧ̾ͅk̶̳̜̦̗̪̍́ͮ̎͢ͅǫ̸͕̮ͦ̇͛̓p͔͎̻̪̳͆̎g̻͉̭̤̤̠͎͇͕ͩ͆ͦ͂̏̈́ͦͮl͌͗l͌͗l͌͗ ̩̰̳͔ͩͥͮ̽͂ͯ͘ͅR̛̥̲̬̮̹̜̙͑̐̎̓ͫw͖͖̳̮̭ͫ͋̆̕͞; ǵkroigrkjgr҉oigrklgjrlgs҉ffrhwf҉rghrwjkglr k҉opglȑw; ̵̸͇̙̮̖͇̺̞ͣͦ̃̋͌̏͌͊͋G̯͇̲̭̣̮̘̬̯ͨ͂̓̎͒̎͐ͥk͈̥͈̇ͅr̹̊ͯ͒͑͋̚͝o̼̬͇̳ͣͦͪi̟̯͉̙͉͙ͧ͂̑̔ͮ̇͊͞g̵̩̭̲̝ͬ͌͗r̶̯͙̣͈̯͙̤̪͓̊̓̇̚̕ḳ̛͉̥̻͊ͫͩ̇͆̾̾́̕ͅj͇̬̭͉͍̟̤̺͉ͩͮ̃̅͊̄̚g̵͕͚̯͚ͫ̓̀ͫ͑͑ͧ̆ͭr̥̭͛ͭͭ̓̒̃̀ǒ̸͔͙͎͓̦̫͍̝̿ͦͥ̿͊́̚̚i̛̦͓̖̺̝̰͍ͫͪ͑̃̈́͢g̢̦͓̦͇̝͖̠ͧͥ̏ͩ͟r̭͕̠͖̳̹̖̝ͫ̈̄ͥ̋͊ͩk̘̭̼̓̓͡l̝̬̗̰ͪ̔̚͜͠g̵ͥ͌́ͬ͋ͮͣͧ͑҉̘̲̳͉ͅj͖͓̜̝̰͙̥͆͑͋ͯ̕͞r̶͆̆ͧ͏̤l̫͎̻͔̫ͮ͛g̨̘͓͂̅ͨ̾̀͜s̜͕̾̌f̡͇̩̾̃͝f̬̬̣͔̝̔ͫͤ̍ͨ̓ͩ͢r̛̩͎̮̩̥̋ͪͮ̓̇̓ͪ͒ͅh̸̸̲͕ͧ̾̃̓̿̈ͭ͠w̻͚̼̉ͣ̓ͯ̄͟͡f͇̝͋͊̀̈́́̔ͫ́r̵̡̛̳͎̬̙͐̏͗͒gͣ͛͋̃̈̆ͤ͟҉̬̮̼͖̞͍h̸̷̨͚̳̬͋ͤ̓r͛ͩ̓̐̾҉͏̗͈͔̣̰ẃ̬̟̟̫͓̱̟̱͊̉ͮj̦̣̺͍̗͎͇̱͋ͨ̍͒̍̓͝k̸͉̗̦̤̙̘̤ͫͤ̈͂̎̂̈́ͭg̣̟̙͇̖̰ͭ̉̕͟͞lͭ̅͊̌ͮͫ͋͏̡̗̪̱͔r̋̓̑̃͛ͩ̈́̉̑҉҉̜k̛̭̞̭̳͔̎͆̌ͧ͞ ͍̜Ǫ̴̪̍̋͂̐̓̏͌ͩp̸̮̠̪̟̐̆̒͋̃͒̈̓̇ģ̶̧̠̩͉̪̞̖͉̦̙̉ͪ́͗ͤ̓̏̍l̸̪̟͔̃̐ͥ͆ͪ̉r͉̞͔͕̩̲̆̿͝ͅẅ̘͚͎̲ͣ̋̎̀͘; ̺͖̻͚̪̂͗͛̊̾̉́͘͠G͙̦̅̂̽̑ͧ͒́͟k̟̝̦̖͋͑̋͢r̸̡̲͎̗͇̱̾̿ͬͯ͊̌̊̔̂̀ơ̠͕͓̜̤͖̾ͩ̀̕i͇͔̞̜̹̟̞̇̂ͤͩͥͯ͝g̹̙̩̭̬̥̍͌ͤ̀͡r̭̱̠̱ͧ̅ͣͤ͟k͕̫͍͎ͮ̽̆̑j̰̫͚̖͙̰̭̤ͧ̃̍͗́̚͡g̶̡̺ͪ̂̐͗̌̀̐r̭͈͊̅ͤ̍͑͛͞o̴̱̗̯͈͕͖͍̽͠i͚̝̙ͬ̃̅ͤ́͊̚g̸̪̞͔̹̫̲͚̖̾ͨŗ̵̺̰̳͉͓̰̩̋̂ͥ̓ͩ̀ķ̼̟̣̞͚̓̂ͧ̇ͣ̇ͬͨl̡͕̖̻͇̲̰͉̂̅͋ͬͯ̉̌ͅg̶̵̺̪̳̺̞̞̣ͨͣ́j̪͙̲̖̠̲͊̐ͮ̈́̈́̽̿͂r̡̦̝͔̘̭͇̙̩̺ͥ͡l̢̖͍̰̹̭̝̥̩̆ͯ̀͐͊̔͢g̢̢̪̳