Jump to content

  • Advertisement

JCM

Managers
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Posts

    6,583

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    109

  • Doubloons

    54,523 [ Donate ]

 Content Type 

Posts posted by JCM

    SBC Movie Trivia

    in Krabby Land

    Posted

    Answer: December 15, 1939

    Scoreboard

    Leedles: 63

    Winter: 45

    Goobz: 42

    Burger: 30

    dman: 28

    Hayden: 25

    SOF: 11

    Question 10 (FINAL QUESTION). What roles were Paul Newman offered for Superman's 1978 movie?

    SBC Movie Trivia

    in Krabby Land

    Posted

    Answer: Quentin Tarantino

    Scoreboard

    Leedles: 35

    Winter: 24

    dman: 21

    Burger: 20

    Goobz: 19

    Hayden: 13

    SOF: 5

    Question 6. How many Academy Awards did The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King win?

    The Silly Adventures of Patrick Star

    in Davy Jones' Locker

    Posted

    Patrick Gets His Own Planet

    (Patrick is in a rocket ship and notices a note above a big red button.)

    Patrick: "Patrick, do not push this button. S.C." S.C.? Who's that? I'm not listening to him!

    (Patrick pushes the button, and the rocket ship flies out of the water and into space.)

    Narrator: Whales like cheese, sharks like monkeys! Planet Patrick's oh, so funky!

    Patrick: Who are you? What's Planet Patrick?

    Chorus: (singing) Patrick!

    Patrick: How do all these people know my name?

    Narrator: Surfboards rock! Dogs hate catsies, you are watching Planet Patsies!

    Patrick: What's a dog? What's a catsy? What the heck's a Planet Pats-

    (Suddenly, the ship crashes onto a distant planet, and a green alien crawls out from under it a few minutes later with bruises all over his body.)

    Alien: Ow, my scapula...and everything else.

    Patrick: Who are you?

    Alien: I'm Dobby. You must be the latest idiot sent here by a dying cable network to have wacky adventures on our planet.

    Patrick: Sounds about right. Hey, I remember you! I poked you with a stick a bunch in that dream I had where I was a snowman!

    Dobby: I can already tell that this will be a very, very unenjoyable experience for me.

    (Patrick pokes Dobby with a stick he found.)

    Patrick: Poke. (giggles) Poke. I like this!

    Dobby: Can someone call a doctor?

    Patrick: I'm a doctor!

    (Patrick throws away the stick and puts on a pair of rubber gloves.)

    Patrick: This is going to hurt you a lot more than it will hurt me.

    Dobby: Never mind. I'll live with my internal bleeding.

    (What a twist!)

    • Funny 1
    • God Himself 4

    jcm's riffing theater (3050 colorized)

    in Davy Jones' Locker

    Posted

    [Steel: I was notified that the riffs for this series was going to be cut short, with this being the last that we'll ever have to read, given how uncomfortable of a piece of a literature Crazy Celes is. I get it. Even I have gotten tired of this monkey-fighting Metal Snake and his Monday-through-Friday Lit. Even if we went all the way, we could keep making jabs against the author, acknowledge his loss of sanity, and joke about how this Lit in all of itself is the death of comedy. It will be the same song and dance, kinda like how every episode of this Lit is the same chaotic mess. Let's finish Crazy Celes' ride once and for all.]

    [SOF: Alright here we go, this is the last one to riff (which, according to JCM, that it is). Let’s get this over with.]

    Episode 6: Not What She Seems

    [JCM: ugh they're gender swapping not what he seems now? fcking sjws]

    “Lol GF reference” SOF joked at the title.

    [Steel: Did you catch my Snakes on a Plane reference earlier? I bet that's even funnier.]

    [SOF: *Sighs* Enough of this ok? Like, we get it. You love 4th wall breaking jokes in your fic.]

    Well, that’s one question from the end of the last chapter answered. What about the SBCers who were captured then?

    [JCM: The answer to "What is SOF doing then?" is "joking at the title"? What a rip-off.]

    [Steel: Oh yeah, there was the subplot with some members being held hostage in North Korea, how about that 'cause I was bored and disgusted by the previous three chapters that I've had to skim through to pay attention to that.]

    The SBCers were shown to be locked in a cell as Renegade was playing unfitting music, annoying them with tunes from Daniel Johnston’s Yip Jump! Album.