͓̓ͥ̒̌ͨ͌̎̃s̛͎̥͖̖͕̟͌̐ͯ̑͠͞f̟̫͙̽̓ͧ̍͐͆̕͟͢f̷̛̮͍̗͍̹͋̒͌̊͂͐̂ṙ̡̐̒ͧ̋ͦͫ̂҉̟̼̮̱̥̘̙ͅh̷̛̥̜̦͕̩̊͋͛̀ͯͨw̱̮̦̹̫͚̝͂̊̀ͪͫf̝̖̙̲̰͓͚̣͊ͮ̿ͯ́ͦ͑̚͡r̢̧̯̰̬̠͙͎̊͌̒̔g̛̼̪̲̋̆͌̾́̍̐ͬ́h̶̴̘̪̣̮͋̊͊ͣ̀ͦͩr̋̄҉͖̱͈̻̘̰̪̜͜w̵̸̳̫͋ͯ̽̊͑ͪ̽ͭj̎̉ͫͥ͂̔҉̹k̖͕̗̳̦͇̖ͭ̑̚ͅg̸͈̙̙̗͖̩͚ͭ̈́ͭͥ̒ͪ͊͜l̬͖ͯ̒ͮ̕ ŗ̸͙̣̂͑̌͋̄̔̿̊̌k̵̝͓̣͙̦̘̬̤̃̎ͮo̰͙ͩͫͬ͠p͌̍ͥ̍͛͏̲g̸̲̫͍̜̳̽̚͢͡l̖͇͔̯̰̜͋͐̓͒̉̌̉͋͠ṟ̶̤̪̫̗͛͒͋̈́̅ͧͧ͒̾ŵ̳̰̠̝͉͓ͤ̏̓̎̓͗̏́; ̻͕̩ͣͮ́̕͞G̴̦̣̖̬̮͈̪̤ͩ̇̈́̕ǩ̸̹̗̙̲̱̎̍͑ͬͅr͖̺̭̗̦̳̦̙̈́̈͡ò͕̹̾̃̅͗͋ͥ̍̊í̸̥̞ͥ̿̈́̒ͦ̎͠g̷̴̻̻͎̪̦͊ͮ̅́r̘͚̘̬̖̭ͤ̉̇̆ͦͧ̅̒͘͠k̷̺̦̯̪͍̭ͫ̆͗̋̏j͆̊͒ͥ̈̄̔͏͈̻̫g̵̗̖̯͕͇̮̲͖ͧ͡r̢̗̺̠͖ͦ͒̆ͧ̚͡ͅo̙̫̪̙̣̱̣̠ͯ͂̃͌ͪͪ͛i̵̧̗̹͎͕̥͙̳ͬ̉ͯ͒̾͢ͅg̣̥̲̭͓̑̃̈́͐͘r͔̼͉͎̘͖̳̂̊͑̈͢͝k͓̞̳͚͙̺̝̐̈́͛́͠ͅl̮̟̪̬̞̪̉͜ģ̢̬͈̠̩̿ͥ̍͐ͧj͚̲͕̤̊ͯͤ́̑͆͟r̬͎͇̱̥ͣͫͭ͛ͮ̌ͅl̢̥͓͉̝͕͙ͨ̏̾́̚g̺̺͆̈͆̓͗͆̍̿̚s̶̷̘͚̖͗ͬ͌̕f̴̳̮̝̟̤͎̬̻̒̿̅ͭ̀͌̀͢f̤̯̲̫̯̊̏̚͢͞͠r̤̭̘͂̎ḧ̷͇̼͈̦̦́ͤw̴̝̫͍͒ͪf̨̊ͯ̋̔̊̒̃҉̤̲̙͈̝̤̠ͅr̴̡̲̤ͦ̍̓ͭgͯ͛͑̔̅͑̒͏͇͙̙͖͞h̪̮͙̖̮̠̹͍́͂ͦ̈͌͌̓͑̈͘rͥ̽̅҉̗̖͔̤͜w͇͕͊̔ͭ̏͗͛ͤ̚j̙̪̙̟̻͓̝͊̇ͪͤ̀͛̊ͣ̚͝k̘͕̹̮̽̆̓̏͋ͦ̅̈́̋̕g̩̺̩̏l̓̆̓ͫ̅͛̇ͪ͐͘͟҉̲̫͍͓̱̭r̭̞̱̜ͭͨ̎͊̊̎͜͝k̴͚̮̲̦̐̎̋̈́͑͠ͅ ̟O̦͈ͣ̔͛p̷͔̯̩̩̣̲̖̥͈̀́̿̈̆̅g͈͉͖ͮ̾͛͐̾ͩ͆́̏l̵͎͂̓͑̄́͢r̭̻̟̣̙̣̳̣͆͑͜͞ẅ̭̯̩͉̜̣̞̪ͫ̽̈̊ͮͭ͜; gkr҉҉oigrkjgroigrklgjrlg҉sf҉frhwfrǧhrwjkglȓǩȯpg lrw; gkroi҉grkjgroigrklg҉jrlǧ҉sffrhwfrg҉hrwjkglrkȯpg lr҉w; gkroigrkjgroigrklgjrlgsffrhwfrghrwjkglrkǫpǧlr W; gkroigrk҉ǰgroigrklgjȓ҉lgsf҉frhwfrghrwjkglr kopglrw; ͓̗̥̞̥̱̳̲͒́G̤͍̙͈̩ͣͧ͆ķ̟̪͙͙̫̲̘̲̻̍̅ȑ̜̲̟̥͚͈͇̥̑ͫͨͨͤ̕ͅo̗̻̺̾ͅi͍̲̩̯ͩ̑ͬ̔̃ͅg̻̟ͩ̓̔͑́ͦ̆̚͠ŕ̡̲̳̭̏k͋̓ͤ͗̓ͣ̿̓̇͏̝̩̺̯͕̤̞͎͕j͙̲̜̱͍͎͍͋͒ͥ́͝ͅg̶̒͊̄̓͑̓̌̊ͨ͏̯͉̞̬͈r̶̲̖͖̣̪̈́͂̉ͨ̋̓͆̈̀o̿̐ͪͨ̃ͪ̏̄͏̜̘̬̳̭̺̰i̖̬̫̼̮̭̗̼͗͛͂͑ͣ͋́̚͘g̱̙͍͎͕̿ͮ̑̌ͬ̏̆͂r̺͙͇̥̲̥̣ͮͤ͑͊̑̚k̶̝̫̮ͯ̒́̀̚l̞̫̏̐́̆͆̎ͣĝ̡̞̈́̇͆̀͌jͩ̎̾͏̞̭̹͉̥̻ͅr̸̵̯̗̹͉̪ͬ̚l̪̙͕̩̩̻̥̪̩̈́̈́͊ͧ̃ͤ̓̀g̶̙͍͕̻̤̬̯͍͂͋ͪͪ̂̈́̀͢ş̸̭͔̦̄̓ͯ͑̃͂ͯf̶͉͔̳̭̟̫̠̈ͬ̈́̊͆͞f̴̛̞̙ͭ͋̔̀͆ͦͥr̴̳̟̣̞͔̖͒̅ͥͥ̆̏̕͡ḧ̷̛̳̬̦̹́̿̓̎̚ẇ͉̝̥̫̐͂ͬ̿ͮ́ͅf̛̟̳̙̼̞̪ͮ͑ͪ̆̀͠r̭̦͓͉ͭͮͪ̌ģ̷̛̘̬̘͔̯̎͒̇̾̐ͮh̛̝ͨͯ͝ȓ̨̖͍͕̖̮̤̹ͣ̐̿̆͒͋͟w͉̟͐͗j̛̬̮̜͈͎̣̱͇̒̎̅̓̓̈ͩ̄̿̕͝k̢̰̺͇̲̍ͪ̃͌ͭ͗͑̕g̴̯͚͖͍̻̱̻͋̎ͭ͠l͑ͭ̓̎̎̏҉̰͕͔̺̟͇̣r̭͇̒̑́͜k ͎͚̪͙̤̝ͦ̎͑͗̏̒͆Ŏ̡̳̬͉͉̜̺̓̽̓͡͞p̷͙̠̫̱̝̲͛͆̋̅̌g̡̱̞͕̹̰̗̜̱̏̈ͩ̚͢͝l̡͊ͫͥ͏̱̜̟̺̰̫͉r̨̛͙̖͋ͅw̢̜̠̞̖̩ͪ̄ͩ͒̔ͭ̈́̾;
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nice to see Bill got a new head of hair
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my top 3 are Shellville, Feedlot and Ruins in that order
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I got an 'A' on my egg too, but I ain't some anarchist idiot. I'm USDA c e r t i f i e d.