    [Grim Reaper: Ey! It's my job to play unfitting music, mon! Stay in your lane!]

    “Why do I like this stuff?” Renegade asked them.

    [Steel: Because he has a certain taste in music, if that answers his or your question, Luke.]

    [SOF: Because you tou- Actually not gonna use the reference. It's a stupid reference anyways.]

    “I think that’s the smartest thing you’ve ever asked.” Hayden snarked.

    [JCM: Just assume anything coming out of Hayden's mouth is sarcastic and you'll be close to nailing him.]

    “What’s going on?” Jjs asked the warden guarding the cell. “I thought you were going to torture us.”

    [SOF: yeahh I don’t like where this is going…Ren ruined it]

    “This is the torture!” the warden exclaimed giddily. “Ah ha ha ha ha!”

    [JCM: This lit is the torture? It all makes so much sense now.]

    [SOF: how nice…NOT!]

    Check. So what about Kim Jong-un’s sister stealing the Olympics?

    [Steel: Don't know. Don't care.]

    [SOF: I don’t know why you keep asking us during your narration?]

    “She failed miserably!” Crazy Celes yelled, dressed in a sports uniform inside of a stadium, holding the US women’s hockey trophy. “Turns out she’s better at stealing from her own people!”

    [Steel: That's one olympic sport that she can at least achieve in.]

    [SOF: Good for you, now can we PLEASE actually start the story? This is still boring as hell so far.]

    Well, I guess that’s everything off our list.

    [JCM: I would have been happier not knowing the answers to those questions.]

    [SOF: you know what? Fuck this, hey Mental Snake, you know what happens when you made a unnecessary parody SO/Lit on every worst SO/Lits cliché you inserted? Huh? You know what happens…

     

    *clicks pen*

     

    YOU JUST MADE THE LIST!]

    th-that’s all folks?!” SOF yelled in a Porky Pig voice.

    [Steel: *desperately miming the Looney Tunes closing jingle.*] 

    [SOF: Not quite yet my friend]

    [JCM: Son of bi-bi-

    Son of a b-

    Son of a...son of a...gun! Ha! You thought I was gonna say this joke is fucking awful, didn't you?]

    “No, that is not all folks…” a shadowy figure in a familiar uniform said upon approaching SOF, who, in response, gasped.

    [Steel: is he a yokai???]

    “You!” he yelled.

    [JCM: latest?cb=20150720150030]

    “A random character I can’t name for the plot’s sake!”

    [Steel: Hey, that was my second guess.]

    The random character then used their space and time powers to cause a note to float up from a nearby cliff and into SOF’s face.

    [Steel: And when he turned it over, he saw a letter.]

    “What’s this for?” he asked as he peeled it off his face with his newly found Yo-Kai unicorn magic and looked at it.

     [JCM: He apparently has newly found Yo-Kai unicorn magic. That's cool.]

    “To pay for the damage done to the studio!” the random character yelled, pointing to the animation studio that had its window broken from the gun that flew into it.

     [SOF: soo….was this time & space powers he used to get CC!SOF to crash the place?]

    “But that wasn’t my fault!” SOF insisted. “It was the gun’s!”

     [JCM: Typical liberal. Blaming guns for society's problems.]

    *one tasteless gun control joke (edited out by jjsthekid) later*

    [Steel: Thanks jjs, that's one less bad joke in this Lit.]

    [SOF: That’s not helping cause this can be a bad joke by itself]

     [JCM: At least Jjs can't edit my jokes anymore, cause I'm in charge now!

    *JCM's last riff gets deleted by jjsthekid anyway*

    smh]

    “Hey,” said Jjs, unhappy with that jab, “don’t act like I’m 4Kidz. I just edit what SOF gives me.”

    [Steel: And since that was apparently part of the joke, "thank you" Luke for that small, unwarranted and humorless quip.]

    [SOF: more 4th wall jokes yawn]

    SOF, in a panic, tried to run. However, he slipped off the cliff and fell.

     [SOF: RIP again?]

    [JCM: SOF dies so much they should make a sequel to Edge of Tomorrow about him.]