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im mad that g4ry and goobz are better snipers than me
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says the one who didnt win moderature
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u just got trolled!!
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i have more sexual stamina than you
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I'm literally the only SBC member that isn't homosexual. Vote for me.
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Best of luck, my man! Stay strong
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clout goggles are the ugliest shit their only purpose is for memes
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#1 was a surprise, but a welcome one. Great list, Wumbs.
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howdy.
Hal's Fav Songs of 2018 Part 2! (5-1)
SpoilerI fully understand why people are sick of Kanye this year, even if I don't quite agree. Sure, I'm sick of him as a person. Very, very sick of it. In regards to his social media antics, he's basically made wrong decision after wrong decision after wrong decision. It was kinda horrifying to see.
That said, unlike a certain YouTuber that dished out a hot take for the ages recently (I still love u tho
), Kanye's shitty personality hasn't diminished my complete and total love for his music...
This isn't really about Kanye, though.
Spoiler5. Kids See Ghosts - Reborn
The music snob community online totally lost their collective shit when Kids See Ghosts' self-titled debut came out. It was so strange and wild! Kid Cudi was actually making good music again! Fantano gave out his first 10/10 in years! With an album this hyped up despite Kanye and Kid Cudi's equal reputation of "Oh my God, they have completely lost their fucking minds," I tried to reach into it with an open mind.
What I happily got was a genuinely fantastic album that lived up to the hype unlike a certain other crazy hyped "masterpiece." The entire record feels like a wild psychedelic journey, but the highlight is probably the record's tamest song. Sure, Kanye has his amazing production along with a verse on here, but Kid Cudi's the real star here. The dude's reputation as a good musician was as good as rock-bottom not that long ago thanks to releasing one of the most hilariously terrible albums of the decade, but it's easy to forgive when he puts his craziness to good use.
This is a goddamn beautiful song, which is fine as is, but the thing that makes the song so great to me, though, is just the subject matter. Being reborn and moving forward is honestly my year in a nutshell. 2017 was a fucking mess of a year for me, and 2018 was when I finally felt like I had a purpose and reason to keep going. I'd like to thank Kid Cudi for articulating that.
SpoilerKero Kero Bonito was never a band that I was very invested in for one simple reason: I can only take so much hyper-sugary electropop. While I do love pop music as much as the next guy, there's a threshold when a song becomes too cute and precious and then I find it hard to listen to. People love Flamingo a lot, but I guess my hot take of the day is that I've always just found that song annoying. It just crosses the line so that the nature of it is too much for me.
Maybe I'm just super predictable that my favorite Kero Kero Bonito song is one where they go a more abrasive route.
Spoiler4. Kero Kero Bonito - Only Acting (Radio Edit)
KKB must have done this for me, because to my ears, this is the platonic ideal of music.
They've always made music that's super catchy, and maybe the worst part about Flamingo is the fact that once I listen to it, it's not gonna leave my head for a long time. Here, though, they use their ability to make amazing hooks and use it for good rather than evil... well not really.
That's the other part that makes the song stand out to me, actually. It's a fucking unsettling song. I love buzzsaw guitar and it's what makes the song work cohesively for me, but it gets really messed up and kinda terrifying. The midsection where the groove keeps going but you get treated to guitar noise and screaming from Sarah leads you into what I see as the best part of this version of the song, which is the full-on power pop explosion.
There's a reason that you see "(Radio Edit)" on the title, though. In the original version, Kero Kero Bonito decided to completely destroy the song's momentum by cutting off the last chorus to switch to a dose of genuinely terrifying noise. While this doesn't make it objectively bad by any means, as it's clearly intentionally meant to scare you if the official music video is any hint, but for me, it makes the song unlistenable. I don't like scary music. Just give me the whole package of a stone-cold perfect power pop song with maybe a spoonful of horror mixed in. Thank you.
SpoilerSometimes, you have to warm up to a song. All it takes is a few listens to make you go from "this is pretty okay" to "I don't think I will ever get sick of this song."
I don't have much of an introduction besides that.
Spoiler3. Drake - Nice for What
When this song came out, I remember the music people on SBC falling completely in love with it. At the time, I still was hilariously behind on current music, so it took a while for me to actually listen to it. At first, I thought "this is pretty good for a Drake song," but then I kept listening to it until I realized I love it with every fiber of my being.
I, as well as just about every chart watcher on SBC, eventually became sick of Drake to the point where listening to God's Plan one too many times could probably induce vomiting. Despite that, all these same people seemed to be able to forgive him briefly when this song first got big, and I can see why. The production and sampling on this song is unbelievable among every other Drake song this year which was just the most bland and typical trap beats possible. It's by no means the prettiest Drake song, but it's probably his prettiest hip hop song.
That, plus the super awesome subject matter, makes the song so feel-good, and it makes for my... 2nd favorite hit song of the year. You probably know what my favorite is.
Spoilerhehe clappy sux
Spoiler2. Camila Cabello - Never Be the Same
Look, even outside of SBC, this song seems to be pretty divisive. Some people love it to death, some find it unlistenable.
For me, personally, I will grudgingly accept that it has its faults. I understand why the super-high bridge throws people into a fit. I accept that a lot of people find the production dull as dirt. That said, I'm just gonna pull the "music isn't something you get points for" excuse that Todd used for his justification for loving "Closer." I couldn't care less about the song's faults. It's all subjective, and art is as powerful or "good" as the individual defines it. I absolutely adore this song, and I just feel nothing but joy when listening to it. What you see as boring production, I see as beautiful. What you see as annoying sing, I generally don't mind. I can even forgive "HEROWEEN" because it's only like 3 seconds in a song that's mostly amazing otherwise.
I don't have much else to say, really. This is another "perfect pop song" to me, or if nothing else, an imperfect yet still delightful pop song. This was actually going to be my #1 for a really long time until...
SpoilerI don't think it's by any means controversial to say that when people look back at 2018 music, the first two words that'll pop up in their brain is "trap" and "rap." The trap sound dominated the year completely, even if the Billboard charts haven't really shown it.
That's mainstream 2018, though. What about the big and scary u n d e r g r o u n d ? Well, I wouldn't know, but I think that in hindsight, a notable part of the late 2010's will be seen in bizarre underground pop music.
This song would've actually made my top 10 if I waited a bit more to make it, but I digress.
There was a whole lot of acclaimed pop music this year that was also pretty far left of the dial. You had the warped industrial dance-pop of SOPHIE above (although the linked song isn't a good example), you had more sophisticated and chambery stuff like Julia Holter, but I think the formula that I liked the most was the one that Kero Kero Bonito used: take your sugary pop music and pair it with abrasive rock music! If it makes for what I see is the best song of the year, then I think I should trust my instinct.
Spoiler1. Poppy - X
I'd like to give Homie a shoutout for even letting me know that this song exists. I thought I had my top 10 for 2018 solid and done earlier this month, and then she linked me this. At first I thought "Damn, this is fucking great. Imma put it in the low top 10," then I listened to it more and thought "Nah this is too good for #7, time to put it in the top 5." Then top 3. And now #1.
Honestly, take everything I said about Only Acting and copy/paste, because this is a truer idea of my personal platonic ideal of music. While I love Only Acting to pieces, I'm not gonna pretend that sometimes I think "what if this was more fleshed out?" This is the answer. The majority of the song is an interplay of two different sounds, that being between soft and gentle summer pop as well as totally bonkers heavy metal. Unlike KKB, though, both parts are equally good. I never think to myself "Man, I'm just kinda waiting for the other sound to come back."
If it were just those 2 parts, though, then the song probably would've stayed in the lower top 10. What makes it number one, though, is the last minute or so. I can only imagine what this song would be if the entirety of it was the last minute. It would probably be among the very best songs of the decade, quite honestly, but surprisingly enough, the fact that it makes up such a small part of this song doesn't ruin it or make me actively wish for more. It feels like a logical conclusion to the first two thirds of the song which focus on the duality of pretty and ugly. It almost feels like a synthesis of the two elements.
Look, I don't know what I'm talking about. Listen to the song. The entire song is basically just hooks, and said hooks are fantastic. If no other song on my list justifies listening to on loop, then it's this one. I really need to listen to more Poppy eventually, because while I'm sure this song is kind of an outlier, I wanna see what else someone who has a song like this in them has to offer.
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How is my setting good it's plagiarism
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So... I have to say that 2018 was a big year for me in regards to music in one big way: I started to get up to date on music again! Or at least I tried...
The truth is that it was a blessing to get so up to date on modern music because it opened me up to a window that I really haven't seen since my chart-watching days which screeched to a halt in 2015. Because of this, I have a lot of personal favorites. It was really hard to narrow it down to 10.
Now, it's important to know that I didn't stick with just hits. There are definitely a lot of hits on the list, but it's not reserved to hit songs. Why? Because it's my list. I just don't feel that it would have been as interesting to me to write about if I were to stick with hits, even if it produces more reactions.