    “nnnnnooooo” he cried. “oh wait, I have a freeze ray in my pocket. plus i’m dead and can teleport”

    [Steel: Oh hey, a little throwback from SOF's Exciting Critic's Corner from none other than the person that the author had previously coined as the "Spin-Off Lorax." By the way, after I'm done with all this, I'm going to be referring to MS as the Spin-Off O'Hare. Mental Snake is also already an available option, that I'm aware, so that too.]

    SOF then used his magic to teleport back to the crashed plane, only to see a horrifying sight lying before his eyes. The squad of Korean soldiers who had gone to investigate it earlier had all been killed, and were now lying down in a large, gelatinous pool of red goo

    [JCM: Is it Jell-O?]

    Despite all being armed with guns, they had all been cut to pieces with some kind of blade…

     

    “this is awful :(“ SOF remarked. “ms, gun control jokes are not funny”

    [Steel: oh hey, yet another self-deprecating joke reminding us that ms is not being funny in general]

    Even worse, unbeknownst to SOF, the same creature that had killed the soldiers was now heading towards the cell where the SBCers were being kept…

    [JCM: Dun dun dun!]

     [SOF: Well, that’s torture alright.]

    “Alright, I feel that’s enough tunes for one day.” Renegade said, turning off his music player and leading the SBCers with him to sigh in relief. “So, anyone up for reading one of my lits?”

     

    “AAAGGGHHH!” the SBCers yelled in frustration.

    [Steel: I'm just surprised this didn't lead to a joke where Ren begins playing The Shaggs afterwards.]

     [SOF: UGGGGGGGGGGH THIS FIC WON’T FUCKING STOP]

    “I’d like to read a lit where I get to tell you to shut up, does that count?” Wumbo snarked.

     [SOF: At least Wumbo’s line is still funny to me, this is gold]

    Soon, however, everyone in the cell fell silent as they could hear the sound of screaming mixing with the sound of the slicing of a blade coming from outside. The warden outside shrieked as the severed head of a prison guard was thrown his way, and the SBCers quivered in fear as they saw a monster, a giant, robotic, anthropomorphic praying mantis with two blood-splattered metal blades for hands slice the warden in two from the head down. Blood gushed out of his remains for a short while before becoming a thick, gooey substance on the floor. The mantis then turned to the SBCers and gave them an evil grin.

    [JCM: I don't know what that mantis is praying to but I'm praying to God that this episode ends now,]

    [Steel: To be fair, I would be horrified too if I ever saw that thing in real life.]

    [SOF:….ok What the actual fuck am I reading? Is-is this what it looks like? This is just…pure awful writing]

    “You all don’t look too jelly…” the mantis creature said in Spongetron’s voice. “What’s the matter…”

     [SOF: oh wait, it’s just Tron as a Yo-Kai thing…I think?]

    The mantis taunted them, sticking its blade through one of the bars, frightening the SBCers even more.

     [SOF: the fact STRP was being edgy was bad idea as this turns out to me, and I can only say this: this is some Fluttershy's Dark Sky levels of bad here?]

    “Can you not take the edge?!”

    [JCM: ?!???!1!?!!!?!]

    [Steel: yes, because it's hurting me and it needs to stop.]

    [SOF: unfortunately, I don’t.]

    Is this the end of the SBCers?!

    [SOF: Correction: is this end of JCM’s riffing career?]

    [JCM: Yes, it is.]

    “Seems that way.” Terminoob intervened. “According to a leak online, we’re not going to be involved with future arcs in the series.”

    [Steel: And according to my source, the very member running this riffing theater, we're not getting ourselves involved in any more episodes of this series, so we have ourselves a win-win.]

    [JCM: Sounds like a douchebag.]

    [SOF: Funny if you say that, but he was originally going to according to his post on SO/Lits News thread, but he abruptly ends it in there before Metalgate so…oops]

    Is there any point in reading the next episode now that terminoob spoiled it for everyone?

    [Steel: Nope, and that's the tea, MS.]

    [SOF: Thankfully, we WON’T read the rest of his shit]

    Find out next time on Dragon Ball Super!

    [JCM: This was a SUPER waste of time!]

    [Steel: Excuse me, I thought I was watching Yo-Kai Watch.]

    Terminoob sighed in response.

     

    “They should’ve just stopped after Cell got his ass kicked by Gohan…” he said in bemusement.

     [SOF: or that, but it's kinda too late]

    Adrian and Felix were then shown to still be in the studio with Elasticorn, bemused themselves.