Time to start.
5 HONORABLE MENTIONS
SpoilerBazzi - "Mine"
Just do it. Make fun of me. I know painfully well that this song is a meme and a lot of people don't really take it as anything else. It's short, sweet and has a memorable hook that will more likely than not be the only thing this song is known for as it ages. Despite that, I really loved this...what is essentially just an extended meme, ever since I first heard it. It may be very simple and perhaps a definitive "neutral pop" song that poisoned the 2018 pop charts, but something about it hits me hard.Perhaps the fact that it's a simple love/sex song is why. Maybe just the amazing production and, quite frankly, equally amazing chorus play into it. I don't really know what specifically hits me about this song. Everything about it just works.
Earl Sweatshirt ft. Standing on the Corner - "Ontheway!"
Lo-fi psychedelia is one of my favorite musical aesthetics ever. A lot of my all-time favorite music takes up a sound very similar to what Earl Sweatshirt tried for size this year. The record this came from, Some Rap Songs, is the latest entry in regards to personal albums of the year. While some of it isn't too fully realized, when Earl fully realizes what he can do with this hazy sound, I can't get enough.Honestly, maybe the only thing that kept me from putting this in the top 10 is that it's so goddamn short. Despite the mind-blowing and strange production, it's only a minute and 41 seconds long. I need more. Perhaps the biggest flaw in Some Rap Songs was that everything was so (intentionally?) half-baked in regards to ideas for the actual songs. This is the shining moment of the album for me, though. It does everything right even if I just wanted it to be even 30 seconds longer.
Grimes ft. Hana - "We Appreciate Power"
Considering the hipster snob loser I am, I'm really surprised I haven't gotten into Grimes at all before 2018. I blame that on my closed-mindedness, but I really wish that I took the opportunity sooner to listen some really breathtaking pop songs such as "REALiTi" and "Flesh Without Blood." This song admittedly doesn't match the same magic as her earlier singles, nor does it match the sound at all, but it's still pretty damn good.Heavy, industrial pop-rock is something I wish I could hear more of. You have Grimes doing it as well as...another musician who'll be in the top 10, but not many others are taking up the opportunity for this kind of music that is as hard and heavy as it is danceable and catchy as all Hell. It's a true shame. This song has a really thick layer of fear and authoritarianism that I'm sure has already spawned some thinkpieces, but I couldn't care less. It's just a wonderful song that gets you thrashing. Bless Grimes.
Jeff Rosenstock - "Yr. Throat"
I don't know a huge amount about Jeff Rosenstock or his music beyond the fact that he's basically a pop punker who gets a lot of indie cred for his politics or whatever the fuck. Personally, I couldn't care less about politics in pop punk of genres. When I listen to the genre, I just want excellent production and explosive hooks. This song offers that.Yeah, it's undoubtedly more ambitious and more artsy than most music that sounds like it, as it's a multiparter kind of song, but rather than the ambition resulting in self-indulgence, it just makes the buzzsaw power pop you hear feel all the more big and important. It feels like Rosenstock is just talking about life in general, and I'm there to listen. "What's the point of having a voice if it gets stuck inside your (yr.) throat?" is a question for the ages.Plus, those guitars, man.
JPEGMAFIA - "Baby I'm Bleeding"
hurr durr d eaTH GRIPS he s OUNDS LIKE DEATH GR IS PSWhatever, man. I'm sick of the Death Grips comparisons with this guy as much as anyone else. Especially since he's pretty noticeably different. Firstly, Peggy has a lot more personality than MC Ride has had since 2014. He doesn't feel like he's just playing a vague scary character. When you listen to this song in particular, you can tell that this song is filled with so many stupid jokes and meta references. You can tell that JPEGMAFIA is kind of impressed with himself, but I personally don't mind since he has the swagger to back it up.
Secondly, even the music is different. Sometimes, Death Grips, especially 2013 and onward, is a bit too overwhelming musically. It feels too distant and overly aggressive for me who gets tired too damn often. This song, though, is just right. The production is so bizarre and even kinda primitive, but it adds to the catchiness of the song enough that you don't mind. This song is so filled with personality and fun, and it goes to show that you don't need to be eccentric and distant to make abrasive experiments with hip hop sound good.
Hal I. Butt's 10 Best Songs of 2018 (Part 1)
SpoilerYou like The Strokes?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bn-lcvrMOlc
I... think they're okay. I understand that their songwriting is solid, and I respect their influences and what they did with it, but... their song just isn't for me. Something about it is too thin, or maybe just not as impressive in hindsight when so many goddamn bands decided to ape their ideas.
Now, what happens when you take Julian Casablancas and The Strokes' sound and thinly layer it with trippy psychedelic pop? Well, you get what's essentially my favorite Strokes song.
Spoiler10. The Voidz - "Leave It in My Dreams"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1nCVWBTays
Now, the slight psychedelic tinge I already mentioned is one big part in why I absolutely adore the song so much and why I prefer it to The Strokes, but it's not all. At the end of the day, aesthetics doesn't matter that much to me. The songwriting on here, for whatever reason or another, just hits me in a way that Julian never has in his previous band.
Consider this song, and The Voidz in general, as what would happen if Arctic Monkeys made their newest album not a generally panned mess. Not all of this band's music has struck with me, but this song has. It's a very bittersweet little ditty of a song, but it feels a lot bigger to me than it really is. I feel like if modern indie rock wasn't so far up its own ass, it'd sound more often like this. No bullshit. Just hooks, with the occasional wonky synth.
Spoilerhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E6sUU2wrrKs
God fucking damnit, Kanye. Why? Why is it so hard to just talk about your music beyond the realm of memes and politics?
While Yandhi has been controversial for the past decade, 2018 has been a new low for him. I don't think he has ever been more hated as a person. His horrifically stupid Trump worship has been painful to watch all year, and beyond that, I think the guy just keeps getting exponentially more and more insane.
Probably the most frustrating aspect of it all, though, is that he just keeps making more and more music that hits me in just the right way.
Spoiler9. Kanye West ft. PARTYNEXTDOOR, Kid Cudi and 070 Shake - "Ghost Town"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qatEUlouf0oOutside of Nas' new album which I didn't bother listening to to begin with knowing it wouldn't be worth it, I have basically eaten up every single Kanye-related thing in 2018. Sure, he was mostly a piece of shit all year, but holy hell his music. Daytona was an instant classic (which unfortunately won't have any songs showing up on the list, sadly) and Kids See Ghosts was... well, you'll see, and believe it or not, I genuinely and thoroughly enjoyed the two big joke singles that he put out this year. It's kind of a shame that Kanye is legitimately funny as he wants to be. Consider "Lift Yourself" an honorable mention as well, and I mean that.
This song, though? Easily my favorite solo Ye song of the year. I guess he isn't featured a huge amount on it and a lot of the appeal comes in the stuff that isn't Kanye, but it doesn't make the song any less breathtaking. It feels like an honest-to-god spiritual cleansing and feeling of complete and total freedom. As a matter of fact, if I had to choose an absolute favorite moment of any song of the year... it'd be 070 Shake. She completely obliterates the rest of the song regardless of how good it initially was. And it's a damn good song, even if the outro overshadows the rest of it. I think it's deserved though, because...you can't beat that voice.
Spoilerhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d_tWevHRG9g
I have a whole lot of things to be thankful about in regards to "Nice for What." I'll talk about it all later, but I do want to mention what's maybe the thing I'm most thankful about it outside of the music, and that's introducing me to this artist..
Spoiler8. Big Freedia - "Rent"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtU1zjRuTdUIt wouldn't surprise me if my gay older brother knew who she was as she seems to be a pretty big figure in drag culture and has been for a while. I'm sure that wherever he is, he's proud of me for getting around to her.
But I'm glad I did. Outside of the truckloads of sass she gives off, this song in particular is crazy in its energy. "TALKIN TALKIN TALKIN TALKIN YADDA YADDA YADDA YADDA" is maybe my favorite starting hook of any song this year. It sucks you straight into the pure chaos. It's kind of a pissed off song, as the anger at someone not paying rent is metaphorical of someone being a general waste of space in your mind.
But it doesn't sound angry, does it? It sounds like a party song, and an amazing one. Once you listen to this song, you will not be able to get it out of your head, I guarantee it. I'm so happy that I found about Big Freedia. Thank you New Orleans, and thank you Drake.
SpoilerGod, I really am a Zoomer.
Spoiler7. Denzel Curry - "SUMO"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=odj8Wy3jPe4There were 3 singles from Denzel's amazing record, TA13OO, that I was debating on putting in the top 10 because I knew well that one of them would be it. I decided against "PERCS" because while the energy and production may be better, it's kinda knocked down in the preachiness and "anti-mumble rap" sentiment of the lyrics. It was really hard to decide between this and "BLACK BALLOONS," but at the end of the day, I decided to go for the banger.
This is admittedly just kind of a simple boast rap, but it was a ridiculously good one. It's pretty definitive of the late millennial/early Gen Z mindset not just in it being a hardcore boasting trap song, but also the fact that Denzel had the balls to reference both The Last Airbender and Chowder of all cartoons in a verse. I'd like to think he knew what I was doing, and that goal was to specifically appeal to people my age.