     [SOF: oh yeah, forgot those two were in this story]

    “I wish they had just stopped after Celes got her ass kicked by us…” they said with a sigh.

    [Steel: And it should've, so this is all that I'm ever going to read of this garbage Lit. Crazy Celes. ....There's black comedy and then there's...this: a piece of literature that showcases the author's crazy and twisted sense of humor that only he would find funny. Besides the fact that Crazy Celes is a display of MS' loss of sanity, this Lit in a nutshell is nothing more than a cemetery of comedy. If there's anything revolutionizing about this, it made me ultimately decide that I would sell my only copy of Yo-Kai Watch on the 3DS back to GameStop since he, this Lit, and the rest of the Metalgatey Bunch have now officially ruined it for me forever.

    There isn't much else for me to add. I have nothing nice to say about Crazy Celes or the person who penned it - the person who I thought I knew, I never knew so well at all. I won't bother writing a longer rant. I wasted all my vodka on MDPP and his magnum opus of abhorrence. So, I'll leave it up to anyone else here with a longer piece to tear this apart.]

    [SOF: I wish this SO/Lit should’ve ended here…but unfortunately it didn't. *sigh* Then again, we won't continue on to ep 15 like we were originally going to.

    Is it really worth continuing through the rest of Crazy Celes, though? Hell no, is it that REALLY that bad? HELL YES! Now, how do I describe this whole series? It’s ridiculously awful. I mean, this parody fanfic is strange and boring, and it’s nothing to compare with DU because of how bland & stupid it is. Since we couldn't continue riffing this, I'm going to need to point out the biggest problem of all is: the fusion controversy. An obvious problem at that and it is really fucked up….WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?! 

    Overall, I can only say this Crazy Celes is just really fucking boring & none of it would work for me, I am done with MS & his edgy adventure for good.

    Thanks JCM for letting my chance to riff your show. This is SOF signing it out!]

    [JCM: I was planning to riff all 15 episodes, but honestly, I'm worn out just doing 6 of them, and those of you who have read this far should have a good idea of how batshit insane this lit is. If SBC Honest Trailers was Metal Snake's attempt at emulating YouTube's Honest Trailers, Crazy Celes was his attempt at emulating YouTube Poops, and much like YTPs, most of the humor can only be enjoyed by prepubescent boys who find randomness for the sake of randomness funny. I wanted to riff this lit because it's one of the worst lits on SBC, taking every bad quality of Metal Snake's writing and cranking them up to 11. I also wanted to riff it because of the circumstances of Metal Snake's departure from SBC and how he (not so subtly) reveals his opinions of Jjs, Hayden, and the site as a whole as we get further into the lit. Here's an excerpt from the final episode, which also happened to be Metal Snake's final post on SBC, to give you some idea of what I'm talking about:

    “We plotted everything with Crazy Celes before we got on the plane.” Clappy explained in a sinister tone. “Since we’ve learned of SBC’s declining traffic and inevitable demise, it’s been our dream to watch the site’s community crash and burn in the world’s greatest country of socialism and war. How I used to long for SBC to be just like North Korea, but then they began to speak of peace and the end of a dictatorship! And worst of all, they WANTED TO THANK TRUMP FOR IT! INEXCUSABLE! That’s why we must do violence upon this nation...we will start a war with North Korea and have both SBC and the rest of the world go down in flames like it was supposed to! And once all is done, I will no longer be known as SBC’s Nostalgia Critic...I will forever be known as...SBC’s Moviebob!”

    ...yeah. Obviously, Metal Snake's a raving lunatic, and obviously SBC is better off without him, his friend Tron, and their partner in toxicity Cream or Whisper or whatever the crap she's going by now. Just like my SpongeBob's Host riffs were a final goodbye to Bi-I mean, MDPP, and my Full SBC riffs were a final goodbye to Zaid, this is my final goodbye to Metal Snake and most likely our final goodbye to Riffing Theater. I send us off with one last excerpt from Crazy Celes' final episode:

    Inside the plane, ACS turned to the SBCers and sneered as he finished his transformation into...Elasticorn. 

     

    “Welcome to the real world.” he said sinisterly. 

    Yes. Welcome to the real world, indeed.]

    • Like 2
×
×
  • Create New...