As a whole, it's just a ridiculously fun song. Sure, it's no "Ultimate," but it's pretty damn close. Plus, it's not a meme, which is a point in its favor.
SpoilerI think it's worth noting that as 2018 was the first year in a while that I decided to actively choose to listen to whatever's hot and fresh, I've had a personal "holy trinity" of hit songs of the year that have held an especially close place in my heart.
This first one, and the "worst one" (although more appropriately "marginally least amazing one"), is honestly probably the song that started my rebound. It's the one song that SBCcord wouldn't shut the Hell up about ever since it came out and hit the charts, so I eventually realized that I'm a cranky fuck and I should probably listen to it to see what the hype is about.
I think a personal shoutout to SBCcord is deserved.Spoiler6. Ariana Grande - "No Tears Left to Cry"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ffxKSjUwKdUThe idea of a "perfect pop song" is one that has always interested me beyond the realm of just listening to songs you really love and perceive as "perfect." Which pop songs are perfect in a "Hey Ya!" kind of way? A "Since U Been Gone" kind of way? Heck, even a "Bohemian Rhapsody" or "Good Vibrations" kind of way? Which pop songs will be eternally beloved for years to come and be ever present even in the brains and hearts of those who "don't like pop music very much"?
I don't think I will ever successfully find a worded answer to the question, but I think that a "perfect pop song" is like pornography...you know it when you see it. Or hear it, in this case. While this wasn't my absolute favorite hit song of the year, it's probably the most monolithic. It's the biggest-sounding and probably the one that had the most hype. It's the one where I truly hope that it will be just as fresh in people's minds in a decade or so. Everything about it hits the right spots in my brain that makes me think so. I feel important when listening to it.
Even beyond how I feel it will be received, it's just an unbelievably beautiful song. In a year painfully devoid of chorus, this one offered one of the very best. It lifts you up into the clouds only for the chorus to temporarily take you back down. It's like a roller coaster of a song. Thank you, Ari.
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Episode 5:
Squidward Chat! With your host, Squidward Tentacles!
: Greetings after a long hiatus, viewers! Thank you for being so patient. So very, very patient.
: God is dead, Squidward.
: rimshot
: He sure is, SpongeBob! As a matter of fact, that's a good segue into our news portion of the show! The most important event that happened recently was that our literal creator, Stephen Hillenburg, died of ALS on November 26, 2018. A tragic, painful death for a man who technically should be beyond our comprehension.
: When has this show ever made logical sense, Squidward ol' pal? DAHAHAHAHAHA
: Speaking of making no logical sense, our very special guest today is what some would call "God Part 2." Please welcome Stephen Hillenburg's sole heir, Paul Tibbitt!
: Welcome to the program, Paul! Please take a seat.
: I can't.
: Why's that?
: I'm gonna tear these shorts.
: Oh, I see. Say, have you lost weight?
: No personal questions, please.
: I apologize. Now let's get to the nitty gritty: how have you felt since your companion's death?
: Quite frankly, it was exactly what I wanted.
: W-w-wait, what?
: Do you seriously think that after so many people online thought I ruined your guys' show, that there was no truth to any of it?
: What show? Squidward Chat? How could you have ruined it?
: I'm not talking about Squidward Chat you bumfuck sponge, I'm talking about your show. SpongeBob SquarePants!
: I HAVE A SHOW!?
: Yes! Stephen created you all so he can broadcast your existence on cable television.
: *whispering* SpongeBob, get the bat from the closet in the kitchen.
: Anyways, I hated Stephen for many years now. I never created anything good under my name, and here he was parading his stupid show about a bunch of sea creatures. Now that his ALS finally got to him, though, I can finally enact my plan of revenge! I will finally get to ruin SpongeBob like many thought I already did, and nobody will be there to stop me! MUAHAHAH-
: thunk
: Oh thank Neptune, SpongeBob. That was the most insane babbling I've heard in my life.
: Any time, Squidward!
: Well, viewers, I hope I didn't traumatize you too much this time. Thank you for watching!
-end credits start playing-
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lowkey one of the most exciting yearly events on SBC tbh
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Wus poppin, im your resident loser Halibutt
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Kendrick, Death Grips and Sufjan Stevens are the big ones for me, with maybe Drake and Kanye as 2nd tier faves.
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Wumbo Ranks Billboard Year-End Hot 100 Charts! (Ahhh, the deed is done.)
in K-BLUB
Posted
Holy shit The Cure had a hit song in the US?